alright listen up gay people

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "Alright Listen Up Gay People" (February 7, 2025)

Emergency Intercom, hosted by Drew Phillips and Kai, delivers a blend of sharp humor and candid conversations aimed at entertaining and engaging its audience. In the episode titled "Alright Listen Up Gay People," released on February 7, 2025, Drew and Kai delve into a myriad of topics ranging from personal anecdotes and relationship dynamics to pop culture rants and societal observations. This summary captures the essence of their lively discussion, highlighting key points, memorable quotes, and the natural flow of their comedic interplay.

---

1. Navigating Sleep and Alarms

The episode kicks off with Drew and Kai sharing their humorous struggles with sleep patterns and alarm clocks. They discuss the inefficacy of traditional alarms and the lengths they've gone to in trying to wake up on time.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [05:12]: "It means nothing to me. Like, your silly alarm sounds that you think are gonna wake me up. They mean nothing."

They explore unconventional alarm sounds and the frustration of repeatedly snoozing alarms, setting a relatable tone for listeners who battle similar morning rituals.

---

2. A Week of Scams and Unfortunate Purchases

Drew and Kai recount their experiences of being scammed over the past week, sharing amusing yet insightful stories about misguided purchases and the repercussions that followed.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [06:21]: "I've literally been scammed three different times this week."
• Drew [09:20]: "I got scammed trying to get an Edward Skeletrix iPod."

Drew's misadventure with an overpriced, engraved iPod and Kai's encounter with a shady skincare store highlight their knack for turning mishaps into comedic gold. Their discussions emphasize the importance of vigilance in online and in-store transactions, all while keeping the tone light-hearted.

---

3. Skincare Regimens and Personal Insecurities

The hosts delve into their skincare routines, critiquing aggressive sales tactics and overpriced products. Their conversation seamlessly transitions into personal insecurities related to body image and self-care.

Notable Quote:

• Kai [12:31]: "My skin is great. No, no, I was... but the way they were treating me made me just feel like I needed to buy something."

Drew and Kai openly discuss their struggles with self-perception, using humor to navigate topics that many listeners find sensitive. This candidness fosters a sense of camaraderie and relatability.

---

4. Relationship Dynamics and the "Roommate Phase"

Exploring the complexities of living together, Drew and Kai examine the infamous "roommate phase" in relationships. They share personal anecdotes and offer comedic insights into how cohabitation can strain even the strongest of bonds.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [32:20]: "We should just start saying like, someone told me."

Their humorous take on relationship challenges underscores the importance of communication and personal space, all while keeping the conversation engaging and amusing.

---

5. Pop Culture Rants: Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, and Addison Rae

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting recent events and performances in the pop culture sphere. Drew and Kai express their admiration for artists like Lady Gaga and Beyoncé, while also critiquing the sporadic silence of stars like Rihanna.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [35:10]: "She makes it look so easy."
• Drew [38:10]: "Beyoncé has 35 Grammys. But no winning album of the year is a huge thing."

Their passionate discussions highlight the impact of these artists on the music industry and their personal lives, blending informed opinions with playful banter.

---

6. Sports Rant: The Tragic Trade of "Luca"

One of the standout segments features Kai's impassioned rant about the NBA trade involving a player named Luca. His heartfelt frustration and humorous exaggerations paint a vivid picture of fandom and the emotional investment in sports.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [46:17]: "I'm tiny. India has no idea how to compliment me anymore."
• Drew [48:53]: "You don't know him. You're always saying, we have a game tonight."

Kai's narrative underscores the deep connections fans form with their favorite teams and players, while Drew provides a comedic counterpoint, keeping the discussion balanced and entertaining.

---

7. Personal Anecdotes: Self-Care Mishaps and Pet Antics

Drew and Kai share stories about their attempts at self-care, including awkward experiences at spas and amusing tales about their pets. These segments add a layer of personal intimacy to the episode, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts on a more personal level.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [24:07]: "She's a very happy girl. She's very, very happy."
• Drew [29:32]: "I wore that sock a while. I took a walk in that sock."

Their lighthearted conversations about everyday mishaps and pet behaviors enhance the comedic essence of the podcast, making it both relatable and entertaining.

---

8. Embracing Vulnerability: Mental Health and Coping Mechanisms

Towards the latter part of the episode, Drew and Kai touch upon more serious themes, including mental health struggles and coping mechanisms. They candidly discuss their challenges, blending vulnerability with humor to address topics that resonate deeply with many listeners.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai [26:25]: "I thought about it. Yeah."
• Drew [27:54]: "I have a really dense past month. Just been busy..."

Their honest conversations provide a nuanced perspective on mental health, showcasing the hosts' ability to balance humor with heartfelt discussions.

---

9. Closing Thoughts and Future Plans

As the episode draws to a close, Drew and Kai reflect on their discussions, hinting at future projects and continual self-improvement. Their interactions remain playful yet insightful, leaving listeners anticipating what's next for Emergency Intercom.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [42:33]: "But I said, at least she has taste in something because the belt is good."

Their closing remarks reiterate the show's commitment to blending humor with meaningful conversations, solidifying its place as a favorite among listeners seeking both laughter and relatability.

---

Conclusion

In "Alright Listen Up Gay People," Emergency Intercom masterfully intertwines humor with genuine discussions, offering listeners a rich and engaging experience. Drew and Kai's dynamic chemistry, combined with their ability to tackle a wide range of topics—from personal struggles and relationship dynamics to pop culture critiques and sports rants—ensures that each episode remains fresh, entertaining, and deeply relatable. Whether navigating the pitfalls of skincare scams or venting about questionable NBA trades, the hosts maintain a balance of levity and sincerity that resonates with a diverse audience.

Memorable Highlights:

• Drew's Alarm Insensitivity [05:12]: Showcasing his nonchalant attitude towards waking up.
• Kai's Skincare Scam Story [09:20]: A humorous yet cautionary tale about online scams.
• The "Roommate Phase" Discussion [32:20]: Insightful and funny take on relationship challenges.
• Pop Culture Passion [35:10]: Enthusiastic praise for Beyoncé and critiques of Rihanna's silence.
• Sports Fandom [46:17]: Kai's heartfelt rant about the NBA trade, blending emotion with humor.

Emergency Intercom continues to deliver episodes that not only entertain but also foster a sense of connection and understanding among its listeners. "Alright Listen Up Gay People" is a testament to the show's ability to engage audiences with its authentic and humorous exploration of everyday topics.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez it Crackers, Oscar Mayer lunchables and just bear chicken bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Drew]

At Walden University, we get the w not here to have our hands held. We're here to lend ours because we want to create positive change on the world around us. And Walden University teaches us the skills to make it happen on our time. Now it's your time. Learn the skills, make an impact. Get the w. Walden University set a course for change. Visit waldenu. Edu to learn more. Certifieds operate by ship. Hi.

[Kai]

Bye y' all.

[Drew]

Welcome back to to emergency intercom. Guys, I finally saw Nosferatu Ivan to go to sleep. That movie was boring as like I can't.

[Kai]

I want to suck your vagina. I want to suck the period horny ass.

[Drew]

Honestly, it wasn't as horny as people let it on to be like it was a good movie. I don't want people to walk away and be like oh my God. Like what a idiot freak doesn't know enough.

[Kai]

Thinking that regardless. Because that's just who you are. You're an idiot freak bitch. Like just period. Like that's just like I guess.

[Drew]

Yeah, you are what you eat and I stay eating you.

[Kai]

You stay munching on this kitty cat. This box.

[Drew]

Ew. Like you also Drew had to run around the house naked today and I'm so sad I messed it.

[Kai]

Oh my God. Yeah, it was horrible. Literally horrible. Worst, worst drama like is horrible. Well it was freezing cold. My penis was tiny. I'm never sleeping nake it again in my life because the one time I did cuz I was like oh, I got a heated blanket in my bed. Like I don't need to wear all these clothes like cuz I normally wear.

[Drew]

You get a heated blanket like four days ago. Oh my God. You didn't tell me about this.

[Kai]

I normally wear like head to toe sweatsuit type.

[Drew]

Who were you with when you got the blanket decided like where did you order it or did you like getting.

[Kai]

I ordered it.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

What the.

[Drew]

I'm just saying like feels like something you should have like got in the mail and showed to me. I show you, everything. I guess that's just weird.

[Kai]

Well, there's reasons why you didn't.

[Unknown]

I feel like you're. I personally feel like you're in the wrong Drew.

[Drew]

Thank you. He got a heated blanket behind my back. Like, I feel like I have it.

[Kai]

Sorry. Jesus Christ. What did I do? Normally I just. Normally I sleep head to toe in a sweatsuit because our house is so cold. It is literally so freezing in here all the time. So I was like, you know, I'm gonna get a heated blanket. And then I was like, actually, I don't need to wear clothes to bed anymore. I really don't need to. Like, I'm going to sleep naked for the first time in a long time. Was rudely awoken to our sound or our security system blaring through the house. Like, it's the worst sound I've ever heard in my entire life.

[Drew]

Yeah, it really does sound like, you know, when you stumble upon the weird ass, like, end of the world sirens throughout the world. And it's just the scariest noises you could think of. That is what the alarm.

[Kai]

It's horrible sounds like. And like, all the way in my room. Like, you don't really hear how awful it is, but when you're at the security panel, like, it is like, it is. It's inside of you. It's not like, it's not like a sound you're hearing. Like it's reverberating through your bones. Like it's like shaking your insides. But I was butt ass naked running through the house to turn it off because I was scared they were going to, like, call the police. And they still fucking called me. And they said they were going to send a security guy to our house, but they literally didn't.

[Drew]

So they like, maybe that's better then because you just had to run around the house naked.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I was so scared someone was gonna, like, run out after me to get to the alarm, but everyone was gone or faking like they were asleep. Because you don't sleep through that. But I mean, I could.

[Drew]

I'm not gonna lie. No. When it went off that other time, I didn't sleep through it. But I've realized when I wake up to my phone, if I go to sleep and I have an alarm set and I end up staying up later and I don't end up waking up on time. I will wake up and I have sleep slept through my alarm to the point that it doesn't say, like, snooze. Like, it literally. It's the gray Screen that says snooze or repeat, and it'll be hours later, which means I've just, like, slept through the noise. I sleep through an alarm. Like, nothing.

[Kai]

It's actually insane.

[Drew]

It means nothing to me. Like, your. Your silly alarm sounds that you think are gonna wake me up. They mean nothing.

[Kai]

Don't even try.

[Drew]

Like, literally don't try to wake me up.

[Kai]

Wait, hold on. This is my alarm sound. Wait.

[Drew]

Also, everybody got on us about our lighting in the last episode, so this is our attempt at good lighting for a podcast. If you were wondering, like, this is genuine.

[Kai]

Three years. It's been three years, and it looks like.

[Drew]

No, we're almost four years in. And we're like, yep, let's get a light in right there.

[Kai]

Yeah, perfect. And if you could see the way it looks, you'd be shocked. Wait, how do you change or find your alarm? Because I want to know.

[Drew]

It's in the clock app.

[Kai]

I know, but, like, I want to know what alarm sound you use.

[Drew]

Oh, which. Oh, I have a plethora because. Trust and believe. I've had to try them all. Like, I've literally had to try them all. What's crazy is, in high school, I used to wake up to, like, I had my alarm set to, like, Frank Ocean for a while, which is crazy because I guess I just never fell into REM sleep. I just would be awake.

[Kai]

This will interrupt us in a second.

[Drew]

But is it just like your classic alarm sound?

[Kai]

Yeah. This has been the week of me getting scammed, by the way. I've literally been scammed three different times this week. One, the first time was by my favorite rapper, and I've been withholding this story from y' all for so long because.

[Drew]

That'S not waking me up. See, like, that literally, I'm actually, like, you've just transported me to the under, like, water world of Fortnite. And, like, that's where I'm at in my dreams. Like, my feet are going. Like, this time, looking at my feet go down a water slide.

[Unknown]

That sounds like a Blade song.

[Kai]

No, that. That wakes me up every time. Like, no questions asked. And I don't know if people. I don't think a lot of people use that specific sound because I hear the one that everybody uses that they get pissed about on, like, Tick Tock. And for the first time ever, they use that alarm sound in a Tick Tock. And it really did send shutters through my body. Like, it really did, like, activate my fight ORF flight sound.

[Drew]

This is what I have for one of my alarms. Oh, my God. Hello. What is this one?

[Kai]

Oh, see, you do wake up to that alarm. Because I was like, dude, you sleep through that every single.

[Drew]

No, I sleep through it. And then I've switched to this one.

[Kai]

And I sleep through that one.

[Drew]

I. I had a sleepover with Rain, and she was mad as at me, and I'm not allowed to put on alarms in her house anymore because, like, literally, she had to kept waking up and, like, find my phone to turn off my alarm because I don't turn them off. I feel like I just, like. Like, I, like, nudge it away from the vibration. Will wake me up sometime.

[Kai]

You need to get the vibrating bed, actually. No, you don't. No, I'll tell you that much right now. She would. She already never leaves that goddamn bed. She'd be catatonic, toes curling. I want to get the alarm that you have to shoot with a gun. What y' all haven't seen.

[Drew]

I know what you're talking about. Like, they. I feel like it was such a thing in, like, the 90s. Like, in a movie, some kid would have one, and it was like. It's like a arcade style gun. Like a laser.

[Unknown]

Oh, oh, okay.

[Kai]

What is that frequency that gives us cancer for my phone?

[Drew]

Swear.

[Kai]

I know of all the AR or the VR. What is it called when you're, like, looking at your phone and like.

[Unknown]

Oh, the ir.

[Kai]

Yeah. Infrared. Yeah. That gives us cancer, by the way.

[Unknown]

100, bro.

[Drew]

Everything does. Like, next.

[Kai]

I know. Even the fiber I've been taking gives me cancer. But I got scammed by my favorite rapper, y' all. I literally did, like. And I knew, like, I knew I was up by buying this, but Edward Skeletrix released an engraved ipod with his new album on it.

[Drew]

Oh, I remember. I was like, yeah, you should do that.

[Kai]

That's a good idea.

[Drew]

Like, that's awesome.

[Kai]

And no hate. No hate. I got got, like, simply put, like, I don't give a. Like, but it was a hundred dollars, and I want my engraved ipod.

[Drew]

But that's the thing is, I wouldn't want a refund. The idea is good enough. I'm like, just do it.

[Kai]

And it wasn't. It wasn't directly from Edward Skeletrix. It was from the people selling, like, an engraving them like this.

[Drew]

It was called, like, random.

[Kai]

No, it was like, he collaborated with this brand. So I DM'd them on the side and was like, can I buy one of those? I really, really want one. And they were like, yeah, sure. Just send your money to this really sketchy ass, like, website link. And I was like, okay, yeah, I will. And they were like, make sure you put your password in or your address and in. And I was like, yeah, I will. That was like a month and a half.

[Drew]

They're like, don't forget the last four digits of your social.

[Kai]

Yeah, I will. Don't. Don't worry. So, yeah, I got scammed trying to get an Edward Skeletrix ipod. And again, I genuinely don't care. I want my money back. But no, hate. I got. Got, simply put. And then I got scammed three days ago. This one still really, really, really hurts me. Like, this one actually upsets me. So. And you needed to go to a bra shop to, like, get new fucking brawl and panties. And I went in there and was like, way too horny, so I had to walk out.

[Drew]

There was actually a guy in there who I didn't tell you about. Actually. Finish your scam. And then I'll. Sorry.

[Kai]

So I was like, oh, I'll go next door to the skincare store next door.

[Drew]

I walk next door to the skin care store next door.

[Kai]

Exactly. I walk in and it is so sterile. Sterile and like dark, dark, dark energy, but it's so bright. So it doesn't make sense. It doesn't compute. And it's like really, really bad vibes. And I'm just like, kind of floating around. And they're like, oh, you know we're a spa, right? And I was like, yeah, I didn't know that. I was like, oh, I just wanted to look at Yalls products. And so I'm like, going through the line and I'm like, what's your flagship product? And they're like, oh, it's our hyaluronic acid. Da da da da da. And I was like, oh, do you have body wash? And they, like, pointed and they were like, it's the big bottle. You can use the hand soap. If you want to use any of our products, you should wash your hands. And the hand soap smells like the body wash, which smelled like dick and balls. It really smelled like gooch. Like mccooch. Like, it was rancid fucking vibes. Like rotten tooth. But it was really nasty. So I washed my hands and I didn't use any of the products because I was literally terrified of everybody in there. And I was like, I should just leave. I'm not gonna buy anything. I don't need anything. My skin looks great. I added two new things to my skincare regimen, and it completely changed my life.

[Drew]

I know that Morning, he came into my room and was like, look. And started, like, shaking his head.

[Kai]

People keep asking me if I got facials, and, babe, I did, but not the kind you're thinking of.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Kai]

But I. What was I saying? I got distracted by me getting a facial. I had war flashbacks. What was I saying?

[Drew]

I don't know. People keep asking you about your good skin. Damn.

[Unknown]

You were, like, bragging, yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, my skin. My skin is great. No, no, I was. I was like. I was like, I'm not gonna buy anything from this goddamn store because I don't need anything. But the way they were treating me made me just feel like I needed to buy something. They always get you. They always get me. They, like, prey upon my ego, and it works every time. And I should have just walked out because it's not cheap skin care. Like, it's really.

[Drew]

I didn't know that was that expensive.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

So I'm like, it's a brand they carry in, like, Sephora. So I was like, oh, yeah. Like, that would be cute. You go in there.

[Kai]

Ye. I knew it was, like, a little more expensive. And as I was walking out, I was like, actually, you know what? I'm gonna prove them wrong. Like, they don't think I can buy this shit. I'm gonna buy this. So I'm like, oh, I'll just get the night serum. And they were like, oh, okay. And they started. They started treating me like I deserve to be treated.

[Drew]

They started treating you like a human being.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. So I get to the checkout counter, and I see a number flash across the screen. And I, like, didn't even think it was a possibility for this tiny little box. I'm not exaggerating, y' all. This big, this. This round, this big. Like the size of Kai's penis. Like, really, really, really, really tiny.

[Unknown]

Okay, that's not accurate. But.

[Kai]

But I'm like, I see a number flash across the street, and I'm like, there's, like, there's no way. That must have been the order before, right? Like, there's no way that that is for that. I had a million.

[Drew]

I feel like you were trying to convince me, like, I was there with you. Like, there's no way.

[Kai]

Absolutely no way. So I'm, like, sitting there, he's like, oh, I can take your card now. And I was like, okay. And then he, like, has one of the, like, portable things. He didn't tell me the price. And before. And, like, I'm going to tap my card down.

[Unknown]

I'm like, he didn't tell me the price.

[Kai]

I'm expecting, like, $100, $120 max on this little vial. Like, I would have been uncomfortable because.

[Drew]

It'S, like, a nice skincare brand, but you're not expecting, like, yeah.

[Kai]

And I, like, I go to tap my card, and I'm like, oh. Oh, my God. Like, y' all. It was $363 for a single.

[Unknown]

A popper sized.

[Kai]

Literally. Literally. It was literally pauper size. And I was like, are you out of your mind?

[Drew]

And then you paid for it, and you walked on. You said, thank you guys so much.

[Kai]

Exactly. I was like, yalls, customer service was amazing. Thank you guys so much for stealing my money.

[Drew]

Stealing my money. You guys really made me feel at home. You have no idea.

[Unknown]

Because that's two of your, like, biggest insecurities is, like, being rejected by customer service.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Unknown]

And, like, financial stuff for stuff that's expensive.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

I know, because Drew literally. One thing about Drew is he's not spending that fudgeing money. Like, he's not going to do it.

[Unknown]

Well, he spends money on me, but for stuff that doesn't matter, he won't.

[Drew]

Money.

[Unknown]

Spend money.

[Drew]

Well, like, your hole is cheap, so it's not.

[Kai]

Yeah, you're ran through. 20.

[Unknown]

30 bucks.

[Kai]

25. 25 bucks a pop.

[Unknown]

I also just want to clarify. Oh, my dick isn't, like, small like a popper. It's actually big like a Yankee candle, but continue.

[Drew]

Ew. That is, like, disgusting.

[Kai]

It is.

[Drew]

Hurts, but yeah.

[Kai]

And then it hurts. I literally thank them. I thank them for stealing my money. Stealing. It's blind robbery. It has been sitting on my desk for the past three days because I refuse to open that and make my skin oily.

[Drew]

He was trying to convince one of our friends to go back and return it for.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. This was our method. This was our method. I was gonna. He was.

[Drew]

I think you should still do.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's getting returned.

[Drew]

Like, the thing is that we are Two people nearing 30 at a rapid rate, sitting here talking about how you got scammed, when really we still navigate the world like children, and we're too embarrassed to be like, hi, so what's the price on that? Because I'm scared. Nobody takes me serious. So I'm like, they don't care.

[Kai]

Well, they see me, and they don't take me serious, which is my fault.

[Drew]

But also because we literally. This is how me and Drew go into stores, because we are not social people in that way. We go in, and I literally. I like.

[Kai]

Like, all creepy. Yeah.

[Drew]

We're making jokes, whisper to each other and laugh and don't talk to anybody. And it's not to be rude. It literally is. I am so terrified because also, if I get locked in a conversation, I'm scared. Mainly because I will talk someone's ear off.

[Kai]

Yeah, I'll tell them. Tell them the method that he came up.

[Drew]

Drew is gonna send one of our friends back to the shop with my card and card and ID and say, hey, I sent my nephew in here and I told him he could get nice for himself while I was at another shop. Supposed to only spend 100 to $150, and he spent almost double that. So I need to return those.

[Kai]

No, I did spend double that, almost triple that. So he's going to go in with my wallet or with my card, my ID and the receipt and the skin care.

[Drew]

Which is the thing is, that doesn't make sense is your pictures on your id, they're going to like, just in case they ask, they're going to look.

[Kai]

Can be like, so you killed this man, took his wallet in the skin care, and now you're trying to get $360 back on the card? Like, what?

[Drew]

Not even that. But they're going to be like, this isn't your fucking nephew. Like. Like the.

[Kai]

Like, I'm adopted. I'm adopted. I'm adopted.

[Drew]

Like, by any means.

[Kai]

I think I actually am adopted.

[Drew]

I mean, I think so, too. And I think it was a huge mistake.

[Kai]

Huge. I'm tiny. India has no idea how to compliment me anymore.

[Drew]

No, I don't. I don't. I don't know what Drew wants. Like, anything. Drew is like my girlfriend who anything I say is going to be a problem. She's on her period right now. Just don't even say anything.

[Kai]

Don't even talk.

[Drew]

What's it called? Luteal phase.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, Drew is always at his Luteal. There is no, wait, that's my band name.

[Kai]

Perma. Or my drag name is Perma. Ludal or something. There's Lud. Lud.

[Drew]

I guess it would make sense because you would look like shit all the time. Luteal is bitch.

[Kai]

Fuck you. No, Luteal. L, O U T E A L. Lucille F you. That cooked. I cooked. That cooked.

[Drew]

Louis Tomlinson.

[Kai]

India tries to compliment me and she'll be like, oh, Drew, you look so, like, you look so strong today. And I'm like, cool. So I'm fucking ginormous and fat and greasy and gross and I'm a fucking.

[Drew]

I know I can't say anything. Today I was like, oh, my God, you look really good today. You look, like, tiny. And then he was like, okay, well, I was trying to gain weight, but, like, it's. Okay, fine.

[Kai]

I know I gained five pounds and no one noticed. No one noticed.

[Drew]

Literally. Like, there is. But also, I don't compliment men, so I, like, I genuinely don't know what to say. Like, I don't know what, like, what are you even supposed to say to a man to make him happy?

[Kai]

Like, twerk on.

[Drew]

You're the man, girl.

[Kai]

Don't say. That's what you say.

[Drew]

No, literally, I don't plan on ever. Also, I don't need to be good at complimenting, like, also straight men. But you, you are harder to compliment because you're not like a normal gay person. You're like a very weird kind of gay person. Does that make sense?

[Kai]

Neither of those are true.

[Drew]

All my other gay friends are about so easy to compliment. Drew, like, literally has to be so specific.

[Kai]

Literally, all you have to do is say, my skin looks nice and my hair looks dense and I will get a boner. Like, ew.

[Drew]

But yeah, I don't know how to compliment men and I don't plan on learning because, like, I. Seriously, I'm not kidding. I wish I was kidding. I'm like, what could you say to a man that would make it feel.

[Kai]

Like you look strong today? But no, if you. If you compliment a straight.

[Drew]

The world, if you put your mind to it, I love you.

[Kai]

If you compliment a straight man, they think you're, like, hitting on them. Yeah, it's like, not. It's. It's really, really dark sided and twisted. You love men also. Yes, I did wipe on my jeans. I put poopy on my. No, I'm a working. I'm a working man. Wait, hold on. Actually, we were talking about poopy butt. We were talking about poopy butt. Earlier today. Me and. Me and Kai had a poop butt conversation and me and Enya had a poopy butt conversation.

[Unknown]

Oh. Separately. Wow.

[Kai]

Yeah. Inya was like, oh, I like, wipe my ass with, like, water from the sink. She stands over the sink, crouch and like, wipes her ass like that to get the poop out of her butt after she poops.

[Drew]

I actually can't have this conversation. Like, I really can't. And I don't.

[Kai]

In the same. In the same sink she brushes her teeth in. It's crazy. It's really.

[Drew]

No, actually, I have my hairspray bottle for When I, like, get my hair all curly and I'm too frugal to buy a bidet, so I just, like, put steaming hot water in it and I just put the. But the bottle is really long, so usually the end of the bottle gets in the poop water. But.

[Kai]

And Kai was telling me that he loves when he's showering, when he, like, fingers a dingleberry out of his butt.

[Unknown]

It's a cathartic.

[Drew]

Like, it's really not that funny. It's just funny because, like, it's not funny.

[Kai]

330 year olds talking about.

[Drew]

I do find poop like, jokes to be so funny. They really are so funny. Also, I went and had breakfast this morning, and the behind me had the most annoying dog on the planet, and I never wanted so badly to turn around and kick the out of that dog. Like, her and that dog needed to go.

[Kai]

I you the saying, all dogs go to heaven. Yeah, by my hands. I hate dogs. I really don't with them at all. I've been killing dogs. No, I've been killing dogs.

[Unknown]

Oh, you shouldn't say that on the podcast.

[Kai]

No, I've been killing them, you know, and running them over. No, guys, I like.

[Drew]

No, you know that about me. Wait, why? We're gonna act like that's not a thing.

[Kai]

Oh, wait. I didn't even tell them what happened to me. Something really, really bad happened to me. Y' all. Like, something so bad.

[Drew]

Mind you, me and Drew haven't been hanging out this week because we've been busy doing our own thing, so.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God, his small cut.

[Drew]

Dude, I'm so sorry, Drew. And this cut. Like, one thing about. I don't think. I genuinely don't know if I. I will let you, like, raise children because the way you act about, like, I feel like you're gonna be Gypsy Rose's mom.

[Kai]

No, no, I. No, I will.

[Drew]

My kid is sick.

[Kai]

I will be give a.

[Drew]

Nobody gives a that my kid is sick.

[Kai]

My kids will be Gypsy Rose's mom, and I'll be Gypsy Rose. Like, I'll be the one that's sick all the time, and I'll be making them make me sick by telling, oh, can you pour me a glass of water? Meanwhile, I'm putting minute amounts of cyanide in the bottom of the cup. So they're poisoning me, and it's not me poisoning me, but giving yourself Munch.

[Unknown]

What is it? Munchausen.

[Kai]

Munchausens by proxy syndrome? Munchausen's by. Wait, I'm gonna Munch house. Munchausen on her p word till she's proxy.

[Drew]

1000 on her proxy.

[Kai]

Yeah, I'm munching on her proxy. Proxy until she's housing this dick.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

In her vagina. Right, right. Okay. I need to shut the up. But y' all, I cut myself. I've been cutting myself. Like, we'll insert the pictures of the bloody finger. Look away if you don't want to see them.

[Drew]

So for audio listeners, I've been cutting myself. We'll insert the picture. That's so crazy.

[Kai]

Yeah, I was trimming the tendrils off my monstera. She's a very happy girl. She's very, very happy.

[Drew]

That plant hates this.

[Kai]

She fucking hates me.

[Drew]

Azul F that plant hates.

[Kai]

And it's poisonous to Azul. And Azul still eats it.

[Drew]

No, Azula's addicted to it. I think Azul gets a little high off of it because he goes and eats it and runs around and then gets under my bed, Throbs up under.

[Kai]

My bed or grows up in my bed.

[Drew]

Yeah, he just, like, goes.

[Kai]

And we shouldn't be talking about poisoning as well with my monstera. Oh, it's not us poisoning him.

[Drew]

It's him to my bed about that. Get off my dick. Like, what? I take my cat to the.

[Kai]

And he doesn't eat it anymore. But I was cutting the tendrils off, and I had a serrated blade and I was sawing through all of them. I was like, sawing, and it was like cutting through a stick. It was like wood, and it was like, a lot. And it was like rotating the plant around as it was sawing. And I had, like, about 20 of them to cut through.

[Drew]

You know what's crazy is, like, no one was there. And what you are describing, it sounds like the weakest. Like. Like, it's like, not vivid. This is like you're trying to describe this, like, vivid landscape of, like, you're in the jungle.

[Kai]

Through the jungle.

[Drew]

Really. It's you. A 27 year old almost on the floor.

[Kai]

I'm not fucking 27. Chill out. No, literally, no. I was in such a bad mood, too. I was so fucking pissed. I was, like, so pissed because the plant wouldn't stop rotating around. And I'm like, bitch, you're like £300. Like, chill the fuck out. But I'm sawing through it.

[Drew]

We literally have to.

[Kai]

But I'm. I'm cutting through all of them, and there's about 20 of them. And I go one by one and I get through all of them, and all of them take the same amount of strength and the same amount of cuts, and I'm like, oh, wow. This is actually way easier than I thought. Then I get to the last one, the last little tendril, and I'm sawing, and I, like, go in there, and I'm like, I'm using the same amount of pressure that I did before, and it cuts like butter. And then I saw through it, and it saws through my finger and my fingernail and I lit my skin. I should have got stitches legit.

[Drew]

You should have just killed yourself.

[Kai]

I know. I thought about it. Yeah.

[Drew]

That's what I would have done.

[Kai]

Why would I kill myself? I just had, like, a quarter inch cut.

[Drew]

Because, honestly, you're already starting.

[Unknown]

Wow.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, going.

[Unknown]

I don't think I agree with her. I just agree with that sentiment.

[Drew]

It's just like, I'm trying to go getter that, like, once I start, I don't, like. I don't stop. Like, finish. Yep.

[Kai]

It'S my time.

[Drew]

You said it's bedtime.

[Unknown]

Drew called me and said that his skin was rotting off of his.

[Drew]

No, it is disgusting. Like, he should have just gone to the ER and just at least had it, like, rinsed out with, like, a good. He should have gone to Rite Aid and get a little thing.

[Kai]

I'm alive, and I still have my full finger.

[Unknown]

I look sickly.

[Drew]

You have. Actually, you know what? This is so disgusting. And I'm going to out myself for the nastiest thing ever. I have had a really dense past month. Just been busy, and I'm not. What?

[Kai]

Oh, I thought you were saying you had a dense period.

[Unknown]

That's what I thought too.

[Drew]

No, but I did have the kind of period that felt like the period of Christmas pass. It was like bubble, bubble brul and, like, soil. Like, whatever the witches would say over the pot. Like, that's what it was.

[Kai]

What the was.

[Drew]

That was it. They're like bubble, bubble brulen. Something like.

[Kai]

I've never heard that once in my life.

[Drew]

You have. It's like a.

[Kai]

Hold on. I'll look it up. You keep. You keep telling.

[Drew]

I forgot what I was saying.

[Unknown]

So your period was bad?

[Kai]

Are you having a dense month?

[Drew]

Oh, I have. This is actually disgusting. It's better now. Guys, I. I'm not somebody who, like. I. I don't get, like, pedicures all the time. I used to get them all the time, but now I, like, maintain my own hands and feet at home because I could actually. I would rather walk into the street and get hit by oncoming traffic than sit in a random place with a stranger who I met three seconds ago when they're rubbing between my toes and I have to act like they're not there, but also be like, thank you. You're doing an amazing. Like, it's just. Just a lot.

[Unknown]

Some people really like touching feet.

[Drew]

I mean, that's what I was thinking yesterday because I'm not gonna lie. When I was going in on my own toes, I had to go in. I wish I took a picture. My feet, granted, I also cleaned crazy yesterday. And, like, my feet were really dirty. I was so cold in my toes where I literally had nose for all two feet. Like, there's no other way to describe it. I had no sferatu claws.

[Kai]

Were they worse than mine?

[Drew]

No, my feet. I, I. I' so busy and disassociated from my body as of recent that I have not looked at my feet. No, it's not a good thing because my was rank as. Like, I can't even lie. It was nasty. Now they look amazing. I, like, did them up. I gave, like, I really, like. But there was a remodeling happening last night. Like, last night we closed early.

[Kai]

Like, is that the way the chainsaw.

[Drew]

Dude, I was sitting at my, like, in my room for two hours. It took me two hours to.

[Kai]

Wait. Can I see them? Wait, let me see them. Wait, let me have that sock. Can I see your sock? Let me see this.

[Unknown]

Oh, Drew's making fun of me.

[Kai]

Yeah. Kai has something to show.

[Unknown]

Did you guys see what happened on TikTok?

[Kai]

No.

[Unknown]

This week, I basically got outed, and I think we should address it on TikTok. And. Yeah, I don't know if you've seen this, but so bad.

[Kai]

It is really.

[Unknown]

I didn't know she was recording. Okay, let me just say that it is so bad.

[Drew]

Tell me how beautiful that sock is. Ew. I don't like that because it really does sound like you. That is like, I can't.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it sounds.

[Drew]

I wore that sock a while. I took a walk in that sock.

[Kai]

Has your hand over yet? It's on FaceTime.

[Unknown]

Yellow. The sock is so crazy.

[Drew]

The sock is in the room. Like, why is the sock in the room with you and not him? I thought. I thought he had the sock.

[Kai]

No, it's showing the sock on FaceTime. Like, that's the craziest part.

[Drew]

Honestly, if, like, people that perverted could find goddess. If, like, people that perverted could genuinely just find another person who could be that perverted with them, there's something sweet about that. Does that make sense? I'm like, oh, he really does just like, is weird as fuck. But like, respect.

[Kai]

That's what I was saying about swingers. I literally think swingers are so cute to me, like legitimately. I think they're so cute. Like, like people that have been married. Yeah. Oh, older swingers, younger swingers.

[Drew]

Swinging in your 30s, but like, get a grip.

[Kai]

50 year old swingers, 60 year old, that have been together for like 20 plus years, 30 years, and like, their sex life has gotten a little boring and they're like, spice things up. Like, let's hook up with men and women. Like, what if we did that? And like, I don't know. I just think it's so cute that they like, they explore. They explore.

[Drew]

Because also in my head, a lot of those. I'm idealizing that idea. But I'm like, oh, y' all have really been together for so long. You actually are just homies now. I. In, in a way, we are swingers. Yeah, we are roommates show up and we like, we. I mean, we're always present at each other's. There's like sexual activities.

[Kai]

Yeah, you know what? We don't need to talk about that. But you know the roommate phase. You ever heard of that?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

There's like a phase in relationships when people move in together, the roommate phase. And it's like, that's what kills most relationships. And I was just like reading a bunch about it and like, reading.

[Drew]

You watched a TikTok?

[Kai]

Just a single TikTok.

[Drew]

Reading a bunch.

[Unknown]

That was real too.

[Drew]

No, I know also the like, like, not, not just reading about it. I was reading a bunch, like, don't get it twisted. I didn't see one paragraph, not two. I saw like a few pages.

[Kai]

If you think about it. They did a bunch of reading on it and they relayed the information to me. It's not.

[Unknown]

You should.

[Drew]

We should just start saying like, someone told me. Yeah, someone told me. I can't remember who, but someone.

[Kai]

I'm an expert now. I'm an expert now on the roommate phase. Go look it up. It kills a lot of relationships. It's because they move in together and then they've never lived together. And it's like when you move in with a roommate you hate and then like, you kind of butt heads and then things get stagnant and you're just hanging out all day and you're like, oh, my God, I want my own space. Oh, my God, leave me the alone. Oh, my God, I hate you. Clean up after yourself. Oh, my God. We're roommates. We don't do anything. We just stay inside all day long.

[Drew]

I just don't think any couple needs to live together. Like, I genuinely think living with a friend makes more sense to me.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, it's also. It's also giving. Like, we don't desire like that. Like, we don't. We have each other, so we don't. Like, we're not. We're never lonely. Like, I feel like it's. There's, like. It's like people that are, like, alone all the time and go to sleep alone and don't have roommates. They want, like, partners really badly to, like, hang out with all day long, but we have each other, which is.

[Drew]

I just don't think I'd want to hang out with a partner all day long.

[Kai]

No, I'm the same way. Like, if I ever date someone, I literally need to see them maybe once a month. I'm not kidding.

[Drew]

I mean, it does keep the excitement alive. Like, why do I have to see you every day? Also, I mean, I. Was it. No, I was gonna say I like living with a. I've always known I wasn't the kind of person who could live with a partner because I did that for a very brief time in my early. Early 20s. Like, when I was 19, 20 also. I mean, when I was 19 20. Like, when I was 19.

[Kai]

Yeah, she was 19 years old.

[Drew]

I did that very briefly, but I didn't want to do it. Like, I genuinely. I always knew from the beginning, I was like, this is not a good idea. I got convinced into doing it. Guess what? The motherfucker moved out six months later. And we got into an argument these. The second we moved in, because I wasn't picking up fast enough after myself when I was cooking, and I was.

[Kai]

Like, oh, you still don't.

[Drew]

I do when I'm cooking. I'll clean up after I cook, But.

[Kai]

I don't do that. I'm kidding.

[Drew]

I'm not doing the dishes after I cook. Damn. Can I chill? I just cooked.

[Kai]

That's why I literally am, like, cooking food is evil. Cooking food is really demonic. It really is demonic. I'm not kidding.

[Drew]

Cooking is demonic.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

I think getting on that fucking.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, can we talk about Lady Gaga and how she's back in her demonic era?

[Drew]

I know. I'm so happy.

[Kai]

Thank God she's back in her dynamic era. The NIC is something I've been working on.

[Unknown]

She looked good at the Grammys.

[Kai]

Yeah, dude.

[Drew]

She is, like, one of the most, like, gorgeous people ever. I love her so much. Also. Everyone. Everyone was just amazing. Me. Did you see Cynthia singing for the Quincy Jones tribute tribute?

[Kai]

She makes it look so easy.

[Drew]

I know. That's the thing. I don't like Dochi because I think I can do that.

[Kai]

I'm like, y' all, Dochi. Like, I knew, I knew, but now I know. Like, you know what I mean? Like, literally, that performance was mind blowing. I was so Gagatondra 3000 by it. Like, literally bear me, bury me. Gagging. I was. I ate that up and I was like, oh, this is exactly what she needed.

[Drew]

Like, no, I know. She is just so good. Also. She's gorgeous as. But her NPR tiny desk I think will be.

[Kai]

I wonder if you still listen to that every day.

[Drew]

Yeah, I listen to it. It's my favorite thing to listen to my pastime. Like, it's so good because it just like, I really like when people reimagine albums. I listen to the album too, but just, just.

[Kai]

Except when I go to a concert, live instruments. Except when I go to a concert and I want to hear the song in its entirety and then they make this like, weird, shitty version of it that no one in the audience knows of their most famous song. And I'm like, you can do that. I'm like, some people can get away with that. Dochi can get away with that. Travis Scott.

[Drew]

No, I would say Drake doing that was the crazy. That's when we should have known it was like. Like it was time to pack it up. Because. What. What do you mean? You're performing your hit song and now you think you can sing. Like, we've always let you get away with a little bit of the singing, but now it's like.

[Kai]

Give it up. You're trying. You're boring.

[Drew]

Bye bye, bruh.

[Kai]

Boy, boy.

[Drew]

But yeah, the Grammys were such a night for the girls. Sabrina's performance, everyone was good. Chapel, like, da da da. You already know.

[Kai]

Like, like, you, everyone know. It was like the best Grammys ever. It was so fan servicey in the best way. Like, I don't think anybody left angry. Billie Eilish, I felt, was snubbed in a couple ways.

[Drew]

Oh, that made me really.

[Kai]

Which I was upset about. And, like. But I think people thought she was crying that she didn't win album of the year, but I think she was crying for Beyonce because Beyonce.

[Drew]

Beyonce had never won them.

[Kai]

Yeah. And like, it was very granted.

[Drew]

Beyonce has 35 grand. Like, but no winning album of the year is a huge thing yeah, guys.

[Kai]

Oh. I also signed up to get a preset hotel access to her new tour. Oh, my God, she's coming to LA for like four nights.

[Drew]

I was gonna say because she has so many, but them always snubbing her of album of the years. Crazy.

[Kai]

And I, I. When I first saw her reaction, like, to winning country album, I was like, I think she's like playing it up a little bit. But then I really was like, oh, no, she genuinely did not think.

[Drew]

Imagine how many years she went thinking.

[Kai]

Also for country album, like, yeah, it isn't. That's T. Chapel like killed it always. She's that girl. Sabrina. I really, really liked her performance. I think it's so fun to not take yourself as serious. Like, if Gaga smiled a little bit more and wore less makeup.

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Drew]

She'd be way up and like sweatpants.

[Kai]

She'd be way hot.

[Drew]

Any of the pop girls, can you start just like, like wearing sweatpants, throwing your hair up in a bun, like, no makeup, don't give a. Yeah, but. Well, we need the pop girls. I know that it feels like we are being banished to the basement for all the fun we had with the pop girls last year, but I need y' all to pick it back up, please, please. Because like, you said it perfectly. I think we took for granted like last year for media in general, but music, and specifically pop music from the girls. It was such a good year. And a lot of these are the type of to be like, I'm taking a two year break because, like, I care. And like, yes, I actually really appreciate that you guys care about like your mental health. Your mental health. But I'm, I'm like, exactly.

[Kai]

We're waiting.

[Drew]

What the am I gonna listen to?

[Kai]

Like, why has Rihanna not released an album?

[Drew]

I honestly, I can't lie. I wanted to say that way because I kind of love an artist and dig on such a high.

[Kai]

Wait. You know what's actually interesting is Rihanna took a page out of my book. Not releasing an album and constantly teasing it all the time with your emoji. Yeah, she jacked my swag. Low key. Also the Lady Gaga, Bruno. Bruno Mars song it was about world was ending. I'd want to be next to Drew. Wait. Also me singing Bags by Claro going absolutely viral everywhere.

[Unknown]

That was what you were saying. I couldn't even tell. I couldn't even tell what this was.

[Kai]

You ugly. Oh, my God, you ugly.

[Drew]

No, Kyle looks good today.

[Kai]

No, you do.

[Drew]

I think you look good in navy. You're like this zip up. I mean, you are quite literally just copying my vibe genuinely from head to toe. You're.

[Kai]

You want to be her same jeans.

[Drew]

A zip up, up.

[Unknown]

Well, yeah, it's because I'm obsessed with you guys, Sis.

[Drew]

We've been. My passport literally says I'm from webanoo.

[Kai]

Says we been uses.

[Drew]

Was that like a joke on Twitter.

[Kai]

Why you made we beenusis up? It was. It was we been noosis. And then you, like, said, like, I'm from webanoosis or some like that. And like, it, like, became culturally. It wasn't a thing until you said we banouses.

[Drew]

There's no way.

[Kai]

I swear to God.

[Drew]

Because I remember just too easy. Because remember when that was flooding comments like, okay, like, what am I gonna look at? We beenusis.

[Kai]

Like, noted. I just caught we been overdosed on we beenusis.

[Drew]

I can't wait to smoke a wee bituses after this.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. It's gonna hit so fast.

[Drew]

Well, I think what would really bring us together right now is another step up movie we need.

[Kai]

Oh, we are high.

[Drew]

It is high time.

[Kai]

Also a scary movie for a step.

[Drew]

We've had like, 8 million. No, talk to the hand.

[Kai]

No, no, I mean parody.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Oh.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

Like, I want to write a parody movie.

[Unknown]

We saw that one scary movie together. Queer. That was scary. That was scary.

[Kai]

Why was it scary for you, guy? No, it was a horror movie.

[Drew]

You know what?

[Kai]

It was a horror movie for me.

[Drew]

What it is scary to go and see yourself for the first time.

[Kai]

I was gonna say it was a really, really scary movie for me. I'm not kidding. Like, I really walked out of there and it made me think. Think a lot of really scary thoughts. How I am an evil person and I'm going to be alone forever because I've been both sides and I have a lot of bad karma.

[Drew]

From both sides.

[Unknown]

Come on.

[Kai]

Can you come fix this?

[Drew]

Thank you. That was me singing. And if you guys were wondering what I've been. I think just on the side, I've been thinking, and I think I want to make some videos where I kind of just like, talk to the camera and get a bit more personal, but I'm having a hard time. I'm doing it because I just feel like that's that where it's a bit embarrassing to get on camera and just talk to a camera, but maybe that's, like, not the way I should be viewing it.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

We.

[Kai]

We just wrapped it. But you haven't seen the movie, so it won't make sense to you. But it'll it'll hit.

[Drew]

But I said, at least she has taste in something because the belt is good.

[Kai]

Wait, can you say it one more time?

[Drew]

I said, kai's belt was nice. And then he said, it's his ex girlfriend's. And I said, at least she's got taste in something.

[Kai]

Wait, one more time.

[Drew]

It was a joke. Like, my ex girlfriend is really hot, and she. We could cut that out. We could go.

[Unknown]

We can leave it in. I think that's cool.

[Kai]

I mean, she is a baddie.

[Drew]

I know. She is.

[Kai]

She's like. She's girl trade.

[Drew]

No, she is.

[Kai]

She's literally like, no. It's so up. Kai pulls the baddest.

[Drew]

Actually, all of our friends have girlfriends who, if left in a the room alone with me, I would be really awkward. I would just be really scared. Like, I actually. I wouldn't do anything, but I'd be.

[Kai]

Like, what if we did do something?

[Drew]

Oh, I was thinking about something the other night that's, like, really freaky.

[Unknown]

What did you. Sorry. Yeah, it's, like, overwhelming.

[Kai]

It was so freaky. I would finish that.

[Drew]

No, I can't say it on.

[Unknown]

What did you say, though? You said something weird.

[Kai]

I said, my girlfriend is so slutty.

[Drew]

Just for you, babe. True. Should we get some media?

[Unknown]

Yeah. Well, I just want to say about. Look, the movie. I know it wasn't a horror movie. I'm not homophobic. It was a scary experience for me because me, Drew was like, we're sitting together.

[Kai]

Kai. Kai invited me to go see Queer.

[Unknown]

No.

[Kai]

Alone. Me and him.

[Unknown]

No, he tricked me. He was like, we're gonna go see a cool, straight movie. We're gonna see Wolf of Wall Street. It's back in theaters. We walk into that shit. It's a movie called Queer, and I'm freaking out. I'm sweating.

[Kai]

We're inching. I'm inching way, really, really close.

[Unknown]

And then he's like, oh, by the way, you can have as much popcorn as you want. I did it on his dick. And so every time I had to grab it, and then he would wink at me. It was weird.

[Kai]

Well, you kept getting close.

[Drew]

The thing is, that's the way y' all, like, play or joke with each other, so I really can't. I can imagine, like, all of that.

[Kai]

I know that's literally, like, we were doing all of that as a bit. But no, Kai inviting me to go see Queer is crazy.

[Unknown]

First of all, I love Luke.

[Kai]

No, it was okay. My. My take on the movie was, right? No, it was awesome. It Was a good vibe. And like, I do think it is really good for gay men to go see because it is. Is really eye openening in a lot of ways. Specifically younger gay men. Also it's really good for older gay men to see. To be like, oh, this experience that I'm experien is like universal because it's not talked about in the gay community at all. But just don't be a period. That's it.

[Drew]

I need to see it really bad. I'm like late on the movies. I literally. I was the last human on the planet Xenos for all too. That shit was empty as fuck.

[Kai]

Kai clocked its tea so bad though. Like, in a good way. He was like, it's what?

[Unknown]

Beau's Afraid?

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah. What'd you say?

[Unknown]

It was like the gay version of Beau's Afraid.

[Kai]

Like the good version. You said it's the good version of Bo's afraid. The good version, yeah. But also the gay version.

[Unknown]

I liked it a lot more than Beau's Afraid. But it feel. It feels like a similar type of movie.

[Drew]

I need to watch it.

[Kai]

It was really, really weird for him.

[Drew]

To do, like, random.

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, for Luca to like put out. Speaking of Luca, actually, I don't even know if I can talk about it.

[Drew]

The trade. The like, Lakers trade.

[Kai]

Y' all. Y' all the worst. The worst. I genuinely think that ruined my life. It like, literally ruined my life. And I contemplated suicide. I've never cried in my life before. And I cried over the Luca trade.

[Drew]

He was supposed to have a cried in your life?

[Kai]

Yeah, he was supposed to be a maverick for the rest of my goddamn life. And because I'm planning on dying at 35. He was supposed to be at the Mavericks.

[Drew]

Well, he was playing basketball.

[Kai]

Yeah. He didn't want to leave. He didn't. He loved the Mavericks. He thought he was gonna die a maverick. He was Dirk 2.0 and they traded him. They stabbed him in the goddamn back because, oh, he's gained a little weight. Suck my dick and balls.

[Drew]

Is that what it was?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. That's their reason is like. Like the real reason is I don't think they wanted to sign him to the supermax contract, which is if you stay with the team that drafted you, like the franchise that drafted you for a certain amount of years, you're eligible for a supermax if you're good enough. And he's a top three player in the league. Oh, my God. It literally upsets me so bad. Which means he would have been eligible next year. For a 365 million dollar contract, which is the biggest in NBA history. And their quote unquote concerns were that he. His conditioning was like, like not up to par. But I did find out that they said he had a wrist injury to the public, but in reality he had 11 days to lose weight and he didn't lose weight. So then they were like, girl, you, we're trading you. But he took him to the finals last year. They were building an amazing team. They were going to go to the finals once he was healthy and they traded him away. He just bought a house in Dallas 12 days ago. They really. It really is a business. And if Luca's not safe, no one's safe. And free throw merchants Shay, Gilgis, Alexander better watch the out.

[Drew]

That didn't sound like a real sentence.

[Kai]

I'm. I'm a full time.

[Drew]

Like, to me, that sounded like so skills.

[Unknown]

That sounded like emojis.

[Kai]

Yeah, literally. I'm a full time spurs fan now. I used to split my time between the spurs and the Mavericks. And I was really a Mavericks fan, like, because I grew up with Dirk and all of my passwords to everything were Nowitzki 45. Love Dirk. They were about to become Don Shade 77. But they traded him away. And now really what I hope happens is a meteor strikes the arena and kills everybody inside because they backstabbed my friend Luca. We're really close.

[Drew]

You don't know him.

[Kai]

Yes, we do.

[Drew]

You don't know him. You're always saying, we have a game tonight. We have. T is never like.

[Kai]

No, T is. He is. He lives in LA now and he's fine.

[Drew]

So you think you're gonna pull him?

[Kai]

I could pull him. I really could. I think he's lowkey. Gay as not actually, but there is. There's a bunch of gay NBA players.

[Drew]

I mean.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, yeah, well, yes, I know of a few and I've actually talked to1 on FaceTime before I scared the out of her walking by. But no, I really have talked to a very, very, very, very, very, very, very famous. Like one of the goats on FaceTime with my buddy Drew. It was two Drew's on FaceTime. And I have a screenshot of it because I was like so gagged by it because I was like, yeah, I.

[Drew]

Guess I never realized what a big deal that was for you. But like, I just. Basketball like sports, to me, it genuinely doesn't exist. That's something that doesn't exist until I see it, like, if no one ever mentioned a sport to me, ever. Again, other than maybe like, like soccer. Because I see a ball, I'm kicking it.

[Kai]

It's called football.

[Drew]

I see a ball on the floor.

[Kai]

And I'm kicking it, it's called football. Babe.

[Drew]

Get into your media right the now.

[Kai]

I'm not done talking about Luca.

[Drew]

Is your heart beating?

[Kai]

No, my stomach is actually.

[Drew]

Your heart is beating. That was a trick question.

[Unknown]

That was good.

[Drew]

This lighting looks awful.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's really, really scary, but Luca, my glorious king. I'm sorry they did you like that? Just know that I'm here for you. I'm happy that you're in a large market team. Oh, my God. I didn't even get into the worst part, his contract. $364 million. He got traded. He's not eligible for the supermax anymore. Now the largest contract he can get is 229 million. So he lost $100 million on that trade, which is like, okay, he's still making $229 million. It's not that big of a deal, but if you.

[Drew]

Yeah, but I guess if you anticipating it and like, staying with the team, obviously, because you, like, love the team, but also because you've dedicated your time there. You, like, want that.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

Also, like, especially if somebody told me I was going to get that. Don't play with me. Like, literally, your stomach is about to hungry.

[Kai]

I am.

[Unknown]

I bet.

[Kai]

Thank you. And he also has to pay 15% state income tax. Max. Oh, my God, I just feel so bad for him. And I hate the Mavericks, and I hope they all die. And I hope Anthony Davis, who's made out of literally pulled pork because he, like, breaks a ligament every two seconds. They're all geriatric. They're literally all old as they're old bags. The Mavericks, they're all.

[Drew]

Don't say that about Frida Kahlo, bro.

[Kai]

Like, wait, what?

[Drew]

You said Anthony Davis.

[Kai]

Oh, eyebrows.

[Drew]

Yeah. I literally. I only know who Anthony Davis is because of that. That screenshot from like, I think two people on Omegle or like Twitch and this girl had a picture of Frida Kahlo in the back. Or like, vice versa. But one of them was like, oh, that's Frida call. Or that's Anthony Davis. I think the guy was like, anthony Davis is behind you. And she was like, what? That's Frida Kahlo.

[Kai]

One of the first gifts I've ever seen was Anthony Davis and his unibrow breaking off his head and turning into an eagle and flying away.

[Drew]

Because he did have people made fun of it. So Bad unibrow. Unibrow is c. Also.

[Kai]

He.

[Drew]

Don't get it twisted. I love you, Frida. That's me. To Anthony.

[Kai]

Also don't get it twisted. I love Anthony Davis and his run in college. He was probably the greatest college freshman of all time, but he is going to die.

[Drew]

Dude. Viewership has knocked off race. This is insane.

[Kai]

I'll shut up. I'll shut up.

[Drew]

But I do know how nice I was, guys. I'm a really nice friend. I just let that happen.

[Kai]

That was for the three gay men that actually listen to bass.

[Unknown]

Not even straight.

[Kai]

Yeah, they're all gay.

[Drew]

Because there's. I don't know if straight men make it this far into an episode. Does that make sense? Like, I feel like they kind of watch so that they can tell the pretty girl or guy they're talking to, or I guess they wouldn't be straight. The guys in Bush, I can't really imagine. I just can't imagine a straight guy watching this. Like, I really. I can't picture him just like, there.

[Kai]

Are straight guys that watch it.

[Drew]

What are you doing? Eating.

[Kai]

Oh, well, you couldn't imagine it. One of the hosts. Host is a straight guy. Not Kai.

[Unknown]

I'm not a host.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was gonna say.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Can I suck on your toes period?

[Kai]

Yes. Wait, why am I so lightheaded? I think it's because I just talked for 40.

[Unknown]

I, like, stemmed out mansplain for 14 minutes.

[Kai]

I know. Literally, I, like, really lost consciousness, y' all. People want to say, I don't know, ball. Actually, no one's ever said that. And they're. The fact that I know a little bit of basketball blows everyone's mind every single fucking time I talk about it.

[Drew]

Because people are homophobic.

[Kai]

I know. Literally. It's literally. Trade. Hello, queen. I'm trade. Oh, boyfriend. I'm nervous. What? Say hydrated. Hi, Hydrated. You don't know that video.

[Drew]

I don't.

[Kai]

It's Addison saying someone's like, oh, you're staying hydrated. And she's like, hi. He's like, what? She's, like, hydrated. Literally one of the greatest videos of all time.

[Drew]

That can't be real.

[Kai]

Boyfriend, I'm nervous. What is that? Also Addison Ray. Are you kidding me?

[Drew]

I didn't know that.

[Kai]

One to ten. How attractive am I?

[Drew]

Boyfriend. I'm nervous.

[Kai]

Then she. She did. She's really my go.

[Drew]

I want to see the hydrated. No, she is, like, top 10.

[Kai]

Also, she needs a super max contract. No, she's. She's going to go on A generational run this year unlike anything we've ever seen. When she drops her goddamn album, it's going to change lives. Specifically hers. She's going to be taken seriously, more seriously as an artist. Like, I really do think she's about to, like, like, really, really tap in in a very big way. Because she's like a. She's a student of pop. Like, she's. She also got that one producer and writer that wrote all of Britney Spears's hits to write on her, so she automatically already has four, like, smash hits on her.

[Drew]

Can I feature on a song piece?

[Kai]

Yeah, Addison, can we feature? Actually, I will literally just whistle. Actually, I'm supposed to be whistling on Clara's album. I'll clap on your album. Did I not tell you about that? Or Clara wants me to whistle.

[Drew]

There's no way. I'm sure she actually saw you singing her song. And a check, check. Because I. I saw she blocked you. I saw she like you guys.

[Kai]

No, actually, if you go to one of your posts. Wait, who the was that? My man.

[Drew]

Okay, well, my media of the week.

[Unknown]

Oh, Travis is Travis Scott.

[Drew]

Honestly, just wait. What's the album by Steve Lacey, Gemini or Gemini rights? Gemini's Rise. I don't know what it is.

[Unknown]

Stay hydrated.

[Drew]

Hi, Hydrated.

[Kai]

I love her, bro.

[Drew]

You know what it is? She, like, her and your mom have such a similar, like, very specific to like. Like Southern women. Sweetness.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, it's. It's that same kind of like. Just kind of like, huh, what? But is actually smart.

[Kai]

Yeah, she's. She's so sick. She's about to change lives.

[Drew]

I guess that's like my mom, too. My mom's a little ditzy. I love my mom.

[Kai]

I'm very bullish. I'm very bullish on Addison Rae. Boyfriend. Okay.

[Drew]

My media of the week is. Is Sunday Best by Bobby Gentry. Is that how you say that? I don't know. And honestly, Gemini Rights by Steve Lacey. I've been listening to that album again. And, like, I actually can't believe that that album came out almost three years ago. Because in my head, that album still came out last year.

[Kai]

Well, my. No, I won't. That's embarrassing my media. You're gonna be pissed, but out of touch. Daryl hall and John Oates.

[Drew]

Oh, Club Tropicana by Wham. That's one of mine.

[Kai]

I was listening to something in the car that was so goated, but I can't remember what it was. I listened to it over and over again. I can't remember. But Drew. Siop. Lest we forget it, tapeworms are nature's ozempic.

[Drew]

I mean, yeah, I remember I met a kid in fifth grade who had a tapeworm, and I was so terrified. We, like, it was one of the friends whose house we went over to, and I obviously didn't know how tapeworms worked, but he, like, the mom was talking about it to my mom, and I heard that, and I was like, holy. And I became hyper fixated on tapeworms for the next, like, five months. Every time I got to a computer with Google working, I would look up tapeworms and see what they look like, and I would look in my poop because I thought that kid gave me a tapeworm.

[Kai]

And I. I used to want to take. Wait, RFK literally does have tapeworms.

[Drew]

I want RFK to burn in a fire.

[Kai]

The sadukar chant from Dune. The worms in his brain chanting for him to lower the cooked meat temperature so tapeworms can form and everyone annihilate the human race.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Guys, no, no.

[Kai]

Okay, wait. Let me find my psyops real quick. I had a nightmare. Young Ma was twerking. Is it gay for a man to wear a big T shirt to bed with no draws on?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Ew.

[Drew]

Well, I do not want your penis to peek out from under your.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

Ew. Oh, my God, bruh. Like, such an animatonic failure.

[Kai]

Animatonic.

[Drew]

Yes. Yes.

[Kai]

Right?

[Unknown]

That's a universally bad look. Like a guy with a long shirt and no pants on. That's a bad look. No one's pulling that off. Except maybe Drew. Drew could pull that off.

[Drew]

No, he could not.

[Kai]

I could easily. What? I literally could.

[Drew]

You would need the longest shirt in the world because your penis is so long.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. I forget about that.

[Drew]

You need a mumu.

[Unknown]

You wearing the mumu to Coachella. That is one of my favorite videos of you, like. Like, dipping down with the purse.

[Kai]

Oh, dude, it's so gross.

[Unknown]

That is.

[Drew]

You had such a. A dense beard.

[Kai]

I know. It's so crazy. Let's read this one.

[Drew]

You sounded, like, not into that memory at all. That is so crazy.

[Kai]

Y' all need to start sending me more psyops. Like, damn. Like, holy.

[Drew]

He's mad at me for rushing him, and he's putting the anchor on y' all. Y' all really are our kids hating you.

[Unknown]

Yo, we also get, like, 300 a day.

[Drew]

I know.

[Kai]

He's like, y' all need to wait in the. Which email?

[Unknown]

The official one.

[Kai]

I don't ever. I don't have access to that email. They just send them to my business email.

[Drew]

No, dude, that email is ran through with them.

[Kai]

I've literally never known that.

[Unknown]

That email is like completely overtaken by psyop submission.

[Drew]

Bro. There's definitely some out there who's like, bro, the code is you send it to True was personal.

[Kai]

Yeah, I just leaked that. Okay, whatever. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. Suck my dick. Wait.

[Drew]

Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez It Crackers, Oscar Meyer Lunchables, and Just Bear Chicken Bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.