700: Malatonglenhulu

Summary

Podcast Summary: Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Episode 700: Malatonglenhulu

Release Date: July 20, 2025
Host: Duncan Trussell
Guest: Josh

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Introduction and Setting the Tone

[00:00] Duncan Trussell opens the episode with his characteristic humor and surreal imagery, playfully discussing the cleanliness of one's ears and introducing a bizarre rumor about Q-tips being used maliciously in gyms. This sets a whimsical yet chaotic tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

"My voice connecting with the deepest, waxiest part of your ears." – Duncan Trussell [00:00]

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The Epstein Files and Government Conspiracies

Trussell delves into the controversy surrounding the withheld Epstein files, challenging common assumptions that these files are protected due to Trump's alleged connections with Jeffrey Epstein. He asserts that recent revelations from the partially released documents are far more shocking than initially perceived.

Key Points:

• Epstein's involvement with extraterrestrial exploration and advanced government technology.
• Claims that Epstein traversed to Uranus, engaging in sinister activities beyond his infamous island.
• The suggestion that the Epstein files reveal secret interstellar missions and alien warfare.

Notable Quote:

"Jeffrey Epstein wasn't... hanging out on Uranus. On Uranus, Epstein is all over Uranus." – Duncan Trussell [07:30]

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Historical Parallels: Lady Bathory and Eternal Youth

Trussell references Countess Elizabeth Bathory, a Hungarian noblewoman accused of torturing and killing hundreds of young women between 1590 and 1610. He draws a parallel between Bathory's gruesome practices and modern conspiracy theories, particularly the obsession with youth and immortality.

Key Points:

• Bathory's alleged rituals of bathing in the blood of virgins to maintain her youth.
• Comparison of historical atrocities to contemporary myths about the abuse of power by the elite.
• Exploration of how these dark practices have persisted and evolved over time.

Notable Quote:

"Lady Bathory's skincare regimen was incredible." – Duncan Trussell [12:36]

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Vampire Archetypes as Metaphors for Predation and Abuse

The discussion transitions into an analysis of vampire mythology, using it as a metaphor for predatory behavior and systemic abuse by those in power. Trussell explores how vampires symbolize the hidden exploitation and manipulation exerted by elites over the vulnerable.

Key Points:

• Vampires require invitation to enter, paralleling how abuse often infiltrates families and institutions covertly.
• The skewed power dynamics between predators (vampires) and victims (gazelles).
• The impact of long-term memory on human beings versus animals, highlighting why humans are more affected by trauma.

Notable Quote:

"The classic mode is to get their nasty ass coffin out into the sunlight." – Duncan Trussell [38:34]

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Systemic Abuse and Historical Patterns

Trussell connects historical instances of abuse, such as the 1983 congressional page sex scandal and the Franklin scandal, to modern-day conspiracies. He argues that these patterns of exploitation are deeply ingrained and continue to persist within powerful institutions.

Key Points:

• Detailed recounting of the 1983 scandal involving Representatives Dan Crane and Jerry Studs.
• The Franklin scandal's portrayal of a nationwide pedophile ring involving political power brokers.
• The notion that such abuses are often covered up or ignored to maintain the status quo.

Notable Quote:

"None of this is new. It's a tale as old as time." – Duncan Trussell [29:37]

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Psychological Insights and Self-Care Practices

Moving from external conspiracies to internal battles, Trussell discusses the importance of addressing personal darkness and trauma. He introduces Buddhist practices like self-liberation and Metta (loving-kindness) as means to confront and heal from inner struggles.

Key Points:

• The concept of repressed aspects of the personality developing their own identities, akin to vampires.
• Practices to face and acknowledge one's fears and traumas instead of avoiding them.
• The transformative power of mindfulness and compassion in overcoming personal demons.

Notable Quote:

"The moment you're having the guts to sit with that feeling consciously, you are now on a spectrum of other people having that experience." – Duncan Trussell [79:00]

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Modern Myths and Haunted Objects: The Case of Annabelle

Trussell and Josh explore contemporary myths surrounding haunted objects, focusing on the infamous Annabelle doll and the mysterious death of paranormal researcher Dan Rivera. They critique how modern media sensationalizes such phenomena, often overshadowing rational explanations.

Key Points:

• Rivera's death while traveling with the alleged haunted Annabelle doll.
• Media portrayal versus official reports, highlighting discrepancies and skepticism.
• The enduring allure of haunted objects in popular culture and their symbolic meanings.

Notable Quote:

"Don't believe foul play was involved in the death of Dan Rivera... What about a fucking haunted doll?" – Duncan Trussell [84:10]

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Closing Thoughts: Confronting Darkness and Embracing Light

In his concluding remarks, Trussell emphasizes the necessity of bringing hidden truths and personal shadows into the light. He advocates for both societal transparency and personal introspection as pathways to healing and empowerment.

Key Points:

• Encouragement to "pull your vampires out into the light," symbolizing the acknowledgment of hidden fears and traumas.
• Reflection on the interconnectedness of personal and collective suffering.
• Final encouragement for listeners to engage in self-awareness and compassion.

Notable Quote:

"The practice of tong lin means that in that moment, in that experience, you connect with that field of suffering that lots of people are enduring simultaneously." – Duncan Trussell [80:00]

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Conclusion

Episode 700 of the Duncan Trussell Family Hour navigates through a labyrinth of conspiracy theories, historical atrocities, and psychological self-help, all intertwined with Trussell's unique blend of humor and profound insights. By juxtaposing dark societal issues with personal introspection, the episode invites listeners to reflect on both external injustices and their internal struggles, advocating for a holistic approach to truth and healing.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based on a transcript provided and aims to capture the essence and key discussions of the podcast episode. Some content may involve sensitive or controversial topics discussed in a satirical or metaphorical context.

Transcript

[Duncan Trussell]

Welcome, everyone. Hello, and welcome back to the dtfh. I am your host, Duncan Trussell, and it was such an honor to be here with you in your ears. My voice merging with your ears. My voice connecting with the deepest, waxiest part of your ears. I can see in here. I could see your ears. Beautiful. Dark. Fungal. There is a fungal mass in your ear? Yeah. Should you get it checked out by a doctor? Probably because the fungal mass seems to be inhabited by mites. Strange mites. I've never seen anything like this before. Most people's ears are really clean. Not yours. Your ears are filthy. You haven't used a Q tip in a long time. I don't blame you. That new thing that's been happening at gyms really freaks me out. Have you heard about this, Josh?

[Josh]

What's the new thing?

[Duncan Trussell]

So, like, if you go to a gym that has Q tips, people have been coming by and slapping the Q tips into people's ears. You haven't heard about that?

[Josh]

And they're bleeding and going deaf.

[Duncan Trussell]

Worse. I mean, it penetrates into the brain sometimes. Like some of these people are so good at it, it rockets the Q tip right through the ear into the brain. And. And so it's terrifying. Terrifying. Very painful way to die. And maybe that's why you haven't been cleaning your ears. But they're filthy. Regardless. Welcome. My God, friends, we have so much to talk about today. I mean, this is nuts. This news cycle is going to be absolutely spectacular. Boy, have we done it again. Just when you think the demiurge can't produce hypnotic media to suck you back into the cesspool that is popular culture, it figures out a way to do it. Just when you think you're out of the pit, a mucusy hand erupts from the swampy, stinking bullshit that is popular culture and grabs you and pulls you back in. Just when you finally cracked open an actual again after years of letting your brain rot from watching TikTok, Instagram and porn in a desperate attempt to alleviate the suffering that goes along with being a sentient being, differentiated from the rest of reality that you are a fundamental part of. They find another way, don't they? To lure us back in. To pull us back in to the sin. Seedy drama. And now, I'm sure you guys have already heard about this. Apparently the reason that the Epstein files are being withheld is not what you think. Sure, it would be easy to think the reason that the federal government isn't releasing the Epstein files is because Trump was friends with Epstein. It would be easy to see the many pictures of Trump hanging out with Epstein, quotes of Trump talking about Epstein in countless publications, multiple pictures Trump referring to Epstein as a friend. It would be easy to just be lazy and connect some stupid dots and think, well, I mean, probably the reason he's not releasing his files is he's in them somewhere. Clearly they were friends. Epstein was. Was arrested for sex trafficking. So probably, you know, I mean, I know what my friends are up to most of the time. I'm not everything, I'm sure, but you know, you know your friends. And yeah, it'd be easy to think probably he's hiding some kind of something in there he doesn't like. It'd be easy to think the reason he said that Comey and the Clintons wrote put shit in the files is because there's something in there about him that he wants to say he's not involved. It'd be easy to think about that, to say that. But that is not what's happening. As it turns out, they have begun the release of these files and what they found is mind blowing. What they found, honestly, has rocked me to the core. Now, we've all heard about secret government programs. We hear whispers in the conspiracy verse in the manosphere about strange government programs where people are recruited in high school and sent on interstellar missions to fight aliens. My barber told me about it, and though I enjoyed him telling me about it and I enjoyed the fact that he seemed to really believe it, I thought it was bullshit. I mean, really, that just sounds insane that there's people who have their memory wiped after we're in a galactic war. According to my barber, it's a galactic fucking war. We've had the technology to get off world for ages. And so you might be one of them. Some people, I guess they go like, you were great at football. They're like, he'll probably be a good interstellar warrior. They recruit you, they wipe you. You're gone for like 12 years. Fighting aliens, that memory is wiped from you. I guess 12 years have passed. I'm not sure how it works, but essentially you don't remember fighting the aliens now to suddenly find something that points towards what my barber said being the absolute truth in the Epstein documents. You can understand how that has shaken me a little bit. And it should shake you, too. It should shake you up a little bit to know that for years the United States government has had very advanced technology, that we have been exploring the galaxy, that we have bases on planets that we thought were barren Empty wastelands. There's already a garden city on Mars, apparently. But when I saw that Jeffrey Epstein explored Uranus, I gotta tell you, it really blew my mind. Jeffrey Epstein wasn't. Let's just say Epstein's island is nothing compared to what Epstein did on your Uranus. On Uranus, rather. Epstein is all over Uranus. Epstein apparently spent any time that he was on planet Earth, he was hanging out on your anus. He was just there building and also releasing. Epstein released on Uranus and he released files, he released documents, he released countless things all over Uranus. And when I see this, like, documented all of the many releases upon Uranus. And obviously, I mean, I thought Uranus was uninhabitable. Everything that I've heard about Uranus is. It's like no one should ever go there. That it's a horrible place. The things they say about Uranus are just vile. That Uranus is a completely disgusting planet. One of the most disgusting planets. They say Uranus is disgusting. It's a foul swamp, A sweaty, foul swamp. The comparable, if you've ever smelled the effluvia of a gimp post beating, that's what Uranus smells like. And to think that Epstein was up there just hanging out on Uranus. To think about the way he entered Uranus, which is crazy. This technology is wild. It's not the normal rocket that lands. No, no, no, no, no. Epstein, the way they're putting it, this is this technology he slid into Uranus. It's a water slide technology or something. But apparently the way they're doing this shit is there's an entry point water slide on Earth and then they just slide right into your anus and. And that's where they start doing like all the horrible things. So I have been absolutely freaked out by what's going on and I'm kind of glued to it. I'm kind of glued to it. This is definitely what's going to be revealed with this Epstein stuff is we're definitely going to stick with it. One thing I know for sure is that we're not going to forget about this in a few weeks. People are not going to stop talking about this. We're going to keep talking about this. Can you do me a favor, Josh? I just want to pull something up. Can you pull up Lady Bathory on YouTube or Wikipedia? Lady Bathory.

[Josh]

Like that?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Elizabeth Bathory. Yeah, that's great. Let me just read this to you. Countess Elizabeth Bathory of Exed was a Hungarian noblewoman and alleged serial killer from the powerful House of Bathory, who owned land in the Kingdom of Hungary. Bathory and four of her servants were accused of torturing and killing hundreds of girls and women from 1590 to 1610. She and her servants were put on trial and convicted. The servants were executed, whereas Bathory was imprisoned within the castle of Cachtis until she died in her sleep. What a bitch. Can you believe that? Fucking serial killer doesn't get executed, dies in her sleep. Scroll down a little bit though. Let's see. I don't care about her education. Scroll down some more. What is that even on there? Keep scrolling. This is where it gets pretty interesting. What this Lady Bathory, okay. Bathory is said to have tortured or killed peasants for years. Their disappearance was not likely to provoke an investigation. The abuse of lower classes by nobles was frowned upon but not actually prohibited by law. However, she eventually began killing daughters of the lesser gentry. Whoops. Some of whom were sent to live with her, hoping to learn from her and benefit from a connection to the high ranking countess. Some witnesses named relatives who died while at the gymnasium. Others reported having seen traces of torture on dead bodies, some of which were buried in graveyards and others in unmarked locations. I just want to point out, you know, it's always good when you have something like this happening to find historic precedent. And I know for a lot of people it's probably. You could pull the Wikipedia off. It's probably hard to swallow the idea that billionaires and millionaires actively fuck up the peasants. But this isn't. Not only is this like a sort of normal thing, it's been going on forever. I'm sure there's a million other examples of this. Now, where Bathory fucked up, of course, was she wasn't happy with torturing just filthy peasants. She went a little outside her league and she started torturing the children of people who were a little more upper crust. And that's where she fucked up. So the Bathory apparently was taking baths in the blood of peasants that she abducted. She would bleed them and then she would take baths in their blood. And it actually seemingly made her younger.

[Josh]

She looked younger.

[Duncan Trussell]

She looked great in that painting. Now if you could pull up for me, Josh. Young Blood Reverses Aging Process. Research suggests that young blood can have rejuvenating effects on aging bodies, potentially reversing some age related impairments. While the exact mechanisms are still being investigated, studies indicate that young blood can restore gene expression patterns to a more youthful state, improve cognitive function and promote organ regeneration. So one thing that Lady Bathory doesn't get Credit for is being way ahead of her time when it came to self care. Nobody talks about Lady Bathory as inventing like a legitimate form of self care, which is to bathe in the blood of peasants. She wasn't just. It'd be easy to see that and think, what a fucking vile monster to use your power to exploit children. That makes her a monster. And yeah, sure, we've all got sides, but also Lady Bathory's skincare regimen. Regimen regime, whatever you want to call it, was, was incredible. Now this is again not like uncommon. Can you. Let's see if we can find this. Josh, do you remember that time? I think it was. What was it on Ellen DeGeneres when some famous person talked about using skin cream. Sandra Bullock, can you pull up Sandra Bullock talking about the circumcision cream?

[Josh]

Yeah, I don't know if we can play it though.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why?

[Josh]

I remember last time they gave us a warning, but I mean, I'll do it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, okay, you know what, let's see if. Keep the volume off and I'll read it. Sandra Bullock. It's this way in which one forces through microneedling. This is what. Wait, go back to the beginning. I'll read it and say I'm do great impressions. Go back to the very beginning. Sandra Bullock explains. Well, it's this way in which one forces through microneedling. It's like a little roller. Some of you don't think I know. It pushes through the skin and ruptures collagen and then it boosts like a burn victim food day. But then it pushes into the skin. What are you pushing into the skin? Well, you push whatever the facialist would like to insert into your pores. But what is it? It's an extraction from a piece of skin. Gulp. That came from a young person. A young person far, far away. And they somehow figured out how to extract its foreskin from a Korean baby.

[Josh]

Now.

[Duncan Trussell]

That'S an interesting fuck up. And it does show. You see what happens to the nobles. I guess if we're going to break down classism or try to put it into a framework here. Bullock, a noblewoman has become so distanced from the peasantry that she has forgotten that saying on Ellen DeGeneres that you're injecting baby penis flesh into your skin to look younger is not going to be something that's embraced by most of society. Whatever the terrible pyramid that we are all non consensually living inside of. I think when you get further up, that's the kind of thing that, like, you know, is applauded, or people are just like, yeah, fuck, you know, you should try their taint. The foreskin is good, but the taint, now that's where it's at, the taint of babies, that really helps the aging process. So I'm just trying to set something up here because I think with all of this Epstein stuff, what we're witnessing is not new at all. In fact, it's very old. And it's been going on forever, which is. I mean, to put a bow on it. It appears that super wealthy people like to eat children in one way, shape, or form. They vampirize young people, and it's been going on forever for very, very long time. They just do it like there's something about it. And when I say eat young people, I don't think they literally eat their flesh maybe, But I think that it's more akin to, like, there's something to be harvested from fucking up innocence and the. Where you start, and you have to keep it a sort of secret. And if you don't keep it a secret, then the peasants get mad. Then there's a peasant uprising. People don't like it when you're eating their children or fucking their children or. Or rubbing parts of their children into your body or just, you know, whatever, doing whatever the fuck it thing is that you're doing with the baby. Excuse me. Text from my darling wife. One moment here.

[Josh]

What was really creepy was she said, it's from a young person from really far away. I was like, what the fuck? Why would you say that part? Really far away?

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean?

[Josh]

Sandra Bullock, she goes, it's from a young person from really far away.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sorry, hold on. I just shit my pants.

[Josh]

Oh, fuck.

[Duncan Trussell]

Sorry, Josh.

[Josh]

Damn.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'll clean it up, dude.

[Josh]

Thank you.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm so sorry. I'll clean it up. Yeah, well, right, well, that's how she was trying to make it better, and.

[Josh]

That just made it sound worse.

[Duncan Trussell]

This isn't American foreskin. Everyone fucking relax. This isn't fucking foreskin from. From the Midwest. This isn't foreskin from the Great Plains. This isn't Grand Canyon foreskin. This is fucking Korean babies. Everyone relax. What's going on here now? So, you know, I always found the Epstein thing to be, like, fascinating from the get go. It was just really interesting when it started. When it happened, we were all sort of scintillated by it. It was so fucking weird. Noxious, gross. Pull up that pic of. What is it? Like, who's. Like, what is it? It's like Epstein foot rub. All the gross pictures that came up. Really gross. I mean, just gross shit. Like rich people on a private plane rubbing each other's feet. Pull up that one with Clinton getting the back rub. Just gross shit like this. I don't want to see that. Oh, God. Let me tell you why that, aside from the obvious reasons that that bothers me, it's so gross. But what I've always hated, you know, anyone who's worked in the service industry. I was a waiter at Applebee's Chili's, and inevitably you'd look over and the bartender would be giving the manager a back rub. I don't know if you've ever seen that before, but it's fucking disgusting. It just makes you want to puke. It's so gross that, like, just that kind of physical contact with the power dynamic in a restaurant. It's like, I don't see you rubbing anybody else's fucking back. Just rubbing the manager's back. Get better shifts. So when you see this, like, this shit where it's the fucking former president getting his back rubbed, you see the look on her face, that seems like a smile at first, but zoom in on her face, Josh. Zoom in on her face and you see what it really is. Disgust. That's a lot of. That's like holding in just this. This horrific cyclone of mixed feelings about what's fucking going on there. And the main thing is none of this is. None of us were supposed to see any of this. You're not supposed to see this. You're not supposed to see the smug rich people in the private plane rubbing each other's fucking feet. You're not supposed to see any of it. This was off limits to lower down the pyramid. And then suddenly all this stuff starts coming out, and everyone has to contend with the idea that this is. This is new. Like, you. You want to imagine this shit doesn't happen all the time. You want to imagine that sex trafficking and super rich people using their fucking power to, like, do things, do illegal shit, isn't happening all the fucking time. But then when it's right out there in front of you, you. You gotta, like, contend with that reality that all this shit you've heard on conspiracy podcasts, all the shit you've heard Alex Jones talk about, all this shit you've heard, it's sort of true. They don't follow the same laws that we do. There's a whole different level of society that just is apparently incredibly fucked up. And the feed on you, they Feast on you and you know. Can you pull up, Josh? A lion eating a gazelle. Let's just watch lions hunting gazelle because I think this is really cool to watch.

[Josh]

Does that mean I don't have to massage your feet anymore?

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, my fucking feet are on fire with warts. I can't do this shit unless I have relaxed feet. It's totally different.

[Josh]

Okay, Making sure. Oh, that's a baby gazelle.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's good. Yeah, just. Let's watch it, though. There we go. Look at that. Yummy, yummy. Let's look up lion stalks, herd of gazelle.

[Josh]

You don't watch the end of that. Oh, got it.

[Duncan Trussell]

I jerked after this last night. Look up lion stalks, herd of gazelle. There you go. That's a good one. Now this is just like, you know, if you're a fucking gazelle, this is part of life. You just are hanging out, trying to get some grass, you know, chilling out. You don't. You don't know that, right? Did you guys hear something? What's over here? Did you guys hear. You smell something? Oh, shit. Fuck. Fuck. Run. Fuck. Shit. Run. Fuck. The lions, like, didn't even try. But now. I'm sorry to keep asking you, can you Google why don't gazelle get depressed? There's a book about this. Yeah.

[Josh]

What if it's a sport to the gazelle?

[Duncan Trussell]

Forget it. You have to go on Google. There's a. Anyway, it doesn't matter. The point is, like, the difference between us and gazelle, there's a lot of differences. Obviously our hoofs are softer. But you like to imagine that because we live in modern society that we're not. There's no predators in the normal sense of the term. We all know that there's serial killers and there's like. But you can go to Golden Corral and you don't have to worry about some monster springing out from the manager's office and dragging your child back there to eat it alive. We live in a different dimension. The gazelle, the way we think is dimensionally different in the sense that our relationship with time is apparently different than a gazelle's relationship at time. They don't have long term memory like we do, apparently. So gazelle should have, like, ptsd. Like, if you were walking with your children in the park and a lion carried one of your children away and you heard it screaming and then it stopped screaming, and then you probably could see the lion eating your baby. That's it for you, man. You're done. That's it. You're not going to sleep ever again. You're going to wake up screaming. Maybe therapy could help. Probably not. You're fucked up. But gazelle, that can happen to them and they're going to get a nice adrenaline boost and then they're going to be eating grass two hours later, not a care in the fucking world, flitting their tails, whatever, it's gone. They can't remember it. They're back in the moment. But see, we have this long term memory problem. And the Epstein stuff, it's very disturbing because you're looking at a high level form of predation that nobody wants to think about, which is that the oligarchs, they kill our children, they like to eat our children. But even worse, can you imagine if lions didn't eat gazelle? Imagine if they fucked him. You know how messed up that would be? If a fucking lion carries the gazelle baby off and just fucks it and just leaves it for the parents to gather it up.

[Josh]

Walk into an eyes Wide shut lion party.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Can you fucking imagine? And then if the gazelle parents were like sort of like pushing the gazelle children towards the, the lions, you know, and kind of letting it happen. That would be really dark. So we don't want to, we don't really want to like think about this facet of reality. It's the, it exists behind this, this veil. And generally if you, even before the Epstein shit was happening, you could bring up this stuff and you could, you know, sort of show examples of it. But you know, you would often be looked at as a paranoid conspiracy theorist. Like the classic one. Can you go to actual Google and look up an open secret Hollywood documentary? Yeah. Now if you. I don't want to show this and I don't even think you can talk about it on YouTube. But if you going to get really fucking disturbed, watch this. This is some creepy ass shit here. Friends, this is just about like, you know, kids getting groomed in Hollywood and the, you know, we've heard this a lot. But when you, when you read about like what, it's all bad, but where it gets really dark is how the parents kind of knew about it, like how it's sort of allowed to happen. It's almost like a don't ask, don't tell situation emerges. A special friendship happens between the child actor and like an agent, a manager, director, whatever. And you sort of turn the other way. You pretend it's not happening because why you want that money? Your kid's gonna make money. Your kid's gonna Be like a, a child actor. And I think the child actor thing these days. I do feel like they've put a lot of regulations in now that weren't there before. But that's another example of systemic abuse that happens behind this veil. Now, can you look up something? Sex scandal Washington D.C. pages P A I G E S.

[Josh]

Sex scandal Washington.

[Duncan Trussell]

D.C. pages Pai pages. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Page. Oh, I did spell. Okay. 1983 congressional page sex scandal. On July 14, 1983, the House Ethics Committee Republic recommended that Representative Dan Crane and Representative Jerry Studs be reprimanded for having engaged in sexual relationships with minors, specifically 17 year old congressional pages. Though at least some of the sexual contact was not criminal, the age of consent in the District of Columbia being 16 years, the committee felt any sexual relationship between a member of the House of Representatives and a congressional page or any sexual advance by a member to a page represents a serious breach of duty. The Congressional report found that in 1980, a year after entering office, Crane had sex four or five times at his suburban apartment with a female page. And in 1973, the year he entered office, Studs invited a male page who testified he felt no ill will towards Studs to his Georgetown apartment. And later on a two week trip to Portugal, both representatives admitted the to the charges. At the beginning of the debate, Crane said, I want the members to know that I'm sorry and then I apologize to one and all. When he was called to be censored, Crane stood facing the House. According to the New York Times. After the censor was read, Crane, escorted by a friend, quickly left the chamber. However, an Associated Press article says that Crane walked back to his seat in the rear of the House and slumped in it. Crane would go on to lose the 1984 election. Studs gave up his right to a public hearing reluctantly, saying he objected to the conclusions of the Ethics Committee but wanted to protect the privacy of the pages involved and the affair was a mutually voluntary private relationship between adults. At the same time, Studs did admit to a very serious error in judgment, saying he should not have had sex with a congressional subordinate regardless of the individual's age of sex as essential with Red. Studs faced the speaker who was reading his motion with his back to the other House members. Studs continued to be reelected until his retirement. Shortly after the scandal. The House page board was established for the purpose of protecting pages. So here's another example. It's not just, I mean, I guess, what do they say? DC Is Hollywood for ugly people. But it's not just. It's not just Hollywood. It happens in dc. Look up the Franklin scandal. The Franklin scandal is a story of a nationwide pedophile. I don't think you say that on YouTube. The Franklin scandal is the story of a nationwide fevenant ring that pandered children to a cabal of the rich and powerful. The ring's pimps were a pair of political power brokers who had access to the highest levels of our government. Nebraska legislators attempted to expose the network in 1989 and 1990. But the legislators efforts were followed by Iraq of mysterious deaths and the overpowering response of federal and local law enforcement, including the FBI and Justice Department, which affected an immaculate cover up of the trafficking network. So the point is like all of these things from Lady Bathory to Hollywood to Epstein exploring Uranus are sort of this, like this. Well, this is just the way this kind of shit works is it functions in the dark. And let me tell you, ma', am, I started reading Salem's Lot by Stephen King again. Friends. Oh my God. Oh my God. Every once in a while I revisit a Stephen King classic. Picked up Salem's Lot, modern vampire story. And it is so good. And it hits different when you're a dad because you know there's like poor little Danny Glick. I don't want to fucking ruin it for you, but you know, if you don't watch the movie, the movie. I don't know why they can't convert Stephen King books into movies. The movie's an embarrassment. Horrible. Like horrible, horrible, horrible. But the book is so good. And the entire vampire mythology is, if you ask me, based on predation on children or that. Exactly what's happening with Epstein and Uranus. It's the. Let's just go through the rules of vampirism. The way it works is a vampire only goes where they're invited. So that's the first fucking rule if you've ever seen. Let the right one in. It's incredible. It's one of my favorite modern vampire movies. Tried reading the book. Got a little fucking creeped out by the book. Not because of vampirism, but because I started. I don't know, I felt weird about the author's mindset regarding age of consent laws. But I don't know, that could be unfounded. But the classic way it works is a vampire. You know, I'll find this excerpt from Dracula. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Dracula greets Harker at the threshold of his castle, his hand described as cold as ice, and welcomes him Freely and of your own will. So Harker is this poor real estate agent who's been sent to the spooky ass fucking castle. And it's not just that, like, on the way there, everyone encounters who he encounters, says, don't go there. Like, are you out of your fucking mind? That place is no good. Dracula's a monster. Do not go there. People are trying to protect him. He's looking at them as kind of superstitious. He ignores all the signs. Then he gets there and creepy ass Dracula three times says, you come here of your own free will. So the point is, when you. There's some level of consent that happens in vampirism. The next thing that shows up in the vampire archetype is there's this, like, skewed power dynamic. The vampire isn't human. The vampire seems human. The vampire isn't human. Generally, the vampire is wealthy. The vampire usually, like, look at Dracula, he lives in a fucking castle. Look at the more romantic versions of the vampire story. They have money. There's something about them that's seductive and beautiful and powerful. And you fall in love with a vampire. Actually, the vampire seduces you. They use their extra psychic powers and their abilities to manipulate and seduce you and then eventually, like, destroy you, prey on you. Or you become a Rinfeld. And so Rinfeld are a vampire slave, because vampires need henchmen. So the vampire dangles in front of you some idea of a mortal or eternal life. And in exchange, you've got to do all these fucked up things for the vampire. This is in Salem's lot too. There's inevitably some fucking piece of shit human who's helping the vampire eat. And so that shows up in the vampire archetype and then added to the story is, like, disbelief. The vampire depends on people not believing your story of something coming in and feeding on you. The vampire depends on people thinking that you're crazy or outlandish as it is preying on you and draining your energy. Now, there are things vampires hate. We already know these things. I've talked about them in the podcast. But what are they, Josh? If you and me become vampire hunters, what are we going to do? What are the ways you kill a vampire?

[Josh]

With a stake? Holy water. If you're a werewolf, I think you can eat the heart of the vampire.

[Duncan Trussell]

I didn't know that about werewolves. What's the way you make them blow up, though?

[Josh]

You shoot them with garlic dots.

[Duncan Trussell]

No lights. The sun.

[Josh]

The sun, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

What's a garlic dart?

[Josh]

I saw it on Blade they put it in the guy's face and he was like, whoa, he blew up.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's the fucking sun. So if you really want to fuck up a vampire, you. The classic mode is to get their nasty ass coffin out into the sunlight. And it depends on the version you're seeing. They'll wither, they blow up in flames, they explode. And so to me, what better way to talk about the number one way to stop an abuse cycle is you just say it out loud.

[Josh]

Bring it to the light.

[Duncan Trussell]

Bring it to the light. So the people who are unfortunately experiencing this sort of thing, and I hope none of you are, but what's fucked up about it is the confrontation never happens because it will destroy a family. And so people just don't talk about it because they would rather try to forget what happened, then say it out loud to everyone, even though most people know some version of it, because you say it out loud, you know. You know what grandpa did to my sister was fucked up, right? Did it to all of us. Then, like, that's it. The whole family implodes. Now it's. Whatever, like, fantasy you had about your family is gone out the window because you have to deal with the fact your grandfather's a goddamn predator.

[Josh]

They get mad at you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, they get mad. They get fucking mad. And because they don't want to deal with it now, that's the. That's why the quickest way to do it is the light. But rarely happens, and takes a lot of courage to do that, but that will destroy the fucking vampire. Because the moment people know your fucking grandfather is a predator, they're not gonna let their kids be around the predator. They're gonna be careful. He's gonna face charges. Justice. But fuck, it's your grandfather. And so when you with the Epstein files, you'll notice this is following the exact same fucking pattern. It's the same identical pattern as above. So below. There is some worry that what's in these fucking files will destabilize the entire United States government, apparently. And, yeah, that's right. So this is why there are people who are like, let's just pull this old fucking coffin out in the light and blow this thing up. That's why it's. It's not happening, is because this sort of pattern is. It's. It's ancient. And so the other interesting thing about the vampire archetype is that if a vampire feeds on you, eventually you could become a vampire, too. And so this is what happens to victims of abuse is that because not only did this happen to them at a young age. And because there was seduction at an age where you shouldn't be experiencing seduction, you were made to feel special. You were made to feel smarter. You were made to feel like you could handle it. You were made to feel like, you know an adult has a special friendship with you. And there's a charge in that. But not only that. You are taught from very young age to keep secrets. You are taught seduction. You are taught all of the subterfuge involved in abuse. And so now you have a contagion. This is a contagious thing. So it travels through generations. It travels through timelines. And so there are countless cases of powerful people being exposed as fucking monsters. And so this is. None of this is new. And I just showed you the thing with the DC page stuff. So in dc, you have this system of initiation where pages come in and, okay, the age of consent is fucking 16. But, dude, really, can you imagine? Your fucking kid gets accepted as a page, goes to D.C. political aspirations, some old ass fucking politician starts seducing him, then starts just banging your fucking kid. Like, the power dynamic is so beyond skewed there. And you could be certain that if that happened, if they had to pass a page protection law, then that's just the tip of the fucking iceberg. And so there you get it. The fresh politicians come in pages, kids with aspirations to serve, and they just get banged right away. They just get banged right away. And then you could see how this could become almost tradition. This is hazing rituals. This is how, like, if you wanted to sort of create the seed of a dark, Stanley Kubrick, Eyes Wide Shut style secret society, all you have to do is have, like a few generations of abuse until the abuse becomes ritualistic. The explanation for the abuse goes from being some horny fucking old pervert wanting to fuck a kid. I guess we have to cut that out. You're not allowed to say that on YouTube. Some horny old pervert, a kid, and it turns into. No, no, no. This is our tradition.

[Josh]

Bohemian Grove.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm sure there's countless examples of it. But because it functions in the dark, because this of all things, has to happen in the dark. Just like vampires have to be outside the light. It mutates, it grows, it spreads in the dark. And it becomes, no doubt, very complex. And lots of people become implicated. So the Epstein fucking files, that is like, that's the doorway. That's the cellar door right there. We know what's in there. We know for sure. There's some fucking vampire Coffins in there, no doubt. We're not sure who's in the goddamn coffins, but we know for sure. Whatever the fuck has been in the basement of the United States federal government, the United States aristocracy, it ain't good. And what else do we know? It's powerful. It's got a lot of, like, power and servants, like, serving it. It's got a lot of people connected to it that maybe aren't predatory, but are, like, sort of protecting it via not revealing it. I mean, I don't know, because I tend to project and I tend to be paranoid. But when you see, like, I don't know, Pam Bondi talking about it, or you see people around Trump talking about it, don't they kind of seem like.

[Josh]

Yeah, they look like Patel for the Zyza Hall.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Pull up some of them talking about it. Find some of that.

[C]

People don't believe it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I mean, listen, they have a right to their opinion. But as someone who has worked as a public defender, as a prosecutor, who's been in that prison system, who's been in the Metropolitan Detention center, who's been in segregated housing, you know a suicide when you see one, and that's what that was. I mean, I don't know. You can't tell. I'm. No, I've. I've seen the whole file. He killed himself. All right, look, I don't know. I don't know. Look up Pam Bondi talking about no Epstein list. I mean, the ultimate thing is like, well, then why is Maxwell in prison if there's. If this is all a hoax? Doses throughout our country and people who have lost loved ones to fentanyl. That's the message that we're here to send today. Nothing about Epstein. Not going to talk about Epstein. See, it's like, I'm going to be here for as long as the President wants to me here. And I believe he's made that crystal clear for four years. Well, three and a half now. Right? We've got. I feel like in her voice, there's like a quiver in her voice. There's like a. I mean, because the. I could be wrong. You know what I hope? I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm fucking wrong. That would be really great. That's what we want. We don't want vampires in the cellar. Do you want vampires in the basement of the. Of the White House? I don't. I don't want that to be true. I don't want any of it to be true. That would be great. I Hope I'm being. We're all being fucking paranoid here. But when you hear Bondi try to switch the conversation of organized high level sex trafficking rings being protected by the, by the federal government to fentanyl, the dangers of fentanyl, I mean, dude, no one's that dumb. No one watching that is like, oh my God, how did I forget about fentanyl? I should have. Why was I even thinking about the possibility that oligarchs are abusing children being protected by the doj? It's fentanyl, it's fentanyl. You got to worry about that.

[Josh]

I think it's worse than you think. I think the vampires have found this sunscreen that they can put on and they all walk among us now and then when we say hey, you're like, stop believing your eyes. That's. What are you, Are you a stupid person? You're a dumb person.

[Duncan Trussell]

Vampire Nation. Well, yeah, I mean, that is the other part of it. I mean, that's the, you know, the. I think like, pull up that one of the many moments Trump got angered by people asking about Epstein. Cuz this is like, dude, I mean, we know for sure that like people were actually hurt by this dude. Like, this is documented, for sure. President Trump is defending U.S. attorney General Pam Bondi over her refusal to release documents from the Jeffrey Epstein. I want to just watch that where he gets mad. Look at this files. Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy's been talked about for years. Okay, that's enough. Like, that was crazy. That moment was crazy when he did that. Like, he seems to me he. There, there's this like, side of him that seems like it understands his base. And his base was. Of course they're still talking about fucking Epstein. Like that. That's a huge QAnon. That's a huge part of QAnon, right? Like, it's a huge part of like the conspiracy part of his base. And for him to be like, are you still talking about that? Are you still talking about Grandpa finger in your butthole? Really? Really? We got other things to worry about. I gotta pay the mortgage on this fucking house. Grandpa fingered your butthole. We only gonna talk about that? Really? God damn it, stop talking about that. Get out of my fucking house, you piece of shit. You're no son of mine if you're gonna talk about my dad fingering your butthole. I don't do impressions, but that's as good as I could do with Trump. But yeah, that's pretty wild, man. Yeah, I'm live Max Botting's five minute self ban for questioning whether I'm live. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by BetterHelp. Look, vacations are great friends, but let's face it, they're not going to do a damn thing to alleviate any kind of real suffering brought on by the day to day pressures of living in capitalism. It's just not going to happen. I just did a family vacation. Not that those are relaxing. It was still really nice. But just all of a sudden you're on the plane flying back. What happened to those weeks in between? Gone. Then you're plunged back in to your regular life and all the responsibilities that go along with it. Vacations are great self care. Fine. Hope you can take as many vacations as possible. But if you want to get to the root of the problem, you might need therapy. I did helped me a lot. Maybe didn't fix me, but it definitely there were some things I had to deal with that I don't think I would have been able to get in there without a great therapist. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] Duncan that's better. H E L P.com Duncan Again, this show was sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you BetterHelp. But yeah, I don't know. To me, the reason I'm obsessed with this over another news story that I do want to talk about. And when I do these live episodes, I have no idea what I'm going to talk about. To be honest. I should be more organized and it's not always going to be news. But the reason I'm talking about this over other stuff is because it feels. I'm so sorry to. If you're triggered by gross stuff, can you look up releasing gas from a.

[Josh]

Cow talking about when they light it on fire?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, this is how you save a cow's life.

[C]

As cows experience bloating.

[Duncan Trussell]

This method is typically carried out by a veterinarian who punctures from the worst job on earth lighting these cow candles. Yeah, you poke a little thing in these poor babies and then you just fucking light the methane that comes out on fire.

[Josh]

I wish I could do that sometimes.

[Duncan Trussell]

I would love to do that with my sadness and my despair. But this is why I feel like the Epstein files are. It's like it's a bloat. It's like we know or it's like really great Zit popping videos. We use real big fat old zit. Pull up zit popping videos, would you, Josh?

[Josh]

Dr. Pimple Popper.

[Duncan Trussell]

Of course. Pull up. No audio though. Dr. Pimple Popper. It's weird. That's actually. That's actually her name. Pimple popper. I wonder if her parents knew that was gonna. Yeah, there you go. Just. There you go. Deep dilated pore of. You know what I mean? This is. Keep that audio off. This is the. Right here. This is the Epstein files, man. Right here. Right there. And you know if you. Yeah, you gotta get it out. Oh shit. Look at that perfectly symmetrical hole. That's pretty weird. That was actually a low grade pimple popping video compared to others I've seen. She's got a. Fuck her name engraved in that biggest pimple sliced. Oh, there you go. That's a good one.

[Josh]

The top one. I mean I think it was on a lady's neck.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, that's more like that. That's the Epstein. That's the Epstein files right there. That's. Ah, Jesus Christ. It's got a. I think I see a face in it. It looks like a.

[Josh]

Put that on a chip.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh my God. How dare. It does look like seafoody. I guess it kind of does look like crab. Yeah, we gotta. This is the thing is, I did give you a warning. JCD327. I think I did. I don't remember.

[Josh]

I'm eating pudding.

[Duncan Trussell]

Look, look. Jar Jar Dinks wants to know why I went to Peter Thiel's for dinner. I could go to fucking Peter Thiel's for dinner, dumbass. I mean it would be an interesting dinner. I'm sure whatever I've said here is probably not going to be embraced by YouTube. But where I find comfort sometimes if I am getting absorbed in the hyper manipulation of the news cycle is I try to find precedent for it. Because if you feel like all this stuff is happening for the first time, you can get really freaked out. But when you realize this is a tale as old as time, this is the. Not just mythologized and stories of vampirism, but there's historic precedent throughout time for the nobility getting in trouble for fucking peasants and their kids. And it's just wild to see a modern version of it happening. Now I don't like. I do think it's an important question to ask yourself. I guess if you're just thinking about this stuff, which is is there any reason to protect a child? Someone who's preying on children because that's what they're proposing us ask ourselves. They want us to really seriously ask ourselves that question. And they think that we're going to be like, you know what? Every once in a while, I guess you just have to let the vampire feed. And people don't think like that. Dude, nobody thinks like that except vampires.

[Josh]

And Van Helsing. The vampires come down to feed on them, and then Van Helsing kills one and they get mad at him, saying they usually come down and just eat one or two of us. Now they're gonna kill us all. So it's that type of mentality.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, that's the threat. You're damn right, because it's a threat. It's a threat. Basically what they're saying is, if you won't let us eat your fucking kids, we're gonna fuck you up 50 times worse. You're lucky that we only are praying at this level. Like, we want full, unadulterated, like, access. So listen, just fucking turn the other. Just turn away from this one. Look the other way. Nothing to see here. And just. Everything will be fine. The economy will improve. Peace will reign supreme. And, yeah, every once in a while, a kid from far away might disappear.

[Josh]

Over 300,000 children right now are missing.

[Duncan Trussell]

300,000.

[Josh]

Over 300,000.

[Duncan Trussell]

That just. That is such an extraordinary number. That is such an extraordinary number. It's weird if they were all in the same place, you know what I mean? They just all got lost and went to, like, some.

[Josh]

They're all at Schlitterbahn right now.

[Duncan Trussell]

They're all at a Schlitterbahn or like a very big playground. It is kind of like the Pied Piper too, right? Like, pull up the Pied Piper of Hamlin's story.

[Josh]

Yeah. It wasn't rats he was luring, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know. I haven't looked at it in a while. There we go. The Pied Piper of Hamelin, also known as the Pan Piper, the rat catcher of Hamelin, is the title character of a legend from the town of Hamelin. The legend dates back to the Middle Ages. The earliest references describes a piper dressed in multicolored pied clothing, who was a rat catcher hired by the town to lure rats with his magic pipe. When the citizens refused to pay for this service as promised, he retaliated by using his instruments, magical power, on their children, leading them away as he had the rats. Yeah. There are various theories about the origin and symbolism of the Pied Piper. Some suggest he was a symbol of hope to the people of Hamblin, which had been Attacked by plague. He drove the rats from Hamelin. Saving the people from the epidemic. Come on. You know what that fucking pipe was? It's his dick. And you know this. This is like all over the fucking place. You don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe it. You don't ever want to believe it.

[Josh]

Did you hear, ever hear Orphan Annie story? The actress who played her?

[Duncan Trussell]

No.

[Josh]

So when she. I mean, it was a long time ago. Whenever Orphan Annie came out.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're talking about the original, like Little Orphan annie From the 80s, 1983.

[Josh]

No, not 80s. From the whatever, 50s or 40s. Whenever they had that first one, okay. That her and her mother went to a studio, they went into separate executives offices. The one executive that Orphan Annie went in, and she's cracking up on Larry King's show about it, she's like laughing as she's telling the story and that the man disrobed and was butt naked. And she just started laughing like. Cause she didn't know how to handle it. And he got mad, he was like, get out of here, get out. And comes out, tells her mother. And her mother goes, well, you don't know what I had to do in there. That was her response. And the whole time, she's an older lady now in the 80s, laughing about it on Larry King.

[Duncan Trussell]

Jesus Christ. Look, the main thing is just you could take what's happening right now and it'll maybe go away. I don't see how this one's going away though. Like, I just don't think it'll go. I don't know how it goes away. They're going to release the grand jury testimony, but everyone knows that's not everything. We know that Maxwell's in prison. You know, why is she there? Like, what, like what happened? And we know that he was friends with a bunch of super powerful people. And I mean, it's not impossible to connect the fucking dots here, but I just don't see how it goes. How it goes away. I would be if, like, you know, I have like lots of theories about what could happen. Sometimes I wonder if the current regime is like throwing things, like is intentionally doing things like this to lure people in to freaking out about it. And then they already know what they're going to release and it discredits the people. Maybe that's some kind of something that's happening, but I just, I don't know how, you know, it's just going to be really fucked up if the Balkanization of the United States happens. Because of child abuse. Like, of all the things. You know what I mean? Like, for the country to get ripped apart because of political ideology, for the country to get ripped apart because of, like, economics or classism, like, that sucks. But if the whole fucking thing goes up in flames because of fucking pervs.

[Josh]

That would be the best. Because the rest is just selfishness. All my money's. This is like, we're protecting our children, so it's something that we could actually fight for.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, that's a good take on it. Sure. That's a great take on it.

[Josh]

I think it's his number one bargaining chip, though, Trump. And he's just like, I could be. I have this chip, maybe made a deal, and he's just like, all right, I won't release it.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's fucked up, then, you know? You know what I mean? That's like the fucking Trumpers. That's their 5D chess thing. It's like he's using it against the deep state. Fuck him. Yeah.

[Josh]

Oh, definitely.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, really? So you're gonna protect fucking people who are probably actively hurting kids for political reasons, you piece of shit. Like, there's no right reason or.

[Josh]

More than likely, he was on it because when he was in. When he was president.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the fuck did you just say?

[Josh]

That he. Okay. When he was president, Epstein unalived himself, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

You think Trump is on those lists? When I was alluding to that earlier, I was being so. Why would you say that?

[Josh]

I've been thinking it a lot lately.

[Duncan Trussell]

You've been thinking the wrong shit, man. Fuck. I guess Rachel Maddow's producing my show now. You fucking. You think our noble. I don't even want to say it out loud. You think our noble president. Maybe I misunderstood you. Can you just say what you said again? Because honestly, I think it must be.

[Josh]

I'll sum it up like this. When he was on the View, he said, yeah, if this wasn't my daughter, maybe I'd gone out with her. He said that about his own daughter? So that kind of puts you in the mindset.

[Duncan Trussell]

What did he say?

[Josh]

That if that wasn't his daughter, he would begin with her. He would, you know.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, he misspoke.

[Josh]

Oh, okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

He misspoke. Josh, the. Pull it up.

[Josh]

Okay?

[Duncan Trussell]

Not my president. Not my noble king. He wouldn't say a thing like that. There's no way he'd say anything like that. No real father would say that about their daughter. Pull it up. Get ready to be humiliated. Only wait, even before you pull up, let me just say this. Only the most depraved lunatic would say such a thing, would say that if it wasn't my daughter, we'd be on a date. Only a sicko would say that. Not my president. Pull it up. He didn't say that. Get ready to be humiliated. Go ahead and play it. Get ready for the humiliation of Josh.

[Josh]

All right, let me see if I can.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, can't find it. Can't find it.

[Josh]

I pulled up the fact check thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can't find it because it's not there. Another. Another evil bit of misinformation from the deep state.

[Josh]

All right, here we go.

[Duncan Trussell]

This can't be. You could do the sound on this. Oh, it's so weird. You know what? Play it again. I didn't see it. I didn't hear. I didn't hear it. Play it again. Play it again.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[Josh]

Here we go.

[Duncan Trussell]

See? Boom. You're wrong. It's not on there. If there's a trumpeter that played it, it could be misunderstood. Tr. That's a fake. That's fake. Yeah. Yeah. You know, man, I mean, maybe I won't do my stupid trumpeter gag. Play it one more time. If Ivanka weren't my daughter, perhaps I'd be dating her, you know? Can you imagine if your mom said that to you? Could you imagine on tv, your mom's like, if he wasn't my boy, we might be on a date later. Oh, God.

[Josh]

But my mom would tell me that every morning. She'd be like, oh, mijo, you're so fuckable. And then.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, you're so fuckable. Oh, how Fuck. Yeah. I mean, really, though? Because it's like the. The way this stuff works, though, Is it like. That's why that movie's called In Plain Sight. Hidden in Plain Sight. That's how this shit works. Eyes Wide Shut. It only it happens in front of you, and you don't want to believe it, or you're too. You're tired. You know, a lot of times, parents are fucking exhausted. You're tired. You don't need more trouble. You don't need more problems. And so that's how it sustains itself, and it's how it encroaches into various communities and families. It creeps in, and it just fucking masticizes. It spreads. So the.

[Josh]

I'm going to refresh real quick. They're saying the sound's messed up.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that's probably for me screaming into the microphone. So no matter what the hideous hydra of the mainstream media, the news cycle shows us, there's a simple antidote to it, I have to do it myself. That's like to remember that as above, so below. If you want to fight the fucking thing, it has to be fought in the macro and the micro. And you know, really you just have to like start thinking about in your own life what are the thing, what's in your goddamn cellar, what's down there, what shit are you not facing? What are you not bringing out into the sun? And because you know, if you, if you, if you sort of interiorize the vampire archetype, you realize that like there's vampires in everybody. There's like parts of yourself that are predatory, that are energy draining, that are deceptive, that are seductive, but that happen while you're awake. There's things that you do every single day that you witness because it's you and then you ignore. And the more you ignore it, the weaker you become. And facing it is always the right move, but it seems like it feels unconquerable. That's the other thing. These fucking van. If you really think about it, what's weaker than something that can't go into sunlight? I mean, truly, like that is definitively like half the fucking day it has to be underground in a fucking box. So there isn't anything weaker than a vampire from that perspective. I mean, half the fucking day it's vulnerable, unmoving, can't defend itself. There's some vampire movies where they can sort of wake up and like try to bite at you or something, but generally it's just a corpse. Half the time it's not even alive. And that's the practice of beginning to recognize the things that you're turning away from. Which is a very subtle sort of practice for me. If I start getting. There's certain feelings that I get, and those feelings are the feelings that lead me to like, playing video games or trying to distract myself looking at my phone, looking. If you just start applying mindfulness to your social media habits, because that's our go to heroin these days. The fentanyl crisis is nothing on the fucking TikTok crisis. But anytime you find yourself reaching for your phone to look at some bullshit, ask your just, you don't have to not do it. Look at the way you feel right before you do it. How do you feel right before you do it? How often are you in a spectacular mood? Like, you feel great, you're brimming with energy, you've been taking your vitamins, you've been drinking enough water, you've started exercising again, you've been taking walks, you've Been getting sunlight. How often in those peak moments are you like, let me see what's going on on the gram? Very rare, very rare. But I've noticed that for me it's in my gloomiest, shittiest moments that I turn to the phone as a anesthesia to mitigate the suffering that I'm feeling now. This is a very logical approach for other forms of suffering. For example, if you are touching a hot stove, the best thing to do would be to not touch the stove anymore, get away from the pain. If you're sitting in bath water that's too hot, get out of the bath, remove yourself from the pain. But this sort of modern dysphoria related to living in a very confusing, hyperconnected landscape, the way to fix it is not ignoring it. That's in fact the way to give it like more tentacles and legs. This is the God. It's been a long time since I was studying psychology, but Carl Jung, like when he was talking about neurosis, it's really interesting. He had this idea that certain aspects of the personality, certain aspects of the identity that were unacceptable could be repressed, put in the subconscious, so to speak. And that those repressed fragmentary portions of your personality, it's not like they disappear because you sweep them under the rug, but they actually almost develop their own identity apart from yours. Like little fragments of a magic mirror that get a little bit of identity in them, characteristics, qualities that are normally like you would expect to be in an actual human personality. This is your neurosis. And so the, the practice in Buddhism, it's called self liberating. They want to self liberate. So the practice of opening the vampire coffin to the light, looks like the next time you want to go for your phone when you're feeling the shitty feeling, or the next time you try to rearrange phenomena in your own life to get that cozy, comfortable feeling, the next time you try to blame this feeling on somebody else and fix the other person, the next time you try, you find yourself going outside of yourself to correct something that's happening within. Instead of doing any of that shit, see how long you can sit with the feeling. That's doesn't sound as powerful as it is because, well, the name for meditation in Tibetan Buddhism, one of the names for it is GoM, which is to become familiar with. And so what's happened if you start becoming familiar with this feeling that you've been dodging, ignoring the memory, the whatever it is, if you start just letting it be in your field of attention you realize you don't really even know anything about this thing you thought you did. But you only knew like the very first experience of it. You only knew the very tip of it. You'll notice it appears usually in your heart chakra, which is fascinating. It's not up here. It's here you start feeling like right that feeling you get before you're going to cry sometimes if you can hold it long enough and you realize that like, oh my fucking God. It's actually like my heart. That's where it gets crazy. It's very vulnerable. It's a very vulnerable feeling. The thing you thought was a fucking vampire was really just some dust covering up your heart. And so in Buddhism it calls self liberating, meaning you don't have to do anything other than like be with it. If you can just sit with it just somehow on its own, it lightens up a little bit. It might not go away. I haven't had that luck. But suddenly, just the very act of not avoiding it anymore, there's some magic that happens there and you realize, shit. This thing actually that I thought was some demonic, vampiric, withered up, life sucking, life draining entity living inside of me is just dust on a lampshade. It's dust on the windshield. It's not much at all. There's not much there. And it only requires a little bit of courage to do this. As opposed to unveiling the fucking Epstein files, which is probably gonna reveal some horrific collaboration between the United States and foreign powers. Blackmail, manipulation, the complete subversion of the Constitution, the process using the time honored, time not honored, time worn technique of honey pots. We all know about that, everyone knows about that. This, on the other hand, you realize that this thing that you've been avoiding is actually not the darkness, but the light. That's what it is. And it self liberates. So this is where you get into the Buddhist practice of meta, which is a form of cultivating compassion. And you start with yourself because, I mean, maybe you're some special motherfucker, but I doubt any of us are as special as we think we are. I would say that we're all running. We've got the same motherboard, maybe we're running different operating systems, but it's the same motherboard. And by that I mean there's a universal human experience. So this thing that you think you've been avoiding, whatever it is, anxiety related to your responsibilities in life, or self doubt, or a sense of being a coward or a hypocrite or whatever the Thing is, you could be certain that this is a universal experience, what you're experiencing. Countless people on the planet are simultaneously experiencing it with you. So where the practice of tong lin, which is related to Metta, comes in, is allow yourself to realize that the moment you're having the guts to sit with that feeling consciously, you are now on a spectrum of other people having that experience. Some of them are having it consciously. Some of them are trying to avoid it. Some of them don't even know they're having it. They've become so good at numbing down. And some of them are probably like enlightened or nearly enlightened beings who are working with it. And so the practice of tong lin means that in that moment, in that experience, you connect with that field of suffering, that flavor of suffering that lots of people are enduring simultaneously.

[C]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through August 12th. Get big savings on your favorite products for the little ones in the family and earn four times points to use for discounts on groceries or on gas. Shop in store or online for items like Earth's Best Yogurt Smoothie, Gerber Pouches, Happy Baby Pouches, Huggies, Natural baby Wipes, Pediasure Bottles, Earth's Best Crunchy Sticks, and Gerber Yogurt Melts, snacks, and earn four times points. Offer ends August 12th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Duncan Trussell]

And where it gets really fucking weird is you start breathing in all of their suffering. So what you start doing is inhaling this thick, dark, hot, black smoke. It's the opposite of what you would think. And when I heard about it originally, I'm like, fuck that. I'm not sucking in the other motherfuckers Hell fumes. Got enough of my own. But you start doing that, and then when you breathe it in, you exhale cool, clear, bright light. And you don't do it just from your mouth. You imagine your whole body exhaling it. So some kind of metaphysical alchemical, you're basically becoming a filter. You're becoming like an air filter for the suffering of humanity. And even though initially you will think to yourself, this is all absolute bullshit, how do we quantify this? What is actually happening here? The very best you're doing make believe. But I'm telling you something about the practice begins to create this spaciousness, the density that goes along with these sort of repressed, ignored, dark mood states. It's a feeling of lightness. It's a feeling of less seriousness. It's not quite as serious as you thought. There isn't as much there to defend that you don't need to bare your fangs. Every time you think someone is getting into close proximity of this vulnerable part of you, you begin to realize that the very practice of defending this place is what is creating the conditions that allow this to keep happening and keep you in whatever loop. Now enough said about that bullshit. Pull up. Fucking the Annabelle doll, dude. Oh, my God. I almost jizzed when I saw this story. I couldn't believe it. Don't that literally. Dude. Dan Rivera. Pull up. Dan Rivera. This is crazy, man. I can't believe we're in this timeline.

[Josh]

This guy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, just. There you go. Annabelle doll handler Dan Rivera's nature of death revealed. This guy investigates was on a tour investigating haunted dolls. Please do not believe foul play was involved in the death of Dan Rivera, the paranormal researcher who passed away while traveling with a supposedly haunted doll, Annabelle. In a Pennsylvania State police report, authorities listed the nature of the incident as, quote, death natural. Furthermore, the department said nothing unusual or suspicious was observed at the hotel room. What about a fucking haunted doll? What about that? He had the. You think he was leaving the Annabelle doll in the trunk of his car? The decedent was discovered in his hotel room by co workers. Ghost Hunter's Jason Hawke also does not believe emerging conspiracies that Rivera's death is somehow linked to Annabelle, whose spooky backstory serves as the inspiration behind the popular conjuring movies. Dan Rivera was an army veteran, a father for a husband, and someone who truly cared about people, what's even harder to see right now? Or the Post blaming his death on things like the Annabelle doll? Okay, stop there. Look, I'm sorry. And I really am sorry for his family, his children, but live by the sword, die by the sword. I'm sorry. If you're traveling around the country with a notorious haunted fucking doll and you die in your hotel room of, quote, natural causes, and you think people aren't going to say that doll killed your ass? Like, of course that's what we think. It's a trope. It's like a Twilight Zone episode. Can you pull up a picture of the Annabelle doll? Are you see, Like, I can't. How can you say, like, I. Who would be reading a post after that happened? Like, my God, they think the doll did it. What's wrong with the world? Look at that fucking thing. Pull up that image right there. The Guardian. Fuck that doll. Can you imagine that thing in your hotel room? Burn it with Fucking fire.

[Josh]

Oh, look.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't even want to look at it.

[Josh]

Oh, the card behind it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, that's stupid. That's just the rider white tarot devil card. It's no point. The doll. They should put the doll in the card. Zoom in on that thing's face. That is not a good doll. Look at that. Look at the weird symbols there. You got the pyramid, the dots. It almost looks kabbalistic in nature. Pull up a picture of the Kabbalah.

[Josh]

Look how.

[Duncan Trussell]

Pull up a picture of the Kabbalistic tree of life. God damn it. This is fuck. Yeah, look, it's man spreading. Yeah, it's doll spreading in there. It's like it's taking its power. It's like an Alpha doll.

[Josh]

Kabbalah. What?

[Duncan Trussell]

There you go. Yeah, it looks nothing like what's on the doll's face, but you never know to me. The fact maybe. Pull up Dan Rivera YouTube. Let's see. Let's see a clip of this, of this, of the decedent. There's got to be a clip of him with the doll. Dan Rivera talks about Annabelle.

[Josh]

This might be it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, there we go.

[Josh]

Hey, Ryan, we got more work to do. Again.

[Duncan Trussell]

Shit.

[C]

A well known paranormal investor investigator died just hours after leading a sold out event featuring one of the most infamous haunted objects in the world. Transported to Gettysburg specifically for this event. In one tick tock video, Rivera himself excitedly announced that he was traveling with Adam.

[Duncan Trussell]

Jesus Christ, Annabelle.

[Josh]

Oh, sorry.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's all right. Leaving San Antonio, guys.

[Josh]

Now we're heading. Oh, I can't play it with the music.

[Duncan Trussell]

You don't need to play it. There you go.

[Josh]

He was in San Antonio.

[Duncan Trussell]

This guy was in San Antonio. It's like someone hauling radioactive material through the country. That son of. I don't want to call him that. God rest his soul. I'm sorry I even said that. I feel very bad for his family. It's horrible, but. Dude, get that fucking doll out of my city. I don't want that doll traveling anywhere. We're not that far away from San Antonio. I felt weird a few days ago. I wasn't even in Austin.

[Josh]

What if it's just his believer, the believers in that conspiracy, or of that doll, then carry out, because it's like we have to carry out for the doll.

[Duncan Trussell]

Or the doll's evil or the doll's evil. I mean, it's like, dude, you. You are Wikipedia the Annabelle doll. I don't want to mention Annabelle's name. I don't like that. I've never liked that doll. And I have a creepy fucking doll. Nothing compared to that.

[Josh]

What's your doll?

[Duncan Trussell]

Lil Hobo? Oh, he just has drug problems. He's not like evil like Annabelle was. I mean he is, but he makes bad decisions.

[Josh]

Was it his upbringing?

[Duncan Trussell]

No, but he loves to blame it on his upbringing. He's a fucking junkie. Annabelle is a Raggedy Ann doll that is claimed to be haunted. According to the Warrens, they were given the doll in 1970s by a 28 year old student nurse named Donna from Hartford, Connecticut. Who claimed the doll could move by itself and exhibited malicious and frightening behavior. No. Then you know what? If someone offers me that doll, I say no. Throw it in the trash. The Warren said a psychic medium had told the student nurse her doll had been taken over by the spirit of a dead six year old girl named Annabelle. The Warrens claim the doll is demonically possessed. And subsequently placed it in a display box and monetized it. Over time the Warrens publicized various claims about Annabelle. Supposedly the doll infected inflicted psychic slashes that drew blood from victims. Caused a priest who insulted the doll to throw his car into a tree. He insulted. What did he say to you? You need to lose a few pounds. Fat ass doll. And stabbed a homicide detective forcing him into early retirement. The story of the doll was featured in the 1980 book the Demonologist written by Gerald. Gerald Brittle. Result of Gerald Brittle. The result of what the author has claimed was an exclusive. Blah, blah blah. In 2019, the Occult Museum closed due to zoning violations. In 2025, the Warrens Estate promoted online reports that the Dala design disappeared. Anyway, the point is we will never know what happened in that hotel room. But it's not that hard to figure it out. Took him out. It was sick of being exploited. And little hobos like that too. Because they can't move the way people think they can. Like it's harder for them. They do move, but it's hard as fuck. Like it takes a lot of energy that they. It takes, you know, like when you get older you shouldn't jerk off a lot.

[Josh]

What?

[Duncan Trussell]

You didn't know that?

[Josh]

No, I had no idea.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's chi energy. You got to build it up. So like you gotta like hold the cum. Similarly, a doll, when they move, like I'm sure Annabelle's slashes probably took months for her to get that energy. And so they don't move that much at all really. Little hobo hardly ever since he got in academy. But they resent just like anybody else would being like hauled around. And I promise you Annabelle was so sick of being exploited by these assholes. Like, they. Like what they. You know, they're very particular about where they stay. I could already tell from looking at Annabelle. Pull up a picture of Annabelle. That's a classic Raggedy Ann doll. Yeah, pull it up. Now that does look like a position Annabelle probably put herself in. But see that shitty chair? Like, they did a little. They tried to show like a chair behind her or something. No way. Little hobo would not take that shit. See how her bracelet is too tight?

[Josh]

Oh, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

See, they put that on and then she got puffed up. They swell up. Yeah. You could just see it's pissed. And so it's been sitting in this shitty box. It has to deal with tourists coming to look at it. And then Rivera starts hauling it around. It's having to, like, listen to whatever Rivera watches on TV when he's off tour. Probably Fox News, I'm guessing, listening to fucking Hannity go on and on. It's just stuck. It can't do anything. And it took care of business. And I feel certain about that.

[Josh]

You ever seen Hitler's dollar?

[Duncan Trussell]

No, but I'd like to.

[Josh]

Yeah. Hitler had what was a mandrake.

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[Josh]

Yeah. An occultist gave it to him and said, as long as you have this, you'll be successful.

[Duncan Trussell]

He had mandrake root.

[Josh]

Yeah. This is his. And he said, as long as you're.

[Duncan Trussell]

Shut the fuck up. Hitler did not have that.

[Josh]

Uh huh. And they seemed.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the fuck? That's not real. He was carrying around a mandrake root.

[Josh]

Yeah. The occult is. And then he rose to power. And then he got mad at the occult cultists and broke it. And then less than a year later, he would move to Argentina or whatever he did.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're saying the reason Hitler lost World War II is not because he invaded Russia?

[Josh]

No.

[Duncan Trussell]

But because he got rid of his stupid root doll. Yeah.

[Josh]

Don't get rid of your mandrake.

[Duncan Trussell]

And five minute self banned. That's the most. That's absolutely the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my fucking life. Like, why, why? Why would he even get rid of it? Like, just no, like meth. Aside from Hitler, like, carrying around some stupid doll, which is crazy. The idea that he was tortured over discarding his mandrake doll, like, with all the other shit he was thinking about. Like, he's like, gosh, I get rid of this shitty doll. Don't do it, Hitler. You'll lose the war. Fucking come on, man. I'm trying to do an adult current event Style podcast here. This is the. NPR is about to go bankrupt, and I'm trying to do an adult npr. Some things people who want current events can go to for factual information. And when you do things like that, it dilutes the brand that I'm going for here, which is I will be the next npr. That's my goal. Now, can you. Last thing I want to talk about. Then we got to get out of here. And I won't always do current event stuff. Can you pull up the. You know, the. What's the name of the astronomer CEO's response to Coldplay affairs?

[Josh]

Oh, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

So we all know about this. Trust me, there's been a war between my wife and I. I want to talk about the Annabelle doll, she wants to talk about the CEO, and we're both not interested in the other thing at all, so. Wait. It's a fake apology. Ah, God damn it. So I thought his apology was real. I just wanted to read that. This is funny, though. Go ahead and just show it. Everyone's seen this stupid shit. Who cares? Some dumbass rich piece of shit. Oh, dummy goes under the bleacher. You know, who gives? Like, it's.

[Josh]

Look at her face, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, no, look at him. Oh, no. There's cameras everywhere. I didn't want to get caught. Not really.

[Josh]

That's the worst way to duck down.

[Duncan Trussell]

But he wanted to get. I mean, that's the thing. Get that off my screen. Why'd you pull that up the. I'm annoyed that I even brought this shit up, because this is, like, Aaron is, like, interested in this story, and it's like, dude, a paranormal investigator was fucking psychically slaughtered by his haunted doll, and you want to talk about the astronomer CEO at a Coldplay concert cheating on his fucking wife like a dummy, desperately exhausted, sick dude, what's happening to your air conditioner there?

[Josh]

Oh.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the. Is that water? Well, I know it's water, but why is it pouring out of your air condition? Do we need to pause? What do you mean? We're good. If you electrocute yourself right now after talking about the Annabelle doll, you know what that's gonna mean for this podcast. What the fuck? I'm sorry, you guys. You just. As I was talking about this, the water started poor pouring. You guys are monsters. They're saying, big ratings. I love Josh. I don't want him to get electrocuted.

[Josh]

Take a bong hit.

[Duncan Trussell]

You guys hear that?

[Josh]

It's my ac.

[Duncan Trussell]

What the Is going. That is not a normal ac. What is going on?

[Josh]

It pumps the Moisture out of the room. And I had it unplugged, so now there's water over here.

[Duncan Trussell]

Are you all right? Do you need to clean. No joke.

[Josh]

No, we're good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Are you good?

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

The point is, like, now I got to hear about this stupid Astronomer CEO, and it's stupid. Like, just dumb, dummy, dummy. Wanted to get caught. Sick of his marriage, didn't have the guts to get out of it in the normal way. Goes to a Coldplay concert, knows there's cameras everywhere, knows he's going to get on the kiss cam. Now we all have to hear about this dumbass from our wives for the next month. That's, to me, the most annoying part. I don't care. No one even knew what Astronomer was before he did that. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing to cheat, but it's super embarrassing to cheat at a Coldplay concert. That's. Dude, your kids have to live with that, man. I don't want that. We're so lucky. You're lucky if your parents cheated. That sucks. I'm sorry about the divorce, but, you know, I don't want footage of my parents cheating. And now that forever, the kids have to see their fucking dad with that stupid deer in headlights look. His hands. Not even. It's not even sexy. Go back to the video. I'm so mad about this.

[Josh]

He should have been smart and started pretending to give her the Heimlich.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude. Exactly. But he. Look, look. Ugh. Ugh. That just sucks to be Coldplay. That's your audience. Go back real quick. Just go back to him holding. The holding part. Ugh, gross.

[Josh]

Oh, she's gripping him.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah, they're having a romantic Coldplay moment. Fucking bleh. I hate that shit.

[Josh]

He's all red because he already took his Viagra.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah, he's like. He's definitely hard as a rock right now. She's been grinding into him.

[Josh]

But isn't this freeing? It was brought to the light, and he doesn't have to hide this anymore.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, but you know what? This is a vampire. I don't want to see go up in flames just because I don't want to see another fucking, like, golf couple getting bused. No one wants to see that. I guess it's you wants. It's gross. That could be. That could be you fucking at a Coldplay concert. Fucking, like, cheating on your wife with some. Someone from your office. At least do something special, you know, like get in a cult. I just hate. I don't know why, man. It just. It just grinds. I mean, the cheating is like an embarrassment no matter what. But this, this level of like golf cheating, I don't know any other word for it.

[Josh]

That would never happen at a Creed concert.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, they wouldn't have that. They don't. They're not gonna have a kiss cam at a Creed concert. Nobody wants to see that. Well, we're nearing the end of our time together here, friends. It's been a joy. I'm going to wrap it up for the audio folks out there and then we can talk for a moment. And then I have to say goodbye to those of you listening. Thank you so much for tuning into the dtfh. I hope these solo episodes aren't grinding your gear gears. I didn't mean to imply you only have one gear. We do have some good episodes coming out with guests. Seems like many of you like the guests. Seems like me just by myself for some of you is unbearable. How do you think I feel with myself all day long? But for those of you who support the YouTube channel, thank you and do subscribe, do like, leave a comment. I've tried to respond to the last few comments. And most importantly, pull your fucking vampires out into the light. Do most of us have any control over whether or not powerful oligarchs are defanged? No. But we definitely have the ability to go down into that dark, moldy basement of our own self and pull out the desiccated life sucking carcass of that which we have repressed into the glorious light of our own awareness. You might be surprised to find there wasn't a vampire under there at all. Twas an angel. An angel that had fallen into your basement. Fallen angels. They aren't always bad. Now they just need to be taught how to fly again. Until next time, Hare Krishna.

[C]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through August 12th. Get big savings on your favorite products for the little ones in the family and earn four times points to use for discounts on groceries or on gas. Shop in store or online for items like Earth's Best Yogurt Smoothie, Gerber Pouches, Happy Baby Pouches, Huggies Natural Baby Wipes, Pedia Shore Bottles, Earth's Best Crunchy Sticks and Gerber Yogurt Melts, snacks and earn 4 times points. Offer ends August twelveth. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.