723: Ain't No Turkey King

Summary

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Duncan Trussell Family Hour #723: "Ain't No Turkey King"

Date: November 10, 2025
Host: Duncan Trussell
Guest/Sidekick: Josh
Episode Theme: A comedic, psychedelic critique of Thanksgiving, turkey, and tradition, blended with surreal rants about political change, collective awakening, and dark American absurdity.

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Episode Overview

Duncan Trussell dives into the existential and culinary complexities of Thanksgiving, focusing a scathing, hilarious light on turkey as the “scam food” of the season. He interweaves wild tangents on sociopolitics (including commentary on New York's new socialist mayor, Zoran Mamdani), reflections on societal “awakening,” and darkly funny family/carnival horror stories. Throughout, the show pulses with Duncan’s signature blend of irreverence, satire, and cosmic speculation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Turkey is a Scam” Rant

• Turkey's Uniqueness as a Dish: Duncan begins by lampooning turkey as an overrated, once-a-year food forced on Americans.
  • “Turkey is a scam. And when November comes around, we're all forced to confront something that I think most of us don't really want to look square in the eye, which is that if turkey is a scam... how many other things have we been tricked into doing and believing?” (01:00)
• No “Turkey King:” Questions why there’s no fast-food chain centered on turkey if it’s so allegedly good, compared to Burger King or Chick-fil-A.
  • “Where's the Turkey King? ... If it's so good, if it's such a delicious meat, where is it?” (03:21)
• Sunk Cost Fallacy: Turkey’s cultural persistence explained as a collective “sunk cost fallacy”—we keep making it, hoping next time it’ll be good.
  • “Turkey is the classic example of sunk cost fallacy because you only make it once a year.” (02:42)
• Nostalgia & Ritual: Acknowledges that the only redeeming part of turkey is the familiar, pleasant smell—possibly more about nostalgia than taste.
  • “Cooking turkey smells good. There's something comfortable about the smell of turkey... which is why you should get turkey incense and make steaks for Thanksgiving.” (05:26)

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2. Political & Social Commentary: “Salt Mining” and the Rise of Zoran Mamdani

• Salt Mining: Enjoyment found in observing both political sides when opponents freak out after an election.
  • “If you are a salt miner, if you're a true salt miner, you're bipartisan in your salt mining. You don't just salt mine when the guy you agree with wins. You salt mine across the fucking board.” (07:21)
• New York’s Socialist Mayor: Dissects reactions to Zoran Mamdani’s election—admiring the energy but skeptical of practical outcomes.
  • “Somehow a 30-something socialist, maybe communist, has taken the reins of New York City. I want it to work. I don't think it will, but I want it to.” (09:02)
• Practical Utopianism: Warns that ambitious progressive reforms (rent freeze, free buses/food, expanded labor protections) face entrenched power and financial realities.
  • “That's where it stops working. Yeah, right there is the problem is where the money comes from. But before we get to that part, the idea itself is good.” (16:04)
• Class War & Systemic Inertia: Points out that rapid change often backfires by driving out those with means, leading to more struggles for those who are supposed to be helped.
  • “You can't just come in, guns blaze, and say you're gonna freeze the fucking rent and socialize everything. Because then... all the people who want to hold onto their money and don't want to get taxed, they either put it in tax shelters or they fucking bail.” (22:57)

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3. Debate on Landlords and Wealth Inequality

• Tongue-in-Cheek Defense of Landlords: Offers satirical praise, misquoting Marx to lampoon the idea.
  • “Karl Marx. I'll quote Karl Marx. I have it memorized. There is no more noble being than the landlord. They keep our buildings painted and they will fix our plumbing issues and they deserve every penny they get. I'm misquoting a little bit, but that's pretty much communists in the chat, you know, that's what Karl Marx said.” (18:53)
• Class Conversations Matter: Even if grand visions are doomed, simply raising class as a topic helps “wake people up.”
  • “The very least, the conversation of class comes up. The conversation of, like, capitalism comes up... Is that good? Is that okay? Are you okay with that?” (21:11)

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4. Overarching Metaphor: Waking Up from Tradition & Programming

• From "Fool" to "Magician": Duncan says collective consciousness is evolving—from blindly following tradition (the ‘Fool’ tarot), to creating one’s own reality (the ‘Magician’).
  • “Consciousness is going from the fool Tarot card to the magician Tarot card... Now we're going into the magician phase is probably what's happening.” (37:14)
• Thanksgiving as “Cat Turd Holiday”: Trussell lampoons enforced gratitude and the whitewashing of history.
  • “You get fucking Thanksgiving. Just this like cat turd of a fucking holiday... Enforced thanks is not thanks at all.” (41:39)
• Big Turkey as Emotional Hijacker: Claims “Big Turkey” exploits nostalgia and family love to sell a bland product.
  • “Big turkey. Hijacked our love of our grandmothers to sell shitty bird meat.” (44:11)

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5. Dark, Surreal Thanksgiving Stories ("Screamsgiving")

Carnival Tilt-a-Whirl Horror (50:05)

• True-crime style: teenage love triangle, possible affair, disastrous carnival ride accident, almost supernatural in its gruesomeness.
  • “The description is it looked like someone deflated blow up dolls that had been filled with blood.” (60:09)

The Cannibal Butcher Shop (65:00)

• A butcher’s remains are packaged into turkeys and possibly consumed by community members; a cautionary tale against processed meats.

The Secret Note Family Game (69:35)

• Family plays a “game” where anonymous secrets are written about each other—one reveals a covered-up murder and staged accident.

• Moral: Sometimes, the “danger isn’t out there in the world. It’s right beside the people you trust the most. So this year, when you sit down to dinner, give thanks not just for the people at the table, but for the secrets that haven’t made the front page about you.” (74:06)

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6. Other Highlights & Memorable Moments

• On Fried Turkeys & Dangerous Trends:

  • “Why don't you just get drones to fly into people's backyards and spray them with acid instead of encouraging people to do that?” (43:17)

• AI, “Slop” Content, and Democratization of Media:

  • Discusses the rise of AI-generated media and rebranding “slop” (cheap, mass-produced content) as possibly an equalizing force for creative voices.
  • “A sort of monolithic denouncement of AI generated content. Seems a little shortsighted.” (88:53)

• Debate on AI Porn:

  • Satirizes the ethics of AI-generated pornography versus human porn, joking about using porn as an actual medical brain shrinker.
  • “If really shrinks your brain, it seems like it could really help... If somebody comes in with a head injury and they're having brain swelling, you'd feel like, dude, get. What kind of porn do they like?” (94:12)

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Notable Quotes

• On Tradition & Sunk Cost:
  • “Turkey is the classic example of sunk cost fallacy because you only make it once a year.” (02:42)
• On Social Awakening:
  • “People have begun to realize that the stories we tell ourselves about the world are what creates the world. We wag the dog.” (35:48)
• On Family & Manipulation:
  • “Like, there's a few things that matter in the world... If they could, they would have done it by now. They definitely would have done it by now. If there was a way to quantify that shit and you tax it, they would have figured out a way to tax it. They can't.” (47:12)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Rant on Turkey: 00:02 – 07:00
• Fast food/Turkey King Analogy: 03:21 – 05:30
• Salt Mining and Political Rants: 07:21 – 11:00
• Debate on Utopian Socialism: 11:00 – 20:25
• Name Fumbling / Zoran Mamdani Speech & Analysis: 20:25 – 31:26
• Meta-Reflection: Fool to Magician: 37:14 – 41:00
• Holiday Slander (Thanksgiving as Cat Turd): 41:39 – 44:30
• Dark Thanksgiving Stories ("Screamsgiving") Begins: 50:05
• Carnival Tilt-a-Whirl Incident: 50:05 – 62:58
• Cannibal Butcher Thanksgiving: 65:00 – 67:40
• Family Secret-Game and Murder Reveal: 69:35 – 74:06
• AI, Slop & Media Creation Debate: 85:06 – 88:53
• AI Porn/Ethics & Brain Shrinking Bit: 93:20 – 94:38

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Tone & Style

Duncan Trussell’s language is uproarious, irreverent, and performatively neurotic—oscillating between cosmic-philosophical, satirical, and darkly funny. His comedic style leans heavily into absurdity and free-association (“cat turd holiday,” “Big Turkey,” “salt mining”), delivered with comic exaggeration, but often landing on genuine insights about culture, tradition, and systemic dysfunction.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode takes the classic “why do we eat turkey at Thanksgiving?” rant and spirals it into a wider meditation on tradition, manipulation (“Big Turkey”), social change (the election of a leftist mayor), and the shadows lurking beneath the family table. With wild storytelling, political irreverence, and dark wit, Trussell makes a plea for more authenticity—both in our politics and our holidays: question cultural programming, cherish real connection, and maybe, just maybe, let turkey go.

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Recommended For: Listeners who enjoy surreal, philosophical, and darkly comedic takes on American tradition, left-right political absurdity, and who don’t mind a side of existential horror with their holiday banter.

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Transcript

[Duncan Trussell]

Welcome, welcome chat. Welcome, my dear audio listeners. Welcome to those using those optic nerves to watch. It's me, D. Trousel, and this is the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast. Now what I think you keep going. Oh, my God, it's November, and everybody knows what November is. November is the worst month. And for a lot of different reasons. Primarily because Thanksgiving is right around the corner. And the reason Thanksgiving sucks is because of turkey. Turkey is a scam. And when November comes around, we're all forced to confront something that I think most of us don't really want to look square in the eye, which is that if turkey is a scam, and I'll go into why it's a scam in a moment, how many other things have we been tricked into doing and believing? Are we just pigeons in some kind of Skinnerian box being trained to peck and poke away at things? Are we turkeys ourselves, eating ourselves in some kind of dark, cannibalistic ritual which Thanksgiving represents? I mean, aside from, like, the origins of Thanksgiving, which are insane, to the sort of forced gorging on, like, it's like turkey was the first iteration of the chicken. You know, you get better at things. And I imagine that God didn't just, like, immediately make great things. There were sort of precursors. And then the next thing came, and so God was like, how do I make a delicious bird Turkey? It sucks. Wasn't good. Did not get the numbers God was looking for. God got ratioed by the turkey. Not a lot of faves. A lot of people tried it, though. And then you get this very sad effect. Maybe somebody in the chat can help me remember what the effect is where you keep doubling down on something. You invest in something. It didn't work, but you keep investing in it. What's that fucking called?

[Josh]

Insanity.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you, Josh. It is a form of. It's an actual form of insanity. Sunk cost fallacy. Thank you, Bando. Sunk cost fallacy. Turkey is the classic example of sunk cost fallacy because you only make it once a year. And before I even go into that, let me just point something out. We have Burger King. We've got Wendy's. We've got Chick Fil. A. Where's the Turkey King? Where's the turkey? One fast food restaurant that's like. It's turkey. You've got. What is it called? The. I don't even know if you have it anymore. There used to be this horrific seafood restaurant. Fast food seafood. Fucked up that that even existed. Like Captain Rogers or something was what it was called. But in the before times, before the world ended, you would go to these fucking fast food. You get, everything's fried, fried fish, it was awful. You get sick 100% of the time. Obviously we have Mexican restaurants. You got Taco Bell, God bless them. Where is the turkey? Fast food is all I'm saying. If it's so good, if it's such a delicious meat, where is it? Why aren't we having turkey on fourth of July? Because it sucks. Turkey sucks all the way across the board. Whether you're eating that sliced turkey. I don't care if you decided you were just gonna be fancy and you actually went to the deli counter, oh, you prince of sandwiches. And you had them slice turkey for you like you're some kind of emperor. And then you get your nice little bag of freshly sliced turkey. In your poor brainwashed mind, you're thinking, this will be good. It's fresh deli turkey and it sucks. Or you go and get the processed. It's like eating gel. I don't even know what it's like eating softened edible play doh. It's horrible. And so I'm not looking at the chat right now because my guess is I'm going to have to do a lot of bans, because my guess is there's people in the chat pushing back. And this is classic. This is classic. This isn't the first time I've brought this up and it won't be the last, but there's people who will tell you, you see, no, no, no. You just don't know how to cook it right. Inevitably, you don't know how to cook turkey. Right. Now this is where the sunk cost fallacy comes in. Because we only do this insane roasting of the fucking turkey once a year. And because we only have like one chance to do it each time you do it, and it's not so great. You think, okay, well, I'm just learning. But from that perspective, it's going to take you a decade to even get close to a place where you could say, okay, this is not working. And so by then someone else offers to come in and out you get those turkey fascists who are like, no, no, no, I know how to do it. They come over to your house early, they put their turkey in the oven, and you know, I will say this just so I don't seem one sided. I think it smells good. Cooking turkey smells good. There's something comfortable about the smell of turkey. And I don't know if that's just some conditioning from early childhood or it actually smells good, I have no idea. But there is something comforting about the smell of turkey filling up the house. Which is why you should get turkey incense and make steaks for Thanksgiving. Get one of those turkey candles that they have burn it smells like turkey. But don't fall for it this year, guys. Don't fall for it this year. I feel like a lot is changing in the world right now for the better and people are sort of collectively waking up and, and that's always a good thing. We've got Zora and Mondavi. Fucking holy shit. Now I gotta say this. When Trump won, I was doing some salt mining. Cause it's so fun to salt mine after like a political figure that is divisive gets elected. And boy, man, the salt mining was good when Trump got elected. But oh, if you are a salt miner, if you're a true salt miner, you're bipartisan in your salt mining. You don't just salt mine when the guy you agree with wins. You salt mine across the fucking board. And oh my friends, salt mining, it's so great right now. It's so great. I didn't expect the salt mines to open up again. I mean I knew he was gonna get elected and I knew like people on the right were gonna shit their fucking pants. But yeah, it's incredible. It's incredible, man, it's the best. People are legitimately horrified that a socialist got elected in New York. And I mean like horrified. This is the end of times for them. They think it's all over. This like 30 something year old fucking kid gets elected. That's just that alone is badass. You know, the toppling some. Aren't we sick of old crusts? You know, do and like my feeling when it comes to what might happen to New York is only cause like I was in LA during the pandemic and I saw what happens. I see where like my utopian leanings, when you try to make them happen in the real world, it doesn't seem to, it doesn't work. At least that's. But that's just one experiment. And this is. I know I'm getting off course. We'll get back into the darkness of Thanksgiving a minute. This is where I get patriotic. You hear people say America, it's like an experiment. They call it the American experiment and I fucking love that. Somehow a 30 something socialist, maybe communist, has taken the reins of New York City. I want it to work. I don't think it will, but I want it to. To me there will be nothing More hilarious than if this kid turns New York into some kind of socialist utopia. I don't see how that could ever happen, but wow, it sucks. People. If you get stuck on one side of the political spectrum or the other, you start wishing ill. You want the other side to fail. That's so fucked up. You're allowed to think, I have no idea how that's going to work. Like, you try to do the math in your head. Like, okay, we're gonna have rent freezes and somehow some kind of government run food for people. And what's the other stuff he's doing, Josh? He said he would do free buses.

[Josh]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

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[Josh]

Where does the money come from?

[Duncan Trussell]

We're not getting to that part. Okay, see that? That's where it stops working. Yeah, right there is the problem is where the money comes from. But before we get to that part, the idea itself is good. That's good. I mean, I'm not saying the execution of. In other words, like, you know, I saw somebody on Reddit ask, how big would your wings have to be to actually, if you were a person, like, to lift the weight of an average human? How big would your wings need to be? That's a good question. Like, how to execute that? I have no idea. But I would love. I didn't. I was caught up in 313 eye atlas shit, so I didn't focus on that. But my point is, if we just turn our eyes towards that's good, then maybe it becomes more of a possibility. As an old fucking grump who lived in LA during the pandemic and saw the whole fucking thing just collapse around me. Love that city. I've been sort of warped because of that experience. Meaning that I'm projecting that experience on all future attempts at some kind of socialist utopia, which could be considered like wisdom. It's what you're supposed to do. That being said, anytime somebody gets a chance to try it again, there is some possibility they get it to work. Now, the obvious issues are how do we pay for it? But before we get to that, he wants to give childcare for everybody. Fuck, yeah, That's. Oh, God, that's great. I don't know. Like, living in New York without kids is a nightmare. With kids, childcare, what the fuck? Great. You know, so now how does he do it? That's where we run into a little bit of a problem. Because if I put my mind into the mindset of somebody who is, like, making money from renting a building, and this socialist comes in who says he's going to do a rent freeze, you know what I'm doing this week? If I'm like, jacking up the rent. Yeah. So I don't know how quickly he's got to do that rent freeze. Like yesterday. Because I think what might happen now is all the rents are going to go up in New York because people are going to be so afraid he's going to freeze the rent. I could be wrong about that.

[Josh]

Or they could be selling the building.

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[Josh]

Or sell the building to get out.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, or selling the building. So that's the first problem is it's like if you do a rent freeze and then you make it so that people aren't going to make money, like landlords aren't going to make money. Now, one thing I do know about communism is they love communists, love landlords, they Love them. Karl Marx. I'll quote Karl Marx. I have it memorized. There is no more noble being than the landlord. They keep our buildings painted and they will fix our plumbing issues and they deserve every penny they get. I'm misquoting a little bit, but that's pretty much communists in the chat, you know, that's what Karl Marx said. So I'm sure, like, I don't know if he's an actual communist, though.

[Josh]

I called him that because he said something about capitalism, that capitalism was the problem.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that seems a little weird. He'd say, kah. He'd say that. That does seem a little off. But again, I'm not gonna. What do I know? You know? But it's exciting, man. I think it's exciting. People are waking up, you know, at the very least, like, what does. I think the reason, like, the right people get really kind of like squirmy when somebody like Mondavi. I don't want to say his fucking name wrong. They just did this great SNL sketch. Did you see that? Yeah.

[Josh]

Everybody fucks up his name.

[Duncan Trussell]

Shay Gillis, and everybody fucks up his name. But then fucking on the right, they like do cheesy fuck ups of his name. And it's so hacky. And I'm not doing that. Will you pull his name up? It's a cool fucking name too. It's like I would name my. It's like a name that I would name my Elden Ring character. Zoran Momdani. Zoran Mandami. Donnie. It's, you know, it's not an easy name to say. Mom. Donnie Zoron. Mom. Demon. Zoran. Mom. Dipshit. Zoram. Mom Marxist. But do I think it will work? Absolutely not. I think that what I love about any utopian vision is the person behind it believes it. I think he believes it. I fucking love that. And that's contagious. You see that and you're like, fuck, I don't know. What do I know? I don't fucking know. So it catches you. So people get really upset because what happens with people like that? The very least, the conversation of class comes up. The conversation of, like capitalism comes up. The conversation of, is this how we want? I mean, is this just the way it works is like human? Like you're just. People who lose this bizarre game of Fortnite are going to be on the streets. Is that good? Is that okay? Are you okay with that? Do you really believe all of them deserve it? And even if they do deserve it, is that the correct punishment for making a series of shitty decisions in your life. And so the conversation emerges. That's a good conversation. We should be having that conversation, definitely. But then the other problem, where it backfires usually is the attempt to implement the damn thing results in chaos. And you need a lot of time. And it would have to happen slowly. You know, the slow, slow, slow. But this. You can't just come in, guns blaze, and say you're gonna freeze the fucking rent and socialize everything. Because then all the people who want to hold onto their money and don't want to get taxed, they either put it in tax shelters or they fucking bail. And so then you're left with, like, who do you. What do you do then? Because then all of a sudden, the people that were supposed to benefit from these programs actually end up not benefiting because they're the ones who are going to have to pay for it. And that's, I think, the problem. But I don't know, maybe. Who knows? All I'm saying is, don't go fucking partisan, man. Number one, if you go partisan, you can't enjoy salt mining. It's like plants, you know what I mean? Like, if they could figure out how to get photosynthetic energy from the moon, dude, that's going to be a successful fern. But if you're a salt miner and you don't figure out how to enjoy salt mining in a bipartisan way, then, dude, you're missing the fuck out. Because it's always hilarious to go down into those mines and look at what people are saying. It's so fun. But as I was saying before, people are waking up. And you know what? We should play Josh. Play that Mondani. Play his speech. I haven't watched it yet. Honestly, if you don't live in New York, who gives a fuck? Anyway, it sucks. It's kind of like New York at this point turns into this. Like, it's a petri. It's an experiment. Let's take a look at this guy. Play it. Zoran Manda Gomaduma morons and doomy morons on doomy.

[Zoran Mandavi]

Brave new course. Rather than fleeing from it, we can respond to oligarchy and authoritarianism with the strength it fears, not the appeasement it craves.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can you pause it for a second? I think he was in theater. Oh, because he's doing. He's doing like, if theater kid. Projecting to the back of the room, like, you know what I mean? That's theater. Like, he might be a theater kid. Another thing I Like, about him. Hit play.

[Zoran Mandavi]

After all, if anyone can show a nation betrayed by Donald Trump how to defeat him, it is the city that gave rise to him. And if there is any way to terrify a despot, it is by dismantling the very conditions that allowed him to accumulate power. This is not only how we stop Trump, it's how we stop the next one.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah.

[Zoran Mandavi]

So, Donald Trump. Since I know you're watching, I know this part.

[Duncan Trussell]

I have four words for you. Turn the volume up. Can you pause? What does that mean?

[Josh]

I don't know. I have no idea.

[Duncan Trussell]

Hold on, let's go back to the chat real quick. I'm sorry, guys. This is where I illuminate what a true dipshit I am. What does that mean? Stacy says listen. It means listen. Is it a jab? Because I was thinking it was a kind of clever jab, like an old man watching tv. That's how dumb I am. I thought he was an age thing. Like, turn up. Turn your miracle ear up, you old fuck. Oh. He's saying, listen to this shit. Okay, Go back and play the thing.

[Josh]

I think that was the end of it.

[Duncan Trussell]

That was it. Oh, no.

[Josh]

He says, more.

[Duncan Trussell]

Man. That's gotta feel good.

[Josh]

Think he'll run for president?

[Zoran Mandavi]

Of course we will hold bad landlords to account because the Donald Trumps of our city have grown far too comfortable taking advantage of their tenants.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can you pause that for a second? I think this is where I disagree with him because. And this is where I think, he's not a communist, because like I said before. Let's go into the chat, guys. If you love your landlord, if you love your landlord, type Satan in the chat because who doesn't love their fucking landlord? Like, I. It's like your best friend. They help you, they care about you. Adam, Dev loves his landlord. Who else? Just put Satan in the chat. Yeah, Mike.

[Josh]

I'm giving mine a Christmas present this year.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's so sweet. That's a good idea. They need. Because they need that people see you guys. I don't think you understand, like, it's not an easy job. You have to open the envelopes, you know, if you're doing it that way. And you know, I think a good landlord, that maybe he's taught. You know what I think he's talking about with bad landlord is the ones who don't even open the envelopes with the checks in it. You know what I mean? So you don't have that connection with your tenants. I open mine, my tenant's checks, I open Them, you know, I smell. Smell them. Get the smell of. And you could tell a lot by if they're breaking rules.

[Josh]

Oh, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

By the smell of the envelope. And, you know, if I smell a marijuana. Okay, go ahead and play it again.

[Josh]

Kind of has that Marco Rubio hair.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. I was trying to figure out what he reminds me of. Is it.

[Josh]

Real quick, is this a thing now where. Because I remember politicians not really having beards, and now they're like, J.D.

[Duncan Trussell]

Vance and him mustache. It's not.

[Josh]

Well, yeah, but he has the shadow.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, it's a thing now. It's a thing.

[Josh]

Does that mean we're going more into, like, harder times? Is that, like.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, it means they watch my podcast.

[Josh]

Oh, okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

They're imitating.

[Zoran Mandavi]

We will put an end to the culture of corruption that has allowed billionaires like Trump to evade taxation and exploit tax breaks.

[Duncan Trussell]

How.

[Zoran Mandavi]

We will stand alongside unions and expand labor protections. Because we know, just as Donald Trump does, that when working people have ironclad rights, the bosses who seek to extort them become very small indeed.

[Duncan Trussell]

Shit. Okay, that's enough press, New York. Damn. This is another reason that I get paid. Like, these are the things I love about the United States. Like, this happens, like, just out of the blue, some fiery fucking, like, leader dude just appears, and it's so cool. I mean, whether or not you agree with his stuff, like, this is a problem, man. I know. Everything I'm saying is. Which is so cliche, but it's like, people have lost the ability to, like, appreciate people. Like, it's like, okay, so you don't agree with socialism, whatever, but you gotta admit, that's. Wow. You can feel that. You feel it, right, Josh? You can feel that.

[Josh]

I like the way he talks in statements and yells. It makes me feel something inside.

[Duncan Trussell]

He's alive.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, that's like the zeitgeist, you know, like, he's representing. Like, I. It's like, it's. It's not okay. So, like, let's take, like, what Gavin Newsom's doing, right? He's going like, I'm just gonna do exactly what Trump does in reverse. So, like, he's the trolling stuff and all that stuff, right? And none of it. It's just not hitting. It's not hitting. But this dude, that's real. Like, whatever the fuck that is, is real. And that's what people want. And so, yeah, it's gonna legitimize a lot of things, because, like, when people are bitching about, like, woke, they're not really. They're what they're bitching about is this the sanctimony, the condescension. That's not, that's not what that is. That's just like, fuck this shit.

[Josh]

This is the start. The way Maga kind of pushed the right away, like, all right, we're gonna take over. And Maga took over.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, right?

[Josh]

This is the left side going, all right, you guys young doing it. Move over. It could be the new left.

[Duncan Trussell]

It could be. Yeah. And you know, once you start hitting those, the places he's hitting, it's like, yeah, that's like, who the fuck is going to disagree with any of that stuff? The problem is, is like you, it's all beautiful until you like walk into the lair of the beast. And then it just, you realize, you know, probably, I mean, this is where I'm, you know. One of the most mortifying moments of my life was like when went to see Pink Floyd with Joe, Ari, Tony, somehow we all ended up hanging out with Roger Waters in a hotel and he was just eating all of us alive. He's such a genius. And like, he was just. He seemed to like, really like being around comics, but he's also like a wizard and like crabby and. But he liked it. And so every single one of us, he was roasting. And when it was my turn, he's like, you're a defeatist, mate. Because I was just saying, like, I don't understand. I don't see the path forward in a utopian way. And it hurt. He's kind of right. So I'm. I don't think it was completely inaccurate. I don't want to be a defeatist, but I do like the vibe. I just, I don't. It's going to be sad to watch if it. I just hope it works.

[Josh]

Why do you call you a deaf fetus?

[Duncan Trussell]

What? Why do you call you a defeatist? I'd just been sucking on his feet. Oh. I want to thank my dear friends at Squarespace for supporting this episode of the dtfh. Look, I could go on and on about the incredible things you can do with Squarespace. And in fact, I will do that in the moment. But the proof is in the pudding. As the pudding maker man says. Go to duncantrustle.com It's a Squarespace website. I've had it for years. I love it. Easy to update, easy to change. And not only that, I use Squarespace from time to time to make mini websites and to buy domain names. It's a one stop shopping area. If you need to build a website, get a domain name or anything you might want to do online. It's like a hyperdimensional digital Swiss army knife. They've got everything you could possibly need. You want to help making your website? They have a collection of cutting edge design tools. Anybody can build a bespoke online presence that perfectly fits their brand or business. You start with Blueprint AI, Squarespace's AI enhanced website builder. I've used it, it's incredible. They also offer a complete library of professionally designed and award winning website templates with options for every use and category. So it's the kind of thing where if you are in a hurry and need to get something up fast, you can do that. I've definitely used it for that. But if you want to spend a little bit more time building your website, you're not going to be like shoehorned into some design. You can do anything with Squarespace. Also, you can fundraise directly on your website and grow your impact with built in donation tools. Create a professional on brand website that makes it easy to accept one time or recurring contributions and engage supporters. And Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. So whatever you want to do, you can do it with Squarespace. You could try it out for free. Go to squarespace.com dunkin use offer code Dunkin when you're ready to Launch to get 10% off your first order of a website or a domain. Again, it's squarespace.com Duncan Use offer code Dunkin when you're ready to Launch to get 10% off your first order of a website or a domain. Thanks Squarespace. Okay, let's see. Stacy Chan that's a good comment. Things need shook. He shook them. Yeah, I agree with that. Things need shook and yeah, it's cool. I think it's exciting and, and also like an indication. This gets me back to my original point. People are waking up. People are beginning to realize that number one, just because we've done things a certain way doesn't mean that we have to keep doing them that way. People have begun to realize that the stories we tell ourselves about the world are what creates the world. We wag the dog. People are starting to understand the fundamentals of all magical systems globally. Consciousness is going from the fool Tarot card to the magician Tarot card, which is quite exciting. We were all the fucking hobo on the hill, wearing fancy clothes with the stick and the dog went right off the cliff. Now we're going into the magician phase is probably what's happening. And that means that we're waking up. We're beginning to realize we don't have to live a chaotic life looking up at the sky. We can balance the elements. And that's when you become a magician. And so even before we get into some half wit discussion on capitalism, socialism, oligarchs and classism, let's talk about turkey. Let's talk about the fact that turkey not only is a scam food, it sucks that turkey sort of dilutes the reality that prior to people coming to North America, it was filled with people. It wasn't like North America was empty, as if you grew up. Especially when I was a kid, that's basically, it was just forests and you know, here and there some Indians, many of which were like, you know, they didn't say it in our history books, but you know, they were human, but not the way like Europeans were human. So Thanksgiving is sort of like, yeah, we've like, we worked it out with them, we became friends and they gave us, they gave us food and turkey. And that's what we eat now, turkey. And we give thanks. And so the whole stupid like fucking Halloween, man. You know what I mean? AKA gay Christmas. That's a good holiday. It's an occult holiday. It's witchy. It points to the changing of the seasons. It has its roots in a lot of great secret traditions. And you get to salt mine on Halloween if you feel like I've actually, I didn't do it this Halloween. But you get to find like the fundamentalist Christians rejection of Halloween, which is so funny. Halloween's a great holiday. Christmas, great fucking holiday, man. Another wonderful pagan holiday. It's like amanita mascaria hung on the trees. The ancient druids used to do it. You can go full wodenite during Christmas or if you want to lean into your Christianity, you can make it a Christian thing. Or if you want to go like obvious just found out about marketing and how we're all brainwashed idiots. You could just be like, what the fuck is this? It's just another way to get people to buy shit to like pump the economy up before the next year. You could pick any of these and mix it all together. Easter, oh my God. Like my favorite of all occult holidays, Ishtar. You know, the egg is the, the symbolism of the egg, I think of Hesse Demian to be born a bird Must first destroy a world. Which is one of my favorite fucking lines from Hermon Hessa. So cool. And then the Easter Bunny's hilarious. Like how trying to work that out with your kids, how it even works. So fun coming up with like. Do you just. Well, do you say shits eggs, you know, or do you hope they don't get into like the details, like where do the eggs come from? The painting of the eggs, the symbolism, the death, rebirth, beautiful fourth of July. You know, it's fun when you have kids, but I don't know. Fireworks are okay, but I don't know. Never. It's still better than you get fucking Thanksgiving. Just this like cat turd of a fucking holiday. Just. I mean, I call it family week or something. Any other name. Just also the term Thanksgiving. I hate it. Enforced thanks is not thanks at all. If you're gonna make me like have some kind of national thing where I feel thankful, I'm sorry, that's not gonna fucking work, man. Like, I'm like. Like I have to do like serious microdoses of mushrooms over a period of like weeks just to just like feel normal or feel gratitude to smell. It brings my smell back. But you're not gonna. I'm not. Just cause there's fucking turkey. I'm not gonna be suddenly more thankful. You know, I do thank people. I don't want to seem like I'm not thankful. I do. I think, I think, I like to think. But what do they call it?

[Josh]

Football Family turkey day.

[Duncan Trussell]

Whatever, Just take the turkey out, Call it football family day. Call it football day. Call it I don't care what, fucking just chill out day. Relax. How about relax day? Or I don't know.

[Josh]

Well, you know what helps you relax?

[Duncan Trussell]

Turkey.

[Josh]

Don't say it makes you fall asleep.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know what else helps you fucking relax? Indica. Great. Indica weed, melatonin, chamomile tea. I don't need bird flesh to help me relax. And if you're eating bird flesh to chill out, you gotta go to cvs. So people are waking up and I think the first step, and I'm sure that mon d' urvish over there would agree with me, we have to this year renounce turkeys. Don't do it.

[Josh]

Fried turkeys too.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, I'm fried turkeys. Why don't you just get drones to fly into people's backyards and spray them with acid instead of encouraging people to do that? Because every fucking year people see a TikTok with someone frying a turkey. It looks fun. And then they're permanently disfigured. The turkeys blow the fuck up. They burn their fucking faces. This is. Yeah, no, no fried turkey. I'm sure it's delicious, but everything fried is good. You could fry a cat turd. It's probably good.

[Josh]

It's too chewy in the middle.

[Duncan Trussell]

You don't know how to fry cat turds. Not like my grandmother did. That's what people say. And this is the sweet part. It's like you're connected to your family and so you've paired turkey with. You love your grandmother. Yes. That's all it is. You love your grandmother. Call it Love Our Grandmother Day, but your grandmother would slave over that turkey. You loved your grandmother. And now when you eat turkey, you remember your grandmother. This is the fucking big turkey. Hijacked our love of our grandmothers to sell shitty bird meat. And this is why we have to join Zoran Mandami in his push towards equity in the world by speaking truth to power, which I'm doing right now. I have no doubt that some contingent of the Internet will take this and warp it and turn it into something it's not. That's fine. You go ahead and fucking do that. Turkey sucks. And if you like turkey, you're a fascist. You know who loved turkey? Hitler. Hitler loved turkey. Loved turkey. Do you know what the original Mein Kampf started off with? The first page, gobble gobble turkey recipe. Ooh. Did you know that?

[Josh]

Is it good?

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[Josh]

The turkey recipe. Is it good?

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm not eating Nazi fucking turkey like you, Josh.

[Josh]

Oh, well, I wear Hugo Boss sometimes too.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well. I'm a Nazi. Yeah, it does. Oh. The main thing is this bottom line. If you like turkey, you're a fascist Nazi piece of shit. And you don't care about marginalized people. And you are a bootlicker simp. So no more turkey for you or for me. This year we're not going to do turkey.

[Josh]

You like ham? What Ham do you do like a big ham?

[Duncan Trussell]

No. Let me do that. This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by MrBeast Feastables. This Thanksgiving, why not enjoy a Mr. Beast Feastable Turkey style dinner without turkey. This is not your grandmother's turkey because it's ham. So it's not turkey at all. It comes from a pig, not a bird. Go to mrbeast.com you use offer code New Thanksgiving Patriot 29 and you'll get 15% off your first order of Mr. Beast's Thanksgiving Feastivals. Now let's dump. Dump. Let's dump into this thing now.

[Josh]

Man, I never thought about that. The Thanksgiving always depends on who you spend it with.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I mean this is the whole trick of all like evil people is they like the way you get manipulated is it's pairing. So anytime you see like a brand that is attached to a social movement, all they're doing is trying to like connect their brand to your feeling of I want to be part of the social movement. And it's one of the most evil things you could do. This is the neuro linguistic programming. People do this shit where they'll like get you to start talking about the best day of your life while doing some ambient something. And then when they do that ambient something, your poor stupid brain starts feeling good. And now they're like marionetting what makes you feel good and they start fucking controlling you. So this is, that's all that is. Like there's a few things that matter in the world. You know, it's your family, it's your health, things like that. It's unquantifiable things. You can't place value on it because there is no quantification of like the connection with your parents or your brothers or sisters or kids or friends or. You can't quantify that. If they could, they would have done it by now. They definitely would have done it by now. If there was a way to quantify that shit and you tax it, they would have figured out a way to tax it. They can't.

[Josh]

You can't quantify it, but you can make the taste buds believe that that's like, oh, this is love for my family.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, yeah, exactly, yeah. You're just, you don't know, you're just having fun. You're eating some shitty meat. It's not good. Turkey sucks. I mean, bottom line, turkey sucks.

[Josh]

Were you force fed turkey as a child?

[Duncan Trussell]

What?

[Josh]

Were you force fed turkey as a child?

[Duncan Trussell]

No.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I wasn't force fed. I mean not in the. Not like a foie gras. Yeah, duck. I wasn't like, they didn't put a baster in my mouth and stuff like that. But yeah, like my grandmother, if we didn't like eat all the turkey, she would like yakuza. Her finger only happened once. Yeah, it sucked. Using the turkey cutting knife. She would just, she's just in front of all of us because like the turkey was dry and she just like was crying and then just before anyone could do anything, just snap tip of her finger and then she was like holding it over her next finger. And looking at us. And everyone ate that fucking turkey. And then after that we ate the turkey. So no. Hayley Ann wants to know what about pheasant? Yeah, Haley Ann, that's going to be a one minute ban. That's a self ban. One minute that you would ask me, you know my thoughts on pheasant. So, yeah, I'm not going to. No trolling, guys. No trolling. Don't ever bring up pheasant in the chat.

[Josh]

So it was like turducken, the trinity of evil.

[Duncan Trussell]

Turducken is the trinity of evil. Is gonna be turducken. The term surf and turf in turkey, there is no less appetizing term than surf and turf. It's disgusting. It's like it means you're gonna get steak and shrimp or something. But turf, it's gross. It feels like you found a meatball on a golf course. Like it's disgusting. Surf and turf is awful. Okay, now let's get into the core of this episode of the dtfh. One second here. Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to read this because it's. I'm trying to get a little more organized here. So. Because I don't have it. Just imagine like some creepy music playing. It is screams giving on the dtfh. And today we are going to be talking about three horrific things that happened on Thanksgiving. A terrible event at a family, a horrible carnival accident, and I can't remember the third one, but it's fucked up. I've gathered these from across the interwebs. My apologies in advance if anybody is associated with any of these incidents that could be listening to my podcast. I am sorry if it seems like I am using your tragedy for entertainment, which I am. But I'm doing it for entertainment. The Tilt A Whirl Incident. On Thanksgiving night 1997, a teenage ride operator in a tiny Indiana town hit start on the Tilt A whirl for one last spin. Ten minutes later, the carnival was silent. No laughter, no music, just sirens. What investigators found in that parking lot ended the fair forever. And exposed a secret that had been turning long before that Tilt A Whirl ever broke. Fairview, Indiana. 4,000 people, one traffic light. Just your typical town. Walmart doubled as a social hub. Kids go there and hang out every Thanksgiving weekend. The lot behind it transformed into the Turkey Jubilee Carnival. Just some rides, fried food. Comforting illusion that nothing bad could ever happen here. I'm sure we've all been to the county fair. I used to love it as a kid. I can remember going with my brother and getting back home and we both were like fighting over the toilet to throw up because we had eaten carnival hot dogs and gone on carnival rides and we were not only food poisoned, but sick, had motion sickness and we puked all over each other. I'll never forget it. We were like in the bathroom. And you know how it is with puking and yawning are actually quite similar. If you yawn in front of a person, that person will yawn. If you puke in front of a person, there's a contagious element to it. And the reason is theoretically because if you were living in a tribe or, you know, living in ancient times and like you ate poison, the odds are other people had eaten that too. And so thus we can trigger puke in other people by puking ourselves. You know, this is like, this is one of. This had to be like outlawed in soccer games because it used to be that soccer players would intentionally vomit in front of the goalie, making him vomit in like, then someone would shoot and win. You can't do that anymore. They used to do that. If you look at the old games from the 70s, 17 year old Caleb Mercer ran the Tilt a Whirl. He was quiet, responsible, the kind of kid everybody said would go somewhere. His girlfriend, Jess Bennett, worked the snow cone stand. And they were the couple people rooted for until Denise Dorsey showed up. Denise was the carnival owner's wife, 20 years older, sharp tongue, always smelling faintly of perfume and diesel dust. She ran the ticket booth, but spent more and more time helping Caleb with maintenance. Pretty soon, you know, it's a small town, people know everybody and what's going on. And they did start noticing that Caleb seemed to be spending a lot of time with Denise. People would see them out at the diner talking. Apparently somebody saw her like, you know, giving him a massage at the carnival. And apparently somebody reported that they both went into the haunted house together. And when they came out the other side, the description that I found online was it looked like somebody had sprayed mayonnaise all over her lips. I want to thank True Classic for supporting this episode of the dtfh, but even more importantly, for making a perfect T shirt. I'm a T shirt man. I'm a T shirt snob. You put that on my tombstone. I don't want a garbage T shirt on my body. And yeah, look, I know maybe like that I shouldn't be so concerned with the feel of a T shirt. I shouldn't be looking to feel the embrace of, of my family, my mom, and the way my Shirt feels against my very sensitive skin. But I am. And True Classic tease. It feels like a hug from my mom. I love it. I love it. I have so many of these now. I mean, I think that says it all. Friends. I think I probably have over 15 black true classic T shirts. And I have to be careful because I'll just. That's all I'll wear. That's my go to thing to put on. And if I keep doing that, it's like, who do I think I am? Think I'm running like a tech startup. I can't do that. I got to mix it up here and there. But in a perfect world, I wouldn't. I would just only wear these shirts. And I mean, it looks. What better gift for your friend who is a T shirt snob than a True Classic tee? What better gift? Like, if you've identified somebody who gives a shit about how their T shirts feel on their body. These are perfectly soft. I don't even want to know what they do to make these. I don't care. I don't care what they do. I don't care if they have a slaughterhouse where they've got unicorns that they skin alive. I'd still wear it. Skip the guesswork at the overpriced designer stuff. Give comfort, give confidence. Give True Classic to those you love. You can find them at Amazon, Target, Costco, and Sam's Club or head to trueclassic.com duncan to grab the perfect gift for everyone on your list. Thank you. True Classic. Caleb swore it was innocent. Jess didn't believe him. Related to the mayonnaise incident, Caleb told Jess that she had been showing him one of the new ways they were going to scare people, which was by spraying ketchup like blood. They ended up not doing that. But she grabbed the wrong bottle. It was like mayonnaise. And sprayed it on her own face. And so that's what that was. But Jess didn't believe him. The morning of Thanksgiving, a worker overheard them arguing behind the funnel cake trailer. Jess was crying. Caleb kept saying, it's not what you think. It's not what you think. I'm telling you, you can go in the funhouse yourself. And you could see there's a hidden room that's got mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard in it. I don't know why she didn't just have ketchup. She's an idiot. By 8:45pm okay, this, this. So cut to Thanksgiving night. By 8:45pM the fairground was almost empty. Cold wind, lights Flickering paper cups rolling across the asphalt fault. Jess and her best friend, Amber Lane, showed up one last time, laughing, sharing a slice of pumpkin pie in a plastic container. They asked Caleb for one final ride. He hesitated. The tilta world had been making a deep metallic groan for days. He told Harlan Dorsey, Denise's husband and the carnival boss. Mac just grinned and said, add more grease, kid. So you know anybody who's been in high school, your girlfriend shows up with her girlfriend, you've got a little bit of power, which is you can maybe run a carnival ride when it's closed. It's kind of a flex. And so he wanted to show off. Now this is where it gets a little, like, makes you wonder about him a little bit because apparently he like, said, I will let, I will do the ride for you guys, but you have to make out in front of me. So, you know, they did. They made out in front of him and he's like, all right, we could do the ride. Kind of a creep, kind of girl's gone wild. Shit. There. He strapped them into car three, double checked the latch and pulled the lever. The music started, the ride spun. At first, everything looked fine. Then car three began to rattle hard. This is fucked up. I would not advise looking at the crime scene pictures from this. I did. I'm not going to describe them. Caleb hit the brake. Nothing. He hit it again, still spinning. Max shouted something from across the lot. Before Caleb could hear it, there was a sharp hollow snap. The tilt, a whirl, jolted sideways and screamed to a stop. When the dust cleared, emergency crews were already on their way. What they found would shut down the Turkey Jubilee forever. Inspectors later determined that the main axle of the tilt, a whirl, had cracked years earlier. Instead of replacing it, Mac had patched it with improvised materials he had lying around an off the books repair meant to save a few hundred dollars. And especially, like, you know, when this happened. Like, I'm sure there's more regulations now for carnivals, but when this fucking happened, it was like every time a carnival showed up, somebody would get fucked up. And you know, carnies are just like meth heads. A lot of them. Yeah, yeah. So Caleb was cleared of wrongdoing, but he never forgave himself. He left Fairview the next spring, changed his name and disappeared. Now listen to this. Let me see if I can find the description of this. One second. The Fairview police arrive within minutes. Paramedics, inspectors, everyone. Where's the part the description is so fucked up? If I can find it. Basically, they were turned into gravy is what is the description of what was left of his girlfriend and her friend? Like, something about the ride went so fast, it completely liquefied their internal organs, liquefied their bones. Like, they're apparently. Like, it looked. The description is it looked like someone deflated blow up dolls that had been filled with blood. Like, it was just. They were like completely deflated.

[Josh]

And like that weed commercial where she's like, this is all she does now, and she's laying on the couch that.

[Duncan Trussell]

I didn't even add that to my notes here. But that weed commercial was inspired by this incident.

[Josh]

Oh, shit.

[Duncan Trussell]

Isn't that crazy? You can find inspiration anywhere, guys. That's alchemy. Like, you could take the pulpified, just smashed bodies of two teen girls destroyed in a tilt a whirl and turn that into an incredibly inspirational anti marijuana commercial. So it's always out there. Never think that. You know, a lot of people, they talk about the muse or they don't feel inspired. Look, there's inspiration everywhere. Anything can be made into art, okay? Caleb was cleared of wrongdoing, but never forgave himself. He left Fairview the next spring, changed his name and disappeared. Mac was charged with criminal negligence and served less than two years. When he got out, he vanished too. Denise sold the remaining carnival equipment at auction and left town with a man who, according to county records, shared Caleb's new last name. Hmm. Fucking weird. People in Fairview didn't miss the carnival, but they never stopped talking about it. About the rumors, the affair, and the idea that maybe that night wasn't just an accident. So that's where it gets really fucking weird. Like, was this intentional because he wanted to, like, literally cream his girlfriend? It just seems like, why not just break up with her? You don't have to, like, do a whole carnival accident to kill your girlfriend. So that's story number one.

[Josh]

Oh, they sell turkey legs there too. That's where you find turkey. What? Carnivals. Carnivals sell turkey legs.

[Duncan Trussell]

Exactly.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, carnivals sell them. Fucking Disney sells it. It's so gross. Gross. It's gross. It's bad for you, too. They say it causes Alzheimer's. Story two. Okay, this happened in Marquette, Michigan, in 2008. Thanksgiving morning. The Klein family was behind schedule. Their oldest son, Nathan, was supposed to pick up the turkey from his boss, Randy Tull, who owned a butcher shop downtown. Nathan drove over just after sunrise. The lights were on. The front door was unlocked, but the counter was empty and the back room was freezing cold. Literally in the walk in Freezer, he found a single latex glove frozen to the floor. Police assumed Randy had suffered an accident while working alone, but nothing inside the machines matched that theory. The grinders were spotless, bleached, like they'd just been cleaned. The smell of bleach in the air. A week later, hunters found a steel drum burned out in the woods. Inside were fragments of bone and plastic wrap. DNA testing confirmed it was Randy. The mix of organic and synthetic materials led investigators to a disturbing conclusion. Someone had disposed of him by grinding and packaging his remains using the same equipment he used on livestock. Police traced it back to Dean Klein, Nathan's father, a former employer Andy had fired for stealing meat. When confronted, Dean didn't deny it. He said, everybody wanted a piece of them. I just made sure they got one so messed up. He said that in the interrogation, of the 20 turkeys Randy had prepared that morning, 12 were never recovered. 12 meaning, like, theoretically, some, like, people fucking ate this dude. Another reason to not eat turkey, and especially not eat processed turkey, canned turkey, because this is. You'll never hear about this, but it's like, you know, a lot of people working in some of these meat processing facilities, they are not. They're immigrants. They come over here to work. They go back, and they don't have the same protections people have. And these people fall. I don't know if this is true or not, but supposedly it's in some rotten meat processing facilities. If they know that they have to pay somebody, like someone's worked a bunch of overtime, an accident will happen, they'll just push them in the grinder, you know, because when they clean. I don't know if you guys knew this or not. When they clean meat processing facilities, the workers have to do it in the new. Did you know that?

[Josh]

Yeah. So they don't steal.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, no. Just because something about the machines is very like. It's the. They're sharpened blades, basically. And so if you go in there with work clothes on, you can dent or get your belt stuck on the blades. So you have to take your clothes off, cover yourself in a gel so that you don't get cut from the blades, and then you go in there and just clean it. And supposedly sometimes workers go down in there completely naked, and they just pop on the machine, grind them up, put them in the dog food. So this is another reason not to eat turkey or dog food, and there's barely a difference. All right, here's the third and final story. Thanksgiving story. I've got 17 of these, actually, but these are my Favorite ones. I really went down a dark rabbit hole here. Story three. This happened in Humboldt County, California, 2014. What's up to my weed trimmers? The Rasmussens. At a Thanksgiving tradition they called the Family game. Everyone would write a secret about another family member, drop it into a bowl, and they take turns guessing who it was about. Now that's a fucked up game. Have you ever played the family a game with your family? Do you play games?

[Josh]

Yeah, we played this game called Chalupa and it was a thing like where you. It was like kind of like bingo and you put it with bing beans on the, on the thing and it'd be like La Sirena. And then it was the, the mermaid and they just pick cards like that. It was a Mexican thing.

[Duncan Trussell]

What? What?

[Josh]

It's called Chalupa.

[Duncan Trussell]

But what do you mean the mermaid?

[Josh]

They had different cards and one was called La Sirena and it's a mermaid.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, I see.

[Josh]

If you have it, you put the bean on top of the mermaid.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. Fun. So you've played family games?

[Josh]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, I used to play Monopoly with my brother and my dad. That was horrible. That would devolve into just like, almost like fratricide or patricide or all like. It was. We would start off like just having fun and by the end of it, you've turned into a demon. Now here's a little trivia fact that you might not know about Monopoly. Monopoly is actually. It's satirizing capitalism. Did you know that? No, a lot of people don't know that. It's like Monopoly is supposed to be an anti capitalist game to show you how fucked up it is, the system. And if you've ever gotten in a long game of Monopoly. Have you ever played Monopoly or you get mean by the end where people get heated.

[Josh]

I made my kids cry. It was fun, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

Exactly. It does have this dark like, you know, you fuck with a Ouija board and things get creepy. You play Monopoly, by the end of it, you have turned into a fucking piece of shit oligarch. If you're winning, you're making garbage deals with people. You're laughing how desperate they are. It's so fun.

[Josh]

And you get to make up the rules. If you're winning, you start to get to make up rules.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. We would hide money. That was another way. Like we. I don't even know if we were playing by the real rules. But you would like take money and put it away so people would think you were more broke than you Were and get false hope tax shelters, you know, like, it was awful. And then at the end of the game we had, we called it the dollar of shame. And you would write on the dollar anything you wanted. So if my dad won, he would write like, I am the greatest father and most intelligent man that ever lived. And we would have to sign it like it was true. And so it's just filled with like these. It's such. It was so filled up too, with just passive aggressive shit. Anyway, this game just sounds fucked up. The secret game. Like, dude, would you do that with your family?

[Josh]

The secret game.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, in this game you sit around with your family and you write down secrets about other people in your family and put it in the bowl if I'm drunk. You would do that with your family drunk? Yeah, but dude, I don't like it. It just seems like depending on your family it's. It could lead to like divorce. Yeah, all kinds of fucked up things. Anyway, let's keep going here. To me, that's the most horrifying part of the story. It started as a joke, but that year someone slipped in a note that read, I know who killed Uncle Carl. Five years earlier, Carl had supposedly died in a car crash. After leaving that same dinner, his car went off a cliff near Arcata. Case closed. Or so they thought. When the note came out, laughter stopped. Carl's sister Rita accused her brother Paul of plan. Paul swore it wasn't him. He even joked, why don't we just ask Carl? And Rita said quietly, you know we can't. You buried him. The room froze. Police later confirmed that Carl had died during an argument that night. Years before an accident covered up by the family. They'd staged the crash. Several relatives confessed, each claiming they thought someone else was going to call the police. The strange part, the note was typed. No fingerprints, no traceable ink. No one in the family ever admitted writing it. That's so weird. Some think a guilty conscience finally cracked. Others think that someone outside the family knew the truth all along. Three stories, three Thanksgivings and three reminders that sometimes the danger isn't out there in the world. It's right beside the people you trust the most. So this year, when you sit down to dinner, give thanks not just for the people at the table, but for the secrets that haven't made the front page about you. And then imagine music fading out. Wow. Thanks for all the likes, you guys. That's fucking great. Let's pause for a moment and do super chats. Any super chats in there? Damn. Y' All. Thank you so much. Still no NASA gym tapes. Omega phase. Don't know what you're talking about there, but thank you so much for the donation. MF Damien joined a bit late. Sorry if the topic has moved on a while back. At this point, I for one, am very curious to see how the Zoron Marmaduke experiment plays out. Me too. I hope it works. That's. Maybe it'll work this time. I don't know. Maybe it'll fucking work. I don't see how, not in a million years, how that. How it works at all. And also, I saw something that, like, the mayor doesn't have even the power to do most of what he wants to do. Did you read that?

[Josh]

No.

[Duncan Trussell]

Unless he takes the power from who?

[Josh]

I don't know.

[Duncan Trussell]

He has to become the governor. I think if he became the governor, he could do it, but. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I don't know how he's going to do it. Just usually what happens is if, like you say, okay, we're gonna start taxing people who make a million dollars a year, an insane amount, that's poor in New York. Yeah, weirdly, it is, which is why he got elected. Cause that should not be poor anywhere. But usually what happens is whatever the number is of the person you're gonna tax the most, they leave. Why would you stay? They love it so much, but usually they could just move somewhere else and conduct business outside the city. And then so now you have population decline. And the other thing that happens, because the utopian vision any hippie has had is like, man, do we really need so many police? Or are you really going to send a kid to jail for, like, stealing gum or whatever the fantasy is? And so then suddenly you remove those penalties, and then crime explodes, and then you've alienated the police, and more people move out because it stops feeling safe. You don't have a actionable way to deal with homelessness, so you've got people with mental illness who need to be hospitalized on the streets or drug addicts. And then more people leave. And so this is why you've got look up population decline. San Francisco. It's fucking nuts. Austin, too, is losing population. Significant population decrease starting in 2020, with a net loss of about 109,000 people in the Bay Area between 2020 and 2025. The primary driver of this decline has been domestic out migration, meaning more people are leaving the city for other areas. Signs of recovery. Despite the recent decline, San Francisco started to see population growth in 2021 and 2020 23. Although it remains below the 2020 high contributing factors, high housing costs remain a persistent challenge, blah, blah, blah. So yeah, that's generally the pattern that happens is like if you're. This just happened in Austin. There was a proposition where they wanted to increase tax. You know that prop queue. It didn't pass. Oh, it didn't? I don't think so. No, I thought it did. No. Unless I'm completely mistaken. Look it up. Thank you Amantara, formerly known as Minnesota Gneiss for supporting this episode of the dtfh. Amantara. They are giving the world the gift of Amanita Muscaria. Oh my God. Truly incredible. Like, my mind was blown when I finally got around to sampling Amantara's incredible Amanita Muscariot. Whoa. Really amazing substance. Amanita muscaria isn't just any mushroom. It's a natural, non addictive replacement for alcohol and sleeping meds, offering effective relaxation, deep sleep and potential health benefits without the hangover or dependency traps. Get this. Despite what you've heard, Amanita muscaria isn't toxic or poisonous at all. That's a gross misrepresentation that's kept its magic hidden for too long. It's actually very safe when used properly and I, Duncan Trussell, really, really enjoy it. That's in the copy. But it's true. I guess They've listened to past reads. I've had amazing experiences that have opened doors to profound calm, vivid dreams and even some cool insights. Their Amanita Muscaria capsules pack 500 milligrams of raw powder each. You start with 2 to 3 capsules, 11 to 1.5 grams for effects that hit in about an hour and last six to eight hours. But Amanita's uses go way beyond quitting benzos and alcohol. It helps regular folks with daily anxiety, acts as a nootropic for mental tasks or workouts, serves as an alcohol replacement at parties, delivers insightful experiences in larger doses and supercharges dreams for that rocket boost to your subconscious. You could sure you could wait for NASA to release the images of Comet Atlas or you could just astral project there. Amantara, Minnesota. Nice Ethnobotanicals invites you to dive into the world of natural magic. Head to amantara.com go duncan and use code duncan22 for 22% off your first order. I highly recommend starting with the Amanita Muscaria capsules. And don't forget to add three to Four Blue Lotus gummies For that extra dreamy boost, most people start there and keep coming back for more. That's www.amentara.com Goduncan code Duncan22. Check out the informational content on the site for safe use tips and let the law of revelation guide you. Much love.

[Josh]

No fails.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, 20% property tax increase. So. And you know, if, like, it's easy to think, like, well, I don't own a house. Who gives a fuck? But it's like, well, yeah, you don't own a house, but whoever owns whatever you're renting is going to increase your rent. And this was weirdly a bipartisan thing. It wasn't like a left right thing. People on both sides are so sick of what apparently is like mismanagement of funds in Austin. And this was going to. This 20% tax increase was not even like. It was kind of like vague what they were going to do with it. And so it got shut down because you have to actually, if you're gonna have a shit ton of taxes that needs to show up around people. And when there's a lot of taxing happening, but nothing has improved. The streets are still fucked up. You don't feel safe. Like things are catching on fire because of encampments and shit. Then people start bailing. You can't force people to stay. And then when people leave, you have less people to tax. The housing market gets fucked up. Then this leads to a potential sort of death spiral. You know, that's where if you're going to, like, try to correct classism, but you only have limited power to do it in a short time period. How the fuck do you do it? You can't make people stay in New York. And you're not gonna, like, keep people from like, putting their money overseas and shit. Isn't that's what a lot of people do, is they. There's all these tricks. You could just shell companies. Shell companies in the Maldives or whatever. People do that. Like, they get away with it. There's like whole, like, if you look up the number of. Isn't it. The Maldives is where they do it.

[Josh]

I always thought it was Switzerland.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's all. It's everywhere. Where do rich people hide their money? Glad that's not my fucking offshore accounts and trusts and tax havens for privacy and tax reduction. Or a private vault.

[Josh]

Oh, yeah, people can put it.

[Duncan Trussell]

That's it. The Cayman Islands. Not the Maldives. Not the Maldives. Wealthy individuals open accounts in countries with low or no taxes, such as the Cayman Islands, Luxembourg, Bermuda, Panama and Switzerland. To reduce tax liability, they use legal structures like corporations or trusts to hold their wealth and shielding their name from ownership and making difficult to trace their assets. This separation is also used for vaults, making it harder for lawsuits or divorce proceedings to access assets. Private banking. They use private banking services. So yeah, like once you get to. It's kind of like when you get to the place where you could do private planes. No one's checking your bags for drugs. You just throw your bag on the fucking plane. You could throw. Your bag could be filled, just filled with cocaine. Just toss it in the fucking plane. You land, throw it. Your car is sitting in front of the plane. So it's like, it's weird because on one side of the socioeconomic spectrum, if you're super rich, you don't follow the same rules. You don't have to pay. There's ways out of paying taxes, there's ways out of like. And then if you are. If you're like dead broke and they can't take anything from you, you also don't pay taxes.

[Josh]

So it's to drain the middle class, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

It's like. But if you land somewhere in the middle, suddenly you have to like you're the one who has to bear the burden of everything. It's so fucking weird that way. And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing can be done. It's an unsolvable problem. Oh, thank you, Ken. Puke triggering is E tier salt mining. S tier salt mining. Thank you. If there's a time at the end of class, can we pull up the Big Milk video? Oh, you wanted me to show that last time. Yeah, sure.

[Josh]

There it is.

[Duncan Trussell]

Because if it's AI, they call it slap. Oh yeah, play it. We'll go out on this. Wait, is this. Wait, hold on. Am I gonna get a dinged? I guess we can just cut it out of the podcast. Yeah, go ahead and play it.

[Josh]

Okay.

[Duncan Trussell]

Three facts greenback three backs. Three back, three back. Reform of trouble. I am new and to a frog. What a dog. Hey, this is Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of a.m. p. M. Right now and well, you're sweet and all, but I found something more fulfilling, even kind of cheesy. But I like it. Sure you met some of my dietary needs, but they've just got it all, so farewell. Oatmeal. So long, you strange soggy. Break up with bland breakfast and taste AMPM's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit baked with cage free eggs, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. AM pm. Too much Good stuff. Extra value meals are back for just $5. Get a savory and sweet sausage, egg and cheese McGriddles plus hash browns. And at McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delivery.

[Josh]

That's pretty good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Bravo. Bravo. That's freaking cool, man. I like it a lot.

[Josh]

That's the new Chick Fil A commercial.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. So, you know, I don't know. You like. It's interesting, right? Because you have to think, whenever we see movies that have animals in them, they always have at the end, no animals or harm making this. And one thing for fucking sure that AI generated video is going to do is really protect a lot of animals from having to be fucked up in movies. Because definitely it's still not cool getting a chimpanzee on set or whatever, which I did once. Still feel bad about it.

[Josh]

And babies, babies can now look, work long hours because they're not real.

[Duncan Trussell]

Exactly. It's like, yeah, exactly. Child labor, all that stuff. There's a lot of good that's gonna come from it, for sure. And then also it's like, what are you gonna do? Like, if you really wanted to make that without AI, what are you gonna fucking do, man? How are you going to do that? You going to get cows and throw them in a fan? You know how hard that's going to be? You're going to have to have a catapult to launch a cow into a fan. Think of the energy that would take, you know, so we have to like just distinguish. But first of all, you can't just call it slope because it's AI. Yeah. Everything I just showed you was slop. Verifiably garbage. Just shit. Like just a dumb idea that cost like I put no thought into. But I'm just bored. I'm like, ah. I want to see what people look like fighting on cheese, essentially. Don't even know why, just interested. That is slop. But I don't know if you can call this video that we just saw slop. You might not like the music, but that's not really slop. So maybe we have to find like a new, I don't know, a new word for whatever this shit is. That's what was cool about talking to the SORA people is they really want people, they want this to. They want people who don't have access to Hollywood style cameras and a crew and they want someone to. They want them to be able to make Something cool. Is that bad? I mean, I don't know. Also, probably there is some capitalist stuff in there too. They do recognize the first moment. Like some high schooler makes the next. Like Stanley Kubrick movie with Sora and Veo. It's like, yeah, the AI bubble will not pop a little bit longer. I mean, that's where I've been kind of shocked by the people who are attacking me about it is I feel like they haven't thought it all the way through because it seems like in some ways, I align with them in worldview. Like, in the sense I see this as more of, like, an equalizer. Yeah, it's disruptive, it's fucked up. But it seems like a kind of amazing equalizer. And that the power of media to satirize is like, you can really use the. To use the language. Some of you, you use, which I don't necessarily care for, but you could use the sort of the. You could use the swinging watch of the oppressor's hypnotic fucking pendulum, you know, which is all the forms of media that we've all just gotten used to and think is normal. And you could duplicate it almost identically. And people are so used to thinking, that's real. I believe that you could use it. You know, Come on. Gotta be a little bit more. Think outside the box a little bit more. Just a sort of monolithic denouncement of AI generated content. Seems a little shortsighted. Let's see. Tanner's making a very important point here. Slop is for pigs. How symbolic is the boars domesticate into fat, little cute hogs? It is fun to say big swinging hog. I don't know why Michael Dobos wants to know, when will you do the AI porn? No, fuck that. Because, like, I mean, I'm still. I'm from a different time. I don't know where you kids are at with porn right now, but I'm still kind of like, yeah, I'm embarrassed that I look at porn. I can't get that out of me. It feels gross and weird. So, dude, I mean, yeah, it would be fun. Also, I feel gross talking to Chad GPT. Like, all of a sudden. Making it do, like, erotic conversations with me would just seem, like, really not cool. Not cool at all. I've been getting it to tell me, like, I've been giving it medical symptoms. I've been letting my kids talk to it. I can't suddenly be like, act like you're Sydney Sweeney with a big old hog. Wouldn't feel right. Also, I Don't want, like, all my kink fantasies going up through the fucking OpenAI servers. Give me a break. That's a real problem they're gonna contend with. Like, I get them wanting to monetize and get more people interested in it, but, dude, nobody in their right fucking mind. It's gonna, like, feed, chat, GPT, all their kink shit. Nobody. You'd be out of your mind to do that. That's crazy.

[Josh]

Wasn't there guys making only fans models out of AI?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Josh]

And so they're putting in maybe not their own personal stuff, but what other people want. They go to see who's searching what.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I know. And I think there's a sort of. That's another place where you have to ask, like, what's more ethical? Like porn, human porn, or AI generated porn?

[Josh]

It's virtual pimping, right?

[Duncan Trussell]

And no one gets hurt. Like, it's like. It's. You know what I mean? Like, there isn't. You have to. There's all these, like, weird things that we're all gonna have to deal with.

[Josh]

I'm sure. The consumers get hurt. It shrinks their brain.

[Duncan Trussell]

Porn shrinks your brain? Seems like that could be useful.

[Josh]

How? Oh, useful to, like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, like, you know, somebody. Okay. Somebody has, like, a brain injury, right? Their brain starts swelling.

[Josh]

Oh. Instead of removing a piece of the skull, you just show.

[Duncan Trussell]

Get them to jerk off to porn. Has anyone thought of that? If really shrinks your brain, it seems like it could really help. I wonder if neurologists have considered this. Any neurologists in the chat. That's what you do. If somebody comes in with a head injury and they're having brain swelling, you'd feel like, dude, get. What kind of porn do they like? Like a theater where you wheel them in and they just jerk off for a few hours and then shrink their brain down.

[Josh]

Mike says whistling grows your brain.

[Duncan Trussell]

Fuck you, Mike Mulgrew. Whistling grows your brain. Okay, I'm not. I'm not. I can whistle. It's easy to whistle. I know how to whistle. I could show you YouTube videos I've seen on how to whistle. It's easy to whistle. I can whistle, so I could easily do that. And the moment that I do that, I am sending a message to the world, which is succumb to pressure and. Yeah, yeah, it would be easier for me to whistle. Trust me, it would be easier for me to whistle. And a lot of people in very high places of power would love for me to bow down and whistle. Be a whistling man. But I do whistle. In fact, as soon as this camera starts rolling, I'm gonna be whistling. You've heard me whistle, right?

[Josh]

Josh, you were whistling when you came in here.

[Duncan Trussell]

There you go. So, yeah, you whistle. How about that? You whistle. Talk about bad comebacks. You whistle, you fuck. You whistle. You fuck. You whistle. All right, I gotta get out of here, you guys. I love you. Thank you for letting me do this. Hey, if you didn't watch the Oz Perlman episode, you should watch it. You blew my fucking mind. There's a clip of it on Instagram, but you need to see the whole thing. Holy shit, that guy is cool. And also, check out his book. It's not bad. He sent me a copy. It's good. So I got to get out of here. I'm headed to Illinois this weekend. I think it's Illinois. Where am I headed this weekend, Josh? St. Louis, not Illinois. What the fuck's wrong with me? I'm going to be in St. Louis November 6th, 7th and 8th at Helium. I don't know if I've ever done that. Then after that, I'm going to be at the Legion of Skanks Festival. And then after that, I'm going to be in Tampa, Florida. It's side splitters. And that will be the end of this part of the tour. So come see me if you're in any of those places. I gotta go. I love you. Like, subscribe. I'll see you next week. God bless you, Hare Krishna. Extra value meals are back. That means 10 tender juicy McNuggets and medium fries and a drink are just $8 only at McDonald's for a limited time only. Prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska and California. And for delivery.