Emergency Intercom – "Churning Butter and Pre Glazed"

Date: November 7, 2025
Hosts: Drew Phillips, Kai (Enya Umanzor is absent this episode)
Podcast: Emergency Intercom (iHeartPodcasts)

Episode Overview

This episode is a quintessential Emergency Intercom experience: chaotic, hilarious, self-deprecating, and unexpectedly deep. Drew and Kai (with a third 'Unknown Male Friend') spiral through a series of honest (and at times absurd) conversations about everything from broken iPhones and accidental concussions to the existential dread of adulthood, addiction rumors, iconic movies, and the tender nuances of friendship—plus a healthy dose of bodily function humor and LA party anxiety. It’s an episode that showcases the podcast’s unique blend of stream-of-consciousness, oversharing, and self-aware comedy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mini Soda Rant and Nostalgic Candy

• Drew kicks off by lamenting the disappearance of big cans of Coke and the resurgence of minis. He confesses to drinking two mini cans at a time, which is just a regular can disguised in "giant" hands. ([03:00])
• Short digression into Kinder toys getting banned, and the crew reminisces about "wonder Eggs" and nostalgic powder candies.
• Memorable moment: Pretending to be a giant while drinking a mini can.
  • Drew: "It does make me feel like a giant…my hands are so big and masculine." ([03:46])

2. Coping with Serious News, with Comedy

• An unnamed male friend reveals he got a precancerous diagnosis right before recording. The response swings from genuine concern to immediate jokes.
  • Kai: "Hi. You are not a burden. Because I unironically… forgot you were here." ([04:32])
  • Drew: "I’m genuinely worried for you… It’s precancerous, it’s not even cancer." ([05:06])
• A comedic riff on coping with mortality, resulting in unfiltered stream-of-consciousness about living "in the moment" and trying heroin "tonight" (in jest).
  • Kai: "You should try heroin tonight." ([08:50])

3. Drew’s iPhone Odyssey from Hell

• Main story: Drew’s phone is broken in a freak accident at a party, leading to a cursed journey through the Apple Store labyrinth—expired AppleCare, $400 for a screen, hours in line, and meeting a man traumatized by his son’s recent death.
  • Drew: "I was just letting him talk… that is really fucking horrible. Like a sudden death… is really, really fucked up." ([20:41])
• The story goes full Kafka: after buying a new phone and half a day without one, Drew waits in a massive Cava food line, has a mini meltdown over missing chicken, loses his car, and cries in the parking garage.
  • Drew: "I was so mad. I was so mad. Well, I finally find my car… literally crying… this is so beat." ([35:53])
• A scathing critique of planned obsolescence and how it turns adults into "raging babies" in tech prison.
  • Drew: "I do not subscribe to planned obsolescence. I will have this iPhone 15 for another 20 years or until the folding iPhone comes out." ([15:10])

4. Food Rumors, Allergies, and Urban Legends

• Running joke about "frogs" at Cava, cockroach enzymes in Starbucks coffee, and Target clothing racks filled with poop.
  • Kai: "Why is it that big of a deal there’s frogs in the Kava?" ([33:18])
  • Drew: "This is a fun fact though… you can develop an allergy to cockroaches… and people who drink Starbucks coffee have an allergic response…" ([26:29])
• All devolves into irreverent jokes about shitting at Target and LA prop elections.

5. Kai's Halloween Concussion Debacle

• Kai tells the harrowing and darkly comic story of how she drunkenly gave herself a concussion after misjudging the edge of a bathtub, set off a loud noise, and refused to go to the ER, instead sleeping it off for almost 28 hours.
  • Kai: "I fully missed it [tub], and I fell back into the shower with my full body weight… I definitely should get a CT scan..." ([40:53])
• They compare head injuries, the dangers of sleeping drunk after concussions, and the odd relief of waking up still alive.

6. Movie Talk: Top Fours and Media

• The trio enthusiastically shares their favorite films and laments the lack of new Nancy Meyers-style movies. There's a loving digression into Amélie, Devil Wears Prada, Tangerine, and the communal joy of episodic television.
  • Drew: "That movie [Amélie] changed my life. Like, the way she moves in that movie, I'm like, I want to be this person, like, playing little games but making people's lives better." ([58:51])

7. Bed Frame Crisis

• Drew details his months-long quest for a dream chrome bed frame, getting scammed by international shipping, and finally assembling it after believing vital pieces were missing.
  • Drew: "This bed, oh my god… the heaviest thing I’ve ever touched in my life… but it’s gorgeous." ([70:01])

8. Body Hair, Cleanliness, and Absurd Challenges

• The hosts bounce from manscaping standards, "hairless women," and burning candles for special occasions, to personal training and shaving armpits on air.
  • Drew: "I think girls should be hairless all over except for eyebrows and hair." ([45:49])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Drew: "It does make me feel like a giant… my hands are so big and masculine." ([03:46])
• Unknown Male Friend: "I got a call from my doctor right before the episode started… you have a really serious condition. It’s like precancerous, whatever." ([04:48])
• Drew: "I was just letting him talk… that is really fucking horrible. Like a sudden death… is really, really fucked up." ([20:41])
• Kai: "I fully missed the tub, fell back… knocked into the tile… definitely should get a CT scan, but I was looking into getting a CT scan and I don’t want some funky ass weirdo to be like, there’s actually more to this." ([40:53])
• Drew: "I do not subscribe to planned obsolescence. I will have this iPhone 15 for another 20 years." ([15:10])
• Drew (describing the 'top shortage' Twitter meme): "He’s saying these bottoms are coming over already full of cum… he’s insinuating… how is there a top shortage if every bottom that I bang is full of cum?" ([50:13])
• Kai: "I have all of my razor things replacements but I lost the stick. I don’t know where it went, so I just haven’t changed…" ([73:01])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Mini soda, nostalgia & Kinder toy bans: 03:00 – 04:10
• Precancerous diagnosis riff: 04:21 – 05:33
• Drew’s iPhone hell saga begins: 10:13 – 22:01
• Meeting grieving stranger at Apple Store: 18:03 – 20:35
• Drew’s food line/panic attack & losing car: 31:11 – 36:13
• Kai's Halloween concussion story: 38:35 – 42:57
• ‘"Churning butter and pre glazed’" meme explained: 49:30 – 50:37
• Favorite movies discussion: 54:27 – 63:29
• Bed frame saga: 65:15 – 71:14
• Body hair and shaving bit: 45:22 – 45:49, 72:22 – 73:38

Tone & Style

• Highly conversational, laden with sarcasm, sarcasm, and self-aware humor
• Candid, chaotic, occasionally veering into unexpectedly earnest territory
• Openly discusses taboo or bodily topics with zero filter ("churning butter," Target shitting, bottom pre-glazed, etc.)

For New Listeners

This episode is a perfect slice of Emergency Intercom’s unfiltered style: a mix of traumatic Gen Z/young millennial adulthood, deadpan jokes, absurdist riffing, and unexpectedly sincere moments. If you love podcasts where the hosts over-share, spiral, and still manage to land on something poignantly relatable, you’ll feel deeply at home here.