Drew got a new job

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "Drew Got a New Job" Released on September 29, 2023 by iHeartPodcasts

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Introduction and Episode Delay [00:45 - 01:44]

The episode begins with Drew Phillips addressing the audience about the lateness of the release. Initially considering skipping the episode, Drew ultimately welcomes listeners with a humorous admission, "Welcome to Emergency Intercom late" (00:45). The banter quickly escalates as Drew finds himself stuck "staring at Kai," leading to a chaotic and comedic interaction among the hosts.

India’s New Role at McDonald's [02:17 - 06:18]

India divulges her new job at McDonald's, surprising the hosts who were under the impression she had returned to Texas to reconnect with family. She explains, “I need to subsidize my income... addicted to the grind” (02:25). Within three days, India has been promoted to manager, showcasing her multitasking prowess by handling podcast duties alongside fulfilling McDonald's orders. India humorously claims, “I actually worked up to manager, so I kind of make my own schedule” (02:53), highlighting her quick ascent and unique management style in a seemingly low-traffic location like Granbury.

Roman Empire Quiz Segment [15:00 - 29:17]

A major portion of the episode is dedicated to a playful quiz about the Roman Empire. India prepares multiple-choice questions to test the hosts' historical knowledge. For instance, she asks, “Who founded Rome? Romulus, Ulysses S. Grant, Thor, Artemis” (16:24). The segment is filled with humor as Drew admits his limited knowledge, “I thought Pompeii was real... I thought that was like a mythical thing” (18:57).

Notable quotes:

• India: “The Ides of March song that we really like is based off of Brutus stabbing Caesar” (27:54).
• Drew: “If society collapsed, I would just kill myself” (29:21).

The discussion veers into creative and absurd interpretations of historical events, blending factual information with comedic exaggerations.

Music, Media, and Personal Anecdotes [29:18 - 44:48]

The conversation shifts to the impact of music on emotions and mental health. Drew expresses his frustration with bad music on platforms like TikTok, stating, “Music is literally, like, a government operation... trying to hack into my brain” (35:00). India shares her appreciation for passionate projects, even if they are poorly executed, saying, “I can feel your passion... you really do mean well” (37:57).

Personal stories emerge as India recounts cutting her finger while making Rice Krispie treats, leading to humorous yet relatable moments:

• India: “I gashed my finger open. I probably need to stitches, bruh” (45:07).

Sexual Topics and Workplace Humor [44:49 - 57:36]

The hosts delve into more risqué topics, discussing sexual habits and preferences. India humorously touches on practices like "sounding," while Drew maintains a critical stance:

• Drew: “If you're somebody who's getting too freaky in the bedroom, you're a freak” (46:30).

This segment is marked by playful teasing and exaggerated scenarios, keeping the tone light and comedic.

Pompeii and Historical Rants [19:04 - 27:59]

India launches into a detailed and humorous rant about Pompeii, blending historical facts with outrageous fiction. She describes the advanced nature of Pompeian society and absurd scenarios like Giraffe meat consumption and statues depicting inappropriate behavior:

• India: “They would eat giraffe... it's not crazy” (20:38).
• Drew: “That can't be real” (22:28).

The exaggerated storytelling serves as both an educational and entertaining segment, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and comedic timing.

Closing Remarks and Final Banter [57:36 - 68:04]

As the episode nears its end, the hosts engage in final anecdotes and playful insults. They discuss plans to return to Los Angeles, share embarrassing photos, and joke about their personal lives. India reflects on nostalgic childhood memories of frog hunting, while Drew recounts a humorous incident at his sister's car set.

Notable quotes:

• India: “Life is beautiful. Family is beautiful” (62:19).
• Drew: “If society collapsed, I would just kill myself” (29:21).

The episode concludes with lighthearted jokes about appearances and plans for future activities, maintaining the show’s signature comedic flair.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Drew Phillips [00:45]: "Welcome to Emergency Intercom late."
• India [02:25]: “I need to subsidize my income... addicted to the grind.”
• India [16:24]: “Who founded Rome? Romulus, Ulysses S. Grant, Thor, Artemis.”
• Drew Phillips [27:54]: “If society collapsed, I would just kill myself.”
• India [35:00]: “Music is literally, like, a government operation... trying to hack into my brain.”
• Drew Phillips [46:30]: “If you're somebody who's getting too freaky in the bedroom, you're a freak.”
• India [62:19]: "Life is beautiful. Family is beautiful.”

Conclusion

In this episode of Emergency Intercom, the hosts navigate a blend of personal updates, historical trivia, music critiques, and unabashed humor. Drew's new job at McDonald's serves as a central theme, intertwining with various comedic and insightful discussions. The episode is a testament to the dynamic and unfiltered conversations that characterize Emergency Intercom, making it a must-listen for fans seeking laughter and candid dialogues.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew Phillips]

So we're really late on this episode. I was almost gonna not do an episode this week. Welcome to emergency intercom late. So I'm stuck saying I'm stuck staring at Kai.

[Kai]

What's up, guys?

[Drew Phillips]

I don't, like.

[India]

Wait, one second, one second.

[Drew Phillips]

Can you, like, hold on?

[India]

Shut up. I'm taking an order. Damn. One second. Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you, Big and greedy? You want a Big Mac and a 10 piece nugget? Is this just for you or your family?

[Drew Phillips]

What?

[India]

Just.

[Drew Phillips]

What are you doing? I thought you were in Texas.

[India]

Oh, you actually want to fight? You actually want to fight right now? Hold on, let me mute them. This is being such a bro. She's being such a bruh. Oh, you heard that? You heard that? I don't give a if you heard that. Pull up, ho. Pull up. I'm dead serious.

[Drew Phillips]

Don't. Don't fight. Don't fight. Please don't fight. Please don't fight. Why are you there? Where are you? Oh, my God. Where is he?

[Kai]

I think he went to fight the Patron. Why is it only picking up?

[Drew Phillips]

Dude, what the.

[India]

I thought y' all.

[Kai]

Are you okay?

[India]

I just got my ass beat. I hate this job. I hate this job.

[Kai]

What, did you get your ass beat by a ghost?

[Drew Phillips]

What the Just happened? Hello? Are you frozen?

[India]

All right, we're back. Damn, I look big and strong right now. Yeah, I got a job at McDonald's. That's what I do when I come back to Texas.

[Drew Phillips]

Dude, I thought you went back to Texas to see your family. Why do you have a job? Why did you get, like, a job at McDonald's?

[India]

I need to subsidize my income. When I'm here. I'm not really working, so I just am addicted to the grind, you know? I just like getting money. I like getting that bag. I like getting that bread.

[Drew Phillips]

Why are you. Oh, are you packing orders right now? Honestly, I'm pretty impressed by, like, your multitasking skills. Like, that's Honestly, pretty impressive.

[India]

Yeah, well, in the, like, three days I've been here, I actually worked up to manager, so I kind of make my own schedule, and I can do whatever I want. Someone quit today.

[Drew Phillips]

That's really quick. Do you think that, like. Do you think, like, your place on the Internet gave you, like, more opportunity for that? Because I'm just on channel. Sure.

[India]

Why?

[Drew Phillips]

They would, like, promote you.

[India]

Yeah. And also, like, everyone here is, like, addicted to meth, so. And yeah, so I was just, like, I told them I'm the leader, and they were like, oh, you are the leader. And I just have that natural charisma, you know? Like, both of y' all know what I'm talking about.

[Drew Phillips]

Your kitchen. Are you putting anyone on the schedule, though? Because your kitchen looks, like, dead empty.

[India]

I got the tile floor, everything. Yeah, no, I'm the only one here right now, actually. That's why it's, like, kind of hectic.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, how are you going to do the podcast and, like, fulfill orders?

[India]

Wait, what? Can you hear me? Sorry. Wait one second, one second. I have to mute the. Mute the beeping because it actually. If y' all don't know, that gets on my nerves, bro. It's, like, actually so loud.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, if you mute it, then how are you gonna know that, like, things are. What the. Are those beeps actually? Like, does anybody at McDonald's, like, know, like, what are those beeps for other than, like, ambient noise?

[India]

Someone please tell us. I think it's, like, probably. Oh, yeah. Also. Yes, my skin is giving today. It's not grease. It's just I'm a natural, glowy dewy look. Like, I love myself.

[Drew Phillips]

Every time we do the podcast on Zoom, you have to say something about your skin. Like, you have to make your own comment about the way you look.

[India]

Well, if I'm insecure about and I attack it first, it gives me. Yeah, yeah. I control the narrative and I'm like, yeah, I see it before you, so it's like, not me. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Kai]

Getting jokes about my. My huge deck. Oh, sorry, Sorry. Were you going to say that? Sorry.

[India]

You're not doing anything. You're literally faking. Like, you got busy.

[Kai]

No, I'm taking notes. I. Yeah. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Do people who work remote do that? Do you think, like, they'll be on the computer, like, oh, I'm looking that up right now, and they're just, like, faking it.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

But not doing anything. Do you think they're actually working on the computer? Also? Stop bringing your laptop to a Cafe. That's my new take is I think laptops should be banned from cafes because why are you taking up a whole day? Also, stop doing your zoom calls. And cafes, like, outside. I was outside of a cafe in la, and this dude gets on. He goes, hey, oh, no. It's so good to see you all, like, loud as fuck in this cafe. And everybody was just. Also, we're all behind your meeting. Like, we're there. Oh, did you move positions?

[India]

Yeah, I went to my office.

[Drew Phillips]

Your office kind of just looks like right behind the counter.

[India]

Yeah, it is. I mean, maybe. I love this work. I love this job. I love the line of duty. I am an essential worker. I give to the community, and I feed everyone. So we're actually, like, in the Southern United States. We actually have the most foot traffic of any.

[Drew Phillips]

That's crazy, because you're in Granbury. So there's what, like, 30 people there?

[India]

Yeah, it's. It's a lot. All 30 of those people eat 36,000 times a day.

[Drew Phillips]

I was saying today on the way home, because the McDonald's by my house was fucking packed, and it was literally 12 on the dot. And I was like, damn, I can't believe some people make the cognitive decision to, like, eat McDonald's as one of their first meals of the day. And then I remembered I live with Drew, and that is.

[Kai]

Why are you wearing that wig?

[India]

It's not a wig. Sorry. I was fixing a toupee.

[Drew Phillips]

He just had to shave the top of it, so the rest of it is his hair.

[India]

I got a wig installed. I actually don't call my hair a wig. It's a toupee. Get that straight. Like, don't with me. Like, I'm not even.

[Drew Phillips]

It's different. Wigs are for girls. Toupee for men. Other than your job, Drew, has Texas been.

[India]

I worked at my dad's job for a little bit today. Luna's the sweetest baby ever. My mom has. My grandma has cancer. I explored the ocean a little bit. It's been pretty chill.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, wait. Because you can say nothing about your grandma being like, those are just a few of the good things that have happened while I'm here.

[India]

No, my grandma's fine. She's lovely. I love her. She's a great woman. I went and saw her for the first time in a while, and, yeah, she's great. She was happy to see the baby. She's really happy to see the baby. All of the people in the rehabilitation place, when they see a child enter that building, like, their Instincts kick in, and they all want to hold it and touch it and look at it and play with it and shit. So it's just really cute seeing, like, all the old elderly people, like, want to take care of a baby.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Could it be me, though? I just, like, don't fall under that, like, weird, like, matriarchal, like.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Whole, like, thing. Like, I just. I'm different. Like, I see a baby and I'm like, I want to. Fudgeing. Hit it.

[India]

Yeah. You know what I realized is the sexual revolution, it actually didn't fail because they've always had prostitutes.

[Kai]

True.

[Drew Phillips]

When do you think the first time someone got paid for sex was?

[Kai]

Dude, okay, probably, like, the year, like, 100.

[India]

Yeah. Adam and Eve paid as soon.

[Kai]

As soon as there's a way to have money. I feel like the next day they were like, all right, how do I earn this money?

[India]

Yeah. Because.

[Drew Phillips]

But do you think by then people were, like, that horny and couldn't. Like, there was literally nothing else going on? So I would assume for a long time people were just for, like, oh, it. Like, you're ugly as. But I'll, like, there's literally nothing to do.

[India]

I think women, like, are genuinely. I actually believe this, are more, like, cunning than men, and they, like, understand quicker than men. Yeah. So they early on realize that, like, oh, I could make money off of this and with the man brain. But that's really the only good thing women have ever done is, like, sell their bodies. That's the only good thing they've ever done.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

What the hell, dude? Like, we've done things too. We have good. Other businesses, like, a lot of women have Etsy shops.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[India]

Pregnancy. A lot of people, women get pregnant. Yeah.

[Kai]

Dude, this is.

[Drew Phillips]

As a woman, you either do only fans or you have an Etsy shop. You're one or the other.

[India]

No, there's some girl bosses out here.

[Drew Phillips]

Those are the two choices.

[India]

I've seen a few girl bosses. What's the. What is a boy boss? Is it just a boy or just a boss? We need to fix that.

[Drew Phillips]

So true.

[India]

Yeah, we need to fix that.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you gonna start implementing that change, though? Are you just gonna say there needs to be a change with no action?

[India]

Oh, wow. Call me. Call me a boy boss. Call me a boys.

[Kai]

Drew, since you're, like, an expert on female sexuality, do you know how prostitutes, like, didn't get pregnant in, like, medieval times?

[India]

And not enough sugar in the diet?

[Kai]

Oh, okay. I'm, like, genuinely. I've genuinely been wondering, like, how the do you not get pregnant?

[India]

I. Okay.

[Kai]

First day of being a prostitute.

[India]

That's a good.

[Drew Phillips]

Because you start wrestling with your homegirls.

[India]

Playing in the.

[Drew Phillips]

Get rid of it. You just start mud wrestling.

[India]

Yeah. I feel like it might have just been harder to get pregnant back then. Like, now we have just so much technology, but actually, we haven't changed anything. I don't know, but that's a good segue because we've all seen it. We've all seen each other's partners asking how much they think about the Roman Empire, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm 100 positive. 98 of the men are lying. However, I fall in that 2%. I do think about the Roman Empire fairly often. Kai, how about you? How much do you think about the Roman Empire?

[Kai]

Probably, like, every other day.

[India]

Yeah. Okay. And. And. Yeah, how much do you think?

[Drew Phillips]

Is that a real answer, though, or are you just saying that?

[Kai]

No, I. Honestly, my real answer is, like, once every every 10 days, I think about it.

[India]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Because I think about, like, how the United States is, like, a collapsing empire, and I'm like, oh, what is it like to live in a collapsing empire? Like, what?

[India]

Yeah.

[Kai]

I wonder if they saw the signs, you know, like their currency was being inflated. I don't know.

[India]

Yeah, no, I'm. I'm on the same wavelength. I think about it, like, once every, like, hour, probably.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. Wait, Is it good to think about it more?

[India]

Yeah, for me, yeah. I mean, I believe so, but it. The, like. It just sounds like Kai, once every, like, is good, and anything more than that is, like, really low. But what are you gonna say in you?

[Drew Phillips]

I was gonna say it just sounds like Kai's trying to change his answer because he wants to know if it's gonna make him seem smart.

[Kai]

Like, no, no. But is it good to think about it?

[India]

I think, yeah. I mean, I even go as far as, like, every minute I'm thinking about.

[Kai]

Okay. Because I do think about it every day. I just think about it. At first, I said every 10 days because I was, like, literally thinking about the Roman Empire, but I feel like just thinking about empires in general, it's kind of, like, goes hand in hand. I'm constantly thinking about, like, power being passed down from generations, you know, Generation.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait is Roman Empire code word for your mama's coochie. Because if that is the case, then, yes, I am thinking about it all the time.

[India]

And if Kai is thinking about it every hour, that's kind of weird, actually.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what I'm saying. He has an obsession. I just think about it, like, before I go to sleep because I'm like, I wish I had some.

[India]

That's actually really, really interesting, Kai, that you would think about your mom's bajani every, like, hour.

[Kai]

I'm not thinking about that.

[India]

Okay, well, anyways, let's. Let's move on. So I prepared a quiz for India to see how much we have to give context.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, it's so annoying because, like, I. From the beginning, podcasts have said that I have emotional int. Intelligence. No, academic intelligence. And then when I show that people are like, damn, she is stupid, and it's like, no, I'm not stupid. Sorry. My light keeps turning off because I'm literally in prison right now.

[India]

Hey, hey. Don't let these evil people dim your light.

[Drew Phillips]

Wow.

[India]

Don't let them.

[Drew Phillips]

Huh?

[India]

Don't let them.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. Did you make that up or he just.

[India]

Quite literally. Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, Well, I don't know anything about the Roman Empire. I wish I remember exactly how our conversation about it went through, like, because I just didn't know what it was. I was like, what?

[India]

Like, yeah, I don't. I don't. I just know, like, I was like. I know a lot about it. I don't think about it, like, super, super frequently. Frequently. But I do, like, have knowledge on it that I just retained from, like, school and just other, like, video essays. And. And then you were like, I literally know nothing about it. And, like, I asked you, like, where the Roman Empire even was. And, like, you were like, I literally.

[Drew Phillips]

I said Greece.

[India]

Yeah. And you said Greece. So, I mean, which is.

[Drew Phillips]

Girl, they were at Mykonos. They were at Turks and Caicos. That's where they had it.

[India]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

They flew. What's Drake's airline ovr. Air Drake. They flew Air Drake to the Mykonos. And the. The Roman Empire collapsing was like, a group of homegirls who went to Miami, and one of them wasn't splitting the bill every night. So then they, like, broke apart as a friend group when they went back to where they were living. And that, to me is, like, that would be the equivalent explanation of the Roman Empire collapsing.

[India]

Wait, Kai, have you ever flown Drake Airways? No. Right.

[Kai]

No, I. I flew it when it was still called Back Shots Air.

[India]

No, you haven't. I was just asking because me and India were just on it. That's how we got to Texas.

[Drew Phillips]

And, yeah, also, like, everybody knows that once you have sex with Drake, like, you've already signed an NDA and, like, you can't even say that so?

[India]

Yeah. He, like, bought me a house.

[Kai]

Are you serious? But you guys are talking about it.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, he didn't say why he bought him a house. That's just our friend. And he bought him a house. Why do you have to assume he did something? Like, you. You're just nasty, and you give up your body for no return.

[India]

Mm.

[Kai]

I got. I got, like, tickets to a show.

[Drew Phillips]

They were ga. Oh, the free thing he gives out?

[India]

No, Drake is actually evil. Like, the more I think about it, he's actually a wicked, wicked person. Like, I'm like. He's, like, a super villain and shit. Like, actually. But anyways, let's get into the Roman Empire quiz. Okay, I'm gonna give you multiple choice, and then you have to pick from the multiple choice. Okay. Who founded Rome? Romulus, Ulysses S. Grant, Thor, Artemis.

[Drew Phillips]

Girl. None of those are real names.

[India]

They're all real.

[Drew Phillips]

Say them again.

[India]

Romulus, Ulysses S. Grant, Thor and Artemis.

[Drew Phillips]

Is it the second one?

[India]

No, it's Romulus.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, who the fuck knows that? Swear. I know that. I don't know.

[India]

Who is commonly regarded as the last, though illegitimate, Western Roman emperor, Georgian Augusta, Amor Socratico, Octavia Cortez or Romulus Augustulus.

[Drew Phillips]

The last name is not a real name. Like, you can't tell me that last one was a real name.

[India]

Well, which one is it?

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know.

[India]

A. B. Georgian Augusta is a name I made up. Amor Socrateco is, like, gay in Italian. Whatever. And then Octavia Cortez is AOC and the one you thought I made up, Romulus Augustus is the real one.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, that's not a real name. That's, like, not. They were just, like, making noises.

[India]

Everyone's just making noises, though, if you think about it. Okay, which Roman emperor self adopted a title that means restorer of worlds? Barnabas Collins. Yao Ming. No, bitch, not Barnabas Aurelian or Giannis Antentokounmpo.

[Drew Phillips]

I can't tell where. Like, the option starts and ends.

[India]

Like, okay, Barnabas Collins. A, B, Yao Ming. C, Aurelian, D. Giannis Antentokounmpo.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm gonna say C. You're right.

[India]

Hey, celebrate, all right? Giannis Antetokounmpo is a really good basketball player. Yao Ming is a really good basketball player. And Barnabas Collins. I literally don't know who that. But my dad said to put it down, so I did. Which ancient Roman city was destroyed after the eruption of Mount Vesuvius?

[Drew Phillips]

Pompeii. Whatever The. Like, don't play with me. Don't get it?

[India]

I gave him the easy one. Well, also, do you want me to go on my little.

[Drew Phillips]

I only even know about Pompeii because of that picture of the statue with her ass up. So I looked it up.

[India]

I was gonna bring that up in.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, that's up. I literally didn't know that. I didn't know that Pompeii was real. Like, I thought that was like, a mythical thing that someone made up. Like, no, whatever the. And then I saw the picture of the statue, and then I think I said it to you. This was also last year, mind you. I didn't know that was real.

[India]

I have it written. You can't see it because the green screen, but I have it written down. Pompeii. If it happened today, meme. Because I'm about to go on a crazy Pompeii rant. But Pompeii freaks me the fuck out because, like, it was 2,000 years ago, but it was like, hella fucking civilized. Like, you can see how they lived very, very clearly without, like, much erosion. Because, like, it was so, like, frozen in time because of the, like, blast, whatever, the ash that, like, laid upon it. And, like, it was so civilized that, like, there were, like, people who had, like, second, like, stories that they would rent out to people and people would live up there. They had, like, restaurants attached to their house. So they would, like, live inside the house and walk outside and prepare food for these restaurants. And they had, like, fast food places and shit. Like, it was like, actually hella advanced. And there was, like, actually one restaurant which was considered, like, the nicer restaurant of Pompeii that would serve, like, delicacies and, like, rare meats for Italy at the time. And they were like, in the eruption, like, one of the pieces that of meat that were frozen was Drew Phillips's giant penis. Wang. And they would eat on that all the time.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, if that's what they eat, then what do you use to have sex and stuff?

[India]

We don't. We can move on. But no, actually it was. They would eat giraffe. Like, they found giraffe meat and bones in Pompeii, where they're, like, not native. So they were, like, bringing giraffes over and feeding them to people in sea urchin, which, like, isn't that crazy?

[Kai]

Wait, did they have toilets?

[India]

And I. I couldn't figure out if they had toilets. I think they. In buckets and then poured it into the middle of the street because they had, like, these canals, like, between sidewalks, and then they had, like, bridges over them. And like they had bridges so people could cross the street without walking in like shitty, like dysentery infected water and.

[Drew Phillips]

But bro, that is literally so nasty to not have a toilet. Like, I would be pissed.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, if I woke up tomorrow and I was like in the middle of France in like 18. Who knows what the. And it just smelled like. And doo doo like all smelled like. How did we not die? Like, what? Like, how do you like, die from that bacteria?

[Kai]

Like age. Life expectancy was like 28 or something.

[India]

Yeah, dude, we were hella. Like, I was a old man back then. Low key. Like, like six and seven year olds were like rulers of kingdoms. Like, it was. It was really insane back then. But this is also crazy. So, you know, like the statues of the people that were like killed by the blast, like that were frozen by the ash. Like, there is a literal picture of a dude frozen in time beating his meat because he wanted to like, climax right before the.

[Drew Phillips]

That can't be real.

[India]

Yeah, it's real. Look up the picture. I'm not even playing.

[Drew Phillips]

Why don't you send it to me?

[India]

Okay. I literally will. Guy jerking.

[Kai]

Oh, it is real. 2000 year old masturbating pump. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that can't be real.

[India]

Okay, we can put this in, right? Yeah, yeah. 100.

[Kai]

I feel like it's. He's desecrated enough.

[India]

Yeah. Like he's 2000 years old. If I'm not. If my video footage of me beating off isn't like blasted by the time.

[Drew Phillips]

That's me with the rose.

[India]

Yeah, that's his rose toy. Well, like, to rain on you, they.

[Drew Phillips]

Need to start on the Bachelor. Instead of giving like actual roses, they need to start giving those roses out.

[India]

Rose toy, level three. That hurts. Let me tell you.

[Drew Phillips]

On a stick.

[India]

Yep. But actually to ruin the vibe, he. When he died, his muscles like, were heated up and melted in a way that like, made him like, jerk and like move his body and contort his body into a position he wasn't in. So, like, he wasn't actually jerking off. It just looks like it.

[Kai]

But yeah, that would also be such a crazy response to a volcano explosion.

[India]

It starts beating me. It's like that one joke where it's like, like my teacher said, like, teacher be like, oh, the boat is 15ft long. Me in the back of the class feet and starts like, jerking off.

[Kai]

Yeah. But also there's impression of jerking off.

[Drew Phillips]

Crazy. You're literally at work. Like, I can't believe you're doing that in the workplace.

[India]

Why you had to bring that up. I forgot I was at work, bruh. Like, you brought me back into the groups of capitalism immediately, bro.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I'm just letting you know so you don't get fired.

[India]

This is actually rough. This is actually.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I can't believe that there's people.

[India]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I have a few more Pompeii facts that I really have to say. I really have to say them. I swear to God. I swear to God. I swear. And then we'll get into the music. But the brothels in Pompeii were, like, lit, y' all. Like, they were crazy. So, yes, basically. Oh, wait, the guy jerking off was literally Kai, by the way. That's, like, how I imagine Kai would die in Pompeii. But you would walk through this town and you'd see, like, giant penis statues everywhere pointing in a specific direction. And so, like, in the ground, you'd see, like, rock penises, and on the wall, you'd see, like, penises, like, pointing in a direction. And they would all lead you to these brothels. And when you got into the brothel, you'd, like, get into this room with, like, a bunch of. So, like, imagine, like, a square room, and then, like, on the side, there's, like, a bunch of offshoot rooms with, like, just a single doorway. And you look up and you see, like, the most beautiful fresco paintings you've ever seen in your life. Like, true, like, Roman Empire, like, paintings, like, on the wall. Just, like, gorgeous. Like, they don't make them. Like, they used to above each of the doorways. And it would be, like, different sex positions. And you would choose. It was like, a menu, and you would look up and you would choose, like, which position you want to hit it from. And, like, for me, like, I give back shots I love, but you can.

[Drew Phillips]

Only pick one position.

[India]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you pick a position, and then the girl would be waiting in there, like, ready to get back shots. Like, it was crazy. And she's crazy because stuff.

[Drew Phillips]

Recently, I was getting something like that printed for our house. So since there's that long hallway to you and Josh's room so that our guests walking down to you and Josh's room could pick one. And they usually give me money, and I'm like, just go in there and do it.

[India]

Is that why that kept. That kept happening?

[Drew Phillips]

Yes. And you let it, like. I mean, you were down, so.

[India]

Yeah, I was down. I thought I was just getting natural.

[Drew Phillips]

Play, but, like, no, no, they were paying me to hit. But since you're, like, Just open for the public. It's just like.

[India]

It didn't make a difference for you, bruh. Well, now we can insert the Pompeii if it happened today meme. But yeah, then it made me start freaking out because all of the houses around us right now are made of, like, plastic and cardboard and, like, paper and, like, it's going to be melted to the elements and everything that's on earth right now will be. Kai has flies in his room.

[Kai]

No, it's a mom.

[Drew Phillips]

No, bruh. Dirty ass room.

[India]

Even worse, I hate moths so much.

[Drew Phillips]

It's because the room is hella humid.

[Kai]

My room is not humid. It's a normal.

[Drew Phillips]

He rubbed it on his pants.

[Kai]

No, I didn't.

[Drew Phillips]

We watched you.

[Kai]

No, I rubbed it on something else. Continue.

[India]

He did. Yeah. Yeah. So the. Our houses now are, like, made of, like, plastic and cardboard and are just gonna melt to the elements and everything we live in now will never exist again. Oh, wow.

[Kai]

What happened? Why did she leave?

[India]

Oh, so I'm boring, bro.

[Drew Phillips]

I talk for talking about the Roman Empire in Pompei.

[India]

How many times? Oh, this is a good. This is a good fact. And this is the last one. Genuinely. How many times was Caesar stabbed? 23, 31. 21 or 57?

[Kai]

57.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm gonna say 57 because I'm assuming someone was pissed.

[India]

No, it was 23, but listen to this. You'll love this in you. The song Ides of March is literally because it. The saying Ides of March was because brute stabbed Caesar 23 times. And so the Ides of March song that we really like is based off of et Brute Caesar getting stabbed.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, really? I thought it was agua, the marks.

[India]

No, it's Ides of March, I'm pretty sure. Unless I just, like, literally made all that up.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's. Yeah, I was the mark. The Marco.

[India]

Wait, no, no, no.

[Drew Phillips]

Waters of March.

[India]

Oh, damn. Yeah. Never mind.

[Drew Phillips]

You know, all this. That. About some stuff that doesn't even apply to today's life, and that's why you're a bum.

[India]

Sorry, I was trying to make history interesting to you.

[Kai]

You made history sexy.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's boring. Like, I literally just don't give a. Like, it has nothing to do with me. It literally has nothing to do with me. Like what? Like, if swear me knowing about the Roman Empire if collapses now we're all going to be scared and confused anyway, so me knowing about the Roman Empire, what I'm going to know where to hide? Like, what am I going to learn?

[India]

No, no, it's just to pass the time.

[Drew Phillips]

If society collapsed, I would just kill myself. And that's what they should have done. The second that volcano erupted, I would have killed myself. Like, what?

[India]

Sorry. There's, like, you're gonna die anyway room. Crawling around on the floor. It's actually, like, hella scary.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew Phillips]

There's something in the McDonald's. Walking around.

[India]

Yes. It's like, what is it? A rodent? Wait, what? Okay. What were you saying about music, though?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I was just gonna say that it's crazy how, like, so for me, I understand that, like, music is a spectrum, especially on a consumer level. I haven't been feeling as good being in Miami, and I'm like, what's missing? What's missing? And it's because I don't have any gay people around me, so I don't have Drew around me. How fast you went like this? You're like.

[India]

Bro, I'm literally straight, bro.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, what's funny is I thought about that joke before I got on here, and then I was like, I'm gonna stop because, like, I make way too many gay jokes, and it's not funny. Oh, we have to insert the gay police it. I'm gonna call the gay police. We got gay police cars in Miami right now.

[India]

Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

Which is like. I don't know if I like that combination. Like, why are you doing that?

[India]

No, it does feel a little off. Have you seen the. Yeah, it feels like police cars. No, they got puzzle pieces all over the police cars.

[Drew Phillips]

I was cracking up because while I was, like, taking that video of the cop car, another cop car passed right after. I was like, I wish I got the other cop car because I wanted to be like, okay, so do I call gay police or normal police? Which one?

[India]

But most header. What are we gonna say? Keep going.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I was just gonna say that I've been really scared of my Tick Tock timeline recently because I up and there have been people who are, like, sponsoring their really bad music on Tick Tock, and I keep saving it or sending it to friends because I think it's funny. But now all of my ads on Tick Tock are really bad music. Like, really bad music. And then it was freaking me out because I'm like, damn, dude, music can make you feel so fudgeing good. Or it can make you feel the way this shit makes me feel, which is so weird. And it feels like, oh, my God. Music is literally, like. It taps into such an intense, like, sense of, like, the human mind because, like, we all know, like, smell Is one of the, like, most, like, prominent senses. Like, it's the most. I think it's the sense that I'm around you.

[India]

That's.

[Drew Phillips]

What the fuck did you just say?

[India]

You stink. You reek. Most heterosexual men. Most heterosexual men are attracted to men.

[Drew Phillips]

That makes.

[India]

Hi, Queen. Yeah, I know. It's like, men just are like, oh, like, I want a girl who I can sit with and drink a beer and watch a sports game with. I want, like, a girl who will go to the bar with me and, like, let me talk to girls. And, like, no, you want a man. You want to date a man.

[Drew Phillips]

And men are, like. Men are the most obsessed with, like, the way other men look. Like, men are literally taught to look at other men and be like, that's what you should be. And if you look at something long enough, you're gonna be like.

[India]

Like, you get big and strong in. Yep. No, men get big and strong only for other men to, like, hit on them. And literally, I'm like, okay, you're attracted to men. It's okay. It was me.

[Drew Phillips]

Can you not hear it a little?

[India]

Like, barely. Okay, so this is my take on stuff like this because I'm like. It's like hoop dreams. Like, I'm, like, glad that you have, like, a dream to, like, pursue something. And, like, I'm glad you're creating. And, like, I really am. Like, like, yes, like, do your thing, but, like, don't shove it down my throat, like, dead ass. Like, keep that to yourself.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, that would be the first time you've ever said that about something. Are you. Oh, he's. He's going to come back. He's just clocking out of work. He'll come back.

[Kai]

No, I think you offended him.

[Drew Phillips]

What? I didn't even say anything.

[Kai]

I feel like that might have been too far because he hasn't come back. He looked really hurt. I'm just saying he looked really hurt.

[Drew Phillips]

That's not my fault, though, if the things I say offend you. Like, just, like, ignore it and keep it pushing. That's how it should be, right?

[Kai]

Yeah, no, I think that's fair.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, no, I'm wrong. I'm wrong. Oh, my God. Drew, your camera's on. We could see your eyes.

[Kai]

We can see your area.

[India]

Is this live?

[Kai]

Yeah. Well, it's not.

[Drew Phillips]

We're not live. We're never live.

[Kai]

Him yelling.

[India]

Yo, we need to cut that for real, bro.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, you looked caked the up.

[India]

Did I actually.

[Kai]

Yeah, that looked good.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[India]

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Thank you, guys. What is going on? With this mouse. What is going on?

[Drew Phillips]

But yeah, that's just been freaking me out because I'm like, damn music really does tap into your brain chemistry and do. Does something to you. Because when I hear a sad song, it actually makes me sad. Like, vice versa. Happy songs make you happy. Blah. We all know that. But hearing bad music makes me feel like I'm going to kill somebody.

[India]

Have you.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, it literally feels like.

[India]

Have you.

[Drew Phillips]

It's literally like a. Like a government operation. Like, it feels like someone's trying to hack into my brain. Like, someone's trying to get back there. They're trying to find something that they shouldn't know. Like, that's what bad music feels like to me. Like, that's why they play bad music in Forever 21 and H& M and all those stores, because they want you to go in there, lose yourself. You lose connection to who you are, and then you're just picking stuff up to buy it because they're trying to get into your brain.

[India]

Yeah. What was I gonna say? Damn it. Oh, my. Oh, it. Have you ever read my letterboxd movie review for that, like, movie about the girl in school? But basically, like, I wrote, like, a review about this movie that was, like, so bad. Like, you know me, like, fangirl is what it's called. It's actually about a girl who's a fan. But anyways, I like, watched this movie. Like, I watch bad movies all the time for fun. Like, I literally love a bad movie as much as a good movie. Like, literally, they're so funny. They're, like, just as much fun as, like, watching a good movie. Action movie or comedy, whatever. That's how this movie made me feel. And you, like, I felt like I was, like, literally going through, like, opium withdrawals. Like, my body was, like, fully restless. I was like, my skin was crawling. I started sweating and getting nauseous. And then I had, like, really gnarly diarrhea. But, like, I'm not even fucking kidding. Like, it literally is, like a psychological operation, bro. Like, it literally.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what I'm saying.

[India]

Like, designed.

[Drew Phillips]

The creators of, like, horror movies need to get together with people who just make incredibly bad movies. But the people who make the worst movies are the people who are the most passionate about it. Like, does that make sense? Because there's some bad movies where it's like, the middle ground. Like, Hallmark ass movie where it's like, whatever. But the best worst movies ever is somebody who for some reason has a little bit of a budget but doesn't know how to spend it and is extremely passionate. Like, too passionate. And they already feel like in their mind, they're like, I have the mind of a mastermind and nobody wants to put me on. And I'm going to put myself on it.

[India]

On and those. I was going to say it honestly feels like that might be why I like certain bad movies a lot because, like, literally I say it all the time. And this isn't like a hot take and everyone knows this, but like, you can, like sense passion in projects. And like, I really, really like, if someone's giving like a good, good actual effort and something to create something, like, I will tune in and I will give it a fucking chance. And even if it's fucking terrible, like, I can feel your passion in this and I can feel that, like, you really do mean well and you're trying to make something good. And I think that might be why that might. That might be the reason why I like bad movies partially.

[Drew Phillips]

That's how I felt about the Barbie movie.

[India]

Like, it's just like I never saw it.

[Drew Phillips]

I can feel your passion, but I just, like, don't with your vibe. That's my new saying, is I can feel your passion, but I just don't with your vibe.

[India]

Damn.

[Kai]

Did you really not see Barbie? True.

[India]

No. It's a personality trait for me now. It's like I've never seen hair.

[Drew Phillips]

I really wanted that to be my vibe because that's how I am with like, like Harry Potter and stuff. I'm like, never seen it, never will. Twilight. Never seen it, never will.

[India]

Wait, you haven't seen Twilight?

[Drew Phillips]

No, I wasn't allowed to watch it. My parents thought it was brujeria. They were like, no, that's evil. They literally were like, no, that shit's evil. There's sex, weird demons. No. So I wasn't allowed to watch Twilight.

[India]

Miss Abuelita as Brujaria.

[Drew Phillips]

Miss Grandma is witchery.

[India]

Bruja Abuelita.

[Drew Phillips]

My parents used to.

[India]

Oh, wow, this is crazy. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Are people still passing notes in school? Like, are kids still passing notes on school in school or do they just have their, like, iPhones? Like.

[India]

They have neuralink now. They literally just like transcode it through, like a neural link implant, I guess.

[Drew Phillips]

Also, like, the fun in us passing notes in school was because we didn't have any technology. The. Was that nothing?

[India]

Oh, Kai, what were you reaching for? Could you get that moth off your wall or sticky note or whatever you're reaching for?

[Kai]

It wasn't a sticky note. It was. It was the Mark where the moth was left on my wall. I like smashed it against the wall and I've just been looking at it.

[India]

Well, can you, like, my bills have.

[Drew Phillips]

Been affected because my lights keep going on and off.

[India]

The bills has literally been affected.

[Kai]

Why do you want me to reach over the camera, bruh?

[Drew Phillips]

Because he wants to smell you. He's trying to smell you through the screen because he's nasty.

[India]

Y' all make everything weird, bro.

[Drew Phillips]

You don't think it's weird that your friend reached his arm up and you went to go smell his pits?

[India]

I. I'm not even there, bro.

[Kai]

All right, I think I got it.

[Drew Phillips]

Ew, dude. For some reason this feels so, like, gross.

[Kai]

Remember those, those tik toks of like the hot guys on Tick Tock that would like be in a, in a car and they would like be gripping the head of the, like, the car. Do you know what I'm talking about, guy?

[India]

This might be your TikTok.

[Drew Phillips]

I know because I never seen.

[Kai]

There's like always guys.

[India]

No, I know you're talking about.

[Kai]

You know what I'm talking about though.

[India]

Like they're always on live too.

[Kai]

Yeah, they'd be like, you know, like.

[Drew Phillips]

A white thing is.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

What's crazy is y' all know about this, but I've never seen this girl.

[India]

It's the dilemma we were just talking about. Most heterosexual men are attracted to men.

[Kai]

You know what's crazy is that like, I feel like TikTok's just been dick prince for like a year now. Like, you know, isn't it annoying to just always go on TikTok? It's just only dick prince, dude.

[Drew Phillips]

It's crazy because mine is only Prince. It's only like girls, like with huge camel toes. It's so weird. Like, why?

[India]

It's, it's mostly for me, like getting that money and.

[Kai]

You just have the 14 year old stock trader and drop.

[India]

Sneako Aiden Ross and stock trading. That's been my vibe lately.

[Drew Phillips]

Wow, that's weird. Is that just like your Texas vibe or are you gonna bring that Vibe back to LA?

[India]

It's just my, like when I'm working at McDonald's Vibe. I might open a franchise up out in LA though. Been thinking about it. I think I need to open one like in the Big Bear Lake. Like put a parking lot in there.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, it needs a parking lot.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah, it needs like a Walmart slash McDonald's. So it needs to be the Walmart with the McDonald's in it.

[Kai]

How often do you get in fights at The. At the office.

[India]

Oh, Every day I have to beat a down. Every day I'll put. I'll pull anybody's hair. Like, I don't give a fuck, dog. I'll rip that tail off. I had to beat up.

[Kai]

It really seems like you work alone. I haven't seen any other employees.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. It kind of seems like you just broke into a McDonald's and you're just hanging out.

[India]

I cut my finger open. Cutting. I made a bunch of rice krispie treats the other day. And last.

[Kai]

Yeah, it looks good.

[India]

You can see that, right? And last night, I, like, was. It was like, 10:30, and I had just gotten sonic corn dogs. If, you know. You know those shits cake you eat, you eat like. Yeah, yeah. So if that's nasty, you're just a hater of women.

[Kai]

Huh?

[India]

No, I eat terribly. I know. It's really bad. It's really actually a problem, dude.

[Drew Phillips]

It just constantly shocks me. I was talking to someone the other day, and I was like, if I didn't live with Drew, I genuinely do not think I would eat fast food. But living with you, it's just. Okay. I could have a real meal, or me and my friend can order McDonald's for the eighth time in a row, bruh.

[India]

I put you the on to this lifestyle.

[Drew Phillips]

You think you put me on the McDonald's?

[Kai]

When I met Drew, I feel like I only saw you eat spherical foods for the first.

[India]

Like, you did make fun of me for that.

[Kai]

It was just, like, a brown sphere, a red sphere with, like, yellow.

[India]

That was my healthy arc. Oh, yeah, that was you. You caught me in my healthy arc.

[Kai]

The fried nacho cheese with hot cheetos. Duh.

[India]

Classic class.

[Kai]

Whatever. The.

[India]

That was literally classic. What was I saying, though? Oh, I was eating. I made, like, literally three trays of Rice Krispie treats, and I, like, freaked it. I did, like, fruity pebbles in one. I did Rice krispie treats in another, and then I did Reese's puffs in another, and it was like, the Reese's puffs were so good. Are you okay?

[Drew Phillips]

I didn't say.

[India]

Oh. I did have a schizophrenic break, like, a week ago. I texted India about it or called her about it.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. Yeah, you called me and told me, and I was like, okay, cool. You should go see a psychiatrist.

[India]

I booked an appointment because of it.

[Kai]

You guys can't hear me.

[Drew Phillips]

I need to go really bad too.

[Kai]

Like, the sound because my roommate makes, like, Jersey club music, and it's just been, like, that kick the Entire time.

[India]

I just don't know if you in the frat house.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[India]

Jersey club remix. And then.

[Kai]

Yeah, guys. I have 12 roommates, by the way, Guys.

[India]

In the trenches. But I was cutting the Rice Krispie treats last night. It was like the last night I was gonna eat them because they were gonna go bad. And I grabbed the knife and I put it down, and it wasn't cutting through the Reese's Pieces. And I was like, damn, these got stale already. What the. And so I pushed down on it harder, and I realized I had the knife upside down, and I was cutting through my fucking finger. And I just cut through the tip of my finger. Oh, you can kind of see it.

[Kai]

No.

[India]

Yeah, you can.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[India]

But, yeah, I gashed my finger open. I probably need stitches, bruh. It keeps bleeding.

[Drew Phillips]

That's embarrassing. You should get a bigger cut and then go for the other cut and then be like, oh, while you're at it. This. Because if you go for stitches for just that, it's going to be really demasculating and, like, embarrassing, and you might as well just thug it out and get an infection, because that I do.

[India]

I do need to suture up my pee hole because it's just so big.

[Drew Phillips]

Because it's loose. Because you let stick their finger in it.

[India]

I love sounding. I'm into sounding. Yeah. That's my vibe. Y' all ever seen sounding videos?

[Kai]

No. We have.

[Drew Phillips]

No. And I don't even want to talk about it.

[India]

That's nasty.

[Kai]

The fork, right? That, like, aligns your frequencies.

[India]

No, that is sounding. But sounding is when they stick, like, a tube. Like a glass tube or a metal rod, right? Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah, that sounds like it would feel good.

[Drew Phillips]

That's fucking nasty. And that just makes me think about the fact that, like, I'm sorry, but I have an inherent belief that if you're somebody who's, like, getting too fucking freaky in the bedroom, bitch, you're a freak. Like, you are weird as to me. And not even on some slut shaming shit. I'm literally like, can you, like, go into Joanne's fabrics and find a different hobby? Like, why is sex your hobby? Like, that's just something humans do naturally. Like, why are you making it, like, your whole lifestyle? You're just like, yeah, and here's my sex room. Your sex room? Have you ever gone to the beach and enjoyed the sun? Like, what are you doing?

[Kai]

I agree with that. Once people bust out the sex swing, I'm like, why? Because you just have to have sex on a bed.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, Positions on a bed. You don't need a swing.

[India]

Yeah, it's. It's a different thing for me, though. Like, I think y' all are two versions that don't get play. And when I bring out, like, my sex toys and my swing bed and my dragon egg laying dildo, y' all, like, want to have problems with it.

[Kai]

But, like, imagining Drew doing, like, Cirque du Soleil with a girl.

[India]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, of course.

[India]

Yeah, of course.

[Drew Phillips]

Why do you. Why do you even need to say that? Like, we knew that.

[Kai]

I just. I don't know. I feel like, just to be clear, in case anyone was wondering, what the.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you playing with?

[India]

Why would anybody be wondering? It's a zip tie. Why would anybody.

[Kai]

Is that one of your toys?

[India]

It's one of my fidgets. Yeah. Is it a sounding tool.

[Drew Phillips]

And you're putting it in your mouth?

[India]

Yeah. Okay. So I'm at that age now, 17, about to be 18, where I can look back on my childhood and realized that it wasn't so bad. I was just an angsty teenager, and I made it bad. And I remembered this thing that me and my family used to do, or specifically me and my mom and my sisters and brothers would do with our friends, and we would go to, like, nearby ponds and go frog hunting. And I know. Oh, my God, he killed frogs. What the. No. Frog hunting. What we would do is we would get nets and we would.

[Drew Phillips]

Absolutely. No one's reaction.

[India]

Literally everyone was like, wait, what the fuck? He killed frogs? No. I never have, never will. I love frogs more than anything on this fucking planet. But I went. We would go and get really big long neck nets.

[Kai]

Oh, what?

[India]

And catch the. Yeah, yeah. Long neck style. Big Gulp. Slurpee straw.

[Drew Phillips]

Girl. What? Where are you going with this?

[India]

We would just catch the frogs and then bring them back and put them in the floor of the shower for a day and just take pictures with them and play with them. And then we would bring them back to the pond and release them. But they were big frogs. Like, literally like bullfrogs. Like, when you held them by the top, their legs would go this low. They were, like, hella long. Yeah. And we would just, like, catch them and take pictures and play with them. And my dad was like, is petrified of frogs because he thinks they're going to, like, jump in his mouth because he has, like, childhood trauma from a frog jumping in his mouth. And he. And you really do look gorgeous today. Like, I'm not even playing. Like, I'm stunned by your beauty.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, do you want to see something where I look really gorgeous too? This one's just for you.

[India]

Is it naked? Oh, you look like your dad, bro. You look like you're literal sibling.

[Drew Phillips]

You're not gonna hit?

[India]

No, absolutely not. Like a. Hell no. Kaya's crying, laughing.

[Drew Phillips]

This is when I woke up.

[India]

Bruh. Wait, I took a. I took a good picture too. Damn.

[Drew Phillips]

Would you hit though?

[India]

Wait, how do I turn this? Hold on.

[Drew Phillips]

That's just what I've been looking like.

[India]

I just got back home.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, that was a really fast commute. Get like, damn. Next topic. How about that?

[India]

Our sex tape.

[Drew Phillips]

So the leaked one or.

[India]

No, no, no, no. The one that we're gonna drop on only fans.

[Drew Phillips]

But you've been stingy. You won't let me hit.

[India]

Well, yeah, because. I don't know, I just. When I can't get it up, it's not because of you, you know, it's like a me thing.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

Did you guys ever actually have sex?

[India]

Sorry, did we or would.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, we've had sex a few times.

[India]

A couple times, yeah. How do you think we made our children?

[Kai]

Oh, right, of course.

[India]

Me and India were talking about the other day, like, if it ever gets really, really rough for us, like, if we ever get like, down tremendously bad, our fallback plan is to literally just man up, woman up, and do s on camera and release it on only fans. And I guarantee, I guarantee it would make $2 million. Like, yeah, curiosity. I think that's the cat. No, curiosity killed the cat.

[Drew Phillips]

Pushing it. I don't know, Like, I don't know if we'd make that much over time.

[India]

I really do think we could generate like a good amount of money. Because, like, bro, like, literally think about it. Like, we. A lot of people know our faces, and if people found out we did ask, they would have to go fudgeing. Watch. Like, you literally would have to. Like, all of my. All of my friends, all of my family, like, literally everyone I know would buy that shit for 599. Like, literally everyone would, like, I don't know. But maybe 2 million is a reach though.

[Kai]

Yeah. Because I mean, you're getting like, you're getting a huge deal because you guys are. It's like incest and you're gay and your friends. Oh, okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. I was like, which one of you us is you talking to? Because not me. Never me.

[Kai]

It's okay.

[India]

Sorry.

[Kai]

It's hard for me.

[Drew Phillips]

Could never beat me.

[Kai]

Okay. It's like, it's hard for me to keep up with, like, What? The narrative is just change it so fluid every day with him.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, me and Drew are both straight. That's why we. Like, why would we if we're not straight?

[Kai]

Okay, yeah, totally.

[Drew Phillips]

Dude. You pushed him to going back to work. I think he's back at work. Literally. He needed to go get his mind off of things, and now he's back at work. Dude, that was crazy. Why is your commute to work so quick?

[India]

Hold on. I'm getting in on the shift, bro. Yo, Yo.

[Drew Phillips]

Why are you back at work? I thought you just clocked out.

[India]

This guy is a Wiccan. I literally just need to get your.

[Drew Phillips]

Mind off of things.

[India]

Like, I'm actually gonna have a panic attack. Like, that was crazy. I can't hear y' all anymore. I. Oh, wait. Why did I turn?

[Drew Phillips]

We're watching Drew use a computer for the first time. Dude, your hair. You have so much hair. That was insane.

[Kai]

You do have, like, such insanely dense hair.

[India]

I have them on backwards the whole time.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know if you feel this, Drew, but I want to go back to LA so bad.

[India]

I agree.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I want to actually miss.

[India]

I actually miss la.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. I miss home. That's my home. All right, well.

[Kai]

Oh, guys. I wanted to show you guys something before we ended.

[India]

Is it your penis?

[Kai]

I was in your house at 3:00am Let me see.

[India]

Oh, 1:14am get out of my house.

[Drew Phillips]

When?

[Kai]

It's, like, a couple days ago. But anyway, just.

[India]

Why?

[Kai]

Doesn't matter.

[India]

If you ever enter my house again without my permission, I will call the cops.

[Kai]

Yeah, do it. Call the cops. I don't give a.

[Drew Phillips]

What I. I'm gonna call the gay cops on you.

[India]

Oh, yeah. All right.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. Wait, Drew.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

If you haven't watched the Sopranos, this might be a spoiler for you, but it's not really. But there was an episode with a sexy firefighter who looked exactly like the firefighter who was sexy from a fire being put out. And I was like, damn, I should have had sex with him. He was.

[India]

Send me the picture of him.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, the firefighter in the show was so sexy.

[India]

Like, yeah, send me a picture of him. Should I do some Drew s Up corner?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah, hold on.

[India]

Let me cover up this fucking nasty, shiny forehead. There, that's better.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, you look disgusting.

[India]

All right, so these are just, like, a few of them are just certified classics that need to be said. Women not knowing what to eat is a vestual memory of when men suddenly showed up with whatever food they had managed to Kill. A lot of women going through shaft flipping, shoplifting phases. A lot of women are going through shoplifting phases, and this is inherently intertwined with their subconscious and the fact that they used to gather berries, nuts, and greens.

[Drew Phillips]

Do you think if I use that in court, I would get away with it 100%? Yeah. Depending on what I stole, right?

[India]

Yeah. You can't steal my heart any more than you already have, though.

[Kai]

Why did that make her go away?

[India]

You don't. I don't even want to talk about it, bro.

[Kai]

Okay. Oh, I hate when you guys do this.

[India]

Girl spelled backwards is liar.

[Drew Phillips]

A liar.

[India]

That girl's a liar.

[Drew Phillips]

A liar.

[India]

Uber eats prices make you want to dig in your butt and eat the same from last night.

[Drew Phillips]

That's, like, one of my favorites.

[India]

Yeah, you sent that one to me. I'm pretty sure.

[Drew Phillips]

You want to dig in your butt.

[India]

Some of y' all air pods looking like they were in yalls asses, not your ears.

[Drew Phillips]

That's literally me.

[India]

I don't ate this garlic.

[Drew Phillips]

Josie had my my headphones in Japan, and he was like, ew.

[India]

I think we put it in the video too. Or maybe y' all did.

[Drew Phillips]

So annoying.

[India]

Nasty AirPods. I done ate this garlic bread from Dollar Tree. Now my leg won't move. They should add a feature where we can over Instagram.

[Drew Phillips]

Yes.

[India]

I'll do one more. I got a bunch.

[Drew Phillips]

They should make a close friends. That's, like, only fans, but, like, you can make your close friends pay to see you naked on Instagram.

[India]

That's actually a good idea.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what I'm saying. Why would I say if it was a bad idea?

[India]

I don't know, bro. All right, we'll end on this one's more for you in. Yeah, and I forgot to send it to you. Here, I'll actually send it to you.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. You want me to read it or.

[India]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

People. People just walk into my room and sit on my bed. Like, I don't be squirting there.

[India]

Yep.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm like, y' all can't sit on my bed with your outside clothes. As if my bed isn't like hardened steel from Cummin Squirt.

[India]

Ew. Ew.

[Drew Phillips]

If you jumped on my bed, that would crack like I into a million pieces.

[India]

Come everywhere. Just come everywhere.

[Drew Phillips]

What's crazy is, like, never mind. Actually, that's, like, too expensive. Never mind.

[India]

Well, should we get into media?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[India]

You watch any movies?

[Drew Phillips]

No, but I did have my cousins watch Talk to Me, but they're annoying and they're all like, that wasn't even scary. I'm like, yeah, because you're stuck on your iPhone and you're never gonna live a joyous life of being outside and being a normal teenager. So now what? Your life is gonna suck and you're not gonna have any clean water for your kids.

[India]

How about you enjoy things or you'll literally be like me when I was 17 and just too cool.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. Me upset that my family is full of haters just like me. I'm like you.

[India]

I think.

[Drew Phillips]

But I did. Oh, my God. Actually, at my sister's keen set, I got high because I didn't want to drink, so I, like, took an edible instead. And I took a little bit because I'm around all my family and they would scare me and I would look at them and know that they were real people and freak the out. But I was sitting down and I just hear, like, the lights go down and they have a fog machine blasting. And all of a sudden I turn around and this was behind me. Drew, I am not kidding. I was crying. Like, I need to see if any of my cousins got a video of me crying. Like, I'm going to cover Natalie in this because I really don't want her to be seen. But look at that fucking robot guy.

[India]

Wait, they got that. They got one dude.

[Drew Phillips]

Yes.

[India]

That's a man in a big suit.

[Drew Phillips]

In this huge.

[India]

No, that would be so scary if you were high.

[Drew Phillips]

And it was cracking me up. It was freaking me. I was like, oh, my God, there's literally a grown ass man who has to go back home to his family in that right now. And he's like, being paid to dance on stilts. And my little cousins kept running around his feet and he kept pushing my cousins away from him because I was like, oh, my God, this man's gonna crush my cousins and, like, kill them.

[India]

He probably loves that job, too.

[Drew Phillips]

No, he was.

[India]

That's a good.

[Drew Phillips]

And then he had lasers on his fingers and was like.

[India]

Scanning, scanning, scanning.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I didn't watch any movies.

[India]

I cried in the airport listening to jump style music. No, no, wait. What did I cry? What was it? Oh, shooting stars by the Bag Raiders. And I was just looking at everyone's families and, like, people sleeping on each other's shoulders and just being stressed out together and, like, being happy together and, like, getting on the plane together. And it just made me so fudgeing happy. And, like, I had, like, a moment where I was just like, wow. Like, life is beautiful. Family is beautiful. Like, but yeah, one of the things.

[Drew Phillips]

Is I had the same vibe at take off for my flight coming here. Like I was looking out the window and I was like, God, dude, like, the world is so beautiful. Humans are so funny. Why did we make so many lights? And I was like looking down and I was like, dude, it's so funny. Like there's so many people down there and they all have their lights on because it's dark and humans just can't see in the dark.

[India]

Like I know we like, we literally conquer everything. Like the like human unconquerable human spirit. What is it? The indomitable human spirit. Like, bitch, try to fucking play with us. Like, we'll figure out a way. Like, yeah, we might be destroying the world. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

One thing about humans is we're gonna figure it out.

[India]

Yeah. Straight up. Straight up. But yeah, we might be destroying the world with global warming, but like we'll just get on rockets and fly to a new planet and leave everyone behind. The billionaires that created the global warming will just leave us all behind and go to a new planet and do the same thing.

[Drew Phillips]

That's really morbid.

[India]

Okay, well I'll give you a few songs. Jump Aiden music jump style. Tick tock MP3 psychosis I really like. I kind of avoided saying this song for so long because it became like a tick tock song and it pissed me off. But 180 decibel underscore 130 aphex twin the off of Cyro Zero and it pissed me off. But it is just really a great song. And then I've been listening to Ice Peak. I've been listening to like really, really dark music while I've been in Texas. But Ice Peak has been like at the peak of it or at the top of it. The bills has been affected.

[Kai]

Literally.

[Drew Phillips]

I've been using my little sister's vanity. Like I haven't been wearing my glasses because you'll see like, oh, but you're all the dots from her vanity.

[India]

Okay, wait, but why is this three queens. Why is this three queens getting together to maximize their joint slay. That's all.

[Drew Phillips]

Emergency intercom is nice to call Kaya Queen because for sure doesn't give queen.

[India]

Oh yeah. Two queens and a peasant.

[Kai]

Oh yeah. Two queens and a jester.

[Drew Phillips]

Two queens in the janitor.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's more accurate.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, well mine is just had to tell Somebody by Dorothy Ashby. Goodbye the Sundays. Traction in the Rain by David Crosby and Nothing could be good by the Bee Gees.

[India]

What album is the Dorothy song on? Is it Afro harping.

[Drew Phillips]

It's off. The. The one. The white. It's Dorothy's harp. It's like the one with the white background and then just, like, the blue harp.

[India]

I don't know if I've listened to that one.

[Drew Phillips]

It's the one that has by the time I get to Phoenix.

[India]

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Oh, also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, Oreo Milkshake by Young Lean. It's a great song. Kai, do you have media? And don't let me say you watch porn.

[Kai]

I get to do my media. I don't watch porn anymore. Oh, I thought you'd change. By Hotline tnt, Shout Out. Eric Rayhill. He's in that video. He's really funny. Who's also in my video. So.

[India]

That'S it.

[Kai]

Oh, I get to do more than one?

[Drew Phillips]

Well, yeah, don't get carried away.

[Kai]

Okay. Greatest Hits by Jockstrap, Life is Perfecto by cfcf. And then for movies, Fight Club, Wolf of Wall Street, Fight Club. Two, three. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Thank you, guys for watching.

[India]

Just, like, going in, y' all with my hair. All right, well, should I wear it like this more often?

[Kai]

Yeah, you look like an anime character.

[Drew Phillips]

You look like when people are lighting candles and then their hair sits on fire, but they get it out before their whole head goes.

[Kai]

I have this photo, Me and Drew up to something, and we took this photo that I'm, like, kind of afraid of bringing up on the podcast because we both. I don't know what was going on with the lighting, but we both look so bad.

[India]

I showed Anya.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I know what you're talking about. It's really gross. And you have to insert it. It's so bad.

[India]

And I'm using that as the Instagram promo pic because it's up.

[Kai]

It's literally. It looks like Drew got hit by lightning twice.

[Drew Phillips]

No, you know what it is? It's for the first time that I feel in real life, so I'm honestly glad.

[Kai]

Dude, I. I saw that. I saw me. I was like, I literally just look like a toe.

[India]

You. You know. You know the movie, like, the. They. That dude that made a bunch of movies, like, recreating entire franchises with their thumbs. It was like the Thumb wars. Like Star Wars.

[Kai]

That's what I look like.

[India]

That's what we look like.

[Kai]

Yes.

[India]

In. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm embarrassed because I've been hitting this stupid jewel. Oh, my God. I freaked out because I thought I lost it, and I was actually so sad about losing my red one jewel. Asmr. From somebody who made fun of people who used vapes for five years and now loves having Kuala.

[Kai]

Yeah, the mic isn't.

[Drew Phillips]

Lady. All right, we're okay. Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway, now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like General Mills cereal, Drumstick, frozen treats, Outshine fruit bars, Oreo cookies and Capri sun pouches. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.