content warning

Summary

Emergency Intercom – Episode: Content Warning Released: October 6, 2023 | Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips

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1. Opening and Catch-Up

Timestamp: [00:45] – [03:00]
Enya Umanzor welcomes listeners to "Emergency Intercom," introducing her co-host, Drew Phillips, affectionately referred to as Philos. Their banter sets a casual and humorous tone for the episode, with Enya jokingly anticipating a minor squabble that doesn't materialize.

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2. Mental Health and Feeling Disconnected

Timestamp: [04:29] – [06:24]
Enya opens up about her ongoing struggle with feeling disconnected from her body, describing it as feeling like "a brain" rather than a fully embodied person. She shares a poignant moment from her return to Los Angeles after her sister's quinceañera, where she felt she was "impersonating herself." Philos relates by discussing similar feelings he experienced in Texas, highlighting the shared struggles with mental health.

Notable Quote:
Enya Umanzor: "I felt like I was impersonating myself." [05:43]

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3. Confronting Mortality and Afterlife

Timestamp: [06:24] – [08:31]
The conversation delves into deep existential topics, with both hosts pondering the nature of mortality and the possibility of an afterlife. Philos reflects on confronting his own mortality and the unsettling thoughts about what comes after death, while Enya expresses a desire for peace and acceptance in the face of potential tragedy.

Notable Quote:
Philos: "I'm just relying on the idea that we're gonna feel something deeper... Grateful for the life that I've had." [07:30]

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4. The Pace of Life and Aging

Timestamp: [08:31] – [09:36]
Enya and Philos discuss the accelerated pace of their lives as they age, noting how their perception of time changes. Enya mentions feeling like the years have "blasted by," while Philos humorously laments his inability to mature, yearning for stability and traditional milestones like settling down.

Notable Quote:
Philos: "It's a good thing. Don't get me wrong. I literally think that is a good thing." [08:44]

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5. Online Habits and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Timestamp: [09:36] – [13:10]
The hosts explore the impact of social media on their mental health and personal habits. Enya discusses her struggle with cutting out unhealthy foods, noting that restrictions lead to decreased happiness. Philos shares his own challenges with balancing online presence and personal well-being, contemplating the detrimental effects of addictive habits.

Notable Quote:
Enya Umanzor: "Nothing about me changes. I'm just less happy." [13:10]

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6. Personal Anxieties and Airport Incident

Timestamp: [13:10] – [17:30]
Enya recounts a troubling experience at the airport, where she felt an overpowering sense that something bad was about to happen. She describes encountering a suspicious individual dressed in a Spider-Man mask, which intensified her fears of impending doom. Philosophically, she reflects on her compulsions and anxieties surrounding mortality.

Notable Quote:
Enya Umanzor: "I look up and realize it's not a fear, but something deeper is happening right now." [16:28]

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7. Social Media Phenomena and Fixes

Timestamp: [17:30] – [25:08]
Transitioning to lighter topics, Enya and Philos discuss viral TikTok trends like pouring bottles down staircases. Philos analyzes the financial aspects of these trends, estimating that popular accounts can earn substantial income through views and CPM rates. They humorously brainstorm unconventional "fixes" for personal issues through absurd online activities.

Notable Quote:
Philos: "Pouring bottles of opaque liquid down staircases with marbles inside... we can fix everything wrong in our lives." [19:31]

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8. Natural Disasters and Conspiracy Theories

Timestamp: [25:08] – [28:44]
The conversation shifts to concerns about natural disasters, specifically volcanic activity in Italy. Philos warns about the potential for a volcanic winter, while Enya expresses skepticism and dismisses the severity. They humorously debate the likelihood and potential impact, blending factual information with lighthearted skepticism.

Notable Quote:
Philos: "A volcanic winter... it's gonna get really cold and sun's not gonna be able to penetrate to it." [27:06]

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9. National Emergency Broadcast Reaction

Timestamp: [28:44] – [31:00]
Enya vents her frustration over receiving a national emergency alert without clear information. She speculates fearfully about the possibility of impending nuclear threats, expressing a preference for peace over panic. Philos humorously downplays the threat, suggesting unlikely scenarios of surviving through unconventional means.

Notable Quote:
Enya Umanzor: "I'd rather just be in peace and silence and not know that my death was upon me." [29:24]

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10. Music and Social Media Trends

Timestamp: [31:00] – [42:08]
The hosts delve into discussions about music trends, the accessibility of music creation today, and the decline of traditional pop stardom. They lament the loss of iconic figures like Beyoncé and The Weeknd, debating the quality and impact of contemporary music stars. The conversation also touches on online personas and the transformation of celebrity culture.

Notable Quote:
Enya Umanzor: "If you make good music, it really does just, like, cross. Yeah. It transcends anything." [40:42]

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11. Generation Gap and Internet Avatars

Timestamp: [42:08] – [49:45]
Enya and Philos discuss the evolving relationship between generations, particularly how younger people interact with technology and the internet. They examine the rise of avatars and virtual identities, noting a shift away from authentic personal connections. The conversation highlights concerns about decreased empathy and the challenges of fostering genuine relationships in a digital age.

Notable Quote:
Enya Umanzor: "Kids see it as cringy because just the idea and perception of celebrityism has changed so much." [47:44]

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12. Celebrityism and Social Connections

Timestamp: [49:45] – [60:37]
In the final segment, Enya and Philos reflect on the nature of celebrityism and its impact on personal relationships. They share anecdotes about stanning celebrities like Olivia Rodrigo and discuss the superficiality of online fame compared to authentic connections. The episode concludes with a mix of humorous exchanges and reflections on the ever-changing landscape of fame and social media.

Notable Quote:
Enya Umanzor: "I will never not watch content of her." [40:16]

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Conclusion:
Throughout this episode of "Emergency Intercom," Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips navigate a wide array of topics, blending deep personal insights with playful humor. From mental health struggles and existential fears to critiques of modern celebrity culture and the influence of social media, the hosts offer a candid and engaging conversation that resonates with listeners navigating similar challenges.

Highlighted Quotes:

• Enya Umanzor: "I felt like I was impersonating myself." [05:43]
• Philos: "I'm just relying on the idea that we're gonna feel something deeper... Grateful for the life that I've had." [07:30]
• Enya Umanzor: "I'd rather just be in peace and silence and not know that my death was upon me." [29:24]

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Note: This summary excludes promotional segments featuring Ryan Seacrest and focuses solely on the substantive content of the podcast episode.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Enya Umanzor]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I am the main host Enya Umanzor and this is my co host Philos.

[Philos]

Hello. Hello.

[Enya Umanzor]

Hello. I like that you ate that. I was expecting like a little fight to break out.

[Philos]

Well, I'm not lie about drama. Like it's none of this drama that everyone wants to happen all the time. Like I'm not that I'm here to work, I'm here to do my job. I'm here to love unconditionally and I'm here to die. None of that drama.

[Enya Umanzor]

I don't think I've ever heard your chair sound that loud in my life. Like I don't know if my stop. I'm gonna hit you.

[Philos]

It might be this new Happy nine nine shirt that's really lit and that you probably don't have but really want.

[Enya Umanzor]

If my lawyer is wearing. If you're a lawyer wearing this, you going to jail.

[Philos]

I'm going to fucking post today.

[Enya Umanzor]

She was like, I am literally the lawyer sending you to jail.

[Philos]

In my happy night in her biscuit.

[Enya Umanzor]

Hills in her biscuit heels, her jpg, her junior Watanabe skirt. Happy 99.

[Philos]

Like her crazy. The best fit you've ever seen ever did.

[Enya Umanzor]

It's going to be so awesome when like Elisa. If you don't know, Elisa is one of our close friends who is one of our only smith smart friends who got like a full ride. Like literally like doing the whole lawyer thing. Intelligent woman lawyer. And sometimes when I'm out with her I'm like, damn, you just be going to school and learning. And me, I don't feel real and I think I'm schizophrenic. That's the duality woman.

[Philos]

That's a new arc friend. Yeah.

[Enya Umanzor]

That's how we know feminism hasn't failed us because I can be doing the life I live and Elisa can be doing the life she like. Both things that weren't allowed at one point. Me being stupid. And actually people have always wanted women to Be stupid. I'm actually going against feminism by existing.

[Philos]

Exactly. You're actually the one thing causing the fall of feminism. Also, you don't cook. And. Oh, I forgot to button this up.

[Enya Umanzor]

Do you want me to button it for you?

[Philos]

Yeah. Cuz you know you never will.

[Enya Umanzor]

But. Or lack thereof. Looks like, like.

[Philos]

And you know that you will never will. I'll go out tonight, Uncle. Oh, tonight. I literally never listen to the Smiths. I haven't either. I just know that from Tik Tok. Wow, a girl that loves the Smith.

[Enya Umanzor]

No, I was quoting.

[Philos]

Do you smoke cigarettes?

[Enya Umanzor]

I love the Smiths.

[Philos]

Do you smoke cigarettes?

[Enya Umanzor]

No, because that's nasty. Why would I do that?

[Philos]

Girl who smokes cigarettes. What did I do?

[Enya Umanzor]

Well, have you been. Oh, my God.

[Philos]

Long time no see.

[Enya Umanzor]

We didn't see each other for almost two weeks.

[Philos]

Okay. McDonald's. That place was terrible. I sold my stake in the company for $300 million.

[Enya Umanzor]

You sold your managerial position at McDonald's?

[Philos]

Yeah, I was like the CFO.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, okay.

[Philos]

Yeah, I had to. It was like a. You know that show, like, where they send a billionaire, like, to oversee their company and they like, have to work in the trenches with their employees and then at the end they're like, I want to pay for your college. Yeah, that's what I was doing, essentially. Except they didn't have cameras on me and.

[Enya Umanzor]

But you were just doing it out of the kindness of your heart. Yeah, well, I'm the CSG at McDonald's.

[Philos]

What is that?

[Enya Umanzor]

It's the general.

[Philos]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya Umanzor]

Because like, it's like, you know how a lot of like, we workspaces have like, the mental health awareness, like, rooms?

[Philos]

Stupid girl.

[Enya Umanzor]

I was trying so hard when you were talking, like I was ignoring the out of you, trying to think of something funny for cfo, like.

[Philos]

Operator.

[Enya Umanzor]

Operator. Right.

[Philos]

How have you been?

[Enya Umanzor]

Awful. But that's okay. Actually. I haven't been awful. I just don't think I'm real. But about it, I feel like I've been saying that for the past like three years is all I say when it comes to my mental health is like, I don't feel real or I feel sad. But I got back to la, I was in Miami for my little sister's quinceanera. And I got back and I was in the kitchen in the, like the first morning I was here, and I felt not real. Like I didn't feel like a real person. I. I felt like I was impersonating myself.

[Philos]

Like, dude, that's literally what I've been Going through. That's what I went through in Texas.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah. Like, I was just like, oh, I'm. I don't know how to describe it. Like, somebody one time commented when I described falling asleep, and I was like, dude, I could, like, feel my body and, like, whatever. Someone was like, yeah. And he's just describing, like, bodily awareness, which is, like, something most normal people just have. And that freaks me out because I am so disconnected from my body. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel. Like. Do people just feel their body? Because I feel like I don't feel my body. Like, I feel like I'm literally just, like, a brain.

[Philos]

And he's been doing an insane amount of ketamine also, by the way.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah. So that doesn't help because it just, like, makes me more and more disconnected. But, yeah, I don't feel my body. Like, when I pick things up.

[Philos]

Like, I'm not aware of my body.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah. I, like, don't know how to describe it. Like, I don't feel like I feel it the way I'm supposed to. But, yeah, when I was in the kitchen, I was like, oh, my God, I don't feel real. I was touching everything in that corner and genuinely convincing myself that I am a puppet. Like, I feel like a marionette toy. And somebody has me up here. And, like, the only part of my body that has senses is my, like, brain.

[Philos]

I mean, if you think about it, we literally are brains. And then meat sex. Literally. That's literally it. And I think. I don't know, but I was, like, in Texas going through the same fucking thing. Like, dude, I have like, always been, like, okay with death, like, for myself, or so I thought. And I, like, for the first time, like, it was bad, y' all. I don't even know what the it was, but I was, like, confronting my own mortality and, like, confronting, like, the mortality of my family and friends. And it was just, like, so bizarre and, like, thinking about, like, what happens next. Like, is there an afterlife? Is there, like, is it, like, when you're in the womb where you don't feel anything? There's, like, nothing. There's literally nothing. I can't even imagine. Nothing, like, before life? Is that how it is? Which I pray to God it's just nothing. Like, you turn off. But I have a sneaking suspicion that.

[Enya Umanzor]

Like, there's something else.

[Philos]

Yeah, our souls go somewhere or, like, we literally are trapped in hell or something. And I know I make that joke all the time, but, like, sometimes, like, I'm, like, damn. Like what if like this is it and I just relive this life over and over again? I'd be like, damn, I must have been good in like my real life because like this is a lit ass life.

[Enya Umanzor]

But also I know if this was.

[Philos]

Freaking terrifying to like confront your mortality. Like I just was like sitting in my room like fucking sobbing, thinking about like my family dying and like me never being able to see them again. And like then I started thinking about y' all and I was like, holy shit. Like, I don't know. And then I just started thinking about like time dilation and how quickly like life has been ramping and speeding up. And like the first 12, 15, 16 years, 18 years of my life were like so slow. I felt like I literally like was 18 forever. And now the last four years of my life have just blasted by and it's terrifying. And then I'll like talk to an older person about it and they're like, buckle up bud. Like it only gets quicker. And I'm like, don't fucking tell me that. Like, I don't need to hear that. That's fudgeing terrifying. Like it's so scary. This life is so short.

[Enya Umanzor]

This is really such a blanket answer to that or like not answer, but thing to throw in. I will say I feel every time once August is done, it feels like the year blasts through and it's because also taking into account where people who we go and see our family a lot at the end of the year for holidays and we just naturally are moving around more at the the end of the year because we're trying to make up for the time that we quote unquote, feel like we wasted in the beginning of the year. So that has to do with it. But I do agree, like thinking about my teen years, it feels like they lasted forever. But then I try to ground myself because I think about the fact that we're only in our mid-20s old as.

[Philos]

Literally old, like nasty old hags. Like, I literally hate it. Like that's another thing. I was like, holy shit. Like I'm a 25 year old man, like making poop and fart jokes and dressing the way I dress, like that's not normal. I need to fudgeing grow up and become trad and like, I need to like settle down with a partner.

[Enya Umanzor]

You need to get that nuclear family.

[Philos]

Literally.

[Enya Umanzor]

We all got that nuclear family in us. It's about if you want to tap in or not.

[Philos]

I know. Like, maybe my grandma was right. Like maybe she was right. Bro.

[Enya Umanzor]

But I think it's also easy because we haven't. I'm trying to also.

[Philos]

I want to set the record straight. Sorry for cutting you off. I am actually 17. Yeah, that was my altar that came out. That was really weird. But I'm back. I'm back, y' all. Oh, he was being weird. What the was he talking about?

[Enya Umanzor]

But a majority of our life so far, we've spent it as children. And I think about that a lot. When I think about how I feel right now, how I feel really lost, I feel unaccomplished. I feel as if I should have more done. And I feel all these pressures of what I want to get done, whether it be for myself or for my family. And that's something that really burdens me when I go back to Miami, because as we all know, all I talk about is coming from a broke family. And I think everybody who comes from that, and this is just me speaking on my personal experience, but most people want to. And you're kind of embedded with the idea to provide for them. And I get really caught up in that. And you know that I get really caught up in the ideas of how I can provide for my family when I am still really young myself and I'm still learning how to provide for myself. And then I just always think about how we have spent majority of our life as children so far. It's not even half adulthood, half childhood yet. Because in my head at this point, I think we both look at our 18 year old selfs and we think you were a child. I even look back at my 20 year old self and I'm like, dude, you were a child. You still had so much to figure out. You were so lost, you were so confused. You had so much growing to do. So so then when you put it in that perspective, I think that's when I feel better about my age. Because I am hitting the point that you hit when you were 24, I think where you started looking at 25, 26, 27, and they felt so close versus when you're 23. Even 25 felt far. And I always just try to remind myself that I have lived majority of my life as a child, yet I am just now coming into my adulthood and I have time and it's okay. And I'm not old and I don't.

[Philos]

Have to live literally an old person saying they're not old. Like, I'm not old, I swear. No, I know, I know.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah. But I know what you're saying though, because it's so scary.

[Philos]

Also, I don't know how to fudgeing fix it either. You know what I was thinking about? I was like, damn. Like, I really did take this year to be like, my year of rest and relaxation. Where, like, at the beginning of the year I was like, I don't want to travel as much. I kind of want to just fucking chill and like, fucking plant some roots for the year and like, weather the storm and just like, fudgeing chill and like, I didn't really do any of that, but I was like, like, as much as I've spent my life online, like, I. I was like, consumed about like, posting online and like, my whole. It was. My identity was like, posting online. So I took a step back for this last year and was like, I'm not going to post as much online. I'm going to do the podcast. I'm going to do my things and like, I have to feed myself. So I'm going to post every once in a while. But I'm really going to take a step back and I'm starting to realize, like, my life felt slower when I was posting online. So I'm going to start fudgeing, posting online and becoming like, psycho again and like, literally doing that and like, reverting back to, like, all my unhealthy habits. Because life felt better when I was unhealthy. That's what I fudgeing realize is, like, when I, like, cut soda out of my diet, like, nothing about me changes. I'm just less happy. Like, I'm just like, I don't drink soda or like, when I'm like, like, I can't have that bag of candy, I'm like, fudgeing sad about it. But when I eat that bag of candy, I feel fudgeing fine. Like, it's so annoying.

[Enya Umanzor]

Like, that's how I've been feeling. And this is not to promote the usage of boo. I know, I know, I know. That's literally I feel about. I was watching that thing yesterday that was talking about nicotine and how it's bad for you, and I genuinely is looking at it. I was like, this means nothing to me. Like, what are you telling me right now? It doesn't mean anything to me. It goes in one ear, out the other. Because when I.

[Philos]

Are you promoting nicotine right now?

[Enya Umanzor]

That's what it feels like.

[Philos]

That's crazy. You're crazy.

[Enya Umanzor]

But don't do it, because any addictive habit that is not healthy for you is bad for you. But you know, from my family line you pick and choose what you're going to get addicted.

[Philos]

You fight these battles. Yeah, same, same, same.

[Enya Umanzor]

But the mortality thing reminds me is I think you know more than anybody, I literally will convince myself something bad is going to happen. And it's just like, I have a gut feeling. I have a gut feeling. I have a gut feeling. I have a gut feeling. But I had a moment at the airport that was so odd. Okay. So I was so sitting at my parents house before I went to my flight and I just had this like, heavy feeling. I always get a heavy feeling before a flight because I.

[Philos]

Everyone, I love you.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, I know. I, like, literally have convinced myself something bad is going to happen to me every time. Because now I have like a weird fear of planes. But it's not even a fear.

[Philos]

Not a weird fear. You watched plane crash compilations for like six months.

[Enya Umanzor]

Well, now. And now I'm like, compulsively attached to the idea that I'm like something. I just know. I know, I know. Like, you can't convince me not. Whatever. That's a different thing. But I was sitting there and I was like, wow, what are the chances that I die naturally versus by accident, whatever. So I looked that up because I was really convinced in that moment. I was like, damn, you know what? I don't think I'm gonna die of natural causes. I think I'm gonna be murdered or something. Like, something really bad is gonna happen to me soon. And I'm like, something really bad is gonna happen to me before I turn 26. I just have this feeling.

[Philos]

Well, I did write down something big is coming.

[Enya Umanzor]

I thought you were gonna say, I did write down something bad is gonna happen to you.

[Philos]

I might have written that down. Let's check.

[Enya Umanzor]

So I looked that up and then I also have just like, PTSD from lost, whatever. Like, boo, boo, boo.

[Philos]

Everyone has that.

[Enya Umanzor]

Every time I say bye to my family or my friends. I'm also genuinely convinced, knock on wood, that it's going to be the last time I'm gonna see them. Like, it's a big thing for me. But this time when I was saying bye to my family, I, like, shockingly didn't sob. Like, I teared up. But I usually, like, sob on the way to the airport. And this time I just teared up a little. But then that made me feel really weird because I was like, something deeper is happening right now, but I'm not gonna think about it, but something deeper is happening. And then I was like, I should have hugged my dad longer. Knock on Wood. Knock on wood. Even saying that out loud is literally terrifying. But I was like, I shouldn't hug my dad longer. I feel like something's gonna happen to me or something's gonna happen, blah, blah, blah. Again, I was just like, but let me rest, because I don't feel the anxiety I usually feel about this. I feel so weird. I got to the airport, and when I got on the tram to go to, there was a man in the tram who. His vibe was just so suspicious. First of all, his outfit, which, like, that sounds stupid, but he's wearing, like, a bright pink shirt, like, green basketball shorts, like Crocs, and, like, colorful tie, dye socks. And then his suitcase was really tiny.

[Philos]

What are you wearing?

[Enya Umanzor]

And then he had a spider man full mask covering his face. He's entering the airport like this. So in my head, I was like, cool, he's gonna fucking shoot me. Like, he's gonna kill me. He's the killer. Because we live in America, and if anybody is looking that suspicious going to a big public place, it's a red flag. But I didn't get scared or, like, act the way I feel like I would have because I was genuinely convincing myself he was gonna kill me. But I felt such an eerie calm about it. I've been doing where I was, like. I literally started telling myself. I was like, wow, all these times I've been so fearful of, like, my ending and my doom. But maybe when it comes to me, I will feel like this. I'll just feel so calm and accepting of the life that I've had. And I'm so grateful for the life that I had. And, like, literally, like, thinking like that convince this man with me alone on the train is gonna kill me. And then obviously, he didn't kill me. He's just a freak. He definitely got in trouble because why are you wearing a spider man mask, like, fully covering your face at the airport? But that's a different conversation.

[Philos]

I think about, like, all the time, though, is, like, literally, what if, like, all of the stupid things like me, like, drinking, like, mixing alcohol and Ambien and Percocet all at once when I was, like, 17 years old and, like, blackout drunk and sitting on the floor, laying there and, like, my whole body vibrating, I'm like, what if I literally did die there? And, like, all of these moments where, like, I, like. I'm like, what if I died? Like, what if I did die in this moment? Like, what if I just fell asleep and died in my sleep? And then, like, I wake up in the same body in the same life, but little things are different. And what if that's the Mandela effect. I know it sounds weird, but, like, that's literally how I think. I'm just like, what if? Like, every time I'm like, I don't know. It's hard to verbalize, but I like, literally just. That's what I've been thinking about also. And like, what if in the afterlife there's no good for me to eat? Like, literally, what am I gonna do? Like, how am I gonna knock on box and bruh.

[Enya Umanzor]

Because that's something you think about is like, giving head in the afterlife.

[Philos]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Enya Umanzor]

Like, I guess you are a feminist by nature. So it's like, no matter if you're.

[Philos]

Okay, like, I literally just. Mac box.

[Enya Umanzor]

I'm a munch.

[Philos]

I'm a munch. I'm literally a munch.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah. That was our really morbid opening.

[Philos]

Yeah, I know. We're literally going have to put a trigger warning. Like the title is just trigger warning. Hey guys, like and subscribe. But I do have something I want to talk about that could fix everything. I really do think this would fix everything for us. So you know those videos of the staircases and they have the glass jar throw everything down? Yes. And they have like the sodas, also the beer. Like, literally every single time the beer bottle is gonna get it. Like, the beer bottle is gonna hit every time. But I also did the numbers because I'm nosy of how much money these accounts are making. And like, this is based off of like, like my experience and like other people who's in this industry and like, how much money they make off of Tick Tock video views.

[Enya Umanzor]

I still don't understand Tick Tock income.

[Philos]

But they implemented like this new feature where like, if your video is a minute long, like your CPM, which is how much money you make per 1000 views skyrockets, it goes like incredibly high. Like, if the video is one minute long and based off the people around me and like collecting that data, the statistical data in my mind and seeing how much they've made, I've been able to extrapolate how much money these accounts make when they roll the bottles. The OG account, like, there's like rules that you have to get set up. So it wasn't like, from the first video he made, he was making this much money or they. How much money they were making, whatever. They probably posted three videos. They meet met the requirements of like 55000 watch hours. Which like sounds astronomical, but once you're getting hundreds of millions of views. It's not that hard to get. But anyways, these accounts like within the first month that they are made, like if it hits like the algorithm and like Tick Tock is like feeling good about this page, they're making 180 grand a month plus like and that's off.

[Enya Umanzor]

Of like six videos.

[Philos]

And like obviously there's like some investment. Like you have to buy like 20 bottles of soda and like do you.

[Enya Umanzor]

Know where they're filming these? Cuz I feel like they're in like somewhere deep in Europe or something. They're all foreign.

[Philos]

I feel like a lot of them are foreign, like from out of America, which also I don't know if the CPM rates are the same, but sometimes they're higher. Like I can see like where the CPM rates are higher. And like in Europe I get paid more per thousand views. I don't know, it's. It's really interesting. But basically all that's to say that like, oh you one thing about Enya is she's gonna spill. Like she's gonna cause a big mess.

[Enya Umanzor]

We're back.

[Philos]

We're back. We're really, really back. We're happy. We're happy. We're really, really happy. Yeah, but, yeah, so we can fix everything wrong in our lives if we start pouring bottles of opaque liquid down staircases with marbles inside. I really love the nail ones. I love the nail ones with the. And the glass beer bottles. I swear to God they pop. So every time they just, they like, like fizz up really good.

[Enya Umanzor]

It's the carbonation. They got to start. They have to implement like, like Mexican Cokes, like glass Coke bottles.

[Philos]

Topo Chico.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, a Topo Chico would f. No, a Topo Chico would be literally a hydra. Like it would be like a beach bomb.

[Philos]

Also, I have another fix for us. I think what I'm going to start doing is like intentionally falling on like sidewalks or like asphalt or whatever and giving myself. No, no, no. Yes, but I'm going to give myself like cuts on my knees. Like, you know, and then I'm going to go to the bathroom really quickly after and pour hydrogen peroxide and alcohol into my. Just so I can feel something like. And I think that will get us back in tune with our bodies.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, I was thinking like maybe we need like acupuncture or something. I don't know. Well, no, yeah, what I need is to see a psychiatrist and like get on medication. But I don't want to rely on Big Parma. Like I don't want to be a part of Big Parma parmesan cheese.

[Philos]

That's still one of the best things I've ever said.

[Enya Umanzor]

The Kardashians pushing dairy. Like, that will always be. I will never forget. That was one of the first moments where I was high, where I was like, I'm really seeing through the veil. Like, I am seeing past the other side. Like, they are brainwashing evil.

[Philos]

Evil. They're brainwashing us to drink milk. Like, all of it is so evil.

[Enya Umanzor]

I'm back to milk, though. Low key. Like, I live. Yeah. I'm like back to dairy fully. And I've been back to dairy. Like, I've always been a cheese eater. Like, I've always been a cheesy girl. Yeah, Like, I'm a cheesy girl, dude.

[Philos]

In the best cheese. Oh, my God, I had it back in Texas. Is to pick between your toes after you haven't washed your feet in like weeks and just like, get that.

[Enya Umanzor]

I like you. That's what you were going to say.

[Philos]

Cheese. Oh, my God, I love that. I don't have foreskin. I want my foreskin back.

[Enya Umanzor]

We can get you some.

[Philos]

You really can. You can.

[Enya Umanzor]

You can like, get it back.

[Philos]

Yeah, but it's just not the same. Like, it doesn't have all the same, like, nerves, nerve endings and whatnot.

[Enya Umanzor]

Maybe that's what you should put your money towards, investing. Because, like, you can make a whole.

[Philos]

Company, like, ax the blind boxes and make foreskins.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah.

[Philos]

Like, no more toys.

[Enya Umanzor]

Just do four skins. It's like there's so many companies like that that like, prey upon people who just have, like a different perception of reality. Like in John Wilson. Did you watch? No. You didn't watch it.

[Philos]

But this doesn't with that show.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, my God.

[Philos]

This doesn't show. Sucks.

[Enya Umanzor]

What is your issue?

[Philos]

Sucks, bro.

[Enya Umanzor]

Well, this doesn't give much away about this episode, but the last episode, it's talking about, like, this company that claims it will freeze your body and your brain so that in 100 years they'll take you back to life. Whatever. There's no proof it works. Whatever. But so many people do it and it's really expensive. Like, it's like a hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Just start. And then that doesn't count on, like, I think, paying off your tube that your body stays in.

[Philos]

When do you freeze yourself? At what point in your life?

[Enya Umanzor]

It's when you die. So when you die, you're so.

[Philos]

I'm gonna come back as an elderly, nasty, gross.

[Enya Umanzor]

Well, I think if you called yourself and you signed up for it, you would live like this. So it depends on how committed you are. But some people just keep their head because they're like, I want a new body. And people will, like, arrange that they get each other's body. I'm getting somebody with a huge pair of tits, a huge butt and a vibrator.

[Philos]

Yeah, that sounds lit. I mean, back, like, in the future, we'll probably have, like, vibrating penis attachment cyborgs. Like, we're literally gonna. We're already like, becoming cyborgs. Like, like literally. Like, we literally already are. And like, oh, I forgot about this. But like, that whole Elon Musk neural link, I swear to God, I'm going to be one of the first people to get it. And he. It got cleared for, like, FDA trials and I lied on them and said I was like, met the requirements so I could be on.

[Enya Umanzor]

What were the requirements?

[Philos]

It was like you either had to be like, hard seeing hard hearing blind, or have like, some sort of conditions. So I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get on the list.

[Enya Umanzor]

We can make you blind.

[Philos]

Yeah, I'm gonna get neural link. I'm gonna change the world.

[Enya Umanzor]

Like, next time the jewel spits in my mouth, I'll just spit it into your eyes.

[Philos]

Yes, blindly. Okay. What else do I got? Okay, I have.

[Enya Umanzor]

I need lotion.

[Philos]

So in the last episode, we were talking about Pompeii. Right. Tell me why I literally predicted the next natural world disaster. The volcano in Europe. You ever heard about that?

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah. You wouldn't showed up in the group chat and nobody said anything.

[Philos]

I know. No one.

[Enya Umanzor]

No one replied to it.

[Philos]

I know people.

[Enya Umanzor]

Does is get in the group chat and give his doomsday report and then disappears. Yes. You literally come into the group chat, give a doomsday report, and then like, leave.

[Philos]

Yeah. Well, no one inquires about it, so I just dip. But like, if you would inquire about it, I have a lot of knowledge. The second. The world's second. So there's a caldera of volcanoes in Italy, Around Italy. I think it's the second most powerful earthquake. If it were to explode behind Yellowstone. We all know about Yellowstone. Like, that shit's going to be the end of humanity in 50,000 years. That shit's not even going to explode. Don't even worry about that. The caldera volcanoes have become active.

[Enya Umanzor]

What if I put a bomb in Yellowstone, though? Would that shake something up and make something happen? Or would it just be like.

[Philos]

I mean, maybe if like the earthquake were strong enough. It could. But yeah, just know Italy, Europe, like, you're down tremendously. Bad winter is coming. Like, in our lifetime. There's going to be a. We thought it was going to be a nuclear winter, but it's going to be a volcanic winter. The soot in the ash that's launched in the atmosphere is going to create like a big cloud that stays over Earth and it's just gonna get really cold and sun's not gonna be able to penetrate to it and we're gonna have acid rain and shit. Good luck. Good luck, y' all.

[Enya Umanzor]

That's it? That's all you have to say is good luck? Yeah, I don't think we have anybody who lives in, like, Italy and stuff who listens to us. Like, I can't imagine.

[Philos]

I mean, it's gonna affect the whole world.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh.

[Philos]

But I mean, I think we're so.

[Enya Umanzor]

Far from Italy, though.

[Philos]

It's a big volcano.

[Enya Umanzor]

Like how big? Like big as, like, like as big as a city. Like, it's like as big as.

[Philos]

It's actually funny. They have like cities right on the edge. And I think they started evacuating some of those cities or they had like a 72 hour evacuation plan in place because it's become active again. It's. What's the big city at the very tip of the boot? It's like, name name, Italian.

[Enya Umanzor]

I know there's like Sicily. Milan might be Milan, but no, that's it.

[Philos]

I don't know in Italy. Let's look it up. Baloney. There's a city called Baloney. I know damn well there's not a city.

[Enya Umanzor]

Naples.

[Philos]

I think it's Naples. Yeah. Yeah, it's Naples.

[Enya Umanzor]

Damn. You know what's up is I was supposed to go to Italy this summer. And since I didn't, this is probably why it's happening. Is mad. No, I went to Spain and Portugal. Portugal.

[Philos]

Second quake in days.

[Enya Umanzor]

Sh.

[Philos]

Italy. Volcano. Ooh. Guys, it's literally coming.

[Enya Umanzor]

Wait, was there another earthquake there?

[Philos]

Yeah, they've had like a few there, which is why everyone's kind of like, worried. They're like, oo. It's called a. I don't know how to say it. Campy flier. Yeah, it's camp. The people jumping for Tyler set is going to, like, cause an earthquake. What do you have to say? Do you got anything?

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, actually, I have a lot to say to you because I'm pissed at you. No, but I do want to give my conspiracy theory. Everybody got that nationwide alert this week and they weren't clear about why we were getting the alert. I didn't read what it was because I was like, you literally can't.

[Philos]

It was just a test.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, it was like a test of the system, but they weren't saying why. They were like, oh, they're just testing out the new wireless system for like to see if we ever had a national emergency, if we needed to send something out. Bitch, be clear. It's because y' all think we're going to get fucking bombs. Like nuclear bombs are headed our way soon and you just want to like, like test it out so that the country can be like, well, we. We had a system to tell our citizens. It's not necessarily on us, whatever. But what I was thinking is if a nuclear bomb is headed this way, I don't want to fudgeing know. Like, I don't want to spend the last moments of my evacuate where. Where the fuck am I going to run, bitch? I'm going to outrun a nuclear blast. No, I'd rather just be in peace and silence and not know that my death was upon me or that like the destruction of everything I know and love was upon me. I'd rather just be at home high as fuck, playing Fortnite, just in my own little world, doing my silly little thing. And of an eye, like. Like in the blink of an eye. I'm done. I don't want to. How are you surviving?

[Philos]

A bomb is not going to kill me.

[Enya Umanzor]

Can we get in the fridge or is that a myth?

[Philos]

That's. That's a myth, I think not with that fridge at least. I think it has to be one of the schmagma fridges.

[Enya Umanzor]

The smag ones. The ones in Nuketown. Like you. I'm not kidding, Drew. I just thought of that because I was thinking of the Call of Duty map. Nuketown. I was like, what survived like the schmeg the house is survived in Nuke.

[Philos]

I'm gonna get into 5000$schmeg coffee maker and survive in my.

[Enya Umanzor]

In the smeg toaster.

[Philos]

Yeah, yeah.

[Enya Umanzor]

But that was something I had to say. And then also, I don't know if you saw, but we were tagged a million and ten times in the video of like it was like every gay household or something.

[Philos]

Automatically don't give a about.

[Enya Umanzor]

I know that's. I was like, why are we being tagged in this? But it was like, wait, now I need to find it. But it was that group of kids watching Telephone and it was like every gay group ends up doing this at the end of the night. And we got tagged in it so many times because we've been so vocal about how often we do that. But genuinely, what is it about gay people and telephone? Like, that music video? Because I. We were showing it to my friends, and they hadn't seen it, and they were our straightest friends.

[Philos]

It was a cultural awakening. Like, we were all on Tumblr when that shit happened. Like, it was. It was literally a vibe. You just had to been there. Like, if you weren't there, I'm sorry. You will never have the emotions attached to it that we do. But it was a very, very important moment. I did see one where gay people.

[Enya Umanzor]

Love sitting around and watching music videos.

[Philos]

Yes. Literally.

[Enya Umanzor]

What is it about gay people in music videos?

[Philos]

Straight. And I like that shit.

[Enya Umanzor]

I know. We're. We're breaking the code.

[Philos]

Yeah.

[Enya Umanzor]

We're like.

[Philos]

So it's like Groundbreakers, where Earth shatterers. We broke the glass.

[Enya Umanzor]

Call me the volcano in Italy because I'm about to erupt all over you and shake the world.

[Philos]

Call me the volcano in Italy because I'm about to erupt my jism all over you after you blow me up.

[Enya Umanzor]

But it is so interesting, though, because we. Are you disgusting with you?

[Philos]

Yeah.

[Enya Umanzor]

Because we showed that video, and I was shocked that they had never seen that music video, that group of friends, especially, because, like, a bunch of them worked in music and they hadn't seen the telephone video. And I was like, wow, this is really crazy. This is also the same group of friends every time we mention RuPaul. Like, it literally goes like, cricket.

[Philos]

Silence. No, Rupal's like, that girl.

[Enya Umanzor]

Rupal.

[Philos]

Rupal Stiltskin. I love Rupal Stiltskins. Hagrace. But Dragon Queen. There was another thing. Oh, I saw a video where it was like, all Beyonce. Beyonce. Beyonce fans. All Beyonce fans know this moment and know this moment, like, is a stain on her career. And we look away in solidarity.

[Enya Umanzor]

And.

[Philos]

And it's during the super bowl performance, when she's not hitting her mark. She hits her mark every time, but she's laying outside of the thing. It's cringy, like, and it's only cringy because she's so perfect.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah. Her standards for herself are so high.

[Philos]

Yeah, exactly.

[Enya Umanzor]

I want to see her again, but I think the show, the Renaissance tour, is over.

[Philos]

Yeah. Like, it just finished, which is heartbreaking.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, I hate that she did Europe first, because I'm like, damn, we could have went to Europe, saw the volcano.

[Philos]

Sabian said, I do still need to Stand next to active volcano Shooting.

[Enya Umanzor]

I know.

[Philos]

Like I need.

[Enya Umanzor]

Because of fire. Of love.

[Philos]

Yeah. Fire is love.

[Enya Umanzor]

Love is blind.

[Philos]

Love is blind. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Enya Umanzor]

My throat actually hurts.

[Philos]

Oh, my God. Get the away from. I mean, you literally are sick. Josh got you sick. And now I'm sick. Like, this is the worst day of my life.

[Enya Umanzor]

No, it's cuz I gave you that crazy head last night.

[Philos]

You know, Dennis can tell if you got gave head. Yeah, it like gives you little tiny hickeys in the back of your throat on the soft palate. So they can tell. They can tell because you'd be sucking like, like crazy. But like, for real because I was.

[Enya Umanzor]

Sucking a dent out of a car door.

[Philos]

Okay, so we did talk about this in the last episode very briefly, but I want to revisit it and have a different take.

[Enya Umanzor]

I could suck an olive through a syringe. Okay, keep going.

[Philos]

I love how accessible music has gotten. Like, I know we talked about how annoying and bad it can be, but, like, I literally just love the idea.

[Enya Umanzor]

Of anybody can make it.

[Philos]

Like a working person, like, going and making music in their garage with their friends and then posting it and then like hitting the lottery and like Spotify putting them on and just like, like, literally everyone I know has like some sort of, like, music career. Like, it's. It's really actually cool. But it's also damaging because we'll never have a pop star again. We'll never have whatever.

[Enya Umanzor]

Beyonce is our last like mega super icon, I think.

[Philos]

Like, I mean, the weekend is pretty. Pretty damn mega.

[Enya Umanzor]

But I mean, like, Beyonce is just performer. Like, the weekend is just scary. Like, he's just scary. Something about him is scary. Spooky.

[Philos]

Ookie, ookie.

[Enya Umanzor]

You know what I mean, though? Like, she's like dancing, moving, floating. Like she's literally hitting. Yeah, she's hitting all the marks.

[Philos]

Yeah. Also, all of the people saying Beyonce's concert was demonic. You're very wrong. She had God behind her. I felt this happiness and like this contentness and excitedness that a demon could not give me.

[Enya Umanzor]

Maybe that's what we need. We need, like, you know, when people need God. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Like, when people talk about how they were just in their lowest moment and they asked for a sign, they got the sign and now they believe in God. That's what we need. But that's.

[Philos]

I don't believe in Christianity. Christianity. I love you. If you are a Christian, but there is a God. There is a God. It's probably a alien 14 year old boy and wears a science experiment or some. But like there is some God. And what if God literally is an inanimate object? Like, what if God is like antimatter? Like the God particle.

[Enya Umanzor]

God is a woman way.

[Philos]

No, that's impossible because she would be in the kitchen. Wait, but she did cook us up.

[Enya Umanzor]

She would be too emotional to like run the world.

[Philos]

Yeah, she'd blow it up. God, she would blow it up like with nukes and she'd get on her.

[Enya Umanzor]

Period and have a PMS attack and.

[Philos]

Blow up the world, literally. You can't let. Girls cannot be in power. So I'm thinking about trying an inso. Trying out being an insofar. You are. No, I'm voluntarily celibate. Yeah, involuntary celibate. I think I'm gonna like really myself up in a crazy way and like, want sex really bad, but like never get it. Become an incel.

[Enya Umanzor]

But I think you're just too attractive for that to happen.

[Philos]

No.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, keep going.

[Philos]

What do you think I'm like, attractive? What?

[Enya Umanzor]

Like, even if you made yourself like look ugly or something though, I think if somebody met you, they would just be like, wow, I need to get to know him. And through all that, I can see that he's sexy.

[Philos]

You really think that? Yeah, no, I think I'm ugly.

[Enya Umanzor]

Are you digging for compliments right now?

[Philos]

No, no, no. Yeah, you're right. I'm ugly.

[Enya Umanzor]

I didn't say you're ugly. I said you were sexy.

[Philos]

Well.

[Enya Umanzor]

You know what's crazy is you're. You're like least liked era of yourself is my. When I thought you were the most attractive when you had like long hair in New York. Oh, I think that was. To me, you're like sexiest era.

[Philos]

My Conan gray era.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, I saw a video of Conan and Olivia and I was like, they are literally us in 2021. Wait, I didn't send it to you, but we'll insert it. Give me a second. Come on, guys. I got a lot on this phone. I hate that when you look up something on your phone on your iPhone. Like I look up tick tock and it shows me the first tick tock I ever saved on this.

[Philos]

Ph my God. Wait, no. We need to invent something called tit talk. And it's tik tok for porn.

[Enya Umanzor]

It's tits.

[Philos]

There's chick talk, big oiled up twerking, asses and booties everywhere. And tits. Just balance.

[Enya Umanzor]

There's Already so many. But this is literally us in 2021. That's how your hair looked. It literally is, but just she has longer hair. I love Olivia Rodrigo. One thing about me is I love Olivia Rodrigo. I ride for her. If I was out and this is a made up scenario because no one in their right mind would ever, like, do this to this woman. But if I was out and I saw somebody bullying Olivia Rodrigo, I beat the fuck out of them. And I would beat the fuck out of them. And then I would pick her up like a little princess and take her somewhere safe and be like, oh, my God, you're an angel. Like, I love you so much. Mind you, I don't know her personally. I literally don't know her personally, but I stand for her. So crazy. Like, she genuinely is that girl. Like, I don't know. I just ride for her. So crazy. And this is coming from a notorious hater, especially of new musicians. Because I'm just evil and conniving and I'm a.

[Philos]

And I'm 90s and early 2000s music only.

[Enya Umanzor]

But I love her so much. I think she's doing everything so right. I see Stan her. Like, I literally stan her. I will never not watch content of her. Like.

[Philos]

And he has been listening to. I don't know what song it is.

[Enya Umanzor]

It's. I wanna. I wanna get it back.

[Philos]

Yeah, Andy's been listening to that song on repeat. Like, it was all that would play in the car and repeat also that Agora Hills by Doji Doji. Okay. I think Doge is back. Like, I think she's back and I love her.

[Enya Umanzor]

It's because no one can deny, like, music. Like, if you make good music, it really does just, like, cross. Yeah. It transcends anything. Like, you could try all that demon all you want, but, like, people want to hear that shit.

[Philos]

Like, I just want Doja Cat to come on here. Like, I just want Doja Cat sitting next to you and, like, us talking.

[Enya Umanzor]

She would actually sit on my lap, though.

[Philos]

Or she would be, like, glued to the fucking ceiling like a demon with her hand.

[Enya Umanzor]

I was gonna say something so, so gross. And I was like, right, right. These are real people.

[Philos]

These are real people.

[Enya Umanzor]

Right? These are real people and that is harassment. Okay. Wow. Yeah, right?

[Philos]

No, but, like, literally paint the town red.

[Enya Umanzor]

Like, I'm about to paint your town red.

[Philos]

Why did you steal that?

[Enya Umanzor]

Butthole is gonna be. Is the town. You said something annoying to me. I said I'm gonna figure.

[Philos]

What are you on about? You're crazy.

[Enya Umanzor]

Last night when he said, something's new to me, I was like, I'm gonna finger your butt till you bleed.

[Philos]

I was like, I don' Like, I'm into that type of. But Doja Cat stole paint the town red from me and Josiah because we painted that town pink and green. We painted it green. Green Saturday.

[Enya Umanzor]

Actually gonna piss and myself if you don't stop.

[Philos]

Yeah, but, yeah, finger my butt. I don't give a. Oh, but we did start a conversation that we never really fully finished, which is the.

[Enya Umanzor]

This whole podcast ever.

[Philos]

No, but not in this podcast. Like, a few days ago. But we were talking about our siblings and, like, that generation in general and how, like, kids that age now, like, that grew up from their conception with, like, a phone, like, iPad. Babies that grew up with technology are like, like, smart as. But also, like, they have, like, literally, like, statistically lower, like, reading and grade averages. Like, I see a bunch of people, like, teachers complaining about how, like, their sixth graders are reading at a second grade level and they're pandemic babies. It makes sense. Like, I'm not faulting them for that, but, like, they are, like. Like, my equivalent to being street smart is, like, being Internet smart. They're, like, Internet smart, like, in the same capacity. Like, they know how to navigate the Internet. They know what's funny. They know how to make memes, like, all that. It's to the point where, like, my nephew, who is 10 years old, literally looked at me as a God. Like, he loved me, I loved him. Like, we literally had, like. Like, it was amazing. And now he's too cool for me. Like, it always happens, but he's too cool for me. And it will never not hurt. Like, literally, it hurts so bad. And you were saying the same thing about your siblings.

[Enya Umanzor]

Like, like, my little siblings are getting to that point where I'm just, like, not that interesting to them. And it's because we used to have this relationship with the younger people in our family where they would look at us and think, wow, these people have together, like, places that we grew up, they have it together. They're living such nice lives, and they're making it for themselves. They have a little bit of attention online, and that was, like, something to look at and be like, wow, that's cool. But now they see everything all the time on their phone, so it takes so much to make there. It literally is going to be so hard for them to get serotonin and, like, dopamine boost in real life because they're so used to getting it on their phones. And that's kind of what I like, like, related to. My siblings used to be so satisfied with just leaving the house with me and going to fucking Target. And now that literally sounds so fucking boring to them.

[Philos]

I mean, we went through the exact same thing though. Like, I mean, like, it's like a.

[Enya Umanzor]

Part of it is teen teenagers just not wanting to be around their family and being like, I'd rather be inside. But the difference is now they're like, why would I leave the crib if I can get literally all the human connection I can get through my fucking iPhone? Like, I don't need to go out and like, go roam around the mall because I can roam around Amazon Prime.

[Philos]

Also, like, me and Kai have talked about this. Like, but there's this idea that like their generation, like, is gonna grow up using the Internet through avatars. I think we've like, talked about this before, but like, like it like, like, so you and I are like cringy to them. Like, they're, they're like, why would you show your face and use your real name on the Internet? That's cringey. Just use an avatar like everybody else. And we're already seeing it with like vtubers and like, yeah, all that, like V streamers. Like, they like get more viewers than the most viewed people on YouTube and Twitch. Like, and they're just artificial, like AI. Like, I don't know. But that's like another thing I just thought about. Like, that's probably why we're carrying you to them subconsciously. And then also we have gone so far away from just consuming content normally. Like the introduction of a fast forward button on Tick Tock, like a two times speed button on Tick Tock makes sense. It makes sense, but I don't with it. But I was on Netflix and you can change the speed of like movies and TV shows and, and watch them in double speed, which is crazy. Like, we can't even watch a TV show in the time it's supposed to be watched.

[Enya Umanzor]

You know? What's up is last night when we were watching Love is Blind, I almost was like, we should just hit double speed for the first uninteresting episodes and then get to it. Orion was talking about the Sopranos last night and how she has a hard time watching the first season and Christian was saying, skip it. I almost made a comment and was like, I wish you could just watch it in double speed because you should watch through the first season if you can just get through it. I only have three episodes of Sopranos left. I know everybody is like, damn, you've been watching this for two years. You don't know my business. So you.

[Philos]

Yeah, first of all.

[Enya Umanzor]

And second of all, I'm savoring it.

[Philos]

Okay, I'm being gang stalked. You've always thought that I'm being gang stalked by my ops.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh. But I was thinking, you know what it is too, is because kids see it as cringy because just the idea and perception of celebrityism has changed so much. We grew up, up putting our face to things and stuff because celebrityism used to be such a smaller bubble. So it felt like you had to be fully present to be a part of it. And now celebrityism has become so large that people are just like, also. It's just become larger than what celebrityism used to be. It used to be like, this is somebody is like, like they were a caricature or a character and they weren't a personal being. And then once celebrityism started blowing up, people were like, I'm tired of seeing this too cool for everybody. I want somebody who I really connect to. And then it got too far where people were over sharing too much. And now the younger generation is like, you are literally exposing yourself for capitalistic gains and you're suffering from it. And we don't believe in that anymore. Which I do think is a step in the right direction.

[Philos]

No, it's. It's a good thing. Don't get me wrong. I literally think that is a good thing. Like, yeah, I like, like, although, like, I am happy where I'm at. Like, my life would be so. I would be so much like more baseline and like quote unquote normal if I didn't grow up posting myself to the.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, young people just shouldn't be posting themselves in general because you're going through such a tumultuous change period in your life to be posting that. I've always had this like, problem too with overturning on the Internet. I think I've said it here before, I understand that there, it's a double edged sword. There's some good parts there, some bad parts of it, but I've always felt it was unhealthy. Like, get ready with me to go break up with my boyfriend. Imagine being the fucking partner in those. Like, imagine being on TikTok and seeing your partner being like, get ready with me to go break up with my significant other.

[Philos]

Get ready with me to go to my grandma's funeral.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, get ready with me to go and pull the plug on my mother. Like, what are we Talking about this is such a traumatic experience and you need to be dealing with it offline. And then you could come back once you've grown and gone through it. But no, we need to get ready.

[Philos]

With me to work. Get ready with me to twerk.

[Enya Umanzor]

I was gonna say people are lacking empathy in their personal lives, so then they have to go to the Internet to find it. But the problem with that is then you open the door to so many evil, conniving cunts on the Internet who use it to be awful and shaming and judgmental and whatever. That's a whole other thing. But I do agree we need to do. Get ready with me to go to the twerkathon. Get ready with me to finger my butt. Get ready with me to fuck your mom.

[Philos]

I was gonna say so. You know how there's, like, weddings T shirt contests. Like, oh, like, I'm going to spray you with a water gun and your shirt's wet and you can see through it. Oh, my God, you're, like, so hot. I'm over that, bro. I need.

[Enya Umanzor]

How many have you gone to that? You're over it.

[Philos]

Like, I can't even count on two hands. What I need is the wet head, like, wet brain contest where you spray women with knowledge and books and throw books at them.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, it's like stoning, but with books.

[Philos]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, okay.

[Philos]

And it's just like. It's like, oh, your mind is so wet and juicy. Like, I love the way you.

[Enya Umanzor]

I want to finger your brain.

[Philos]

Yeah, let me finger your brain.

[Enya Umanzor]

There's definitely a picture somewhere of somebody, like, fingering, like, a brain.

[Philos]

Oh, there's. That was like one of the OG memes I posted on my meme account. Like, let me finger your brain instead. Something fell behind you. I just don't want it to, like, stay.

[Enya Umanzor]

That's my phone.

[Philos]

Okay, so I have.

[Enya Umanzor]

Let's do one more topic.

[Philos]

Okay. Okay, I have one.

[Enya Umanzor]

If you can't find one.

[Philos]

I have a bunch. I'm just trying to pick up.

[Enya Umanzor]

You're a pick me.

[Philos]

Okay, so one thing that is gonna make me cry without fail every time. Is someone getting the golden buzzer on American Idol, like, or whatever. America's Got Talent. Like, one thing look.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, I know what you mean, though. Like, somebody who obviously, like, isn't a popular person at school or in their, like, day to day life.

[Philos]

Yes.

[Enya Umanzor]

And is a little awkward, but they're on that stage singing their head off.

[Philos]

Yes.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, it is. It's probably also one of the most validating Feelings ever. But then it's also probably one of the worst things ever, because how do you match that moment?

[Philos]

Also, how do you else in your life, how do you break beyond American Idol? Like, nobody does.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, you don't. Especially anymore. Like, I'm always so shocked when those shows are still a thing because I'm like, who are the people who are winning? Because I've never been like, oh, my God on there. No. Kelly Clarkson, Kelly Clarks, and Mariah Carey. Mariah Carey was far beyond that before that.

[Philos]

I know.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, you know Mariah Carey?

[Philos]

Yeah.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, my God. Wow. I didn't know she was indie like that. Oh, my God. I asked my little sister who just turned 50, she knew Mariah Carey songs and she said she didn't. And her and her friend were like, we don't listen to Mariah Carey. And I was like. And I started playing it and I was like, does this sound old to you? And she's like, yeah, this sounds really old.

[Philos]

Whoa. She's old as.

[Enya Umanzor]

Like, they don't listen to Michael Jackson either.

[Philos]

I get that one. But I did have that same thought where I was like, damn, like, we're starting to like, Drake is going to be vintage soon. Like, that's weird.

[Enya Umanzor]

If he, like, actually shuts off up, which he should.

[Philos]

Vintage Drake. I feel like I should talk about this because it's not going to be relevant. Relevant next week. So Taylor Swift is seeing someone new and.

[Enya Umanzor]

She has it. She hasn't spoken since y' all were kids.

[Philos]

Like, she doesn't have apologize. And I'm.

[Enya Umanzor]

But what I'm saying is how does that still hurt her?

[Philos]

I'm not hurt. I just said I was not hurt. But it's weird seeing a person you loved and love and have love for be with someone else. Like, it's.

[Enya Umanzor]

So why do you still have a thing for her when y' all were, like, together when you were like 16?

[Philos]

I don't know. She wrote a song. Yeah. She wrote a song about me? Yeah, she wrote Drew looks at me like, who else is she?

[Enya Umanzor]

Stop the epidemic that's unraveling online that y' all are going on tick tocks with Let the light in and commenting, Drew, let the light in.

[Philos]

No, I think she said, drew, let.

[Enya Umanzor]

The lighting when you Drew, you drove.

[Philos]

Hey. No, I do think she actually said drew the light in in that video. But it's. It sounds like she's saying let the light in. But it could be like that green needle or Laurel Yanny.

[Enya Umanzor]

No, I think she says, let the light in and people, someone just commented.

[Philos]

That relisten to it. Cuz I swear to God, I heard Drew the light in first before he sent it. I was like, damn, like, there's so many people in on this joke. I will say, although it hurts, I'm happy for Taylor because she is dating one of the hottest people I've ever seen in my entire life. Travis Kelsey, if you're listening to this also, you're just saying no, literally, your older brother Travis. I think it's Jason. Kelsey. I don't know his name. Let me look. K E, L, C, E. Brothers. Oh, it literally is Jason. Holy Jason. Kelly. Jason. Kelsey, call me. I'm dead serious. Call me. We have some things to talk about and I want you. Sorry, I'm like, less than Travis. Travis is ugly compared to Jason. I'm dead serious.

[Enya Umanzor]

You're so annoying.

[Philos]

You'll agree. You'll literally agree.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah. Let me see. Look at this lineup, bro. Let the light in.

[Philos]

Excuse me.

[Enya Umanzor]

I just can't tell.

[Philos]

We need to get to the bottom of this.

[Enya Umanzor]

Let us know.

[Philos]

Let us know if you somehow hear this. Let us know. What's their name?

[Enya Umanzor]

Haley.

[Philos]

Haley Doja.

[Enya Umanzor]

Cat's pinky toe. Ow, my chest. My chest hurts.

[Philos]

Hurts.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, don't play with me. He's disgusting. He's fine.

[Philos]

That's the one Taylor's dating.

[Enya Umanzor]

He's fine.

[Philos]

Yeah, so I mean, honestly, like, either one, like, hit me up like you.

[Enya Umanzor]

Taylor, because she's left.

[Philos]

She broke my heart and then she took my God. Like, I've had a no. Also, why did Taylor put Travis Kelsey on the map? Because he was not like, any good.

[Enya Umanzor]

Okay. Okay. Let's go, Demelia.

[Philos]

Let's go, d' Amelio. Let's go.

[Enya Umanzor]

I want to be where you are, Marvin Gay.

[Philos]

Oh, so I guess I'm gonna do size comment.

[Enya Umanzor]

Wait, that's weird. Marvin. Drew.

[Philos]

No, it's Marvin. Oh, okay.

[Enya Umanzor]

I want to be where you are. Barfing Drew. I never realized that was his. Wow. See you later. I'm Gone by Robert Lester Folsom and Agora Hills Doji Cat.

[Philos]

And.

[Enya Umanzor]

That'S it.

[Philos]

Honestly, my media is Love is Blind Season 5. Love is Blind is a terrible show. You cannot convince me otherwise. But season five, that's good tv. I love this.

[Enya Umanzor]

I'm literally gonna start it when we end this. Like, we're gonna watch episode three together.

[Philos]

So messy and, like, drama and like. Like, all of the other ones are, like, happy. Like, I don't want to see people fall in love. Like, I don't want to see that. Like, I need drama. I need like filth. I need anger. I need like lying. I need conniving. Like I just need it all. And that's all you get from I media.

[Enya Umanzor]

Mine is also all about my mother. Such a good movie. I love Pedro Almodovar and Handmaiden, which I watched on a plane. And don't watch that on a plane. It's like, it's literally like watching like Brokeback Mountain on a plane. Remember when that was just like on the plane? Like they were crazy.

[Philos]

I watched it like 36 times when I was flying.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, wow. I still haven't seen Brokeback Mountain. I just know that there's sex.

[Philos]

Don't.

[Enya Umanzor]

I'm about to myself. I'm not even gonna lie.

[Philos]

Okay, well, I still have to do Drew side up corner. You've already left once. You should have when you had to do that.

[Enya Umanzor]

Okay, okay, go, go.

[Philos]

We're doing Drew side up corner.

[Enya Umanzor]

Okay, okay. Okay, hurry.

[Philos]

Oh my God, you're getting mad.

[Enya Umanzor]

Actually gonna myself.

[Philos]

Okay. Five nights at Freddy's. Nah, you need five nights with some sis. Stop smelling his dick to see if he got. It's 2019. Oh wait, it's 2023. You gotta turn him over and smell his ass to see if he got dick. Weird. Turns me off. Like, why are you following Instagram on Instagram?

[Enya Umanzor]

Does Instagram have an account?

[Philos]

Yes, they posted me.

[Enya Umanzor]

And they haven't verified you.

[Philos]

Yeah, they. And they still haven't verified me. I don't even want that blue check. That shit's anyways, I don't give a about the blue check.

[Enya Umanzor]

I love my blue chalk. Had it for so long.

[Philos]

Okay, like I don't even want it. So like, I don't know what you're saying. In his vagina is not a kitty. That. How did I say it? How do I say this? In his vagina is not a kitty. That is not purring. That's a chainsaw. And it's revving up.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, cuz we were in the car and I was talking about how sexy my vet was and I was like my was revving like a V8 engine. Like, I was like, oh, I was not talking about the vet. Never mind. He.

[Philos]

He listens. Just cuz I cheated on you doesn't mean you got to cheat on me back. Be a leader, not a follower. Okay, one more. This one's a flop and I know it, but I'm just going to give it to you anyways.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, and the first one wasn't a Flop up.

[Philos]

The first one ate down. What are you talking about? I bet people quote that for life. Now old people give you five dollar and say, grandson, get a girl. Get a special girl. A lemonade. No, grandma, these girls want Perks. Give me $40.

[Enya Umanzor]

A perk is only $40.

[Philos]

It's like one high for like four hours. And some people have to buy like eight a day.

[Enya Umanzor]

That's $10 an hour.

[Philos]

When I was down tremendously, but I'm not getting into that.

[Enya Umanzor]

Yeah, don't do that.

[Philos]

That. Wait. Should I give them one song? I'll give them one song and one song only. Cash money time all around me Clouds up air Olsen. Boards of Canada. I've just been Boards of. When I go up to Texas, I just two with Boards of Canada. Like it's so bad. Make love Daft Pong. Aquarius. Boards of Canada. Dave and Cowboy. Boards of Canada. Riverman Nick Drake.

[Enya Umanzor]

Oh, sweet. Well, thank you guys for watching.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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