Drew is in the Illuminati

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Drew is in the Illuminati

Host/Authors: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Release Date: April 26, 2024
Podcast: Emergency Intercom by iHeartPodcasts

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Emergency Intercom brings together the sharp wit and candid humor of Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips, delivering a comedic take on everyday scenarios with a twist of the absurd. In the episode titled "Drew is in the Illuminati," the trio dives into a myriad of topics ranging from secret societies to outrageous prank calls, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair.

1. The Illuminati Revelation

The episode kicks off with Drew dropping the bombshell that he's part of the Illuminati, sparking immediate curiosity and laughter among the hosts.

• Drew (03:56): "Get it demonetized immediately."

This unexpected revelation sets the tone for the episode, blending conspiracy theories with humor as the hosts playfully debate the intricacies and absurdities of such an organization.

• Josiah (15:27): "I didn't know it was like, your family. That's like, illegal."

The discussion evolves into a humorous exploration of fame and its supposed ties to clandestine groups, highlighting the exaggerated lengths to which celebrities are often linked to secret societies.

2. Prank Calls Galore

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to sharing hilarious prank call stories. Josiah recounts a memorable prank they pulled on a friend, pretending to be someone stuck in a bathroom creating mustard gas.

• Josiah (26:00): "Have you done it on. Have you prank called Pink Dot on Billy and Jean?"

The prank call narratives are filled with comedic timing and unexpected twists, showcasing the hosts' creativity and knack for storytelling. They discuss the ethical lines of prank calling, balancing the fun with potential repercussions.

• Drew (28:57): "They're going to lock their doors. Oh, wait, we have to talk about yesterday with the big cat."

3. Travel Troubles and Tales

The hosts delve into their recent travels, sharing relatable frustrations and funny incidents from their trips. Drew shares a panic attack experience on a flight due to a lack of a window seat, which Josiah escalates humorously.

• Josiah (05:29): "And honestly, it's scary. Damaging your throat, as the throat go."

They also discuss the challenges of traveling for college shows, including early flights and the stress of missing important items.

• Josiah (08:27): "I'm going to be beautiful for the rest of my life. Because one thing about me is I'm going to get my fucking sleep."

4. The Airplane Pillow Saga

A standout moment is Drew's obsession with airplane pillows, leading to a series of comedic exchanges about the exorbitant costs and impracticalities of these travel accessories.

• Drew (10:54): "But I feel like a lot of people fall for this trap because it. That. That's why they sell them there. It's literally so you fall for the trap."

This segment highlights their ability to turn everyday frustrations into comedic gold, with playful banter about product investments and travel necessities.

5. Personal Anecdotes and Health Hilarity

The conversation takes a personal turn as Drew humorously complains about his aching testicles, likening the pain to a "man period."

• Drew (21:56): "I'm not even gonna lie. My balls are not hurting right now. All I needed was some laughter."

The hosts engage in a light-hearted discussion about bodily functions and health woes, blending relatable issues with their unique comedic perspectives.

6. Music, Media, and Mock Seriousness

Towards the end, the trio transitions into discussing their favorite music and media, interspersed with playful jabs and fictional scenarios.

• Josiah (63:06): "They just randomly disappeared two years ago. I haven't seen them since. And I was like, oh, maybe they're reformulating it. Maybe they sold them. They have them listed on the Sweet Tart website and you can buy on there."

They debate the merits of various artists and shows, including RuPaul's Drag Race, adding depth to the episode with genuine insights wrapped in humor.

7. Closing Shenanigans and Future Teasers

As the episode winds down, the hosts continue their playful antics, including a mock promotion of spreading "extremist woke propaganda" to gain attention from Fox News.

• Drew (37:03): "In the next coming episodes, I'm gonna just like start spreading like extremist woke propaganda. And the whole idea is to get on Fox News."

This self-aware humor underscores their comedic style, leaving listeners anticipating future episodes filled with more unpredictable and entertaining content.

Notable Quotes:

• Josiah (04:26): "I had a dream that I woke up and took a selfie, and it was the most beautiful selfie ever."
• Drew (10:09): "And I was like, oh, we're actually going to die. Like, we're actually, like, on the way to death."
• Kyle (22:03): "Well, first of all, Drew, take a Midol. I can. We can figure out somebody to suck on them."
• Josiah (29:07): "Like, you are a crazy person. I'm gonna leave a voicemail."

Conclusion

"Drew is in the Illuminati" exemplifies Emergency Intercom's ability to blend everyday experiences with over-the-top humor, creating an engaging and entertaining episode. Through their dynamic interactions, Josiah, Drew, and Kyle offer listeners a delightful mix of storytelling, banter, and witty commentary, making it a must-listen for fans of comedy podcasts seeking both laughs and relatable content.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content sections, including the Ryan Seacrest promos at the beginning and end, have been omitted to focus solely on the episode's core content.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Josiah]

I've never felt like this before. It's like you just get me. I feel like my true self with you. Does that sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous. Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love, like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas and more at your dsw store or dsw.com.

[Kyle]

I got a William.

[Drew]

Get it demonetized immediately.

[Josiah]

I know. Literally, just believe that you might have heard that can open. It's not Kai, it's Josiah. And he's opening up a can of soda for his first beverage of the day. He's drinking soju and Coca Cola.

[Drew]

No, this is Kai.

[Josiah]

Hi, I'm Kai.

[Kyle]

Hi, I'm Kyle.

[Drew]

Do your best, Kai. Impersonation. Imperation.

[Kyle]

No, I like. I swear I'm not gay.

[Josiah]

I like.

[Kyle]

No, I actually like girls.

[Drew]

I don't think I ever said that ever.

[Josiah]

Hi, you've been scrolling. Hi, guys, what's up? You've been on that for a while now.

[Drew]

Hi, you've been scrolling. Oh my God. I have seen that tick tock more than any other tick tock on my phone, period. Do y' all remember when it was Brandt Rivera?

[Josiah]

Rivera? Yeah, I do. Why did they pick him? Because. Oh, I guess we looked it up one time because he's still big.

[Drew]

He's like the most famous person in the world.

[Josiah]

Some people just know how to use the Internet. Like there's different categories of Internet usage. Like there's people like us who swear, we're like, oh, I'm so funny and I'm niche. And then there's people who are like, I don't use the Internet. I come on and I go. And you never know. And then there's the Brent Rivera's and Lele Pons, who from the beginning they have been making so much money and they were like, I can never make less money than this ever. Again. And they will be making.

[Drew]

They will, they will.

[Josiah]

Like, I would love to see Brent Rivera's Google calendar. Like, it's definitely every day.

[Drew]

It's like, I mean, he literally has, like, a Mr. Beast level warehouse that he just builds Amazon buildings inside. Like, he does, like, fake Amazon videos. Like, y' all, dude, it freaks me the out. He built, like, a fake YouTube. Yes. He built, like, a fake Amazon warehouse and then ordered a bunch of off of Amazon and then put them on the shelves and then had his friends go and pick random items off the shelf. And it was, like, a surprise. And it was like scooters and bowling shoes, and it was just like, the most random bunk.

[Josiah]

Oh, wow. He really made it. I survive overnight in an Amazon warehouse. And it's very obviously not an Amazon warehouse. It's actually maybe a car garage.

[Drew]

Yeah. And also there's, like, this, like, storefront in the back that's super smoked. It, like, was freaking me and Josiah and Josh out.

[Josiah]

What's the craziest.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, Josh episode coming soon. Clip that and put that everywhere. Because I'm lying.

[Josiah]

People want Josh so bad. And I'm sorry. Like, Josh doesn't love us so that you have to take that up.

[Drew]

I mean, go to his Instagram. I'm not kidding. Go to his Instagram right now and blow that up. Film Quaker. And literally, if the winner giveaway, y'.

[Josiah]

All, go to that Instagram attack.

[Drew]

Go to that post and say, go on emergency. His most recent post, I don't even know if he has anything.

[Josiah]

I don't think he's posted in a year.

[Drew]

Yeah, go to his most recent post on IG and comment. And if it reaches 20,000 comments, he'll have to do it.

[Josiah]

I actually think his last IG post, like, main feed post, was literally a teaser for a video that didn't come out.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, let me check it.

[Josiah]

Hey, check it, check it. I had a dream that I woke up and took a selfie, and it was the most beautiful selfie ever. And then I woke up and I looked and I hadn't taken the selfie. So I woke up and I tried to take the picture, and it just wasn't working. And that's where my head's at. It's because in my brain, I was like, I straightened my hair. I'm going to wake up and take a picture of myself.

[Drew]

Pretty Josiah, like, was sleep talking and said, fortnite dreams. No, I swear to God, this morning, Josiah said, fortnite dreams. That's those I on. On God on everything. You said Fortnite dreams when I. Because I was watching Gia Gun videos, and they, like, woke you up, and you just said, like, Fortnite dreams and then went back to sleep.

[Kyle]

I think I did have Fortnite dreams, yeah. Because me and Anya were playing right before we went to bed last night.

[Josiah]

And we got second place twice. And I was so mad, and I did, like, one of those under my breath, really loud screams that hurt my throat so fudgeing bad. And before I went to bed, I was convinced I was going to wake up and be without a voice, but I woke up with a voice.

[Drew]

And honestly, it's scary. Damaging your throat, as the throat go. Like, that could be, like, a very out of business. Yeah, that'd be, like, a very, very hard thing to. Okay, so yesterday we were in Rhode island, which sounds insane, but I don't know if y' all know this. I'm sure you do, but we've been doing, like, hella college shows. I think we're doing our last one in May. What show is it? Washington. Yeah, Washington. And they are so fun, but the traveling for them actually, like, destroys us. It literally sends me down. Like, I. I'm good at, like, holding up a facade. But India, like, literally when we're in the airport, is the most negative version of India. Like, if you think India is, like, kind of a negative person, that's really, like, not it. Like, she's kind of judging it up a little bit for the public. She's not actually a bitter person.

[Kyle]

But.

[Drew]

At the airport on travel days for work, she is, like, insufferably bitter and angry. Like, everything is negative.

[Josiah]

Okay. So, like, I also understand this. This is coming from, like, such a privileged spot because some people aren't allowed to travel or, like, aren't in the space to travel. But because I've been now traveling since I was, like, like, 16, 17, because of press play, I have narrowed down my travel days to try and get it to the shortest it can be. But a plane, A long plane ride will always be a long plane ride. Like, they need to speed them the fuck up.

[Drew]

They need to start traveling. Mock what mach speeds.

[Josiah]

What is. What is that?

[Drew]

Like, super fast, like, breaking the sound barrier. Vibes.

[Josiah]

What are you watching?

[Kyle]

I'm not watching anything. I'm playing a game.

[Drew]

What game are you playing? What games do you have?

[Kyle]

Pokemon Unite.

[Josiah]

Josiah does this thing when. When you're driving with him, he will be driving the car and have the Ox and start playing with a slime simulator on his phone. So not only is he using his phone while he's driving, but he is destroying the vibe of whatever song you're.

[Drew]

Listening to because it's like slime simulators. Insane.

[Josiah]

But, yeah, I have become, like, the most evil person when I travel. Like, I'm just. No, I was gonna say I'm not, like, that bad of a bar, but I'm literally so angry, especially if I have to wake up early because I already don't like waking up early. And if I have to wake up early for a flight. This has always been my character, though, and it's actually really bad. I would rather miss the flight. Like, I love my sleep so much. There were times during press play where I would intentionally just miss a flight because I'm like, I change it. I'm not going. Like, you can't make me go. You can't make me lose my sleep.

[Drew]

And.

[Josiah]

And that's why I'm going to be beautiful for the rest of my life. Because one thing about me is I'm going to get my fucking sleep. I'm.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, let's check my sleep scores.

[Josiah]

But the day we were leaving to Rhode island, the flight was so fudgeing early because we had to drive. We had to fly to Boston and then drive to Rhode Island. And I was so mad because in my head, I was like, I'm going to wake up and, like, wake up super early and make myself breakfast, bitch. I woke up late as fuck. And I was running around the house trying to get ready. I. I left, like, half of the things I owned behind and half of the things I needed, I left in the house. And I was trying to make a sandwich. And Drew had called an Uber because he is a timely person and trying to get to the airport at a decent time. And I'm the kind of person who gets to the airport literally an hour before the flight takes off and 15 minutes before boarding. And when I came back, everything fell out of the fridge because I was so mad about not making my sandwich. I grabbed all the meats and cheeses and I literally went and I, like, threw them into the fridge because I was so mad. But that's just an insight into how ungrateful and angry I am. But I had a good time. I loved. I love doing the shows. I hate being on planes. I literally. They are so abnormal. I used to.

[Drew]

Girl, on the way home, we. I deadass. I'm not kidding. I had a full blown panic attack because, like, we sat in the exit row and. And we didn't have a Window to look out. And I realized in that moment that if I don't have an airplane window next to me that I can just, like, directly look out of it is going to be a problem. And I was like, I had to look across the aisle to another, like, say, exit window, like, airplane. And I was just looking and, like, it literally looked like the airplane was, like, nose diving and, like, going down. And I, like, turned in. I'm like, oh, we're literally going to die. Like, we're actually, like, on the way to death.

[Josiah]

You kept saying. I was like, please stop. Please stop, like, and we stop it. Like crazy people. That's the first. Seriously. She was like, we're going to die. I can't believe we're going to die right now. We're going to die. And I was.

[Drew]

And I was being dead serious.

[Josiah]

I know.

[Drew]

I, Like, I was fully convinced. And then I just closed my eyes and went to sleep. And I was just like, at least.

[Josiah]

I'll die knocked out immediately.

[Drew]

Yeah, at least I'll die asleep. There's something about the hum of the engines that, like, puts me to sleep. Let's talk about the airplane pillow. Okay, so.

[Josiah]

Wait, the airplane pillow. Oh, my God, bro. This motherfucker is. Okay.

[Drew]

No. Okay, tell me if I'm right or wrong.

[Josiah]

But you definitely are right. But you sound crazy.

[Drew]

Wait, you tell it because.

[Josiah]

Okay, so to be fair, I think I've bought this airplane pillow maybe four times in my whole life.

[Drew]

Like, and they're expensive, which is a lot.

[Josiah]

But, like, I've been traveling cons, like, consistently for, like, 10 years of my life now. So to buy it four times in 10 years isn't the craziest thing. But it definitely is because it's so pricey. But I feel like a lot of people fall for this trap because it. That. That's why they sell them there. It's literally so you fall for the trap. So every now and then, I'll know that I'm about to get in a long. Get on a long flight, and I know I want to sleep, and I know that the airplane pillow will save my fucking life. And there's two kind of airplane pillows you could get. You could get the beaded one that's straight off the TEMU airplane, or you could get the other foam one that's more off, like, the Alibaba plane. Like, you. You have. You pick your poison. One of them has, like, nice foaming and straps and actually hold you. The other one is literally mine as well. Yeah, it's like A. It's a whoopee cushion for your neck. It's not good. So on this flight I was so fucking tired because again, we had to get up at like 7:45am we ended up waking up like at 7:45am to get on this flight. We had to drive an hour. I was so tired. I was like, I'm going to go buy this pillow. Like, I'm going to buy this pillow. I also got my wallet stolen in Boston, so I had to use Drew's card. So I took his card and I went and bought the pillow. And literally as I was looking at the wall, I was like, I know if I tell him that I bought this $50 pillow, he is going to freak the fuck out. I almost didn't tell you because I was like in the line be like, oh, it was $10, like whatever. So I got the pillow and I came back and then I was like, I was like, this is an investment cuz I'm about to sleep. And then he was like, how I was like, it's up how much I've spent on these pillows. Cuz I've easily bought like four or five of them in my whole life. And he goes, yeah, that's like $150 on plain pillows. And I was like, that's more than $150 worth of plain pillow.

[Drew]

Yeah. And she spent $50 on this pillow. And I was like, oh, girl. Like, that's not that deep because like you can just keep that and hold on to it. And then. And you're like in her bitter state was like, no, I'm throwing this away. Like this. Like, I'm not keeping this.

[Josiah]

Like, what are those moments where you were telling me to do something? I was like, no, you go die.

[Drew]

Like literally. And in. You tried her hardest to leave that shit behind. And I was not okay.

[Josiah]

To be fair, to be fair. I actually didn't mean to leave it like on the plane. I do this all the time. That's how I. When I first got my AirPod Max Pros, I. The first time I traveled with them, I left the case on the plane because I have this bad problem where if I put something down, it doesn't exist anymore. Which is exactly what happened to my wallet. And I know there's medicine for it, but I'm not taking medicine. But he like, what did I say? Oh, I woke up four hours into the flight and I was like, this was such a good investment. Like I just slept like a baby. And he was like, yeah, you should keep It So the investment keeps growing. Girl, shut the up. And then he was like, why don't you bring your other ones? I was like, because it's not every time I travel that I want to sleep. And that's how they get you in the airport is because, you know, they know that, like, you're not going to. First of all, remember to bring the pillow. I never remember to bring the pillow.

[Drew]

Then I was just saying, like, store it inside of your suitcase. So when you pull your suitcase out, you just hook it around the, like, carrying loop anyways. And it was, like, trying to convince me that she was throwing it away and I was not having it. And then we got. Josiah, thankfully picked us up from the airport, and. And you, like, tried to be slick and throw it in the trunk of Josiah's car, but my suitcase had to go in the back of the car. And when we were getting out, I was like. I pulled it out, and I was like, in. Yeah, don't forget your fucking pillow. And now it's on the floor of her bedroom. And you'll never forget it again.

[Josiah]

The terror of my bedroom.

[Drew]

I mean, it is my cards. Because India is irresponsible and had her wallet. We were robbed, actually, ins. This picture. Insert the picture. We got robbed. I got hit in the eye. It was not a chill vibe. Thankfully, my black eye has subsided. And I was really worried that people are gonna, like, like, be like, oh, like, part of the Panda Eye Club, like, Illuminati, because, like, the video. This video, like, of me that's going viral right now.

[Josiah]

The problem when we, like, travel also is I never know where we're gonna eat. And especially after I got food poisoning. I'm just.

[Drew]

Always Is just, like, really, really gnarly. And I don't have an. I don't have an exp. Explanation for it. It's just, like, they'll kill me. They'll literally kill me if I don't tease it. And I just have to. I just have to, like.

[Josiah]

I guess it's like, is it, like, a contractual obligation to every now and then, like, shout them out?

[Drew]

Yeah. Because if I'm like, oh, if I. If I do this. And, like. Oh, like, whatever. It's, like, not that deep. It just, like, proves that I'm in the Illuminati or, like, they'll kill my family if I don't.

[Josiah]

I didn't know it was like, your family. That's, like, illegal.

[Drew]

They run the world, babe.

[Josiah]

Oh. How'd you get involved with them?

[Drew]

Just by being famous.

[Josiah]

Oh, do they just, like, email you?

[Drew]

Do they send. Timothy Chalamet recommended me. And then Jacob Elordi.

[Josiah]

Oh, it's kind of like, riot. You have to get.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. Jacob Elordi seconded my application at Timothy. We're really close and basically twins. And then Beyonce. There's this photo of me at the concert that I took of her in the background. And she thought it was so funny that she invited me out. She invited me out to Nobu. She rented out Nobu and Malibu just.

[Josiah]

For you off of a selfie or.

[Kyle]

I'm sure, like, well, she wanted.

[Josiah]

People have taken selfies at her concert.

[Drew]

But it was, like, a private dinner. She was like, oh, like, you have. Or that's the other thing is people are like, oh, Drew. Like, you don't have. Or you don't have Oreo. You don't have. I have areola. Like, what are you talking about? Like, I'm giving. Or I'm giving mysterious. I'm giving vibes. Like, y' all. But, yeah, Beyonce invited me out to, like, Nobu and Malibu, and she rented the whole thing out, and it was, like, borderline, like, dare I say a date? Like, it was weird.

[Josiah]

She's married with, like, kids.

[Drew]

Jay Z. Oh, he's a cheater.

[Kyle]

Jay Z.

[Josiah]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, does that make you better for, like, stepping in or. I guess. No, actually, no, I'm not the problem. Yeah, I, like, that's my biggest dream is, like, we have seen so many men in the spotlight commit affairs. We need more women and. But we need to, like. I guess it's just impossible for women to be public about their affairs because of sexism. We should change that. Like, do you think so, or.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Josiah]

Whoa, did you just hear my stomach?

[Drew]

Yeah. Big.

[Josiah]

No, hungry. There's a difference.

[Drew]

You wouldn't know, Mr. Constipation Boiling in your guts. Y' all ever think about that? Like, look at anybody, you know, and they have inside of them, like, actively have, like, turds in their guts, like, being made solid. Because, like, when you eat food, it turns to liquid, and then your intestines turn it into solid.

[Josiah]

Except you. You, like, probably never have in you.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know. Because I'm not full of babe.

[Josiah]

No, I meant because you're constipated for the rest of your life.

[Drew]

No, I am probably the most full of person, and my balls hurt so bad because.

[Josiah]

Because of the.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Josiah]

What the does that have to do with it?

[Drew]

Oh, is it like, you're distorting the balls, babe?

[Josiah]

Who said that?

[Drew]

Or is that just for you, literally, anatomy.

[Josiah]

Is that why some people's balls are bigger than others?

[Drew]

That is more poop. Literally. Anatomy 101.

[Josiah]

Okay. Sorry. I just. I guess I didn't know that.

[Drew]

Like, dumb as rocks.

[Josiah]

I don't. I think a lot of people don't know that.

[Drew]

No, everybody knows that.

[Josiah]

Ew. Josie's being scary. Okay, we should do a prank call right now after I explain my prank call, because I haven't told you. Josie, me and Rain were hanging out, and we prank called, and we. We were trying to figure out who we were going to call. We were going to tell them that we made mustard gas in the bathroom and that we were about to faint. Oh, RuPaul's here. By the way, RuPaul just laughed.

[Kyle]

Down. I guess you weren't in baseball.

[Drew]

I was shortstop, babe.

[Josiah]

What does that mean?

[Drew]

The best player on the field? No, I'm just kidding. Shortstop was the one directly behind the pitcher. Not second base, but the one between second and third base.

[Josiah]

So you just stood there?

[Drew]

No, that's where I, like, most batters hit the ball.

[Kyle]

Is there bottoms and tops in baseball?

[Drew]

Yeah, right. What the.

[Josiah]

Anyway, I called and I was like, hello? Hello? And he was like, hello? And I was like, hi. I'm stuck in the bathroom, and I'm getting kind of dizzy because I was trying to clean after I used it, and I think I made mustard gas. And he was like, what? What? And he was like, where are you? And I was like. I said, I'm in the bathroom. I'm. I'm locked in the bathroom.

[Drew]

Did you get in the bathroom?

[Josiah]

I know. That's the crazy part is he didn't ask that. Like, you would have thought immediately, like, he is physically in the store. I would have had to go past this man to be in the bathroom.

[Drew]

Also, they don't have public bathroom.

[Josiah]

What did I, like, go around the back and sneak in? So he went to go look, and he opens it. He's like, you're not in here.

[Drew]

Where are you?

[Josiah]

And I was like, I know. I swear I'm in here. I'm just really small. And then he was like, what? And I hear like. Like. Like him moving around the bathroom. I was like, I think I fell behind the trash can. And then I heard the trash can, like. Like, metal across the floor, which, honestly, God bless this man's soul, because he really was trying to save me from, like, I don't know, dying of mustard gas inhalation. And then he stayed on the phone. He was like, you're not in this bathroom, which. What? Like, where are you? And I was like, am I calling Supreme? I'm so confused. I think it's getting to my head. And I just, like, kept going with him on the phone until finally he was like, oh, wait, this is a prank call, isn't it? And I was like, yeah, like, me and Rain started yelling. And then he was like. He just, like, laughing. He was like, all right, well, that was a good one, I guess. Wow. Okay. And I was like, thank you so much. I love you. And then he was like, I love you too. Bye, and hung up on me. And I was like, oh, my God, that was so sweet.

[Drew]

I literally love people that, like, when they get prank called, they're like, oh, you got me. That's silly boots. But, like, it's because they're also prank callers. Like, yeah, yeah, prank callers. Respect prank callers. Except, like, never mind.

[Kyle]

It's also just like, you're a normal person. Like, if I. If I was working a job like that and I got a prank call, I would be so excited. The most exciting thing that happened to him all day.

[Drew]

Or also, like, it could be the most, like, the thing that sends them over the edge, though.

[Kyle]

Like, I think about that. Like, if I've ever had a hand in somebody taking their life.

[Drew]

Josiah pinged.

[Josiah]

I don't know how far someone has to be, like, down the road to get a Frank call and get there. But I guess, like, you never know. That is something I think about because I'm like, oh, my God. It's a fun story. But then I'm like, they have to deal with the worst people all day, every day, and I'm calling, like, I like being annoying, and they're probably. But I don't know. That would make me smile.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

My gods on right now.

[Drew]

Balls. Yeah. Before that, let me talk about.

[Josiah]

Oh, you didn't finish talking about your balls. Yeah. We have to give space for Drew's balls.

[Drew]

Okay, y' all, I don't know what the fuck is happening to me right now, but I woke up with, like, straight up the most painful, achy balls ever. And, like, it is making me. It literally feels like I'm on my period. Like, it literally feels like I'm peeing, messing, and I'm irritated and angry. So if I seem off in this video, it's literally because I'm going through, like, man period right now, and my balls ache and, like, my stomach hurts. Challenge. And it's pissing me the off. But that's where that's Just all I needed to say.

[Kyle]

Well, first of all, Drew, take a Midol. I can. We can figure out somebody to suck on them. And second of all, I feel like I've never felt that before. And I actually would go to the doctor, like, tomorrow.

[Drew]

Achy balls. I have testicles. Testicular torsion.

[Josiah]

If your balls keep hurting, do you have to go to the doctor?

[Kyle]

Yeah, I've never felt that before.

[Drew]

Really?

[Kyle]

Never.

[Drew]

I just, like, ache. It feels like I got kicked in the balls, and they just, like, for the hours after.

[Josiah]

Oh, Josie probably kicked you in his sleep. He told me before we went to bed. He was like, I'm gonna kick Drew.

[Kyle]

Right in the hallways. I just grabbed him and I squeezed him, and I pulled him really hard.

[Drew]

I did put on new underwear. Like, chiropractors be doing that shit. Normally, I wear the same pair of underwear.

[Josiah]

They don't grab your ball.

[Drew]

Normally, I wear the same pair of underwear for, like, three or four weeks at a time, so. And typically, when I put on a new, like, tight pair.

[Kyle]

Wait, wait, four weeks?

[Josiah]

Yeah, four. That's a month.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's like. That is, like, the perfect cut off where they're, like, starting to yellow and, like, the, like, layers of, like, smegma are building up on, like, magma.

[Josiah]

That can be a real.

[Kyle]

I know someone like that who does do that with their underwears, and you do, too.

[Drew]

Yeah, that and it's nasty. You know, I know exactly who you're talking about.

[Kyle]

Also, no judgment. I didn't brush my teeth for four years.

[Josiah]

What?

[Kyle]

I didn't brush my teeth for four years.

[Josiah]

What are you talking about? Like, at what. At what point in your life?

[Kyle]

2018-2022. Y' all knew you.

[Josiah]

No, you were like, there's no way you were getting away with not brushing your teeth.

[Kyle]

I would just put whitening strips on my edit.

[Josiah]

You have the whitest flacky teeth anybody's ever seen. They're like.

[Kyle]

They come out to here, bro.

[Drew]

Yeah. All right, let's prank call someone.

[Josiah]

Okay. Who are we gonna prank call, though? Yeah, it's so early, though.

[Kyle]

Go to Pink Dot. Anyone who's coming to la, go to Pink Dot and ask them these questions in person, please.

[Josiah]

You do it then because, like, you.

[Drew]

Ask them for the butthole beer.

[Josiah]

Have you done it on. Have you prank called Pink Dot on Billy and Jean?

[Kyle]

Yeah, we did once, and I got the guy, and he told me to. I think he told me to take my life.

[Drew]

Wait, make sure you talk into the mic.

[Josiah]

Respect. Wait, dude, you should give context First.

[Drew]

Okay, yeah.

[Kyle]

If you don't know which. I've talked about this several times on my videos on Billy and Jane. I think even we've talked about it, like, a little bit on here. I've been prank calling this man for probably, like, four years now, and he still works.

[Josiah]

He had, like, a beautiful, toxic relationship.

[Kyle]

Dude, We've gone ups and downs. He's told me to take my life. He's apologized. He has told me how much he hates me.

[Josiah]

Broken up with you. Wait.

[Drew]

Why is love. Why is love blind?

[Kyle]

We're going to end up getting married. If I ended, I think love. You're in love? With who?

[Drew]

No, you're in love.

[Kyle]

No, no, no, no.

[Drew]

Wait, hold on. My drag queen name. I just came up with it. You're in love.

[Kyle]

You're in love.

[Drew]

And then my stick is like P. I.

[Kyle]

Also, fun fact, they didn't have this robot before I started prank calling.

[Josiah]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

They used to say his number was on the wall.

[Kyle]

And I know the shortcut may be.

[Josiah]

Recorded for quality and training purposes.

[Kyle]

I know.

[Josiah]

Wait, your number was on the wall?

[Kyle]

I'm sure. Probably picture. Me too.

[Josiah]

Ew.

[Kyle]

Hi, can I be transferred to the stock room in the back?

[Josiah]

Sorry, you're calling the delivery department in the back.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kyle]

Is anyone else there right now? I'm looking for someone specific.

[Josiah]

Who are you looking for?

[Kyle]

Actually, I can just ask you. I had a question about stock. I'm having a party.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Kyle]

Do y' all have Casamigos?

[Josiah]

Casamigos? Yes, we do.

[Kyle]

Okay, and for the blanco, what size do you guys have?

[Josiah]

For the blanco, we have from the airplane size all the way to the handle.

[Kyle]

Okay, and do y' all still have the Butthole Beer and Vagina Vodka there, or. No.

[Josiah]

I'm sorry, what kind of beer?

[Kyle]

It was the Butthole Beer and then also the Vagina Vodka. And what sizes?

[Josiah]

No, sorry, those we don't have.

[Kyle]

Wait, seriously? What are you doing alone? Hello?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Okay, I'll just call back later then.

[Drew]

Bro. We need to call the two restaurants in Joshua Tree and start beef between.

[Kyle]

Have y' all talked about that on here?

[Drew]

We talked about it at the show. But to make a long fucking story short, when we were in Joshua Tree, there's. If you know Joshua Tree, it's like a desert town outside of la, and everybody goes and visited, visits it once in their lifetime. If you live in la, well, there's like three restaurants out there total, and there's two across the street from each other. Each other, Each other. And Josiah called one of Them and was like, yo, I just want to let you know, like, one of the restaurants, like, or one of the workers at the other restaurant are talking, like, mad about you. And the girl was like, oh, I knew it. It was Jessica, wasn't it? Well, tell that ugly that, like, she would have a job here if she wasn't so bitter and hateful and evil. And we were like, holy cuz.

[Ryan Seacrest]

She.

[Kyle]

She used to work for them.

[Drew]

Yeah, she used to work for the other restaurant.

[Josiah]

Mind you, we didn't say a name of who did this. They just immediately assumed it was this girl. And we were like, oh, w. There.

[Kyle]

Was already, like, underlying beef, but we made it, like, so much worse. And they put the owner on the phone or the manager or whatever, because we told them. We were like, yeah, they're saying you have rats in your kitchen.

[Drew]

Rats in the oil machine. And well, then we called the other.

[Kyle]

Restaurant and told them the same thing.

[Drew]

Yeah. And they were like, I knew it. Yeah, I knew it.

[Josiah]

Back and forth. And we just kept calling. And then I feel like at one point we were just like, I'm lying. I don't know. Like, I don't know, dude.

[Kyle]

No, we didn't. We didn't, we didn't.

[Josiah]

We never said.

[Kyle]

We were like, oh, no, no, no, no. We fully didn't. Because, like, I mean, I was bruh. The gag of the prank call is that my. In my opinion, is to leave them believing that it's real.

[Drew]

Like, I.

[Kyle]

Sometimes I don't even make a joke. I just want it to be, like, confusing and then be like, oh, okay.

[Josiah]

Literally, like, destroying lives.

[Kyle]

No, no. Fine.

[Josiah]

And then at that same trip, Josie called a. A vape job. Hi. I was funny if I could come in and steal a few things. And they were like, what the are you talking about?

[Drew]

Should we do that right now?

[Josiah]

So mad. Yes. They got so mad. And the place was called, like, 813 vape shop. And Josie kept asking if he could steal. And then he was like, no. And he was like, well, if I had a babe shop, I let you steal. Actually, matter of fact, I'm gonna move in right next door and call it 1-814-BAIT SHOP. And I'm going to let everyone steal. You're going to lose all your customers because no one has to buy a vape ever again. And the guy got so mad that two hours later, Josie also doesn't call on Star six seven. He called back and was like, I'm going to call the cops. Like, like, you are a crazy person. Then Josiah had to act like Drew was his son.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

And that they were just like that. His son got his phone and started prank calling him. And the guy subsided. Was okay. Yeah, we'll just, like, make sure you watch what your son does. Like, it's up.

[Kyle]

Yeah. They brought the owner in two hours later. He sounded like he had just woken up and, like, drove down to the store. And he was like, what? What are you saying about stealing? But that's the best. You call them and you say, how many people are working right now? And they are like, why?

[Josiah]

Wait, who are you calling?

[Kyle]

Is that a liquor store?

[Josiah]

Is making mustard gas illegal?

[Kyle]

No.

[Josiah]

Okay. Because I want to call someone.

[Drew]

No, that's literally war crimes. Is it? Yeah. Mustard gas is a literal war crime.

[Kyle]

Oh.

[Josiah]

Because I wanted to call, like, Target and be like, hi, do you have all the supplies to make mustard gaff?

[Kyle]

Dude, Target is impossible to get to. Yeah, it's, like, so annoying. You got to call, like, a Walgreens maybe. Like, it's hard with those corporate stores to get through to them. You gotta call mom and Pop Shop. Dude. There's this fucking smoke shop in the valley in, like, a really nice area, and it's called In Dakot Smoke Shop. So I always call them and I'm like, where are you located? And they tell me, and I'm like, I thought y' all were located in Dakot.

[Drew]

Which I'm literally gonna get, like, sent to the police. Hi, I was just curious how many people are working in there right now? One. What? How many people are working in there right now? As of right now.

[Kyle]

That is the scariest question. Again, as someone who's working, like, why do you want to know?

[Drew]

I can't.

[Josiah]

They're going to lock their doors. Oh, wait, we have to talk about yesterday with the big cat.

[Drew]

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Okay.

[Josiah]

Yes, yes.

[Drew]

So we landed from the airport, Josiah picked us up, and we came home. And then we had to go run and do a bunch of, like, last minute shopping, which normally we would land in an airplane and then just stay home and rot all day, but we had to actually do shit. Well, we're about to leave, and Josiah sees the big hat, and it's like, oh, I need to put the big hat on. And then he, like, asked me. He was like, drew, do you have a big black coat? Because I need, like, a coat. And I was like, oh, my God, he's building an outfit around the hat. This is genius. So then he goes into the floor of India's closet and gets a giant Black trench coat. And then we go out into public, and Josiah is actually, like, committing to the bit, and he looks fucking. He looks like. Insert all of the videos of Josiah looking fudgeing horrifying right here. Well, the funniest video is the salad one walking across the street to the salad bar or whatever the that place is called. Well, anyways.

[Josiah]

Wait, who. Who on Drag Race? Like, get the words out or. Oh, no, it wasn't sweet. It wasn't RuPaul. It was Mr. B's video where the girl was, like, the dealer. The. No deal.

[Kyle]

Like, that.

[Josiah]

Literally Drew trying to, like, remember any name of anything. The fudgeing salad bar.

[Drew]

Well, what?

[Josiah]

Like, I guess salad.

[Drew]

Exactly what I fucking meant. Well, anyways, Josiah goes to the salad bar. We go across the street to another store, and Josiah picks up his salad, and we're shopping in this shop. Well, like, Josiah looks scary, as y' all can see. Like, he looks actually insane. And, like, the. When Josiah was ordering the salad at the shop, she literally thought she, like, he had a gun in that hat and was gonna take it out and, like, rob her.

[Kyle]

She did not want to serve me at all. Like, none of them did. She passed it off to another girl in there. Like, she helped everyone in front of me and then was, like, gestured to her friend.

[Drew]

What a.

[Josiah]

Okay. Me throwing someone under the bus.

[Kyle]

And even that one was, like, very. I think she just thought I wasn't gonna pay because I think she thought.

[Drew]

You can also move that mic closer to you so you're not having to, like, lean over the table. Well, anyways, Josiah is, like, not getting served at the fucking salad bar, and we're shopping. Well, Josiah has to come across the street, and he comes to the store we're in, and it's, like, a nicer shop, but, like, it's not, like, the craziest shop in the world. And then, like, Josiah goes up to the door, and, like, I think, like.

[Josiah]

The manager or owner, we don't know what her place at the store is. She just so happened to be standing outside even when me and Drew walked in. And then when Josie walked up, she was still out there. And Josie, like, looked at the door and saw that it said no food. So he was just like, okay. Like, so he's just ominously standing outside of the store and looking through the window.

[Drew]

I have a video of it.

[Kyle]

We all filming from inside. Yeah, I was really hoping else did.

[Josiah]

He look so scary. And then the owner looks at Josiah and then kind of, like, hurries inside and locked the Door behind her because she thought Josiah was like going to come in and take something or like, I don't know what the vibe was, like what exactly she thought was going to happen. But Josiah gave her such a weird.

[Drew]

Vibe that she was logging.

[Josiah]

She locked the door and somebody like other customers were trying to get in and she would have to run up and unlock and be like, hey, were you guys trying to get in? Like, no, we're still been like, come in, come in. And Josiah sitting outside with his big fucking hat on and with a sweet green salad just in his lap. Also he's making TikTok.

[Kyle]

Like also taking periodical bites of my. Of my salad like every now and then.

[Drew]

And also to make things worse, Josiah ordered a salad. Instead of getting a normal fudgeing dressing, he got barbecue sauce.

[Josiah]

No ranch and barbecue as his fucking dressing.

[Kyle]

Just had barbecue.

[Josiah]

I didn't even know they had barbecue sauce at sweet.

[Drew]

I didn't know that was a thing.

[Kyle]

It's one of their main sauces.

[Josiah]

That is not a main sauce. No one's like, oh my God, you need to try the barbecue sauce at sweet Green.

[Kyle]

Like, that's really good. Even y' all said that when they got in the car after, they were like, damn, that smells so good. They both took bites and it was.

[Drew]

Good as I'm gonna be real.

[Josiah]

But then after a while, like the smell of it was like actually the craziest. Like most man made chemical scent I've ever heard in my life or smelled.

[Drew]

Oh my God. Before I forget about this, y' all, okay, in the next coming episodes, I'm gonna just like start spreading like extremist woke propaganda. And the whole idea is to get on Fox News. So, like, I'm not gonna tell you when, but in the next few episodes I'm just gonna say like the most out of pocket, like woke take ever. And the whole goal is to get on Fox News. So I just wanted to warn y' all and if y' all want to like, submit the clips somehow, I don't know if that's a possibility. Let me know. But let me know. Let me know in the comments. But yeah, just like look out for it. And the goal is to get noticed by Candice Owens again.

[Josiah]

Ken Drew misses his relationship with Candace Owens.

[Drew]

Yeah, Literally. That's like my, my girl. Like, I love her also. Yeah, period. Enya is hitting cotton and metal. Inya is hitting cotton and metal.

[Josiah]

Oh my God. That was funny. That was funny because you think I care?

[Drew]

I don't even know what the we were Talking about Josiah's silly big cat. Oh, and then there's a cliff of me in Target in the same outfit. And we made this video.

[Josiah]

Look at me. Look at me. This man's here to meet a child. This man here. Come back. No, come here. This man's here to meet a child.

[Drew]

Cool.

[Kyle]

Cuz you were there to meet a 13 year old boy. Someone had to stop you. Are you going to try the Oreo lipstick or not?

[Josiah]

Wait, wait.

[Kyle]

At some point. Just at some point. No pressure. Who are you calling? Hello?

[Josiah]

Hey. Hi. Hello.

[Drew]

Hi. Yeah.

[Josiah]

Oh, is the store busy right now?

[Drew]

No. Who is this?

[Kyle]

Who is this?

[Josiah]

Who is this? Wait, what? Okay, now I'm confused. Is this.

[Drew]

Yeah, this.

[Josiah]

Oh, what's your name?

[Drew]

Why are you asking?

[Josiah]

Because I want to come in and chill and I like need to know if your vibe is chill. Am I allowed to come into the store?

[Kyle]

Say you have social anxiety.

[Josiah]

Huh?

[Kyle]

So you have social anxiety.

[Josiah]

I just have really bad social anxiety. So I need to see if you're chill before I come in.

[Drew]

No. Yeah, but wait, are you. Well, this.

[Josiah]

Oh, this is Sarah.

[Drew]

Who?

[Josiah]

Sarah. Sarah. I was stuck in the bathroom the other day. Wait, is this not the same person I spoke to?

[Kyle]

Was that the same guy?

[Josiah]

I think it was. Damn, I thought he with me.

[Kyle]

He does. Not with you at all?

[Drew]

Yeah. Wow.

[Josiah]

Well, no one's in the store, so.

[Drew]

Are you calling him back?

[Kyle]

Why'd you hang up on me?

[Josiah]

Are you mad at me?

[Drew]

Not gonna answer?

[Josiah]

He's not gonna answer. I'm gonna leave a voicemail. Are you mad at me? Oh, hey, is there Sarah?

[Kyle]

Sarah, his sister?

[Josiah]

Yeah. Oh, I wanted to come in and chill with. Yeah, moment. But if I buy a shirt, can I chill like in the store or I guess in the store? Cuz he's in the store. Yeah, but I mean, you can't distract us from his work. Oh, no, I won't. I. I'm not like a big talker. So I'll kind of just like look at the shirts for 30 minutes and then buy one and then maybe chill for like 10 more minutes.

[Kyle]

Say you're obsessed with.

[Josiah]

I'm like obsessed with. Yeah, his vibe is really chill.

[Kyle]

Nice help.

[Josiah]

Have you guys met before?

[Drew]

No.

[Josiah]

Yeah, like three times.

[Kyle]

Say I don't like you to her.

[Josiah]

No, I was. I was lying.

[Drew]

Say I don't like you very much.

[Josiah]

Oh, wow. No one's ever asked me that.

[Drew]

Say I don't like you very much.

[Josiah]

I like your vibe too. Actually, you guys are all pretty chill there. Thanks. Is the store Busy.

[Drew]

So you're going to rob it.

[Josiah]

If I brought in a shirt, could I sell the shirt there? No, unfortunately, she's like, that much. Okay, well, see you guys later. Love you so much. Love you, too.

[Drew]

Dude.

[Kyle]

She was jealous. That was girlfriend. Like, genuinely, that was girlfriend.

[Drew]

You should have said, I don't fudge with you.

[Kyle]

I don't like you for some reason.

[Josiah]

Being mean to a girl. Like, I can't do it. If it was a guy, it would have been mean. They all laughed, though, when she was like, you want to chill with.

[Kyle]

How do they have more than one person working in the store? Yeah, can they afford that?

[Josiah]

There's no way there's that many people who go in there. I always thought it was one person. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. Can you take a bite of one of the Oreos? I got Drew Oreo. I got Drew Oreo Chapstick, and I got it for him five days ago, and he's just now opening it, which is kind of fucked up.

[Drew]

Yeah, this is nasty. I'm going to do an Oreo chapstick taste test. There's eight different flavors.

[Josiah]

No, there's only actually five.

[Drew]

They're all different colors.

[Josiah]

No, there's, like, three repeats.

[Drew]

All right, so this one is mint flavored lip balm.

[Kyle]

Goodbye. Take a bite.

[Drew]

Oh, that's like, literally so chill.

[Josiah]

Wait, what? You take a bite since you want to eat chapstick so bad, you freak.

[Kyle]

I'm not the one on camera.

[Drew]

God. Okay, this one is lemon crema flavored lip balm.

[Josiah]

Are you gonna bite it?

[Kyle]

Please, Drew.

[Drew]

Wait. That's actually good.

[Josiah]

I don't think you're supposed to eat them. Don't, like, ingest it.

[Drew]

It's Chapstick. You're supposed to eat chapstick.

[Kyle]

I have one I've been working on in my car.

[Josiah]

Why are y' all eating chapstick?

[Drew]

Good as, bro.

[Josiah]

Why are you just letting it rest in your mouth? Like, oh, that one's really blue. I don't like that.

[Drew]

This one is flavored lip balm.

[Josiah]

Just Oreo.

[Kyle]

Did you swallow that? Actually? No. You did not, Drew. No. Are you actually swallowing it?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

No, you're not.

[Drew]

What?

[Kyle]

If not, you're putting it in the side of your cheek. That shit's gonna be stuck between your teeth for weeks.

[Josiah]

I know. You're gonna have, like, your.

[Kyle]

There's sugar in there. Why is that one purple?

[Drew]

Oh, this one's birthday cake.

[Josiah]

Oh, that's perfect. It's our friend's birthday today. Oh, you took the whole stick at that Zero calories.

[Kyle]

This is Drew's new diet. You're really chewing on it. I didn't think you were going to do that.

[Josiah]

Spit it out.

[Drew]

It's actually good. We're back. Technical difficulties. The technical difficulties were me out oil from my butt cuz I ate chapstick.

[Josiah]

You, like, you're going to have a belly full of grape seed oil. Like, what is in this? You threw away the ingredients, so now we don't know what the you just ingested.

[Drew]

I love oils.

[Kyle]

It's just blended up. Oreos.

[Josiah]

I love oil.

[Drew]

We need more. We need more oils in our diet. Seed oils and microplastics. Okay, y' all.

[Josiah]

Why adult supervision advise for chapstick?

[Drew]

Because people like me, we eat them.

[Josiah]

We eat them.

[Kyle]

You're an adult, though, drew.

[Josiah]

No, he's 17.

[Drew]

Don't ever call me that shit again. Freak bitch.

[Kyle]

17, freak.

[Drew]

Fucking bitch.

[Kyle]

What year were you born?

[Drew]

I'm a minor, bitch.

[Kyle]

What year?

[Drew]

Every time you make like, he's not.

[Josiah]

Old enough to, like, remember yet.

[Drew]

Motherfucker. Okay, what was I saying? Oh. I'm at a point where I'm living out of a pile of clothes on the bottom of my closet, and I've become my own worst enemy.

[Josiah]

I know. Every time I'm like, drew, do you have, like, this, this, or that that I can wear right now? And I'll go in to his room. He's like, don't look in the closet, please. Please don't look in the closet. And he'll go into the closet and close the door behind him while he looks for whatever he's looking for.

[Drew]

It used to be, like, something I prided myself on was, like, my closet organization skills, but, like, I literally. Well, it started because I didn't have enough hangers in my closet for all this.

[Josiah]

I don't feel like you've ever had enough hangers.

[Drew]

I. I literally haven't. And I'm also super neurotic. And every single hanger has to be the same. And my dumbass dec. What is that? Box City.

[Josiah]

The Container Store?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Dude, you did it to yourself.

[Josiah]

Box City.

[Drew]

That's what they call you. Queen.

[Josiah]

Oh. Oh.

[Kyle]

Tuna Box City.

[Drew]

Yeah. Stinky tuna box.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And this tuna box is ripe.

[Josiah]

Yeah. When we share a room, when we do college shows, Drew has to sleep with a mask on.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's definitely the BV and yeast infection.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Drew]

No, actually, Drew fighting it out. Drew was, like, making mustard gas in that vagina. Wait, girl, wait. Yeah, in this, bacterial vaginosis and yeast infection are having a War inside her vagina and making mustard gas.

[Kyle]

That's the Badussi war.

[Josiah]

Y' all are so. Wow. You guys are amazing. And you should stay yourselves. Drew has been fucking drying himself with a blow dryer. And when we were in the hotel, not the weirdest thing ever. We were in the hotel room the first night, and Drew was like, the way the hotel was set up is, like, the beds are right here. Then there was, like, a short wall, and then there was the sink. And then the bathroom and shower had its, like, unclosed door. And then I'm, like, getting ready to lay in bed. And I lay in bed, and Drew's like, there was a mirror facing the bathroom area. So if from my bed, I could technically see into the bathro unless you close that one little door. But in the sink area, I can see everything. And Drew was like, can you see anything from, like, your bed right now? And I was like, yeah, I can see you. And he was like, okay, hold on. Let me figure something out. And I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, oh, I. Because I. I've been blow drying myself dry. And then. I'm not kidding. I was so confused for, like, 25 minutes because I was like, wait, are you serious? And I went and, like, used the bathroom, and he was like, in his bed. He was like, yeah, no, it's okay. Fine. Like, it's fine. Maybe I just. Maybe I won't blow up. I know I need to blow dry myself dry. And then he just, like, kept going back and forth about it. I was like, what the fuck is happening? And I thought he was trolling me. And then I remembered I had just come home from my New York trip, and the blow dryer was out. And the blow dryer is never out because neither of us use it. And I was like, why the is that out? And I thought you just found it in the house and you were annoyed and threw it in the corner. But this has been blow drying himself dry. And he's tried to convince me that that's normal. Us for the show. And, like, Drew was like, do you ever blow dry yourself dry? And then he was like, no, I've never done that in my.

[Drew]

No, he said, I have done it, but it was the worst thing he's ever had to do.

[Josiah]

Then why are you doing it?

[Drew]

Because.

[Josiah]

And I think he did it maybe off a necessity. I don't think it's like, oh, like, I have a towel here. I'd rather blow.

[Drew]

I can't explain it. It just. I Like, feeling warm. And I like being dry because when I get into my bed and I'm fudgeing, like, sopping wet or, like, kind of moist, like, it just, like, makes, like, a gas underneath the blanket. Like, it literally makes, like, a rain cloud. Like, I hate it.

[Josiah]

When did this start? I'm like, did you see it online? Did someone do it? Like, did someone like, oh, I love blow drying?

[Drew]

No, I just, like, literally have seen people do it in the locker room before. And I was like, oh, like, I want to try.

[Josiah]

So you do that in the locker room at the gym Locker room.

[Kyle]

Who did that in the locker room?

[Drew]

Just random freaks in the locker room.

[Josiah]

Well, now Drew's one of them.

[Kyle]

Well, no, but to do that in the locker room.

[Josiah]

Like, he's doing it in the locker room.

[Kyle]

No, you're not. Like, watch my junk flop in the wind of the.

[Drew]

I'm not doing.

[Josiah]

He is doing it in the locker.

[Kyle]

You are. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I'm proud of my body, you know, I'm proud of everything.

[Josiah]

If I came out of the sauna room and I saw a blow drying her body, Actually, when a girl does it, it's not that deep.

[Kyle]

I'm like, no, it's still pretty weird.

[Josiah]

No, I think there's, like, a fine line.

[Drew]

No, I can admit it's a weird thing that I do.

[Josiah]

Also. It takes so long. Yesterday we were waiting to watch RuPaul. Drew was like, I'm about to dry off. It took him 30 minutes.

[Drew]

Is that why it took you so long?

[Josiah]

It took him so long, dude.

[Kyle]

And that's why I told Anya. I was like, oh, he's about to be out. Like, he's drying off. And I was like, no, he's not.

[Josiah]

No, he's not. He's not getting out of there for a second. He has to blow dry himself, like, perfectly dry.

[Kyle]

You have to stop that.

[Drew]

Yeah. And there are some moments where I literally, like, cause, like, burns on my body because, like, the.

[Josiah]

What's the name of the skin you get when you, like, put.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, that's why your eczema endo demetriosis.

[Kyle]

You're drying the out of your skin.

[Drew]

Wait, what if that is literally why my balls hurt?

[Kyle]

That is definitely why.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God. That's probably why your balls hurt, because you're, like, heating them.

[Drew]

I'm literally making scrambled eggs with my sperm inside my testicles.

[Josiah]

That is so gross.

[Kyle]

Drew, you need to stop doing that, like, now.

[Josiah]

That, like, because isn't it bad for men to, like, lay their laptop on Their, like, balls. You're literally doing that times 10.

[Kyle]

Isn't the heat good? I thought it feels like warms up to semen.

[Josiah]

I wouldn't know. I don't know.

[Kyle]

You don't have no. Oh, I didn't know that.

[Drew]

Tick Tock race party. I feel like I'm the blue tie.

[Josiah]

Guy at the Tick Tock race party.

[Kyle]

My media of the week is the Tick Tock Riz party.

[Drew]

Gay porn and Tick Tock Riz party.

[Josiah]

My media of the week is. Or are we actually doing media?

[Kyle]

I was just making a joke.

[Drew]

Oh, sure.

[Josiah]

Oh, your tongue's really white. Yo, Josie.

[Drew]

Oh, y' all. The twin telepathy. Tick Tock was real.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I thought it was fake.

[Drew]

I need to, like, literally make that abundantly clear. I know I troll a lot, but that was genuinely real. And if you hadn't asked me. Yeah, it was genuinely real. And if you haven't seen it, it's on my sister's Tik Tok page. Meline and Steven, go watch it. But that was a real video, and it freaked us out. And it was also, like. It was definitely coincidence because, like, I don't know, but we also did that twin study that I try to talk about all the time.

[Josiah]

What twin study?

[Drew]

I. I've talked about it, like, 20 times on here. But, yeah, it's. It was very real, y' all. It was a very.

[Josiah]

I thought they were faking it, honestly. And I still, like, part of me will always believe that it was, like, a little fake.

[Drew]

No, it was genuinely real. And afterwards, we were like, we should, like, try to fake it. So there's, like, two videos of us trying to fake it and, like, it. We literally could not get it right when we were trying to fake it.

[Kyle]

I believe you, drew. Twincest is real.

[Josiah]

Wait. Twin says.

[Drew]

Good thing they couldn't hear you because you were four feet away from the mic.

[Josiah]

What's twincest? Oh, is that twin telepathy?

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Oh. Oh, that's cute. I guess you and your sister are really twin sesty. What?

[Kyle]

No, I'm just, like, it is so true. Y' all really are very twin test.

[Drew]

We need to bring back shockers. I'm gonna start a. Oh, just buy.

[Josiah]

The moldy ones on eBay for $2,000, y' all.

[Drew]

I've been, like, scouring the Internet for sweetheart shockers because that was, like, my holy grail of candy. It is still my holy grail of candy. It's the perfect amount of sour. It is the perfect amount of chew. It is the perfect amount of crunch. I will die on that hill. It is the greatest candy ever made. They just randomly disappeared two years ago. I haven't seen them since. And I was like, oh, maybe they're reformulating it. Maybe they sold them. They have them listed on the Sweet Tart website and you can buy on there. But every time I click on them to buy them, they like, the whole website, like, crashes and freezes. I really do think it's a psyop. Like, I think something seriously, like, sinister is happening.

[Josiah]

Somebody died from the shocker, so now.

[Drew]

Like, pull them dead ass. They probably, like, melted a hole in their tongue or some. But I was scouring the Internet for them, and I found a listing on eBay for $2,150 and 25 cents of, like, nasty gross.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Candy I've ever seen in my shockers.

[Drew]

That, like, were living inside of a gumball machine. Like, one of those candy machines.

[Josiah]

Why would someone buy that? Like, just to collect it and say, you have it. Because there's, like, in my head, I'm like, there's no value. That's actually garbage.

[Drew]

Yeah. I have no idea. And they were like, gross and moldy. But we need to start a petition, sweethearts, Please bring them back, please.

[Josiah]

Donald Trump, if you hear me. Donald Trump. Donald Trump.

[Drew]

Donald Trump, if you hear me, please save me. Donald Trump, please save me. Trump. Trump, please save me. Donald Trump. Trump. Donald Trump, please save me.

[Kyle]

The craziest thing about that video is that there is literally cops at his window.

[Josiah]

I know.

[Ryan Seacrest]

They break.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And they break his window open.

[Drew]

They break the window.

[Kyle]

Really believes that.

[Drew]

That's like, Trump.

[Josiah]

Yeah. You're a crazy person. Before we got on the flight, I just thought you would think this is funny. We were about to board, and everybody was in the, like, thing to enter it, and I just randomly yelled at you. I was like, hey, you are so crazy. You're the craziest person I've ever been. We're getting on a plane.

[Drew]

It's like, the first time Anya has ever, like. Like, really, like, I was like, in your chill. Like, chill, like, because normally back to me.

[Josiah]

And he turned. He was like.

[Drew]

I was like, in you. Literally chill. Because I was like, I don't want to be called, like, a T word. Like, what the hell? Like, this is crazy.

[Josiah]

Boo.

[Kyle]

What is a T word?

[Josiah]

A terrorist.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah. And then, like, on the plane. I don't know why. Every time I'm on the plane, like, the one word I'm not allowed to say is the only word I can think of saying. And we were having, like, a long ass conversation with the lady next to us who was a vibe, might I add? She was our. She was my mother. She was giving mother boots. And she was like, what do you do? Like, what's your vibe? And I was. Or she was like, what do you do for a living? And we were like, explaining. We were like, oh, we do, like a podcast. And like, the flight attendant on our flight knew who we were. So she was, like, inquiring about it. Shout out Brennan and his funny note. But we.

[Josiah]

She was like, wait, no, you have to say you. Like, she couldn't hear you on the plane. And you were like, oh, emergency intercollegiate.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, yeah. She looked up Virgin C Inter. Inner calm. Yeah, yeah, she looked up Virgin C inner I, N, N, E, R C, A L, M. And she was like, oh, is it like a meditation podcast? Like, no, like, it's the opposite of that. And she was like, oh, what is it? And I was like, oh, it's like vibe. Like the T word. And she's like, okay, you didn't, like, hear me.

[Kyle]

You didn't say it. You said that you were.

[Josiah]

He was scared to say vibe terrorism.

[Kyle]

Drew, you would hate FL line with me because I always, in the TSA line, whisper to the person next to me. I say, did you bring the bomber? Am I supposed to have it in my bag? And without fail, every time they get so pissed, I'm like, bro, get over it.

[Josiah]

Why are you saying that? Okay, I wouldn't even say that. So you're crazy.

[Kyle]

I'm the craziest one here.

[Drew]

Are you from Vault 73?

[Josiah]

We're about to get on a plane together.

[Drew]

I turn bright red. Y' all. Are you from Vault 73 or something? Because you got a 73 around your neck.

[Kyle]

All out.

[Josiah]

Reference 73.

[Kyle]

I get Drew. It's a guy thing. Fallout.

[Josiah]

Okay, well, don't talk to me about it.

[Drew]

Guys, I'm not even gonna lie. My balls are not hurting right now. All I needed was some laughter.

[Kyle]

The best medicine, period.

[Drew]

A laugh a day keeps the doctor away.

[Josiah]

Do you have any. That's not. No, that's already, like. That's not.

[Drew]

An Apple a day keeps the doctor away. Big Apple Corporation. Big Orchard. Big Orchard needs to take that slander.

[Kyle]

Or slogan, Apple, iPhone, get your new water bottle. Have you seen it?

[Drew]

Help. No, I. Like, I'm not even.

[Kyle]

Can you.

[Josiah]

No, they don't need anywhere.

[Drew]

They're not getting any more promotion. They sent us. No, no.

[Josiah]

That company sent us a pee Color and a poop colored water bottle. Like, I know they were thinking when they did that and they thought it was funny, but no, I don't want pp urine color water bottle and poo poo colored water bo.

[Drew]

I mean, they are kind of crazy.

[Josiah]

But all of them together is kind because it's like Napoleon ice cream. Yeah. Neapolitan ice cream. Neapolitan.

[Kyle]

Me when I'm talking about who is that ruler? Napoleon.

[Drew]

Napoleon complex.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

I mean, you asking who is that ruler Napoleon?

[Drew]

Me, when I'm curious about who the ruler is named Napoleon.

[Kyle]

Me, when I'm curious when I have to borrow the ruler in middle school from my classmate named Napoleon.

[Drew]

Oh, it's period.

[Kyle]

But I'm screwing.

[Drew]

Me when I'm a teacher in high school and I have to put tea tree oil inside of my incense burner, but it accidentally kills the pet turtle.

[Kyle]

Did that happen?

[Drew]

Yeah, Tea tree oil is super toxic to animals.

[Josiah]

Did that happen or did you just make up that scenario?

[Drew]

I just made that up.

[Kyle]

Okay, your mind.

[Josiah]

Do you. Do you have any psyop corner?

[Drew]

Oh, maybe.

[Kyle]

Oh, my God, dude, there's his own psyop this week.

[Drew]

Be like girl boss, but their breast stinks. Girl floss.

[Josiah]

Shut the up.

[Drew]

Be like, I'm a Scorpio. I don't give a if you got scoliosis. Lick my balls. That was a banger. Wait, guys. Who is Taylor Swift? Swift?

[Josiah]

What?

[Drew]

I've been seeing a lot of conversation about this girl named Taylor Swift.

[Josiah]

When you think words I don't know.

[Kyle]

She's a. She's this tortured poet.

[Drew]

Oh, when poop sinks in the toilet too long and it gets that visual stank. That was also from a different Allison. Okay, y' all, don't send doppelgangers to my email. Send it to the Instagram account who is not run by me. Shout out the person that runs that, though. Like, you make my day better every day.

[Josiah]

I'm seeing all your posts.

[Drew]

And shout out Drew's big forehead. Shout out Drew's life. Shout out, all of y' all. Laughing makes your vagina tighter. But it's okay. Keep skipping my posts. Potheads will find any reason to smoke. Damn ugly. Wait, I. I literally. I read that wrong. I don't even know.

[Josiah]

No, honestly, I like it like that. I said I like it like that.

[Drew]

Wait, that's giving George Lopez.

[Josiah]

It doesn't. That sounds nothing like it.

[Drew]

Ever seen an ugly person talk about having sex and you sit like that? Me? Ever seen an ugly person talk about having sex and you Sit there like, who the you? I need proof. Una. Wait, her last. Their last name has stank in it.

[Josiah]

There's nothing so funny about watching you look at an iPhone and just say random words like, it's really good.

[Drew]

Oh, this one was the hotel room after I was done blow drying my body. Damn, it's hot. As in here. I don't even blame y' all if your stinks today. In. Yeah.

[Josiah]

Okay, I need to clarify. I'm not like, I. I don't need.

[Drew]

It to be like, you know, it is a joke.

[Josiah]

No one Shane Dawson was like.

[Drew]

Girl, stink.

[Josiah]

I don't stink. You might find I smell really fun.

[Drew]

And you reeks, y' all.

[Kyle]

It consumes the house.

[Josiah]

I can't stop putting Lysol on my.

[Drew]

Oh, this is a banger. This is a banger, y' all.

[Josiah]

I bleach my Gucci once a week.

[Drew]

A shoulder to cry on. I need a foot to suck on.

[Josiah]

No.

[Drew]

Oh, y' all talking about Haagen Daws ice cream. How about you? Haagen Dazs?

[Kyle]

No. How did you. You came up with that?

[Drew]

I don't remember it.

[Kyle]

It was Haagen Dazs ice cream. More like, I'm gonna be Haagen Das ice cream. Drew came to me and was like, listen to this.

[Drew]

There's snakes in the grass, and I'm a lizard.

[Josiah]

That's.

[Kyle]

He told me that. I was like, snakes.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Spoiler alert. Everyone go congratulate Ms. Nymphia.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. Literally, the greatest Runway package I have seen on RuPaul's Drag Race ever, period. I don't give a. I'm not fighting you over it. I'm right.

[Kyle]

Detox on All Stars, too.

[Drew]

No, this is, like, she was great, but this was exponentially better. And she crafted all of those garments her. So Coco. That's true.

[Josiah]

Yeah. They're always Coco.

[Drew]

No, but Nymphia deserved that.

[Josiah]

I did. Like, I was really torn between Sapphira and Nivea because, like, Sapphira. Like, the thing is, here's my take is Sapphira went into it already being a top tier queen. Like, and I think for RuPaul's Drag Race, they kind of really, like, like. And even as a viewer, I like to see a little bit of growth. Like, Nymphia went in killing fashion killing.

[Drew]

Like, all the challenges bounce when you run downstairs.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Period.

[Kyle]

I had a cookie for breakfast this morning.

[Drew]

No, I literally fully agree with you.

[Josiah]

But, yeah, like, they. I think they want to see a little bit of growth, and we got to See Nymphia's character growth, and Saphir was just, like, eating from the jump also. Yeah, it doesn't matter, because I have never seen the judges and Rue like someone as much as they like Sapphira. Anytime Sapphira was in their presence, it felt like I was watching friends do a podcast episode. Like, they were having, like, such good banter and conversation. So Sapphira is going to be fine.

[Kyle]

They're gonna bring her back for All Stars. She's gonna be like another Raja, where they constantly, like, use her for the show. Yeah, I could feel it because they're obsessed.

[Drew]

She was so good. Right. And same with Plain Jane. Like, the top three, it was like we were saying, like, I was genuinely, like, so happy with that top three, and it's the happiest I've been with a top three in a very long time. And, like, genuinely, any of them could have won, and I would have been happy. Plane Jane was a little weaker than Nymphia and Sapphira. And honestly, when Nymphia won, even though I wanted Nymphia to win, I was like, holy. Like, I cannot believe Sapphira didn't win.

[Kyle]

Like, I know, because track record, like, she.

[Josiah]

Yeah, he destroyed it.

[Kyle]

Killed it.

[Josiah]

I think it, like, really came down to the Looks like the last. No one has ever pulled such good looks. Like she never, ever.

[Kyle]

She didn't miss once. But it's also the storyline. Yeah, they didn't give Sapphire a storyline at all. She was just like, she's here. She's really good. She's polished. She's old. Like. And then Nymphia, they gave her, like, such a storyline, so it wouldn't have.

[Drew]

Like, the character growth.

[Josiah]

No, it literally is that. But I love both of them, and I really want Sapphire to have, like, a podcast or something, because she is so.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I want to see her live that lip sync. The lip sync was gaggy.

[Drew]

I know the opening was. I. When. When she came out, I was like, holy. Like, she won. But then I like the rest of the lip sync, I was like, the look after the reveal, I was like, girl, like this yellow. Who's Safira?

[Josiah]

Yeah. Saphir wasn't as good. Also, Nymphia had two reveals. Although I would say her middle look, I was like, you could have done better.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Reveal. Because the dress was not fitting. It was also. It was, like, made to get ripped off.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But she was getting tossed around in the air. Yeah, she's flexible, but okay. This is my last psyop. Moon day, Tongue day, wet day. Thirst day, Freak day, Sex day, Suck day.

[Josiah]

Your week is dry as it has never been that you like. Your phone is dry as you're not getting all that.

[Drew]

But we could substitute sex day or suck day for squirt day.

[Josiah]

Sex days. We could substitute sex day with squirt day. Yeah. Okay. My media of the week is Wishing by Electric Light Orchestra. Single Pigeon by Wings. God Only Knows the COVID by Claudine Long get. Actually, I don't know if that's a cover of the original I don't Care Babe by Mad Anthony. The Lost tapes. That whole album is so good. And that's it. And I didn't watch any movies, so Suck my ball. Actually, no, I watched the Wedding Singer and it was so good. I love that.

[Drew]

The only thing that's been in my ear recently is 1o trix point never and Brian inu. Another green world 2004. Fucking vibes and let's fuck. What is his name? Fuck. I'm going to freak out. Burial. Burial, y' all. Oh, my fucking glob. Like, literally so fucking good. Every song is a banger and I need a triumphant return soon. Also, just like such crazy lore. Like, watch like a little fake docu series on burial and like, just get learned because it's really cool. What's yours, Josiah? Oh, also the Fallout Show. Awesome.

[Kyle]

That video of your mama twerking on my phone, that's my number one. And then number two is that video of that dog walking. I'll send that to you and in.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, we'll insert that.

[Kyle]

And baby reindeer. Wow. Actually genuinely watch it. We should watch it today.

[Drew]

I'm down.

[Kyle]

It's so good. It's freaky how good it is, but the video of the dog walking day.

[Josiah]

Guys, by the time this comes out, it's not Earth Day anymore. But it's Earth Day today and we're going to the park because we love the earth.

[Kyle]

It's actually earth day.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

4:21 day, then earth Day the next. It's a super green weekend.

[Kyle]

I've already used 10 single use plastics today. Oh, damn.

[Josiah]

Bye bye bye me.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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