Episode 348 – Met Office Instagram (with Rhys James)

Summary

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Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby on Radio X

Episode 347: Met Office Instagram (with Rhys James)

Date: February 22, 2026
Guests: Rhys James (co-hosting in Ed's absence)
Producer: Vin

Episode Overview

This week, with Ed Gamble on tour in North America, Matthew Crosby is joined by comedian Rhys James for another characteristically loose, tangential and listener-led episode. Jokes about sincerity, vivid dreams, accidental texts, minor road rage, and British comedy culture take centre stage. The show also features the trademark news quiz "Rofle the Week", a review of Saltburn, listener messages, and the usual friendly bickering and British cultural references.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Guest Host: The "Edless" Era

• Rhys James steps in for Ed, joking about Ed's lack of energy and fake sincerity.
• Banter about Rhys' inability to convey sincerity in relationships (“We can't get married because it would sound so sarcastic. It would be, ‘Yes, I do. Fine, I do. Christ, come on.’” —Rhys, 01:12).

Mock the Week Returns & The Comedy Industry

• Listener Email: Recommends the hosts for a returning "Mock the Week" and jokes about Rhys needing "a win".
• Rhys reflects on comedic career cycles and chasing the next thing:

  “Sometimes actually…in your career you just wait, and the old thing comes back.” —Matthew, 02:46

• Satirical exchange about TV moving from BBC to TLC and media “free speech” perceptions:

  “We’re unleashed! All the newspapers that hated it when it was on BBC now say, ‘This is brilliant.’” —Rhys, 03:46

Comedic "Skills" & Listener Participation

• Cool But Undercredited Talents:
  • Listener Tom shares his “T-shirt flick” trick, sparking chat about unremarkable skills (07:10).
  • Debates about mispronunciations—a “sandwich” vs. “samwich” vs. “sanger”—moving into affectionate partner digs (“I argue with her because she says bold instead of bald” —Rhys, 08:12).
• Who Did You Used to Look Like?:
  Childhood celebrity lookalikes, e.g., Bob Hoskins, Gareth Bale, Frankie Cocozza—with a diversion about viral videos and pop culture minutiae (13:21).

Anxiety Dreams, Family Mishaps, and Mobile-Mayhem

• Dream chat: Rhys dreams about Matthew’s sketch group, leading to discussion on meaning vs. nonsense of dreams (17:45).
• Rhys’s dad “emergency” in Dublin: accidental 999 call leads to mild panic and a family group chat, only to resolve with his dad’s Mark Twain-level comeback:

  “Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.” —Rhys quoting his dad, 24:24

• Opens listener messages: “Worst thing you’ve accidentally done with your phone?”
  • Notable: ‘I pooed on my phone’ & classic misdirected, explicit workplace texts (26:04–29:03).
  • Parental accidental insults and full-force “gaslighting” to explain away mis-sent texts (32:07).

Road Rage and Social Farce

• Vin’s Road Rage Story:
  • Details a cyclist vs. Range Rover altercation culminating in a stand-off:

    “Show me I’m a Ding Dong!” —Range Rover driver, via Vin (36:18)

  • Riffs on the futility of proving someone’s a “ding dong” and the comedy of escalated aggression (39:00).
• Matthew's “gentle beep” misinterpreted by pedestrians, highlighting British passive aggression and social awkwardness (40:03).

TV and Quiz Fun: "Rofle the Week"

• News Quiz Concept: Guess if BBC News WhatsApp stories get “more or fewer laughing emojis” than the last.
  • Comedy is found in the banality and occasional incongruity of news headlines ("Zero LOLs” for story about gold bars donated to fix Japanese water system! —51:36).
  • Banter about why certain stories inexplicably get “LOL” reacts; meta-jokes about the flawed game design (44:58 onwards).

Film Review: Saltburn

• Rhys reviews Saltburn—with little preparation, mimicking Ed’s “bring nothing” energy (56:40).
  • They praise the absurdity and comedy of the film, zeroing in on infamous scenes and accents (“Good thing I’m a vampire!” and the improvised “making love to a grave”).
  • Discussion about critics misreading genre (“It’s really an episode of Hollyoaks, not a period piece about class.” —Rhys, 59:55).

Listener Messages (Throughout)

• Rich vein of quirky, personal, and often bathroom-based listener stories.
• Running joke: “What are the weirdest things Matthew has ever said?” (57:26).

Comedy Panel Show Stats & Games

• Outro Game: Guessing the number of panel appearances by regulars on “Mock the Week”—deep cut for aficionados ("Rob Beckett, 20; Josh Widdicombe, 23; Maisie Adam, 15", etc., 68:45 onwards).

Recommendations ("Beckenham Recs")

• TV: Industry Series 4, new Simon Mayhew Archer show with Dawn French (Can You Keep a Secret?), Lisa McGee’s How to Get to Heaven from Belfast.
• Book: Slag (“Really good—no pictures, but really good stuff.” —Rhys, 74:57)
• Film: Bones and All (Vin recommends, 80:26).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On performing sincerity:

  “We can’t get married because it would sound so sarcastic. It would be, ‘Yes, I do. Fine, I do. Christ, come on.’” —Rhys James (01:12)

• On TV moving from BBC to TLC:

  “We can finally tell it like it is... But every newspaper says, ‘They’re unleashed!’... No, we’re saying the same things.” —Rhys James (03:46)

• Mock the Week’s “Free Speech”:

  “You’re one of the last bastions of free speech.” —Matthew Crosby (03:48)

• Rhys’s dad after the accidental 999 call:

  “Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.” —Rhys’s dad via Rhys James (24:24)

• On aggressive Range Rover driver:

  “Show me I’m a Ding Dong!” —Vin quoting driver (36:18)

• On dream analysis:

  “Dreams are nonsense cartoons.” —Rhys James (19:05)

• On Saltburn reviews:

  “Had it received a lot of criticism...because it was being reviewed as an actual period piece about class...and really, it’s an episode of Hollyoaks.” —Rhys James (59:46)

• On comedy quiz formats:

  “It may not be as formatted as Mock the Week.” —Matthew Crosby (52:28)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:00 | Opening banter: Rhys subbing for Ed, jokes about energy and sincerity
• 02:23–04:15 | Listener email triggers discussion about Mock the Week, comedy cycles
• 06:53–09:00 | “Cool but under-credited skills”; sandwich vs. samwich, mispronounced words
• 17:45–20:23 | Dream analysis and accidental panic after Rhys’s dad’s 999 call
• 22:31–29:30 | Mobile misadventures: accidental texts and poo-related phone mishaps
• 33:32–39:19 | Producer Vin’s Brixton road rage episode
• 40:03–41:26 | Matthew’s “gentle beep” misunderstanding
• 44:48–54:46 | "Rofle the Week" news quiz segment
• 56:40–63:45 | Saltburn film review
• 68:45–72:45 | Mock the Week panel stats guessing game
• 73:42–81:01 | Recommendations (TV, film, books), extended closing banter

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Tone & Language

• Playful, rapid-fire banter, loaded with self-deprecating humour and snarky asides.
• Tangential, conversational flow with plenty of in-jokes referencing British pop culture, comedy panel shows, and personal quirks.
• Regular callbacks and running gags ensure an inclusive “listener family” atmosphere.

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For New Listeners

Expect a show that’s more about the journey than the destination—rambling, silly and quick-witted, soaked in British comedy lore, and always ready to take a detour for the sake of a gag or a text-in story. The episode is a patchwork of banter, games, and affectionate mockery, making it equally accessible and rewarding for die-hard fans or anyone craving friendly laughter with a heavy dose of references.

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Transcript

[Matthew Crosby]

This is a Global Player original podcast. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X. Hello, everybody, and welcome to the podcast of the radio show that Ed Gamble and I like to do on the radio on a Sunday morning. Well, I say we like to do it. I like to do it.

[Rhys James]

You do it. You do it.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, I love doing it. I honestly, Ed doesn't really do it. Ed doesn't do it. That's it. And when he does do it, he doesn't like to do it.

[Rhys James]

No, he doesn't. Yeah. I mean, to be honest, I've not come in with loads of energy this morning.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, you're absolutely.

[Rhys James]

But it's a lot. I'm trying to do a like, for, like, substitution. Do you know? Yeah, yes. I'm bringing what Ed would bring.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're bringing what Ed would bring, which is, let's face it, nothing. No, Ed, of course. Ed, of course, is wonderful. We love having Ed around. But for five weeks he's off and so Rhys James is here. Welcome, Rhys.

[Rhys James]

Thank you.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's great to have you on the show.

[Rhys James]

Great to be here, as always. Always sounds. I never make it sound like. I mean that it's great to be here, but this is as sincere as my voice goes. What's.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is this a problem in your relationship? Would you say that? You know, a sort of lack of, like a lack of sincerity? Not a lack of sincerity, but a lack of being able to convey sincerity.

[Rhys James]

We can't. We're not getting married because we can't. Because it would sound suck. It would be. Yes, I do. Fine. I do. Christ. Come on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, get on with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I, Yeah, I think that must be very tricky. At what point when you, you know, when you, when you said to. Your, said to your partner, you know, the first time you said I love

[Rhys James]

you, she said, can you stop emphasizing I in I love you? Well, I love you.

[Matthew Crosby]

Nobody else.

[Rhys James]

Someone has to love you.

[Matthew Crosby]

Looking around. Sure. Muggin's over here. Anyway. Yes, it's great. It's great to have you on the show. Should we read a few, A few emails? There's an odd one here from Amelia that actually references you.

[Rhys James]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

But it's, it's, it's. It's addressed to us, but it references you and it says, dear Crob, let nimble and guilty as Finn happy radio dads. Don't mind if I do. I was speaking to Dar o' Brien last night about the Mock the Week return and asked, and he asked if I had any suggestions for serious contributors. I've. I said I've no better or more niche knowledge of the comedy scene than him, but as always, I recommend the two of you. Thank you very much. Dara is quick to express his regret at Matthew and Co's permanent move to Ireland, as the performance industry as a whole would miss him dearly. We also agreed that a series renewal.

[Rhys James]

Before we get into the next sentence. Yeah, well, is. Can any of this be true?

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, let's. Let's. Let's find out. Let's get into the next sentence. We also agreed that a series renewal was a great relief because Rhys James really needed a win.

[Rhys James]

I agree with that. I agree with that. But here I am, and you've got it.

[Matthew Crosby]

You've got your win.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, but, you know, all I did in the interim was sort of fill in for Ed on here Sometimes. Now I'm back here. So it's not ideal, is it?

[Matthew Crosby]

But you know what? Sometimes. Sometimes actually, like. Cause people are always chasing the next thing. What you've actually got to do something in your career is wait, and the old thing comes back.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't go chasing the next big thing.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Well, I think you're gonna say, don't go chasing waterfalls if we're on tlc would have been a step too far. There is something of the Monkey Paw wish about my life at the moment, which is, you know, as a teenager watching Mock the Week, I'd have gone, it is literally my dream to one day be Russell Howard or Frankie Boyle on that show. And then, you know, you wish on a Monkey Paw. It's true. But it's tl. But now I'm on TLC and Discovery, plus I'm in the wider Warner Brothers world. I can see what a fantastic organization it is and what an honor it is to be part of it. And it's far better than the BBC because we can finally tell it like it is and say the exact same things we were saying before. But for some reason, every single newspaper thinks that the. We're unleashed. Every single. All the newspapers that hated it when it was on the BBC are now saying, this is brilliant.

[Matthew Crosby]

How refreshing.

[Rhys James]

And you go, yeah, you just hate the BBC.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. You're one of the last bastions of free speech. Yeah, exactly, George.

[Rhys James]

Saying the same stuff. It just goes on for a bit longer. That's it. And then everyone's going, God, how refreshing is this? It's totally different. The BBC wouldn't let them say anything. No, no, no. They'd let us say this.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. And the same stuff. And also, you know, Mark, the week is. It's cautious, isn't it? Because it is still a comedy show. So it's not. Yeah, no one's ever. It's, you know, you're not tackling Gaza, for example, because what's. Where are the lulz.

[Rhys James]

Exactly. And, you know, I don't have any suggestions. No, I don't have any suggestions that haven't been suggested.

[Matthew Crosby]

It'd be mad if Dara saved it.

[Rhys James]

I've got nothing.

[Matthew Crosby]

D. Tara's cracked it. No one expected.

[Rhys James]

But also, I like that Amelia has decided to recommend comedian Ed Gamble to go and mock the week.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very good choice.

[Rhys James]

That would be a good idea, I think.

[Vin]

His ex.

[Rhys James]

Mad.

[Matthew Crosby]

Mad. They haven't asked him. Really.

[Rhys James]

I think he's done, I'm gonna guess, 38 episodes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you know what? There's a game in this.

[Rhys James]

How many episodes?

[Matthew Crosby]

There's a game. It's not a long game. No, no, no.

[Rhys James]

You mean who's done the most episodes.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, no. Who's done the most. I'll tell you a name and I guess the number. You've got to guess the number. We'll do that in the outro. There we go. Nice to have something ready for the outro. Yes. And of course, my permanent move to Ireland. Why would me moving to Ireland stop me from working?

[Rhys James]

Well, mock the week's not recorded there.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, but Dara moves over, doesn't he?

[Rhys James]

I don't. No, he doesn't commute from Ireland.

[Matthew Crosby]

He does.

[Rhys James]

He commutes from Chiswick.

[Matthew Crosby]

He doesn't. He gets in a helicopter like Locan Roy.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he doesn't duck when he walks in Crusade.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, he doesn't.

[Rhys James]

Because really rich people know they're not

[Matthew Crosby]

going to be hit by the propeller. Yeah, exactly.

[Rhys James]

Even though he is massive, but he doesn't duck. But he constantly gets hit by the tabella.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's constantly.

[Rhys James]

Because he's been hit so many times, he forgets every time.

[Matthew Crosby]

Have since checked. And vivid dreams are, in fact, a common side effect of my new medication. Okay, here's to many more. Yes, of course, it was just a vivid dream that motherheet was coming back.

[Rhys James]

No. Yeah. You'll never find it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Looking forward to seeing Matthew speaking on this album podcast at the end of the month. Oh, yeah, don't forget, folks, if you want to come and see me at wherever it is, it'll be on my Instagram. I'm doing. I'm talking about the. The Talking Heads live album. Stop making sense.

[Vin]

Have you sourced a big suit yet?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, you've got to do that.

[Rhys James]

I've always got one.

[Matthew Crosby]

And actually a big suit on Ivo will be a really big suit on me. Yeah, I should speak to. I've got. I'll send over.

[Rhys James]

That's what I meant. Yeah. I've always got a normal suit you could wear.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Yes. Kisses and cuddles. Amelia. Thank you, Amelia. Now again we're gonna talk about your anxiety dreams.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, later on. That's coming up in the episode.

[Matthew Crosby]

So that's very, very active.

[Rhys James]

It's a dream based app.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a dream based app. Well, it's a total dream to have you here.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, it is a bit of an anxiety dream to be here.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a dream booking. Do you want to read Tom's message? Have you got the emails there?

[Rhys James]

I think this is. This is a good one. Crunch, Crumble and Vincent Bystander. You must have had that one before Vincent Bystander. That's a good.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's a good one.

[Rhys James]

That's a really good one.

[Matthew Crosby]

And by the way, as you'll find

[Rhys James]

out, not necessarily a Vincent Bystander.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's not so Vinnison.

[Rhys James]

Certainly not a.

[Matthew Crosby]

No.

[Rhys James]

I can take my T shirt off and in one fluid motion flick it off my arms and grab it again by the shoulders before it hits the floor. I like this. Which made me think of the text of what cool thing can you do that doesn't get enough credit. Also, why do people say sandwich? Who is Sam? Good luck, Tom.

[Matthew Crosby]

Good luck, Tom.

[Rhys James]

I think you've gotta, you've gotta pick one subject to stick to.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, by the way, we get the listeners. We deserve every message. It's like. And by the way, I also once saw a vole and it made me feel weird. And that's. And we're like, oh, yeah, that was a text, wasn't it?

[Rhys James]

What.

[Matthew Crosby]

What animal have you seen? How does it make you feel?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, well, what cool things can you guys do that you don't get enough credit for anything?

[Matthew Crosby]

I mean, I've never done anything cool in my entire life.

[Rhys James]

You can't do any. There's nothing. Okay. Not even necessarily cool. Is there anything you think you must.

[Vin]

Similar to that you must do? You do that thing where when you take your pants off, you flick them up in with your catcher. Yeah, yeah, I do that every day.

[Rhys James]

Went through a big phase of trying to kick my chewing gum into a bin.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah. And it sticks to the trainer.

[Rhys James]

It never really works. Yeah, you just kick it onto the pavement and then I have to go Pick it up. You know, pretty pathetic.

[Matthew Crosby]

You know the guy who kicked the water bottle and it landed up in the end. Up in the bin.

[Rhys James]

That.

[Matthew Crosby]

That viral clip. Yeah, that was me.

[Rhys James]

No way.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that was me.

[Rhys James]

No way. Charlie's the guy who bit my finger. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And of course, we do also need to answer the question. Why do people say Sam Witch. Who is Sam?

[Rhys James]

Yeah. I don't like it when people do that. I have a big arg. My. I think my girlfriend does that. And I argue with her because she also says bold instead of bald.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bold.

[Rhys James]

This is bold. He's a bold.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's a bold man.

[Rhys James]

He's a bold man. Yeah. And it really annoys me and. And people. I. I don't mind it when a cockney does it. Like, he's bold. Yeah, but she's not a cockney. I mean, I wish she was.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not even for one word.

[Rhys James]

I wish she was a cockney. But she's not. She. But she always says bold. And I'm all. I grit my teeth, especially because she's criticizing my hairline. But you're going bold.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're going bold.

[Rhys James]

You're going bold.

[Matthew Crosby]

Mate, I think you need to chill out about that.

[Rhys James]

Well, I'm not going to. I'm losing my hair over it. And sandwich. I think she'd probably say. She might say that as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sandwich.

[Rhys James]

Sandwich. Yeah. I don't have as much of an issue with that. That's just. It seems quicker.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sandwich.

[Rhys James]

Sandwich.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's sandwich.

[Rhys James]

It's like when Rory Stewart says suit. He's wearing a tracksuit. A suit. Yeah, he's wearing a tissue. And I think. Come on, mate. I know that's probably right, but a tissue. A tissue.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a tissue of lies.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Tissue.

[Rhys James]

Tissue.

[Matthew Crosby]

It should sound a bit like someone sneezing.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, exactly. Suit.

[Matthew Crosby]

Suits.

[Rhys James]

Tracksuit.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a tracksuit. It's a tracksuit, Rory.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, exactly.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a tracksuit, Rory. Yeah, I think.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I mean, is. Is it a. The thing is, though, I. Is she doing it for fun? Because sometimes it is fun to mispronounce words.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. She might even call it a Sammy.

[Matthew Crosby]

What do you say that? I know. I don't mind Sammy. What about a Sanger?

[Rhys James]

Oh, actually, no, that's it. That's what she does. She says. She says sandwich on purpose. S, A, N, G. She says sandwich.

[Vin]

That's funny.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think that's funny.

[Rhys James]

She says that. That's it. It's not sandwich. She wouldn't say that. Sandwich is what a toddler would Say she says sang. And then she'll say in a text she would say, can you get me a sang? S, A N, G. And I do know what that means.

[Matthew Crosby]

A lovely sanger.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. So fair enough. That's not bad.

[Matthew Crosby]

Get it? A sang. I like it. I'm on her side.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, you know what?

[Vin]

So am I now.

[Matthew Crosby]

Largely. Largely, you're on her side, but not necessarily. Speaking of cockneys, this is from Charlotte. Who says not remotely Asian.

[Vin]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

Happy radio, lads.

[Vin]

Don't make eye contact with me when you.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, listen, listen. You were the one who found it so funny in the first place and you're the reason we ended up talking about people being remotely Asian.

[Vin]

You've been addressing the entire conversation to Rhys and then you turn to me

[Matthew Crosby]

and say, because it'll be mad if he hadn't heard the bit about us talking about remotely Asian. And I just do it to read.

[Rhys James]

That is true. But I didn't remember it. So when that happened, I was thinking, I don't want to be part of this.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I shouldn't have to go to the HR meeting about this. I'm only in for this week.

[Matthew Crosby]

Are you not coming back next week?

[Rhys James]

Oh, yeah, next week and the week after.

[Matthew Crosby]

Fingers crossed. Ivo again,

[Rhys James]

of course, as established last week. Yes, because he was born in Japan.

[Matthew Crosby]

Exactly.

[Vin]

He's remotely doesn't want to talk about it.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, it's weird that, isn't it? I say it's the most interesting thing, thing I've ever heard about anyone is that Ivo Graham is born in Japan. Every time you mention it, he's just sort of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's talk about Eaton.

[Matthew Crosby]

So, in response to last week's feature, who did you used to look like? I'm told that as a baby and toddler in the early 90s, I look like Bob Hoskins because of my unusually square shaped head and lack of hair. Now an adult woman, the comparisons have dropped off. Also a who? Do you not know who they is? For me, Bob Hoskins. I know what he looks like. But who is.

[Rhys James]

Good one, actually. Yeah, I'm with you on that, Charlotte. I know he looks like. I don't know. He is.

[Vin]

Well, he's the guy from the Sheila video, the Jamie T song. That's Bob Hoskins.

[Rhys James]

And that's. And that launched him. Yeah, he was launched by Jamie T.

[Vin]

That's all you need to know.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

In the same way that Courtney Cox's career was launched by being in the dance Dancing in the Dark video. It was like who's this? Who's this young buck? We've got to get him in some movies 25 years earlier. That's it for me. He's the. It's good to talk bloke. Oh, and of course, the original Super Mario, before Chris Pratt came in and took over, he was Super Mario.

[Vin]

Was he?

[Matthew Crosby]

What?

[Rhys James]

In a live action.

[Matthew Crosby]

In a live action Super Mario. Super Mario. He was Super Mario from when? 91. 92.

[Rhys James]

There was a live action Super Mario in 91?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Wow.

[Matthew Crosby]

You know what? Wow, it's great. Do you know what? It's great to blow people's minds.

[Rhys James]

I thought that the novelty of Chris Pratt doing it was like, I can't believe they're making a live action Super Mario. Well, it wasn't the first time ever.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah. It's not. It's not a live action. The one they've made now.

[Rhys James]

Oh, yeah, it's a common.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right, sorry.

[Rhys James]

Maybe I was watching the Bob Hoskins one. Wow. They're so retro looking.

[Matthew Crosby]

They've actually gone back and redubbed. Redubbed Bob Hoskins with Chris Pratt's voice.

[Rhys James]

Wait, so the current one is not the one that was out recently? That's not live, actually.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's a cartoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah. Chris Pratt doesn't look like a little small Italian plumber, whereas Bob Hoskins kind of does.

[Rhys James]

Okay, fine, fine.

[Matthew Crosby]

If Bob Hoskins hopped out of a Range Rover. Oh, no, that's. That's for later in the show. You can enjoy that later on. But yes, we're still not gonna. We're not gonna properly tell you who Bob Hoskins.

[Rhys James]

Well, the people I used to look like. Gareth Bale. I used to look a lot like Gareth Bale used to look like. So me and Gareth. There was a period where me and Gareth Bale looked exactly the same. Yeah, I used to look like Frankie Cocoza.

[Matthew Crosby]

Because you did also have that sort of swept over, kind of like.

[Rhys James]

Sort of. Yeah, Y. I had that for a while.

[Matthew Crosby]

The kind of grungy haircut.

[Rhys James]

People would. I. People would shout Frankie Cosa at me in the street.

[Matthew Crosby]

I met Frankie Kosa in the street.

[Rhys James]

Oh, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

My wife and I met. No, no, it was. It was while. It was while he was on the telly. He. My wife and I were out. Were out for lunch. We met him. We had a photo. Oh, my God. The Facebook likes. It was pre Instagram. The Facebook likes off the chain.

[Rhys James]

And of course, now her name is tattooed on his bum.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right. That's behavior. That is behavior. Do you remember that?

[Rhys James]

Oh yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

That is behavior. That is behavior. When he saw, when he show, I think as well it's a different time where you've got two very high up people in the music industry, Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow and they say to a young artist, would you please show us your arse before we begin hearing you sing. The arse is crucial. We need to see how good that arse is first and then you can sing your little song.

[Rhys James]

That's behavior. Did he think so that was his thing that he was trying to start. Is that what it was?

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, no, Gary Barlow. It was either Gary Barlow or Robbie Williams was going, that's behavior. That's behavior.

[Rhys James]

Did they think that would catch on?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. And then again Gary said to him one time, the one thing I don't want to see you do is behave. Right. And then obviously he's going out every night, getting hammered, showing up, not knowing the words of the songs and Gary Barlow's like, okay, well I might have created a bit of a monster here.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, just pretend not to behave.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, exactly. Like do the X factor version of not behaving. Yeah, don't give us. Anyway, does anyone, does anyone know what we're talking about now? Because this really is very involved.

[Rhys James]

A few weeks in a row for you. Skipped a week. But didn't Ivo talk about looking like an X Factor person? Owen Quigg. And there was a big vicars chat as well. Wow. Radio shows from yesteryear.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's the, this is the thing when you get a Crosby you're not going to get up to. That's why I've got to do the news based quiz because the only topical

[Rhys James]

stuff we hear of anything that's going on in the modern world, it's the

[Matthew Crosby]

only time you hear me talk about Etsy. Anyway, we should, we should play the episode for you guys. So Vin is going to get these. Get the tape up.

[Rhys James]

Here we go again.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's gonna get the fish. And do remember guys, when you hear beep, that is, that means to turn over the cassette. There is more show on the other side. See you very soon.

[Vin]

Bye bye.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. Ray D O X. This is a little tribute to my guest and also my favorite TV channel. Rhys James is a guy you have to try when you don't have an Ed Gamble. A sweet young lad and pale as a ghost. And he's this week's co host. So yes, he's a male comedian. Yes. He's been on Mock the Week. Yes. He's got a nice neat haircut. Yes. He's got angular cheek bones. I would like Rhys James to host on Radio X with M. Crosby. Ed's not here this morn cause his gooch got torn. So Rhys is the man for me. I would like Rhys James to join me today so it doesn't get awkward. There now is a tune you're like by the cheeky White Stripes. And the song is Blue Orchid. Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby with Rhys James. Radio X Ed Gamble is not here. He's on his tour of North America. Rhys James, the wonderful Rhys James is here. It's great to have you here.

[Rhys James]

Always a treat. Ivo Graham not available as well. Ivo, Ed's not available and Ivo are reduced.

[Matthew Crosby]

Are you refused to do more than two weeks?

[Rhys James]

He does two and then he can't hack it.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's a two and out kind of guy.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, you can't lose three Saturday nights in a row, can he?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, he can't. He's a. He loves his Saturday nights.

[Rhys James]

He does.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's a. You know, he's. He's king of clubland, as we talked about before. He's very much.

[Rhys James]

You know, he's DJ Fat Tony.

[Matthew Crosby]

He is very. He's DJ Fat Tony. He's Peter Stringfellow. Yeah, he's gonna, he's, he's.

[Rhys James]

He.

[Matthew Crosby]

He rules Soho.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, exactly.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's what he's got it does.

[Rhys James]

He prowls around.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's probably out there now prowling around Soho, handing out flyers for his. For his Arctic Monkeys club mates, trying to drum up some support. He doesn't need to. Reece, how you doing, man?

[Rhys James]

Very well. You. The concept of you featured in my dream today.

[Matthew Crosby]

The very concept of you.

[Rhys James]

The concept of you. What happened is I approached. I was on the set of a big American comedy TV format. Okay. Which wasn't snl, but sort of was snl. You know what dreams are like.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah. Every single one of my dreams isn't snl, but it is snl. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

It was sort of like tnl, probably. And I saw a desk of two very stressed looking men who were clearly sort of in charge of the show. They were the other two members of your sketch troupe. They were Ben.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ben Clark and Tom Parry, let's name them.

[Rhys James]

And they were looking really stressed. And I said, everything all right? And they were like, God, it's just so hard to get this going, like to make funny stuff. And I said, oh, do you think you're missing anything? And they Both went. And then my alarm went off. So there we go. And now I'm here.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay, I wasn't expecting this because there's a lot to unpick here because. Why are you having my dreams? That's the weirdest thing, is that.

[Rhys James]

Why are you having my anxiety down? It was your naked body.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right. Well, we've got very similar naked bodies. Of course, that fits in with our texter. Whose naked body do you used to look like?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, of course, of course, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

So are you a kind of person? Who. Will you then go, okay, well, I need to look at which bit of that is me in the dream. What do I need to unpick it or is it just your brain? It's just your brain taking a big dump.

[Rhys James]

I think there's too much to analyze in real consciousness to waste time on dreams, which are nonsense cartoons.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you think this.

[Rhys James]

I'm sorry, you're trying to get five links out of this.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm trying.

[Rhys James]

Okay. Yes, yes, I do analyze and let's talk about it.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, I'm just. I just feel like that's your brain trying to tell you something.

[Rhys James]

But then I've got to go and meet you in a minute.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's.

[Rhys James]

My train was going. Wake up Matthew. You need to go and find Matthew Crosby and do a radio show, otherwise

[Matthew Crosby]

you can't do this show.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, that's what it felt like. It was really, because the alarm went off and it was me. Like, you know that bit when you first wake up and you think what? You're not aware of the world? You don't know what your plans are? Yeah. You're like, what the hell's going on? Why is an alarm going off?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Normally I march to the beat of my own drum.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely.

[Rhys James]

And it's 6am or whatever on a Sunday. Who does this? You. Every week.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I love it.

[Rhys James]

And so then I was just like, oh, no, it was saying that because it was just get ahead of the game. You need to go to Radio X.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, I think there's. I think there's some more deep seated trauma that we need to unpick. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby this week with. Rhys James, Radio X. So I'm just saying you probably have some issues with your parents or something like that. I don't know. Anyway, we'll talk more. We'll talk more about it. We'll talk more about it. It later. Of course. Rhys James is here. I'm Matthew Crosby, this is Radio X. Let's, let's in Your waking life. How are you? I mean, you've talked about your dream life, but how you're in your waking life. What's going on?

[Rhys James]

Well, you said issues with your parents. I had an issue with my parents this week.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's all fitting together, isn't it?

[Rhys James]

It does actually all connect. This is weird. It goes all the way to the top of my subconscious. I received a text from my father this week that said, this Number has dialed 999 and you are an emergency contact. So you are being alerted to this. This is his location. And it was Dublin. He was in Dublin High street and he'd called 999. And so then I'd start texting my brother and mother saying, have you got this? And they were like, yeah. And I've tried calling him, not heard anything. Can't get hold of him or whatever. And we were all just going, what the hell's going on here? Desperately trying to get hold of my dad. Was he on a stack, thinking there

[Matthew Crosby]

was some sort of staging?

[Rhys James]

We didn't know he was on a work trip, but we know what that means, of course.

[Matthew Crosby]

A work trip to Dublin.

[Rhys James]

I'm sorry. Exact.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sorry.

[Rhys James]

And it was. Yeah, it was about 7pm and also. But then we thought, well, the person who dials 999 isn't necessarily the one you should be worried about the most.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's true. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So we were like, maybe this is all right. And it's also just like, yeah, he's not picking up because he's on the phone to the police.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Or worse, I guess I'd say fire is the one I want him to have the most. Police. Wait. Sorry, Chris, if we're gonna rank what you want your dad. Which emergency service you want your dad to have called.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. You don't want it to be lifeboats.

[Rhys James]

Wait, is that 999? Surely not.

[Matthew Crosby]

Of course it is. Lifeboats. Yeah.

[Vin]

Coast Guard. Coast Guard. Right.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, yeah, yeah. Coast Guard lifeboats.

[Vin]

I think there's a difference.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, you're right. Coast Guard is Mitch Buchanan in his little shorts. Whereas the other remote life has additional

[Rhys James]

botanics, charity boxes you can put a coin in.

[Matthew Crosby]

And they should if they're desperately underfunded.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah.

[Vin]

But.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. You think ambulance is the one I least want him to be calling.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yep.

[Rhys James]

Fire brigade is the one I most want him to be calling. Out of the three. The big three. Let's go. Big three, sure. Because he's inside a building spotting a fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scene of fire. Yeah, yeah. And police. Yeah, police bang in the middle. Right, okay, agreed.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sure. I'll accept that. Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Right. Well, then we can move on. Thank you.

[Matthew Crosby]

I just think Lifeboat should be in it. Anyway. Listen, we're gonna find out exactly what your dad. What happens to your dad?

[Rhys James]

My God, the suspense.

[Matthew Crosby]

What a cliffhanger. Matthew Crosby and the little squirt.

[Rhys James]

Radio X. I got a text that said, this Number has dialed 999 and then his location, which was Dublin. This text was also sent to my family, but we then spent ages trying to get hold of him and couldn't get hold of him.

[Matthew Crosby]

But you knew he was in Dublin. He was there for a works event.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that.

[Matthew Crosby]

That bit was legit?

[Rhys James]

That bit was. Yeah, it wasn't. So it didn't feel like crazy to go, he's had an emergency. He's realized he's in Dublin by mistake and called. Called the police.

[Vin]

Did the text just. It just had that information. It didn't say, get in touch with him or was it asking anything of you?

[Rhys James]

Well, I don't think so. I think it's just a note by

[Vin]

you that this has happened.

[Matthew Crosby]

It wasn't saying, please transfer £500,000 into this account in order for him.

[Rhys James]

Well, it was, but only so that he could, because the calls to 999 cost quite a lot. It's a premium phone. That's why they leave you on hold for so long. It says, emergency sos. Dad called emergency services from this approximate location. You are receiving this message because he has listed you as an emergency contact. Oh, yeah.

[Vin]

So, yeah, it's just letting you know

[Rhys James]

it's keeping you in the lead, saying. So just, you know, panic about that for a bit. It's not helpful, is it?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no.

[Rhys James]

And you, especially when you can't get in touch with.

[Matthew Crosby]

No one can get in touch with dad. That's the crucial thing. You're in touch with the rest of your family, but no one can get in touch with dad. What happened?

[Rhys James]

Well, what. He had gone in. That had obviously happened by accident in his pocket in cybercrusty. And then he had gone into the theater. So it happened, I think, in the process of trying to put his phone on silent or whatever, or put it in his jacket and sat on it.

[Matthew Crosby]

He'd called the police.

[Rhys James]

He'd called the police in the theater. Thank God they didn't turn up. He would have thought it was part of the play. He would have thought, this is the immersive. Theaters got incredible. They burst through the door going Police, you know. But he. Then I just received a call from him at 10pm and answered it and he just. I said, hello, and he just said, rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, I love it.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Very obviously spoken to the rest of my family. Called me last, obviously. Classic. But, you know. So that is the text I was trying to prompt, which wasn't, what do you think happened to Reece's dad? Was, what's the worst thing you've ever accidentally done on your phone?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, do we. Do we go down that rabbit hole?

[Rhys James]

Could it be too unbroadcastable, do you think?

[Vin]

Let's do it for a link and then stop it.

[Rhys James]

It's sent a text to the wrong person. I'm thinking PC stuff. I'm not thinking necessarily PG stuff. Sorry, not PC stuff. Feel free to go non PC.

[Matthew Crosby]

What's the worst thing you've done on your PC is. Let's not go down that either.

[Rhys James]

So that's your hard drives, guys.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. Defrag them now. So. Yes, let's do it. 83936 on the.

[Rhys James]

No one will have anything.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sure. Let's find out. Let's find out. Let's trust our listeners. 8393.

[Vin]

We can't trust because I. To the question, what had Reece's dad done? And he had texted in, I think Rhys dad hurt his perineum doing a skateboard trick and ran the Coast Guard in a panic.

[Matthew Crosby]

Pretty close.

[Vin]

We can't trust these listeners.

[Matthew Crosby]

It was pretty close to the correct answer.

[Rhys James]

It wasn't far away, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, like, maybe he just didn't want to admit that. So he claimed to have gone to the theater that could, you know. We don't really know.

[Matthew Crosby]

We don't know.

[Rhys James]

We weren't there.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's his very unreliable words.

[Vin]

That's true. Did you ask him about the place?

[Rhys James]

Actually, should I check the location on the thing? It could be at a skate park. Yeah, if it's at a skate park on the coast.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby with Rhys

[Rhys James]

James, Radio X. Joe in Fairgreen has texted saying I got caught short in the woods and had to have a number two trousers down and release, which is a horrible phrase.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, my God.

[Rhys James]

Unfortunately, my phone had fallen out of my back pocket and I pooed on it. Worst thing I've done on my phone. I will say, Joe, I don't believe you. I think you've heard the phrase done on my phone and run with it. And runs with it.

[Matthew Crosby]

No. Oh, my God.

[Rhys James]

Fair Enough. Fair green to you, Joe. Fair green to you. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Wowee. Well, that's sort of the thing that's sort of absolutely the opposite of what we're after. 83936 on the texter. Of course you can WhatsApp us through the global player. This is more in the realm of what we were expecting. This is from David in Glasgow who says Sent. Sent. The phrase. What a rude word.

[Rhys James]

Sure.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've omitted the rude word here. But it's a bad word. It seemed arguably the worst. Yes. Sent. What a bad word. To my boss privately instead of my colleague in response to something my boss said in the work group chat.

[Rhys James]

That's an absolute classic.

[Matthew Crosby]

That is a classic.

[Rhys James]

That's what I was hoping people would send in.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

One a little bit more close to my father is my son seth accidentally rung 999 halfway through a roller coaster and they rung him back while he was screaming from Jamie and Arlo. So he's answering the phone. He's answering the phone on a roller coaster while screaming. Impossible. I want that mouse, Matt. I'll tell you now.

[Vin]

Trigger happy tv, doesn't it?

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Vin]

I'm on a roller coaster.

[Rhys James]

I'm on a roller coaster.

[Matthew Crosby]

Roller coaster. Yes. This is good morning Clove here for once. Not me but my son Jake Clover. He has an older sister by the way. Clove. It's already too complicated.

[Vin]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

No idea what's going on here.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay. Not me but my son Drake Clover. He has an older sister and meant to text her that her friend Mim is hot. He actually sent it to his sister. Mum is hot. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Now, Clove.

[Rhys James]

I don't think I've ever heard a father full name there. Son in a text.

[Vin]

That's full name.

[Rhys James]

My son Jake Clover. I've never seen anything like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

My son Jake Clover thinks his mum is hot. Please read this out on the radio.

[Rhys James]

This is an absolute.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is a limerick, by the way. Will's got back in touch to say I've pooed on my phone.

[Rhys James]

You London media elite types need to try life outside the M25.

[Matthew Crosby]

Everybody's pooing on their phone outside the M25.

[Rhys James]

Get out there. Get to the home county. That's what's happening. Get to Hertfordshire. Get to Bucks. That's what's going on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. And the stuff coming out of their butts is even worse. Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. Alanis Morissette. Hand in my pocket.

[Rhys James]

And that bit of Harmonica at the end there is exactly what Dave Grohl was lacking.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you think that's all right? Yeah, because we've got to do a bit of a post mortem on the brand new food. I thought it was fantastic. I love the synths. Really elevated the guitars.

[Rhys James]

9 out of 10. If it wants the 10 bit of harmonica at the end, play us out with some harmonica.

[Matthew Crosby]

Nothing wrong with at the last minute thinking, oh, I've got a harmonica.

[Rhys James]

I've gotten something here.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've got. Put my hand in my pocket. There's a harmonica in here as well. There's a libertine song. What's the Libertine song? Where just at right at the last minute, he goes, oh, yeah, I've got a harmonica. And then plays it for the last.

[Vin]

Can't stand me now.

[Matthew Crosby]

Can't stand me now. That's exactly it. Yeah. For the last three seconds he's like,

[Rhys James]

it's nothing like introducing an instrument we haven't heard at the very end of a song.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Like in a mystery, when the person who's done the murder is a character we've not seen in a single frame of the rest of it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Fantastic.

[Rhys James]

In Scooby Doo, when they rip off the mask and go, who are you?

[Matthew Crosby]

We never met him before.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, fantastic.

[Matthew Crosby]

Never met him before. David Bowie. Big fan of doing that. David Bowie would often be, you know, three minutes into a song, go, oh, I've just remembered, I'm rubbish at the saxophone. He'll bring out the saxophone.

[Rhys James]

I need to practice right now.

[Matthew Crosby]

I need to practice.

[Rhys James]

I'm going to practice. David, we are recording this. Yeah, yeah, Sorry, I've only got. This is my only free time today.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm absolutely chock a block.

[Rhys James]

How am I ever going to improve at the saxophone if you don't let me practice right now?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, we are talking today about the worst things that you've done on your phone. Thank you very much. From the follow up from our dear friend Clove, who sent us the screen grab from his family, WhatsApp. I'm not gonna say what the WhatsApp's called.

[Rhys James]

You must not. You must not say and you must change it. Clove Family.

[Matthew Crosby]

Clove Family. That is unacceptable.

[Rhys James]

And I would say to our listeners, because the listeners who aren't in the Clove family will be trying to guess what it is now based on sort of some wordplay to do with Clove. I would say. You will never guess it.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no. You know, you've got the name Clove. You can, of course Change it to clove will tear us apart again or something. You know, something fun like that. Okay. You know the clothes we stood up in, something like that. You know, there's some sort of other reference you can do, but that is not good, guys. I also, I don't know, there's something about the. I mean, I don't want to do. I don't want to be too much of an attack, a two foot attack on the Clove family. Are you texting your siblings about hot people?

[Vin]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You are. Okay, that's our new texter. Who have you texted your family members about how hot they are and who are they? No pictures needed. It's okay, I'm a married man.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Are there any, any other good messages here?

[Rhys James]

Well, Andy said, I've accidentally sent weird texts meant for you guys to my elderly customers first thing on a Sunday morning.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, I could imagine. That's Andy the painter.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, we, you know, these are. He's a wacky texter.

[Matthew Crosby]

He is a wacky texter.

[Rhys James]

I get a lot of stuff that if I'm an elderly customer, I'm thinking, surely this is meant for Matthew Cosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

He sent me messages to try and reassure because there was one week that he claimed he was a furry. Right. So if he sent a few of that, you know, early on a Sunday morning, some poor elderly. Some poor elderly customer, all they want is the whole landing painted.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And he say, text now I'm a furry.

[Rhys James]

But they don't know what that is necessarily.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, but it's one Google away, isn't it?

[Rhys James]

Yes, but then they don't know what Google's. How good are they at Google?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, speaking of which, do you want to read Ashley's message?

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Ashley says a few years ago my mum and auntie were texting each other and slagging off my poor old grandma. Now that I do think is brutal to just be. I mean, because I'm thinking grandma, but it's their mum, I suppose.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And you do, you know, at times you must slag off your mum to your siblings.

[Matthew Crosby]

The two things I love to do with my siblings are, I need to say, of course, I've got to say, isn't mum a real pain in the jacksie today? But also, oh my God, Mum's friends. Ouchiwawa.

[Rhys James]

It continues. My mum sends one of these messages to my grandma by mistake. Grandma messages back. Was that meant for me? To cut a long story short, they managed to convince my grandmother her phone must have been hacked, which causes random messages to Pop up.

[Matthew Crosby]

Let Gaslight scam.

[Rhys James]

It was a scam. They were trying to lower your self esteem so that you go out shopping.

[Matthew Crosby]

In a way, it's quite a good thing to do because it does. You know, I think crucially, young people and the elderly are most at risk for sort of like phone scams. So just to dial up the caution,

[Rhys James]

Grandma, what I'm saying is we should, should be sending scams to our parents to test them. To test them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So it should. You should, you should actually do a scam on your parents. If you're listening to this. Do a scam on your parents to test them if they're vulnerable to scams and then you can use it to prove a point and then send the money back.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's a good idea. By the way, can I just say before we, before we. We break this link, My mum is not a pain in the jacksee. I was being. As I said it out loud.

[Rhys James]

But her friends, they are.

[Matthew Crosby]

Her friends are absolute munchers. Both kids are untrue. Radio X, Matthew Crosby and Rhys James. We're going to hear from producer Vin now because producer Vin, and we do not condone this, but producer Vin has been involved in a road rage incident. Okay.

[Rhys James]

Were you the recipient of the rage or the arbiter?

[Vin]

I was the

[Rhys James]

both. All right.

[Vin]

I think I was the victim. Like, I was. I was in the wrong in the incident.

[Rhys James]

I don't know how you're the victim here. Are you familiar with what the word victim means?

[Vin]

I was, I was.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think he is. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, he is.

[Vin]

The incident happened to me.

[Rhys James]

Oh, right, I see.

[Matthew Crosby]

But then I shouted.

[Vin]

Then I shouted at the guy.

[Rhys James]

Oh, right, I see. So you were right. You were in the wrong, rage wise. Yeah, you were right. Potentially right to be rageful.

[Vin]

That's right. So I was on my bike. On my bicycle, which is important. Not, not, not to say bike and sound like a cool biker.

[Matthew Crosby]

You were on your Harley.

[Vin]

Yeah, I was on my. Honk.

[Rhys James]

You were on your bicycle in your levers.

[Vin]

Exactly. I was cycling through Brixton on the way to work.

[Rhys James]

Lovely.

[Vin]

And I was going pretty quick.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah, listen, listen, guys.

[Rhys James]

No one was gonna criticize how slow you were going.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's been a lot of rumors that you're not setting off speed cameras, but. No, you are. You're a speedy boy, aren't you?

[Vin]

It's one of the speedy bits of my. Of my journey. And there's a. There's a turn in the road and as you go round the turn, you Separate into two lanes.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's very hard to do on a bicycle.

[Vin]

I'm trying to get into the outer lane.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay.

[Vin]

But there's a guy behind me, like, really, really close, tight behind me. So I'm thinking, okay, I should be safe here. I'm sitting in the middle of the lanes because I can't. If I change lanes here, there could be trouble.

[Matthew Crosby]

And when you say sitting in the middle of the lanes, you're not talking about those just up oil processors. No. You're not. Then throwing the orange paint over his car as well.

[Vin]

So I'm hogging it a bit, but I'm doing the right thing, because otherwise, if he's. If he's gonna come past me on either side, I don't know what's happening there. Dangerous. Dangerous.

[Rhys James]

Mm.

[Vin]

So he's getting annoyed. He starts. He starts honking and honking. He's. He's really. He's angry.

[Rhys James]

Okay.

[Vin]

Being very aggressive. And eventually we get to the lights and the red lights. We both stop, and I turn around and I shout at him.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no. What did you shout?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, we'd love to know what you shout, you know?

[Vin]

So I say, what the. What the are you doing?

[Matthew Crosby]

You've got your own BLEEP button.

[Rhys James]

And did you have a BLEEP button on you?

[Matthew Crosby]

Always be radio.

[Vin]

Then I. I called him a. I said, you're. You're a. You're a Ding Dong.

[Rhys James]

You didn't say you're a Ding Dong? No. But you had a doorbell sound, effectively.

[Vin]

I didn't say Ding Dong. I said a ruder word.

[Matthew Crosby]

You said a ruder word than that? Yeah. Yeah.

[Vin]

And he winds down. He's got tinted windows and a Range Rover.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, okay. All right. That's. That's a key detail in the story. Yeah.

[Vin]

So he winds down the window, and he's yelling at me. He's a big guy, right?

[Matthew Crosby]

He's a big old guy.

[Vin]

And he says, I'm a Ding Dong. Show me I'm a Ding Dong. He said, I'm a Ding Dong. Is it show me I'm a Ding Dong? And I said, I've just told you you're a Ding Dong.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah, that's good.

[Rhys James]

He's saying, show, don't tell.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've just told you.

[Vin]

He says, no, show me. Show me I'm a Ding Dong. And I said, I'm going to work.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, no, that's not good down there.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Vin]

Isn't it very bad?

[Rhys James]

I've got to scurry off to work.

[Vin]

And then I realized, so he tries, he tries to clip me as he, as we, as we leave the lights. Like he's definitely in the wrong. He's not a good guy. But I realized he's right. He said, show me I'm a Ding Dong. And I've said, I told you you're a Ding Dong. That's. That's his point.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's. Yeah, exactly. Where's the proof?

[Vin]

Exactly.

[Rhys James]

You can't just accuse someone of things without the proof.

[Vin]

I know, and I. All I said was. I just repeated myself.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. And you didn't think. You say your behavior demonstrates to all of us here. Ding dongery.

[Vin]

I didn't say anything like that.

[Rhys James]

That.

[Vin]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So what did he. But what did he want from that? Like a video of. He wanted you to. No, he recorded what had happened.

[Matthew Crosby]

What like, like Jeremy vine used to do with that camera that sort of films everything? Yeah, sort of 360 camera.

[Rhys James]

He wanted you to cycling Mikey. Him. That's what he was hoping for.

[Vin]

I think he wanted me to like put my bike, you know, get off my bike, lock it up.

[Rhys James]

But would it show? Yeah. That is the problem with getting out of getting off a bike is you do have to. Then lock it up before you can get it. Throw some hands, get in a Ding Dong of your own. But what. So he. What I don't understand. Show me I'm a Ding Dong. Because would fighting him prove.

[Vin]

Yeah, that's what he wants. Yeah, he wants. He wants fisticuffs. That's what he was after. Could you say he's a big. He's a big guy.

[Matthew Crosby]

Could you say arm wrestling into his own?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, but Range Rovers are quite high up, aren't they? So you sure he was that big because he was just in a high up car?

[Vin]

Good point. It's a very good point.

[Rhys James]

Might have been a tiny guy.

[Matthew Crosby]

I mean, that's what you're hoping, isn't it?

[Rhys James]

Then he steps out.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, he's tiny. He's like me.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

A little, little guy like me.

[Vin]

It was very high octane, you know, it sounds a lot of emotions. And then as after he nearly clipped me and he drove off, I. That he was turning into PC World. Curry's PC World. That made me laugh. Imagine trying to buy a printer with that energy.

[Matthew Crosby]

I know. The thing is, that's it. You're both adrenal. What you've done is incredibly unsafe. We should say that now because you're both adrenalized, you're not gonna have a safe rest of your journey. I mean, it's a good thing you got into work this week, because it's incredibly unsafe to be that. What you should have done really, is sort of checked yourself into a spa for a couple of hours.

[Rhys James]

That's true.

[Matthew Crosby]

Just to decompress before you go about your. What show are you going in to produce?

[Vin]

I was in the week. It was Johnny Vaughan's show.

[Matthew Crosby]

So you need that. You need that. I heard. No, I heard that show. It was a. It was a total mess. And it's not Johnny Vaughan's fault, I can tell you that now.

[Rhys James]

It's never that angry at you. How angry is he gonna be when that printer doesn't work?

[Matthew Crosby]

I know. Oh, my God.

[Rhys James]

He's gonna be going mad.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's gonna. He's gonna give those poor lads an absolute roast.

[Rhys James]

He says it's wilder.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is. This is Wheatus, here on Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby with Rhys James. Radio X. We're still reeling from the news that Vin is a menace on the roads. Road rage, Vin.

[Vin]

I was doing the safe thing.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're doing the same thing by screaming at him, by getting everybody all het up.

[Rhys James]

It's one thing to be safe on the bike, but then to get in a fight with a brute, that is.

[Matthew Crosby]

That is a bigger boy. That's very, very unsafe. I created a little bit of road rage with a pedestrian this week. I was driving. I was driving through Beckenham. Of course I was. I live in Beckenham. I love Becken. And crossing. I stopped at the crossing, you know, stopped at the traffic lights, and I saw my friend. My friend Helen was crossing the road. We all know Helen, of course. Thomas. Mum. We. Helen was crossing the road. Does she hawk? Hey, listen, there's one of the mums from the school. I'm not. This is not ratemyface.com.

[Rhys James]

helen. He's nodding for the listener.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm doing the double deaf face. But yes. So I saw my friend Helen and I thought, oh, it's my friend Helen. I've got to say hello to my friend Helen. And so I did a little, tiny, little, very gentle bip, you know, little bip.

[Rhys James]

Perfect.

[Matthew Crosby]

Of course, Helen carries on walking, doesn't notice the bip keeps walking. And then the two people who are crossing the road behind her go absolutely berserk at me. They turn around. Whoa, whoa. It's a problem. I'm crossing, I'm crossing. It's Greer. And I'm like, oh, no. This has gone. Yeah, a lot of that, A lot of that, a lot of that. They Absolutely go berserk at me. And then when I see Helen later that day, I say, oh, when you cross the road, I biped you because I want to say hello to you. Oh, were you the guy? Those guys were really upset. They were really angry.

[Rhys James]

And then you stepped out of the car and you were small and I was small.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. And then we all had a good laugh at how small I was.

[Rhys James]

He said, show me I'm a ding dong.

[Matthew Crosby]

The good thing about being this small is it diffuses the situation for everybody. They're like, well, I couldn't, I couldn't punch you. It'd be like punching a child. Radio X, Matthew Crosby and Rhys James. In just a few minutes, we're going to be playing my. My hit new quiz show. It was called have I Got Lolz For News last Week, but for contractual reasons now. Ruffle the Week because we have Rhys James here of the show. Ruffle the week. Streaming now.

[Rhys James]

TLC's Ruffle the Week.

[Matthew Crosby]

TLC's Ruffle the week.

[Rhys James]

Exactly on just after MILF Manor.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, fantastic. I've not seen milf, man.

[Rhys James]

It sounds like Katie Price's Pony Club.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sounds absolutely wonderful. I've not watched a lot of tlc, but I will start watching.

[Rhys James]

You must.

[Matthew Crosby]

I will start watching.

[Rhys James]

So are you a fan of Young Sheldon?

[Matthew Crosby]

Listen, of course I am. I'm not made of.

[Rhys James]

Or Old Sheldon not made of stone.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I, I, I. Have they done an old show? That's what they need to do.

[Rhys James]

Well, no, but that's Big Bang Theories. Old.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, but that's what they need to do.

[Rhys James]

Oh, like Elderly Sheldon.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely.

[Rhys James]

Elderly Sheldon sounds fantastic as well. Doesn't it really float?

[Matthew Crosby]

Elderly Sheldon. That would be phenomenal.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, that would be brilliant. I'll picture to them. I'll let them know.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. And you could have, you know, you could have Jim Parsons aged up.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sort of de Irishman. I don't know why it was called

[Rhys James]

Asian Things that Sound Rude but that Aren't.

[Matthew Crosby]

Jim Parsons been de Irishman. Okay.

[Rhys James]

Oh, good God.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sorry to hear another celebrity cancelled. But yes, the way the quiz works is that I follow the BBC News on WhatsApp. I'm the only person who does it. Apparently no one else had heard of this.

[Rhys James]

Well, I listened to the quiz last week when you did it and heard that the BBC had a WhatsApp.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

My friend had a day before that, told me a story about how he was in a train station. It's been raining a lot this year. Obviously more than normal. Yes, it rained for sort of 27 days in a row or something. That's right, 45 days in a row. And nights, of course, lest we forget the nights. And he said he was at a train station, standing in sort of the entrance of a train station, waiting for an Uber, and a very angry businessman came furiously typing on his phone and then stood next to my friend, who looked at this businessman's phone and he was typing to someone. What a load of rude word.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Then he closed the. That opened the Met Office's Instagram, looked at a photo of the weather on the Met Office's Instagram, then looked at the sky and then looked back at the Instagram and blocked the Met offices.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's a tiny little victory there, isn't it?

[Rhys James]

Absolutely incredible. Going another version of. What a load of rude word from the Met.

[Matthew Crosby]

I refuse to acknowledge this weather and I am going to make my point. Digitally, Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. This is a quiz we did. We played last week with Ivo Graham and I called it have I got LOLs for news. I follow on the. On the update section of WhatsApp, I follow the BBC News, which is crazy.

[Rhys James]

Now, everybody, Everyone did say was crazy for you to do.

[Matthew Crosby]

Everyone thinks it's crazy, but how else are you going to get your news?

[Rhys James]

They send you alerts anyway to your phone.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've turned those off.

[Rhys James]

Right, so what happens is. Do you have push notifications on this WhatsApp group?

[Matthew Crosby]

No.

[Rhys James]

So you have to go in WhatsApp.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, go and check the news.

[Rhys James]

So is it a muted group?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, it's not a muted group. I just don't have push notifications. They don't send. They don't get a little text alert every time there's news. I just check it, you know, once a day. Like you would have done with the old papers. The old paper version.

[Rhys James]

Or the.

[Vin]

Or the. Or the news app.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Why?

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, by the way, when you click the links, it does take me to the news app. So

[Rhys James]

it's just such a weird, roundabout way.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a beautifully curated system and I won't hear a word against it. So on the update section, I follow the BBC News and nobody else. And you're able. Because it's a WhatsApp message. If you read this, you're able to give your emoji. Now, of course, we know what the classic emojis are. You get the shocked face, you get the crying face, the thumbs up. I accept this news.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, that's definitely Dad's. Dad's responding to news.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's Dad's response, the heart, the high five or praying. But crucially, what we're focusing on is the crying. Laughing emoji.

[Rhys James]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay. So I'm gonna read you a variety of news stories from the past week and you're gonna tell me how many, whether it's a higher or lower amount of laughing emojis than the last story I read you. Okay? So we'll start with the UK economy.

[Vin]

What are we calling this game now?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, it's now called Rough of the Week.

[Vin]

Oh, yes.

[Rhys James]

Because. Thank you. Yeah. And now we've got a proper theme drop tune. It's gone.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's very cool, isn't it? Does it make you feel nervous?

[Rhys James]

It just makes me feel really anxious. I've got to go to work. I'm about to go to work.

[Matthew Crosby]

You mean you are at work now?

[Rhys James]

Oh, yeah. You make it feel so relaxed.

[Matthew Crosby]

A tiny little bit of anxiety wouldn't go amiss, you know. Anyway, this is. This is round one, and we're going to start as you're our guest with Rhys James. I'm going to. This is from last week. This is a rollover, this one. Just to sort of set the. Set the stall out. The UK economy grew by 0.1% in the last three months of 2025. Now, that got 152 lulls. You knew that already. You heard last week's show. But higher or lower in the lull count, Donald Trump ups tariffs day after Supreme Court ruling against him. Is that higher or lower than 152 lulls? Rhys James.

[Rhys James]

I do think I'm going to go higher. I think it'll be higher because it's petulant from Trump. And, you know, I think people think. Some people think of Trump and they're laughing already.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. He's a funny figure. Even though everything funny, cadence.

[Rhys James]

He looks funny.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And I mean, it's sort of the perfect comedy character of just this man who sort of looks and speaks in a crazily amusing way, but it's. It's pure evil.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's pure evil. Yeah, absolutely. Well, so you're going to go higher.

[Rhys James]

Higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're absolutely correct. Yes. 491L. Okay. So Finn still yet to play. Okay.

[Rhys James]

As.

[Matthew Crosby]

As he was the entire time. That was how easy it was. I've just laced through all of them. And Vin didn't get a chance to play. But Vin. Vin.

[Vin]

Ivo offered to let me have a go.

[Matthew Crosby]

He offered to let you let Vin have a go now? Not how we play. That's not how Let them have a few goals. Come on. Let them have a few of them. Okay. 491 LOLs for Donald Trump, KFC, Nando's and other restaurant chains. Ditch chicken welfare pledge mad they had one in the first place. They're killing them and eating them. Yeah. How much welfare can you have for something you're. You're deep frying?

[Vin]

Oh, it's not about feeding chickens. Like, if a poor chicken comes in, they'll give them a free dinner.

[Rhys James]

Oh, well, you're on welfare with the coffee at pretz.

[Matthew Crosby]

Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't think it's that.

[Rhys James]

So what is it? They're basically getting rid of using free range chickens.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, they're making it even worse for.

[Rhys James]

They're going to use battery farm chickens effectively. That's better, isn't it? These chickens have had a worse life. If the chickens had a really good life. Yeah. You don't kill it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah.

[Rhys James]

If they're wrong, the chickens have an awful life. It's like, put it out of its misery.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. Stick it.

[Rhys James]

Get some Terry Perry on it.

[Vin]

Improve it.

[Rhys James]

Exactly. I'll go with less. It's fewer. I'm gonna go fewer. LOLs is correct.

[Matthew Crosby]

149 LOLs. How many LOLs for this?

[Rhys James]

49 for that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Too many, isn't it? But how many LOLs for Woody and Buzz reunite in trailer for upcoming Toy Story 5?

[Rhys James]

Well, it's got to be more than chickens will suffer more. Chickens suffering increases versus kids film returns. Surely, surely there's more for Woody and Buzz.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're going higher.

[Rhys James]

Higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm afraid it's lower. 74 LOLs. It's 74 LOLs. Okay, that means, that means very excitingly, Vin, you take over the game. We're going to come back in just a little bit and we're going to play with Vin Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby with Rhys James.

[Rhys James]

Radio X lose.

[Matthew Crosby]

So I follow the BBC News website on WhatsApp. Guys, that's what I do. I follow the beautiful News website on WhatsApp. And if you get a WhatsApp message with the news on, you can put a little thumbs up or a thumbs down or

[Rhys James]

just to reconnect to our previous texter on this show. Have you ever sent them a message that was meant for someone else? Have you ever sent the BBC news app a message saying, wow, terrible news, but it's to someone saying, oh, I'm cured.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, I never have. You're not allowed to reply. I think that's the.

[Rhys James]

In general. Or you are not allowed to reply.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've been blocked by them and I can still, still. I'd look at them on my wife's phone. So anyway, we've got.

[Rhys James]

Just edit that. But out of context.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'll use that next week.

[Rhys James]

Well, look at them with a vpn.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, we won't talk about that actually. But anyway, here's where we were in the game now, Rhys, you were doing very, very well. You got the first three bang on. But then you were stymied by a Woody and Buzz reunite in trailer for upcoming Toy Story 5 that only had 74 lulls as opp opposed to the KFC Chicken Welfare Pledge which had 149 lulls.

[Rhys James]

So that tells me that people aren't clicking the links and watching. They're not clicking the links and watching the video of Woody and bars and

[Matthew Crosby]

then going back to WhatsApp and then reopening WhatsApp and going.

[Rhys James]

But that's what you have to do. If a friend sends you a TikTok or something like that, you have to go and watch it and then come back and then react. So, you know, we should be doing that with BBC News as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you know what I do? I just. Ha ha. Don't watch it.

[Rhys James]

Just two haas. If I got sent just two hals.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, I, I give it the laughing emoji to the message. I go, oh. And I just say brilliance. And I just, I can't. I can't be wasting my time watching TikToks. I'm 46 years old, for goodness sake. Anyway, I. So I genuinely. I just stopped. I've stopped. I've just stopped watching anything that people send me and just go, yeah, amazing.

[Rhys James]

I've just cut out the bit. I mean, TikTok, there's quite a lot of joy in some of those videos. You're reading headlines from BBC News on WhatsApp. Instead. You have got the time. You're spending it badly.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm a busy man. I'm a busy man. I've got my priorities straight. So 74 LOLs is what we're looking at here. NASA targets early March to send humans back around the moon. Back around the moon. Higher or lower. More LOLs or less LOLs than the Toy Story 5 trailer.

[Rhys James]

You got to get in the head of the people because what would they be laughing at there? Like? They'll never do it by early March.

[Matthew Crosby]

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Those cowboy builders, they're never gonna.

[Vin]

They say early March because I think the amount of laughs for the Toy Story one is, is Strangely low. I think that's an anomaly. So I'm going higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's going higher. He's right to go higher. He's still in the game. 95 LOLs. Next up, we have a Mystery donor gives Japanese city 3.6 million in gold bars to fix the water system. Mystery donor gives Japanese city 3.6 million in gold bars to fix the water system. Higher or lower than 95 LOLs.

[Vin]

That's got to be lower. There's nothing funny about that at all.

[Matthew Crosby]

Isn't it?

[Vin]

Where's the funny in that?

[Matthew Crosby]

He's going lower.

[Rhys James]

It's like a headline from a video game.

[Vin]

It is, isn't it?

[Rhys James]

It's a really weird headline that.

[Vin]

Yeah, I'm going lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay. You were right to do so. It's actually zero lulz. You're banging your own luck. Nobody finds that story funny. Nobody finds that story funny.

[Rhys James]

But none of them are funny.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

For Toy Story.

[Matthew Crosby]

Toy Story's hilarious. I love Toy Story.

[Rhys James]

So what's this is.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is.

[Vin]

There was a tromp one.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, fine.

[Matthew Crosby]

But it was about tariffs.

[Rhys James]

It was about tariffs and it's still

[Matthew Crosby]

got 491 LS compared.

[Vin]

Sort of inherent humor, hasn't he?

[Rhys James]

I'd say if you watch Mock the Week in a couple of weeks, tariffs are not funny.

[Matthew Crosby]

That was the end of. That was the end of round one. VIN is still in play. Should we roll it over to the next link or do you want to go straight into round two?

[Vin]

Let's go straight. I mean, they seem to be indistinguishable, don't they, these rounds?

[Matthew Crosby]

Whoa.

[Rhys James]

Wow.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay.

[Rhys James]

It may not be as no lulls for that comment. It may be.

[Matthew Crosby]

It may not be as formatted as Mock the week. But no, this is a different round. This is round two and you should be. Listen, this is your first time playing. You're a very cocky first time player.

[Vin]

I'm ready. I'm ready for round two.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay, you're ready for round two. Is it more or less than zero lulls? Single vaccine could protect against all coughs, colds and flus. US Research says that's getting loads of luls.

[Vin]

That is. That's getting Hundreds.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's getting 189 lulls. Absolutely right.

[Rhys James]

Why do you think. Where are those luls coming from? Do you think it's from vaccine doubters going, oh, yeah, as if.

[Vin]

No, I think it's joy. I think people are really. It's just nice news.

[Rhys James]

Finally.

[Matthew Crosby]

Go back to sneezing on each other.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, but if I'M going on great news.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm not.

[Rhys James]

I'm never going great news. You know, it's. I'm not laughing at just good news about we're all going to be cured. But they're not laugh.

[Vin]

They're not just. There isn't only one form of laughter which is mocking.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes there is and it's on TLC as well. You know, he only knows mocking laughter. That's the only laugh he's ever known. That's the only laughter he's ever heard. So you're absolutely right. 189 LOLs. Are you gonna stay in the game with this one? K pop stars scored the biggest global hit songs of 2025. K pop stars scored the biggest global Hit songs of 2025. 189 LOLz. Higher or lower?

[Vin]

It's lower. It's lower. It's about half the amount of LOLs.

[Matthew Crosby]

I can tell you now. It's not half the amount of lols but it is lower. It's 135 LOLs. Appa ta patuh. Okay, next up, next up we've got Etsy sells second hand fashioned app Depop to eBay for 1.2 billion higher or lower lulls than 135 for Apatipata and K Pop Demon hunters.

[Vin]

That's okay. This is the hardest one so far.

[Rhys James]

I think it is quite funny that all of those are name checked in this headline. Yes, that is quite funny to me.

[Matthew Crosby]

Etsy sells second hand fashion app Depop to eBay for $1.2 billion.

[Vin]

I'm going lower but I'm not confident.

[Matthew Crosby]

You should be confident. It is lower. It's 45 LOLs. We've got two more to go. This game's easy now. Vin doesn't like these kind of ones. This is like an editorial type. He doesn't like these.

[Rhys James]

But I'm doing it anyway because this is opinion based.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, it's an opinion based story. What is the. What is the right way to stack a dishwasher now? It's not, it's not a headline. BBC News. I have a great time on BBC News. It's a wonderful service. Going, going through the WhatsApp guys. You know what going in via the WhatsApp is like in, in Goodfellas when they're going through the kitchen, it feels very exclusive. You know, they turn into my good table.

[Rhys James]

How are they stacking the dishwasher? How are they this chat, by the way, the how to stack the dishwasher is the new best way to make A cup of tea chat in this country. It has absolutely replaced that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. It's that and cutlery drawer, you know. Yeah. We're not doing it. We're not doing it. Do not send us any messages. What's the right way to stack a dishwasher?

[Vin]

It's getting more. It's getting loads of LOLs.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's getting 243 LOLs. Of course it is. This is for the game. 243 LOLs for what is the right way to stack a dishwasher? The final story on Rofle the week. Smiling fossil discovered on UK Ireland. You must have tackled this on Mark, right? You must have tackled it.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Maybe it's all to come.

[Matthew Crosby]

Maybe it's all to come.

[Rhys James]

Come.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Vin]

I mean, it's good. It is. And it's funny and it's got it. It's got a smile in it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. It's a. It's a little stone as teeth like Rob Beckett. Big, big old gnashers. Right. But is it funnier than the Men do it this way. Women do it this way.

[Rhys James]

You get pictures in this WhatsApp or just text.

[Matthew Crosby]

You get a picture and you get the headline and then you get a little description. So there's a lot to go on. I'm not giving you the picture, I'm not giving you the headline. No, but it's still.

[Vin]

It's not dishwasher. I'm going lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's 403 lolz. You lost it at the last minute. Reece takes the game. That is how we play Ruffle the week. Radio X. Matthew Crosby and Rhys James. Whenever we have a guest host in, we like to get them to do some of the heavy lifting. And you've brought a real Ed Gamble spirit because you're gonna do a film review for us. But you've not written a word of it.

[Rhys James]

Not written a word of it. Sort of was half watching it. Didn't really consider that. I have to prep, but. But that's what I normally bring that Ed doesn't bring to this. And I also just haven't brought it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, absolutely. So here it is. The unwritten in conversation with him, with Rhys James about his. About his career in film. Yeah, yeah. This is Film Review, Radio X.

[Rhys James]

Action cuts. Mine's a popcorn.

[Matthew Crosby]

Steven Spielberg.

[Rhys James]

Oh, I've left the lens cap on for the whole film.

[Matthew Crosby]

The golden age of celluloid. The film review with Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. Did we press record?

[Rhys James]

Sorry.

[Matthew Crosby]

No need to apologize. Matthew of the past. It is, of course it is, of course. The film review.

[Vin]

And one of the weirdest things you've said on this show, I think.

[Matthew Crosby]

And that is. That takes. That takes some beating. That takes some beating. Yeah. Do get in touch. What are the weirdest things I've said on this show? Because I don't remember any of them. 83936 on the text. Or of course you can WhatsApp us through global play. Rhys, what film are you reviewing for us today?

[Rhys James]

Well, Emerald Fennell.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Is the director of the moment.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, she certainly is. Wonderful director. Big fan of her work.

[Rhys James]

And I know that this show, and particularly this station, likes to be on the cultural zeitgeist.

[Matthew Crosby]

Correct.

[Rhys James]

It's always the newest releases.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely.

[Rhys James]

The hottest films.

[Matthew Crosby]

The hottest films.

[Vin]

What's.

[Matthew Crosby]

What's absolutely burning.

[Rhys James]

Exactly. Yeah. So Salt. Saltburn. I rewatched Saltburn. Emerald Fennell's latest film, Saltburn.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't think she's got a new one out.

[Rhys James]

Doesn't have a new one out.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very cool.

[Rhys James]

Jake Bollordi's most recent film as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. He did. He did Kissing Boo 3. He did Saltburn. That we never heard of him again.

[Rhys James]

Exactly. Soon to be Bond, potentially.

[Matthew Crosby]

What is he?

[Rhys James]

That's a rumor that he's been offered. Bond. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

A second Australian Bond.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Bond with a mullet. The first mulleted Bond because George Mullet and attach.

[Matthew Crosby]

George Lazenby grew his hair long and then wasn't allowed to the premiere. No, you can't get away because he was, you know, he was a flower child. He was a hippie dippy. And they said, oh, if you're gonna look like that, that's not our. Bond wouldn't let him. Wouldn't let him show up to the premiere of his own movie because he had long hair. It was a different time.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazon are fine with it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Let your freak flag fly, guys. Anyway, you saw Saltburn.

[Rhys James]

I saw it for the second time.

[Matthew Crosby]

I love Saltburn.

[Rhys James]

And, yeah, it was just what it was. I, you know, I'm in one of those phases at the moment where we don't know what to watch. So we find ourselves watching Saltburn again.

[Matthew Crosby]

You watch the stuff you've already watched because you're like, well, at least I'm not going to be disappointed.

[Rhys James]

It was. Yeah, it was one of those. It's like we're in between series. We don't have a series to start. Everything we are starting, we're struggling with is like the first couple of episodes ago. I can't be. Not this. And so we saw Saltburn on there and just went, yeah, put salt burn on. My girlfriend went to bed after about 15 minutes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Missing all the best bits.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Missed all the best bits.

[Matthew Crosby]

So she just saw, like a sort of slightly nerdy boy cutting about got. Is it Oxford? Is he Oxford?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, he's at Oxford. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just sort of lends Jacob Lawd his bicycle. That's right. And then she went to bed. I said, oh, well, this seems like it's gonna work out. There's lovely friends. Yeah, it is fantastic. I really like it.

[Matthew Crosby]

I adore it.

[Rhys James]

Had it received a lot of criticism, didn't it? But I think it was because it was being reviewed as an actual sort of like, period piece about class.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

What? Yeah. And really, it's an episode of Hollywood.

[Matthew Crosby]

What's he trying to say? It's exactly that. It's exactly.

[Rhys James]

Really fun episode of Hollyo.

[Matthew Crosby]

If they made a series of Saltburn that was just all set, like. Like, just.

[Rhys James]

It would be the OC is what it is, what it would be.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I know, I love it. There are. There are too many great moments in Saltburn to go through, but obviously there are the classics. We all know the licking the plug hole. That's. That's a big one. Good. Good thing I'm a vampire. When his personality is. Suddenly changes.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And everyone goes, yeah, cool. You've got a new personality.

[Rhys James]

Suspicious at that point. No, no, no, everyone's going, yeah, that's fine.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, absolutely. Fin fact that he improvised making love to a grave.

[Vin]

Lovely grave.

[Rhys James]

Leave the fact is improvised is the greatest fact in cinema history.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Emerald Fennell there, just going, no, no, no, leave it, leave it rolling. He's working. Keoghan's working. Leave it, leave it rolling. Because he's got to step up afterwards, you know, with, you know, with sod all over his Todd and say, that's

[Rhys James]

the weirdest thing you've ever said.

[Matthew Crosby]

There we go.

[Rhys James]

Texas in sod on his Todd. So.

[Matthew Crosby]

But he's got to stand up after us and go, go. What do you think, guys?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And they were like, is that all right?

[Rhys James]

Do you want me to do that again?

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you want me to do that again? Okay, we've got that one now.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, now do a silly one.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, exactly.

[Rhys James]

The accent is crazy.

[Vin]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

So I think I defended it at the time in the same way I defended Harry Styles's accent in that film.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

Can't remember what that film's called. Don't worry, darling.

[Matthew Crosby]

The one where he didn't spit on someone at the premiere. Yes, of course he did. He either did or didn't spit on Chris Pine. And either way, it probably didn't happen.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But, yeah, it's all over the place. And there's also sort of no reason for it to be for him not to just do his normal voice. Doesn't make any sense for him not to just do his voice.

[Matthew Crosby]

I thought that's why he was so nervous about coming home, you know? Cause he's really nervous in that scene where he's. By the way, you'd realize you were driving towards your house sooner than when you got to your two hours in. Two hours in the goal.

[Rhys James]

No. So where are we going? I know this place.

[Matthew Crosby]

I dropped it. The other bit I absolutely adore in Saltburn is. Is he's sitting in a cafe and he doesn't want to look too suspicious, so he types gobbledygook.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big reveal.

[Matthew Crosby]

Just write anything you like.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Just look at the. Just look at the Internet.

[Rhys James]

It's more suspicious to be sort of staring away from your screen, looking at a lady in the coffee shop while just bashing keys on your laptop really loudly. Yeah. I do like the bit where he goes into his wallet and he doesn't have any money, but then you can see there's loads of money there. And Jacob Elordi didn't notice that when he came over to pay for the round of Jaeger bombs. But, I mean, it made me go. I wish I went to Oxford and was friends with a big, handsome Australian man. Jacob. Lordy accent, by the way. Fantastic. He sounds like. He sounds just like every posh person you've ever met.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rhys James]

He's bang on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Let's face it. Jacob Elordi is brilliant. Should he be Heathcliff? That's another question for another time. And probably not.

[Rhys James]

Not even her. I don't know what you're referring to. I'm only up to Saltburn. I'm only up to Saltburn.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sorry.

[Rhys James]

Cinematic universe.

[Vin]

It's got MGMT in it and it's got Block Party in it.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, it's got. It's great. It is a great period piece for my. For me being the same age as them in that film. Yeah. Maybe that's why I like it so much. But I do think maybe his accent, Barry Keoghan's accent being weird and it is because he's. I was like, oh. And then he's gonna go home. We're gonna realize his parents don't speak like that. And that's the whole point of this accent, is he's doing a fake accent. The character's doing a fake accent, and then that just isn't the case. Parents speak exactly like the accent.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's trying to do every other scene. He hasn't got the accent. Now, crucially, it's a Liverpudlian accent. We know what movie he's, you know, we know what famous liver puddling he's

[Rhys James]

about to be playing.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ringo Starr, one of the most recognizable, you know, not just from the Beatles, but also from Thomas the Tank Engine, one of the most recognizable Liverpudlian accents out there. What's gonna happen in that movie?

[Rhys James]

Someone who. They just know. That was the tape. He didn't do an audition. He just sent in. Watch this. That's the great bit. What's the rest of it?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, we all remember when John Leonard just hopped out the bath and Ringo said, are you still using that water? Give us a glug, would you? Absolutely delicious. Anyway, that was our review of Saltburn. Guys. Join us in a few years time, four years time, when we're going to be looking at World Cups, looking at Wuthering Heights. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby with Rhys James. Radio X. If you want to see you as well as hear you.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

They can see you on Mock the Week on tlc.

[Rhys James]

That's cool. Correct.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right.

[Rhys James]

TLC is a TV channel.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Do you remember those on Freeview, but also on all the other ones as well on sky or whatever. But you'll have to, you know, go on.

[Matthew Crosby]

What number is it on the virgin box? What number is it on the sky box? Come on, come on. You should do these at your fingertips.

[Rhys James]

I. I shouldn't have to know that I'm not watching it. So I've never had to scroll through the channels to find it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't you watch it and just laugh like a drain. You're just watching. Oh, another classic. Memories from racing.

[Rhys James]

Memories of this week. Week a few days ago. Memories of mocking soon enough ago that we've caught the big story of the week. No, but a few days ago at

[Matthew Crosby]

least if you will record on a Tuesday and air on a Sunday. Sunday a lot.

[Rhys James]

Which week are we mocking? That's the question. We never say we mock this week. MOCA Week is what there is now

[Matthew Crosby]

been recorded TLC's Mocker Week.

[Rhys James]

Mocker Week. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I bet you Dan Patterson has pitch Mocker Week where he's like, throughout history, pick A historical week.

[Rhys James]

One of the week throughout history. History.

[Matthew Crosby]

Dan, you should be doing that. Dan.

[Rhys James]

Spin off podcast.

[Matthew Crosby]

A spin off podcast.

[Rhys James]

There's a spin off podcast.

[Matthew Crosby]

It might be visualized. It might be visualized, yeah.

[Rhys James]

So that of course means that if you watch it tonight, it's on at 9pm you'll see that we hit all the big stories of the week, which are of course the Winter Olympics and it's been raining.

[Matthew Crosby]

No spoilers.

[Rhys James]

Sorry.

[Matthew Crosby]

No spoiler. No spoilers. I'm on series one, episode one. Just don't got a lot to get through. And there's also some Pappy's flat share slam Downs happening on Monday and Tuesday at the Phoenix Pub in Cavendish Square. I will be there live on stage. So if you'd like to see me live in the flesh, come along to those. We would love to see you there. Great guests.

[Rhys James]

Well, who have you got?

[Matthew Crosby]

We've got Stevie Martin, we've got Sam Nicoresti, we've got Matt Ford, we've got Amy Mason. It's going to be a very, very fun, very, very fun show. Well over two days, two very, very fun shows. Anyway, speaking of very, very fun show, Danny Wallace is just around the corner. Stay tuned for him, Reece. See you next week.

[Rhys James]

See you next week.

[Matthew Crosby]

See you all next week.

[Vin]

Bye bye.

[Matthew Crosby]

Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. So, folks, there we go. There was the show. What a fun show it was. And congratulations by the way on romping home in the.

[Rhys James]

Didn't feel earned. It was like that speed skater who won when everyone just fell over at the finish of just before him and he was last.

[Matthew Crosby]

But you know what, you did some pretty good speed skating for three answers.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Then I just sort of sit back. I sort of did a sort of Gareth Southgate approach which is just, you know, let's try and hold onto a one nil lead and let them attack, attack, attack. And then you tired yourself out, Vin.

[Vin]

Oh, yeah, I was. I was destroyed by the handbrake.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, for the second time this week.

[Matthew Crosby]

This happens every single week. Somebody talks about football to Vin every week.

[Vin]

It's nice for me, isn't it?

[Matthew Crosby]

It's really nice for you. It great. You know, you've already got the kick about. Yeah, you've got that. You've got. You get all the sport I need.

[Rhys James]

I tried to make it England related. Are you not a patriot?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, I'm a patriot. Of course.

[Rhys James]

The panic in your eyes. I can't lose our audience. They're all patriots. They'd be livid.

[Vin]

He's an author and he's inspired a play. You know, that's in your world.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's true. That's true. I do know. I do love the thing.

[Rhys James]

Surely you know about this from the play.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, the play. You saw the rubbish play. I didn't see them play. Okay, we're. We're playing now. We're now playing. Who's been on more times. There's some amazing names on here.

[Rhys James]

Am I. Is it another higher or lower? Or do you want me to guess the number? Because I actually think I've probably looked at this page enough. Let's get close to the number.

[Matthew Crosby]

Let's guess the number. Let's guess the number. Oh, my. It's. It's wild. The people who've been on this show. But we're gonna do. I'm gonna do the biggies. I'm gonna go for some of the biggies. And we know some of the classics. Okay. Because, you know, we all know the people who've done it once.

[Rhys James]

Right, sure. You know, of course, I could list every single one of them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. You've seen them. There's some, like. There's some mad names on it. Like, I think Frank Skinner's done it, and I think, you know, like, did John Oliver do it twice? Or something like that?

[Rhys James]

John Oliver did it in the first series.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah. Wild Lauren Laverne.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, twice.

[Matthew Crosby]

Twice. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[Rhys James]

I'm gonna walk this game.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very, very good. Okay, so we're gonna start now. Now we're gonna start. Oh, I thought this was in alphabetical order. So I was like, I'll just be able to find it again. But it's not. It's not in alphabetical order. It's just in some sort of order. It's not even in numerical order. In fact. Can I do it now? Yes. I'll put it into alphabetical order. Here we go. We're gonna start with Gary Delaney. How many times has Gary Delaney, the pun master, how many times has Gazza been on Mock the Week?

[Rhys James]

I'm gonna say it's in the 20s, and I'm gonna say it's 27.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's 18. It's only 18. He's good. That's how good he is.

[Rhys James]

That's how good he is.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's how good he is. He managed to make 18 seem like 27. That seems creepy. We've all got to make like that, right? We've all got to make like that. Anyway, let's. Let's move on to James A. Caster. Let's move On.

[Rhys James]

Well, he makes 12.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. I've got to really work on my catchphrase here. I've really got to work on my catchphrase. James Acaster. How many?

[Rhys James]

I think he's another one that. You think it's loads and loads and loads and it isn't that many. I think it might be 17.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's 18. It's very, very close. Close. And I'm not going to do my catchphrase for that.

[Rhys James]

Two 18s in a row.

[Matthew Crosby]

Two 18s in a row. You get nothing for a pair in this game. What about our dear friends, friend, Rob Beckett? Robert Beckett? What is he. What's he got going on?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That again, you think it's loads and it's not going to be as many, is it? I want to say it's in the 20s, but maybe he actually didn't do it that many times. I think Josh Widdicom will be in the 20s and I think Rob might be even. Might be less than Delaney and Acaster.

[Matthew Crosby]

Let's do it. Let's do a double. Tell us, Josh. Tell us, tell us, Rob.

[Rhys James]

Okay, Rob. Rob. 14. Josh, 26.

[Matthew Crosby]

I can tell you now you were close. You were pretty close with Josh. 23.

[Rhys James]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

But Rob. A mere 20.

[Rhys James]

20.

[Matthew Crosby]

A mere 20.

[Rhys James]

20. I said 14.

[Matthew Crosby]

What about. What about our friend Ramesh Ranganathan?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, well, Ramesh, you know, he was on a trajectory like Noel Other. So I don't think he'll be as high as any of those guys. Rom. That's got to be nine.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's 12. It's 12. But. Yeah, but then he, like, he. He did one for one series, then six. They loved him. Then two.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, but that would be harder to book.

[Matthew Crosby]

Harder. Then another two and then. Please come back and do one more. All right, I'll do it for a. Do it for you.

[Rhys James]

They tried to. The production company wanted him to be a regular, but the BBC said no more regulars.

[Matthew Crosby]

What?

[Rhys James]

Yeah, about. And it wasn't. We don't want rubbish regulars. As a rule. We're having no more regulars ever again. And they really missed a great opportunity. Not that he definitely have said yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, he would. I've never seen him turn a TV show down.

[Rhys James]

That's true.

[Matthew Crosby]

He would. For some reason he's managed, you know, like, you know, there was that clip of, like, you know, we've all got the same 24 hours in a day.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. Not.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not Ramashanka, Nathan. He has got about 78 hours in his day.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, he's Our Beyonce. Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's. It's insane what he's able to do.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, he's like that rise and grind guy who has three days in a day.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, exactly three.

[Rhys James]

He breaks his day off 6:00am to 11:00am yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where I do one panel show, then my. My second day of the day, I host my parenting program.

[Matthew Crosby]

I consider myself to be a bit like that guy in that I ate three bowls of cereal in a day. But that's throughout the course of the day.

[Rhys James]

That does do a sort of circadian reset.

[Matthew Crosby]

It does a complete. A complete resource preset. Let's do. All right, here's one for you. We'll do them together and we'll call this the end of the round. Glenn Moore versus Maisie Adam. Glenn Moore versus Maisie Adam.

[Rhys James]

Okay, Glenn Moore. There's one added to this series, so I'm gonna go. Glenn Moore is. Let's go for 13.

[Vin]

Okay.

[Rhys James]

It might be much more than that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay.

[Rhys James]

Maisie is another one that did loads in a short burst and then went on to. Well, present the FA Cup. Natural trajectory. Maisie. I'll go 11.

[Matthew Crosby]

Maisie was 15. Actually, Maisie was 15. But, you know, Glenn, it's. It says here on Wikipedia, 12, but I think you're right with 30. If he's done another one this series.

[Rhys James]

So it could be 13.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's 13. You know what? There's the big win.

[Rhys James]

The bigger.

[Matthew Crosby]

That loss that.

[Rhys James]

That. The penultimate question, I imagine it includes this series.

[Matthew Crosby]

So as the penultimate question, as we know, is always worth 100 points.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

So anyway, you won that. Yeah, but it probably does.

[Rhys James]

Ballpark.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's close enough. It's close enough. Well, thanks. If you're still listening to that. Right. We should do some Beck. Rex. We'll read Neil and Glasgow's message next time. Sorry, Neil, but it's a good one. We'll read it next time.

[Rhys James]

What a tease.

[Matthew Crosby]

What a tease for people. What a tease for Neil.

[Vin]

Just read it now.

[Matthew Crosby]

Nah, I don't want to read it now. Okay, can't be bothered.

[Rhys James]

Do the first couple of words.

[Vin]

Never reading it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Dear Matthew.

[Rhys James]

There we go.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a good start.

[Rhys James]

He's polite.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's a very polite boss. You know, you get a better class of than Glasgow. You really do. You really do. Thank you, Neil.

[Vin]

It won't get read next week, though.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, of course it won't.

[Vin]

So that's it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, you know what?

[Vin]

It's over.

[Matthew Crosby]

I got. I got the main bit.

[Vin]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

He considers me to be dear and I certainly Am to him. Yes. So, dear Matthew. Anyway, dear Rhys, have you got any. Have you got any Beckenham recommendations you'd like to give?

[Rhys James]

I'll go for series four of the TV show industry.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Rhys James]

Do you watch that program?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, I found it too silly.

[Rhys James]

Well, yeah, I do think. Let's stop the conversation about it being on a par with succession. That must stop because it too is Hollyo jokes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Rhys James]

That's two industry. It. It's this whole thing of making it impossible to understand unless You've got a PhD in economics.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

I think is worse writing than succession, which also says really complicated things but makes it so that you can get it. Yeah. Because their whole thing is like, we're not gonna bow to like making spoon feeding this. It's like. No, no, there's another way of doing this.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Because in succession you always know because it's a. It's about shifts of power. That's all it is. Who's got the power in any scene, who's got the power in any moment, who's got the power in the. Sort of bigger. In the business world, you can always tell who's on the back foot and power. And that's all you really need to know.

[Rhys James]

But series War of Industry has two storylines and two payoffs that are absolutely sensational.

[Matthew Crosby]

Really?

[Rhys James]

That I loved so much. Yeah, really good. So I recommend that you can tell

[Matthew Crosby]

me those because I don't think I'm going to go.

[Rhys James]

Sure.

[Matthew Crosby]

You watch. I watched like two episodes of the. Of the first series. I don't think I'm now going to.

[Rhys James]

Fair enough.

[Matthew Crosby]

Chase down those things.

[Rhys James]

Fair enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the other one is I read the first 15 pages of a book called Slag.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Really good. Really good. No pictures, but really good stuff.

[Matthew Crosby]

It was a gift.

[Rhys James]

It was a gift for Valentine's Day for my girlfriend. This book, bit of a risk. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Now, I. I'm sure that's about your mum's friends.

[Rhys James]

Matthew, you'll have seen. You'll have seen this.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you have to say it? Because it sounds like like twice that week. You didn't have to say it, but you still said it.

[Rhys James]

Show me I'm a slag.

[Matthew Crosby]

Show me. Yeah, I was going to say I've seen Slags in Waterstones, but.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, exactly. You will have. You'll recognize you. It's the orange. It's orange. The book is orange.

[Matthew Crosby]

I. Graham loves it and he's bought it for. No, no, no. Obvious Reason?

[Rhys James]

No, no, no. Yeah, he's modeled his hair after it.

[Matthew Crosby]

I have started watching a. Well, I'm a few into the new Simon Mayhew, Archer's new show with Dawn French and Mark Heat. Oh, yeah, and the kid from Submarine. I really like it. It's like. It's exactly the sort of, you know, it's just exactly the sort of comedy that BBC. The BBC used to make. It's a crime thriller of sorts, but very gentle, very cozy, you know, no one gets stabbed or sort of hurt in any way. Very, very. I mean, Dawn French is amazing.

[Rhys James]

So what's the crime?

[Matthew Crosby]

The crime is basically Mark Heap keels over one night. Dawn French thinks he's dead. He isn't dead. But by the point he goes and is awake again. She's already registered his death, can't seem to explain to them that he isn't dead, and just goes, let's keep the money. And so he gets the insurance payout, keeps the money and.

[Rhys James]

Fantastic.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's great. It's really, really good. I think it's really. It's full of fantastic. I mean, the writing is fantastic. Which I know you shouldn't really be saying that about comedy because you're not supposed to notice it, but it's so funny. It's so full of gags. I think Simon is absolutely brilliant and I think the show's great. That's really, really good. It's called can youn Keep A Secret? And then the other one I started watching is the. Is it Lisa McKee who did Derry Girls, her new show on Netflix? I watched the first episode of that, which is called how to Get To Heaven from Belfast. I think, why. Listen, right, I'm an old man.

[Rhys James]

Why are show titles.

[Matthew Crosby]

Why are show titles now? They're always called. Are you. Are you think I'm being an unreasonable person in this situation? It's like, okay, just. Just call it Friends, guys, please. Just please.

[Rhys James]

Friends. That's why that. Because they've all been taken.

[Matthew Crosby]

All the single words everyone would call

[Rhys James]

their TV show Seinfeld if they could call it Seinfeld 2 Seinfeld.

[Matthew Crosby]

Call it Seinfeld, to who even more Seinfeld. What do you think is the legality of me calling a TV show even more Seinfeld?

[Vin]

Irish Seinfeld.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's like, oh, that is probably.

[Rhys James]

But that would have been in the picture document. Irish Thousand pitch documents.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think they made it with Tommy Tiernan. I think. I think. I think he shows called Small Potatoes. And they said, this is going to be the Irish Seinfeld.

[Rhys James]

This is the Irish Seinfeld. That was it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, you tell me. I've not. I've yet to watch episode one, and I think they only made about six of them, so. But who knows? Who knows? But, yeah, it's really good. Another. Another kind of crime caper. Another mysterious. Are they dead? Are they not? But. And it's. Again, you know, me and my wife, we can't handle anything too gory. Too. Too upsetting.

[Rhys James]

Right.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's. It's not gonna. It's not gonna give you.

[Rhys James]

You're not re. Watching Saltburn together.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you know what? We. We had a good chuckle over Saltburn. Saltburn. Saltburn is very funny. And I think people think it's not supposed to be. I think Emerald Fellow is very funny, and I think people don't. Are watching it like it's not supposed to.

[Rhys James]

All of those films are comedies. Yeah. I've not seen Mothering Heights, but they're all like, it's Knockabout. It's a bit Knockabout.

[Vin]

Fun.

[Rhys James]

Fun. And everyone's doing it like it's their serious dramas that need to be analyzed, that they're saying important things, but they're not.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's like, what would be a really fun thing to happen right now?

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Total cobblers. I love it.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, exactly. And I was lucky because Saltburn, specifically, I saw an early screening of it due to being a huge celeb.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right.

[Rhys James]

So I went to an early scene.

[Matthew Crosby]

You played the grave, didn't you

[Vin]

love the grave? Yeah.

[Rhys James]

Let's just say I was involved in the bath scene, but I can't say how.

[Matthew Crosby]

Whispering through the park. Just go with it, mate. Yeah. If it feels right, do it. Honestly. Honestly. I know there's no intimacy coordinator on set, but it's fine.

[Rhys James]

I was on set decoration in some capacity. I'm credited as a best boy, obviously, but I.

[Matthew Crosby]

We need to do. Have you got another take in you, Reese? Have you got another take in 15 minutes?

[Rhys James]

I need to go to my trailer. There's no trailer. Boy. The bath is your trailer. I. Because I saw that. I just had an opinion of it before anyone else had an opinion. Yeah. So I could just go, oh, that was great fun. I really like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Rhys James]

And then everyone came in with all the takes of. You know, it does, but it doesn't do enough about class and all that. And I was like, come on, that's not what I'm looking for in a film.

[Matthew Crosby]

Are they doing this to male directors? It doesn't Feel like they are. I don't feel like they are. I don't think they're doing it to what's his face who did Inception? Chris Nolan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not going. What are you trying to say? Because he's not. He's not saying anything either.

[Rhys James]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ever.

[Rhys James]

He's saying the stakes of the film over and over and over again is what he's saying.

[Vin]

It's normally love. Love is the. The answer. There's a. There's a physics question and then the answer is love.

[Rhys James]

Yeah. It doesn't matter whether you're traveling through time or it's in your dreams floating

[Matthew Crosby]

behind a bookshelf and. But yeah, exactly. The answer is love.

[Rhys James]

But I believe it's. You should. You should be around more for your kids. It's often the message of the film, just hang out with your kids instead. As I go off to direct another films.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hide behind the bookshelf. Finn, have you got any Beck wrecks for us this week?

[Vin]

Speaking of new films. Yes, we have been. I saw an old Timothee Chalamet film.

[Rhys James]

Bones and All.

[Vin]

Bones and all.

[Rhys James]

All. What a get. How's he done that?

[Matthew Crosby]

That's unbelievable. How did you.

[Rhys James]

Probably.

[Vin]

Cuz it's next to Saltburn on the.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, it's because I have been rewatching lots of Timothy. Old Timothy Chalamet films and it's one of the ones I haven't done and toy with watching all the time. So I'm keen to hear. Very good.

[Vin]

Definitely watch it. It's nomads.

[Rhys James]

Are they nomads in it?

[Vin]

Yes. They're also cannibals. Oh, that's the sort of key.

[Rhys James]

That's the headline.

[Vin]

That's the headline. Yeah. They're cannibals. It's beautiful.

[Rhys James]

Interesting.

[Matthew Crosby]

Beautiful movie about.

[Vin]

Also horrible.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's some really cannibalism in it.

[Vin]

Horrible. It's got Mark Rylance in it.

[Rhys James]

Oh, lovely.

[Vin]

And there's a bit. There's a scene. The scene I keep thinking about. There's a scene of Mark Rylance in a bathtub at the end.

[Rhys James]

Here we go.

[Vin]

But it's not.

[Matthew Crosby]

Come on, mate.

[Vin]

It's not what you think it is. But there's a shot of him in the tub that. When you see it, you'll know what. And that shit shot. I gasped out loud.

[Rhys James]

Oh, really? That big?

[Vin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I absolutely love it. I keep thinking about it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Keep thinking.

[Rhys James]

Well, I will watch it. Is that the bones? No. Is that and all. Wow.

[Matthew Crosby]

Can I tell you. I'll tell You a story about. You know, we talk about succession. I was. I went to see. And it was just a normal screening. It wasn't like a special screening. I went to see under the Sky Skin.

[Rhys James]

Fantastic. Love it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Under the Skin. And Jesse Armstrong was also in the. In the cinema with his wife. I was there with my wife. Jesse was there with his wife and I don't know him that well, but I've worked with him a few times and I said, oh, hello. Hello, Jesse, how's it going? And my wife was in the loo and we were chatting to him and his wife and he went, oh, yeah, yeah, pretty good. By the way, this is my wife. And then he says, oh, by the way, Matthew was one of the guys in the movie with. With a. And then he walked off to the loo and he just left me with his wife. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, I. I wasn't. But yeah, yeah. Anyway, thanks for coming to see the film. But I love. That's so funny, especially because I don't know him that well.

[Rhys James]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You know, like, if it was. Like if it was Tom Parry or someone who I see all the time. I work with all the time, or Ed or something like that. Yeah, that's a lovely joke.

[Rhys James]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

But I loved it even more because I was like, that's a gamble. That's a real. That's a huge swing.

[Rhys James]

That's the sort of swing you can take if you. Jesse Armstrong strong and you've. You. You've got the CV to back up a social swing like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely, yeah.

[Rhys James]

And it's a sort of succession power play as well, isn't it?

[Matthew Crosby]

This is pre succession, but yes, it was. Yeah. So maybe he was in the world.

[Rhys James]

He was doing a sort of Tom Wams Gams.

[Matthew Crosby]

He was gams before he cousin Greg.

[Rhys James]

You. He. Cousin Greg.

[Matthew Crosby]

He cousin Gregged me. Yeah. This was when they were. I mean, I guess they were just develop. Because it started succession as the Murdochs. It was originally just going to be like an out and out, the Murdochs thing, but, you know, suing.

[Rhys James]

They couldn't get the title Roof of the Bear, of course, so they had to change into succession.

[Matthew Crosby]

All right, we'll see you. See you soon, everybody back next week.

[Rhys James]

See you next week.

[Matthew Crosby]

And the week after.

[Rhys James]

I'll see you the week after.

[Matthew Crosby]

Why not? Let's do them both. Have a wonderful week, everyone. If anyone. By the way, we haven't, because Ed did say he'd send us a voice note from his tour. If anyone's heard from Ed. Do ask him to.

[Rhys James]

My dad is supposed to be going to watch Ed in Washington or Dallas or somewhere, wherever Ed is next week. So I will try and get a voice note from my dad.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Rhys James]

Of reviewing that show.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. If you can get it via the police or if they.

[Rhys James]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Anyway, have a wonderful week, everyone. We will see you very soon.

[Rhys James]

Bye. Bye.