Drew got a neuralink

Summary

Emergency Intercom - Episode: "Drew Got a Neuralink" Hosted by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips | Released on February 2, 2024

---

Introduction to Drew's Neuralink Experience

In this episode of Emergency Intercom, Drew Phillips shares his recent experience of getting a Neuralink implant. The conversation dives deep into the unexpected consequences and humorous mishaps that follow the procedure.

Notable Quote:

Drew: "I have a really high pain tolerance, so they thought I couldn't feel anything." ([03:29])

The Surgery and Immediate Aftermath

Drew recounts the bizarre circumstances surrounding his Neuralink surgery, including being awake during the procedure and receiving a pre-used implant. He humorously describes the confusion and physical discomfort he experiences post-surgery.

Notable Quote:

Drew Phillips: "They put me down and I wasn't even asleep. I was wide awake." ([03:27])

Behavioral Changes and Side Effects

Post-surgery, Drew begins to exhibit unusual behaviors such as convulsing and having sudden bursts of creativity fueled by his Neuralink. Kai Newman expresses concern over Drew's altered demeanor, noting signs that suggest the implant isn't functioning as intended.

Notable Quote:

Kai Newman: "You’re walking into stuff. Did you get a facelift?" ([01:16])

Trolling and Unintended Actions

The Neuralink implant gives Drew the ability to interact with digital platforms directly from his brain, leading to uncontrollable trolling behavior on social media. This segment highlights the comedic side effects of merging technology with human cognition.

Notable Quote:

Drew: "I tweeted 14 tweets from my brain, like, directly to Twitter or X." ([06:37])

Reflections on Addiction and Technology

The hosts discuss the potential of Neuralink in addressing addictions, referencing a video about its application in combating addiction. They debate the ethical implications and the effectiveness of such technological interventions.

Notable Quote:

Drew Phillips: "That's a 25% success rate." ([07:48])

Personal Anecdotes and Relationships

Drew shares personal stories, including an embarrassing encounter at the gym involving a fan of James Charles. The conversation touches on themes of vulnerability, self-image, and the impact of technology on personal interactions.

Notable Quote:

Drew: "When you see your screen time drop, you'll get really sad." ([31:43])

The Impact on Daily Life

The Neuralink implant affects Drew's daily routines, including his ability to interact socially and perform simple tasks. The hosts humorously explore how such technology can disrupt normal behavior and relationships.

Notable Quote:

Drew Phillips: "I treat it as a job. Drew? Drew, come in." ([00:44])

Speculations on Future Technology and Society

Towards the end of the episode, the conversation shifts to broader topics such as genetic engineering and its future implications. The hosts speculate on how advancements like Neuralink and CRISPR could shape society and individual lives.

Notable Quote:

Kai Newman: "It's like CRISPR is genetically engineering fetuses." ([24:34])

Closing Thoughts

The episode concludes with reflections on the unpredictable nature of integrating advanced technology with human biology. The hosts emphasize the importance of understanding both the benefits and potential pitfalls of such inventions.

Notable Quote:

Drew Phillips: "If it works, we're done." ([24:20])

---

Conclusion

"Drew Got a Neuralink" offers a humorous yet insightful look into the challenges and absurdities of merging human consciousness with cutting-edge technology. Through personal anecdotes, comedic exchanges, and thoughtful discussions, Enya and Drew provide listeners with a compelling narrative on the future of human-technology integration.

---

Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the episode's main discussions and themes.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez It Crackers, Oscar Mayer Lunchables, and Just Bear Chicken Bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Drew Phillips]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Drew has been in the bathroom for 30 minutes. So I'm just starting without him because I'm annoyed and I want to get this over with like it's a job. You just. Cuz it's fun doesn't mean it's not a job. Like, that's actually what people don't realize is everybody thinks, oh, oh, my life is so easy. But this is a job, guys, and I treat it as such. I treat it. Drew? Drew, come in. I haven't seen him for like two days.

[Kai Newman]

Really?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, he's just been locked in his room. Why are you.

[Kai Newman]

Sounds weird.

[Drew Phillips]

What the.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

What happened? Drew, open your eyes. Did you get a facelift? What is wrong with you? What's all the bandages? You're. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Kai Newman]

You're. You're walking into stuff.

[Drew Phillips]

What's wrong with you? Drew?

[Drew]

I got the neural link.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. Is that you? Is. Are you the one who got the neural link?

[Drew]

I'm patient zero.

[Drew Phillips]

And then why did they let you out? I saw that. Did you see. Somebody got in, like Tesla. Why did they let you out? Wait, did they just put the Tesla chip in a person?

[Drew]

I don't think that must buy Tesla stock.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you okay? I don't think you're healing right? I don't know why they would let you out if you. Hello? Why are you staring? You're like. The narrow link gave you. Amazing.

[Kai Newman]

Seems kind of up, right?

[Drew Phillips]

No, that's what I'm saying. I don't think the neural link is working. If you're like, God, I can see.

[Kai Newman]

The old him behind his eyes, but I can tell that his body's locked in there.

[Drew Phillips]

He might still be him. What's wrong? You're, like, convulsing. Is it like, with, like, your legs are still twisted the way they usually are, so you're in there somewhere. Hello?

[Kai Newman]

Are you okay?

[Drew]

I'm good. I'm good.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you just restart?

[Drew]

I have, like, a calculator in my brain, I'm doing math. I'm like. I'm like. I'm doing the math of those flowers over there. Something that you wouldn't understand.

[Drew Phillips]

The flowers.

[Drew]

Sacred geometry, golden ratio, shit like that.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, okay.

[Drew]

I actually can drive my car with my brain now. That's really all there is to it.

[Drew Phillips]

That's all it does. Why would somebody get it? Kai. Why can't you look at him in the face?

[Kai Newman]

You're like, it's not him. Like, I don't know how to explain it. It's just not him anymore.

[Drew Phillips]

You can't breathe in that or something. Like, it's like, cutting off your circulation. Like you.

[Drew]

I'm like, crying. Like, they took my brain. They took my frontal lobe.

[Kai Newman]

Can you review it? Like, I'm. Yeah, everyone's probably interested.

[Drew]

So the surgery was really weird. They had, like, a capuchin monkey next to me that, like, they took it out of that monkey's brain.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, so you got a used neuralink?

[Drew]

Well, yeah. They were like, oh, we can give you a used one. Because, like, we already know it works and whatnot. And so they put me down. I wasn't even asleep. I was wide awake. And they, like, they legally couldn't put me under anesthesia or some shit. And they thought I couldn't feel anything. Cause I lied and I told them I was, like, paraplegic because that's the only way I was able to get it wheeled in there in a wheelchair. Did all that whole shit act a blind.

[Drew Phillips]

How could they not test you for that? I feel like they probably would have known. Did they just take your word?

[Drew]

I just have, like, a really high pain. Pain tolerance, I guess, so.

[Kai Newman]

That's not what. Yeah, okay. Just.

[Drew]

I'm just, like, really strong. I'm like. I'm, like, stronger than the average human. And especially with this Tesla. Tesla fuck.

[Drew Phillips]

It kind of just seems like it gave you, like, a minor.

[Drew]

Elon. Fucking Musk. Musk.

[Drew Phillips]

You're like.

[Drew]

Yeah, so they laid me down on that table, put it in Elon musk, dude. No, they Elon musk it into me. Oh, okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it's like a colonos.

[Drew]

You know that picture where it's like, massage her brain with books or whatever?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that's what Elon did with his wiener to get the narrow link in there.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, that's promising.

[Drew]

But, yeah, it's like, so far it's been like Tesla, like, really, like, actually good.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I mean, you seem. I mean, you're not the fastest on your feet ever.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, you Seem.

[Drew Phillips]

But you don't seem faster.

[Drew]

Well, I can drive my car without using my hands.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know if that's necessarily worth it because you kind of can't walk anymore.

[Drew]

They won't let me use my iPhone either.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh. Because they're starting their own phones.

[Drew]

Well, I just can't look at bright lights. Blue light, but, yeah. So that was my story. I'm the first person to get the Neuralink installed. My hands work. Oh, for all the haters saying that, like, my hands and legs wouldn't work after. Like, I would die. Like, I'm fine. I just have, like, a couple ticks. And now I'm better than you, period. Like, I'm better than.

[Drew Phillips]

You're better than me, because I don't know if you would ever pass a DUI ever again.

[Drew]

I have to keep the bandage on for four months, though.

[Drew Phillips]

Four months?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

You're going to, like, rot through it.

[Drew]

Okay, I'm done talking about this because y' all are just, like, bullying me.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm not bullying you.

[Drew]

I'm just like, they warned me. They warned me. They said, there will be a lot of haters.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what the doctor said to you.

[Drew]

I got the mark of the beast. I got the mark of the beast. I'm a guy.

[Drew Phillips]

They were like, okay, make sure you wash around your ins. Like, in incisions. Is this.

[Drew]

I'm not allowed to shower for, like, three months.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, okay. So they were like, make sure you don't get wet. And also, there will be a lot of haters.

[Drew]

Ops. They use the word ops.

[Drew Phillips]

The doctor said ops to you, Oppenheimer. Yeah, I guess that's Dr.

[Drew]

Lingo, but, yeah.

[Kai Newman]

Do you feel like it's changed your personality at all? Like.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai Newman]

Okay.

[Drew]

Shut the up.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. He's still here. He's still here.

[Drew]

You too. You.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

You.

[Drew Phillips]

Do you want to be saying that, or are they, like, programming you to say that?

[Kai Newman]

Wait, should we do some tests on him?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Elon Musk has a giant penis.

[Kai Newman]

All right.

[Drew]

Giant penis. Elon Musk, how do you.

[Kai Newman]

Drew, how do you feel about the libs?

[Drew]

Libtards.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, it seems like it had it's working side effects.

[Drew]

We need to kill all liberals. Oh, Demon Kratz. Demon Kratz.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, that's kind of blurring the lines of things Drew would just say normally, so it's kind of hard to.

[Drew]

Bro. It's just troll shit. Like, I'm on my troll shit. Like, I just tweeted 14 tweets from my Brain, like, directly to Twitter or X. Like, I'm on my troll.

[Drew Phillips]

You do any of that with neural link? Like, what is it actually for? Is it for medical purposes? Or is it actually because I saw this thing that they were doing for addicts that they can go in and you could get a brain surgery or something gets inserted into your brain to try and stop you from being an addict. So they're trying to, like, solve addiction via surgery. And there was this video that was, like, really emotional, and I was like, wow, this would be insane. This will save lives. I would. I would like to watch this video. So I watched the video. Two of the people relapsed not soon after. One of them dropped out and didn't want to be have his data taken anymore because he was on the verge of relapsing. And only one guy has been like.

[Drew]

Well, that's a 25% success rate.

[Drew Phillips]

That's true. But also, like, I think. I guess maybe that's what addicts need is a camera on them 247 to guilt and shame.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew Phillips]

So we'll get that for you with that app. You have, like, your problem with maybe not anymore.

[Drew]

I'm not allowed to use my phone.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, is that why you got it? So you could stop using Grindr for 12 hours a day?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

That was your spinal push.

[Drew]

Yeah, I got the neuralink installed because I was addicted to Grindr.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I just want us to play the video of Drew dead, asleep on the floor, drunk as one more time for podcast sake.

[Kai Newman]

I mean, we could drive him to the hospital.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I'm not going to the hospital.

[Drew]

Hospital.

[Kai Newman]

We could just drive to the hospital. It wouldn't cost $4,000.

[Drew Phillips]

The thing is, Mason, last night was literally throwing up, like, four times in a row. We didn't take him to the hospital. So I'm like, why do we have to take Drew to the hospital? Look at him.

[Kai Newman]

He's way worse than Mason. This is like Project X. Yeah, I know.

[Drew Phillips]

What if this is, like. Because I was watching it again, and it is insane that I was so drunken in a different state of mind that I looked at this dead person on the floor and I was like, we need to. Also, he's fine. Like, it actually freaks me out the way you look.

[Drew]

Your behavior in that was crazy. It was the last time I felt any love from Inya. From that moment on, she just hasn't loved me the same.

[Drew Phillips]

Something switched. Something switched.

[Drew]

I saw switch flipped inside him.

[Drew Phillips]

I saw a side of you that was just so repulsive that Night.

[Drew]

But I was.

[Drew Phillips]

Don't believe you deserve love.

[Drew]

I was saying the other day that I want to do that again. Like, I. I really need to get to that state again. It's been since that day that I've ever gotten even close to being that drunk before. And I think it's time to, like, relive it. But, like, my luck, I would accidentally die. Like, I would accidentally, like, OD on.

[Kai Newman]

I'll get you up if you want. I'll get you.

[Drew]

Hey, the word, bro.

[Kai Newman]

I'll smoke you out.

[Drew]

Tesla.

[Kai Newman]

We could do Edward 40 hands, but.

[Drew]

Just usually I have a 40 tattoo.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, he does. On his thigh.

[Drew]

Yeah. I gave it to myself when I was 16.

[Kai Newman]

Are you serious?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai Newman]

How have I never noticed that during our sessions?

[Drew]

I know. That's what I'm saying.

[Drew Phillips]

Because you guys keep the lights on because you're both so scared of yourselves.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

You should find security in your body.

[Drew]

I don't want Kai to see my body, and Kai doesn't want me to see his body.

[Kai Newman]

We both have the apple headsets on.

[Drew]

Yeah. For real, dude.

[Drew Phillips]

Somebody is fully gonna bone with that shit on it. It's gonna be.

[Drew]

It's gonna be fucking me.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, the apple headset's gonna be you or you're gonna be.

[Drew]

Oh, no, I'm gonna be doing it.

[Drew Phillips]

They should have added a flashlight extension to it that you can plug USBC into it and it will pulsate with the video.

[Drew]

No, no, that'll already be a thing someone's working.

[Kai Newman]

Dude, it is. I talked to somebody recently who had an addiction to it.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, you were telling me about that.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, it was like, this guy that I know that was like, I hit rock bottom recently because I caught myself, like, fishing the dick sucker machine and VR headset out of a dumpster.

[Drew]

Like.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, he threw it away and then.

[Kai Newman]

Went out for it because he was like, the post nut depression hits so different when right after you lean back and you're in, like, a replayer one headset.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai Newman]

You, like, pull it off and you're, like, covered in calm. And he was just like. Like, I noticed. I asked. Basically, I was around him and I asked him, like, why he had a Nokia phone. And he was like, oh, like, I hit rock bottom recently. Told me this whole story, but he was basically like, I got rid of, like, my computer, my iPhone, all this stuff, because I like, entered, like, this very dystopian period of my life. Like, there's porn that, like, syncs up, like, the dick sucker machine syncs up with the video. And it uses.

[Drew]

What's it called? What's it called? What's the machine?

[Kai Newman]

I actually don't.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't have an affiliate link this episode.

[Drew]

Surprise.

[Drew Phillips]

It's craz crazy. Men's rock bottom is switching from the Apple universe to Nokia universe so you can have the perfect masturbation ploy. And women's rock bottom is writing every day in your journal with the strange delusion that one day will be published after you die. And you think you're making the next bell jar. Like, that's the two rock bottoms, like, of the gender.

[Drew]

I can fix him. I can fix him. No, you're just. You're probably more crazy than him. You're. Dude.

[Kai Newman]

I think the. The knurling had some effect on his timing.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God.

[Kai Newman]

You're done.

[Drew Phillips]

Wow. Sorry, guys. This nearly cast a buffer so he can come back.

[Drew]

I can't feel my legs. I can't feel my legs. But it's okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. One of the side effects of the neural link is when you get super embarrassed, your legs give out so that you can distract to something else.

[Drew]

Girls rock bottom.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Girls rock bottom is switching from diva cup to Tampax.

[Kai Newman]

Nice. Hell, yeah. That was good. Oh, my God. I haven't been hit in so long.

[Drew Phillips]

That is true.

[Kai Newman]

It's been a minute.

[Drew]

Okay, so I was on tick. That hurt my hand so bad.

[Kai Newman]

Also, remember that era where people, like, actually thought I was getting abused by my podcast?

[Drew Phillips]

People were like, I don't know. It just feels weird. It's happened so often.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah. And then there are comments like, but he likes it. He. He says he likes it.

[Drew Phillips]

Guys, we don't know the full side of the story until he says something.

[Kai Newman]

It's nuanced. It's nuanced.

[Drew]

There's, like, gray area. Like, it's, um. Okay, so I was on TikTok and I saw this slideshow.

[Drew Phillips]

Of course you were.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

It would be.

[Drew]

And this girl posted saying, a few days ago, an HBO intern accidentally sent a mass blank email with a subject line integration test. Email number one to thousands of subscribers. Not that big of a deal. HBO tweeted out saying, we mistakenly sent out an empty test email to a portion of our HBO Max mailing list this evening. We apologize for the inconvenience. And as the jokes roll in. Yes, it was an intern. No, really. And we're helping them through it. Heart. And then people started responding with, like, horror stories that they had when they were interns. And, like, they were just killing me. Today. So I wanted to read a few to y' all because they're super funny. This person's response is. Dear Intern, When I was 25, I made a PDF assigning each employee to the Muppet they reminded me of post. I meant to send it to my work friend, but I accidentally sent it to the entire company. My supervisor, Beaker, wanted to fire me, but the owners, Burton, Ernie, intervene.

[Drew Phillips]

Also, what's up? Is Beaker is such a diss. But all I want to be. When we were watching the Muppets, Drew was like, I'm Beaker. I'm Beaker. Like, I'll be Beaker. And we were all like, yeah, you can be Beaker, bro. Like, nobody wants to be Beaker.

[Drew]

Insert a picture of Beaker. I love it.

[Drew Phillips]

So bonk. Beaker doesn't stop speak at all.

[Drew]

That's so me coded. I go back to my room for 30 minutes at a time.

[Drew Phillips]

Neural link.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'll let you read the next one.

[Drew Phillips]

Dear Intern, I was using my desktop. Oh, why'd you give me this one? Oh, wow, okay. Dear Intern, I was using my desktop calendar to make a monthly note when I started my menstrual period. Menstrual period. You didn't have to say period period. When I started my menstrual cycle. But after several months, I realized I was making that note on a calendar I shared with all of my colleagues, company wide. I was 37 years old.

[Drew]

Mortifying. Horrifying. This one is Dear Intern. Oh, I don't like this one. This one's my favorite one. Hashtag, Dear Intern me to the CEO of a large company. His name is Alan. I was 34 then. It's a screenshot of an email from the guy, and he says, good morning, analysis. I'll let you read the last one.

[Drew Phillips]

Dear Intern, one time I sent out an email on behalf. Why are you flipping the camera off? I sent out an email on behalf of the organization's board of directors with a link to a custom thank you video that was meant to show appreciation. The link redirected to a lady in her pajamas, loudly reviewing hot Cheetos recipe fails. I cried twice that day.

[Drew]

And that's all of them.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, this one's crazy. I was an intern at a podcast, and about a year into the podcast, I realized that I had broken into their house a year prior and shaved my pubes in their house. And now it's weird because I work at the same podcast that I don't.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, you already stopped. And what, you don't have to.

[Drew]

You hurt me, Kai. Your face hurt me. Now my hand hurts. Look how red it is.

[Kai Newman]

That last one was crazy.

[Drew Phillips]

Wow.

[Drew]

It's tingling. It's tingling. Okay, well, yeah, that was boring as. Sorry, y' all. Jesus Christ. I'm boring. I'm so boring.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I decided Drew had his beer. Like, why did we let Drew have that scary ass beard for so long? Like.

[Drew]

No, I know.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. When I see videos of you with your scary beard, it actually is so jarring, and it sometimes disrupts when I'm watching, like, an edit of something, and it's like a cute edit of, like, us talking about being friends forever. And then I see a clip of that, I'm like, oh, whoa.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

There is so much content of you with that nasty beard.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's just more of, like, a man thing. Like, people with vaginas just wouldn't get it. And it's more of, like. Like, every winter I grow up my beard to stay warm.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, they were. I feel like I. I feel like people with vaginas would get it personally.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you insinuating that women grow out their bushes to insulate their bodies?

[Drew]

Ew, Kai, why would you say that? Why were you just saying that you want to have sex with your boss?

[Drew Phillips]

I know. It's so weird.

[Kai Newman]

I was.

[Drew Phillips]

Dear Intern. I got fired because I sexualized my boss. Oh, my life sucks and I'm going to prison.

[Kai Newman]

What? I was defending women. Drew said some misogynist.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh. And I'm going to small claims court because she has a really decent case against me because the audio is something I actually helped record.

[Kai Newman]

That's the last time I ever.

[Drew Phillips]

And then my. My lawyer was like, well, I can't help you, and I quit because you recorded the evidence, so there's no way to, like, fight this.

[Drew]

Is this true, Kai?

[Kai Newman]

No, it's not. That's all. That's a bit. She's doing a bit.

[Drew Phillips]

Fast forward two years from now, Kai Newman in prison, imprisoned.

[Drew]

Okay, so we didn't talk about it, or we might have briefly talked about it.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't want to talk about it.

[Drew]

Josiah being on. What song was that?

[Drew Phillips]

It wasn't a song.

[Drew]

Oh, what the hell? That one's a song. We don't talk anymore. No. Josiah being on Jason Nash was like a cultural. Cultural shift, which was amazing. We'll insert the clip of the battle, like, the end of the battle. Is that your music? Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, good job, dude. Did you have a whole album you're.

[Drew]

Making or just a single or what.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you up to what?

[Drew]

Now I'm pissed off. Did I win?

[Drew Phillips]

I lost. Oh, it's not important.

[Drew]

Yeah, I mean, you won. You already won in life. You have a. You have a. Which is so funny. But I was scrolling on my feed today and I saw that Jason Nash got swatted. And for all the evil he's done, I don't think it was deserved.

[Drew Phillips]

Getting swatted is just fucking insane. That's, like, terrifying.

[Drew]

It made me so sad.

[Drew Phillips]

I wish Josiah caught on to what I was trying to do. Because if anybody watched it at the end when Josiah's throwing his, like, fit.

[Drew]

That'S a clip I would answer.

[Drew Phillips]

You hear, like, the gunshots. But I was. This is actually such a dark joke and, like, I'm sorry if it bothers anybody, but, like.

[Drew]

Grow up liberal.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry.

[Kai Newman]

Jumped out.

[Drew Phillips]

But I was trying because he kept walking away from the camera. So I wanted to play the gunshot and, like, make Josiah fall to the ground so it sounded like he killed himself because he lost against Jason Nash on a live stream. And then I wanted to like, dude, I had a whole bit planned in my head, and I wish I thought about it before and told him that this is what we could have done, but I genuinely thought Josiah was going to win that fucking battle. Also, mind you, I spent $120 on that battle.

[Drew]

And I tried to make Josie fucking money, too.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Trying to make Josie win, which I then had to go live and tell him to give me all my fucking money back so I could get my money back because he lost. Also, I was going to do that anyway, because I'm not just going to hand Josiah $150, but I was like, give me my fucking money back. I really thought Josiah was going to win, which actually freaks me out because that means that off that live alone, Jason Nash walked away with, like, over 200 dol. Which freaks me out. But I wanted to make it seem like Josiah killed himself. And I was going to play ambulance sounds. And Drew does this really up but funny impersonation of, like, every time he's driving us around and, like, somebody, like, we're at a stop sign and he'll go through and he's like. And, like, act like they hit us and it's going to be.

[Drew]

And you. And it's going to be okay, don't go into the light. Your family's waiting on you.

[Drew Phillips]

It's going to be like, the ambulance is going to get here soon. Because it's the same joke you did when we were at Orion's Gallery and I was in the bathroom for too long, and you went up to the door. He was like, get out. There's a fire. There's a fire. We're all leaving. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Dude.

[Drew Phillips]

Is this going to happen all the time now? Because I don't want to fucking hang out better.

[Drew]

My ear is actually, like, really clogged right now.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, no, your ear is not clogged. You just tied that bandage around your head so fucking much. Start, like, losing circulation.

[Drew]

No, but it's cunted. Like, am I giving? Like, I'm giving like, Kanye's wife a little bit?

[Drew Phillips]

No, you're giving like you just came back from a botched surgery in Turkey.

[Drew]

No, it's giving, like, kunty. Like, it's giving. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Mm.

[Drew]

It's giving, like, a handmade tail.

[Drew Phillips]

I've never seen that.

[Drew]

Neither have I.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay.

[Kai Newman]

Hands made tail.

[Drew Phillips]

I think it's handmaiden tail. Or is it hands made?

[Kai Newman]

I think it's the handmaid, actually.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know, dude. We're all living in different universes right now, and we're classic at the same moment. All right.

[Drew]

I do believe that we shifted dimensions at one point.

[Drew Phillips]

You think that every three days, though?

[Drew]

Yeah, no, I genuinely do. And I think y' all are, like, different versions of yourself, because I've noticed little things that are different.

[Drew Phillips]

Are they, like, bad things or, like.

[Drew]

No, it's just little minute details. I pay attention to the little things.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I decided that if, like, woman hates me, I really don't care. Like, it doesn't bother me. But something about, like, a man hating me to the extent of talking about me, like, that seems so odd to me. I don't have any examples, but something about that, like, if a girl behind my back is talking about me, I'm like, go the ahead. I actually give you the green light. Like, you deserve to. You deserve to talk about me. Like, for whatever reason it is. Like, even if it's over something stupid, I don't care. But if a man got behind closed doors and was, like, calling me a and stuff, I hope you die.

[Drew]

No, that's just, like, pussy behavior.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Be a man and say it to my face, because I'm gonna call the police, actually.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh, no. But.

[Drew Phillips]

We'Re gonna cut that.

[Drew]

Why? It wasn't me. It was the neuralink.

[Drew Phillips]

I really wonder if that shit's gonna work. If it works, we're done.

[Drew]

Like, here.

[Kai Newman]

Dude. When I saw that tweet, it was like, one of those moments where I was like, oh, I'll think About this forever. Like, this will be, like, the first sign.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai Newman]

Of the end in a lot of ways. Like, you know, the whole thing with crispr.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai Newman]

It's like CRISPR is, like, genetically engineering fetuses and stuff. They're like.

[Drew Phillips]

They're.

[Kai Newman]

They basically made the. Changing the genome to do Gattaca. And I'm like, at some point, those kids that were genetically engineered that are supposedly, like, they don't exist right now because it's, like, illegal. They're gonna just show up, you know, like, there was probably already genetically engineered also.

[Drew Phillips]

What the does that do to a child who's been born in a lab? Like, they genuinely don't have parents or family.

[Kai Newman]

I think it's like, it's born.

[Drew]

It's born inside of a surrogate mother.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But you can choose, like, the eye color or the hair color, the hair texture, and you can just mod it.

[Kai Newman]

To whatever you want.

[Drew Phillips]

Parents and stuff. Who even give a fuck about that. Like, what are you going to do? Sell the baby on Teemu? Like, why are you trying to, like, breed the perfect baby? It's so weird.

[Drew]

I mean, I don't know if anybody's, like, doing it yet, but, like, the fact that that's.

[Drew Phillips]

People are like, fudge. I would love. I. You know, there's some people out there who are like, oh, my God, I hope that happens before I'm, like, 40.

[Drew]

Okay. This slander is, like, actually driving me insane, because how do you think I got to be the perfect specimen that I am? Like, I look like Jacob Elordi. I sound like Beyonce when I sing. I have really big muscles. I have, like, a very perfect penis. Like, there's a lot of things about me that, like, a lot of people. Like, my parents paid good money saying.

[Drew Phillips]

You look like more like Nikocado, avocado kind of a. That's what I do. You saw that. That was, like, the top comment of the last episode. Or like, what's that guy who gets, like, followed by drones with the face.

[Drew]

If you say Daniel Larson.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I see a lot of Daniel Larson comparisons.

[Kai Newman]

Drew. No.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, God. He's gonna get violent again.

[Kai Newman]

If you're gonna hit anyone, it should be me again.

[Drew Phillips]

No, he wants it.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Don't give it to him when he wants it.

[Kai Newman]

I don't want to get hit.

[Drew]

No, but, like, when y' all talk about my parents like that, because they made me the perfect person. Like, it.

[Drew Phillips]

Were they drunk when they were, like, choosing their options so they thought they were picking, like, perfect skins? Blue eyes, like, gorgeous Hair. Oh, they used coupons.

[Drew]

Yeah, they got, like, a really good deal on it.

[Drew Phillips]

They got a bonus coin so they could only get certain, like, Avatar.

[Kai Newman]

They turned the bubble butt setting all the way up.

[Drew]

They did the Clapper.

[Kai Newman]

That's crazy.

[Drew Phillips]

It's crazy that when you do that, you're literally just, like, bouncing on your toes every time. Like, you.

[Drew]

I just went.

[Drew Phillips]

What creeps me out is that eventually you were gonna be 80 and have, like, nieces and nephews who filmed the out of you. Because you are going to be so psychotic. Like, there's going to be 8,000 videos on, like, some random child's mind iPhone of Drew being so scary.

[Drew]

Like, it's going to be a problem.

[Drew Phillips]

That's how we're going to keep up.

[Drew]

Like, I'm going to be the grandpa. What are you going to say?

[Kai Newman]

There's the mind iPhone.

[Drew Phillips]

It's the mind phone.

[Drew]

I showed in you this video today of this grandpa seeing himself for the first time sad in a very long time. It's like, the most heartbreaking, evil, dark video I've ever seen. In fact, I'll show you Kai real quick.

[Drew Phillips]

It's gonna freak Kai out because you're, what, like, two years away from this guy's age or something?

[Kai Newman]

I'm not a grandfather.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm not a grandpa. We're literally matching right now. Look at the colors. They match. Is that me? Of course it's you.

[Drew]

Get a gun and shoot me.

[Drew Phillips]

Nothing near, dude.

[Drew]

She goes on to say, like, you're so beautiful. You're so handsome. I know that's gonna be me.

[Kai Newman]

That's so sad, Drew. That actually made me so sad.

[Drew]

Do you need me to comfort you? Be, like, working. Where's the. Literally to them specifically?

[Drew Phillips]

Be like, I'm cooking in the studio, yet they come out famished. Like, where's the food, though?

[Drew]

No. That video was the saddest thing I've seen in a very long time, and it broke my heart into a million pieces. And I hate that we do that to ourselves.

[Drew Phillips]

What, that we care about what we look like or.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's why I got the neuralink. It's nothing physical. It's just all mental.

[Drew Phillips]

I guess you do need more mental help than you do physical help, at least at the very moment. Because after your bugle fat and your nose job, you look really good.

[Drew]

Oh, and you need to get in a car crash on the way to the gym.

[Drew Phillips]

We go to the gym together.

[Drew]

Exactly. Okay, so I have a note written down. So for Christmas two years ago or Maybe it was my birthday two years ago. I was like sitting on the couch last night when I was like all alone and I started like tearing up thinking about like the gift my dad got me. It's literally gonna make me so sad actually. But like it like the gifts, like, I don't know how to say without sounding mean, but they're like something I would never actually use. But he got me like two dildos as like a Christmas.

[Drew Phillips]

I thought you were gonna say something else. Also, like, it seems like he knows his son really well because I feel like he would actually use the same time. Because you're so used that if you just use one, it'll slip out. And then you spend the whole time.

[Drew]

Trying to like, hey, I've had anal sex like 380 times. Big Wook that you're used.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, he's hella ran through. What?

[Kai Newman]

I'm not the only one.

[Drew]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you? Oh, you told them that, huh? That's always your thing. That's always your thing. You always tell people.

[Kai Newman]

I guess you calling me hole number 107.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, 307.

[Kai Newman]

When I texted you and I noticed that was my name in your phone.

[Drew]

But no, my. In all seriousness, my dad got me these two shirts and I was sitting, I was ordering like some stuff off Amazon and I looked up cool shirt designs on Amazon and the shirts he got me popped up and like they're the weirdest looking fucking shirts ever. But like just thinking about him like literally like buying me something that he thinks I would like enjoy and like just like literally makes me so happy and sad at the same time. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling, but it was really sweet and like I'm a weirdo and he knew these shirts were weird and he got them for me anyways because he thought I'd like them and I love them and I still have them.

[Drew Phillips]

Can I see them?

[Drew]

They're like in my closet, but I'll. I'll just literally look up cool shirt.

[Drew Phillips]

Looking up cool shirt.

[Drew]

What the is happening on my phone right now? This one.

[Drew Phillips]

What?

[Drew]

What is going on?

[Drew Phillips]

Did you hit play on something?

[Drew]

No, like, was it tick tock? It's my neuralink glitching.

[Drew Phillips]

What is playing on your phone? Is it from Spotify? Hello?

[Drew]

Oh, what?

[Drew Phillips]

It's just in your safari.

[Drew]

Okay. Actually, what the hell?

[Drew Phillips]

But yeah, it's because you use your phone so much that your phone just knows that it has to get the screen time up. So it'll just start playing things because if you see your screen time drop, you'll get really sad.

[Drew]

And then when you see your boobs and vagina sag, when you get 800 years old, you're gonna be sad. How about that?

[Drew Phillips]

When you get 800 years old.

[Drew]

But, yeah, last night, girl, this, like, literally this, like, literally this, like, actually this right now, like, I'm over it. Like, I have all these notes to talk about, but, like, damn, that's a lot of notes. I don't give a. I don't give.

[Drew Phillips]

A. I am so tired right now. But that's because I had to wake up early and I was out all night last night. I was having the time of my life. Oh, I interacted with the most, like, insane pre presence of a waitress I've ever interacted with at the restaurant last night. Like, she was such an overwhelming vibe. She was a good vibe. But sometimes when people are like, a good vibe. But two. I don't know how to describe it. We got there and it was just me, happy people, like, no, dude, she. She was happy, though, but felt like she was. She had induced happiness. Like, it felt like she was on something. Happy. She didn't feel like normally. Like, just like, oh, sweet happy. She felt like she was, like, looking at. So she was like, see? Your first time here? Okay. Oh, yeah, I love that. No, welcome back. And like, she was just, like, staring through me and Jester's like, bodies. And I was like, oh, my God. And we ordered drinks. She's like, let me see your id. No, I got. I'm going to see that id. The girl gave it to her. And then she came back when Christian got there and Christian asked for a beer. So she was like, all of you look like 19. And we were like, it's giving the.

[Drew]

Girl at the hotel, like, typing on the keyboard.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, she was this. That was the fastest waitress I've ever met. Also, we got there at like, 8:30. She was like, just to let you know, the kitchen closes at 9:45. And we were like, damn, that's like an hour and 15 minutes away. Also, we just got here. And she was like, I just want to let you know so you can order everything you want. Everything you want, baby. And then she, like, said baby to one of us. And we were like, what is happening? And I had never been to that restaurant, but based off the way she was acting, when she was like, have you been here? I was like, yes, because I was so scared of what the answer to no would have been. Like, I don't know. Like, it Freaked me out. But she was a vibe nonetheless. We loved her, but she loves. Very scary to me. Like, I kind of felt. I Lowkey felt like she would kidnap me if she liked me a little too much.

[Kai Newman]

Is that toxic positivity? Is that what that is?

[Drew Phillips]

That's what it felt like.

[Kai Newman]

It was.

[Drew Phillips]

It felt like evil positivity.

[Kai Newman]

Is that what. Is that what toxic positivity is?

[Drew Phillips]

Is that a real term I've never heard?

[Kai Newman]

That's like. It's like positive. Yeah, positivity is now, like, can be toxic. That's what I've heard.

[Drew]

Like, you're being too nice.

[Drew Phillips]

Is that, like, condescending, though? Like, is that not just the same idea of condescending?

[Kai Newman]

Honestly, it's like if you're. You're just like, you're unwilling to be rational and you're only like. I'm only viewing things as positive. I'm not. I'm like, completely. I guess I can see how that negativity of life.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was gonna say, I guess I can see how that, like, would be like a privileged, like, thing to be like, it's not that bad.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, just be too happy.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Never had that problem. I've never, never been too happy.

[Drew]

You must be the happy king.

[Drew Phillips]

You must be the happy expert. I've actually never been to the Happy Store. I wouldn't know what it looks like and I wouldn't know what they sell, but it seems like you shop at the Happy Shop a lot. Me about Happy Nine. Nine.

[Drew]

Well, I was at the gym yesterday and I was changing, and I take my time when I change because I don't give a. About my body. Whoever wants to see it can see it. But, like, one of 50 people that if they saw my body, I would be mortified. Saw my body yesterday at the gym, and I was butt ass naked, and I didn't see. And I'm not naming their name because I don't want to say their name publicly, but it is someone that I like, am a very big fan of. Like, like, really, really big fan. Have been for a decade. They saw me naked. We made eye contact. He was fully clothed. And it was horrifying.

[Drew Phillips]

So humiliating about making eye talk. Eye contact with somebody while they're fully clothed and you're naked.

[Drew]

Yeah. No, it was the most vulnerable I've ever felt.

[Kai Newman]

I felt like a little Baby Charles. Like, I can't imagine what she was going through.

[Drew Phillips]

To be a fan of James Charles for a decade takes a lot of dedication too.

[Drew]

You. You both. No, but it was it was horrible. And I, like, have never gotten dressed faster in my life. And I ran out of there and I sat on the bench outside of the locker rooms waiting for Anya to come out. And he walked out and we made eye contact again and I just.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you guys kiss?

[Drew]

We did not. No, it. It was, like, not fun. It was not.

[Drew Phillips]

It wasn't a vibe at all. Well, I decided I need to stop smiling at people at the gym when I make eye contact with them because I kind of think people might think I'm a pervert a little bit.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because do the smile you do to fully, fully nude women.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. Usually I'm fully new too, but I'm just like, like. Because I don't know, we're both like, naked as. And, like, I feel like everybody has this fear in their eyes, which I'm like, grow up. Literally 18 million times. Like, it's nothing new to see some coochin boobs. Like, it's not that crazy.

[Drew]

I mean, literally, show yours to me right now. Like, literally. It's not crazy. Like, if I saw you naked, literally, like, just show me naked. And Kai is covering his eyes. It's okay.

[Drew Phillips]

No, well, because you, like, you find women sexually attractive, so it would make me feel very uncomfortable.

[Drew]

And you peed in front of me today.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I literally did. Right before we started.

[Drew]

It was a vibe. Yeah, it was a whole ass vibe.

[Drew Phillips]

It sounded like she was like, you.

[Drew]

Were frying some fucking pork chops in the toilet, bro. Like, it sounded like horse meat.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you smell my bean sprouts and asparagus piss?

[Drew]

Yes. Did you have asparagus?

[Drew Phillips]

No.

[Drew]

I was like, where's that smell coming from?

[Drew Phillips]

No, that's just my natural body odor.

[Drew]

You need to get that looked at.

[Drew Phillips]

But, yeah, I realized yesterday because I did it right. This was the energy of the waitress. I'm not kidding. But like. But like, more smiley. So imagine that. But like. And then when all of our guests got to the table for Jester's birthday, she goes, none of your friends are ugly. What's up with that? And, like, it was a really nice compliment, but we were like, dude, she also. It was so confusing because she. Okay. Also, I don't want this to seem like I'm making fun of this woman. She was very nice, but I find interactions like that so confusing because I kept saying thank you to things you shouldn't say thank you to, because everything she said, she had the tone as if it was a compliment, but it wasn't. Like, she would just be like, want Anything to drink? Oh, my God, you guys. I know you love it here. You guys always come here. And I just come back with thank you, thank you. And I like, but that you shouldn't say thank you to that. It was really confusing me. But yeah, at the gym leaving yesterday before I left and I was butt naked nasty. I walked past this girl who's also butt naked nasty. And I did my usual just like, we made eye contact and held eye contact. I was like, like, I also. I don't shake my head like that. I'm just like, like I just do a closed mouth.

[Drew]

Shake your head again.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. I don't shake my head when I look at them, but we caught eye contact also. I'm not like, smirking and, like, looking them up and down. I literally keep my eyes locked onto their eyes because we've locked eyes for some reason. I just smile and keep walking. This girl gave me a look like she thought I was going to throw her into the showers and, like, pee on her or something. Like, her look was pure fear and terror. And then I walked out the door. I was like, oh, my God. I think I'm realizing I shouldn't be just smiling at people at the gym in the locker room because they genuinely think I'm going to, like, kidnap them and, like, throw them into the river.

[Drew]

Give me your hand real quick. No, no, no. I'm gonna do an aura reading real quick. It's giving gray my aura.

[Drew Phillips]

There's no way it's gray.

[Drew]

No, you have, like, a green aura. It's like a green aura. Do you want me to do so?

[Drew Phillips]

I have this, like, really crazy thing for you to think about. Drew, there's a green light shining on my hand when you do that.

[Drew]

Kai, yours is blue. Bluish. It's either blue or purple. And of course I have the white.

[Drew Phillips]

No, you're just talking about your skin color. You're supposed to, like, figure out the aura around it. Also, you saying I have green when you. That light is just shining off my fucking hand.

[Drew]

It's really is green. You gotta bring it closer.

[Kai Newman]

It's a symbol of growth, renewal and balance.

[Drew Phillips]

Is white.

[Kai Newman]

Is green.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, what's white? What's white?

[Kai Newman]

White. It just says gay.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh. Oh, you are really good at that. That's crazy that you picked up on.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm happy. I'm fudgeing happy. No, not that I'm fudgeing happy.

[Drew Phillips]

We don't mean it that way. I loved that comeback as a kid. Well, gay is happy. So, yeah, I guess I'M gay. I mean, I'm the gayest person in the room.

[Kai Newman]

Classically.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm happy.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I'm super gay. I'm like the gayest person ever. Like, I should win the gay award because I'm so happy. And you're sass.

[Drew]

I'm toxically positive.

[Drew Phillips]

And what does blue mean? Probably like, oh, wow.

[Drew]

Oh, wow. I want to ride a horse. Save a horse. Right. A cowboy.

[Kai Newman]

Blue auras are sensitive, deep thinkers who are in tune with their true self and voice.

[Drew]

Oh, wow. That is true.

[Kai Newman]

Sort of.

[Drew]

Yeah. What is white, though? For real?

[Kai Newman]

Let me see.

[Drew]

It's probably like, creative, passionate, independent, loves himself.

[Kai Newman]

Well balanced personality, calm and open to possibilities.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, you are open. But does it specify what's open?

[Kai Newman]

It says verse too.

[Drew]

I'm a top. If anything, we need to talk about that.

[Drew Phillips]

The twink allegations.

[Drew]

Yeah, I have it saved in my notes. So I dot Love the Drewth 420 Shout out for the username. Posted a video saying, drew Phillips, twink era. You.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. What do you mean by that?

[Drew]

I mean, I guess it was my twink era, but you to the comments that were saying what era? He's still in his twink era. I am not a twink. I'm not a twink. Okay. I'm an otter. I'm a otter. Okay, I'll show you.

[Drew Phillips]

Those pictures are so funny.

[Drew]

I was in a Twinker. I had a twink arc. But you, you, you.

[Drew Phillips]

To be fair, like, every, like, straight guy on the Internet also looked like that at that time. Because that's also why I was like, I love him. He's like my bae. That's my crush. Because every guy looks like that.

[Drew]

No, I have my own swag. I will say I have my own swag.

[Drew Phillips]

I think a lot of people I liked in high school ended up being gay, though, so. Not you. Not you. I just had a lot of people.

[Drew]

Not you. Well, speaking of gay, did either of y' all play webkins?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God.

[Kai Newman]

Webkins.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Did you play webkins, bruh? Not again.

[Kai Newman]

I did, but not as much as I played, like, Toontown.

[Drew]

Oh, nice. Did you play webkins?

[Drew Phillips]

No, because I was always under the assumption that you had to connect a credit card to it. And my parents have never. Oh, never had a credit card.

[Drew]

Oh, they're not having credit cards.

[Drew Phillips]

Expert.

[Drew]

Okay, well, there's this guy in Webkin and his. He's a store owner and his name is Artifact. And you would go in and buy cool little, like, jewels and trinkets and Just little things from his, like, artifact store.

[Drew Phillips]

Why are you saying it like that?

[Drew]

Cuz his name is R.T. fact.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, okay.

[Drew]

And what the did I say? Oh, I'm reading two different ones. But he would say like, welcome to the curio shop. Like, he has like a thick accent. Why is he hot?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, he is really hot. Yeah, he's hot as.

[Kai Newman]

That is exactly what the guys that you show me look like.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, he is hot as. You know what's crazy? I can agree when you think someone's hot, I can agree they're hot. But I would absolutely never be down for it. Does that make sense? Like, I can understand and be like, yes, that's a hot person. But never my vibe. But I guess we've already talked about this. My vibe is so peculiar.

[Drew]

Your vibe has no vibe.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I just have zero vibes. It's all. It's. It's all about personality because I just believe in ugly people getting a chance.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

Sexy as me.

[Kai Newman]

Sweet.

[Drew]

Amen. But on my webkins, on Webkin's, one time, me and my sister had a shared account and we would ask for like webkinz for every single birthday, every single holiday, every single Christmas. That's all we wanted for like three years. And like we had like a.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry, I think your stitches are infected because I can smell them. I just want.

[Drew]

You're a rotten bag too. But anyways, I was on WebKims. It was like mine and Madeline's like, passion. As a child or as children, we, like put so much time and effort into like building our houses, playing the games to get our coins up, like taking care of our little amno animals. And it was just like a fun thing to do. Well, one time, Madeline's dumbass was at a nail salon and there was like a girl our age there. And Madeline just got to start. She just started getting to talking to this girl and like they were hanging out and they were like, oh yeah, we. We love webkinz too. Me and my brother love webkinz too. Like, can I see your account? Like, Mountain was like, I don't have like a laptop or anything to show you, but like I can give you my password and log into our account. I mean like hundreds of dollars. Like, like webkins were like $20 each. And like we probably had 30 or.

[Drew Phillips]

40 equivalent of giving away my fortnite account.

[Drew]

Exactly, exactly. We had like 30 or 40 of them. So like Madeline just giving this password to this little girl. Not that big of a deal. Like, this little girl did not have malicious intentions or so we thought. She went home, logged into our account, and then sent herself our most valuable, like, item that we owned. She had sent that to. To her own account. And we were like, where the did that go? This dumbass little girl, she gave us her login and password as well so we could go and look at her account. We stole everything from her account and changed the password so she never was able to get back, honestly. But don't play. Like, do not play with me. Like, don't try.

[Drew Phillips]

Because that little girl grew up to be Anna Delvey, so she never learned her lesson.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Drew Phillips]

Anna Delvey is the girl who's a scammer, right?

[Kai Newman]

Yeah.

[Drew]

She did not scam. She was the girl.

[Kai Newman]

But that's. I don't think. I've never talked about that.

[Drew]

So you dated Anna Delvey. But actually, that makes sense. Yalls. New York timelines add up.

[Kai Newman]

Yeah, cuz. Yeah, we did. It was.

[Drew Phillips]

I guess she does a weird thing for men with no job, no house, no car, no vibe. So that timeline does.

[Kai Newman]

Well, I do have a house, and I have a job, and I have Riz. And I pulled Anna Delvey.

[Drew]

That's true.

[Kai Newman]

We had an incredible three weeks.

[Drew Phillips]

We had a magical. The chemistry was unbelievable. Untopped.

[Kai Newman]

She told me that I have that macaroni in a pot.

[Drew Phillips]

What the. She was your butt. Wait, I want to find the thing that's like. And that little girl grew up to be Ariana Grande. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like those memes. Oh, like so and so with standing and asking for like a dollar.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. Classic. Classic. While you find that. So this girl took our account, and India mentioned Fortnite. So there's a transition to Fortnite.

[Drew Phillips]

One day, Ariana Grande walked out of a store with a box of cookies. Outside the store, she saw a kid selling newspapers. She gave him her box of cookies and said, eat these cookies, child. One day you will grow up to be someone very important. That child grew up to be Barack Obama.

[Drew]

Is that real?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, dude.

[Drew]

Let me see the picture.

[Drew Phillips]

Look. Look at them.

[Drew]

Is that actually real, dude?

[Drew Phillips]

Swear to God. It's from facebook.com legendary facts. All right, well, I'm tired of talking to this loser.

[Drew]

Heart to heart. Heart to heart. And ya. And I had a heart to heart on the couch yesterday. And we were having a very beautiful conversation. Or a sad, tragically sad conversation. But it was a. It was a beautiful vibe. It was nice. And you had Fortnite playing in the background. And she joined the lobby, and it was the Loading lobby. And Inya was like sitting on the couch, like sobbing her eyes out, like, bawling, just like talking about some things going on. And in the background I hear every fucking Fortnite emote possible.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm pretty sure I emoted too. I just had a natural reaction. I'm sitting here sobbing and I was like hitting the. Like.

[Drew]

It sounded fucking bass boosted. It was the most insane thing ever. And I was trying so hard not to laugh because like, like the whole just scene that we were in was just crazy because it was like you crying Fortnite, blowing my other eardrum out. And it was just hilarious.

[Drew Phillips]

I recorded that conversation.

[Drew]

Oh, really?

[Drew Phillips]

Because. Because I like, was. I've been doing this thing because I don't. I'm not good at like writing how I feel. So I, I actually, this is a problem. And one day it's gonna get me in trouble because one day someone's gonna find out I do this, get really mad at me. I record conversations all the time. Like, I have a 40 minute conversation between you, me, and Orion recorded on my phone. And nobody in the room knew I was recording because I just want it to be natural. But I wonder if you're freaking out.

[Drew]

Scary.

[Drew Phillips]

You could hear the Fortnite.

[Drew]

Really?

[Drew Phillips]

Like, it's like me, I'm like, I don't know. And. And it's like.

[Drew]

Can I hear it?

[Drew Phillips]

Like you can hear the Fortnite loading screen?

[Drew]

Yeah, you literally can hear it in the background.

[Drew Phillips]

Dude, this is crazy. You can't. To the. It's like he's like talking about like trauma and. And it's like, aren't you the guy who tried to.

[Drew]

It's crazy. It's.

[Drew Phillips]

But that's just me. Like, I'm just that kind of person. Also you. I'm never sharing my Victory Royales again. Nobody can be happy for me. Everybody's like, oh, a bot lobby. Oh, play. Ranked. Sometimes ranked is easier than zero. Build you funky you. You can't be happy for anybody. And that's why your parents let you lock yourself in your room and isolate away because they don't want to talk to you because you're evil. You. I'm sorry. That was actually so up. I take that back. And I don't even want to wait for the next episode to come out. I just want to come forward and say that that was so wrong of.

[Drew]

Me, guys, and I really am so sorry.

[Drew Phillips]

I've never. I'm never sharing my joy again. You. And I'm gonna kill myself. And it's Your fault, period.

[Drew]

And that's on what?

[Drew Phillips]

And instead of going to my funeral, you'll be going to small claims court, because Drew will be prosecuting you, and he will be defending me and himself.

[Drew]

From all the gay allegations.

[Drew Phillips]

No, that one. I'm. I'm going on the sand against you.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. Drew, say up corner.

[Drew Phillips]

Do y' all not play? Do you not play the thing? Like, why is. Why do you sing it?

[Drew]

Because I just like singing it. It's like a vibe. Yeah, Drew's high. Up corner.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. You don't, like, go.

[Drew]

Okay. If your stinks. You got two buttholes. Having an ugly friend isn't a problem until they start calling you twin.

[Drew Phillips]

That's how I feel with you.

[Drew]

I don't want head if your spit stinks.

[Drew Phillips]

I feel like if your spit stinks and you're giving head, that's more of a problem for the person giving head. But that's just mine.

[Drew]

Yep. In your drinks. 67 ounces of coffee in four minutes and says, man, I don't feel good. I have anxiety. You're tweaking off the bean. Gay son or thought daughter? Better question. Skibidi toilet son or Sephora daughter. Hey, yo.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God, dude, I really want to play. Back when Drew said his bunk ass joke. Like, I need to watch that back immediately.

[Drew]

Shout out Pedro, Isaac and Iani.

[Drew Phillips]

Pedro Pascal.

[Drew]

Yeah, he sent in one to my email. I think we're living in Darnie Darko. Darnie Darko. No, I think we are. Have you been seeing all the planes crashing?

[Drew Phillips]

Hella Darnie Darko.

[Drew]

Have you been seeing all the burning planes in the sky? We are literally living Donnie Darko. Yes.

[Kai Newman]

Two nights ago, I saw a fiery ball in the sky.

[Drew]

Donnie Darko.

[Kai Newman]

And it disappeared.

[Drew]

Donnie Darko.

[Kai Newman]

I'm not joking.

[Drew]

What is the plot of Donnie Darko?

[Kai Newman]

The plane lands in the house and then a robot.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I've never seen it. Are you serious?

[Drew]

I know, like, there's a bullying scene or some I've seen.

[Drew Phillips]

It was so weird. And so that's why that movie is so scary.

[Drew]

I've never noticed that water tower.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't see one.

[Drew]

Yeah, you haven't noticed it either.

[Drew Phillips]

What was gonna say, oh, that was a shooting star. You were just so clouded by your own pessimism that you can't enjoy the things God gives to you. That's why you're.

[Drew]

Why are you always.

[Kai Newman]

She's right.

[Drew Phillips]

You know what makes me so say.

[Drew]

Something nice is when I'm in a.

[Drew Phillips]

Room full of people, I Love and I care about, which is like, y' all and all my friends. I'm like, wow, it is so sad that I'm the only one in here who is going to have a joyful afterlife because I'm going to heaven and the rest of you are going to burn in hell for all the sins that you've committed. And I've tried countless times to save you because I love you all so much that I would love to spend my afterlife with you. But you continue to be sinful and disgusting. And honestly, now I know you have a ravenous, awful, hellish death.

[Drew]

We know the sins you've committed. Should I bring them up? Should I bring all this sins up?

[Drew Phillips]

What did I do?

[Drew]

Inya's got a few skellingtons in her closet. Gay sex.

[Drew Phillips]

So when you said no. So when you cover your mouth and then you. You're supposed to, like, whisper, so.

[Drew]

Oh, no, I know. I want the people.

[Drew Phillips]

It doesn't even matter. We don't even have to blur that because that never would never happen. Never happened to me. And not to my knowledge.

[Kai Newman]

Nope. That's misinformation.

[Drew Phillips]

The classic Drew. Classic Jer. Just saying.

[Kai Newman]

I'm gonna go to heaven because I'm so sweet, so I'll be with you up there forever.

[Drew]

That's true.

[Drew Phillips]

That's actually not how you get into heaven. That sounds like you might be diabetic.

[Drew]

Actually, you might be diabetic because when I was drinking your pee out of the toilet, it was really sweet.

[Kai Newman]

It was like a high fructose corn syrup.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was really sweet.

[Drew Phillips]

That's why when you pee, it sounds so loud, because it's just pure gel coming out.

[Drew]

It has, like, a really good stream. A really good pee string.

[Kai Newman]

My urethra is very large.

[Drew]

It's gaping.

[Drew Phillips]

All right.

[Drew]

Two boys in a sandbox.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, wait, we have to do media. I almost forgot. Oh, guys, my phone's dead, so I'm gonna have to go off the top of my head. Oh, somebody made an edit to a Hall and Oats song. I don't remember what account it was, but, boy, do you know how to please a woman like me. You should actually go to gay school, because I bet you're a girl who made that. And you might be gay because you're so good at pleasing women.

[Drew]

The are you saying, bruh?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, wait. I guess you shouldn't go to gay school. You should teach gay school because you're already so good at it.

[Drew]

Mine is behind the bars, Elliot Smith.

[Drew Phillips]

And that's where you're gonna go in hell. Wow. Right by the bars. Mine is wear by Chief Keef.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. And is a glow girl.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. And is a modern day freaking crazy. That's a song. And then the rest is like the same. I've been saying because I just been listening to the same music and I actually need to get actually. Oh, what is it? It's like ask about me or something by John Lennon. So because I'm going on my like the Beatles journey, everybody was like, oh, my God, the Beatles. The Beatles. I thought you said you hated the Beatles. People aren't subject to change. Why are you so evil, you conniving wedge.

[Drew]

Chrome? Country 100 tricks point never sugar Storm. Trent Reznor in motion. Trent Reznor.

[Drew Phillips]

Just a bunch of normal noise classic.

[Drew]

From Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. John Byron. Joe Biden, John Byron.

[Drew Phillips]

The worst thing I ever did was somebody I broke up with soon after I got them the soundtrack to Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind because it's their favorite movie. And I was like, this would be such a cute gift to give them. And I gave it to them. And I was like. And I felt so evil, but they were happy.

[Drew]

That's emotional terror behavior.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Don't with me.

[Drew]

That is toxic positivity. Starfall. Salem. That's my media.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my media is oblivious by Aztec Camera. And we could send letters. That one. That whole album is awesome. Yeah, guys. Oh, my God. Life is life. Have you heard amazing when you or me and I could see how if you were drew, it'd be really hard.

[Drew]

You. Have you heard the new JoJo Siwa track?

[Drew Phillips]

There's no way she has music.

[Drew]

It's pretty good, actually.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm done. I'm done. I'm not talking anymore, you guys.

[Drew]

Like, seriously, Kai, what's your media?

[Kai Newman]

Oh, I.

[Drew Phillips]

Every time you ask him, he says porn.

[Kai Newman]

No, I. I've only said that joke once, and now I'm known for it because it was so funny. All right, my media. All right, my media this week is porn.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai Newman]

Okay. No, my media is actually Homecoming by the Teenagers.

[Drew Phillips]

I know that song.

[Kai Newman]

Have you guys heard that song?

[Drew]

Is it new or old?

[Kai Newman]

It's old. As it's from like 2014.

[Drew]

I'll listen.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you know what's crazy is I've always been an absolute piece of face. And I'm always like, I only want to hear old music. And now when I see a song is from 2008, I'm like, that's old enough. I can like, tap into that. Which is so scary.

[Drew]

Yeah. My cutoff's like, 2016.

[Drew Phillips]

Was that it?

[Kai Newman]

Was it what it.

[Drew Phillips]

The song.

[Kai Newman]

Oh. Oh, I could do more. Ditto by New Jeans and then Mario's Cafe by Saint Etienne.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, have I showed you my say Etienne shirt?

[Kai Newman]

No.

[Drew Phillips]

I have a really good say Etienne shirt.

[Kai Newman]

I've never seen it.

[Drew Phillips]

I haven't worn it because it's, like, humongous.

[Drew]

It would fit me, but she won't let me wear it.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's. It's like. It's literally a dress. Humongous.

[Drew]

Humongous. What were you saying the other day, Kai? You're like, that moment, like, shifted everything.

[Kai Newman]

Oh, yeah, the humongous. You remember that video of, like, the humongous guy?

[Drew]

Are you hitting me in. Yeah.

[Kai Newman]

You don't remember that?

[Drew Phillips]

What is that?

[Kai Newman]

It was like, this guy that was like. I forget what it was.

[Drew]

It was like a presidential debate. It was. No, it was a presidential debate. And he's. They asked him his name, and he was like, Hugh Mungas.

[Kai Newman]

I was telling Drew that that was the beginning of the culture war.

[Drew]

Yeah, that shifted everything.

[Kai Newman]

That was the first shot fired.

[Drew]

Red versus blue civil war.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm actually gonna leave the house right now and go get new slippers because look at the bottom of this.

[Drew]

Oh, gross. Red versus blue civil war to come to with me to Texas to stop the people from coming in.

[Drew Phillips]

What the are you talking about?

[Drew]

Sorry. That was the neural link.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. All right. Thank you guys for watching. I hope something bad happens.

[Drew]

Tesla Elon, isn't it up?

[Drew Phillips]

If I said that and something bad happened to somebody, their brain would naturally connect. Those two events literally hate me for the rest of their life.

[Drew]

Model Y.

[Drew Phillips]

Model yeah.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th, score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder, Bueno, Cheez It Crackers, Oscar Mayer Lunchables, and just Bear chicken bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Energy Trust of Oregon]

At Energy Trust of Oregon, we understand that energy isn't just what happens when you flip a switch. It's what happens afterwards. It's a home that can provide both shelter and peace of mind. It's a business that can run more efficiently and keep their dream alive. And it's communities that can thrive today and flourish tomorrow. That's energy. And that's why we partner with local utility companies to help you save energy and lower costs. For cash incentives and resources that can help power your life, visit energytrust.org.