1 Year Anniversary

Summary

Emergency Intercom: 1-Year Anniversary Episode Summary

Podcast Information:

• Title: Emergency Intercom
• Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
• Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast hosted by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. While there are no actual emergencies, the hosts create a sense of urgency and chaotic humor that keeps listeners engaged.
• Episode: 1-Year Anniversary
• Release Date: July 8, 2022

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Celebrating One Year of Chaos

The episode kicks off with Drew Phillips announcing a big surprise for their listeners, setting the tone for a celebratory yet chaotic one-year milestone. Both hosts reflect humorously on the podcast's journey over the past year.

Notable Quote:

• Drew Phillips [00:52]: “Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, Drew has a big surprise for the people.”

Host Dynamics and Playful Banter

Enya (referred to as Kai in the transcript) and Drew engage in their signature playful and often irreverent banter. They joke about personal insecurities, physical attributes, and the dynamics of their friendship, showcasing their chemistry and comedic timing.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [00:23]: “It's because I'm a man and you're a girl.”
• Drew Phillips [00:28]: “I have to work on my breast strength so that my arms can, like, clench harder.”

Reflections on Consistency and Pride

Both hosts express pride in the podcast's consistency and the effort they've invested. Kai highlights the significance of maintaining the show, while Drew emphasizes the seriousness with which they approach their comedic endeavors.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [01:55]: “This is the most consistent thing I've ever done in my entire life.”
• Drew Phillips [01:55]: “I take a lot of pride in my work. Literally, don’t fuck with me. Like, this is like serious.”

Humorous Confessions and Personal Stories

Throughout the episode, the hosts share personal anecdotes and humorous confessions. One standout story involves Kai recounting a misunderstanding about a song reference and Drew sharing a vivid and emotionally intense dream about Kai.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [07:51]: “It's literally forever.”
• Drew Phillips [27:35]: “It was gnarly and like, I was in such shock over it.”

Exploring Dreams and Emotional Depth

Drew delves into a particularly intense dream where he dreams of Kai's death, leading to a candid discussion about emotions, anxiety, and the depth of their friendship. This segment adds a layer of vulnerability beneath their comedic exterior.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew Phillips [27:35]: “I was in so much pain in the bathroom, crying and, like, that I woke myself up.”
• Kai [34:07]: “It will be me.”

Merchandise and Future Plans

As part of the anniversary celebration, the hosts discuss their merchandise plans, teasing upcoming products and encouraging listeners to support the podcast. They also ponder the idea of creating additional podcast content, highlighting their creative ambitions.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [23:03]: “We have hoodies. I was wearing a gray T-shirt in the beginning. We got this T-shirt which is my favorite.”
• Drew Phillips [54:45]: “Merch live tomorrow, tap in.”

Media Recommendations and Personal Interests

The hosts share their current favorite media, including music, TV shows, and movies. Kai talks about enjoying the series "The Bear," while Drew recommends tracks from artists like Aventura and Steve Lacy, showcasing their diverse tastes and providing listeners with new content to explore.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew Phillips [51:48]: “My media of the week is Lavoda and then Hermanita.”
• Kai [52:38]: “I watched the Bear. Oh, I watched it in two days, and it was actually, like, really good.”

Closing Remarks and Listener Appreciation

Towards the end of the episode, Drew expresses heartfelt gratitude for the listeners' support over the past year. Despite the ongoing banter and interruptions, the sincerity in their words underscores the genuine connection they've built with their audience.

Notable Quote:

• Drew Phillips [55:29]: “Thank you guys so much for all the support. Yeah, it genuinely has been so awesome.”

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Highlighted Quotes with Timestamps

1. Drew Phillips [00:52]: “Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, Drew has a big surprise for the people.”
2. Kai [00:23]: “It's because I'm a man and you're a girl.”
3. Drew Phillips [00:28]: “I have to work on my breast strength so that my arms can, like, clench harder.”
4. Kai [01:55]: “This is the most consistent thing I've ever done in my entire life.”
5. Drew Phillips [01:55]: “I take a lot of pride in my work. Literally, don’t fuck with me. Like, this is like serious.”
6. Kai [07:51]: “It's literally forever.”
7. Drew Phillips [27:35]: “It was gnarly and like, I was in such shock over it.”
8. Drew Phillips [54:45]: “Merch live tomorrow, tap in.”
9. Drew Phillips [55:29]: “Thank you guys so much for all the support. Yeah, it genuinely has been so awesome.”

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Summary:

In their celebratory first-year episode, Enya Umanzor (Kai) and Drew Phillips of "Emergency Intercom" blend chaotic humor with heartfelt reflections. Through playful banter, personal stories, and candid discussions about their friendship and individual experiences, they provide listeners with an engaging and entertaining narrative. The episode balances comedic elements with moments of vulnerability, showcasing the dynamic chemistry between the hosts. Additionally, they share insights into future plans, merchandise releases, and media recommendations, inviting listeners to continue supporting their comedic journey.

Transcript

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, that sounded like not a good. That was not a good class. You know what it is? It's like. You know what?

[Kai]

It's because I'm a man and you're a girl.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. And I don't have, like the willpower or like the strength.

[Kai]

Strong manhand.

[Drew Phillips]

I. I think I'm gonna work on my. I'll probably work on my core strength or. No, I have to work on my breast strength so that my arms can, like, clench harder. Oh, that's actually what's stopping me from clapping so hard.

[Kai]

You can't touch your hands together. Cause your knockers are so big.

[Drew Phillips]

Can you touch your elbows together? Do you know how to do that?

[Kai]

Wait, I actually can't wait. I literally. It's.

[Drew Phillips]

Cause your boobs, your big fucking tits are blocking you.

[Kai]

My nice rag.

[Drew Phillips]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, Drew has a big surprise for the people.

[Kai]

Which one? I'm getting my foreskin back. I want it back. Please give it back to me.

[Drew Phillips]

I just said that to see what you would say. You say, which one?

[Kai]

There's several things that y' all don't know about.

[Drew Phillips]

Were you planning on letting a secret go today?

[Kai]

Um, no. I thought you were. I thought you were referencing. Because it's literally the one year anniversary. One year of rotting yalls brains. Isn't that crazy?

[Drew Phillips]

One year of every week for 53 weeks straight, sitting down and spewing nothing but hatred and violence.

[Kai]

Violence, anger, hatred, violence. Not a lot of love. Very little peace. It's crucial.

[Drew Phillips]

There's a lot of love. But in the bedroom, if you know what I mean.

[Kai]

Literally, yes, yes. Lots of love. But yeah. Thank you guys for watching. This is the most consistent thing I've ever done in my entire life.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I don't think I've done anything else for like this long or like, with this much pride. Yeah, yeah, I take a lot of pride in my fucking work. Like, literally, don't fuck with me. Like, this is like serious.

[Kai]

Cut back to the 17 sex jokes we've already made in this episode.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. Every single episode is just like a plethora of like, cock, balls, cum, sweat.

[Kai]

It used to be such a big insecurity of mine. In the very beginning, I was just like, dude, all we joke about is cocking balls. But now I don't give a fuck. It's hilarious.

[Drew Phillips]

They wouldn't have made those words so catchy if they didn't want people to say it every few seconds. Kai, do you have anything to say for the year anniversary?

[Kai]

That's Enough. Enough.

[Inya]

Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Hey, Kai. I'm here for you.

[Inya]

Aw, thank you. I do have one thing to say.

[Drew Phillips]

Want.

[Inya]

I really want to have sex with Drew and eat his butt from the back.

[Kai]

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

[Drew Phillips]

That was your big moment that you had one big moment.

[Inya]

You're deplatforming me.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Is that what's going on?

[Drew Phillips]

I'm. But I'm taking you. I'm taking the mic back away from you. You don't need to speak ever again.

[Inya]

I that up.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, you really did. Honestly, like you could have like shouted like something really important out, but like, cuz Drew is not that fucking important. Like Drew's literally of all things that are important, like to chow Drew.

[Kai]

That was so weird. I already have this banana pre peeled so no one can make fun of me. So I just plop it open.

[Drew Phillips]

Why were you scared people would make fun of you?

[Kai]

Because Kai literally made fun of me.

[Inya]

I didn't make fun of you. I laughed at you while you ate it. Cuz you. You literally look like a little monkey, like unpeeling it. Oh, no, dude, you have to like break it into little pieces.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, like I'm like a real man. Eat. Eat that banana like a real man and break it up and don't put it in your mouth like that.

[Kai]

Yeah, I forgot. I'm like literally straight.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it's just like, I think, honestly, I think sometimes you just forget, like you're a forgetful person. One of the tendrils from the banana was like sticking out. But yeah. Thank you guys so much for listening to the podcast. It genuinely has been life changing. It's something we've always wanted to do and the fact that y' all have like stuck around for so long genuinely means so much.

[Kai]

Yeah, Literally, it's the best thing I think that has happened to me ever.

[Drew Phillips]

It's a career wise. Don't get so ahead of yourself.

[Kai]

Yeah, y' all are not the best thing. I've had a lot of sex, so.

[Drew Phillips]

Why didn't you pee in the stv?

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew Phillips]

Earlier today we stopped at a CVS and Drew got back in the car. He was like, I literally. I was supposed to be in that stv and I did it. And I was like.

[Kai]

I knew I was saying it wrong. Like in my head I was saying.

[Drew Phillips]

You didn't do it on purpose. That makes it seem like that was a part of the video.

[Kai]

Hold on. No, it was coming out of my mouth and as I was saying it, I was like, this is the come was. I was Spitting the cum out of my mouth. No, I. It was coming out of my mouth. And as I was saying it, I was like, bro, this shit is coming out, like, so wrong. I can't stop coming. Like, I literally. It's spraying everywhere. No, I. When I was saying it, I was like, oh, like, this is coming out wrong. But you know what? They're cool people. Like, they're nice people. They're respectful people. They're not going to immediately laugh in my face and correct me and call me stupid.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's wrong.

[Kai]

Boy, was I wrong.

[Drew Phillips]

I immediately got added to it is that I was like, you said that so wrong. And he was like, no, I got the C and the S in there. And he.

[Kai]

No, I was saying the S and the C are kind of alike. And then you misheard me. So you're the stupid.

[Drew Phillips]

No, but the T is the one that's, like, shouldn't be there. No.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. I can't. I literally can't with you guys. Like, I literally just try to exist, you know, I just try to live and love my life, and y' all take advantage of my kindness and my friendship and just shove my face in the dirt and rub it around.

[Drew Phillips]

And, like, you literally said two episodes ago you wanted friends who talk shit to your face, not behind you.

[Kai]

I did not say that.

[Drew Phillips]

You literally did.

[Inya]

I think you actually did say that.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, the fact that you are so, so sure that you didn't say that. I bet it's in your fucking nosap, too.

[Kai]

No, I guarantee I did not say that.

[Drew Phillips]

Why are you tripping right now? You didn't say that. And then I was like, no, I'd rather have friends that just talk shit behind my back.

[Kai]

Cause I'll never know if I have to choose. I'm sure I would rather someone talk shit to my face, but I don't need people talking shit behind my back. But I don't need either of it, you know? Damn, Y' all are literally fucking sick and twisted. It is the Kai and Inya Against Drew podcast. That's all this has been from the very beginning.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you quitting?

[Kai]

I'm done.

[Inya]

Take another bite.

[Kai]

I'm literally done with you guys.

[Drew Phillips]

He needs a little more.

[Inya]

I bullied him into picking pieces out of it.

[Kai]

I'm going to throw this at you.

[Drew Phillips]

You know what? Throw it at him. Don't get a piece and throw it at him.

[Inya]

I deserve it.

[Drew Phillips]

Should we throw banana peels at Kai like It's a fucking 1913 cartoon.

[Kai]

Slipping.

[Drew Phillips]

Let's see those Notes, girl, what do you have for us today?

[Kai]

Go piss girl. Go piss girl.

[Drew Phillips]

Go urinate, girl. That is, like, one of the, like, Internet things that will forever be hungry. Oh, my God. Wait, I just remembered. I wish I knew the exact quote, but there was this tick tock that I was, like, talking about somebody who was, like, commentating on, like, language changing, like, drastically because of, like, the freedom writers had to create their own, like, novels and books and, like, just that open, like, platform at the time of, like, people being able to write books and publish them. They were like, it changed, like, language forever. And then someone was like, our, like, new version of that is literally char, like, Charlie Puth one day saying, like, I'm hungies. And now that is genuinely in my vocabulary. Yeah, I say that all the time. And, like, go piss, girl. Like, that is genuinely like, and server unironically in my vocabulary.

[Kai]

Like, yeah, it's literally forever.

[Inya]

Don't forget about belligerent.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, it's pretty big.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't say that anymore.

[Kai]

My parents went to high school.

[Inya]

You got shamed out of saying you said your parents.

[Kai]

What went through my high school journals.

[Drew Phillips]

And how did that make you feel? Come here.

[Kai]

It scared me.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Because I am. They probably read that. And the reason they became so nice to me is because I'm, like, a danger to society and they're afraid of me. Like, the things I said in those journals was scary as fuck. Like, I mean, I'm sure, like, anybody's journals talks about, like, killing, like, 36 people and burying their bodies in Central Park.

[Drew Phillips]

No, that's not normal.

[Kai]

Kidding. That's not in mine either.

[Drew Phillips]

That was a really random thing to just, like, come up with.

[Kai]

I was just joking.

[Inya]

That's really weird.

[Kai]

No, people don't. I know. People also don't kill people like me. I mean, what.

[Inya]

What?

[Drew Phillips]

Yo, people don't kill people like you and get away with it.

[Kai]

Got tea? No, but they went through my jaw. Literally.

[Drew Phillips]

Me, when I'm a serial killer, gets called, okay, tea.

[Kai]

Tea. Wait. Y' all got me. Like, actually, it's giving tea. Wait, it's giving tea.

[Inya]

Drew, what's your. What's your body count? Like, murder Body count?

[Kai]

I said 36.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Are you listening?

[Kai]

Like, oh, my God.

[Inya]

I was. I was busy.

[Drew Phillips]

And you expect him to let you hit? And you expect him to let you hit? I. Hey, I listened. So can I hit?

[Kai]

I'll let you tap this. That's the craziest thing, is how many people actually want to die.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, okay, I will, like, Usually, I would, like, be annoyed with Drew, like, being, like, so prideful in that. But it is kind of insane how many people want to have sex with Drew.

[Kai]

It literally is shocking. It's shocking. And it's because I'm just, like, charismatic. I'm mysterious. Like, people want to get to know me and know more about me because I. I have this character online and, like. But I break it on the podcast. It's just. It's crazy.

[Drew Phillips]

It might just be people, like, think you're, like, hot.

[Kai]

Like, also that. Also that. But, like, there's a big part of my personality there that, like, people want.

[Drew Phillips]

It's the part of your personality that talks about and balls. Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, unironically. That's what people want to have.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. It's because you advertise yourself as, like, a slut. So we were like, damn. It's. It's like that. It's easy like, that.

[Inya]

Being so constipated. You're, like, on all fours in the bathroom.

[Kai]

Yeah. Trying to get it out and disgusting. So I can't even say it now. Your turn. Talk.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I'm done. Me and Drew did something really exciting recently. It was, like, the most exciting thing I've done in a long time, and that is go to the grocery store and be a nuisance like, 40 minutes before it closes.

[Kai]

Like, it's literally so slay. Like, going to that goddamn grocery store.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. Are you.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Literally. What the. Is Yalls.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. We need. I don't. I. And you're gonna sit there, and you're gonna sit there and fix this.

[Kai]

Like, someone needs to fix this.

[Inya]

I have to record the audio, and I have to take care of, like, other responsibilities.

[Kai]

Someone needs to fix this.

[Drew Phillips]

Whatever. Well, I mean, we, like, have to turn this episode in. We, like, have to turn it in.

[Kai]

It's already late.

[Drew Phillips]

Let's just keep going. What were you talking about? Oh, grocery stores.

[Kai]

Grocery stores. Yeah. Like, I guess we can just go back. This is weird, though.

[Drew Phillips]

I know.

[Kai]

Whatever.

[Drew Phillips]

This. Like, y' all weren't ever supposed to see this. Good thing. We make so much money. We'll just build a new.

[Kai]

We'll build a new set. Yeah. So basically, like, the idea is, like, we build the set, and just, like, we go everywhere with it.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Like, we're actually. We're like a traveling podcast.

[Kai]

We're in the Bahamas right now, which.

[Drew Phillips]

Is, like, crazy when we're, like, very obviously in the Bahamas. Yeah. We're in the Bahamas right now for Charlie d' Amelio's birthday party. Like, she invited all of us. We were on the jet. We went to the grocery store the other day, and I literally forgot. Like, I wish I was joking. Where it was genuinely one of the best nights I've had in a long time.

[Kai]

I loved the fourth of July. Like, that was literally awesome. Are you talking about the Fourth, right?

[Drew Phillips]

No, I. I mean, we did have a.

[Kai]

Well, no, like, the grocery store then or when.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, both of our grocery store encounters have been pretty fun. Like, literally.

[Kai]

Which is the other one when we.

[Drew Phillips]

Went to Hmar at, like, like, 8pm.

[Kai]

And I spin a band. Like, literally. Like, crying in Hmart. No, like, spinning a rack in H. Like, that's what I'm going to do.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, dude, Drew bought, like, I'm not kidding. I think it was, like, six packs of drinks.

[Kai]

Yeah. Well, okay, so if you know about Proari Sweat, like, you know about Procari Sweat, and the import fees of getting it in America is literally impossible. Like, it's so expensive to buy it. And I found it in H Mart, and I bought just a shit ton. I bought literally their entire inventory. I could see, because he kept being.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, no, this might not be here. When I came, I come back, and I was like, we're literally talking about a grocery store. But I guess, like, you know, with the way things are going, like, there's no tampons, so, like, Porcari Sweat might be next.

[Kai]

Exactly. Yeah. And, like, well, like, I think, honestly, like, tampons aren't a necessity for, like, society, but pork sweat definitely is. Like, it's giving, like. Like, man up. Like, you know, if you're on your period, like, man up.

[Drew Phillips]

You think like, a. Like a. Like a juice is more important than, like, tampons.

[Kai]

And.

[Inya]

Yeah, I super disagree with what he said.

[Drew Phillips]

Thank you.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Like, of course, the man.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. Actually, you know what? No, thank you. Because it feels like you're just kissing my ass because, like, you want to have sex or something.

[Inya]

Wait, what?

[Kai]

The man. Literally, of course.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I know.

[Inya]

You're such standing up for women.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, God. You always had to. You. You just had to say something embarrassing.

[Kai]

Should I come out this episode?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, this. Oh, this will be the one.

[Kai]

Yeah. Actually, I'm just cheering. I'm literally just joking, guys.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, he's straight guys.

[Kai]

Like, literally, like, that was a joke.

[Drew Phillips]

No, but it generally was so fun. And then I thought about it. When me and Drew first moved to la, our fun activity was to go to the CVS down the street and go and stand in there for, like, 30 minutes and just be delusional from, like, being bored.

[Kai]

It's. It's like, loitering is fun as fuck, and I don't care what anybody ever says. Like, it's so, so fun. And also, the amount of, like, freakazoids that would go into this CVS was, like, so crazy.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, it was like CVS was, like, right next to a highway, so it was, like, pop.

[Kai]

It was so sick. Like, you would. It's like, it was better people watching than, like, going to a Walmart in the Midwest. Like, literally, the people watching in that CVS was incredible.

[Drew Phillips]

We were the people to be watched in that age.

[Kai]

You would.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, we were the freaks.

[Kai]

You would see, like, a mother giving birth in one aisle, and you cross over and see someone shooting up heroin.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah. No, it literally was insane.

[Kai]

It was.

[Drew Phillips]

But we act like there's not video footage of us, like, crawling around on the floor for YouTube videos. Like, the amount of YouTube videos we had that started in that.

[Kai]

We were always in that goddamn cbs.

[Drew Phillips]

And we were like, oh, we're shooting on location today, guys. Like, get ready.

[Kai]

Like, yeah. Running Gun style.

[Drew Phillips]

What is it called? Oh, Drew's call time for The CBS is 7:45 on Tuesday.

[Kai]

Like, we got to make sure it was giving. We had call times when we did our YouTube videos. Like, especially with Josh's videos. They're, like, unironically.

[Drew Phillips]

No. Yeah. He'd literally be like, are you guys free tomorrow? Like, dude, oh, my God. That's actually something that will go into depth when we have him on. But, like, the. The battle that it was for to get us all together, like, on time was insane. But I. I won't. I won't dabble too deep.

[Kai]

The battle. Yeah, the battle for time. Look at these paid actor seagulls coming in right now. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Yeah. I flew them in with my brain with my neural link. Neuralink. Cern. Let's talk about it.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait. Okay, wait.

[Kai]

Actually, you know what? I think we might have switched back into the right timeline, like, because CERN, this is being filmed on July 5th. Like, as I was driving here, I was like, wait, I don't have any anxiety. Like, I feel good. I feel happy. Like, there's not, like, residual, like, stress in my body. It's literally just, I feel good, and I would look out the window.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm not kidding, Drew. I think you felt like that because today was one of the first two days in your life that you had a meal. Like, like, literally, like, you, like, woke up and, like, I was like, drew, have a meal? Like, we went and got groceries. So he had food. The past two days, he's been like, dude, I've literally just felt, like, the best I've ever felt. And, like, I don't need to take a nap at, like, 5pm and it's.

[Kai]

Literally because he's been eating and I've been working out. But wait, let me go on the CERN rant.

[Drew Phillips]

I'll let my Betsy. My Betsy go on my Betsy.

[Kai]

Wait, it's giving Betsy. You're my Betsy. Come here, Betsy. Come here. Give me your hands, Betsy.

[Drew Phillips]

I'll let my Betsy go on her psychotic rant.

[Kai]

Her schizoid rant. Okay, so we switched back into the right timeline because I was looking out the window, and I was seeing the birds fly through Malibu, and I was looking out into the water. The water's bluer. Like, no one wants to have that conversation. But that's because your LASIK is fading off.

[Drew Phillips]

So it's starting to give you, like, I did take on delusions.

[Kai]

A heroic dose of mushrooms. What the fuck?

[Drew Phillips]

You're tripping right now.

[Kai]

Yeah. 36 grams.

[Drew Phillips]

Is that a lot? Actually, that's a little.

[Inya]

It's like 36 times the amount.

[Kai]

Another thing, not for me, is, like, the number 36 is, like, in my brain permanently. Just like the name Erykah Badu. So, like, it's, like, giving. Like, it's giving. Like, I need to write 36 on a lottery ticket or something. Or go back and watch a 36.

[Drew Phillips]

Episode of Emergency Crazy Person. Like, we switched it to the right timeline. By the way, the two things in my brain permanently is erykah Badu and 36.

[Kai]

You know the craziest thing, and this is actual blasphemy. And, like, I actually might get in trouble for this, but I can't name an Erykah Badu song.

[Drew Phillips]

You've heard one I listened to a lot. Maybe it will be all right. That's Ariana Grande, sir.

[Kai]

Same thing. Wait, that's the conversation that's not being had. Ariana Grande is our Erykah Badu.

[Drew Phillips]

Ariana Grande skin killed me. And for some reason, like, on Fortnite, and for some reason, Oh, I thought.

[Kai]

In real life, India. I thought someone with Ariana Grande.

[Drew Phillips]

Nobody thought that.

[Kai]

No, someone with Ariana Grande skin came in real life and killed you.

[Drew Phillips]

But they killed me on Fortnite. For some reason, it made me more mad than it used. Like, anything else Does. Because I was like, I want to.

[Kai]

Pull that skin by its ponytail. I want to pull that ponytail.

[Drew Phillips]

I want to rip your skin off. Yeah. Okay. Put that. You know, put that down. Okay.

[Kai]

I. I was trying to give you a thumbs up. I was trying to be like, okay, back to Ariana Grande. Ariela Grmbly. That's what we need to start calling her. Wait. Okay. Billie Eilish has Baldi Irish. Ariana Grande has Ariela Grimbly. Like, that's the conversation that's not being had.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm trying to think of another one. I feel like there's one more, but I can't think of it. Frankie Grande is just Frankie Grande. And that's enough to be funny.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

That alone.

[Kai]

I'm sorry, but if your name is Frankie and you're watching this, why did.

[Drew Phillips]

Your parent do that to you? Why did they name you that?

[Kai]

Well, Frankie for girl.

[Drew Phillips]

Frankie is a nickname. Why did they name you a nickname? That's like an endearing. Like, hi, Frankie.

[Kai]

A girl named Frankie is really cute.

[Drew Phillips]

I. I disagree about you.

[Kai]

I digress. But I digress.

[Drew Phillips]

Also.

[Kai]

We're about to be electrocuted, like, actually by these power lines. Like, they're getting louder and louder.

[Drew Phillips]

I know, dude. When we were starting the episode also, I realized in the beginning of the episode, you have the most reflective sunglasses on. So if anybody was paying attention, they literally just saw that not only were there people around us, but, like, you can see the whole thing. And I was gonna cut it. I was gonna cut you off and be like, let's undo it. But, like, I didn't. You know what? Somet sometimes the episode is just so good. You can't stop. You just can't do that. You just can't stop. Are you gonna go on your. Are you gonna finish your tyrant about being in the right timeline or, like, is that it?

[Kai]

So we basically, we live in a multiverse, right?

[Drew Phillips]

Sure.

[Kai]

Which just multiple versions of our realities. Like, any decision or choice you make branches off into a new reality. So there's, like, it's just forever expanding and forever, like. Like there was a reality where the walls fell towards us and crushed us and killed us type of vibe. But thank God we're in the right timeline. That would have been bad, but you're grateful for that. Every time we turn on the CERN accelerator, there's, like, this mask, like, mass panic of, like, people being like, oh, like the Mandela effect. The Mandela effect. Like, oh, I thought Mario had red overalls. Cern.

[Drew Phillips]

What is that?

[Kai]

It's the Particle. It's a particle accelerator. It's like I can't really get into the physics of it because like, I actually don't know what it is.

[Drew Phillips]

And it's a company.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like lagwp. Like.

[Kai]

Yes. It's getting lady.

[Inya]

It's the scientists that created 11 from Stranger Things.

[Kai]

No, they did it with the part. No, someone actually in a particle accelerator. This is actually a really interesting fact. Someone got hit by the particles. I'm not joking.

[Drew Phillips]

You know what I just thought of? You know what the particle accelerator is to me is those little fake laundry machines that people were scamming people to wash their beauty blenders in.

[Kai]

That's the particle accelerator.

[Drew Phillips]

That's the particle accelerator. Like when you say that and someone turning it on, I imagine someone filming a really anti climactic video of dirty water with a sponge in it.

[Kai]

It can go around the 11,000 times in a second. But it touched someone.

[Drew Phillips]

Who did it touch?

[Kai]

I don't exactly know exactly what happened to him. I don't think he died. I think it just phased right through.

[Drew Phillips]

He got hella smart.

[Kai]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't exactly know what happened, so I don't know why I brought it up, but.

[Drew Phillips]

But yeah, that's what the people are saying. Exactly, that's what the people are saying.

[Kai]

But basically every time there's the CERN reactors turned on, people complain about like Mandela effect. And like, then there's this theory that like, oh, maybe every time we explode a particle girl. What is the sound happening right now? It's like literally about to explode in.

[Drew Phillips]

Can you hear it?

[Kai]

No, but literally, it's crazy. Like, do y' all hear that? Like, it's about this.

[Drew Phillips]

It's not real. No one else hears it. Also, I meant if he heard it in the mic. Next time someone complains about something, I'd be like, you hear that? No. Okay, yeah. You're crazy.

[Kai]

I am also so cold.

[Drew Phillips]

But I thought you were like a man or whatever.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, the merch.

[Drew Phillips]

I know I was gonna mention in the first five minutes, but I was like, I mean, I would hope you could see this and like, get the picture.

[Kai]

We have hella merch. Like, we'll just add an ad in the very.

[Drew Phillips]

There's actually only three shirts, so y' all are gon all have to fight to the death. The only pieces of clothing are the ones we were wearing.

[Kai]

Literally. We got hoodies. I was wearing a gray T shirt in the beginning. We got this T shirt which Is my favorite. Then we got Monkey a T shirt version of this. And then we got a purple shirt.

[Drew Phillips]

We'll put it up, we'll throw it up. We'll throw up all over the place and put pictures.

[Kai]

Trust y' all will never hear the end of this. Mer drop. Like, it will never.

[Drew Phillips]

Except it will end. So don't be slick.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, literally, you will hear the end of it, but. So that's it. You're just crazy. That's what we know.

[Kai]

I just can't finish it because I keep getting interrupted, interrupting myself. It's one of my alters interrupting me.

[Drew Phillips]

It's the alter who is the scientist in you.

[Inya]

Stopping you in one of the timelines. Are you straight, Drew? Oh, they can see you. If you do it this time, they can see you. So what are you gonna do?

[Drew Phillips]

Don't do it. Oh.

[Kai]

Oh.

[Inya]

He was in trouble. He actually did it.

[Drew Phillips]

You defending your straight honor?

[Inya]

I think he knocked a tooth up. And slapping me.

[Drew Phillips]

Don't fucking say that to me again.

[Inya]

I'm sorry.

[Drew Phillips]

And then I gotta vote you start voguing.

[Kai]

That hurt my hands so bad. Good hitting your cheek, Kai. I wonder.

[Drew Phillips]

That's when you know. That's when you know you taught him a lesson. Is when it hurt you too.

[Kai]

I bet that looks so real. Like, I don't think it looks really.

[Inya]

There's no way.

[Kai]

I bet it standing.

[Inya]

I think I was like.

[Kai]

Just like that.

[Drew Phillips]

Just like magic. Just like. Matt, you don't know that song. You have no idea what I'm talking about. Well, speaking of multiverses, should we talk about the scariest dream I've had in a long time?

[Kai]

Oh, yes. Insert the clip right now.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. Not the clip of me crying.

[Kai]

Yeah. No. It's so cute. It literally made me cry.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. Should we play the audio clips?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Or we'll just overlay them. But we should probably play them because I don't. I literally don't remember what I said.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Should I give Conte first tap in?

[Kai]

Like.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay.

[Kai]

Talk about it.

[Drew Phillips]

So there I am sleeping. Let me paint a picture.

[Kai]

Let me paint a picture.

[Drew Phillips]

There I am sleeping.

[Kai]

You know, girl, our attacks are rancid.

[Drew Phillips]

I know.

[Kai]

It's just TikTok being sit back and forth to each other. We don't have conversations anymore.

[Drew Phillips]

So there I am, sleeping in my slumber. And I am having the most, most vivid dream. Like, I've had it a really long time. And it was just like I'm kind of forgetting it. And I wish I wrote it all down, but Like, I. It's not something I need to remember because it was so gnarly, but basically, for some reason, it was set up in my old home in like, my first childhood home. And like, it was like I came home and. Yeah, I came all over the place and I fell in it and I hit my head. And then I had to go to the hospital. It was a big mess. It was a big, slippery, wet mess.

[Kai]

But I wish I. Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

Is that you cleaning for me? Honestly, that's the best part about living with you is I could squirt anywhere and Drew immediately comes up and just sucks it out of the bed.

[Kai]

You basically teleport there. It's crazy. It's actually really scary.

[Drew Phillips]

We have to play that next is like our us at Orion's Ring camera.

[Kai]

Oh, bitch, I forgot about that. Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

So whatever. In the dream, I, like, come home and it's like my first home that I've ever lived in. And it's. But it's in la. It's like, oh, it's like one of those things where it's like you're in the grocery store, but the present is there. And, like, you're at the inauguration. Like, it's just like one of those setups. So, like, I got home and I opened the door and Josh is, like, freaking out and he's like, packing his bag. And I was like, what are you doing? And then he was like, he's just like, shaking his head and like, he, like, couldn't get the words out. And I go into your room and you're not. Dude, I'm actually gonna cry talking about it. It literally was like, so gnarly.

[Kai]

Cry about me.

[Drew Phillips]

It did. It was such a bad dream. So, like, I go in the room and like, you're not there. And I'm like, where's Drew? And he's like, oh, Drew, like, died today. And also what's like, so weird is like, it wasn't like. It was like a super funny way you died. It was literally like you died like masturbating. You, like, were constipated.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Like, that's literally how I would die though, is like. But. Because I don'.

[Drew Phillips]

It was like. It was gnarly and like. Like, I was in such shock over it. Cuz I just seen you that morning. And Josh was just like, packing. He's like, I need to move. I can't live here. And then like, I was like, I guess I need to move out too, cuz I don't want to live. Oh. Because Also, like, it was literally the scene where you died and there was, like, blood because you were, like, vomiting, like, blood. And so, like, it was like, a really gruesome scene. And I was like, oh, my God. So I, like, went and, like, started packing and then I was like, dude, I feel nauseous. Like, I was in shock and I hadn't cried yet. And then I went in the bathroom and closed the door. And I, like, I have never felt, like, emotional pain in a dream the way I did in that dream. Like, in that dream, I was literally like, like screaming, like, from the top of my lungs, like, so bad that, like, I, like, couldn't let out a scream anymore. And I was just, like, sobbing and.

[Kai]

Like, it was, like, scary.

[Drew Phillips]

I was in, like, so much, like, real distress.

[Kai]

I won't die. I won't die. But, you know, my theory is that that's a different reality that I actually did die in. I literally think that, like, when you wake up in a dream, that's a different reality.

[Drew Phillips]

No, like, I did wake up. But anyways, so I had this, like, really gnarly, vivid dream. And you know what freaked me out more is I was in so much pain in the bathroom, crying and, like, that I woke myself up. Like, I was in so much, like, physical and emotional distress that that's what woke me up. Like, it wasn't like a jump scare or anything. And, like, it wasn't even, like, a good time to wake up. It was like 7:00am and I just, like, woke up. And then I was, like, so taken aback by how emotional I was that I woke up and I sobbed for, like, 30 minutes. Like, I, like, boohoo. Cried.

[Kai]

And then there's a video of it because.

[Drew Phillips]

She said, dude, I like laughing, bruh.

[Kai]

And I. I saw that and I was like, girl, what the fuck happened? Because you didn't say. I just saw that I hadn't listened to it and I was like, who died? Like, literally, what is going on? Why? And you're crying, and I was like, wait, it was me that died. And then I get these voice memos. My heart is still freaking out. We won't. I won't spare you.

[Drew Phillips]

Because it's literally just sobbing, sobbing. And I, like, what's crazy is I couldn't stop. Like, I rolled over to go back to sleep and I just started crying more and I was, like, in so much distress and so anxious to the point where I almost got out of bed and wet and, like, laid in bed with you and, like, to see if you were awake oh, my God. But then I was like, I don't want to bother him and wake him up for this.

[Kai]

No, you literally should have, because it literally made me feel so loved. Because you know what I was doing while you were dreaming about this? I was literally spitting on myself. I woke up to myself spitting. Like, I like. Like spitting, and it would, like, land on my cheek. So you were dreaming about me dying and literally scream, crying, and I was spitting on myself.

[Drew Phillips]

You know, it's the funniest shit ever, is. I told this to Christian, and he was like, dude, you know what I was doing? Because Christian had a dream that he wrote the most amazing song ever, and he woke up and hummed it to him.

[Kai]

He literally thought he was creating the new Yesterday.

[Drew Phillips]

He literally thought he was a fucking beetle. Like, he got up and, like, sang a song into his body. He said when he woke up later, he listened to it. It was like, dude, that is so bad. And literally, I'm going, like, trying to remember it. And then he explained the dream to me. He said, dude, it was literally like. I described it to him like this. And he was like, that's ex. Exactly what it was. I was like, it's like in Bohemian Rhapsody when they remade the, like, the AIDS benefit concert. Thank you. Do we.

[Kai]

No, like, people around.

[Inya]

True.

[Drew Phillips]

That makes it better.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. That is literally. The bird is not real. Oh, see, it heard.

[Inya]

Yeah, I know.

[Kai]

He just floated there for five minutes. Y' all probably didn't see that, but there was a bird floating there for five minutes. Explain that.

[Drew Phillips]

He. I was like, oh, is it, like, literally in. I don't know if y' all have seen Bohemian Rhapsody. I haven't, but the lady on the plane next to me watched it. And there was, like, the longest scene ever of the. The AIDS benefit concert that Queen did. And it literally was a 30 minute scene of just the concert. Like, it was just them remaking a concert. And I was like, is that what it was? It was like that high D was like, no. Literally, in my dream, I had a live choir, like, in a studio, and I was at the board, and I was, like, tapping in and being like, try something.

[Kai]

Try something.

[Drew Phillips]

Think about how would you feel if you saw.

[Kai]

How did I die?

[Drew Phillips]

Your family for the first time in a long time. Yeah, that's what it was for him. And meanwhile, I was waking up crying. But you know what the craziest fucking part was? Is I don't think I told you this because I was saving it. When I went back to sleep in the Dream I was being accused of killing you, and it was literally, like, the staircase. Like, it was literally like, I came home, and then, like, there were police everywhere, and they were like, oh, what a coincidence that, like, you weren't here when it happened, and, like, you come here and you have no idea and all this, and they were really trying to pin it on me because we were together. And then. No, you know what it up is. Like, they. They went through my text and looked up your name, and, like, it was like we had gotten into a fight, and I had sent a text where I was like. Like, Drew's been, like, so, like, hard to deal with, and I was, like, venting in my text. So then they found it, and then they were like, what a coincidence. You sent this text two days ago or, like, last night, and now he's dead, and. And they were like, oh, like, you poisoned him. Like, and it was freaking me out. And in the dream, I just had more anxiety because I was like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

It is the ones you love the most that kill you.

[Drew Phillips]

I literally had zanxiety.

[Kai]

We need to bring back Xanarch. I'm a part of the Xanarchy zanarchy army.

[Drew Phillips]

But, yeah, that was, like, my dream, and it was really gnarly. Like, it's crazy because I talked about it yesterday, and I almost. I almost cried. But I don't know. Like, obviously it's, like, my love for you, but, like, it's because I've been so anxious, and I actually think, like, me or a loved one is gonna die soon.

[Kai]

Like, every time I like someone.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it'll probably be me.

[Kai]

It will be me.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's gonna be me.

[Kai]

We're still competitive over who's gonna die first. Well, that's the thing, though. I am competitive with my family that, like, I literally told my parents, I was like, I'm sorry, but I have to die before you because I cannot bury you, too. Like, I literally cannot do it. Like, I will die first, and I'm sorry you're gonna have to bury your son, but I'll be dead, so I won't care, but I will not bury you, too.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I.

[Kai]

And that's how I feel about you is I have to die before you.

[Drew Phillips]

No, that's literally. I think I also had that dream because I had said to a friend, like, two days ago, I was like, dude, the. The worst part about, like, losing, like, a friend is, like, that you have, like, a really close friend, is that you have to, like, live like the rest of Your life without them. Like, it literally is just like someone gets plopped out of your life and then you have to just continue. And then like 20 years later, you feel fine one day and then you just start thinking about them and like, you probably just think about them every day.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

And then you get like phantom, like. Like phantom, like, oh, I'm gonna like, yeah, I'm gonna text them. Oh, I'm gonna send this to them.

[Kai]

I have that with my brother a lot where I'm like, I'm gonna like send him a tick tock or something. I don't even think he ever got the experience. Tick tock was kind of crazy. Like, not that. Not the peak of it.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

You snooze, you lose.

[Drew Phillips]

I was literally gonna be like. I was gonna be like, oh, that literally sucks for him, dude.

[Kai]

That sucks so bad. No, he probably. He won the lottery by not having to experience the doom scrolling on TikTok. Literally the worst thing humans have ever done, it's creating doom scrolling.

[Drew Phillips]

But yeah, that was my dream. And now when I talk about it.

[Kai]

It is lovely that I am loved. It does make me feel good. And when I listened to those, I started crying the morning after. You made me cry.

[Drew Phillips]

Good.

[Kai]

That was intense. Let's talk about July 4th.

[Drew Phillips]

Fourth of July. It was fucking awesome.

[Kai]

Yep. It was sick.

[Drew Phillips]

It was awesome. Because we didn't do shit.

[Kai]

I don't care. Like, the Fourth of July is my favorite holiday.

[Drew Phillips]

It's literally just fireworks are so fun.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, obviously I know. Like, they're bad. Like, we should use drones. But I'm like, aren't drones bad too? Like, that's like so much waste.

[Kai]

It's like a bunch of plastic and shit. Like robots and shit making it. No, fireworks are fun as fuck. I. It's the best things humans have ever created. Simply, like, I honestly, if y' all wanted me to, I could go on an hour long rant about fireworks because I literally studied it, all of the chems that went into it, like, everything. But I won't subject you to that because, like, in high school I was just like hyper obsessed. Or middle school, I was hyper obsessed with fireworks. Like, to the point where I started building my own and like rolling my own. They're called stars.

[Drew Phillips]

Joints.

[Kai]

No. Yeah, rolling my own joints. And like, you'd get like a rock tumbler and put all the chems in there and then they would start rolling into what's called stars. And they're the little balls that you see. Like, like, you know how it's A bunch of separate ones. Those are called stars. And you can make them, like, different colors based on, like, different chemicals and shit. But I made my own. And then we made our own firework and blew it up in my front yard, and it was fucking lit and it actually worked. And I very easily could have gone down a career path of making fireworks or making YouTube videos of fireworks.

[Drew Phillips]

Maybe. I say that about literally, like, anything you've ever done as a hobby. You're like, I very easily could have made that my whole life.

[Inya]

You do look like a guy that.

[Drew Phillips]

Makes fun that, like, you should just do firework videos. Like, I feel like it literally, like, that is one thing that has been consistent about you from the moment I met you is literally your love for fireworks. You're not very consistent in anything, but, like, your love for blowing shit up has stayed the same.

[Kai]

I do, like, so stupid.

[Drew Phillips]

I do get it, though. Like, fireworks are genuinely so fun. And, like, I. Yes, I understand. Like, if you have a dog, like, it sucks, whatever. Like, put earplugs in it.

[Kai]

Yeah, my dog is crying.

[Drew Phillips]

Give that bitch some AirPod. Max pros.

[Kai]

Literally, man up. Women need to man up. Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. You don't have to say that. Where does that come from?

[Kai]

Girls cry.

[Drew Phillips]

Remember when Frank Ocean accidentally polluted the Internet by saying, boys don't cry? So literally every man would take a photo of himself crying and then make the captain, boys don't cry.

[Kai]

Men can cry, too. No, you shouldn't. Men should not cry.

[Drew Phillips]

Who said boys don't cry?

[Kai]

I'm sorry. Have you ever cried?

[Inya]

Have I ever cried?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

You seem like you look exactly like the type.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. I was about to say, you seem like the kind of person I've never.

[Kai]

Cried once in my life.

[Inya]

You just admitted to crying, like, this morning or something.

[Drew Phillips]

He didn't. It was. Oh, my God. See? And you tapping back into not listening, taking tabs.

[Inya]

Didn't you said you cried yesterday morning?

[Drew Phillips]

No, he said he came yesterday morning.

[Kai]

Exactly. I said I woke up spitting on myself, not crying.

[Drew Phillips]

You're putting words into his mouth. He said he woke up drooling and coughing up loo keys on himself.

[Kai]

Oh, I've been so congested.

[Inya]

The. The mental image of you, like, sobbing in your dream and you just, like, spitting all over yourself.

[Drew Phillips]

Why? Why do that?

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Drew Phillips]

Choking in your dream?

[Kai]

No, it's happened a few times.

[Inya]

Very, like, geriatric behavior.

[Kai]

It's happened a few times where I've, like, woke up spitting on myself.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you know how, like, an ongoing joke and, like, is that Trixie? Trixie laughs like a. Like a bird. I am Trixie.

[Kai]

You're the trick.

[Drew Phillips]

Literally, like, my laugh is like, you literally are Trixie.

[Kai]

You are Trixie. And I'm cocky.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. All you need is one crazy and one overly confident, and then you have Trixie.

[Kai]

You have the best podcast dynamic ever. You make a million dollars.

[Drew Phillips]

Let me on your podcast. This is an open call. Let me on. Let me on. Let me in.

[Kai]

We should start a new podcast.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. This one. Yeah, I'm kind of over it.

[Kai]

I'm over this.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like, it's such a whack.

[Kai]

I've always wanted to actually, like, start a new one. Like, keep this one. No, shut the up. Let me finish.

[Drew Phillips]

I've always wanted, like, the second episode. You were like, I really want a different one.

[Kai]

No, like, I mean, like, have two.

[Drew Phillips]

Side hustle right now.

[Kai]

Have to.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, this really new and cool, easy side hustle that I've picked up. It's like, never mind. Whatever.

[Kai]

Selling commercials to Trident. You know, someone made that YouTube video or that tick tock. No, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

[Drew Phillips]

Why are you so accusatory? I don't know. Who is he?

[Kai]

I love fireworks, bro. I'm just thinking about them.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it literally was fun. Like, that's the most fun I've had. And it was just like watching fireworks, dude. The thing I like about fireworks is like, I want. I like that it's, like, almost deafening.

[Kai]

Sometimes because it's literally so feel it inside of you.

[Drew Phillips]

Like.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Inya]

It does hit your prostate every once in a while.

[Kai]

It actually unironically.

[Inya]

Every once in a while, it'll hit your.

[Drew Phillips]

It is July. Keep that in mind.

[Inya]

Okay.

[Kai]

What the is that supposed to mean?

[Drew Phillips]

I'm saying it in a threatening way. And I mean, I'm gonna start using.

[Kai]

Your month was last month.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm gonna start saying it's July in a threatening way.

[Kai]

Why don't the vets get a month? Why don't the straight people get a month?

[Drew Phillips]

Why doesn't your mom's vagina hole get a monster?

[Kai]

Why don't you let me eat your mama's vagina out? Drew Phillips, eating your mama's vagina hole.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. Have y' all seen this new video? Drew Philip eating your mama vagina hole.

[Inya]

Sometimes when you guys say like that, I imagine, like, potential ad people.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, the thing is, they see that and they're like, no, they don't see it. That's the funny part. It's like. Like, y' all need to be more careful about who you give ads to, because you gotta listen to a whole episode because you might change your mind.

[Kai]

Thank you for sponsoring this episode. Betterhelp. Vagina pussy fart.

[Drew Phillips]

Yo mama's stinky vagina hole. Pussy fart squirting.

[Kai]

It's, like, literally not funny at all.

[Drew Phillips]

Your mom's tiny pussy hole.

[Kai]

Stop. It's literally not funny at all.

[Drew Phillips]

Can I see your mom's pee hole? Wait. I'm literally gonna spread your pee hole.

[Kai]

Drew, don't. Don't.

[Drew Phillips]

No, seriously, I do not do that. Like, I'm gonna spread my pee hole.

[Kai]

So that I instantly like.

[Drew Phillips]

Right now, peeing is like, like, a 10 to 15 second endeavor, but if you just spread that hole a little bit, it'll just all fall out.

[Inya]

Yeah, Drew's been doing that.

[Kai]

You know what I mean?

[Drew Phillips]

It'd be like turning a bucket upside down. Just, you know.

[Inya]

You know what I like a disc.

[Kai]

You know what I do? Okay. If you grab a water bottle, you spin it, make a vortex, and pour it out. It pours like crazy. Yeah, I spin around, like, really fast, and it just comes out.

[Drew Phillips]

But then, like, do you have time to, like, grab your wiener?

[Kai]

No, it just goes everywhere. I do it in the shower.

[Drew Phillips]

The bathroom does have a funny smell sometimes.

[Kai]

Oh, our bath mat stinks. Like, it's because it, like, molds. We, like, step on it wet. I, like, dry off before I dry off in the shower. Like, I'm supposed to be able to dry off on the shower mat, but now I dry off in the fucking shower.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. No, I don't believe that you should be able to dry off on the shower mat. I think the way you're. Every human is supposed to do it is you wipe one foot and you, like, kind of get up to your thigh. You step down one up to your thigh, and then you rinse the rest of your body. You are a fucking animal if you step out of the shower.

[Kai]

Oh, be real. Be real. We gotta be real on the fucking podcast. Wow. Hold on. Tap in. I can't believe it. This is the latest one. But, no, I fully fucking agree with you that, like, you should, like, 100% dry off in the shower before you fucking step on the floor.

[Drew Phillips]

Be real this, be real that. Be real with yourself and go get some bitches.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what I think.

[Kai]

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Come, come, come, come. This app is fucking bullshit. It sucks fucking ass. Like, Be real creators. If you can hear me, your app blows fucking chunks. Like, fix it.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I don't use that shit because I like, when I'm with my, like, people and I'm, like, enjoying. Don't have. I don't even have time to, like, take a photo. Like, I'm just, like, too busy immersed in conversation and, like, loving my life.

[Kai]

Okay, you're also lame as, like, let's have that conversation.

[Drew Phillips]

Last night, Christian was like. He was like, oh, my phone's, like, off because it was, like, low battery. Like, I've just had it turned off. And we were like, do you want it to charge it? He's like, no, actually, like, I just, like, actually looking at you guys and talking to you guys.

[Kai]

Gorgeous.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know if. Ew. The way you just looked at that selfie.

[Kai]

Don't even talk about it.

[Drew Phillips]

No, you're taking it again. That is not real.

[Kai]

You got two minutes to do it.

[Drew Phillips]

You have two minutes to forsect yourself. Oh, what?

[Inya]

I did not say that to per second.

[Kai]

What the.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry. Prosecco. I was thinking about Prosecco because I'm gonna get up tonight.

[Kai]

Go. What were we talking about?

[Drew Phillips]

What are you talking about?

[Kai]

What were we talking about?

[Drew Phillips]

Dude, sometimes when we do this, like, once we're getting close to the hour, like, I become absolutely delusional. Like, I don't feel like a real human anymore.

[Kai]

We could talk about this. Should I talk about that or. No, that's, like, too much.

[Drew Phillips]

That's so funny.

[Kai]

Okay. So when I was back in Texas, I had to edit a YouTube video film and edit a YouTube video, but I just don't have a MacBook and I only edit in Final Cut Pro. And you can only get it, blah, blah, blah. You can only get it on MacBook whatever. And I didn't want to bother my sister and Steven to use theirs because I was just, like, being annoying. That is literally so cute. Like, stop. But I needed to edit. I was like, actually, doesn't Apple have, like, a 14 day return period? So I went there and I was like. They told me, like, oh, yeah, like, you can return it. Like, no questions asked. Like, just like, if you need it for 14 days, you can use it for 14 days and return it. So I was like, oh, I'm gonna do that. And I bought the computer, used it for three days, and then on my way back to the airport, flying back to la, I returned it. And I had already, like, logged into it and had all of my, like, icloud and on it, and I I asked about, like, oh, I. I bought Apple Care because I was like, God forbid that I have this fucking laptop Apple Care. I, like, break it and, like, yeah, like, that would fudgeing suck. So I was just like. I was like, I'm going to take the L on the Apple Care and, like, pay $130. Edit this YouTube video. Not the end of the world. Like, it gets done. Work gets done, whatever. So. But I was like, I'm still going to ask. So I asked if I could get a refund on it. And he was like, oh, let's see if it, like, even showed up in your subscriptions on your iPhone. And I opened my iPhone and, like, in the ass, it was like, literally at the very top was Grindr. And I literally wanted to fucking kill myself. I was like, like, this is actually the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

[Drew Phillips]

Hey.

[Kai]

And I only have. I have it downloaded, like, as a joke, like.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, no, for sure.

[Kai]

You don't like a joke. It's, like, funny, funny.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We accept you as you are.

[Inya]

They need to make a straight Grinder.

[Drew Phillips]

There's, like, so many.

[Inya]

What?

[Drew Phillips]

There's, like, so many of those. They're just called, like, dating apps and stuff.

[Kai]

Straight people don't need everything.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, like, if you really want, like. Like to get, like, why don't you go do it in real life instead of on your iPhone?

[Kai]

Exactly. Exactly. That's like. I've been saying that the entire time.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, you pay for, like, you also pay for.

[Kai]

Oh, no, I don't pay for it. Oh, I don't. That was all a lie.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I lie about literally.

[Kai]

Actually, you know what it is, is I got gifted it by Ian because he works at Grindr.

[Drew Phillips]

How come I'm not on there?

[Kai]

Because you're. You're not a girl.

[Drew Phillips]

Hi. Let me get one of those.

[Kai]

Damn. Wait. Doritos are actually so good. I wish I had wet hands. They always had wet pull fingers.

[Drew Phillips]

You know what makes eating Doritos with pruning finger so good is because since your fingers are pruned up, all the cheese gets stuck in those little crevices.

[Kai]

Doing its damn job.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, and you're scooping up extra, like, dirt.

[Kai]

We haven't even talked about it.

[Drew Phillips]

Eating with dirty hands kind of tastes good. Because it's salty.

[Kai]

Exactly. There. You're not a weirdo for that. Yeah, we've been working out.

[Drew Phillips]

We've gone to the gym twice.

[Kai]

We work out. We have gym memberships that, like, we are people that work out. Like, we don't have to talk about this.

[Drew Phillips]

Do not talk to me at the gym. That, okay, that I, I, I don't care if anybody talks to me in b way, actually. But that is so embarrassing because I genuinely think working out is so embarrassing.

[Kai]

It's the most humiliating thing in the world. And it's even more humiliating when you're like, disgusting, red, sweaty, like, the most vile state you've ever been in. And then one of you who watch this podcast come up to us and are like, like, hey, we watch the podcast. I was like, oh, don't tell me that.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't wanna, like, I don't want to know.

[Kai]

You can't see me in this state. Like, you can't see me sweaty and red. Like, I, I can't do it. Like, I'm disgusting and Because I sweat and I stink. Like, I stink. I sweat.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I smell really good. My, Honestly, maybe come up to me but like, oh, don't even do that to yourself because I'm like at peak pheromones. And then you might, like, find yourself in like, shambles because you can't have sex.

[Kai]

It's really hard.

[Drew Phillips]

So that. Oh.

[Kai]

That was God's sign.

[Drew Phillips]

Damn.

[Kai]

Damn, that light was doing a lot.

[Drew Phillips]

I know.

[Kai]

It was like, that was working like crazy.

[Drew Phillips]

But yeah, please don't come up to me at the gym. Like, come up to me anywhere else. Like, I don't care. Like, I would never tell anybody to not come up to me. But, like, there is something so embarrassing about working out. Like, as a person, you shouldn't be working out because that's just embarrassing. Like, running on a treadmill is literally so dystopian and embarrassing. And the fact that, like, someone has seen me do that. Oh, my God, that's literally so embarrassing.

[Kai]

I know. I fully agree. You know what's even more embarrassing is doing like, push ups in your bedroom or core exercises. Like, no, I've said it crunches in your bedroom.

[Drew Phillips]

I've seen someone I was having sex with, like, working out on a yoga mat in their living room. And at that moment I was like, yeah, I'm gonna have to tap out.

[Kai]

Yeah, never mind.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm gonna have to tap out. This is gross. Like, you grow up. Oh, that's so embarrassing. Oh, oh. Oh, my God. God bless you, though.

[Kai]

I fully agree.

[Drew Phillips]

God bless you.

[Kai]

Okay, what's happening to me?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, Media of the week. I've been on a big Aventura kick. Aventura.

[Kai]

Aventura.

[Drew Phillips]

So, okay, someone told me this.

[Kai]

Wait, riddle me this.

[Drew Phillips]

This song is not supposed to sound like that. Oh, actually, wait. I just figured it out. Wait.

[Kai]

All right, we got copyright striked. There goes the episode.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, I figured it out, y' all. I don't need you.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, so here's the thing. I think Aventura. I don't know who did it first, but, like, they have a song. Whatever. Whatever. It doesn't even make sense. You. You stop talking to me. Anyway, I've been on a big Aventura kick, so my media of the week is Lavoda and then Hermanita. Those two songs have been, like, doing it for me. Night Vision by Daft Punk, My October Symphony, Pet Shop Boys, Chrysalis by Pram, and Hey Girl by Lady Gaga. And then both of the new Steve Lacy singles have been really doing it for me.

[Kai]

I've been listening to Zuzu, I think Xiu Xiu. Really weird music. But I love my Discover Weekly was crazy, and I'm trying to find the song off of it that I really liked. Oh, here it is. Pressure Point. Oh, no, that's the playlist name Folding by Lee Gamble was, like, really, really, really good. And I have also been listening to still, like, so much rap, and I don't know. Like, I've already. I've talked about it 3,000 times. It's the same songs over and over again. Like, Homesick, Basic Talon by Case Durindo. I really like that style of rap. I think it's Coming up.

[Drew Phillips]

By UGK is probably one of the best songs ever.

[Kai]

Oh, you know what? I watched the Bear. Oh, I watched it in two days, and it was actually, like, really good. Like, the first episode, there were some things that happened that I was like. Like, this is, like, crossing my suspension of. What is it? Suspension of disbelief. Like, yeah, like, this would not happen in reality. But then I leaned into it, and I was like, relax. Like, no one's saying this is the best show ever made. Like, don't treat it like that. And I just had fun watching it, and, like, I plowed through that and, like. Like, I forget his name. But the dude from Shameless is, like, such a good actor. It's, like, disgusting. Like, he's, like, he is talented. Like, it's. It's crazy. He's really good. Everybody else bodied their roles like they were cat. Like, everyone was cast so well, and, like, the. The. The mom in the kitchen. Like, I won't spoil anything, but she was my favorite character, and she had really good character arc. But, yeah, the show is really great. Like, it's it's really hard for me to, like, like, like, get behind high stakes cooking because I'm like, girl, like, high stakes cooking. Like, that's like, what? Like, it's really never that deep. Like, pig was that way. Like, it's really not that deep, but I love it. And I loved the bear.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, Pig with Nicholas Cage.

[Kai]

I love that movie.

[Drew Phillips]

That was about cooking.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was like, about. It was literally about, like, truffle hunting. Like, a pig that, like, hunted for truffles.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, come on.

[Kai]

Truffles are good, but truffle oil is disgusting.

[Drew Phillips]

Is the worst thing to happen to mankind. Like, you need to stop on this.

[Kai]

Like, you do not need to putting truffle oil in dishes. Like, you're sick for it. It's really wrong. And, like, not everything needs truffle.

[Drew Phillips]

They're like, yeah, let me put this truffle on an acai bowl right now. Like, no, don't put that on there. Like, get it away.

[Kai]

Fresh truffles are good, though.

[Drew Phillips]

I'll. And tonight we're gonna make truffle butter. Truffle butter on your.

[Kai]

Exactly. You're such a pissy. Merch is going live tomorrow, so Saturday.

[Drew Phillips]

July 9th, 12pm PST.

[Kai]

Go buy it.

[Drew Phillips]

Be there. Be or be square.

[Kai]

It's gonna be limited. Buy it early, Whatever your mama.

[Drew Phillips]

Stinky vagina hole for free shipping.

[Kai]

Girl, cut that.

[Drew Phillips]

I was kidding.

[Kai]

Don't do that. But yeah, Merch live tomorrow, tap in.

[Drew Phillips]

Dude, I'm imagining someone hearing that. Be like, oh, okay. And, like, just pausing immediately and going and typing that in and trying, like, eight different variations of how.

[Kai]

All capital, no capital. Every other letter is uncapital.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Thank you guys so much for all the support. Yeah, it genuinely has been so awesome. I was planning on going on, like, a really, like, sappy spiel, but I'll save it for next episode maybe.

[Kai]

Yeah, maybe you'll see me cry. I don't cry.

[Drew Phillips]

Shift.