Arby's squirrel nuggets

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary – "Arby's Squirrel Nuggets"

Release Date: May 9, 2025
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips
Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. There’s no emergency, but there’s an intense need for attention, so maybe listen up… You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t.

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1. Return to the Studio and Recent Experiences ([02:03] – [21:11])

Enya and Drew kick off the episode by sharing their recent experiences of moving to Miami and then returning to the studio. Drew humorously recounts getting kicked out of Miami for taking off all his clothes at a club, highlighting his limited participation in club culture.

• Drew: "I took off all my clothes. Really weird, but I thought that was a vibe. I haven't really partaken in club culture..." ([02:11])

The conversation quickly shifts to domestic life, with Drew expressing frustration over Enya teasing him about a messy kitchen. Enya counters by explaining her efforts to clean up, leading to a light-hearted exchange about household responsibilities and the resulting tensions.

• Drew: "I came back and there was mold in the dishwasher... I don't want to know his defense." ([02:42])

2. Discussions on Hygiene and Social Norms ([03:39] – [10:26])

The hosts delve into a candid conversation about hygiene products, specifically tampons. Drew questions the concept of "bleach-free" tampons, expressing skepticism about their safety and manufacturing processes.

• Drew: "There is no such thing as bleach-free tampons. I actually don't know that I take that back." ([04:26])

Enya and Drew further explore societal norms around hygiene, touching upon the misconceptions and stigmas associated with menstrual products. This segment highlights their comfort in discussing personal and often taboo topics with humor and honesty.

• Drew: "Do a quick body. It's deserved. It's dessert." ([50:46])

3. Social Media Fads and Generation Gap ([05:14] – [17:37])

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting current social media trends and the generational gap in understanding them. Enya introduces the concept of "Italian brain rot," a meme involving AI-generated images of dancing cappuccinos and watermelon crocodiles, expressing her feeling of being "uncoded" from these emerging trends.

• Enya: "It's Italian brain rot... AI generated photos of like cappuccinos that are dancing like ballerinas and like crocodiles that are made out of watermelon..." ([06:00])

Drew relates by mentioning similar phenomena like "Skibidi Toilet," emphasizing how viral content often escapes their immediate awareness despite its prevalence among younger audiences.

• Drew: "Skibidi toilet is like the most under desirable and like unfunny thing ever." ([06:14])

4. Mental Health and Personal Struggles ([22:57] – [34:04])

The conversation takes a deeper turn as both hosts open up about their mental health journeys. Drew shares a personal anecdote about a past relationship and the intense emotional turmoil it caused, highlighting the complexities of anxious attachment styles.

• Drew: "When he first broke up with me, I threw myself on the floor, had a panic attack and said that it hurt more than when my mom died." ([30:41])

Enya echoes similar sentiments, discussing her experiences with panic attacks and the importance of seeking therapy. They explore how their friendship serves as a support system, allowing them to navigate their mental health challenges together.

• Enya: "Everyone deep fucking down is a jealous, insecure, crazy person." ([31:56])

5. Personal Hygiene Confessions and Relationship Dynamics ([14:05] – [34:04])

The hosts share humorous yet honest confessions about personal hygiene habits, such as leaving underwear by each other's beds and dealing with bodily functions. These candid discussions shed light on the intimate dynamics of their relationship, blending humor with authenticity.

• Drew: "I take off my underwear and I leave it by Drew's bed. And by the morning, I don't get to stand around while he examines it." ([15:42])

6. Reflections on Aging and Self-Perception ([39:01] – [64:45])

Enya and Drew reflect on aging, self-perception, and body image. They discuss insecurities related to physical features like ears and hairstyles, sharing past desires for body modifications and the societal pressures that influence these feelings.

• Enya: "I really wanted like an RFID chip put into my palm right here so you could scan it." ([61:05])

Drew adds her perspective on body modifications, explaining how familial influences shaped her decisions and desires regarding piercings and other alterations.

• Drew: "I have been thinking about, like, why everybody has like a visceral reaction." ([60:10])

7. The Role of Friendship and Honesty ([33:03] – [55:50])

The episode emphasizes the importance of friendship and honesty in dealing with personal struggles. Enya highlights how their ability to confront each other’s fears and insecurities strengthens their bond, despite occasional teasing and disagreements.

• Enya: "We've known each other long enough that you were there for when I was younger." ([33:29])

They discuss the balance between supporting each other and maintaining personal boundaries, illustrating how humor serves as a coping mechanism in their friendship.

8. Culinary Adventures and Food Critiques ([42:33] – [58:05])

True to the episode's title, Enya and Drew engage in a humorous critique of Arby's beef nuggets. Their playful banter about the appearance and taste of the nuggets, along with squirrel references, showcases their dynamic comedic interplay.

• Enya: "Are those not beef curtains? Those are labias." ([43:34])

They extend their food critiques to other establishments like McDonald's, maintaining a light-hearted and entertaining tone throughout their discussion.

9. Final Reflections and Closing Remarks ([58:00] – [72:08])

In the closing segments, the hosts touch upon topics like kava and kratom, expressing concerns about their addictive properties and societal impacts. They blend personal anecdotes with broader discussions on health and wellness, wrapping up the episode with a mix of humor and earnest reflections.

• Drew: "I just feel like it would short circuit your brain." ([61:25])

Enya shares her thoughts on biometric technologies, intertwining misinformation humorously within their conversation.

• Enya: "But I'm not 100% sure cuz I love to spread misinformation." ([63:28])

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Notable Quotes:

• Drew on Club Culture: "If I'm paying for a booth, why can't I piss in the booth?" ([02:37])
• Enya on Mold in Dishwasher: "It was your dishes. I did all of your dishes." ([02:59])
• Drew on Anxious Attachment: "And I think you two are. We're, like, anxiously attached people." ([21:11])
• Enya on Power Outages: "A power outage caused by a storm specifically is like the greatest feeling in the world." ([26:03])
• Drew on Sleep Disturbances: "I don't know what's all this then?" ([33:03])
• Enya on Friendship Dynamics: "Like, literally everyone is batshit fucking crazy." ([31:56])
• Drew on Therapy Insights: "Being selfish is such a key component of living your life and moving forward." ([64:53])

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Conclusion

In this episode of Emergency Intercom, Enya and Drew navigate a myriad of topics ranging from personal hygiene confessions and mental health struggles to humorous food critiques and social media fads. Their candid and comedic approach allows listeners to connect deeply with their discussions, offering both laughter and relatable insights. The blend of light-hearted banter with sincere conversations underscores the strength of their friendship and their ability to tackle diverse subjects with authenticity and humor.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Hey.

[A]

We'Re back. We're back in the studio, in the stew, literally. Moved to Miami for a week and then moved back.

[B]

Well, I got kicked out of Miami because I went to 11 and I took off all my clothes. Really weird, but I thought that was a vibe. I haven't really partaken in club culture, so I always assumed it was like, kind of. The thing is, you go and you get drunk and then you take all your clothes off. And also, the bathroom line was really long and I did piss in the booth me and my friends got. But again, if I'm paying for a booth, why can't I piss in the booth?

[A]

Why don't you just piss on the floor?

[B]

Piss on the floor.

[A]

What's up?

[B]

Like, literally nothing. Oh, Drew, on the last episode made fun of me for making the kitchen dirty. I came back and there was mold in the dishwasher. And I'm going to Insert the picture. And I don't want to know his defense. It's just crazy because, like, to. To get online and say that I'm dirty and that I leave the kitchen dirty.

[A]

It was your dishes. I did all of your dishes. I loaded it up and then I took those dishes out. Those were Josh's dishes. I put them in there. I started the dishwasher. The thing didn't open because I didn't close it right. Or whatever. You gave me the tutorial. But I did three loads of your dishes.

[B]

So that's crazy because I didn't leave mold in my dishes. So you. You put.

[A]

You did, actually, you did in the sink when I was pouring out your six month old coffee cup. Globs of gum.

[B]

Oh, my God. Okay. Also, they're not that old. Hello. Actually, they are pretty old because, like, I feel like oat milk and almond milk take longer to curdle over than regular milk. And it is really gross.

[A]

I don't know if anybody has free slime tutorial. And it's just literally leave almond milk in a mug in your sink that is two weeks.

[B]

It is disgusting. Like, it is disgusting. The texture, it becomes. Also, I don't know if anybody else has experienced this because, like, obviously growing up, drinking expired milk, classic drinking expired almond milk, like, obviously nothing expired and curdled is good, but expired almond milk literally tastes like acetone. Like a tampon was resting in acetone. But like a clean tampon. Like all the things that they fear monger me about what's in the tampons and what's going in my bloodstream. It literally feels like they put a cup of acetone tone with a bit of almond milk. That's what rotted almond milk.

[A]

Bleach free tampons.

[B]

There is no such thing as bleach free tampons. I actually don't know that I take that back.

[A]

I think the ones you use that come in that, like, plastic container. I think those say bleach free.

[B]

Yeah, the ones I usually buy technically bleach free. But, like, I just don't believe it. Like, I'm just like, how this tampon so clean though.

[A]

What are tampons?

[B]

It's literally like wadded up cotton. I'm pretty sure. But I listen, I'm not the right person. I've never thought about what I'm putting in. I just put it in. I was told put it in. And I'm like, okay, I'll put it in. Like, easy, there's a hole there for put it in.

[A]

Put it in, you know, a lot.

[B]

Of girls growing up.

[A]

It's Ms. Rachel.

[B]

Oh, I've never seen Ms. Rachel because I don't have the kind of family that watches what their kids have. I have the kind of family that puts an iPad in a kid's face. And it's not YouTube kids.

[A]

And they just watch like people dying on Instagram.

[B]

Yeah, they just watch absolutely whatever comes up. I saw recently this woman talking to her, her kid and talking about how he was accidentally on the regular YouTube app and not the YouTube Kids app. And that greened me out because I don't think any child in my family even knows that there is a YouTube for kids. Like they just know what YouTube looks like. Because I feel like also most parents don't even think about YouTube for kids. What's on there.

[A]

I think my niece uses regular YouTube too. And I scrolled through her feed one time. Mind you, she's starting pre K this year and it was the most rotted I've ever seen. Like ballerina cappuccino or some like that. It's like Italian brain rot. Like it was.

[B]

Wait, I was at someone's house and they had looked up Italian brain rot. It was on my friend's house. They would we're looking up on Tick tock Italian brain rot. And that's never crossed my mind because I've thought about the gay accent in different languages, but I've never thought about brain rot in other languages.

[A]

Oh, once like something goes international, it becomes a thing that everybody can play with. Like Italian brain rot is here in America and I've been off like social media for real for like two months and I have no fucking idea. For the first time in my life I feel very uncoded because like I wasn't there for the conception and the genesis of this brain rot. And I know all brain rot. I've Wait, what's like a vintage brain rotation? It's literally just like AI generated photos of like cappuccinos that are dancing like ballerinas and like fucking like crocodiles that are made out of watermelon and shit. It's like called like crocodillo water millo or some shit like that. Like it's really crazy.

[B]

I feel like we talked about this before because when we have toilet also this raw is crazy. But when we've talked about like skibidi toilet and how we think that is like the most under desirable and like unfunny thing ever. But half of the we were consuming as kids was really unfunny. And not that interesting. It's.

[A]

Like, it's that and then it's the name.

[B]

They're selling toys of it.

[A]

My mom Walmart is selling toys of this. My mom knew about Italian brain rot before I did and she was explaining it to me and she was like, it's actually really cute. Like, the videos of the cappuccinos dancing are really cute and the song is really sweet and I like, literally it does not resonate with me at all. And so you know what I did is I called my like 12 year old nephew and I literally like sat on the phone with him for an hour and I was like, what are the kids saying in class right now? And it's chicken jockey. Like, that is like Minecraft. Yeah, the Minecraft movie. And then they're saying ballerina cappuccino. They're still saying hus and bruhs.

[B]

What were we saying? Like, cheers. Shoes, Shoes, shoes, shoes. Like, that was our vibe. Like, what was our vibe? It's like you have to get the like orange.

[A]

Mine was like poop. And mine was. It was 21.

[B]

Like, oh, 21.

[A]

The modern day version of that is like chew dye. But it's like chew die. Yeah, but it's like a gay porn Twitter thing.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

And it's like. But it's all so many things from my friends, AI robots. Like, it's like accounts that like are crazy and they'll just say like, chew die or something. I don't know what the word is. I just never have seen it ever once in my life. So it's like I really don't understand something crazy. I think it's like water, like, because they always have the squirt emoji next to it. Using emojis in like a real sexual. Like that you're chopped. Like that's like, like those are our Egyptian hieroglyphics. And for you to deface them in that way is really Drewmoji coming soon. Guys, drewmoji is coming very soon at this point.

[B]

I mean, I have it. So it's like I've been had it. I've had it for so long, I still use it. But like, we need an update. We need an update. The people who have it, we need an update.

[A]

I won't be able. I turned off the beta or the beta expired. So like no one has it. You just have the ones that you used a lot. Yeah, but the app doesn't exist right now. But yeah, I need to probably make more question mark. But Genmoji came in and they really thought they were. See, that's the crazy gen emoji. Hold on, hold on. That's what I was going to say. They really, they really thought they could dethrone the King. Like, they, they saw Drumoji like in the waves it was making in the.

[B]

Media and the nine downloads.

[A]

Yeah, the nine downloads. And they said, oh, we got to nip this in the bud real quick. And instead of reaching out to Kim Kardashian as well, instead of reaching out to buy, they thought they could. They thought they could dethrone the King by releasing their gin moji, which is dog, by the way. Like, real.

[B]

I can't real real. Never touch Gen Mojo.

[A]

I don't have it.

[B]

Never dated to them.

[A]

Like, it's dog. I haven't used it once. Like, don't every time. That's what I'm getting to.

[B]

Anytime anyone sent me a Gen Moji one, I'm completely offended because the way Genmoji thinks I look versus what I think I look like. No, I didn't need to.

[A]

It sends us gin moji versions of ourselves and I'm like, oh, wow. So I really am puggy. Like, I really am wide faced. Like, I really do got that Lily Rose Depp head. Like that Sabrina Carpenter head. Like, no shade.

[B]

Like, I have a big head. Oh, she's got a big head.

[A]

But like, no shade. It's all the hair. No shade. We both have big heads. You have a giant. You had a big head.

[B]

Okay, No, I asked instantly if I had a big head and they said no.

[A]

Who said that? Who said that?

[B]

No, I think I technically do have a big head.

[A]

Like, yeah, no, we have big heads and we ride for the big head community.

[B]

Yeah, I like, I like, I feel like usually people I gravitate towards have.

[A]

Like, heavier heads, but it's not like, it does not. I mean, especially in your case, it does not indicate knowledge or like, wisdom. My case it does. But in your specific case it's not because we're like.

[B]

But knowledge and wisdom can land on so many spectrums. It can land on the knowledge and wisdom of life and how to navigate the world, but it can also land in just like, you know, how to suck a mean dick.

[A]

Why was my head going straight to sex too? Cause I was gonna say the same fucking thing, bruh.

[B]

If you're good as fuck at sex, you need to go to jail.

[A]

No, that's really fucking freaky and creepy.

[B]

Like, somebody if I'm hooking up with somebody who multiple people have hooked up with and all of them have good reviews. That greens me out because I think, like, call me old fashioned. I genuinely think that, like, I feel like all sex you have should be good if you're lucky. But to find someone you have great chemical sexual chemistry with is like, oh, my God. Like, I can't believe this is what.

[A]

I think sex should be mid the first couple times. Oh, that's my hot take.

[B]

Because it's like, what? I don't know if someone is good.

[A]

At sex right off bat. Like, really? You're a killer.

[B]

You're the killer.

[A]

If you locked up in jail immediately, you're literally killer.

[B]

What do you mean? You know all the buttons. You haven't been in this car, bitch. Like, why do you know what to do? And it's because you're a.

[A]

Someone cooked here. Someone cooked here.

[B]

I don't even think that someone cooked here makes sense anymore because we all have iPhones and we all see so much shit. So someone like, you really can't even know if a was there before.

[A]

Also, it's like someone cooked here. And it's like a straight man that's like washing their ass crack. Remember when that was, like, a real thing online? When like, like, it, like, everyone washes their ass crack now. But, like, probably like six or seven years ago, it was first starting to bubble up and, like, it was like a real thing that men weren't washing their ass.

[B]

Still kind of like a conversation in terms of like, they're still like. But the thing is, to even say it's like an overtly straight dude thing sounds crazy, but it really is because there's some kids who are like, oh, it's gay to go between my butt cheeks. They're literally yours for a reason. You can go in there. You can go in there.

[A]

Drinking water is you have the right.

[B]

To go right up your own butt. Like, that's the only butt you can get between, like, with no questions asked. And how are you not getting between your own cheeks? Like, also out of pure curiosity, how are some of y' all not looking at your, like, genitals looking at your butt? Like, do you have no. Like, there's nothing.

[A]

And what's crazy is, like, they don't have people in their life. Like, like, I'm in your life and I look at your, like, discharge panties, and I go to bed before you go to bed.

[B]

Well, sometimes I get caught up because sometimes it's like, wow. The discharge is like, it's kind of.

[A]

Like I found out about.

[B]

It's like a yogurt land situation.

[A]

Oh, it's really creepy sometimes. It's like, brat.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. My brat underwear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But the new age brat discharge. Brat. That's my.

[A]

The period panty ever.

[B]

But we took that joke from Orion.

[A]

Yeah, that was Orion's joke. But, oh, I found out about period panties today because I saw a video or a couple days ago, I saw this video of this guy, like, thinking he was being, like, cute and funny and, like, had this girl's, like, panties and, like, put them on his head, and there was just, like, a giant brown stain on the vagina area. And, like, she was like, oh, my stain, my stain, my stain. And I went to the comments, and I was like, oh, she's about to get ripped to shreds. And all of the comments were, like, from girls being like, he had no idea that those were her period panties. Like, yeah, you always.

[B]

I feel like that usually becomes an accident, but you always have the panties that are like, I seriously. You want to guess the color of my underwear stain? It's like, that's, like, literally, the period underwear is, like, the underwear that one day you just accidentally laugh too hard and, like, you literally just shoot out some extra lining and that becomes your pair. And I don't want to throw them away because, like, a stain never hurt anybody.

[A]

I will say, though, I never bothered me anyway.

[B]

I'm just, like, not the kind of person to throw away underwear for a stain. Like, I don't. Like, I have. I kind of have.

[A]

Like, you do have skid mark underwear. You got duty marks in all of your white underwear.

[B]

Well, no, no. If it comes from the butt, the stain.

[A]

No, no. You're. You're backtracking.

[B]

Oh, but yeah, to clarify, every day at the end of the night, I take off my underwear and I leave it by Drew's bed. And by the morning, I don't get to stand around while he, like, examines.

[A]

You really do just sleep in my be.

[B]

I know it's bad. I sleep in Drew's night.

[A]

We really, like, have, I think, since living in the new house, have slept in my bed more than you've slept in your bed.

[B]

Your bed is just so comfy.

[A]

It's literally a movie.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

It's so good.

[B]

Also, like, it's really bad because I like. I just. I try to. I. I like to switch my sheets often, and I just came back from Miami, and because I've been, like, going back and forth between, like, here in Miami more often this year, I haven't been changing my sheets because I get back and I'm like, why would I change my sheets? There's a clean bed downstairs with my man in it waiting to keep me warm. So I'd rather do that.

[A]

I keep you warm.

[B]

But yeah, no, I need to start sleeping alone because I've been realizing I haven't spent any time alone in kind of a long time. Like, I haven't been like fully alone. Like, I had two days this year where I purposefully isolated myself. But I am constantly around people all the time. And that's because I'm so derealized. I need to be distracted. Because if I'm left alone, I have to remind myself that I'm alive. But not in like a soul trapped in my mind kind of way, but like remembering that I have blood flowing through my veins. Like, when I'm driving, sometimes I can. I. I don't, like, I don't feel anything in my body and I'm like, there's no way there's stuff in this body.

[A]

There's no way there's while driving that is a natural. Like, because like, the act of driving is so unnatural that we probably experience like a trauma response every single time we drive. Because our brains are not wired to drive.

[B]

Well, that's.

[A]

But laying in bed, you shouldn't alone. Yeah.

[B]

But also sometimes when I. No, no, I'm not gonna go down there because I'm gonna start scaring myself.

[A]

Have you heard of the Ugly for ugly trend?

[B]

You for you?

[A]

No, actually it's you for you.

[B]

No, that's funny.

[A]

It's actually them for them. The audience.

[B]

Me, when I started a non binary dating app.

[A]

Them for them. Um, but ugly for ugly has been this trend happening on Grindr where people will make like, you know, mask for mask. It's just like, girl, like, get a grip. It's ugly for ugly. And like, people will message and like interact with people and that are mask for mask or just in general. And they'll read their bio and it's like, ugly for ugly. And these people will respond back and be like, girl, I'm not fucking ugly. And it's just basically calling you this person ugly or this person ugly.

[B]

Hey, I feel like we would get along because we're both ugly.

[A]

Yeah, we should hook up. Ugly for ugly.

[B]

No one is ugly. Top 10 biggest lies I've ever said.

[A]

We wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, Rocket Money, y' all. I am a serial free trial user and forgetter. It is one of my worst habits ever. Oh, it's so bad, one time I was subscribed to Club Penguin for five whole years. Club Penguin Premium Anyways, Rocket Money in my adult life has been so vital in going through and deleting all of those silly little subscriptions that I forgot were free trials. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. The Rocket Money Money dashboard gives you clear views of your expenses across all accounts. You can easily create personalized budgets with custom categories to help keep track of spending. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Intercom today that' RocketMoney.com Intercom RocketMoney.com Intercom hey guys, we wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, zocdoc. Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment for a Hypochondriac like me, ZocDoc is literally the goat. The second I see or feel something wrong with my body I am on zocdoc looking it up. And and it's also insane how many specialties zocdoc covers because like the most obscure, weird like little thing that I have wrong with my body there is a specialist on ZocDoc specifically like I've been dealing with eczema recently. We're going to a dermatologist and the craziest part is I was able to go within 24 hours of booking my appointment. I think you can typically make an appointment between 24 and 72 hours of booking which is T. You can even score same day appointments. We use our doc and you should to stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/intercom to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today that Z O c d o c.com/intercom zocdoc.com/intercom.

[B]

Well I found. Oh fuck. Damn, I have a lot of notes. Okay, the first thing I want to say is I want to admit something that I've never said on camera, but I've only thought about this because I have siblings who are like a bit younger than me and they're finally getting into, like, the real throes of a relationship, let alone as because of my upbringing. I do think. And I think you two are. We're, like, anxiously attached people.

[A]

So the idea, you know, Ryan, we're literally. Because Orion spent the night last night, and we were talking about, like, attachment styles last night also. Girl, you freaked the the out last night, by the way. India fell asleep in 0.5 seconds. And me and Orion were being loud as all of the lights were on. And, like, Inya fell asleep. Like, girl, I was like, damn. She, like, nodded off.

[B]

Like, it's because y' all were drinking last night. And I was like, yes, I'm one of the girls, too. I'll drink. And I had some of a White Claw. And because of my Prozac, it literally, like, when y' all came back in, because I overheard y' all saying something, and I woke up. I was. I swear to God, I was.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah, right?

[B]

No, I swear. I swear on my mother's urn. I swear on my, like, grandpa's death.

[A]

Asleep. And then she heard the conversation we were talking about, and she shot right up, and she was like, wait, who's getting a boob job?

[B]

No, I was really nodding off. No, she was like, it's actually bad. That's why I was like, can we move down to your room? Because when we were in my bed and I laid down, especially after eating, like, I was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna. I'm gonna pass away. And then we went downstairs and I knocked out, but I don't remember after that.

[A]

She was, like, falling asleep, and me and Orion were literally just talking loud as I found a therapist. By the way, guys, really exciting moment. We'll see if it works. I have a consultation for free to see if we're a good fit, but.

[B]

I haven't spoken to my therapist in a few months. And she texted me and was like, is everything okay?

[A]

Yeah. And then. And you're just laying there and me and Orion are talking, and she goes. And then the, like, jerks hard as. And literally hits Orion.

[B]

Wait, I actually hit her?

[A]

You literally hit her?

[B]

She was saying that. I thought she was joking because I was like, what are you talking about?

[A]

You literally, like, went and, like, hit her in the.

[B]

Oh, I didn't know that. When she said that this morning, I was like, what are you talking about? I thought y' all were trolling me, but I don't know.

[A]

And you got so mad when we told you. We were like, yeah. And you're like, damn, in Your chill. You freaked out. You just hit Orion. And then you were like, shut up. Like, no, I didn't. Like, no, no. And then like, literally in five seconds you were asleep again.

[B]

You know what I did the other day too? I slept over at a friend's house and I woke up and the first thing I said was, she was like, dude, you were talking in your sleep. And I remember interacting with her that morning and I woke up and she said, the first thing I said is like the kitten, the shell kitten. He also the most popular right now. And like, that's what I said. And then she was like, what? And I was like, can you shut up? I'm talking in my sleep. You know I'm talking in my sleep. Stop talking back to me. And then like, she said she kept talking to me because she was like, wait, is she like trolling me? Like, she couldn't tell because it was also in the morning. It was like, like 9:00am girl, it was 2:00pm no, when I'm in Miami, I do know I unironically sleep so long there. And it didn't that day. I think that day I did sleep until 2 because I woke up and we talked about me sleep talking. And then I knocked back out, which I guess is like a reoccurring thing for me. But I was like, I was so mean. Nerds. You said that. I was like, can you shut the up? Like, you know I'm sleep talking. Like, like. And I was like doing that. And I like turned back over and then I was like, like, no, but this shell, you know, as shells is for the kids shells. And then I just like knocked back out. And then when I woke up, she's like, what are you talking about? I was like, I don't know. I didn't have it.

[A]

The Chanel Kitten Hill.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't have a dream with heels in it. I guess I just woke up and that's why I think I was having a dream about trends. Like, I think in my dream I had seen somebody predicting trends and somebody predicted that like shells would be a trending kitten heels. And I was like, shells? Well, because you don't know this because.

[A]

You'Re not a gear.

[B]

Because you're not a gear. But last year there was like that viral skirt that had shells all over and girls really wanted it. It was super expensive, so a bunch of people started diying it. But it was a skirt just covered in shells that made the most noise ever. And it was like, like, no, literally ad libs for the Beyonce Album and I think I was just having a dream about that. But I guess now I, like, sleep talk and interact in my sleep.

[A]

Sleep hit. Okay, but I did roll over and grab Orion and then realized I grabbed Orion and like, when. Oh, my God. And then I rolled back and turned around.

[B]

I have a favorite story is when I turned over and like, hugged Orion and held her for a second. Then I opened my eyes and I, like, realized it was her. And she said I opened my eyes and went. And then just, like, turns back over and, like, went to sleep.

[A]

So real. Okay, well, a power outage. I decided, like, I've, like. Like a power outage caused by a storm specifically is like the greatest feeling in the world. And I've only had positive experiences with that. Except once when I was, like, four, when I was, like, young, I had really, really bad asthma. I don't know if I told you that, but, like, I literally, like. Like, there were several times where I, like, almost died. I, like, grew out of it. But we were in a power outage. And, like, it was so cute. Like, my mom and me and Madeline and all my siblings, like, gathered in the living room and we lit all of the candles in the house and it was so pretty. And, like, Jared and Sam and Jody were doing, like, homework by the fireplace. And, like, me and Madeline were chilling. And then I just started having, like, the gnarliest panic attack. Like, I was probably, like, four. And I, like, vividly remember, like, like, I. I could not bre. And I had a nebulizer and.

[B]

Nebulizer?

[A]

Yeah, it's like this thing that you, like, put on your face. And it like put. Pumps are albuterol and like, whatever else steam in your lungs.

[B]

And like, my parents would use that on me. Like, not exactly that, but, like the VIX version or like, machines like that when I was congested. And I want one of those again so bad. But my sibling or my little sister Sophia needed that a lot growing up because she had. She had to get her tonsils removed. She had, like, a lot of congestion and tonsil issues, so she was always, like, choking on her mucus. And so they would have to put her in that little mask. And I was so jealous, too, because they put that little medicine, the little, like, clear thing in it, like the drops. Maybe it is the same thing because I never got to use it. I only got to use it if I was really sick, but my sister got to use it all the time. And I was so jealous because it felt like an alien contraption, like, from the movie.

[A]

And I was like, it.

[B]

I'm literally is.

[A]

But it was battery powered and we ran out of batteries and you're supposed to be able to plug it into a wall. So I remember like sitting in candlelight, power outage, like literally not being able to breathe and like begging my mom for my nebulizer. Like, like, I want my nebulizer. Like I need my nebulizer. I need it, I need it. And I'm like, like literally choking out and she did not choking. She did not know what to fucking do. And eventually like, like the spasm passed or whatever. The. My airways like cleared up or some. But like I literally thought I was gonna die.

[B]

I think the closest I've gotten to that feeling is maybe like in a steam room. In a steam room with too much steam in it. And I go in there and then for like I try to be cool because I can't with a steam room. I try to be chill and like, oh, steam room. So sexy. But without fail, every time I enter a steam room, I like, they're full of reaction for some my like, I want to like suck in all the air to get my body acclimated to it. And then I feel like I start choking on the steam and then I try to act chill. Cuz usually when you enter a steam room, especially at like a gym or something, there's people in there. So I'll go in trying to act chill and I'll go and sit down and like hold myself and try to like regulate my breathing. But then I am convincing myself that I'm going to throw up and like knock out because it's too much steam. And then I, I run out.

[A]

I really like, you can't go to a steam room in LA as a man.

[B]

So much sperm.

[A]

Sperm spunk mold and cruising boots is super cruisy.

[B]

Well, I found something we need to go to and it's a musical, but it's furries. And it's like that sounds. They're in furry costumes. Like it. They're in there.

[A]

Oh, we need to go to this. No, See, I love furries. I'm not even kidding. Spain.

[B]

Spain's Got Talent. Why can't they do America's Got Talent? Does America not with furries?

[A]

Sydney Sweeney farted at the Met Gala.

[B]

No, she didn't. Did she really?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Is that like a rumor we're trying to start?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Sydney had bubbly guts at the Matt Gala.

[A]

Yeah. Sydney Sweeney farted at the ma.

[B]

Sydney. Sydney was experiencing what Kai experienced at Coachella at the Met Gala. Well, the thing I was going to admit earlier, which I never got around to, is I although many years in therapy and working on myself, guys, sometimes I still fall too. When my first boyfriend, Roy. When Roy.

[A]

Roy.

[B]

But actually I'll just say no, it's a really bad thing. And like, like me and him have talked about it, so I think it's fine. Also like I'm friends with the guy. It's all chill. We live our lives, everything is amazing. We got very lucky in that sense. But when he first broke up with me, I threw myself on the floor, had a panic attack and said that it hurt more than when my mom died.

[A]

They got you too, girl.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

To be fair, that lasted for about 10 minutes. I was having a panic attack. I was like, I'm going back to Miami. Going back to Miami. You're breaking my heart. You're destroying me. I want to kill myself. And then about 10 minutes pass and I did stand up and I was like, I'm not going to Miami. I'm sorry, I'm just going to go home. And then I profusely apologize. Cuz that is a crazy for that I almost crashed the car.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then we got back together. It's like classic, classic breakup. But then we really broke up and then. Yeah, I just wanted to let that out there because all of my siblings have been going through it with relationships and like calling me and talking to me about it and then going on a tangent about how they feel crazy because they are crazy.

[A]

No, what I'm finding out is literally everyone is batshit crazy. Yeah, like everyone. People hide it. People hide it better than other people. But everyone deep fucking down is a jealous, insecure, crazy person. Myself included. Don't get it twisted. Like literally everyone is batshit fucking crazy. And maybe, maybe that's just the normal and we've been programmed to think by the patriarchy that being crazy is like a bad thing. But it's not really me trying to.

[B]

Convince myself it's okay that I threw myself on the floor when my mom died. Drew crashing out. Like, the thing is I don't have. Crashing out is just not as fun because like.

[A]

Because you hate me? No, because switched up on me, by the way, we're not friends.

[B]

Sadness and anger. I like I love you so much. But also, you know, it is, it goes back and forth because when I'm like having anxious freakouts over like that you can see clearly that I'm just like making.

[A]

I'm always there for you. I have never once not been there for you.

[B]

He makes fun of me. Don't. I don't know what this all is. I don't know what's all this then?

[A]

Because literally, I don't make fun of.

[B]

I don't know what's all this then? Literally, like, we need it. Like, I think that's like, the way we all go to each other is literally, like, when one of us is freaking out over something and the other person can clearly see that they are going down the wrong path. You have to laugh, cuz, if you don't, like, bruh. If half of the you were anxious about. If I stood in Drew's face and I was like, girl, yeah, I'm scared too. Like, it would be a wrap.

[A]

I would kill myself.

[B]

Girl, that's the realest thing I've ever heard. How did you even think of that? Like, I even, like, oh, my God. How did you know that? Like, what?

[A]

I went on this, like, insane, like, doom spiral the other day about, like, in hymns. That's what I say every. That's what I say every single time is I'm like. And like, the craziest thing is it's real. Like, it's. It's real. Like, I can tell it's real time.

[B]

And then if you, like, battle it a little bit, you kind of go. You. Well, everything I say usually happens. Happened, so whatever.

[A]

Like, never happened.

[B]

Almost like a threat of, like, you're either on the right side or you're the. You'll find out you're wrong.

[A]

You're either right or you're the op. Like, you either stand with me or against me.

[B]

But, I mean, that's. Dude, in. In a moment of true. Like, now it feels more rare. But you. We've known each other long enough that you were there for when I was younger. And, like, my anger, like, my anger valve was so easy. And you just need somebody around who's, like, not scared to be like, girl, you're dumb. Which is. I think that almost kind of also is why friends butt heads a lot. Or a lot of friend groups have all these. There's like this whole idea of you see a friend grouping. Like, oh, my God, I wish I had that. But what you don't take into account is all friend groups. They really are like, families and relationships. You are going to butt heads. You are going to, like, have to hear things you don't want to hear. But that's what makes friends valuable is you need somebody to look in your face and be like, Girl, the person you have a crush on didn't just fly to the Russian bathhouse in New York. They're here, and they like you. Did you see Ian's video about the Russian bathhouse?

[A]

Oh, I did. I did, I did, I did, I did.

[B]

I hate him.

[A]

Wait, while you find it, let me go to the restroom. Hi.

[B]

Hi. How was your time at the Russian Turkish bathhouse? It was fun.

[A]

It was, like, really chill about vibes.

[B]

It was awesome.

[A]

He's so funny, dude.

[B]

Not much. I kind of just, like, relaxed, and it was a great time in there.

[A]

Holding his soggy bottom. Kai being a Wait, Kai's office bottom. Office bottom, Soggy bottom.

[B]

He's in New York right now, so we should check his location to see if he's at the bath house.

[A]

Yeah, he might be at the bathhouse. I love bath house, though. I really want to go so bad.

[B]

Is it for real? I like a cruising destination.

[A]

That's what I was asking.

[B]

One of my favorites.

[A]

I don't think it really is, like. I think it's, like. I think it's become that, like, online, but in real life, I'm like, I can't imagine, like, a bath house being that publicly known and gay men still wanting to, like, go hook up there. Because the whole point of, like, bath houses and cruising culture is that it's, like, secret and it's taboo, and it's, like, a fun thing that gay men know about and only we know about. But I don't know. I don't think it actually is.

[B]

I mean, it kind of goes back into that thing. Remember when I was saying how I hate that the Internet has given men a scope into women's culture and, like, ideology because it just makes them smarter at navigating around women? That's how I feel about the idea of, like.

[A]

No, I'm like, straight dudes finding out.

[B]

About cruising and, like, like, making straight people making jokes about it. But cruising is literally, like. Also, I just love the word cruising. Like, such a good word, cruising. Is it because it's like a chill passage with nothing but pleasure and joy?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know how. Okay, this might get annoying, but I'm sure there are some people out there, like, doing good. Like, I'm sure there's some bitches out there who got diagnosed with OCD later in their life, like, I did. But it is really funny because it makes me, like, think about all the things that I'm, like, randomly scared of or sure of and, like, the things that I think about all the time. I remember so Vividly when I was like 6 or 7 on the news. On 7 news in Miami, they started talking about how a restaurant had gotten in trouble because they put hidden cameras in the bathroom. From that moment on, I have never walked into a bathroom without thinking that I am being watched somehow.

[A]

When I pop a toilet, the toilets have the. The automatic toilets with the red light. Those are all cameras.

[B]

I think those are cameras. And also. Not only that, though, like, even if it's a random establishment, I think part of the reason I'm so obsessed with bathrooms, because if you know me, I love bathrooms. I will go. I don't just go to the bathroom to use the bathroom. I go to a bathroom and I like, I look around, I take in the scenery. I go about the scenery. Like, bathrooms are very important to me. But without fail, I always think there's a camera in there. And I have the crazy person thought where like, if I have a freshly shaved butt and I'm like. Because I don't sit on toilets unless I like, have the time to like, put paper down. So I usually do my squatting. There have literally been times where I've a fresh shaved butthole and I think to myself, I'm like, honestly, like, respect. I guess whoever gets to see today literally gets a beautiful shot and. Oh my God, I need to tell you about this. When I was.

[A]

You're whispering eye.

[B]

Yeah, I get really scared. Like, I'm genuinely convinced that there's like 18 videos out there of me in the bathroom.

[A]

Because, like, I probably are.

[B]

I think people put cameras. But I. But that was just to point out that, like, genuinely since. That I have never not thought about that because I'm. I'm like, wow, there are always cameras in the bathroom. They're right.

[A]

The cameras are in the bathrooms. The cameras are in the walls. The cameras are in your teeth, actually. So pull your teeth out.

[B]

You should. Oh, it's like, what Shane Dawson.

[A]

Getting on toonies to propose.

[B]

So it's not even like.

[A]

That's so real.

[B]

Yeah, I was thinking of like the whole camera thing.

[A]

Remember when he was like, oh, the lidar or the. What is it? The infrared map that scans your face.

[B]

Which I guess I kind of do believe, but also like, I just believe everything. Thank God I'm not like 70 or something or like even in my 50s with an iPhone. Because I understand how crazy people happen. Older crazy people happen because I see things on my phone and whether I believe it or not, like, it goes in there and it stays in there. And then without. Without realization Then it's in there. Like, it's just in there. And I'm like, what if they are right?

[A]

And yeah, I've been seeing like people like that I'm friends with from like the age of 20 up until like 32, which I thought was like a safe age range to not fall for this. I've been seeing people fall for like, AI like crazy.

[B]

No, it's getting scary.

[A]

Like, like there is one of this like, like, like white lotus praying mantis that randomly so many people sent to me, which is like crazy. Hey guys, we wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors, Shopify. Guys, you're scrolling on the Internet. You're on a website, you're about to buy something. Kind of dreading having to put in your card information and then boom, you see the purple shop pay button and you celebrate internally. And it makes just the buying experience so much easier. Well, that stor is powered by Shopify and that's one of the many, many, many reasons we use Shopify. Shopify doesn't just make it easy to buy, it makes it incredibly easy to start a business. No matter your experience, Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started like Drew and Anya. Hello, emergency Intercom. Also, Shopify has built in marketing tools to help you find and keep keep customers. The dashboard is psychotically powerful and shows you all of your analytics, your demographics of your buyers. It helps with shipping, all that, all that. It's really major. If you want to see less cards being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com intercom. Go to shopify.com intercom shopify.com interview intercom.

[B]

Hey there travelers. Kaley Cuoco here. Sorry to interrupt your music great artist BT Dubs, but wouldn't you rather be there to hear it live? With Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into your dream concert. They've got millions of travel deals to get you to that festival gig, rave, sound bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline. Go to your happy price. Priceline.

[A]

The new McCrispy Strip is here. Dip approved by Ketchup Tangy Barbecue Honey Mustard honey mustard, Sprite, McFlurry, Big Mac sauce, double dipped in buffalo and ranch. More ranch. And creamy chili McCrispy strip dip now at McDonald's. Okay, so Arby's, the food establishment released nuggets? No, they released nuggets I really wanted.

[B]

I didn't know they carried chicken.

[A]

No, no, no. Like beef nuggets.

[B]

Beef nuggets. That's nasty.

[A]

And they're like fried. They're like red. No, they're not fried.

[B]

Can I see?

[A]

Well, the thing is, you want them. I want them badly. But where are all the squirrels? Have you been seeing squirrels around?

[B]

Literally last episode you saw a squirrel in the tree. Squirrel. Squirrel dip. I have ADHD as fuck. I just like it.

[A]

Shiny.

[B]

Light shiny.

[A]

No, that's squirrel meme. No, those are deer ankles. Those are Achilles tendons. Those are the fucking lips of a coup de Bronson that fell off in the summer heat through a sundress, splatted on the ground, picked up off the ground. Are those not beef curtains? Those are labias.

[B]

Okay, chill with the beef because I got some beef too, girl.

[A]

I know. That's what I'm saying there.

[B]

Yeah, I have like deer ankle. I have, I have like, my tips died for sure. That's disgusting.

[A]

It's ombre. Yeah.

[B]

This on the window is crazy.

[A]

I know. They look like, like raw testicles.

[B]

It looks like. It literally looks like dirt.

[A]

Why are they black?

[B]

They're charred. It's because it's to incite the Arby's customer who goes to Arby's for that smoky flavor. I don't like smoky flavors in poop food. Unless it's like, for barbecue food only. Like, I don't, don't make my meat smoky unless I am partaking in a barbecue esque feast. I don't want my beef to literally taste like it smoked a cigarette before it got in my mouth. Like, that is nasty. Somebody out there is going to like, be like, smoky meat is the best. You keep your smoky meat to your self. I got enough smoky meat around here, cuz Drew doesn't wash his wiener.

[A]

Something I've been thinking a lot about recently.

[B]

I don't care.

[A]

Oh yeah, we can't see up my skirt. Can't. I hope you can't see my balls falling out of my shorts. I really want to get on testosterone. I really, if anybody has like a legal testosterone that they can give me, like, like the gel or something. Like, I really want to get big. My fitness journey is crazy right now, y' all. Oh, I didn't Tell you this. I'll tell you this later, girl. What the am I talking about?

[B]

I don't know. I thought you were gonna, like, go in about your health and wellness.

[A]

Oh, you know what's crazy is there's this, like, you know, like, oh, like, she's serving, like. And you know how, like, Twitter, like, finds a way to, like, abstract everything into, like, the most, like, hilarious thought you've ever heard.

[B]

Are you gonna talk about this? Turn 19?

[A]

Yes. Turning 19 in Poland is literally, like, legitimately, like, one of the funniest things I've ever heard of. Like, whoever conceptualized that in their brain is literally a genius. Like, like, oh, Enya's turning 19 in Poland.

[B]

It's actually crazy, too, because how does that just translate? Like, it really does, I guess. One person explains it, and then it goes on forever. Because there's definitely people who say that someone turned 19 in Poland, and they're.

[A]

Just saying it, but it's kind of like nachos.

[B]

It's kind of like the stuns and new selfie. Like, I think a lot of people don't know that, like, the stuns in new selfie is from pop crazy. Yeah, Pop Crave. Talking about what's her nuts? Donatella Versace or. I don't know, but it's like, they were like, donatella Versace stuns or Madonna stuns in new selfie. Right.

[A]

That American Life song. Me and Josh listened to it on the way home from karaoke last night. Legitimately the worst song I've ever heard. It is so bad. It literally sounds like, like, a throwaway beat. Like the beat to that song? No, it's the literally a Thomas Jefferson type beat. It's horrible.

[B]

It's like a fake Pop crave said it.

[A]

Madonna stuns a new selfie.

[B]

Yeah. Modern Life by. Or American Life by Madonna is to change my name.

[A]

Will it get me go to the latte part?

[B]

Should I lose some weight? I gonna be a star.

[A]

I am not a Christian, dude.

[B]

She was on it.

[A]

It was also 2009.

[B]

I can't even get on her, though, because, like, I get a double shot. It goes right through my body and you know I'm satisfied. I draw my Mini Cooper and I'm feeling super duper, yo. It's telling me that I'm tripping and you know I'm satisfied. I do yoga and Pilates. The room is full of hotties and I'm checking chicken, not their bodies. And you know what satisfies. What are you talking about?

[A]

That was AI generated lyrics before AI.

[B]

Before it was even a thing, Madonna was the first person to access the part of her brain that could access.

[A]

Has access to quantum computing.

[B]

I feel like that's a kind of. Oh, no. I was gonna say it's kind of.

[A]

Song I would write, but I saw someone talking about this, and this is, like, the realest thing ever. And I added a couple things to it.

[B]

It.

[A]

But before you try to come for me, like, before you tried to read me, make sure you have a hairline. Make sure both of your parents are alive. What else did I say?

[B]

So I'm out.

[A]

No, no, man. That's all I have. Make sure your parents are alive and make sure your hairline is in check.

[B]

Why the parents alive?

[A]

Because I will go there. No, no, no. I will go there. I will. I will read you back to filth, and I will be like, where are your fucking parents?

[B]

I do miss the. The, like, quick nature of my brain from, like, 17 to 21. Because I was like.

[A]

You were so quick at that.

[B]

I was like, so. Yeah, I was. You couldn't make me shut up, and no one could tell me not to say shit, which I'm grateful for now, but damn, I was just so quick with literally destroying people, which is honestly a superpower that I think every person Miami gets.

[A]

I'm so jealous of people that can, like, be quick roast or whatever.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I think it really is just growing up in Miami, you.

[A]

You have to.

[B]

You must.

[A]

You learn or die.

[B]

You must have a comeback immediate. You must. You must speak immediately.

[A]

Wait, what's your, like, read on time pass? What's your read on me right now? My physical appearance. But don't, like, not my legs. Legs.

[B]

Why not your legs?

[A]

Because it's an easy.

[B]

No, I don't have anything to say about you. You look good. I genuinely think you look good. I don't know what I would say if I had to say something. It would be like, to your core.

[A]

Don't go there.

[B]

Should I go into your core?

[A]

Don't go into my core.

[B]

Let's get in your core.

[A]

No, don't go there. But abs now. I literally have abs now. It's crazy, y' all. I've never had abs in my life. I've been, like, eating 150 grams of protein a day.

[B]

Me rolling my eyes because, like, abs are so easy. Like, abs. Yeah, I have abs. No, I don't. I don't have abs.

[A]

You literally do have abs.

[B]

I do. Like, the thing is, I want to get really strong because I want my Arms to be really strong, but I don't want them to be, like, strong without me flexing.

[A]

Should I put the picture of me on the podcast with my body teeth?

[B]

Are you asking me if you should body check?

[A]

Yeah. Should I body?

[B]

Yeah. Do a quick body.

[A]

Yeah, I'll do a quick body.

[B]

It's deserved. It's dessert.

[A]

No, but notice how I got shirtless and karaoke last night?

[B]

I know. That was insane.

[A]

Well, no, the thing was, is it was because the vibe in there was insane. It was like. I don't remember what song was playing, but it was a weird song. You were rolling a joint, which I've never seen you roll a joint in my goddamn life. And then, like. Like, people were, like, dissociated and, like, freaking out. And then I was like, well, it's.

[B]

Also because most of our friends at this point are, like, straight edge, essentially, but maybe not by choice. Like, all of us were like, my medication. I have a schedule. I have this. So, like, we can't get up the way we used to. So now it really is just a room full of people.

[A]

Like, sober minds. Yeah, just like sober minds. Doing karaoke. No, but I turned that up last night.

[B]

Yeah, like, yeah, me too. Me too. I was there, too.

[A]

Yeah, like, I had that turn. You missed Icona Pop. Charlie xcx.

[B]

No, I was there.

[A]

Oh, no, sorry. My opening. Judas.

[B]

By opening. Oh, I missed the opening song.

[A]

My opening number, Judas.

[B]

I know. That's the annoying thing about us going to karaoke is literally all of our friends are like, you missed this.

[A]

It's real. Like, I take it very serious. I was, like, in the car with Josh, like, scrolling through, like. Like Spotify, where I was like, okay, what's my three set track list gonna be? Like, okay, I'm gonna open with Judas, and then I'm gonna do. I love it. Icona Pop. I was trying to do Paper Gangster by Lady Gaga, but of course they wouldn't have that song to sign away My life too. That's, like, my favorite Gaga song right now. And then you put on Abracadabra for me and Josiah and that bit that shut that down.

[B]

I really, like. I did. The thing is, I. I will say not to, like, pat myself on the back, but I did come in, added a vibe and an aura that was genuinely scary.

[A]

Green aura with flies. You stank. Like, you pulled up.

[B]

No, I. I literally showed up late as smelling like weed and then pulled a bunch of weed out of my bag and started rolling up.

[A]

You had, like, a cardi b grinder for some reason.

[B]

For some reason. Okay, next. Any other questions? I bought it in Miami because when I went to Miami, I lost all my weed, and then my friend had to give me weed, and then I had to. To go back to rolling, rolling loud.

[A]

I literally think, like, from a very young age, like, it's awesome that we were all taught, don't be a tattletale. Like, that's the realest. Like, everyone collectively was, like, taught, mind your own business. From a very young age. And it's like, I honestly respect the shit out of that. Like, don't be a tattletale. If you're a tattletale in adulthood, I will kill you with a gun. Like, get out of my face. Like, if, like, oh, my God, if someone catches me in a lie, literally, just let me embarrass myself. Don't call me out. Like, do you know what I mean?

[B]

I think it does depend on the lie too, because I can't stand a. Who just will, like, butt in to be the person who's like, right or something. Unless it's like, I will say you do share information sometimes where I'm like, that is like, you are a misinformation spreader.

[A]

I love spreading this information.

[B]

Yeah. There are definitely some worlds where I'm.

[A]

Like, somebody does go watch, like, the first 25 episodes of the podcast. All I said on that podcast was from the genesis that I was here to spread misinformation. Like, that's literally all I am, is a misinformation machine. And I'm sorry, we're just.

[B]

We're like the messengers. Like, that's what it feels like is we're the messengers, and we're just like, re. It's a game of telephone that's gone really bad because we're too stupid to, like, actually, like. Because I will learn things and I can hold the information, but I will embellish the information.

[A]

Exaggerating. Like, I'm really.

[B]

Any fact told to me, I will regurgitate. But I'll just, like, also, if something.

[A]

Just it up. Yeah, no, it's a punch up. Like, you got it.

[B]

You gotta, like, you have to, like, reel the people in with that information.

[A]

For example, like, if. If I spend a certain amount of money at someone's birthday party for their birthday party, like, and it's like, oh, like, I spent, like, 200. I for real spent $200. I'm telling everybody I spent $500. Like, like, Drew does do that.

[B]

You do do that. He'll be like, like, it's like, oh, my God, this thing.

[A]

I just spent like $10,000 and it was like a hundred dollars. Like. Like, it drives me insane. I hate spending money. I hate spending money.

[B]

Well, I. I wouldn't do that. I don't lie about those kind of things.

[A]

No, no, no. See? What? It gets lost in translations.

[B]

You're weird. It's so weird.

[A]

I'm not a liar. I know. Don't just am an exaggerator. And I'm 95% of the time in character. Like, I'm. I'm doing a bit and I think it's kind of got lost in translation over the past few years where people think that I'm just, like, lying. But no, like. Like specifically to you. You think I'm, like, lying, but I'm.

[B]

Like, we lie to each other all.

[A]

The time, but it's like, it's. We both know it's a lie. It's not like a lie.

[B]

It's like, giving a bit better at, like, delivery.

[A]

So I know I'm like an actor. Boots. Like, I really give actor. I really give actor.

[B]

I mean. No, you do. You do. Yeah. And that's why we are going to be in now you see, me too. That is like, actually disgusting. Like, it's disgusting. And especially with the fudgeing sounds. It is so fudgeing gross. Like, it is so nasty.

[A]

Why are you claiming it for my girls? Why the fuck. Wait, no, I want to know why. Like, what the origin of this and why everybody has, like, a visceral reaction. Okay. Every time I do it, everyone, male, woman, female.

[B]

First of all, the sounds are insane because, like, you don't. Like, you don't swallow your, like.

[A]

Dude, don't do that. Don't do that. I'm like, what?

[B]

I guess it is the.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

It is the closest you could get to, like, sticking the middle finger is like an adult. Does that make sense? Like, because it's really nasty. It is so nasty. You know what? It is too. I've always found. I have always found, like, impersonating giving head to a girl. So gross. Like, what do you.

[A]

Do? That whole thing. And it's funny. See you.

[B]

That looked insane.

[A]

Well, I could give myself head.

[B]

No, you can't.

[A]

I really can.

[B]

Let me see that thought.

[A]

No, but that's funny to people. But, like, like, you can't even look at it.

[B]

So gross. Also, I like, why is it a thing? Are there women out there who see, like, guys who thirst trap with the whole tongue situation? Like, are there actually people out there? Women and men who See, See someone's tongue doing all that, and they're like. Because, like, I see that, and I'm.

[A]

Like.

[B]

I don't know. At that point, just, like, post yourself actually giving head. But then I guess, like, it's. The whole thing is your face will be blocked. Disgusting. I just think it's nasty. It's just so visceral.

[A]

It's just a thing.

[B]

Yeah, it's so visceral. And I think most people who do that, especially Dead Serious, are bad at giving head to women.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's kind of like when the Weeknd was obsessed with. I was thinking about giving head to.

[A]

Women, and he's licking that tongue on stage, rock hard.

[B]

Like, that's crazy. That is crazy work. Also, like, I don't know. Something, like, I just. It feels like a lie. It feels like a lot.

[A]

Girl, we didn't even fucking talk about Gaga performing to 2.1 million people.

[B]

I haven't seen anything of it because I wasn't, like, on my phone. All I saw was, like, a screenshot on. On Instagram or I saw a thing of, like, crowds, like, moving.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

How many people?

[A]

2.1 million.

[B]

Oh, we could do that.

[A]

Yeah, we can. We can pull that. Guys, we're gonna pull up to Copacabana. Literally 38 people.

[B]

No, we're gonna get kicked out.

[A]

Yeah, my dad got axed in the head at Copacabana.

[B]

Oh, that's sweet.

[A]

Like, legitimately.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And it's stuck in his.

[B]

You know what's crazy is I've never noticed, like, this little spot right here is a scar. And, like, if you look and touch it, it's a scar. But it literally is from when I grabbed that stocking as a kid and I stabbed myself in the head. But I've never noticed. That's why I have a weird fake widow's peak. Because if you look too closely at my scalp, you can see, like, a small line where hair just doesn't grow. So my hair, like, started growing around.

[A]

Ew. It was so nasty.

[B]

I should shave my widow's peak, right? And I should shave, like, around my head to give my, like, the perfect, ideal hairline.

[A]

Really gross.

[B]

Stop shaving your widow speak. I guess everybody gets to do what they want. But, like, the shaving the widow speak.

[A]

The five o' clock shadow, widow's peak, like, is a really crazy vibe. You're allowed to. You're really allowed. You're allowed to.

[B]

Yeah, if that's where you want to go. It's literally like, no, if that. No it's like, if that's what you want, like, I love you and I'll go there with you. Would I do it to myself? Absolutely not. You couldn't pay me to do that.

[A]

It.

[B]

But I see you and I see that that's what you.

[A]

I think widows peaks are like.

[B]

So that's what I'm saying. How did people get like. How did. Cuz I don't even have a deep widow's peep. Saying that is crazy. Cuz I don't think I technically actually have one.

[A]

I want one. And growing up, I wanted one so bad when I was like, learning like punnett squares and like, genetics and I was jealous of the people with widows peaks. And like the earlobes.

[B]

What earlobes? Like, disconnected. Like earlobes are your ears. Oh, your lobes are like, connected. But I think mine are pretty connected too.

[A]

No, you have detached.

[B]

Is that like. Like.

[A]

But you can't. You want what you can't have. And I wanted.

[B]

I've never thought about my ears. I can't lie. Like, my ears have never been like, oh, I wish I had better ears. Like, but I know, I mean, you.

[A]

Should be thinking about them, babe.

[B]

Are they big?

[A]

They're nasty.

[B]

I feel like I have one pointy ear.

[A]

And I know you have such cute ears. You have such proportion.

[B]

In middle school, one time, I don't know which ear is pointier, but one time, time somebody was like, you have such an elf ear on that side of your head. And that was the only time I thought about my ear. And I did cover my earlocks.

[A]

Oh, insecurity is born.

[B]

I'm not an elf because also I was really short.

[A]

I think pointy ears were.

[B]

Felt kind of like they were calling me like a hobbit from Lord of the Rings.

[A]

I genuinely considered getting my ears cut and then sewed into being pointy for like 30 minutes. That's when I was like 16. I'm not even joking.

[B]

Oh, well, I also consider. I considered splitting my time.

[A]

I wanted a split.

[B]

I wanted a split time because seeing.

[A]

People like, try play with it two drinks at the same time. Could you imagine what that would do to your brain? Like cutting your tongue in half and putting like coffee in one side and then Coca Cola in the other. And then like, half of your brain tastes coffee and half of your brain tastes Coke. Like, could you imagine what that feels like? Like, I feel like it would short circuit your brain, I guess. You could literally just put a drop.

[B]

Yeah. You wouldn't have to like, go the extra.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I was a bit obsessed with body mods when I was a teenager. Like, there was a second where I really like it. I feel like for a lot of people who actually go into it, I never went there because my dad was so anti, like, piercings and all those things. Like, my dad didn't even like that. I dyed my hair a lot. That was a huge point of, like, beef between us. I wanted to say a better word, but I can't. Like contingent beef. That was our beef growing up. And so then I had fake gauges. I had those earrings from Hot Topic that were like, the fake gauges. And I really wanted to stretch my ears. Now I'm glad he didn't let me because I don't think I would be able to like, rock stretched ears still. I think I would have liked, moved past it, but he wouldn't let me do that. And I really wanted, like an industrial bar. I wanted piercings all down my ear. I wanted a nose piercing. I really wanted an eyebrow piercing. At one point I was like, really thinking about, like, the.

[A]

The nose bridge.

[B]

Nose bridge. But my dad was just so anti all of that because for him that means you're a fucking bruja and you're evil and you're like, going to hell and you're going to burn and like, also bring Demon Kratz to the family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that wasn't a vibe, but I wish I did. I wanted it so bad. But I did want to split tongue because I was like, damn. But to me that just sounded like a lip party trick.

[A]

I really wanted like an RFID chip put into my palm right here so you could scan it. And like, I've seen people like, do.

[B]

People still do that? Because why at certain stores it's like, put your hand here.

[A]

That's I think just like biometric reading, like at the airport. And like, that's not like chips in your hand.

[B]

But I meant for like at Whole Foods when it's like if you're an.

[A]

Amazon, that's just biometric, like scanning your palm, I think. But I'm not 100% sure cuz I love to spread misinformation.

[B]

I'm going to do kind of the power of makeup situation, like Nikki tutorials. Except change the lines on my hand and then see if the biometrics can pick me up.

[A]

Girl, there's no stopping this palm. There's no changing that.

[B]

Yeah, you do have like the lines, like, I mean, their stories.

[A]

I've got the lines of a mastermind.

[B]

I have just like the softest, nicest hands ever. Like, you met me in person then.

[A]

Okay, both of our lines go in between here. This means we're selfless. We give too much of ourselves to people. I'm not kidding.

[B]

I. I'm sure I know a lot of selfish.

[A]

No. Selfless or.

[B]

I said no. But I'm saying I think I might know a lot of selfish with that they're going against their beaten power path.

[A]

No, there are too many selfish people in this world.

[B]

I do think being selfish is so important, but also I think being selfish is. Is important for anxious people who care more about the people around them because they don't see any value in themselves, which is like, sadly, me and a lot of people I know, I agree.

[A]

To a certain extent, but like, I. There. There are people that take this selfishness to an extreme.

[B]

Oh, well, yeah, that's what gives, like, the word or the idea of selfish such a bad taste in your mouth. But I remember when I first started going to therapy, that was a huge thing with my therapist. Is her kind of, like, reiterating to me time and time again that the idea to be selfish is, like, coded in negativity. But being selfish is such a key component of living your life and moving forward and, like, checking with yourself. And she also always talked about how to her, the idea of being selfish is less about being greedy or being, like, uncaring to others or, like, constantly putting yourself first, above others as much as it is just like, you are all you have. So to make sure that every movement you go through, it's with the selfish intent that, like, this is what I want. Like, this is what I'm feeling. Whatever. Because a lot of people aren't taught to be selfish, I think, especially like women and. Oh, I'm not gay. Dudes, are you gay?

[A]

I'm gay. Oh. Ow.

[B]

There go my chances. I would never have sex with you.

[A]

Well, that's funny because I would never have sex with you. Your body disgusts me.

[B]

The idea of your body makes me quiver with me.

[A]

Shake in anger.

[B]

Well, shit, that was the episode.

[A]

I'm so sore from working out four days a week. Oh, my God. And guess what? I'm going to the gym today.

[B]

My wrist and jaw hurts because I was hanging out with your mom last night. It's like.

[A]

Yeah, why would your jaw hurt?

[B]

She had a stain on her leg and it was ketchup, and I was trying to get it off, but I used my. My. Like, my mouth E. Well, my.

[A]

Never mind. I was going to go real low Won't do that to you.

[B]

Well, guys, thank you so much for listening to this episode. Mind.

[A]

Wait, how about we do Drew?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

This is my impression of a lesbian dropping her keys. Oops, I dropped my keys. Also, I love eating.

[B]

I believe when lesbians, like, talk about giving head, because, I mean, there ain't much else to do. There's plenty of other to do, but.

[A]

Like, plenty of other fish to fry.

[B]

You can't move the car without starting it. What is the difference between kava and kratom?

[A]

Kratom is evil, sinister, dark, sick, twisted. Don't ever touch it in your life. It is an opiate analog, and it. Or not really, but it attaches to the same receptors in your brains that opiates do. Kava is, like, similar to Xanax in the way that it, like, calms your anxieties, but it makes your mouth really numb and it feels weird.

[B]

See, there's a bunch of cava bars in Miami. It's a huge thing.

[A]

Cava is, like, more chill. And I think there are, like.

[B]

I mean, there's kratom bars in Miami too, though.

[A]

Yeah. There's, like, cultural roots in both.

[B]

Yeah. I looked it up when I saw the Cava bar, and I was like, holy. Cava is a thing. But yeah, it is, like, a huge, like, cultural thing.

[A]

I hate Samoan, but no, it's like drinking beer without all the bad effects of alcohol.

[B]

Oh, there's kava bars here.

[A]

I'm sure there's probably kratom bars here too, but that is so evil and, like, it's so sad watching, like, these, like, influencer white girls accidentally get addicted to these feel good shots and then not realize that they're literally.

[B]

Oh, the kratom ones that were, like, all over the place.

[A]

If you see those blue shots that say feel good on them, and they look like they're a supplement that you just take at night, and it's like, oh, I'm gonna drink, drink, or I'm not gonna drink tonight, but I'm gonna take this and feel fine. You will get addicted to them. Your body will develop a dependency to them, and you will go through withdrawals very similar to that of heroin. So just be careful. Just be careful. I'm not telling you don't do it, but just tread lightly.

[B]

But cava's chill.

[A]

I think so. I don't. I haven't really looked.

[B]

I'm pretty sure there's so many bars. Bars. But I thought when I saw the kava bar, I thought of Kratom Because I always mix those up. And I was like, holy. People are just going and getting kratom drinks.

[A]

No, they do that.

[B]

No, that's what my homegirl was telling me. She was like, oh. At one of the cava bars she goes to in Miami, they do offer kratom drinks as well. So there's like the regular kava drinks that, like, everyone is used to, or you can add kratom to your drinks. And she was talking to me about that and I, like, was like, please don't put Kratom in your drink. I mean, I should probably stop taking kratom every day, huh?

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

I can't. I. It makes me feel so good.

[A]

My media is driving online. The Breeders, sms, Miley Cyrus, Margaret, Lana Del Rey. And then, oh, what was that song? Paper Gangster Lady Gaga. And I still haven't started the rehearsal, but literally everyone in my life is saying that the third episode of the rehearsal is like one of the greatest pieces of television.

[B]

You know, it's all fake and it's scripted.

[A]

This year, the rehearsal, wow.

[B]

I'm lying. I don't know. I haven't heard about it, bro. Mine is welcome to Hollywood by Beyonce. The Bday album is my favorite album. I'm sorry if you want to fight about it, I don't want to hear it. Alone Again by Gilbert o' Sullivan, which is what I did at karaoke and.

[A]

The saddest song ever created. I've heard that song a million times, but reading the lyrics was really destable.

[B]

But I know, yes, it was a crazy vibe. I came into karaoke and immediately did Alone Again.

[A]

Alone Again, naturally.

[B]

Yamaha. The fast edit by radio madness on SoundCloud. That is a song Mason sent me that's like, from the Dream who's like a Miami classic, but I've never heard that one. And it sped up is so good. And it's all I've been listening to.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you love the 80s.

[B]

And, yeah, that's my media. Thank you guys so much for watching. Hopefully I'll be alive next week.

[A]

Hopefully I'm not alive next week.

[B]

Sa.