Addressing the wig stealing

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary - "Addressing the Wig Stealing"

Release Date: September 20, 2024
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Podcast Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast where Enya and Drew tackle absurd crises with humor and improvisation.

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1. The Wig Heist Scenario

The episode kicks off with Enya contemplating handling the episode solo due to Drew's unexpected absence. However, Drew makes a surprising entrance sporting a Tinkerbell wig, immediately setting a comedic tone.

• Enya Umanzor [02:50]: "Drew? Yo. Yeah, I'm here. I made it."
• Drew Phillips [04:16]: "I didn't pay for this shit. I fucking stole it."

This unexpected twist introduces the central theme: a fabricated story of Drew allegedly stealing wigs from "Disney on Ice" performers, turning their routine podcast into a mock-crime investigation.

2. Viral Clip and Social Media Fallout

Enya and Drew delve into the repercussions of the fictional wig theft, discussing how a viral clip has thrust Drew into the spotlight as a fugitive. They humorously navigate the chaos of online accusations and media frenzy.

• Drew Phillips [04:19]: "Because now, because of you, I'm on the fucking run. I am a fugitive of the fucking law."
• Enya Umanzor [04:41]: "Police in Oklahoma City are looking for this man. They say that he stole thousands of dollars of wigs from Disney on Ice performers."

The hosts playfully explore the absurdity of Drew's situation, emphasizing the mock seriousness of the scenario.

3. Improvisational Comedy and Character Play

Embracing the chaos, Enya and Drew continue their improvisational banter, staying in character as the wig thief and authorities. This segment showcases their chemistry and comedic timing.

• Drew [05:14]: "Where it's just like, I'm in character."
• Enya [05:22]: "They fucked up giving me these things, though, because it's, like, the perfect fidget."

Their playful interactions highlight the duo's ability to maintain humor amidst the fabricated crisis.

4. Reflections on Pop Culture and the VMAs

Transitioning from their wig heist narrative, Enya and Drew pivot to discussing recent events at the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs). They analyze the performances, fashion statements, and the blending of internet culture with mainstream media.

• Drew Phillips [26:25]: "I lost my train of thought."
• Enya Umanzor [26:52]: "You said it. And I was, like, getting back to saying that."

They critique the show's aesthetic choices, such as the use of crosses and religious symbolism, pondering their significance in pop culture.

5. Nostalgia and Personal Anecdotes

The conversation shifts to personal memories, including childhood experiences and favorite YouTube channels like VAT 19. The hosts reminisce about simpler times and share humorous stories from their past.

• Drew Phillips [20:45]: "When my sister got her tonsils removed when she was a kid, I thought she was gonna die."
• Enya Umanzor [22:03]: "So, like, 14, 15 year olds now want chrome hearts."

These segments add depth to their personalities, allowing listeners to connect with their shared histories and quirky interests.

6. Friendship Dynamics and Future Speculations

Enya and Drew explore the dynamics of their friendship, humorously speculating about future scenarios and the longevity of their relationship. They touch upon themes of loyalty, mutual support, and the challenges of maintaining bonds over time.

• Drew [60:18]: "Yeah. No, I'm gonna get you."
• Enya [60:19]: "No, we're gonna go to the gym, and it's gonna destroy your life."

Their lighthearted discourse underscores the strength and playful nature of their partnership.

7. Concluding Thoughts and Sign-Off

As the episode wraps up, Enya and Drew reflect on various topics, from media consumption habits to personal aspirations. They leave listeners with a mix of humor and heartfelt sentiments, maintaining the podcast's signature comedic flair.

• Drew Phillips [61:04]: "You can do it. You really can do it."
• Enya Umanzor [61:09]: [Laughing]

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Notable Quotes:

• Enya Umanzor [02:50]: "Drew? Yo. Yeah, I'm here. I made it."
• Drew Phillips [04:16]: "I didn't pay for this shit. I fucking stole it."
• Enya Umanzor [04:41]: "Police in Oklahoma City are looking for this man. They say that he stole thousands of dollars of wigs from Disney on Ice performers."
• Drew Phillips [26:25]: "I lost my train of thought."
• Drew Phillips [61:04]: "You can do it. You really can do it."

---

Conclusion:

"Addressing the Wig Stealing" exemplifies Emergency Intercom's blend of improvisational comedy, personal anecdotes, and cultural commentary. Enya and Drew's dynamic interplay keeps listeners engaged, offering both laughter and relatable moments. This episode stands out for its creative storytelling and the hosts' ability to turn an outlandish premise into an entertaining narrative.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew Phillips]

From first steps to first dates, from all nighters to all time personal bests.

[Ryan Seacrest]

From building pillow forts to building a.

[Drew Phillips]

Life for all the big and small moments that make up your whole world. DSW is there, and we've got just the shoes. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love at brag worthy prices at your DSW store or dsw dot com. Hey, guys, honestly, we have, like, stuff to do for the rest of the week, and Drew hasn't been home for a few days, and I think just gonna do this episode alone. It's actually kind of easy because I don't have, like, a nasty, disgusting, like, putrid stench of a person just kind of in my space invading my, like, mindset and my thoughts. And I feel like we could just get on a deeper level. We could talk about periods and tampons and, like, ovaries and stuff and.

[Drew]

Drew?

[Drew Phillips]

Drew? Drew, you okay?

[Drew]

A dead ass busted ass so bad, dude.

[Drew Phillips]

When I heard it, I was like, there's no way he fell. Fake fell. It sounded so real.

[Drew]

Hurts so bad, dude.

[Drew Phillips]

No. Well, I'm thinking of just starting this episode alone because, like, Drew's just been missing for a few days, and honestly, I'm about my business. I'm about my work. I don't just disappear and, like, go on vacation. He's probably on Grindr island or something. I heard that's a thing now. So I guess I'll just be here doing the episode alone. Honestly, Drew.

[Drew]

Yo. Yeah, I'm here. I made it.

[Drew Phillips]

What the is on your head?

[Drew]

It's a wig. I can see it's a tinkerbell wig.

[Drew Phillips]

Where'd you get. Wait, why is this? What is this? We were in it, though. We were in it. We're doing it again. We can't keep doing this. Well, I'm waiting on Drew to start. Actually, I was gonna wait on Drew, but I'm not gonna wait on him. And I have something really important to say. I had a dream last night that I. My sister cut my hair off and I had a ass bob and bangs, and it literally was like, Dora. And you know how I wear those, like, tiny shorts and shirts right now for the summer? I was literally wearing, like, Dora's colors. Like, I had a pink shirt. True Drew.

[Drew]

I made it. I made it.

[Drew Phillips]

What the are you wearing?

[Drew]

I made it. It's a jumpsuit.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you, like, is that your new. Like, is this a prison?

[Drew]

Yeah. Can we get this going? Because I, like, I have to do after this. Like, I have. I have to leave. I have to go. So can we, like, hurry the up? Like, what are you gonna ask me so many questions? Like, damn. Like, Jesus Christ, it's a tinkerbell wig. Because I know you're about to ask next. It's a tinkerbell wig.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay?

[Drew]

I know I look good, and I know I look good.

[Drew Phillips]

You don't know.

[Anya]

Good is the.

[Drew]

That's a lot. That is bold.

[Drew Phillips]

How much did you pay for that?

[Drew]

I didn't pay for this shit. I fucking stole it.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. Did you get caught stealing? Is that why. You know, is that why you're dressed like this?

[Drew]

Actually, I don't give a fuck anymore. Since it's the most viral fucking clip of all time, apparently. Fuck ABC News, dfw. Count your fucking days. Because now, because of you, I'm on the fucking run. I am a fugitive of the fucking law. Roll the clip.

[Drew Phillips]

Police in Oklahoma City are looking for this man. They say that he stole thousands of dollars of wigs from Disney on Ice performers. Police released this surveillance video from Saturday. They say the theft happened at the Oklahoma State Fairgrounds. Officials are considering a cash reward in this case. Are we going to keep. Every time we try to redo that? It's so scary, bruh.

[Drew]

Okay, end scene. End scene. Or should we keep going? Should we just keep ripping?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, let's just do a whole episode.

[Drew]

Where it's just like, I'm in character.

[Drew Phillips]

Improv. And we'll switch seats and, like, tap in, tap out. Tap in, tap out.

[Drew]

They fucked up giving me these things, though, because it's, like, the perfect fidget. I was thinking, like, of making a fidget like this.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know if that'll, like.

[Drew]

Also, I'm fucking around. My arm hurts so bad.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, it is fully swollen.

[Drew]

I genuinely think I have a bone contusion. Like, genuinely. It is swollen every time. I, like, pinch with these fingers. It hurts so bad.

[Drew Phillips]

You can put the period cramp Simulator on there. It'll heal it.

[Drew]

Oh, literally.

[Anya]

Oh, where is that? I'm just wondering, like, where that is.

[Drew]

Why do you want that? Okay, so that clip of the guy robbing the Disney on Ice. Whatever. The Disney on Ice. Let's talk about that. That look problematic because, like, why would Disney characters be doing meth in front of a bunch of kids? Like, actually, I've been thinking about that. Like that.

[Drew Phillips]

No, no, no. It's like ice skating. Like, they're skating around in costumes.

[Drew]

Yeah. Ice skating is, like, another term for doing meth.

[Drew Phillips]

Is that actually what people say?

[Drew]

Yeah, they're like, I'm going ice skating. Like, does anybody want to go ice skating? It's on Grindr.

[Drew Phillips]

I can't imagine anybody. Like, meth is such a gnarly drug to me that I can't imagine anybody being, like, casual about it, being like, yeah, I'm gonna go ice skating. Like, it's chill. Yeah, that's my vibe.

[Drew]

It's like, number one drug you can't be casual on. But this is, like, my biggest fear coming true. I've said it several times on this podcast over the last three years. And my biggest. One of my biggest fears is getting tried and going to a. Going to jail for a crime I didn't commit. And fuck all of y' all. Literally, fuck all of y' all.

[Drew Phillips]

The comments, it was so funny because it's like, no, this is an actual crime. And they're trying to find the person who did it. And the top four comments all have, like, 10,000.

[Drew]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

And likes of, like, Drew Phillips. That's Drew Phillips.

[Drew]

Like, like, get him. Get him, mama.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, whoever. Whoever is, like, running the social for, like, Daily Mail or whoever posted it probably was like, oh, that was like.

[Drew]

We got a new story. No, it was ABC News dfw, which is also very concerning because I am from the DFW area. I have an alibi. I have an alibi about not being in OKC because it happened in Oklahoma. But all I imagine is, like, the people, like, going through the comments, like, looking for tips, and, like, literally 500 comments with 10,000, 20,000, 30,000 likes, all saying it was me. So then they deep dive on my.

[Drew Phillips]

Social media show, and this was, like, when we were looking at it, the first video that showed up is this.

[Drew]

One time seeing the Castle since COVID and the Cry, like, the Disney fiend. And then if you look up, Drew Phillip, Drew Phillips, I think wig, I think, comes up, and it's me with that hair with the, like, half blonde. Half whatever. Dancing like a fucking psychopath tweaker. And. And, like, yeah, like, you know, they saw that shit and they were like, oh, he's actually fudgeing crazy. Like, he actually does this shit for real?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. That was my favorite thing to imagine is somebody looking into it and being like, okay, this guy does look like this. Oh, my God. Okay. And, like, deep diving, and you don't have any real pictures, any, like, normal videos. Like, there's rarely any content of you just being a normal person. They probably were like, yeah, this is. This is the guy. I wish you got contacted.

[Drew]

I know. I was like, I was hyper refreshing my email. Just, like, waiting for, like, the email to come through, like, for questioning or some shit.

[Drew Phillips]

I would just love you on a news broadcast, like, printing Your honor.

[Drew]

No, literally, no. I would go, like, full Andy Kaufman and, like, act like I did it. Like, I would become a problem, and I would waste everybody's time and resources.

[Anya]

True. Really doesn't have any normal photos because, like, I've had family members be like, oh, who do you do the podcast with? And they'll, like, show them your guys Instagram. And Anya has, like, a bunch of, like, great photos. And then I go to yours, and it's like, you with, like, no jaw, basically, or, like, no chin.

[Drew]

I was thinking about that the other day, and the new picture I'm uploading soon, y' all, I decided it's going up. I decided it's going up, y' all.

[Drew Phillips]

You've made the decision it's going up.

[Drew]

And I think it might go up either today.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you put up the Walter White picture? No, I love that one. That one didn't get enough love. Like, I know y' all usually, like, screenshot and post that stuff, but, like, why did nobody like that picture?

[Drew]

Because it's fucking rancid in repulsion, impulsive.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, did you, like, face app a beard and a smile?

[Drew]

Yeah, I faced at the whole thing like, it's. It was a Walter White filter. And then I face up to smile on, and then I, like, contorted my body and, like, held the camera out.

[Drew Phillips]

Can we play Raya later? And you, like, have that as much as your picture.

[Drew]

We will get no likes. Y' all know what Raya is? Raya's like this, if you don't know, is this, like, dating app for, like, celebrities and, like, famous people. But it's hella ran through now. Like, it's fucking bullshit, and it's, like, so annoying. But we play a game called Raya where we go and we, like, make our profile as heinous and disgusting as possible. And then we just start fucking trolling all the celebrities on there.

[Drew Phillips]

And it's fun.

[Drew]

It's a goofy gap, like, just people looking for love, and then they see Walter White, like, the mentor or whatever.

[Anya]

It did work, though, because you met Timothy on there, right?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah, but they, like, met also. Can we stop talking about astonished?

[Drew]

I am Drew Philip.

[Drew Phillips]

And then saw.

[Drew]

Okay, but wait, wait. I am Drew Phillips. Timothy is Timothy. We are two separate entities. I'm not Timothy's bae. Timothy's not my bae. We are just together, and that's that. Like, but we can exist. We can exist without the word bae.

[Drew Phillips]

So seriously, I'm not his babe.

[Drew]

No, but we can exist.

[Drew Phillips]

He's not my bae.

[Drew]

Like, without each other.

[Drew Phillips]

And I see you as your own person, but it's just way more interesting when you're associated like that.

[Drew]

This hurts, bro. I think I actually broke my bone. No, I didn't.

[Drew Phillips]

I wish I saw how hard you fell.

[Drew]

I fell hard as in my.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, I heard it. It literally, at first, I was like, did he knock something over? That's what I thought.

[Drew]

And I was like, but it was.

[Drew Phillips]

Your big, big body hitting the floor.

[Drew]

Y' all really think I'm big? Really?

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, I have to get this off my chest about my dream, though, because, seriously, I was.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, Dora. It's. What's her nuts, Tinkerbell? You want to talk about Dora? Let's talk about distance.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait. The thing is, I don't understand why he would steal those wigs, because I don't think they're, like, good wigs.

[Drew]

It's that RuPaul Drag Race. Like, drag queen crime syndicate. Like, literally just like a drag queen stealing a bunch of wigs from Disney. Also literally, like, how are these worth? They said $10,000.

[Drew Phillips]

There's no way.

[Drew]

Y' all are lying, like. Y' all are fucking lying like crazy. These are not $10,000.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, you're wearing. This one looks crazy.

[Drew]

Well, no, this one's 10,000.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, okay. You took the. Dude, it looks insane. I, like, kind of amazed by it. Like, it's kind of beautiful. It, like, has a life of its own.

[Drew]

Yeah, it fits me. Really? It's too small for my head. I think it's made for, like, toddlers or some. Like.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you get the cheapest one?

[Drew]

Yeah, it was 22 bucks, but this all came together for 14. And there's a little thing that I found.

[Drew Phillips]

This isn't, like, real. This is pure Plastic.

[Drew]

Also, there was, like, the. It says convict on the back, and it's, like, sticky. Like, it's not dried. Like, it. Like, I was peeling off. Like, it fell onto a piece of paper, and it, like, ripped the piece of paper to shreds. So, like, there's, like, pieces of, like, paper.

[Drew Phillips]

Also, I instacarted some groceries this morning, and Drew had to answer the door to my.

[Drew]

I answered the door in this outfit. And also, he was trying to hand me the. He had all three bags on his arm, and he was like, here. And I was like, what am I supposed to do? And so I started sliding. No, I literally started sliding my arm under his. And then I was like, wait, this is weird as fudge. So I pulled my arm out, and he was like, here. Wait one second. And I, like, put my shit down, and then I, like, went back and just grabbed them one by one. But, like, he was like, what the fuck is going on in this house? He was a sweet guy, though. But also, they gave you mussels for free.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. They gave me clams.

[Drew]

Tuna box.

[Drew Phillips]

They gave me some clams for my chowder.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

For my yeast infection, My leftover.

[Drew]

But I was saying, I don't know if I'm allergic to mussels, oysters, or clams, but if they're mussels, I was like, should I intentionally eat mussels on the podcast today to have a allergic reaction?

[Drew Phillips]

Like, that wouldn't be enjoyable for anybody. Like, not the viewers or us. Like, you would just, like, start.

[Drew]

It would go so viral. It'd be like, stupid podcast influencer eats muscles to intentionally have an allergic reaction on camera for views. All publicity is good publicity, babe. All publicity is good publicity.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, in my dream, when my sister cut my hair, I literally couldn't stop crying. Everybody was like, oh, you cut your hair? And I was like, yeah. And then I started sobbing, and it was like in the dream. Also in the dream, I was, like, giving way too much props to myself. Cause in my dream, my hair was, like, up to here naturally, and it got cut. And I was like, oh, my gosh. You cut off, like, 22 inches of my hair. And I accidentally was dressed like Dora, and everybody was making fun of me. I was like, oh, Halloween came early. Bye.

[Drew]

Do you remember when you cut your pixie wig? I mean, your. Your pixie cut and you cried, dude.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. And I was projecting really hard because I was, like, ugly people. I looked really ugly.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was crazy.

[Drew Phillips]

The call was coming from inside the house.

[Drew]

It was a cooked Out.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I looked really gross.

[Drew]

No, it. You grew into it. And it was cute when it was, like, the. Like.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. When it got a little longer. But when I first cut all my hair off, that was.

[Drew]

It was jarring. Jarring. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

That was a lot like, I can't believe I did that.

[Drew]

Which is like. It was fire.

[Drew Phillips]

I would do it again if I was, like, 35. But also, I think your hair stops growing as fast the older you get. So maybe that train has sailed and pass, and I'll never do that because I'm so attached to my hair.

[Drew]

I've realized you'll never cut your hair again. Yeah, you'll never. And I don't think you'll ever dye it a color.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, no.

[Drew]

That was such an insane art.

[Drew Phillips]

It's, like, not worth it. Also, I look back and I'm like, bro, give it up. Like, you want to be so bad. Like, watch Scott Pilgrim vs the World 1 time. And they're like, wait, wait.

[Drew]

Okay. So apparently.

[Drew Phillips]

No, no, no.

[Drew]

Okay, okay. Wow. I know. Apparently, I just found this out last night. Harry Styles was a part of this band called One Direction. Before he was Harry's joke, before we.

[Drew Phillips]

Started the podcast, you was like, I have a banger of a One Direction joke for this episode. That was the joke. So apparently we have been manipulated because Harry Styles was originally in One Direction. I. Like, I can't believe. There are definitely kids who don't know that. So, like. Because when you showed me that comment. So basically on a video of Harry, somebody was like, oh, my God. I just realized he was in One Direction, apparently. And at first I was like, that has to be a troll. Like, you're just saying that to say it. But then I remember that One Direction started in, like, 2012, and a lot of the kids on the Internet are, like, born in 2010.

[Drew]

It's like us finding out. Well, I don't even know if that's a good example. Was Justin Timberlake an nsync? Yeah, it's like that. Like, the same.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I guess we did know him as, like, a solo person, and then it was like, NSync. But my mom was an NSync fan, so I knew about NSYNC when I.

[Drew]

Was younger, and I. I don't give a. About any of them.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I didn't give a. About them like that.

[Drew]

Especially. Especially the gay one.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, they do have one really good song that I like.

[Drew]

Who the is Drew Starkey? Where did he come from? That's another psyop. What is it? What has he done before?

[Drew Phillips]

Who is that? I don't know who that is.

[Drew]

He's in Luca. Guadalajara. New movie. What is name? Luca. Call me by your name.

[Anya]

I actually don't know how to pronounce it, to be honest.

[Drew]

Guandango, dango, fandango. Hello.

[Drew Phillips]

I really need to find this song. I'm never gonna find it.

[Drew]

I might need stitches, y' all.

[Drew Phillips]

You're so dramatic. Oh, help. Damn. What is this? Oh. Oh, my God. There's a Troll song for. From nsync. They got the band back together.

[Drew]

We need to get the band back together to watch that.

[Drew Phillips]

And it's literally called Tro's Band Together.

[Drew]

Yeah. We haven't had, like, a night in in a long time.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. We haven't had, like, a proper sleepover with all our friends. So we do this thing, like, once a year. Every time the Trolls movies come out, our friend group gets together and does a sleepover and watches the Trolls movie together. And every time, we have literally watched it and been like, this. This is a feat.

[Drew]

This is amazing. This is a great movie. This is no way around remarkable. Perfect.

[Drew Phillips]

How I feel still about Spider man across the spider verse. Just if, in case anybody was wondering where I stand with that movie, I still really want to watch it again. I think I might watch it when we go to Arizona this week. That's kind of my tradition when I'm on a plane. I watch it because it just makes me happy. I'm happy. Do y' all remember Vat 19?

[Drew]

Yes. I bought.

[Drew Phillips]

Have you seen that? First of all, that 19 was the OG drop shipper. Like, they weren't making any of that stuff they ate. It is so insane, because I remember being excited up until the age of, like, even 1415, which really goes to show, like, how, like, childish you are at 14:15. Even at 14:15, I remember looking at their channel and being like, I want something so bad. And I remember when I first got paid from a YouTube thing, I bought the, like, slime they sold, and I bought that Errands. Yeah. And I bought it, and I was so happy. Those videos are literally just glorified commercials.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

They never made any video that was, like, actually funny or interesting. It was literally just commercials.

[Drew]

Do you remember the liquid glass bathtub?

[Drew Phillips]

No.

[Drew]

They, like, got, like, 500 pounds of liquid glass crazy Aaron's Putty, and, like, put it in a bathtub and then got inside of it. And then when he was getting out, his bathing suits started falling off. And that was my sexual awakening unironically I was like, wait.

[Drew Phillips]

You're like, wait, why would it be really funny if that, like, fell off?

[Drew]

Yeah. Why should they, like, come all the way?

[Drew Phillips]

Can you take a time code? Because I just moved my legs and I think my whole vajayjay, like.

[Drew]

But I have such a funny story. So when I, like, up my knee, my friends, like, didn't understand, like, like how normal surgery was on. Like, children. Like, they thought I was like, literally dying.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And there.

[Drew Phillips]

When my sister got her tonsils removed when she was a kid, I thought.

[Drew]

She was gonna die. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

I literally was like, I'm losing my sister.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm only seven.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Drew Phillips]

Gonna be really hard.

[Drew]

And like, one of my friends, Hunter, he like, literally thought I was dying. Like, he freaked the out. And we would like, sit and watch VAT 19 videos all day long. Like, all like, literally. That was like our shit. We would do Axe wars and like, build like forts out of beds and just spray each other with AX all night and then wake up the next day and watch VAT 19 videos. And so he thought I was dying. So he. I had never gotten anything for Vat 19. He really never got shit from it because our parents were like, no, that's just fucking like random shit. Yeah. It's garbage. So he literally, I'm not kidding, spent like 500 to $1,000 on like all of the shit we wanted and gave it to me in a gift basket. And like, literally, like before my surgery, because he actually thought I was going to die. It was literally one of the sweetest things ever. And we got the giant gummy worm and the giant gummy bear. And like, we took like three bites of it and it was like the most repulsive, nasty fucking thing I've ever eaten in my life. So then we proceeded to get my mom's like, nice ass, like, fiesta wear ceramic bowl and like put it inside of it and then microwave it for like 20 minutes. Destroyed the bowl. I don't think she still knows that we did this, but, like, destroyed the bowl, like, melted the coating. And those are like nice ass fucking dishes. And like, just made like fucking brown gelatinous lava. Yeah. And it was horrible. It was like, it was so bad. And we threw it away.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, we need to like, go back. We need to really, like, reframe our minds because 14, 15 year olds now want chrome hearts. We wanted the big gummy bear. Yeah.

[Drew]

I don't know what it's like from.

[Drew Phillips]

About 19, like that of wealth. We were like, holy. If I could afford the 50 gummy worm. I would be set. I would be so happy.

[Drew]

They want chrome hearts. They want chrome hearts and ring lights. Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

They want chrome hearts, ring lights, essential hoodies. I'm just naming off what my siblings want. My siblings are fudgeing crazy. Like, I always see tiktoks of people being like, oh, hell no. This is what my brother just asked for Christmas. And it's a crazy list. I see all the comments like, there's no way this is real, bitch. That shit is real. My sister literally will call me and be like, yeah, I want these extensions. They cost $600. Also, I was thinking, like, I really want these Rick Owens shoes. Like, I need them in pink. Like, they're not sold anymore, but, like, they're for resale for, like, 2,000 DOL. And I just have to ignore all her texts because I'm like, I don't know who the fudge you think you are talking right now. Like, you are actually batshit.

[Drew]

They always ask you for, like, 1,003 pairs of $1,000 Jordans a year.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, every single year, every Christmas list.

[Drew Phillips]

And they don't watch this podcast. And I will have y' all hold me accountable. I will not be getting my sibling shit for Christmas this year. They are being cut off. Like, I feel like I have to, like, cut off. Like, I feel like this is my equivalent to succession is like, I have to cut off my children. I've never seen succession, though, so I don't know what the fuck.

[Drew]

It's pretty close. It's pretty close.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. I'm running a fucking empire, y' all.

[Drew]

Exactly. So y' all. We fucking got them. We finally. We got them. Really, really important moment in history happened this last week. The VMAs happened, and we solidified the new pop girls. Like, we really. We really did. Chappelle Assless Chaplet Roan, and Sabrina Carpenter tore. And also, I didn't really see any Katy Park, Katy Perry slander, but, like, we had some slander, like, thrown in real life. And I was like, no, like, absolutely not. Like, her new is bunk as. Like, we all know that. But, like, what she did to pop.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Was revolutionary. She is a revolution.

[Drew Phillips]

You know what it was? It was like the Dark Horses era. I think that really kind of.

[Drew]

It was the Christine Sidalco music video that, like, like, not.

[Drew Phillips]

Because basketball is not Christine.

[Drew]

So that love.

[Drew Phillips]

But I know. But it's because of, like, just that.

[Drew]

Era of, like, it was just camp too far.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. It was when musicians and, like, Internet culture was for the first time merging, when that was happening, everybody was really confused and didn't know really how to integrate it correctly. Now it's like the normal thing of you'll just see, like, an influencer or, like, Internet person in a video, and they won't do a thing of, like, do your viral moment. Like, it's not like that. It's just like, they're in it. We all know, like, I see you, you see me, whatever. But it was like that era where it was like.

[Anya]

Oh, wait, didn't they. Didn't she bring out backpack kid on snl?

[Drew]

Yes, dude. Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

That era block. But I'll give it to her. It was a confusing time for everybody.

[Drew]

And she was a pioneer in her own way in that because she gave us all a lot opportunity. Because I'll never forget the sex tape me and Katy Perry shot because she saw me online.

[Drew Phillips]

The sex tape.

[Drew]

Is that not out yet?

[Anya]

I don't think that's really.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I don't. And I don't think she would appreciate that.

[Drew]

We'll blur it and bleep it. We'll blur and bleep. We'll blur and bleep.

[Drew Phillips]

No, that VMAs. I need y' all to know I grew up in Stan culture, and at this point in my life, I don't necessarily engage in it the way I used to, like. But something about this VMAs I needed to watch.

[Drew]

It was special. They were messy.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it was, like, messy. Like, it just felt really. What it was is I was reaching for the happiness I felt as a teenager because I haven't felt that kind of joy in a long time. But that's a different. Don't touch me.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

I lost my train of thought.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

Look what you did.

[Anya]

You haven't felt joy in a long time. I think that's a topic.

[Drew Phillips]

Crazy assumption for you to make about you.

[Drew]

Literally just really problematic. Like, women can feel joy, too. Yeah, I was.

[Anya]

You said it. And I was, like, getting back to saying that.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't remember saying that.

[Anya]

Okay, well, we could rewind it.

[Drew Phillips]

And you just said, rewind it. What, are you gonna take the tape out, old fart?

[Anya]

No, this is all shot digitally.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm shocked you know what that is? But I really, really wanted to watch the VMAs. MTV, I have a bone to pick with you, you dumb. Why the. Was it streaming in real time? East coast and then not on the West Coast? So I.

[Drew]

They're canceled for that.

[Drew Phillips]

It makes no sense. We Live in the digital era. Why is your Tick Tock account, MTV posting about everything happening at the fucking awards? Oh, but I have to wait till 8pm to watch it.

[Drew]

Yo, I've never seen Anya apply herself to anything more in my entire life than her trying to get the live stream of the MTV Music Awards up on her goddamn tv. She was like, trying to pirate it. She was trying. She was like. She bought a VPN.

[Drew Phillips]

I bought a VPN.

[Drew]

Hulu Live TV. She spent like literally 50. Did you cancel the VPN?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

Okay, good, good.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I canceled everything immediately.

[Drew]

Yeah, but you still got charged at 30 bucks from Hulu.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it was.

[Drew]

And it didn't work. None of it worked.

[Drew Phillips]

It was like a fifty dollar attempt.

[Drew]

It was an hour and a half. I'm not exaggerating. Of India trying to get it to be live on the tv. But we just ended up like, watching the clips uploaded afterwards, which were uploaded.

[Drew Phillips]

Before it even streamed on the West Coast. So you mtv, get your together. You make no sense.

[Drew]

Yeah, but we like, love you.

[Drew Phillips]

And by the time it was streaming on the west coast, all the celebrities were posting their lukes on ig. So what the would I watch your stream for? Oh, my God. It like, it angered me in a way I haven't been in a long time. But thank you for what you've given to the.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, thank you. You. I think, I think y' all did. Y' all did Yalls number with that one. Y' all did the big one.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I think I feel like MTV been trying to get the VMAs back in our face for a long time. And this was the first year where I was like, wait, why do I need to watch this?

[Drew]

Yeah. Sabrina Carpenter, Kuntiana Grande. She tore like goosebumps. I literally had goosebumps watching that chapel Roan Chills. It felt like like all the nods to like, Madonna, Gaga, all of it was amazing. Also, the slander on Madison Ray's outfit is not tolerated. Yeah, it is not tolerated in this house. Like, if you get it, you get it. Just say you don't get it and that's okay. But you don't gotta like talk shit. But like, there's levels to this.

[Drew Phillips]

Also. I do think people.

[Drew]

It was supposed to be bad.

[Drew Phillips]

People underestimate. Not even that. People underestimate how fucking hard it is to put a look together. Like, y' all are thinking, oh, I'm gonna go out with my friends to the fucking pizzeria in my local town. I'm gonna throw my Fit.

[Drew]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

You're not thinking about being on a global stage and what that means and having to like, stand out, but not stand out too much and like all those things. So don't compete where you don't compare. Leave my girl alone.

[Drew]

Yeah, but we are just advid avid Addison Rare and race stands. Stands and protectors. So don't talk.

[Drew Phillips]

And it was a good look.

[Drew]

It literally was. It literally was. What else happened? Oh, bitch. Psychological operations to the highest degree went down at the. The VMAs. And I'm sorry, like, I'm really gonna.

[Drew Phillips]

Get into the only person, like, I haven't even seen, like, the scary part of Tick Tock say this.

[Drew]

Yeah. No, because I'm gonna be the first one to break the story. God damn it. Okay. Last year, the last three years, it's been so demonic. Like, everything has been demon coded. It's like whole lot of red. Like, like just demonic.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, was that like Playboy Cardi?

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. Like, just like all black leather. Scary, dark sided energy. Like worshiping the demon. Like twerking on the demon's lap and shit. Which, like, like when it first happened, I was like, huh, yeah, this is cool. Like break the glass ceiling, whatever the. I don't give a anymore. But this VMAs. We watched the pendulum swing for everyone. Everyone in real time. It was spooky, ooky, scary vibes. Everyone had crosses. They were wearing veils. It was very catholic core. Like, everyone was so pure. Like, it was very light energy. And I don't know what that says. It's not a psychological operation. I think it's literally just like, people are like, I want hope and positivity. I'm tired of the demons. Like, I'm tired of all the demon. But, like, they're winning. Yeah. It was like the. Like everyone started dyeing their hair blonde when their new album rolled out because they were so dark sided, like dark trad or whatever triad, like, like brunette vibe. Like, scary, dark energy. And then they went to like, blonde. I get both. What are you talking about?

[Drew Phillips]

You sound crazy. Like, you be like, I'm gonna break the case. I'm gonna break the case.

[Drew]

Yeah, I did just go back and look. There was not one dark sided, sick and twisted evil outfit other than a couple, like, people didn't try hard enough. That was scary. I saw a couple outfits where I was like, what the are you wearing? Like that, like pleather, like, or patent leather, like, shiny with like the white piping. Like that freaks me the out. Like the James Charles outfits.

[Drew Phillips]

What is it like, the, like, kind of like, mugler looking.

[Drew]

No, it's just, like, shiny, like.

[Drew Phillips]

You don't like patent leather?

[Drew]

I don't like. I. I liked it. I don't like it anymore. It's like. It's like that goddamn off white belt. Like, the same thing happened to it. I like the off white belt, but, like, y' all just did too much with it. Like, like, like, give it up.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I have nothing negative to say. I'm just moving into a very positive headspace.

[Drew]

You have been very positive.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. I'm so happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. Oh, actually, no. I got a bone to pick. I was on TikTok Live.

[Drew]

You after shit talking MTV for, like, 10 minutes.

[Drew Phillips]

I was on TikTok Live, and somebody asked me how my year went, and I just, like, went on a stupid fake. Whoa. You were, like, bleeding a lot.

[Drew]

It's like staining the chair. Every time I touch it, it hurts.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, you're gonna get, like, asbestos from.

[Drew]

Do you see it's, like, leaking like plasma or is that bone marrow at the top? Do you see the clear liquid coming out? It might just be white blood cells. It's already healing. My body is a fast healer. Look right there.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yes. I'm already scabbing over, babe. I'm like, Wolverine. I do get Wolverine.

[Drew Phillips]

Any. What was I saying, dude? Oh, I was on live stream, and somebody asked me how my year went, and I said that I went awful. And I'm like, I tried this year.

[Drew]

I.

[Drew Phillips]

This year was the first year in my life where I was like, I'm gonna be optimistic. I was in a deep, deep, dark depression. But I was like, you know what? I already know when I hear the birds chirping, I'll be fine. Like, this year will be awesome. No, this year was nightmarish hellscape for me. And I'm no longer having. Trying to have a positive mindset because look where it got me. Why was one of the comments like, somebody posted that clip on TikTok. Why was one of the comments, like, easy for her to say. I already know her life's been super easy.

[Drew]

Rallies. Like Kamala calling out Trump's rally sizes. That's in his trigger. If you talk about her having an easy growing.

[Drew Phillips]

I've had it easy growing up. You don't know the half. My life was awesome in a funny, fun way.

[Drew]

It literally wasn't awesome.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it was something. But, like, a lot of y' all are mad I made it out the mud. Like, I don't give a. Like, you like what? Like, literally.

[Drew]

And your dead ass did make it out of the trenches. And now we're back in the trenches because our house is falling.

[Drew Phillips]

I have to go back to mentioning that I'm from Miami and I grew up poor. Remember when that was, like, my thing? I mentioned every hour episode.

[Drew]

By the way.

[Drew Phillips]

By the way, people are starting to forget. The Nepo rumors have gotten a little too far. People think my shit is easy. Shit is not sweet. I still have a lot of things to figure out and, like, to work on. I was obsessed with the Fortnite.

[Drew]

Oh, the FNCs?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, the FNCs. This weekend, Drew put me on, and.

[Drew]

I watched Peterbot, and y' all need to leave Poo alone.

[Drew Phillips]

Poo is literally carrying. Like, he is lit as most under.

[Drew]

Rated player of all time. No, he's giving, like, the healer. He's giving, like, the mind of the mastermind. Like, he. He's controlling the moves. Like, he's taking a back seat. Back seat. So Peter can, like, bask in the limelight and get the cool kills, but really, like, he's holding it down. Like, he is holding it down.

[Drew Phillips]

There's no iron. There's no Peter Rotten team.

[Drew]

Yeah, you need to work on that.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I watched, like, five hours of that stream, and then, like, the thing about watching that, I haven't been playing Fortnite as much, but the thing about watching that, it made Fortnite look so fun and exciting, and I was like, oh, my God, I want to play. But then I was like, wait, I'm not gonna get on and play like a world champion right now. I'm gonna get on, get murked, and be, like, really sad and upset and just, like, turn off my PS5 the second I get killed. So I'm not gonna play. But that almost got me to play. Like, it almost got me there. I miss. I miss disassociating and playing Fortnite for five hours a day. Like. Like, I was much happier because I wasn't in my real life. I was just, like, disconnecting and, like, existing virtual reality. Like, world out, Fortnite in, world out. Like, I miss it so much. They just need to add something funny, like proximity chat or something. Then I would play, then I would play all the time. But, yeah, I watched five hours of Fortnite this weekend. That's kind of where my mind's at. Just, like, very gluttonous.

[Drew]

I did find out that this new tick dropped that makes you allergic to meat and. No, it just came out. Like, why can't they drop cool new animals that, like, make you forever youthful? Like, why do they make you allergic to meat?

[Drew Phillips]

I thought you were a part of Scientology. Don't they have that yet?

[Drew]

But yeah, but I can't talk about it.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I just did.

[Drew]

Have you ever looked at a hippo? Like, have you ever. Actually, they're fucking ugly. They're the most alien creatures on this planet. There's this, like, pygmy hippo, like, going viral right now that I'm. She's eating. She's like this little, like, tiny hippo. It's so cute, and it's slippery, and she, like, bites her, like, handlers and just look up. Oh, look up, Inya. Look up, pygmy hippo. I think it's like.

[Drew Phillips]

How do you spell that?

[Drew]

It's like, mung dang or something like that. Or mungu.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, that's. I love it.

[Drew]

I love her.

[Drew Phillips]

Mu Dang.

[Drew]

Mu Dang. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

That'S really cute.

[Drew]

Skip this, Daily Mail.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, what? Do not give their own makeup line.

[Drew]

Don't give Daily Mail a view.

[Drew Phillips]

Look, like, are these, like, different kinds of hippos? Because the big ones look really gross.

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying, bro. I watched a video of them, and I was like, wait, I don't think I've ever, like, actually looked at a hippo before. Like, they're cute, but hell no, when they open that goddamn mouth and eat the.

[Drew Phillips]

They're terrifying. I only know what a hippo looks like in extreme detail, because in Ace Ventura Pet Adventurers, when Jim Carrey comes out of a hippo's ass.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

So that's why I know what a hippo.

[Drew]

Wasn't he, like, inside of a rhino.

[Drew Phillips]

That got fucked, or am I. Oh, it's a rhino. I'm thinking of a rhino, not a hippo. I think it is a rhino.

[Drew]

Wait, was maybe making that up. But there's. No. No, no, no. There's like this different, like, fucking Scandinavian show with a clip of, like, someone hiding inside of, like, a rhino or an elephant. Like, an animatronic elephant. And then, like, they. It's really gnarly, like, and super graphic, but, like, the. The elephant comes up and starts, like, fucking. The animatronic elephant. And there's, like, footage inside. It's all fake, though. Oh, but you can see, like, the giant elephant penis, period. Okay. What Rick and Morty did for vape shots. Wait, hold on. What Rick and Morty. What Rick and Morty did for vape shops is what I imagine the Beatles did for music. Like, when people say. When people say the Beatles changed everything, like, Rick and Morty changed everything for these goddamn vape shots. Yeah, they made them billions.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't understand the legality of it, though. Like, I guess it's not legal, but it's just so much that, like, what is. What are they gonna do?

[Drew]

Like, it's also free promo at that point.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, true. But, like, why do they even do drugs like that in Rick and Morty? Like, why did it become so stoner affiliated? Is it just because it was, like, a stoner show to watch?

[Drew]

Yeah, it's just like the. That are had. Are, like, very stoner coded. Like, what if we, like, had, like, a portal and, like, planet? Yeah, exactly. When.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what Rick and Morty is to me is like, oh, like, I got shot into butt planet with boobs.

[Drew]

That's literally Ms. Frazzle. Like, wait, actually, let's have that conversation.

[Drew Phillips]

Magic.

[Drew]

Magic school bus. Being the original Rick and being the original Morty girl. It doesn't matter. You. You knew exactly what I was referencing and talking, you know.

[Drew Phillips]

Exactly.

[Drew]

Exactly. Yeah. The pandemic of Rick and Morty, I feel, is coming to an end, thankfully.

[Drew Phillips]

But I'm gonna be the replacement for that, though.

[Drew]

Smiling Friends?

[Drew Phillips]

I don't think so. Maybe give them.

[Drew]

Give them two more seasons, and it'll be like.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Because it took Rick and Morty a minute to infiltrate the vape shops, so they just need a little time.

[Drew]

It took them three years. I feel like if it was six years before I saw him on backpacks.

[Drew Phillips]

In school, I feel like if we were back in time and this show was still a thing, it would have been big in the vape shops. And it's Happy Tree Friends.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

That would have been crazy for the vape shop community. Do you know what that is?

[Anya]

Yeah, I. But I feel like that it's so. It's, like, so gnarly to have, like, a beheaded teddy bear.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

On a vape.

[Drew]

That's more of, like, a Zoomies or a Hot Topic thing.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, you're right. Were they in Zoomies and Hot Topic? I think so. I think there was merch of that everywhere.

[Drew]

I would imagine.

[Anya]

Was there merch? Because that shit was pretty gnarly. I remember watching it.

[Drew]

It was literally the worst thing we could have ever done to our brains when we were.

[Anya]

I remember watching when I was, like, 1335 being like, no, I wasn't 35. I was 13. And there was merch. Scared the fuck out of me.

[Drew]

It was horrible.

[Anya]

I remember there was, like, my life before, like. Like, one of my, like, brother or one of my friends. Older brother showed me that. And then there's my life.

[Drew]

It's always the older brothers. Like, I have a visceral mem of, like, the face of, like. I think it's the squirrel character peeling off. And it's, like, all the muscles and the eye and connective tissue and, dude.

[Drew Phillips]

My dad was dating this woman with, like, teenage kids and cousins, and they would show it to me all the time. And I was, like, 9 years old, and I had to act like I liked it because I wanted to be cool. And they would show it to me on, like, a computer. I'd be like, that's funny. And I would just, like, really try not to watch. And they'd be like, why are you being a. Just watch. And I was like, yeah, I seriously watch something else. That's the same family who showed me the Bloody Mary Universal Horror Nights commercial. That scared the out of me. And I thought I was gonna die. And I, like. I had a big mirror in my room, and I couldn't sleep that night. And I went to go tell my dad, and he was like, who the is Bloody Mary? Go to bed. And I was like. And I wanted to take the mirror off the wall, but I was, like, too tiny to do it. But, yeah, they did have big things.

[Drew]

Coming, y' all, by the way. Big things are coming. Like, the big Earth. Like, something is coming.

[Drew Phillips]

Don't say that.

[Drew]

It's actually, like, big propaganda actually happening, though. Like, something big is gonna happen soon.

[Drew Phillips]

The thing is, I. Wait, I don't remember if I said this on the last episode. I don't remember when this happened. Did the earthquake happen before or after the last episode?

[Drew]

I don't know. I think we talked about it.

[Drew Phillips]

Whatever. I hate you guys. Well, Josiah got a colon, I was gonna say, and people actually showed up.

[Drew]

I was just about to bring that colonoscopy. Josiah's colonoscopy meetup was a wild success. It was amazing meeting all of y' all out there. Anytime I see, like, photos or video of it, it's actually the. It makes me cry, laughing, thinking about that actually happening and people actually being down for the vibe and jokes. People skip, like, college. Like, they're called out of work, like.

[Drew Phillips]

To go there also, just, like, the idea of, like. Like, y' all sitting in the, like, little courtyard that was across from the hospital. He was getting it done at. And me and Drew walking in, like, it felt like we were actually going to visit a friend who was in the ICU or something serious. And there were, like, fans outside, like, wishing a fast recovery. And we were inside just cracking up. Cuz we were like, I cannot believe this motherfucker actually posted the address. And people actually showed up to a surgery that is not really a surgery. He's just getting his butt looked at.

[Drew]

Like, that got probed down.

[Drew Phillips]

I still, like, didn't really understand what a colon colonoscopy was before that, because I always thought a colonoscopy was when they, like, put the tube up your butt and shoot water through it and empty out your cold.

[Drew]

Colonic.

[Drew Phillips]

Colonic. Colonic Sounds like a. An alcohol.

[Drew]

Yeah. I would love to drink a colonic.

[Drew Phillips]

I'll have a colonic on the rocks, please. Thank you.

[Drew]

You can get a coffee enema.

[Drew Phillips]

I want a colonic. No, egg white.

[Drew]

Make sure you use decaf coffee for your coffee enemas.

[Drew Phillips]

Is that a thing?

[Drew]

Yep.

[Drew Phillips]

Ew.

[Drew]

It's a thing. Coffee enemas are a thing.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, wait, what. What is the enema? Is that just, like, a douche?

[Drew]

It's. It's essentially a colonic, but with coffee.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't understand why. Is that, like, medically safe or.

[Drew]

I don't think it's medically recommended, but, like, people do it.

[Drew Phillips]

Is it to get, like, boof it?

[Drew]

I. I don't even know if they do it with caffeine. I think it's really just to clean out their colon.

[Drew Phillips]

You can do that at home?

[Drew]

Yeah. People, they, like, sell systems for it. It. When I was really, really down bad in high school and, like, looking for any solution to like, get the. That's, like, lodged in my colon out of my ass. I was doing so much research on, like, enemas and suppositories and laxatives.

[Drew Phillips]

Your body has been a failure from the beginning.

[Drew]

Exactly. You.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry.

[Drew]

No, I'm kidding. Magnesium citrate, y' all. That's. That's the one. A bottle. A bottle or two of magnesium citrate will have you, right?

[Drew Phillips]

The only time I've ever drank magnesium citrate is when I was in Miami and I was so constipated. So I called Drew and I was like, what do you drink? He was like, magnesium citrate. I went to Walmart. I got it. This was in, like, the. Right before the New Year's of 2021 or 2022. I drank that. I went to bed I was sharing an Airbnb with my friends in Miami. I went to bed. I woke up two hours later, and it felt like I was, like, like hungover. Like, you know when you wake up in the middle of the night after drinking a lot and you just feel, like, dehydrated and shitty and, like, nauseous. I woke up like that. I went into the.

[Drew]

I don't get hungover.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, because you black out and you, like, barely wake up.

[Drew]

Yeah. And I'm a good vibe. I have a time.

[Drew Phillips]

But I woke up in the middle of night fully dehydrated and thought I was dying wet in the bathroom, blew water out my butt, and then had to shower because I was so nauseous and dehydrated. And I felt so sick. I had a gnarly headache, woke up the next day, and I tested for positive for Kobe.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

And so I'm like, convinced magnesium citrate gave me Covid.

[Drew]

You thought it gave her Covid? I was like, girl, the gestation for you already.

[Drew Phillips]

Right before I took it, I had taken a test for Covid and I tested negative. So within the hours of taking that, I think it, like, jump drive to crashing my immune system. And I had Covid and it destroyed my New Year's that year. And it was really sad for me. And I spent New Year's alone, not even with my family or my friends.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, my back hurts so bad.

[Drew]

After Josiah's colonoscopy, we went to the mall. And the mall, I think really, like, for 2025, the mall is going to be in. In a bit very big way. Like, it was so much fun as fuck.

[Drew Phillips]

You can see stuff in real life. You don't have to look at it on your iPhone.

[Drew]

Yeah. It was such a fucking vibe. Like, like you didn't have to, like, worry about certain things not fitting. You got to see the pieces in person. You got to interact with people. It was just really good energy and it was really good vibes. And I'm really excited to go back back during the Christmas time to see all the people, like, rushing to get gifts and, like, see all the Christmas decorations. It's going to be like a wholesome, cozy, cold vibe. Malls are in, y' all. Like, I'm trend predicting malls because they, like, kind of fell the off.

[Drew Phillips]

I know we need to get back to, like, kids going to malls and hanging out. Like, that should be like the peak experience. But I feel like there are still kids who like, yeah, that has to be a thing. There still has to be Mall rats. Oh, my God. Be like, being a teenager and going to the mall with your family was so embarrassing because you had such a high chance of seeing other kids who weren't there with your family. Pissed me off.

[Drew]

Also, I need to thank my mother publicly for driving and my friends moms for driving me and my friends, like, an hour and 30 minutes to the closest mall to drop us off to just sit in the parking lot and then pick us back up and drive us back home after, like. Like, four hours of roaming around. That is dedication to a craft. That is. We need more people like that in this world. Also, if everybody had my brain chemistry. Yes. If everyone had my brain chemistry and thought the way that I thought, this world would be very. A very special place that is actually a lot biggest. We would eradicate the population.

[Drew Phillips]

Everybody would self combust. Like, you're crazy. You just went on a tangent about how you think, like. Like, the demons are leaving and there's, like, a big spiritual, like, thing happening in the public eye.

[Drew]

Because there is. There fully is. Like, I genuinely believe that. Just go back and, y' all. You'll notice how creepy and weird it is.

[Drew Phillips]

Did. He would not shut the up. The whole time we were watching the VMAs, I was like, can you shut up? He was like, look, there's more. There's more. There's more. There's more crosses. Look, Even in that performance, she had crosses on her. Like, what is this, bitch? It's chrome hearts.

[Drew]

Yeah, she was wearing a chrome heart, basically. It's basically chrome hearts, but I'm gonna get a cross tattoo. I think just have a saying that.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you serious?

[Drew]

Just have a story. What would the story be like? Are you religious? Not really. I just think, like, the cross is kind. Like, it's meaningful. Like, the. The symbol itself is fire and, like, what it means, but, like, it's so simple. Oh, just like, this. People behind it. Yuck. Well, also, I just grew up hella religious, so it was, like, kind of a vibe.

[Drew Phillips]

I didn't grow up religious at all other than, like, being forced to partake in some Jehovah's Witness activities.

[Drew]

I got confirmed.

[Drew Phillips]

What does that mean?

[Drew]

Like, I made. I got baptized when I was, like, an infant, and then at the age of, like, 13 and 14, I made a conscious decision. Decision, decision, decision, decision, decision. Yeah, yeah. Decision to join the church as an adult. So I went to, like, every Sunday, and was Wednesday. I would go to, like, classes at.

[Drew Phillips]

The church Sunday, and was Wednesday. Like, damn, you want to get to heaven really bad.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, I locked in my spot. I fully. I locked in my spot. Like, I was thinking very quickly, you did pre order. Yeah, no, I was literally like, okay, if I do this, like, I have a solid chance of getting into heaven. Like, even if I, like, fall out of love with God later in my life. And then, like, the. The day before we got confirmed, we were having, like, a class and someone brought up gay and, like, the teacher, like, went on this, like, long, gnarly winded conversation, like, anti homosexual, like, rhetoric. So me and Madeline walked out, but we went back and got confirmed anyways. But we did not stand for that in the moment. We were like, girl, y' all, like, you're weird. Oh, it's. It's peace and love. It's peace and love and love everybody. Love everybody. Suck my dick in my balls. Literally, period.

[Drew Phillips]

I did a good job of not interrupting you, but by doing that, I don't remember what I was gonna say. And I was really trying to do a good job of listening and remembering what I was going to say, but that's just not going to happen. It's. It's gone forever.

[Drew]

It's all good. Everything is going to be okay.

[Drew Phillips]

I was going to say something about religion and I forgot. Oh, is it too late to get baptized? I could have get baptized right now.

[Drew]

Yeah, you can do that at any point in your life.

[Drew Phillips]

I want to get baptized just to be like, oh, that was pre baptism. Yeah, like, that was. There's pre and post baptism in you. And that was pre baptism.

[Drew]

That's kind like, like, yeah, I support. I literally support it. I support.

[Drew Phillips]

But I would want, like, a cunty baptism. Like, I'd want to go, like, up to Big Sur and, like, go get baptized in the river.

[Drew]

Yeah, you can do that.

[Drew Phillips]

Like that.

[Drew]

They probably have, like, a church group up there that does that.

[Drew Phillips]

No, in mixer, I feel like it would be more like, culty.

[Drew]

I got baptized in, like, this nasty, gross tub that was just stagnant water behind the stage constantly.

[Drew Phillips]

I bet people were pissed in there.

[Drew]

It was, like, always full of water. So that water was full of brain eating amoebas and oh, my God, imagine getting baptized, like, in a lake. Because they do that all the time and you die like, a month later.

[Drew Phillips]

You'd probably be happy even. You'd be like, oh, my God. God took over my mind and I feel.

[Drew]

It was my story. It was my story. It was meant to be.

[Drew Phillips]

I just remembered that they taught us how to swim growing up in Miami. Like, they taught us how to swim when we were in, like, pre K kindergarten at my.

[Drew]

It's like, the law in some places.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I think it's a law in Florida. You have to teach the kids how to swim. But also, I don't know if they did this with my younger siblings, but they're also like 10 years younger than me, so I don't know. But the swimming pool was an above ground pool, literally, in the, like, pipe room. Like, it was in this scary dungeon room.

[Drew]

It was underground?

[Drew Phillips]

No, it wasn't underground. It was, like, where all the water heaters and stuff for the school was. It was, like, really weird. And I just remember this room so vividly, and it was, like, so dark and dingy and kind of orange. And I just remember having to go get in the pool with all my classmates and, like, swim circles and giving us life vests and stuff. But it was the weirdest experience ever. And I don't know if they do that anymore. Like, I want to look that up.

[Drew]

They definitely do that sometimes, y' all. I'm in bed. I'll just be laying in bed. Like, I had a really good day. I'm, like, feeling great, and then I start descending into madness. Like, and the thought that always go comes to my head is, what if I'm not in my bed right now? Like, what if I'm actually in the middle of the street?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Drew was saying that to me the other night. He was like, do you ever get that feeling? I was like, no. And then we just got there in silence.

[Drew]

It's because I'm a shifter.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's because you're schizophrenic.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, I. Like, yeah, I. Yeah, it's freaky. Freaks me the fuck out sometimes. And even thinking about it right now, I'm like, wait, am I actually here?

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I keep having scary dreams, so I don't know what that's about.

[Drew]

That's your SSRI pumping all the demonic energy out of your body.

[Drew Phillips]

Flooding my brain with demons before I.

[Drew]

Go to bed demonstration. You know what song I'm talking about?

[Drew Phillips]

No. Oh. Oh, Ash Nico.

[Drew]

I think so.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, wait, wait. Now I need to find this.

[Drew]

It's a. It's like a Spanish song.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, never mind.

[Drew]

Or Portuguese or some.

[Drew Phillips]

I thought you were singing this song.

[Drew]

No, but this song is so funny. I'm crazy. But you like that? You like that angel on my headset?

[Drew Phillips]

All right, I really don't have anything else to say, if I'm being honest.

[Drew]

So one of the reasons our friend group is so Tight knit and close and has survived all of the many years together is because. Because none of us each other. No, y' all are incestuous and you're all each other in your friend groups. That's bad. Actually, it's not bad. You can do whatever the you want. But if you want a long lasting relationship with your friends, don't go around banging all of them. Slags. Like, damn, God. Total slag.

[Drew Phillips]

Slag.

[Drew]

Well, is this D? I'm broke my arm.

[Drew Phillips]

Friend groups need to watch Naked Attraction. That's what really keeps you together is watching Naked Attraction. That's like the best show ever. I love that show. It's so funny. Which makes me feel up because I'm just literally laughing at naked people. But also like, it's just so funny.

[Drew]

It's really the, the only place in the world you can go to see like the average human body. Like really see like what a real human looks like. Because like all the porn is contrived. It's like the hottest people, like biggest even.

[Drew Phillips]

Like it's like you're seeing the hottest people on the planet.

[Drew]

Yeah. But on Naked Attraction it is what we actually look like. And it's just so funny to just make up, make fun of like the way some vaginas look in some penises. It's fun. Like y' all should try it out, dude.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I like every time there's a man on the screen, it really freaks me out. I hate the close ups of the penises.

[Drew]

You know when you can see like the like, like chicken goosebumps on the ball.

[Drew Phillips]

E. I hate this. Also like the incision seam.

[Drew]

That's all you know that was supposed to be. You know that was supposed to be a vagina. Yeah, the seam like it was supposed to grow into a vagina or the other way around. It sealed up. Cuz we're all girls first, right? Yeah. Yeah. Jesus made women with his rib.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay.

[Drew]

I think ripped it out of his body.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, my media of the week is. Oh my God. I'm on the last season of Girls. I have five episodes left. I think I'm gonna finish it today.

[Drew]

Banger. Oh, I broke this at some point. I don't remember doing that. But you were saying that the finales have gotten really good.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, the like season finales of those episodes become so intense and good and oh my God, it's just such a good show. I love that show. It's so funny, dude.

[Drew]

I actually unironically can't. I can't pull this off the way I was able to because this hurts when I use my pointer finger. Can you just, like, rip that off? Oh, thank you, baby. Oh, thank you, baby.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm finishing Girls. That's my media of the week and my song. Media of the week is free. Man in Paris by Joni Mitchell. Work to do. The Isley Brothers. We gotta get you a woman. Todd Rundgren and your mama Stinky in my butt.

[Drew]

Minus square heart. It's a bunch of random numbers that I'm not gonna read. Just look up square heart and then usuria. Parentheses Psychosis by Edward Skeletrix. Very bullish on Edward Skeletrix. Up next. For real. I think he's pushing the medium in the crowd further than anybody in the world right now.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what people say about me.

[Drew]

Hot Topic, eh? And Hunter. Hunter. Just go watch Hunter X. Hunter. It is perfect. Down to the last minute detail. Down to the last minute detail.

[Drew Phillips]

I like this mood you're in today.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, mania.

[Drew Phillips]

You're, like, in a carrying mood. You're gonna carry me through this day.

[Drew]

Yeah. No, I'm gonna get you.

[Drew Phillips]

No, we're gonna go to the gym, and it's gonna destroy your life.

[Drew]

I was gonna say. Just wait. I will come the crash. I will crash like crazy very quickly, and I will experience anhedonia unlike anything.

[Drew Phillips]

This is the first time our, like, we aren't, like, synced. Like, we're not absorbing each other's energy.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. We're drifting apart.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't want to be friends with you.

[Drew]

I don't want to be friends with you anymore.

[Drew Phillips]

So we really are Elijah and Hannah. Like, the more I watch, I'm like, this is literally me and Drew's future. Because all we talk about is, I'm like, oh, somebody I'm gonna date thinks I'm gonna live with them. Hell, the no. I don't believe in marriage. I don't believe in living with a partner. That shit's crazy. Get the away from me. I'm gonna live with Drew forever. And then watching that show, I'm like, oh, my God. This is.

[Drew]

You can do it. You really can do it.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay.

[Drew]

Okay, we're done by.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th, score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like General Mills cereal drumstick, frozen treats, outshine fruit bars, Oreo cookies, and Capri sun pouches. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.