Episode 352 – Delicious Cranberries of The Insect World

Summary

Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby on Radio X

Episode 352 – Delicious Cranberries of The Insect World
Date: March 29, 2026
Podcast by: Global

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Overview

In this episode, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby—aka Crunch & Crumble—return for another raucous Sunday morning with their signature blend of anarchic comedy and surreal conversations. The main theme is a lighthearted exploration of stories about "stealing stuff," fuelled by listener emails and confessions. Along the way, the duo detours through topics like the cultural legacy of Crazy Frog, surreal animal analogies, restaurant mishaps, heavy metal vs breakfast radio, and crafting the perfect best man speech. The episode is full of tangential banter, playful self-references, and inside jokes—a classic display of their irreverent, quick-witted friendship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Mick Chen Saga & Listener Emails

Timestamps: 00:11–03:00

• The running gag that Vin (the producer) is submitting emails to the show under the alias "Mick Chen" is revisited.
• "Mick Chen" is described as having his “big break,” with assured anticipation of more Mick content in the episode.
• Listener stories about stealing things as kids set the tone for the episode: from stealing party invitations (Oh Captain Bear) to pocketing a tiny book from WH Smith (Annabelle).
• Crosby relates to the temptation, comparing it to parenting challenges:
  “If they say, ‘can I have this?’ and I say ‘no,’ I then have to watch them like a hawk.” (03:51, Matthew Crosby)

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2. Absurd Childhood Fantasies & Crazy Frog Tangents

Timestamps: 03:30–07:14

• Discussion of eating or absorbing books for instant knowledge, referencing Disney’s "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes" and daydreaming about ingesting literature instead of studying.
• Segues into the topic of Crazy Frog:
  “Well, you think so, but I don’t think we’ve talked about Crazy Frog before.” (05:00, Vin)
• Banter about failed memory: even the hosts can’t recall what they discussed in past episodes.

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3. Honest Greens vs Pret & Restaurant Ordering Anxiety

Timestamps: 05:36–07:33

• Vin describes a confusing experience at the Portuguese restaurant Honest Greens, detailing their modern ordering system and a confusing encounter:
  “Since I’ve turned 40, I’ve not worked out how to do anything.” (05:49, Vin)
• Ed empathizes, recalling similar confusion in Lisbon.
• Crosby bows out: “There’s no way I’m ever going there. I’m going to Pret. Sorry.” (07:33, Matthew Crosby)

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4. Crazy Frog Sketches: Satire, Cancellation & Cultural Legacy

Timestamps: 08:13–13:02

• Vin impersonates Crazy Frog in a mock "interview" sequence, complete with ridiculous "cancellation" reasons and hot takes on toads.
  • "You’ll be happy to know that the government have got to me and I’ve had to put my penis away." (08:48, Vin as Crazy Frog)
• Wild SNL speculations and the aesthetics of Crazy Frog:
  “Was he steampunk?” (11:02, Ed)
  “He had a Biggles hat with goggles on… those steampunkers, they love a little… steampunk is effectively a fetish…” (11:10, Matthew)
• Vin jokes about playing Crazy Frog at Starbucks for tour giggles.

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5. Zoological Comedy, Cranberries & Bees

Timestamps: 13:04–15:21

• Extended riff on animals in zoos (bees, pigs, dogs), segueing to Matthew’s analogy:
  “I see bees as the cranberries of the insect world. Flying cranberries.” (15:15, Matthew)
• Stories of eating a dead bee on a dare resurface.

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6. Listener Stories: The Stealing Confessional

Timestamps: 15:21–31:16

• Listeners share stories of pilfered guitars (eventually returned), golf course antics, university pranks (Domino’s car signs as dorm-fridge trophies), and shoplifted number plaques.
• Key moments:
  • “We’re not, by the way, this is not a sting operation…” (16:57, Matthew)
  • “If you stabbed a bee through the heart… take a bee out the sky with a golf flag…” (18:00, Vin & Matthew)
• The morality and shame of adult stealing:
  • Stealing champagne glasses, a lamp from a posh hotel, best man stories, and accidental crime when stealing lost property.
• International tales:
  “I live in a suburban neighborhood in Canada. One summer when I was a teen, they were doing some road work...I saw their big stop slow sign had been left in the grass. Jackpot!” (21:39, Matthew, reading Kelsey’s email)
• The thin line between lighthearted theft and genuine bad behavior is a recurring joke.

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7. Stealing & Comedy: Spoons in Edinburgh, Sabotage as Art

Timestamps: 35:44–38:02

• Tech sabotage at the Edinburgh Festival:
  “...She would buy multi packs of metal spoons, teaspoons, and would hide them all in our props... no jokes about this, just sabotage...” (36:30, Matthew)
• “That’s cool. Surreal humor… Kind of Spike Milligan.” (37:08, Vin & Matthew)
• A child’s “pick and mix” candy theft followed by guilt-ridden repayment.

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8. Best Man Speech Anxieties & Stand-Up Parallels

Timestamps: 32:19–43:44

• Vin prepares a best man speech; banter about who gets asked (or not)—Crosby and Vin have rarely been chosen. Jokes about comic egos taking over weddings.
• The art of the best man speech:
  “You’ve got to walk the line between being very, very funny…and genuine sentiment.” (33:40, Matthew)
• Running joke about professional comedians at weddings overshadowing everyone.
• Ed's upcoming speech:
  “I think what I’m going to start with is… ‘We’re all at a wedding. Isn’t that nice?’” (41:57, Ed)
• The importance (and tactics) of sweepstakes for speech duration at wedding receptions.

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9. More Offbeat Stealing Stories & Listener Antics

Timestamps: 43:44–46:52

• Stolen cutlery and accidental knives in luggage post-9/11; mysterious “Mick Chen” sends photos of collected urban street detritus.
• Of names:
  “Isn’t it mad that there are people out there with the surname Cake Bread? Living and breathing Cake Breads with little baby Cake Breads...” (45:47, Vin reading Mick Chen’s PS)
• A harrowing Dubai tale: cans of Red Bull stolen, only to find they were complimentary.

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10. Musical Detours, Crazy Frog Remixes & Closing Banter

Timestamps: 23:42, 26:01, 47:15–53:14

• Heavy metal vs. breakfast radio:
  “I've found the heaviest track available. This is really gonna upset your stomach.” (23:49, Vin)
• Crazy Frog’s enduring legacy; the idea that “remixing” any song with Crazy Frog’s sounds makes it better. Jokes about licensing fees and the boundaries of Britishness for novelty cartoon amphibians.
• Recommendations section:
  • Vin suggests punk band Dead Pioneers (“hyper political stuff about the US government… what I really like about punk is they espouse their political beliefs with no subtext.” (51:09, Vin))
  • Ed discusses meeting Irvine Welsh and re-reading Trainspotting.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Restaurant Ordering Confusion:
  “Since I’ve turned 40, I’ve not worked out how to do anything.” — Vin (05:49)
• On Steampunk and Crazy Frog:
  “He had a Biggles hat with goggles on… Those steampunkers, they love a little… Steampunk is effectively a fetish, isn't it?” — Matthew (11:10)
• On Animal Analogies:
  “I see bees as the cranberries of the insect world.” — Matthew (15:15)
• On Best Man Speech Expectations:
  “You’ve got to walk the line between being very, very funny… and genuine sentiment…” — Matthew (33:40)
• On Listener Stealing Guilt:
  “As a wee lad, I stole some loose sweets… Racked with guilt, I returned a few days later and left 15p by where the sweets were displayed.” — (38:02, Matthew reads listener)
• On the Cultural Status of Crazy Frog:
  “Crazy Frog being on [a song] makes every song better…So why are bands not doing it?” — Matthew (26:01)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:11–03:00: Mick Chen saga & opening listener confessions
• 05:36–07:33: Honest Greens ordering chaos & generational alienation
• 08:13–13:02: Wild Crazy Frog sketches (cancellation, SNL, nostalgia)
• 13:04–15:21: Animal metaphors—bees & cranberries
• 15:21–31:16: Stealing confessions: guitars, tableware, and public property
• 32:19–43:44: Best man speeches and comedian weddings
• 35:44–38:02: Spoons in Edinburgh & surreal sabotage
• 43:44–46:52: Lost property, Mick Chen memorabilia, and Dubai Red Bull caper
• 47:15–53:14: Further recommendations and meta-banter (Irvine Welsh, Dead Pioneers, sitcom ideas)

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Episode Highlights

• The entire episode features looping call-backs (especially to Crazy Frog, which becomes an emblem for absurd comedy).
• The show is driven by the hosts’ fast, clever riffing and genuine warmth, with real listener participation as the heart of the format.
• Frequent detours keep the pace dynamic—from fraudulent best mans to multi-layered urban scavenging adventures.
• The show closes with off-the-cuff banter about TV habits, literary faux-audiobooks, and potential sitcom pitches (“London: The Soap”).

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Final Thoughts

This episode is an energetic, meandering comedy salon with genuine listener involvement and the kind of organic conversation that only comes from close friends riffing freely. The recurring Crazy Frog bits, stories of minor childhood and adult theft, and meta-commentary on the mechanics of both radio and comedy make for a thoroughly entertaining listen—even if you’ve never tuned in before or know nothing about catfish, cranberries, or the chaos of the modern breakfast show.

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Recommended for:
Fans of surreal British comedy, nostalgia-soaked anecdotes, and anyone who enjoys learning too much about the accidental crimes of their fellow citizens—plus a dash of animated amphibian legend.

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Transcript

[Matthew Crosby]

This is a global player, original podcast.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not sure I want him to get in touch so regularly. You want to keep it special.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You can have too much of a good thing, can't you, with Jen.

[Ed Gamble]

You want to use that as a cold opening.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, go on, then. Go on then. Hello, everybody. We're. We were talking about Mick Chen.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course we were.

[Vin (Producer)]

We hear from Mick Chen during the show.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, this is Mick Chen's in many ways, Mick Chen's big break. Yes, Mick Chen has graduated. Regular listeners of the podcast will know and if you're just joining us now, where have you been? But regular listeners of the podcast will know on the Ed Cameron Microsoft show on Radio X Radio. That we do. On the podcast of the radio that we do, they'll know that Mick Chen. We've got a long running but belief that Vin, our own producer, has been sending in emails to the show under

[Vin (Producer)]

the name Mick Chen as Mick Chen. He's got an alias.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's got an alias and I just wouldn't.

[Ed Gamble]

I would never have thought of that. I would never have thought of Mick Chen.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's exactly the sort of thing that you'd think of.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I wouldn't. Chen's just not. It's not my wheelhouse.

[Matthew Crosby]

Chen's not in your wheelhouse.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, it. It is in your wheelhouse now. You love Chen.

[Ed Gamble]

I love it. Yeah. I think he's hilarious.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I mean, he is. We love Mick Chen as well.

[Vin (Producer)]

But anyway, he's in the show.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's in the show. So look forward to that, folks. Also in the show are plenty of your emails and messages about stealing stuff.

[Vin (Producer)]

We had loads and loads of entries about this.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Do you want to do a few before we even get started?

[Vin (Producer)]

This is from oh, Captain Bear.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hello. Oh, Captain Bear.

[Vin (Producer)]

When I was about seven, I stole an invitation to a birthday party I hadn't been asked to, as though they were an incredibly formal affair where a bit of paper with Spider man on it would get me past the doors, even though everyone attending was in the same class as me and would know I wasn't Richard McKnight, and that Richard would get stopped at the door for not having the requisite Spider man paper by some sort of children's party Immigration control, whilst I presumably styled it out by eating what sits and maintaining that I was the real Richard McKnight, taking home cake and a matchbox Porsche 11 in a little plastic bag.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, you know what? I know. Oh, Captain Bear. Yeah, he's one of the. He's one of the gang I hang out with.

[Vin (Producer)]

Zellaric.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's not Alaric.

[Vin (Producer)]

It must be Alaric.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, it's Ed. It's, you know, it's. It's Timmy.

[Ed Gamble]

That's Ed.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's Timmy, Timmy, Tom, Alaric and Ed. And he's.

[Vin (Producer)]

Ed is Alaric. Alaric, Alaric and Alaric.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, he's one of the Alarics anyway. If it's Matthew and the Alarics, he's one of the Al. And I know Richard McKnight as well, went to school with him, so the story checks out.

[Vin (Producer)]

Why wasn't Alaric invited to Richard McNight's party? Were you invited to.

[Matthew Crosby]

That would have been primary school. They went to the same primary school, but I met them at secondary school, so I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

Was Alaric at that primary school?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, he wouldn't have been at that primary school. Different area. He was Orpington. Alaric's Bromley, Edwards. Orpington.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the same.

[Matthew Crosby]

It is the same.

[Vin (Producer)]

But this is from Alaric. So Alaric was at. So, yes, he was.

[Matthew Crosby]

In which case, yes, he was.

[Vin (Producer)]

Thank you.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. The answer to both questions is yes and no. Okay, Annabelle. So one time when I was five and wandering around a WH Smith. Now TG Jones. Not. Of course not. In an airport, I saw the smallest book I'd ever seen in my life. We're talking tiny, but with pages that you could actually turn in illustrations and readable text. At the time, I loved miniature objects with a skewed sense of scale because of Alice in Wonderland. So I instantly became obsessed with this tiny book. As we walked around the shop, I kept harking on about it to my mum, saying things like, how do they fit the words in? And Christ, that's the smallest book I've ever seen. But she wasn't asked. I knew my pitch hadn't been good enough for my mum to buy it for me. And I knew I wouldn't be able to buy it for myself due to being five and having no money. So instead I resorted to stealing. Now, this is what my kids are like.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

If I. I have to. If they say, can I have this? And I say no, I then have to watch them like a hawk, because the other day. Other day, little Jerry Cinnamon was wearing a badge which, you know, she's. She's. She's six. But she was like, do you like my badge? I was like, oh, that's the badge that you liked in the bookshop. The other day that I said you couldn't buy. Oh, where'd you get that from? My friend gave it to me. Which friend? I've forgotten their name. We're going back to the bookshop. We're going back to the bookshop. I've forgotten their name. Cracked completely.

[Vin (Producer)]

Had not thought.

[Matthew Crosby]

Two questions.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so funny.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I just thought that would do.

[Matthew Crosby]

My friend gave it to me. Was your friend you? And did you give it to you by nicking it out of the bookshop?

[Vin (Producer)]

The things with the smallest book ever. You could swallow that like a pill and then pass it through. And then pass it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely.

[Ed Gamble]

Or gain all of the knowledge inside the book.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, I used to dream about that all the time. Well, that you would do that revising for exams. Rather than revising. I would imagine a world where you

[Matthew Crosby]

could blend the computer, wore tennis shoes. Did you ever, ever watched that movie? It's like a Disney movie.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, about. Not only do I think I've said that thing about blending books and drinking them before, I think you then said that this is where we're at with this show.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is where we're at.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there's a lot more of that on this. On this show.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, you think so, but I don't think we've talked about Crazy Frog before.

[Ed Gamble]

We must have done.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, I love Crazy Frog.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, but the thing is, you can't, you can't over chat about Crazy Frog.

[Vin (Producer)]

And if we can't remember what's happened on the show in the past, the listeners aren't going to.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, that's not how it works, unfortunately, because we've, we've never remembered anything. People. People are sending an email saying, oh, by the last week you were talking about things you've stolen. It's a Tuesday, we recorded that on Sunday and we still couldn't remember that. Oh, yeah, it turns out we did. So, yeah. No, that's not, unfortunately, how it works. Speaking of Crazy Frog. Well, you had a salad, didn't you? Of course.

[Vin (Producer)]

Salad for lunch. It's a new place.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you want to tell us about your salad?

[Vin (Producer)]

It's called Honest Greens. Really good food.

[Matthew Crosby]

Anything to do with Honest Burger?

[Vin (Producer)]

No, it's a Portuguese company.

[Ed Gamble]

I was going to ask that. I think I've been to an Honest Greens in Lisbon.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, could you work out how to order the food? Since I've turned 40, I've not worked out how to do anything.

[Ed Gamble]

You know what? Well, if it's the same, it was complicated because there was like we had to go inside to order on an iPad.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Even though there was a person there.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like that Alan Partridge sketch. And then had to. Then walk out to the table and so they would bring the food to us. Except. Except they got confused. They couldn't find us on what table that we were on.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, listen to this. Walk in there. There's. Seems to join a coffee shop. I couldn't. There were no menus anywhere. Couldn't see any menus. There was a thing for like, quick queue. And I was like, oh, I'll stand in the quick queue. Cause that'd be quicker. But then it said, scan your QR code. I was like, well, I don't know any QR code. Went back to the start. There was a man there explaining the concept to everyone who came in. There was a paper menu. I said, do I just queue up here to order? He then said, where do I recognize you from? I said, you'll work it out eventually. He said, were you on a TV show years ago?

[Ed Gamble]

Wow.

[Vin (Producer)]

And I said, I've been on TV shows recently. How dare you? And then we worked out we'd actually worked together on something many years ago.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, wow.

[Vin (Producer)]

But so he told me how to order. I didn't do the quick thing. I queued up. You order, eat in, they give you a thing. One of those buzzing things.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah, I like those.

[Vin (Producer)]

So I sat there, and then the guy came over again to say something, and I went, where do I pick it up from when it buzzes? He went, no, that's not one of those. That's a tracker. So they'll bring it to you, but this lets them know where you're sat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no, that. I think it must be the same system. I think we were confused by the same.

[Vin (Producer)]

But the food was great.

[Matthew Crosby]

How far can you go with that tracker? If you. If. Is it, like, hunted? Can you, like, go. Okay, right, I've got my. Now it's on you.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I had a breakfast burrito, a veggie burrito, and it was delicious.

[Vin (Producer)]

The food was great. It was, like, really nice proteins and salads and side dishes and stuff. So I would recommend it. But it will take you a while to get to grips.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, there's no way I'm ever going there. I'm going to pret. Sorry.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. Take a thing up, pay for it.

[Ed Gamble]

Pret's nice.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hey, pret's really nice. Pret's nice, guys.

[Vin (Producer)]

Anyway, that's why I'm sleepy, because I had peri. Peri chicken, a grain salad, a Little miso leaf salad and some grilled carrots.

[Matthew Crosby]

That all sounds fantastic.

[Vin (Producer)]

It was good.

[Matthew Crosby]

All sounds really delicious. But I've got my. I've got my posh cheddar and pickle in my bag and I've eaten that on the train home. Anyway, should we watch. Watch the show? Should we listen to the show?

[Vin (Producer)]

Let's watch the show these days.

[Matthew Crosby]

All Visualize, yeah.

[Radio X Announcer]

Everyone tune in Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ray D O X.

[Ed Gamble]

What's going on?

[Vin (Producer)]

Hello, it's the crazy frog here. You've not heard from me for many years, ever since I was cancelled. The first ever frog to be cancelled. But I stand by my position that frogs can jump higher than toads and toads should be killed. But I'm delighted to have been invited back onto your broadcasting airwaves by Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on air, of course, this Sunday until 11am finally they have unleashed the frog. I'll be back every week. I've decided.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh no.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh no.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's gone so well.

[Vin (Producer)]

I'll be back every week for some of my hot takes and opinions. I tried to get on the Subway takes show but they wouldn't have me. They said they weren't ready for a frog as crazy as I. You'll be happy to know that the government have got to me and I've had to put my penis away.

[Matthew Crosby]

I assume that's what you were cancelled for in the first place, frog.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, no, no, no, no. Back in the day it was easier to have everything swinging around.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, you're a.

[Vin (Producer)]

Myself and Louis CK used to hang out and say, well it's fine. Swing free Louis. I would say swing free. It was my opinion on toads, of course that got me cancelled in the first place.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not Swing Free Sweet Louie single you released together.

[Vin (Producer)]

There I go. I can't do that. Oh dear. I can't do that with my voice anymore. Age has got to me, of course. But I will be releasing a new single. Oh yes. It's a cover of Robbie Williams swing covers album. Swing when you're winning. Yeah, yeah. And it will be the crazy frog does Robbie Williams swing when you're winning? And we all know what's swinging. Not on the COVID because of the government.

[Matthew Crosby]

You've got to pixelate the COVID surely.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yes, pixelate the COVID Put on pants. Well, we should start the show really. And my goodness, I'm happy to hear this song again. I was reminded of it when I was swimming around on my lily pad in the river the other day and a boat passed me oh, yeah, it is of course, the Riverboat song.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ring Ding Ding Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

We were delighted this morning to be joined by the Crazy Frog.

[Vin (Producer)]

The Crazy Frog was in the studio, of course.

[Matthew Crosby]

My kids love Crazy Frog. He's still so.

[Vin (Producer)]

Crazy Frog is still a thing.

[Matthew Crosby]

Still a thing.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, my whole intro was based on Crazy Frog's not around anymore and he was cancelled.

[Matthew Crosby]

I can't wait to break it to my kids that he's been cancelled.

[Vin (Producer)]

You completely pulled the rug out from under my premise, Matthew.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm so sorry.

[Vin (Producer)]

To me it's like being in the SNL writers room. But my went and pitched the Crazy Frog to whoever the host is, Ryan Gosling. Do you think Ryan Gosling would do. Do a Crazy Frog skit if I pitched it to him on snl Us?

[Ed Gamble]

This is.

[Matthew Crosby]

Of course Gosling is going to green up. Of course he is. I think he. I think he's. He's absolutely got it in his arsenal, wasn't he?

[Ed Gamble]

He was sort of blue, wasn't he?

[Matthew Crosby]

He was, he was. He was kind of bluey grey.

[Ed Gamble]

A teal.

[Vin (Producer)]

He had goggles on.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course he had goggles on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, goggles.

[Ed Gamble]

Was he steampunk?

[Vin (Producer)]

I think he was steampunk.

[Matthew Crosby]

He was steampunk, wasn't he? He had. He had a biggles hat with goggles on.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And he had his ding ding swinging around.

[Vin (Producer)]

Y.

[Matthew Crosby]

Those steampunkers, they love a little, you know, like steampunk is effectively a fetish, isn't it? Yeah, I think so. It's effectively a kink, isn't it? And you know, we don't kink shame here.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, we don't. You're yum.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, no, Absolutely, absolutely. We refuse to, but yeah. What inspired you this morning to tap up the Crazy Frog?

[Vin (Producer)]

What were you on my way here? I hadn't ridden my teeth on my

[Matthew Crosby]

bike on your hog.

[Vin (Producer)]

I was walking through the streets of London saying, no, I often. I often think about crazy. I play him quite a lot in the car on tour.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Normally when we stop at a Starbucks, drive through to get a coffee and Paul has to take the order, then I turn up Crazy frog really loudly, crank it right up and then Paul gets the uncontrollable giggles and can't order.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's great.

[Vin (Producer)]

So, yeah, I mean, it's good to

[Matthew Crosby]

know that you're as funny off stage as pal.

[Vin (Producer)]

Similar vibes?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, very much so.

[Vin (Producer)]

Just an annoying little boy. And I would say I think the crazy frog is hilarious. And I was Saying to Vin before we. Before you came in with your water, that I'm thinking of pitching a long read to the Guardian about reassessing crazy frog as a piece of art, because I think he was much maligned back in the day. Yeah, I think people thought for being annoying. But it's good.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, it's really, really good. There used to be even like a sort of hack joke that comics would do if they were emceeing and they would say, like, you know, if you've got the crazy frog as your ringtone, just get out now or top yourself

[Vin (Producer)]

or something like that, or. What I would do is, I'd say if you got the crazy frog as your ringtone, get on stage and do five. Because you're obviously a legend.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're clearly funny.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

In fact, let's just play the crazy. Often you would come on stage and you wouldn't emcee. You just get your phone out and put it to the microphone and play

[Vin (Producer)]

the crazy, crazy frog.

[Matthew Crosby]

And then the audience is ready for whatever act.

[Vin (Producer)]

There's a reason I didn't get booked in a lot of clubs.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right.

[Radio X Announcer]

Crunch and crumble.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is Radio X. From frogs to gorillas. Oh, it's a really.

[Vin (Producer)]

We're doing a whole zoo today. The zoons.

[Matthew Crosby]

Are we playing the zoo? We played the hives. And of course, bees live in hives. You know, you wouldn't go. You wouldn't go to a zoo to see a bee.

[Vin (Producer)]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

If you went to a zoo and they were like, oh, you've got to see the bees.

[Vin (Producer)]

But then I think they've got all that stuff at London Zoo. They got pigs at London Zoo and you're like, come on, guys.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, but bees are free roaming. I will often see a bee in my front garden. I'll very rarely see a pig.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, but they don't. They don't. They'd keep them in like a house, A bee house, A hive. No, but they would have them. They wouldn't have them free roaming around London Zoo. They'd have them in like an enclosed environment.

[Matthew Crosby]

I don't think you could. With that much picnicking going on, you couldn't be having bees just going everywhere. So you're telling me they're not even wasps, are they? There's not wasps in London.

[Vin (Producer)]

I don't know. I've not been to every corner of London Zoo. Sometimes there's dogs roaming around. But they belong to the people who are going to London Zoo.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's right. Dogs. You can't.

[Vin (Producer)]

You but then you can't take them out. So if you've got a dog, don't take it to London Zoo. Because then they send a donation, they go, sorry, mate, you can't just take the animals out.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right. It's like you can't bring a bag of clothes into a charity shop. They'll just take it off you.

[Vin (Producer)]

And they take off your typical clothes.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's it. Yeah, yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Sorry, mate, you can't just leave with the clothes on.

[Matthew Crosby]

So you thought you could in that drip. It's tricky. Tricky, tricky, tricky. It's good, man. It's really good.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's really good, isn't it?

[Matthew Crosby]

People forget that he had other songs. It's a bit like people forget about Scatman's World, you know, or Popping Old Oak. People think of the big hits and they don't realize but that,

[Ed Gamble]

oh, no, we've lost Ed.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's called We Are the Champions. Brackets, Ding and Dang Dong.

[Ed Gamble]

We've lost ed. We've lost 15, 20 minutes into the show.

[Matthew Crosby]

We've gained crazy frog, though. That's the thing. We've gained crazy frog. Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby,

[Radio X Announcer]

the Rock Will Wax and Wayne Cranberries

[Matthew Crosby]

here on Radio X.

[Vin (Producer)]

Might see a cranberry in the zoo, in the cafe.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah, absolutely would do. Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Cranberry juice.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, a bee would absolutely love a cranberry. I really think a bee if. Because they're so fat and juicy, you feel like a.

[Vin (Producer)]

Bees.

[Matthew Crosby]

Both. Yeah, both. Cranberries and bees. I see very much. I see bees as the cranberries of the insect world.

[Vin (Producer)]

Flying cranberries.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've always said that flying cranberries in every bit as delicious. We, of course, talked about the time I once ate a bee. It was a dead bee as a bet and made my tongue go all numb. Yes, Spicy, spicy, spicy stuff. So we're talking today about times you've stolen stuff. This is a rollover. Last week we were talking about things you've got for free and it sort of bled into the idea of stolen stuff. And then suddenly the switchboard lit up. So we've got loads to get through that were from last week's show. And I've had loads of DMs, loads and loads of messages. This one from James says, back in 2004, a friend and I went to visit another friend at Newcastle Uni. We had a few drinks and our host fell asleep. In the taxi back, he awoke and told the driver to stop as we'd overshot where he lived. We got out the taxi and saw a guitar case in the street. Nobody seemed to be around, so we picked it up and took it. We woke up the next morning with some beer, fear and a very nice guitar. A couple of days later we saw this story. Now, this is from the nme. Singer, songwriter Willie Mason is offering a. His guitar was stolen after a gig in Newcastle. Mason's precious 70s Gibson Hummingbird was taken after he'd supported the 22. The 22 twenties. This is. Is taking you back to your. Your golden era, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely.

[Matthew Crosby]

The 2220s at Newcastle University. And then it gives Willie Mason's like, email. He's. He's made up. Willysguitar61hotmail.com Anyone with any information. Sure. Email the singer. So, yeah, they, they returned. They had to return it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, good, I'm glad, I'm glad. The lens with them returning it rather than saying, and then I sold it.

[Matthew Crosby]

I mean, if you. You've simply got to. If you. We're not, by the way, this is not a sting operation. Oh, we're not shocking bees again. Absolutely. Oh, delicious cranberries. Insect world. No, it's not a sting operation. You, you know, if people send these in, we're not going to shop them to the police. Even if they say, I didn't return it, I sold it, we're not doing that.

[Vin (Producer)]

This is from Neil in Kirk and Tillock. Hi, Ed, Matthew and Vinicius Junior. Vinicious Junior, Yeah, the footballer. Ah, that's why I don't understand it. Happy radio, lads.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't mind if I did.

[Vin (Producer)]

When I was 20, my drunken walk home from the pub used to take me past a golf course. I'd regularly steal the flag from one of the greens and throw it javelin style across the road. I'm not a skilled athlete, but I always got it into the farmer's field.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's fantastic.

[Vin (Producer)]

I love that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Country life.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, country life. And look, no one loses in that scenario. I'd imagine every morning the person in charge of the golf course would wake up, go to the field, get the flag, put it back in again.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, of course.

[Vin (Producer)]

Unless there was a little animal in the field.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, this is it.

[Vin (Producer)]

If you stabbed a bee, if you

[Matthew Crosby]

stabbed a bee through the heart, if you've killed. If you killed a bee. I mean, obviously you couldn't do it nowadays because of animal protection, but that feels like a thing off of Petsman's Prizes, doesn't it?

[Vin (Producer)]

You know, take a bee out the sky with a golf flag, take A

[Matthew Crosby]

bee out the sky with a gold flag. I would love to see that.

[Vin (Producer)]

Or. You bet.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Listen, Mr. Beast, if you're listening, I'm assuming he does stuff with animals. He's called Mr. Beast.

[Vin (Producer)]

Mr. Bee.

[Matthew Crosby]

Mr. Bee. Mr. Bee. Mr. B. The Beast.

[Vin (Producer)]

Sorry. Everything's about bees today and I can't help it.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a really bee based.

[Radio X Announcer]

Radio X Crops and bobbers.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is a very exciting moment because Ed has something to say.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yes, it's our brand new section. Ed has something to say. Just all these great stories of people stealing stuff when they're drunks. Reminded me of when I was on a family holiday. Oh yeah, I think in Mallorca. And I was out with my cousins and my uncle.

[Matthew Crosby]

Lovely.

[Vin (Producer)]

Everyone had a few drinks.

[Matthew Crosby]

I know it's the holidays.

[Vin (Producer)]

And my uncle tried to take a stuffed lobster off the wal. He wanted to take the stuffed lobster off the wall.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, you can't be doing that. So he's in a restaurant, presumably.

[Vin (Producer)]

It was like a bar. It was a pub bar. We were playing pool and a nautical theme. Yeah. There was a stuffed lobster on the wall or like a model of a lobster. And he tried to take it off the wall and it was stuck on quite fast and it broke. And the owner's son saw him do it. The owner's son must have been 14, 15, came out and started screaming at us for trying to take the stuffed lobster off the wall.

[Matthew Crosby]

Getting told off by a 14 year old.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, 14 year old Mallorcan boy called my uncle a.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, no. You know, listen, hey, we don't condone vandalizing somebody's problem.

[Vin (Producer)]

It wasn't a deliberate vandalizing. It was a deliberately vandalized. I don't even know. I don't know the thought behind it. I don't know if you wanted to steal it or just have a bit of japes with it, you know?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, absolutely. Put it on his head and run around.

[Vin (Producer)]

Put it on his head. Make the lobster play pool, which would be great. You wouldn't need a rest playing it with a lobster claws.

[Matthew Crosby]

But a surrealist pool. Why not?

[Radio X Announcer]

Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Vin (Producer)]

Travis on Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby with you until 11:00am yes, Matthew.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, you know, Fran Healey was in the. Was in the press recently because there was photographs of him on stage and it was that. You'll never guess who this is. And it was Fran Healy.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. And you knew that straight away.

[Matthew Crosby]

I knew that straight away. Straight away. So I mailed the son. I did guess Actually, but he's really leaning into the kind of Doc Brown from Back to the Future slash Professor. Professor Weita.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, he had pink hair for quite a long time, didn't he?

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, recently. Now it's very white. Okay. But we don't know whether or not that is his natural hair color. His hair color is white or is he dye is very, very blonde. But it is very much kind of like sticking up at all. Kind of. It's a bit Rick and Morty cool like that. He's got.

[Vin (Producer)]

Which is Doc Brown.

[Matthew Crosby]

Which is Doc Brown, exactly. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

So he's the first one. He's really. I've got three references. The first one was the best one.

[Vin (Producer)]

You've got alts for everything.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've always Alts for everything. That's what you get when you get a Crosby.

[Vin (Producer)]

Matthew is a fantastic comedy writer and Will on scripts, write a joke then he'll write alts for that joke.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Vin (Producer)]

What he hasn't realized is you shouldn't do that out loud. Shouldn't do that when it should be natural conversation.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've just given you options here for the edit. Oh, it's a radio show.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Should have worked that out by now. Let's talk about stealing though.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, we're gonna talk more about stealing. We've got. I mean a lot of people have stolen stuff who listen to us. Oh dear.

[Matthew Crosby]

Our friend. Our friend Kelsey in Canada. So it doesn't, you know, if you declare a crime in. In a different country doesn't count. Right. If you say. If you say I've committed a crime in. In Britain and it's committed in Canada.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

They can't touch you. What's going to happen?

[Vin (Producer)]

International law does not apply.

[Matthew Crosby]

I live in a suburban neighborhood in Canada. One summer when I was a teen, they were doing some road work. They seemed to be done in my area. And as I was walking by, I saw their big stop slow sign had been left in the grass. I thought jackpot, of course you did. And dragged it home and put it in my room like a cool teenager. I was assuming you were a cool teenager, but yeah, like a cool teenager. Cut to my mum getting home from work and announcing the flagger was directing traffic with his hands because his sign was missing. Oh, man. Yeah. The most shameful part is I didn't even bring it back myself. My mum brought it back for me. Happy Mother's Day. It's not yet Mother's Day in Canada and she doesn't listen anyway. Thank you, Kelsey. That's exactly what we're after. Thank you, Kelsey.

[Vin (Producer)]

This is from Keely. When I was at university, we once followed a Domino's pizza delivery guy. And as he got out to deliver the pizza, we pulled up and quickly ran and yanked the magnetic light light up Domino sign off the top of his car. It lived in our fridge, on our fridge for the rest of our university days. And we never regretted it. See, that's. That's not even a crime of chance or opportunity. That is planned. They followed the man premeditated. Premeditated. And they don't regret it.

[Matthew Crosby]

I would. Come on. They're fine. They still exist, right? As a company.

[Vin (Producer)]

But the man might have lost his job.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, well, apologize to that guy. But, you know, what's your problem with banter?

[Vin (Producer)]

Also, that might have been the inspiration he needed to move on from Domino's.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very much so. This is typing word and dragging him out and holding a gun to his head. This is. Yeah, this is. Changed his life.

[Vin (Producer)]

That might have been Kirstar.

[Matthew Crosby]

That man. That man was Kierstar.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

What an origin story.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

From a humble toolmaker's son via dominoes to one of the least powerful men in the country. This is flagpole sitter, Peep show on Radio X.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's peep show Ludwig, Radio X. Ed

[Radio X Announcer]

Gamble and Mac Fifen, Gazelle Hazard, Radio X.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, lovely morning here. This is normally where I play some heavy metal, isn't it? Matthew gets upset. Yuck.

[Matthew Crosby]

Wow.

[Vin (Producer)]

I've found the heaviest track available.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, no.

[Vin (Producer)]

This is really gonna upset your stomach.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm worried about this.

[Vin (Producer)]

Here we go. I'm not even gonna say what it is. Let's just play it. Finn.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is terrifying.

[Vin (Producer)]

You know, Matthew, I don't go to clubs, but if I went to a club and someone dropped this banger, I would be. Absolutely. Yeah. Off my eyes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Vin (Producer)]

I'd be off my eyes.

[Matthew Crosby]

You'd be off your little eyes, wouldn't you?

[Vin (Producer)]

You.

[Matthew Crosby]

If they played this at Pasha.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, my God, you love Pasha.

[Matthew Crosby]

The only club I've ever been to. Yeah, I've been to one club. It was fantastic.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And then never went to another one. I don't think it's going to better it.

[Vin (Producer)]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

So this is Crazy Frog's version of Popcorn by Hot.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, it's not quite the one that I wanted, but normally it's more of a build up until the frog gets involved.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's quite.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, there's a lot of frog on this.

[Vin (Producer)]

There is. There's too much frog.

[Ed Gamble]

There's too much frog. Okay, we should say people that missed the start of the show. Ed loves Crazy Frog.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you ever have to say that? Yeah, I mean everyone, everyone loves crazy.

[Vin (Producer)]

I'm not made of stone. I'll say that.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's got two ears and a heart, isn't he? Of course he loves Crazy Frog.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, I stand corrected. Well, we can't. We can't play Wet Leg. We're listening to the Crazy.

[Matthew Crosby]

Could you. Are there no end to his talents?

[Vin (Producer)]

I'd love to hear a Wet Leg Crazy Frog Cola.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, this is what I'm thinking is

[Vin (Producer)]

on the frog long.

[Matthew Crosby]

Can you.

[Vin (Producer)]

On the chase Frog, could you throw.

[Matthew Crosby]

You've got to do alts, haven't you? You've got to do the alt.

[Vin (Producer)]

Was definitely. Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Can you put. Can you put some ding dings over the top of this? Is that you're allowed to do that?

[Ed Gamble]

Don't think Wet Leg would be happy.

[Vin (Producer)]

Sorry, guys.

[Matthew Crosby]

Real.

[Radio X Announcer]

The old man and the big baby Radio X again.

[Vin (Producer)]

It makes every song better.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, it really does.

[Vin (Producer)]

Crazy Frog being on it makes every song better.

[Matthew Crosby]

And it's not hard to do a Crazy Frog remix. It's basically just that.

[Vin (Producer)]

Just that at the end.

[Matthew Crosby]

So why are bands not doing it?

[Vin (Producer)]

I don't know.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's absolutely insane.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, maybe because they'd have to pay Crazy Frog so much money.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's true.

[Vin (Producer)]

Who is Crazy Frog?

[Matthew Crosby]

He's a little frog. Radio X best of British 500. Well, one thing we do know about Crazy Frog is he's unfortunately, I believe, not a British citizen.

[Vin (Producer)]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

So he's not going to make it into our Best of British.

[Vin (Producer)]

Is he European?

[Matthew Crosby]

He's. He's miscellaneous European, I believe. Yes, he is. And you know, we voted, guys. So afraid. No, thank you very much.

[Vin (Producer)]

We voted for Brog.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, we believe Brog means Brock. Yeah. Anyway, this is the Brexit.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's obviously what I should have said. Again, the alt is always better. Never take your first thought. It's Brexit. Brog is British Frog, though.

[Matthew Crosby]

Brog is British Frog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We voted for Brog. He refused Brog. So we had to fret it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, we had to crazy frex it.

[Matthew Crosby]

We had to crazy frex it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Anyway, Best of British.

[Matthew Crosby]

Anyway, Best of British. They're gonna play 500 songs over the course of the Easter weekend. And you can be a part of the decision making process if you get yourself to global player and vot. Vote, vote, vote.

[Ed Gamble]

Voting closes tonight.

[Matthew Crosby]

Voting closes tonight. So votes for Paranoid by Black Sabbath. That is what we are backing.

[Vin (Producer)]

And it's from all across the global network, isn't it? Vin?

[Ed Gamble]

Classy rock. Radio X90s radio X naughties. Radio X, Chilled Radio X.

[Matthew Crosby]

Radio X. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And so if you can pick any other four that you like, but number one, we would like you to vote for Paranoid by Black Sabbath. And hopefully that will be in the number one top spot.

[Vin (Producer)]

Will it include the new station that I'm launching, vin Radio X Sex Mix.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, it's Will.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ok, Warm egg and Matthew Crosby on Radio X.

[Vin (Producer)]

Publica. It's Ed Gambler Matthew Crosby here on Radio X with you until 11am and we are still talking about things you've stolen. It's often involving alcohol, I've noticed, Matthew.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, yes, that's very, very true. This, this, by the way, from. From John. I don't know if this does involve alcohol. This says I used to collect number 12s. Okay, okay, John.

[Vin (Producer)]

Okay, John.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay, John. And one year I got home. Oh, yes. Got home in a drunken state. Got out a screwdriver and walked up my road to number 12. Surprised you hadn't done that before. It feels like logical things to do if you collect number 12s. I then proceeded.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, it's either go to number 12 or go to number one and then number two.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, that's true, that's true. Or, you know, go to number 120 and snap their sign. I then proceeded to remove their plaque which had the house number on it. A few months later, I started working a local hardware shop and an elderly woman I worked with told me about her house plaque being stolen. Yep, yep, that was me. They subsequently got a different plaque and I fully intended to wait till New Year's Eve and do the same thing at 12, but. Yeah, wait till 12 midnight exactly, but then put the old one back up. Still one of my biggest regrets, not following through with this plaque. Oh, John, good planning.

[Vin (Producer)]

You need to worry about not following through with that. I think that's fine. Yeah. This is from Danielle. I went to a very posh hotel bar in London with my girlfriends and we all got a bit tipsy and started putting champagne glasses in our bag. My friend then picked up a table lamp and put it in the bag.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, that's too much.

[Vin (Producer)]

I woke up the next morning and saw the shopping bag full of swag and a lamp. Later that day my phone rang and I answered it. It was the hotel saying, we've seen you on the CCTV and your unsavory behavior and we'd like our Lamp back. I made my husband take it back the next day as I was too embarrassed.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, that's pretty mortifying, isn't it?

[Matthew Crosby]

You do have to take these things back. But it's really. It's a shameful thing.

[Vin (Producer)]

Very shameful. Being told off as an adult is awful.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Or even just having to apologize for something that a toddler would do.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. You know, and you should be apologizing, of course.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. This is from Giordio 85. Hello, Giordio. Now this is. See what you make of this. I stole a yeoman's hat whilst he was creeping on some female tourists. I panicked and thr it under a big wooden bench when leaving, just in case it was classed as treason or something. In my defense, he shouldn't have been acting like ye olde creepy pervo so deserved to lose his mad hat.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, yeah, we don't know the backstory to that, really.

[Matthew Crosby]

We don't know. Stealing is not right. But also being. Being a creepy pervo is not right either. Yes. That's the big. That's the bigger question.

[Vin (Producer)]

A rapper.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay. You know, it's like this. Tea Ducks, Rappers, the Hype Men and the yeoman.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, Yeoman.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, then yeoman shouldn't be acting like that. I think he's right.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, absolutely. There's no place for perviness.

[Ed Gamble]

And rappers can't get under benches, can they? He won't be able to get the hat back.

[Matthew Crosby]

Black Heart Rappers get under benches.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, that sounds like a good joke. What's the punchline?

[Matthew Crosby]

We'll tell you that a little bit later in the show. But first, the Rolling Stones.

[Vin (Producer)]

They can get on the benches.

[Matthew Crosby]

They can definitely get on the benches. And you know why? Well, we'll tell you after this. Paint It Black on Radio X, Skinny

[Radio X Announcer]

Pig and Satan's Kingdom. Radio X.

[Vin (Producer)]

We're going to be talking about your things that you've stolen.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Vin (Producer)]

And also probably some more references to Crazy Frog. We're going to see which songs Crazy Frog will fit into.

[Matthew Crosby]

I feel like we've got to play some more Crazy Frog.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, I think.

[Matthew Crosby]

I feel like it. We have to have a few more. We have to go get into the archives and find a few more Crazy Frog songs.

[Ed Gamble]

Because I've got a weird feeling that we've done this show already, though.

[Matthew Crosby]

What are you talking about?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, because Ed is so into Crazy Frog. I think we have done this. The ones you've been playing us off air.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, I've heard them.

[Ed Gamble]

And it can't be from anywhere else.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, maybe we've done the show already.

[Matthew Crosby]

Could have done the show already.

[Vin (Producer)]

Maybe we've done this crazy frog is so far in the past that crazy frog has been to therapy and he's now normal frog.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, you didn't say that last time.

[Vin (Producer)]

Are you sure? Probably crazy is probably not. All right.

[Matthew Crosby]

Now, are you allowed to say crazy nowadays? Is it ableism?

[Vin (Producer)]

Who knows?

[Matthew Crosby]

But he was a self described crazy frog.

[Vin (Producer)]

He's a crazy guy.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think you're allowed to say he's pretty crazy.

[Vin (Producer)]

You know people who are like, I'm crazy and then they're the most boring people you've ever met? None of them have got goggles on with their junk out.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, they haven't. No. Yeah, maybe we don't want crazy people. Maybe that's not what I'm after.

[Radio X Announcer]

Always with fail, crunch and crumble.

[Matthew Crosby]

Radio X. Now we'd like to talk to our own producer. Producer Vin.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Because you have been doing some writing of your own. I have. You've been writing a best man speech.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Now can I just ask that this is the key question. Have you been asked to be a best man?

[Vin (Producer)]

Is this for any particular word or is it a spec script?

[Matthew Crosby]

Are you punting it out?

[Ed Gamble]

I thought I'd come on here today and shop it around.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

See if anyone wants to invite me and get a free dinner.

[Matthew Crosby]

Have you been a best man before?

[Ed Gamble]

I have. I've done a speech once before. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. There seems to be a lot of people who. They've been best man multiple times. Never me. Never either, either.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, well, I'm surprised. I was gonna ask that. And I'm surprised.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, never. Never been the best man. I think I've been on two stag do's in my life.

[Ed Gamble]

That I understand.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, but you would think not good vibes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. But you'd think. They don't asked, you know, someone would ask you to write something to perform at their wedding.

[Matthew Crosby]

You know, hasn't happened.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, I think people don't want that, do they?

[Matthew Crosby]

They don't want it to be good.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, they. They don't want a comic to do it.

[Matthew Crosby]

They don't want a professional comedian.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, maybe, maybe our comics wedding also.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, that's. That's a tough. It's not. People say, oh, it's a tough wedding because everyone's comics. But there's a lot of goodwill in the room.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And at your wedding?

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, Nish was my best man.

[Matthew Crosby]

Was phenomenal.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, he was.

[Matthew Crosby]

And he did that. I mean, yeah, way too long. And he. And he did it off an iPad, which was weird.

[Ed Gamble]

Robbins Ellis nizzy's wedding.

[Vin (Producer)]

Good 50 minutes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that was very good.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, there's no denying it was good. And what you've got to do is you've got to walk the line between being very, very funny, which Ed can do, and genuine sentiment, which Ed can't do. That's the problem.

[Vin (Producer)]

I think all marriages are a sham, apart from my own. And I would say that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But I think that's funny. That's a funny thing to say.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, but I think you can't nick that line.

[Matthew Crosby]

You can't have that.

[Vin (Producer)]

Comics are good at other comics. Weddings when a lot of people in the room are comics.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

To have a comic as a non comic and then there's a lot of people around there who. There'd be a lot of pressure on it weirdly and a lot of, like, let someone else have their moment. Doesn't need to be a comic on stage doing it. Right.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, we. I was at a wedding, a lot of comedians there, and the person who made like the most. Most of the person was emceeing, was so funny, so brilliant that all the comics basically mobbed them afterwards and said, you should become a comedian. And she went, well, I'm a lawy. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

That is stealing focus.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's got a much, much better job.

[Ed Gamble]

Also, is there ever a danger that one of the. One of the couple will. Will call the wedding off and try and marry the person doing the speech because they're safe?

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. I guess that's what people are worried about with me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's why I've never been the best man.

[Matthew Crosby]

You can't have. You know, you can't. You are literally the best man. Yeah, that's the problem.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Handsome. A total.

[Vin (Producer)]

And I would say that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Say, hello, I'm the best man.

[Ed Gamble]

All weddings are a sham and I am the best.

[Vin (Producer)]

I am the best man here.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not just. Yeah. Not just today, but in the. And I should be. If anyone should be getting married, it's me.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you propose to yourself? Is that possible?

[Matthew Crosby]

Of course you can.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, of course.

[Matthew Crosby]

Of course you can. Give it a go.

[Vin (Producer)]

This reminded me of a sketch I wrote once with a line that I was so sure was the best thing I've ever written. And then it wasn't me performing, it was someone else and they performed it. It died so badly.

[Matthew Crosby]

Always the wedding.

[Vin (Producer)]

Talking about a wedding and someone said, who's the best man? And someone else went, I would have to say Winston Church. Nothing. Nothing.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, anyway, good luck with the wedding. We didn't really speak to you at all there, did we?

[Ed Gamble]

That's fine, isn't it?

[Radio X Announcer]

Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Times. You've stolen stuff, what have you stolen? So Ed, have you got one there?

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. I mean there's so many self destructive people out there.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Hi, Ed. Matthew and the Vincan Trail. Me and a friend used to steal cutlery from school every day. We'd always slip it into our pockets after lunch. Sometimes we'd sneak into the canteen when it was empty and take dozens of items at once. We had two reasons for doing this. One, funny. Two, we thought it may banger up the school and we get to go home. Most of the cutlery was dumped in bins at the end of the day, but I took some home with me too. Around this time I went on holiday to Spain and airport security stopped me because I had loads of knives in my bag. I'd completely forgotten about them when packing. This was three days after nine. Eleven. Thank you for the music, Mert from Corby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thank you, Mert. It's reminded me of the fact that our techie in Edinburgh, long term techie packs, she got absolutely obsessed with buying spoons from the pound shop. So she would buy multi packs of metal spoons, teaspoons and would hide them all in our. We did a sketch show, hide them inside all of our props. So you would open up a book on stage and spoons and we had no jokes about this. It was just complete sabotage on her. But she was bored of seeing the show every single night.

[Vin (Producer)]

She sounds great.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh yeah, she's amazing.

[Vin (Producer)]

But it was funny.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, we loved it. But the audience just didn't know what was going on.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's cool. Surreal humor.

[Matthew Crosby]

Surreal humor. Very, very. Kind of Spike Milligan. Yeah, every, you know, you'd put on a jacket and a load of spoons would fly out.

[Vin (Producer)]

Would you like, would you laugh when the spoons.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, of course. Come on. That's funny stuff. You're putting on a jacket that you've put on 15 times before and this time spoons fly out of it. Come on.

[Vin (Producer)]

All you need is a little thing at the end, like a big card. Say our tech thought is so bored of the show that she thought it'd be funny to put spoons in everything.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's all, that's all we needed. But you know, crucially, we were doing a show at the time.

[Vin (Producer)]

Nominated. The nominated year no, crucially, that wasn't one of the.

[Matthew Crosby]

That wasn't. That was 2008.

[Vin (Producer)]

That was post nomination.

[Matthew Crosby]

Post nomination. Riding high to come down. That was very much our Tusk by Fleetwood Mac. We got cocky. We got cocky.

[Vin (Producer)]

There's a lot of spoons in that studio.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, way too many. All hanging around their neck as well. So we're talking today, of course, about stealing Ludovsquit. Hello, Ludovsquit.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, dear me, what have we done?

[Matthew Crosby]

Has said, as a wee lad, I stole some loose sweets. Pick a mix type from our local shop. Racked with guilt, I returned a few days later and left 15p by where the sweets were displayed. That's really adorable, isn't it? Really adorable.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's the guilt.

[Matthew Crosby]

And then, you know, now you run the chocolate factory.

[Vin (Producer)]

Can I take a mile detour from the. They're stealing. Quickly, Matthew, take as many detours as you like because we also have another texter operating. We have thousands of texters operating. But when is the celebrity sat on your lap? Or have you sat on a celebrity's lap?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Let's talk about it. This is from Joanna. I'm just gonna read this first one. Barbara Windsor once sat on my granddad's lap. He was thrilled. He then ruined it by asking if

[Matthew Crosby]

he could sit or.

[Vin (Producer)]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, we're dedicating this to Babs Windsor and everyone who sat in her lap or whose lap she sat in. This is She's a Star by James on Radio X. I'm not happ with that. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X.

[Radio X Announcer]

Fire in the booth.

[Matthew Crosby]

Earlier on, we were talking to Vin because he's writing or he has written a best man's speech for a wedding

[Vin (Producer)]

that, you know you're the best man at.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I've been asked to do a speech. There's a group of best people. I don't think they would go as far as saying, I'm the best man.

[Vin (Producer)]

But you are one of the people doing a speech in that traditional sort.

[Ed Gamble]

It does. It feel. Feels a little bit like he's. He's gonna want to have some attention on the day.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And they've let other people. Other. Other more organized people. Someone else organized the stag.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, someone else is. Is doing some other bits on there, like they're carrying the rings and stuff. I think they've just sort of said, let him. He's gonna get up and shout otherwise.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So let's. Let's format that.

[Vin (Producer)]

Let him do something.

[Ed Gamble]

Let him do something. Yeah, exactly. So I've written it. It's for. It's for a friend that. That I was at uni with and his part partner, who are good friends now. And I think it's gonna be. Well, I've tried to time it and it's like between 10 and 10 and 12 minutes long.

[Vin (Producer)]

You've got to add on at least another five there.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

This is my concern for riffs. CHUCKLES AND CRYING yeah, but so is that.

[Ed Gamble]

Is 15 too long?

[Vin (Producer)]

No, I think that's fine. I think if you're running at 10 to 12, you'll be all right.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, it'll be 15.

[Matthew Crosby]

But you shouldn't be telling us how long it is because there'll be people who'll be at the wedding will have heard this now and it will affect the sweepstakes. It'll affect the sweepstake. I love the sweepstake.

[Vin (Producer)]

I think it's disrespectful.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you think it's disrespectful? I. As somebody who doesn't really want to talk to anybody, I find it quite good fun as a.

[Vin (Producer)]

As an icebreaker at the table.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, just that. I just. I just make that my thing.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I. Then I. Then I'm just going around. I'm collecting money in a pint pot. I'm doing the. I'm giving myself some admin so I don't have the sort of weird, nebulous kind of, how do you know the couple?

[Ed Gamble]

And then you got low cruise money.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's the things where I should say, I've crashed.

[Vin (Producer)]

Matthew just goes to hotels and hopes there's a wedding on.

[Matthew Crosby]

I was the sweepstate crasher. That's what I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's a good podcast idea. The Sweepstake Crasher.

[Matthew Crosby]

The Sweepstake Crasher.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's a sort of like a tortoise media or.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, he kept shut. It's a bit like when they. You know the. The guy in Bristol Zoo who ran the car park.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

And the zoo thought the council were running it. The council thought the zoo was running it. Turned out it was just a dude. Right, this is. What you want, is you want the. The Sweepstake crasher.

[Vin (Producer)]

Now, I've just realized we're getting away from the topic again.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, sorry. Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Mind it. Don't mind it at all, really.

[Vin (Producer)]

Have you gone funny? Have you gone well, touching.

[Ed Gamble]

The reason I brought the length up was that my concern is if it's not.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's not funny.

[Ed Gamble]

If it's not, people aren't going for it. If they don't think it's funny, then maybe I'm just gonna cut loads of

[Matthew Crosby]

it on the fly.

[Ed Gamble]

It'll be very short.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And that's a real concern.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, no, listen.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, I think that's fine. As long as you've got the sort of one, two emotional punch at the end and the genuine stuff at the end, that's fine.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I've written, like. I've written a bit for the end that's a bit heartfelt.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So. I know.

[Vin (Producer)]

I think as long as you land on that, you'll be fine. And I think people will think it's funny. You're a funny guy. You're odd.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's the thing, because I'm going to start. What I think I'm going to start with is I'm going to say, we're all. We're all at a wedding. Isn't that nice?

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, God.

[Ed Gamble]

Even.

[Vin (Producer)]

And then just some people will just take that genuinely, which will work.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But then I'm going to point at someone, probably someone I don't know, and say, even you. Especially you. Thought that'd be a good.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is good. This is actually. I like to test the. I actually do like this material. I think this is. This is good.

[Vin (Producer)]

But the. The crucial issue with this is we're. We're not going to be at the wedding with you.

[Ed Gamble]

The groom will, I think, will laugh at that.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I'm. So maybe I'll just sort of direct it all at him.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Then that's fine, isn't it? That's all. Okay.

[Vin (Producer)]

Are you going to be doing much crowd work?

[Matthew Crosby]

Is it going to be mainly crowd work?

[Ed Gamble]

I wasn't.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Now you've said. Now you've said that that's a good idea.

[Matthew Crosby]

Are you going to. Are you like, sort of Matt Rife? Is that what you're going to do?

[Vin (Producer)]

Are you the Paul Smith of weddings?

[Ed Gamble]

The Slayer, slagging off all the.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. Half of the cup if anyone comes in with a drink.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I like slagging off half the couple.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Working out which ones he's lagging on.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Make sure you say that. He's batting out of his league.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's good stuff, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

It's fine. And some. Some people will take that literally and some people will laugh and that's fine. That's okay. I'm gonna. There's a better.

[Vin (Producer)]

In a Scouse accent.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And dye my hair ginger.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

If you do it as Paul's.

[Vin (Producer)]

If you Get. If you get.

[Matthew Crosby]

If you get ripped and tatted, go put a ginger and some really shiny.

[Vin (Producer)]

Film it. Film it. You'll get billions of views. He's so successful. Paul Smith.

[Ed Gamble]

He is.

[Vin (Producer)]

You just need. You need to follow the Paul Smith's route to success.

[Ed Gamble]

That's how he got started as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, he died.

[Ed Gamble]

He practiced all his crime.

[Matthew Crosby]

He did best man speeches.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, well, I think that's a link. I don't think I need to read any of it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, you absolutely don't. No, no. Why would you? You've got a fantastic opener.

[Vin (Producer)]

And imagine a radio producer saying that.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think that's a link.

[Vin (Producer)]

I think that's a link.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby be on Radio X. We're a show. That's the back of the sewing.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is from Harrod who says working at a climbing center and stole all my favorite jumpers out of lost property.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, is that ceiling? If they've been left there for a certain amount of time, is there a three month statute of limitations?

[Matthew Crosby]

Three months and it's yours. Yeah, surely. Best one is clearly uniform for a niche local company. I live in fear that someone will recognize it and demand it back. But that's living, baby. Thank you, Howard. You absolutely know how to live there. Fantastic.

[Radio X Announcer]

Love that scoop Daddy and goujon mustard.

[Vin (Producer)]

Radio X. Vin will be excited. I'm going to start reading this. This email. Two grapes and a banana. Hang on. This is Mick Chen. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, here we go.

[Vin (Producer)]

Vin's favorite listener, Mick Chen, who we believe is vinyl. I've attached an image of things I've collected over time. So these are things that are stolen, I believe. But Mick Chen is collecting, naming that this is collected over time.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sort of British Museum.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. Most of the signs were rescued from the ground. I like to think of this hobby as urban metal detecting. And he sent these pictures through. It's a lot of like a red route, no stopping Monday to Saturday sign. A sign for Peckham levels. Is this giving us clues as to where Mitchell is based?

[Ed Gamble]

I live near there.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. Weird.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right close to there.

[Vin (Producer)]

Some. Some cutlery on top of a midweek lunchtime Eucharist sign.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I've had lunch.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. 5 kilogram bag of free rice. Burgess park sign.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Live near there. Like rice.

[Vin (Producer)]

Weird.

[Ed Gamble]

Often go through Burgess park actually on my commute.

[Vin (Producer)]

Interesting clues and some PS's from Mick Chen P s. I was only having a poo in Simmons because it was the mandated work Christmas night out and I'd overindulge in the complimentary Fried platters at the bowling beforehand. That's obviously related to something he said

[Ed Gamble]

before we went bowling on Radio X night out.

[Vin (Producer)]

Did you go to Simmons afterwards?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I didn't.

[Vin (Producer)]

Psps. Isn't it mad that there are people out there with the surname Cake Bread?

[Ed Gamble]

That's true.

[Vin (Producer)]

Living and breathing Cake Breads with little baby Cake Breads. Imagine marrying into the Cake Bread name, having to change your surname via deed poll to Cake Bread. Christ. That's from Mick.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ken, thanks.

[Vin (Producer)]

Thanks, Mick.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thank you, Mick. Really appreciate your input into the show, as always. As always. Always, yes.

[Vin (Producer)]

If this is Vin and he's laughing that much, it's not me.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's pathetic.

[Ed Gamble]

I wish.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's also brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I can't write anything that funny.

[Matthew Crosby]

We had a message in from Phil who says, on holiday in Dubai, when I was 15, I stole north of 20 cans of red Bull from the hotel we were staying in. I stopped when once I'd done some research into the Emirati legal system and discovered the extent which they are stickers for rules. Spent the next week brick checking it constantly, looking over my shoulder. Ruined the holiday, to be honest. The day with you to leave, I discovered that all the soft drinks were complimentary. Thank you very much, Phil. That is our kind of story. And this one as well, from John, who says, never stolen anything. But during a night out in central London in the early 2000s, two separate groups of people told me I looked like Dave Grohl and Janet Street Porter. Never seen the link before, but it is right there if you want to see it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, upsetting doppelgangers.

[Matthew Crosby]

Upsetting doppelgangers. That's next week's show. Show. Send in your upsetting doppelgangers to sundayadiox.co.uk.

[Vin (Producer)]

thank you very much for listening. We'll be back next week, of course.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, we're back next week and we wouldn't miss it for the world. But thank you very much to all of you. Have a wonderful week and bye bye.

[Radio X Announcer]

Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

So, folks, there you go. So a crazy show for some crazy boys.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah? Three little frogs in this studio.

[Matthew Crosby]

Three little froggies. We've had our swinging out.

[Vin (Producer)]

So Matthew put his glasses on his head.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Steampunk style.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Can't see anything.

[Vin (Producer)]

Old steampunks. Keep going. Where are my goggles? Can't find my goggles.

[Matthew Crosby]

There you go. Fresh. Hell, yeah. When's it on sale? Is it on sale now?

[Vin (Producer)]

It'll be on sale now. Yes, on sale now. It went on sale General sale on Friday at gamble.co.uk for tickets. I mean, if I saw a stand up do that joke about old steampunks not knowing where their goggles are, fantastic, I'd love it. But yeah, let me tell you, that was bomb.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's not got there. That very much is the sort of stuff I thought I was gonna do. You know, like when you first start doing comedy.

[Vin (Producer)]

I did my first ever gig with you, Matthew, and.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, doing my manga stuff. Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

You did a. A joke about what security guards are like in manga films. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you know what?

[Ed Gamble]

They get a lot.

[Vin (Producer)]

It did. When I did. Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

It did okay. I worked, you know, I worked very hard on making it as accessible as possible. Then I thought I might do so much run up to this that why not just write a joke that doesn't require a setup of 40 minutes? But yeah, I did enjoy it. But yeah. And then I just stopped doing it. I thought, well, actually, I'm right, they're wrong. Do this instead. Have you got any Beckerman recommendations?

[Vin (Producer)]

No, I don't think I do, actually, because it's only been three days since I get. Since I gave my last Beckenham wreck of watching Heroes. Even though it's bad.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, no, I haven't done anything. Anything.

[Vin (Producer)]

I carried on watching Heroes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Have you finished it?

[Vin (Producer)]

No, I'm on series two now. I've bought all of the seasons so I'm now committed to it.

[Matthew Crosby]

You got to.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. And I sort of have it on in the background and I'll like go to the kitchen and make a cup of tea and it's still playing like, I won't be. Pause it.

[Matthew Crosby]

I haven't watched a TV show like that in ages. Where, like wherever you. I mean, I guess I've got kids. I can't be like, no, sorry, Daddy's watching Heroes.

[Vin (Producer)]

Actually, I'll do my emails, I'll get on with a bit of work.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah. And it's still happening. You've seen it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You've seen it all already, you know.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, I've not seen it all already.

[Matthew Crosby]

Have you not?

[Vin (Producer)]

I think I gave up during season two last time and I can see why now.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're trying to push through by filling your life with admins.

[Vin (Producer)]

Huge ensemble cast.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Vin (Producer)]

Right. By the end of the first series, most of them haven't met each other. So there's bits in the second series where someone will meet a main. A main character will meet a main character for the first time or someone will mention another main character and the person will go, who's that? Like, you should have met by the end of the first series. Should all of you be uniting together against this foe? It was. It's not.

[Matthew Crosby]

I do like.

[Vin (Producer)]

Who's that, then?

[Matthew Crosby]

Of a show where nobody knows each other.

[Vin (Producer)]

Who's that, then? He's another main character.

[Matthew Crosby]

I like the idea that, you know, like, you could do an episode. You could do like a soap like EastEnders. Yeah. But no one. It's like. It's like. No, it's like proper London.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Nobody actually knows that their neighbor. Nobody actually knows anyone who lives on their street. Who's that guy?

[Vin (Producer)]

Or a soap about all of London.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, London. The soap.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's called London.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a lot of commuting.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So much stuff on the tube.

[Matthew Crosby]

Really good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Shot in real time.

[Vin (Producer)]

Who's that at all? Oh, they live about an hour and a half away. Yeah. Same city.

[Matthew Crosby]

How would I know? How would I know? This guy claims he lives in London. He lives in Beckenham.

[Vin (Producer)]

This is 09.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right. What about you? Got anything?

[Ed Gamble]

Same answer. Don't think anything.

[Vin (Producer)]

Really.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. Tuesday today, isn't it?

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't think I've been listening to anything.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, actually, I started listening to. There's a punk band called Dead Pioneers who are great. They've got a real sort of late 80s 90s sound, sort of Suicidal Tendencies, a lot of spoken word stuff in there. And they're Native American, so it's like hyper political stuff about the US government. But it's just very well done, you know. The sort of. What I really like about punk is they espouse their political beliefs with no subtext.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

So they just say it, like, especially that era of hardcore. So I would like. I would highly recommend. Dead Pioneers are very good.

[Matthew Crosby]

Dead Pioneers, Great.

[Ed Gamble]

We had Irvin Welsh in on Johnny's show in the week.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I brought my copy of Trainspotting in to get him to sign it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Nice.

[Ed Gamble]

So let's backtrack Trainspotting.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's my favorite book.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Was he delighted to have a copy of Trainspotting? No, I wish he'd been one of mine.

[Ed Gamble]

It was that scenario where we saw at the end of the interview, we all shoved, like, loads of books towards him. We just sort of, you know, rattled it. He was lovely. He was a lovely. He was a very good.

[Vin (Producer)]

You get my book signed Glutton.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a good book.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, if you gave me a copy.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, he's good in the. Irving Welsh.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. He's really good.

[Vin (Producer)]

Took me a while to get into that.

[Matthew Crosby]

The way. The way he writes.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

The dialect.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. And then when you're in, you're like.

[Matthew Crosby]

Once you're locked in, you're in.

[Vin (Producer)]

So good.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. I got the audiobook. That's the way to do it. I did the audiobook, actually.

[Vin (Producer)]

You did the audiobook. Very offensive.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're right there. Everybody, it's me, Evan Welsh. I'm about to read me book.

[Vin (Producer)]

Hang on. You did the audiobook for Trainspotting, but as Irvin Welch, and you said he couldn't be bothered.

[Matthew Crosby]

He was out of his mind. On.

[Vin (Producer)]

I don't remember the first page of Trainspotting, but I'm pretty sure it didn't say, hello, everybody, it's me, Irving Welsh. I'm about to.

[Matthew Crosby]

I got a very early folio copy. Yeah, the Salvatore took that out. He said, you don't need to do that. That'll be on the front cover of it.

[Ed Gamble]

It's Scott's, isn't it? So that's a translation issue.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I do. I do quite like that.

[Ed Gamble]

The English version.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Because everybody thinks it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The actual first line is, hello, I'm Charles Dickens.

[Ed Gamble]

You were saying? That's how Trainspot is.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Vin (Producer)]

All books aren't like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

All books have to start. Hello.

[Ed Gamble]

That would be better, wouldn't it?

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Cause it always is. Really?

[Ed Gamble]

That's true.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

In my next book, I'm just gonna start. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Can't beat a classic. Difficult to know how to open a book. So just go with a classic.

[Matthew Crosby]

Just go with a classic line. It's like a best man speech. You wanna go and get a train? I wanna go and get a train. Yeah. It's so nice seeing you guys.

[Vin (Producer)]

You got 11 minutes.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm gonna do it right. Love you lots.

[Vin (Producer)]

Bye.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bye. Bye, Ra.