Episode 361 – Guz Khan / Puke In The Queue (and an announcement)

Summary

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Podcast Episode Summary

Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby on Radio X: Episode 361

Guest: Guz Khan
Theme: “Puke In The Queue” and A Major Announcement
Date: May 31, 2026

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Main Theme/Overview

This bittersweet episode marks the penultimate edition of Ed Gamble & Matthew Crosby’s long-running Radio X breakfast show. The duo (aka Crunch & Crumble) return to the studio after a stint of “prerecorded” short episodes, bringing their signature chaotic humor to Sunday morning with classic bits, listener mail, family holiday misadventures, an interview with comedian Guz Khan, and — most crucially — announcing the show is ending after nearly seven years. There’s plenty of looking back, playful resignation, and some emotional moments as they rally for their final episode.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Back in the Studio and Listener Messages

[00:10–07:00]

• Ed and Matthew joke about returning to live radio after weeks of short, prerecords.
• Listener emails riff on topics like Matthew’s uncensored swearing on other podcasts, Beatles toilet song parodies ("Let It Pee", "Here Comes the Bum"), and big Tesco stores.
• Banter about the excitement of visiting a two-storey Tesco — “you put the trolley on the belt” ([06:26] Ed).

Notable Quote:

“Happy radio, lads... After years of listening to this dross, I finally decided to give Matthew's other podcast, Pappy’s, a go. I was delighted to find that the level of quality was at a similar level to this nonsense.”
— Tom in South Wales ([01:26])

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2. Parody Song & Holiday Misadventures

[07:14–13:30]

• Matthew kicks off with a parody song about “Center Parks Life” (to the tune of "Parklife"), lampooning the family holiday experience: overcrowding, financial ruin, kids’ tantrums — and embarrassing stories.
• Comedy in disaster: A harrowing Center Parcs arrival ends with his daughter puking in the car queue, prompting Ed to joke, “Radio X is currently being sponsored by vasectomies” ([18:49]).
• Despite chaos, Matthew confesses: “It was my favorite holiday I’ve ever been on. It was great, right? Well, it was really, really good.” ([19:06])
• Reflections on how adjusting expectations (and not over-planning) helped the family enjoy it this time.

Notable Quotes:

“My wife and I sit by the pool and play who's the hunkiest dad, but call it off due to lack of credible entries.”— Matthew ([08:04])

“You have lives of all time.” — Ed ([19:13]), skeptical of Matthew’s enjoyment

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3. Trademark Silly Listener Games

[25:39–27:10]

• Classic text-in: "Who does Matthew look like?" after a Center Parcs employee said he resembles Richard Hammond.
• Suggestions pour in: Frodo Baggins, Ned Flanders, Dave Grohl (from far away), “the dog car from Dumb and Dumber.”
• The answer: Richard Hammond.

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4. Producer Vin’s Thai Market Souvenirs

[30:15–38:39]

• Vin returns from Thailand, gifting everyone second-hand “mystery” t-shirts:
  • Matthew receives a “Pork Roll for a Strong New Jersey” t-shirt.
  • Ed gets “Without music, there is no life” (with an astronaut playing a banjo).
  • Classic banter about wearing slogan t-shirts of things you don’t like — “I'm just really into the design of pork rolls. Not the flavor.” ([37:25] Matthew)
• Puns abound about “tie-dyed” shirts and Thai cuisine.

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5. Announcement: The Show Is Ending

[39:17–47:20]

• The central, emotional segment:
  • Ed: “Next week is our final show on Radio X.” ([39:25])
  • After 7 years, the duo are wrapping up on their terms.
  • No hard feelings with management — they just feel “we have done everything that we can do” ([40:16]).
  • Plans for an over-the-top, chaotic final show next week: “We are gonna make sure that next week's show...is going to be the worst one we have ever done.” ([41:09] Ed)
  • Crowd favorite guests and running jokes (Sam Fender, Sindhu V, Jerry Cinnamon) promised for the big send-off.

Notable Quotes:

“Top brass have come to us and said, guys, the probation period is over. It's not working.” — Ed ([39:57], joking)

“Seven years, really, you've got to cut it off at some point.” — Matthew ([39:42])

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6. Guz Khan Joins the Show

[47:27–64:09]

• Warm, riotous interview with comedian Guz Khan:
  • Promoting “Guz Khan & Friends” live shows (Soho Theatre, Walthamstow, Aug 27–29).
  • Recounts mad showbiz stories: e.g., missing a gig due to an exploding biscuit van ('you can't make it up') ([49:45]).
  • Admits not knowing the lineup for his own shows (“I tell you the truth, I don't know.” [50:54])
  • Classic "What do you not know what it is?" question: Guz reveals as a kid he thought the ubiquitous yellow council grit box was a home for someone: “I spread it quite wide and far — I was intensely like, ‘No, that's not nice bro, they live in that yellow thing.’” ([57:27])
  • “What's the biggest pig you can imagine?” Guz: “A pig at least the size of a bin collection van. Maybe a bit woolly, tusky... imagine riding on the back with a crew.” ([59:31])
  • Laments Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for being too serious, “He wouldn’t have a laugh with us, would he?” ([63:25])

Memorable Moments:

“Sometimes you’d be going to a ‘someone and friends’ gig and they’ve never met before. That’s lying, bro.” — Guz Khan ([49:10])

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7. Callbacks, Audience Love, and Final Show Planning

[65:26–76:00]

• Encouragement for listeners to share favorite moments and memories for the final episode.
• Vin and the boys tease the notion of Sam Fender finally making an appearance (the show’s “white whale”).
• Nostalgic feature: “Who do I not know how many they is?” – listeners share stories about names they thought referred to one person but were multiple people (e.g., “Mary-Kate and Ashley,” “Chase & Status” = “Jason Status”).
• Closing thoughts: celebrating what’s been, gratitude to listeners, and making the most of the last show.
• Genuine warmth: “It’s been a wonderful, wonderful seven years.” ([76:00] Matthew)

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8. Recommendations (“Beck Wrecks”) & Final Banter

[76:17–83:54]

• Media and show recommendations round out the episode:
  • Matthew recommends Jane Foster’s “God Given,” John Robbins’ book, “Arrivals” TV series.
  • Ed is watching “Widow’s Best” (Apple TV), recommends starting “Twin Peaks,” plugs Sam Campbell’s “Make That Movie.”
  • Vin shouts out comedy shows by Stuart Laws & Jordan Brookes, and a Hot Chip episode of Song Exploder.
• Typical closing hilarity: lost AirPods, bad shoulders, and wishing happiness to listeners.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Radio X is sponsored by vasectomies.” — Ed ([18:49])
• “Daddy just needs one scoop!” — Guz, riffing on Matthew’s odd “scoops for Daddy” phrasing ([59:02])
• “We've talked about everything in the world. We can't remember any of it. It's really odd.” — Matthew ([72:25]), on why the show must end
• “I love beer humor. I don't love beer.” — Matthew ([37:33])
• “If you see a film like an old comedy from the 80s or 90s, 87 minutes. Oh yes, please.” — Matthew ([23:26])
• "Some people think that's how long a film should be. Not me." — Ed ([23:19])
• "Do you know what? Vin's gonna deliver. I think he is." — Matthew, manifesting the impossible Sam Fender appearance ([69:03])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Listener Messages & Beatles puns: [00:27–03:55]
• Center Parcs holiday disaster & family chaos: [07:14–19:29]
• Parody song “Center Parks Life”: [08:00–09:16]
• Announcement: Show ending next week: [39:17–47:20]
• Guz Khan interview: [47:27–64:09]
• “What do you not know what it is?” w/ Guz: [55:46–58:39]
• Biggest Pig Imaginable: [59:31–61:20]
• Listener feature - “Who do I not know how many they is?”: [69:19–73:09]
• Media/Book/Show Recommendations ("Beck Wrecks"): [76:17–83:28]
• Emotional final wrap-up & thanks: [76:00–end]

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Tone & Style

Zany, self-deprecating, and unguardedly warm. Ed and Matthew’s chemistry weaves between surreal silliness, inside jokes, affectionate ribbing, and moments of real listener connection — never taking themselves too seriously. Even the melancholy announcement is handled with comedy (“Top brass have said it’s not working...”) and affection.

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Takeaways

• The show is ending after seven years, and next week is the big finale.
• Classic comedy segments, infectious listener interaction, and a memorable interview with Guz Khan highlight the freewheeling charm of the show.
• Listeners are invited to share their favorite memories and see if the team can finally land Sam Fender for the last hurrah.
• Above all: chaos, in-jokes, and a genuine love for comedy remain to the end — ensuring listeners are left laughing, even through the tears.

Transcript

[Matthew Crosby]

This is a global player original podcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, Radio X.

[Matthew Crosby]

Hello, everybody, and welcome to the podcast of the radio show that Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby, that's us. Do on the radio. Radio X every Sunday morning. And this is the podcast version of that. Hello, Ed.

[Ed Gamble]

Ring a ding, ding.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ring a ding ding, everybody. Ring a ding, ding, ding, ding. Lots of lovely messages.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Back live, we should say.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. First one back for a while. Five weeks of. Five weeks of prereqs.

[Ed Gamble]

Five weeks of prereqs, I think amounting to about an hour and a half of content.

[Matthew Crosby]

They were so short. Episodes. They were so short. We really blasted through them and went absolutely insane.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely nuts. Yeah. To the point that somebody messaged you to say, I'm listening to you today enjoying Iggy Pop.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And you were like, what is this?

[Ed Gamble]

What are you talking about?

[Matthew Crosby]

What you talking about?

[Ed Gamble]

Because I didn't know what music we were playing. I don't. When we're live.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's true. You're allowed to look at the screen. Someone else. No, no, no, you're. You're on the radio.

[Ed Gamble]

You're on the radio right now from something you recorded last year is playing

[Matthew Crosby]

out on the radio so long ago in a blur. Yeah, just, you know, we did three.

[Ed Gamble]

Three episodes.

[Matthew Crosby]

We certainly might play Blur. We did three episodes and then two episodes. Just blasted through them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, my gosh.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my goodness.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, my goodness. It's not a long term plan, I'd say. This is from Tom in South Wales, who says hello, big boy, little boy and producer boy. Happy radio, lads.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't mind if I do.

[Matthew Crosby]

After years of listening to this dross, already a good start, I finally decided to give Matthew's other podcast, Pappy's a go. I was delighted to find that the level of quality was at a similar level to this nonsense. So scratched the same itch, gave me a new pod to add to the roster. However, after years of listening to this pod, I've only ever heard Matthew as edited by the hands of producer Vin.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

For example, all swear words bleeped as God intended.

[Ed Gamble]

Speechless and live.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Constantly effing and jeffing. So when I heard Matthew utter the F word uncensored, it made me actively recoil and gave me a strange secondhand embarrassment, like hearing a parent or teacher swear. Even though I've heard him bleeps many times, actually hearing the words made me feel strange and wrong, like I was hearing something I wasn't supposed to. And while I don't want Matthew to censor himself I would be grateful if he could just beep himself manually in every setting from now on. Yeah, I believe that is censoring him myself.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, that is exactly what that is.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, I don't want this to happen. What I want to happen is this, Ed. I'm used to your foul mouth, so just keep on as normal. Good luck in the charts this week.

[Ed Gamble]

Big bums.

[Matthew Crosby]

Big bums indeed.

[Vin (Producer)]

Please.

[Ed Gamble]

Sorry, sorry. BLEEP that, Vin.

[Matthew Crosby]

Love, Tom in South Wales. Thank you, Tom.

[Ed Gamble]

Can I read this one out from Kat? I really enjoyed this one. It's a bit of fun.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

Deer Breaking and entering.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very good.

[Ed Gamble]

Crossing a ruckus and getting arrested for vindecent exposure.

[Matthew Crosby]

Great. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Happy radio, lads.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't mind if I do.

[Ed Gamble]

A beetle fell off me today when I was in the bathroom and it got me thinking. How would you change a Beatles song to make it about going to the toilet?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, great.

[Ed Gamble]

The obvious ones, of course, are Let It Pee and Here Comes the Bum, but I bet. But I bet you can come up with something better than that. Bonus points if you can think of one for Lucy in the sky with Diamonds. Because I'm sure it must be possible, but I'm not clever enough to come with it myself. Much love, Cat.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, straight away we're thinking Pooy, aren't we? It's got to be something to do with.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Pooy. Yeah. Pooy in the eye.

[Matthew Crosby]

Poo in the eye.

[Ed Gamble]

Poe in the eye.

[Matthew Crosby]

The eye and diamond.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. About the time I. The time I shared a cubicle with him.

[Ed Gamble]

Poo in the eye and Diamond. Yeah, that's that one done.

[Matthew Crosby]

There we go.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't think I know enough Beatles songs, really.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thank you, Cat.

[Ed Gamble]

Hey. Pooed. They poo. They pooed. Yeah, perfect.

[Matthew Crosby]

They pooed. Yeah, well, you know, I want to

[Ed Gamble]

hold your hand back in the USSRS.

[Matthew Crosby]

Keep those coming in, folks. Sundayadiox.co.uk hi, Ed, Matthew. And follow on Vinformation included. Restone Cold. This was back in 20. Oh, sorry, 2006. 2007. And the reason he was in South End.

[Ed Gamble]

I don't remember the shows we did there.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, I don't remember that. No, no, that was a very long time ago. And the reason he was in Southend is because he has family there. Also. I worked in bars and restaurants most of my life and have never, ever seen someone drink a pint of lager as fast as him. I passed him his beer and turned to log it into the till under his suite number and it was empty by the time I turned around. Wow. Good luck in the charts this week. Love always. Rachel Fitzgerald in Andover.

[Ed Gamble]

He's got his own beer as well, of course.

[Matthew Crosby]

Does he?

[Ed Gamble]

Broken Skull Lager.

[Matthew Crosby]

Broken Skull Lager. Does he? And he. Presumably you can't get it because he's chinned it all.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Tom Baker, the Doctor who guy. I remember talking to Andrew Collins and he said that Tom Baker would always order two beers whenever he was having a drink. One to drink while they were putting it into the till.

[Vin (Producer)]

Wow.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. So he would literally do. He'd do a Stone Cold Steve Austin on one beer and then take the other one to the table.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Have a nice chart. Maybe Stone Cold should have thought about that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Maybe Stone Cold should have doubled up. He's got the money for it. We've got a good. What do I not know what it is from? From Cara from Sheffield. What do I not know what it is? Chrome. Yeah, I know taps are shiny because they're metal. What is chrome in itself? Not sure. Also, this is a good. Embarrassing. Not embarrassing. The hair at the end of a plait, it always curls like. I mean, like I'm the Sound of Music children. I don't know how much hair to leave and I feel weird no matter what to do with it.

[Ed Gamble]

The little girl from the Grinch.

[Matthew Crosby]

The little girl from the Grinch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The little curly bit, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

She's now in a band.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, really?

[Ed Gamble]

Is she Taylor Momsen?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

She's the lead singer of a band called the Pretty Reckless.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is that the girl from the.

[Ed Gamble]

That's the girl since Cindy. Whatever her name is from the Grim.

[Vin (Producer)]

I've never made that connection before.

[Matthew Crosby]

Amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

There you go. I'm full of facts. This is from Anonymous. Simply says, what's the biggest big Tesco you can imagine?

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, the one near me is pretty big.

[Ed Gamble]

Have you been to a two floor one before?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, I love a two floor.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, you have to get. You put the trolley on the. On the belt.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Well, the one near me is a two floor, but the second floor is

[Ed Gamble]

just the car park.

[Matthew Crosby]

But you still get the belt. You still get the clicking trolley thing. That's very exciting. But the two floor near Elstree, if you're ever working in Elstree, that's a great one.

[Ed Gamble]

Sure.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Got a big old cafe upstairs. Got some like. And I have like mad stuff, like you can buy your furniture there and stuff. Yeah, it's absolutely enormous.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's all blue and yellow one in Orkington. I think you can buy washing machines.

[Ed Gamble]

I love it.

[Vin (Producer)]

That doesn't feel right, does it?

[Matthew Crosby]

I just love Tesco. What a great shop.

[Ed Gamble]

Excuse me, can you show me which aisle the food's on?

[Guz Khan]

Burn.

[Matthew Crosby]

All right, well, we'll see you after this.

[Ed Gamble]

Also, some big news coming up in this episode.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very big news. So listen all the way through, no matter how bored you get.

[Ed Gamble]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Ray D O X. It's the Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby Radio show on Radio X and I'd like to wish you all a very happy end of the half term. Holidays. Tiredness is inevitable for parents who spend a week in the thick of Center Parks Live. Every day is a dystopian. Where's Wally? Where you scan the crowd trying not to lose your own kids. Center Parks Live. My wife and I sit by the pool and play who's the hunkiest dad, but call it off due to lack of credible entries. Bit of an age gap on that couple, I say. And then my wife points out it's probably his daughter. She's wearing armbands. All the people, too many people. And we all chose to spend the half term in a prisoner of war camp with some bikes. I get up what I want, except for every single day because I'm sharing a bed with my kids. Centre Parks Live I booked for four nights, plus bike hiring activities. So now I have to remortgage my house. Centre Parks Life. It's actually quite nostalgic. I mean, when was the last time you got Veruca's on both feet? Send to Parks Life. And then I drive back home in a blazing heat wave, laughing at the optimism of having brought my gym stuff. All the people, too many people. And on the last night we go for a posh meal. And by posh, I mean las iguanas. I should have stayed at home and watched Ludwig.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X.

Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

A wonderful intro from you, Matthew. I think one of your strongest, one of your strongest parody songs.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do I get older or just better?

[Ed Gamble]

I think our expectations get lower. I think that must be it.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's what I do every. Every now and then I pull one out the bag and go, see, I can do it. Yeah, well, I just choose not to most weeks.

[Ed Gamble]

And one day I'm going to do the same thing. But what I've been chipping away expectations for what, six years, seven years, and one day I'm going to prepare something. It's going to absolutely blow your little sockies off.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're absolutely not going to do that and you know it.

[Ed Gamble]

No, sir. But yeah, wonderful. I forgot that it was half term.

[Matthew Crosby]

You forgot that it was half term? You forgot that I was at Centreparks all week?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I always assume you're at Centre Parks when I don't see you. You know when you don't see someone for a bit and you imagine what they're doing, you're like, I wonder what Matthew's doing. I immediately go to Centre Parks and you're wearing those pink shorts that you've got on today.

[Matthew Crosby]

I did have my pink shorts on at Centre Parks. Of course I did. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, and you're trying to. In my mind, you're really trying to rally the troops all the time. That's how I imagine you as a dad.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, I'm a true leader.

[Ed Gamble]

Rallying the troops, trying to keep everyone positive. And you can just see your right eyes started flickering, twitching.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I've got a nervous twitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody who is sort of psychopathically optimistic.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. You're like, well, come on, guys. Nice.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah. I remember doing the Edinburgh fringe festival in 2015.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And halfway up, Josh Whitaker came to visit and he ran into me and I was telling him how great it was going, and he went, it's going really badly. And I went, what do you mean? He went, because you're psychotically happy. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, it's going really bad. So good, man.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm having a really, really tough month.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And he's like, I could see it immediately from the way you're going.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's just been great, you know. Okay. Yeah, sure. The house hasn't been exactly what I wanted, but. Yeah. Really enjoying the show. I think when he comes, the reviews have been in.

[Ed Gamble]

If you've not seen the reviews yet, they've come out.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, it was. No, we. I was in. I was in Centre park this week. I was having a. I actually. Let me tell you now because it's the second I've been to Center Parks with my family.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. And the first time was awful.

[Matthew Crosby]

The first time was a total disaster.

[Ed Gamble]

And you told me you were going back, and I said, why would you do that to yourself?

[Matthew Crosby]

Because Center Parks cannot win.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, it turns out the house always wins.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna. I'm gonna tell you.

[Ed Gamble]

I'll tell you, you had a nice time.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'll tell you a few things. First of all. Right. The day before.

[Ed Gamble]

Just bear in mind, if you had a nice time, it's not good radio.

[Matthew Crosby]

I know. I know, I understand. Yeah. You heard the song, didn't you?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

What kind of a song would it have been if I was like, I had a lovely time and I love my family.

[Ed Gamble]

I've done a brand deal.

[Matthew Crosby]

I could have done that. I don't think that's happening now. After that, after that song that My brand deals. My brand deal days are over. So, yeah, two years ago or a little over two years ago, went absolute disaster. My, my little Jerry Cinnamon, my eldest, wouldn't nap. Just constant tantrums everywhere is overstimulating.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Even going to look at an owl was too much. She was just going berserk constantly. I think we over planned the day and I real owl. I think I've got a bit of my personality. My wife says something like this at music festivals as well. Where rather than going to a music festival and trying to enjoy one of the bands and have a nice time and then move on to another band maybe.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm always like, okay, if we watch five minutes of this band, then we run to this stage, we can do this and then. Yeah, but okay, that's the correct way

[Ed Gamble]

to be, by the way.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is how I feel. This is how I feel. This is how I am.

[Ed Gamble]

You gotta make the most of it.

[Matthew Crosby]

So we decided, we decided not to do that and we decided to try and play it. Although we did do way too much stuff anyway. The day before, my wife calls me up in a panic. I've taken the kids off to the fun fair. You know, just to get them really.

[Ed Gamble]

Get them really G'd up.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, get really G'd up before the holiday. Fill them full of sugar, make sure they don't sleep the night before. I've taken them to the fun fair. And she's packing all the bags, right? She's getting all the bags packed. So I'm at the fun fair and she calls me and goes, you know you have to hire bikes before you arrive. You can't show up on the day and hire bikes. So don't worry, I've done it. I managed to get on and I've hired us. The only thing is there were kids bikes. That's fine, but for you. And I have had to hire a tanner.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, God, why do you live your life like a 70 sitcom?

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, here's the thing. I hired bikes three months ago. Oh, so it wasn't.

[Ed Gamble]

So now you've got two bikes each for the games.

[Matthew Crosby]

I said cancel the. Cancel the tandem. We're not doing a tandem. So we canceled that. We actually, we had bikes. But there was a, there was a moment in my wife's mind when she was like, well, Matthew will never have hired the bikes. There's no way he's hired the bike. He hasn't realized this. He's not a details man. He hasn't read the small print. He won't have hired the bikes.

[Ed Gamble]

We remember the passport situation, but carry on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. In order to go abroad to Spain, you need a passport for every single person.

[Ed Gamble]

And you had to go to Liverpool and get a new passport.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right. And we didn't do it. And it cost me thousands.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

Crunch and crumble. This is Radio X

DMAs on Radio X, Ed Gambler Matthew Crosby. DMA of course, stands for Did Matthew have a nice time?

[Matthew Crosby]

We're finding out.

[Ed Gamble]

We're talking about Matthew's half term trip to Centerparks with his family. Last time it was a disaster, total disaster. Did you manage to pull victory from the jaws of defeat? Matthew? Tell us about this trip.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay, so we get the kids in the car, we're driving. It's very, very hot. This week has been a very, very hot week.

[Ed Gamble]

Just to let. If you didn't know. It's been hot.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's been hot, guys. If it was, you know, we have listeners in other countries.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very cold countries.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

If you're listening in the Siberian wastelands.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's actually very, very hot where we are. So you're listening.

[Vin (Producer)]

Siberian wastelands, by the way.

[Matthew Crosby]

What's that?

[Vin (Producer)]

Shout out them.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, shout out.

[Matthew Crosby]

Got it. Gotta shout out the Siberian wasteland.

[Ed Gamble]

If you're listening from an arctic outpost. The. If you're the scientists from the thing. Yes, it's been very hot in England.

[Vin (Producer)]

Shout out thing scientists.

[Matthew Crosby]

Shout out thing scientists. And you know, I'm sure you're having a great game of chess with your computer.

[Ed Gamble]

Watch out for that dog. That dog, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh my goodness me. You wouldn't want to run into that dog, would you? I mean you think XL bullies are scary, but that dog, oh my goodness. Anyway, yes, we get the kids into the car, we drive there. Very, very hot. But we're having a lovely time. We're listening to this is Taylor Swift on Spotify having a great sing along. Really, really fun.

[Ed Gamble]

Like a true muso.

[Matthew Crosby]

Exactly, exactly. I'm raising them well.

[Ed Gamble]

My favorite Taylor Swift album.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's the best one. Yeah, it's got all the best songs on it. I don't know how she did it. How'd she do it?

[Ed Gamble]

She had to. She left her record company. She Re recorded everything for this is Taylor Swift.

[Matthew Crosby]

Exactly. Yeah. Take that, Scooter Braun. So we get to this bit as you're driving in is a very, very long. Basically sort of crawling. Traffic jam.

[Ed Gamble]

Security checks.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, security.

[Ed Gamble]

They're doing under the car for the bombs.

[Matthew Crosby]

They've got the mirrors, they've got the dog going around. Find it, Find it. Yeah. The long dentist mirrors, all of that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. They're taking you out, they're frisking you, they're doing a full body cavity search, all that kind of. All that kind of stuff. Checking under the tongue, all that. And no, you're driving around. But. But it's. It's in a forest and it's. It's. They do that thing they do at theme parks where they keep the queue really windy, so you never know how long it is.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, Fantastic. So you're stressed before you even get in.

[Matthew Crosby]

Stressed before you get in. So we pull in and we say, girls, very exciting. We're gonna be in centre parks very, very soon. We don't realize what that means. It's 50 minutes time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

But very, very soon. My daughter, so full of excitement, pukes all over herself. Throws up all over herself. Youngest daughter, little Nargalaga's high flying birds. Now, she's not the one who pukes. She's not the puker. The puker is little Jerry Cinnamon, my eldest daughter. So she's holding the bucket, but she passes the bucket.

[Ed Gamble]

She passes the bucket out, which you've got the bucket. Cause you expect this to happen. Oh, because this always happens when they're excited.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah. She's got the bucket on her lap, but it's in front of the wrong kid, basically. It's very much the. It's very much the chandelier.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

In Only Fools and Horses, she passes it over to her sister and at that point pukes on herself. So they're both puke. They're both. And this is the start of the queue.

[Ed Gamble]

Nothing in the bucket.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sorry. A little. They get a little bit of splashback in the bucket.

[Ed Gamble]

But mainly we've got two kids who've

[Matthew Crosby]

got puke on themselves and we're in a heat wave and, you know, no amount of. Of shaking off the worst advice, really. Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X.

[Ed Gamble]

Fire in the booth.

So your kids are covered in sick and you're not in center parks yet.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right.

[Ed Gamble]

At the Cranberries again, Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

So, yeah, my kids are covered in sick for 45 minutes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. In the Baking heat.

[Matthew Crosby]

In the baking heat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. So you're essentially sat in a pizza oven.

[Matthew Crosby]

We've got aircon.

[Ed Gamble]

Just slowly baking your kids toppings.

[Matthew Crosby]

We've got aircon in the car. It's not terrible. It stinks.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

But then the car stank already. You know what it stank of?

[Ed Gamble]

Sick.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sick.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you know what they do every time they go in the car? Throw up all over the place. But it did mean that I began the holiday, as I do every holiday, by on my hands and knees scrubbing a car seat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

So that's the first thing we've got to do. Got to scrub a. Scrub a car seat. All the other people are coming into their lodges. Hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scrubbing a. Scrubbing Bobbit off a car seat.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Radiohooks is currently being sponsored by Vasectomies.

[Matthew Crosby]

But I, you know, it was so early in the holiday, I was still pretty chipper, you know, and I thought this.

[Ed Gamble]

You're holding it together.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm holding it together. And at the end then, we had a really nice week. It was great.

[Ed Gamble]

No, come on.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm so sorry. No, genuinely, I, I. It was absolutely. It was my favorite holiday I've ever been on. It was great, right? Well, it was really, really good.

[Ed Gamble]

You have live lives of all time.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, I think.

[Ed Gamble]

What about the song? You did the song at the beginning.

[Matthew Crosby]

The song was all the stuff I think you could level at Center Parks. Were you not a big fan of Center Parks? But I had an amazing holiday. The kids loved it.

[Ed Gamble]

Good.

[Matthew Crosby]

Number one. The kids had a brilliant time. And I think because my wife and I held it together, we had a lot of communication before we went of, like, this is how we should be.

[Ed Gamble]

We need to approach it with positivity.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Let's not make it that we're trying to do four or five things every day. Let's do one thing and maybe some swimming each day.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You know, let's. You know, occasionally we're gonna have to divide and conquer. If one kid is feeling a bit knackered, feel free. You can take them off.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

We booked in a spa day for Charlie. She got to spend, like, one afternoon in a spa, which was really nice. And apparently, by the way, did you

[Ed Gamble]

count that as something that you did as well? Because you were like, we booked in a spa day for Charlie.

[Matthew Crosby]

We booked in a spa day so that she.

[Ed Gamble]

Could you get a spa day?

[Matthew Crosby]

I didn't want a spa day. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.

[Ed Gamble]

You did want a spa day.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'll tell you what I did.

[Ed Gamble]

But you, you've. Your whole life has told you you don't want a spa day. Well, Matty, you want a spa day.

[Matthew Crosby]

I don't want a spa day. I know what I did instead of the spa day. Went to a slime making workshop.

[Ed Gamble]

And what did the kids do?

[Matthew Crosby]

They watch me.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mean you went and had some private. Daddy's gonna have a bit of a loan time and go to a slime making workshop.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, you can't play with it afterwards.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

Oh, look at that. It's nice weather out there. Beautiful weather looking out. Oh, my goodness. Everything's so beautiful out there. So warm. Ah, I love waking up next to me swamp. Donkey. Donkey, wake up. It's a beautiful day at the swamp. Ah, time for some extreme Shrek metal.

[Matthew Crosby]

No. Aye, you're kidding.

[Ed Gamble]

Extreme Shrek metal. From Reno, Houston, Texas. Matthew, this is a band called the Ogre Packet Slammers. That's called Spear of My Swamp. Apologies to our Scottish listeners.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is it? Yeah, apologies here, Ian Sterling. So it's a Shrek themed.

[Ed Gamble]

Shrek themed metal band.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, my goodness.

[Ed Gamble]

Called the Ogre Packet Slammers.

[Matthew Crosby]

I love it. And are they doing. Are they also doing like Smash Mouth? Are they doing a bit of that as well? Are they doing My Beloved Monster? They're doing all the other songs.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm not sure they are doing all the other songs. I think the songs themselves are original. They're just theme around Shrek law.

[Matthew Crosby]

Because surely everybody wants to hear a death metal version of Accidentally in Love by the Counting Guys.

[Ed Gamble]

And this is thematically quite appropriate. I nearly revealed what my alarm call was gonna be today because when I arrived there were two masks sat in the office. One of Shrek and one of Donkey.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right.

[Ed Gamble]

And you're taking them home because your kids love Shrek.

[Matthew Crosby]

My kids absolutely adore Shrek.

[Ed Gamble]

May I suggest you don't take those masks home because you pop the Shrek one on. It's one of the scariest things I've ever seen in my life.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, I tell you what, we'll. You put on the Donkey mask, I'll put on the Shrek mask.

[Ed Gamble]

We'll do a photo.

[Matthew Crosby]

We'll have a lovely photo.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, we'll have a lovely.

[Matthew Crosby]

We'll do a lovely photo. We'll pop it on the Insta. Yeah, why not?

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X, Dead Boy and Soupy Ghost

nearly finished the first hour of the show, Matthew, which means two more hours

[Matthew Crosby]

after that Two more hours. We've got the wonderful Guz Khan coming up, though.

[Ed Gamble]

Would you believe there's films around these days that are on for longer than our show every week?

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely crazy.

[Ed Gamble]

It's madness.

[Matthew Crosby]

Some people think that's how long a film should be. Not me.

[Ed Gamble]

No, not me. Not me.

[Matthew Crosby]

If you see a film like an old comedy from the 80s or 90s, 87 minutes.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yes, please.

[Ed Gamble]

If even we can't keep a narrative going for three hours, how do you expect one of the big directors, Christopher Nolan? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Like that. Yeah. I'll just say very, very briefly, I will just say I had a lovely time at Centre Parks and I know you hate to hear this.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You do hate to hear.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not good for the show.

[Matthew Crosby]

But I did think of something, and I think of this a lot. When I start enjoying things that aren't, you know, that aren't typically what I would have imagined, I would have enjoyed. And do you know the book Metamorphosis by Kafka?

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Where he turns into a big beetle.

[Matthew Crosby]

Turns into a bug. Yeah, he turns into a big beetle. And there's a bit. When his family move the furniture to the sides of the room so he's got a bit more room to run around like a little bug. And he goes, oh, I love that. I must be a bug. And I sort of. That's what I think of when I'm in Center Parks. I go, well, this is like the furniture's been, you know, the furniture's been moved to the sides and I'm actually having a really, really nice run around.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

So I must. My transformation into a bug must be complete.

[Ed Gamble]

It doesn't sound like a nice holiday. If you're thinking I must be a bug in a Kafka in a Kafka nightmare.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I think we just have different ideas of what a nice holiday is. My idea of a nice holiday. I love great food. I like the weather. No, no, no, no. Not Bella Italia or Laughs or Cafe Rouge.

[Matthew Crosby]

Starbucks, you've got to admit, Starbucks in the morning.

[Ed Gamble]

So I like nice food. I like not cleaning sick up.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And by the way, before you say it, I don't mean I leave sick there. I don't want sick involved at all in the holiday.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're not spraying the walls of your hotel with puke.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

Walking out going, that's your problem now.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm just totally relaxing.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. That's not what.

[Ed Gamble]

But I'm sure there are moments where you're hanging out with your kids. And your wife. And it's a one. It's a wonderful experience and everyone's happy.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I'm sure those moments feel amazing, however few. Few they are.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, it was a week of. It was a week of moments like that, full of amazing moments. We did a little treetop, sort of an aerial walk, you know? You know, some little.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you mean you climbed up to the top of a tree and consider throwing yourself out of it?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, I climbed to the top of the tree with a rope.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, we did a little. Ariel walked through some treetops and did a little bit of climbing and stuff and some zip wires. It was very fun. And as the guy was strapping into the harness, he said, you must get this all the time, but do you know who you look. I'll tell you what, see if you can guess. Do you know you look like. Who do you think I look like? We do it as a texter.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, let's do it as a text.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby on Radio X. What are you talking about, Dan? It's not a weird energy today.

[Matthew Crosby]

He said, you must get this all the time, but you look like the spit of. And then.

[Ed Gamble]

And then a name. Yeah, and then a name. And we've set that up as a texting topic.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, indeed.

[Ed Gamble]

Saying, who do you think the man said, Matthew? Looks like we have loads of answers, Matthew. I don't know how you feel about any of them. Scotty says, I think he got mistaken for Frodo Baggins.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, Scotty, that's not the correct answer. Can we just say I didn't get mistaken for this person? He said I looked like this person. I said, yeah, but I did not get mistaken for Frodo Baggins, I'm afraid. No.

[Ed Gamble]

Cancer says Ned Flanders.

[Matthew Crosby]

I like that one. Yeah, I like that one a lot, but no.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, he's ripped, isn't he?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he's ripped.

[Vin (Producer)]

Famously.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's famously ripped, isn't he? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Stupid sexy, Flanders. Yes, stupid Sexy, Matthew. Rory McGrath. Kansas also says. I mean, a lot of these are from Kansas. I'll be honest with you.

[Matthew Crosby]

Could have just. Could have just stuck with Ned Flanders.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. No, he said Roy McGrath. He also said another one that we can't say legally. Trotsky also comes Kantus.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right. Can we block Kantus for a moment? Because I think you should just. This should be like voting. It's one and done.

[Guz Khan]

Right.

[Matthew Crosby]

You don't get to do a bunch of, you know.

[Ed Gamble]

Are any of them right? No, no.

[Matthew Crosby]

Imagine if the guy had said do you know who you look like? Trotsky. Trotsky. I did have a.

[Ed Gamble]

You must get this. You must get this all the time.

[Matthew Crosby]

You must say all the time, but you look just like Trotsky. I had a pickaxe in the back of my head. Dave Grohl, but far away.

[Ed Gamble]

That's from Becca B. Thank you.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, sorry, Becca B. Not Dave Grohl. Up a tree.

[Ed Gamble]

Hannah says. I really think he gives Mr. Tumnus from Narnia vibes. You know what I'd imagine? I don't know the answer, but I'd imagine it's an existing real celebrity. It's not Ned Flanders. Mr. Tumnus. Trotsky. You must get this all the time. You look like Dave Grohl from far away.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, it's not gonna be that, is it? No.

[Ed Gamble]

Or Ben Mac. It's not. If James May was short and skinny.

[Matthew Crosby]

So close. Is it so close, is it so close.

[Ed Gamble]

Seth Rogen.

[Matthew Crosby]

Scotty said it's not Seth Rogen.

[Ed Gamble]

But is it a slightly more handsome Stephen Fry?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, but what a wonderful thing, because I think Stephen Fry is a gorgeous guy.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, he is.

[Matthew Crosby]

But also Stephen Fry, famously enormous. Right? He's very, very tall. He's very, very tall. Now, this is. This is a small man. This is a small bearded man.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's not the dog car from Dumb and Dumber. But if it was a person. That's what Dan's text.

[Matthew Crosby]

I love that.

[Ed Gamble]

Wow. I've never had a way of summing you up to people who've never met you, but now I will. Abs. That is absolutely it. The dog car from Dumb and Dumber. If it was a person.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's right. Constantly playing boom shack. A laugh. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Jumping over little hills.

[Matthew Crosby]

Jumping over little hills. Hot dogs rolling around with real dogs

[Ed Gamble]

inside carrying two morons.

[Matthew Crosby]

The V for Vendetta mask. No, not the V for Vendetta mask.

[Ed Gamble]

You must get this all the time. You know who you remind me of? The V from venue for Vendetta Mask.

[Matthew Crosby]

I can tell you now, two people have got it right.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

Two people have got it right.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, there was a pretty big clue.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's a huge clue. Yeah. Congratulations to Scotty. And congratulations to Joe. Richard Hammond. Richard Hammond. You must get this all the time. But you look like Hammy the Hamster.

[Ed Gamble]

You don't.

[Matthew Crosby]

I don't.

[Ed Gamble]

And you don't get it all the time because you don't.

[Matthew Crosby]

Never happened before.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

But what a handsome man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

What a gorgeous man. I said.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean. And strapping you into a harness. You look nothing like Richard Hammond.

[Matthew Crosby]

Exactly. Safety first, yeah?

[Ed Gamble]

Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby. Crusty barnacles on top of other barnacles on an old ship.

[Matthew Crosby]

Radio X. Now, as we teased not seven minutes ago, our dear friend Vin has been on a sex tourism holiday. Thailand.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, different. Two different things.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sorry, sorry. That was a set.

[Vin (Producer)]

Two different trips.

[Matthew Crosby]

One that he's willing to talk about on the air was the holiday to Thailand, but he went on a sex tourism holiday. This gun thought.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Far, far less appealing.

[Vin (Producer)]

Ropey the anti tiny temper now.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay, I don't know. No, I don't know the details.

[Ed Gamble]

There's no point.

[Matthew Crosby]

There's no point.

[Ed Gamble]

Vin, get on with the link.

[Matthew Crosby]

So you said you brought us a gift from your trip to Thailand?

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

What have you brought us?

[Vin (Producer)]

Please, can I tell you about Thailand first?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, we're not bothered about that bit.

[Ed Gamble]

We want bruzzies whenever I go away.

[Vin (Producer)]

So the first thing to ask you, ask you a question, as I always do, ask you a question about food when I've been on holiday.

[Matthew Crosby]

How many did you eat?

[Vin (Producer)]

How many times do you think I had a pad Thai? I was there for two weeks.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I'm hoping none because that is the most basic, boring thing. I get angry in Thai restaurants in the UK when people order pad Thai, you may as well order chips. How many times?

[Vin (Producer)]

Two times.

[Matthew Crosby]

All right. It's not too bad, really.

[Ed Gamble]

It should be done.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Given, like, the depth and variety available in different Thai regional cuisines.

[Vin (Producer)]

I would say they were nice pad Thais, though.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, my God.

[Matthew Crosby]

God, you would say that. Go and say it.

[Vin (Producer)]

They were nice pad Thais, though.

[Matthew Crosby]

There you go.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

If you would say it, you might

[Ed Gamble]

as well say, how many times did you have a cocktail out of a. A bucket?

[Vin (Producer)]

0.0times. Because of the news. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, right, okay.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Not very nice. Not very nice news. Yeah. Went to big, Big rainforest.

[Matthew Crosby]

Buckets have been banned. What's the news?

[Vin (Producer)]

Went to big rainforest. Drove. Drove for hours and hours to get there. You were driving quite remote. No, no, no, sorry. Was driven.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, yeah, yeah, course. Was driven.

[Vin (Producer)]

Got there, met some. Met some Americans. Nice Americans. Very first thing they said to us as soon as we. As soon as they found out that we were English, was, do you watch Taskmaster?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, really mad it. Do you watch Taskmaster? And you said, I can go one better than that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you listen to the Taskmaster podcast? It's like. No, the bloke who hosts it, I sort of.

[Vin (Producer)]

I sort of started saying that.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

And I think they sort of glazed over a bit.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

They're only really interested in the fact that taskmaster has Americans on now.

[Ed Gamble]

Right, okay. And they can watch it easily.

[Vin (Producer)]

And they can watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just thought that's mad, isn't it? I'm in the middle of Thailand and I'm. I'm talking to MJ and whatever the other guy was called. So that taskmaster, Michael Jordan. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is he a big taskmaster Hess?

[Vin (Producer)]

You would think.

[Matthew Crosby]

He didn't mention that in the last dance.

[Vin (Producer)]

You'd think you'd bring. Yeah, you'd bring up your own career, wouldn't you? Anyway, presents. You want some presents?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, please.

[Vin (Producer)]

So I know you two are. But you both hate fast fashion.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, no.

[Vin (Producer)]

So what I've done is I got

[Ed Gamble]

you some, by the way. Matthew doesn't hate fast fashion.

[Matthew Crosby]

I absolutely adore it.

[Vin (Producer)]

I got you some recycled clothes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, great.

[Ed Gamble]

By recycled you mean second hand. You don't want them.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, recycled. Yeah, exactly.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay. Are these some slogans? T shirts?

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, no.

[Vin (Producer)]

There you go, Matthew, that's your first one.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

Your first one.

[Matthew Crosby]

All right. So it's a black T shirt straight away. It's got a kind of. Oh, yes. It's got a kind of sort of. Right. Yeah. This is a great T shirt. I love this T shirt immediately. It's got. I would say.

[Ed Gamble]

What does it say at the top there, Matthew?

[Matthew Crosby]

It's. Well, I can tell you what it says at the top. And at the bottom it says pork roll for a strong New Jersey.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's got a sort of communist.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sort of communist army.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's good, isn't it, for a strong New Jersey with a sort of.

[Vin (Producer)]

It's like a baby bell with like sun rays.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. It's like a sort of Pac man raising up like the sun pork roll for a strong new jersey on it. And I love that T shirt immediately.

[Ed Gamble]

Now, I don't want this to come across badly, but what are Thai people thinking? What's the aim with that?

[Vin (Producer)]

I'm not even sure these are tied. I think these might be T shirts that end up in Thailand.

[Ed Gamble]

Right. They're not tie shirts.

[Vin (Producer)]

No.

[Matthew Crosby]

So you think this could be a genuine New Jersey? Oh, hang on a sec. Yeah. TrueJersey.com.

[Ed Gamble]

i thought it was just a nonsense T shirt, but it obviously is a specific.

[Matthew Crosby]

So you think there's a New Jersey pork roll company that have made these T shirts for their staff to wear? I reckon so they've been recycled and been Sent to Thailand, made its way

[Vin (Producer)]

to Wang Lang Market, and now it's here in Leicester Square.

[Matthew Crosby]

Wang Lang Market. I love Wang Lang Market.

[Ed Gamble]

He's on tour soon.

[Matthew Crosby]

Be coming on to chat about it later on. Yeah. Well, it's fantastic. It's absolutely enormous.

[Vin (Producer)]

Here's your first one, Ed.

[Ed Gamble]

My first one. Fantastic, Ed. Okay, so straight away, it's a gray T shirt.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay? You've got a gray T shirt here. Oh, it's. What's. What's the logo? Turn it around so we can all enjoy this. Right?

[Ed Gamble]

No, I'm just. It's. You enjoy space travel, don't you?

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, I love space travel.

[Ed Gamble]

You like music, don't you?

[Matthew Crosby]

Of course I do.

[Ed Gamble]

How do you feel about the banjo?

[Matthew Crosby]

These are three of my favorite things.

[Ed Gamble]

Do you like to see an astronaut playing the banjo? And the catchphrase, without music, there is no life.

[Matthew Crosby]

I adore it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

People forget about Buzz Aldrin whipping out the Banjay.

[Ed Gamble]

I cannot wait to be 60 and wear this at a festival. And also wear Crocs.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'd wear it tomorrow.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm just resting my pint of Real Ale on my gigantic stomach.

[Vin (Producer)]

You could pair it with this. Here's another T shirt.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, another T shirt. Goodness me. I'm trying to cut down on the amount of clothes I've got, Vin, but I'll have to get rid of some of my.

[Vin (Producer)]

You'll have to recycle all these, maybe. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay. What have we got here? Lovely yellow T shirt.

[Ed Gamble]

This is the sort of thing I'd wear if I was 10. It's got a skull on it and it says Troublemaker.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, I love that. I actually genuinely do like that one.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Well, there you go. You can have that one. It's a large, so you have to wear it as a dress.

[Vin (Producer)]

Here's your last one, Matthew.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay. Now, I've got a lovely red T shirt here and it's got a slogan on it. Oh. It's got a picture of a beer. And the beer is, of course, winking. Of course it is. Of course it's. Oh. And it's got a little sprig of holly on it. So it's a Christmas. Oh, do you know what this is? Just a straight down the middle, like sort of silly T shirt for Christmas. It's the most wonderful time for a beer. And considering that I have not drunk for over 650 days, it's the perfect, perfect time to get back on it, I reckon.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. I actually. Out of all of those, the port roll one is A really good T shirt.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's actually good, isn't it?

[Ed Gamble]

That's actually a good T shirt. And I mean, I will not wear either of those ones you got me, but I appreciate the gift.

[Matthew Crosby]

You know, I'm always, always looking for stuff to wear in bed and then forget I've worn it in bed and wear it on the school run.

[Ed Gamble]

Is your dad all right? It's July and he's coming wearing a T shirt that says it's a Christmas T shirt about beer. And I thought he'd given up drinking. He's got no trousers or pants on. Is he?

[Matthew Crosby]

And he's crying.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is he? Okay, thank you. He's eating a pork roll.

[Ed Gamble]

Those are lovely. Those are lovely gifts.

[Matthew Crosby]

They're really lovely gifts.

[Ed Gamble]

And remember, guys, without music, there is no life.

Radio X, Matthew Crosby and Edward Said Gamble.

[Matthew Crosby]

And it's Matthew Crosby.

[Ed Gamble]

Matthew's got his port roll T shirt.

[Matthew Crosby]

Port roll T shirt on. And it looks fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, it really suits you down to the ground.

[Matthew Crosby]

It feels like a T shirt I've owned all my life. I possibly did own it at one stage and put it in a clothing bag.

[Ed Gamble]

It's fantastic that Vin's bought you a port roll T shirt and a beer T shirt, neither of which you consume.

[Matthew Crosby]

Two things I don't enjoy. Don't drink beer and don't eat pork rolls. But you know what?

[Vin (Producer)]

I would. I would. I would wear that T shirt and I don't eat pork.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you know what? I'm a bit like. And I. I'm totally cool with this, by the way. I think it's absolutely fine. You know people who wear, like, Nirvana T shirts because they bought them out of Primark and. Yeah, they don't like Nirvana. Yeah. Love the cool design. Yeah. Same with the Ramones or the Misfits or whatever. It's fine.

[Vin (Producer)]

I'm just.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm just really into the design of pork rolls.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not the flavor.

[Ed Gamble]

You love beer humor. You don't love beer.

[Matthew Crosby]

I love beer humor.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

You'll get an angry man saying to you, name five pork rolls.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'll say pork roll to him five times and they'll go, oh, fair enough. Okay, mate.

[Ed Gamble]

I love. My favorite is probably. This is pork roll.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is pork roll on Spotify. Yeah, exactly. Dan says, were those T shirts tie dyed? Lovely stuff.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, you'd have to read that to really understand the humour.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think people. I think people are gonna work it out. No, actually, no. No. It's our listeners, so they probably won't yeah, but you have to read that. So next time you see either Ed or I. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Did you buy them from Thai Rack?

[Matthew Crosby]

That's good as well.

[Ed Gamble]

So now I've spelt Thai differently there in my head.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, of course.

[Ed Gamble]

And all for our listeners. Thai as in Thailand is spelled differently to Thai as in one you wear around your neck.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're laughing and learning, folks. Still.

[Vin (Producer)]

Spelling is like the. It's the letters that make up, make up words.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is this another T shirt slogan? Spelling is like the letters that make up words.

[Vin (Producer)]

Makes up, make up words.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Spelling, yeah. Please, someone do us a T shirt and say spelling is like the letters that make up makeup.

[Ed Gamble]

Words.

Radio X, Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

[Matthew Crosby]

Blossoms, your girlfriend. Here on Radio X, it's Ed Gamble.

[Ed Gamble]

Bigger than Beatles, if you ask me.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bigger than the Beatles.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Better than the Beatles. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And. And crucially, still together.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You know, seek to still go and see him live.

[Vin (Producer)]

That is just for us. That.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, just for us. Just for us. But you know what? That's the way this show has been for the last seven years. It hasn't been just for us. Speaking of the last seven years, we've got a big announcement.

[Ed Gamble]

Big announcement. Huge announcement.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Sad announcement, Melancholy announcement, bittersweet announcement.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

We're bringing this to an end.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. Can you believe it? Next week is our final show on Radio X. It's the final Ed Gambler Matthew Crosby show on Radio X. Seven years made our point. We never truly have gotten to grips with it and we've decided that seven years, really, you've got to cut it off at some point.

[Matthew Crosby]

We've got the seven year itch and we've got to move elsewhere. We've got to go and have an affair with other people. That's the idea. You know, we've been together seven years. We sort of. We understand each other's bodies in a way that most people don't.

[Ed Gamble]

Top brass have come to us and said, guys, the probation period is over. It's not working.

[Matthew Crosby]

When we came to Radio X seven years ago and said, can we do a radio show? They said, okay, but we're only gonna give you seven years. And if you can't get it straight after seven years, you're gone.

[Ed Gamble]

Just to stress, this is our decision to move on. We genuinely feel like we have done everything that we can do.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes.

[Ed Gamble]

There's no point. There's no point chipping away at this anymore.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, listen, it's been the same thing, really. Quite A lot.

[Ed Gamble]

We've still not got Sam Fender on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Still not got.

[Ed Gamble]

So, Vin, that is your job for next week.

[Vin (Producer)]

I was worried you would say that.

[Ed Gamble]

We've got to try and get Sam Fender on.

[Matthew Crosby]

You can get Sam Fender or Jerry Cinnamon on, preferably Sam Fender. Really?

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, not Jerry Cinnamon, but you

[Matthew Crosby]

can do Jerry Cinnamon's voice, can't you?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, we will get Jerry Cinnamon.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, Jerry Cinnamon's coming on the show.

[Ed Gamble]

We're gonna have Jerry Cinnamon, D.J. ed, all your favorite guests, all of your favorite characters from the last seven years.

[Matthew Crosby]

We might even see the return of Bartleby Scrim.

[Ed Gamble]

We might not.

[Matthew Crosby]

We haven't seen Scriven.

[Ed Gamble]

No. Andrew from Bradford. This is not a sick joke, sadly.

[Vin (Producer)]

Chef Brian.

[Matthew Crosby]

Chef Brian.

[Ed Gamble]

Chef Brian.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've gotta make a list.

[Ed Gamble]

We are gonna make sure that next week's show, the final show of the Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby show, is going to be the worst one we have ever done. Oh, yeah. It's gonna be confusing.

[Matthew Crosby]

And then in the final link, Ed and I are both gonna say the rudest swear. No. Just to make sure, just in case they. Just in case they say, I tell you what, we'll give you an extra 359. You can come back.

[Ed Gamble]

Someone's. At least one person has done all of them during our seven years.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Apart from the big one. We've never had the big one.

[Matthew Crosby]

So we're gonna do the big one.

[Ed Gamble]

We're gonna do the big one.

[Vin (Producer)]

So we're gonna book Sindhu.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, we're gonna book Sindhu V. To say.

[Ed Gamble]

And Jenny Bede and Lou Sanders.

[Matthew Crosby]

We're gonna book Sindhu V. To do the final link of the show and drop the biggest.

[Ed Gamble]

Rudy, he's gonna do the big one.

[Matthew Crosby]

So, guys, we're giving you plenty of warning, because people, sometimes if we talk about a rude topic, we'll say, I've got kids in the car.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't keep doing the long drive.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't listen to as soon as Sindhu comes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

And that goes for you, Ofcom as well.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Okay. This is fair war.

[Ed Gamble]

We know you're listening.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. If you say we're about to do it.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. They can't touch you.

[Vin (Producer)]

Then if we don't do it, we're liars.

[Matthew Crosby]

Exactly. The nation is holding us to this. That Sin Duvee is gonna come on in the final link of next week's show and say the rudest swear, and

[Ed Gamble]

then we'll play Skrillex.

[Matthew Crosby]

So, yeah, it's been absolutely. We've Loved every second of it. But all good things must come to an end. Actually, that phrase doesn't apply in this case. Yeah, this thing is coming.

[Ed Gamble]

That's what we can guarantee. Andrew. No, it won't be a pre record. Stop it.

[Matthew Crosby]

I was really tempted to cut the thing we just covered on Tuesday. Do it. In fact, actually, I've got a free afternoon. We can do it immediately afterwards. Get into on the phone. I'm really, I'm really, really sorry, Lisa.

[Ed Gamble]

And Scarborough says, I feel inexplicably sad about this news. Why is it inexplicable?

[Matthew Crosby]

I feel inexplicably sad about your message. No, listen, I, I understand what you must be going through because I'm also a parasocial weirdo. So whenever, whenever I've no, I know what it's like when podcasts that I like and finished or when shows I've like have finished. It does feel a bit weird. But don't worry, I'll also be giving out Ed's home phone number. On the final link, I'm giving out Ed's full phone number and then Sydney's going to say a rude swear and then it's.

[Ed Gamble]

We've obviously had the best time, but for next week's show, do get in contact with some of your favorite memories from the show. We'd like to hear what your favorite listener memories are because we can't remember anything that's happened on the show. I won't remember next week that it's our last show. So sundayadiox.co.uk, get in contact with your, your favorite mems and I'm sure VIN will be putting together some sort of compilation over the next week.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, indeed. I also, I think I have to now because, you know, I'm not good with ending, so I hate things finishing. Yeah, I have to watch the final Twilight movie. Yeah, I've got to watch the final Twilight.

[Vin (Producer)]

Could we get a review next week?

[Matthew Crosby]

I'll do a review. How long is this show going to be, by the way?

[Vin (Producer)]

This is a worry, isn't it?

[Matthew Crosby]

It's gonna be too long.

[Vin (Producer)]

Told Danny to take the week off.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. Yes, so. Well, you know, that's just the way it goes, folks.

[Ed Gamble]

That's it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Sorry about that, but you have had seven years.

[Ed Gamble]

Come on, come on, don't start saying you like it now. You've never said that before.

Crobby J and the Machine Radio X penultimate show.

We've just announced that next week will be the final Ed Gamble and Matty Crosby show. Very Very sad. Bittersweet. But, you know, we've made our point and, you know, we're getting loads of texts of people being like, no, I'm gonna miss it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Too little, too late.

[Ed Gamble]

But we should. Why don't we just say this every week? We should just keep doing the show and say every week. Next week's the last show. We'll get loads of texts.

[Vin (Producer)]

We could do a farewell tour.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Farewell tour for like, 20, 25 years.

[Vin (Producer)]

Doing it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And come. Come back a couple of years later when the tax bill comes in. Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Nikki's just said, oh, you're the real new host of Strictly. We should have announced this before the Strictly host came out. Just real, get some buzz going.

[Matthew Crosby]

Stick Strictly.

[Ed Gamble]

Imagine.

[Matthew Crosby]

Listen, we can do live. Yeah, we can do live, guys.

[Ed Gamble]

We can do live. No ads on the BBC, though, which is the tricky thing. And no Vin saying Vin would have

[Matthew Crosby]

to be in vision doing, like, little hand gestures to say this bit, but it's going nowhere. Move it on to the next thing. It's a real. It's a real shame. No, no, but. But, you know, of course, congratulations to the three of them. Yes, it's going to be a good show. It's going to be a good show. So, yes, we had a lot. A lot of messages. A lot of messages from people saying how sad they are.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

And where have you been, guys? Literally seven years.

[Ed Gamble]

There's names I don't recognize on these.

[Matthew Crosby]

We've not had one message saying,

[Vin (Producer)]

where's the Garam perverts guy?

[Matthew Crosby]

Where's the gal?

[Vin (Producer)]

Where's he Reinforcing what we thought that

[Matthew Crosby]

this show is actually like that.

[Vin (Producer)]

This is good news.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, this is. This is fantastic news broadcast.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thank God the average has just been brought up significantly.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. The radar is going to be huge.

[Matthew Crosby]

Rage. I was going to go through the roof.

[Vin (Producer)]

Where's Andy and Wrexham slagging us off?

[Matthew Crosby]

Radio has just got better, guys. You're very welcome. Radio now as a medium is so much bigger. It's back.

[Ed Gamble]

People are already saying, radio's back. Broadcast magazine have just come out. They saying, radio's back.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's going to be back. Yeah, from the 8th of next month, it's going to be back.

[Vin (Producer)]

We do still have one hour, though.

[Matthew Crosby]

This is really funny, Steve from Chipping. So Bre says, oh, you can't go next week. I only tuned into you for the first time ever.

[Ed Gamble]

Usually busy on a Sunday.

[Matthew Crosby]

What a great message to get. Well, the podcast will still be there, Steve, so just put them on as Live on a Sunday morning.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. And Radio X will not be having Vin put to sleep now.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're staying, aren't you?

[Vin (Producer)]

I'm staying, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Crucially, you're still going to.

[Vin (Producer)]

I'm going to try and keep doing the show.

[Ed Gamble]

This show.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is that what's happening?

[Ed Gamble]

Well, I guess it's like AI now, isn't it? You've got enough of us talking that you could probably do another seven years with just like you can put all the different words together.

[Matthew Crosby]

Do you know what? Just play an old episode. No one would realize.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, no one would know. I wouldn't know. I wouldn't know. I'd be like, what? We're still doing the show.

Mask you Crobley and Radio Ed. Radio X. I don't know.

We are delighted to be joined by our first and only guest of the morning. Brilliant comedian, wonderful actor, wonderful writer. He's a multi hyphenate. He is the fantastic Guz Khan. Welcome to the show, Guzzi.

[Guz Khan]

Bye, guys.

[Matthew Crosby]

How you, how you did? What's the, what, what's this voice you're putting on here? Because that's not your normal voice.

[Guz Khan]

Let me tell you something. There was too many superlatives there and I feel like that's the kind of voice people put on when they're like, yeah, that's me. Hi, guys. I don't do all that stuff. Wonderful actor and all this, bro. We are blagging life. You two know that better than anyone.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, you're doing a great job of blogging life because that's what I'm saying, you know, you're away.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I'll take, I'll take that compliment. I doing that.

[Ed Gamble]

You're a wonderful blagger. I recently watched Bait, the show Bait on Amazon Prime. You're absolutely fantastic in that.

[Guz Khan]

Did you really like it?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I did. Absolutely. I love that. I love the premise. I loved how it was set up and I liked how it went off the rails and went mad. I thought it was really fun.

[Guz Khan]

Well, I'm glad because you know my rule gamble. You know me very well. I can't be watching stuff that I'm in. But I feel like, yeah, it's got good feedback. Re seems to be happy. So I feel like that's a, that's a job well done.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, absolutely. But we're not here to even talk about that. I just wanted to bring that up because I liked it so much. We're here to talk about Guzkahn and Friends, which is a lineup show that you're Hosting at the Soho Theatre, Walthamstow, 27th to 29th August SohoTheatre.com for tickets. I've done one of these, haven't I, Guz? I was one of your friends. A previous incarnation of Guzkarn and friends you were.

[Guz Khan]

And you know, the good thing about this is I actually only have friends on it because, you know, sometimes you'd be going to a somebody in friends gig gig and they've never met before.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's lying, bro.

[Guz Khan]

That's lying to the public. Everybody on this will be my friend. It might end up in an impromptu set with me and someone like Acasty.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

For like an hour and 20 minutes. I don't think the people of Walthamstow are very happy about it. They signed up

[Ed Gamble]

podcast with Acaster. I mean, that's what I'd say is, is. I mean you're, you're not lying to them by saying it's your friends. You do genuinely put your friends. But the first one you did, you did lie to them saying that Guz Khan would be there. You. You didn't show up for ages. Do you remember, Gus?

[Guz Khan]

I do remember, yeah. I do remember. But you know, things happen, okay? And the thing on that night was a biscuit van that exploded on the motorway and the police refused. I still swear. Trust me. I'm telling you, bro, it's if. If people say I'm blagging it, but they went online, they checked the traffic report and a biscuit van blew up. And apparently when biscuits blow up, yeah, they get very slippy, causing vehicles to lose traction so they shut off the whole motorway for six hours. I was running down an embankment with all kinds of people trying to get to Luton Airport. It was terrible. But we did make it. So the people of Walthamstow, you should. A bit of appreciation, please. Died that night.

[Matthew Crosby]

Did you. Did you at the very least like go out with a bag for life and try and scoop up some bourbons to give to the audience when you eventually get there? Sure.

[Guz Khan]

No, they've been on fire.

[Matthew Crosby]

A lovely bit of burnt biscuit.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, Twice baked biscuit. Twice.

[Matthew Crosby]

Lovely baked biscuit. That's the best kind. Lovely sort of a lovely sort of bruleed custard cream? Yes, please.

[Ed Gamble]

Can you reveal. Can you reveal to us, Gus, any of the friends that you'll be having at the August gigs or is it a big secret?

[Guz Khan]

I tell you the truth, I don't know.

[Matthew Crosby]

I appreciate, I appreciate your honesty, Guz.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. This is like when we had you on off menu Guz. And you had to ask your PR what channel the show was that you were plugging.

[Guz Khan]

And it should be no surprise that after listening to that, they did not renew a season two. These things happen.

[Ed Gamble]

No more, Gaz. Curtains, Classic cars. No more.

[Guz Khan]

And we both know that's not even the name. But I still today I'm not sure what the name actually is, so it's close enough.

[Ed Gamble]

That was the general vibe, wasn't it? Do you remember what channel it was on?

[Guz Khan]

It was on. It wasn't. Well, it wasn't on Dave. It wasn't on Dave, but it was on something similar of a four letter. Quest. Quest tv.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it was on Quest tv. Yeah. But not renewed.

[Guz Khan]

There you go. Big up Quest.

[Matthew Crosby]

Big up Quest, everybody. Yeah, that one's. That one passed me by, I'm afraid, guys. But I'll get it when it comes out on dvd.

[Guz Khan]

Cheers.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, because I'm a big fan of your work. You know what? You are blagging at life. Sometimes the black is better than others. So you've got. No, you've got no idea. So, so far, who would be, who would be your dream pal to. To invite on the Khan and Friends lineup? Who is. Who is a pal you'd love to get on the stage?

[Guz Khan]

Oh, my gosh, this is very difficult. You know what? It is. Because you know a lot of my pals, you just. When you mentioned pals, they're my closest ones. They don't even do stand up comedy.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right. So, yeah, there's a caveat to this, isn't it? It's going to be pals who are able to do stand up.

[Ed Gamble]

But I bet you've got some pals who aren't stand ups who would be really funny on your show as well.

[Guz Khan]

I think they would. I'm just thinking about somebody who's serving quite a lengthy sentence at the moment and you with just the natural energy he's got, you know, just the flare, just. Just the presence on stage.

[Ed Gamble]

Too much sounds of it.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, big up Zebby, man. Zebby. Whenever you're home, there's a Guz Khan Walthamstow gig waiting for you. I probably won't attend because I'll be stuck behind an exploded biscuit van. But he can hold cool. He can hold cool.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, definitely.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Unless his ankle tag goes off halfway.

[Matthew Crosby]

Distracts him. Do you think, do you think. You know how Johnny Cash used to do Folsom Prison and entertain the. Entertain the prisoners. Do you think you could do a Guz Khan and Friends in prison with Zebby up on stage with you.

[Guz Khan]

Well, there's two things here, brother Crosby. Number one, you know this. You said Johnny Cash.

[Matthew Crosby]

Johnny Cash, Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I'm not entirely sure of that reference. I want to say this is somebody musician.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah, you got it. He's a country. Country singer.

[Guz Khan]

Okay, so now you want me to do country songs in hmt?

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm not saying get on stage and do Folsom Prison Blues. I'm saying you could go and do comedy show in a prison with your mate.

[Guz Khan]

Do you know us three? I think we should sign up, but no material. We're only allowed to do crowd work and see how long you don't get by.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I mean, I think really we all know who they're taking down first.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. I'm getting shanked. I'm getting used as a shank.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'll come on stage and say, you know, how long are you in for? Whatever. My first question is going to be,

[Ed Gamble]

you know, what did you do?

[Matthew Crosby]

You look pretty naughty. What did you do? Yeah, yeah, what did you do? And then they're going to grab me. They're going to stick me in a pencil. Sharpening. They're going to shank, gamble with me.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, they're going to do well with your wit. You're sharp enough already.

[Matthew Crosby]

Thank you so much, my friend. So those shows line up. TBC possibly goes calm. We don't know that for definitely.

[Guz Khan]

And the truth is it's not even actually that important if I'm there or not.

[Matthew Crosby]

It is good.

[Ed Gamble]

It is, because that's why people buy the tickets, man.

[Matthew Crosby]

If you can't tell us the lineup, then you at least have to show up.

[Ed Gamble]

Like I'm sure at that show, you know, a good show did happen, but I'm sure they would have preferred it if you'd been there to host the show rather than Thor Stenhouse having to go out and do half an hour.

[Guz Khan]

You know, maybe you're right.

[Ed Gamble]

However good Thor is it, he is a very good comic.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's great. Sohotheatre.com Soho Theater, Walthamstow, from the 27th to the 29th of August. Good. Please tell us you'll be there. Make a promise to the nation that you're going to be there, brother, you

[Guz Khan]

know, promising things this far ahead of schedule. Not right.

[Ed Gamble]

The Good, the Bad and the queen. Radio X.

[Matthew Crosby]

We're still joined by the brilliant Guz Khan, who promises that if you go and see Guz Khan and friends, the people on stage will be his friends. What he doesn't promise. Promise is that he'll be on stage. He makes no promises that he'll be there. But you can guarantee you're going to see some people who are friendly with the wonderful Guzkar.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, it's like, I like to think of it like a Gordon Ramsay restaurant. If you go to a Gordon Ramsay restaurant, it's not guaranteeing that Gordon Ramsay will be there. He's just given his stamp of approval to it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely right. Calvin Klein didn't stitch my pants himself. Yes, that I know of.

[Ed Gamble]

The kid did it.

[Matthew Crosby]

A child on less than minimum wage. Yes, that's right. In a sweet shop somewhere. Anyway, anyway, Gus, it's a, it's a. Oh, by the way, It's Soho Theatre, Walthamstow, 27th to 29th August, sohotheatre.com for tickets. Right, Gus, we've got a few questions we want to ask you. In fact, I'm going to ask the big one, right? This is a classic question from the early days of this show. Guz Khan. What? Do you not know what it is? Okay, this could be something that you've seen every single day, but the more you think about it, you're like, what is that? What actually is it? What's a mirror? What is paint? What is the Internet just. Khan. What do you not know what it is?

[Guz Khan]

This is very deep, brother. Now, we could be here for next four or five hours now.

[Ed Gamble]

This is ridiculous. We've got the time.

[Guz Khan]

I never used to know what the yellow box was. And it's usually on everyone's street. It's a yellow, but it looks like a bin, but it's not a bin, and it's got a flap. And I never used to know what I.

[Matthew Crosby]

What, bro?

[Guz Khan]

I used to think, like, oh, like, people used to live in it when I was a kid.

[Matthew Crosby]

So I didn't want to.

[Guz Khan]

No, I wasn't disrespect. I wasn't disrespectful. Oh, there's a bridge. And that lives in that. I'm not gonna kick it. Everyone else on the way to school is like, oh, someone lives in it. Let's blast it. I was like, don't do that. Someone sleeping there. And it turns out it was just grit.

[Matthew Crosby]

Let's blast it. And they also go around kicking bungalows as well, because people live in those. What's. What's going on? What? Why? I mean, you know, so hang on.

[Ed Gamble]

I, I. When you said, I thought someone lived in it, this was the rumor that went around your school Everyone thought there was a bread living in it.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I quite. I spread it quite wide and far because I was quite intensely like, oh, no, that's not nice, bro. They live in that yellow thing. Don't. Don't keep you.

[Matthew Crosby]

That yellow thing with the word grit written.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, I, I thought that meant like, oh, that's their state of mind. Yeah, man, they got grit.

[Ed Gamble]

You'd have to have a gritty state of mind to live in that box, wouldn't you? All the time. Yeah, I'm saying, bro.

[Matthew Crosby]

So when you saw the movie True Grit, were you disappointed it wasn't about

[Ed Gamble]

a little bloke living in a yellow box?

[Matthew Crosby]

Living in a yellow box.

[Guz Khan]

It sadly wasn't a documentary cuz we went true about skis. Living in yellow box. The end of the street.

[Ed Gamble]

That's great. We've never had the. The yellow boxes mentioned.

[Matthew Crosby]

Never had the yellow boxes before. By the way, you're living in one of those yellow boxes for a show for Quest, aren't you? Cuz K's True Grit coming soon to Challenge TV plus one.

[Guz Khan]

It'll only be season one. There'll only be one season of it, but yeah, yeah, coming soon.

[Ed Gamble]

I'm the same as you because I'm one and done with the series. Get. Get in, get the money, get out.

[Guz Khan]

That's it, bro. We ain't got time, brother, for all that. We have to check in on people living in yellow bins, bro. Like, there's a lot that's going on in life.

[Ed Gamble]

Warm egg and Matthew Crosby on Radio X.

[Matthew Crosby]

We're still joined by the brilliant Guz Khan. Our only scoop for Daddy on today's show. So because his face there, because we caught, we call. Well, I say we. It's very much me. Our guests are. It's. If it's two guests, it's two scoops for Daddy. Three guests, three scoops for Daddy. You're a solo scoop for Daddy today. How'd you feel about that, man?

[Guz Khan]

That's all the scoops Daddy needs, let me tell you.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right, listen, Daddy hasn't got eyes bigger than his belly. Daddy just needs one scoop. Yeah, Daddy.

[Guz Khan]

Daddy.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Daddy. You see, I knew Gu would get it. You're the first guest to ever not be appalled by that. And I really appreciate you. I really appreciate you. So, Gus, we've got to ask you one of the biggest questions in Radio Guz Khan. What's the biggest pig you can imagine? Ooh,

[Guz Khan]

these are incredible questions, bro. I'd like to think like, prehistorically there would be a pig at least the size of a bin collection van.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Pick the size of a dust car. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm saying, is it presumably prehistoric? Maybe it's a bit woolly, a hairy pig. Bit hairy.

[Guz Khan]

Tusky.

[Matthew Crosby]

Tusky, yeah, yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Basically something big enough for like six, seven man to hang out the back of like massive.

[Ed Gamble]

Are you thinking like not like that?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

I find it quite majestic when big men are just like. They've got. They've grabbed a pole at the back and there's two men and they just. Some of them are so skilled at their job, they just go along and they sweep up the beer. Yeah, man.

[Ed Gamble]

I think honestly in my head I'm like, I'd quite like to be a bin man.

[Matthew Crosby]

You'd be a great bin man.

[Ed Gamble]

Early mornings you get to see the sun come up. You're hanging off the back of a truck. Fantastic. Apart from the, the smell I think would be an issue for.

[Matthew Crosby]

But I think after a while, you know, you just get a nerd to it, don't you? Don't you notice it anymore? Yeah, I think, I think it's a good job. I think it's good. You know what it reminds me of? The old Route Master buses. You know when you could hang off the back of a Route Master bus on your way to, on your way to school or on the way, on your way to work in the morning. It just feels, it feels like a good way to travel. So you're imagining hanging off the back of a tusked woolly pig in prehistoric time?

[Ed Gamble]

Bro.

[Guz Khan]

There's gotta be, it has to be. That's not even that far fetched.

[Matthew Crosby]

I don't think it is.

[Ed Gamble]

No. We've had people try and imagine pigs the size of the entire universe before.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, but it's just too big to me.

[Guz Khan]

That's just trying too hard, isn't it? You can't even comprehend it. Like a, like a, like a really been collecting van sized pig. Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. So it's like, it's like in the Flintstones where that would have been its job as well. It's picking up, you know, using the tusks to pick up the rubbish. This is a good. Do you know what? I think this is a good series for you.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Oh, that's nice.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're a sort of caveman bin man.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Only on Quest tv on your quests.

[Matthew Crosby]

He only works for Quest Quest are

[Ed Gamble]

finally making the move into scripted content with a narrative sitcom from Guz Khan where he plays a prehistoric bid man who uses A pig as a truck gamble.

[Guz Khan]

This is partly your fault. Is not a season two, because they genuinely did watch that podcast episode of me, you and Acaster, and they were like, really didn't appreciate that.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, hang on. That wasn't my fault that you didn't know what channel it was on.

[Guz Khan]

No. But you kept laughing. And that makes it worse because the laugh punctuates and they were like. And. And his friend was laughing.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. But also, you got on very annoyed with me on that episode because I had my car scrapped.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. To this day, that's still one of the worst things I've ever heard come out of it. And you know, bro, how nonchalant you were about it. That made me angrier. If you. If there was some remorse, I would have been like, everybody makes mistakes. I love you. But you sat staring at me in the eyes like, I scrapped it. What are you gonna do? I made me angry.

[Ed Gamble]

I've still not got another car. I'm thinking. I'm thinking about getting a new car, though, because I might go. I might go electric. How do you feel about that?

[Guz Khan]

I. I don't want to. Can I suggest something?

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Hyundai Ionic 5N.

[Ed Gamble]

Thank you very much.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay. Look into it. Do you have a promo code for that as well? Final question from us. Doesn't the Rock look great? Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

But it looks like he takes it too serious, and I don't like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

You think the Rock could have more of a laugh with life?

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. But also, I feel like he's. I feel like when he's having a lot, like, he'll walk in a room and us three will be standing there, but he'll, like, shoulder grab a lot to assert his dominance. I don't like it.

[Ed Gamble]

No.

[Guz Khan]

I don't like that. You know what I'm saying?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He wouldn't have a laugh with us, would he?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, he's like an alpha laugh. It's like the. The illusion of a laugh to everyone watching. But actually, he himself is not having a laugh with the people in the room.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah. And I think his palms are sopping wet as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. He's got hyperhidrosis, whatever that is. You know, he's got. But honestly, you'd have. You'd be like. I think probably you'd be like, oh, the Rock shaking my hand. You sort of forget the fact that it was absolutely like a Niagara Falls.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a shame. It's the last ever show next week because. A new question. How wet do you think the Rock's hands are? Would have Been perfect.

[Matthew Crosby]

That's a great question. Get in touch, guys. 83936 on the text or you can WhatsApp us through the global player. Guz Khan and friends is at the Soho Theatre, Walthamstow, 27th, 28th, 29th of August. See some friends, maybe see Guz Khan Sohotheatre.com. guz, what a pleasure having you on the show, man.

[Guz Khan]

Man, listen, I want to big up you two. You two of the loveliest Bren in the whole game. I love you. Just come. Just. Even if. Let's just come on to Walthamstow that day and we'll have fun.

[Ed Gamble]

Lovely.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is that an invite to you? To me? To me and Ed? We'll come.

[Guz Khan]

Yeah, Come.

[Matthew Crosby]

We'll come along.

[Ed Gamble]

Sure.

[Matthew Crosby]

We'd love to.

[Ed Gamble]

That be.

[Matthew Crosby]

That'd be a delight. Like. I'll bring my mother as well. My mother always sends her love, cuz.

[Guz Khan]

Big up, Auntie. Big up. The Christian family WhatsApp group that I haven't been added to.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. One day we'll add you to the family WhatsApp people. You can talk about Jesus is my mom. Every time I see, like, how's your mom? Let's talk about Jesus. Anyway, this is the farm all together now. Thanks, guys. Thanks. Radio X. Crops and bobbers, Kings of Leon. Here on Radio X, it's Ed Gamble. It's Matthew Crosby.

[Ed Gamble]

I see myself as the queen of pret.

[Matthew Crosby]

You very much are, aren't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what? You must have been gutted when they got rid of the yoga bunny. Detox. You must have been. Absolutely.

[Ed Gamble]

You know, that was my go to.

[Matthew Crosby]

It was always your go to. Here she comes. Her Royal Majesty. Yeah, stick the yoga buddy on ice, guys. Anyway, guys, if you. If you like this sort of stuff, you're out of luck because next week is our final ever show.

[Ed Gamble]

Final ever show next week.

[Matthew Crosby]

Final ever show. So, yeah, do get in touch Sunday at radiox.co.uk with your favorite memories over the last seven years. Years.

[Ed Gamble]

Just to jog our memory, really.

[Matthew Crosby]

Just because we can't remember. We can barely remember what we chatted to Gus about.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Do. Do get in touch. We'd love to hear from you. Next week we'll try and get some special guests on big news. You've got Sam Fender on the show.

[Ed Gamble]

Finn, come on.

[Vin (Producer)]

That's confirmed, is it?

[Matthew Crosby]

That's confirmed.

[Ed Gamble]

There is. There's no way we can do the final show unless we have Sam Fender on.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. We're not leaving. Right?

[Ed Gamble]

Because he's Our white whale.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's our white whale.

[Ed Gamble]

He's our white whale. Fail.

[Vin (Producer)]

I mean, we. I don't. We can't make promises like this.

[Matthew Crosby]

We can because you have the harpoon also.

[Ed Gamble]

We can because we don't care anymore.

[Matthew Crosby]

You're the only one who still have a job.

[Vin (Producer)]

Next week's gonna be really hard, isn't it?

[Matthew Crosby]

Next week is going to be hard. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. For you. We're gonna make it very hard for you.

[Matthew Crosby]

We're gonna have a lovely time.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Easy on us. Hard on you and the listeners. That's how we like it.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

I'm gonna be hungover to, too. I'm at a wedding the. The night before.

[Ed Gamble]

I mean, there is no better way to end it than you having been at a wedding and hungover. My favorite show of this ever was recently when you were hungover. It made me laugh so much.

[Matthew Crosby]

You were. Yeah. You were really badly hungover.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

Saw Stevie Wonder.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, of course. Anyway, can we get Traven?

[Guz Khan]

It's his wedding.

[Matthew Crosby]

We could gotta. We've gotta get Trav. The honeymoon starts here. Yeah,

[Vin (Producer)]

I'll ask.

[Matthew Crosby]

We've got to get the big wookies

[Ed Gamble]

coming for a wedding.

[Vin (Producer)]

Lad, would you accept.

[Guz Khan]

Would you.

[Vin (Producer)]

Do you accept Trav rather than Sam Fender?

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, of course not.

[Ed Gamble]

Both of them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, dear.

[Ed Gamble]

It's gonna be such a busy show next week because we'll have Trav. We'll have Sam Fender. We'll have messages from everyone. We'll hopefully have one last metal education from Kerry from Canada, please.

[Vin (Producer)]

I think that one's doable. That one's achieved.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, we know that's achievable.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no.

[Ed Gamble]

At this point, Sam Fender is more achievable than Trav.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, that's also true.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think we're gonna have Sam Fender on the show next week.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, so do I. I'm just.

[Matthew Crosby]

I'm sort of cosmic. I'm manifesting. Exactly. We're whooshing it towards us. Right, folks, have a wonderful week and do get in touch with your favorite memories of the show, but from us. Bye.

[Ed Gamble]

Bye.

[Matthew Crosby]

Craig Tyson. Miles and miles of carpet tiles. TV's deep freeze and David Bowie.

[Ed Gamble]

Radio X Ed Gamble and Matthew Crosby.

There we go, Matthew. Not final show, but the final show announcement is done.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. Yes, we've announced.

[Ed Gamble]

It's the.

[Vin (Producer)]

Fine.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's the final show next week.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very exciting news.

[Ed Gamble]

It's going to be a big show.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's going to be a huge show.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Which requires us.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes. We're putting a lot of it on Vin.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. Hopefully Vin will do all of.

[Ed Gamble]

If we just keep saying it's going to be a big show, then he has to.

[Matthew Crosby]

He has to. To pull a big shout of his ass.

[Ed Gamble]

I'd imagine he's emailing Sam Fender right now.

[Matthew Crosby]

Cuz I've got quite a busy week coming up.

[Ed Gamble]

Just to let you know, unlike. Unlike normal, we don't have any time to prepare anything.

[Matthew Crosby]

Okay.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, I normally start thinking about the show on like a Thursday or a Friday. So yeah, I think I'd you know, start.

[Matthew Crosby]

Start on a Tuesday or Wednesday.

[Vin (Producer)]

No, Thursday. Thursday I can email Sam Fender.

[Ed Gamble]

Pull your finger out, mate.

[Matthew Crosby]

Come on, Vin.

[Vin (Producer)]

He's not really in.

[Matthew Crosby]

They pay you for every single day. They only pay us for some days.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, you're paid all week to work on this show.

[Vin (Producer)]

Just have to see if we get lucky. I suppose maybe. Sam Fender's secretly a huge fan.

[Ed Gamble]

Definitely not.

[Matthew Crosby]

Big secret.

[Ed Gamble]

He's been. We've been talking about getting him on the show for seven years and he's never done it.

[Matthew Crosby]

And he's waiting for him. He's waiting for the right moment.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Who knows? I think, I think Vin's gonna deliver. I think he is.

[Ed Gamble]

Put it out into the universe now.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. I've cosmic ordered it. So we've got some great. Who do I not know how many there is? Yeah, we've got loads of them.

[Ed Gamble]

Previous examples of this include Anton.

[Matthew Crosby]

Anton Deck.

[Ed Gamble]

Anton Deck.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes. Yeah. This is not Grayson Perry. Yeah. How many, how many are there of this, this number? Happy radio, lads.

[Ed Gamble]

Don't mind if I do.

[Matthew Crosby]

Who do I not know how many they is? Mary Kate and Ashley. Imagine my confusion when I watch one of their films. I need to find only two girls.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes, that's very good.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very good.

[Ed Gamble]

Mary Kate and Ashley.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. My youngest daughter has got into. Into their movies, which I think is. It's mad.

[Ed Gamble]

It's mad.

[Matthew Crosby]

Mad that you're like, I'm getting into Mary Kate, Ashley now. Yes, dear. Crunch, Crumble and Vin. Happy radio, lads. I had the opposite experience to the listener who thought that Grace and Perry was two people, as I actually thought that. That Philippa Perry was the alter ego of Grayson. Now he does have a female alter ego, but he also has a wife as well.

[Ed Gamble]

So there's two. Two different people, crucially, two different.

[Matthew Crosby]

Crucially where she's actually his wife and a person in her own right. I believe that Stone Cold Steve Austin's ex wife and children live in Essex, which could explain why he was in Southend. People still telling Us. This thing that I've got no memory of.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I think it was someone worked at a hotel in South End and someone called for room service and it was Stone cold Steve Austin, I believe.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, that's what it was. That's right. I once saw him in Frankie and Benny's in Braintree. Thank you very much. This is from Adam. My mum has been caring for someone. Slash some people called. I don't know why this made me laugh so much, called Jillian Mel or Jilly and Mel. So.

[Ed Gamble]

Still not sure.

[Matthew Crosby]

Still not sure. She's been carrying them for like 20 years.

[Ed Gamble]

Jillian Mel or Jillian Mel.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, Jillian Mel or Jillian Mel.

[Ed Gamble]

I just love to see Jillian Mel.

[Matthew Crosby]

She talks about them like they're my grandparents, but I have no idea how many they are.

[Ed Gamble]

Too late to ask now.

[Matthew Crosby]

Too late to ask after two decades.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, I love too late to ask. There's so many people's jobs where it's too late to ask.

[Matthew Crosby]

Too late to ask. Yeah, yeah. Too late to ask. I mean the thing is as well we have the kind of job where you don't necessarily see the same people every single day. You might see someone once every six months, you know, and they will often know who you are because they sort of know. Oh, today I'm working with a gamble, but. But you won't know who they are

[Ed Gamble]

or their job title on the current job that I'm working on. No. Whether I should be asking them the question that I'm currently asking them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Like can you get me a cup of coffee? Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

The answer is always no.

[Ed Gamble]

No, I'm. I'm the writer and also I'm your friend Matthew.

[Matthew Crosby]

Well, I'll get you a couple. I don't mind. I'm not proud. Lads, I've just heard the start of episode 355 when you introduced the above feature and I simply had to write in my best friend's mother in law thought Chase and Status was actually one man called Jason Status. Isn't that so funny? God bless you, Ben.

[Ed Gamble]

Good feature could be mistaken for Jason Status.

[Matthew Crosby]

Them chasing, Statham chasing. Jason Statham chasing. I'm sure we've talked about this before. This is. This is big. This has got ringing real bells for me.

[Ed Gamble]

This is why we have to bring the show to an end. Because we've talked about everything in the world.

[Matthew Crosby]

We talked about everything in the world. We talked about all of it twice. We can't remember any of it. It's really. It's really odd. Final message. This one is from Jack. Hello, Ed. Matthew and Ding ding ding. We have a winner. Happy radio, lads.

[Ed Gamble]

Love that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not sure when, where, how.

[Ed Gamble]

We can't introduce a new way of doing the concert.

[Vin (Producer)]

Mike Read.

[Matthew Crosby]

Listen, listen, Mike. Oh God, those videos. When he had the. We had the Old Vic set up on stage.

[Ed Gamble]

Couple of in the coffin. Do you remember that one?

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

He's in the coffin at the beginning of his stand up show and the start of it is the microphone comes out of it like it's a.

[Matthew Crosby]

Not sure when, where, how or why or even if this was a topic of conversation. But lies parents tell their kids you believed for way too long or were horrific or scarring number one, don't draw on yourself, you'll get ink poisoning and die.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh yeah, classic me.

[Matthew Crosby]

A child you love drawing on himself and also had a spinny office chair. Left home alone spinning on a chair, drawing on arm falls off chair pen stabs arm, mix of blood and ink tears and waits for impending death. 32 now, arms covered in tattoos and alive. 2. Boiling frog syndrome. Stop adding hot water to your bath when you're in it, you'll get boiling frog syndrome and die. Pretty self explanatory. Only shower now. I know I can have a bath but the fear of death instilled in me about baths as a child makes them not relaxing. And then third is an aye aye captain. I once threw a tennis ball at a wasp's nest while bouncing on a trampoline as a teen I hit the nest. Nothing happened. Little did I know wasps are plotters. Next day, one stung me in my left eye whilst I was on the trampoline. Best of luck in the charts this week. Jack. Australia Singapore London Brighton, London, Korea Oxford, London. Well traveled boy.

[Ed Gamble]

Very well traveled boy.

[Matthew Crosby]

Very well traveled boy. Yes. Don't forget sundayadiox.co.uk to keep to get in your memories of the show.

[Ed Gamble]

Memories. Just any favorite things. Favorite. And also if there's any classic features that you've not submitted to any answers you've always wished to give us.

[Matthew Crosby]

All the texts will be open until end of play this time next week.

[Vin (Producer)]

Or if any of you. If any of you have got any sort of direct links to Sam Fender.

[Ed Gamble]

No. Then you do. You work at Radio X. So that's your job sort out.

[Vin (Producer)]

Just get in touch Sunday at Radio X.

[Ed Gamble]

That's your job to sort out. You work at Radio X.

[Vin (Producer)]

If you know, maybe you've got a friend who knows him or something like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

He's in all the time to chat to the people at like Capital and

[Ed Gamble]

X. I'm willing for to let you off the hook slightly saying I will, I will be happy with a recorded message from Sam Fender. So if anyone talking about the end of the show and anyone could get a recorded message, don't try and get a recorded message from him about something completely different that he's done for another station.

[Vin (Producer)]

If anyone is working with Sam Fender.

[Ed Gamble]

No, you. You work at radio stations. You sort it out.

[Vin (Producer)]

Did they email sundayadiox.co.uk you work in

[Matthew Crosby]

a building that's full of different radio stations, many of whom play Sam Fen.

[Vin (Producer)]

Maybe, you know, maybe you. You maybe your parents are friends with his parents or something like that.

[Matthew Crosby]

We don't want his parents on the show.

[Ed Gamble]

Finn, so help me God, if I have to do an impression of San Fender next week, I'm gonna be absolutely livid.

[Vin (Producer)]

Well, you're already doing Jerry Cinnamon.

[Ed Gamble]

No, Jerry Cinnamon's coming in.

[Matthew Crosby]

Don't spoil the magic. He's doing carrots for tea.

[Ed Gamble]

I do have to do carrots. You do.

[Matthew Crosby]

You do have to do carrots for tea too.

[Ed Gamble]

God, then when you clip Carrots for tea, I can send it to me.

[Matthew Crosby]

I remember it's got the line carrots for tea. I'm a wee little bunny Matt. Man, that's got the light.

[Ed Gamble]

This show's great, man.

[Matthew Crosby]

This show's really good. You've had it too good for too long, you guys. Seven years of absolute quality. It's been a wonderful, wonderful seven years. So, yeah, what else do we need to say?

[Ed Gamble]

Just have a.

[Matthew Crosby]

Have a wonderful time. Oh, we do need backy. Backy Rex.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, you must have some back Rex, cuz it's been weeks since we've probably seen each other.

[Matthew Crosby]

I do. I've got a great album I'd like to recommend to you. You There is a fantastic album called God Given by Jane Foster and Jane Fonda. It's not Jane Fonda. Great. I mean, I. Of course it's always a Beck wreck for the Jane Fonda workout lps that my mum used to work out to her. And her and her friend Meg Hopper would come round and they would. They'd work out to a vinyl lp. What it was. It really was a different time. Yeah, Go God. God Given by Jane Foster. It is. I would describe it as kind of like alt folk hyper pop and I love it.

[Ed Gamble]

It sounds very trendy.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's very trendy indeed. It's very trendy, yeah. Really, really, really, really good. Absolutely love that. I've started John Robbins book. I think that is fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

Not a Laugh.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is it not a laugh? No.

[Ed Gamble]

It is brilliant, though.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, it's really. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I, too, have started it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. I've got two copies of it. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

I sit back, relax. I open the book, I crack open a few cans.

[Matthew Crosby]

Absolutely. Get yourself absolutely blotted. Words swimming around in front of you. This is a good book. I'm enjoying this book. Yeah. What else have I been doing, love? New series arrivals. Gutted. Gutted that there's only one more episode and then they're not showing the next. They're showing. They're splitting it over. It's like mad. They put the first three out, then it's one a week. Yeah. And then nothing till the end of the year.

[Ed Gamble]

I think it might be a. We want two more series, but let's pay them for one series.

[Matthew Crosby]

I think that's exactly what they've done. That's exactly what they've done.

[Ed Gamble]

Yes.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's really.

[Ed Gamble]

I've been really enjoying it, though.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's really good.

[Ed Gamble]

It's so good that there's just telly that people have spent money on. That is just so silly.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's so silly. It's so daft. It's really aware of its silliness.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

But I genuinely. I genuinely, like. I'm really, really rooty for Dani Dyer and Katherine Parkinson. There's just such a. It's such a. There's a real emotional core to it. Everyone else is just total.

[Ed Gamble]

Really?

[Matthew Crosby]

Even Taggy, who you're supposed to kind of really root for. She's just a dream, isn't she? Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I'd forgotten a lot of stuff from the first series, obviously. Cause of my brain. Charlie's been watching the first series and I watched the last 20 minutes of the first series with her yesterday, and I'd forgotten Dani Dyer and Katherine Parkinson going at it in the woods.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Pouring champagne on it.

[Matthew Crosby]

Should be an area of national beauty.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah. Should be an area of national beauty. So ridiculous.

[Matthew Crosby]

So ridiculous.

[Ed Gamble]

I love it. Anyway, that's also a bedrock from me.

[Matthew Crosby]

Really good.

[Ed Gamble]

Speaking of just people making fun things, I watched the first episode of Sam Campbell's make that Movie.

[Matthew Crosby]

I've not seen any of it yet. Yeah, I watched the trailer. It looks amazing.

[Ed Gamble]

Great.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's so silly. It's really fun. The cast is incredible and then people pop up. Who? You're like. Like, oh, my God. Amazing. Like, Rob Orton's in the first episode.

[Matthew Crosby]

I love Rob.

[Ed Gamble]

Eric Rushton's in the first episode.

[Matthew Crosby]

Is he? Oh, I love Eric. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Ed Axel's in the first episode, you're like, I've not seen Ed Axel in years.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

So, yeah. And Kim Noble's in it as well.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yes, I saw that. Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah, it's. It's really fun. It's such a silly premise and I'm looking forward to watching the rest of those. I have. I think it's the best TV show in a long time. Widow's Best, which is on Apple, which is a comedy horror.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, yeah.

[Vin (Producer)]

It looks pretty scary. We've been watching it through Googlebox.

[Ed Gamble]

It's a really good balance of both things.

[Vin (Producer)]

Okay.

[Ed Gamble]

So it is genuinely scary. It's a proper, like, so many horror nerd references in it. It sort of switches between all these horror genres. The story itself is very funny and it's about this mayor of. Of this seaside town in America who's trying to, like, Like. Oh, it's. They're on an island trying to, like, gentrify. Gentrify it and get more tourists coming in. But the island's cursed, basically.

[Matthew Crosby]

Great.

[Ed Gamble]

And, yeah. So it's Matthew Reese, this. The whole cast is amazing. The story's very good and there are some genuinely brilliant jokes in it. And it's been written by a woman called Katie DiPold, who someone told me recently. Do you remember that tweet that went viral of someone dressed as a babadook at a family occasion? Oh, yeah, it's her.

[Matthew Crosby]

No.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

So she's managed to basically take that. That bit of her personality into a TV show.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Fantastic.

[Ed Gamble]

And it's doing really well and that's great. So I started watching that and that's weekly, so I'm like, I want more weird horror stuff.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

And I realized I'd never seen Twin Peaks.

[Guz Khan]

Oh.

[Ed Gamble]

So I started watching Twin Peaks. Oh, wow. So that's another.

[Matthew Crosby]

You are in for a huge tree.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, that's fun. That's great.

[Ed Gamble]

Loving that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah. The mad thing about Twin Peaks is it was massive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

It was like, genuinely like. It was. It was like, proper, like millions and millions of people would tune into it. Even though it's so weird.

[Ed Gamble]

It's so weird, so odd. It's actually less weird than I thought it would be, like. But then that makes sense because I'm like, of course it had to be a show that you could vaguely follow.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

It's not like some of Lynch's films where I'm like, I got no bloody idea what's going on.

[Matthew Crosby]

No, no, it's not Mulholland Drive.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Which was gonna be the follow up. He wanted to make that As a TV series.

[Ed Gamble]

Oh, right, that's right. Right.

[Matthew Crosby]

But yeah, it's, it's, it's really odd. And if you think about like, what else was on, like 30 something and those kind of shows and elsewhere or that was the kind of. What was on at the time really is.

[Ed Gamble]

Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Properly. Properly.

[Ed Gamble]

But yeah, that's on Apple as well, so I'm enjoying that.

[Matthew Crosby]

Brilliant. Did you want to tell us about your story? Nah, nah, we'll do it another time.

[Ed Gamble]

We'll do it another time. I don't think we'll have time next week, but.

[Matthew Crosby]

I know, just tell it to me.

[Ed Gamble]

I've got a bad shoulder. Oh, I'm sorry, man. Yeah.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, and also the other day when I was going to. I was going to record a lovely, lovely couple of episodes of Phil Wang's radio show. Yeah. Unspeakable. Just. I was about to hop onto the tube, one of my AirPods fell off, bounced along the platform onto the tracks.

[Vin (Producer)]

Oh, wow.

[Matthew Crosby]

Gone. Gone forever.

[Ed Gamble]

No, it's not gone. You need to stick your head in the door to stop the door shutting.

[Matthew Crosby]

It's just there on the tracks at London Bridge now. Such a shame, shame. Such a shame.

[Ed Gamble]

With all the rest of your stuff.

[Matthew Crosby]

With all the rest of my stuff. With my wedding ring, my self esteem. Yeah. Have a lovely week, everybody. Oh, Vin Bec. Rex.

[Vin (Producer)]

I went to see two things this week. I went to Stuart Laws is stuck.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, great.

[Vin (Producer)]

Which is excellent. Obviously. Obviously. It's true. So it's like. It's mad, there's so much going on in it, but brilliant. I don't know if he's. I don't know if there's any more, more of those to see, but he

[Ed Gamble]

did it at the Fringe a couple of years ago. Right. And then.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah, and then he did. He did a few nights down here, but obviously just Stu in general. And I saw Jordan Brooks's new show as well, which is like the straightest stand up that he. He's done for a while. Like it's just a stunt, but obviously it's insane. Yeah, it's him.

[Ed Gamble]

Well, that one that won the award was pretty straight stand up.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah. But then he, then he's, you know, then he's done a musical and he does stuff with lots of tech and he's brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

Jordan.

[Vin (Producer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Gamble]

Always recommended.

[Vin (Producer)]

So, yeah, he's definitely, definitely a recommend recommendation for him. And Hot Chip have done a. An episode of Song Exploder for Boy from School.

[Matthew Crosby]

Oh, great.

[Vin (Producer)]

Which is lovely. Yeah, just lovely boys. Nice hearing. Hearing them.

[Matthew Crosby]

Yeah, brilliant.

[Ed Gamble]

Lovely.

[Matthew Crosby]

Right Have a great week, everybody.

[Ed Gamble]

See you next week for the final show.

[Matthew Crosby]

Final show. Big push. See you soon.

[Guz Khan]

Bye.

[Ed Gamble]

Come on, we got to get some listeners.

[Matthew Crosby]

Got it. Finally. That was the thing Finn was saying. He was saying, should we. Should we announce it, you know, during the. During the show? And I was like, we'll just do the last link. And he was like, yeah, what about the rager? I said, come on. We've got to let the rage yard go now. We've got to let the rage go. Weekends are hard.

[Ed Gamble]

Bye.

[Matthew Crosby]

Bye. Bye.