addressing drews thirst trap

Summary

Emergency Intercom – Episode: "Addressing Drew’s Thirst Trap"
Release Date: December 6, 2024
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips

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1. Health Concerns and Zocdoc Sponsorship

The episode kicks off with a brief sponsorship segment for Zocdoc, where both hosts share their personal experiences. Enya mentions her recent hypochondriac tendencies, expressing relief in booking a doctor’s appointment through Zocdoc:

• Enya [00:06]: "I recently have fallen into a bit of a hypochondriac state... last night I booked an appointment and today I'm going to one in an hour."

Drew reinforces the ease of using Zocdoc to find and book appointments instantly:

• Drew Phillips [00:23]: "ZocDoc is a free app and website... We love ZocDoc and you should try it too."

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2. Illness and Personal Dynamics

Enya and Drew discuss their recent sick days, highlighting their shared vulnerability and humorous take on falling ill:

• Enya [02:03]: "I got really sick and then I got Drew sick..."
• Drew Phillips [02:41]: "My jacket is inside out, but I am too lazy."

Their conversation delves into how being sick affects their energy levels and interactions, showcasing their comedic chemistry.

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3. Memes and Social Media Commentary

The hosts reminisce about past memes they believe should make a comeback, particularly focusing on "Damn Daniel" and its variations:

• Drew Phillips [03:10]: "So first we need to be Damn Daniel... Now we really need to bring Dam boy Boy."

Enya reflects on the nature of TikTok comment sections, describing them as a "being mean in a humorous way competition":

• Enya [03:39]: "It's like, being mean in a humorous way competition. And usually we can all laugh at it because it's like, that's got nothing to do with me."

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4. Critique of Fortnite's Evolution

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to critiquing Fortnite's recent changes and commercialization. Enya and Drew express frustration over Fortnite's attempts to diversify by incorporating elements from other games and expanding its market:

• Enya [08:51]: "Fortnite is trying to monopolize the gaming industry... It's trying to become the new steam."
• Drew Phillips [10:06]: "I want boots on ground, boots down. Hello."

They discuss specific features they dislike, such as flying mechanics and excessive marketing, emphasizing a desire for Fortnite to return to its roots as a shooter game.

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5. Movie Discussions: Wicked and Barbie

The hosts delve into their thoughts on the musical Wicked and the movie Barbie, sharing personal reactions and critiques:

• Enya [31:39]: "My media of the week is Wicked. I actually want to see it again."
• Drew Phillips [48:15]: "My curse of the week is the fucking scam that is cryotherapy and red light therapy..."

They express a strong emotional connection to Wicked, with Enya stating:

• Enya [47:07]: "I need to see Wicked again. That's my only media."

Conversely, they criticize Barbie, highlighting perceived misogyny and distancing themselves from its themes.

• Enya [38:28]: "I did not want that to come across as that. And yes, I did edit my ass."

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6. Personal Anecdotes and Relationship Dynamics

Enya and Drew share humorous yet candid stories about their relationship dynamics, including household chores and communication mishaps:

• Enya [21:58]: "I genuinely, like, I believe a woman's job is to do dishes."
• Drew Phillips [23:00]: "We listen and we don't judge."

They discuss their challenges with texting and responding to messages, adding a layer of relatability for listeners:

• Drew Phillips [40:55]: "I get trapped in this loop where... I can't respond because... a week will pass by."
• Enya [42:48]: "I'm sorry if you don't get a Text back from me."

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7. Audience Interaction and Memes Submission

Towards the end, the hosts interact with audience-submitted memes and social media content, maintaining the show's interactive and comedic spirit:

• Drew Phillips [53:06]: "Subway got some nerve asking for a tip... let's play this."
• Enya [54:43]: "You need to start going back to making your own but the problem is that just turns into your really scary standup."

They play and react to various memes, further engaging listeners with their spontaneous humor.

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8. Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up

In the concluding segments, Enya and Drew reflect on personal growth, fears, and aspirations for the future. Enya expresses a desire to take better care of her health despite her fear of doctors:

• Enya [45:07]: "I really want to care for myself in a deeper way... But I'm scared of doctors."

Drew shares his own health concerns and the importance of addressing them:

• Drew Phillips [46:20]: "I got all these heart tests done... I was, like, fainting and standing up too fast."

Their candid discussions about health and well-being add depth to the episode, balancing humor with genuine introspection.

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Notable Quotes

• Enya [04:08]: "I saw a comment about myself and it made me laugh..."
• Drew Phillips [06:19]: "Speaking of comment sections..."
• Enya [16:00]: "One night while we were hanging out, I randomly asked her if she wanted to see Wicked..."
• Drew Phillips [33:31]: "Only time I check to see if I have text is when I wake up."

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Conclusion

"Addressing Drew’s Thirst Trap" encapsulates Emergency Intercom's signature blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and social commentary. Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips navigate through topics ranging from personal health and relationship dynamics to critiques of popular media and gaming culture, all while maintaining an engaging and relatable dialogue. The episode is a testament to their comedic prowess and authentic connection, making it a must-listen for both regular followers and new listeners.

Transcript

[Drew Phillips]

Hey guys, we wanted to take a quick second to thanks zocdoc for being one of our sponsors for today's episode.

[Enya]

I recently have fallen into a bit of a hypochondriac state. I don't know if that's the way you say that, but I've been overanalyzing my health and lack thereof. Zocdoc is the best because I'm putting all of that to rest immediately because last night I booked an appointment and today I'm going to one in an hour.

[Drew Phillips]

ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click and book an appointment instead. Instantly. We love ZocDoc and you should try it too. So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.comIntercom to find an instantly booked top rated doctors today. That's Z O c d o c.com Intercom Zocdoc.com Intercom this episode is brought.

[Unknown]

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[Drew Phillips]

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[Enya]

Hey. Ew.

[Drew Phillips]

Hi.

[Enya]

Hi, Drew. Oh, my God, we're both wearing stripes.

[Drew Phillips]

Aw. We didn't even do this on purpose.

[Enya]

We got dressed separately. We usually get dressed in the same room.

[Drew Phillips]

Guys, if I'm low energy today and you got me fucking sick and I'm.

[Enya]

Still a little sick, my throat is. I need some throat coke from my king, if you know what I mean.

[Drew Phillips]

Throat Coke from the goat.

[Enya]

I got really sick and then I got Drew sick and it's just like. That's something about me is like I am a very. I share. You're a giver yeah, I'm a giver.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, you spread illnesses so take it.

[Enya]

Like a taker because, baby, I'm a giver.

[Drew Phillips]

My jacket is inside out, but I am too lazy.

[Enya]

No, I like it like that. I was going to say it's a vibe. It's a vibe.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm too lazy to flip it the right way out because any movements I make hurt my entire body. Yes, it's a vibe. But I just wanted to start this video off by saying that we need to bring back. Oh, wait. Welcome to this episode of Emergency. We haven't been doing that recently, but there's a few memes that I think we need to bring back.

[Enya]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Drew Phillips]

So first we need to be Damn Daniel. Okay, now we really need to bring Dam boy Boy.

[Enya]

Okay, what's the other one? Is that it?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I think Damn Daniel boy. Like, I'm with the boys, but boy.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

I think that's like a few.

[Enya]

So you kind of just want like guy culture to come back?

[Drew Phillips]

Well, we really don't have regular guy culture.

[Enya]

Is regular guy memes. Well, last night I had a moment. I had a moment happen to me. So I feel like obviously everybody watching can understand this feeling of like, tick tocks. Comment section is just. It's like the being mean competition. But, like, being mean in a humorous way competition. And usually we can all laugh at it because it's like, that's got nothing to do with me. This is just about the person in the video.

[Drew Phillips]

They fucking me over recently.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I got a lot. I got a lot.

[Enya]

I saw a comment about myself and it made me laugh and I was like, that's a crazy comment to make. And like, I had fully disassociated because me and Drew, at this point, I feel like I won't speak for Drew, but I'm so, like, my brain, it doesn't mean anything to see myself on my phone at this point. I'm just like. Like, I interact with it like it's a random person. It's really weird. And I was doing that with this video because I was like, oh, my God, we're so funny. And it's us talking about the pies. I need to show this to you in the way. Like, I wanted to post this so bad last night. So we'll put it on the screen.

[Drew Phillips]

Six feet under.

[Enya]

Sounds disgusting, but I am like, so it's a video of me talking about how I don't like pies. And I never go through comments. I usually. I'll Open comments on videos of us and look at the top three. And the second I see one, even.

[Drew Phillips]

With a negative, like just. It doesn't even have to be negative aura, but I'm out of there.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm just, I'm, I'm leaving. I don't want to see what anybody has to say about me. If it's negative, it's just not useful for me. But I was going through the comments of this because all the comments were funny. I was like, damn, this is awesome. We're all laughing together. Someone said, of course she didn't grow up on pies, bro. What? Where's her mama at? And somebody replied, six feet under sounds disgusting, but I am like so anti. Pie and fruits being mingled with.

[Drew Phillips]

That's crazy. That is crazy.

[Enya]

You give a an inch and they will take a mile.

[Drew Phillips]

They will run a fucking mile with that.

[Enya]

I was so disconnected from watching that. That was like. I was just really high sitting on the couch. I was like, like, just like laughing at my phone. I was like, ate her up. It's just me talking about not liking pies. Like, all I said was, I don't with pies. Somebody had to bring that mom.

[Drew Phillips]

Where your mama at? But your mom, dad, where your mama at?

[Enya]

Your mama's so ugly, she dead.

[Drew Phillips]

Where your mama at?

[Enya]

Six feet under.

[Drew Phillips]

No. Where your brother at? Where your mama at?

[Enya]

Where's your mother at?

[Drew Phillips]

No, my brother.

[Enya]

Oh, oh. Where's your brother? Sorry, I'm like so obvious.

[Drew Phillips]

Speaking of comment sections. So Jacob Elordi grew out a beard and grew out his hair a little bit. And I mean, we can all agree, like, he doesn't look that good, but we all know it's for a role and he's not doing it by choice. At least I fucking hope.

[Enya]

But the thing is, my hot take is I don't think he looks that bad. He just looks like he's just a guy. But I also, I'm not like, I've never looked normal sex.

[Drew Phillips]

He just, he just looks like a normal guy. And then when he's like cleaned up, he's like hot Australian guy. Is he Australian or British?

[Enya]

He, I mean like, you literally could, you couldn't.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, every British person is Australian and I would believe you. And every Australian.

[Enya]

Same thing with like New Zealand.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like you all New Zealand.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's all the same.

[Drew Phillips]

It all sounds kind of Irish. But I saw videos of him and I kept getting tagged in videos of it and I was like, oh, haha. Like people think that I would Find this funny. Like, that's so funny. And then I started, like, the wheels in my brain started turning. And then I went to. I was scrolling down and an in Mills video came up of him talking about Jacob Elordi. And literally everyone was like, unanimously, like, he's ugly. Why did he do this? I can't believe he's done this. Like, I feel like I've been shot. This is my 9 11. Like, da da da da da da da da da, bitch. Why did a comment with like 15,000 likes on end Mills videos say, wait, I thought this was Drew Phillips. So when I say Jacob Elordi is my twin, y'all want to say, haha, no, it's not. But when Jacob Elordi is ugly, he's my fucking. Wow, y'all are crazy. Is crazy.

[Enya]

You guys forget we're people.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, we're people. Yeah. But no, I just thought that was like so fucking funny that like the one time someone hot gets compared to me, it's Jacob Elordi. Ugly Jacob Elordi with a beard. And I'm curious if he thought he's. If he thought he looked good. I feel really bad for him because I know the pain.

[Enya]

I know the pain of feeling sexy and hearing the opposite in return. The thing is, like, a lot of us should just shut up. Like, let's. Guys, let's just stop. Like, let's stop.

[Drew Phillips]

Except for me.

[Enya]

Yeah, no, we. No, no, no. You have the mics.

[Drew Phillips]

You shut up.

[Enya]

Oh, you shut up.

[Drew Phillips]

No, you shut up. Where your mama? Where your mama?

[Enya]

But yeah, also, I've decided that I hate Fortnite, and Fortnite has been corrupted by Disney and Disney is evil. Although I still really fudge with like a Disneyland vibe. It is fucking. You have a bloody nose for me.

[Drew Phillips]

You hit me.

[Enya]

Yeah, well, did you know if you.

[Drew Phillips]

Have a bloody nose, like your knee jerk reaction is to tilt your head back and like do this. But that's actually like the worst thing you can possibly do because all of the blood is just going straight down your throat and into your stomach and making you super nauseous. And some people will literally just throw up a bunch of blood. So you're supposed to like tilt your head back just a little bit so it's not like going all over your fucking face. Pinch and then put like gauze or tampon or whatever the fuck inside your nose.

[Enya]

I've never had a bloody nose and I really want a bloody nose.

[Drew Phillips]

They're so chic.

[Enya]

Like, they're so kind. Like a bloody nose Will just always a lot of people think, like they have negative comments. Nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, like, but just like getting like a dry nose is kind of chic. Like, it's like, yeah, I've been in a dry climate, like, but I guess.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's associated with too much crazy shit. So like if I got a bloody nose, my immediate reaction would be to take a picture and post it. But then everybody would be like, she's doing coke. Ho.

[Drew Phillips]

The devil Couldn't be me. The devil. Cocaine is the devil. And if you do cocaine and you're listening to this high on cocaine. Babe, I'm talking to you.

[Enya]

Stop a stop a stop a stop.

[Drew Phillips]

But what were you saying though?

[Enya]

A whole lot of nothing, period.

[Drew Phillips]

There was something you were saying though.

[Enya]

Oh, Fortnite, bruh. Okay. Fortnite is trying to monopolize the gaming industry. They are trying to become the new steam. Like they want to just be like, if you look at for, they're really.

[Drew Phillips]

Just trying to be Roblox. Yeah, Roblox is like a trillion dollar company.

[Enya]

Oh no. 100%. Because now their logo on Fortnite is like all these like screenshots are just like showing all the different games you can play in Fortnite. Like you can do og, you could do Lego build, you could do like the hunter thing. Like this. This is that. Ho. Shut the fuck up. Like, reject modernity. Embrace tradition. Go back to just being a first person or whatever, third person shooter game. That's all you have to be. Get that Lego shit out of my fucking face. Stop trying to sell me fudgeing sneakers for now. You're trying to sell me everything. Everything is like a money move for Fortnite and I just don't like it. Like once a company starts to think I'm dumb enough to fall into it, that's where I stop it. But I will say with all that being said last by the hot to go emo.

[Drew Phillips]

Also the foam posits are kind of.

[Enya]

Fire like it is. But I'm like, why? Seriously, like, I'm buying shoes now. Consumption has gone so crazy. I'm buying shoes for my character and Fortnite to go run around.

[Drew Phillips]

They're non fungible tokens. It's like really, really shocking.

[Enya]

So dark. But I will be buying.

[Drew Phillips]

The fortnight's fall off, like really like in the last like two weeks needs to be studied because like, I swear to God, no one gives a fuck about that game right now. And like they need to do something very drastic to bring it back because There was, like, month where it was fucking fun. And then they started adding all this weird flying bullshit that no one fucking wants. No one wants to fly a fucking round in Fortnite. God damn it. No one fucking wants to fly on a jetpack with a fucking century gun that shoots everybody for you. That is so fucking pointless. Like, I want boots on ground, boots down. Hello.

[Enya]

Boots down on the ground.

[Drew Phillips]

And a gold scar. Like, hello. That's literally all I want, and that's all we need. And, like, all this flying bullshit. Like, now there's ender pearls in Fortnite, apparently.

[Enya]

Fuck is that?

[Drew Phillips]

Like, you know, Minecraft, Ender pearl girls. Like, you can throw a thing 200 meters.

[Enya]

Like, no. Okay. Like, no, no. We need to reel it back. And also, I don't know why my brain is going here, but it's like, there are some things that when the marketing is that crazy and they're going that insane, I'm like, fuck that. But then once I step in, I understand, and I'm like, honestly, you go and do whatever you want with marketing, because that's how I feel about Wicked. Wicked. Like, I'm not a theater kid. I'm not somebody who likes musicals. I'm always, like, ill. Like, musicals annoy me. Like, blah, blah, blah. Wicked got my heart. Fortnite is trying to do what Wicked did with their campaign. You're not gonna do it. And I'm done with Fortnite.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't give a fuck about the musical Wicked, but after seeing the movie, I don't know what we call ourselves. Like, are we wickets? Like, are we, like. We're like, wickets? Like, E, T, T, E, S. I.

[Enya]

Feel like it's just like, I'm wicked as fuck.

[Drew Phillips]

No. Like, it's about to get wicked.

[Enya]

No, it's getting wicked.

[Drew Phillips]

It's really about to get Wicked.

[Enya]

Like, life has become extremely wicked.

[Drew Phillips]

But I didn't know it was, like. It was a vibe like that. Like, El Faba or whatever the fuck. Like, where are.

[Enya]

I feel like I say her name different every time, and everybody always gets on me. I pronounce everyone's name incorrectly. Like, that's just the thing about me.

[Drew Phillips]

El Faba. Like, y'all, we're all Elphaba at the.

[Enya]

End of the day.

[Drew Phillips]

Elphaba.

[Enya]

Glinda. Glinda. Like, see? Even Glinda. I don't know if it's Glinda or Glinda.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's Glinda. She changed her name to Glinda because.

[Enya]

Of the goat doctor Use the first Hour and a half of the movie saying your name is Glinda and have a whole scene talking about how your.

[Drew Phillips]

Name is based off of a play. It's, like, really, like, 15 minutes so that they dragged it out.

[Enya]

I want to see it again. I want to see it again. And I didn't think. I really didn't think. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

I knew I was going to cry. I knew I was going to cry down because I just cry at movies very easily, but I knew I was.

[Enya]

Going to cry, but I didn't think I was going to walk away and be like, that was a movie. That was. I, like, literally, sometimes I leave a movie and I'm like, that was two.

[Drew Phillips]

Hours of my life animated.

[Enya]

Yeah. Like, it really did touch me the way, like, the multiverse.

[Drew Phillips]

Who the fuck touched you? Because I'm about to go check them.

[Enya]

Okay, I hate to break this to you, but literally everyone has had a touch of me.

[Drew Phillips]

You're.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm ran through, like, loose magoose hole down here.

[Drew Phillips]

Loose magoose.

[Enya]

Like, my hole is loose enough that when I hate when I'm in the backseat of a car, because the little air conditioner that points at your legs, if I, like, don't cross my legs, the air starts shooting up and, like, so loose. Yeah, it, like, it comes out my mouth. It's like.

[Drew Phillips]

And, like, the air, like, hitting your loose hole sounds like this. Okay.

[Enya]

It's like a. Like a steamboat.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Enya]

But no, I also like me liking Wicked. Now I feel like a straight guy who dates a girl who knows a lot about Phoebe Bridgers or, like, BB Doobie. And, like, she tells me all that, and now I have, like, newfound information to pull. That's what liking Wicked.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like manipulating the gay theater.

[Enya]

I get to manipulate, manipulate all the theater kids and all the gays. I just feel like gay people don't like me as much as they should. But, like, do you feel that? Like, I feel like gay people don't like us as much as they should.

[Drew Phillips]

I have no opinions on the LGBT other than let them be.

[Enya]

Oh, okay. LGBT stands for. Stands for let gays be True. True. But, yeah, I want to see Wicked again. So bad. So bad. And I had so much fun. And I literally, like, we went with Rain and Josie and, like, Rain and Josie. Rain gives, like, Rain gaffes about musical theater, which I don't know if she's going to feel okay with me, like, exposing her nerd, like, tendencies like that.

[Drew Phillips]

But say lovey, so I don't think you understand. Like, it's not like, oh, like. Like, it's not like, me where, like, I like theater, but I've only been to, like, six plays, and I don't give a fuck about, like, the culture and I don't give a fuck about the actors and, like, all that shit. Like, no, rain is like. Like she, like, secretly, like, closeted like, it. Like, she kept it from me and India for the last, like, four years.

[Enya]

Like, yeah, I had like. I feel like I know so much about her. I had no idea she liked musical theater that much. And then one night while we were hanging out, I randomly asked her if she wanted to see Wicked, and she exposed that she was so excited. And then she exposed herself for being a theater kid. And I was like, oh, my God, everything makes so much sense. Can I actually see the video of her dancing? Like, when she was like. Like when you were recording her when she was talking to us?

[Drew Phillips]

I'm confused.

[Enya]

It was like, the video, she was like, fuck you. Like, for filming me. Because she was, like, giving us the pre moment when she does that battle cry is when she finds out about the wizards tea. And she's like, hello. Like, she's, like, getting ready to fight that. Like, she's, like, ready, dude. I love the way she was moving in that. Because she, like, meant it with her whole, like, heart.

[Drew Phillips]

She is a nerd. And I'm glad I got to see it with her because after the movie, we got tapped into some, like, forbidden knowledge that you'd only know if you're a nerd. And I was like, gag. Like, it's. It's worth the watch. Go watch it. Happy. I seen it because I feel like that was, like, a cultural moment and everybody saw Barbie without me, so I will never watch Barbie. That's something. That's. That is a personality trait for me now is Harry Potter and Barbie. No, I'm never watching either of those fucking terrible ass movies since everybody wanted to see.

[Enya]

Like, I'm sorry. I feel like enough time has passed that I can say I fucking hated Barbie. Like, I literally. I didn't like it. Like, I get it. I genuinely do. I think it's an awesome movie. But for me, it felt like, oh, this is for, like, people who are. Who hate women. And I just like women. So, like, I'm watching it and I'm.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, oh, so I should watch it?

[Enya]

Yeah, because you have, like, a lot of misogyny in you that needs to be, like, released. And I feel like that movie would make you like girls because you don't like girls. You like boys?

[Drew Phillips]

No, I love girls. Hello.

[Enya]

There's nothing so funny about me. Like, he likes boys. Next time we meet somebody and they ask us, like, every time we meet somebody, they have to do the thing.

[Drew Phillips]

And yeah. Immediately outs me. She's like, drew is a fucking freak and likes boys.

[Enya]

He's nasty. He likes boys. But people always meet us and they talk to us for, like, 30 minutes before getting brave enough to ask us if we're dating.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, what's. Like, are y'all. Are you. Are y'all, like, a thing? Are y'all together? No.

[Enya]

And we're like, no. And then they're like, oh, okay. So you. You guys work together? We're like, yeah. And they're like, oh, okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Where do you live?

[Enya]

Where do you live? And then he's like, oh, I live here. And I'm like, oh, I live there too. And then they're like, but you guys aren't okay. Yeah, we really break people's minds.

[Drew Phillips]

We're like, destroying the nuclear family.

[Enya]

The nuclear family hates to see me and Drew coming.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, you could not pay me to work for free. Like, I'm being dead serious. You really could not pay me to work for free. Because, like, if I'm doing hard labor, like, if I'm shoveling, like, ditches and picking up garbage, like, I'm not volunteering for that. I'm sorry. Hey, guys, Wanted to take a quick second to thank our sponsor of today's episode, Shopify, y'all. Shopify is the driving force behind everything, every one of our businesses, essentially. Like, if we've ever sold anything online, it has been through Shopify. It has made everything so seamless and so easy that it's genuinely shocking to me that people go to school for degrees in this because, like, if someone with my brain capacity can go in and operate Shopify, like anybody can, and it is literally life changing.

[Enya]

It has made running a business so much smoother. All you have to do if you're creative, is focus on the creative part, and Shopify will help carry you through the rest.

[Drew Phillips]

With shop pay, you can boost your conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going up. Cha ching.

[Enya]

So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or scrolling. On the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Shopify has got you covered.

[Drew Phillips]

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[Enya]

Whether you're making a delicious family meal or a post workout snack, choose the farm fresh taste of Eggland's Best Eggs. Only Eggland's Best hens are fed their proprietary all vegetarian feed. That's what makes their eggs more nutritious with 10 times more vitamin E, 25% less saturated fat and 6 times more vitamin D compared to ordinary eggs. Egglands Best Better taste, better nutrition, better eggs. Visit egglandsbest.com to learn more. I mean yeah, that's how I feel when I go back home. Like no, I'm not cleaning yalls house. Like you made me clean this house as a child. I'm a guest now.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm a guest. Literally I'm not shoveling. Like literally I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing the snow, I'm not taking out garbage. But I still do it.

[Enya]

Not me, I don't take out garbage. I genuinely, like, I believe a woman's job is to do dishes. And I'm sorry, that sounds really old ahead of me, but my job is to do the dishes. Yes, I do the cooking, yes I do the cleaning and yes, the men take out the garbage.

[Drew Phillips]

So insane how many dishes Enya makes.

[Enya]

Like I washed staring at the sink full as the hell.

[Drew Phillips]

I washed all of her dishes while she was sick because she needed them for the next day because she uses guys, I'm not kidding, I'm not exaggerating. She uses at least six spoons a day, three forks, three bowls, four mugs. Like it's unbelievable.

[Enya]

Oh you know what, yeah, fuck this planet. Actually I'm going to get all plastic in like no, just use one cup.

[Drew Phillips]

One fork, one bowl.

[Enya]

You're fucking nasty. Because this motherfucker uses the same cup and leaves it on the fucking counter and it drives me crazy because I've cleaned that cup like 8 million times. And then he'll get mad at me for cleaning the cup because seasoning his water cup. And then I like at this point I don't clean it anymore.

[Drew Phillips]

We don't judge at this point.

[Enya]

I don't clean it with soap. I just fucking pour the water out and rinse it out and put it in the cabinet. And the other day he picked it up and he was like you washed my cup? Like seriously, you washed my cup? And I was like no, I Didn't I just rinsed it out. And he was like, oh, my God, thank you. Like, I didn't want you to wash my cup.

[Drew Phillips]

But you've been seeing the listen, and we don't judge. Yeah.

[Enya]

What's ours?

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, wait. So for the people that don't know, there's this trend on the Internet right now going around where two people, like, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, sister, daughter, whatever the fuck. Like, two people get together and they're like, we listen and we don't judge. Yeah. And so, like, basically what it means is I say something about India that I'm like, I clock. But I'm not judging her for it. But it's a little weird.

[Enya]

I thought we said we did. Because you're thinking of there's another trend like that.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah, you're right.

[Enya]

Like suspect, blah, blah, blah.

[Drew Phillips]

No, there's. They. This couple that I've been watching recently does both, and they have a chime for we listen and we don't judge.

[Enya]

So let's try also, what this just, like, you explaining that trend to this audience is, like, when I meet someone new and they're saying something that's chronically online.

[Drew Phillips]

Preaching to the choir.

[Enya]

Yeah. I don't want to admit that I, like, know what they're talking about, so I'll let them tell me Information, like, it's doing. I'm like, whoa. Like, yeah, that's crazy, because I just want to let this person talk. Maybe we should just say it about each other, because I feel like we'd have an easier time. Maybe we should just do the suspect.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like something that needs to blow.

[Enya]

Dry his body after the shower instead of using a towel like a normal person.

[Drew Phillips]

I just like being dry. Like, I really just like being dry. No, there's. It's like something that I've done to you. Like, I literally. Like yesterday, when I was giving. Or two days ago, when I gave you a bag of, like, goodies for when you were sick and I brought you that water, I put, like, a concoction of, like, drugs, pills, like Percocets. I put Ambien. And that's why you slept all day, and it's. Cause I wanted you to sleep all day so I could go out and be promiscuous on the town.

[Enya]

So you. You, like, drugged me to sleep so you could cheat on me.

[Drew Phillips]

We listen and we. Come on.

[Enya]

We listen and we don't judge.

[Drew Phillips]

All right, your turn.

[Enya]

Okay, we lit.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait now. We do. We do. We listen and we don't judge.

[Enya]

Okay, so Drew, since he got his hair cut, he's been, like, trying out all my products. But what he doesn't know is I've been putting mixes of, like, Nair and other carcinogens in all of my hair products, and I haven't been using the ones that are on the counter because I don't like that Drew gets compliments for his hair now, so I want all of that.

[Drew Phillips]

Why my hair is falling out?

[Enya]

Yeah, we listen and we don't judge. Okay. You know.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, well, you know your toothbrush, right? Yeah, it was. You were like, why is it over here when it's normally on those little white things? Well, I had a hemorrhoid on my ass, and I really needed to pop it because, like, I read somewhere that popping hemorrhoids is good when. Whatever, it's just your intestine lining. So I, like, grabbed your toothbrush and just, like, rub the bristles on my hemorrhoid post shit. I didn't wipe yet. And then I just. Put your toothbrush back. But we, like, kiss and shit, so it's, like, not that. Not that deep. We listen and we don't judge. Okay. I laced your weed. We listen and we don't judge.

[Enya]

Every time I smoke, I feel like I laced my own weed.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Enya]

For, like, the first 20 minutes, I genuinely am convinced everybody hates me and that I'm, like, going crazy, and I've lost all my, like, all my sense of will to live, and then I'm happy.

[Drew Phillips]

Is this something that happens to y'all? But I cannot take medication for, like, flu, like, symptoms. Like, I can't take theraflu. I can't take Sudafed. Like, all of them literally make me feel like I smoked meth. Like, it makes me, like, so. Like.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I know. Like, wow, that's what meth feels like. No, it makes me feel like. Like, just so fast and sharp, but, like, foggy.

[Enya]

What's crazy is you moved fast as fuck just now. Like, I know exactly where your head's at. It's like, sometimes I move, thinking I'm, like, moving fast, but it's, like, so slow.

[Drew Phillips]

But I know Sudafed is inside of meth, and that's why there's, like, laws where you can only buy a couple boxes.

[Enya]

I think it's placebo, because you know way too much about drugs. I think if you didn't know that, you wouldn't, like.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, before I knew that I was feeling it when I was younger, and then I went on this website, literally fucked me Fucked me over. I know. It became like Y2K. It became alive and fucked me.

[Enya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, websites can do that. Y'all watch out.

[Enya]

And Y2K, they should have had the machines fucking the people instead of killing them.

[Drew Phillips]

We listen and we don't judge. Oh, wait, should we do the suspect ones? Oh, but this website, Arrowid, changed my life for the worse. And now I know everything there ever could possibly, ever be known about drugs. But one story that stuck with me from that website from like 2009 or some shit like that was this dude had, like, a friend that was blind from birth. Like, it was a congenital disease and he could not see from birth. They were like 20 something year olds at this point. And this dude had a cabin in the woods and he would go and like, occasionally go trip at this cabin. And his blind friend was like, yo, like, I kind of want to try hallucinogens. And at this point, like, girl, like, what are you gonna see? Like, I think. I think it was dmt, which is like crazy, like, crazy vibes. But, like, the dude was like, oh, wait, like, that's kind of tea. Like, why haven't we tried this on, like, blind people? Like, what, what would they see if they've never perceived anything ever? Like, are they going to perceive the same shit that we see? Well, these dudes, like, went out by the pond and both smoked dmt. And this dude, like, the blind dude, for like seven minutes was like, I can see. I see everything. I've seen it all. I understand now. I understand now. And then the high wore off and, like, he went back to being blind. But, like, the dude, like, kept trying to get him to describe what he was seeing because his eyes were like, wide open. He's always has his eyes closed, but his eyes were like, wide open. And, like, the dude was like, I don't think I was seeing, like, the world. Like, I don't think I was seeing what you see, but I was seeing something that, that I've never seen before. And he was like gagging by it. But it just like, makes you think, like, what the. Like, what is it? What is a trip? Like, I mean, honestly, like, this world is all a hallucination if you think about it. Like, really? Because, like, our brains are like, seeing this and then processing it inside of our head. So it's like, I don't even want to get into it. It freaks me the out. But like, touch, feel, senses, like, too much, too fucking much.

[Enya]

I know it. It's like, it's like the Other day when I was watching that vlog of the guy who goes to.

[Drew Phillips]

To, like, turkey to get a hairline transplant.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. I actually saw a video of a guy sitting in a lobby with a bunch of other people who got it.

[Drew Phillips]

And I was like, the bumps on the brain. Like, it's really, like, bumpy. Like, I don't have tryptophobia, but, like, if you come around me with a hair transplant, I am taking a bristled brush, brushing those little hair follicles off your scalp, bruh.

[Enya]

Like, the thing is literally, no, hey, go and get your fucking hair.

[Drew Phillips]

I wish I got it for free.

[Enya]

Like, yeah, like, if you want it, go and get it. Hell, I don't need to see the recovery process. It's fucking disgusting.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, keeping that to yourself.

[Enya]

Stay inside. Don't post pictures. I don't want to fucking see it. Just pop out with a new hairline.

[Drew Phillips]

I cannot believe I missed those free hairline transplants.

[Enya]

I feel like you could get it even crazier.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, I really don't need one. Like, my hairline is.

[Enya]

Yeah, your hairline is fine.

[Drew Phillips]

Healthy, strong hairline. But I just want it because, like, it would be so funny.

[Enya]

I guess it would be funny. Maybe we just get you a bald cap and we get somebody to fake it on you. Really funny for a video.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Like, literally just like, oh, I'm getting hairline Translate.

[Enya]

It would be funny as fuck. Fuck. What was I going to say?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, actually, I'm not listen. And we don't judge. That was fun. What? Sorry. Keep going. Why has this year been so green? We had Brat and Elphaba. It's been really green this year.

[Enya]

And Cosmo and Wanda are, like, cosmic because we had pink Barbie.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, we had pink. And now we have everything.

[Enya]

Everything, everything, everything.

[Drew Phillips]

Everything is connected.

[Enya]

Guys, I think I'm gonna go into spiritual soon.

[Drew Phillips]

If you're not careful, like, look, Cosmo and Wanda. Cosmo and Wanda are not sick.

[Enya]

Galinda and Elphaba are not slick gay Linda. But, yeah, I think I'm gonna go into spiritual psychosis if.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God, anybody leads, leaves me.

[Enya]

If. If anybody, like, yeah, if someone leaves you.

[Drew Phillips]

Ends back and forth sometimes at the end of the day, like, you could go, no. Okay, yeah, I'm in some way back and forth.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know, bro.

[Enya]

If somebody is high listening to this and they just so happen to look away and, like, do something else. If I heard that while I was high, I would literally freak the out.

[Drew Phillips]

And I would like, rewind it six times.

[Enya]

Like, rewinding it too much. And then they land where we're actually talking normal, and they can't find the part that. That just happened.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, guys, rate my rat tail out of 10. I think it's already getting longer.

[Enya]

Okay, you're fucking delusional.

[Drew Phillips]

I need it to be long enough where I can go across and make a mustache.

[Enya]

I'm gonna literally hit you.

[Drew Phillips]

Should we do the suspect challenge? Suspect is a hypochondriac and convinces herself that she's ill. Now all of a sudden, and now thinks she has tonsil stone.

[Enya]

Okay, sorry, I have ocd. And all my friends are fucking crazy and talk about sickness. And now the sickness is in my head because I'm like. I hear about the sickness, and I'm like, oh, my God, I might have the sickness too if everybody else is sick. I'm literally going, wicked. Like, I'm wicked as right now.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, it's really, really about to get licked.

[Enya]

Also, I need to clarify. I think I had tonsillitis, but my breath has not stunk because I am a maniac about my oral hygiene.

[Drew Phillips]

I would. India, if you had a tonsil stone, one, you would know. Two, I would know. And I would not let you leave the goddamn house with a tonsil stone. There are some people in my life that I'm like, it's not even worth the trouble. Like, go and be stinky. Like, go ahead, stinky. But you.

[Enya]

No, I'm not letting it happen. What's really happening is I probably just have a sinus infection, but it doesn't matter because I got on ZOC doc last night, and I booked an appointment to go see a nose, throat, and ear doctor today. So it doesn't even fucking matter. I'm just gonna nip it in the butt.

[Drew Phillips]

I might go get an STD test today.

[Enya]

I would literally go with you.

[Drew Phillips]

It's been, like, six months, but I've really been celibate. But I'm scared of, like, toilet seat STDs. Like, for real?

[Enya]

Wait, what was I saying? Oh, okay. Bitch. A suspect never wants to leave the house and then complains about being bored and sad all day.

[Drew Phillips]

That was too far. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Suspect. I mean, this one's for both of us. It's like a read for both of us. But, like, suspect, like, buys polymer clay and then puts it in a bag, and it sits and collects dust, and we never pick it up. And we do that with every single hobby we Ever picked.

[Enya]

Look at my crochet that I picked up.

[Drew Phillips]

It's committing a sitting. It is committing a mass sitting. Also, look how dirty our kitchen is after we just got it cleaned.

[Enya]

Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Suspect does not pick up after herself.

[Enya]

Suspect has been sick. And suspect was given a bunch of free pastries, which I really, really do appreciate, but it was enough pastries to feed a village.

[Drew Phillips]

The. The almond one was delicious. What was the Cafe Crave Cafe.

[Enya]

Clark Street Diner.

[Drew Phillips]

Is that the one we went with Colin?

[Enya]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. Well.

[Enya]

Well, I don't think people are having sex.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, that. That is literally. Like, I'm not buying. Like, I'm not buying it because every. You're telling me every single baby on this planet was conceived by those ugly motherfucking fuckers doing s. Like, I don't know. Like, that was so mean, and I recognize that, but, like, there's no way y'all are having sex.

[Enya]

It's just weird because, like, if someone sticks are true, that means that every time we go into, like, a meeting or we go out and we interact with somebody, there's a high chance the person you're interacting with had sex the night before and I'm touching their sex. I just don't believe it. Yeah, I don't believe that. You were butt naked nasty like a Rick James super freak last night, and now you're just alive and in my face.

[Drew Phillips]

Or even this morning.

[Enya]

Morning sex is literally. I am sorry. You were fucking gluttonous, and you are going to perish in hell. God is up and, like, the sun is out. And, like, why are you doing that? Like, why are you doing that with the sun out? To have sex with the sun out. You are fucking perverted and you're evil, and you're going to hell.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I like sunning my butthole. I do it in the window.

[Enya]

Spread your hole. I do. Like, I get being naked in nature, but fucking ill. Ew.

[Drew Phillips]

Like pine needles in the bronson.

[Enya]

Like, no, I'm sorry. Having sex in the daytime, it's like, I get it. Like, some people are actually, like, freaky leaks like that and they're down for whatever time. Don't you dare.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I really think everybody's just lying to look cooler. Like, you know like, how some kids, like, like, growing up lie just, like, casual lies. Like, I think that's like, everybody's just like, oh, well, like, if I'm supposed to be having sex three times a week, like, I guess I'm having sex three times a week when you haven't been touched by your wife in a year because you're fucking terrible, nasty, gross, stinky fucking man that doesn't wipe his ass.

[Enya]

Like, that's the other thing is just like, I'm like, so curious. Are people, like, having good sex is every. Because I feel like a lot of people are just having mid sex.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't think sex is good.

[Enya]

I like, I both agree and I disagree. Like, I don't think sex is. I will never understand. Like, I have been blessed to have, like, very nice sexual experiences, but it's really nothing that it's. It's never anything to like, bend over backwards for. Like, you're not gonna catch me, like, going out of my way to have sex. Like, it's. It's like, that's too much. It's either gonna happen or it's not. And also, I'm just like.

[Drew Phillips]

Right.

[Enya]

Also looks like the killer is.

[Drew Phillips]

Is the killer. Oh, wait, y'all. This is something else I wanted to talk about thinking of thinking about sex. So I considered posting that photo of me that I posted recently. Oh, my God. Wait, this is a fucking vibe. Look who followed me. I don't know who the fuck this is, but the artwork he creates is hilarious.

[Unknown]

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[Enya]

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[Enya]

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[Drew Phillips]

But, okay, I posted this IG photo and it absolutely destroyed. But I was literally, I'm not kidding. I sat on this photo for, like, straight up a year, straight being like, I'm gonna post it, I'm gonna post it. But, like, I was nervous because, like, one, like, unfortunately, I look good in it. So it looks like I'm just, like, trying to be sexy. And I did not want that to come across as that. And yes, I did edit my ass. Like, obviously I edited my ass. Like, you can see, like, bitch, if I really wanted to do some indescript edits, like, oh, you would never be able to tell. But yes, I edited my fucking ass. But anyways, I sat on this photo for fucking years, like, literally just not wanting to post it, y'all. After I posted this photo, I'm not kidding, like, six trade text me. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, literally six of my tradesmen texted me. Like, it was crazy.

[Enya]

It was like, that's so.

[Drew Phillips]

They, like, want me so fucking bad.

[Enya]

Did you reply to any?

[Drew Phillips]

No, there's one that I really need to reply to, but I'm scared because I just haven't been good at replying and I just feel bad. I don't know if you ever do that. But, like, I get trapped in this loop where, like, I'll be texting someone, like, friends, whatever the fuck the vibe is, and I'll just, like, be scrolling on TikTok, see the text, and then just not respond. And then, like, I'll. But I'll open it, and then it, like, doesn't show up. That, like, it's unopened, and it's unopened. So I just see it and I'm like, oh, I must have already responded when I'm looking through my text, and then it. Like, a week will pass by and I'm, like, going through my text and I'm like, oh, my God, I never responded. And then I'm like, fuck, it's been too long to respond, and now I can't respond because, like, oh, like, oh, I just forgot to text you back. Sorry. Like, that's such a bunk ass excuse and probably makes the person feel like shit. And then it spirals out of control and I'm just like, oh, my God. Like, now it's been, like, fucking four months. And, like, I haven't texted this person back and I feel so fucking bad. But, like, right, bigger fish to fry.

[Enya]

I just like, I'm sorry if you don't get a Text back from me. You have to know my character, know that it's not that deep. And I'm sorry. And like, if it was a serious text I didn't reply to, I'll always call it out and be like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Like, we should talk. But if it's some random shit, I will. Just one thing about me is if I don't want to keep replying, I just stop replying. Or I just start giving like, the most bunk ass answers until the person is like, oh, she's not entertained anymore. I'm tapping out because I just like, I can't do the texting. Also, I just don't look through text. Like, the only time I check to see if I have text is when I wake up. And at this point, since I've been waking up so early, I wake up to my phone dead, empty, and I'm like, all right, I guess I don't have to look at my text all day. And then I just don't look at my text all day. And it's really bad. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If you. If. If you wait if you want my love and I gave you come for me.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, November felt like six hours long. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, I'm normally like, yeah, no. Like, everyone's like, wow, this year flew by. I'm like, yeah, it flew by. But, like, that's every fucking year. Like, yeah, whatever. Like, post Covid. It's like, I'm used to it by now. But November literally felt like six hours long. Like, I'm not kidding, Like, I cannot believe how quickly it went by. And I think it was just like, how busy we were or like, I.

[Enya]

Can'T remember anything from November.

[Drew Phillips]

November is a trauma block. November I. Every four years, I trauma block November.

[Enya]

November was a month to forget. November was a month? Really?

[Drew Phillips]

A month.

[Enya]

It was a month to forget, actually, yeah. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm having like, PTSD written flashbacks of like, all the bad things that happened in November. And November is a month to forget. Like, trauma blocking is good.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry if it's like your birthday month, but, like, really it's like the worst month of the year.

[Enya]

Boo hoo. If you give a fuck about your birthday. Boo fucking who? Like, I am literally like, I feel like the Grinch about birthdays. I don't give a about.

[Drew Phillips]

It was like, it was kind of like in school, growing up, I felt like November was like the longest month because, like, it Was right before. Yeah. But also I'm like waiting on kids now. Get like four weeks off. Like kids are not in school.

[Enya]

My siblings got the whole week of Thanksgiving off. Ho go and learn to read because a lot of y'all are getting past downgrades and you can't read.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it's really, really. Like I feel so old headed but I'm like, oh my God. Like the doctors and the nurses are learning chat GPT knowledge and they're not actually learning. Yeah, no, but I guess like, honestly they can just ask chat GPT if they can pass medical school with chat GPT and like not retain any knowledge on the operating table. They could literally just be like, hey, what do I do? And it answer it. And they pass. So it's like the right answer. So they're just fucking do it on the operating table. But I'm like, I mean I always.

[Enya]

Think that, but I'm like modernity. Dr. Miami literally livestream fucking BBL surgeries like eight years ago. Yeah, it's like, we're really, we're okay. We're in good hands. We're fine.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I also, I just don't believe in doctors, so. Not because I'm anti science, but because I am scared of doctors.

[Drew Phillips]

Dr. Octagonopus.

[Enya]

That's why when I get sick, I get so freaked out because I really am just like not ever thinking about my health, which I want to take more serious in the following year. Like, I really want to care for myself in a deeper way because this is my only body and I should be taking care of it. I don't know if you notice, but there's no puff bar on me. I still have one, but I'm trying to wean off. I really want to just like treat my body with more respect in the following year because it's my only body and I want to take care of it and fuel it correctly and do the things it deserves. But I'm scared of doctors because like, I feel like doctors are just there to tell me I'm going to die. Like how I know I'm going to die? Like, don't.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. After all my heart testing I got done, I. Why haven't the leaves on that tree fallen yet?

[Enya]

Oh, they don't fall to like. Oh, we usually come back and they're gone.

[Drew Phillips]

But I. Oh.

[Enya]

But also it's like way warmer than it's supposed to be. It's like 78 degrees like two days ago. Like we're.

[Drew Phillips]

I can't even think about that. I really can't even think about that. But my. I got all these heart tests done, and it was time to get, like, all of the information about, like, my stress tests and all this stuff, because I was, like, fainting and standing up too fast, and my heart rate was, like, fucking 140. And I ignored the results call for, like, six months. So then they stopped calling me, and they kept calling. They really needed me to know what was going on with me.

[Enya]

They were probably gonna call and be like, you're chill. You have the best heart we've actually ever seen. And we wanted to. Exactly, because, like, your heart is. And your heart is full of love and desire for boys. Ew, Drew, your chair is, like, crumbling on your ass.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. It's really up now.

[Enya]

Oh, well, should we get into some media? My media of the week is wicked. I actually want to see it again.

[Drew Phillips]

Curse, curse, curse, curse.

[Enya]

Oh, curses of the week.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, bitch. My curse of the week is the fucking scam that is cryotherapy and red light therapy, y'all. I got fucking swindled and finessed into standing in a fucking box that was 170 degrees negative Fahrenheit, which, like, oh, cool. Like, whatever. I was covered head to toe, and it literally was, like, barely even fucking cold. Like, I've been in colder environments, and, like, it was only three minutes, so I was like, oh, cool. Like, I just wasted all my fucking money. And then I did a red light therapy bed, which is literally just a tanning bed with red LEDs that you lay in butt ass naked for 10 minutes and 30 seconds. Another fucking finesse. And then what I realized is, like, honestly, if you want to become a millionaire, just sell snake oil to white women. Like, it's really, like, that easy. Like, you really can just, like, become a millionaire doing that, because, like, holy shit.

[Enya]

No, it's. It's.

[Drew Phillips]

It didn't even get warm in that bed.

[Enya]

Not even that. But it's just, like, we are seeing. I feel like it is about to.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, it was $80, by the way. $80 for 13 and a half minutes of my life to be cold and stand in a red LED box. Like, bitch, I thought it was going to be $20. When I got the $80 check, my heart sank to my fucking ass.

[Enya]

Like, dude, what's crazy, though, is, like, I think we are boiling over with the consumption of beauty products and, like, beauty practices. It is pushing it. The whole thing of scaring us into aging. Like, my fears about aging aren't really based in my looks or vanity as much as I joke about it, because I genuinely think that the older I get, the hotter I will get. Like, I have always firmly believed, believed that, like, especially recently now that I am like, okay, I'm not gonna die, like, maybe I will live. I'm like, oh, I'll just get hotter as I grow older. But my only fear is like losing time. But so many people only think about aging in terms of their looks. And I got bad news. You're ugly now. You're only gonna get uglier. Like, like, not actually, but do you know what I mean? Like, why are people. It's just like you're being sold this idea to be fearful of yourself and the growth that you can experience. And it's so sad, but it is such a lucrative business. If you want to be in the business of just making money, you can just sell anything that promises people beauty and it will work. So also, the red light shit is so funny. Ho.

[Drew Phillips]

Go outside, literally get a fucking laser pointer and point it at your skin. Like it probably better for you a.

[Enya]

Google red screensaver on your laptop and just put the brightness up and sit in front of your laptop.

[Drew Phillips]

Literally. Literally. And I'm sure like there are people that like use it and it's beneficial for them. And I did only do it once and I'm sure you have to use it a bunch of times.

[Enya]

But like, it sounds scammy to me. My curse of the week goes out to whoever the fuck got me sick. Literally. I don't know who the you are. I got sick right after we got back from the uk, so I don't know if someone at the airport got me sick. I don't know if traveling got me sick. I don't know what the got me sick. But if there's a person out there who is the sole proprietor of the sickness, they pass on to me. You will burn. You will burn. You will perish. You will melt in hell. In the fiery pits of hell. But also, I don't think a person got me sick. I think I just like naturally got sick. But you will burn also. I'm trying to think who else will burn People who see you taking a video and just walk in front of the video and have no care for it or a picture. You will also burn in hell because practice some sort of self respect. No matter how important you get on this planet. If you see somebody recording or taking a picture, walk around it or just wait a second. The are you in a rush for.

[Drew Phillips]

You really just wait. It's not that Deep. It really is never that deep.

[Enya]

Pigs are so cute. Like little pigs. Wait, why is Ariana Grande's little pig?

[Drew Phillips]

This literally looks like that does. Oh, my God.

[Enya]

Oh. Okay. Well, my media of the week is Wicked. And that's it. Literally defying gravity. Defying gravity. And what is this feeling?

[Drew Phillips]

No, what's the one? I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

[Enya]

Altogether quite impossible to describe.

[Drew Phillips]

Blonde.

[Enya]

Oh, no.

[Drew Phillips]

What is this feeling?

[Enya]

So sudden and new I lay that's on you. Oh, my God. No. I need. I need to see Wicked again. That's my only media. Wicked. Wicked. Wicked. I've got the wicked bug. I'm so crazy.

[Drew Phillips]

Drew Scop, you want your city to be walkable and bikable? What's next? Suckable? And that was submitted by Jessica and the tweets at is Knucklehead Bets. And yes, I did see the video of the girls. DREW s. Originals submissions. Y'all. I'm sorry. Sometimes it's a lot to go through. Sometimes it's a lot.

[Enya]

Yeah. You may be shocked at how many people have free time to send us memes. Yeah, but it's amazing. I want to play this.

[Drew Phillips]

Subway got some nerve asking for a tip, man, we made this sandwich together. That's good, Emma. But yeah, let's play this.

[Enya]

Okay. Azul runs into Enya's room when he hears that wing bot go off because he gets a whiff of some tuna.

[Drew Phillips]

Wow, that was good.

[Enya]

Fat Miami girls be saying they're a hot Chunga. Babes, you're a chunka. Do not let me use your bathroom because I will overdose on your chickenpox pills and neti pot. Come into my room yelling that they snuck in glass. No, babes, those are my toenail clippings. At eight years old, every kid said they wanted to be a vet or a teacher. I wanted to be at the club making out with random. I love. I wanted to be in the club.

[Drew Phillips]

So we can insert it.

[Enya]

It's so good.

[Drew Phillips]

What the Is this, Aiden? Blood cells? This vagina that? Period, Like, I guess like, blood cells, vagina period. Like.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah. Okay, okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Like Aiden Cook. See, people emailing that picture of Jacob Elordi to me saying, this looks like you. Yeah. If y'all want, keep submitting Drew Psyops because it's pretty dry in the inbox right now. And. Yeah, it's just like, I think I've ran through all of the text posts. Like, I think there's no more. None exist.

[Enya]

You need to start going back to making your own but the problem is that just turns into your really scary standup.

[Drew Phillips]

My horny ass could not live next to Squidward. That fucking nose. I know it gets erect. I know it feels real blood. Girls be like, I don't know where I'd be without him, bitch. Probably further in life.

[Enya]

Stop. That's not funny.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, so, okay, that's all the psyops. That was from Bella. And I said someone. I used to say people's last names, but I think that's, like, basically doxing someone, so I only say their first names.

[Enya]

And if you know, you know.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Also, if you want your last name said, just include it in the email. Big things coming, y'all. Like, December 25th. Like, something major is happening, and I'm stealing the day from Jesus Christ. And Christmas. Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying something. I'm. Something biggest. Something big is happening on Christmas this year. And it's not Jesus. His birthday, let's just say.

[Enya]

All right.

[Drew Phillips]

All right. Bye, Sa.