B (4:55)

I thought it was Jesus.

A (4:56)

Jesus didn't invent a calendar. Oh, what do you know? Pope Gregory in 1582. How did he know it was 1582 named after him. But the core scientific work was developed by Italian physician Aloyus Lilius Luigi. Lilio. Hey, I got an idea. Jesuit mathematician Christopher Clavius, who refined the system to correct errors in the older Julian calendar. Pope Gregory XIII issued the popple bull into Graphismus to implement this reform. Removing from October. You could just do that when you're a Pope. You're like it. We're cutting 10 days out of October because I want to. And you peons will accept it. The Julian calendar inspired by introduced by Julius Caesar. There you go. You don't get to say what year it is if you're not a Pope or Caesar. That's the problem. We can't vote on what year it is. It's not democratic. You can't decide. No, you gotta take what year it is and deal with it. It's 2026. Welcome to TIME. We're chaining you to Time. We're gonna crucify your infinite soul on the crucifix of time. Make you suffer for it, but Happy New Year's Eve. Eve. We can still celebrate whatever the this is. It really is lame. He named the calendar after himself, though. I mean, come on. You could have come up with a different name. You didn't have to, like, give yourself eternal credit for time. It's a very human thing to do. Well, I have a very special announcement. Two days ago, a new trussell entered the world. You might have felt it. I don't know. I've heard that there were reverberations throughout the entire planet. Celebrations and distant temples, hidden monasteries. I know many people reported on a star. An unexpected star appeared over Austin. And I have been getting visited by a great many people bringing gifts. It's for the baby people from all over the world and within the world, and I appreciate that. I just want to say to all of the Rinpoches, lamas, saints, gurus, and holy people have been showing up at my house with a variety of gifts. We're filled up. We don't need any more gifts. And in fact, we would like to get some rest because it's become like some of them come very late at night, and they're all very sweet. Some of them can levitate. But thank you for welcoming our child into the world. But, you know, we need some sleep. And if I look tired, you know, a new baby, just. New baby just came into our house. And that is what I wanted to talk about. So this was. I. This is the fourth trussel, fourth child. And we've done hospital births for the first three. First three, we did the hospital. We did the square thing. And, you know, my wife, she always kind of wanted to do a home birth. And initially, I'm like, are you crazy? Why would we ever do that? We live in modern times. Let's enjoy modern medicine. Why are we going to risk you bleeding out in the house when we could be in a hospital? They can give you drugs. It's safer. But, you know, for those of you who are breeders out there who have given birth in a hospital, you know how fucked up it is. Like, it is fucked up, Josh. All hospital births. Yeah.

B (8:54)

My baby's heads were too big, so she couldn't pass them naturally. All C section.

A (8:59)

Yeah. And, you know, before I go on, let me just say this. When I say we did a hospital birth. We did a hospital birth following millions of doctor visits to make sure it was safe. Like, we weren't going to do it if there was. Or a home birth. We wouldn't have done the home birth if there Was any sign of anything that might require being in the hospital, but everything came out great. So our midwife was like, yeah, you know, I think home birth is fine. And so holy. This was the craziest of all births. This is crazy. You know, the midwife came over, they. In the afternoon, Aaron's. You know, I. I guess I should just also preface this preface by saying, and you know, this is going to be controversial. This might be taken the wrong way, but you guys can look up the research yourself. There's probably 50 studies showing that one second of a man's existence, we experience in one second the same amount of pain a woman experiences in a lifetime. You've seen those studies, right, Josh? Yeah, and I'm not trying to offend anybody. And maybe these studies are wrong. They were all done at, like, Ivy League universities, well funded, and they do all point to the direction that men experience what women would consider to be excruciating pain, just as, like, baseline. So. Which I think, you know, part of being a man is not screaming all the time because of the pain. But Aaron was ready to get the baby out of her. And I get that you've got a baby inside of you. You're swelling up like a balloon. You want it out. So there's different ways you could do that. If you go to a hospital, they'll give you something called epidural. No, not an epidural that helps the pain. It's called.

B (11:11)

Oxytocin.

A (11:12)

No, it is oxytocin, but there's a different name for it. Basically, they give you this big injection of oxytocin. It, like, causes. It just creates very powerful contractions, which, as far as I can tell, are. Have got to be the most incredibly painful things. Like, you know, when you get like a. It sucks because, like, as a guy, we really have nothing to compare to it at all. So we have to use our own weak examples. And, you know, like when you get.

B (11:39)

A Charlie Horse kidney stones, I've heard.

A (11:42)

It'S kind of kidney stones meets Charlie Horse. It's like a spasm that happens. And so what's it called? Pertussin or something? Pitocin. Pitocin. Pitocin just causes these contractions and they hurt and they're. So a midwife, you know, they have different ways of doing that. There's something called a membrane sweep where they shove their hand into your. And swipe something. I don't know what it is. And a membrane, I'm assuming. And then the other one that we were a little nervous about is castor oil, which, I mean, all of this stuff is like basically witchcraft. You know, it's like the old ancient ways of, like, getting the baby to come. And they say that, you know, castor oil and all this stuff, it only works if it's time. And so I, you know, I didn't think any of this would work, but they come over, they do a membrane sweep, they give Aaron some castor oil, and they split. And so then she starts having contractions, which, when you're about to have a baby, that could happen for weeks. You're. It's like your body's practicing or something like that. And so she starts having contractions, but, you know, she's. We went on a walk. That's the other thing that does it is you can walk the baby out. And so she's having, like, contractions. But I'm, you know, we're both like, couldn't imagine that this shit was, like, actually worked. And so I'm walking foreign. This episode of the DTFH has been supported by Cash App. Scammers know the holidays are busy for everyone, which can make us all targets for scams. That's why Cash App builds it. That's why Cash App builds in protection to help keep your money safe while you're checking off your shopping list. If you're about to send money to someone for a deal that's too good to be true and Cash App flags it as a potential scam, they'll warn you before you send the money. Cash App also gives you an extra layer of protection with features like security lock. You can require a pin, face ID or fingerprint to unlock your account and move money. So even if someone gets a hold of your unlocked phone and at a holiday party, your money's right where you left it for a limited time. Only new Cash App customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real. Just download Cash App, use our exclusive referral code secure 10 in your profile. Send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member FDIC Promotions provided by Cash App, a Block Inc. Brand visit Cash App legal podcast for full disclosures. Walking in front of my house, there's these leaves in front of the house. I'm like, look, I gotta get my. I gotta get a charger. For the leaf blower. Because I lost the fucking charger, man. And then shit like that drives me crazy because you got this big, beautiful leaf blower. It's so fun to blow leaves, ready to blow them leaves, and I can't turn it on. It's been driving me crazy, man. So I'm like, why don't we. You know, you're just not thinking, like, this shit actually works. We'll go to Lowe's, see if they have a leaf blower charger. So we go, we're driving to Lowe's, and, like, these contractions are actually seeming to be, like, more frequent. And I'm like, may, I don't know, babe. Maybe we should turn around. Like, maybe this witch stuff is working. And then we get to Lowe's. They didn't have the leaf blower charger. Can you fucking believe that? And so we got paper towels. We're driving back now. She's having, like, big contractions. Like, it's happening, man. I'm just thinking, what the fuck? This stuff works. We get back to the house, within, like, an hour, the baby comes. Like, we were that close to having a baby in blows. She got in the bathtub. I'm on the phone with the midwife. I've got the midwife on speakerphone. The midwife was, like, a few minutes away. Thank God, midwife is there. Eight minutes later, the baby came. And my neighbors. It was so she was. The noises she was making. Not gonna obviously show the video, but I've been showing the video to my kids, and you can't see, like, it's in the bathtub, right? So, not that I wouldn't mind. Kids should know where they came from. You know, they should know the area they emerge from and the reality of. The bloody reality of birth. But the sound. Do you. The sound, it's not my. This is no longer Aaron. Like, it sounds. It's primordial. Like, it's something completely different from any other howl you've ever heard. I can't even imitate it. And both of the boys are like, that doesn't sound like Mom. The middle kid was like. I'm like, yeah, I know. I mean, that's. Cause, like, it's so painful and so intense. And then he's like, but no. How is another voice coming out of Mom? It sounds that different. The fucking neighbors heard it. I'm sure our whole fucking neighborhood heard what sounded like somebody was getting, like, slowly sliced and diced by a butcher just. And then the bathtub water. Oh, my God. Just Turns red. And then there's this beautiful baby. And everything was perfect. And, like, it all. It was all like. Compared to a hospital birth, this was the most you feel. The only feeling I can compare it to is, like, when Limewire came out the first time you stole music, you feel like you've robbed a bank or something. Like, it feels illegal. Or you're so conditioned that you're supposed to be in a hospital to give birth. Like, you feel like you've broken a law because there aren't suddenly, like, eight people you've never met in your life trying to jam a rectal thermometer up your baby's ass, which they do almost immediately. Like, as soon as the baby is born, somebody will try to shove a thermometer up that baby's ass as a kind of initiation. Welcome to the world. The last baby you know, we had a doula there. Somebody that was like, hey, the kid was just born. You don't need to shove a thermometer up her ass. Like, what are you doing? And the experience of giving birth at home versus giving birth at a hospital, it tells you everything about the world. It is so obvious. And yet it really is kind of taboo to do a home birth. You tell people you're doing a home birth, they get a little like, are you sure about that? You really want to do that? It's dangerous. But you do a hospital birth, and number one, God help you if you don't have insurance. Give birth in a fucking hospital. God help you. And God help you if you do have insurance. Because if you do have insurance, and they know that at a hospital, if you got good insurance, they're not going to let you leave. They want to keep your ass there because you're a milk cow for dough. And so there's this thing that emerges. And also, I do want to say this. I don't think individuals working in hospitals are nefarious people. I think many of them are like angels or saints. Like, that is a crazy job. And I don't know how people do it. I think individually, most people that I've run across during birth is they're sweethearts and they just want to help and stuff like that. But this thing happens within the system, which is the baby's born and they have to do all these measurements. Now, if you think about, for the entirety of human existence, the baby gets born and then the baby is on top of the mom. That's it. That's pretty much the trajectory of the baby. Maybe the baby gets swaddled or Wrapped up or something. But that's it. Baby doesn't leave mom. Baby stays next to mom. Baby starts nursing. That's it. In a hospital, that is not what fucking happens. The baby gets taken away from mom, thermometer shoved up baby's ass. Baby gets measured. Baby gets fed, drops in their eyes. Baby gets injections for vd. That's one of the things they do. They give them a fucking VD injection. And they do all of this with a kind of alien precision and an authority, the sort of authority you would expect to see in hell from the princes of hell. Like, this is how it's done. You're not supposed to question it. Most new parents have no idea that you can advocate for the baby, which, by the way, that's not the head space you're in. For those of you who have yet to breed or don't want to breed, something happens when a baby is being born that is the most psychedelic, wild thing. And the best way to put it is whatever the veil is between this dimension and all other dimensions, it gets real thin. And, I mean, I always say this, but the closest approximation I have for it is like DMT or something. Like, you remember the space, you've been there before, you are reminded of something, but you can't quite put your finger on what you're being reminded of. It's just things get thin and warped and psychedelic. You could argue that's the oxytocin dump that your brain is giving you because you've served your biological purpose and now you're just trash to the universe. They're like, good, fuck you, you had a baby. Now we have a young version of you. Die, old man. But I don't think that's how the universe talks to people, honestly. It's mystical. And so that's the headspace you're in. So in that headspace, there are all these people who have had to develop a really tough exterior who are trying to convince you to take all these treatments for the baby, all these fucking things for the baby. And the amount of time the baby gets with the mom is diminished at the very beginning of the baby's life, which is very stressful. And so when the mother's having a stress response now, the baby's having a stress response now. And then, of course, some of the data that they're getting is going to be not good data. The baby should be breastfeeding now. The baby's blood sugar's off a little bit because the baby's blood sugar is off. They want to get a baseline blood sugar reading. Meaning the baby shouldn't breastfeed. The baby doesn't breastfeed. The baby's blood sugar might get weird enough. And it just so happens that the baby ends up in the nicu, which is fucking the jackpot for hospital. That's the most expensive part of the hospital for the baby. Now the baby's in the nicu. The baby's visit to the hospital will be extended by at least a couple of days. And now, for real, you can't get your baby back. Now your baby is, like, under the control of the hospital. This was our experience with the last birth.

B (24:48)

And then they cut the placenta too, right away.

A (24:51)

That's right. If you don't have someone there advocating for you or you don't know how to advocate for yourself. And by the way, advocating for yourself and a baby is probably not what you want to be doing after a fucking human head just erupted from your vagina. You know, you're exhausted. Especially if you're a new mom. Labors can take like at least 24 hours. So you're fucking tired, bedraggled. You just want to hold the baby. You're so happy the baby's there. And then you're in the exact mind state that where you could. People can sell you fucking anything, man. I mean, I'm not trying to be cynical here, but it is a for profit model at hospitals. They want to make money, they make money. And so every single little thing costs a shit ton of money. And so having experienced this three times in a row, the difference at doing it at home, where there's people you've already met there, the midwife, your wife. And it's so wonderful, so calm. It's your house. Everything's calm, soft, familiar. There aren't, you know, nurses who just watch somebody with a chest wound expire and the floor underneath you carrying that energy in. And there aren't people who are like, acting like it just, yeah, just give the baby fucking formula, you know, which is really fucking weird. Like, you know, they act like there's some sense that, like, breastfeeding is like barbaric or something. Like, you know, like it's better to just give them formula or some shit like that. And what's really weird about birth, and I haven't verified this, Erin told me this. I don't know if it's usually she's right on about this stuff, but they don't know what starts labor. They don't really understand it, like, the exact mechanism that is happening There. And so that's mysterious. And I just think, what else don't they fucking know about this process? Like, because it is a hospital. And honestly, like, if I just, like, I don't know, got my hand ripped up in the garbage disposal because I was too drunk and I wanted to see what would happen or something, I don't want my doctor to be woo woo. I don't want my doctor to be talking about energy fields and the ancestors and quantum data or anything like that. But birth is. It's not like that. It's injurious, but it isn't an injury, it isn't a wound, it's not an accident. But the mode that gets used is the same mode that would get used with somebody who was in a tractor trailer accident and just got like a fucking iron rod up their asshole or something, you know, that's why. That's. If you read about what happened to me on the Internet, it was an accident. I don't want to get into that again. But the point is, that's not what it's like. They just, it's like crisis, crisis, crisis, crisis. And then you do it at home. Oh, my God. It is like for this birth is the weirdest thing, because the midwives stick around. They do obviously check the baby's temperature, blood pressure, mom's blood pressure, all this stuff. They want to make sure the baby's okay. But then once it's established the baby's okay, they leave. Which is a little scary after having done a bunch of hospital births because it's like, wait, what about our data? But then you're just with your wife, in bed with this beautiful baby. Oh, it's so wonderful. It's so fucking wonderful. And for those of you who are like, in the process of having a baby, it's not like I'm suddenly a home birth advocate or something like that. Like, get. Don't do it unless you're positive everything's okay. Because if, like, something's off at all, you should do it at a hospital. You know, having the comfort of being at home is obviously not worth it if you're risking watching your fucking wife bleed out or the baby, something, God forbid, happens to the baby. But if you could do a home birth and it's safe, do it. Oh my fucking God. Like, it felt like we were rebelling against the demiurge or something.

B (29:30)

You had an off grid baby.

A (29:32)

Off grid baby. That's what it was, man. It's off the grid. Oh, I forgot to mention. You know what else they do, right? When you have the baby, they probably did this to you. They put a LoJack on the baby. Did you know that?

B (29:44)

That little thing around their ankle.

A (29:45)

Yeah, a tracker. Yeah, they fucking snap a goddamn. It's literally a low jack. It's a tracker so that someone. Because people come into hospitals and steal fucking babies, which is just insane to think.

B (29:59)

And they put that thing down their throat to like suction out whatever's in their mouth.

A (30:03)

Yep, yep. It's fucking nuts, dude. And they have the clowns that come in, which sucks. Those weird dancing clowns that shoot lasers at you. It's really wild, like how on one level our society is so technologically advanced. Like on one level it feels like we're right next door to Star Trek or something. But on another level, we are so fucking barbaric. So stupid, so buffoonish, so somehow.

B (30:48)

Foreign.

A (30:58)

This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by Amitara. I don't know where you're at on your holiday drinking schedule, but by now so many people are pickled. They're pickled because we picked. Is the holiday sacrament booze. Many of you are out there gargling vodka and then drinking it and then drinking mouthwash and more vodka for the holidays. Jesus Christ. You don't have to do that to your body. Terence McKenna often said it's a miracle that humanity survived alcohol. And what's really wild is there's a lot of better alternatives out there then booze. One of my favorite alternatives is Amanita muscaria. Yep. The red mushroom Santa stole his whole aesthetic from. And it's shockingly perfect for this exact time of year. Amanita muscaria is completely legal in almost every state. People love it, I'm one of them. Because it does this wonderful thing. It relaxes you, softens the edges, settles the body. Without that low level internal demolition crew alcohol sends to your brain, it's like someone put a warm glowing dimmer switch on your nervous system. You feel open social calm, but you still have access to your frontal cortex, which is helpful when you're trying to have meaningful conversations instead of flashing back to your college years. And of course, this is the iconic red and white mushroom you've seen in fairy tales, Mario Christmas cards. It's been hiding in plain sight since childhood. Siberian shamans used it for winter rituals. But the modern use is a little different. People are reaching for amanita to help them unwind at night, reduce stress, support better sleep, and enhance dreams without alcohol's next day punishment. Where your soul feels like it's wearing dirty socks. If you're going to try this ancient mushroom, Amantara is the place to get it. They're the largest Amanita muscaria supplier in the United States. Over 5,45,000 customers. Tens of thousands of kilos processed and they support 40 + sourcing families around the world. They take the careful, slow, ethically sourced approach instead of the gas station mystery mushroom approach. Clean, consistent, trustworthy, real people, real education, real love for the mushroom. So head to amantara.com go duncan. That's amantara.com go Duncan. Use code duncan22 for 22% off your first order. Check out the guides. Start slow. And as always, much love. We've completely lighted, lost all humanity when it comes to the first moments of life when humans are born, it's just so weird. Like, I mean, if I had to make a list of the top 10 places where it would be the most difficult to relax, right? I'm gonna put a bear den, like when they're hibernating. So it'd be tough to be in a bear den trying to chill out with a hibernating bear that could wake up at any second. I'm going to put the obvious things, you know, Like being suspended above a pit of like hydrochloric acid, like on a, like hammock. That's going to be hard to relax for me there, you know, because hammocks tip sometimes. Even if you try not to, it's going to. And probably I'd be worried about the fumes. Toddler birthday party. Forget it. Forget it. Try to relax at a toddler fucking. A skating. A roller skating party. A toddler roller skating party. Good luck relaxing there, just hoping your kid doesn't fucking paralyze themselves for life. But somewhere in there I'm putting delivery room in a hospital. There is no place less relaxing, no place less comforting when, like, they make you lay in bed, by the way.

B (35:30)

And the doctor gets to pick the soundtrack your baby's born to.

A (35:34)

What do you mean?

B (35:35)

You know how the doctor, when the doctors, they get to play music. My doctor, the first baby.

A (35:41)

No, they don't. Yeah, your doctor fucking played music.

B (35:44)

Queen was the first one.

A (35:45)

Shut the fuck up.

B (35:46)

Led Zeppelin was the second baby.

A (35:47)

Shut the fuck up.

B (35:48)

Coolio was the third baby born. A gangster's paradise.

A (35:53)

That is egregious, sir. Yeah, that is egregious. Yeah. When I was, you know, when I was getting my fucking radiation therapy for my cancerous fucking ball. I remember like, they would just play music in there, and it was, like, so depressing. Like, the music they were picking, like, we are family. I swear to God. They played that in there as I'm getting radiation shot into my fucking lymph nodes. Horrible. I mean, the fact that with all the money hospitals get, that they have yet to create a completely comfortable, beautiful, softly lit, hyper comfortable, mystical area where people can give birth is just nuts. You can get. They call them sweets. If you want to pay a little extra, you can get suites where they act like it's fancy because there's, like, a bathtub you can get in, but it's still like, if you went to a fucking La Quinta Inn and that was the room, you'd be like, fuck this. It's not worth 80 bucks. And they're charging you tens of thousands of dollars a fucking night and acting like this is fancy. You're lucky. You're lucky you're not in a normal fucking room. It's insane that that is just normal for people. Most of you, when you came into this world, I hate to say it, but there was a fucking thermometer up your ass before you sucked on your mom's tits. And that's the wrong order when you're getting things up your ass. And that's just the truth. Every single one of us, more than likely were medically sodomized within a few minutes of hitting this part of time space. That's just the hello from the demiurge. And then, more than likely, you were. You were probably taken away from your parents, thrown in a fucking pod, pricked and poked. You heard your mom crying because they're so upset. They just want to be with the baby. Some weird fucking dude sort of curtly trying to calm them down, acting like they're idiots because they think something's off here. That's the mood, by the way. The mood is like, you fucking stupid shits, you. What, do you want your kid to die? You don't want your kid to die, do you? Good, then let me spray this weird fucking chemical in their eyes. You don't want your kid to die, right? Let me give them an injection for vd. What is the VD injection they give kids?

B (39:03)

I think it's for hpv.

A (39:06)

I don't know. They give them some VD shot among a myriad of other fucking shots, and.

B (39:12)

Then they put you under a heat lamp. The same ones, they put chicken strips under to keep warm.

A (39:15)

Same, same one. They use the same ones at 7 11s when you're seeing that hot dog roll around, you want your kid in a hot dog roller. That's what they do. That's what they do. Then they try to keep you there. And like, this happened to us. This was our. I'm sorry if I've talked about this before. This actually sort of inspired the home birth. This is our third kid. By then we were like, we knew everything. We knew all the tricks and stuff. I have talked about this, but I'll mention it again. So the babies numbers were fine, Everything was fine. The baby was fine. But for some reason they wanted us to keep us there longer than we needed to be there. And so we were like, no, we're going to split, Baby's fine. We don't want to be in this shitty fucking hospital. Disease vector, we're going to get the baby home. And the first thing they did is they said, if you leave without medical recommendation or whatever it's called, your insurance might not cover this birth. They fucking said that to us, right? So I googled that. And like on Google you could Google it, it's like, that's not true. Like, why the fuck would a urine. Basically, I called the insurance company, I'm like, hey, I'm in the hospital right now. And they're basically saying, you guys aren't going to cover the birth if we leave against medical recommendation. And the insurance dude was like, what? No, he's like, of course we want you to leave. Get the fuck out of there. Please go. I wish you'd left earlier because every second in there they're billing the insurance company. So the person who said that to us comes back in and I'm like, hey, I just called the insurance company and they said that's not true, so we're going to go. Then you know what they said? Cps.

B (41:11)

What?

A (41:12)

Yeah, they threatened CPS on us if we fucking split. And so then this is where it gets real dark. I'm in the hallway, gone to the hospital cafeteria or something to get some food for Aaron. And there was a groundskeeper there who recognized me. And in front of like one of the doctors, like took a picture with me. Then their tone completely fucking changed. Like I guess they found out I had a podcast or something. They were worried, I don't know what it was, but all of a sudden they're backpedaling on the CPS thing. And then they let us go. It was just so fucked up. So fucked up. But when we walked by the nurses desk with the baby, it felt like escaping from prison. They were pissed. They did not Want us to leave, like. And you're feeling all these mixed emotions. Like, am I insane? Am I putting the baby at risk? All the numbers are fine. The baby's fine. Am I fucking nuts here? So they fuck with your. The baby was fine. Nothing happened. Baby was totally okay. I get it. On one level, I get it. You're just dealing with numbers, right? It's like, look, if we don't act like that with every single parent, then what ends up happening is some parent fucking leaves here when they shouldn't leave and the kid dies. And that's why we have to treat everyone exactly the same. That's the reality. I get it. But still, when it comes to your own child, you shouldn't feel like you're robbing the pound for a dog. You shouldn't feel like you're sneaking out of the pound. Like, it's so dominant. And that is how we begin our incarnation here in the modern world. You're immediately conditioned. You're immediately taught about this insane hierarchy. Don't trust your instincts. Trust authority. Don't follow your heart. Listen to what the fucking experts. The. The experts are saying. And that's true. The problem is, some of the times that's exactly what you need to do if you don't. I wish I didn't listen to my heart. When my ball started swelling up, my heart told me, you know, it'll go away. Heart was wrong. That was death in my balls. So that's the problem. It's like, differentiating between, like, you know, your own, like, dangerous optimism and reality. But you would think by now we would have figured out a way to walk a line in between those two things so that mothers don't feel like they're fucking criminals for trying to bring their baby out of a hospital. Regardless, I am thrilled. It is the coolest thing, man. I feel so lucky to have witnessed something like that. It's, like, such a cool thing to watch. Like a natural birth versus the normal thing. Wife getting a fucking needle jammed into her spine. That's no fun. That's one thing that happened, too. Erin, I'm sorry. I don't know if you're watching this, but forgive me if this is too much information, but at one point, they're giving. What's that called again, Josh? The spine injection.

B (44:49)

It is a epidural.

A (44:50)

Epidural. They're giving her the epidural, and it was the scariest thing, man. Her blood pressure just starts dropping, and there's just, like, the anesthesiologist, a nurse in the room. All of a sudden, there's another nurse in the room, Another nurse in the room, Another nurse in the room. And you can hear the alarm sounds. You're just like, what the fuck? Did they just kill Aaron? Like, is she going to die in front of me with a baby inside of her? Terrifying. Terrifying. So you get, you know, and I remember I went down the wrong set of stairs to get food for once and like accidentally went by the morgue. That's a shitty fucking crazy feeling. I mean, we need hospitals. I'm not against. I'm not some kind of like woo woo freak. I just got a fucking flu shot. Didn't want it, had to get it. Flu going around right now. It's really bad. I don't want the baby to get sick. You know, I've gotten up two vaccines over the last few weeks. Didn't want to get them. Hate it. Hate getting vaccines. But I still get them. But I mean, not all of them. So don't get me wrong, I'm not like some fucking like super deep hippie weirdo, doesn't believe in medicine. It saved my life. It's just clearly there's gotta be a way to do birth the way it deserves to be done. It's a sacred moment. It's the beginning of a human being's life. You know, it's not like you're taking a shit that needs to be studied. You know, I feel stupid even having to say it, which is crazy. I know there's hospitals that have done better at it, but most of them haven't. And seems like that should be a big priority for our species. Like this is the beginning of a human's life. And also the other thing that happens accidentally is for the guy, obviously you can't breastfeed. And so your role is that of servant. Like you're just trying to get your wife food, make sure she's comfortable. And I love it because I'm like, in the mornings I go make coffee and cook her breakfast and bring her food. And I'm thinking, like, I'm not making breast milk, but this is the pre ingredients for breast milk. And you participate in this real way that's important when you do it at a hospital, man, there's not much you can do other than like sit and like impotently watch doctors come in and like do shit. I mean, going to the cafeteria and getting your wife a fucking sandwich and bringing it to her is way different from like cooking food for her. And like, so that's another thing that gets fucked Up. It's just the whole role of, like, the whole. The whole, like, the ancient dynamic, which is kind of perfect. That gets messed up, too. Yeah.

B (48:13)

The nurses make you feel like you're a dumbass and a burden.

A (48:17)

Oh, they do? Yeah, they do. And you kind of feel like one, you know, because honestly, it's like, I can't make a baby inside of me. You know, I've learned now. You know, in the beginning, I would try to, like, do, like, inspirational sayings while she's giving birth and she's shoot me dagger eyes, like, please stop talking. But now, you know, it's more like holding a space for them and stuff. Keeping calm, holding space. Not being overly exuberant or overly. Like, you're at the gym trying to. Like you're a Pilates coach or some shit. But, yeah, they do definitely make you feel like a fifth wheel in that situation. But they make the mom feel like a fifth wheel sometimes. Yeah. You know, it's something that's getting in the way. It's really crazy. I'm just saying. It's like, that's how we come into the world. Somebody out there needs to work on this. One of you guys needs to fix all of this. I blame Mr. Beast. Hold on one sec. But, yeah, so if I seem a little out of it, it's because we just had a baby a couple of days ago, and I was allowed freedom from the baby jail to come and do these podcasts, and Aaron's doing really good, or I wouldn't have gone. Well, I don't know. Was that enough? How long did I just yap for?

B (49:50)

Josh, we're at 46 minutes. You had a lot of super chats.

C (49:54)

Really?

B (49:54)

Yeah.

A (49:55)

Oh, thank you. On behalf of the New Trust Light. Thank you. I need more. I have four fucking kids, but I went to the grocery store yesterday. Are you fucking shitting me? I just. I can't believe how expensive shit is right now. It's fucking insane. Do you know how much caviar is now? It's an outrage.

B (50:18)

You know, I thought was weird that they always have the baby snacks and stuff. Right next to one is baby stuff. Next aisle is dog food. Why do they keep the baby snacks and shit next to the dog food?

A (50:29)

It's the message, man. That's what they want to tell you. You're a dog. You're a dog to the Illuminati. You're nothing more than a mongrel, a street dog. You're nothing more than a filthy hound in the face. In the eyes of the global elite, they think of you as an organ donor. If that. If you're lucky, they want your organs. Ah, okay. Let's do some super chats. Congrats, Dunk on the newborn. Do you still have little Hobo? Oh my God. I can't believe you asked me that. Thank you very much, by the way, for that, Lucas. You know what? I was just going through the closet, one of the closets in the house, looking for my leaf blower charger, and I found little Hobo's head. Because when I did kill Tony, he kind of like. After that, he just shattered his hands. Shattered. His head fell off. And so his head is pretty much all that's left. Just in a. In a Tupperware in the back of a closet where we keep the Christmas ornaments. And that's where he fucking belongs. Because he's a dick. And I'm sorry. I partnered with him and he got really. He got a big fucking head. And then after he did kill Tony, he didn't really want to work with me anymore. So. Fuck him. Hello, Paul. Thank you so much. Demons be like, we rule the underworld. Yeah. Congratulations on being middle management now. Much love. Much love to you. Don't know what you mean. But I don't know if that's something related to what I was yapping about or you think I'm middle management now. Either way, thanks for the five bucks. And if I were in hell, and I don't think we are, I think I'm a little above middle management at this point. Or a janitor. I'm not sure which. Babies be like we're being born in one song. One song only. Still. Trey. Hit it, Doc. Was that a joke? Josh, did they really play that? You got me. I thought you're being serious. Thank you. Tiny Lynn's Tales. Hello, Dogaroni. Congrats to your family on the newest trestle. Saw you at splat side splitters and you crushed it. Thank you. Yeah, you know, I am. I love being with my family. But I'm quite excited to be back on the road. At the end of the month, I'm going back out there. I'm looking forward to it. I hope I'm funny though. Jesus Christ. Like, I'm so tired right now. I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I feel like I'm gonna have to. I don't know what. Gotta find some kind of new drug. I might have to get into. Meth wall. This episode has been supported by Blue Chew. Friends. The new year is almost here. Might already be here by the time you listen to this. And you don't want to enter the new year all soft. You want to enter the new year hard as a rock. Bluechew Gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable Ed brand. This isn't your grandpa's little blue pill. This is the four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. We're talking two ingredients for blood flow to keep that rocket pumping mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection to your brain and body. Where are mine? You guys are supposed to send me this. I want to. I need this. I've been using the. I guess the grandpa's. I've been using the earlier version. I love it. Bluechew. I'm sorry if you don't want me to say that. It's great. I didn't know you guys had a gold. I want the gold. I want. I want the four engines of pumping. Please send me some. Make life easier by getting harder. And discover your options@bluechew.com and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code DUNCAN. That's promo code DUNCAN. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. We salute you, Bluechew. Adam Dev Media. Doug, it was so nice of you to give that charity this holiday season to Danny Jones. God bless you. I didn't feel like it was charity. I like Danny Jones. He's got a cool podcast. He's got a lot of cool guests too. And he's a really good interviewer. By the way, really cool studio too out there in Tampa. I really like, by the way, Tampa. This. I can't believe I'm saying this. Tampa's fucking cool. Like, somehow Tampa got a bad rap. Like, Tampa's like, everyone. There are some freaks out there, like good freaks who I really liked. Like, I was like looking around thinking, like, what the fuck, man? I wish the mothership was here. It's right, you know, it's weird. It's like it's got this weird. I don't understand it. I was trying to get people to explain to me how so many weird, cool, eccentric artists had converged on Tampa, Florida, and no one really could give a good explanation for. For that. Maybe one of you guys can. Julian, Hello. That's a good question. Julian is asking Duncan what's the best course of action the moment you realize you've created bad karma for yourself. Congrats on the newborn. That is such a good question. Well, I think a healthy definition of karma is useful in answering that question because people get confused about what karma means and they look at it as a kind of. In a more superstitious way than necessary because, you know, karma is just action or cause and effect. And so, and depending on what POV you look at it from, all karma you could say is bad karma on one level, because karma serves to keep you crystallized in infinite incarnations. And so whether it's good, and this is more of a Buddhist take on it, but good karma, really, really, really good karma could win you birth in the realm of the gods. And. Which sounds spectacular, but if you're in the realm of the gods and to understand the God realm, it's not as hard as it might seem or as mythological as it might seem. All you have to do, if you have dogs, you know what the God realm is like. You're a God to those dogs. Your lifespan is much longer. You can do crazy shit that they cannot understand. You manifest food for them whenever you want to. Food is the most important thing to them. They worship you. They bow to you. They literally bow. Dogs do that thing when they see you, they bow. They're somewhat afraid of you. They've shit in the house and experienced the repercussions of that. You're powerful to them, important. They think about you all the time. So that's the. To understand the realm of the gods, imagine that. But for humans, where humans are the dogs, and that's what the gods are like. They can do extraordinary things. They live much, much longer than humans do. And apparently they. The level of sense gratification they experience is infinitely greater than what humans experience. So, like, gods come way harder than humans do. Their orgasms would shatter planets, they're so powerful. And so if you incarnate in the God realm, what ends up happening is you're still stuck in this cycle of infinite rebirth. So from that perspective, karma, no matter what, keeps you sort of locked in. And so there's a chapter in the Bhagavad Gita. I believe the chapter is called Karma Yoga. Maybe I can find it. There's a great audible by Eknath Swaran. Well, he did a great translation. Yeah, I'll just read this. So for those of you who don't know, the Bhagavad Gita is set on the great battlefield of Krukhsetra, It's a family feud, essentially. Horrible Battle is about to take place where families, a family is going to attack itself. And standing in the middle of this battlefield is the great warrior Arjuna with Krishna, who is an avatar of Vishnu and who also happens to be Arjuna's friend. Another interesting thing about the Bhagavad Gita is that it is within the Mahabharata. And apparently it is in the middle of the Mahabharata, which is all of this Indian mythology, which is really fucking cool, that a story that takes place in the middle of a battlefield is actually in the very middle of the book. And so this is this sort of like, condensed distillation of Dharma, of Sanatan Dharma, of this, like, ancient way of living. And so it's one of the most beautiful books. Highly recommend it. And so Arjun doesn't want to fight. He's freaking out because, like, he's recognizing he's about to have to kill people he grew up with. And he does in another way. You have to look at this is like. This is like he's a Kshytra, a warrior caste. He's like, his whole job is fighting. That's his dharma. And so he's basically saying to Krishna, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to become a Renuncian, go into the woods and fuck all this. So this is the discourse happening between him and God on this battlefield where God is telling him, no, you have to be yourself. You have to do your duty. There's no escape. You have to fight. And so that's the setting for the beginning of this chapter and all chapters in it, actually. But Arjuna said, oh, Janar Don, there's all these different names for Krishna. If you consider knowledge superior to action, then why do you ask me to wage this terrible war? My intellect is bewildered by your ambiguous advice. Please tell me decisively the one path by which I may attain the highest goal. The Lord said, O sinless One. The two paths leading to enlightenment were previously explained by me. The path of knowledge for those inclined toward contemplation, and the path of work for those inclined towards action. One cannot achieve freedom from karmic reactions by merely abstaining from work. Nor can one attain perfection of knowledge by mere physical renunciation. There is no one who can remain without action even for a moment. Indeed, all beings are compelled to act by their qualities born of material nature. Those who restrain the external organs of action while continuing to dwell on sense objects in the mind certainly delude themselves and are to be called hypocrites. So this is like the way Ram Dass always put this is this is like when you quit smoking, but all you do is think about cigarettes with Venmo.

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E (63:36)

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A (64:07)

Karmic yogis who control their knowledge senses with the mind, O Arjuna, and engage the working senses in working without attachment are certainly superior. You should thus perform your prescribed Vedic duties. Since action is superior to inaction by ceasing activity, even your bodily maintenance will not be possible. Work must be done as an offering to the Supreme Lord, otherwise work causes bondage in this material world. Therefore, for the satisfaction of God, perform your prescribed duties without being attached to the result. In the beginning of creation, Brahma created humankind along with duties and said, prosper in the performance of these sacrifices, for they shall bestow upon you all you wish to achieve by your sacrifices. The celestial gods will be pleased. And by cooperation between humans and the celestial gods, great prosperity will reign for all the celestial gods. And there's different translations of this. Some say devas, being satisfied with the performance of sacrifice, will grant you all the desired necessities of life. But those who enjoy what is given to them without making offerings in return are verily thin thieves. The spiritually minded who eat food that is first offered in sacrifice are released from all kinds of sin. Others who cook food for their own enjoyment verily eat only sin. All living beings subsist on food, and food is produced by rains. Rains come from the performance of sacrifice. And sacrifice is produced by the performance of prescribed duties. The duties for human beings are described in the Vedas, and the Vedas are manifested by God himself. Therefore the all pervading Lord is eternally present in acts of sacrifice. O Partha. Those who do not accept their responsibility in the cycle of sacrifice established by the Vedas are sinful. They live only for the delight of their senses. Indeed their lives are in vain. But those who rejoice in the self, who are illumined and fully satisfied in the self, for them there is no duty. Such self realized souls have nothing to gain or lose either in discharging or announcing their duties. Nor do they need to depend on other living beings to fulfill their self interest. Therefore giving up attachment. Perform actions as a matter of duty. Because by working without being attached to the fruits, one attains the supreme. By performing their prescribed duties, King Janaka and others attain perfection. You should also perform your duties to set an example for the good of the world. Whatever actions great persons perform, common people follow. Whatever standards they set all the world pursues. There is no duty for me to do in all the three worlds, nor do I have anything to gain or attain. Yet I am engaged in prescribed duties. For if I did not carefully perform the prescribed duties, all men would follow my path in all respects. If I ceased to perform prescribed actions, all the worlds would perish. I would be responsible for the pandemonium that would prevail and would thereby destroy the peace of the human race. Anyway, it goes on for a bit, but, and it's, you know, this is 5,000 year old text, so it's. When it's talking about sacrifice, the question is like, what does that even mean? And there's a lot of ways to answer that. Like you go back to the antiquated version of that. Or you could think about the difference between the way you feel when you are serving people to help them versus the way you feel when you're serving yourself. And it's a completely different feeling. Totally different. The feeling for me, like right now, just bringing food to air and taking care of the kids, it's an incredible thing. It feels religious, it feels ancient, it feels right in tune, like harmonious with things. It's very simple. There's nothing special about it. But the moment I get into my head, anything about wanting something out of that deal other than the baby that I got, the moment I start wanting praise or wanting to feel like a hero or any of that stuff, anytime that creeps into my mind, it Dilutes the experience, which is really. And the experience is ineffable and sort of empty. And you're just part of something bigger. You become like the way the planets revolve around the sun, the basic flow of tides and things like that. You can tune into that and become part of that. That's the sacrifice. You're sacrificing your ego to that greater perfection that you won't understand. I don't know what these kids are going to do or what their grandkids are going to do or their grandkids are going to do. I'm just a tiny little piece of this much bigger, beautiful tapestry of consciousness weaving its way out into the universe and letting yourself just be that instead of wanting to take credit, wanting to be the hero, wanting to win fame or glory or all the things. That is the sacrifice that I think Krishna is talking about and is saying the karma is actually not so much coming from the action as much as attachment to the results of the action is what's generating bad karma. But if you can do your prescribed duties, which sounds very heady and like, what the fuck does that mean? I'm not in the military, but it's not talking about that. It's talking about something much more earthy and human. And all of us have different prescribed duties. You know what they are. If you can just do that and do that without thinking about your own benefit, then at least according to this, the karmic repercussions are negated or. And so it makes sense from the perspective of sort of escaping the infinite cycle of birth and death and merging with the supreme in some way, shape or form, which is yoga. It means to yoke, to connect. And so this is one of the methods of connecting with the divine. There's other methods too. This is karma Yoga. But from this perspective, it's purely being the action. And as far as, like, what can you do about past bullshit that you did, you naughty, naughty boy? Well, nothing right now. You don't have a time machine. I was talking to my meditation teacher, Nick, turn about this. I had just eaten fucking lamb. It was good and I was feeling guilty and I told him, I feel bad. I ate the fucking lamb. I'm not even a vegetarian. I don't know why it hit me so, so hard. And he's like, too late for you, too late for the lamb. He's right. But that's just another example, I would say, of attachment, right? Because now you're attached to the fruits, the negative fruits of this thing that you did. You're worried about what might come. And this is saying, don't worry about that. The seed is planted, it's too late. So to get caught up in things that you've done wrong in the past is just another form of worrying about the fruits of your action. To get caught up in worrying about what's going to come of things you might do is caught up in the fruit of the action. But if you're purely in the action, that's where you can experience a sort of harmonizing with everything and you lose yourself in that. You really do. I mean, When they talk about enlightenment and things like that, it's very confusing. But when you hear stories of people who like, save people, who jump into freezing lakes and pull people out and afterwards they seem legitimately confused that people are calling them a hero, because that's not where their mind was at all. They just did it. They didn't even think about it. They were just in the water pulling people out. And I think that's what it's pointing towards is just you know, Connect with what you know is like the right thing. And I think people do know, and not in some big way. You're not going to save the world. The world doesn't need saving, but what you know is right in the next moment and do that and don't think about what might come of it. And that's what this is pointing towards. But you got to stop robbing graves. Don't do that anymore. I've done it. It's fun, but you got to stop. And it's addictive, especially around the holidays, but please stop. All right, Hare Krishna. Onward and upward. I love you guys. Best to all of you and to the expectant mothers out there, you can do this. That's what I would say to Aaron before she told me to shut the fuck up. Bye. On Wayfinder. Indulge in the art of travel through.

B (73:30)

Story, sensation and self discovery.

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Tune into this special episode where brought.

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The first thing people get wrong about a cruise is you don't get enough time at the place. But there are so many different itineraries for all the ways that people love to travel. You get to try a bunch of different things and that pressure of how do I get from A to B? Is taken care of.

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