Episode 356 – Magnum

Summary

Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby on Radio X (Episode 356 – Magnum) Original Broadcast Date: April 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby’s Sunday morning Radio X show (often known affectionately as "Crunch & Crumble") brims with their signature blend of playful banter, absurdist comedy, and offbeat discussions. Amid pre-recording three episodes in one day and the chaos of Matthew’s house move, the duo keep spirits high with listener stories, wardrobe debates, a heavy metal interlude, irreverent games, listener quizzes, and a recurring theme of friendly mockery.

Major themes include the struggles and oddities of moving house, nostalgia for outmoded technology, trousers as a personality statement, random listener mail, and the enduring madness of both heavy metal and the English language. Several recurring in-jokes and podcast “lore” make this episode a treat for long-time fans.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Pre-Show Chaos & Listener Disasters

• [00:40–03:29]: Ed and Matthew reveal they're pre-recording three shows due to Matthew's move, setting a comic note of stressed-out slapstick. They read a horrific, hilariously told listener story from Daniel about a disastrous hill descent resulting in blood, glass, and exposed "bop bop":
  • Quote @ 02:53: “Isn't that the most disgusting thing you've ever heard?” – Ed Gamble

2. Character Comedy Open & DJ Ed

• [03:33–05:36]: Matthew launches into a spoof breakfast show intro as DJ Ed, with faux celebrity impressions and pop references ("Cleopatra coming at ya"), followed by Ed mock-complimenting his own alter ego's radio skills.
  • Quote @ 05:29: “Whenever DJ Ed is in the room, he is the most competent broadcaster…” – Ed Gamble

3. Move-Related Moans, Marie Kondo & Domestic Life

• [06:24–08:05]: The duo lament the pain of moving, minimalism, and the comical futility of decluttering when kids are involved. Marie Kondo’s downfall is dissected with absurd logic, dark jokes about throwing her own children out, and reflections on the pointlessness of it all.
  • Quote @ 07:31: “No longer does anything Spark Joy.” – Matthew Crosby

4. Cash Machines & Gig Economy Fails

• [08:18–10:15]: Chat about when they last used a cash machine, paying tradespeople in cash, and misplacing gig money, with typically bizarre detours:
  • Quote @ 09:21: “The joy of looking in the front pocket of a rucksack and finding five crisp twenties.” – Matthew Crosby

5. Listener Gift Unboxing: Crazy Frog

• [10:24–12:48]: Melissa sends Matthew a (vaguely off-brand) plush Crazy Frog, prompting surreal chat about childhood toys, knockoff costumes, and the perplexing logic of Easter dates.

6. Matthew’s Heavy Metal Segment

• [14:17–15:47]: The weekly "metal bit": Matthew tries to play an impossibly long-titled track by Ingurgitating Oblivion, getting lost in the streaming interface. Ed and Matthew muse on what “ingurgitating” means with characteristic stupidity.
  • Quote @ 15:03: “I don’t really understand how Spotify works...” – Ed Gamble

7. Trousers, Fashion and "Fun Size" Banter (with Louis)

• [16:16–21:00]: In-studio appearance by Louis (tall, stylish), leading to lively banter about trouser sizing, the woes of tall shopping, and the metaphor of Matthew as a "mini Magnum" (ice cream). Playful self-deprecation, fashion advice, and a string of gags ensue.
  • Quote @ 17:51: “Like a mini Magnum, exactly.” – Louis
  • Quote @ 18:20: “You’ve got to buy [trousers] to fit you and your shape.” – Louis

8. Moving: The Pitfalls, Coffee Machine Idiocy, and Domestic Mayhem

• [21:57–23:33]: Matthew retells a peak moving-madness moment: failing to get coffee because he forgot to add water, leading to extended self-mockery.
  • Quote @ 23:05: “Just hadn’t put any water in it.” – Matthew Crosby

9. Sports Desk: Snooker, Football, Cricket & Nipple Gags

• [23:47–28:14]: "Sports Desk" returns, mocking incomprehensible sports headlines with escalating puns, surreal speculation, and anatomical wordplay.
  • Quote @ 25:04: “A hernia is a lovely name for a girl.” – Ed Gamble
  • Quote @ 27:14: “Gail Platt is from the West Indies.” – Matthew Crosby

10. QUIZ: "Metal Seducation" Listener Game

• [28:49–35:16]: Listener Lucas from Essex sends in a game: Ed must guess if certain words/phrases (sourced from show transcripts) were said more or less frequently over 353 episodes (“higher or lower”). The running tally produces laughter, minor existential dread, and “fake statistics.”
  • Quote @ 30:22: “721 times you’ve said ‘penis’. Sunday morning radio show.” – Matthew Crosby
  • Notable words/phrases in quiz: 'penis', 'Metal Education', 'QAnon', 'Bartleby', 'Steely Dan', 'Bromley', 'Little Jerry Cinnamon', 'Mango', 'Crunch', 'Crumble' etc.

11. Moving House, WrestleMania & Lost Cats

• [36:01–38:28]: The stress of moving is compared to WrestleMania, with stories about lost cats during house moves, happy reunions, and being “an empty box” after relentless packing.
  • Quote @ 23:32: “Your brain is an empty box.” – Ed Gamble

12. Outro: Teasing Upcoming Guests and Reflection

• [38:34–39:24]: The show wraps with good luck wishes for Matthew’s move, promise of guest Tom Neenan next episode, and signature warm sign-off.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:53] Matthew & Ed on Listener Disaster:
  “Turns out it wasn’t glass, just a piece of fat that was still very much attached to my finger.” – Listener Daniel, read by Ed & Matthew

• [07:31] Dismantling Decluttering:
  “No longer does anything Spark Joy.” – Matthew Crosby

• [09:21] Gig Economy Perils:
  "The joy of looking in the pocket of a rucksack and finding five crisp twenties." – Matthew Crosby

• [15:03] Tech Troubles:
  "I don't really understand how Spotify works..." – Ed Gamble

• [17:51] Snack Metaphor:
  "Like a mini Magnum, exactly." – Louis

• [23:05] Domestic Mayhem:
  "Just hadn't put any water in it." – Matthew Crosby

• [25:04] Naming Trends:
  "A hernia is a lovely name for a girl." – Ed Gamble

• [30:22] Words You Shouldn't Count:
  “721 times you’ve said ‘penis’. Sunday morning radio show.” – Matthew Crosby

• [34:38] Unscientific Statistics:
  “He's made it up. Why can’t you be called Mango?” – Ed Gamble

• [23:32] Packing Fatigue:
  "Your brain is an empty box." – Ed Gamble

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Listener Disaster Story: [01:43–03:29]
• DJ Ed Routine: [03:33–05:36]
• Marie Kondo & Decluttering Chat: [06:31–08:05]
• Cash Machines & Missing Gig Money: [08:18–10:15]
• Crazy Frog Unboxing: [10:24–12:48]
• Metal Segment (“Ingurgitating Oblivion”): [14:17–15:47]
• Louis’ Trouser Talk: [16:16–21:00]
• Matthew’s Coffee Machine Fail: [21:57–23:33]
• Sports Desk: [23:47–28:14]
• "Metal Seducation" Listener Quiz: [28:49–35:16]
• Moving, WrestleMania, & Cat Chronicles: [36:01–38:28]
• Outro & Next Episode Teaser: [38:34–39:24]

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Tone & Style

The episode is relentlessly silly, improvisational, and self-deprecating, laced through with British sarcasm and surreality. Ed and Matthew play off each other's failings, heighten mundane disasters into comedic fiascos, and riff endlessly on language and podcast in-jokes. Even fleeting fashion or sports segments become setups for running gags and nonsense tangents, making this episode a quintessential Crunch & Crumble experience—a blend of cheerful chaos and camaraderie.

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Summary prepared for listeners who missed the live broadcast—enough detail for context, with the highlights and running comedy intact!

Transcript

[Announcer]

When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery so you can keep your facility stocked, safe and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER Click grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Ed Gamble]

This is a global player Original podcast

[Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby Radio X

[Ed Gamble]

hello, everybody and welcome to the podcast of the Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby radio show. It's a radio show that we do on radio and here's the show. Here's the show, everybody. We're in a slight hurry today. Yeah, in a slight hurry because we're

[Matthew Crosby]

pre recording three shows in. In one day.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

And I'm moving house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. And this is only show one that we've pre recorded.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

I've done a bit of the next one though already. We've done a bit of the next one. Yes. But basically, here's the show. Basically, you know, what can I do? One message, one email. Come on, you don't even have to, you don't have to say anything.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is hell, Matthew.

[Ed Gamble]

And this is show one. Yeah, this is gonna, you're gonna.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's not this isn't it? This is nice. But you know, I just, I know it's the stress.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the stress of it. We'll be done by three. I just looked at my watch. We won't be done by three. We done by half past three. We will be.

[Matthew Crosby]

That was the plan.

[Ed Gamble]

And we will be. We will be.

[Matthew Crosby]

So if in two weeks time you listen to the show live and then I'm not there for eight of the links at the end, that's because I've gone it's half three in the afternoon

[Ed Gamble]

now, two weeks back and record a load of links. Yes, I've got a lovely message here.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hang on a second.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, I've got it. This is from Daniel from Leeds, formerly Letchworth, Ed, Matthew and Vin. No messing around. I like that. It's 2007. I'm a 17 year old who's a great laugh and loves nothing more than hanging around the town with his mates on a Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon with nothing else to do, we decided to climb the rather steep hill on the edge of town. For some reason walking around the top, I decided to pretend to be an airplane, complete with having my arms out and making various aviation noises. Classic. As I said, I was a great laugh. Unfortunately, I got a little carried away and ended up running down the hill, unable to stop because of our old foe, gravity. I was barely able to keep my feet going as I was half running, half falling down the hill, rapidly approaching the bottom. I made a final leap as I got there, and in midair, I lost control. I think he'd lost control if you'd made the leap anyway and landed face down in a pile of broken glass and dirt. As I'm sliding across the ground, my emo jeans fall down, exposing my spotty teenage bop bop for the whole world to see. My friends come down to find me lying half naked in the dirt, my face, hands and arms squirting blood everywhere in my panicked attempt to clean myself up. I then became convinced I had a piece of glass stuck in my hand and was trying to tug it out. Turns out it wasn't glass, just a piece of fat that was still very much attached to my finger. I then had to. Isn't that the most disgusting thing you've ever heard?

[Announcer]

That's awful.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. He tried to pull a bit of his own finger. Finger out. It was then I had to wander back through Hitchin town centre, covered head to toe in blood and dirt while I waited for my mum to come and get me, who instantly took me to the hospital to be glued back together. Still have the scars on my hands 20 years later. And that one finger always feels a bit funny if you poke it in the particular fat spot. Good luck. Good luck. In the charts this week, Daniel from Leeds, formerly Letchworth. Now, I've got no idea what we did to deserve that. We just said send in your, I think, funny disasters.

[Matthew Crosby]

Silly disasters.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, it's a silly disaster.

[Matthew Crosby]

Face injury, head injury.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, it was absolutely horrible.

[Matthew Crosby]

Anyway, yeah, I was that average. Here's the show.

[Ed Gamble]

All right, let's hear the show.

[Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Brady O X. Good morning, early risers. It's DJ Ed here with my friend, little Maddie C. Hello. Coming at you live. Coming at you like Cleopatra. And I'm not talking about the lady Pharaoh. I'm talking, of course, about the pop act, Cleopatra. Be playing them a little bit later on in the show. Cleopatra coming at ya. Plenty more to come. We've got some special guests on the show. Of course. They're in the studio already. First special guest, Queen Elizabeth I. Hello. I was gonna do the voice, but that's fine. Matthew's my wacky sidekick. So here we go. Let's see what other special guests we've got in here. We've got Winston Churchill. Hello. We've got. We've got Benjamin Zephaniah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, he's not here.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, okay. What a shame.

[Ed Gamble]

Delayed.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well. And have you heard of Kings of Leon? We have two. We'll be playing them later on in the show. But now let's. It's lovely weather out there. Let's go for a little walk. Where do you want to go for a walk in the Maximo park, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X.

[Announcer]

Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Ed Gamble]

Joe, everybody. Here on Joe on Radio X, it's Ed Gamble. It's Matthew Crosby. We're with you till 11:00am and it's great, as always, to hear DJ Ed.

[Matthew Crosby]

You hate DJ. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I think I'm developing a sort of. I'm developing a sort of. But grudging respect for him.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You like DJ Ed now?

[Ed Gamble]

The thing about it is, whenever DJ Ed is in the room, he is the most competent broadcaster, 100% of all of us.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I would say, you know, I would also say that's true of almost everyone else on the station.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, I think, obviously there's some real talent work in here. You've got your Toby Tarrants, you've got your Chris Smalls, you've got your Johnny Vaughn to name the big three to name the first three on the Mount Rushmore of Radio X. But DJ Ed, he knocks them into.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, he's on. He's on the Mount Rushmore.

[Ed Gamble]

He's on the Mount. He is the Mount.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's room for four.

[Ed Gamble]

There's room. Is it four? It's four on the Mount Rushmore.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's four on the Mount RushMore.

[Ed Gamble]

But I would imagine if D.J. ed was on the Mount Rushmore, he'd be the bookends. He would be. There'd be two of them. Two of them. Firstly, he's that talented.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah. He's that charismatic one where he's wearing wacky glasses.

[Ed Gamble]

That's. That's, of course. Yeah, yeah. Doing one of his funny characters. But he'd also have his gob open and he'd be eating with the other three. Like Pac Man.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

That's how he be. That's how he would be. Anyway, how are you, Ed?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, very tired.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. How's the move going?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, really bad. It's not worth it, is it? Moving house? No, no, never worth it.

[Ed Gamble]

Crucially, you had a house.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And you decided, nope, get another one. Want another one?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Mad idea.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Mad idea. Just being the one.

[Ed Gamble]

Because also there's only two of you and your little cat.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, you had plenty of space for that.

[Matthew Crosby]

We didn't.

[Ed Gamble]

You did.

[Matthew Crosby]

What about our things?

[Ed Gamble]

That's the problem.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ah, well, we've got rid of a lot of our things and then you'll

[Ed Gamble]

realize that you're actually in too big a house.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, we've got rid of all our things and our house is perfect for us. My current house.

[Ed Gamble]

That's exactly.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

If only you bought like a book on minimalism or one of those Marie Kondo things.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, we bought loads of those. Did you have a whole library of it? I did genuinely throw out or donated a copy of Spark Joy.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you know what happened to Marie Kondo, by the way? Do you know the story of what happened to Marie Kondo?

[Matthew Crosby]

She threw herself out.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. She chucked herself out. She stops.

[Matthew Crosby]

She was having a bad day.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. You know those days you can't get out of bed.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

No, she stopped doing it because you have kids. Which I think is just an absolute damning indictment of the whole thing.

[Matthew Crosby]

Kids ruin everything.

[Ed Gamble]

No, kids.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a damning indictment of having children.

[Ed Gamble]

Kids simplify everything.

[Matthew Crosby]

No longer does anything Spark Joy.

[Ed Gamble]

She realized.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, the reason she had to stop doing it. She was looking at her kids, they were crying, she was livid. They were making her angry. And she thought, I can't stick to my system here because then they're straight in the bin.

[Ed Gamble]

Put them in the skip.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Let's go and play in the skip outside. Yeah. No, Marie Kondo. Marie Kondo gave up on her life's work because she had kids.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So I see that as a wonderful. A wonderful thing.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I know you don't.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. No, I'm in hell.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, I can tell that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But I tell you what, should we cheer you up with some fantastic tunes and some wonderful chat? How about a little bit of Cash Machine by Hard Fi? Cash.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's how you know a song's outdated.

[Announcer]

Crunch and crumble.

[Ed Gamble]

This is Radio X. Whoa. Cash Machine by Hard Fi There here.

[Matthew Crosby]

They've re released it now, actually. Apple Pay.

[Ed Gamble]

When was the last time you used a cash machine, Ed?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, probably fairly recently.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Some tradespeople prefer a bit of cash, don't they?

[Ed Gamble]

A bit of bit of cash in hand work. Yes, yes, I'm sure you're still. You're Obviously still paying the VAT and getting a receipt, but they just like the cash.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, that's not my job.

[Ed Gamble]

No, that's not.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's their job.

[Ed Gamble]

That's their job.

[Matthew Crosby]

They take the cash, they want the cash, they can have the cash.

[Ed Gamble]

You tell me a price, I'll pay that price. Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sometimes gigs pay in cash as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I find that mad, that gigs, it's arduous as well. Cause then you have to put it all through the.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you ever lost your gig money?

[Matthew Crosby]

I tell you what I have done. This has only happened to me once. I lost my gig money and then found it about six months later.

[Ed Gamble]

You're kidding.

[Matthew Crosby]

And it was like when I was starting out as well. So the joy of looking in the front pocket of a rucksack and finding five crisp twenties.

[Ed Gamble]

That's amazing. Woo.

[Matthew Crosby]

Straight down the casino.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I. I lost it in a curry house. And it was. It wasn't just my gig money, it was all of happy. Too hot. Yeah. It lost my mind. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You know. Oh, it was all of papi.

[Ed Gamble]

It was all of the money because I was the one who was responsible enough to hang on to the money and it fell out of my little shorts.

[Matthew Crosby]

You went for. You went for a big toilet.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah. And you. You what? I needs must. Needs must. If there's no paper. But no, if you call it illegal, isn't it? What's that?

[Matthew Crosby]

That's got to be illegal, right? Wiping money. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

No, because it depends on which side you do it. If you do it with Charles Dickens side. It's all right, Belgar's getting it. Yeah, absolutely. But. But I had. I called up the curry house and said, oh, excuse me, I left a load of money in there yesterday.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, I left it on a small silver tray at the end of the meal.

[Ed Gamble]

It was in an envelope under my chair. No, no, he didn't see it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Of course.

[Ed Gamble]

Of course not.

[Matthew Crosby]

By the way, thank you for this hit. Bye.

[Ed Gamble]

Bye. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X. Hat Hat.

[Matthew Crosby]

Now, Matthew, I've received a present.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, congratulations.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sent to the station. You know what you need when you're moving a house and you've got rid of a lot of your stuff is for someone else to send you something

[Ed Gamble]

more stuff that you didn't ask for.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Are we going to unwrap it? We're going to do a live unboxing.

[Matthew Crosby]

We'll do a live unboxing right here. It's in a sort of padded envelope.

[Ed Gamble]

Lovely. A jiffy bag. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Padded envelope makes it sound like it's in a funny farm.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a padded cell.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

It's absolutely bouncing off the walls of that padded.

[Matthew Crosby]

I was thinking about the phrase funny farm the other day.

[Ed Gamble]

They don't use it so often.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, it used to be in the Beano. I'd say every week he should be

[Ed Gamble]

in the funny farm.

[Matthew Crosby]

All kids get sent to the funny farm. Yep. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

It does sound nice, doesn't it? The funny. Oh, oh, here we go. Yeah, right, Here we go. You have been sent a little cuddly toy of the crazy frog.

[Matthew Crosby]

The crazy frog. Here we go.

[Ed Gamble]

Does he. If you press his belly, does he go. Or anything like that? Is there any, any.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, hang on. There's something in here. Oh, no, there's a battery pack.

[Ed Gamble]

Careful.

[Matthew Crosby]

Will it be in the hand?

[Ed Gamble]

We've got it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Where's the. I can't find the.

[Ed Gamble]

Would touch every part of his body.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, he's got an outie, which I didn't know about. Crazy frog. I think it used to make a sound maybe.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, we've got to locate some batteries. At some point I'll.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, but then I'll have to rip his butt open. There's no entry point, is there?

[Ed Gamble]

Not like a little bit of Velcro on the back.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, there's no entry point, but there is something in there.

[Ed Gamble]

Pulling the belly button, Vin, it's your task while we're playing the next round.

[Matthew Crosby]

Also, I think it. I think it might be off. It doesn't say crazy frog anywhere, is it called. It's the annoying thing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, that's right. It's a bit like when you. When you buy a fancy dress costume.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And they can't say Beetlejuice. They have to say Funny Ghoul man or something like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've got a note here. Dear Ed, I came across this when visiting my parents for Easter and immediately thought of you. It was in my childhood bedroom and I thought, oh, it's second hand. I have no memory of how it came into my possession, but thought you would appreciate it far more than I ever did. Happy rear, dear lads. Melissa. Thank you, Melissa.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you, Melissa.

[Matthew Crosby]

P.S. apologies for the delay. Easter in Greece was on 12th of April this year. Thanks, Melissa.

[Ed Gamble]

I think Easter's on the same. I think Easter's on the same day of.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, Easter changes.

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, but, but Easter changes. Yeah, but every. All around, Matthew.

[Matthew Crosby]

Easter changes.

[Ed Gamble]

Wait, you're trying to tell me that easter isn't on the 25th of April like it is every year? Yeah, no, no, no. Anyway, it doesn't matter what part of the world you're in. Easter falls on the same day.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thank you, Melissa, for my off brand used crazy frog.

[Ed Gamble]

And I know you're not going to take that home, but can I have it for my kids?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, absolutely.

[Ed Gamble]

Because they've got a bir. Oh, we should. We should talk about both of them. Yeah. Well, no, not the same day, but yeah, they've both got benefits. Every year, different day every single year.

[Matthew Crosby]

When's their Greek birthday?

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X.

[Announcer]

When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products in fast, dependable delivery. So you can keep your facility stocked, safe and running smoothly. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Matthew Crosby]

Have you ever laughed at something you definitely shouldn't have?

[Ed Gamble]

Like, you know it's bad, but you

[Matthew Crosby]

just can't help it.

[Ed Gamble]

That's basically the entire premise of our podcast.

[Matthew Crosby]

Shouldn't laugh. But with me, Laura Smith, and me,

[Ed Gamble]

Carmen Butcher, we get into those moments

[Matthew Crosby]

that are a bit awkward, a bit chaotic, and, yeah, sometimes a bit wrong, but very funny. Think wild confessions, questionable decisions, and the kind of stories you probably shouldn't admit out loud, but we do anyway. It's the stuff you'd normally only say

[Ed Gamble]

to your closest mates, if that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Where can you get us from?

[Ed Gamble]

Calms, Listen and watch on global player, YouTube or wherever you get your podcast.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very good.

[Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, not much time to admire the scenery today because I've got quite a lot of things to talk about. It's a long song. I'm gonna. Okay, it's with such a long title, Gotcha. And I'm looking at it here, but it keeps scrolling across, so I can't remember what it is. So this is the metal bit where I play a bit of metal.

[Ed Gamble]

Any second now, you're gonna play a metal tone, but you have to wait to go all the way around again.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's no. The band's called Ingurgitating Oblivion.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

And hang on, it's just.

[Ed Gamble]

What does ingurgitating mean? I know what regurgitating is.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, maybe it's putting it back in

[Ed Gamble]

the opposite of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

She's eating.

[Ed Gamble]

Just eating your own vomit.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, sorry, it's gone back to the beginning now.

[Ed Gamble]

So Ah, sorry, sorry. All right, let's have a little moment.

[Matthew Crosby]

Why would it. Now left to right. I understand. Why would it scroll right to left? Because that.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, I. I don't really can't understand how Spotify works. I really.

[Matthew Crosby]

I didn't say it was on Spotify.

[Ed Gamble]

I can't understand how Tidal works. Well, it's time to do the moon.

[Matthew Crosby]

Uncreations whirring Uncreations Whirring Loom you ply with crippled fingers. Part one.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, so many loose ends to be tied up in Part two.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I love.

[Ed Gamble]

It ends there.

[Matthew Crosby]

What a cliffhanger.

[Ed Gamble]

What a cliffhanger. It ends on there. Oh, I loved that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Really? I thought that was a real breath of fresh air on a Sunday morning.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, it was.

[Ed Gamble]

That's just what I needed to sweep away the cobwebs.

[Matthew Crosby]

This sounds very simple, this song.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Bit basic, but this is, you know, I enjoy it nevertheless. This is semisonic closing time on Radio X.

[Matthew Crosby]

Radio X. Closing time.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X. Matthew Crosby and Edward Fatboy

[Matthew Crosby]

Slim on Radio X and Z gambler Matthew Crosby with you until 11:00am Now, Matthew, you found someone. You've brought someone into the studio.

[Ed Gamble]

You know what, While we were playing Fat Boy Slim, I found Slim Boy Tall. It's our dear friend Louis who was up on the fifth floor.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Now, Louis, you are wearing some quite big trousers. Is that fair to say?

[Louis]

I'd say they're quite big.

[Ed Gamble]

They're pretty big. Yeah.

[Louis]

They're on the medium big side.

[Matthew Crosby]

They're big for you, Matthew, I think if you put Louis trousers on, it would look like you're wearing a wedding dress. Louis' About a long train. Twice your height. Is that fair?

[Ed Gamble]

How tall are you, Louis?

[Louis]

I'm six foot seven.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, six, seven.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, Matthew. Absolutely.

[Louis]

I think someone was gonna say.

[Ed Gamble]

I didn't know who it was gonna be.

[Matthew Crosby]

Listen, why did you think someone was gonna say it? We're all old men. We should not be saying it. Matthew, I'm a very cool old man. You're not. You're one of the worst people I've ever met.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you know 6? 7's been banned at school.

[Matthew Crosby]

Has it really?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's got bad.

[Matthew Crosby]

How do they teach math?

[Ed Gamble]

I don't know, they just. And the other thing is 7, 8, 9. Can.

[Matthew Crosby]

They do one to five? That's what happens now.

[Ed Gamble]

So, anyway, Louis, firstly, let's talk about my trousers. What do you think about the trousers I'm currently wearing? What do you think about them?

[Louis]

I think they're quite handsome. You look great in them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Louis]

I think they fit you well.

[Ed Gamble]

They do.

[Louis]

I think you have. I think the thing with trousers, you've got to buy them to fit you and your shape.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. I think that's.

[Matthew Crosby]

How would you describe Matthew's shape?

[Ed Gamble]

Talk about my shape.

[Matthew Crosby]

Shape.

[Louis]

I think you're very well proportioned. Yes, you're very well proportioned.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Louis]

Yeah, I think so. But like.

[Matthew Crosby]

Like a mini Magnum.

[Louis]

Like a mini Magnum, exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

I like about it. Yeah, that's good. I'm fun size.

[Louis]

Yeah, yeah, Fun size. Yeah, it's great.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Louis]

Yeah, I like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

But, like, if I were to wear

[Louis]

those, I think I'd probably look tall and gangly and extra skinny.

[Ed Gamble]

And I can tell you now, there's no way you're getting into these.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. There's no chance.

[Ed Gamble]

I know you've got thin legs, but it doesn't matter. They'd be like. They'd be shorts on you, basically.

[Matthew Crosby]

True.

[Ed Gamble]

So if you would stand up for us just for a second. Let's have a look at that now. Yeah, it's an.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's a nice, looser fit. Trouser.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a nice, wide fit. Where are you getting your trousers from?

[Louis]

These are Levi's.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I knew it was gonna be Levi's. Louis, you basically said the magic word. I got kicked out the Levi's store last. Last week. She said the exact words that she's. She's thinking of you as the kind of perfect customer. She said, you've got to be big and tall to shop here. So which other shops have you recently bought trousers from? Where are your typical trouser emporiums? If I'm gonna go and buy a bigger pair of trousers, I hate to say it.

[Louis]

So I went to Uniqlo recently and I thought this would be good.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Louis]

But then I realized that they don't really cater for tall blokes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do they know? Yeah, yeah.

[Louis]

So I bought some trousers and I was wearing them probably about a week ago, and I looked in the mirror, I was like, I can't wear these anymore. Like, they're.

[Ed Gamble]

They're.

[Louis]

They're like proper ankle swingers now. They're like.

[Ed Gamble]

But is that not. Is that not the fashion to be a little bit above the.

[Louis]

It wasn't a little bit anymore, like.

[Ed Gamble]

Right.

[Louis]

Yeah, I think I wore them, baby.

[Ed Gamble]

They were knee swingers.

[Louis]

They were knee swingers.

[Matthew Crosby]

What do you think of the very wide trouser trend which may be dying out now? Because I've hopped on board, which Is nice. No, these. These aren't particularly wide. These are just some nice sort of.

[Louis]

Well, they're nice.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Louis]

I say they're similar kind of.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, similar kind of way. But I also, I. I own a couple of pairs of trousers from ymc, which I would say are gigantic. Okay. Yeah, yeah. How are you feeling about the big Y trousers? Yeah, I think they're cool. Do we think Matthew could pull those off or are they not familiar?

[Louis]

I think so. I think if you get a matching top to go with it, that's like.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Louis]

Top off to match the suitcase.

[Ed Gamble]

So, like a really big top.

[Louis]

Not necessarily, but like, I think it has to be kind of bold as well. I don't think you can go with like proper baggy trousers and then like.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you could wear that horrible jumper that you have. I could wear my horrible lazy odor. Yeah, yeah. I could wear my lazy oaf car crash jumper. What do you think about the idea? Big trousers, tight vest? Because I think this.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think you look like you need to be doing fire poi.

[Ed Gamble]

A little gold chain and a diamond earring. You think this. I'm really gonna go for it. I feel like I'm gonna completely revamped.

[Matthew Crosby]

We're start calling Matthew the situation.

[Ed Gamble]

What do you think about that as well?

[Louis]

I think that's great. You can get a little ponytail, maybe some grills as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, ponytail and grills. I'm going into my ponytail and grills here.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I think so.

[Louis]

It's never too late. See, this is fun. I was talking to John in the Radio X office this morning and I said, oh, I like your mustache. He said, yeah. He's like, I'm just trying to figure out who I am and I'm trying different things. Oh, God, I'd love that kid to do that.

[Ed Gamble]

Aren't we all? He's a great kid, that kid.

[Matthew Crosby]

He is.

[Ed Gamble]

We're all trying to figure out who we are.

[Louis]

Let's do it. Try new clothes, See how it goes.

[Matthew Crosby]

I feel like when you're Matty's age, it doesn't look like figuring out who you are. It's a breakdown. It's a midlife crisis. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's figuring out who I was.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Louis]

Okay. Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, should we play a bit of vaccines?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, why not?

[Ed Gamble]

This is Vaccines on Radio X. Thank you, Louis.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thanks, Louis.

[Ed Gamble]

Thanks, team.

[Announcer]

Radio X. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X. Do you remember the High Street Honeys?

[Ed Gamble]

The vaccines? Here on Radio X, it's Ed Gamble. It's Matthew Crosby coming up in just a Little bit. We've got music from Jake Bugg, but a big thank you. Big thank you to Lou, to Louis.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

What a great guy, Louis.

[Matthew Crosby]

Or as I. Or as I call him, Danny Wallace's pocket. Pocket man. Because he can fit in Danny Wallace's pocket.

[Ed Gamble]

That's right.

[Matthew Crosby]

The only person who can keep his head above the line of the pockets in Danny Wallace's pocket.

[Ed Gamble]

That's right. Danny Wallace has a very, very big pocket, of course, because he's a very, very big man. Where does Danny Wallace get his trousers from? Oh, Danny. What? Oh, you know what?

[Matthew Crosby]

Stitch together sails from ships.

[Ed Gamble]

He certainly does. He's an absolute numbers. He's not on the air for just a little bit, though, guys. We've got plenty of show still to come.

[Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X. We have the thickest listeners in radio.

[Matthew Crosby]

I, of course, have lost my mind because I've been packing up to move house.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

How much unnecessary stuff you have. And throwing a lot of stuff out. Just my peak madness, I think, was when my wife, Charlie said, are you getting a new coffee machine? Because I'd been like, I'm gonna get a huge new coffee machine. I'm really gonna upgrade the coffee.

[Ed Gamble]

You're gonna get like a proper, like. Like you'd see in a cafe.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

An enormous, enormous.

[Matthew Crosby]

She's obviously dressing style. She doesn't drink coffee and she knows how much space it's gonna take up.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, sure.

[Matthew Crosby]

And I said, no, I've made the decision. I'm just. I've got this pod machine. I'm keeping this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, lovely.

[Matthew Crosby]

It doesn't make a difference. Quite often I'm just rushing out the house. I need a coffee quickly. Yeah, this is perfect. Let's just keep this. Let's not be silly about it. Next day, go to make a coffee. Makes a horrible noise. No. Coffee comes out. No. So I laughed out loud. I was like, of course, yeah. It's broken. The day I say I'm going to keep it, it's broken. Try a few more times. Horrible, horrible noise. Like not the noise it normally makes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

So I was like, oh, well, I'll see if I can fix it tomorrow. See what I've done wrong. Got up this morning, I had a little look at the coffee machine. Just hadn't put any water in it.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't deserve that coffee machine. No idea how to use it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Doesn't put any water in it. That's why I wasn't making coffee.

[Ed Gamble]

That is one of the two key ingredients.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

For coffee I'd say coffee and water.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And I'm not plugged in.

[Ed Gamble]

And you were making the noise yourself. Why aren't you working? Why aren't you working?

[Matthew Crosby]

So that's where I'm at at the moment, Matthew.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. The ironic thing about it is, while you're filling up all these boxes, you yourself are an empty box.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Totally empty.

[Ed Gamble]

Your brain is an empty box.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm out my box.

[Ed Gamble]

You're completely out your box.

[Announcer]

Scoop Daddy and Goujon Mustard.

[Matthew Crosby]

Radio X. Now it's time for the very exciting return of Sports Desk, Radio X.

[Ed Gamble]

Go. What are you playing there, guys?

[Matthew Crosby]

Lacrosse. Mega Sports.

[Ed Gamble]

Can I join in? Fair enough.

[Matthew Crosby]

Slide tackle.

[Announcer]

It's sports time with our resident experts, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Double goal. Yes. This is the feature where myself and Matthew see the sports headlines fresh.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

And we try and work out what the bally hell's going on.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely right. And this first one comes from the Wibbly Wobbly World of Snooker Bong Odds on Hearn tips. 2029 worlds to stay in UK.

[Matthew Crosby]

Now, I know all of these words separately.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

But when they're together in this order, I'm not sure. Hern Tips is my favorite YouTube channel for people with hernias.

[Ed Gamble]

Absolutely right. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

They say don't do anything too strenuous.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, moving house with a hernia.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

As you're doing currently very hernia. Do you not?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no. You just watch the YouTube channel names Charlie. Yeah, yeah. What?

[Ed Gamble]

We're not happy. We're not. What? Because her name does.

[Matthew Crosby]

Her name is Charlie. A hernia is a lovely name for a girl.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a beautiful. You know, unfortunately, I've already got two daughters and I don't think I'm going to have another one. But you will know, these are my lovely kids. Little Jerry Cinnamon. Little Noel Gulagus. High flying birds in a hernia. Very nice. But anyway, 2029 worlds, right? What is that? What does that mean, the 2029 world? That, by the way, 2029 worlds is like a superhero movie on Netflix. I'm not watching. Yeah, that's what it sounds like to me. And Worlds to stay in the uk, Surely it's the other way around.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, it's got to be the other way around. I mean, as far as I know.

[Ed Gamble]

Listen, let's be honest. The way. The way the world's going, currently, there ain't gonna be a 2029 world, is there?

[Matthew Crosby]

So Hearn can tip whatever he likes.

[Ed Gamble]

Tip whatever you like, Herny boy. It's not happening. Let's go to the world of football.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bong.

[Ed Gamble]

Rose agrees to succeed Ari. Wait, it can't be Arreola, can it? Well, no, it's because it says Iriola. Yeah, yeah, okay. Iriola as Bournemouth manager.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. That confused me though, because it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Different words though, aren't they?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, they are different words, but I didn't know how to pronounce it. Yeah, but it's not pronounced like areola.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, but you've put that on the word. Because he knew what Matthew was gonna do. No, of course not. Never.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, so Rose, lovely rosy nipple. So are you telling me that. That we've got a one nipple already managing Bournemouth?

[Matthew Crosby]

He's on the outside, but it's one of those.

[Ed Gamble]

It's one of those slightly sort of crusty looking with a couple of hairs sticking out. A bit like my nipples really, you know. Cracked. Yeah, cracked from years of misfeeding, years of press. Hey, listen, I believe in being an equal opportunities barriers.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And you know what, I actually did manage to get while for my second child, I managed to get a small amount of fluid, but she would spit it out. She wouldn't enjoy it. She wouldn't enjoy it. She'd go cross side and she'd keep.

[Matthew Crosby]

Should we move it out?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, we're back to another sport that I enjoy very, very much. It's cricket.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bong.

[Ed Gamble]

Bong.

[Matthew Crosby]

West Indies legend Gail invests in Glasgow T20 franchise. Now, this is of course Gail Platt. It is of course from Coronation street.

[Ed Gamble]

From the West Indies.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not a lot of people know this, but Gail Platt is from the. From the West Indies.

[Ed Gamble]

She doesn't have the accent anymore.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, no. And she's a white Jamaican. Oh, well. And who do they do exist?

[Ed Gamble]

Pale Face. Tony Hendrix.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Pale face Tony Hendrix.

[Ed Gamble]

We know our dear friend Pale Face. Of course. Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

And Gail Platt has invested in the T20 franchise in Glasgow, which is a lovely tea shop.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, it's absolutely beautiful. It's themed around the movies of Arnold Schwarzenegger. So you can go and have a

[Matthew Crosby]

lovely tea, a lovely cup of tea.

[Ed Gamble]

Have a lovely cup of tea. And I tell you what, if you go once, you will certainly be saying, I'll be back. Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

So. Well, that's what you say if you don't want milk.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I'll take it. I'll be black.

[Matthew Crosby]

You need to.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And Gail Platt, really, she can't.

[Ed Gamble]

She can't be messing around without. She could say, I'll be. I'll be white. Two sugars.

[Matthew Crosby]

But.

[Ed Gamble]

But she can't. Anyway, that was a wonderful sports day. So I've remembered why we don't do this feature anymore.

[Matthew Crosby]

Radio X. If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H vac and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Now we have a little game that's been sent in. Matthew.

[Ed Gamble]

Ooh, interesting.

[Matthew Crosby]

Of course we have Metal Education, which is a listener sourced.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, that's right. Listeners send in questions and I have to answer them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Is this that.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is a quiz for you that I'm going to be the quiz master for.

[Ed Gamble]

Fantastic.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is from Lucas in Essex. Lucas says dear Crunch, Crumble and Vin to the woods to grandmother's house. Happy radio, lads.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't mind if I do.

[Matthew Crosby]

Lucas, long time listener, first time guest suggester, but I'm here with my offer of metal seducation.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

A simple higher or lower based affair from mostly Matthew's utterances across your full back catalog.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh.

[Matthew Crosby]

All he has to guess is did each word or phrase, including pluralized versions, appear more or less frequently than the last across the past 353 episodes?

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. Can I just say I think I'm going to find this quite a confronting game.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

But I'm willing to play it for the sake of entertainment.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

So this is phrases from all of my. Out.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

All of my oeuvre.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. So I'll give you a word and you have to say whether it was higher or low than the previous.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. Yeah. Here we go. Let's do this. Let's do this.

[Matthew Crosby]

So the starting number I need from you, we will see if you can get the number.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

As a little extra bit of the quiz, is penis number one. Yeah. How many times has this word been said? But it's mainly from you, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

How many times has this word been

[Matthew Crosby]

said just to get just any guess? This is not part of the quiz, really.

[Ed Gamble]

150.

[Matthew Crosby]

You wish. 721. Sunday morning radio show.

[Ed Gamble]

721.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. So that's your starting number.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

Then we go to Metal Education. Is it higher or is it lower than 721?

[Ed Gamble]

Okay. The phrase Metal Education.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Uttered by me.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I am Gonna say that is slightly lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

It is lower by some distance. 424.

[Ed Gamble]

424, yeah. Because, you know, obviously I say penis in lots of different contexts.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sure, yeah. Yeah. You shouldn't be.

[Ed Gamble]

Shouldn't really?

[Matthew Crosby]

QAnon higher or lower than medical education?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, no, that's got to be higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's so much lower, Matthew.

[Ed Gamble]

Is it?

[Matthew Crosby]

It's 23.

[Ed Gamble]

That's crazy.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's crazy.

[Ed Gamble]

Just the impact that it has, man. I'm gonna say a bit more. Yeah, I've really got. You've gotta get onto it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Fair amount more speaks the truth.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bartleby higher or lower than 23? Higher or lower than QAnon?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, we all know that Bartleby Scribb is the naughtiest boy in town.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

But have I said it more than 27 times? I'm gonna say, yes, I have. It's higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's higher. Yes. 37. 37.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

Steely Dan. Higher or lower than Bottleby Script?

[Ed Gamble]

Lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's higher. Matthew, you said Steely Dan 124 times.

[Ed Gamble]

And you know what? That's not enough. No, that's not enough times 124 times. Oh, dear.

[Matthew Crosby]

Mick Chen. Higher or lower than Steely Dan.

[Ed Gamble]

Now, Mick Chen, for people who don't know, is a regular emailer. If you don't know.

[Matthew Crosby]

Get to know.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, get to know exactly who we.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's normally podcast exclusive. To be fair.

[Ed Gamble]

He's normally podcast exclusive. Now, we suspect he's crept on air. Strongly suspect. But he might be Vin's alter ego producer. Vin's alter ego?

[Matthew Crosby]

Never.

[Ed Gamble]

124 times. I'm going to say lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

It is lower. 77.

[Ed Gamble]

77 times.

[Matthew Crosby]

Beckenham. Higher or lower than Mick Chen.

[Ed Gamble]

That's higher. Way higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's way higher. It's 327.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bromley. Higher or lower than Beckenham? Higher or lower than 327.

[Ed Gamble]

That's really, really tricky, that one. But I'm going to say it's slightly lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

It is slightly lower. You're exactly right. 311. Little Jerry cinnamon. Higher or lower than Bromley?

[Ed Gamble]

I'm gonna say that's higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

It is slightly higher. Again, 333.

[Ed Gamble]

That's my daughter. Of course. 333. You've said little Jerry Cinnamon.

[Matthew Crosby]

What, 10 times more than you said Bromley? Is that what we said?

[Ed Gamble]

No, no, no.

[Matthew Crosby]

Just like 333.

[Ed Gamble]

So only 20 more times. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Yeah. Very close.

[Matthew Crosby]

You love Bromley.

[Ed Gamble]

I do love Bromley. And also, someone literally emailed and complained That I talk about my kids too much. So now I'm very, very nervous about that. But no one's emailed to say I talk about Bromley too much.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, let's. What about my kids? Tattoo. Tattoo. Higher or lower than Little Jerry Cinnamon?

[Ed Gamble]

Both spellings.

[Matthew Crosby]

Just one spelling. Tattoo.

[Ed Gamble]

The next one is Tattoo. The other spelling. It's way higher. Have I said it more than Little Jerry Cinnamon? Lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

Lower. It is low. It's 300 times.

[Ed Gamble]

This is really close here. This is really close.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oasis. Higher or lower than Tattoo. I mean, we're on Radio X.

[Ed Gamble]

It's got to be higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's lower. It's 244.

[Ed Gamble]

You're kidding me. That's unbelievable.

[Matthew Crosby]

Gallagher. Higher or lower than 244? Have we said Gallagher more than said Oasis?

[Ed Gamble]

That's a good question. That's a really good question. Okay, tell me the numbers again.

[Matthew Crosby]

We said Oasis 244 times.

[Ed Gamble]

I've been working at Radio X for

[Matthew Crosby]

about 10 years, and that is the

[Ed Gamble]

best question that's ever been asked. That is a fantastic question, Lucas. Well done, you. And I'm going to say that Gallagher. Well, there's two of them. There's only one Oasis. I'm gonna say higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

It is higher. 366. 366. Mango. Higher or lower than Gallagher?

[Ed Gamble]

Lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's so much higher. It's 603.

[Ed Gamble]

No. No.

[Matthew Crosby]

We also add the caveat. This could all be completely made up.

[Ed Gamble]

How's he done it?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Sick Burn. Higher or lower than Mango.

[Ed Gamble]

How has he done it? Yeah, he's just made it up, hasn't he? But I like it. Hey, I enjoyed the quiz. Not counting them, is he? He's not counting. He's not What? He's sitting down there with a tally and going, today, I'm doing all the same thing.

[Matthew Crosby]

AI.

[Ed Gamble]

Maybe he could have used AI. Have you used AI, Lucas?

[Matthew Crosby]

Sick burn higher or low than Mango?

[Ed Gamble]

Higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's lower. It's 542. Thank God.

[Ed Gamble]

Come on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Mango Crunch. Higher or lower than Sick Burn?

[Ed Gamble]

Higher.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's so much higher. It's 1896.

[Ed Gamble]

He's made it up. Why can't you be called Mango?

[Matthew Crosby]

And Mango and finally crumble? Higher or lower than Crunch.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, I would love a mango crumble right about that. Let's say it's gonna be. It's gonna be really close. I'm gonna say it's. If it's me saying it, I'm gonna say it's lower.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's lower. It's 1,720. Please accept some errors and omissions in the results. It's based on transcripts which have managed to spell Widdicombe in 11 different ways, including Woodham, Whitakem and Woodingham, but never the actual correct spelling. Thank you, Lucas.

[Announcer]

Maskew, Crobly and Ra. I don't know.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much to Lucas, by the way. What a fantastic quiz.

[Matthew Crosby]

It was so good.

[Ed Gamble]

It was so good. He totted up. He'd used transcripts to work out how many times I said certain words. Now my worry was that he was gonna pick quirks of language that I use and. Cause people point that out all the time. They say, do you know, you use the phrase also as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

And you say charlotte wrong.

[Ed Gamble]

And I say charlotte wrong. And I thought it was gonna be that. So I actually thought it was gonna be way more confronting. You say bugaboo more than anyone else on the planet. I think that's because the world gets me. Bugaboo, man. Sure. The world gets me. Look, it's not a compl.

[Matthew Crosby]

Wibbly wobbly.

[Ed Gamble]

You say quite a lot when it's a wibbly wobbly world. It's a wibbly wobbly world that's got me absolutely bugger. Guys, Ted Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X.

[Announcer]

Fire in the booth.

[Ed Gamble]

Ed is in a world of. It's not pain, necessarily, but it's a world of gentle discomfort.

[Matthew Crosby]

Look, moving house, it's a bit of a pain, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

It is a bit of a pain. They do say very, very stressful, don't they? Moving house.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, they say it's the most stressful thing you can do, apart from getting divor.

[Ed Gamble]

Sure.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's way more stressful stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

It just depends on how bad the divorce is and how easy the move is. I don't know how they can quantify these sort of things, but they do say it and it doesn't stop them.

[Matthew Crosby]

But also it's for a nice thing, you know, it'll be fine. It's.

[Ed Gamble]

You'll have a. You'll have a lovely time.

[Matthew Crosby]

And also.

[Ed Gamble]

And you.

[Matthew Crosby]

It was mainly happening on WrestleMania weekend. A lot of it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. That was the.

[Matthew Crosby]

Which we did watch.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you can still watch WrestleMania and, you know, stuff into boxes. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sat amongst boxes that should need to be packed whilst watching WrestleMania. It feels like you're being like, oh, we're naughty. Putting off something that we genuinely has to be done. Yeah. And we're the only ones who suffer. If it doesn't go well, you're moving.

[Ed Gamble]

You're moving your cat as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Moving the cat.

[Ed Gamble]

Moving the cats. Crucially, you've got to move the cat. We, we gave our cat to our Charlie's parents.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

For the, for a couple of days while we moved house. And we finally moved into our house. Oh, it was absolutely delightful. We were sitting on the lawn of our brand new house. We were drinking a glass of champagne and we got a phone call from the in laws saying, oh, the cats run away. Oh, no. We were like, oh, no. So this won't be the happy day when we. Yeah, this won't be the happy day when we, we moved into our, our forever home. This will be the day when we lost Cosmo.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

For forever.

[Matthew Crosby]

But Cosmo came back.

[Ed Gamble]

Crucially, Cosmo came back. We had to. But then we had. But then, but then we all had to bundle into the car, you know, little Jerry, Cinnamon, me and my wife, bundle in the car, drive over to Catford, of all places, drive over to Catford and, and, and just basically run the Ford in the Ford, hop in the Ford, drive to the cat. And just had to completely, completely ransack the house. It was like fun house. We were just throwing everything all over the place and it turned out Cosmo, we thought Cosmo was sitting on top

[Matthew Crosby]

of the big Catford cat.

[Ed Gamble]

That's right. Yeah. And you don't want to know what she was doing to it. My goodness me.

[Matthew Crosby]

If I was a cat and I

[Ed Gamble]

was in Catford, I'd head straight for the Catford cat.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, that's right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah, that's where you'd want to be.

[Matthew Crosby]

Meet you by the big me because. Exactly.

[Ed Gamble]

You are a man and you stand by Nelson's Column all the time, don't you? So that's kind of the way you are. The bigger version of me. That's what I'd like to see. Yeah. No, luckily she just wedged herself under the sink. But it was all right. But it could have. He was just terrified, you know, he was just scared and found a little quiet place. But I hope that doesn't happen to you.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, I think we'll be fine.

[Ed Gamble]

I think you're gonna be okay.

[Announcer]

Crunch and crumble Radio X. Is this a riddle or is this a nightmare?

[Matthew Crosby]

Saying Ta Ta.

[Ed Gamble]

Saying Ta Ta. Not tattoo. No, because I do say that quite a lot. But no, we're saying Ta ta for yet another week. Good luck with the rest of the move, Mat.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thank you.

[Ed Gamble]

Will you tell us all about it in three weeks time?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, great. Fantastic. Okay, yeah. Have a great time moving Next week's very exciting. We've got a scoop for Daddy next week. We haven't had a guest in ages.

[Matthew Crosby]

We've got the brilliant Tom Neenan coming in, who's a very dear friend of ours, a brilliant comedian, brilliant writer. He's doing an Edinburgh show. We're gonna be chatting to him about

[Ed Gamble]

that wonderful painter as well. So good find Tom Neenan on Instagram and look at his fantastic paintings of actors and comedians and others. Yeah, he's absolutely brilliant. He will be on the show next week. But from us, from all of us here at the Ed Gambler Matthew Crosby radio show on Radio X, it's Bye Bye.

[Announcer]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Ed Gamble]

Okay, everybody, that was the show. We're going to do another two of them. So we're going to keep the BET reqs rolling. Yeah, Ed. And presumably metal. Metal is your recommendation.

[Matthew Crosby]

Metal, definitely metal.

[Ed Gamble]

Metal. Vin. Something that you can say. It's really good and I won't listen to and me Taylor SW Swift. Okay, everybody, have a wonderful week. We will see you next week. And by next week, I mean two minutes time, Ray D O Angs.