Episode 353 – When The Bike Is A Bike

Summary

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Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby on Radio X – Episode 353: "When The Bike Is A Bike"

Date: April 5, 2026
Podcast Description: Crunch & Crumble (Ed & Matthew) serve up their signature Sunday morning mayhem, packed with phone-ins, puns, listener stories, heavy metal, film reviews, and all the shambolic charm they can muster.

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Episode Overview

This episode is classic Ed & Matthew: chaotic, candid, and full of unpredictable comedy. They discuss disastrous beginnings, listener lookalikes, emotional outbursts, bad bikes, embarrassing moments, theft confessions, and their ongoing mission to produce the world’s most gloriously ramshackle radio show. Along the way, they explore the frailty of live radio and their unique rapport, making for a rich, relatable, and riotously funny listen.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Disastrous Show Opening and Radio Shambles

• Opening Mood: Ed and Matthew admit the show’s off to one of its worst starts ever, blaming exhaustion and technical mishaps.
  • “It’s been absolute dog dirt.” – Ed Gamble [00:18]
  • “Normally when it’s bad, we lean into it…but this has been absolute…dog dirt.” – Ed Gamble [00:18]
• Producer Vin is drawn into the self-roasting atmosphere, sparring over whose fault the chaos really is.
• Mic Problems: A lengthy, farcical segment about microphones not working or being switched on.
  • “Could you not. Right, mic three. That one can come off, right?” – Ed Gamble [11:04]
• Listener Complaint: The show receives a rare complaint calling their early link “rubbish broadcasting,” which the trio take with hilarious resignation and meta-commentary.
  • “Par for the course is what it is.” – Ed Gamble [16:46]

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2. Work-Life Balance and Parenting Woes

• Ed and Matthew reflect on the intensity of creative work versus more conventional jobs, and the challenge of keeping up with ‘normal’ working weeks.
  • “We work far too hard for a very intense amount of time, and then we do very little.” – Matthew Crosby [01:54]
  • “I’ve got a day off…which I’m gonna say is harder than working on a panel show. No. Yes, it is.” – Ed Gamble [02:12]

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3. Listener Letters: Lookalikes, Therapy, and Emotions

• Becca’s Therapy Story: Listener Becca recounts her therapist saying she looked like Florence Pugh… while she was crying.
  • “I was busy crying and my therapist interrupted me to say, ‘I look like Florence Pugh.’” – Becca (read by Ed) [02:44]
• The hosts debate the appropriateness of such comments in therapy, and Ed notes he actually knows Becca from live shows.
• Spin-off chat about crying at shows, Ed’s emotional responses to theatre and even pantomime (“I cry a lot at shows…I just love the theatre.” – Ed Gamble [04:25]).

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4. Celebrating Listener Stories and Rage-Bait

• Listeners share their own celebrity lookalike moments, including a child comparing their parent to Gladiators’ Sabre (!), and friends choosing “Dog the Bounty Hunter” as a doppelganger. This triggers more self-deprecating banter.
• “We’re radio rage bait, basically…we’re catching the angriest fish.” – Ed Gamble [15:29]

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5. Easter Egg Hunt and Egg Pun Mayhem

• Easter Special: Ed leads a surreal ‘egg hunt’ story segment rife with relentless egg puns, blending wordplay with absurdity.
  • “How many eggs are hidden inside? And the answer is just the one. I popped it up myself first thing this morning.” – Ed Gamble [08:49]

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6. AI, Water Consumption, and Human Laziness

• Lighthearted debate on AI writers and the rise of ChatGPT.
  • “AI could never do this show.” – Matthew [19:24]
  • “AI would put all the mics on properly.” – Ed Gamble [19:26]
• They spiral into a riff about AI’s water usage versus humans:
  • “Humans drink water as well, also use water.” – Matthew Crosby [19:43]
  • “Just use a colder AI.” – Vin (Producer) [20:54]

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7. Medieval Metal and Performance Art

• The gang listens to “Netherwalker,” a medieval-themed metal band, hilariously imagining themselves at a Ren Faire.
  • “I’d be the jester. And I’d be perving all the wenches. I’d have a great time.” – Ed Gamble [23:27]

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8. Parenting Disasters: When a Bike Is (Finally) a Bike

• Signature Story: Ed narrates his ongoing saga with buying and repairing bikes for his kids. The difference between a “bike that is a bike” and “a bike that isn’t a bike” makes for an extended comic set piece.
  • “It makes such a big difference when the bike is a bike.” – Ed Gamble [26:34]
• A series of pratfalls, returning broken bikes, and nerve-jangling rides past the local bike shop all feature, ending with advice: “Get rid of the bikes, man…we’re gonna get a car.” – Matthew Crosby [30:08]

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9. Embarrassing (But Shouldn’t Be) Moments

• Listeners text in with cringeworthy but innocent social moments.
  • Using wrong taps in public toilets: “The 1 to 2 seconds this takes makes me feel and presumably look like a massive thick odor. Luxe.” – Joe [30:40]
  • Buying a plunger, or eating in the car next to someone.
  • “When the barber shows you the back of your head after a haircut.” – Joe [34:25]
  • Loud Dad sneezes and honks.

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10. Small-Time Theft Stories

• Audience confesses minor acts of pilfering (stolen PS4 controllers, pub signs, novelty trophies) with a mixture of pride and nostalgia.
  • “I once stole a gnome from my elderly next door neighbour’s garden, painted it and sent her a postcard from it saying it was at a festival in sunny Wales…” [47:40]
• The hosts lovingly roast these crimes and how no pub is truly unique: “They’re all pubs, all pub same.” – Ed Gamble [42:44]

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11. The Inevitability of Chaos

• The team reflect on the show’s lack of polish (and proud of it): “You’ve built something that isn’t just for the people. It’s of the people…It feels lived in, human, and gloriously unpredictable.” – Listener Joe Whips [17:34]

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12. Beck Recs: Film & TV Reviews (Show Recommendations)

• Jury Duty Presents: Company Retreat: Matthew highly recommends this spin-off, praising the reveal and the tone [55:03].
  • “The person they found is as adorable, such a lovely man…and they’ve just hit the tone of it so perfectly.” – Matthew Crosby [55:03]
• The Pit: A one-day, hour-by-hour hospital drama Matthew finds gripping—“It is amazing. It’s so brilliant.” [56:33]
• Magic Faraway Tree: Ed’s film review, emotional and nostalgic—“I really, really, really loved it…a film that all of us can really, really enjoy.” [58:45]
• O, Mary: Ed sees and adores the comedy show “O, Mary” in the West End—“The central performance is genuinely one of the most remarkable things I’ve ever seen on stage.” [60:32]
• Music Tip: Math rock band from Montreal, described as “instrumental math rock…they’re dressed in club kid Leigh Bowery wrapping paper. I think they’re aliens.” [57:12]
• La Chimera: Vin recommends this Italian film starring Josh O’Connor, available on iPlayer. [62:01]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “It’s been absolute dog dirt.” – Ed Gamble [00:18]
• “A therapist can say plenty of stuff about you. They’re not really supposed to be saying stuff about this.” – Ed Gamble [03:14]
• “AI could never do this show…AI would put all the mics on properly.” – Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby [19:24–19:26]
• “We’re radio rage bait.” – Ed Gamble [15:29]
• “It makes such a big difference when the bike is a bike.” – Ed Gamble [26:34]
• “When the barber shows you the back of your head after a haircut…it’s the worst.” – Matthew Crosby & Ed Gamble [34:25]
• “You’ve built something that isn’t just for the people. It’s of the people. There’s soil under its fingernails, weather in its voice.” – Listener Joe Whips [17:34]
• “More borrowing than stealing…He borrowed a rowing boat after a lot of beers, rowed out a short distance…ended up five miles away.” – Listener Clove [46:55]
• “I’d be the jester, and I’d be perving all the wenches... I’d have a great time.” – Ed Gamble [23:27]
• “The scoop of tuna pasta bake—never use the word scoop in connection with pasta bake!” – Matthew Crosby [35:50]
• “Par for the course is what it is. If you’ve heard any of our previous broadcasts, you’ll know that we are absolutely cobblers at doing the radio.” – Ed Gamble [16:46]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–02:10 – Chaotic Start: Admitting a disastrous show
• 02:12–04:14 – Work/Life exhaustion, therapy anecdotes, celebrity lookalikes
• 04:15–07:54 – Listeners’ messages; crying at shows; emotional fragility
• 07:54–09:36 – Easter Egg Hunt intro and egg pun meltdown
• 10:00–14:40 – Epic mic mishaps, producer chaos
• 15:00–16:46 – Listener complaint, “rubbish broadcasting”—embracing the trainwreck
• 17:34–19:37 – AI and ChatGPT banter, water consumption riff
• 21:49–23:34 – Medieval heavy metal segment: Renaissance Faires and role-play
• 24:05–30:08 – The “bike that is actually a bike” saga
• 30:23–35:16 – Embarrassing but shouldn't be embarrassing (readers’ submissions)
• 40:07–44:14 – Listener crime confessions (theft stories)
• 55:03–61:59 – Beck Recs: TV, film, music reviews & recommendations

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Running Gags and Meta Moments

• The show’s lack of professionalism is repeatedly referenced and even celebrated:
  • “You can tell us times you’ve stolen stuff and we’re not going to shop you in to the Rozzas.” – Ed Gamble [40:07]
  • “We will try better next time. Let’s not make that promise.” – Matthew Crosby [64:07]
• Constant references to their own in-jokes (e.g., “Happy radio, lads. Don’t mind if I do.”) and the running tally of how much content they’ve actually managed to burn through.

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Final Thoughts

Episode 353 is a microcosm of the Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby universe: spontaneous, self-deprecating, and awash with esoteric running jokes, relatable parenting woes, and listener-driven comedy. They turn technical glitches and low-energy moments into genuine entertainment, drawing the audience into the messiness of real life and live radio. If you like your comedy with a healthy dose of chaos and warmth, this is essential weekend listening.

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Transcript

[Ed Gamble]

This is a Global Player original podcast.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, here we are. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on the radio. That's where. That's where we meet every week.

[Ed Gamble]

That's right.

[Matthew Crosby]

And this is the podcast of that show.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. And welcome to it, everybody. Well, listen, forewarned is forearmed disaster. It's been a disaster of a show today. Yeah, it's been really bad, even by our standards. Normally when it's bad, we're kind of like, now we lean into it and this is quite. This is fun. This is what people expect of us. This has been absolute. It's been absolute dog dirt.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's really bad. Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Do you think it picked up at all?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I mean, it's currently 9:39, so I hope so. But it hasn't picked up.

[Vin (Producer)]

Not yet, though.

[Ed Gamble]

It hasn't picked up currently. And if I'm going to be present and in the moment, there's a difference

[Vin (Producer)]

between the first hour and the second.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe a bit worse. The second hour. Yeah, yeah, maybe that.

[Vin (Producer)]

Less exciting.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm done with it. I think I'm just knackered.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

So I think this show's just.

[Ed Gamble]

We've had a.

[Matthew Crosby]

What's 20 to 10?

[Vin (Producer)]

Should we just write it off?

[Ed Gamble]

We've had a busy week.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, it's been a busy week.

[Ed Gamble]

It's been a busy week. We've been working together again on a fantastic new show. Very, very fun, but very full on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

We worked all last weekend and the start of this week and. And then I was straight onto another show, as were you. So it's been a busy week for us and I'm afraid, I'm afraid, guys, you as the listener are the ones who suffer because we had to work as much as a normal person works.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, it was more.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you think it was more than a normal person?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. For like four days.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think four days is. Four days is one less than a normal person.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, but I mean, it was intense work for four days.

[Ed Gamble]

It was intense work for four days.

[Matthew Crosby]

But the problem, the difference is between our careers and, like regular hour jobs is people are working hard all of the time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Whereas we work far too hard for a very intense amount of time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And then we do very little.

[Ed Gamble]

Do very, very little. And the problem is we haven't got the stamina, we haven't got the miles in our legs. So if someone says you've got to do four consecutive days of work, we're like, how are we going to do that?

[Matthew Crosby]

And you've Got kids as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I know. So, like. So I was like, oh, good. I've got a day off on Thursday, which is, you know, a day of parenting, which I'm gonna say is harder than working on a panel show. No. Yes, it is.

[Matthew Crosby]

I wouldn't have thought so.

[Ed Gamble]

I believe it is. Anyway, Becca's got in touch. Hello, Becca.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hi, Becca.

[Ed Gamble]

Dear Ed, Matthew and Bing. Ding, Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yes. Happy radio, lads. Nobody gonna. Nobody gonna. Everyone gonna leave, Becky.

[Matthew Crosby]

I don't mind if I do.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't mind if I do. In a recent therapy session, I was busy crying and my therapist interrupted me to say, fantastic opening. Yeah, I love. There's nothing I don't like about this message from Becca. In a recent therapy session, I was busy crying and my therapist interrupted me to say, I look like Florence Pugh. Does that count? I was pretty upset, Becca. Yeah, I think that's bad on the.

[Matthew Crosby]

I mean, depends which film. Oh, Midsommar. That's a bad comparison.

[Ed Gamble]

I think anytime, just anytime someone's crying. I don't think a therapist. A therapist can say plenty of stuff about you. They're not really supposed to be saying stuff about this. Supposed to be extracting stuff from you

[Matthew Crosby]

because she's crying a lot. If she's like Florence Pugh. Midsommar, you know, you put me in mind of.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Is it ever okay for your therapist to tell you who you look like?

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, it depends on what you. What problems you're having.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. If you've gone there because you, you think you don't look like a human.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. If you've gone there, you're like, I'm really sad. I don't look like a gorgeous movie star.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, sure. Florence Pugh.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Very, very beautiful.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very beautiful.

[Ed Gamble]

Very, very beautiful. Very beautiful, very talented. But I don't know if halfway through a therapy session you want to be like, I know you're crying about the real stuff that's going on in your life, but look on the bright side.

[Matthew Crosby]

You look like Florence Pugh.

[Ed Gamble]

You look like Florence Pugh. Thank you, Becca. That was great. This is from.

[Matthew Crosby]

And send us a pic.

[Ed Gamble]

I've seen Becca, by the way, because she comes to flat, sheer slam downs.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, she does look a bit like Florence.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, there you go. So let's stop blaming the therapist.

[Vin (Producer)]

How much is she crying at? Flat slams?

[Ed Gamble]

A lot. Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Constant. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

God, I cry a lot. I tell you what, I cry. I cry a lot at shows. I find shows so emotional.

[Matthew Crosby]

I had big Drink cries this week.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I wouldn't, so. Well, we'll get to bet Rex in a bit. But I saw a play and a. And a movie, and I cried at both of them, and then neither of

[Matthew Crosby]

them are crying, that play, because I just.

[Ed Gamble]

I just love so Hungry I dropped a pack of nuts on the floor. I just love. I just love the theater, and I love performance so much, and I. And it makes me cry. I've talked about this before, how this.

[Matthew Crosby]

Realize you're a virgin. I love the performance so much.

[Ed Gamble]

Just a bit. Yeah. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're crying in that panel show. It's the height of performance.

[Ed Gamble]

I was crying during the first record. I was thinking, anyway, listen. Yes, I, I, I do. I. The worst example of this was when I went and saw the Panto, which I think I'm. I think I threatened to talk about. We never, ever talked about. When I went to see the Panto at the Churchill Theater in Bromley, Sue Pollard, as Mrs. Potts had a teapot on her head. Absolutely brilliant. They came out and they sang that Miles Smith song, you know, nice to meet you. We should get up on up. They do it on, like, Strictly and all that kind of Call Me maybe. It is a bit like Call Me maybe. It does sound a bit like that. But anyway, they'd added the word bromley, so they sang in Bromley. Nice to meet you. And I was like, why have we.

[Matthew Crosby]

Why are we not doing this on air? This feels like we've said nothing on air.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we meant to, like. We meant to talk about it. We threatened to talk about it a few times, but let's do it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Let's still do it.

[Ed Gamble]

All right, well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay, well, no, we can't talk about it now because it's on the podcast.

[Vin (Producer)]

We could. I bet we could do it.

[Ed Gamble]

All right. We'll do it as well on the show.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. You got to pretend like you haven't heard the story before. Can you do that?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I know.

[Ed Gamble]

It requires acting, by the way. Don't act too well because I'll burst to tears. Yeah, that's the problem.

[Matthew Crosby]

Performance, it's pure performance. Can I call you a virgin again?

[Ed Gamble]

You can call me a virgin again. Yeah. I love being a virgin. What a great time.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, lovely. What a great, simpler time.

[Ed Gamble]

Wonderfully uncomplicated time. It was being a virgin. If you're a virgin.

[Matthew Crosby]

I like now when all the virgins go mad, the boys.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I know. Virgin.

[Matthew Crosby]

Cling on to it, lads.

[Ed Gamble]

It used to be. It used to be so cool to be a virgin.

[Vin (Producer)]

One simple goal.

[Ed Gamble]

One no, one clear.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Almost impossible to attain goal. Anyway, we're not gonna. We're not gonna do this link again.

[Matthew Crosby]

No. So this is.

[Ed Gamble]

This is. This is from Julian in Glasgow who says hi, Ed, Matthew. And it's Vindy. Rock and roll for me.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Keeping the pseudonym on brand.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I have a. I have a celeb lookalike story that demonstrates the difference between how your beautiful, innocent four year old son views you and compared to your cynical long term friends. Recently my son started watching Gladiators and unbelievably compared me to Sabre. Obviously I was delighted. This is in stark comparison to my celeb doppelganger designated by my friends Dog the Bounty Hunter. Like all good stories, I think the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Thank you, Gillian. That is exactly what we're after. By the way, It's Sunday at radiox.co.uk if you would like to get in touch with us. Yeah. Should we. Should we crack on with the show? Should we do the show? It might contain the story of me crying at the theater again. But it probably won't.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby Ray DX

[Ed Gamble]

It's Easter Sunday, so grab a pen and paper because it's time for the Egg Gamble and Matthew Crosb annual egg hunt. The rules are simple. I'll read this intro and all you have to do is work out how many eggs are hidden inside. It was the day of the Easter parade and all the bunnies were very excited. It's going to be an eggstravaganza. Cried Pippin, wiggling his tail and shaking his left leg. That's exactly right, my excellent little bunnies. Cried Old Ma Eggsworth, the Easter hen, as she tapped her egg timer and squeezed into her jeggings. Now settle down before one of you has an existential crisis. But Little Egg Ward was feeling far from excellent. His eggs were all eggy. An egg rolled down his egg as he egged his way towards the egg egg that was egged out in front of him.

[Matthew Crosby]

Egg.

[Ed Gamble]

My egg. Egg. If I can't egg this egg, then egg is egg. Egg be so egg. My little egg, said Old Mar. Eggsworth. There's eggs. Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs. E egg. Egg the eggnd. Okay, that's the intro. How many eggs are hidden inside? All right, let's have a lot of answers coming through already. Seven. No, you're way off. You're way off. 406. No, no, no, no, no. A baker's doesn't. Nice try. Now I think you're all a little bit confused. I'm asking how many eggs are hidden inside? And the answer is just the one. I popped it up myself first thing this morning. Happy Easter. Let's have some music. This is the Eggnomy with Egg Way. From here on, Radio Eggs.

[Radio X Announcer]

Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm so sick, sick, sick answer.

[Radio X Announcer]

Crunch and Crumble.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X

[Matthew Crosby]

Monster. The automatic, of course. Tell you what, can you pop my mic on vin?

[Ed Gamble]

That mic was not on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that mic was not on.

[Vin (Producer)]

Different mic. Wrong mic.

[Matthew Crosby]

Wrong mic. Is it interesting?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, very interesting start.

[Vin (Producer)]

What I've done is I've turned all the mics on now.

[Matthew Crosby]

You've turned all the mics on? That's good, isn't it?

[Vin (Producer)]

That's definitely one of the mics.

[Matthew Crosby]

Fantastic. How long have you been doing this?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know. Too long.

[Matthew Crosby]

Too, too long. Too long to have a mic. A mic.

[Ed Gamble]

Boo Boo. There are gremlins in the system today.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Why is that mic over there?

[Vin (Producer)]

That's not where that mic lives.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, it was right here. It was in front of me.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, someone. Well, someone's put it there, haven't they?

[Ed Gamble]

Right, that's my.

[Matthew Crosby]

Also, the wire goes to here. So it's like. Where else would this mic go?

[Vin (Producer)]

No, you should. Okay, so that's mic five. You should be on mic four. You're in position four.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right, but I don't know that. I just grabbed the mic that's closest to me and then you put it on. You check what mic I've got in front of me.

[Vin (Producer)]

I'm not saying you put it in the wrong place, but someone's put it

[Matthew Crosby]

in the wrong place. There is a step in between that where you could have turned the right mic on.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, he got there in the end.

[Matthew Crosby]

Listen, we didn't get there in the end. We're live on air.

[Vin (Producer)]

This is the end.

[Matthew Crosby]

You did not get there in the end.

[Ed Gamble]

Is this the end? This is the end. Oh, fantastic. Should we make a realist? By the way, I can now hear loads of noise in my headphones.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Because all the microphones are on. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Could we not. Right, mic three. That one can come off, right?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, sure.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. Mic six. Hang on.

[Vin (Producer)]

Slow down, slow down.

[Ed Gamble]

Do I have to produce this show for you?

[Vin (Producer)]

Slow down. So you want mic three off?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, please. Okay, thank you. That's better. Mic six, please.

[Vin (Producer)]

Six.

[Ed Gamble]

Six, please.

[Vin (Producer)]

Off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Thank you very much. Mic four, off.

[Vin (Producer)]

You sure about that?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, I'm sure about that.

[Vin (Producer)]

Ed's in position four.

[Ed Gamble]

It doesn't matter. Mic four is currently in the middle of the room and it's turned on.

[Vin (Producer)]

But if we turn that off, then we might not be able to hear. Ed.

[Ed Gamble]

We won't listen. Stop it. It's actually really bothering me in my ears.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Matthew's not happy you're in the show. Okay, mic four is off and this one's off.

[Ed Gamble]

Now Mic six is off.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, so just leave now. Leave these on.

[Vin (Producer)]

Not six on again, six on.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, leave these on. The ones that are on.

[Vin (Producer)]

Six off.

[Ed Gamble]

There are people listening to this, like in the car, you know, drive, going to see their family for Easter.

[Vin (Producer)]

Curious, aren't they?

[Ed Gamble]

Absolute livid thinking. I'm so sorry what happened to Toby Tarrant.

[Vin (Producer)]

I don't know. I'm still getting paid.

[Ed Gamble]

Johnny, that is a very cocky attitude. Wow. Very. I'm still getting paid.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, guys, in the spirit of the day, I think we can resurrect this show.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, absolutely. But it might take us three days.

[Matthew Crosby]

It might take us three days. Yeah. Come back on Tuesday.

[Ed Gamble]

Tuesday. Look, let's play some gorillas. We're gonna sort out the gremlins in this.

[Matthew Crosby]

We should be playing the Rolling Stones.

[Ed Gamble]

We should be playing the Rolling Stones. Quick, play the Rolling Stones. Oh, two kids, gorillas.

[Radio X Announcer]

Old and peculiar.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is our first proper link of the show. Mustn't you?

[Ed Gamble]

I believe so, yeah. Yeah. 272 on the best of British.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's on Andrew Hindle. Of course. This is live. Imagine if this was a pre recorded show. Not sure if it's live or not. Are you kidding me?

[Ed Gamble]

Can I just say one thing? If we'd done that and it was pre recorded, we still would have left it in because I'd have been desperate to make a train to go and pick up the kids. So I think we'd be. Yeah, fine. Find the one where the mics aren't really working. Yeah, we're. We'll use that one. You know what David Bowie used to do? He used to have three microphones all live in varying distances away from him. So when he hit the really big notes, they'd be picked up even more.

[Matthew Crosby]

So he could go home.

[Ed Gamble]

He could go home.

[Matthew Crosby]

So they were close to the door.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, that's right. He's slowly putting it. You know, like when you're watching the clock and you're putting your blazer on and he was doing that, he was creeping towards the closest microphone.

[Matthew Crosby]

He had one in his car, apparently. The Michael Caine thing of. I think it's Michael Caine who would do his long shots first in the day, then mid shots, then close up so he could get in his own clothes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, exactly. But he's putting his jeans on.

[Matthew Crosby]

I love that.

[Ed Gamble]

All right, listen, Andy, it's live.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm gonna be calling in for the last hour. I'm gonna be on the phone.

[Ed Gamble]

That's not a bad idea.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's not a bad idea.

[Ed Gamble]

You know what? This is a good idea for the show. Who can get home the first? Yeah, I think out the three of us.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Who can get away the first but you, The. The Lister can't realize.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, Vin can't leave.

[Ed Gamble]

Vin can't leave.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Because he needs to be in the studio. I mean, but it's awful when he's in the studio.

[Ed Gamble]

The system. Let's just prove the system plays itself.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

That the system kind of can work itself. There's an autopilot.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. There'd be a way of doing it.

[Ed Gamble]

There'd be a way of doing it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I reckon we could all get it. I reckon we can do.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't say Happy Easter if it's live. Andy says we don't need to prove that it's live. Great start today, lads. Dan, thank you.

[Vin (Producer)]

Bit late, Dan. That's the last link.

[Ed Gamble]

No, this link has been pretty. Pretty as well. I'm not gonna lie to you. We need. Right, this has been. This has been a bad start. We need to turn this show around.

[Matthew Crosby]

We need some anecdotes. We need some anecdotes from you. I've never got an anecdote.

[Ed Gamble]

The problem is we spent all week together.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And we've just been working.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, we've just been working.

[Ed Gamble]

We'll think of something. We'll think of. We'll think of something. Guys, we will do a radio show for you in just a minute.

[Radio X Announcer]

The good, the bad and the queen. Radio X,

[Matthew Crosby]

you go for it. That's right. I said that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah. Y. Join a vision, folks. Love will tear us apart. We were just having a little natter, you may have heard about whether or not to read out. We've had. Can you believe it? This is our first ever complaint in seven years.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's not true.

[Ed Gamble]

No, Vin. Vin, this is our first ever complaint we've ever had. No one's ever said we were anything less than peerless broadcasters. But we've had this message in from an anonymous texter and I believe a first time texter, not just to our show, but to Radio X. To Radio X as a whole.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is. This is. We're engaging People who never normal engaged.

[Vin (Producer)]

This is the first text they've ever said.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is why we're valuable to the station.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely.

[Matthew Crosby]

Because we get the engagement.

[Ed Gamble]

There's such a thing as rage bait. And we are rage bait. We're radio rage bait, basically.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. We're catching the angriest fish.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely. Strong start, lads. Okay, firstly.

[Matthew Crosby]

Great. Lovely. That's what I stopped reading.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, absolutely. Strong start, lads. We'll leave it there.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. No, he says, strong start, lads, but that nonsense about microphones and whichever idiot said he was still getting paid made me and countless others switch stations.

[Matthew Crosby]

Countless, of course, because this person does not know how many there are. No, could be none.

[Ed Gamble]

Could be none. None is a countless number. Sure. You can't count it. Get it together. That was rubbish broadcasting.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's true.

[Ed Gamble]

True. A real shame and frankly disappointed.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, no. So he had such high expectations.

[Matthew Crosby]

His main issue here is Vin, who's the producer of the show. So just in case you haven't turned over yet, that's Vin. He produces the show. So it was his fault with the microphones and then he said he's still getting paid.

[Ed Gamble]

Still getting paid.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Both things are true. None of that was nonsense. You've called it nonsense. It's not nonsense. That's what happened.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll tell you what, it was rubbish broadcasting.

[Matthew Crosby]

It was rubbish broadcasting.

[Ed Gamble]

A real shame and frankly, disappointing.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, it depends. It depends how you look at it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, it depends what your previous experience of our show is. Yeah, because it's not disappointing.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no. It's. It's par for the course.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's par for the course.

[Ed Gamble]

It's par for the course is what it is. If you've heard any of our previous broadcasts, you'll know that we are absolutely cobblers at doing the radio.

[Vin (Producer)]

We're 20, 21 minutes in and we haven't burnt any content yet.

[Matthew Crosby]

But that would suggest we're building up to something.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, I'd hope so.

[Ed Gamble]

We are.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right, well, we got music.

[Vin (Producer)]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

We got some. Oh, I tell you what, we've got adverts as well. Play some of those.

[Radio X Announcer]

Brady O X, Matthew Crosby and Edward, of course.

[Matthew Crosby]

Shaky starts of the show.

[Ed Gamble]

I loved it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I loved it as well. This is what we need to maintain, I think. Look, we've got people who are championing us here, you know. Yes. We've had complaints about how wonky the show was to start and how arrogant and horrible Vin is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Disgusting.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you want me to read what Joe Whips said here?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, go on, Joe.

[Matthew Crosby]

Your show has that rare, beautifully unfiltered realism that most stations only pretend to chase. It feels lived in, human and gloriously unpredictable in the best way. You've built something that isn't just for the people. It's of the people. There's soil under its fingernails, weather in its voice. In a heartbeat that never feels manufactured. Wonderful. We'd like Tom Waits.

[Ed Gamble]

Matthew Joe with the best will in the world. You're a cretin.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, he put that sentence together.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, it's beautifully written. You've got a gorgeous way with words.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, I say I, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

He's eyed it, unfortunately. That's exactly what it is. You've got a gorgeous way with Chat GPT.

[Matthew Crosby]

I don't. I can't keep up.

[Ed Gamble]

You can't keep up with ChatGPT?

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, I've never used it, so I can't tell. No.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God. It's really bad. It's really, really bad. It's like the. The writing, if you ever use it, it's like, oh, I need a little sort of, you know, like some. Sometimes you'll google, I don't know, egg puns or whatever. Like you're writing an intro and you were like, oh, I'll Google some egg puns. Just so I've got them in my.

[Matthew Crosby]

Mattie. You're a professional comedy writer. Why are you Googling egg puns?

[Ed Gamble]

Because that's the boring bit. I want to write the stuff around. I want to write the ideas around it. The. The grudge.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, because the idea of the egg puns was just do egg puns. So the ide. You've done the idea is the egg puns.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but I don't normally do my writing at sort of 6:30 in the morning. Taxi. Sure. But anyway, so say, for example, that you. You could go on Chat GPT and get them to do it for you, Right? But the stuff they write is just rubbish. It's got no. It's got no clue what it's doing. The other thing is you keep. I keep seeing it cropping up in, like, I'll be given a script and they'll say, can you punch this up? And you're like, well, the formatting. You haven't even changed the formatting. You've got ChatGPT to write your. To write your script. It's really.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, it's bad.

[Ed Gamble]

It's really bad.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's the end of creativity and end of the world.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, it is. But don't worry, we're here. This is creative this is pure creative.

[Matthew Crosby]

AI could never do this show.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it would.

[Matthew Crosby]

AI would put all the mics on properly.

[Ed Gamble]

It would smooth out all the rubbish.

[Matthew Crosby]

AI producer would never say, I'm getting paid. Well, it isn't getting paid because it isn't getting paid.

[Ed Gamble]

You would say I'm using water.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Saying using gallons and gallons of water.

[Vin (Producer)]

I'm also using water.

[Ed Gamble]

That's true, actually. Yeah, yeah. Do you use more or less water than an AI?

[Matthew Crosby]

We've got to think a lot of people are saying AI is bad because it uses water. What we've got to remember is humans drink water as well, also use water.

[Ed Gamble]

So we didn't say the same thing about swimming pools.

[Matthew Crosby]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, we didn't say the same thing about the sea.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. I guess we're not with swimming pools. We're not getting the water directly from a village.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I don't know where we're getting it from. I've literally. I don't know whether I've never once gone into the Beckenham Spa and said before I, I go for a swim here.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Where's this water from? Did you take this from a village?

[Vin (Producer)]

If the water was from a village, would you still go for a swim?

[Ed Gamble]

You've got to get water from somewhere, haven't you?

[Vin (Producer)]

I think so.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't. I don't know where I've committed to swimming. Where should the water be from?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If not from a village.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

A town.

[Vin (Producer)]

Is that worse?

[Ed Gamble]

Is it worse?

[Vin (Producer)]

That's more people that you're meeting.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. There's nothing wrong with a few people in a village getting a bit dry mouthed, is there? But you don't want to do that to an entire city because remember, I'm

[Vin (Producer)]

getting to swim out of that, thank you. So there is a.

[Matthew Crosby]

Plus, there must be a better way of cooling down AI, because that's what it is, isn't it? It gets a bit hot and they have to use the water to cool it down.

[Ed Gamble]

What about a big. A big fan?

[Matthew Crosby]

A big fan or a solero?

[Ed Gamble]

A lovely solero.

[Vin (Producer)]

Why don't they just make a colder AI? Why are they making it hot all the time?

[Matthew Crosby]

See, this is. This is it. This is the person who switched stations.

[Ed Gamble]

He's missing this.

[Matthew Crosby]

You are missing this. We've worked out AI.

[Ed Gamble]

We've solved AI.

[Matthew Crosby]

You use a colder AI.

[Vin (Producer)]

It seems obvious, doesn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, this is. I think we might have cracked something here. I don't think you're going to see us next week. We're going to be In Silicon Valley.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

We're going to be tech bros. We're going to be the new. What's his name? Sam Altman.

[Matthew Crosby]

We're going to be going around in a driverless car.

[Ed Gamble]

We're going to be going around in a driverless cybertruck drinking White claws and

[Radio X Announcer]

snogging Captain Cowboy and the raisin.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X. Oh.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, Big morning. Big morning for a big boy. Oh, what we gonna do now? I'm fed up of the modern world. I wish I could transport myself back to a time of yore. A time when things were more simple. Oh, medieval times, perhaps.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yes, please.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, let's all go to the tavern.

[Ed Gamble]

What is this?

[Matthew Crosby]

Hello.

[Ed Gamble]

Hello there. A flagon of mead, my good man. Oh, this is some strong meat. He'd have gotten the. Have you not got mead? Zero Cheapest Creepers.

[Matthew Crosby]

Happy Easter, everyone.

[Ed Gamble]

He is risen.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. This is Netherwalker, Matthew, the band Netherwalker.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, okay, now, Netherwalker, right? They start their song with a little sort of harpsichord.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is that. Is that a difficult thing?

[Matthew Crosby]

Did you not feel the two bits of the song blended together very well?

[Ed Gamble]

You know what? I did. It was very much like the sort of medley at the end of Abbey Road. Just absolutely seamlessly seamless. But do all of their songs start with a little.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, I don't believe so.

[Ed Gamble]

I just thought for this one. What does this need?

[Matthew Crosby]

I've just discovered Netherwalker. I don't think they'll be in my general rotation.

[Ed Gamble]

The first bit I really liked.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It did feel like a kind of sort of computer game. We had to type in commands.

[Matthew Crosby]

But I can see. I can see you sort of Renaissance Fair, maybe a sort of live action role playing medieval sort of weekend.

[Ed Gamble]

You know what? I've got something of the Ren Faire, something of the larp about me.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd be the jester, I'd be the jester. And I'd be perving all the wenches. I'd have a great time.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X. We're a show. That's the back of the sewing.

[Matthew Crosby]

In case you're just tuning in. The show's been a total disaster so far. And Matthew, did you see what Vin just threw at me?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

As if this was going to save the show.

[Ed Gamble]

He threw a whoopee cushion.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. He went, look at what I've just found.

[Ed Gamble]

And it nearly landed in your glass of water.

[Matthew Crosby]

So. Which is how you check to see if there's a puncture in the whoopee cushion.

[Ed Gamble]

Pop it in the glass of water.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Radio X Announcer]

Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby,

[Ed Gamble]

regular listeners to the show, may remember that last year I bought my daughter a bike.

[Matthew Crosby]

Now, Matthew, I am technically a regular listener to this show.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't remember stuff that happened in the first link. Yeah, and quite right too. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I block it out.

[Ed Gamble]

We've men in blacked ourselves about that first.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's how trauma works, the first show.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Yeah. No, no, forget all about that. I'll tell you now that my daughter had a bike in September. I took it to the bike shop because it was a bit shonky, a brand new bike. And the bike man was mean to me.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, in the way that bike I do.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's ringing a bell.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's ringing a bike bell. Exactly. Yes. Very nice. Very nice.

[Matthew Crosby]

By the way, don't draw attention to it if we do something good.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you seen the Dave Durkin sketch about taking your bike in to get it fitted? It's absolutely brilliant. I can't recommend it highly enough. It's so funny.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, I do like Dave.

[Ed Gamble]

I love Dave. He's absolutely brilliant. Dave Durkin is very, very funny on TikTok and Instagram. Watch his sketch about the experience of going into a bike shop.

[Matthew Crosby]

And he works on the Traitors.

[Ed Gamble]

Works on Traitors, exactly. Yeah. But watch his sketch about going into take your bike and be fit. That was my experience entirely. The guy basically said to me, well, this isn't a bike. He said those words. He said, where'd you buy this from? Knowing it wasn't from his shop. Where'd you buy it from? Oh, I got it online. Send it back and say it isn't a bike. And I was like, oh, but I'm not gonna do that. I'm like, can you fix it? Anyway, so he charged us money to fix it and he fixed it. And anyway, it wasn't a bike. It really didn't. My daughter couldn't cycle it. And the other day I was pumping up the tires and the wheel fell off. So I was like, right, forget about that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Was it a clown bike? Had you bought a clown bike?

[Ed Gamble]

It's very much a clown bike.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Y. But, you know, it's very much like the bike that Homer Simpson has to cycle and then catch in his mouth. And he goes to clown school. Yeah. But anyway, so we go to the bike shop.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't even mention the fact that this, you know, I bought a bike that wasn't a bike. I just go in and Fresh start. And say, hello, I'd like to buy a. I'm Matthew.

[Matthew Crosby]

Nice to meet you.

[Ed Gamble]

Hello, Matthew. I might look like another guy who looks just like me who bought a bike that wasn't a bike. I'm not that guy. I want to buy a bike that is a bike. Anyway, we bought brand new bikes for my kids. Oh, my God. It's a sea change. A bike that is a bike

[Matthew Crosby]

compared to a bike that isn't a bike.

[Ed Gamble]

Listen.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, obviously he was very, very nice to me because I was going to spend some money, spend some money in his shop, but it makes such a big difference when the bike is a bike.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And now. So anyway, my. Now little Jerry Simmons riding without stabilizers. So I took it to the park to sort of, you know, apparently what you've got to do. This seems mad, but what you've got to do.

[Matthew Crosby]

Stabilizers are out these days. Right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. People say, don't even start with the stabilizers, but just get those bikes where

[Matthew Crosby]

they can put their feet down. Right.

[Ed Gamble]

The balance bike.

[Matthew Crosby]

The balance bike.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah. My kids. A balance bike. Right. The way the balance bike works is you give it to your kids, they get bored of it after 30 seconds, then you're left carrying a balance bike around. You just see loads of. You see loads of dads in my area with like. Like two balance bikes on their shoulders.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, Kids, Jack, they're all jacked.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely. Torsos on the dads in my area. Unbelievable. Anyway, so, you know, basically you're supposed to sort of get to the top of like a small hill and just let go. And apparently the momentum isn't. Is enough for them to. And actually we went to some. We went to Beck Rec. Of course, there's some little, small hills there. Sent little Jerry Cinnamon down the. Down the hill. Loving it. Yeah, she's brilliant. Just straight away. Got it straight away down, down the hill, going downhill. It was really, really fantastic. And then obviously it broke bad and she didn't. Her feet came off the pedals and the bike flipped over on top of her.

[Vin (Producer)]

Sure.

[Ed Gamble]

Huge gash across her chest. Anyway, then she got. She got back on the. You know, dried her tears, got back on the bike. You know, very, very resilient, as the phrase goes. Get back on the bike. Exactly, yeah, very resilient.

[Matthew Crosby]

Even if you've got a big gash

[Ed Gamble]

on your chest, even if you're bleeding all over the pedals, get back on the bike and start pedaling again back down the hill. And she's really struggling. I Think she's got the yips, you know, because of the.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But it turns out, no, the bike is no longer a bike. So I had to go back the next day and say, hello, do you remember me? Not the bloke who came first.

[Matthew Crosby]

It was me from yesterday who bought this bike from you. And you said this was a bike.

[Ed Gamble]

You said it was a bike. I don't think it's a bike anymore. And they opened up and. Yeah, we'd broken the bike and 30 seconds of having it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, my goodness.

[Ed Gamble]

So the guy. To open up, he used the phrase. Which, by the way, when you say opened it up, he had to, like, dismantle the handlebar bits and take it open.

[Matthew Crosby]

But it's not like an engine in there. He's not looking in the tubes.

[Ed Gamble]

No, he wasn't looking inside a chip. But he did take out a thing that was all buckled and bent, right? And he. This. I. I find this such a frustrating thing. There's your problem.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay, yeah, right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, all right. You know, because you fixed my.

[Matthew Crosby]

But it's your problem as well, because I bought this bike from you.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's your solution because you're gonna charge me money to fix it a day after I bought it. Anyway, he fixed it back to the park again. Little Jerry Cinema is absolutely fantastic on this bike. I think, right? We can actually cycle to the swimming lesson. We can cycle straight past the bike shop so he can see what a good dad I am. I've got little.

[Matthew Crosby]

You are mad. I've got, by the way, trying to impress the bike man.

[Ed Gamble]

We can see that we're getting good use out the bikes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Why does he care? He doesn't care if you're getting good use out the bike.

[Ed Gamble]

Anyway, this is what I want to do, right? It's on the way. I'm not taking a detour to do it, but I'm like, we'll cycle past the bike thing. He will. He'll go, look, there he is, the dad, his two kids on bikes. The bikes that I sold him. Look at that. That makes it all worthwhile. Anyway, we're just getting up to the edge of the road and I can see him looking in through the window. Of course, what happens is little Noel Gallagher's high flying bird falls into the. Falls off the bike into the road. So she's in the road. All the traffic has to stop getting to the road and drag her out of the road. She's there crying at that point, little Jerry cinnamon wheels into the. Into oncoming traffic. I have to pull it so we're all lying on the pavement.

[Matthew Crosby]

Get rid of the bikes, man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, the bikes are gone, man. We're gonna get a car. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X.

[Radio X Announcer]

Fire in the booth.

[Matthew Crosby]

Things that are embarrassing but shouldn't be embarrassing, Matthew.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely right. That's what we're going for right now. Things that you do all the time that for some reason, even though they're not embarrassing, make you feel a little bit cringe.

[Matthew Crosby]

You don't have to do them all the time, though, do you?

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no.

[Matthew Crosby]

But they can be very, very specific.

[Ed Gamble]

Specific things. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Have you got one there?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. This is from Joe in South London. When washing hands in public toilets, reaching out for the tap soap or hand dryers, expecting it to be automatic, but getting nothing as it turns out to be manual, the 1 to 2 seconds this takes makes me feel and presumably look like a massive thick odor. Luxe. Thanks, Joe.

[Ed Gamble]

I absolutely agree with that. There are some service stations that are like. The taps are foot operated. If you've been to service stations and you'll just stand there and you've got

[Matthew Crosby]

to stand on the little nipple.

[Ed Gamble]

There's clip. Yeah, you've got. Yeah, there's a little foot nub in there underneath. Yeah. But you're looking around for the thing to twist. Nothing's happening.

[Matthew Crosby]

Trying to wave, but the waving under to try and start an automatic thing when it's not automatic. You look like a total modern moron.

[Ed Gamble]

You do look like a modern moron. This one from Chris in Newcastle who says, happy radio, lads. Don't mind if I do something that's embarrassing, but something that isn't embarrassing but feels embarrassing. When you approach a counter or a bar with more than one free member of staff and have to decide which one of them to speak to. I think that's. I also think, you know, like. Or like reception or something in the office that I'm working in. I feel like they're doing a tally.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, I just feel like the other person is upset when you don't speak to them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Or more likely, the person you do speak to is annoyed that they're having to do something.

[Ed Gamble]

That's why I stand about 10ft back and I spread my arms wide and I say, hey, guys, who wants a bit of cross?

[Matthew Crosby]

This is from James. Happy radio, lads.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't mind if I do.

[Matthew Crosby]

And embarrassing. Not embarrassing for you when you're staring off into space only to realise you're actually staring at someone who's staring at you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. You think you're looking through them, but actually you're looking at them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Or more specifically, what inspired this? You're walking through Clydebank shopping centre and some wee bams actually sat on and using one of those massage chairs they inexplicably have in shopping centers and you just happen to glance over at the same time as he looks at you and you get some disgusting mid massage eye contact you definitely did not vote for.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I love that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thank you, James.

[Ed Gamble]

Again, it doesn't have to happen all the time. That's a very specific one. Ditto this one from Andy and Ascot. Who says buying a toilet plunger. Would you like a bag for that, sir? Yes, please.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I would. Yeah. I'd like a black bag.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, a thick. Yeah, a thick black bag.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Like I've been to one of those shops on the A1.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's got it. Oh, that's the secret shop.

[Matthew Crosby]

The secret shop.

[Ed Gamble]

The secret. No, what are they called? They're called private shops.

[Matthew Crosby]

Private shops.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, the private shop.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hannah in Australia says taking a photo of something looking downwards, for example, something that's on a table or on the floor and your little feet are at the bottom of the photo.

[Ed Gamble]

That obviously really reminds me of the. Of the key one.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

The one that unlocks all the other ones, which is having your photograph taken in a photo booth. And your little legs are under the.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. Hannah says I re. I re. Took a photo of some possum paw prints a while ago because I saw my feet in the corner and was too embarrassed to send to the family group chat. That. And Hannah also says, number two, blowing your nose.

[Ed Gamble]

Blowing your nose. Absolutely. So embarrassing. I think taking a photo also, I don't like.

[Matthew Crosby]

Also you're a dad, so now you sound like a trumpet when you blow your nose. Because all dads change as soon as they have kids.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

It turns into an absolute honk.

[Ed Gamble]

It's. I've got. I've got a. I've got a big honk when I blow my nose.

[Matthew Crosby]

The other thing that I do, you sneeze loudly. All dads sneeze loudly.

[Ed Gamble]

Formatively loudly.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. There's a big say I chew.

[Ed Gamble]

There's a big run up I go. Dad. What?

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm sneezing.

[Ed Gamble]

Can't help it, just sneezes.

[Matthew Crosby]

My dad. Just my dad.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Screams when he sneezes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Every noise that comes out of a part of my anatomy.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Way louder.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Way more performative than ever used to be.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Honestly, I'm I'm. And also it's. I. I used to be quite a. Sort of. Like in the morning, just the. The noises coming out of all.

[Matthew Crosby]

Growling and growling.

[Ed Gamble]

Groipering.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's all disgusting stuff. Thanks. Joe says when the barber shows you the back of your head after a haircut.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the worst.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't. Don't care about that.

[Matthew Crosby]

And what are you gonna do?

[Ed Gamble]

What are you gonna do?

[Matthew Crosby]

What are you gonna do now?

[Ed Gamble]

Do the back differently.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Grow it.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, I just remembered I want a Nike swoosh in the back of it. What you gonna.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, sorry. Can I have it longer?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Some of the bits off the floor. Just stickers. Stick them back. On Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew

[Radio X Announcer]

Crosby, the Rock Will Wax and Wayne

[Matthew Crosby]

this from Emma in Norwich. When you buy a supermarket meal deal, eat it in the car and somebody parks up next to you. Very specific.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, but I can get it. I absolutely understand that. I think there's something embarrassing about eating in general. Just if you have to. If you have to eat in public. Like. My wife doesn't really like going for dinner with people because she doesn't like seeing something, Someone. Someone else seeing her eat.

[Matthew Crosby]

She doesn't like going for dinner with you. That's her excuse.

[Ed Gamble]

She doesn't like going for dinner with me. We went out to the theater last night and I said, should we go to dinner as well? And she's like, I just don't think it's.

[Matthew Crosby]

And it was for your birthday as well. Should we go. Should we make a night of it and go out for dinner? No.

[Vin (Producer)]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you know where we went for dinner?

[Matthew Crosby]

Where?

[Ed Gamble]

W.H. smith.

[Matthew Crosby]

What are you talking about?

[Ed Gamble]

She had a Ferrero Rocher chocolate bar and I had a bag of nuts.

[Matthew Crosby]

You too?

[Vin (Producer)]

For dinner.

[Matthew Crosby]

And people say the. People say the magic dies when you get married.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd had a scoop of tuna pasta bake before I left the house.

[Matthew Crosby]

Scoop of tuna pasta bake. Never use the word scoop in connection with scooped up.

[Ed Gamble]

A bit of tuna pasta bake.

[Matthew Crosby]

I hate that.

[Ed Gamble]

Why do you hate that?

[Matthew Crosby]

The scoop. What's this? You just have a scoop.

[Ed Gamble]

I got a spoon and I scooped out.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, you've ruined the word scoop for me, obviously. With scoop for daddy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, absolutely. But I love scoops.

[Matthew Crosby]

Scoops are reserved for ice cream. Yeah, mash, maybe mash. But then that's bad mash, I think. If it's a scoop.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. We've talked about this before. If you can scoop mash, it's not right. But what's wrong with scooping out some tuna pasta bake?

[Matthew Crosby]

It shouldn't be a scoop, a serving, a portion.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it wasn't a portion. It wasn't enough.

[Matthew Crosby]

Even a slab spoonful.

[Ed Gamble]

It was a spoonful, sure, but I used that spoon to scoop out a scoop.

[Vin (Producer)]

I don't like it. Really.

[Ed Gamble]

Tuna pasta bake cold. No, that was hot. It was what we were serving to the kids. I thought a little bit of that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Have a scoop of that.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll have a scoop of that to put me on before I go to the theatre. Why not? And some love. I tell you what, tell you what. WH Smith have got a fantastic snack selection.

[Matthew Crosby]

They're not even called WH Smith anymore.

[Ed Gamble]

They are in a train station now the way it was.

[Matthew Crosby]

And that's where you got it from? Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Ed Gamble]

Victoria.

[Vin (Producer)]

Victoria Station.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, it was a charing cross.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is so depressing.

[Ed Gamble]

This is so depressing. Why is that depressing? Why is that depressing?

[Vin (Producer)]

That's the worst one. That's worse than the Victoria one. At least the Victoria one sort of.

[Ed Gamble]

The Victoria one is huge. Different floors. This is just a little alcove in the tucked way in the corner. Sometimes one of the shutters is down. It's like going to a corner shop. Yeah, I've done that many, many times. Especially when I'm going out to the theatre. Especially when I'm going to Theatreland. They do a gorgeous pre theatre dinner at WHSmith. They really do.

[Matthew Crosby]

Kathy Rivett's been in contact.

[Ed Gamble]

Hello, Kathy.

[Matthew Crosby]

I didn't think buying loo roll was embarrassing until recently when I was walking back from the shop and I couldn't fit my six pack of loo roll in my bag and a workman shouted at me from his van. Do you have a new loo roll?

[Ed Gamble]

Good stuff.

[Matthew Crosby]

What made it really embarrassing was I didn't actually hear him properly so I had to ask him to repeat it.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, no.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. Asking people to repeat themselves is embarrassing as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Sorry, what did you say?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, this is

[Radio X Announcer]

the Radio X heyday.

[Ed Gamble]

Kathy Rivett back in touch to talk about. Basically, Kathy, I think you need to get your hearing tested.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

She's saying here she had to ask somebody else to repeat themselves. Similar thing happened yesterday. I have black and white trousers like a cartoon chef and I was in a shop and the shopkeeper asked if I worked in the kitchen and I didn't realize she was talking to me and then I had to ask her to repeat it and Then when I realized. Realized. When I realized she was. And she said it again, I said, no, I don't work in the kitchen. And then she explained why it was funny because of my trousers and had to do a very embarrassing fake laugh. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Awful.

[Ed Gamble]

Awful. Do you know I had to. I've told you about this before. I had to throw away a shirt.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

By the way. Because it looked like every place I went into, whether I was going into like, a Wetherspoons or a WH Smith, I was out of, like, a short sleeve plaid shirt. People would assume I worked there.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's. That's a bad shirt. It's a bad shirt because they ain't. They ain't dressing those people nice.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's all made in, like, nylon and.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Very kind of like a staticky fabric.

[Matthew Crosby]

Stink. That sort of fabric.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I was a stinky, staticky boy in the sort of early 2000s. Ugly, disgusting.

[Vin (Producer)]

You can get a free dinner, though, if people thought you worked at Smith's.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, that's right. That's right. But, you know, we haven't talked about that on the. On the show yet, so we talked about that on the podcast. So many people who heard the podcast.

[Matthew Crosby]

Finn, you are having an absolute.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you do that deliberately?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, he didn't. He didn't do it deliberately. He's doing a callback to something that's not been on the air. Andy says if you're at the wind, if you're at the window seat on a bus and it pulls up right beside a large crowd outside, as if you're just being displayed for them. Hello, large crowd. I have anxiety.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, it's true.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Or when two trains are next to each other, you feel like you don't want to acknowledge the person, but you feel you kind of have to acknowledge them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Give him a big wave.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. It's made me think of, you know when you're, like, walking across a bridge across the Thames or something, and there's a boat of people and you wave at them and no one waves back.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. You think, am I not making you a day?

[Matthew Crosby]

Sorry. You're on a boat and I'm not on a boat. We're waving at each other.

[Ed Gamble]

We're waving to you.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Why would we not wave at each other? We're on different forms of transport.

[Ed Gamble]

That's. This is the. That's the code, isn't it?

[Vin (Producer)]

Maybe you're a ghost.

[Matthew Crosby]

Maybe I'm a ghost. That must be it.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe you're a ghost. Anyway, shall we play some music?

[Matthew Crosby]

Are you done?

[Vin (Producer)]

Done with these.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't be bothered.

[Radio X Announcer]

Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby,

[Ed Gamble]

we're talking about times that you've stolen stuff. Now, of course we don't condone this equally. It's not a honey trap. You can tell us times you've stolen stuff and we're not going to shop you in to the Rozzas 83936 on the text. Or of course you can WhatsApp us through global Player.

[Matthew Crosby]

Lovely.

[Ed Gamble]

Fantastic. This is a message from Alex who says, happy radio, lads.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't mind if I do.

[Ed Gamble]

A week after I'd thrown a house party whilst on a night out, I bumped into one of the guests. He was a lad I didn't know that well, friend of a friend type, and he drunkenly admitted he'd stolen one of my PS4 controllers. He apologized profusely and even gave me £50 so I could replace the stolen controller. Thing is, he never actually stole a controller and I still to this day have no idea what he thought he did. But I took his 50 quid and bought several pints with it. He's big on TikTok now, posting flat earth conspiracy content. Maybe that's relevant. Cheers, everyone.

[Matthew Crosby]

Alex, this is from Guy. We've just had this texted in. Remember 83936 if you want to text in WhatsApp on the global Player, if you've got a story of when you've stolen something. Many years ago, as a student, my friends and I used to go out on the weekends. Deciding where we would go would be accomplished on the roll of two dice, times the number together, to find out how many miles away from home we were traveling. We would then spin a bottle on a circle marked north, south, east, west and decide which direction we would go.

[Ed Gamble]

Wait, let's pause this message because I absolutely love this.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Then we would travel out this amount of miles in the direction and hit the first pub we found. One of the things we decided to do was to collect mementos from these trips. Many years later, still have a collection, including a four foot pub food sign in the shape of a fat Chef, a 1989 Domino's League champions trophy and a straw donkey. Each year we pass these around as presents at Christmas to each other. That's lovely, Guy, thank you. But also illegal, of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely illegal. And we are gonna shop you into the Rosses. But I love the idea of the role of the.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's something deeply romantic. It is amazing and romantic about it, but then you just go Publish, then you're not going that far.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

So you're like going 12 miles north and going pub. It's just the same thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you're right.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's not like you're. You're throwing a dart into a map of the world and then flying to that place. Yeah, and even then, I suspect Guy and his friends would just go pub in that place.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you're going to a pub within a 36 mile radius. It's not.

[Matthew Crosby]

But it's still fun.

[Ed Gamble]

Something exciting about not knowing where you're going to go. And you know what? Hey, every pub is different.

[Matthew Crosby]

Nope.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you're right, actually.

[Matthew Crosby]

They're all ups, all pub same.

[Ed Gamble]

They're all pubs, all pub same. Guys, you heard it here. This is from James who says, I was about 18 after a night of cheap drinking in Wetherspoons. I was doing the long walk home when I stole the sold strip from an estate agent board on a house, probably to put up on my bedroom wall to acknowledge I'd sold out by going to sixth form or something. Angsty. About halfway home, my mum picked me up in the car. Less than 15 seconds later, Blue lights were flashing and a police car pulled us over. Sweating, I slid down and tried to hide the sign under the seat. As the policeman came to my window and asked to see the sign, I nervously showed it to him and mumbled I found it laying in the road. When he saw what it was, he let us go and explained that it looked like a car reg plate. Rectangular yellow, black text and they were staking out the area looking for reg thieves. I did put the sign up, but I didn't learn my lesson. I just got worse. Later I ended up with a traffic bollard in my tiny bedroom which I used as my lamp. Thanks for a great show. Keep it up, James.

[Matthew Crosby]

And he's been in contact to say I once stole a PS4 controller from a house party. Also look at the flight paths. It's obviously flat.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much. We, I, we love all of our listeners, especially the Flat Earthers.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Mother Matthew.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X. Sam Fender. Saturday on a Sunday morning. And not just any Sunday morning.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very confusing from Sam.

[Ed Gamble]

Very, very confusing. Although I bet when he plays it on a Saturday, people, it absolutely goes off.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, I bet it goes off. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Mad to not have a bunch of like every band should really record seven songs, one for each day of the week. 100. Because, you know, I'm. Obviously there is, there is a band called Wednesday, but if Wednesday had a Song called Wednesday and I saw them on a Wednesday. Oh, my God.

[Matthew Crosby]

Goodness me.

[Ed Gamble]

File under perfect giga.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Anyway, we're talking today.

[Matthew Crosby]

We're talking today about file under perfect gig ever.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

File under perfect gig ever.

[Matthew Crosby]

Doesn't make a lot of sense when you think about it.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think this, you know, this far into the show. No, you can say, oh, the stuff you've been saying for the last six years.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Doesn't make a lot of sense.

[Vin (Producer)]

How big is the file? So you're going to your filing cabinet.

[Matthew Crosby]

File under perfect gig ever.

[Vin (Producer)]

You're leafing your way through to. You get to perfect gig ever.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

How many you got in there? 2 or 3? 10.

[Ed Gamble]

I've had a few perfect gig evers.

[Vin (Producer)]

Have you?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, I definitely have.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, we're getting dangerously close to good content here.

[Ed Gamble]

I rec. Don't you worry about that. Listen, don't you worry about that. I reckon I've got five perfect gig evers.

[Vin (Producer)]

Wow. That's pretty good going, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. How many perfect gig evers have you got?

[Vin (Producer)]

I mean, two, maybe. Two. You haven't lived maybe five, maybe 20 hours.

[Matthew Crosby]

You go through a lot of gigs.

[Vin (Producer)]

Now that I think about it, I

[Ed Gamble]

always had a perfect gig ever with you, man.

[Vin (Producer)]

Hundreds. Yeah. I mean, that wasn't even the best LCD gig I've been to.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I know, I know, but that was a perfect gig ever. Actually, I was at perfect gig ever with you twice.

[Vin (Producer)]

That was a good.

[Ed Gamble]

Because I think the first time we saw Smerick was. Was a perfect gig ever.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's true.

[Ed Gamble]

When I. True. When I. When I took a photograph, him. When he came into the audience and the flash went off.

[Matthew Crosby]

How is that a perfect gig ever? You've embarrassed yourself immediately.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what made it perfect gig ever.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Because he came into the audience and I went, oh, I'm gonna take a photo. And the flash went off. And it was really bright flash. And it was. I was. I was a foot away from his face.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And. And he went. So that, to me, is perfect gig ever. If the musician blocks you from the audience and goes, oh, look, it's Matthew Crosby within the song.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, perfect gig ever. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Radio X Announcer]

Vroom, vroom, and honk, honk.

[Ed Gamble]

We had this message from Mert here, who says, me and a friend used to steal cutlery from school every day. We'd slip it into our pockets after lunch. Sometimes we'd sneak into the canteen when it was empty and take dozens of items At a time. We had two reasons for doing this. One, funny. Two, we thought it may bankrupt the school and we get to go home.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm pretty sure we read this one last week.

[Ed Gamble]

Did we?

[Matthew Crosby]

In which case it rings a bell.

[Ed Gamble]

In which case it gone. It gone, guys.

[Matthew Crosby]

Either that or I just read it privately.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe you read it this morning.

[Matthew Crosby]

No. Clove has got in contact today.

[Ed Gamble]

Play barley for soup again. Quick.

[Matthew Crosby]

More borrowing than stealing. A good friend of mine once took a pub tape. What it was, it was around 1.5 meters in diameter and weighed about 50 kilograms and we'd rolled it along the prom. Another time he borrowed a rowing boat after a lot of beers, rode out a short distance and then straight back due to the tide. He ended up five miles away. Pierce, don't change the format, love. Clove.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you, Clove. This is from Laura. Back in the noughties, I stole an A3 size picture from Pub wall when I was drunk randomly. The picture was of a dog squatting, doing a poo on a pebble bee. Why is that in a pub?

[Matthew Crosby]

Why is that in a pub? That's why. Stealing though, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

I felt so guilty I posted it back with a post it note, apologizing and it made it back onto the wall. All was well in the end.

[Matthew Crosby]

One more here.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I once stole a gnome from my elderly next door neighbour's garden, painted it and sent her a postcard from it saying it was at a festival in sunny Wales and it was hot weather. Placed it back a week later with a tanned face, luminous pants and a whistle round its neck.

[Ed Gamble]

Lovely, lovely stuff.

[Matthew Crosby]

I mean, that is good.

[Ed Gamble]

That is good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the next bit where they say I was having some quite tricky mental health issues.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sure. It was 30 years ago.

[Ed Gamble]

It was 30 years ago. I hope you're all better now.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, but that's a good. That's. If you're having mental health issues, the best way for them to display themselves are by doing a prank with a gnome.

[Ed Gamble]

Decorating gnomes. Absolutely right.

[Radio X Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X. Do you remember the High Street Honeys?

[Matthew Crosby]

We're saying goodbye now, Matthew. Vin was worried that we wouldn't be able to fill a minute.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He said, what do you want to do? You've got a minute.

[Matthew Crosby]

Even though you've given me the way we're going to end the show earlier on.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, good point. So.

[Matthew Crosby]

Threw a whoopee cushion at me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we're working up to the whoopee cushion. Yeah, we're gonna End on that. Could we. Could we pop all the. All the mics up for the final link? Just pop them off as we did for the first link of the show. All the mics are on.

[Matthew Crosby]

There you go.

[Ed Gamble]

They're all on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Actually, the first link in the show, my mic wasn't on remote, remember?

[Ed Gamble]

That's right, your mic wasn't on. Every other mic was. Yeah, you know, you can. It definitely, definitely makes a difference, doesn't

[Matthew Crosby]

it, in the sound? Really, really feel we're messing with the form.

[Ed Gamble]

We're messing with the form. Yeah, I like it. I like it very much. Anyway, do you have a go on

[Vin (Producer)]

a different mic just. Just before we finish?

[Ed Gamble]

Of course I don't. Mic three.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Hello, baby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, it makes you sound so different.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it does. Doesn't it sound like the Big Bopper? Anyway, thanks very much for listening, everybody.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, do the. Do. Do the link on.

[Ed Gamble]

On one of the mics between the two mics.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, no.

[Ed Gamble]

This is our new listen. If. If we're ever going to get the aria, it's because we've really messed around with the form. And I'm going between two mics to do this final link of the show. Stick around, folks, because Danny Wallace is just around the corner. But, Ed, what do you have to say for yourself?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh.

[Ed Gamble]

That was the most disappointing whoopee cushion I've ever heard in my life. All right, forget about it. Forget about it.

[Matthew Crosby]

What a show.

[Ed Gamble]

What a show. What a. Happy Easter, everybody. Happy Easter Sunday. Happy birthday, Jesus. Bye bye.

[Radio X Announcer]

Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, there we go, folks. That was the show.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sorry, sorry, everybody.

[Ed Gamble]

We'll try better next time.

[Matthew Crosby]

Come on, mate.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you not think we will?

[Matthew Crosby]

No. It's a roll of the dice, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

We never know.

[Matthew Crosby]

Whatever's in the air, it's not on you.

[Vin (Producer)]

You know, you had the rug pulled from under your feet.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay, so you're admitting liability here.

[Ed Gamble]

And it took us three hours to recover.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, hang on. No, because it's only 10 o'. Clock. We've still got the last hour of

[Ed Gamble]

the show and actually it's a lot smoother when we just started reading.

[Matthew Crosby]

This might be the. The hour that we submit to the Grammys.

[Ed Gamble]

This could be it. We could get a Grammy. Yeah, I'd love to go to the Grammy.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'd love a Grammy.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd love a Grammy. I think you deserve a Grammy.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

How. How close to the egots are you? Currently?

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm four away.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, not. Not much.

[Matthew Crosby]

Which is not Many.

[Ed Gamble]

That's not many.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Just four impossible goals.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, I don't think they're impossible. No.

[Ed Gamble]

What. What do you think you best chance

[Matthew Crosby]

of getting so personally. Yeah, I. I think it goes. And I'm not being arrogant here. This is the same. This is the same for all of us.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. E. Yeah, I think so.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is definitely the one that I'd probably win first.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, really? Not a. No, I think. I think.

[Ed Gamble]

How would you get. We don't.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think. I think I would go personally, given my skill set and my career. It goes E. Yep. It goes T. Oh, yeah. Oh, gee. There's no GS. Odd. Although there's a stand up comedy. Exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

Here's what I'm thinking is, you know,

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm not transphobic enough to win a Grammy for stand up comedy.

[Ed Gamble]

Just you. You simply haven't.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's easy to fix.

[Ed Gamble]

You simply haven't masturbated in front of enough people. So you. Right, here's how I see the trajectory. Right.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. You've got a new tour show, right?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Fresh.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hell, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's coming out. It's so good. It gets a Broadway run.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It wins a Tony.

[Vin (Producer)]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

The Ed Gamble Live on Broadway concert album.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And concert, film, Oscar, Grammy.

[Matthew Crosby]

So this is all for the same thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's such. It's. It's. Listen, it's it's such a. It somehow just captures the mood.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

In a way that certain things do.

[Vin (Producer)]

Could you not be in, like, Wallace Island 2?

[Matthew Crosby]

Wallace Island 2?

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. Return to Wallace Island.

[Matthew Crosby]

It didn't scream sequel to me or

[Vin (Producer)]

they go to the mainland or something.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

I don't know.

[Matthew Crosby]

You see me winning an Oscar for that?

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, it's possible, isn't it?

[Matthew Crosby]

What about you, Matthew? How do you think yours is? How are you gonna get your egot?

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, well, Emmy, I think because we work in town.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're get Emmy and then you're gonna have to quit work.

[Ed Gamble]

Just give Televille lie down. He got me.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, that is an award. That is awards worthy.

[Ed Gamble]

What happened to Matthew?

[Matthew Crosby]

He got. He got me.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, well, good news on the first bit. Matt is on the second bit.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a horrendous condition. We really.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. It's not.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's not. It's a pun. We're laughing at the pun.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yes, of course we're. Of course you are. And yes, we're not being. We're not being flippant about it. Even when I was being flippant yeah, it is. It is a horrible condition. Anyway, we've had a message in from. From Mer. From Corby. So. A message here. Excuse me. Oh, dear. My. My throat's gone all funny.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hang on a sec, then. Yeah. You're leaving that in, right?

[Ed Gamble]

All of that. Don't leave that in. It won't make any sense. Yes, we've had a message in from Mert. From Corby.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's in.

[Ed Gamble]

Could you. Could you not leave it in for this one time?

[Vin (Producer)]

You sure?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm gonna listen back to it. It doesn't. I'm sure everyone's enjoyed me croaking away into the microphone. Hi, Ed. Matthew. And Vinosaur.

[Matthew Crosby]

Vinosaur.

[Ed Gamble]

Venusaur.

[Matthew Crosby]

Venusaur.

[Ed Gamble]

What's your favorite Pokemon?

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't have one. Don't know anything about Pokemon. Finn.

[Vin (Producer)]

Pikachu.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, don't. It's either say Pikachu or nothing. And I'm going with nothing.

[Ed Gamble]

What about Squirtle?

[Matthew Crosby]

Beg your pardon?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that's Squirtle.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sure. Squirtle.

[Vin (Producer)]

Dugong. I had a shiny Dugong. That was the only shiny I had.

[Matthew Crosby]

Doesn't sound great.

[Ed Gamble]

It doesn't sound ideal, does it? Right, okay. Any Beck recs. You've got any Beck wrecks.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Because obviously intense, intense work is followed by intense television watching. Yeah. That's why I just sit on the sofa and become more and more sort of bleeked out and depressed.

[Ed Gamble]

You sort of go into a vegetative segment.

[Matthew Crosby]

I totally do. The new Jury Duty presents Company retreat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Good.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very, very good. I think not. Maybe not as good as the first season, but I think because I was less surprised by it. But they've still found. The person they found is still. Is as adorable. Yeah. And like such a lovely man. And they've just hit the. The tone of it so perfectly.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So Jury Duty, for people who don't remember, was the show where it was basically a sitcom where one person in it was a real person and didn't realize they were in a sitcom.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It was absolutely unbelievable.

[Matthew Crosby]

Phenomenal. So fun. And so that was set doing Jury duty, obviously. And this is a company retreat for a family hot sauce company and someone's hired as a temp.

[Ed Gamble]

Great.

[Matthew Crosby]

And I think the last episode in the reveal is better than Jury Duty. Right, right. And this series as well, which I'm very excited for, they've not put them out yet. They've done a few episodes of how it was made. Oh, really?

[Ed Gamble]

And they do.

[Matthew Crosby]

Like, they get Ronald from the first season to meet Anthony, who's the new guy from the second season. It's still brilliant. It's still absolutely brilliant. I've also watched the first season of the Pit.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah?

[Matthew Crosby]

You can't watch it.

[Ed Gamble]

Which is. No, there's no way.

[Matthew Crosby]

That is the opposite of what you and your wife can watch together.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the. Not er.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not. It's not er, but very similar to er. Well, I never saw er.

[Ed Gamble]

Right. Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

But this is. So the whole season is set in one day. Every hour is an hour of the day. Right.

[Ed Gamble]

Like 24.

[Matthew Crosby]

Like 24. Yeah. It's better than 24. I would go out of my way to say, well, then it must be

[Ed Gamble]

the best revolver too.

[Matthew Crosby]

It is. It is amazing. It's so brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

But I can't be watching it.

[Matthew Crosby]

You can't be watching it with Charlie, certainly. No. Okay. Because it's obviously very gory and medical

[Ed Gamble]

and traumatic in ways.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, there's very, very traumatic stuff in there.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm assuming somebody dies at some point.

[Matthew Crosby]

You've gotta assume that, haven't you?

[Ed Gamble]

If it's set in a hospital.

[Matthew Crosby]

Also, the band we were just talking about, who you just got recommended, I believe is how I would say it. But that might be completely wrong. Cause I'm literally just guessing at French. They are. I'd say math rock. Instrumental math rock. Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Battles. That's what I hear in it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, please. From Quebec. I believe they're from Montreal. Montreal. And they're dressed in sort of. Sort of club kid Leigh Bowery wrapping paper.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

But I think they're aliens. I think that's the backstory.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that was it.

[Matthew Crosby]

They're a two piece. They're brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. They both. They look like sort of like wrapping paper. They've got like big old nosy bonk noses and stuff. And long.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's a drummer and then a guy that's playing a guitar and a bass.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. But it's one. It's one instrument. You know, one of those guitars that's like double guitar.

[Matthew Crosby]

Really good. I was listening to it a lot this week when we were working on the Way to Work. But I was finding it quite stressful.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Cause I was very tired and also a bit stressed about what we were doing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

So. And it's so angular. But now I've listened to it way more. Now I'm a little bit more relaxed and I love it. They've got a new album out this. This week, anyway.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I'd Literally never even heard of them until I was looking at YouTube during the show.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And, yeah, it popped up.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, they've got, it's gone mad.

[Ed Gamble]

Just the visual is, is like, yeah, I want to see a band that looks like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I love, absolutely love that.

[Matthew Crosby]

So there you go. What about you, Matthew? Any back racks?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I saw a film this week which I adored. I saw Magic Faraway Tree, which is,

[Matthew Crosby]

I still haven't seen it. I gotta go and see it.

[Ed Gamble]

You'll love it.

[Matthew Crosby]

I mean, it's my favorite book from when I was a kid.

[Ed Gamble]

You will love it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Great.

[Ed Gamble]

I, yeah. Because a little Jerry Cinnamon loves the books.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, good. I'm glad kids are still reading those books because I think they are incredible.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I think it's, I think it's just, I think it's perfectly done.

[Matthew Crosby]

Amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

I really, really, really loved it. Yeah. And my kids, you know, it's big cry from you. You big cry.

[Vin (Producer)]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

But I think you might have a big cry in this.

[Matthew Crosby]

I will. Yeah. I'm quite vulnerable at the moment.

[Ed Gamble]

I think that's, that's it as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm very, very tired. I'm very, very vulnerable. I, I, yeah, but I, I, I really, really loved it. It's, it's written by Simon Farnaby, so there are lots of the, kind of like, you know, the, the British comedy faces pop up in it. Mark Heap, Dustin Dem.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Dustin's in it. Right?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, it's really, it's just a,

[Matthew Crosby]

it's just a beautiful. Nicola Cocklin's in it. She's great.

[Ed Gamble]

Jess Gunning's in it. Yeah, it's.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, what's that? Baby reindeer.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

But can't, it can't even escape up the faraway tree without, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Without having an egg.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Anyway, it's, it's great. I loved it. Really nice that we can, you know, a film that all of us can really, really enjoy. Although I feel like, I feel like Charlie and I liked it more because it is very much a kind of pay into lost youth.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

And Charlie and I. Floods of tears at the end. Of course we were. And then later on, I said to little Noel Gallagher's high flying birds while we're having dinner, I said, who was your favorite character from the film? And she went, what film? If there was no Shrek in it. If there was no Shrek in it, she's just not that bothered. But yeah, so that was, that was fantastic. And then I went to see oh, Mary last night, which I've been excited about seeing for forever.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And, yeah, I just. And I had a real moment of, like, real nervousness before I went in. Because anytime there's, like, a theater show that everyone says is funny, you're like, oh, no. Is it gonna.

[Matthew Crosby]

Actually, no, but it is. It's a comedy show. It's a comedy show. It's a fringe.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a fringe comedy show. And it's brilliant and I love it. I love the central performance is genuinely one of the most remarkable things I've ever seen on stage. So good. So, so good. And it's a. Mason Alexander Park.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it's their name. Just a brilliant, brilliant comic creation. It's about Mary Todd Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln's wife. But it's. There's no. I mean, apparently Cole Escola did zero research. She started writing in that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, can I. I would say what I would not recommend is seeing that show and then going to Washington D.C. and having a tour of Ford's Theatre, because it really gets in your head.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. None of the details are correct. I really. I really, really loved it. And yeah. You know, big old virgin love performance.

[Matthew Crosby]

You love performance.

[Ed Gamble]

But also it's one of those shows that, like, it's very much like, you know, in the program and in the stuff that's up in the foyer is kind of like, isn't this mad that we did a silly little fringe show in New York and it became a Broadway hit, it won Tony Awards, and it's now in the West End in London. So, like, I was kind of. You kind of buy into that? A little bit of like. Yeah, just a stupid, you know, cola scholar sent an email to themselves saying maybe I might write this thing about. And then like, 12 years later it happened, and just brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. So I adored it. I adored it. You know what? Firelander, Perfect show. Effort. Anything from you?

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. I also saw a good film that's on iplayer called La Chimera, which I think Nish talks about when. When he was last on. It's got Josh o' Connor in it. It's an Italian film.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Alice Rawaka, or more Rasher, is the director.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is it La Chimera as in, like the Chimera, or. I thought lacrima.

[Vin (Producer)]

I thought it was the Chimera, but it's actually. It's. It's spelled Chimera. I think it means chimney or something like that. But I thought. Because it's also about. It's about Grave robbers in Italy. And there's sort of this mythic. This Roman Greek myth element to it. So I thought it was chimera, but I don't know what the connection is. But it's great.

[Matthew Crosby]

Great.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's. Yeah, it's like a pretty good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he's very good.

[Vin (Producer)]

And the rest of the cast is Italian.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

And it's pretty much. It's 90% in Italian. There's the odd bit of English.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

It sort of feels like they just used him for. Just. Cause he's a good actor.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

And then just sort of found a way to explain that he was English in Italy. It doesn't really. They don't need to explain it. It just works. Yeah, it's really great.

[Matthew Crosby]

Like when Chris o' Dowd's an Irish policeman in Bridesmaids.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's exactly like that. There's actually a few bits that sort of shot for shot.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Did someone do a poo in the road?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's really good. You should watch it. It's very.

[Matthew Crosby]

So Bridesmaids.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Bridesmaids are fantastic.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think there's probably similar.

[Ed Gamble]

And also as well, if we're talking about Bridesmaids adjacent to that. Always worth watching Maya Rudolph do. I'm your mother. Have you seen your mother? It was an SNL monologue.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Radio X Announcer]

And.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yes. It's one of my. It's one of my absolute favorite things. It's like. It's like a video I'll go back to if I need a little lift. Floods of tears every time. Just love performance, guys. Just love performance. If I need a good cry, just look out the window and think about my life. Look at absolutely anything. We'll have a wonderful week, everybody. We will. We will try better next time. Let's not make that promise. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's no consistency.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely zero consistency. Have a wonderful week, everybody. Bye.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bye.