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Matthew Crosby
This is a global Player original podcast.
Radio X Announcer
Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X.
Ed Gamble
Hello and welcome to the Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby podcast of the radio show that we do, which is of course on Radio X. Nobody else would have us, Matthew. Yes, it's a good show today so far. We're about an hour in.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, my voice gets. It was started very croaky.
Ed Gamble
It's still pretty croaky.
Desiree Burch
Who knows?
Ed Gamble
Who knows what it's going to be like by 10am?
Matthew Crosby
Who knows what it's going to be like? Yeah, I haven't. I just realized I haven't read any of the emails, so should we pick one at random and see how it goes?
Ed Gamble
Oh, dear.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, let's do that, shall we? Well, that's embarrassing. Not embarrassing. So we can do that somewhere else. Okay, here we go. I don't know who this is from, but it doesn't really matter. Happy radio, lads.
Ed Gamble
Don't mind if I do.
Matthew Crosby
Where does Matthew get his hair done?
Ed Gamble
Well, I'm glad you picked this one.
Matthew Crosby
My husband and I saw you both walking past the Wigmore on Friday afternoon. I froze in overwhelm and embarrassment while my husband and went and asked you for a photo. We've been admiring the photo and my husband keeps saying how gorgeous Matthew's hair looks and wondered where you get it done. What you ask for at the hairdressers. Many thanks. Oh, it says Ollie from Somerset, but there's such a long P.S. i couldn't spot it. Many thanks, Ollie from Somerset. P.S. after the. Oh, sorry. Olive. Apologize. Olive from Somerset. P.S. after the photo, my husband was asking me why I froze and didn't want to say hello as you were just people. We are.
Ed Gamble
We are. Little you are.
Matthew Crosby
I explained that I had the same.
Ed Gamble
I'm a superstar.
Matthew Crosby
You are a megastar, aren't you? Walk Soho with you. Honestly, it took us bloody ages. It really did. I explained I had the same reaction when you previously read out my email on the podcast. I felt so overwhelmed by delight and embarrassment I had to stop the podcast. And then could I listen for a couple of seconds at a time? Oh, sorry. Well, sorry. We're doing it to you again, I'm afraid. Olive, do all listeners listen like this when they get their messages read out? Pps. I also thought. I'd say. I also thought about what I'd say to both of you. I hadn't been too embarrassed and I'd say thank you and I hope you know your silly nonsense really helps people. Also, Matthew's beta personality.
Ed Gamble
What? I don't Think you should ever check the emails before you read them again?
Matthew Crosby
Just read them all.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
Matthew Crosby
Blind. Yeah.
Ed Gamble
Matthew's beta personality.
Matthew Crosby
Matthew's beta personality. Makes me feel better about myself. Well, Olive, this is.
Ed Gamble
Great.
Matthew Crosby
Very strong reason to listen a few seconds at a time. You should be embarrassed because I'm not a beta. I'm one of life's great alphas. We've just done it. Makes me feel better about myself. I've got a lovely life.
Ed Gamble
We've got 10 rounds of the show to do. Olive, you've absolutely got in his head.
Matthew Crosby
More proud to be me. Oh, okay. She's sort of brought it around.
Ed Gamble
She's saying she's a loser as well.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, she's a total loser, but she loves her life. That's how I'll accept that.
Ed Gamble
Totally.
Matthew Crosby
I hope that came out right. Well, almost. And good luck in the charts this week. Thanks, Olive. We appreciate that greatly.
Ed Gamble
Thanks, Olive. Yes, we just done the Uncloak finale, hadn't we?
Matthew Crosby
Yes, we've just done the Uncloak finale. We went for a little bit of food and as we were walking through Soho, we laughed at a shop that sold T shirts, basketballs and coffee. And then on the way back, we went into it and bought some coffee.
Ed Gamble
Bought some coffee. And they gave us a free. Free electrolyte protein bar.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, it was a. It was like a Rice Krispie cake, but health food.
Ed Gamble
Well, let me tell you, Matthew, I took a bite of that. It's absolutely disgusting. There's a reason why you gave it to us for free.
Matthew Crosby
I know. They can't shift. Gross, £2.99. No, thank you.
Ed Gamble
Absolutely awful.
Matthew Crosby
I turned mine down.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
He was like, do you want that free biscuit? I was like, no, no, thank you.
Ed Gamble
He went, it's quite salty. Okay, leave that to the air. Thank you.
Matthew Crosby
That's selling, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, of course, you know, we should say, if you do see either of us in the street, please leave us alone. We were absolutely livid at that guy taking a photo.
Ed Gamble
I wasn't.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, you were completely constantly confused. That was the entire meal.
Ed Gamble
Now, where do you get your hair done?
Matthew Crosby
Where do I get. Oh, yes. Where do I get my hair done? Well, I can tell you now that.
Ed Gamble
You just let the wind blow it out.
Matthew Crosby
I get my hair done at Headmasters. Beckenham Headmasters. That's where my mum goes. That's right. She recommended it to me.
Ed Gamble
Like, she goes to the one knot in back of the.
Matthew Crosby
No, no, no. She said, if there's a Headmaster's near you. Get yourself there.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, it's a chain. It's a chain ladies hair salon.
Matthew Crosby
It's a chain ladies hair salon. And I have a lovely time. I regrazia magazine. I chat to the other ladies there. We have a great time.
Ed Gamble
Do you sit under those big hair dryers?
Matthew Crosby
Big shampoo and set? Yeah, I have that. The enormous hair dryers.
Ed Gamble
Do you have the same person every time?
Matthew Crosby
I normally have Jackson. Yeah, yeah. Jackson's my boy. But I had Celia this week. Celia Emory. Celia Emory, of course. Felt it on your head, blew the little gown up. But no, Celia. She was. She was absolutely brilliant.
Ed Gamble
Shout out to Celia at Headmasters Beckerham.
Matthew Crosby
I used to. What is this show I used to take in. I used to take in some pictures that Charlie had got me of, like, handsome boys from AI.
Ed Gamble
What?
Matthew Crosby
Well, Charlie found a bunch of photos of AI. Well, yeah, but she'd gone.
Ed Gamble
You said, can you cut my hair like AI?
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, I said, here's some pictures.
Ed Gamble
It's in the middle of hair.
Matthew Crosby
But she said. She said. I said, right, what should I be getting? And she said, I'll find you some pictures. And a lot of them were like, AI generated. I don't know if she generated them herself, but yes.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. All you need to do is type in the prompt. The husband. I wish I had.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, that's exactly what she did. It was handsome men with beards and flowing hair.
Ed Gamble
So was it sort of like the covers of Mills and Boone novels? Is that what she's up to?
Matthew Crosby
It's very. Body stripping.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, yeah. So she. Yeah, she basically wants Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights. And she's got.
Ed Gamble
Is she happy with the. With the results of the haircut?
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Ed Gamble
You're such a cuck, man.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, she's very. Charlie loves you.
Ed Gamble
Get your haircut based on an AI picture your wife has generated.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ed Gamble
Get your hair cut like that.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, that's. That's what's wrong with that because it doesn't really bother me. What's weak? Is it weak?
Ed Gamble
It's pretty weak to get your hair cut the way your wife wants it, isn't it?
Matthew Crosby
Well, it doesn't. Like she gets to see it more than I do.
Ed Gamble
That's true, actually.
Matthew Crosby
So it is. You know, I'm doing. I'm doing it for my lady.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Matthew Crosby
You know, the reason I look this good is to keep my. Is to keep my. Keep my lady sweet.
Ed Gamble
Oh, no.
Matthew Crosby
That's bad, isn't it? Even I couldn't really commit to that. Let's just play the show. That was. Yes, just do the show. Sorry, everybody.
Radio X Announcer
Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby Brady.
Matthew Crosby
Hello, everybody. Welcome to the show. Now, as you know, we normally start with a fun little intro and I think I made one of the cardinal. The cardinal mistakes you can make when it comes to this radio show is that I came in this morning and I just. I had a sort of slight little niggling feeling in the back of my mind. So I said to producer Vin, Vin, is this okay? And he said, well, absolutely not. So I don't have an intro now. I don't have an intro.
Ed Gamble
This is Ed Gamble style.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, exactly. I. I'm going. I'm flying blind.
Ed Gamble
So it's not working so far. I'm gonna let you know that.
Matthew Crosby
Working currently. I mean, I think the fact.
Ed Gamble
What did you. Well, we, we can't. Can we not say what Matthew wanted to do as his intro?
Matthew Crosby
You can guess if you like. What do you think it might be?
Ed Gamble
Oh, a lot of bad thoughts are running through my head, Matthew.
Matthew Crosby
I can tell you now, it's not a current news story involving the Royals.
Ed Gamble
Right, okay.
Matthew Crosby
Not that I didn't go.
Ed Gamble
That's more of a visual story. Anyways, it's quite work.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Although that was what Vin thought it was initially.
Ed Gamble
So it's an old story involving the Royals.
Matthew Crosby
No, no, no, it's not one. It's not.
Ed Gamble
Is it the toe sucking?
Matthew Crosby
I thought now's the time to revisit it. Anyway, I can do the ending because the ending bit's fine. I' that's all right. It doesn't really reference the story. Anyway, finally Vin tells me that for reasons he can't go into, he can finally afford to have the cosmetic surgery he's always wanted. He's having a transplant of a rather intimate area. In fact, he's currently flipping through the surgeon's catalogue to pick a part that's new.
Radio X Announcer
Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.
Ed Gamble
Radio X Matthew, lovely intro from you. A total disaster, I would say overall, some people trying to guess what your written intro is about. That Vin banned you from saying Matthew's been soft cancelled in the studio. No, it wasn't about Matthew's other technique and no Adam Johns. It wasn't that. Nope. So please stop guessing now, everyone. Mr. Will keeps texting in, saying, are you live? If you are, can you say potato? And then he's just texted that word over and over again. So it's good. We really get the early risers, the go getters, the true Winners in life. Join us at 8am live.
Matthew Crosby
I say this many times, but you get the audience you deserve, don't you?
Ed Gamble
Yes, absolutely.
Matthew Crosby
Thank you, Mr. Will. Colin has just sent from Colin in Leeds. Oh, he actually sent another message.
Ed Gamble
He did send a very message. Dean, please stop. Dean, that's disgusting. Right, so, I mean, this is it. We never get people who are up early. We get people who are up late.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, absolutely. The people who haven't slept for seven. Yeah, yes, look, we get it. Can you block. Is there any chance you could block all of our listeners? In fact, I'm just gonna shut that window down anyway. Ed, how are you doing? How are you?
Ed Gamble
I'm good. I'm okay. I was in Norwich last night. I came back. I like Norwich, actually.
Matthew Crosby
I like Norwich.
Ed Gamble
I do like Norwich. Yeah. I was doing a gig in Ipswich on Friday night, and last night. Ipswich. Less of a brag, I would say. A bit of a rivalry between those two places, really. Well, it's a situation of if you mention Norwich and ipsw, everyone boos. If you mention Ipswich and Norwich, they sort of go, all right, I don't care. Yeah, don't really care. But no, they were fun gigs. But yes. Traveled back from Norwich last night, so little bit tired, but I think we're gonna get through. I think I'm feeling good. Good. I've got a little buzz on you. On the other hand, I sound so bad.
Desiree Burch
Don't.
Ed Gamble
I smoked 60 cigarettes yesterday.
Matthew Crosby
I had a curry and I had three small cans of Lucky Saint. And that, for me, is a huge night.
Ed Gamble
That's the Tom Waits technique. That's what he did. It really is.
Matthew Crosby
It's either that or gargle some as. But this is. I. I do sound really croaky.
Ed Gamble
You sound really croaky and may I say, rather sexy.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Ed Gamble
And I'd imagine we'll be getting some texts from some ladies today, which is unusual for us.
Matthew Crosby
Very unusual for us. But hello to all the ladies out there.
Ed Gamble
Me, hello to the mums.
Matthew Crosby
Hello, mummies. This is Daddy Broadcasting.
Ed Gamble
Okay, you just ruined it. They've all signed off again.
Matthew Crosby
Potato.
Radio X Announcer
Matthew Crosby and Edward Radio X.
Matthew Crosby
Kings of Leon. Oh, to space here on Radio X.
Ed Gamble
I'm gonna sit on the speaker in a minute.
Matthew Crosby
The best of Howard, sir.
Ed Gamble
Shout out to the film Private Parts early bet right there.
Matthew Crosby
Early back wreck for Private Parts. So we've got a hell of a show for you, folks. It's. We've got our one scoop for Daddy and she really is a fantastic comedian.
Ed Gamble
If she's listening now she's happy.
Radio X Announcer
Skinny pig and Satan's kingdom. Radio X.
Ed Gamble
Why you husky, mate?
Matthew Crosby
Well, I went. I went round to my wife and I went around to our friend's house last night.
Ed Gamble
Party time.
Matthew Crosby
I know we had a babysitter and everything. We went round for.
Ed Gamble
You took a babysitter with you? Yeah. That's crazy. You want to leave them there. That's the whole point of them.
Matthew Crosby
That was the mistake we made.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
Matthew Crosby
We've got no idea where our kids are, but, yeah. No, we left the babysitter. Babysitter with the kids. We drove around to Sydenham to see my dear friend Clarkie and his. His partner Megan. We played board games. We ate a lovely Indonesian curry. It was really, really fun. We played the Top of the Pops game. I don't know if you've ever played that.
Ed Gamble
No. Matthew Young.
Matthew Crosby
Not for long, mate.
Ed Gamble
My 30s.
Matthew Crosby
Not for long. You've got a birthday coming up.
Ed Gamble
I'm keep saying I'm in my 30s until that birthday happens.
Matthew Crosby
That's right.
Desiree Burch
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
You just enjoy it.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, thank you.
Matthew Crosby
Enjoy the final, final month and a bit of your birth of your 30s. But I know I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you the Top of the Pops game.
Ed Gamble
Cause it is a. Oh, is it a board game, is it.
Matthew Crosby
It's a board game. Yeah. It's a big potato board game. It's an. Absolutely.
Ed Gamble
They make good board games.
Matthew Crosby
They make great board games. They know what they're doing. It's really fun. So basically you've got a collector's cards from, like, the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, the one hit wonders, the all time chart toppers. It's really, really good. So you've either got to describe the song or the artist in one word.
Ed Gamble
Okay.
Matthew Crosby
Or by just giving some lyrics from a song or by playing on the kazoo. You've got to do all three in 30 seconds. Oh, my goodness.
Ed Gamble
Can we play it now?
Matthew Crosby
Can we play it now?
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah.
Matthew Crosby
I tell you what, we could play it in the next leg, give you a bit of time to prep it, but we could absolutely do it.
Ed Gamble
Okay. No, I wanted to play it now.
Matthew Crosby
Okay, let's play it now. Okay. All right. I'll just do one of the. Okay, here we go. Okay, you've got 30 seconds on the clock. See if you can guess who the artists are. And I haven't got a kazoo, but I'll just do the old mouth trumpet. Okay. All right.
Ed Gamble
You sound like you've swallowed a kazoo.
Matthew Crosby
I do sound Like a kazoo. It's absolutely fine. Okay. This is from the 80s. It's one word. The word is bohemian.
Ed Gamble
Queen is correct.
Matthew Crosby
Yes. This is. Oh, tried to make me go to Rehab. I said no, no, no.
Ed Gamble
Amy Winehouse is cor.
Matthew Crosby
Okay. And here's the Kazoo song, and it is from the 90s.
Ed Gamble
I wish you could see how Camp Matty goes when he plays kazoo.
Matthew Crosby
No, you ran out of time. Any ideas from producer Finn? Any idea what song from the 90s that was?
Producer Vin
Oh, I know. I was focusing on the buttons over there.
Matthew Crosby
Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.
Radio X Announcer
The Rock Will Wax and Wayne.
Ed Gamble
Ooh, call me a warm egg because I've just been laid by James. It's Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby here on radio.
Matthew Crosby
Well, it's Warmeg and Matthew Crosby.
Ed Gamble
It's Warmeg and Matthew Crosby. It's Egg Gamble and Matthew Clucksby on Radio X. Of course, before that, we were playing a game of Top of the Pops, Matthew.
Matthew Crosby
We were indeed. Yeah.
Ed Gamble
You riffed a whole quiz under pressure from me.
Matthew Crosby
Thank you.
Ed Gamble
I got two out of three rights. But you performed a fake kazoo version of a 90s song.
Matthew Crosby
Yes.
Ed Gamble
Which I didn't get, but the listeners have been texting in to guess.
Matthew Crosby
I'll do it again. Just. If anyone's just joined us, I'll do it again. Could I just. To G me up, could you do your old catchphrase about kazoos?
Ed Gamble
My old catchphrase?
Matthew Crosby
You used to do it on the radio adverts. Do your old catchphrase about kazoos.
Ed Gamble
Oh, yes, of course. Yeah. Kazoo. Yeah, you can.
Matthew Crosby
Thank you very much.
Ed Gamble
Yes. Now I'm hearing what it is based on some of the guesses.
Matthew Crosby
Yes.
Ed Gamble
Now I can see what the correct answer is, but was it this? Matthew, the song sounded just like Millennium by Robbie Williams to me. Good job, Tina.
Matthew Crosby
I'm afraid that's a bad job, Tina.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, it's not.
Matthew Crosby
Millennium by Robbie Williams.
Ed Gamble
Sounded like a job to me. No, we've had some other guesses. Matthew, Andy and Catherine and Chester have guessed. Mysterious Girl is correct.
Matthew Crosby
It's the correct answer. One point to Andy, one point to Chester, two points to Warmeg. And of course, no points to Idea what a round that was, eh? If only it hadn't been invented by somebody else. We could play it again.
Ed Gamble
Yes, we'll play it again in the next hour. We'll do one round an hour.
Matthew Crosby
All right, fine. Yeah. Okay, great. Fantastic. We'll keep playing it. You've got to do the next one though, right? Oh, no, come on, you've got to do it.
Ed Gamble
I shouldn't have thought so.
Matthew Crosby
I think you will, actually.
Ed Gamble
I wouldn't have thought so. Why not? Well, no, I think it's time to finish Pop Stars now.
Matthew Crosby
Okay.
Ed Gamble
All right. Top of the Pops.
Matthew Crosby
Pop Stars. The rivals. The game.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah. Okay.
Radio X Announcer
Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.
Matthew Crosby
Quite an exciting week last week because.
Ed Gamble
It's always an exciting week, Matthew.
Matthew Crosby
It's always an exciting week because we love our lives. But especially so. Especially so last week because we got to work on Uncloaked.
Ed Gamble
We were working on it for. All month, Matthew. We've been working.
Matthew Crosby
You know, in fact, we were working on it before Christmas.
Ed Gamble
We were. Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
Tinkering away. And it was the. It was the live. It was the live show. The live final. Very, very exciting. That bit is obviously very, very exciting.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Matthew Crosby
The party afterwards, even more so. We get to hobnob with the cast.
Ed Gamble
You have the time of your life at that party.
Matthew Crosby
I had such a good time. Cause my. My aim is to get a selfie with every single member of the cast of Traitors.
Ed Gamble
Yes. And you do it.
Matthew Crosby
And I do it.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, my God.
Ed Gamble
Scurried around that party like a little rat.
Matthew Crosby
I am like a little rat. I'm the selfie rat. I'm scurrying up people's legs. But I have a lovely chat with all of them. And what a nice gang. Every year they pick a nice gang. But I really. I had some. Brilliant, brilliant. I loved meeting Stephen. I adored meeting Harriet. Yeah, we had a great chat.
Ed Gamble
She's great, isn't it?
Matthew Crosby
Two writers just chewing the fat about the process.
Ed Gamble
I'm not sure.
Matthew Crosby
You're not sure I'm a writer?
Ed Gamble
Well, no, I'm sure you're a writer. I think you're different sorts of writers. Yeah, but different process, maybe.
Matthew Crosby
No, no, no, no, no, no. We still.
Ed Gamble
She writes sort of quite involved crime novels.
Matthew Crosby
We still put one word in front of the other. That's what we do.
Ed Gamble
And then you write something. Vin tells you you can't do it, so you riff something instead.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true, actually. That's true. She is a proper writer. But, you know, I learned a lot from her. Anyway, she told me what it was like, so.
Ed Gamble
Will you be writing a crime novel in the future?
Matthew Crosby
She assured me. I don.
Ed Gamble
Do you? Well, let's. No, I think. I think you do. I think right now, or maybe in the next link, we're gonna riff a crime novel.
Matthew Crosby
Okay.
Ed Gamble
That you're Gonna write. And you're gonna make billions.
Matthew Crosby
This is great. Yeah, this is really good. So obviously you've got to write what you know.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Matthew Crosby
I don't know all that much, but I'm assuming it's gonna be set in a radio studio.
Ed Gamble
Oh, yeah.
Matthew Crosby
Somebody's murdered. Well, yeah, it has to be. That's on it. An on air murder.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
But yet they still. Despite the fact it was on air, they still. And the cameras were rolling and everything. They've got no idea who did it.
Ed Gamble
Well, this now feels like a Jonathan Creek episode.
Matthew Crosby
It does, doesn't it? Yeah.
Ed Gamble
Who's the detective, though? Because it has. Is it a dj?
Producer Vin
It's Alexander Armstrong, isn't it?
Matthew Crosby
Do you know what? If you're thinking of the TV addict.
Ed Gamble
You know how books work, Finn. You can't cast a book.
Matthew Crosby
I think you can. Are you telling me that. If so, hang on.
Ed Gamble
In your book, the detective is actual Alexander Armstrong?
Matthew Crosby
That's what it's called.
Ed Gamble
He's on classic.
Matthew Crosby
He's called actual Alexander Armstrong. Whenever he's referenced at any point in the book, he's called actual Alexander Armstrong.
Producer Vin
Aaa.
Matthew Crosby
Exactly.
Ed Gamble
And then you can write just aaa.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, triple.
Ed Gamble
And that's easier to type it out, isn't it?
Matthew Crosby
By the way, you know the AAA franchise? I feel like the next book in the AAA franchise, it rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Are you reading the AAA books?
Ed Gamble
Yeah. And then obviously there's a murder in the pointless studio.
Matthew Crosby
Do you know, this is it. He goes to a lot of exciting places, Alexander Armstrong. You know, he does those little. Those little supper club cabaret shows. You know, he got distracted. Did a dog go past?
Ed Gamble
Tiny little dog went past.
Matthew Crosby
Dog went past. Ed got distracted. I felt like I lost you for a second. I could just see you go somewhere else. There's a dog. There's a dog. There's a dog next door. Yeah, but yes. Anyway, we've also got to talk about the show itself. The Rumpastica. Yes, I know. Okay, I tell you what. What? Let's play Just a Girl. We'll talk more about the.
Ed Gamble
I can just see it running back.
Matthew Crosby
Okay, well, you look at a dog, we'll play no Doubt.
Ed Gamble
We'll text it in. Mr. Potato. Great name for that dog.
Matthew Crosby
It's a very good name for a dog. Oh, what a cute name for a dog.
Radio X Announcer
Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X. We have the thickest listeners in radio.
Matthew Crosby
It was the uncloaked final. It was the traitors final. And the traitors uncloaked. Final.
Ed Gamble
You had a lovely time. A little fan running around getting tropos.
Matthew Crosby
It was so fun. And Stephen and Jade recorded videos for my niece Martha, who does her own version of Unprofessional.
Ed Gamble
It's so unprofessional.
Matthew Crosby
It is unprofessional.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, it's hugely unprofessional.
Matthew Crosby
People have lost their jobs over stuff.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let's talk, we know a few of them.
Matthew Crosby
Let's talk about unprofessional, shall we? Should we talk about unprofessional? Anyway, I obviously wanted to watch the show in the live audience. I wanted to be there for the.
Ed Gamble
Show, which is very supportive of you.
Matthew Crosby
Very, very supportive.
Ed Gamble
Because normally for the rest of the episodes of Uncloaked, you go home, I.
Matthew Crosby
Sit upstairs and I eat some, I wait till the lunch comes out, obviously eat all of the. L do some admin and then I go home.
Ed Gamble
And then you go home and I go home. Yeah, yeah.
Matthew Crosby
But the thing is, once, the second.
Ed Gamble
You do some work on some other projects.
Matthew Crosby
Listen, let's not talk about that now. You write your novel, my crime novel. About Alexandra Armstrong. Of course, one day it's gonna take me out of it because of course, you know, the, the, the production manager on the Armstrong and Miller show wrote.
Ed Gamble
This is a great anecdote, wrote 50 Shades of Gray. Yes, I did know.
Matthew Crosby
And was working on it while she was working on the Armstrong and Miller Show.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
And then became obviously, you know, know the person that we don't know today. So, so anyway, yeah, so I, I, I, I was, I was there in the audience watching the show. By the way, one of the most exciting days, I think, in both of our years, right, is to watch the Traitors final with the players themselves and a sort of select audience of friends and family.
Ed Gamble
We love it.
Matthew Crosby
So tense, so nerve wracking. We can't make it through a full episode.
Ed Gamble
Well, we're not footy boys. No. But I've said many times before, I think to watch the Traitors final in a big crowd of people, including the players, must be like watching a World cup game at Box Park.
Matthew Crosby
Absolutely right. Although they do complain when we throw pints. It's limbs. It's absolutely limbs. It's so, yeah, yeah. It's so exciting. So thrilling. So nerve wracking. We hold hands and then we both rush off to separate toilets to do a big poo. It's just, it's that level of tension. It's very, very, very tense. Anyway, for the, for the final of Uncloaked I snuck in at the back after the show had started. I found in the back row there was a couple of reserved seats. But I thought, well, the fact that.
Ed Gamble
They'Re reserved, they're pretty reserved for you.
Matthew Crosby
That means they're probably reserved for production, Right? So I should sit in those reserved seats. So I sat in one of the reserve seats. I really enjoyed it. I thought everybody was brilliant. I thought you were brilliant. I know you hate to hear that sort of thing, but you were absolutely fantastic. It was really, really good. And the jokes were good, right?
Ed Gamble
It was great. Well written.
Matthew Crosby
Beautifully written joke. I thought it really, really worked. And then at the end of it, I was so sort of ged up. I was, like, really whooping and cheering as people were applauding at the end. And I did that thing where, you know, where you clap above your head. You applaud above your head. Yeah, clap, clap, clap above your head. And as I.
Ed Gamble
Why do you think the seats were reserved? I see.
Matthew Crosby
And then as I did it, I felt a little whoosh behind me and I thought, oh, no, I think that was a camera going behind me, like literally two inches from behind my head. I'm sure it's fine. Fine. I'm sure they've got options. Anyway, cut to the party.
Producer Vin
The party.
Matthew Crosby
We're all having a. You know, we're having a lovely time. I'm running around getting with my selfie stick. I'm having a really, really great time. And then they show the traitors. We all watch it and it's very, very intense and exciting. They show traitors uncloaked. And we will all watch it as it's going out and it gets to the final shot, and it is a big wide shot of the entire room. And there are just two hands.
Ed Gamble
Two hands. Focus right in front of the camera.
Matthew Crosby
Two big old yams in front of. It's. It's so bad. It's insane.
Ed Gamble
The seats were reserved to not be.
Matthew Crosby
The seats were reserved so no one sat in them.
Ed Gamble
It's called blocking.
Matthew Crosby
It's called blocking. And I was doing some very good blocking.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Matthew Crosby
I was blocking everybody's teeth.
Ed Gamble
I am surprised when no one gave you a little squeeze on the shoulder when you sat down and said, don't sit there. That's our shot. But they also probably didn't assume that you clapped above your head.
Matthew Crosby
No, they thought, he's a little boy. Yeah, he's a little boy. We can shoot straight over top of his head. You know, he's five' five. There's no way he's gonna get in the way.
Ed Gamble
You're lucky. It wasn't so good that it got a standing ovation because also you were wearing the jumper.
Matthew Crosby
I was wearing the car crash jumper.
Ed Gamble
A special jumper that we've spoken about on air many times before. A jumper that Matthew bought for his wife. She didn't like it, so he started wearing it.
Matthew Crosby
Can we talk about that, by the way? I got so many compliments and I rushed home and I said to Charlie, I got so many compliments of people saying, that is a lovely jumper. And she said, sometimes when a jumper looks like that, people can't not comment on it. And they're not. What they're saying is, I've noticed the jumper. Not that I like the jumper.
Ed Gamble
Well, I like the jumper. I genuinely do like the jumper.
Matthew Crosby
I genuinely like the jumper.
Ed Gamble
And a lot of your comments on Instagram from your carousel of you with all the traitors players, a lot of people going, yeah, I don't like the jumper.
Matthew Crosby
It doesn't matter.
Ed Gamble
He wore the jumper. Also, everyone making the point of everyone's in their glad rags. There's a lot of black tie at that event and you were wearing a jumper with a car crash on it.
Matthew Crosby
That's my nicest bit of clothing. It's my only. It's my only smart clothing. And it's a woolen jumper that I bought in the sale anyway. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yes, indeed. Well, let's. Let's turn this into a texter. Why not? What's your favorite jumper? We'll turn this into a texter. When have you messed up at work? I think that's it. Because, you know, I own that. That was a mistake. I ruined the show for everybody.
Ed Gamble
When you did the last leg and dance onto the set.
Matthew Crosby
I danced onto the. Yeah, I danced onto live television. That was bad.
Radio X Announcer
Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X. We're a show. That's the back of the sewing.
Ed Gamble
When have you messed up at work? Because Matthew decided to clap all over my moment of glo on the traitors uncloaked Final Arrogant just had to thrust his hands right into the shot to go. These are the hands that wrote the words.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, it was. You know, I was gonna be on the credits anyway. I don't know why I did it. My name is on the credits.
Ed Gamble
Thank you, Colin. Colin says I've never messed up at work because I'm perfect. It is my employers and employees who have let me down. Ed knows what I'm talking about.
Matthew Crosby
Yes. Cause I did Say just before, as we were playing away, he said, ed, have you got any stories where you met up with? Wouldn't know.
Ed Gamble
I'm perfect.
Matthew Crosby
You're a hero. We had lovely message in from Chris from Easington. And of course, by lovely, I mean absolutely horrifying.
Ed Gamble
Check this out.
Matthew Crosby
I once screwed a lad's foot to a wooden saw stool by accident when I was an apprentice.
Ed Gamble
That's amazing.
Matthew Crosby
I don't remember that series. Thank you for the opportunity, Lord Sugar, as he drags his. Drags his stool out. But yeah. Oh, my God. It doesn't have to be horrifying.
Ed Gamble
No. Well, Kathy Rivets got in contact. Say, I once started evacuating a theater at my front of house job because we had an alarm. Turns out someone had just leant on the elevator alarm and it made a slightly similar noise to our fire alarm. And another steward had to run through the fire escape route to call those customers back.
Radio X Announcer
Cabbie, the blueberry and the cake skin. Radio Air.
Ed Gamble
This is from Andy who lets us know. When I was a police officer, I pulled a Bentley over as the driver was on his mobile phone. It was only while speaking to the occupants I discovered the Bentley was a left hand drive.
Matthew Crosby
Fantastic. That is exactly good. Exactly what we're after.
Ed Gamble
Kate, I must have told you about when my cousin told me he was on holiday with some friends and they were all in a cab. There were four of them in the cab, three of them in the back, one of them in the front and one of them in the back. Thought it would be funny to put his hands over his friend. Eyes sitting in the front, forgetting that they drive on the other side of the road where they were. And put his hands over the driver's eyes.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, God, please don't do that, folks. I can't stress that enough. Please don't do that. Oh, my God, what a stressful story. We are of course talking about times you've messed up at work, so keep Those coming in 83936 on the text or you can WhatsApp us through global Player.
Ed Gamble
Do we save bills for a bit?
Matthew Crosby
We'll save bills. Bills. Finn, do you want to do yours?
Producer Vin
Well, I mean, there's obviously there's loads people have heard.
Matthew Crosby
Listen, regular listeners to the show will know you've messed up.
Producer Vin
Although I didn't play Bowling for Soup twice.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, no, that's true.
Producer Vin
I did all the other ones. The one that came to mind when you just asked me was when I. I called Marcus Mumford Mumford to his face.
Ed Gamble
Well, that is also his name. Yeah. I mean, the guy, you know, we went to public school. He's used to being called Mumford.
Producer Vin
I was going around the room and it was like, thanks, John. Yeah, thanks, thanks, thanks, thanks, Iver. Yeah, thanks, Mumford. I mean, Marcus.
Ed Gamble
Who's John and Ivan?
Producer Vin
Iver.
Ed Gamble
I thought it was for.
Producer Vin
No, it wasn't. Wasn't comedians.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Producer Vin
It was for an AFC Wimbledon promotional campaign. Because Marcus is a Wimbledon.
Matthew Crosby
Of course. Of course he is. Yeah. Yeah.
Ed Gamble
And you love Wimbledon Brewery?
Producer Vin
Of course I do. Oh, yeah. Wimbledon Pale.
Ed Gamble
That was my nickname.
Matthew Crosby
I can get distracted by anything. But Vin is mainly distracted by the thought of Wimbledon Brewery.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Matthew Crosby
If you ever wanted to change topics, just mention the Wimbledon Brewery. Anyway, keep those.
Ed Gamble
Vin's distracted by Wimbledon Brewery. I'm distracted by small dogs. You are distracted by things from the past.
Radio X Announcer
Ed Gamble and Buck Fifengusset. Radio X.
Ed Gamble
We're gonna do bills. I worked as a home delivery driver for a supermarket once. After I'd finished a delivery, I didn't close the freezer door on the van. So when I pulled away and drove around the first roundabout, the door flew open and all the crates flew out onto the side of the road. There were Yorkshire puddings everywhere. A lovely jogger helped me pick up the crates and stuff, though, which was nice. Bill.
Matthew Crosby
He's also said the only problem was that because all the crates are numbered for each customer, I'd had to randomly shove the frozen stuff and crates back into the freezer. Spent the rest of the afternoon having no clue who ordered what. Just say it. Substitutions, Bill. Yeah, it's Just say it. Substitutions. I'm sorry, we didn't have anything you ordered. It's all substitutions.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, and for some reason, there's an old pram.
Matthew Crosby
This is from Jen, who says, I used to work at a pub restaurant in the Lake District. A customer wanted a table in the restaurant, which was through a large set of double doors. I intended to say if you'd like to follow me, but what I actually said, if you'd like to follow through. Boss said I couldn't breathe.
Ed Gamble
Can highly recommend the beef chili.
Matthew Crosby
Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X. Hat.
Radio X Announcer
Hat.
Ed Gamble
Oh, lovely. What's that? I can smell. This will get me up in the morning.
Matthew Crosby
What can you smell?
Ed Gamble
Oh, normally it's the smell of freshly baking croissants. It'll get me up. Maybe Sicily and bacon. Maybe fresh coffee.
Matthew Crosby
Hey, beautiful pronunciation.
Ed Gamble
The smell that's getting me out of.
Matthew Crosby
Bed.
Ed Gamble
Thanks to the guys from Necrophagist.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, God. Oh God.
Ed Gamble
Is the smell a fermented offal discharge? Oh.
Matthew Crosby
Ooh. Well, I wasn't expecting that. And you know, now I think they are good musicians.
Ed Gamble
I knew that would make you go.
Matthew Crosby
It'S like the little breakdown in Call me Out.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. When Vin was editing it. When Vin was editing it earlier, he was going, oh, I like this.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's that bit now. I think they are. I think they're. Well, I think they're definitely losing fans because of the name.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Matthew Crosby
It's a terrible.
Ed Gamble
I don't think they're around anymore.
Matthew Crosby
Disgusting.
Ed Gamble
I think they probably quit in the late 90s.
Matthew Crosby
They're not dead and covered in poo, are they?
Ed Gamble
Well, that's not what that means.
Matthew Crosby
Is that what it means? It's not phage necrophage. Well, we'll google it while we play Wet Leg. We know what that means. And this is Pokemon. We also know what that means here on radio.
Ed Gamble
When have you followed through at work?
Radio X Announcer
Mask you crobley and radio Ed.
Matthew Crosby
Radio X. I don't know.
Ed Gamble
Can we read this one from Dean and Simpson? Yeah. Because this is huge. I mean there's not going to be a worse mess up than this, I don't think. But the rest of them are very funny too. I used to work for Bruce British Airways paying their fuel bills and I mistakenly paid $7 million for the wrong company.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, that's a horrible feeling. You know like if you accidentally book flights for the wrong day or the wrong train and you have that horrible sinking feeling for a second.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
That I can't imagine what must have been going through.
Ed Gamble
Seemed to mind. I mean he even texted under a pseudonym and then made sure to text his real name and where he is.
Matthew Crosby
His real name and location.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. You're presuming the company was another fuel company. Yeah.
Producer Vin
It wasn't just like Gregg's or something.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. So they probably were fine to be like, okay, we'll transfer it back straight away. We understand.
Matthew Crosby
Would they though? That's not how I am saying energy companies to work. They sort of go, we've got the money, we'll keep it.
Ed Gamble
Actually you're in credit now.
Matthew Crosby
Do you know what?
Producer Vin
Actually.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. This is from Andy in Brighton who says hi. I once misset my alarm for an early start. I woke up thinking it's bright for 5am then to see it was 6:30. I rushed into work and made the flight. I'm the pilot. Really buried the lead there, Andy.
Ed Gamble
What a twist.
Matthew Crosby
I'm the pilot and we left pretty much on time. I got home later that day, made a cup of tea, sat down and my alarm went off. Well done, Andy. That's what we're after. 83936 on the texter. Of course you can WhatsApp us. WhatsApp us through global player. What's up?
Ed Gamble
Do you use WhatsApp?
Matthew Crosby
Guys, is anyone on the WhatsApp application? If you are, then you can WhatsApp us through the globe applier. Any more for Any more there?
Ed Gamble
Yes. This is from Cassie. I'm a zookeeper and once, when throwing a whole chicken to a cheetah, I accidentally threw it at the wrong angle and hit a visitor who was watching the feed from a viewing area in the face. They were shocked. I was mortified.
Matthew Crosby
I love that. Yeah, Zookee. What a job.
Ed Gamble
Someone threw a chicken at me, I'd bite it out the air, I think.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, you'd be delighted, wouldn't you?
Ed Gamble
Yeah, I'd be so happy.
Matthew Crosby
You would. Basically, you would unhook your jaw like a big snake, Swallow it whole.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
Just spend the rest of the day digesting it, then cough out the bones.
Ed Gamble
Yes. Nando's fatigue.
Matthew Crosby
Nando's fatigue. You can't have too much chicken. Keep those coming in. 83936.
Producer Vin
We've got to do Andy, surely, Andy the Painter.
Matthew Crosby
Well, actually, yeah, we had a message from. From Rob saying, I think Andy the Painter must be having a lion. He's got enough content on this texture for two shows. But, yeah, Andy the Painter has of course got in touch. Let's do this one. My most recent one, of course, he's always fouling up. My most recent one was when I was painting at my mate's mum's house. The carbon monoxide alarm was going off. I like the way it's like, what's going on? It was going out for ages. Going off for absolutely ages. The carbon monoxide alarm was going off and after some panicked Googling from both me and the customer, we were convinced we had to evacuate the house. So me, her and her two dogs were sat in her car on the drive for about an hour, frantically with all the paint tins open. Sat on the drive for an hour, frantically calling other family members for advice. Some more Googling revealed it was just the paint I was using. That can set off the alarm. Andy, the paint.
Ed Gamble
What paint are you using? I mean, don't have Andy come around to paint your house. He's using carbon monoxide paint.
Matthew Crosby
Why do you not know? Also, why do you not know anything? About paint. You're a painter. That's all you've got to know about.
Ed Gamble
Dean from Siptons got back in contact. Say it did cost BA about 100 grand in charges, but it's their fault for not giving me any training. I quit after getting a dressing down from the bosses.
Matthew Crosby
I think they were in the process of firing you during that dressing down. I don't. Yeah, but if you talk to me like that, I'm out of here.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, we've literally already. There's your stuff in a box.
Radio X Announcer
Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.
Ed Gamble
We are delighted to be joined by our first and only guest of the day. Matthew would have it that she is our only scoop for Daddy. But I don't like saying that because it's a disgusting phrase. It is the fantastic comedian Desiree Burch. Good morning, Desiree.
Desiree Burch
Oh, my goodness. Good morning. What kind of scoops does Daddy like?
Matthew Crosby
Well, whatever you got, Desiree. Whatever you got. Absolutely. I'll take any scoops.
Ed Gamble
You?
Matthew Crosby
I honestly, no.
Ed Gamble
Matthew, you are a horrid little worm.
Matthew Crosby
I, you know, obvious. I've. I've seen Desiree live many, many times and what she's scooping, I am buying.
Desiree Burch
Amazing. Well, it's been potatoes.
Ed Gamble
We should talk about your new show. Desiree, you are on tour with a show called the golden wrath across the UK from now until the 14th of March. What can you tell us? What can you tell us about this show? And I'm sorry. Cause I know that's an absolute hospital pass of a question for any comedian.
Desiree Burch
Yes. So look, I feel as though it is a show for everyone because either you have experienced middle age, are experiencing it, or about to and need some attention, advice. It's generally. I think a lot of it is perimenopause because I am a woman. A lot of it is just sort of the changing of the guard in some ways in terms of being the kid and then just sort of getting older and realizing that you're supposed to be in charge of things now and, you know, you've got parents. I don't have kids because I like nice things.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Desiree Burch
But other people. Other people do and, you know, good for them, you know. And I just kind of wind up in this place where all the stuff that got you into adulthood is not the stuff that's going to get you through and you have to just figure out an entirely different game plan. And I think that some people are better at lying to themselves than others. I think when you have like a massive hormonal crisis in the Middle of it. It's really difficult to pretend it's not happening and that you have to change absolutely everything and you wind up like, just really livid. I think particularly as a woman, when you realize that you've experienced so much medical misogyny and everything else that, that like you're going through something that people have done forever and nobody knows anything about it, including your doctor.
Ed Gamble
I wish when someone asked me on an interview, what's your show about? I had an answer like that.
Matthew Crosby
I think if you did a show about medical misogyny, it'd be a very different thing.
Ed Gamble
Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
Desiree Burch
If you'd be like, ladies, step right up, I got some gloves and a coat.
Ed Gamble
Let's go. If I did a show about medical misogyny, it would be a character show called Dr. Lovin.
Matthew Crosby
Dr. Desiree, I've got to ask you because you said there's advice in it for people in middle age or approaching middle age. One day I'll no longer be in my 20s. What bit of advice do you have for me? Is there any advice?
Ed Gamble
And I, of course, will never be middle aged, so we don't have to worry about me.
Desiree Burch
Well, you've made the correct deal with Satan in order to pull that off, because the rest of us didn't get that off ramp and we are suffering. I would say this. I know about you hail him, of course.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Desiree Burch
Ways.
Ed Gamble
Right.
Desiree Burch
So I, I feel like it's. It's the one. Start working on just a starter personality because you're gonna need it when your body starts falling apart.
Ed Gamble
You know, we've told him this so many times, Ezra, he's on the radio. He needs to have something get.
Desiree Burch
Get an interest or an opinion, but not too spicy of one. Because everything that you think you know will be wrong by the time you get to 40. Anything. And you will become the person that you always pointed your fingers at. So, like, take a good hard look at the things that. Because you will go through all the stations of being those things.
Matthew Crosby
Okay, well, from your lips to Satan's ears. But this really makes me feel that I've got QAnon in my future because I'm obsessed with the. I'm obsessed with QAnon from a sort of left wing point of view. But how, you know, how far left do you go before you suddenly go? Actually, they've got some good points.
Desiree Burch
Well, it's interesting to me because I feel like we talk about women and menopause, we don't talk about the fact that men lose testosterone and then they start, like, not in the same way way, but just enough for them to start freaking out that they don't have the same vim and vigor. And then all of a sudden, they're like, I want to make anything great again. Let's go out into the streets. And it's not unrelated to a physiological change of just being like, hey, man, start doing some breath work. Read a book. It's okay to put on a cardigan and have some tea.
Ed Gamble
We need to take all of these men to one side, Desiree, and say, do you think this might be about something else?
Matthew Crosby
Yeah. Yeah.
Desiree Burch
And they're like, I don't know what you're talking about.
Ed Gamble
I, of course, have never had any testosterone, so I'm not worried about losing mine completely hairless. I have no get up and go. I have no.
Desiree Burch
But as a man, you could just be like, hey, can I get some more? And a doctor be like, hey, which color pills do you want? Take your pick.
Ed Gamble
Oh, God. If I was on the test, goodness me, I wouldn't fit in the blooming studio.
Matthew Crosby
You've got enough stuff coursing your black coffee and insulin coursing through your body, baby.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Powered by insulin and black coffee.
Matthew Crosby
Absolutely. So, of course, the show is. Is the Golden Roth. It is across the UK from now until.
Ed Gamble
What's that? Roth, is it? We're going with Wrath.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, the Golden Wrath is. You like it Wrath?
Desiree Burch
Yeah. Are you Wrath or Roth?
Matthew Crosby
What do you prefer?
Desiree Burch
I'm wrath because that's what I would say in my American accent. But then, you know. And also the gold. It's very British to say the Golden Roth. But then I think it's like, comma, David Lee, like the Roth, you know, But I don't know. That's just because I'm a weird person.
Ed Gamble
That's the next show.
Matthew Crosby
Whatever you say, the next show is.
Ed Gamble
All about David Lee.
Desiree Burch
Please kind of be sick.
Ed Gamble
Amazing.
Matthew Crosby
Me and David Lee Roth. I absolutely adore it.
Desiree Burch
Wouldn't it be amazing if I came on here, was like, it's just me as David Lee Roth. Picture it.
Matthew Crosby
Honestly, every ticket would be sold immediately to two people, me and Ed. Yes, it's across the UK from now until the 14th of March. Not long. Not long. Left Desiree birch.com for tickets. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.
Desiree Burch
Vroom, vroom.
Matthew Crosby
And honk, honk, Desiree. Today we're talking. We're talking with our listeners about times you've messed up at work. Caroline has written in to say, my husband's colleague went to A posh lawyer's office to repair their photocopy machine. He ended up blowing up the fish tank with their expensive tropical fish. His nickname is now Fishy.
Desiree Burch
Thank you, Kat.
Matthew Crosby
Thank you, Caroline. That's the sort of thing we're after. Are you competent at work? I mean, obviously you are on tour, but were you competent in your previous employees or on stage?
Desiree Burch
I was competent enough with all of my previous employees, you know, like, to be basically get by with, you know, usually just have to have a couple of things under lock and then. But my thing would be, like, being late to things. And one time it completely bit me in the butt because I had missed a train. You know, I was a teaching artist. I was like traveling with the show to do the facilitation. I missed that train and it was like a seven hour drive away. So I miss the train. I'm calling, I'm panicking. I have to go and, you know, rent a car separately out of my own money. Go, drive there to make it there late that night to do the show the next morning, which I thought was pretty sweet, right? Like, that I had, like, definitely gone over and beyond to, like, make up for what I had messed up. But then I wound up getting fired the next week by the boss who was never in the office, and the office manager that I had helped to hire because I used to have his job. So it wasn't even the people that I worked for who fired me. It was like the big boss who was there like four times a year, who, like, it was like, we're gonna go to the ice cream shop. And I was like, I'm lactose intolerant. And then it was him and the office manager. And I was like. But later on I realized I had was also the senior person there, so I was the one making the most. So it was probably good that they found a reason to fire me then, you know what I mean?
Ed Gamble
Because it's great. We've given you an opportunity to get that off. Honestly, I felt like, like that has been stored up for a long time.
Matthew Crosby
You were hanging onto a lot of that. You really were.
Desiree Burch
Yes, yes. I just had to let that go. And the thing is, it wasn't as bad as, like, you know, whatever, destroying someone's exotic fish tank.
Ed Gamble
No. And it doesn't really sound like your fault, to be honest. This is from Daniel Smith and Aberdeen. Daniel says, I'm an accountant. I left my desk with the Skype chat open with my manager, came back to continue working, typed my password in, and hit Enter. Little did I know, I was still logged in and inadvertently sent my password to my manager. Manager. Thankfully, it wasn't anything embarrassing, like, I hate my job. One, two, three.
Desiree Burch
That's amazing.
Matthew Crosby
So we've got to ask you another one of our favorite questions. One of the biggest questions in radio. Desiree Burch. What do you not know what it is? Now, this is a question we ask all of our guests. Okay. I'll give you a little bit of thinking time by explaining what the question means. This is something you might seen many, many times, but the more you think about it, the less you know what it is. Like, what is a mirror? What is paint?
Ed Gamble
What's the Internet?
Matthew Crosby
What's the Internet? Desiree Burch. Is there anything that you can think of right now that you don't know?
Ed Gamble
You see it every day, maybe, and you think. You take it for granted, and you don't think, well, how does that work? And what is it even?
Desiree Burch
Yeah, I, I, I mean, I guess I don't know what comes to mind is, like, sometimes when I'm walking around the city of London, just. Or just generally in London, I'm like, there's a lot of really rich people here with, like, a lot of fancy cars and cool stuff, but I don't know what anyone does for this money because I don't know what we make or what, like, how anyone's making, making it. Also, I don't know how you just drive a Ferrari around in the center of town and not get the wing mirror clipped off all the time, you know, because they just drop the car anywhere they feel like it and leave.
Ed Gamble
Well, because if you're that rich, the parking fine is nothing. Right. So you just.
Desiree Burch
Well, these are the same people who are going 100 on the motorway, through every speed camera and, like, not slowing down. And I don't know if they just get a bunch of tickets and don't ever pay them or if they're going so quickly the camera can't even find them. Like, I don't get what's happening, but they just plow through everything in, like, a luxury automobile.
Ed Gamble
So what do you not know? What it is, is their jobs, cars and money.
Desiree Burch
What their jobs and how traffic cameras work. Because it seems like they work selectively.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah. They often just flash. They don't have any film in them. That's true. Yeah.
Desiree Burch
They just have a light.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Desiree Burch
To make you feel weird. Okay.
Matthew Crosby
That is true. Though I do find myself in situations where I'm looking around at people and go, well, you've clearly got money. Why are you doing it?
Ed Gamble
I bet they don't know, though.
Matthew Crosby
In the middle of the day, I'm sitting. You know, I'm sitting in a cafe because it's all I can do. I'm working in a cafe. I'm sitting.
Ed Gamble
I'm.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, I know. I know what I'm doing. What are you guys doing? Where's it coming from? And don't say I work in. Like. There's lots of people who work in money.
Ed Gamble
What is that? So they just get. They work. They work in money. They get free. Free merch.
Desiree Burch
Free money.
Ed Gamble
Free money, yeah.
Desiree Burch
Bags of money. Well, also, how rich could people have been that they're still rich from, like, their family name, like, hundreds of years later?
Matthew Crosby
Oh, yeah, my family own. Owned a bit of eland, and now I'm rich.
Producer Vin
How.
Ed Gamble
How.
Desiree Burch
How does money keep making more money?
Matthew Crosby
How does money keep making more money? And how can I get involved?
Ed Gamble
You know what? I don't know what it is.
Matthew Crosby
What?
Ed Gamble
And don't know why it is. Inequality.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, beautiful. Beautiful.
Radio X Announcer
Crobby J and the Machine.
Matthew Crosby
Radio X. Desiree, we've got a few questions we want to ask you. Firstly, what's the biggest piggy can imagine?
Desiree Burch
The biggest pig I can imagine.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, please.
Desiree Burch
He's running my country right now. I don't have to imagine. He's on TV all the time.
Matthew Crosby
Slam. Some early morning satire.
Ed Gamble
Well, I imagine that'll make him back down.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Desiree Burch
Are you down?
Ed Gamble
He listens every Sunday.
Matthew Crosby
We're normally very complimentary about it.
Desiree Burch
He's got one quivering tear right now. I mean, what a pig.
Ed Gamble
As someone who is about to tour the United States of America, I would like to say I don't endorse.
Desiree Burch
Endorse that in any way, shape or form. I'm not body shaming, by the way. I'm just talking about morality.
Ed Gamble
Oh, of course.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Ed Gamble
But again, I don't necessarily endorse.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, that's right. Trump fans enjoy buying tickets too, don't they, Ed?
Ed Gamble
Well, I enjoy having my visa.
Desiree Burch
I mean, he agreed that he was probably a fascist, right? The new mayor of New York was like, oh, yeah, you called me a fascist. He's like, yeah, I've been.
Matthew Crosby
You could call me.
Desiree Burch
That's fine.
Matthew Crosby
I like you. I like you.
Ed Gamble
Some people say bigger than a bus.
Desiree Burch
Oh, my God.
Matthew Crosby
Let's move on to this next question. What is something, Desiree Burch. What is something that shouldn't be embarrassing but still is embarrassing? What's an embarrassing thing that shouldn't be embarrassing?
Desiree Burch
Oh, okay. So, okay. It's that moment after you've run for a tube or a bus in particular, like you've legged it, you know, and you're just, you've made it it. The doors have shut and people should be like jumping up high, fiving you, chest bumping like you made it. We saw you run from the last stop, yo. But instead everyone's silent and all you can hear is your breath. Like, and then like the more around.
Ed Gamble
Looking, looking for that high five basically, pretty much.
Desiree Burch
And also like the more you try to not sound like you're dying from having, like, the worse it gets. And you're like, you're trying to keep it under your brother and like, so you just have to, have to like breathe like you've just run a marathon even though you've run 50ft. And everyone's like, yeah, you should have been able to make that.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, someone should be, should be wrapping me in a big tin foil sheet, feeding me a protein bar, giving me a medal is what they should be doing.
Desiree Burch
The other thing, that's the shower of Gatorade.
Matthew Crosby
Well, the other thing that happens is you sit there and you go, oh, it's funny, I'm not even sweating all that much. And then suddenly. And you're completely drenched.
Ed Gamble
Yes.
Matthew Crosby
And then you're like, oh, I've got to go to work now. Yeah, just going to be absolutely drenched.
Ed Gamble
We're used to Wet Matthew at work.
Matthew Crosby
That's right.
Desiree Burch
Wet Matthew is going to be in my show after the David Lee Roth.
Matthew Crosby
One, by the way.
Ed Gamble
I love it.
Matthew Crosby
I love it. Well, listen, the show is of course the Golden Wrath, the Golden Roth. It's your choice, guys. So long as you buy tickets@ Desiree Birch.com. it's on tour till the 14th of March.
Ed Gamble
Desiree Birch.
Matthew Crosby
Desiree, however you like to pronounce as.
Desiree Burch
Long as you find me. I would love to see you there.
Matthew Crosby
Thank you.
Ed Gamble
That's amazing.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, always brilliant. Thank you so much. Desiree, it was a delight having you on the show.
Desiree Burch
Absolute pleasure.
Matthew Crosby
Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X.
Radio X Announcer
Fire in the booth.
Ed Gamble
Ed Gamble and Matty Crosby saying goodbye for another week and for me another month.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, you're off.
Ed Gamble
I'm off to Canada and America.
Matthew Crosby
Yes.
Ed Gamble
If you do happen to be living in one of those places and you're living near a large metropolitan city, I may well be visiting you with a stand up tour show.
Matthew Crosby
Go and see Ed Gamble, one of the best in the biz. Oh, yes, one of the best in the biz.
Ed Gamble
That's a big fan though, to be fair. Yeah, Best is real.
Matthew Crosby
It's a big best as well.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, it's a big biz.
Matthew Crosby
I just. I just love the biz so much.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Oh, you love the biz, don't you?
Matthew Crosby
I absolutely love the biz. So we're talking today, of course, about messing up at work, which we often do if we consider this to be work. Helen is gonna. Is gonna round it off with this one here. Hi, Ed and Matthew. When I was a student, I had a holiday job in a posh restaurant. Will, we're not doing one more potato. Block him. Hi, Ed and Matthew. When I was a student, I had a holiday job in a posh restaurant. We had to serve people sauces from silver gravy boats. Well, it was the 80s. Anyway, I served a lady some tartar sauce and she said, oh, no. I panicked. Did she not want tartar sauce? Yes, but not in her lap.
Ed Gamble
Whoops.
Matthew Crosby
Another time, a good looking bloke came in, a very rare event. But as I tried to flirt with him, I walked straight into a pillar. Lots of love, Helen in commercial. Smile and thank you, Helen. That's exactly what we're after. I'm gonna be back next week, Sunday. I'm gonna have to do all the shows live as well, aren't I?
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, crikey. Okay, well, I'm gonna have a tough old month. You're gonna have a holiday. Potato, potato, everybody.
Ed Gamble
Not a holiday, Matthew.
Matthew Crosby
It is a holiday.
Ed Gamble
It's an international comedy show. I'm going on tour. I'm gonna be alone. It's not gonna be fun.
Matthew Crosby
You were talking about all the nice restaurants you're gonna go to.
Ed Gamble
No, I'm not. I've just convinced myself out of it.
Matthew Crosby
Okay. All right, well, it's. Have a. Have a wonderful tour.
Ed Gamble
I'll send you a voice note or something.
Matthew Crosby
Very proud of you. Yeah, can you send me an hour long voice?
Ed Gamble
I'll send in all my responses.
Matthew Crosby
It also throws ahead to the Kaiser. Have a wonderful week, everybody. We'll see you very soon. Bye.
Ed Gamble
Bye.
Radio X Announcer
Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.
Ed Gamble
Well, there we are, Matthew.
Matthew Crosby
There we are. What a show. It was.
Ed Gamble
Another one laid to bed.
Matthew Crosby
Another one. Another one laid to bed. I mean, we haven't chatted to Desiree yet. I assume she's brilliant. She always is.
Ed Gamble
Seem she turned up.
Matthew Crosby
Assume she turned up. Yeah. I hope she turned up. Honestly, we're coasting on fumes here. We've got what we've got. I've got. I've Got one and a half anecdotes left.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matthew Crosby
And they're. But they definitely both make it into the show.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Producer Vin
We've still got to talk about the Olympics. That might make it on air.
Ed Gamble
Jesus Christ. God.
Matthew Crosby
We've got to talk about the Olympics.
Ed Gamble
We've got to.
Producer Vin
We've either got to do it off.
Ed Gamble
You've got to say. Say winter.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, we've got to talk about the Winter Olympics. Yeah. Okay. Well, great. Well, hopefully that will have made it into the podcast.
Ed Gamble
The Winter Olympics should be all the same events as the Summer Olympics, but they have to do it in snow and cold.
Matthew Crosby
Yes, that's exactly what it should be.
Producer Vin
And there's like wolves and bears and stuff.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
Or yeah, on the other team.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
You should be competing against a bear.
Ed Gamble
The wind, a dangerous winter animal.
Matthew Crosby
A dangerous winter animal. Yeah.
Ed Gamble
You could probably beat them at your gavelin, though.
Producer Vin
What's the one where the. Where there was that Turkish guy with a pistol shooting?
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Matthew Crosby
You could have worked that out really, couldn't you?
Ed Gamble
No, I think. Is it the one way, like you're on cross country skis and then you have to stop and shoot and.
Producer Vin
Oh, that is.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, is it some sort of triathlon of some kind where it's like ride a bike, ski a bit?
Ed Gamble
I think Vin's right. Does have another name. Skin a bit that cool. Yeah, he was cool, man.
Producer Vin
That guy was so cool.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. And wasn't there a. Was it a South Korean lady as well who was like super cool.
Producer Vin
He was just like doing it one handed.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Producer Vin
Badasses.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, that was cool. Actually, bet Rex, apart from the Winter.
Matthew Crosby
Olympics, have I told you what I've been listening to a lot recently? I can't remember if I told you this already.
Ed Gamble
Don't know.
Matthew Crosby
Charlie got into the car and I was playing some. Playing some music and she. This is the singer of this band, has a very deep voice and she went, what are you listening to? The Crash Test Dummies. And I was like, yeah.
Ed Gamble
Right.
Matthew Crosby
So I've been listening to that album, God Shuffled His Feet by the Crashed Dummies. But by the way, why is that not on our playlist? It feels like we should have a Crash Test.
Producer Vin
We occasionally do play that song.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, great song you did. One, two with the ums there. Anyway, that's my big bet.
Ed Gamble
Wreck. So that's it.
Matthew Crosby
That's it.
Ed Gamble
Yeah, that's it.
Matthew Crosby
Crash Test. Love it.
Ed Gamble
Because I'd spent the day in Norwich yesterday, I went to see two films.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, yes.
Ed Gamble
You scheduled it perfectly. Had the full day in the summer.
Matthew Crosby
I thought you said because Ed spent the day in Norwich yesterday, which I thought very cool. He's referring to yourself in the third place.
Ed Gamble
That's my new thing. That's Ed's new thing. Yes. I did a double feature. Matthew of Plumbing planned the whole day.
Matthew Crosby
Fantastic.
Ed Gamble
So, because I haven't really been. I haven't been to the cinema this year. I haven't seen many films in Jan, so I went to see Marty Supreme.
Matthew Crosby
How was it?
Ed Gamble
It was good, I would say. A lot of people have been like, oh, it's really stressful. It's like uncut gems. It's nowhere near uncut gems.
Producer Vin
It's not as good as uncut gems.
Ed Gamble
It's not as good as uncut gems. It's not. It's nowhere near as stressful as uncut gems. There's very, very good parts of it, I would say some very stressful parts. Performances are great. Charlemagne. He's good. I thought Odessa is. Iron was fantastic, actually. She's underused in it, but yes, I thought Tyler, the creator is very good.
Matthew Crosby
He's great. Oh, fantastic.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. I mean, it's. It's a lot of. A lot happens.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Ed Gamble
I mean, even Kevin o' Leary is very good. And Kevin o' Leary is one of the dragons in Shock Shark Tank. Yeah. He's not an actor and I get a lot of him because. Because he's also a watch guy.
Matthew Crosby
Right.
Ed Gamble
So I get a lot of him on my algorithm and he is total plum, really. So I was a bit worried about him being in it, but he was great.
Matthew Crosby
Great, Fantastic.
Ed Gamble
The Safdies are very good at using non actors and bringing a good performance out of them.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Ed Gamble
So I thought. I thought he was good. There's so many good elements. I didn't really like the end. No spoilers, but I thought the end was a bit wonk.
Producer Vin
Just quite boring.
Ed Gamble
I didn't think it was boring already. I don't.
Matthew Crosby
I can't imagine the Safety Brothers making it.
Ed Gamble
I don't think they didn't. It's not. It's not boring, but it's just.
Producer Vin
I just don't care.
Matthew Crosby
Sorry. No, it's not Safdie. It's Josh Safdie, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.
Ed Gamble
Penn Jillette's in it and he's good.
Producer Vin
Everyone in it is good.
Ed Gamble
Yeah. Just don't care. It's not boring so much. Literally, so much stuff happens.
Matthew Crosby
No Teller.
Ed Gamble
No Teller.
Matthew Crosby
Gutted not to get the.
Ed Gamble
He had loads of lines Imagine. Then I went to see 28 years later, the Bone Temple. I loved it.
Matthew Crosby
I know a friend who fainted during it. So gory. They fainted.
Ed Gamble
There is a moment. There's a pretty. Pretty horrific. But so up my street. Really funny as well.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Ed Gamble
Well, just. I mean.
Matthew Crosby
Cause I'm thinking of taking the kids.
Ed Gamble
This afternoon about how much you know about what happens in it and if you know about the jimmies and all of that stuff. But it's brilliant. And there is one scene towards the end of the film which I. I think is my favorite scene in the history of cinema. I'm gonna have to see it a few times, but I was, like, almost on my feet, like, applauding. It was fantastic. And to link to that, I don't think this is a spoiler. I'm gonna backreck two songs that I've started listening to a huge amount.
Matthew Crosby
Okay.
Ed Gamble
One of them is. I won't say which one's connected to the film. One of them is Nine Inch Nails. We're in this together.
Matthew Crosby
Okay.
Ed Gamble
Which was on the Fragile. It's one of my favorite Nine Inch Nails albums. And that song is just. I've just almost like a ritual just been playing that every day.
Matthew Crosby
Great.
Ed Gamble
And the other is Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden, which is obviously perfect.
Matthew Crosby
Fantastic. Are you gonna go see Maiden at Nebworth?
Ed Gamble
I might try.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Ed Gamble
I might try. I've seen them a lot. Maiden.
Matthew Crosby
Yes. I've never seen them, I feel like.
Ed Gamble
And they're always fun.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah.
Ed Gamble
I would to love.
Matthew Crosby
Like to see them. That would be fun. Vin, what you got?
Producer Vin
I think the new Harry Styles song is brilliant.
Matthew Crosby
It is good, isn't it? Yeah. Let's just admit it's good.
Desiree Burch
It's.
Producer Vin
Well, it sounds like LCD sound system. That's why.
Matthew Crosby
Yeah, it's. LCD sound system is hot, Chip. It's that kind of thing, isn't it?
Producer Vin
Yeah, it's like. It's like the new.
Ed Gamble
The.
Producer Vin
The new Ben Howard stuff. It's really good. Sounds like Metronomy and I finished things that you should have done the cheese.
Ed Gamble
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Producer Vin
And in the last episode, it opens with a Gogglebox parody.
Ed Gamble
Yeah.
Producer Vin
And I think that's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Ed Gamble
Okay, great.
Producer Vin
It's so perfect for me. It's her playing all the Gogglebox people.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, well, that's.
Ed Gamble
Of course. That's your sew up your stream, and.
Producer Vin
Then it's those people watching Gogglebox watching the show.
Matthew Crosby
Oh, wow.
Producer Vin
It's like yeah, It's a couple of minutes long. She's put it on her socials as well. It's so much.
Ed Gamble
Great. I've watched it now. Brilliant.
Matthew Crosby
Fantastic. All right, well, have a lovely week, everybody. We will see you next week. We're live, of course, at 8:00am on a Sunday, but you can, of course. Listen, I won't be there, though. Oh, you're not?
Ed Gamble
Oh, I'm off on tour.
Matthew Crosby
That's right, you're off on tour.
Ed Gamble
I'm off to Canada in America. Yeah. So I'll see you in March.
Matthew Crosby
See you in March. Happy birthday.
Ed Gamble
Thank you.
Matthew Crosby
All right, well, will I see you just after or just.
Ed Gamble
You'll see me after.
Matthew Crosby
Happy birthday. I don't see you before.
Ed Gamble
Yes, thank you. You won't see me before.
Matthew Crosby
Well, I won't see you before. Happy birthday. Yeah, thank you and happy birthday. Thank you very much. There it goes.
Ed Gamble
You.
Matthew Crosby
You haven't seen me before. Have a lovely week, everybody.
Producer Vin
Bye.
Matthew Crosby
Bye, Ray.
Episode 345 – Desiree Burch / Warm Egg
Date: February 1, 2026
Duration Covered: 00:02–1:00:23
In this episode, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby (Crunch & Crumble) bring their trademark blend of improvisational comedy, listener interaction, and cultural commentary to their Sunday breakfast show on Radio X. The show features playful banter, listener emails, anecdotes of professional mishaps, a musical quiz, reflections on celebrity encounters, and an engaging guest segment with comedian Desiree Burch. True to their style, the conversation is chaotic, self-deprecating, and peppered with running gags, all wrapped in a tone that's affably irreverent yet oddly heartwarming.
[00:29–06:15]
"It's pretty weak to get your hair cut the way your wife wants it, isn't it?" – Ed [05:58]
“…like she gets to see it more than I do.”
[06:25–09:03]
[08:08–09:15]
“We really get the early risers, the go-getters, the true winners in life.” – Ed [08:44]
[11:19–12:47]
[12:53–15:45]
“So was it sort of like the covers of Mills and Boone novels?” – Ed, referencing Matthew’s AI haircut inspiration [05:29]
[16:09–25:27]
“There are just two hands… two big old yams in front of… It's so bad. It's insane.” – Matthew [23:35]
[25:27–35:41]
“If you ever wanted to change topics, just mention the Wimbledon Brewery.” – Matthew, on Vin’s tangents [29:13]
[30:47–32:09]
[32:15–35:41]
[36:07–50:53]
“You have to figure out an entirely different game plan… all the stuff that got you into adulthood is not the stuff that’s going to get you through.” – Desiree [37:22]
“Start working on just a starter personality because you’re gonna need it when your body starts falling apart.” – Desiree [39:22]
“There’s a lot of really rich people here… I don’t know what anyone does for this money.” – Desiree [45:28]
[50:59–59:57]
This episode encapsulates everything listeners love about Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby: playful ribbing, absurdist flights of fancy, emotional honesty about creative failure, and unpredictable digressions. Desiree Burch’s appearance adds both insight and an irreverent, candid perspective on life’s big transitions, with standout honesty about aging and social inequality. Amidst the japes, the episode manages—almost accidentally—a meditation on personal growth, embarrassment, and the joy of shared mess-ups.
[End of Summary]