Drew Got Veneers

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary – "Drew Got Veneers"

Release Date: May 27, 2022

Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Guest Participants: Kai and Orion

---

Introduction

In the episode titled "Drew Got Veneers," hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips engage in their signature comedic banter, joined by regulars Kai and Orion. The episode delves into personal anecdotes, humorous mishaps, and reflective conversations about vanity, social media, and early internet experiences. Amidst the laughter, the central theme revolves around veneers and the ensuing chaos they introduce into the hosts' lives.

---

The Veneer Debacle

Kai's Veneers Gone Awry

The episode kicks off with Drew teasing Kai about his new veneers, setting the stage for a series of comedic exchanges.

• [00:50] Drew: "Feeling really ugly. So if you have any comments about my appearance, don't say anything."

• [00:58] Kai: "Honestly, lately I've been feeling fantastic. I've been feeling sexy as fuck. Just don't ask me to say my S's because I can't save them because I got veneers and I'm not used to it yet."

Kai reveals that he recently got veneers via a Groupon deal in Arizona, leading to immediate complications as parts of them begin to fall out shortly after.

• [02:21] Drew: "We should have got the teeth paint."

• [05:04] Drew: "Wait, you saying the thing about they're removable. Your teeth shaved down under there."

The conversation escalates as Kai describes the unsettling experience of getting veneers from a dubious provider, including a visit to a creepy house with elements of drug use and the use of makeshift dental tools.

• [02:51] Kai: "They took me to this, like, really scary house. People were, like, overdosing on fentanyl in the front... they started chiseling away."

Drew expresses concern over the quality and safety of Kai's veneers, humorously questioning the professionalism of the service.

• [02:36] Drew: "Is it because they're cheap?"

Kai confirms the dubious nature of the provider, highlighting the low cost but questionable practices.

• [02:39] Kai: "They shaved my teeth down. It's like it was worth it. They cut them."

The veneers continue to deteriorate, causing Kai embarrassment and frustration.

• [04:04] Orion: "It just. Something really strange is happening to the bottom of your beard way right here."

• [04:13] Drew: "You just ripped it off."

• [05:27] Kai: "Why do you think I wear the hat?"

Kai's attempt to maintain his appearance leads to further comedic moments as his veneers and beard fall apart, culminating in him declaring his intention to remove his beard entirely.

• [05:56] Drew: "I get called up ugly. I had to rip out my veneers and my beard. I'm so ugly."

---

Celebrating Milestones with Mayhem

The Ad Banner and Confetti Cannon

In a bid to celebrate securing advertisements, the hosts decide to unveil a banner, triggering an over-the-top confetti cannon that engulfs the studio.

• [07:35] Drew: "We got something to celebrate. It's like a gender reveal."

The ensuing chaos includes confetti explosion, damage to the ceiling, and temporary sensory overload for the participants.

• [08:17] Orion: "I feel like I just got flashbang."

• [08:27] Drew: "We didn't even say anything."

Despite the mess, the hosts humorously embrace the situation, turning it into a part of the show's narrative.

• [09:02] Kai: "We suck."

• [09:32] Drew: "This has been very natural and chill."

---

Dreams and Altered Realities

Exploring Strange Dreams

The hosts shift gears to discuss bizarre and humorous dreams, offering insights into their subconscious fears and desires.

• [10:07] Kai: "It was literally an orgy where no sex happened, but it was initiated..."

• [12:51] Drew: "In my dream, I went with, like, I was with Orion and we went to an esthetician to both..."

Kai recounts a dream about orchestrating a non-consensual gathering, reflecting his discomfort with leadership roles in social settings.

• [10:28] Orion: "People hanging out."

• [10:39] Drew: "Mine was... I just don't want to say it."

Drew shares a vivid dream about getting lip fillers, which segues into a humorous discussion about elective surgeries and their potential mishaps.

• [13:59] Kai: "$34 me with my $180 veneers."

• [14:18] Kai: "That's the thing with any kind of elective surgery..."

---

Reflections on Early Internet Experiences

Nostalgia for the Early Days of Social Media

The conversation takes a nostalgic turn as the hosts reminisce about their formative years with early social media platforms like Ask FM, YikYak, Keek, and Omegle.

• [29:32] Kai: "I never had one. Like, I never did one publicly."

• [34:15] Drew: "Yes, I had Kick. That was hella grooming."

Kai and Drew discuss the anonymity and dangers of early internet platforms, sharing personal stories of catfishing and online bullying.

• [35:25] Kai: "I was getting head and had a seizure while driving and crashed the car."

• [35:46] Drew: "People believe that you were getting head so good that it..."

Kai confesses to drinking and driving, revealing a controversial moment from his past that blends humor with vulnerability.

• [36:00] Kai: "I'm just gonna kill myself."

• [36:03] Drew: "It's never the solution."

The hosts navigate through serious themes with their characteristic humor, balancing introspection with levity.

---

Fandoms and Pop Culture Obsessions

The Evolution of Musical Tastes and Fandoms

Kai and Drew dive into their musical preferences, highlighting their transitions from early pop icons to more mature tastes.

• [40:07] Drew: "I was a Beyonce girl when I was really young. And then I became a Justin Bieber girl..."

• [40:16] Kai: "She's so beautiful. Beautiful."

Kai emphasizes her longstanding admiration for Miley Cyrus and Beyoncé, contrasting it with Drew's One Direction obsession.

• [43:17] Drew: "You had this... can you get a big brain and big boobs?"

• [44:38] Kai: "Drew, shut the up, okay?"

Their discussions reflect on the impact of pop culture on their identities and relationships, with a humorous take on evolving tastes and the pressures of fandom.

---

Media Consumption and Personal Growth

Albums, Movies, and Personal Media Choices

The hosts share their current media interests, ranging from avant-garde music to complex films, showcasing their diverse tastes.

• [56:05] Kai: "This album that I've been listening to is Music for 18 Musicians by Steve Reich..."

• [58:17] Drew: "My media is waiting. By the Carousel by Robin Guthrie Blue Skied and Clear Slow Dive..."

Kai praises the orchestral depth of Steve Reich's work, while Drew discusses his appreciation for ambient music and true crime series.

---

Closing Remarks

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on their journey, the evolution of the internet, and their personal growth. They touch upon the changes in their friendships and the loss of close-knit connections.

• [60:15] Kai: "That's the episode. Thank you so much."

• [60:24] Drew: "Until next time."

With a mix of laughter and heartfelt moments, Enya and Drew conclude the episode, inviting listeners to continue engaging with their content.

---

Notable Quotes

• Kai (00:58): "I got veneers and I'm not used to it yet."

• Drew (05:04): "You just spent $180 to have them sitting here?"

• Drew (14:30): "That's literally why I don't dabble in that stuff also because, like, if I'm being honest, God did make me very perfect."

• Kai (36:01): "This is my last episode. I get called up ugly. I had to rip out my veneers and my beard. I'm so ugly."

• Drew (20:35): "Some of you are really ugly. And that's okay. Because we need the ugly people."

---

Conclusion

"Drew Got Veneers" offers a blend of raw honesty, comedic storytelling, and reflective conversations among friends navigating personal setbacks and societal pressures. From the pitfalls of cheap veneers to the nostalgia of early internet exploits, the episode encapsulates the chaotic yet endearing dynamics of the Emergency Intercom crew. Listeners are treated to a heartfelt exploration of vanity, friendship, and the enduring quest for self-acceptance, all wrapped in the hosts' trademark humor.

Transcript

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[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

Feeling really ugly. So if you have any comments about my appearance, don't say anything.

[Kai]

Honestly, lately I've been feeling fantastic. I've been feeling sexy as fuck. Just don't ask me to say my S's because I can't save them because I got veneers and I'm not used to it yet.

[Drew]

Yeah, I told you you shouldn't have gone to, like, someone you found, like, via Groupon.

[Kai]

I told you to shut the fuck up.

[Drew]

I'm just saying, like, you. You have a following. You could have used somebody, gotten a discount, and, like, gotten decent veneers.

[Kai]

Yeah, but I like equality and being equal with everybody. And, like, if I have something that other people don't have, it means I'm privileged, and I just. I don't want to use that.

[Drew]

You sound crazy. You. You sound like. Like a different person.

[Kai]

I think you're fucked up.

[Drew]

You look fucked up. You look weird. Like, something about you is weird today, and I can't.

[Kai]

I don't look weird at all.

[Drew]

You look. When we started the episode, a piece of your beard fell off.

[Kai]

Oh, what?

[Drew]

Like a drop of your beard? What was that?

[Kai]

That was part of my tooth flew out.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, when did you get them?

[Kai]

Like, three days ago.

[Drew]

Oh, so they're new now?

[Kai]

Yeah, that's why it's like, I'm having trouble talking.

[Drew]

Wait, why are parts of them falling out if you just got got them?

[Kai]

Because I got them in New Mexico. I drove to Arizona.

[Drew]

What's wrong with Arizona? Do they do really bad veneers there?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Is it because they're cheap?

[Kai]

Well, they don't take health insurance.

[Drew]

So you had to pay out of pocket. How much was it out of pocket?

[Kai]

Like 180.

[Drew]

Wait, wait.

[Kai]

They shaved my teeth down. It's like it was worth it. They cut them. Okay, so this is how it went. They took me to, like, they took.

[Drew]

Me to the spit pooling.

[Kai]

Yeah. They took me to this, like, really scary house. People were, like, overdosing on fentanyl in the front. It was really scary. And they walked me through the front into this back room, and it looked kind of nice. They had, like, a table of, like.

[Drew]

Like inside. Did it look like an Airbnb that you could get for, like, $80?

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So. But there was, like, a table in the back. Not like a dance table, just like a regular table. And they would, like, lay on there.

[Drew]

A dinner table.

[Kai]

They made me pay first, too, which is really weird, but I was like, whatever. I was like, whatever. I'll just do it. So lay me down on the dinner table. They got out. You know those, like, jackhammers. There was, like, a mini version of a jackhammer, and they just started chiseling away.

[Drew]

They probably got that off. She in? Because they don't sell that.

[Kai]

No. And then, you know the. The pics that you can get from Walmart, the finishes.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Well, then they started going into my gums with that and, like, picking.

[Drew]

They shaved away. Go, like, where you don't have gun bumps anymore.

[Kai]

No, because I want. I told him I want the brightest white smile. So they put it as high up as they could go.

[Drew]

You sound so like a different person.

[Orion]

Hey, Drew, can you show the. Just, like, the profile if you look to the right of the beard.

[Kai]

What about it?

[Orion]

It just.

[Drew]

Oh, no. This. Look that way, look that way. Yeah, Something. Something weird is happening.

[Orion]

Something really strange is happening to the bottom of your beard way right here.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta. You gotta get a little.

[Kai]

Sorry, I just gotta groom it a little bit.

[Drew]

Yeah. You didn't brush it this morning. Other than that, you look really good. Your hair is really glossy.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Did you use, like, a color depositing conditioner?

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Oh, this?

[Kai]

I just woke up.

[Drew]

Oh, did you get a haircut? When you get. Got your. You really gotta, like, push in whatever is happening here.

[Kai]

There's. It's nothing happening.

[Orion]

It really seems like there's something happening.

[Kai]

Nope.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, look that way. Yeah, it looks good. No, you fix it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

Why. Why are you so funny?

[Drew]

I think me and Kai are honestly shocked because, like, you just want me.

[Kai]

To take off my beard. Do you want me to take it off? I'll take it off. I'm gonna take it off.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

You guys, are. You shaved for you.

[Orion]

You just pulled your beard.

[Drew]

You just ripped it off.

[Kai]

Yeah. I don't give a. I'm literally crazy.

[Drew]

Did that not hurt?

[Kai]

I'm crazy. I'm crazy.

[Drew]

When did that happen?

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

What did that. What? What is that?

[Kai]

It's been three months.

[Drew]

It's been happening for three months?

[Kai]

Yeah. Why do you think I wear the hat?

[Drew]

I did not know that. Drew. Turn to the side. Oh, it goes all the way around.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Did you do that on purpose? You're lying. You did that on purpose.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Oh. Why is it bumpy? It's literally bumpy.

[Kai]

This is just how I'm born. This is how I was born. It's really hard for me to say S's, so you just gotta straight away from, like, words like is what it's hard for me to say S's.

[Drew]

You should put the wig back on. You look really scary.

[Kai]

No, I want the people to know who I am. And this is who I am. I'm ready to be the person I was meant to be. I'm tired of hiding. God made me this way. I should have been.

[Drew]

God made you that way. And that's why you got 180 veneers yesterday.

[Kai]

Yeah. Three days ago. Like, shut the up.

[Drew]

Wait, you saying the thing about they're removable. Your teeth shaved down under there.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

We should have got the.

[Kai]

The.

[Drew]

The. The teeth paint.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, we got. And we painted it around my little baby.

[Drew]

We'll do that for another episode, but everybody just act surprised. Oh, you kind of look like Jim Car. Ew. I just saw so much spit come out of your mouth. Me with my Invisalign. Oh, yeah, they did shave your teeth down. Your teeth look really tiny and weird off.

[Kai]

These are my real teeth.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Also, we have not spoken about our awesome banner and why we have the banner up.

[Kai]

Yeah, we have it.

[Drew]

It's been a long time. It's been a long 46.

[Kai]

No one would sponsor us for 46.

[Drew]

Weeks a year, almost a year in. And, you know, when I started, I was like, the system. We'll get ads our own way.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

It took a year, but it literally.

[Kai]

We did it. We did it. We're excited. Should we bust those open or.

[Drew]

Yeah. Should we do it and then, like. Okay, so we got. We got something to celebrate. It's like a gender reveal. I don't know how these work. Kai, you might want to, like, duck out of the way so we don't.

[Kai]

They're confetti cannons. Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, it's scary. Wait.

[Kai]

Okay, it's going to be loud as honestly. 3, 2, 1.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

That was so loud.

[Orion]

My ears are ringing. I Can't hear anything.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. There's a hole in our ceiling. Oh, my God. Why was that so lo.

[Orion]

I feel like I just got flashbang.

[Kai]

My ears are bleeding. Oh, it's all over me too. It's all over everywhere. We got ad.

[Drew]

We didn't even say anything.

[Kai]

We suck.

[Drew]

Yeah, we have ads. So from now on, click the link in our bios.

[Kai]

Yep. Click the links, buy the products. You know the drill. Yeah, but honestly, let's take an ad break right now.

[Drew]

Oh, Kai, are you having a hard time getting to your laptop now that everything is covered in confetti?

[Orion]

Yeah, it's really hard to use my laptop.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's funny how you can't just be happy for us.

[Orion]

Also, I can't hear anything. I just hear ringing.

[Kai]

My ears are honestly bleeding. Like, that was overwhelmingly loud. But we did good at getting it in unison. Kinda.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think we did it at the same time somehow.

[Kai]

Oh, my. Like, my face burns so bad from this spirit gum.

[Drew]

You want to wash your face?

[Kai]

Kinda, but not really. I don't care.

[Drew]

Okay, let me know when you can't take it anymore.

[Kai]

Yeah, I'll be fine.

[Drew]

What's awesome about all the confetti sticking to the ceiling is that every now and then it'll come down and there's one in.

[Kai]

Kinda kind of cute.

[Orion]

Really?

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, it got out. It's on your shirt now.

[Orion]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

But thank you, future Indian Drew, for reading those ads. We love you better help. And manscaped.

[Orion]

It was very natural. That's crazy. That.

[Kai]

I know. I think.

[Drew]

I think we're good at it, right?

[Orion]

This has been very natural and chill.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's. It's like. It's like. It's like we weren't even, like, talking about, like, a product. We just were, like, talking about ourselves.

[Kai]

So much to our friends.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, we'll make sure to make every ad about ourselves so it doesn't seem any different than any other episode. And it's just us still talking about.

[Kai]

Ourselves somehow we'll make all of the ads watchable somehow.

[Drew]

Now. But you talking about your fake veneers. I want to talk about my dream. I don't know if you want to talk about your dream that you have.

[Kai]

Mine was. I. I. This may need to be censored, but it was literally an orgy where no sex happened, but it was, like, initiated, but then nothing happened. And I swear to God. I swear to God.

[Orion]

People hanging out.

[Kai]

No, but it. No, it was initiated to be an orgy, but we kept waiting for people to join and, like, more and more people would join and they're waiting for.

[Orion]

People to ready up.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

Would people join and then kind of tap.

[Kai]

No, no, no. Everybody was waiting and for some reason I was like the ringleader and I didn't want to be. And I remember being really uncomfortable and not wanting to do it, but then everybody just kind of got angry at me and we all just like walked away and we were at. It was so. It was so weird because whatever. It. It doesn't even matter, like, the set and setting. Actually, I just am uncomfortable saying it, so I don't want to say it.

[Drew]

Okay. Don't do it. Yeah, well, my dream was. Oh, is there confetti in your water guy? Yeah, you could just drink it.

[Kai]

It probably just has, like, lead cosplay as a sea turtle. Oh, cosplay is. That's what a sea turtle experiences every day with all the plastic that you.

[Drew]

Imagine you were a little fish trying to eat some bacteria.

[Kai]

We made sure this plastic was biodegradable.

[Drew]

No, we really didn't wor. This is like, this will be on this earth till we die and perish.

[Kai]

Yeah. Kai cosp.

[Drew]

Water.

[Kai]

A sea turtle.

[Orion]

Cosplay is a sea.

[Kai]

You want me to eat the microplastics?

[Orion]

These are macro plastic. This is. These are big.

[Drew]

In my dream, I went with, like, I was with Orion and we went to an esthetician to both. Like, we were in the dream. We were in our, like, mid-30s and we were like, honestly, I'm down to get a little Botox. Like, both of us were just like, I think I'm going to get a little Botox.

[Kai]

I'm always down for Botox.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm like, open to Botox.

[Kai]

Whenever I need Botox, I'm going to get it. I don't give a fudge. But not like crazy botched. Like, I'm gonna just do a little touch up. I don't give a fuck. It's just snake venom.

[Drew]

But we, like, went to go get it and Orion filled out the form.

[Kai]

And in the literally sitting like. And I hate when people comment about it.

[Drew]

Then sit like a real man and spread your legs. Ew.

[Orion]

That looks weird.

[Kai]

I'm like, really?

[Drew]

Especially with your hair.

[Kai]

I actually think I have just giant calluses on my ass like a baboon. Like, I think that's literally. Have you ever seen a callous baboon ass? Yeah, that's lit. Because I realized, like, after, like, episode 32, I don't feel this chair anymore. It's crazy.

[Drew]

No, you don't feel the chair anymore. Because I think I saw someone comment about it is you stood up and nobody ever says sees the deterioration. Also, you're fully going to be the first human on earth with, like, a rare, like, sort of cancer.

[Kai]

Oh, I've said that before. It's it. This is not safe at all to be touching sitting on this.

[Drew]

Yeah, but. Yeah, so in the dream, there was, like, you know, the sheets that, like, makeup artists have to, like, draw on before, like, to, like, do creative.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. Like the little.

[Drew]

The like, face chart. Yeah, there was that. And Orion had went and filled it out for us. And I didn't see before she did it. And I, like, went and laid down and they, like, numbed my face, and I, like, fell asleep while they did it. When I woke up and looked in the mirror, I looked crazy. And she had given me lip filler. And I was like, I don't want lip filler. And then she was like, your friend filled it out, like. And I looked at Orion and she had gotten lip filler. But hers looks really good. But I was having, like, an allergic reaction and I looked fucking awful. And I just spent the whole dream freaking the fuck out. And I remember we paid her. Literally, like, I called my friend, I FaceTimed him, and I was like, dude, look at me. Like, what the fuck? And he was like, why would you do that? Like, how much did you spend on that? And I was like, it was literally.

[Kai]

$34 me with my $180 veneers.

[Drew]

Yeah. So that reminded me me of that. And it gave me a new fear because I'm just like, I've thought about getting lip filler, but then I. I know that would happen to me. Like, I would get.

[Kai]

You would get bought?

[Drew]

Yeah, I would be botched.

[Kai]

That's the thing with any, like, any kind of elective surgery that I'd ever, like, get. It would be botched and I would be like 36 times uglier than before.

[Drew]

That's literally why I, like, don't dabble in that stuff also because, like, if I'm being honest, God did make me very perfect.

[Kai]

I was about to say the same thing. God made me perfect. Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. You should get something done, though. A few things.

[Kai]

What the fuck?

[Drew]

I could. I could write up a list and, like, text it to you so you don't forget it. Like, probably, like, first of all, something about the hair.

[Kai]

Fuck off.

[Drew]

Like, asap.

[Kai]

Oh, no. I'm not doing anything about my goddamn hair.

[Drew]

Okay, fine.

[Kai]

I Can get a brand deal to fly turkey to get my hair replacement. And I have a plus one. Yeah, and I have a plus one.

[Drew]

You're taking?

[Kai]

Yes. I mean, I didn't really want to take you. You kind of just invited yourself, and.

[Drew]

Now you can't uninvite me?

[Kai]

No, I'm not inviting you.

[Drew]

Wait, so am I going to Turkey with you or. No?

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Who's going. Who's gonna, like, who's gonna really take care of you after your surgery?

[Kai]

You. That's the thing.

[Orion]

I'm gonna go.

[Kai]

Kai's gonna go. But the thing is, is if I took you to take care of me after my surgery, you would not take care of me after my surgery. You have made it very abundantly clear that if I was ever hopped up, laid up, like, paraplegic, whatever it is, you would not take care of me. And I know if I got a hair transplant surgery, you would not know.

[Drew]

That's different. Like, taking care of you for, like, three days versus, like, what now? Like, I have to wipe your fudgeing ass? I'm not wiping your ass.

[Orion]

I would. I would.

[Kai]

Yeah, Kai would wipe my ass.

[Drew]

Even if, like, my lifelong partner and.

[Kai]

I would wipe the shit off of your ass, I would go fucking hard, like, getting that shit out of your butt.

[Drew]

But it kind of sounds like you want to do that, like, just naturally.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

You don't think there's anything weird about you wanting to wipe the poop off?

[Kai]

No, it's just my primal urge to take care of people. And it's also a little bit sexual.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I would not take care of you. No, I would take care of you for, like, three days. But if you'd like, oh, I have to put you into my car.

[Kai]

No, you wouldn't pick me up.

[Drew]

No, you're a big girl.

[Kai]

I would lose so much weight.

[Drew]

You say, like, you'd be Thumbelina. You'd still be a grown ass man with bones.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, you're so annoying and mean.

[Drew]

Anybody want to ask me what happened at dinner the other night?

[Kai]

Oh, my God. What happened at dinner the other night that you. You wanted to bring up to me, but you're like, let's. Let's save it for the podcast.

[Drew]

It is. It was the craziest experience I've ever had. Like, I've had men, like, hit on me and my friends, or, like, I've seen my, like, friends be hit on by men, but this was the funniest thing ever. Like, we literally were cracking up. So it was me, Orion and rain. We went to a dinner, and it was like, like, cute restaurant. Like, it was pretty packed, but by the time we were, like, getting our meals, it had kind of emptied out, so there were a bunch of empty tables. And it's one of those restaurants that has, like, the things where you can draw. So we're all drawing, like, crosses and hearts and stuff, but, like, Orion's side, she's sitting alone, so there's a whole area where she's just filling it with, like, crosses and ribbons and, like, all this stuff.

[Kai]

So it's very busy, girls.

[Drew]

Yes, it's very visible on Orion's side. So we're just sitting there, and then, like, rain goes, oh, my God, like, to me. And I'm like, huh? And I look and it was this random ass white dude with painted nails, like, pointing to the table next to us. But it was a straight white dude.

[Kai]

Like, like, yeah, of course.

[Drew]

You know, exactly the vibe. Like, like, sweater, like, almost long hair and, like, his, like, little manicure. Like, okay, get a grip. Like, you're ugly. So he, like, pointed to the table right next to us, and Rain was like, really? Like, of all the tables, like, he. No, he has to sit next to us. Like, she didn't say all of that, but she was like, really?

[Kai]

Wait, like, he. He was pointing there to sit there.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, the waiter was like, do you have anywhere you want to sit? He pointed to the table right next to us. Mind you, like, tables everywhere. And they were close tables because it's, like, kind of like an intimate, like, close restaurant. And it was very close to us. So he sat down and, like, looked at the table, and, like, immediately he's like, I like the drawings. Like, he said that. And we were all like, oh, thank you.

[Kai]

Okay, so so far, not weird.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's not the worst thing in a rider. He's like, okay, thank you. And he sits down and he is just, like, staring at us. Like, it's this one long booth, and he has his body turned to Orion, basically, and is, like, staring at us while we talk.

[Kai]

Well, it's not his fault that y' all are so hot. Like, that's on you.

[Orion]

Yeah, that is kind of your ass.

[Kai]

Like, be less pretty and you'd get stared at less.

[Drew]

Yeah. I will say, like, it is like, honestly, it's. Should I just get into it? It's.

[Kai]

Yeah, get into it. Like, we've really.

[Drew]

It's a hard life being, like, one of the hottest women in la.

[Kai]

No, I've seen it with my own two eyes. Because I'm like, technically the hottest man in la and just like, it's really hard.

[Drew]

Like, like, why do you have to.

[Kai]

Make it about yourself but us being the duo, you know?

[Drew]

Look at your head right now. You might have gotten like that.

[Kai]

Well, three fucking months ago, I was the hottest man alive and you want to bring in my fucking hair again?

[Drew]

Okay, put the hat back on.

[Orion]

But this is like, what we always talk about. How hard it is for women to be really hot and, like, just exist.

[Kai]

I know.

[Orion]

Like always.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. And yalls free time when you, like, touch each other and stuff.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Orion]

I mean, I don't know why you have to bring that.

[Kai]

I mean. Yeah, no, I'm just saying it's really hard for you to be beautiful and also really hard for me to be sexy. And that's all I'm getting at. And it's okay. We can both be hot.

[Drew]

Okay. Anyways, so, yeah. Being.

[Kai]

She cries herself to sleep because it hurts.

[Drew]

It hurts my feelings. Like, sometimes when people compliments me, I'm like, you know what's so sad is you wish you could look like me and you just never will. There is no getting to look like me. Like, all the surgeons in the world couldn't make it happen because I will. I. Okay. And like, this is honestly, this is just me being real.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And it has to be said, some of you are really ugly. And that's okay. Because we. You know what? It's like, we need the ugly people.

[Kai]

Yeah. Just to make us look.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Prettier.

[Drew]

Because, like, where would we be?

[Kai]

There's a place in society for the ugly folks.

[Drew]

Yeah. And like, honestly, thank you, guys. Thank you to anybody who's ugly watching. Like, because we need.

[Kai]

Shout out to the ugly people.

[Drew]

Yeah. I feel bad for you.

[Kai]

I feel bad. Shout out for the ugly people. I feel bad for you. We need you.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah. With anxiety. Yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, damn.

[Drew]

Okay, let me just put it this way.

[Orion]

Damn.

[Drew]

So he's just, like, staring at Orion and we're, like, trying to ignore it, but we're already kind of cracking up because we can't believe, like, his lack of. He's not even trying to hide the fact that he's eavesdropping. Like, at one point he, like, butts in and says something else to us and we were like, yeah. Oh. Because we were just, like, talking about work and stuff. And he butts it. He's like, I really. With the vibe that, like, you guys, like, understand your value. That's really awesome. Like, said that to us. And we were like, yeah, I agree with him.

[Kai]

Understanding your value is important.

[Drew]

And we were like, yeah, he's literally.

[Kai]

The character me and Kai play.

[Drew]

No, he actually was. No, but that. This is what made us all crack up. So we're sitting there, whatever, and I, like, have a perfect view of him because Rain is to my side. So, like, if she looked at him, it would be too crazy. But since Orion's across from me, like, he's fully in my eyesight. We're sitting there eating, and he gets brought his food. And I just see him go like this.

[Kai]

Oh, no. He saw the crosses and he started faking prayer.

[Orion]

No way.

[Kai]

And he.

[Drew]

But he had a laundry list to God because he was in that position for so long. If you're an audio listener. He just put his hands up, classic style. Started praying, like, hands together. Like, someone was about to take a picture of him. In 2014, like, literally praying.

[Kai]

14, 12, 2014.

[Drew]

No, because in 2014, when everybody, like, because of Drake would do, like, the six odd thing. Like, literally, that was his vibe. So he. And he was silent for so long, and I, like, was looking at him.

[Kai]

And I just go, oh, I would have died.

[Drew]

And I, like, I, like, told them. And I just, like, looked them in the eyes and I was like. And they all, like, both of them looked, and we just started laughing. And then Rain.

[Kai]

No, he was straight up faking because he was.

[Drew]

And so then he. Rain picked up her phone and was like, oh, Ryan couldn't look because she was scared he would look up. And Rain put her phone right in front of him and was like, did I show you guys this? And Ryan looked at the phone to, like, look at him. And we just started racking up. And then whatever, we move on. And like, he's eating and still just obviously eavesdropping because he's, like, just staring at us while he eats. Tell me why. Because he got an appetizer. He got a salad. Tell me why they brought him his. His spaghetti. Guess what he did again. He went back into praying mode.

[Kai]

And I'm like, okay. He prayed over his water and his.

[Drew]

Me when I've never prayed in my life, and I think I have to pray for every course of the meal. Like.

[Kai]

Like, that's so sick.

[Drew]

And he did it again. And, dude, we were dying.

[Kai]

Honestly, he's braver than the troops and I support him.

[Drew]

And. Yeah. And then we, like, all just, like, kept talking and he, like, butted in one more time. It was like, sorry, I'm like, eavesdropping. Like, you guys are just so interesting. And we were like, okay, you should.

[Kai]

Have just invited him to sit at your table.

[Drew]

I started making.

[Kai]

He probably could have made a friend.

[Drew]

Yeah. Who would have fingered me? A fingering friend. Honestly, everybody needs a fingering friend. Can I just say that? Can I just say that everybody? We have a bf, but we need an ff. A fingering friend.

[Kai]

I don't know if you're allowed to say that.

[Drew]

Why am I not allowed to say that?

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Drew]

I need a fingering friend. I'm just. As a woman, I'm speaking what I need.

[Orion]

It's true. Like, she's just expressing herself.

[Drew]

Kai, shut the up, okay? You're not qualified.

[Orion]

We're.

[Drew]

Okay. Yeah.

[Kai]

Is that true, though, that you're just expressing yourself?

[Drew]

Yeah, that's usually what I'm doing when I just, like, speak.

[Orion]

Drew. And I love when women express.

[Drew]

What are you doing to the mic? Ew. Stop. Drew showed me a video of him doing, like, a spin table pottery thing and actually grossed me.

[Kai]

Oh, it was. It's. I have to watch it again real quick. We'll add it on the screen for you guys. But it's.

[Drew]

No, you're not allowed to put that public because it's nasty.

[Kai]

No, it's honestly the most sexual I think I've ever been in my life. And it's not, like, publicly sexual. And it's not even like I was trying to be. It's just like, pottery is naturally just, like, sexy for some reason.

[Orion]

Super erotic.

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What is that movie Ghost where they like. Yeah, here we go. Oh, wait, wait, wait.

[Drew]

The thing is, like, it is on purpose.

[Kai]

No, I was really into it. There it is. We're about to get in there.

[Drew]

Like, you did it on purpose.

[Orion]

The sound sounds so fucking naughty.

[Drew]

Yeah. Literally, like, even though, like.

[Orion]

And then you, like, under your breath saying, like, this looks so good.

[Kai]

So you just get into it. You just get into it and you lose it.

[Drew]

Remember when Yumi and Orion tried to go to pottery?

[Kai]

Like, they fucking kicked us out. They're like, you guys. We were like, we booked the class, and they're like, sorry, we overbooked. You have to go. And we were like, okay, we'll take one for the team. But you. And they didn't give us our money back or a voucher to come back.

[Orion]

Really?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Orion]

That seems illegal.

[Kai]

I mean, take it up with them.

[Drew]

I don't think Kai cares that much, but, yeah. And then he left, and we just died laughing because I, like, couldn't believe.

[Kai]

Y' all are so mean.

[Drew]

Were mean.

[Kai]

He was probably just like, having the time of his life. He probably has a different story.

[Orion]

He's probably these girls eat with anybody. Was he just alone?

[Drew]

He was alone.

[Orion]

Really?

[Drew]

And that. And he. He chose.

[Orion]

It was just him and God.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah. Literally, he.

[Drew]

No, he made a joke about it. He was like, sorry, I was eavesdropping, like, because, you know, the guy across the table is too funny. And there was no one there.

[Kai]

And we were like, you know, what happened is he has a completely different perspective on this. He was like, I talked to with three gorgeous women and it was like, so epic for me to do. And he was probably like, so excited to get out of his shell. And he was just like. Like, I am like.

[Drew]

He was so excited to see our Orion's like, little like shitty doodles at a border while she was talking and see the two crosses and be like.

[Kai]

Yeah, someone made it.

[Drew]

You know what is. We like, were dressed like hella like the pilgrimage, like, because we were all in our, like, Edwardian nightgowns. So straight up looked like like our vibe was Jesus. Like we were serving Jesus. Speaking of ads.

[Kai]

Yeah, we have.

[Drew]

We have another one coming up.

[Kai]

Let's. Yeah. Let's hear from future Drew and in. Yeah, I. Someone made a tick tock of like, my movements and how, like, yossified they are, and now I'm insecure about it. It's like when I like, move my hair across or like, move my. Like that people like, your movements are yossified. And I just did it. And then I realized that I'm doing exactly what people are making fun of me before.

[Drew]

And how does that make you feel?

[Kai]

Terrible.

[Drew]

Yeah. You should write a book about it and sell to somebody who gives a cuz I literally don't.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I'm just. I'm just a woman saying how I feel.

[Orion]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I mean, that's my new stride. That's my summer.

[Orion]

We do like that when my Summer.

[Drew]

22 mood, the big mood and vibe, my Summer 22 mood is restarting Ask FM and bullying the out of people anonymously or bullying myself so that people.

[Kai]

Feel empathy for me and putting it publicly. It's like those people who, like, do like the questions on IG and they ask themselves the questions and screenshot it and post it on their story. And it's like, how are you so sexy? Or like, you're so sexy. How big is your penis? Have you seen those people where they don't realize that, like, you can tell that they asked the questions to themselves. No. Yeah, it's really humiliating.

[Orion]

How can you tell?

[Kai]

I'm like, freaked out, Kai. Damn.

[Orion]

Like, seriously, how can you tell?

[Drew]

I did just do a Q A on. He opened that up on his Instagram.

[Kai]

Damn. So are those questions asked by other people or about you?

[Orion]

Other people.

[Kai]

That's that. I don't. He just like types a question into the bar and screenshotted it and then posted it onto his story.

[Drew]

Oh, maybe it was on purpose and you missed the comedic, like, no vibe.

[Kai]

It was not on purpose at all.

[Drew]

So we know it's a boy.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was not on purpose as a man.

[Drew]

Why are you asking yourself questions? You should be silent.

[Kai]

Literally. No back to Ask fm. That shit was scary. I fucking hated Ask fm. It gave me trauma. We had Ask FM and then we had this thing called Yik Yak at our school. Do you know what Yik Yak?

[Drew]

Yeah, I never had Yik Yak.

[Kai]

Have I talked about this before?

[Drew]

Maybe.

[Kai]

I don't think so. It's like that Yik Yak is like this app that like you. It's basically just for your school district and it like, ha. It opens up like a public social media, but it's within like a 5 mile radius or something. And basically once our high school got a hold of it, it was just like airing out everybody's business that nobody needed to know and like saying really gnarly and like bullying certain kids and like for the most part like I State, like steered clear of it. Like it was totally chill. Like no one said shit about me. And this was like at the beginning of like social media shit. So I was like terrified someone would have something to say about that because I was so insecure about it. But near the end of its life because it got canceled because people were like sending fucking death threats and like bomb threats and school shooting threats and all this crazy shit onto it. So the school district was able to like ban it and get it like banned from our school. But right before the end of it, someone wrote on there that I got. I was getting head and had a seizure while driving and crashed the car. And people believed that. People believed that I was getting head, I had a seizure and crashed my car.

[Drew]

People believe that you were getting head so good that it.

[Kai]

No, no, I think it's like super chill.

[Drew]

So people thought you were literally getting the best.

[Kai]

And I, I did not deny it. I. I didn say. I didn't confirm or deny. I just let people believe it. And I was just.

[Drew]

Well, was it True.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was true.

[Drew]

That's up. It's not cool. Now that I know you actually like that.

[Orion]

I think that's very cool. That's like something that would happen to Playboi Cardi.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. And. And I was on Lean.

[Drew]

Wait, you were. You were drinking and driving?

[Kai]

Yeah. Sipping and driving.

[Orion]

That's so cool.

[Drew]

So wait, that's probably why you crashed your car. It's not because of the seizure. It's because of the.

[Kai]

No, I had a seizure because of the lean.

[Orion]

Because the head was so good?

[Kai]

No, because I was overdosing.

[Orion]

They had Yik Yak at ucla and it was, like, really intense because I was very depressed at ucla. And then I would just, like, go on it. And it was just people. They had, like a. Oh, it was. They had a Snapchat that was linked to Yik Yak somehow. And then people would, like.

[Kai]

Very voyeuristic. Just upload themselves having sex.

[Orion]

Yeah, people would upload, like, videos of themselves having sex. And everyone that I knew that was, like, also depressed was like, this is not my college experience. Like, what the is going on?

[Kai]

Oh, that's so sad to see. And it looks lit.

[Orion]

Yeah, it looks really lit.

[Drew]

Meanwhile, you're just a virgin doing your.

[Kai]

A virgin loser.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, that's embarrassing. They should write a movie about that.

[Orion]

I don't think it's embarrassing to, like, get smarter and learn but not have sex.

[Kai]

Humiliate. Yeah.

[Orion]

Just because you don't have sex doesn't mean you're not cool.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's literally what a virgin fucking loser would say.

[Orion]

That is what a virgin loser would say. God damn it.

[Drew]

We didn't have Yik Yak. I remember I found out about it on Twitter and I, like, downloaded it, and literally it was, like, desolate. Nobody had Yik Yak in my area, and honestly, nobody even in my area did, like, Ask fm. But I would do Ask fm. I buy, like, Internet user shit. And did you ever ask anybody anything on Ask fm?

[Kai]

I was never anonymous bully. I just, like, asked people questions I was, like, genuinely curious about, but anonymously because I didn't want people to know it was me. And also, I just liked giving people content type vibes because I felt bad when, like, my friends would do it and they would get, like, bodied. I'd be like, they didn't want to answer these really mean questions, so I'd ask the nice ones. I was basically a saint.

[Drew]

Yeah, you were an angel.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Orion]

You sound like a really good person.

[Drew]

I never asked anybody questions because I Was too scared that somehow they would link me into my IP address. And no, it was me and I was too embarrassed.

[Orion]

That was me. That was me.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

And I was too scared of anybody actually knowing me. But I would ask myself hella questions to get. Because you gotta. You gotta like, get it jump started. Because sometimes people are like, they don't want to ask you anything because they, like, think I never asking any. Huh?

[Kai]

I never had one. Like, I never did one publicly.

[Drew]

I did.

[Kai]

I was just like a viewer. I was voyeuristic. Speaking of Ask fm, do you remember Kik and Kick?

[Drew]

Yes, I had Kick.

[Kai]

I hella had Kick. That was hella grooming. That was where our generation went to get groomed.

[Drew]

Yeah, I. A lot of kids in my school had Kick though, too.

[Kai]

Keek was literally the first Vine TikTok. Like, it was. It was before vine and TikTok.

[Drew]

I wasn't like a Kik girl. I was a kid girl.

[Kai]

I. I had a video go viral on Kik. And then I moved from Keek to Vine or I moved from Keek to Gif. Boom. From Gift Boom to Vine, from vine to.

[Drew]

Now Kick is where I thought I was talking to Bella Thorne.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. So embarrassing. You got catfish?

[Drew]

Yeah, me getting catfished. I'm pretty sure I was catfished like a handful of times.

[Kai]

Oh, for sure.

[Drew]

Like 100%.

[Kai]

That's so funny that. That, like, girl, she was probably your age. She was probably like 9 or 10 as well. And she just, like, was living her Bella Thorne fantasy. Bellla Thorne.

[Drew]

But no, I was definitely, like, catfished by, like, people who I thought were, like, cute guys. And it was probably older men being.

[Kai]

Weird with me, for sure.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like 100 during, like, Tumblr era, where there was literally no way to identify if people were real or not. Yeah, yeah, Catfish central. I was being hella catfished. But you know what? It doesn't matter.

[Kai]

I had something to talk about and I fucking forgot it. Hold on. Keep going.

[Drew]

It doesn't matter because at the end of the day, like, I was getting my attention. So you can feel embarrassed by being catfished or you'd be satisfied with the attention you got, no matter who it was. On the other side of the screen.

[Kai]

There was another thing around that area that we all experienced.

[Drew]

Like, not Omegle.

[Kai]

We've all talked about Omegle. What else? Like, it was so good too. God damn it.

[Drew]

Should I just keep.

[Kai]

Fine. I'm just gonna kill myself. I'm just gonna kill myself.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. That's not the solution.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, that's.

[Drew]

It's never the solution.

[Kai]

This is my last episode. I get called up ugly. I had to rip out my veneers and my beard. I'm so ugly. I'm so ugly. Bye. I'm killing myself. Jesus Christ. Like, what do you want from me?

[Drew]

Oh, my God, you are a freak. But you know what I was talking to Christian about yesterday? We didn't have Amazon.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, that is so weird. And our Netflix was delivered to the door in the mail.

[Drew]

Yeah, I. I didn't have Netflix until, like, way later in high school. I think, like, maybe senior year is when I, like, had, like. When Netflix was, like, really a thing, people were actually, like.

[Kai]

It was just like when Stranger Things came out, everybody got it.

[Drew]

That was, like, when I started.

[Kai]

Oh, by the way, have I told you that I'm friends with Finn Wolfhard from Stranger Things?

[Drew]

Did you forget his name? No, you don't know him.

[Kai]

I mean, we're, like, really close friends. Like, do you know the show Stranger Things?

[Drew]

What is that, Child?

[Kai]

Starfin Wolf Harden Netflix?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

I don't watch tv. I'm not allowed to.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Orion]

I know who that is. I think that's very cool.

[Kai]

Thank you, Kai.

[Drew]

He's making it up. He's not friends with that person.

[Kai]

I have a bunch of photos with him. Insert photoshopped photos of me. And also cut that just for a reminder for me to photoshop them. See?

[Drew]

No, we're not gonna cut that, girl.

[Kai]

What? It just came back into my brain what I was thinking of. Oh, I posted it on my goddamn meme account, and it's. It's. It's. It's coming. Oh, it's coming.

[Drew]

Oh, the fandom wear.

[Kai]

Yes, that's what it was. We need to bring back fandom wear for the Met Gala straight up. That's what we need to do. But literally, Phantom Wear is so sick. And there's, like, this post that I posted on my meme account that you are trying so hard to get into. It's honestly kind of embarrassing and you're not getting in. So, like, give it up. I've had over, like, 5,000 requests on that account, and, like, I haven't never publicly stated what the account is, and they've just found it. I don't know how they found it. It's crazy, but they think that my fina is my meme account and that my meme account is my fin. They're like, oh, the old one's, the new ones, bleep those. And you bitches couldn't be more wrong. It's so embarrassing.

[Drew]

It sounds like you said you bitches are cremi. More wrong.

[Kai]

Creamy more.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Kai]

But yeah, fandom where I just saw this picture of, like, Louis in. Or like, one of these Louis suspenders. Yeah, the suspenders. I was like, I'm doing that for a YouTube video. I don't give a fuck. Like, I'm doing that for a YouTube video. Like, I never truly experienced One Direction and I've always been jealous of the people who did. And I'm going to experience One Direction as an adult. I just have an age regressing series on my YouTube channel. Like, that's literally all it is. Like, at the end of the day, like, I'm proposing to my cousin.

[Drew]

Wait, why is that age regressing?

[Kai]

Age regressing. No, I'm. I'm just saying, it's just like how weird my YouTube channel is. But I was like, did you do.

[Drew]

That as a kid?

[Kai]

The. While everybody was fans of One Direction, I was a Miley and Beyonce girl.

[Drew]

You see, the One Direction girls were tapped into everything, though.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

Because. Because we were still tapped into Miley.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, it was like, still, like, you.

[Kai]

Probably didn't have a relation. The relationship that I had with her. But that's okay. Like, you can have One Direction, but I have Miley. You didn't. You. We weren't playing the same game, you know?

[Orion]

Yeah, I like, like Apex Twin when I was.

[Drew]

Oh, that makes sense because you were.

[Orion]

Really old and like Bogdan Brzezinski.

[Kai]

Yeah. When we were like, okay, four Tattoo. Like, you're weirdo. Okay.

[Drew]

Yeah, because it. No, it. Leave him. It makes sense. When we were 14, like, 26.

[Kai]

Virgin.

[Orion]

I wasn't 26.

[Drew]

Yeah, right.

[Kai]

I was 26. I wasn't.

[Orion]

No, I was like, 17. I was 17.

[Kai]

We.

[Drew]

He got there.

[Kai]

We were. I. I lost track. I lost track. Oh, a Miley girl. Beyonce girl.

[Drew]

I was. You know what it was? I was a Beyonce.

[Kai]

Scroll down my ig. It's really embarrassing. And I was a Lana girl.

[Drew]

I archived quite a lot. Oh, yeah, Lana. But I was.

[Kai]

She's so beautiful. Beautiful.

[Drew]

I was a Beyonce girl when I was really young. And then I became a Justin Bieber girl. And then I became a One Direction girl. And then in that One Direction fandom, you had to be dabbling in the other girls because it was the whole culture. But, like, obviously One Direction was top of my priorities. I had. I've gotten a tweet from now Horan. Like, I was there. Like, I was literally there.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew]

Is he alive?

[Kai]

Nile?

[Drew]

Yeah. Is he alive?

[Kai]

He passed away in his London flag.

[Drew]

That if any of them died, I would kill myself.

[Kai]

Niall Horan passed away in his London flat.

[Drew]

It's a new story right here. Wait, where is he? We need to find out right now.

[Kai]

Wait.

[Drew]

That's how I started my YouTube channel. It's a video that I have privated since. But literally my first YouTube video was about Zayn leaving One Direction.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Orion]

No way.

[Drew]

Yeah. Swear to God. That was like. Because that's how I start. I started on the Internet because.

[Kai]

Do you have it archived or did you delete it?

[Drew]

No, no, it's. It's just privated.

[Kai]

I need to see that.

[Drew]

No, I would.

[Kai]

Are you still embarrassed of shit back then?

[Drew]

I'm so embarrassed.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

It's, like, cute and endearing to me.

[Drew]

No, it's. I'm still not there. Maybe when I'm old like you, it will be. But, yeah, I don't. I don't need to be.

[Kai]

Damn. Damn.

[Drew]

I think I've archived a few of my. Like, honestly, should we do that for the rest of the videos? Look at our old ID post.

[Kai]

That's what I'm doing right now. I'm in deep. We got a picture.

[Drew]

Ig, make it so that you could look at your last post. Like, I shouldn't have a public Instagram that has 830 posts.

[Kai]

Yeah, that is kind of crazy. But we're looking at a picture that I posted of Miley Cyrus and it says, Bae, stop. Then we're looking at a post of my YouTube channel with 34 subscribers in this banner that I made that I was so proud of. I was like, this is so Tumblr. Like, this is eating. And then. Do you know what this quote is?

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

Pick your balls up off the floor. No, it's like Harry or Niall or Liam. Someone said that to one of them in the band. I think Liam said it to Harry. Maybe.

[Drew]

I don't remember. I simply don't remember.

[Kai]

Hold on, I gotta look it up.

[Drew]

I need to archive, like, half my ig. This is too much.

[Kai]

Pick your balls up off the floor. And I thought it was like. It was like salad in the wind type vibe. Liam tweeted it. Pick up. Yeah, look, here it is. Liam tweeted, damn, pick your balls up off the floor and get on with it. Instead of taking advantage of every word said and twisting it for your own gain. I thought that was the funniest ever. So much so That I posted this and I was high as in that picture.

[Drew]

This. I was. I was in my Tumblr bag, girl.

[Kai]

Wait, wait, wait. I got. I got the trill. I got the trill. And then. Wait, wait, look at this. Look at this era tumbler bag.

[Drew]

Look. This is the 1975 occasion.

[Kai]

Not the Minions joke. Like, holy damn. I was with it. I was with the times. It's actually.

[Drew]

Wait, why was I serving gradient, not.

[Kai]

Me, when I thought I was genuinely an alien? Posting this and being like, like, that's me. I thought. When I was growing up, I genuinely thought I was an alien. Like, there were two years of my life where I was so depersonalized and dope, so decentralized and derealized from reality that, like, I for real was like, oh, like, the only thing that makes sense is that I am not actually alive or that I don't belong here and I'm from another planet. And like, when Madison Beer gets made fun of for saying she's like, an alien because she's so beautiful and esoteric, like, I do understand what she's saying. She's not saying. She's saying it because she is.

[Drew]

She's not here.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. She's desensitized. Never depersonalized. Oh, this? Yeah. Pushing all the pop girlies off the table. But, like, when I posted that, I was like, I'm really sad about, like, a lot of these. Ooh, that eats. Hold on. So it's a picture of a music on one trillion swag. Bad Girls. Yala Lolly 23. Miley Cyrus, SMS bangers. Miley Cyrus, Wrecking Ball. Miley Cyrus, Love Money, Party. F you do my thing. Okay. It's literally all Miley Cyrus. Like, when I tell you I was a Miley Stan, like, yeah, I wasn't.

[Drew]

I wasn't a Miley fan. Like, that. I did like Bangers, but I wasn't, like, I wasn't, like, listening to Miley.

[Kai]

Other than that there was, like, a Bangers 2 era coming back. Me posting, me looking up Urban Outfitters and then adding a filter to it and then posting it, acting like I took the photo. And I'd never been to Urban Outfitters. Urban Outfitters was. Was literally the Mecca. Like, that. The spot. Like, it. It was crazy.

[Drew]

If you could go into Urban Outfitters and purchase something like you were winning, like, you were literally winning. Yeah, you were goals. You were trill.

[Kai]

As you had money, like, you were trill.

[Drew]

Yeah, you were like, rich. This did I archive was the end of an era.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew]

My if, like, if you were around for my music wall, I had the time.

[Kai]

I was around for your music wall.

[Drew]

I had so much time. I was bored as and I had time. I don't even think I have a of it.

[Kai]

I was really where the is Ugg. She is so beautiful. I may need fresh eyes on this.

[Drew]

You know what's really cute is like is going back and seeing like so many of our friends who we still know, like liking my post.

[Kai]

I know like Matt, Matt still like was liking. Oh, I clicked on it. Yeah. She is so beautiful. Cannot get over how beautiful Lana is. Doug. Let's see who's liked this. Matt. Netgirl, Grease, Elena, Sydney, Wishful Annie. Rest in peace Truth or Dana. Tori.

[Drew]

Every time I get in the car, I get in my feelings times 10.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew]

That's my caption on one of my pictures as.

[Kai]

Dude, I'm still not over like full blown, like Tumblr feed era. Yeah, like that shit's so funny.

[Drew]

It was such a time like literally curating like a color coded.

[Kai]

I know. Like, and, and like adding the filter, like the pink filter over every photo.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like adding blue tones or pink tones like depending on what era you were in or if you were in like your white and black era.

[Kai]

Like, yeah, having to like and scour the out of Tumblr and have like aesthetic Tumblr box me cute and single. Oh my God. While you're actively being groomed by like a 34 year old.

[Drew]

Literally actively being groomed by somebody who could very well go into any liquor store and buy alcohol. And I was like 15, I was like, me when I'm single. Like, and he would text me and.

[Kai]

Be like, the Internet was crazy. Like, how are we, like, how did we survive early Internet? Like the genesis, the genesis of social media. Like, I genuinely don't know how Internet any of us survived. Like, that was like, it is still in my eyes, the wild west. And no one knows what the fuck is going on or how to handle it. And there will be laws in five to 10 years, like banning children from the Internet, like fully, like barring them. But like the fact that like we grew up like nine to 10 years of our life, 12, 13 for some, without cell phones and social media. And then right when we got onto the Internet, we were introduced to like the worst shit possible. Like, sure, there was MySpace and like early Facebook that we were on. But like, crazy. Like, I remember finding out what a hashtag was. I remember like begging my friends, like saying like, dude, like, I don't Know what the fuck this is? Like, what does a hashtag explain it? And they're like, oh, it's like literally just a hashtag. Like, you hashtag and then add the word after. And I'm like, but what is it? Like, what does that mean? And they were like, it's just like this, like, thing on Twitter. Like, just like, say hashtag Drew Phillips. And like, it's a hashtag now. And I was like, the symbol is a hashtag, but what is it? I remember this conversation going on for, like, five minutes. And, like, I just didn't understand it. But I.

[Drew]

My, like, true Internet usage didn't start till, like, late seventh grade, like, early eighth grade. That's when I really was, like, tapping into, like, using the Internet. But yeah, we got, like, a good chunk of our life where, like, that was the last of our worries. And even when we were doing that, the Internet was so small. So it wasn't like, it didn't, like, invade any of your personal life. You could, like, step in and out of it.

[Kai]

It's like the Internet was, like, small until, like, 2020. Like 2019.

[Drew]

No, we fully said that. Still small.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, it's insane how, like, just exponential it's gotten. Grew it so much.

[Kai]

Yeah, I guess, like, our side of the Internet, I mean, like, I guess the Internet was used by everybody, but, like, like, Stan, like, video. Like, that type of was just.

[Drew]

No, it was still so small because.

[Kai]

Like, that's what I. That's what I mean. Oh, what you mean?

[Drew]

Like, Internet, Like, Internet as a whole? Because I knew so many kids who, like, still well into high school didn't have, like, Instagram and because they were like, what?

[Kai]

Like, I don't want that.

[Drew]

They were like, why would I do that? Like, why would. I don't want to post pictures, Girl.

[Kai]

We were getting made fun of for this shit. And not everybody.

[Drew]

Everyone was okay.

[Kai]

No one made fun of me to my face.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

But was sad behind my back. And look at me now. Now I have a semi successful podcast where we run ads.

[Drew]

Now I have.

[Kai]

Yeah, now I'm bald.

[Drew]

I miss, like, how crazy the Internet used to be, but I also don't because, like, now it's like, I also. I think the Internet has gotten more mean.

[Kai]

Like, oh, first, like, we.

[Drew]

We got, like, that's what I'm saying is that, like, the Internet at least used to be, like, fun. Like, it was just like, you could.

[Kai]

Like, be a stupid idiot, and everybody was a stupid idiot, but no one was mean because we were all Weird losers.

[Drew]

Yeah. Everybody understood that. Like, if you were that tied to the Internet, it was probably because at back at home you were like, not.

[Kai]

Like subconsciously I stand Miley Cyrus so hard because of Hannah Montana. Cuz I led such a double life. Like in real life I presented as like this like, like, like athletic, like sports playing boy. But on the Internet I was standing Miley Cyrus and Beyonce and it was an escape. It genuinely was like such a good full.

[Drew]

Yeah, like my One Direction obsession was fully like an escape from my reality. Like, it literally was like, I got to go home and like talk to people who like had this one interest that was so similar to mine and we could talk about like our personal lives without having to get too personal. Because at the core of it, like, what was important was like, like, what are these like five dudes like doing right now? Like, where are they? What are they doing? I remember when I couldn't get tickets.

[Kai]

That's why I love culture so much. I love Stan culture so much because I like, I understand like what it is to these girls.

[Drew]

Yeah, it literally is like an escape.

[Kai]

Yeah. I mean, I just have to clarify this. I am and was the last straight Miley Cyrus, Stan. Like, I was straight standing my.

[Drew]

Oh, you. So when you, when you posted a picture of Lana Del Rey and like Miley and you said, oh my God, she's so beautiful, it was, you were being. That was from a straight place. It wasn't like, oh my God, she's serving. Before Boots was a serve, it was like, it was like, like, oh, she's like hot. Like, like vagina hot.

[Kai]

Like, I love vagina. I do.

[Drew]

It's true.

[Orion]

He does.

[Drew]

I mean I, I had a vagina.

[Orion]

Stand Twitter in seventh grade.

[Drew]

What?

[Orion]

I just stand vagina.

[Drew]

Well, my username, when Niall Horan tweeted me was literally Vagina Nile. And he fully, he fully opened that up and replied to, and he replied to me on I think Justin Bieber's birthday because I remember I was like, what a fucking day. I get to celebrate Justin Bieber's birthday. And it was so cute and it was the best thing ever.

[Kai]

You had a bunch of like accounts. I just, I've literally had the same.

[Drew]

Account, but I would change my username because I was big in the one direction, like fandom culture. I remember always have like a funny and like new username.

[Kai]

And it like when we both started garnering audiences, I remember very early on, like when we had like our little fandoms or whatever you want want to call it. And, like, people would, like, make an announcement being, like, I'm changing my username soon. Please remain moots. Like, we're gonna. Oh, like, we're still gonna be moots, but I'm changing my username. Just wanted to let everybody know. And it was more to, like, let your mutuals know, but also to let, like, your, like, prize follows know. Like, because I kept up with my fan accounts. Like, I loved, like, my early fan accounts. Like, like, I wonder where they still. I. I'm, like, actually friends with a lot of them today. Like, literally good friends.

[Drew]

Yeah, most of. Most of, like, the friends I made on the Internet, like, close friends, were, like, people who, like, had liked my content, like, at the beginning. Like, I literally, like, one of my, like, first friends in LA, Ashley was. Because she was, like, liked my YouTube videos and my vines. And when I came out to la, like, she, me and her would hang out all the time, and we still, like, follow each other and, like, keep up every now and then.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

So it's like. It is like, crazy. It was just like a different, different. It was because it was so intimate. Like, it was like an intimate thing. And because we were a part of press play, so we would be seeing these people in real life all the time. And I literally would hang out with, like, everybody all the time. It was just so fun.

[Orion]

Like, yeah, I really like Drew's content on Grindr. And that's.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Orion]

How I met Drew.

[Kai]

Big hi. Shut the up.

[Drew]

Yeah. Why are you.

[Kai]

No one knows about that. Because I'm straight.

[Drew]

Yeah, not you. Not you Attempting to out your quote unquote friend.

[Orion]

Yeah, I'll cut that. I'll cut it.

[Drew]

You can't cut it.

[Kai]

You have this.

[Orion]

It won't be in the episode. It won't be in the episode.

[Drew]

Drew is top 2% on Grindr.

[Kai]

Top 0.1%.

[Drew]

Babe, that's smaller.

[Kai]

Top 0.1. Is that 1.01? Wait. Zero.

[Drew]

Wait. Okay. I think when people say that, I get confused and I'm reading it the opposite way. That it's like. It's like. Because when it's. Oh, the 1%, I'm like, that's a small. A very small amount out of 100.

[Kai]

That is. That's what people are saying. Like, the.01% own, like, a majority of the wealth in the world, but it's like a thousand people compared to 7,8 billion people, and they own all the wealth.

[Drew]

Okay, see, I've been reading it different. I was like, why are y' all, like, bragging about being 0.5% right now. Like that, like you're literally. Oh my God, no. Like, that's embarrassing.

[Kai]

I cannot believe this right now.

[Drew]

I'm a little dumb. I don't give up. I've always had. God doesn't give you big tits and a brain. Like, let's talk about it. Like, that's too much body mass. Like, I only have enough body mass and like strengthen myself to carry one thing.

[Kai]

If you got your boobs removed, do you think your brain would grow 100?

[Drew]

Yeah, it would be like I'd have a really big brain.

[Kai]

Word.

[Drew]

Which is honestly probably.

[Kai]

What is it? Big brain, boobs and Kuda Bronson or could you get a Kuda Bronson removal? Grow your boobs and brain.

[Drew]

No, I get. That's a good point. Because my, my, my coochie does carry a lot of my weight.

[Kai]

Yeah, but like, is it the same ratio? Like, if your coochie's big, your brain can't be big? Or does that not correlate?

[Drew]

No, I don't think the coochie correlates. Okay. Like, it doesn't. It's not on the same playing field.

[Kai]

Okay, fair.

[Drew]

Because like, you don't want to be top heavy. That's. The whole thing is like you can't have a big brain and big boobs cuz then you'll fall over everywhere. Yeah.

[Kai]

So that's kind of. Damn. It's crazy how evolution just like figured all this out for us.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Wait, what is it? It's like evolution. It's like mistakes or something. It's like, like.

[Orion]

So evolution isn't real, it's just a theory and we don't actually know if it's real.

[Drew]

I agree with that.

[Kai]

Oh my God. Then Room full of dummies. No, it's like the entire. Our entire lives are like mistakes, basically. We're just like in a cumulative mistake. And that's why we are what we are today.

[Drew]

I'm not a fucking mistake.

[Orion]

Yeah, me neither. But.

[Kai]

Oh my God, are you gonna put.

[Drew]

Your veneers back on? Or like, did you pay $180?

[Kai]

No, they're not going back on. Nope, you're not going back on.

[Drew]

You just spent $180 to have them sitting here?

[Kai]

Yep.

[Drew]

You just have that kind of disposable income? Are you like.

[Kai]

I don't give a. I'm rich as. Okay, let's get into media. Okay. This album that I've been listening to is Music for 18 Musician by Steve Reich. Right. R E I C H. This Album is very orchestra and epic and it just makes me very happy and it makes me feel things from music that I don't typically feel, which is really, really cool. And I like anything that's able to do that just because it's cool. And then a little banger that Kai showed me is 5050 by jockstrap. That shit is fucking boots down. Like it's crazy. And then let me go to this album because there's one song on it and then no Step by Kristoff de Babylon. The album, if you're into it, I'm out of it is lit sauce. And then for my visual media, I still have been watching a bunch of tv, but last night I saw the Northsman in. Every single frame of that movie could have been screen capped. And it was gorgeous and beautiful and I don't know if that's like the director of photography's job or if that's just because Iceland is like the most gorgeous place on earth. But yeah, the DOP is crazy. The cinematography on that movie was crazy. Like the very last scene of the movie was probably the coolest like visual I've seen in a movie in a very long time. Like, I don't know. Also it was just so weird and like. Like there were so many moments where I was like, girl, what the is happening right now? Like in the beginning I genuinely thought it was a comedy. Like I was like, this is. I think I got tricked into watching a comedy because they were like burping and farting and like the fart was like mixed so poorly. It was so weird.

[Drew]

You can't put a fart in a serious movie because it's not.

[Kai]

No. And in like in the context that it was in, I was like, oh. Like this is like they're. They're on. Like they're joking. Like they wanted us to believe that this was a serious movie. And then you go into it and it's not, but like, like fully it became. They trapped kids into a barn and burned it down. And I was like, oh, like this is a real movie.

[Drew]

And you still laughed really hard.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, I was laughing the whole time.

[Drew]

He actually didn't get to finish the movie cuz they kicked him out for like.

[Kai]

Yeah, I was laughing at the peak. It was crazy. But yeah, that's my media.

[Drew]

My media is waiting. By the Carousel by Robin Guthrie Blue Skied and Clear Slow Dive and then Only if by Steve Lacy and Playground. I've been listening to that whole album. It's either that or like ambient music and Then also White Noise by Akira Yamayoko Yamayoka. I can't say that name. And then I've been watching a Girl from Plainville, and I really like it because, again, I'm just in my true crime era. Like, I was gonna watch. Watch a movie, and I was like, you know what I should do instead is, like, binge watch this whole thing. And I got. I really wanted to watch. What? I really wanted to watch the Chippendale movie, but I didn't want to watch it.

[Kai]

Oh, you didn't watch it?

[Drew]

No, because I was like, I want to get highest bones and watch this with my friends. I don't want to be, like, cracking up a Chippendale alone in my room right now.

[Kai]

Wow, that sounds lit.

[Drew]

No, it sounds like it'd be hella funny to, like, sit in the room.

[Kai]

With the crew and, like, like, we should have sleepover.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And do it in your room. Bringing the air mattresses.

[Drew]

I'm down.

[Kai]

Yeah, we used to do sleepover. That looks so cute. What happened to us?

[Drew]

We all got busy. Ew. I hate it so much. Okay, thank you guys so much for watching.

[Kai]

That's the episode. Thank you so much.

[Drew]

Thank you. Until next time.

[Kai]

Yeah, while you're waiting, go watch a few more of our episodes.

[Drew]

Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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