Drew Bought A Birkin

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – Episode: Drew Bought A Birkin

Episode Details

• Title: Drew Bought A Birkin
• Host/Author: iHeartPodcasts
• Release Date: August 26, 2022
• Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. There is no emergency, but there is an intense need for attention, so maybe listen up… You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t. (we will be violent)

---

1. Introduction and The Birkin Bag Fiasco

[00:28 – 07:02]

The episode kicks off with a humorous and chaotic discussion centered around the acquisition of a Birkin-like bag. Elsie, a recurring character, introduces her Hermes gift—a unique version of the Birkin bag made from recycled basketball leather. The hosts dive into a playful critique of the bag's aesthetics and functionalities.

• Drew: "Hermes gifted you a bag? You don't even have the lock on correctly." [02:00]
• Elsie: "No, I have it undone because it's a stylistic choice. Just like I have the plastics on the hardware. I'm trying to make a statement." [02:04]

The conversation highlights the absurdity and extravagance of high-end fashion, juxtaposed with practical and comical criticisms of the bag's design, including a concealed blade for protection.

• Elsie: "It's a big ass knife. It's basically like insurance. So if someone tried to steal my bag, I just pull this out and hack them into little pieces." [02:54]
• Drew: "Honestly, I don't know if anyone's gonna try and steal your bag. Because..." [03:03]

The banter extends to the bag's contents, revealing a mixture of luxurious items and downright bizarre objects, such as chocolate bonbons, Prostate stimulators, and even a projector. This blend of high fashion with everyday and unconventional items sets the comedic tone for the episode.

2. Personal Stories and Overcoming Challenges

[07:03 – 36:01]

Transitioning from the humorous discussion about the bag, the hosts delve into more serious and personal storytelling. Elsie shares her harrowing experience with mental health issues during high school, detailing a severe overdose incident caused by a combination of Trazodone and Ambien prescribed by her father.

• Elsie: "I took both of them at the same time. And I was watching... I felt, like, pulsing. You would have laid on top of me." [35:15]
• Drew: "Bro, shut the fuck up and go to sleep." [34:06]

Elsie recounts the physical and emotional turmoil she endured, including multiple fainting episodes and a profound fear of death. The narrative provides a raw and unfiltered glimpse into her struggles with depression and substance misuse, contrasting sharply with the earlier comedic segments.

• Elsie: "I was laying there, my body was like, started buzzing and my brain was like zapping... I was trying to avoid reality." [35:56]
• Drew: "Yes, it's a very big sign of a depression. Depressed person is if they smell like Febreze and Wrinkle release." [43:39]

This segment not only humanizes the hosts but also adds depth to the podcast, balancing humor with genuine personal experiences.

3. Shared Anecdotes and Comedic Interludes

[36:02 – 54:25]

Following the intense personal stories, the conversation shifts back to lighthearted and comedic anecdotes. The hosts share amusing incidents, such as walking into glass panes and dealing with malfunctioning scooters.

• Drew: "You know when you walk into a glass pane? That's what pretty people do." [48:59]
• Josie: "I did it three times." [49:05]

The dialogue is peppered with playful insults and inside jokes, fostering a lively and entertaining atmosphere. They discuss various misadventures, including near car accidents and the quirks of outdoor dining post-COVID.

• Drew: "Sometimes you're just not turning the wheel." [57:38]
• Elsie: "Get your own Rebel." [57:45]

4. Media Recommendations and Pop Culture Discussions

[54:26 – 64:43]

The hosts transition into their "Media of the Week" segment, where they recommend music, movies, and TV shows. They discuss albums like "Wildlife Analysis" by Boards of Canada and movies such as "Bodies, Bodies, Bodies," providing their insights and humorous critiques.

• Elsie: "It was exciting. The kills were really cool. Like the way they killed people." [58:35]
• Drew: "I would literally watch it again." [58:35]

They also touch upon personal interests, including baking shows and favorite songs from their youth, sharing nostalgic moments and humorous observations about pop culture.

• Josie: "I've been watching Junior Baking show, and it's a bunch of British kids that get together in a tent and bake." [63:49]
• Drew: "I'm about to do the AirPod Max's embroidery." [63:52]

5. Closing Remarks and Final Banter

[64:43 – 65:17]

As the episode winds down, the hosts engage in final rounds of playful teasing and light-hearted conversation about their own mishaps and preferences. They end with a mix of humor and camaraderie, reinforcing the show's comedic essence.

• Elsie: "My media of the week is my Birkin bag. I like to consume it. It's beautiful." [64:31]
• Drew: "I've been holding my for an hour. I'm gonna cut that up." [64:43]

The episode concludes with another Ryan Seacrest advertisement, signaling the end of the content-focused portion.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Elsie on the Birkin Blade: "It's a big ass knife. It's basically like insurance. So if someone tried to steal my bag, I just pull this out and hack them into little pieces." [02:54]
• Elsie on Overdose Experience: "I was laying there, my body was like, started buzzing and my brain was like zapping... I was trying to avoid reality." [35:56]
• Drew on Personal Hygiene: "Depressed person is if they smell like Febreze and Wrinkle release." [43:39]
• Drew on Glass Pane Incident: "You know when you walk into a glass pane? That's what pretty people do." [48:59]
• Elsie on Media Preferences: "My media of the week is my Birkin bag. I like to consume it. It's beautiful." [64:31]

---

Conclusion

In "Drew Bought A Birkin," Emergency Intercom masterfully blends humor with raw personal storytelling. The episode navigates through the hilariously absurd aspects of high-end fashion mishaps to the deeply personal experiences of the hosts, providing a multifaceted listening experience. With its engaging dialogues, notable quotes, and seamless transitions between comedic and serious topics, this episode stands out as a testament to the show's unique dynamic and relatable content.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez it Crackers, Oscar Mayer lunchables, and Just Bear chicken bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Drew]

Want to pull off the season's freshest trends? You just need the right shoes. That's where designer shoe warehouse comes in. Loving wide leg jeans. Pair them with sleek low profile sneakers. Obsessed with the sheer trend. Try it with mesh flats. Feeling boho comfy sandals. Nail the whole free spirited thing. Find on trend shoes from the brands you love, like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas and more at dsw. Well, Drew's late, which I don't know how he is. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. We're staying in the same house and somehow he's late to this episode. Me and.

[Josie]

Oh, what is that?

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Josie]

Okay.

[Drew]

I'm sorry. What? Like, can you scoot over? You're like, on me.

[Josie]

Hi.

[Drew]

Hi. Like, what are you wearing? Where did you get this? What is this?

[Elsie]

Hermes gifted me a bag.

[Drew]

Hermes gifted you a bag? You don't even have the lock on correctly.

[Elsie]

No, I have it undone because it's a stylistic choice. Just like I have the plastics on the hardware. I'm trying to like, make a statement.

[Drew]

You know what is sticking out of it? There's like a big piece of wood sticking out of it.

[Elsie]

Should we do a bag to it real quick?

[Drew]

Yeah. What's in my bag? No, also, you're. Where'd you get those glasses?

[Elsie]

The Louis.

[Drew]

I've never seen a tag like that from Louis Vuitton. So I'm like a bit.

[Elsie]

Hold on, let me take them off so I can see.

[Drew]

Can I borrow them for a second? Yeah, they feel.

[Elsie]

Can you hold my lock real quick?

[Drew]

Okay.

[Elsie]

Okay.

[Drew]

What's in my plastic on the lock too? Yeah, the plastic on the lock is blue.

[Elsie]

I know.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Elsie]

What's in my bag? Challenge. Okay, so the big piece of wood.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh.

[Elsie]

Is a blade.

[Drew]

Get the. Away from me.

[Elsie]

It's a big ass knife. It's basically like insurance. So if someone tried to steal my bag, I just pull this out and hack them into little pieces.

[Josie]

That's smart.

[Drew]

Honestly, I don't know if anyone's Gonna try and steal your bag. Because.

[Elsie]

Because they're scared of me. Then I have a bag of chocolate bon bon.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Elsie]

Rolos, specifically. Oh, then I have.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Come on, man.

[Josie]

I don't think we can. We have to blur that.

[Drew]

You have to blur that he's a vibrator.

[Elsie]

Prostate stuff.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Elsie]

You never know.

[Drew]

Is it really?

[Elsie]

Yeah. You're never gonna know when you need that.

[Drew]

I mean, I feel like I would know.

[Josie]

I would also know. Yeah.

[Elsie]

I have this thing.

[Drew]

What is that?

[Elsie]

I think it's an exerciser for your fingers.

[Josie]

There's no way.

[Drew]

I. I don't think so. That's definitely, like.

[Elsie]

And it's also a shoehorn.

[Josie]

No.

[Elsie]

And then, like, it's a wire cutter.

[Drew]

I don't think you've ever seen anything in your life.

[Elsie]

Like, then I got a projector.

[Drew]

Okay, that's good. Yeah.

[Elsie]

You never know when you need a projector. And we were at the movies, and I just stole it last night.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, Drew.

[Elsie]

I was like, okay, yeah, I'll take that.

[Drew]

They're gonna trace that back to us. We were the only people in that theater.

[Elsie]

I got some stamps. Beauty Garden. Of course. What else do I have in here?

[Drew]

I like. I don't know why you need any of that. Like, in what world you need any of this? Dude, what is in there? You have sand in there. There's, like, sand.

[Elsie]

No, it's my jewels.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Elsie]

Oh, and then I got.

[Drew]

It actually looks like you took 30 Xanax and walked around a stranger's home and grabbed every.

[Josie]

Every day.

[Elsie]

No, I keep this in here because you never know when you need mod podge. Like, what are you talking.

[Drew]

I guess that could be useful with your, like, rhinestones. Wait, it's funny. You have.

[Elsie]

Imagine the lights went out. Imagine the lights went out.

[Josie]

That's a good point. Honestly.

[Drew]

Yeah, I guess. Don't. Don't.

[Josie]

Sorry.

[Drew]

Yeah, don't.

[Josie]

I don't know, like, who's on thing of Pringles.

[Drew]

Okay. I don't know whose side you're on.

[Elsie]

Oh, the authenticity card.

[Drew]

Oh, you just keep it in there?

[Elsie]

Yeah. Just so when people tell me it's fake.

[Drew]

Should I read this?

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Drew]

We double space certify the anthem of this item and confirmed that it has been subjected to the most excising quality control. Okay, cut it. Why do you. I mean, you gave it to me. It feels like you didn't read it.

[Elsie]

Jewel pod and then. Can't go anywhere without my candy and mints. And I also have little Game Boy Okay.

[Drew]

I mean, that's a pretty good bag. Haul an empty case of Lip Smackers. Why do you have that?

[Elsie]

Well, the Lip Smackers fell out. Oh.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Elsie]

They're princess themed. That's good, because I'm a princess. I'm a queen.

[Drew]

You know what's cool is this bag looks like it was made in the same factory that they make basketballs on Amazon. I'm just saying. I mean, am I wrong? Oh. Oh, my God. Like, no, you can't do this the whole episode. What are you doing?

[Josie]

He's gonna re enter. Didn't get enough attention the first time.

[Drew]

And you're, like, putting things in frame. Why did you have a stapler.

[Josie]

Drew? It seems like you just have a bunch of.

[Drew]

You're dying.

[Josie]

It seems like you just have a bunch of trash in there.

[Elsie]

Yeah, it seems like you should shut the fuck up.

[Drew]

It seems like.

[Elsie]

Because who has the Kelly? Who has the Kelly?

[Josie]

Me or.

[Elsie]

It's not even a burger.

[Josie]

No one in this room has the Kelly. That's a fake.

[Elsie]

The Kelly in my lap right now.

[Drew]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's clarify this. Couldn't afford a Birkin?

[Elsie]

No, I got the most rare Kelly Colorway.

[Josie]

You couldn't even afford a fake Birkin.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Elsie]

I'm not gonna do that.

[Drew]

What else is in there?

[Josie]

You're gonna pull out a gun?

[Elsie]

I don't. I'm not confirming nor denying that I have a gun in this bag right now. So keep talking and find out.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. You're threatening to shoot your friends.

[Elsie]

Let's just find out. Should we find out? Are we done making fun of me? Because this is a real Kelly that gifted it to me. Actually, I used to. The reason why is because I used to work at Hermes. I got fired because.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, you got fired, and they still gifted you a bag?

[Elsie]

Yes, I got fired because. Okay, look, I was hired to do this photo shoot for them to promote their new basketball leather bag.

[Drew]

Wait, so you do confirm that it is a basketball?

[Elsie]

Yes, they recycled basketball.

[Drew]

Oh, it's. It's a part of their new sustainability line.

[Elsie]

Yes. And basically what I had done is I put the bag on a pile of trash, we'll insert the photo, and I took a picture, and it's a conversation on the wealth divide and, like, things like that. And people were just like, that's really tone deaf and insensitive. But they were just like, you can keep the bag as a severance package, I guess.

[Drew]

Wait, so you're saying that Hermes doesn't give you a true severance package. It just gives you the bag.

[Elsie]

Yes.

[Drew]

Why are you mad at us?

[Elsie]

I'm gonna take my Xanax.

[Josie]

It looks like you bought a fake bag that is essentially trash, and then you just put more trash inside.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh, my God. Come on. What was that?

[Elsie]

Blur this.

[Drew]

Oh, he's gonna pull it out on you.

[Josie]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Why is it your skin color? What is that? Why do you have, like. What is this bag like? Well, we went with Drew and Josie to Canal yesterday, and Canal is basically.

[Elsie]

The rodeo of New York because there's a bunch of designer everywhere, and it's really cheap, too.

[Drew]

No, I don't think you're understanding.

[Elsie]

Like, these glasses. 20 bucks. $3,000 in LA.

[Drew]

Wait, no, Drew, it's not like a. It's not like a state to state thing. It's not like, oh, you get it cheaper in New York.

[Elsie]

It's like, what's a tax situation?

[Drew]

You think that the tax difference in California versus New York makes this bag $120 and in LA makes this bag $30,000?

[Elsie]

Well, I was gifted this bag, you see, So I don't know the price of the bag, but had I gone to and looked around? Yes, it was.

[Drew]

I don't want to put you on the spot. Like, I. I love you and I, like, trust you, but, like. And I don't want to put you on the spot, but I think you're just setting this, like, unrealistic standard that, like, our followers believe. Okay, I think you're threatening us a lot in this episode.

[Josie]

Yeah, that's an actual weapon. I actually do have to blur that one.

[Drew]

Hypothetically, if you were paying for this bag and I had an extra $10 to give to you, would you have taken that $10 to help pay for your bag?

[Elsie]

Hypothetically? Yes, I would have.

[Drew]

So hypothetically, we were on Canal and you pulled out $110 in cash to a man who was trying to sell this to you for 140. And I said, no, 120. And you had 110, and I didn't want you to pull out more cash because I didn't want him to think you had more. And I gave you the $10 so you could cover the cost of this bag, which is 120. Hypothetically, do you think that happened?

[Elsie]

If it did happen, that's the way it would go down.

[Drew]

Okay, yeah, if it did happen.

[Elsie]

But it. The. The camera looks like this shot looks really fucking good through these glasses, but then I take them off and I'm like, the hell you know? What? I mean, like, it looks moody.

[Drew]

Well, it's because. It's because it gives you. Like, you're wearing rose colored lenses. I'm going to put my toes up your butt if you don't stop scooting towards me.

[Elsie]

Oh, are those your little feet?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Elsie]

Okay, well, now what? Oh, I didn't even talk about my clogs.

[Drew]

Anyway, we've. We're still in New York. We're gonna be here for a minute. I don't think we ever clarified that. We're gonna be, like, here for, like, an entire month, for the rest of all time. And Josiah came to visit while we were here, and he has gone to Canal and every other day since he's been here, and he has not bought a real, like, souvenir or gift for himself since he's gone.

[Elsie]

It's crazy. He just. He goes to Canal street and spends so much fucking money. And the thing is, Josiah doesn't spend money ever. But for some reason, he can buy so much fake shit and not even bat an eye. But it is, like, hilarious. Like, carrying this bag around changes me. Like, in a very real way. It changes me. It changes my confidence, and I become, like, legitimately a different person. Like, it's actually crazy.

[Drew]

He becomes an awful person. If that's. What if y' all were wondering, like, what does him being a different person mean? It. He comes a psychopath. It means he sits in the car and when no one and no one wants to talk because we've been talking all day. If we get a car somewhere, he's just mentioning the bag to us. Like, we haven't seen it on him all day. Hope.

[Elsie]

Last night, wait, I'm in my bag. Like, let me be in my bag, too.

[Drew]

Last night we went to go see a movie, and we took a car back to the house, and Drew was like, what? First of all, Drew chose to squeeze into the backseat, which we realized he continuously does. Anytime we do get a car, it's.

[Elsie]

Because I like to rest my knees up on the back.

[Drew]

You like being smushed?

[Elsie]

Exactly.

[Drew]

But we are about to get in. And then I. Me and Elsie were like, okay, we'll just, like, get in the back. Because we're, like, smaller, and Drew cuts between us and is like, no, I'll get in and squeezes back there. And the whole ride home, I want to sit in silence. But Drew kept whispering behind my ear. I don't even remember what you were saying. Like, what were you.

[Elsie]

I was literally just saying, help. Like, I was literally just begging for Help. But no, the reason why, Like, I think it's, like, six to seven times out of 10, like, if there's multiple people riding in the car, and it's like, do you want the front seat or the back seat? I'll take the back seat. Because I like to rest my legs, like, on the seat because I like them to hang down and, like, float a little bit, and it, like, squishes me, but I don't even. What the fuck was I saying?

[Drew]

You were kind of repeating yourself in a really crazy way.

[Elsie]

I literally don't even know what I was saying.

[Drew]

Drew's been on a crazy fucking tip. Like, he has not been a real human since the moment we got here.

[Elsie]

It's crazy.

[Drew]

And here are some of my favorite quotes. I've just started writing down quotes from, like, Josie and Drew the past week, because some of the things they say.

[Elsie]

Like, before we get into it, let me explain why I've been feeling this way.

[Drew]

I'm about to shit myself also.

[Elsie]

But before I do that. Oh, wait, no, never mind. I've literally been sick the entire time I've been here. Like, from the day we've landed, I have been sick with either the cold or a flu.

[Drew]

Also, we've been testing.

[Elsie]

Yeah, we've been. We've been testing hella.

[Drew]

And it literally is just, like.

[Elsie]

It's just a cold.

[Drew]

Well, I have been, for the most part, fine. It's Josie and Drew who have been, like, actually passing away.

[Elsie]

So I've been, like, sick the entire time, which has made me feel, like, actually crazy. Like, my brain is, like, like, completely different. And, like, two days ago, remember, I was like, holy shit. Like, this is the best I've ever felt. And it. Because I, like, was. It was like, the first day that I wasn't sick, and then I, like, went to sleep and woke up and was the most. Actually the most sick I've ever been in my entire life. Like, legitimately.

[Drew]

And that was yesterday.

[Elsie]

And that was all.

[Drew]

Also, granted, Drew says this about every single thing that happens in his life. Anything that happens is the most it's ever happened.

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, simply, if Drew is, like, hungry, it's the hungriest he's ever been in his entire life. Is he. If he is tired, it is the tiredest he's ever been in his entire.

[Elsie]

Life or, like, the most food ever served in the world.

[Drew]

That's what happened to you at Kenka. Is that what y' all were talking about in the room?

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Was your serving?

[Elsie]

It was crazy. It was Literally the biggest bowl of curry I've ever gotten in my life. It was actually insane.

[Drew]

Wait, and you didn't finish it?

[Elsie]

No.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Josie]

Because I feel like you had, like, one noodle.

[Elsie]

No, I had. I had a bunch of noodles, but it's like. It's gotten to this point where I hate eating messy foods because it stains my mustache. And then I, like, literally, like, walk around with fucking stinky mustache so I, like, don't eat. Like, we. We ate it, like, what? Golden Diner? And I had that, like, chicken katsu sandwich or whatever that stained my mustache for two days. And, like, I would scrub the fudge out of it.

[Drew]

My brother used to say that when he ate a Big Mac, it would stain his upper lip for, like, three weeks. And then he hated eating Big Macs because he was like, dude, I'm not kidding. I feel like the smell of a Big Mac, it lingers on my fingers for three weeks. And they put something hella strong in it so that it lingers. Because for some people, they're like, damn, I need a Big Mac.

[Elsie]

Because they get a whiff of it, and they're like, I need some of that Mac sauce, bro.

[Drew]

I'm about to Mac on your sauce.

[Elsie]

Okay? I'm gonna Mac on your box. So then what?

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Why are you saying. You're threatening?

[Josie]

I'm gonna watch.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Josie]

Or cut. I'll just cut.

[Drew]

Yeah, just cut that.

[Elsie]

Yeah, just cut.

[Drew]

Cut it.

[Elsie]

You need to cut it.

[Drew]

Because Drew has been crazy the past two weeks. Here are some of his quotes. One of them was from last night. Okay, should I give the. The.

[Elsie]

Like, we'll give a little backstory, like, context. Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay. So the first one is, we were at breakfast. I think it was. It wasn't after a night of drinking or anything. Right. We literally just, like, all went our separate ways, went to sleep, and then we were like, let's meet up at breakfast. And when I got there, Drew and Elsie were sitting there, probably the most silent I've ever seen them. But in reality, they were just eavesdropping like crazy on the couple next to them, which they described as the worst conversation they've heard.

[Elsie]

It was. It was so fudgeing dry. It was like two people that were robots, like, made to. Like, they were made to have a conversation, but neither of them were able to do it. It was. It was really insane. Like, I'd never heard a conversation like that in my life.

[Drew]

What was the thing? Wait, it's. He said something to her that you.

[Elsie]

Guys, like, kept it was giving. It was giving. Like, where'd you go? Like, that type of vibe. It's like, are you okay? Or something like that.

[Drew]

Mind racing.

[Elsie]

Yeah. Yeah. Mind racing. I was like, oh, my God.

[Drew]

Like a lunch for someone, and they're like. It, like, falls off. Mind racing.

[Elsie]

She's like, oh, I've just had such a long day.

[Drew]

Like, also, mind you, it's noon.

[Elsie]

Yeah, all day.

[Drew]

So whatever. I got my food, I sat down with them, and we're talking about something. And then randomly Drew cuts through what we're talking about and says, did you see Bryce hall have a change of heart?

[Elsie]

He did.

[Josie]

He like, oh, wait, are you talking about the ayahuasca thing?

[Elsie]

Yes, he did. Well, he did some hallucinogen. I don't know what it was.

[Drew]

I think it was mushrooms.

[Elsie]

Yeah, I think he did mushrooms. And then, like, he had, like, a really gnarly.

[Drew]

I think it was sex. Oh, he did sex.

[Josie]

Pussy.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Elsie]

That shit is hallucinogen. That shit gots me crazy.

[Josie]

Can have the pineal gland, like, opening.

[Elsie]

Crazy, like, third eye. But he. He took a bunch of mushrooms. Had a really gnarly trip. In the trip. He was just like, I'm, like, the worst person on this planet.

[Josie]

That's awesome.

[Elsie]

And then he changed his heart.

[Drew]

Like, God bless him, like. And that is amazing. And I genuinely do think that. But when I saw that clip, all I thought it was, like, it was. The quote was like, why do men have to have ego death to realize that they have feelings, that people around them have feelings?

[Elsie]

That's literally me when I was 16. Like, way 16.

[Drew]

Wait. I think the people around me are feeling.

[Elsie]

To develop empathy.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, just like, why? Why do you need that? But Drew said that, which made us laugh so hard, because to say, did you see someone have a change heart, like, is awesome. Then we were in the car, and I was dry. Or no, I think Elsie was driving. And I was, like, on the same side as Drew. And he was just, like, conking out with his head against the window.

[Elsie]

And.

[Drew]

And he goes, there's a ghost in that tree. And that's it. And he didn't say anything else. And we all looked at the window. We were like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then when I brought this quote up later, he was like, you saw it.

[Elsie]

You did, though. There was. It was a fucking plastic bag in the tree. And I was like, there's a ghost in that tree.

[Drew]

But to say in that tree. And he didn't point. He just said, there's a ghost in that tree and moved on. And then once we finally got.

[Elsie]

These are literally only funny to us.

[Drew]

No, they're fucking awesome. Once we got to the park, we sat, we parked. He knew we were on the way to the park. We parked the car and we were sitting and talking for like three seconds. And he looks up from his iPhone and looks around and goes, oh, so we're here. And that's all. That's what he broke silence where we were all talking about like what we were gonna do and like, oh, should we sit in the car longer? And he just goes, oh, so we're here.

[Elsie]

Like no, no, no, no. I thought we were at the coffee shop. Cuz you were like, we're getting coffee. And I was like, oh, so we're here. I don't get it.

[Drew]

Like the way you said it was so funny. And then also we were on. We were in an Uber on the way out, we had all like drank a bit and we were like going to like meet up with friends.

[Elsie]

I'm sober, I don't drink. I don't drink.

[Drew]

Yeah, Jerry's been drinking actually. But we were on the way to meet. It was to meet you and Mason.

[Elsie]

At karaoke and which they were five hours late to. We'll get in that in a second.

[Drew]

Claiming someone was five hours late to something that was happening at 10pm it's crazy. But we on the way there. We didn't even tell you this, but the Uber driver like was uhu Java.

[Elsie]

Did you know he did a bunch of incest porn?

[Drew]

Sorry, did he?

[Elsie]

Actually, yes. He had an only fans. The Uber jobber guy.

[Drew]

That's crazy.

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Drew]

How old is he?

[Elsie]

I think he's like our age.

[Drew]

Wow. People get a lot done quick, but.

[Elsie]

They really just figure out their life.

[Drew]

But on the way there, this guy like took an illegal turn and saying almost T boned. Our Uber driver would be like a stretch of like something actually almost happened, but in reality like 100ft away. The Uber driver saw it coming and just stopped and like kind of hit his brakes fast and drew from all the way in the back. Very seriously, go. Thank you for saving our life.

[Elsie]

It was like I really thought we were like dying. I genuinely was like, oh my God, we almost died. And then like I had to thank him. I was like, thank you for saving our life. Because he was like quick thinking. He thought like he. He went through the motions very quickly.

[Drew]

It's so funny because you were the only one all the way back and we were all cracking up. About, like, him slamming on the brakes, and once it died down, he goes, no, seriously, thank you for saving our life. And then also, the Uber driver didn't say anything.

[Elsie]

He was like, yeah, how? You shut up, you freak. You freak.

[Drew]

Also, this is another backseat quote from Drew. This is the last quote from Drew. He just randomly. After no one was paying attention to him for, like, five minutes of him trying to get our attention with a bag, he just said, let boys cry.

[Elsie]

But it is true. Let boys cry. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, boys should be able to cry.

[Drew]

Boys don't cry, though.

[Elsie]

But boys should be able to cry.

[Drew]

Do boys cry?

[Elsie]

Let us cry. Let us cry. I've never cried today in my life.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm not a cried.

[Elsie]

I'm not a. I'm not a female. Oh, yeah.

[Josie]

I've cried three times on this trip.

[Elsie]

Have you? Actually, no. You kind of did.

[Josie]

No.

[Drew]

Wait, so you cry. Let's get that straight. You cry.

[Josie]

I cry a lot.

[Elsie]

Let's get that gay.

[Josie]

I cry a lot.

[Drew]

Yeah, let's start saying that instead of saying, let's get this straight. Let's get this gay. Like. Cause gay is real.

[Josie]

What are some funny things that I've said on the trip? Because you did Drew, and now you could do me.

[Elsie]

Well, you did say that. No, that wasn't funny.

[Josie]

Sure there was something.

[Drew]

You know, I'm sure if I, like.

[Josie]

Just open the Kai. The Kai part of the note where it's like, oh, funny things.

[Drew]

Oh, you don't want to know what my notes app says about Kai. Trust me, you do not want to know.

[Elsie]

What is this?

[Drew]

I don't think I've ever written your name in my life.

[Elsie]

Oh, what is this? In you sending nudes to a Harry Styles man. Oh, what is that? Because I read this this morning because I was like, I need to go through this just to know what I want to talk about. And I don't know what that note means.

[Drew]

You do that all the time. You write, like, the most incoherent way to remember a thought, as if you can remember thoughts, like, in the next five minutes, let alone through that. Like, whatever that was supposed to mean.

[Elsie]

I don't know what it means.

[Drew]

So once upon a time, get into it. It was. We were talking about. We were talking to someone about, like, nudes in general. And we were like, how funny is that that people, like, just take nudes and, like, whatever. People take nudes with their face in it all the time. Like, whatever. We're talking about that. And I was we were just like, I was like, oh, I don't do that anymore. And like, the chunk of me doing that in my life which used to really scare me was when I was younger, but now I'm always like, well, that's illegal. So, like, I don't like, worry about it or think about it, but. And also don't send nudes. Yeah, here, hold my.

[Elsie]

Rude.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. I'm just like, we have like a big audience.

[Elsie]

Send nudes.

[Drew]

Oh, no, we have a big audience who's like, young and impressionable. I'm trying to send a good message.

[Elsie]

Okay. I'm trying to send a good message to send nudes.

[Drew]

But when I was younger and I had met somebody on the Internet who I thought was gay because they were a huge Harry Styles fan. Watch out for that. Like, watch out for that. Men. Oh, it was this guy who, he was like a big, like a bigger fan account. And he was known for being like, hot or whatever. Yeah, like, he was known for being hot, but also like super effeminate and Harry Styles fan. And I became friends with him and obviously, like, not obviously, I don't want to say that, but like, in my head I was like, okay, you're this like, guy who, like, you never talk about girls. You're only ever talking about wanting to like, fuck Harry Styles. Like, it seems. And when we talk, I'm like, okay, like, you're gay. Yeah, so you're gay. Like that. That was like the vibe I was getting. Granted, maybe I should have asked, but this is not on me. Anyway, I'm talking to this guy about, like, this guy, this other guy I do like. And I was like, yes. I was like, yes, we are having a key in our text messages right now. My game, best friend, you. So we were. What the. Are you getting out of there?

[Josie]

He's pointing the mic into the bag when he rummages.

[Drew]

Now you eating some fruity Roll Ups right now.

[Elsie]

That's what they call me.

[Drew]

Why do they call you the roll up part?

[Elsie]

Because I'm flexible.

[Drew]

Oh. So basically I was talking to this guy and I was talking about another guy who I like, really liked. And I was like, I think I'm going to send this guy a nude. Like, like, I was like, you know what, I think that's what he wants from me. Like, I'm going to do it. But I had never sent a nude before. So I was like, fudge, I don't know. And this guy's like, oh, my God, girl. Like, just send it to me. Like, I'll let you know if it's like, cute. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay. Like, I guess, like, just let me know if it's like, like, not a flattering photo. Whatever, bitch. Tell me why I sent this motherfucker a picture of my fucking boobies. And I said to him, and he was like, girl, that is so slay.

[Elsie]

Your boobies are so slay, girl.

[Drew]

Girl, you have the most perfect boobs ever. Like, to die for. Like, tell me like, that about this nude. I just had him and I was like, thank you so much, girl. I'm going to go and send this off and hopefully we get good feedback.

[Elsie]

Gba.

[Drew]

Okay, Me and this guy kind of like, stop talking because then, like, over time, he starts, like, really hitting me up. Like, post that in a crazy way that I was like. I had started to get an inkling that I was like, okay, cool. Like, I think I just sent a nude to someone who, like, wasn't gay. Like, that was like the vibe it was giving. And I was just like, okay. We started kind of disconnecting. Then lo and behold, this goes and gets a girlfriend. And I was like, hello? Like, what the is happening? But I never made any comment on it because I was just like, okay. Like, maybe it wasn't that insidious anyways, because, like, this is literally when I was like, 15, 16. So I was like, okay, maybe it's not that insidious. Like, it's. It's whatever. Fast forward to like a year and a half later. We are all somewhere where one day we have to get into it, but we. We all just happened to be in a hotel room together.

[Elsie]

Oh.

[Drew]

And I'm walking back to my room to go hang out with a friend.

[Elsie]

And I didn't know it was him.

[Drew]

Yes, it's him.

[Elsie]

What the. Yeah, I thought it was just some random head.

[Drew]

No, it was that person.

[Elsie]

Oh, my God, this story, it makes so much more sense.

[Drew]

Yeah. And that's how I knew it was insidious and evil.

[Elsie]

Yes. Because this did it to another one of our friends. The exact same thing.

[Drew]

Yeah. Whoa.

[Elsie]

Sick. Untwisted.

[Drew]

Yeah. Basically, this motherfucker is a freak and was, like, begging me for nudes and to come into his hotel room. And I was like, can you leave me the fuck alone? And then I basically blackmailed him and made him give me 200 or else I was gonna tell his girlfriend. And his girlfriend found out anyway because one of our fucking friends was just like, fully was like, put him on blast. Which Was a slay because I still got money. At the end of the day, I got my doubt.

[Elsie]

He literally would fake gay for nudes. Yeah, he's like, ultimate. What is that? Like Chad? Is that Chad behavior?

[Drew]

Is that Chad behavior?

[Josie]

I feel like it's not Chad behavior.

[Drew]

Who's Chad? Chad was, like, a vegan person.

[Josie]

I think Chad's like, alpha male, right?

[Elsie]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[Josie]

Cool.

[Elsie]

Sigma behavior.

[Josie]

I don't even think that's Sigma, because Sigma's like.

[Drew]

That's like, get your Hermes bag off of Canal Street.

[Josie]

True.

[Elsie]

It's Sigmagma. Yeah, I'm schmegma.

[Josie]

No, it's Sigma.

[Drew]

You want some shoe mag?

[Elsie]

I'm alone. Could I get a little own thing at the end of the day?

[Drew]

Sorry, we're being broken into. Right out. Give me everything you have. Sorry, we. Sorry, we're getting delivered. This is the second time y' all have delivered us stuff in a podcast episode. Sorry, one second.

[Elsie]

Well, we briefly spoke about this in the last episode, but I don't think it was touched enough or talked about enough. But Kai being one of my alters, like, he doesn't exist in Yalls reality and only in mine. But for some reason, we have, like, a mass illusion.

[Josie]

You guys know that I exist, right?

[Drew]

That makes sense.

[Josie]

No, it doesn't make sense. Yeah, I do exist.

[Elsie]

Kai, how old are you?

[Josie]

24.

[Elsie]

Okay. No, tell the truth.

[Josie]

I'm 28.

[Drew]

She's 23.

[Josie]

28. I am 28. That's the truth.

[Elsie]

Sell the truth.

[Drew]

Hi. You're gorgeous, honestly.

[Josie]

Thank you.

[Drew]

You're very lucky. A lot of white people at your age start deteriorating.

[Elsie]

They turn to zombies.

[Drew]

And I thought you were, like, 24 when I met you.

[Josie]

Okay, that's. That's awesome.

[Elsie]

How long have you been awareness.

[Josie]

For, like, the past.

[Drew]

Which was a long time ago.

[Josie]

For, like, the past years. I do retinol, too.

[Elsie]

Fentanyl.

[Josie]

Not. I don't do fentanyl. I said retinol. I don't. Why would I do fentanyl?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josie]

First of all, it feels amazing.

[Elsie]

It gets you more high. Speaking of drugs, I don't think I've told this story on the podcast, which I probably shouldn't, or maybe I have and I'm just forgetting because it's been 10 years, but have I told the story about me? Have I told the story about me, like, waking or, like, not being able to sleep for, like, a couple months? And then I asked my dad for help, and he gave me trazodone and an ambien no, you mentioned the.

[Josie]

He gave you both.

[Elsie]

Yeah, he gave me both. But wait. Same situation as last time, where he was like, take one of these. Or the Trazodone was like a big trazin. It was built for, like. I think I've told this story before.

[Josie]

No, I don't think so.

[Drew]

Just no, because I don't know what you're talking about.

[Elsie]

It was a big trazodone. It was like the one that was a trapezoid where it was cut into four doses. But, like, my dad is, like, a bigger guy, so he was able to take that in one dose. And he didn't tell me this, but I should have cut off a fourth of it and taken that to get to bed. And then on top of that, he gave me an Ambien. I don't think he meant for me to take the tragedy and the Ambien.

[Drew]

Wait, like, a physical album of it or what? Like, ambient music? He gave you ambient music to fall asleep to.

[Elsie]

I was so confused. But no, he. He gave me both of them. And I don't know what his prerogative was. I think he was trying to kill me.

[Drew]

I don't think your father tried to.

[Elsie]

Kill you, but I. I took both of them and I took the full dose.

[Drew]

Bro, shut the fuck up and go to sleep.

[Elsie]

Leave me the alone. Leave me the alone. Like, he was literally like, leave me alone.

[Drew]

Yeah. Oh, my God. You're 15. You should be able to go to sleep. Like, get out of here.

[Elsie]

So he gave me both. I was like, what, like, a hundred pounds at the time? Because I was, like, deeply depressed and not eating. And I had taken an Ambien before, and it made me feel really good. And I ordered a bunch of shit off of Amazon. Philips Hue Lights, to be specific. But anyway, so I knew. I knew what to expect of the Ambien, but I had never taken a Trazodone before. But I did a bunch of research before I took it, because I'm a freak about drugs. And it was just like, there's literally nothing, like, to worry about. It doesn't affect, like, your mental state. Like, it just is, like, a chemical thing or whatever. It's, like, beneath the scenes. It may make you drowsy, but that's it. But I took both of them at the same time. And I was watching. I don't remember what show I was watching, but I was just laying in bed, and then, like, I felt, like, vibrating all throughout my body, and I started, like, sweating a bunch. And, like, I wish I was there. I was feeling like, pulsing. You would have laid on top of me.

[Drew]

Yeah, I would use your body for my pleasure.

[Elsie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

I mean, you're vibrating. Come on, you need, you need some more of those.

[Elsie]

It was giving. It was giving. Wing butt. 3,000, maybe 4,000.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Elsie]

But I was laying there, my body was like, started buzzing and my brain was like zapping. It felt like electricity was like exploding in my brain. And I've only had this experience one other time and it was when I drank a bunch on my kalanapin and I genuinely thought I was gonna overdose. But that's another story for another time.

[Drew]

Damn. But I ran through like that, like.

[Elsie]

I was self medicating hella. Like it was crazy.

[Drew]

Crazy way to describe, like playing with drugs.

[Elsie]

Well, no, it was like I was genuinely like the most depressed in my.

[Drew]

Life and I was actually trying to like, like figure out like a potion.

[Elsie]

I was like trying to avoid reality.

[Drew]

Literally me, when I'm making potions in the backyard with dirt and grass.

[Elsie]

Literally. So I was laying there, brain zapping, body vibrating, super fucking hot and sweaty. And I was like, something is not right. This is crazy. I've never felt like this. So I stood up and like immediately, like, I get lightheaded and you know the layout of my old bedroom, how my wall was here, my TV was here, my giant fish tank was here. I get out of bed and walk around my bed and I had a trash can by my bed that I hadn't fucking taken out in like probably three months. So it was like gross filled, overflowing, disgusting. And I literally just like faint. I faint into the trash can and I fall like face first into the wall. My cheek hits the wall and I'm just like laying there in a pile of trash. And I don't know exactly how much time passed, but it was less than probably like 15 minutes. Because the same episode of the show that I was watching was on and I woke up in a pile of garbage. And I was like, holy. Like, I'm like, I'm literally like overdosing or something right now. Like, what is going on? And like I start freaking out and I'm thinking in my head, like, I'm not about to die in a pile of garbage. Like, come on now. Like, I cannot die in a pile of garbage. This is so cliche. So I stand up and I start walking again and I get in, I have like a hallway in my room. Like, my en suite bathroom is here, my bedroom is here. And then my door was here and I'm walking towards my door, and the vibrating, buzzing feeling happens again. Like, the zap. And I just, like, am standing, and I fall straight back, hit my head, and bite through my tongue. And so now, like, I, like, I fall, like, literally, like, out of a cartoon. Like. Like, it was crazy. And I'm laying there on the ground. I wake up again, like, a couple seconds later, and I'm like, dude, my head hurts. My tongue is bleeding. Like, I get up again, and I stand up again and I pass out again from standing up. And I'm like, holy fuck. Like, I'm literally gonna die. So I've passed out three times now in my bedroom, and. And it's all from standing up. So I, like, I'm in my head and I'm like, okay, every time I stand up, I'm passing out, so I just, like, have to crawl. So I, like, open my bedroom door and I crawl to my sister's room, and my mom was sleeping in there at the time, and I just, like, pass out on the floor again, and I headbutt her door open, and it was just like, this big fucking thing.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, like, you went to your parents?

[Elsie]

I went to my sister and my mom because I couldn't go downstairs. And I'm like, I start yelling. I'm like, I'm dying. I'm dying. Like, please, someone fucking help me. I'm, like, overdosing. Like, please, someone fucking help me. Took Trazodone and Ambien. Like, I need help. Like, call an ambulance. Call an ambulance. And, like, this was in the era where, like, I was starved for attention, and my sister and my mom had just been woken up out of a crazy slumber, and they were like, girl, shut the up. Like, no, you're not. And I'm like, no, dead ass. I am. And this was also in an era where I was, like, really insecure about my body still. And, like, I wouldn't even let my, like, family see my body. I hated my body so much. Like, it was. It was really fucking gnarly. And I was in my boxers, and my mom was like, wait. Like, this is kind of crazy, because he's like. Like, he literally is like. He feels like this is life or death. And she's like, do you actually want me to call an ambulance? And I was like, no, whatever. And I just fell asleep on my sister's bedroom floor until the morning. And I just, like, had knocked out there, but I fainted four fucking times or three times. And it was, like, the craziest experience ever. Like, I wish I could like, describe better. Like, like the body and mind feeling I had, it literally felt like lightning was like electrocuting my brain. It was crazy.

[Josie]

It was probably the Ambien, right, that did that.

[Elsie]

It was like. I think it was like the concoction, mixing them. It was like the trazine, big ass trazodone and the ambient.

[Josie]

Have you ever gone to the Ambien subreddit?

[Elsie]

After I bought a bunch of. Yes, I did. I like went on there and I get like seeing the walrus or whatever.

[Josie]

It'll be like a photo of somebody in their hand is like. Like their fingers are like. It's like a foam cup and their fingers are like punctured through the foam cup. And it just says McDonald's or something.

[Elsie]

As the caption and it's all spelled wrong and.

[Drew]

Are you talking about buying drugs online?

[Elsie]

No, it's like a subreddit that like people go on.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josie]

People like. Yeah. Post on it when they're on Ambien.

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Well, that's insane. I literally, what's crazy is like to be in a state of mind where you are like open to taking things, period.

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, that's like. I guess I've just like never. I'm so terrified of like everything. But I mean, with good reason. But I feel like you had your reasons to be scared of like every like drug ever known to man, but.

[Elsie]

Well, I wasn't even like scared. I would just like neurotically research every drug. Like, I like have like the craziest knowledge on literally every substance. Because I was obsessed, like, literally obsessed with like altering my mind. It was like, it was really gnarly and then like I was gonna never mind. But yeah, I. I loved drugs in high school. So bad me up for life.

[Drew]

I loved like tending to myself and like self care and baths.

[Elsie]

I did it.

[Drew]

I did not like baths. I fucking hated baths. I didn't do for myself in high school, but I didn't do that. But also, I guess I also didn't have like, I didn't have like access to that stuff. And I didn't know anyone.

[Elsie]

You didn't have access to a bath.

[Drew]

Like drugs and stuff? Like, I didn't know anybody who was like doing anything other than like weed and lean and those just like never piqued my interest. Like, I didn't know anybody who was like, like, like even during like the Zandemic, like, there wasn't like people who I knew who were doing Zannies. Like, that wasn't like a Thing Like, I didn't know anybody who was like abusing Adderall until I met like other people who were not from where I was from.

[Elsie]

Yeah, I was so secretive about it too. Like all my drug use, it was crazy. I was so. I got so good at hiding drugs.

[Drew]

I think it also maybe has to do with the idea of like, if you're somebody who even goes to. To the doctor. I feel like that's like, like, does that make sense? The ideology is like, since I lived in a neighborhood where like most people didn't have health insurance or health care and stuff and like, obviously mental health was not like on anyone's mind. Those kind of things weren't even like in our scope, like Adderall and like ssri. Like I didn't know what an SSRI was. Like, obviously I'm not dumb. I knew people had depression. Not to say that, like not knowing that makes you dumb. But like, I knew that those things. And I also knew because I was feeling that. But I. I still didn't even understand the fact that there was like medicine for that. Like, I didn't know that still. Yeah, I feel in high school.

[Josie]

Yeah, the only thing I cared about in high school is like getting. Getting and the football game. Cuz I was the quarterback.

[Drew]

You were not the quarterback in high school. I'm sorry.

[Josie]

Why don't you believe me when I say that?

[Drew]

What?

[Josie]

Why don't you believe me? I was the quarterback and the most popular.

[Elsie]

Insert a photo if you're the quarterback.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Elsie]

Why not insert it?

[Drew]

You would have a lot of photos. They'd probably take so many of you.

[Josie]

No, they never took one.

[Drew]

Why would they not take a photo of you being the.

[Elsie]

It's giving. She doesn't go here. You don't know her.

[Josie]

No. They voted me as like smartest, coolest.

[Elsie]

Most likely to be stupid. That's.

[Drew]

Oh my God.

[Elsie]

Well, I have this note. Should I read it?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Elsie]

In high school, since we're like still talking about that, I used to not wash my clothes all the time because I was super depressed and disgusting and I thought I was slick and I would spray Febreze and Wrinkle release all over my dirty clothes before school thinking I was slick. And I feel like that is a very big sign of a depression. Depressed person is if they smell like Febreze and Wrinkle release.

[Drew]

I like, was not allowed to not have clean clothes. But also I've always been on my like, germaphobe tip of like, that freaks me out. Like, even in my Darkest depression, like, that freaks me out. It wasn't until I was, like, really depressed and, like, 20 years old and living alone that I would be, like, so sad that I would just, like, not be able to shower.

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And even then, like, I could go, max, like, a day without showering. But the next day, I'm like, I have to shower. I'm gonna freak out. Because, like, I think that, for me, is something that, like, makes me feel even worse. Like, and not in, like, a comforting, like. Like, oh, like, whatever. Like, I'd rather just, like, lay here. But, like, literally, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna, like, here. But that's because I'm, like, clean, and I'm like, I always smell good and whatnot.

[Josie]

Was that Snow Patrol that you were singing?

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Josie]

So sick.

[Elsie]

What is that band?

[Josie]

It's, like, a song that was big in, like, 2008, I think.

[Elsie]

Can we just lay here? Would you lie with me?

[Josie]

And I remember when I first heard that song, I was like, I don't know, maybe this is not normal, but I feel like music just is not. Doesn't affect you as much as you get older. I remember, like, hearing that song, which, in hindsight, isn't, like, the best song in the world. Like, being like, a little kid and hearing that and being, like, so overcome with emotion.

[Elsie]

Yeah. Me with hey there, Delilah.

[Josie]

Yeah.

[Elsie]

Like, that song literally, like, changed my life in a very real way.

[Drew]

Bad day. You know, the song's like, you had a bad day.

[Josie]

Oh, yes.

[Drew]

Take it one. That song freaked me out as a kid because it made me so much sadder than I already had.

[Josie]

Normal to, like. I feel like it is. As you get older, you get kind of, like, jaded to stuff. But, like, hey there, Delilah I remember listening to that song and, like, imagining, like. Like, world building and being, like, imagining.

[Elsie]

It was literally falling in love and all this. It starts in my toes then I crinkle my nose Wherever it goes I always know Damn, you make me smile Please stay for a while now Wait.

[Drew]

What song is that? I don't know. I don't know the name of that song.

[Elsie]

Doesn't she talk about bubbles in there or some bubbly toes? I swear to God. She talks about.

[Josie]

Yeah, I swear.

[Elsie]

She said something about bubbly.

[Drew]

It starts with my toes then I crinkle my nose Bubbly toes Wherever it goes, you babies. I might be saying lyrics wrong, though.

[Elsie]

Remember when you walked into a glass plane? Dude, it was the craziest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. So we're at the Noguchi Museum getting some Noguchi lamps and just observing like, our surroundings. It's really cool. Like sculptural artists just so taken in. No, you weren't.

[Drew]

By the art.

[Elsie]

No, you weren't. And there's like. There's like glass doors everywhere, like dividing every one of the rooms. And we're like heading out after we make our purchases and Enya and and I are just like talking back and.

[Drew]

Forth, you know, this is when we made our purchases.

[Elsie]

She's looking forward and she's looking at the door and.

[Drew]

No, hold on.

[Elsie]

No, no, no, no.

[Drew]

Looking at the door when it happened.

[Elsie]

Okay, well, whatever. You were walking towards this glass door.

[Drew]

Crazy.

[Elsie]

And Inya literally just walks into a giant glass pane. The door is right here. She walks directly into it. Like nothing happened. Like nothing happened. And. Or like she couldn't see it. And then we all just die laughing. But she was so embarrassed.

[Drew]

So here's what happened. We were coming downstairs and like, we weren't that far behind these two guys, and they saw us and they held the door open for a second and. But I think in the time it took us to finish getting downstairs, they were like, I'm not holding this door open that long. So they kind of like, they like dipped.

[Josie]

I would have held it open.

[Drew]

And I didn't realize it because I. I thought they were holding the door open and there was a lady with. With. With like really nice boots on to like my. Right, so say like, you're where the like lady with boots is. And it's like a big glass pane and then the door. And I was thinking that it was two doors, but one of them was being held open by this guy still. And I was looking at the ladies boots and I was like, those are really nice boots.

[Elsie]

I think they hallucinated that, man. Because I did not see.

[Drew]

No, they were still in the room because they saw it happen and they didn't say anything. They didn't even laugh because I think they kind of did feel like, like, oh, that's on us. Like that was on us. Because they literally were holding the door open. And I don't blame them because we were just taking so long, but I have never hit a glass door like that or like a.

[Elsie]

She walked directly into it. And it was so.

[Drew]

Because those boots had me mesmerized.

[Josie]

Daniel, why did you walk directly into a piece of glass?

[Drew]

Oh, because that's what pretty people do. Wait, have you never done that? That's what like, gorgeous hot people do.

[Josie]

I Actually, I actually just did that. I actually just never done that twice.

[Drew]

Twice.

[Josie]

I just did that twice.

[Drew]

Dude, if you do it twice, that means you're really ugly. It's the one time that makes it.

[Josie]

I did it three times.

[Drew]

That's really bad. You're unbearably. Like, It's. It's like. It honestly is like, wait. Against the law to be seen.

[Elsie]

I just realized both of y' all are gonna die in seven days.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Elsie]

If you have acne, just wash your face with soap and drink water.

[Josie]

Yeah, drink water.

[Drew]

Know that it's like a. It's kind of like an inside thing.

[Elsie]

Just drink well and eat well. Get your gut health in check.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. Because your gut health is, like, awesome.

[Elsie]

Me, after eating a bag of Takis.

[Josie]

You do have such good skin. For how badly eating, like, neon red, neon green, and neon blue food.

[Elsie]

It was crazy because when we went to the Noguchi Museum, that was the first day since being here that I actually got to eat good food. And it's because we stopped at a gas station, and I was able to get my candy and mint and bag of chips. Bag of chips.

[Drew]

What's annoying is I was thinking. I was like, oh, what did we eat that day? Like, what did. What was the good food we ate?

[Elsie]

Yeah. I was literally like, finally, I get to eat good food or real food.

[Drew]

I know. And I looked at the back seat, and it was like, berry flavored gummies. Takis a Red Bull.

[Elsie]

Oh. I drank a Red Bull for the first time in a long time, and it was so good. I literally felt so good after drinking it. I was like, damn, maybe I'm like, back on the horse. Like, maybe I can start drinking Red Bull again.

[Josie]

Yeah, it's like a supplement.

[Elsie]

I also got Bazooka. Bazooka Bubblegum.

[Josie]

Oh, really? With the gum with sugar in it.

[Drew]

Dude, Drew literally goes into a gas station and, like, whatever packaging is, like, louder. That's what he picks. Like, that is how he picks his candies. Like, it's not. It's not based on vintage packaging.

[Elsie]

Like, if it looks like it has.

[Drew]

A vintage vibe to it.

[Elsie]

Yeah.

[Josie]

Taste with your eyes.

[Elsie]

Exactly. First. First you taste with your eyes and then your nose and then your mouth. Think about that.

[Drew]

That's how I feel about your butt.

[Elsie]

So in your walk, I see it.

[Drew]

I smell it, and then I taste it. Yeah.

[Elsie]

You take a bite.

[Josie]

Yes, sir.

[Elsie]

So Inya walked into a glass plane, and she also almost killed us on a Rebel.

[Drew]

Okay. Like, a lot of scooter, a lot of this is being framed in this light. That. No, it's asking if I'm okay. Like, what. What happened to the. The situation. But you know what? Because I'm so secure and confident in my person, I walked into that glass of pain, and then I. That pane of glass, and then I continued on with my life like nothing happened.

[Josie]

That's awesome.

[Drew]

Because no one could bother me. I'm not kidding. It actually is crazy. Even the second it happened, Elsie and us laughed, and, like, I just kept moving. And then they tried to bring it up, like, twice more, and I got too distracted. Oh, my God. Wait. Water fountains are so good.

[Elsie]

Good.

[Drew]

Let's talk about that.

[Josie]

They do taste really good.

[Drew]

Oh, like, why is drinking out of a water fountain so good? I think that's how we were meant to drink water.

[Elsie]

Yeah, it's like the cat's drinking. It's like the cats drinking out of the flower fountains. Like, they drink better. It's like, the same.

[Drew]

It's so good, that sucking motion. But, like, you don't have to put anything in there.

[Elsie]

We used to drink out of waterfalls.

[Josie]

Pause, Pause.

[Elsie]

Pause of the year.

[Drew]

You do that when you eat. When Drew eats and he has crumbs on his fingers. No, he goes. No, he goes like this. Like.

[Elsie]

Like.

[Drew]

Like this. But his fingers are so dry that you can, like, hear it. Like, put the mic next to that. Like, it's so loud.

[Josie]

You know when you, like, rub your. Your fingers together and then all those, like, little brown bits of, like, dead.

[Elsie]

No, that doesn't happen.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. That happens to you?

[Josie]

Yeah, it happens to me. It happens to everyone.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Elsie]

I'm not dirty. I wash my hands.

[Drew]

Crazy.

[Josie]

I wash my hands, too. But this is a normal thing that happens to everyone.

[Drew]

Oh, basically, the. The Revel. Thank you. The Revel murder that almost happened was. You know how in New York, all the outdoor dining is, like, they've created depressed. Wait, we also. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. The worst thing to happen post Covid. Two things. One, some restaurants. And I don't mean all the people that were affected by it. I'm not talking about that. This is the worst thing that actually happened. The worst shit that ever happened because of COVID One, some restaurants give out, like, plastic. Like, there are still some restaurants who don't give you real plates and shit anymore, which pisses me off, because I'm like, one, not sustainable. Two, I am paying you way too much money to be eating off of a plastic dish right now. I let it Slide for Covid. Because I was like, you know what? That makes sense. I don't want to be eating off of these other bitches. But now we are vaccinated. I would hope more people are smart and just wash your shit. Give me real dinerwear. I want real dinerwear. I want it to be cute.

[Elsie]

You know what's disgusting is when you get, like, a fork from a restaurant, it has, like, bite marks in it. Make people, like, just bit all. It bit all over that.

[Drew]

Sometimes when I am at a restaurant and I'm like, damn. Especially this is the most public thing I put in my mouth is like, this four.

[Elsie]

And you just drink out of the same glasses as everybody else. It is kind of ran.

[Drew]

Yeah. No, it is kind of insane. Like, imagine how many humans have eaten off of your plate.

[Elsie]

And if wash drink cups and silverware. Like, I wash drink cups and silverware. Oh, yeah, it's bad.

[Josie]

That's how I feel about whenever I use a glory hole. I'm like, jesus, this is so dirty.

[Drew]

That's how I feel about when I have sex with Drew.

[Elsie]

That's how I feel about, like, Jesus.

[Drew]

Like, who knows who's been here?

[Elsie]

It's just like, I am ran through.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm ran through. We know that it's used. He doesn't. He doesn't admit to not washing it very well.

[Elsie]

Like, yeah.

[Josie]

RT to LGBTQ. Oh, let's pop ran through.

[Drew]

LGBTRT. We are LGBBRT.

[Josie]

We gotta get Jay on there, too, Too for Jews. Let's put J.

[Elsie]

We need to put S on there for salami sandwich.

[Drew]

You are crazy. Oh, but the other worst thing to happen is outdoor dining. I'm over outdoor dining. If I'm going to a nice restaurant, I do not want to sit outside in the box. You made for 200.

[Elsie]

And it's. I don't want to do it. It's a literal sauna and a greenhouse in that box, and it's 3,000 degrees hotter than if I just sat outside on the street.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's crazy. I don't want it. Stop doing it. But the rebel we were getting on was parked right behind one of those, and it was blocking the view of me seeing cars. And Drew was on the back of my revel because he cannot drive.

[Elsie]

So I can drive.

[Drew]

You can't drive, and we defeat stereotypes. I'm the driver. He is my. He's my.

[Elsie]

We're not defeating a stereotype.

[Drew]

He's my passenger. You are literally my passenger.

[Elsie]

People can't drive.

[Drew]

What? Wait, what? We're Dating? What are you talking about?

[Josie]

Did you just come out?

[Drew]

Like, sometimes we talk over each other to such a capacity that I, like, get lost. Because I don't know what was being said. Like, I don't know what I was saying versus what you were saying.

[Elsie]

You were saying the Rebel, and you said I couldn't drive and that you could drive. Don't look at my mustache.

[Drew]

You just look crazy with these glasses on. It's crazy how, much, like, real estate, it takes up on your face. But it was blocking my view. And I went to go, like, try to slowly creep out, but I, like, ramped up. And as I pulled out a RAV4, which I have almost been killed by three times since I've been here.

[Elsie]

RAV fours are so now.

[Drew]

That gets added to the list of crazy people who drive cars.

[Elsie]

Nissan Altima 2008, 2007, maybe A4.

[Drew]

And it's that or the brand new ones. Actually, no. All Nissan ultimate drivers, no matter what year. You're crazy. You're crazy. And RAV4 drivers are crazy because you're crazy. There was somebody on a RAV4 speeding down the street, and he almost killed me and Drew. And Drew was so annoying.

[Elsie]

Your fault.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was my fault. But Drew is so annoying. Drew is the worst Rebel passenger ever because he's like, oh, my God.

[Elsie]

Do you know. Do you know what a Revel? A Revel is like a scooter that you can rent.

[Josie]

How is that legal thing? It's like, it's a bird, but it's.

[Elsie]

Power not be legal. It's electric, £300, but it should not be legal. They're so dangerous. And worse, the reason I was like, oh, my God. Was because I was like, in you. Can you turn? Can you turn in your. Turn it. Because we were driving straight for one of those fucking outdoor dining huts, and she wouldn't fucking turn the wheel.

[Drew]

I'm not on there like, bitch, I don't want to crash.

[Elsie]

Yeah, I know you don't want to crash, but sometimes you're just not turning the wheel and.

[Josie]

Enough.

[Drew]

Get on your own Rebel.

[Elsie]

Get your own Rebel.

[Drew]

It is my Rebel.

[Elsie]

Okay.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Elsie]

Fair, fair, fair. Jaco. Okay. Let's do some media. All right, so for my media of the week, we got wildlife analysis by boards of Canada. Listened to it on my walk the other day. It's really nice. An arc of doves. Doves by Brian Enu and anyone else but you by the moldy peaches. And then we went to the movies and saw Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. Yeah. It was like, it wasn't meant to be the best movie ever made.

[Drew]

It was awesome. I hate Davidson.

[Elsie]

It was exciting. The kills were like, really cool. Like the way they killed people. But, like, the ending was so beat. Like, I really didn't like it felt like, so just. Fuck. How are we going to end this movie? Let's just say this. It was very tongue in cheek and funny. But like, some of the jokes, I was like, girl, shut up. Like, please shut up. But. But ultimately it was a good movie. It was fun.

[Drew]

Yeah, I loved it. I would literally watch it again, like, and I just saw it and I would watch it again. It was awesome. Yeah. I really don't think Pete Davidson should be in movies.

[Elsie]

I don't like Pete Davidson.

[Josie]

Does anybody else feel like Pete Davidson and MGK are kind of like a cultural reset?

[Drew]

In what way? Just like in a bad way.

[Josie]

It's like a cultural reset.

[Elsie]

I see what you're saying. Like, they've changed so much.

[Josie]

They've changed a lot. They're pushing boundaries. They're kind of like, I think mdk, they have tattoos.

[Drew]

Was somebody who was put on this earth and he was supposed to be destroyed and he somehow made it through.

[Elsie]

We must like, there was a glitch.

[Drew]

In the system and they. And. And whoever was sent to destroy him.

[Josie]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Thought he had been destroyed, but it was because of that hairline procedure. He got every single.

[Elsie]

He went undercover ever in my life. You, like, don't though interacted with like, never one of them. Not a single person has been like, yeah, I listen to mgk. Like, he's my favorite musician. Like, who is listening to his music. Actually, it's giving like Imagine Dragons vibes. Like, who is listening to his music? Like, I really. You can't tell me that there's actually real people. He's botting his, like, and he's botting everything. He's botting Twitter, Tick Tock, Instagram, Spotify, Apple music. Like, his concerts. He builds robots for to fake like they're real people.

[Josie]

Because there's proof here of who listens to it. Here, let me look at this playlist. Mgk, Jack Harlow, Post Malone, Young Gravy, Young Gravy.

[Elsie]

All in the same vein.

[Josie]

Dave Matthews. So, like there.

[Drew]

Who is Dave Matthews?

[Elsie]

Dave Matthews Band.

[Josie]

Dave Matthews Band.

[Drew]

What is that?

[Josie]

Just like a guy. But yeah, see, like I'm listening to it and I'm a huge fan.

[Drew]

So that was your playlist.

[Josie]

That's my. Those are my top played artists. So I'm just saying that's Proof that people are.

[Drew]

Banned.

[Elsie]

Like, you're actually fired. Jack Nickelback. David Nickelback.

[Josie]

What is it Dave Matthews?

[Elsie]

No, but Nickelback. What is his first name?

[Josie]

Oh, I don't know.

[Elsie]

Nickelback. Or is it just Nickelback?

[Josie]

I mean, just Nickelback is the name of the band.

[Elsie]

Ew.

[Drew]

This. I've never heard any of this in my life, and it's freaking me out.

[Elsie]

It's white people.

[Josie]

It's like. It's definitely, like, white. Some white.

[Drew]

This is freaking me out. Like, this, dude. No, there's too much. We are too connected. There's too much. There's actually. There is too much. There's too much of everything. There's too. There's too many people. I'm gonna do something about it.

[Elsie]

Yeah, but the people.

[Drew]

It's not the right answer, but I'm gonna do something about it.

[Elsie]

There's not none there. None of these people are real.

[Josie]

Wait, what are you saying? Anya? What you're saying there's two.

[Drew]

Oh, I didn't do my media of the week. Okay, wait. Let's get into it.

[Elsie]

She's gonna do what she has to do.

[Drew]

Why? By Carly Simone, Simon Bieber.

[Elsie]

Carly Kloss Makes Music Nothing Can Stop.

[Drew]

Us by Saint Etienne, which I've said before. That whole album is just really good. It's like, really good. Long Hot Summer by the Style Council and Heat Wave by the Blue Nile.

[Elsie]

And I can get you out of my head.

[Drew]

And, yeah, then we saw Bodies, bodies, Bodies. I saw Marry Me with owen Wilson and JLo, and you know what's up? There was at least one writer on that movie that knew what they were talking about. That was, like, actually good. But then that was a movie that actually. You want to see a movie that. They didn't know how to end it. Watch that. They had absolutely no idea how to wrap that movie up. They were like, we don't know where to go. We got this far.

[Elsie]

What are we doing?

[Drew]

It was crazy.

[Elsie]

I've been watching Junior Baking show, and it's a bunch of British kids that get together in a tent and bake. And it's a competition show. And I watched an entire season in 24 hours. Or I guess it's not good. It's just like. Like, it's cute. I just like watching kids stress out and freak the fuck out. And some of them are really fucking good. Like this one kid in the first because there's. In one season, there's like eight kids for five episodes, and then eight kids for. Or nine kids and nine kids and they split it into two competitions, and then the final four of the first half and the final four of the second half compete in the last five episodes. So they, like, get, like, the best of the best out of 16 kids. But it's really cool.

[Drew]

I wish I could bake. Should we get stuff to try to bake today?

[Elsie]

I'm down. I want to do the AirPod Max's embroidery. Yeah, embroidery.

[Drew]

Maybe we wait till Josie leaves since he doesn't have them and it's his last.

[Elsie]

It's just embarrassing, too, because he doesn't have them.

[Drew]

So.

[Elsie]

Kai, do you have AirPod Max Pros?

[Josie]

No, I have the wired white ones.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Josie]

Like, 20 bucks.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. And they're the ones that need the dongle to go on the iPhone.

[Josie]

Yeah, I have the dongle on me too.

[Drew]

Kai.

[Josie]

Huh?

[Drew]

Get your bread up. Like, really, like, step it up.

[Josie]

All right, well, my media of the week is the Bible.

[Elsie]

You're Jewish.

[Drew]

Be real. Yeah, it's time to be real.

[Elsie]

My media of the week is my Birkin bag. I like to consume it. It's beautiful.

[Drew]

I've been holding my for an hour. I'm gonna cut that up.

[Josie]

All right, cool.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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