Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby on Radio X
Episode 357 – Tom Neenan / Different Pies (May 3, 2026)
Episode Overview
In this lively Sunday breakfast episode, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby (Crunch & Crumble) blend their signature surreal, pun-filled banter, odd quizzes, and interactive segments with a visit from comedian Tom Neenan. The show covers everything from euphemisms for periods around the world to the philosophy of putting fingers in different pies, plus a deep-dive on metal music, Soccer Aid trivia, and parenting gothic children. This episode stands out for its playful anarchy, quick-witted chemistry, and the infectious energy brought by both the hosts and their guests.
Key Segments and Discussion Points
1. Comedy Warm-up: Hoarding and House Moves
[00:10 – 01:13]
- Topic: The chaos of recording multiple episodes in a row, with guest Danny Wallace describing his attempts to clean out a cupboard filled with Christmas wreaths and tools, sparking a discussion on hoarding.
- Notable Quote:
- Danny Wallace: "The equivalent of six houses." (00:57)
- Matthew Crosby: "Are you guys hoarding Christmas things?" (01:06)
- The conversation segues into a running joke about chucking out 60% of possessions and the unique things found in overfilled cupboards.
2. Global Euphemisms: Metal Education on "That Time of the Month"
[01:20 – 03:02]
- Topic: A lighthearted yet taboo-bending exploration of international euphemisms for menstruation.
- Sample Euphemisms:
- "The rooster sang to you yesterday." (Puerto Rico; 02:09)
- "There are communists in the funhouse." (Denmark; 02:49)
- "Granny stuck in traffic." (02:29)
- "The red Ferrari is here." (Dutch; 02:33)
- Notable Quotes:
- Danny Wallace: "That's exceptional." (02:51)
- Matthew Crosby: “We should have done this on it.” (02:54)
- Tone: Giddy, slightly rebellious, debating what’s “radio-friendly” and clearly delighting in pushing the boundaries.
3. Vin’s Surreal Rap Debut
[03:13 – 04:46]
- Topic: Producer Vin is (somewhat unwillingly) coaxed into premiering a novelty rap he supposedly wrote, filled with bizarre admissions (being banned from pools, rubbing microphones on body parts).
- Notable Quotes:
- Vin’s Rap:
"I'm Bad Boy Vin and I'm really cool.
I've been banned from the swimming pool
for ducking, diving, heavy petting too
and using the kids pool as a loo..." (03:45)
- Danny Wallace: "What a lovely rap from Vin to Stan." (04:50)
- Reaction: Raucous encouragement plus running jokes about rap's structure (“You've got an absolutely heavy flow.” - Danny Wallace, 05:13).
4. Tom Neenan Guest Segment: Pies, Portraits & Shows
Intro at [05:34], In-depth from [12:01 – 21:10]
- Interview with Tom Neenan about his new Edinburgh Fringe show, "Portrait of a Tom as a Young Neenan."
- Discussion Points:
- The logic and logistics of "having fingers in different pies" (analogy spirals into naming as many pies as possible, [06:07–09:20]), including practical—ahem—issues with pork pies and jelly.
- Tom’s actual show promo, playfully dissecting the show’s title, age references, and the “fun to say” philosophy.
- Danny Wallace: “Once again, put your name front and center. That’s what you’re paying for.” (16:39)
- A mock “Big Three” promo questions:
- Describe your show in 17 words and a noise ([16:44]).
- Best heckle you’ve never had ([17:45]) — Tom wishes someone would yell “Zoix!” like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
- If your show were a Doctor Who, which would it be? (David Tennant, for crowd-pleasing reasons, [19:23]).
- Notable Moments:
- Matthew Crosby: “Well, I’ve actually commissioned Tom to paint my tackle.” (15:01)
- Tom Neenan: “I am a young Picasso.” (14:36)
- Banter about Doctor Who action figures and the hosts “rearranging them all so they’re having sex with each other” [20:13].
5. Classic Callbacks & Listener Interactivity
[21:12 – 25:00]
- Segments: “Why do you not know what it is?” and “Stack My Itch Up.”
- Notable Quotes:
- Tom Neenan: “Have you had an itch?” (21:33)
- Brainstorming “itch-related stories” and “the itchiest you’ve ever been,” plus how to scratch an itch when you have a cast – with suggestions ranging from knitting needles to rulers (22:07–22:39).
- Classic surreal question: “What’s the biggest pig you can imagine?” (23:02)
- Tom imagines a pig as big as the Earth (“Ready to engulf it, probably”—23:47)
- Embarrassing but not embarrassing moments: Tom’s urinal etiquette anecdote at a cinema [24:03–25:41]—worrying about which urinal to use and shuffling mid-flow.
6. Parenting Segment: Matthew’s Gothic Daughter
[26:11 – 29:16]
- Matthew’s Big Thing:
Story about planning his daughter’s 7th birthday—her chosen party theme? Death. She wants guests eating food from coffins and a spooky invitation with her “lying down with arms crossed.”
- Notable Quotes:
- Matthew Crosby: “Yeah, death, of course. She’s obsessed with death. And so she’s like, yeah, I want to have a death themed party.” (27:28)
- Danny Wallace: "But I think pitch it on the invites as a Halloween party in July and not a death themed birthday party." (28:32)
- Tone: Affectionately bemused, giving a window into quirky, modern parenting.
7. Metal Education & Quiz: "Soccer Aiducation"
[29:25 – 38:06]
- Segment: A quiz sent by “Kerry from Canada” mixing Soccer Aid trivia with fake heavy metal names.
- Highlights:
- Question examples: “Swiss midfielder Denis Flytrap is the most capped rest of the world player” (actually ‘Penis Flytrap’) – (31:15)
- Running jokes about Robbie Williams, Michael Greco, Tom Hiddleston v. Tom Huddleston, Jamie Oliver tripping Ronaldinho, Woody Harrelson scoring a penalty after Mike Myers’ pep talk, and the impossible task of knowing what’s real or fake in Soccer Aid lore.
- Notable Quotes:
- Matthew Crosby: “They all seem real. They all seem fake. Kerry’s very good.” (33:22)
- Danny Wallace: “Correct and real.” (36:59)
- Outcome: Matthew scores “13 out of 13”—immediately admitting he’s making up the score.
8. Listener Emails, London Tube Etiquette & Sign-Off
[39:39 – 41:31]
- Readout of funny listener messages about Oyster cards and tube etiquette.
- Classic self-deprecating British humor around public transport embarrassment (“I know how this works. I live in London!” – Matthew Crosby, 40:51).
- Final gratitude for the team, Vin’s rap, and reminder to see Tom Neenan at the fringe.
- Matthew Crosby: “Have a wonderful week, everybody.” (41:19)
Notable Quotes & Moments
- “Are you guys hoarding Christmas things?” – Matthew Crosby (01:06)
- “I’m Bad Boy Vin and I’m really cool / I’ve been banned from the swimming pool…” – Vin’s Rap (03:45)
- “There are communists in the funhouse.” – Vin (02:49)
- “It’s so rare to get someone who not only knows about the scoops but is on board with the scoops.” – Matthew Crosby (12:17)
- “I am a young Picasso.” – Tom Neenan (14:36)
- “You just love spitting bars, man.” – Matthew Crosby (38:39)
- “She wants the invitation to be her with her eyes closed, lying on her back with her arms crossed across her chest.” – Matthew Crosby (28:54)
- “They all seem real. They all seem fake. Kerry’s very good.” – Matthew Crosby (33:22)
- “What’s the biggest pig you can imagine?” – Matthew Crosby (23:02)
- “You get a little period of about 30 years in the middle and the rest just…” – Matthew Crosby on memory (27:41)
Useful Timestamps for Key Segments
| Segment | Timestamp |
|----------------------------------|-----------------|
| Comedy warm-up/hoarding | 00:10–01:13 |
| Euphemisms/Metal Education | 01:20–03:02 |
| Vin’s rap | 03:13–04:46 |
| Guest intro: Tom Neenan | 05:34–09:20 |
| Tom Neenan interview | 12:01–21:10 |
| Itch/Pig/Embarrassing moments | 21:12–25:41 |
| Matthew’s ‘Big Thing’—Death Party| 26:11–29:16 |
| Metal Education/Soccer Aid quiz | 29:25–38:06 |
| Listener emails/London Tube | 39:39–41:31 |
Tone and Style
The show gleefully embraces chaos, layering silly premises and quick-witted tangents (“If you can make it big, you can make it small…”). The core humor is rooted in over-analysis of mundane things, creative wordplay, and affectionate ribbing among the hosts and guests. The combination of low-stakes quizzes, surreal anecdotes, and recurring in-jokes makes for a uniquely British, inclusive, feel-good comedy experience.
Final Remark
This episode typifies Ed and Matthew’s approach: embracing the absurd, celebrating the mundane, and making listeners feel like part of the inside joke. The addition of Tom Neenan provides not just promo energy but adds to the camaraderie, as does Vin’s reluctant performance. Comedy, quizzes, and “metal education” with extra slices of pie and deadpan jokes—a full English breakfast of radio entertainment.
