Drew and Enya went on a date

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "Drew and Enya Went on a Date"

Episode Information:

• Title: Drew and Enya Went on a Date
• Host/Authors: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
• Release Date: April 5, 2024
• Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. There is no emergency, but there is an intense need for attention, so maybe listen up… You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t. (we will be violent)

---

1. Setting Up the Date

The episode kicks off with Enya and Drew discussing their recent attempt to go on a date. Enya expresses her nervousness about reuniting with Drew after a few days apart.

Notable Quote:

• Enya [01:34]: "I know. It's so awkward. It's like we're meeting for the first time. I'm nervous. You look good."

2. The Awkward Encounter

As the date unfolds, tensions rise between Enya and Drew. Drew's unconventional approach to dates becomes evident, leading to an uncomfortable and ultimately unsuccessful evening.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [02:18]: "You're gonna eat food. You. You need more food."
• Enya [03:20]: "I don't think it's my fault. I think it's your fault. I think you're very weird."

3. Personal Insecurities and Body Image

The conversation shifts to personal insecurities, with both hosts admitting their struggles with body image. Drew humorously laments his dissatisfaction, while Enya balances self-criticism with confidence.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [04:06]: "I hate my body. Like, do I ever do this? Like, hold on, let me pull these back. Wait, I look cute like this."
• Enya [05:03]: "I'm not gonna shower you in compliments because you do this thing where you, like, search for compliments by calling yourself ugly."

4. The Role of Technology and Mental Health

Drew and Enya delve into discussions about technology's impact on mental health, touching on topics like Neuralink and self-diagnosis through online sources. Their banter highlights skepticism and humorous skepticism toward modern advancements.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [06:22]: "Neuralink is like, I know I talk about it all the time, but the more I think about it, that shit is fake as dust, and I'm not buying it."
• Enya [10:39]: "I'm not gonna look it up because I actually couldn't give a care about science. Sorry."

5. Landlord Shenanigans and Home Repairs

The duo recount amusing and frustrating experiences with their landlord, affectionately nicknamed "Mink Stain." Drew shares a hilarious story about a clogged toilet and a botched plumbing repair, showcasing their relatable living situation woes.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [24:00]: "I love her. I love her. I just need that to be known."
• Enya [25:04]: "She remembered, yeah, that's why you like her because she flirts with you."

6. Auras, Jungles, and Hilarious Misadventures

A playful discussion ensues about auras and their colors, leading to funny mishaps with their guest, Kai. The conversation spirals into humorous territory as they explore the absurdity of aura reading and personal quirks.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [58:08]: "Okay, guys, I'm gonna show y'all how to read your own aura color."
• Kai [66:05]: "Your testosterone is really high. Your aura is crazy."

7. Media and Music Preferences

The hosts transition to discussing their favorite media, including music playlists and movie preferences. Enya expresses her disdain for certain films, while Drew shares his eclectic taste in Brazilian funk and other genres.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [68:25]: "I love Brazilian funk music. It's actually becoming like, my favorite genre of music of all time."
• Enya [71:00]: "Get It Right by Miley Cyrus. That song is so good."

8. Closing Antics and Final Laughs

As the episode nears its end, Drew experiences a humorous yet alarming incident involving a bathroom mishap, leading to a blend of concern and laughter among the hosts. The episode wraps up with light-hearted banter and plans for future episodes.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [63:13]: "I literally collapsed on the floor of the bathroom and started genuinely tweaking. It was crazy."
• Enya [75:50]: "Your life is my tea. Fill my cup up."

---

Conclusion

"Drew and Enya Went on a Date" is a hilariously candid episode that navigates the awkwardness of dating, personal insecurities, quirky technology debates, and everyday life challenges. With their trademark humor and relatable storytelling, Enya and Drew deliver an engaging episode that resonates with listeners who appreciate raw and unfiltered conversations.

Highlighted Quotes Recap:

• Enya [01:34]: "I'm nervous. You look good."
• Drew [02:18]: "You need more food."
• Drew [04:06]: "I hate my body."
• Drew [06:22]: "Neuralink... I'm not buying it."
• Drew [24:00]: "I love her."
• Drew [58:08]: "How to read your own aura color."
• Drew [68:25]: "I love Brazilian funk music."
• Drew [63:13]: "I literally collapsed on the floor of the bathroom."
• Enya [75:50]: "Your life is my tea."

Listeners can expect a blend of humor, relatable life stories, and the dynamic chemistry between Enya and Drew that makes "Emergency Intercom" a standout comedy podcast.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

You ever tried fixing your car and.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Realized you're missing that one part?

[Drew]

Yeah, been there.

[Ryan Seacrest]

That's why ebay's my go to. They've got millions of parts guaranteed to fit. I'm talking brake pads for when yours.

[Drew]

Have seen one too many miles of.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Stop and go oil filters.

[Drew]

Cause you don't mess around with your engine care. Even got this cold air intake on my watch list.

[Ryan Seacrest]

I might just go for it to.

[Drew]

Keep the ride cool and your DIY streak hot.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Find all the parts you need at prices you'll love.

[Drew]

Guaranteed to fit every time Ebay things people love. Eligible items only. Exclusion supply sound. I've ever.

[Anya]

You know what's crazy is I, like, made sure that my voice was low enough because every time I scream on zoom episodes, it, like, blocks me out. So I just hit a new octave. Like I just unlocked a new sound humans can make by doing that.

[Drew]

Yeah, that was really crazy. What's up, girl? It's been a couple days since we've seen each other.

[Anya]

I know. It's so awkward. It's like we're meeting for the first time. I'm nervous. You look good.

[Drew]

Should we go on a date? Thank you. You don't. Yeah.

[Anya]

Oh, okay. Well, I think I'm going to wait. Let's just cosplay the. The date. Okay. Okay. Well, what'd you get up to today?

[Drew]

I fingered myself.

[Anya]

Oh, okay. I think I'm gonna get a drink. Do you? What drink are you gonna get?

[Drew]

Four shots. Oh, straight up shots.

[Anya]

I'm. I. I'd be down for shots after we eat. Maybe, like, if things go better.

[Drew]

You're gonna eat food. You. You need more food.

[Anya]

I. I haven't eaten all day. I've been like, you can get, like.

[Drew]

A little house salad or something, but I'm not paying for that.

[Anya]

Okay, I didn't ask for you to pay for my food. I, like, can pay for my own food. Well, you seem like you would know a lot about not loving yourself and nourishing Yourself.

[Drew]

So this is the worst date I've ever been on.

[Anya]

I don't think it's my fault. I think it's your fault. I think. I think you're very weird. And I plan on going home and. And not only saying what restaurant I went to, tagging my location, and making sure I give a good enough description that people could find out who you are, and you're done.

[Drew]

So are we going to do S or not?

[Anya]

No, I don't plan on hooking up with you. I don't know why you. I don't know at what point you thought.

[Drew]

Rude, loser. And scene. Scene.

[Anya]

And that's me. For all the people who think me and Drew should actually date, that's what it would go like.

[Drew]

That's what every single one of my dates look like. Every one of them.

[Anya]

Were you playing someone else or yourself?

[Drew]

No, I was. That's how I act on dates.

[Anya]

Oh, I didn't know that. We should probably have a conversation about that.

[Drew]

That's. Riz, brother. Is. You said, holy Drew. Like, yeah. I'm surprised you don't have a baddie in bed every week with that. Riz.

[Anya]

No. If I found out you actually ever acted like that on a day, I'd be so pissed. I'd be like, bro, are you serious?

[Drew]

Like, I have to talk to him. Not only did I have to teach him how to wipe his ass, I have to teach him how to date.

[Anya]

How to be a normal person on dates also, so that I don't get, like. Because somehow that would be my fault. If it became public knowledge that you acted like that, they'd be like, I can't believe Anya lets him do that. Like, I could see it being my fault. Whoa.

[Drew]

Something I've been.

[Anya]

Every time we are on a Zoom call, like, episode, no matter what, you will be looking at yourself and seeing what face you can make.

[Drew]

It's just. I hate my body. Like, do I ever do this? Like, hold on, let me pull these back. Wait, I look cute like this. Hold on. I look cute. Oh, y' all ever just, like, pull the sides of your face up and be like, oh, that's good. Like, y' all ever go, like, that's good? Oh, like, not like, that's what I should look like. I need to get plastic surgery to look like that.

[Anya]

Oh. Not much changes for me because I'm.

[Drew]

Pretty perfect, but that's because you have, like, literally the most perfect face shape ever.

[Anya]

Thank you.

[Drew]

You do look really pretty today. Every time I get on Zoom, I'm like, wow. India's beautiful. You only look pretty over phone calls.

[Anya]

Yeah, I don't look pretty in person. In person, I'm really jarring and scary to look at. I actually genuinely think the opposite. Like, I see myself in videos a lot of times. I'm like, y' all, please. That's not what I look like. Like, that I look better in person, I swear. Even though I've literally never seen myself in person. But I don't believe cameras show who you really are.

[Drew]

Gag. Like, that's something I wanted to talk about today. I saw someone made a video talking about mirrors and, like, duh. Everybody knows, like, mirrors are inverted. So, like, you haven't, like, actually seen yourself unless you, like, use the inverted filter on TikTok or, like, and I.

[Anya]

Feel like even that is, like, exactly distorting you.

[Drew]

But, like, the real tea that no one's talking about is, like, mirrors are fucking scary. Like, they're actually demonic and witchcraft. Like, I'm not even kidding. They're, like, purely magical. Like, I understand it's a piece of glass with, like, this coating on it so you can see your reflection, but, like, what the hell was that? What was that?

[Anya]

I'm back on the wagon, y' all. I got a new buff bar.

[Drew]

What is that?

[Anya]

It's a flute. Actually, it's a harmonica.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. Okay. Dude, that matches your baba. Your hamster water bottle. So well. Do you have the hamster bottle with you?

[Anya]

Gender reveal.

[Drew]

Literally, those two are, like, imaginate in heaven.

[Anya]

I'm going to do the 10 essentials. I'm like, first I need my binky, then I need my ba.

[Drew]

Ba. Your baba and binky. But no, mirrors are evil. Demonic witchcraft. Like, I genuinely believe that because, like, really, you're gonna tell me that's, like, another thing? Like, the. The creators that be like, okay, there's a few things I need to talk about, and I'll, like, kind of list them off, and then we can, like, react to them together. Okay. The simulation creators, the powers that be, have been.

[Anya]

This is you right now, by the way.

[Drew]

Way too close. Dollar tree.

[Anya]

You think you just fell out of.

[Drew]

A coconut tree.

[Anya]

In the context.

[Drew]

You.

[Anya]

Live and what came before you.

[Drew]

Here.

[Anya]

Yeah, that's you right now.

[Drew]

Of all that you list you've been.

[Anya]

All in which you have lived and what came before you. That was Kamala Harris, by the way.

[Drew]

I love. I literally love Kamala Harris Cringe compilations. Those are a great video to dive on. And Kamala Harris iconic pop culture moment.

[Anya]

I think she has definitely been Microdosing. Every day of her life. Since the moment she became vice president.

[Drew]

She'S been micro dosing adrenochrome and baby stem cells.

[Anya]

And, like, she needs to give some to Joe, literally.

[Drew]

Joe, here's your little stem cell. You want some stem cells? Well, what I was saying is that the simulation creators have been flying too close to the sun recently. And you know what tipped me off? That they're, like, trying a little, like, too hard to, like, like, make the future happen. And I'm like, babe, just let it happen naturally. Like, it will. You don't have to force it, bitch. Neuralink is like, I know I talk about it all the time, but the more I think about it, that shit is fake as dust, and I'm not buying it. And the simulation creators tried some new shit with me, and it's just not happening. I'm not letting it happen.

[Anya]

It was working for a second, though. They got you.

[Drew]

They had me. They had me in for a second, but then I thought about it. It is like, no. Like, it freaks me out. It freaks me out. It's like 32 different connections. It's like they plug it into your brain, and then all of a sudden you're allowed to play, like, Civ 6 when you're paralyzed. Like, no. Like, I'm not. I'm literally not buying that. You're not selling that to me. Like, I'm not buying that. Like, put it in my brain and I'll tell you if it works. For real? For real?

[Anya]

Yeah. So what you're saying is you are the only reliable source for neuralink, and that's why they need to give it to you.

[Drew]

No. Dead ass. Like, I'm a narcissist. Like, I won't believe it works until it happens to me.

[Anya]

Like, I think, like, not that I don't believe that it can do something. I just don't. When something is useless to me, I just don't think it should exist. Like, that provides no knowledge for me. It does not, like, expand my mind. I don't feel like seeing the universe from a new selective narrative or anything. It does nothing for me. And I actually. I still don't know what the neural link is for. Like, I know it could be used to help, like, brain chemistry.

[Drew]

And right now it's to control computers, basically. Like, you, like, can. If you can't use a mouse and eye tracking is. Doesn't work for a long time because you have to sit completely still and, like, look around and, like, you can't, like, move around they put this chip in your brain so you can control a mouse so you can live a more normal life. Also, he was playing the neuralink create or the neuro first neuralink Patient was playing Mario Kart within, like, two days of it. And he was controlling it all with his fucking mind. Like, all the buttons. Like the go, the stop, the reverse, the throw, the green shell. He threw a green shell. A green shell at another car and aimed it and threw it. Perfect timing. Like, yeah, right. No, I'm not buying it. Y' all aren't getting for some reason.

[Anya]

For the first time, I like, do believe that, but only because that study that I saw and I need to stop getting my sources from tick tock because this could be and not real, but I'm not gonna look it up because I actually couldn't give a about science. Sorry. Everything science had to teach me, it's taught me already. I'm good. I like magic and wonder, and I don't want to know why things happen and why things work.

[Drew]

But your ph balance and your bajini is a little off. You need science for that. No, you need Jesus for that. You need Jesus for that odor.

[Anya]

No, my. The wonders of my body and the calcified water of New York City will heal me.

[Drew]

I thought. You say the calcified fetus that's been in your gut for the last seven.

[Anya]

Years that turns floating around in my gut.

[Drew]

Have you seen that? No, bruh.

[Anya]

Is it the older lady?

[Drew]

Yes. Fetus inside of her uterus for, like 70 years, and it just turned a stone in her and she, like, went in for, like, a routine checkup and it was just in her gut. I wasn't telling you that. I was telling the rest of the people that didn't know. But what the were you saying? Body is t, miss body is tea.

[Anya]

Oh, because of that thing that they had, like, the fetuses and like, baby brains they were building in a lab. Like how humans are just obsessed with cloning and we need to get the over ourselves. Because also, humans are not that great. Like, we don't need more of them. We're good. Whatever. We don't need to make them in a lab. Like, I don't need to instacart a baby anytime soon. Like, we don't need.

[Drew]

So what if they can change the code to make them superhumans?

[Anya]

I would be so annoyed. Are you kidding me? My baby came out, like, extremely smart, and I was just, like, kind of, like, useless. But no, literally, if babies came out perfect, every other human living would be obsolete and they would probably kill us. And I don't. I think babies are meant to be stupid at birth. I don't want a super baby. I don't want a baby who could decide to sing one day and just like change its like lung placement or whatever the makes humans sing normally. Which. That's another thing that confuses the out of me is it's crazy. You can't teach yourself to sing. Look at James Charles. All those singing classes.

[Drew]

Look at me.

[Anya]

Do it.

[Drew]

Look at me. I did. I taught myself how to sing.

[Anya]

Let's hear. Let's hear a song.

[Drew]

Wait, hold on. Give me. What is that?

[Anya]

Dude, It's. That's doing something to the mic that there's voices in your singing.

[Drew]

Like, voices. The voices. No, no. What's the Roy Orbson song? I'm crying, crying, crying.

[Anya]

We actually need to sign you up for American Idol. I'd be so happy if I got on.

[Drew]

They'd say golden ticket. Actually, you know what? Take the million dollars.

[Anya]

I wonder if you could somehow get past. Maybe we could find a song. Because I feel like the biggest flaw with American Idol and things like that is I genuinely do believe there is a song for everyone that everyone can sing at least one song.

[Drew]

Well, yeah. Beyonce. Dubai Rift.

[Anya]

Yeah, that's yours. Mine?

[Drew]

Abc.

[Anya]

No, mine is unfair because I'm a really good singer. So it just.

[Drew]

Like you have a few.

[Anya]

Yeah, I actually did. Hello, it's Me by Todd Rundgren at karaoke of the night. Talk about a vibe killer.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

No one was happy.

[Drew]

They. They did not with it. We need to insert the Bjork video, right?

[Anya]

Oh, you do sound good. I guess.

[Drew]

I got the Bjork. Which song was it? Things off the mountainside. What is that?

[Anya]

Sensuality. No, that's not it.

[Drew]

It was. Sometimes I look over the mountainside and throw little things off and close my. If my. If I hit the ground, Will my eyes be closed or open? Those are the lyrics. But I don't know what song that is.

[Anya]

I'm looking it up.

[Drew]

Close my eyes would be closed to open.

[Anya]

Oh, hyper ballad.

[Drew]

Yes, hyper ballad. That's my. That's my one song I can sing to the mountain.

[Anya]

Right at the beautiful view. Yeah, that would make sense that the only one you can do is like a scary little voice. It's not reading well over before you.

[Drew]

Wake up.

[Anya]

With you.

[Drew]

That song is about me and you and you, by the way.

[Anya]

Oh. Excited about us or.

[Drew]

No, I think it just pertains to our life mainly. But every morning Before I wake up, I think about offing myself. Every morning and while you're asleep. Or no, no, sorry. Every morning while you're asleep, when I'm awake, I'm thinking about offing myself. And then I go through all that before you wake up. So I can be a happier, better version of myself for you.

[Anya]

Probably get help.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah. I honestly should.

[Anya]

Yeah. I'm not going to be there for you, though, because that sounds like a lot for me. So.

[Drew]

Am I getting active right now?

[Anya]

No. What did you. What do you think you're. Someone's in the door.

[Drew]

What?

[Anya]

I'm having one of those days where I don't, like, want to do anything but use my phone. Like, some mornings my phone just calls to me, and it's like, we need to work together. Like, you've been off of it too long. Like, my screen time was like. Actually, I want to see. My screen time was really low the past few days because I'm in New York and I'm seeing my friends. I'm doing all that stuff, working.

[Drew]

Are you twerking at all?

[Anya]

Oh, you don't want to know. Kind of.

[Drew]

I don't want to. Things that I know. Oh, I know. The kind of things that I know.

[Anya]

Oh, yeah. My average screen time since I've been here is like five, four to five hours, which is gorgeous because a lot of that also is, like, me looking at Google Maps and, like, trying to figure out where I'm going to get Hojicha, because I'm addicted to hojicha lattes right now. Weird thing, I blame it on Rain, because if you all don't know who Rain is, she's a fudgeing, freakily gorgeous model, but she's obsessed with teas and shit and making little concoctions. And I had one, and you know what it is? I had the thing where I have a drink and then I have, like, the best day ever, mentally. And when I got to New York, I went to the. The, like, toast. The cute toast spot, which you still haven't been to, which is kind of insane, but I had a Hojicha there. And then I continued to have the best day ever. So now I need it every day because that's how I trick my brain into having a good time.

[Drew]

That makes.

[Anya]

I'm like, oh, you're tasting this. Remember how good you felt when you tasted?

[Drew]

Psychologically, makes a lot of freaking sense.

[Anya]

Um. But, yeah, I'm just having one of those days where I woke up and I was like, I need my phone. Like, I need to be with my phone. I've been just kind of, like, distant and not giving my phone the attention and love it deserves.

[Drew]

I was about to say, I'm, like, the complete opposite. I'm smothering my phone, and she's, like, actually pissed at me. She turned off.

[Anya]

I was like, me. My favorite thing is when Drew's phone dies, he just uses it as a, like, notion from the universe to take a nap because he's too lazy to get up and charge it. Like, you literally just turn over and go to sleep.

[Drew]

I'm Just go to sleep, and then I wake up, and I'm like, why is my phone dead? Why is my phone dead? What the.

[Anya]

Well, yeah.

[Drew]

Notes that I have.

[Anya]

Sure. Also, Kai's not dead. He's here somewhere in the Zoom universe.

[Kai]

All right, can I join? Can I join?

[Anya]

If you have a hand over your face, yes.

[Drew]

Sorry, I didn't hear you.

[Anya]

Oh, my God. Cover that mug.

[Kai]

Oh, my bad. I didn't even know.

[Drew]

Wait, you just asked to join.

[Anya]

You turned on your own camera? No one turned it on for you. Okay, how do I do this? Let's see. Oh, I fixed it.

[Kai]

Can you hear me, though?

[Drew]

There's a voice.

[Anya]

Voice. Boys, the voices.

[Drew]

He's bad. Hey.

[Anya]

Kai is facing in and out of existence.

[Drew]

We're working, bro. What do you mean? I know.

[Anya]

We're doing the podcast. Like, hello.

[Kai]

I'm just trying to tap in.

[Anya]

We don't talk to you for fun. This is work.

[Drew]

Like, don't play.

[Anya]

Come on.

[Kai]

I'm just chilling. What's. Drew?

[Drew]

You look.

[Kai]

You look good.

[Drew]

No, I look puggy, and you can say that.

[Kai]

No, you look good. I. I swear to God, I keep looking at you.

[Anya]

For Drew's birthday, when I was looking through all the photos, I realized almost all of my photos of Drew that I have on my phone are him doing that smile.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, I'm so ugly, y' all. I'm literally.

[Anya]

You can't make yourself look ugly and.

[Drew]

Then be like, oh, no, no. Just even outside of that, like. Like this.

[Anya]

I'm not gonna shower you in compliments because you do this thing where you, like, search for compliments by calling yourself ugly, and then when somebody gives you the comment but you're looking for, you just go, I know, I know, I know, I know.

[Drew]

I knew.

[Anya]

Oh, y' all, I'm balding. Like, I'm actually balding. I'm about to, like. No, I'm not kidding. I'm, like, balding right here. Here. Like, my hair is thinning.

[Drew]

If a girl takes finasteride, will they, like, implode?

[Kai]

I think your ovaries fall out if you.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's not too bad, though, honestly. More P words. It's like, not bad.

[Kai]

Wait, what?

[Anya]

Oh, yeah, periods. Why can't you just say, oh, my God, bro, why you. You're not even hiding. I can still see you.

[Kai]

Wait, did we talk about when me and Drew saw Dune and he kept screaming, dune pilled Whenever it was quiet, and then.

[Drew]

Then. No, really, what happened is you screamed while it was silent. It was dead silent. We were at the TLC Chinese theater. Biggest screen, loudest theater ever. It was beautiful, but every moment of silent was extra silent. Zendaya and Timothy just got finished doing S on the screen. And Kai, out loud, was like, zendaya's writing Timothy's worm. Big worm.

[Kai]

Yeah. And then huge laugh. Huge laugh from, like.

[Drew]

No, there was a big. No, there wasn't a single laugh.

[Kai]

20 to 50 people around us.

[Anya]

Hi. Rewriting history right now. He's like. And then the theater erupted in laughter, and everybody stood up and carried me and set me down to the front. Like, Karen, you. What's it called? Crowd surf you down to the front where people stand for, like, Q and A's, and they get gave you a mic and put a spotlight on you, and you're like, dude, I don't know. The joke just came naturally. Like, I was so happy that you guys enjoyed that. Like, I plan on publishing it.

[Drew]

Did have that as a note for a couple episodes ago, but I forgot to talk about it. So thank you for bringing it up. But, yeah, Kai and I were dune pilled this duniverse. That's something I've been working on. I've been shopping it around, and every time someone's heard me say duniverse, they were like, gag. Like, that's actually sick. Like, so if you want to use it, I give you permission.

[Anya]

Yeah, I'm going to probably put it on a T shirt and, like, throw that on Redbubble. Make a couple hundred thou.

[Drew]

Make a couple bands.

[Anya]

Just something.

[Drew]

Okay. So our toilets clogged boots, as it was.

[Anya]

You were clogging the. Out of the toilets at the crib. Because Drew doesn't shit for, like, three weeks at a time. And then when he does, he unleashes the fucking Kraken from his asshole and blows up the toilet. Toilet. And destroys it. And then our landlord always has something to say about it.

[Drew]

Yeah, so it was clogged boots. And I called our landlord because I was gonna Have a plumber come on my own dime. Because I was like, this is probably my fault. I am probably going to end up paying for it. And I don't want to go through landlord because it always takes too long. So I scheduled one, and then I called them, and I was like, it's an older home. And then I got really anxious and that he was going to destroy the pipes because it is an old home. So I called the Stain. So I called Minky, our landlord.

[Anya]

We have to explain that because, like, the way we always talk about our landlord not saying our name right, but her name is Mickey. And we have gone from, like, Mickey to Mick to mink to mink stain. Because there was a time where we didn't fuck with her, because she would just come into our house. He would just, like, come inside and be like, hello.

[Drew]

Hello, arm.

[Anya]

Yeah. And, like, yell for us. We were like, bro, the mink stain is literally coming into our house. But now one of her nicknames is the Stain, which I like it, and I love her.

[Drew]

I love her. I love her. I just need that to be known. But anyways, I was on the phone with her talking about. And it was, like, six people in the car, and I was on the phone, and I had her on speaker, and I was like, yeah, our toilet's clogged. Like, I thought that was going to be the end of the conversation. No, I mean, six different times. She was like, is someone constipated? Like, are you constipated, Philip? Like, if someone. Is Josh constipated, Are you constipated? Like, are you making big poop? And my landlord just kept talking to me about, like, my bowel movements, and I was just like, like, no. And then she got into this, like, funny, flirty conversation with me where she was like, philip, you're so funny and real. Like, you, like, you're just, like, just authentic. And that's why I like you. That's literally why I like you. And she's, like, kind of flirty with me, and I just was like, yeah. Like, I am real. Like, I know you know that. And then she, like, we were playing around because I always send rent, like, a week late because I forget. And I was just like, text me, Mink. Like, just text me. Like, if you really want the rent, text me. And she texted me on the first.

[Anya]

She remembered, yeah, that's why you like her because she flirts with you. Yeah, because she's like, she's a. Oh, we only like her as a landlord because she's like an older lady. And we've now known her for almost six years. So she's, like, sweet in my eyes, but she is, like, classic landlord. I got a light fixture changed, or I tried to get a light fixture in our house changed. And the wiring was so old and untouched that it was a fire hazard. And the guy who was doing it was like, oh, I don't think I should touch this anymore. Because it's a miracle your house hasn't burst on fire every time you've turned this light on. Because all of the wiring was, like, old enough that it's, like, caught and covered. And it's, like, all burnt. All of the wiring was, like, burnt to a crisp.

[Drew]

Oh, our ceiling is leaking again. It's leaking. And it leaked all over my Noguchi lamp. All over my Noguchi lamp. I'm pissed.

[Anya]

But, yeah, this house is falling apart. And then she had the audacity to come to the house.

[Drew]

House.

[Anya]

She got on my ass, and she was like, why would you get a random electrician to do this? Why wouldn't you tell me? And I was like, because this is a normal thing people do. Like, I was going to replace it back. What? And then she was like, okay, I can fix it. It's just going to cost you $800, and I'm gonna have to break through all the walls and destroy the kitchen. And I was just like, why is this costing me money? I don't own this apartment. The fudge. So she is classic landlord scammer, but we love her, and Drew likes her because she flirts with Drew.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's my girl. But anyways, so the toilet was clogged, and then at the same time, the sink and the tub clogged because me and Anya have long, voluptuous, thick hair that's falling out and we're balding, and so it clogs all the drains. And someone shaving in the sink, and yet it is not me. I shave my face over the floor and vacuum it later. I don't know who is shaving in the sink, but someone is clogging the fucking sink. Drink.

[Anya]

It's probably Josie. He has to wake up and shave his beard every day so that the Bold Glamour filter stays looking good on him.

[Drew]

Yeah, literally. But I decided to take things in my own hands, because, babes, I'm a man. I can do things. I'm a strong boy.

[Anya]

Well, what did you do?

[Drew]

I grabbed some Drano, some lye, and I poured it in the sink, and I poured a bunch in there. And as I was pouring it. The lie splashed all over my hands. It said, wear gloves, wear eye protection, wear respirator. I'm not doing all that. I just grabbed a plastic bag, held it around it and poured it. But I was pouring it and it was squirting out weird and it sprayed into the sink bowl and splashed back all over my hand. I freaked out. Immediately freaked out. I was like, my hand is gonna melt off. So I dropped the lie and I ran to the sink in the kitchen and washed it off. It was literally like. Or like within five seconds, it was already burning my skin. Like it. Like Josh was there. He could attest I had like red patches all over the back of my hand. It's healed now, but then I remembered that's what they used to melt that body and Breaking Bad. So I was literally decomposing my skin and rotting my flesh off. Like burning. Literally burning my flesh off.

[Kai]

Fight Club. In that scene where he like, tortures.

[Drew]

Him, what you cut out?

[Kai]

Gioni makes soap and Fight Club.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the same. Yeah, the same, bro.

[Anya]

I've never seen Fight Club and I never plan on seeing Fight Club. That's a movie I started when I was 15 and I was like, snooze fast. I'm turning this off, bro.

[Drew]

You don't like Fight Club? What about Wolverine Street?

[Anya]

I haven't seen that either.

[Drew]

You like Wolf of Wall Street?

[Anya]

I haven't seen that movie. That's another movie I actually saw the first five seconds of. Oh, Great Gatsby is Kind and America.

[Drew]

American Psycho. I feel like I've been taking a lot of cold showers.

[Anya]

Why?

[Drew]

It's good.

[Kai]

Your testosterone. I can tell your testosterone is really high. Your aura is crazy.

[Drew]

I need eyebrow. I need thicker eyebrows.

[Anya]

I need somebody to make a compilation of every time we've been on a Zoom episode and how often Drew talks about his appearance and like, the surgeries he needs.

[Drew]

I need eyebrow. I need Botox in my master muscles. I really think that would fix everything. I just have a very strong jaw, masculine job. I need to cut out sugar for 30 days to de puff my face. And I'd be good. I'd be lick Max Goat.

[Kai]

I've been telling you this. Wait, what you need to do? No fap.

[Drew]

Hell no.

[Anya]

Hell, there's no way that changes the way you look.

[Kai]

It does. You should have seen me before NoFap.

[Drew]

Kai was £8,000 and covered in boils.

[Kai]

Yeah, before my three day streak.

[Anya]

Wait, have you started yet? Because I'm confused. Because that sounds like just like A description of you right now.

[Kai]

No cooming for three days.

[Drew]

I don't think you understood what Anya just said. What?

[Kai]

What did she say?

[Anya]

I said, have you started that journey, or is Drew giving the current description of you now? Because that's what it sounds like.

[Kai]

Oh, no, I've been. I'm like three days into my journey, so no.

[Anya]

Okay. I'm gonna tell you what we're gonna do for both of you to improve.

[Drew]

Okay? Not much.

[Anya]

Gonna get both of you a full frontal lace 22 inch wig. I'm thinking platinum blonde for the both of you, period. You both need a little. Or Kai needs a lip flip. Drew needs a lip filler and a lip flip. I guess we can get you guys some eyebrow threads.

[Drew]

I do not need lip filler, babe.

[Anya]

Dude, you with lip filler would be disgusting. Also, all I could think about is how badly I wanted lip filler when I moved to la.

[Drew]

It's like a rite of passage almost.

[Kai]

You guys think it would look good if I got my hairline lowered?

[Anya]

You would look disgusting. You'd be so scary.

[Drew]

An inch above that would look good. Yeah. Period. Yeah. I melted off my skin with lye and it was really scary. Should I talk about how the narrative around contemporary art has been freaking me out?

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay. This idea that modern art is bad or contemporary art is bad because it doesn't look good or doesn't look realistic or doesn't have all the details in the world. Oh, it looks like my kid could do it. Then have your kid do it. That's not the point. It's the.

[Anya]

The.

[Drew]

The real point. The real tea of it all is that we've already gone through. We have cameras, bro. The reason art was good and realistic to you was because they were painting reality. They weren't. They were literally just documenting history. And, like, that's the real tea. But now we have cameras and phones to take pictures, so we don't really need to do that. So people got bored and wised up. Look at that art and paint your own story in your mind. Challenge. Like, really challenge yourself, babe, because, like, not has to, y' all. I watched this art documentary and it was driving me insane. It was. The comments were driving me, like, you.

[Anya]

Weren'T agreeing with it.

[Drew]

The documentary, like, was really, like, egotistical and evil, and it was about this, like, art collector and, like, actually was texting Kai while I was watching it. But, like, literally, art dealers are the most horrifying, scary looking creatures. And I use that word heavily. They're scary. I Don't think they're real. I think they're literally demons and evil and like Kai even can attest, like, they have no souls. Like their, their eyes are lifeless. But yeah, I was just like looking at the comments and people like the art bad because dir. It's three colors on a canvas. Dirt. And I'm like, babe, like, he gets to paint three colors because he painted realistically for 25 years. I. Whatever, whatever. You don't gotta like it. You don't gotta like. But at least be educated on your argument.

[Anya]

Well, I just like to go to the museum and if it has nothing to do with me, I don't fucking like it. Like, if it's not about like being a girl and being fun, I don't fucking like it. I literally hate realism paintings. They piss me off. If it's not 1800 years old, if it's some new shit and I see a realistically painted iPhone, why don't you just take a picture of that with the iPhone? Because now you're pissing me off. Like it. I agree with you so much. It's so annoying. I don't want to see it. But then there are some like photorealistic artists who I do like. I think it really just depends. It also. Art is so subjective. Y' all are so annoying. Some people like, Some people don't like. It's like music. Like, am I gonna sit here and talk the most about like, like a Taylor Swift? Like. No, because she has some songs I like. She has some songs I don't like. And like, is she my like ends be all of music? No, but I fully understand why people live and die by her and that's the end of that. And like, it is such a bias based argument and it's so stupid. And I think people in the art world are so with their head up their ass. And you weren't loved in high school and you just now have the money to collect things that hold value to you and then you attest that value to yourself when actually it doesn't make you a valuable person. The art is what's valuable.

[Drew]

Exactly. I saw someone talking about Cowboy Carter and they were like, take out the context behind the album and listen to it. It's not a good album. It's not a good country album. What are we talking about? Take the context out. What do you. What do you literally. What are you saying? That is like the entire point of. Of art is content.

[Anya]

I know. Also that's the entire point of music is the context in which it Lies and the. I. I mean, like, there's some music that doesn't necessarily have a message. It's just for shits and giggles. But her whole has always been a part of a context. Like her whole discography, bigger picture, very contextual with her life, the things she's going through, blah, blah, blah.

[Drew]

Also what she stands for. Beyonce. Rock album confirmed, basically. Confirmed.

[Anya]

Wait, by who?

[Drew]

Act three is gonna be rock album. She, like, was at the iHeart Music Awards the other night, and on stage she shouted out this, the first guitar, like, rock electric guitar player ever. And act one was like, whatever the hell you would call that. Gay music or whatever.

[Anya]

Whatever the hell you would call that. It's. You mean owed to Ballroom. Like, yeah, yeah, whatever all that gay stuff was.

[Drew]

I don't know. No. And then act two, country. Act three, rock with some, like. I imagine if. Okay, this, like, would make me so sad, but this would be the most iconic ever if act three was like, like Sasha Fierce almost. And it was like her ode to herself for, like, starting this, like, whole movement body, like, I can't. Like, she's the girl. Like, I love her. Tell me why we low key knew Beyonce was releasing a country album four years ago. Yeah, me and Horses. But we literally somehow knew, but we didn't believe it at the time. We were like, yeah, right. No, she's not. But, like, it turns out she was.

[Anya]

I know we had friends. We have friends in the music scene who were telling us about it. And I was like, like, that sounds so random. And then when it actually got announced, I couldn't believe it because I was like, damn, they were telling me the truth. Why do I think everybody four years ago?

[Drew]

And yeah, I swear to God, I was thinking about that the other day because I was like, oh, my God, like, I need to order something off of line or off.

[Anya]

Off of line.

[Drew]

I need to order something offline off the line. And I was thinking about, like, how, like, I put a lot of trust in these people to actually say they're shipping what I'm ordering. And then it started making me spir. Viral. And I was like, I'm not buying that. Because, like, what if they don't send me? And I'm just like. Was like, oh, my God, why can't I trust people? Like, what is wrong?

[Anya]

That, like, makes you a little crazy because I don't think, like, unless you're ordering from, like, a random, scary website, that's like, a thought you had in, like, 2010. And it made sense. But to have that thought in, like, 2024. So crazy. Like, what if they don't even have the stuff at the place? And. But I guess that's not that irrational because it still happens. Like, I've. I literally. I ordered a record off of. What is it? It's like Hot Merch Bar Merch. It's some website that sells, like, legitimately sells vinyls and stuff. Maybe it's poop, but I never got my record. And I should have known it was too good to be true because it was a rare ass record that was only being sold for $30. And I was like, it never came. And it was supposed to come from Kansas. And I know some old ass posted it and then probably died because it's.

[Drew]

How much was it?

[Anya]

It was like, $30.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. That's not bad.

[Anya]

Yeah, but I want my money back.

[Drew]

If it's too good to be true, it might be true.

[Anya]

Oh, I don't think that's the saying.

[Kai]

That was beautiful.

[Drew]

Thanks, babe.

[Anya]

Oh.

[Drew]

Cut that. Cut.

[Kai]

Look at that.

[Anya]

What the was that?

[Drew]

Oh. Scared the out of me, y' all.

[Anya]

Wait, what happened?

[Drew]

They have a ring camera in here and they just made the alarm system go off. Could you hear it?

[Anya]

Yeah, I heard, like, it sounded like. It sounded like an RC car riding across the desk.

[Drew]

Yeah, it literally does.

[Kai]

Oh, I wanted to go back to. Anya was saying, like, artist subjective. And I totally agree. Like, oh, some people like Rothko, some people like Jeff Koons. And like, I like stuff like this.

[Drew]

How many? How many?

[Anya]

Okay. Art is subjective. Until I see that, and I'm like, y' all are weird.

[Kai]

Yeah, I like stuff like this.

[Drew]

I literally saw Kai, this thought come into your head when you were talking. When we were talking about it. I saw you smile and I was like, what is he cooking up, bro?

[Kai]

I know. I went to the board ape store today.

[Drew]

Like, we've been a couple times to the weed shop.

[Kai]

It's down the street from where I get my lobotomy. And I was like, I need. Because I know that store is going to go out of business. Like, there's no way that it exists. Yeah, two months. And I was like, I need some ape water. But I walked up and I kid you not, there's like, a security guard there. And he was just like, like, you don't belong in here. And I was like, you're around. And, like, walked away.

[Drew]

Water. I have two of the ape waters. I like art like this or like this.

[Kai]

Okay. That's the same picture.

[Anya]

It's the same picture. His pants are just Off.

[Drew]

There's so many bad ones that I'm not going to subject.

[Kai]

I like your fan edit that you sent me.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. I collected all of those and then put it into a video editor and then made a gif out of it and sent it to Kai. I think you can assume what happens.

[Anya]

He takes his pants off and jerks off.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Anya]

Something is seriously wrong with you.

[Drew]

I'm sorry. He's a baddie.

[Anya]

Well, the other night, I.

[Drew]

No, this didn't happen. No, not one. Not even one thing happened. How about that? Bye, Kai. Get the out of here. Leave. Now. Now. Now. Hey, y' all, this is true. That closet has been open the whole time. Guys, watch this. I'm gonna be in the closet. Surprise.

[Anya]

Surprise. Well, the other night, I was freaking the out because if y' all don't know, I still don't have a car because I'm picky and I want a vintage car, but I'm too lazy, and I'm just a girl, and I don't trust myself to actually be able to maintain a vintage car. And one of my friends in New York has a really nice vintage car, and, like, the Volvo, a bunch of us, like, got a ride from him, and I was standing outside of my friend's apartment with them and staring at the car, and I had. I was having the craziest moment where I was looking at the car and I was like, bro, cars are literally not real. They are gadgets. No. Said they are so weird. And, like. Like, I wish I was an animal to see the way humans move, because I think I would be freaked out because I was looking at that car, and I was like, they literally made toy versions of this car. That's how much it's not a real car. Like, you can't find a toy version of, like, a Toyota Camry from 2010 unless you can. And I just don't know. But, like, older cars are such gadgets that they made toys out of them.

[Drew]

Like, if cars were clear, this is what we would look like. Wait, why do my forearms look huge right now?

[Anya]

They don't. I guess they kind of do right here.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Anya]

That'S, like, not impressive to me.

[Drew]

No, cars are actually horrifying. They're literally just death traps. Think about them.

[Anya]

Yeah, the way they crumble, bro. Like, are you serious? Why do we get in those? But I love driving. Oh, my God. Actually, I was driving another friend's car recently to go meet up for coffee, and I borrowed that friend's car, and I parked it, and it's like a nice vintage car. So I park it and I'm walking and I, like, get past this guy. So, like, we're like this far apart. Like, we're like maybe like five feet apart. I've already passed him and I just hear. And I was like, what? And I turn. I was like, what? And then he was like, that's. That's just a really cool car. And I was like, oh, like, thanks. And then he go. Before I could, like, say what I was going to say, which is like, oh, it's not mine. I'm borrowing it. He goes, but you probably just have a really cool life. So. And look down. And then I like, so bad. I was like, that was like the.

[Drew]

Most high risk ever.

[Anya]

And then I just like, turn. I was like, hi.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, get in here and do that. Riz. That's so Kairos.

[Kai]

What was the risk? Sorry, I was drinking.

[Anya]

Drinking what?

[Kai]

Alcohol.

[Anya]

Oh, my God, bro.

[Drew]

Dude, it is literally noon.

[Kai]

What was the Riz.

[Drew]

Okay, so the scene is you going to rehab and asking for help.

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

So I'm in rehab.

[Drew]

You literally do look good right now.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah, you actually do. I'm not even.

[Anya]

The Riz is. I was borrowing my friend's vintage, like, nice car. I parked it and I walked past this dude who was just like, standing on the sidewalk smoking. I got like five feet from him and I just heard this and I was like, what? What happened? And then he was like, that's a really cool car. And then before I got to say, like, oh, it's not my car. He goes, but you probably just have, like, a really cool life. And, like, looked down and away from me and I was just like, oh. I was like, okay.

[Kai]

Did it work, though? But did it?

[Anya]

No, because I was like, it's not my car, it's my friend's car. And then he goes, was. Oh, yeah. I was gonna say. Because, like, it's so nice. I was like, yeah, it's definitely like, my dream is to have, like, a cool vintage car, but sadly it's not mine. And he was like, yeah, yeah. And then we just said. Then I was like, okay, have a good day. And then I just turned around and, like, walked away really fast because I didn't want to have to keep talking to him.

[Drew]

Okay. If I was a man in that situation, I simply would just not talk to the girl, period.

[Kai]

Can you. I just want to see if our.

[Drew]

Hands are the same size.

[Kai]

Oh, wow.

[Drew]

Yeah, they are, like, low key, the same size. Mine's a little smaller.

[Anya]

Yo, that's Kai's Riz. He's still doing that. Middle school, like, wait, how big are your hands?

[Drew]

Guys sent me something today, and it was, where my hug at, son? Or look how small my hands are, daughter. Which one are you choosing?

[Anya]

Damn, I'm still choosing look how small my hands are, daughter. Because I feel like she can grow out of that. I feel like, if you're aware is my hug at son, you will be there for the rest of your life.

[Drew]

Yeah, where is my hug at, son? Literally, in seventh grade, realized that they were a loser very early on, and the only way they were going to be able to touch boobs is by getting hugs. Because your boobs. When you hug us, we can feel your boobs.

[Anya]

Okay.

[Drew]

Like, I know it's hot. Hey, side hugs only, babe. For now on.

[Anya]

Right, Right.

[Drew]

I get a boner every time I hug in you guys. Our last episode. Yeah, we really don't. I mean, we hug a few times. Our last episode. Less restricted.

[Anya]

Yeah, and this one probably is, too, because you're talking about jerking off to up dad, and y' all are sitting.

[Drew]

Like we're blurring inside out. Yeah, it's inside out, but we're blurring that. We're blurring that. But.

[Anya]

Okay, so we need to hug twice a day. We need to hug in the morning and at night. Because didn't you see that thing that was like, oh, hugging makes you happier. Y' all are jerking off to him.

[Drew]

That's my man. I. I see it. That's like, one of those like. Like, ones that could work, dude.

[Kai]

No.

[Anya]

God damn.

[Drew]

No, I could make that work.

[Anya]

Why would you, though?

[Drew]

Because he's a sweet old man.

[Anya]

What does that have to do with you having sex with him?

[Drew]

Everything. Oh, it doesn't.

[Anya]

Okay. Hello.

[Drew]

Hello, my name is Drew. Hello, my name is Drew. Hello, my name is Drew.

[Anya]

I feel like I'm, like, in a. Like, you know, during COVID when people who had to go to, like, rehab and had to do their apology calls over zoom. That's what I feel like I'm witnessing. And you're, like, still not there to apologize yet.

[Drew]

Just. It just copied my laugh. Hello, my name is Drew.

[Anya]

That doesn't sound like anything to us. Well, I was at a karaoke bar with a bunch of friends, and, like, we had been there all night. We were the only people in there. And then this guy and girl came in together, and, like, they were, like, sweet. I just assumed they were a couple immediately. And the bartender was like, oh, there's only room for two more songs. So we're like, oh, we should give them the two songs. But one of my friends was drunk and just, like, really trying to finish her song. And I was like, bruh, stop singing. Give this couple their song. Because then one of our friends had spoken to them, and they were like, oh, yeah, he lives in Colorado. He's going back tomorrow. It's our last night together. And I was like, oh, my God, this is so sad. Like, give her the song.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Which tell me why they got a song. And he picked Jolene. And in that moment, I was like, oh, they are not dating. Like, he was belting out Jolene.

[Drew]

With his chest.

[Anya]

All of us are like, oh, my God, this sweet couple. And then, like, he did Jolene, and then she did Innocence by Avril Lavigne. And we were like, bro, they're the gayest people I've ever seen in my life. And then we spoke to them, and they were like, definitely not dating. And that just goes to show not to judge a book by its cover, period. That's my story.

[Drew]

There's a lot of people would see us and be like, oh, Drew's gay. She's scary. But no, we're together and scary.

[Anya]

We can date even though you're gay. I don't care.

[Drew]

I'm not.

[Anya]

I'm just saying, hypothetically, I wouldn't care.

[Drew]

You literally are the nice person.

[Anya]

Yeah, I'm super nice and chill.

[Drew]

Like, okay, so. And yeah, there's some. I don't know what type of news this is. It might be good or bad. I'm curious to see the way you react to it, because I had a very mixed reaction. The movie that we auditioned for that got canceled, got made.

[Anya]

Really?

[Drew]

Coming out soon.

[Anya]

Who else did you tell that to?

[Drew]

What?

[Anya]

Who? Because you said this has gotten a mixed reaction.

[Drew]

No, no, I meant internally, like my own.

[Anya]

Oh, wow. Dude, I really will never forget receiving that. That. Oh, this should have been, like.

[Kai]

When was that? Was that like years ago?

[Anya]

Yeah, yeah, it was like, two, three years ago.

[Drew]

Pandemi Lovato.

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I didn't know how to say that. It's like, pandemic. Pandemic. Pandemic. Lovato. Demi Lovato is pan.

[Anya]

You said. Why don't people say that?

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Anya]

Well, I think the movie just is going to be good because they didn't cast us.

[Drew]

Us.

[Anya]

And I'm off. They didn't even say anything to us about our tape.

[Drew]

So I'm gonna go to the screening, the premiere, and take A bunch of fenol.

[Anya]

No, we're gonna be like that Madison beer clip where she's like, I was supposed to be in the music video. That's us. We're like, I was supposed to be in the movie. Like, I was actually supposed to be in the movie. I was just busy.

[Drew]

Supposed to be there, but I was.

[Anya]

Yeah, we were busy doing podcasts and college shows, so we couldn't, like, make it.

[Drew]

The thing with that clip is, like, of Madison Beer saying, oh, I was supposed to be in it. Like, I believe her. Like, she.

[Anya]

Yeah, I do, too.

[Drew]

She was supposed to be in it. And this narrative has spread that she just made that up. But no, Madison Beer is that girl and has always been that girl. She was probably supposed to be.

[Anya]

Yeah, I 100 believe she was going to be in it, but it's still one of the best things that ever happened.

[Drew]

The narrative that did spread made it 10 times better like that. It's like one of the funniest things ever. Thinking about someone just lying that they were going to be in an Ariana video.

[Anya]

That's me. Damn. Time flies when you're talking to your girls.

[Drew]

Yeah. And time flies when you're catching up.

[Anya]

Well, I can't stop thinking about the big hat. Like, I'm not kidding. I like, I love the big hat. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm gonna get Elsie to send me this clip because she sent me the clip from the day we bought the big hat. And, Kai, you're in it because we FaceTimed you to show you the big hat. And I'm gonna ask for it so we can insert it. I love the big hat. And I got myself a big hat. Like, it's not a big hat, but it is my big.

[Drew]

Have it.

[Anya]

Do you want to see it?

[Drew]

Yeah, you're gonna laugh.

[Anya]

The thing is, you're gonna laugh at my big hat, but I think it's cute.

[Drew]

No. Is it like, the Celine one?

[Anya]

It's like a big hat. It is.

[Drew]

Let me see this. Thank God it's just the boys. Should we crack a beer open?

[Kai]

Yeah, I'll crack another one.

[Drew]

Sorry, I forgot. I'm gonna crap myself. I'm gonna crap my pants.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

I just. I just can't stop crapping.

[Kai]

Can you pull your wiener out just really quick before.

[Drew]

Mom? Yeah, we gotta go. Yeah. No, I'm leaving.

[Kai]

You can't even hear me.

[Drew]

Drew.

[Kai]

Drew, please come back.

[Anya]

Y' all are gonna make fun of me. I'm scared to show my big hat. Wait, where's Drew.

[Kai]

I. I said something, and it, like, freaked him out, so he left.

[Anya]

Bruh. What the.

[Kai]

I don't even know what I. I actually don't know what I said.

[Anya]

I'm scared of y' all making.

[Drew]

Misbehaving.

[Kai]

Yes. I'm sorry.

[Drew]

Yes, what?

[Kai]

Yes, Daddy.

[Drew]

There you go. All right, Anya, let's see your big hat.

[Anya]

I'm scared y' all are gonna make fun of me, bro. Y' all are gonna make fun of my big hat.

[Drew]

If it's cunty, I won't, but if it's not. Oh, it's not big. It's, like, cute. It's, like, Parisian. Like, is it Margiela? It's giving Margiela. Kinda, like, deconstructed.

[Anya]

The thing is, if I don't push it down, it's, like, really good.

[Drew]

Okay, that's big.

[Anya]

I have to, like, squish it down.

[Drew]

And, like, giving, like, cook when you pull it up or it's giving Mario for some reason. No, this is cute.

[Kai]

That looks good.

[Drew]

Yeah. What is it?

[Anya]

Ms. Jones. Ow.

[Drew]

Jones on third.

[Anya]

It's by Stephen Jones, who's, like, an iconic. I had to look it up before I bought it because I was like, I'm not about to spend money on a hat that's, like, stupid. But the designer is, like, an iconic designer who's helped, like, a lot of brands make all their big, funky hats. So who knows? Maybe he helped make the big hat that's made me happy.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. No, this is cute. It's, like, giving very, like, Russian, like, fur hat. Like, it's not bad at all. I wanted it. I wanted to make fun of it. As you can tell. Like, I wanted to hate it.

[Anya]

I was scared I was gonna wear it the whole episode. But then I was like, bruh, if I get on and they start making fun of my big hat, I'm gonna be so sad.

[Drew]

No, I would never make fun of your big hat.

[Anya]

Well, I was at Dover Street Market, and I saw Lil Uziver, and I felt like I was watching a cartoon character run around.

[Drew]

Did you say hi?

[Anya]

No, because I'm terrified of him.

[Drew]

Like, in a good or bad way. Really?

[Anya]

No, he was really nice. Like, he was, like, saying hi to everybody, and then it was actually so funny. The employees were like, bro, he's been here three times this weekend. Sometimes, like, he hasn't gotten anything, but he just comes and runs around for a second. I was like, that sounds like the most.

[Drew]

I want his brain chemistry so bad. I want. I want Playboy Carti's Brain chemistry. I want little Uzi Verts antics. I want. That's really all I need.

[Kai]

Drew, have you seen his car?

[Drew]

Who?

[Kai]

I feel like we were talking about this little Uzi vert's car. It's like a huge arm truck.

[Drew]

It's a what truck?

[Kai]

It's like a big armored truck. Like, have you guys played?

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like the 300. It's like $300,000.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's like a. Yeah, it's like a militia truck.

[Drew]

It's got, like, the M logo.

[Kai]

It's bulletproof.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. It can, like, blow smoke and, like, gas out an area so it can escape.

[Kai]

And it's literally an, like, a. A truck that they use in the army, but you can drive it on streets.

[Drew]

Wait, guys, do I have aura?

[Anya]

Like, you have, like, a pheromone based aura that, like, kind of is disturbing. Like how some animals, like, send out a spray to scare other people or, like, animals. That's what you have?

[Drew]

Yeah, I spray out of my ass. No. Like, if you saw me, like, would you say, like, oh, like, he's a vibe, or would you kind of be scared of me?

[Kai]

100. You guys both have aura?

[Drew]

Yeah. I feel like we have. Kai, you have aura, and. Yeah.

[Kai]

Do you agree?

[Anya]

Yeah. Yeah, you have aura.

[Kai]

Oh, okay, wait.

[Drew]

Okay, guys, I'm gonna show y' all how to read your own aura color. I found out a new method, and it actually is very easy. So grab your finger and hold it open like this. Okay. Keep, like, open it more. And then slowly. So point it at the wall. And now slowly close it, but don't touch it. And look between the gap. And then once you see white. Like, once you see a white outline on your fingers and it gets stronger and stronger, I forget what to do. Oh, you can. Whatever. But you can see the.

[Kai]

It's blue.

[Drew]

You got.

[Anya]

I can tell when you learn something on TikTok. Like, I can just tell because it's not something you've done before. Like, you haven't done this in your own time. You just saw the video and, like, tried to remember it.

[Drew]

This is one I've always done. This is, like, I can. I literally can see my aura.

[Anya]

Didn't we go and get our auras read? Why did we do that?

[Drew]

We got that picture where you put your hands on the pods, and then it takes pictures of you with the color all around you, and it's just fake.

[Anya]

Why did we do that?

[Drew]

Because the pictures were pretty. They were, like printed Polaroids.

[Anya]

I'm gonna Go get that. And then Photoshop the colors to what my I want my aura to be.

[Drew]

But the thing is, in those pictures in here, we were eating down.

[Anya]

Like, we both know the I wasn't. I looked like in that picture. That's why that never got posted.

[Drew]

Really?

[Anya]

I look bad? Yeah, I looked like non good. They didn't give me a heads up. They didn't have the. The camera at the right angle. They shot kind of from below. I look really scary in that picture, babe.

[Drew]

You, like, look the best to me when you think you look the worst. What does that say about you? And what does that say about me?

[Anya]

That says that you're a try hard and you're a liar.

[Drew]

We have mold in our bathroom, bruh.

[Anya]

We don't have mold in our bathroom.

[Drew]

I bet if we took the bubbling out paint chip off the wall, we peeled it back, and we looked back there, there would be mold growing. I get sick every time I go in there. Every time.

[Anya]

I. I already said this to Drew, but he gets sick when he goes in the bathroom because he lays flat in his bed for 12 hours a day and he can't eat till night time. So he's lightheaded and undernourished and hasn't had water. And then he finally gets up to go pee after holding it for eight hours.

[Drew]

Did I tell you about that? Did I tell you about that? Now what I told I. Okay, this is tea. So long story short, I'll tell two things really quick, and then we can wrap this episode up. But one thing. So you know my reusable straws?

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Well, I, like, didn't have a straw with my wing. Stop. So I grabbed my reusable straw and I shoved it into my Dr. Pepper sucked up, and it was globular and it was like puffy. Like, that's the only way I can describe it. I spit it onto. Into the sink. Little straw in. You had black mold growing in it. And I just sucked it up. And know what's crazier? It tastes like hella good, actually. So good, bro. And I spit it out and I, like, looked inside all of our pl. Or our reusable straws, and I held them up to the light. Black mold growing in every single one of them. So I went through and threw them all away because I was like, I'm not. I tried to clean them and it just was like, stuck to the metal walls. I was not having it.

[Anya]

You know what that probably is? It's from my smoothies that I've been having Thing.

[Drew]

Your smoothies. Your smoothies. Okay. The other thing is the day before, something big coming in about a month. I'm sure you can infer what it was. I did it dolo, like, right when you left. Well, the morning of, I woke up, like, hella, hella early. Like, even early for, like, when I'm, like, normally up. And, like, I started. I didn't even realize how early it was. And I started doing my routine and I, like, go to the bathroom. The first thing I do every morning is I take a big piss. I drop a big pee load into the toilet. And I was so, so tired. I was so tired that I sat down to pee this morning. Because, like, you know, that's a vibe sometimes. Just like, sitting and pissing in the dark. Like, I don't want my eyes to burn. Like, it's a vibe. Like, we can live. Like, I'm a man and I like.

[Anya]

Why do you have to, like, defend sitting and peeing?

[Drew]

Because, like, as a man, like, you know.

[Anya]

Hey, it's okay. I sit and pee too.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. Kai.

[Kai]

I only sit and pee. I never went through a standing phase here.

[Drew]

Yeah, it is just a phase. It is more ergonomic. It makes more sense. But anyways, I sat down to pee and, like, I'm peeing and I don't notice anything. And then I start thinking and I'm like, damn, this is like a big piss. Like, this is like, going on for a very, very long time. And, like, I'm like, now aware of it and I'm like, whoa. Like, I am peeing, like, a lot. Like, more than I have ever peed ever in my life. Like, it went on for, like, like three minutes. Like, it was. It was a long, big pee. Like, it was. It was forever. And I was like, whoa, this is crazy. And I, like, got up and started texting Josiah because I was like, it's funny. Like, I was like, I took a big piss, like, whatever. And I stand up and I don't pull my pants up yet. And I immediately, like, have the worst, like, standing up too fast feeling I've ever had. And I stand up, up, and I'm like, whoa. And I go to start, like, washing my hands and I'm out of it, and I start literally losing consciousness. Like, you know when your body is, like, vibrating and, like, your vision starts tunneling? I started losing consciousness and I was aware enough to not fall forward. I literally, Enya, took a step back from the counter, collapsed back into the door, and rolled down on the wall with my pants around my ankle, and I literally fell, and I was, like, braced like this on the ground, and I was, like, literally. I'm not kidding. My chest started, like, twitching. Like, my chest muscles, like, you know, when people get.

[Anya]

We're having, like, a mini stroke, dude.

[Drew]

I literally think, like, when people get knocked unconscious, like, their body's twitching. My whole chest was twitching, and, like, I was fully con. Like, not fully aware, but I was, like, conscious during it. And I, like, literally after it stopped, and I started coming back, too. I just started, like, diabolically laughing because, like. Like, the scene in my head was, like, a camera in the corner filming me, and I literally did the Wendy Williams thing where I just, like, dropped, and my pants were around my ankle and my bare ass was on the floor, and I was, like, witching. And then I was, like, really, like, contemplating going to the doctor or, like, going to the hospital, but I didn't because I had obligations, and I wasn't about to back out of them because.

[Anya]

Like, oh, okay, that makes sense. I was like, what the are you talking about? Like, yeah, the thing you did.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I literally collapsed on the floor of the bathroom and, like, started genuinely tweaking. It was crazy.

[Anya]

Well, I've been in good health recently, so thank you for all your comments of people saying that may God take away all my bad illnesses and give them to Drew, because I can feel it happening, and I can feel myself being healthy and good and fun, and I can feel that Drew's health is deteriorating, which I needed those wishes. So thank you guys so much for that.

[Drew]

Wow, this is crazy now. This is literally crazy that you would wish ill health.

[Anya]

Well, the thing is, between the two of us, if one of us is going to be sick, it might as well be you, because you, like, enjoy it, because something's wrong with you, and I just don't like it.

[Drew]

But all that is to say, the same thing happened to Josiah. I'm sure you all know the story. He was at a. He was on tour. He was laying on the floor of the van for a long time, and he got up and went to pee at the urinal inside of a gas station. And he, like, pissed the most pissy ever pissed in his life and then walked out of the bathroom and fell into a chip rack and flung chips everywhere. And Lucas was like, oh, this is, like, too far, Josiah. Like, this isn't funny. And Josiah was just, like, literally fully unconscious on the ground. And, like, he immediately hit up his doctor or a doctor and was like, yo, like, what just happened to me and they said it's a vaso, Vasovagal episode. So. So I self diagnosed and I think that's what happened to me. But they're so common. They're normal. They're normal.

[Anya]

You need to take the iPhone away from you. Like you need your iPhone taken away from you so that if you're really about diagnosing yourself, we need to see you go to a public library and go start picking out books and start to like, diagnose yourself like that. Because it's too easy on your phone.

[Drew]

Well, look it up.

[Anya]

Well, I still need to faint. Like, but I. I need to faint in like a, like, fun way. Like, I need to be getting crazy news and there to just so happen to be like a gorgeous bed with fluffy duvets and pillows and stuff behind me. And I like faint and I, like fall like this. Like that's what I need. But I don't look very good when I'm sleeping, so I can only assume that when I'm knocked out, I'll be like a nasty mouth breathing, like, mess. So maybe I don't need to. Maybe I don't need to knock out.

[Drew]

No. Standing up too fast, I've decided, is a blessing. And I love it because it feels. Feels so good. It's like I get like high like three times a day.

[Anya]

No, I think you need, like, iron and nutrients so that. That stops. Okay, well, should we get into media?

[Drew]

Media of the week? I haven't been singing Drew and Yes, me D Drew and in his media. Media.

[Anya]

Well, did you just make that up? Yeah, that was actually really good.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Anya]

My media of the week is. Oh.

[Drew]

I love it. Playboi Cardi, Camila Cabello. And then. Oh, did I take it out of this playlist? Oh, hell no. I love always on my mind, Pet Shop Boys. Oh, y' all. I've been listening to so much Brazilian funk, it's like, actually becoming like, my favorite genre of music of all time. Like, I love Brazilian funk music. And our friend Violet made me a playlist on Soundcloud, like, a few years ago, and I revisited it, y' all. It's goaded, goaded, goaded, goaded with us. Also Numbness, Mac Miller and Lana Del Rey. Deep cut. It's on. On SoundCloud.

[Anya]

I've never heard that. Well, mine is when I see scissors, I can't help but think of you by the dead Texan. Oh, L.A. by Chuck Berry, which is a song that Beyonce sampled in one of the, like, interlude songs. I want your Love by Chic.

[Drew]

I want your stupid love, love, love I don't want your stupid.

[Anya]

Leaves that are green Simon and Garfunkel and Sympathy for the Devil. The Rolling Stones.

[Drew]

The Rolling Stones.

[Anya]

Oh, and Get It Right by Miley Cyrus. That song is so good. Like, every year I have just a moment where I'm like, you know what I need to do to. I need to re listen to Bangers. And I had that moment the other day and like, there were my go to songs on Bangers that I would always kind of go back to that were kind of just like more fun, nostalgia based.

[Drew]

We go and away we go and away we go.

[Anya]

I'm a female devil, so good. Get it right, though.

[Drew]

You know what another good one is? Is. Is. Yeah, Smoke part.

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

What is?

[Anya]

I don't care. Dead animal. Animals.

[Drew]

Dead animals. But yeah, that Miley song, I have noticed you listening to it a lot more recently. If you scroll down deep on my ig, I posted a picture of my playlist and it was all like, MIA and Miley Cyrus Bangers. And I thought I ate. And like, honestly I did.

[Anya]

And that's the tea, but that's it. And then I saw Poor things.

[Drew]

Oh, you saw it finally. Was it not a vibe or what?

[Anya]

You know what? I think I had the same problem I have when I hear people talking about a movie too much. I really liked it, but I had my gripes about it, which I won't get into. But it was a good movie. I liked the movie. There were parts of it where I was like, okay, a man did make this. Yes, a man was trying to be a feminist. I see, I see. Which, whatever. It was like a really good movie. Love the fantasy, the weirdness of it, but, you know, there's something to be said about men making feminism movies. And the thing to be said is, don't.

[Drew]

Don'T, don't.

[Anya]

Don't play with it. Don't it this. But I need to start dressing like her in that movie. I need my hair to be that long. Thinking of just getting extremely long extensions, but because my hair is already, like, curly, I think it'll be a nightmare. And it's already hard. What?

[Drew]

Y' all? I just got a email and I've told this story a bunch, and someone from the story just emailed me saying that. That they. I'm not going to read the whole thing, but it was Foam and Glow, the rave concert in Texas that I went to. Like, obliterated. I remember turning around while a blurt was being passed around and lo and behold, there you were, baby faced with your little rave glasses on. Or with your little glasses on. Damn, that's so funny. Wait, someone said walk a flock of flame? Yeah. Wow. Waka flocka. Flame was at the concert.

[Anya]

Oh, okay. You. You have such a brother where you just say things because that was the great. Oh, my God. Someone said walk a flock of flame.

[Drew]

Yeah. What's up?

[Anya]

He's acting like he has friends or something at that house. But she's all alone.

[Kai]

There's no one there.

[Anya]

Yeah, there's no one there. You're crazy.

[Drew]

Luna's awake and my mom was knocking on the door. Well, April fools. Just a regular ass day for me. I've been lying. I've stayed lying, y' all.

[Anya]

Oh, are you doing Drew Siop.

[Drew]

Yeah, Drew S. I'm reading emails. That one was from. Who was this from? Sydney? This is from Amari. Horny blind people gotta have crazy imagination.

[Anya]

I'll give one Smoking weed and listening to music, period.

[Drew]

Show the picture.

[Anya]

The way this made me laugh. Dom showed it to me at a dinner and I laughed so hard at that because. Remember last week when I was like, my Discover weekly was so good and I couldn't believe it. It's literally because I was. I just. Just smoked and I was listening to music. So smoking weed and listening to music is a vibe.

[Drew]

This is.

[Anya]

If I seemed low energy this episode, it's because I don't have my around me. Like.

[Drew]

Wait, what is that?

[Anya]

I said if I seemed low energy, it's because I don't have my with me.

[Drew]

Oh, I thought you said flow energy.

[Anya]

No.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Anya]

We need to have Violet on the podcast also, though.

[Drew]

Yes. That would be such a vibe. Okay, why tornadoes? Why don't tornadoes ever hit banks? Blow some money out that, y' all. When I was flying in a tornado, a supercell that hit my hometown produced a tornado the town over. So I almost got to live out my tornado fantasy, but I was a little late. I'm so glad the music at the club is loud as because I'd be farting in there. This is like me and Yen Kai together meeting for the first time. I kind of like people who trauma dump. I don't know. I don't care if I just met you 30 minutes ago. Tell me why your mom lost custody of you. I'm curious.

[Anya]

That's literally my vibe. Like, it is rare that a trauma dump bothers the out of me. I'm like, this is tea.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Your life is my tea. Fill my cup up.

[Drew]

Those were from Amy. Let's just search the email one last time and see what happens.

[Anya]

I'm a female rebel, can't you tell? What did she say? Driving so fast about to piss on myself. She literally says that in the song.

[Drew]

Amaya says, you wild as if you dookie with your coat on. Ash says, girl, shut the up about zodiac signs. How about you Zode Zock this D act?

[Kai]

Was that a Zoc doc read?

[Drew]

Yeah, life be is simpler when you're nonchalant. Soon as you start shalanting.

[Anya]

It'S okay. We had like two bangers.

[Drew]

Yeah, we had a couple of man, I'm done. But shout out Ash. All right. Peace out, y' all.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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