Drew is target individual

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary - "Drew is Target Individual"

Release Date: August 18, 2023
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Podcast Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. There is no emergency, but there is an intense need for attention, so maybe listen up… You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t. (We will be violent)

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Introduction

In this episode of Emergency Intercom titled "Drew is Target Individual," hosts Enya Umanzor (referred to as Kai) and Drew Phillips dive into a whirlwind of comedic discussions ranging from personal quirks and conspiracy theories to absurd anecdotes and pop culture references. The conversation is lively, filled with humorous exchanges, and peppered with notable quotes that highlight the hosts' unique chemistry.

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Main Discussions

1. Search History and Incognito Mode

Timestamp: 01:15 - 03:14

The episode kicks off with Drew teasing Kai about his bulky laptop, leading to a humorous exploration of Kai's search history. They discuss the pitfalls of not using Incognito Mode, especially when it comes to sensitive searches. Kai humorously criticizes the addiction and negative impacts of porn, while Drew shares his preference for analog media like magazines and creating his own "zines."

Notable Quote:

• Drew (02:12): "I'll never get over Bronson's. Us talking about search history, me being like, yeah, I hate when someone takes my phone because, like, the links will pop up."

2. Health Risks from DNA Testing

Timestamp: 05:01 - 10:01

Kai reveals unsettling results from his Ancestry DNA report, highlighting significantly increased risks for various cancers and diseases. The hosts humorously debate the legitimacy of such data, with Drew expressing skepticism about the science behind it. Kai laments the grim outlook of his health predictions while maintaining a comedic tone.

Notable Quotes:

• Kai (07:10): "I might not make it."
• Drew (07:31): "But that's a weird thing to like, I have like an abnormally large penis and like big. Oh, wait, let me see."

3. Conspiracy Theories and Targeted Individuals

Timestamp: 13:17 - 15:06

The conversation shifts to Kai's belief in being a targeted individual—a person who believes they are being harassed or surveilled by unseen forces. They discuss various paranoid notions, such as mysterious light installations in their backyard purportedly serving as surveillance tools. Drew shares his past experiences of believing he was being followed, adding to the comedic flair of the topic.

Notable Quote:

• Kai (13:20): "I was a targeted individual for a while. I'm not anymore."

4. Observations on Public Events and Culture

Timestamp: 20:07 - 29:06

Drew recounts his unsettling experience at a Drake concert, describing it as one of the most bizarre and terrifying events he's attended. The hosts delve into the surreal aspects of modern concerts, including the use of holograms and deepfake technology, blending humor with a touch of existential dread.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (21:02): "Have sex with him, though. Do not. If you're hearing this, I will have sex with you."

5. Comedic Anecdotes and Stories

Timestamp: 35:00 - 59:56

One of the standout segments features Kai narrating an exaggerated and humorous retelling of the infamous 1904 Olympic Marathon, highlighting the extreme conditions and absurdities of the event. The story is filled with over-the-top details and playful banter between the hosts, showcasing their improvisational comedy skills.

Notable Quote:

• Kai (36:33): "It's the worst race. Ever."

6. Pop Culture References and Media Challenges

Timestamp: 60:14 - 64:23

The episode concludes with the hosts discussing various pop culture elements, including TikTok challenges and fictional media interactions. They engage in playful teasing and exaggerated scenarios, maintaining the comedic momentum until the end.

Notable Quote:

• Kai (62:07): "I was watching Death Note again for like the 18th time. And every time I watch it, it's so good, bruh."

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Conclusion

"Drew is Target Individual" is a quintessential episode of Emergency Intercom, blending humor with offbeat conversations and absurd storytelling. Enya (Kai) and Drew showcase their comedic chemistry, navigating through a myriad of topics with wit and creativity. Whether discussing personal fears, conspiracy theories, or historical events, the episode offers plenty of laughs and memorable moments, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Final Notable Quote:

• Drew (63:50): "International by Outcast and UGK Close to."

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Enjoyed the summary? Be sure to listen to the full episode of Emergency Intercom on your preferred podcast platform for more laughs and entertaining discussions!

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

I've never felt like this before. It's like, you just get me. I feel like my true self with you. Does that sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous. Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love, like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas and more at your DSW store or dsw dot com.

[Kai]

Why are y' all laughing at me?

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Because you have that big ass laptop on your lap.

[Kai]

I got the biggest one possible.

[Drew]

I know. That's why I'm like, why is it like, why do you have it?

[Kai]

Because there's some things on here that we need to talk about.

[Drew]

Oh, that. Okay.

[Kai]

Yeah, there's some things on here that.

[Drew]

Your search history, we're gonna go through it and talk about it.

[Kai]

Honestly, we could.

[Drew]

Can I. Can I type something in and see what pops up?

[Kai]

Let me do it first.

[Drew]

Well, you don't know what I'm gonna look up. What are you looking up?

[Kai]

Yeah, we're good. Looking up gay and looking up poor. Oh, that site has been visited before.

[Drew]

Wait, what's that? What's that link? I would like to read it.

[Kai]

No, that's crazy. It just got. It says huge in it, though.

[Drew]

I can never.

[Kai]

And it's talking about breasts, big knockers, and bon bons.

[Drew]

I'll never get over Bronson's. Us talking about search history, me being like, yeah, I hate when someone takes my phone because, like, the links will pop up. And then you were just like, why don't you use incognito? And that changed my life.

[Kai]

You know what? And people.

[Drew]

Because I never did that before.

[Kai]

I don't know why I don't really use incognito because I'm not into damaging my brain. Because porn is really damaging and like, addiction and y' all all need help. I would never partake in that. But I can Clock someone who is an avid porn viewer by opening their phone and going to Safari and not even typing in a letter. But if it's in. In the incognito mode. O watch a lot of porn because a lot of people just leave their. Just use incognito mode as their service.

[Drew]

I know somebody who does that. We both are very close to somebody who does.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

And you know who.

[Kai]

Oh, I know a few. But, yeah, like, you need to be slicker with the way you view your P word.

[Drew]

Well, I just buy it analog. I believe in consuming magazines and then looking at pictures and leaving the rest of my. To my imagination. But I also do this thing where I just. I make my own zines, and they're usually.

[Kai]

Send it to me, send it to me, send it to me.

[Drew]

Oh, but they're pictures of you when you're not looking. And then I. I look at those, and I let my imagination roam. And I think of the nights we've spent together.

[Kai]

Were you using the shower camera?

[Drew]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

How did you know I installed it?

[Drew]

I know, but, like, I didn't know you knew I had access to it.

[Kai]

Okay, whatever. Like, you're freaking me out right now. Like, you're really scaring me with this.

[Drew]

Why do you have this big fucking contraption on your lap?

[Kai]

Okay, I did.

[Drew]

We should have put a sticker over that.

[Kai]

I know. I literally. I literally thought about that, and I was like, no, like, Apple Respect. Like, give me money. But I thought. Or no, no, no. I got one of those ancestry. Ancestry DNA reports. Yeah, I got one of those ancestry DNA reports done to find out, like, what I am. Obviously, like, I'm cracker. Like, I'm literally 100 cracker. Like, it's what it is. Like, it's. Okay. On top of that, I guy is, like, dying, but on top of that, I found out about this thing called Prometheus. I think that's how you say it. But you take the DNA data that Ancestry.com extracts, and it. You, like, you can download it as a text file, and then you can upload that text, and it's like. I mean, it's all of your DNA. Like, all from some spit. Exactly. It's crazy. But you can install it or you can upload it into Prometheus.

[Drew]

I got a few people I could do that test on. You know what I mean?

[Kai]

Because all that spit, it's trapped in your crevices.

[Drew]

Also, while you were talking, I had a moment where I was gonna butt in and make a really stupid Joke. And then I bit the. Out of my tongue because I was like, I shouldn't interrupt. And then you weren't saying something. And then. No. And I was listening, but I was trying to juggle the joke that I had in my head before I forgot it and listening. And then I thought about it and I was like, the joke only made sense in that moment. And that's why I had to cut in, because now it's, like, not as funny as it could have been. But the joke was. And I just have to say it. The joke was when you were like, oh, my God, Kai's over there dying. And I was going to be like, for you audio listeners, when he says that Kai's not actually on screen dying, he's just, like, laughing really hard.

[Kai]

And I thought you were going to make, like, an old joke. Like, Kai is over there dying now because he's like, 86 years.

[Drew]

No, I was just going to, like, just for people who maybe don't understand that phrase. Like, I don't want to. Like, if someone's driving and they're like, oh, my God, Kai's dying, I need to, like, switch over to visual. Like, he's not dying. He's. When we say that, we mean, like, he's laughing so hard.

[Kai]

Yeah. When I say, like, I'm dead as fuck, I'm dead as fuck.

[Drew]

But anyone who's 8 million years old.

[Kai]

Listening and confused, okay, so Prometheus takes that DNA data and tells you, like, based off of specific, like, whatever they're called. Don't ask me questions about it. It's beyond my head. But, like, it goes through each DNA strands and it finds, like, the markers in your DNA that, like, show higher risk for certain things. And it's like, it's good, bad, and just like, whatever and like it, like, which it's actually funny because I have it just highlighted on bad. And mail is popping up, which is interesting.

[Drew]

But, like, you being a male.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's bad. But guys, like, it's over for me. Like, you really thought. Like, I thought it was blood clots. Like, I thought it was black mold. Like, I thought it was like anything else other than this. But, like, it's so, like, I'm down bad. Like, I might.

[Drew]

It's much worse than we could have ever imagined.

[Kai]

I literally, like, might not make it.

[Drew]

The thing is, I just don't. Like, I believe in science, but I don't know that I believe in this because I'm like, okay, one. It's insane that, like, your data is just out there after doing that one thing to buy this information from someone else, but to bitch, if I was running this business, I would lie.

[Kai]

It's deleted in 45 days.

[Drew]

Oh, really?

[Kai]

Yeah. But that's why I did it, because I was like, I'm not doing all that, but this is so bad. So, guys, I don't know how much longer we're going to be able to do this podcast for, because, like, this is really, really bad. But it says significantly increased approximately 20 times more than the average person risk for a rare B cell lymphoma.

[Drew]

I don't know what that means. Like, I literally, like, what is cancer?

[Kai]

I have 20 times higher risk of getting B cell cancer. This is. It's, like, so bad, like, y' all.

[Drew]

And you don't have. Like, you don't. You don't know that you have it.

[Kai]

It's probably already brewing in there.

[Drew]

Like, this is the equivalent to, like, reading someone's chart.

[Kai]

No, that's like, you could have a.

[Drew]

Bad day today, but we don't know.

[Kai]

I was saying today that I was like, this is so bad for me because, like, this is literally, like, looking at how I'm going to die, basically, because there's more on here. Like, I have an increased risk for type 2 diabetes. Like, a generational risk.

[Drew]

Like, we kind of knew that.

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, we have that.

[Drew]

You literally, your body physically can't dig any meal. I have a. That's over, like, 10 calories.

[Kai]

I go to sleep immediately. I got a 5.7 times increased risk for thyroid cancer.

[Drew]

Where's. What's a thyroid?

[Kai]

It's like this.

[Drew]

Oh, in your throat.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Right, right. Oh, I. Well, I know how you got the throat one.

[Kai]

This one's crazy. I got a 6.2 times increased risk of developing prostate cancer.

[Drew]

Again, know how you got. That one's from me, that one on me.

[Kai]

This one says, and it read me to filth, that I probably have scaly skin patches, which is.

[Drew]

So just like, you're kind of ugly. You might die from cancer.

[Kai]

But this is the greatest information I have ever gotten in my life. And it quite literally might be the only reason why, like, that. It's worth it. Yeah. And it says, unlikely to go bald. Hey.

[Drew]

Not if I have anything to do with it. Not as long as you're living with me. Because when I hit it from the back, I rip that hair out. I was like, it's such a bad habit.

[Kai]

I'm also gonna get breast cancer probably at something.

[Drew]

Is that what it says?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I just don't find those kind of jokes funny.

[Kai]

So wait, there's some more age related mascular degeneration.

[Drew]

So you're gonna get arthritis?

[Kai]

Probably.

[Drew]

Yeah. I feel like everybody does.

[Kai]

Everybody. I have a four time risk for rheumatoid arthritis and it just says incauccations.

[Drew]

Wait, does everybody not get arthritis? Like with age you kind of just get it.

[Kai]

Not everybody. Rheumatoid arthritis is like, you can get arthritis and that's just like, I think general aches and pains. Yeah, just general. Like with age. But rheumatoid arthritis is like a disease.

[Drew]

I'm pretty sure, like, it's like really fudgeing your shit up.

[Kai]

Yeah, you're like down.

[Drew]

Imagine not being able to finger yourself, bro. Like, damn.

[Kai]

Yeah, that does.

[Drew]

I guess you have the technology to do it with other things. God made so many things.

[Kai]

But I'm trying to get where. Because you can just highlight all the good stuff, but it's not freaking popping up.

[Drew]

There is no good stuff, dude. That's the thing. It's like there's no way to highlight it because there's nothing good in your future.

[Kai]

I know. Like, literally this says the only one.

[Drew]

Here, it says you should kill yourself.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, this one says, that's a weird thing to like, I have like an abnormally large penis and like big. Oh, wait, let me see.

[Drew]

Because I don't see that.

[Kai]

This one actually does say that like my brain is really massive and that like, it probably goes over.

[Drew]

Why are you closing it? Because I want to see this.

[Kai]

Like, like everything I say and that, like, you're really misunderstood and like just things like that, like, just generally misunderstood.

[Drew]

They got that from your DNA. How would they know that? Don't. Drew has issues. Dude, the things Drew spends money on, I don't understand. Like, if you are ever wondering what Drew spends his money on, it's like that and this and I think that's like a really good. And rocks.

[Kai]

Rocks and bugs this. Okay. For the girls that don't know, because I'm sure a few of y' all.

[Drew]

Out there, this is like an insane show and tell.

[Kai]

This is called the Duomon. And like I said a few episodes ago, I am like so incredibly down bad and like, I'm really addicted to Pokemon Go right now. This connects via Bluetooth to your Pokemon Go app. And while you're driving or walking, you don't even have to open the Pokemon Go app. It just spins the stops and catches the Pokemon for you. Guess how much this was for all that convenience.

[Drew]

Too Much.

[Kai]

How much?

[Drew]

I know. So I can't say.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I would guess 70 bucks.

[Kai]

Oh, wow.

[Drew]

That was actually a really good.

[Kai]

That's a really good guess.

[Drew]

I'd expect $10 lower. It was $80. That's stupid.

[Kai]

And no, for convenience.

[Drew]

Let me see if that's.

[Kai]

No. That feels like I'm gonna make that joke because it literally feels like it's. Should be three bucks.

[Drew]

Yeah. This. You could have got this on Sheen.

[Kai]

Yeah. But it probably would have hacked my Pokemon Go account.

[Drew]

And I think, how do you know this isn't hacking your phone? This is just collecting data. Like, you're. What doesn't make sense is you're somebody who's so scared of being sur. Silenced and watched, but then you openly and willingly carry a data collecting thing in your pocket so that you can have digital Pokemon on your phone.

[Kai]

I am a targeted individual, but we all know this already.

[Drew]

I was talking about that the other day with somebody, and I was like. There was an era where Drew genuinely thought. And at first I was like, oh, my God, this is another one of his. Like, when he thinks he has blood clots, like, he thinks he's like. Like has an ear infection or something. But there was a time where Drew genuinely was convinced he was being followed and stalked, which, again, doesn't make sense because, no offense, boring person.

[Kai]

No, no. Who wouldn't want all this?

[Drew]

Like, I don't think it's not, like, a sexual thing, though.

[Kai]

It was. It was like, they want me so bad. No, it was more of, like, I knew too much. Like, I was too.

[Drew]

What? And what do you know that any other schizophrenic person with a tick tock account doesn't know? Like, what do you know versus those people?

[Kai]

Not much. Honestly. Like, it's. It's. It's really bad. No, I was literally just like. Actually, I really thought I was, like, being followed or the universe was sending me signs and through, like, blinkers and lights that were out on vehicles, like, headlights when I was driving at night. It was really, really scary because I'd be like, oh, there's another one. There's another one, there's another one. And it was. It was abnormal. There were way more than normal. And I was like, what is this telling me?

[Drew]

Well, it's also like, if you think about it, it was kind of during COVID time. So in my head, that makes sense because I'm like, people are less likely to want to go to a shop or, like, get their shit fixed, etc.

[Kai]

Actually, what it was Is it was the higher powers telling me not to sit on the left side of the vehicle because that's car. A car is gonna hit.

[Drew]

And that's why you were a passenger, princess. Not because you didn't have a car and you're bad at driving, but because the higher powers were telling you that you need to sit in the passengers.

[Kai]

You knew. You know it. But yeah, I was. I was a targeted individual for a while. I'm not anymore.

[Drew]

I will say that light that shines. The like came thing that shines in our backyard doesn't make sense. But I'm assuming that's like a mini 5G tower so I can watch more tick tocks.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

That's all I'll take.

[Kai]

It is weird. And they were working on it the other day and the workers were all really sketchy and looking at us. I think it is like a camera or like a lidar sensor, like facing into our backyard.

[Drew]

But like, what would they even get from that?

[Kai]

Oh, it's directly.

[Drew]

What are you doing in the back? Yeah, what are you doing that you're like.

[Kai]

You don't want to know that it. Oh, my nails are so brittle and thin right now. I feel so emasculated. Like. Like when I. When my nails get cut or I bite my nails too short, it makes me like 5% weaker. Like, I don't know how to describe it, but when my nails go. When they're after being long and I cut them short, like, I feel.

[Drew]

You don't live in a primitive time where you need strong nails though.

[Kai]

I know. Well, I climb trees, like a lot.

[Drew]

I don't think like, I think even if your nails are strong, would they help you climb trees? Imagine putting all your weight on your nails.

[Kai]

I don't know. I really don't know.

[Drew]

Well, I think porta potties are like. Remember how you keep talking about barbarian things that we do? Porta Potties are so barbarian and weird. I've always felt so weirded out by them. They are so nasty. Like, there has to be a better system. It's just shit and piss sitting there. And you go, right? Yeah, you go. And you spray your piss on top of it. All the particles are like bouncing up. All the bacteria is bouncing up right into your hole. You're going to die. You're going to catch something. Like, I would rather piss on the street than piss in a porta Potty. I also would just like to piss in public in general.

[Kai]

Me too. I would like to see you do that too.

[Drew]

Can you do you want to see me pop a squat?

[Kai]

Yeah, I would, like, really like that, actually. No. Yeah. Porta Potties are really scary, and they give me bad fucking vibes. Like, even beyond just, like, the. And pistons, like, in there. Like, literally just, like, the energy it gives off. I'm like, some weird.

[Drew]

Like, there's never a light in there, even when it's in a dark place. It's, like, fully dark. And they make the plastic thin enough that a little light seeks through. And it's just, like, they make it dark in there so you can't look directly into the hole that you're doing your business in, because then everybody will step back and be like, this is the weirdest thing ever. And that's why they don't put lights in Porta Potties is because they don't want you to see exactly what's going on in there. Also, you are a whole maniac if you're going in there and tagging a Porta Potty on the inside. That marker now is carrying, like, a new strain of virus that's going to kill, like, the whole population.

[Kai]

That might be their goal. That might be the goal.

[Drew]

Yeah. But they're really gross and they scare me. Also, those little water contraptions that you step on to wash your hands that they've, like, invented in the past five years. Before that, there was nothing to wash your hands outside of a Porta Potty, which is really fucking nasty. But also, like, the water sitting in there is just, like, freaks me out because I'm like, there's no way there's enough water in here to sustain. Watch it washing this many people's hands. And I'm convinced that the water in there is being just, like, recycled, and we're all washing each other our hands with, like, piss water.

[Kai]

Yeah, I know those. I think those were, like, a really, really great invention. It was a reactionary invention, though.

[Drew]

They need a mirror on it or something, though, also, when mirror. Like, bathrooms don't have mirrors. I'm pretty sure I've said this, but it literally feels like a death sentence. It feels like I'm being thrown into an asylum.

[Kai]

Candy man.

[Drew]

Is that what that movie is about? No, a mirror.

[Kai]

But if you say Candyman three times into a mirror, it pops up.

[Drew]

Oh, so it's like Bloody Mary.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Wow. So they replaced Bloody Mary with a man.

[Kai]

Candyman is candy. Yeah. Candyman's the one with the hooks.

[Drew]

And did you see that movie?

[Kai]

I saw it, like, 20 years ago. Like, my dad loved that movie for some reason.

[Drew]

Candyman. Sounds like a new movie to me.

[Kai]

They remade it.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

Yeah, but the old one, there was, like, a scene where he was, like, covered in bees or something, and it scarred me for a lot. We are. Are we taught to be afraid of bees, or are we just, like, is it primal? Like, is it in our DNA? Yeah, Like, I think it might be.

[Drew]

Natural human instinct, because it's not. Like, in school they taught us, like, what bugs to be scared of. Was that your Pokemon thing talking to you? Yeah, it speak as a speaker on it?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Can you play music off that thing?

[Kai]

No, but I can listen. Listen, listen and listen.

[Drew]

87 Pokemon Pot, 95 Poke stocks visited.

[Kai]

It kind of keeps track of everything I've done. And since I've gotten it, 97 Pokemon stops visited. That's incredible.

[Drew]

Well, your bag is full. That's what I just told you. So it's not going to be collecting anymore. Something's wrong with him.

[Kai]

Speaker. I have to put it.

[Drew]

Why don't you just turn it off? You don't want to stop catching Pokemon?

[Kai]

No, yeah, I'm gonna keep it on to catch all of the rare Pokemon in our vicinity.

[Drew]

Dude, something is seriously wrong with you.

[Kai]

It's up and it's stuck.

[Drew]

Hey, I saw Drake, and it. Actually, for once, I was actually not. For once, two people I've seen live performing who have actually made me feel like I had a prank being played on me was Doja Cat at the Heaven event in New.

[Kai]

Well, she's part of the Illuminati now.

[Drew]

You know, I'm not kidding. I'm. I genuinely. I rarely am stepping back, and I'm like, this is insane. Actually, that's not true. Every time I see a famous person and see the way people interact with them, I genuinely feel like a prank is being pulled on me, because I can't believe that our human brains are like, that intrigued with a random person. And it really freaks me out. And two, it literally makes me step back and I'm like, this is Holly weird. Like, I understand. I understand the people with, like, 20 likes on TikTok who are, like, going off and going on a rant. That's how the Drake concert made me feel. And I didn't want to explain it to you because I wanted to say it on the podcast. He scares the fuck out of me. Something really sinister.

[Kai]

We need him on the podcast. No, I swear to God, I would.

[Drew]

Have sex with him, though. Do not. If you're hearing this, I will have sex with you. Like, no questions, because I Will say he did come down, like, near where we were standing, where our tickets were, and I saw him, and the way my, like, I like, was like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

Whoa.

[Drew]

Hi. Like, the way I felt. I felt like a teenage girl. But then the second he was on stage, like, the second he was, like, 10ft away, and I saw him touching everyone's hands and everybody yelling at him, I was like, this is the weirdest thing I've ever witnessed. And that's not necessarily a commentary on, like, fan culture, but more like he, like, something. Something is happening. Something really scary is happening. The concert felt really weird. I was so happy I didn't get high because I was high at the Doge Cat Heaven thing, and I felt like she was playing a prank on me when I was there. Like, that's the only way I could describe it. There is a video of me post crying, like, in the car with my hand out, and I'm wearing that green shirt. If you've seen that video, that was literally me after seeing Doja Cat Live. And I cried because I felt so scared and uncomfortable. And I was so happy, I almost took an edible before I went and saw Drake. And I'm so happy I did it because, like, also, the little kid who he keeps bringing on stage, does that kid not have school? Like, is he being paid? Like, do we need to help him? Like, why is he just on stage? And I literally thought he was a hologram or, like, an animatronic for half the show, and it was genuinely terrifying.

[Kai]

Doesn't have holograms.

[Drew]

He has, like, filters playing on people's faces.

[Kai]

I don't know. Like, on stage, isn't there, like, a hologram of him? But it's like someone projecting, projecting, mapping his face on, like, a younger version of him.

[Drew]

Yeah, it is. Like, it's weird. Like, I don't understand how they did it. Well, I wasn't close enough to see if the kid actually, like, looks like him or had something on his face, but on the screen, they have it, like, like a deep fake thing of his own face playing. And the kid is, like, I guess told to move really weird because he looks like an animatronic. And I, when I first saw, I was like, oh, my God, he has a hologram. Like, what the is that? And then I realized it was actually a couch and, like, actually a person on there. But it was really, really scary. So that's my update is I'm really scared of Drake.

[Kai]

Yeah. Any. Anytime I'm at a concert, like, it's like, the most euphoric I've ever been. Like, I'm like, oh, like, I love this so much. I love that everyone is here for the same thing. And then, like, I always have these really, really low moments where I, like, am looking at a sea of people in the back of their heads and, like, they're all like, barely moving. And I'm like, are y' all even alive? Like, are people existing behind me? Like, this is really fucking weird simulation shit. Like, and I'm sure everybody has that moment where they're like, what the fuck are we doing? Like, this is so weird.

[Drew]

But yeah, or other people just, like, enjoy their life.

[Kai]

I get the most existential I've ever been, like, ever self aware and existential at concerts. Every time I go, I'm just like, this is so, so bizarre.

[Drew]

It gets so scary. Like, I don't know, it was really weird. Also, people are taking videos of me and I'm like, guys?

[Kai]

Yeah, I know.

[Drew]

Well, insert it.

[Kai]

Weird. I. I was, I was telling everyone that that video is like, literally, I think one of the funniest things you've ever done. One and two. Like, it was one of those moments where I was like, jealous, like, that I wasn't the one to make that joke. Like, I was so, like, damn, this is so funny.

[Drew]

Somebody rep posted that video on Tick Tock and one of the top comments was like, do you understand how confused the people who were trying to film Drake are when they look back at the video and they just see you looking at them like, hey, yes, I'm here. There was one girl who, she, like, behind her phone, like, had her phone like this. It kept being like she was like, like, didn't want to look at me. Like, kept trying to like, like, maneuver her phone where she couldn't see my face because everybody, I was like, right by the stairs. So everybody right there was like, stare. Not staring at me, but they were trying to see Drake. Yeah, but, like, I was just staring right at all of them and I caught eye contact with every single person. And every single person probably thought I was a fucking psychopath. Like, the way I walk into any situation and I clock one person who makes me uncomfortable, I'm like, cool, they're going to stab me. I was giving that to someone today.

[Kai]

Stabbing today. Yeah. I think we need to have Doja Cat on to fight the Illuminati allegations. I think what I think is it's a case of all publicity. Is good publicity taken too far? And this whole satanic panic, like, everyone playing off of this satanic panic. Like, as publicity is just so tried and boring. And, like, everyone was just fed up with it. And, like, Doja just took it too far. She was just like. Like, yeah, I don't know. That's my take on it. Like, no one's actually in the Illuminati. The Illuminati isn't real. She just took it too far.

[Drew]

Guys, is it, like, how would we know?

[Kai]

It's right in front of you guys. I know we're not in the Illuminati. Oh, you remember the black eye photo of me?

[Unnamed Speaker]

You know, the thing of those people, like, touching the orb? No, you know what I'm talking about.

[Drew]

Like, why don't you ask me if I knew about it?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Well, I assume since you're.

[Kai]

Well, you're a girl, you're not.

[Drew]

I was just making sure that was.

[Kai]

Why you're not as intellectual as us boys.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Well, Drew's obviously the schizophrenic one, you.

[Drew]

Know, and I'm the normal one.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yeah, yeah. There's always one normal one and one schizophrenic one in the squad. But, no, it's like some island that all these conspiracy theorists were like, oh, elites go to this island and they do ritual.

[Kai]

I was like, the big owl burning.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Yes.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

Like, photos came out of, like, actual people that were, like, touching an orb and, like, Hillary Clinton's there, bro.

[Drew]

Equivalent to when white people just, like, take an overly holistic viewpoint of their life because they get so bored and they don't have problems. And then they're like, we need to do something the end. Like, we just need to do something. Like, I'm literally so bored. So they. Yeah. So they start just, like, going and making shit up. Like, that has to be the equivalent of that. It's like. It's like when people go on, like, a spa retreat. That's their version of a spa retreat because they've been to too many spa retreats. So they're like, we need to start our own thing.

[Kai]

Yeah. And then there. There's that big tunnel, too, that they dug through. And then.

[Drew]

Oh, the tunnel under Ocean Boulevard.

[Kai]

Yes. And it was for Lana Del Rey release party, and they had, like, a really demonic ritual done. Like a big dance thing. And, like, watching it, like, when I was 14, I was like, oh, wow, this is really crazy. But I think it's literally just, like, people, like, being stupid, and that's what I'm going to choose to believe. So I don't go.

[Drew]

They're all high as they all did.

[Kai]

Like, I'll show you the video. It's. It's honestly really bizarre, like the. That they're acting out and it's like.

[Drew]

Wait, is it famous people?

[Kai]

No, no, it's like rich people. Really, really wealthy people. Like, bored through a mountain. And like, the opening, it was like a big hole in the ground. And like, the cere. The after was, like, just really creepy. And it was like the. The Olympics in 2012 or something like that, or 2016, like, had like, a big ass, like, sculpture of, like, a grim reaper. And like. Like the Olympics. Yeah, they. They had like a big, like, their Olympic ritual. And then there was, like, viruses everywhere and people were like. It was predictive programming for, like, the pandemic that's gonna come in 2020. Or it could have been, like, 2018, but it was. It was one year.

[Drew]

Well, the only time I watched the Olympics was in 2012 when One Direction performed. That's the only time I've ever seen anything about the Olympics. Like, I'm not kidding. Is it the olympics happening in LA this year or is it next year? 2024.

[Kai]

2024.

[Drew]

Why are we going to the Olympics? That. That's lit. Wait, that was the Olympics.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

And then it's kind of insane for the Olympics.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying.

[Drew]

Wait, that was the Olympics, too?

[Kai]

Yes. And then there's, like, crazy people in, like, beds and like, it's really. It's really. It is really bizarre.

[Drew]

Wait, why is it a pirate?

[Unnamed Speaker]

2028.

[Kai]

2028.

[Drew]

This is Hamilton. I've never seen Hamilton, bro. I don't know what that is.

[Kai]

Yeah, I just know that one dude is, like, really creepy.

[Drew]

Puerto Rico. Him.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly. Right, but what did you just say? You just said something.

[Drew]

I said, I've only seen the Olympics when One Direction played.

[Kai]

I.

[Drew]

That's the only time I tapped in. And I remember that day so vividly because that was the day I was, like, 13. I was like, I'm gonna live in New York and be a writer. And I was sitting there watching One Direction, which is like. Okay, like, you swear, like, what the. Like, you're literally watching. And I was eating Special Case cereal and it was really fun and I missed those times.

[Kai]

The only time I really tuned into the Olympics was Michael Phelps, like, gold medal run. And when I found out Michael Phelps smoked weed, it was earth shattering.

[Drew]

Like, heartbreaking or.

[Kai]

Yes. I was like, it's like when we.

[Drew]

All found out Zayn and Justin Bieber smoked weed and we're like, Stop, please.

[Kai]

Well, Justin Bieber smokes meth with Selena Gomez. Have you seen the video of them, like, literally, like, running through, like, a met. Like a meth populated area and, like, they just bought meth and they, like, are running away?

[Drew]

No, it reminded me of Shawn Mendes and Camila.

[Kai]

Like, the. The video of them walking.

[Drew]

Walking neighborhood in Miami.

[Kai]

That's literally one of the best videos ever. We got to insert that.

[Drew]

Yeah, we have to insert our recreation of it, too. We were so.

[Kai]

We were literally. Was that pandemic boredom?

[Drew]

They were going on their pandemic walk, and it was like Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello taking a pandemic walk.

[Kai]

Oh, there's like, a big ass squirrel in that tree right now.

[Drew]

You have ad. You have adhd as swirl. Shiny squirrel. Oh, what was I saying?

[Kai]

Shiny, shiny object.

[Drew]

Next time I go to a store and a, like, clerk or sales assistant is being too pushy and really trying to make me buy something I don't want to buy, I'm just gonna steal it.

[Kai]

Where were we?

[Drew]

When you want to get rid of it so bad? It was literally a video game store.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

They were, like, trying to push video games on us, so I stole a bunch of stuff.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

In retaliation for a business that needed my purchase. I stole from them.

[Kai]

Yeah. I think we should all just start stealing from small businesses, because I'm thinking.

[Drew]

The big businesses are getting hurt.

[Kai]

It's. It's also just boring.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, stealing from people who have enough money, like, that can afford it. Like. No, I want to ruin people's lives.

[Drew]

Yeah. I want this to, like, really. I want to cause a domino effect. I don't do anything just to do it. I do it for the domino effect.

[Kai]

We should destroy the economy. Oh. When they're, like, all these. These freaking financial studies coming out that, like, Taylor Swift, when she goes to certain places on tour, that she, like, stimulates the economy, like, in a crazy way. Like, I think it was. It was Philadelphia or it was either Philadelphia or another P word place that she visited.

[Drew]

P word you're thinking of is your mom's P word. Because when I go there, I overstimulate.

[Kai]

It was actually your gat. Like, girl, you got a gap for a vagina. Your vagina is gas.

[Drew]

What? Yeah, but what is that?

[Kai]

You got a gat. A gap vagina. It's like, when you see, like, a big bite, you're supposed to go, yeah, damn. Okay, but, like, people are.

[Unnamed Speaker]

You're not supposed to say it like that.

[Kai]

God damn. What gat You Got a gat.

[Unnamed Speaker]

But Taylor Swift pretending to be strange.

[Kai]

Me. But Taylor Swift stimulates.

[Drew]

Notice how he said button, not boobs. He said big button up boobs.

[Kai]

That's true. That's true.

[Drew]

So it's not straight. Okay, sorry. Okay. Taylor Swift stimulates herself. Keep going.

[Kai]

No, she stimulates the economy and the craz.

[Drew]

Like that.

[Kai]

But, you know, in Pennsylvania, Philadelphia or somewhere, the like tourism board, like, said that it was the most hotels ever rented out in a single three day period. And it was something like 3,000 hotel rooms were rented out. Which, like, if you think about that.

[Drew]

For three, that many, that's hotels.

[Kai]

That's like a billion dollars in revenue for Pennsylvania Philadelphia or something like that. That's crazy. And then not. Not even to mention, like all the Ubers and the people.

[Drew]

When we go on tour, we're literally gonna, like, the economy is going to be boosted back up. Like, it's gonna be. I mean, I'm honestly gonna feel bad for everybody in those towns who, like, aren't used to that kind of like, traffic. Traffic. Yeah, they're gonna like, be late to work and stuff.

[Kai]

And we're gonna.

[Drew]

Me.

[Kai]

We're gonna have to like, file for bankruptcy. Yeah, we're gonna have to like, beg the government to give us money back.

[Drew]

What the were you looking at?

[Kai]

Looking at your vagina.

[Drew]

The thing is, you, like, were. Because you're gonna.

[Kai]

It reeks in here.

[Drew]

I almost said something so gross.

[Kai]

But what were you gonna say?

[Drew]

It wasn't even that gross, but it was just disgusting to say to you. But I was gonna be like, oh, do you want to just give it a taste so you can put the rumors to rest? But the idea of me looking at you and saying, do you want it?

[Kai]

You can't look me up the eyes anymore. Well, this. This is one line and one line only. And we're not touching on it for any longer than we have to. But big sexy man had emergency intercom playing in the background. If you're watching hello, you know what I'm talking about.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know, I know because I sent it to you immediately.

[Kai]

And what's crazy is I had already stalked this person. A lot.

[Drew]

A lot of. A lot of videos were seen. Why are you backtracking? Because now you're embarrassed?

[Kai]

Because I'm embarrassed. But you can key.

[Drew]

We can. We don't have to talk about it.

[Kai]

It. Yeah, we can move on. Let's move on. Should I. This is all notes on a specific event that happened that I was like, I wanted to talk about.

[Drew]

What's the event?

[Kai]

I want to make a movie about it or like, write a movie about it, because it is the. One of the craziest things I've ever heard happen. And no one's made a movie on it yet. And it's crazy because it would be like a sick Cronenberg movie. I mean, not Cronenberg, Coen Brothers, or like, like Cronenberg. He's. He's another, like, really creepy director. He makes really creepy movies. Okay, but it's the 1904 Olympic Marathon.

[Drew]

I don't know about that, bro. I like. I'm sorry. 1904 isn't a year I need to have any, like, knowledge on.

[Kai]

It's.

[Drew]

Damn. Okay, I'm sorry, but that squirrel is going in. He's hanging upside down right now. Squirrel.

[Kai]

It's the worst race.

[Drew]

Wait.

[Kai]

Ever.

[Drew]

Come here and look at it, Drew. His feet are hanging off. Do you see that? His feet are hanging off the left. He's tweaking.

[Kai]

Where is he? I don't know.

[Drew]

For some reason they like, oh, you can see him. I've never seen them do that. He's like, using his feet to hold him and his tail.

[Kai]

Really cute. He's a cute guy.

[Drew]

He's gonna fall and die. Really cute guy, dude. What's crazy is that animal has no fear of literally falling to his death right now. Like, that's not even on his mind. Do you see that guy?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Oh, whoa.

[Kai]

Yeah, he has really big nipples. It had like six big ass nipples. So massive areolas.

[Drew]

I've never seen a squirrel actually do what a squirrel was meant to do. Usually they just, like, run the trunk.

[Kai]

Of the tree or they're like, climbing on roofs and fucking wires it. But the 1904 Olympic Marathon was the worst race in human history. It was, like, in 1904. So they obviously didn't understand, like, proper hydration and, like, how to take care of people.

[Drew]

By 1904, they didn't know they needed water.

[Kai]

They knew they needed water, but they didn't know, like, at the rate.

[Drew]

They didn't know that they needed red.

[Kai]

40, which I'm still. I'm still like, I don't believe that we need that much water to survive. Because I swear to God, from like, like 6 years old to like, 21, I only drank Coca Cola for.

[Drew]

That's being really nice to yourself from 21 to 25 right now. Because still don't really. Oh, my God. It's funny because it wasn't on camera and I haven't seen that in Your hands. Listen, since we last recorded, I haven't seen it in his hand.

[Kai]

Proper hydration has like sugar, your cup water. Well, it is just chiz.

[Drew]

That's your Adderall water.

[Kai]

Addie water. When me and Enya were on Press play, we would find Adderall pills and dump them into bottles of water because we wanted to share them, but they were the ones that you had that like capsules that had a bunch of little beads in it. And we would put it in water, but it's not water soluble, so we would shake it up and it wouldn't melt and we would go to drink.

[Drew]

It and like whoever the most little pellets gets.

[Kai]

Yeah, we were like fighting to be the person to get the last wig. And like, like whoever got the last.

[Drew]

Wig, you will never guess who won.

[Kai]

Yeah, Enya won. And it was up.

[Drew]

I won.

[Kai]

But yeah, we were drinking out of raw water, you know, Molly water.

[Drew]

And I was up till 8am and then we continued to go and meet all of you guys. Hung over at the ripe age of 17. It was bloodshot eyes shaking in like a.

[Kai]

In a, in like purgatory. Almost like it was really crazy. Like you couldn't even think thoughts. Okay, so this race was on unpaved roads. It was like dirt roads. They were running on dirt roads through the middle of the city. In St. Louis, they were running from.

[Drew]

The coming of Christ.

[Kai]

It's so crazy. And like also, they started this race at 3pm in St. Louis in the middle of summer. So in this shade it was 90 degrees and outsider shade, it was upwards of 105 degrees. Running a marathon, which in today's standard, like, you cannot start a race legally if it's higher than 70 degrees. Like really. I mean, I think you can, but it's like really, really hardly recommended that like you, you don't start. The ideal temperature to start a race is 40 to 50 degrees.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Kai]

Like you want to be cold and then work your way up. Yeah. And you want to be done by 10. Like you don't want to be racing. Yeah, you don't want to be racing. And on top of all of that, on this race, there were only two water stations the entire marathon.

[Drew]

This is the Olympics. This isn't like someone was just having fun.

[Kai]

This is the Olympics. And they were only.

[Drew]

Was it the first Olympics?

[Kai]

No, there were only two water stations. And the reason why is crazy. So the commissioner of the race was like using these people as like, like experiments. And he wanted to like research, quote, unquote, purposeful Dehydration, which is crazy. Yeah. So they only put two water stations in 100 degree weather to, like, experiment on these, like, poor racers. Like, it was so, so sad. And then I could keep getting into it.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Kai]

I could really go deep.

[Drew]

Is it sad?

[Kai]

There's, like, some parts that are like, Damn. But only 34 of the people who started the race finished, so only 14 people finished. And this is.

[Drew]

I did not want to fight any of those.

[Kai]

Yeah, they're. They're real, real, like, healthy. And, like, people were literally just, like, collapsing and, like, coughing up blood and, like, literally almost dying because of all the dust they were inhaling on this race. Like, they were sprinting.

[Drew]

Did they do it on the road like that on purpose? This, or they just.

[Kai]

It was just.

[Drew]

That was just a plus for the freaks who were putting on the experiment. They were like, oh, cool.

[Kai]

Now there's. We get to see their freaking. Well, like, this race was so insane that people were literally, like, being run off the course by rabid animals and, like, dogs were chasing around. Yeah, it's, like, really, really crazy. Him. Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

This was in Orlando.

[Kai]

So this. This is a story. I'm like, oh, Wes Anderson needs to make a movie about this, but one of the racers.

[Drew]

I thought he was, like, happy with his movies. Oh, this the story of one of the racers?

[Kai]

Yeah, One of the racers was this mailman from Cuba. Kai, shut the hell up.

[Drew]

Yeah, he's talking.

[Unnamed Speaker]

I think that was the first time I've ever sneezed on.

[Kai]

I think so. I think so.

[Drew]

Sounded very like a. Like a girl scene, sneezing. So.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was like, a really girlish sneeze.

[Unnamed Speaker]

He's like, what's wrong with that?

[Drew]

I bet he's gonna put a vocalizer on it to make it deeper. Yeah, yeah, because it was like, you.

[Kai]

And, like, stretch it out a little bit.

[Drew]

Like, you, like, let out a little bonus. Yeah.

[Unnamed Speaker]

And I'm gonna edit a bunch of farts throughout the entire episode while you guys are talking.

[Drew]

That's good for us, actually.

[Kai]

Are you calling me fart mouth?

[Unnamed Speaker]

Whoa, that's good for us. Actually.

[Kai]

One of the racers was a mailman from Cuba. And, like, so to get to the Olympics is, like, it's really expensive, and, like, you need sponsors and, like, you need funding. Like, a lot of people just can't afford to go to the Olympics on their own. Especially in 1904.

[Drew]

What was it, like, $3 to go?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. Before inflation, it was 26. He was doing this thing called, like, Running for money or something. I don't know the term for it. But he would literally just like run.

[Drew]

Around, like working for money.

[Kai]

Yeah, he would run around Cuba and just like collect donations from people.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And like they. To get him to the Olympics because like he wanted to go really badly. Well, he. It's finally time for him to leave. He gets on the boat and he's driving across the ocean and partying on this big ass boat, like with all the money he just got. Then he lands in Louisiana. And when he gets to Louisiana, he's not supposed to be there very long, but he like gets there and just gambles all of his money away and parties the entire time he's there. Like he turns the.

[Drew]

He turns up and he goes to Miami and starts a family. And now he still lives there.

[Kai]

Well, this dude's alive. Yeah, exactly. Well, this dude is like, oh fuck. I like, like have a race. So he like starts hitchhiking, but he has no money to get to the race. So he starts hitchhiking and he's like taking buggies and cars and riding trains all the way to St. Louis.

[Drew]

Did the cars look like. And there wasn't cars yet.

[Kai]

They were insane. And then he gets there, and when he gets there, it's like seconds before the race and there's photos of him. And right before the race he's in like civilian clothings. He stinks. He's been traveling for 40 hours. He hasn't eaten in 40 hours. He's like, so.

[Drew]

Oh, hell.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

Imagine getting this on your sweet 16. I'd be pissed.

[Kai]

No, that'd be lit. What are you talking about?

[Drew]

I was reading an Eve Babbitts book and she was like, in this book. Sorry to interrupt, but in this book she's talking to somebody who grew up like the 1920s. And so by the time this girl was 16 in 1927, her parents gave her a car and they were like, oh, it was a Ford model T. And me looking for a vintage car. I'm like, oh, what's a Ford model T?

[Kai]

You were looking at the. You were gonna buy a Ford model T because Eve Babbitts.

[Drew]

Cuz not even Eve Babbitts had it. Her friend had it. Wait, Ford model T. Look at this car.

[Kai]

Oh no. Steven's dad has one. Yeah.

[Drew]

Here I go. The Here I go. Wait, it was literally like. Like one of these.

[Kai]

Yeah, those are classics actually.

[Drew]

This is low key lit. Like I'd be serving Great Gatsby.

[Kai]

Yeah. Great Gats. Cords Giving the light. Okay, so this dude gets to the race right before it's about to start and he's in just full civilian clothing and all these racers are in like short shorts, like cut off sleeves. They're literally just like ready and prepared for the race. Well, he's like, I can't race in this. So he literally cuts off his pants, like into shorts and he cuts his sleeves into short sleeves. And he's just going to race in civilian clothing? Well, he hasn't eaten in 40 hours because he was just hitchhiking the whole way there. And like there's like mixed like people recounts. Yeah, mixed accounts of like recounts of this happening. So like this could be real or it couldn't, could not be real. But Imma choose it to be real. You choose to take how you want, but this dude was starving. So he ran up to two strangers who were eating peaches and he stole these peaches from them, ate him really quick and then just started the race. Like he, the race started and he's like, obviously two peaches isn't doing anything for you. You have to run like what is it? Like 10 miles is. How long is a marathon? Like 14 miles or some 20 miles, 26 miles. I don't know because it's in kilometers, like kilometers, like literally kilometers. Kill yourself. He like is in the middle of this race and he's starving, his stomach's hurting and they're running past an orchard on this race. And so he goes up and he grabs a bunch of apples on the floor and starts eating them. Well, those apples were like hella, hella rotten. So like he starts getting like really gnarly cramps and bubbly guts and like he feels really sick and he's about to throw up. He's also been running in 100 degree weather for like two hours or something and he's just like freaking the out. So he lays down in the shade to take a nap. Well, he wakes up and he's like, I need to finish this race. So he just starts running and he, he is one of the only people to finish the race. And he placed fourth place while taking a nap in the middle of the race. If that shows you how awful these conditions were.

[Drew]

This seems like a story like a teacher would tell you about taking your time in life. So there was this man, so then.

[Kai]

There was this guy named Fred Lors who was the winner. And he finished the race in three hours, in 15 minutes, which I think for today's standards is pretty fast, let alone doing it in 100 degree weather in 1904.

[Drew]

Well, he had that. He had his arcterics water bag.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, he got. He had the.

[Drew]

Yeah, he had his gorpon.

[Kai]

Yeah, he had gorb core. Well, this dude was a good runner, like, world class. And he was actually really impressive. But as he crossed her finish line, he was like partying with like, Franklin, Franklin Roosevelt's daughter. Like, the press was like hyping him up. He was about to receive. No, he was about to bang. He was getting interviewed. Like, it was. It was a.

[Drew]

It was being the lone survivor of the world's most chaotic marathon and getting to him.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, he won. He was probably really stinky. Oh, he probably had good pheromones.

[Drew]

Yeah, she was smelling his pheromones.

[Kai]

I mean, he's getting interviewed and then it comes out that this dude, halfway through the race, collapsed at mile nine from, like, dehydration and cramps and took a car all the way to a mile before the finish line and just jogged the rest. And, like, he made it believable enough that, like, it was like. Yeah. So he cheated and got first place.

[Drew]

Did he hit, though?

[Kai]

Yeah, he smashed. He hit. He finessed Franklin Looser belt's double, man. But the real winner was Thomas Hicks. And halfway through the race, he was like, begging for water and, like, freaking the out. He was, like, so dehydrated, like, as everyone was, and he had his, like, two trainers with him. This dude is like a worldclass runner. I think he went on the next year to actually win first place again in 1905. But, like, halfway through the race, obviously, like everyone else, he was like, freaking the out, dehydrated. And he had his trainers with him, him, and they were like, really trying to motivate him to, like, go further. And he was to the point where he was like collapsing in their arms. He was like, I really. I cannot finish this. I cannot do this race. Well, his trainers are like, like, we have to do something.

[Drew]

He's like, there's a puff bar at the finish line.

[Kai]

Basically. Basically, dude, what they did is they propped him up on their shoulders and they didn't want to, like, shock his system. And so they got like a dirty ass rag and just like dripped water into his mouth and like sponge bath him with water. And they were like, is that enough? And he was like, no, like, I'm not going to be able to finish this race. So what they did, in true 1904 fashion, gave him a bottle of brandy and a bottle and they thought it was A stimulant back then. So he chugged a bottle of brandy. They cracked an egg into his mouth and he ate the egg whites, or I think he ate the whole egg white egg into his mouth. And like, that was supposed to give him enough energy and that still wasn't working.

[Drew]

On my birthday, we are going to crack a bottle of Casamigos into my mouth, throw an egg in there, and I'm about to literally run back to Miami. Yes.

[Kai]

And then. So that still wasn't working. So they gave him strychnine, which is rat poison. They just gave him a bunch of rat poison. So they gave him brandy.

[Drew]

This sounds like the best day ever.

[Kai]

I know, dude.

[Drew]

Well, he was.

[Kai]

He was like tweaking off the fucking bean. Like, he was literally like hallucinating. Like, this, like, affects your nervous system. Like, I forget what it. It's like toxic to your nervous system. So, like, it just like whatever motion you're doing, your body just does and you, like, can't stop. So he's like repeating this, like, jogging motion, like, all the way to the finish line. And eventually like another couple miles in, like his. He's like kind of failing a little bit. So his trainers flag down a dude dude, which in 1904, this is crazy. They flag a dude down in his car. The dude is like, hey, do you have anything to give him? He's like, oh, I have another bottle of Brandy. So he drinks another bottle of Brandy and like, so he's two bottles of Brandy deep. He's strict nine. Like the out like, hallucinating. Like, think about doing like DMT and that's like, what it's doing to this man. And he's like, geeking. Like, we literally told bro, we geek hard. Like, he's like the OG geeker.

[Drew]

It's hard to believe that, that all these things were happening during this one race.

[Kai]

It's really, really crazy. Well, he's literally like a zombie at this point. Like, just like, like stumbling.

[Drew]

Yeah. Getting through it.

[Kai]

And even crossing the finish line in this race is like, you deserve a medal like this. It's crazy. They were like breathing in glass, dust and like chemicals and it was dirt and it was so bad. Well, like, oh, I wrote down, ah, American Horror Story, Asylum Post Lobotomies. Like, what he was like, what he looked like. Yeah, full blown LSD trip. Well, he crosses his finish line and he's like tweaking so hard off this strict nine that when his like people lift him up, he's still running. Like, you know, when you like put a dog over like water and they like swim, like with their legs. He was doing that in real life, but like jogging. He was like. And there's a photo of him sitting in like this buggy and he's like, like, he's literally like freaking the out. I'm not kidding.

[Drew]

For my birthday, this is what we're doing. You got to get that pic of me and an Uber.

[Kai]

Back home, I would literally do rap Poison just because it sounds fun. But this dude, in 3 hours and 20 minutes lost 8 pounds. And I'm like, damn, like, skinny. Like, skinny, skinny, skinny. Like I need to do that. Like, like, like.

[Drew]

So basically he walked away like a. A triple winner.

[Kai]

Yes, exactly.

[Drew]

That's how lost weight and won the race.

[Kai]

Won the race. So he was.

[Drew]

But did he.

[Kai]

He.

[Drew]

What's crazy is he didn't get to hit Roosevelt's daughter.

[Kai]

No, no, no, no.

[Drew]

Like, let him hit. Come on.

[Kai]

But yeah, he. He won the real race, the skinny race. And yeah, he came out in of the closet and was a winner.

[Drew]

Wait, what?

[Kai]

What if I told you that. That I made all of that up?

[Drew]

I would like seriously think you need psychiatric help.

[Kai]

I made all that up.

[Drew]

Did you? Actually, no.

[Kai]

Oh, I believe you're like, damn, you're so creative. Like you should.

[Drew]

I was just like, damn, we gotta take that iPad away from you and take you outside.

[Kai]

I have that baby. But no, that's like obviously 1904 story, so there's like a lot of like lies in there. But like, yeah, it's crazy. Also, there was just like a lot of weird, funky going on, like previously with that Olympics. And like, like it was just. It was a really, really.

[Drew]

Humans are so bored. Like, we are literally so bored.

[Kai]

The Olympics like are so, so funny.

[Drew]

It's literally like, dude, let's see how good we could get at doing a flip.

[Kai]

Let's see how good we can throw this ball. Like, it's so crazy.

[Drew]

So weird.

[Kai]

Dude, they need to do the sex Olympics. Cuz I'd probably won gold like in most of the categories. Like, most sex had, like, goodest at sex. Like, like biggest penis. Like, that's prob. I would probably win all those categories.

[Drew]

I don't think so. Right, well.

[Kai]

I'll leave you off with one more thing. And I was watching a tik tok and this dude like fell down that slide and like one of the comments was like, oh, he gave us like a whimpering audio or something and it was highlighted blue and I was like, I shouldn't click That I really. I should not click what that blue text right now because it's going to be the worst thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Drew]

And you can link stuff in tick tock comments now.

[Kai]

I don't know how they did it, but, like, it was like, blue in the comment and I clicked on it and what I found is the most appalling, horrific, craziest ever. It's just a bunch of, like, blank screens with exclamation points saying, turn it up, turn it up. Like, literally just like, in headphones. Like, and it's like, it's a whimper challenge and it's. Yeah.

[Drew]

Stop, stop, stop. Dude, that is really gross.

[Kai]

It's like, it literally was the most horrific thing I've ever stumbled upon. And it's literally just like. Like, they're all boomers. They're all like. Do you remember that silhouette challenge where, like, people would get naked in the door frame and it was just like, all really old people. Like, I'm literally red. Like, that, like, was up. But like, yeah, it's literally those same people.

[Drew]

Like, humans are so funny because how are you that horny that, like, you're.

[Kai]

Like, like, slinging meat on a. Yeah.

[Drew]

On the timeline. Like, it's so insane.

[Kai]

A silhouette of your, like, dong hanging between your legs. Like, like, it's crazy.

[Drew]

That's really gross.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Well, you don't have any Drew SAP. Actually, I have a s. I do.

[Kai]

Have a bunch, actually. I completely forgot about that.

[Drew]

Wait, I have one for you. My phone's about to die.

[Kai]

There's this thing called Ghost Kids and their industry plant gorillas, and it's the craziest I've ever seen in my entire life. What? Yeah, there's like, like, industry point gorillas now. Like the band the Gorillas. And they posted a flyer of Rolling Loud and was like, oh, we're like, going to be playing Rolling Loud. And everyone was like, who the are you? No, you're not. Why are you lying? And everybody thought it was like this Drew scop corner when the face ID up and I got a lock in.

[Drew]

Like, our phones really make a serve to it to, like, unlock. Like, sometimes it just. Everybody has to be like.

[Kai]

You gotta lock in. You gotta lock in. But yeah, the. No, you're good. The gorillas industry plant, they said they were performing Rolling Loud. And even Rolling Loud was like, no, the you're not. And everybody thought it was like this big like, like publicity stunt. Well, they literally did play Rolling Loud and they opened for little Uzi and like, it's the craziest I've ever seen and it is the most obvious industry plant I have ever seen in my entire life. And they have a song with like Vince Staples and like, I don't know, it's really, really bizarre. And you should look up videos when you get a chance because it's so, so weird. And like all of their accounts are like super bodied. Like on Tick Tock. They have like 5 million like or followers and they get like like a hundred thousand accounts. I know, I'm literally people probably say that cuz like why the do all of our views like our videos get that many views? Like it's insane.

[Drew]

It's cuz we bought them.

[Kai]

Yeah, we do bought our video videos.

[Drew]

Okay, I'm going to get my charger. My phone's about to die and I want to get media.

[Kai]

Welcome to Drew Scott The Z got me thinking about tragedies that haven't even happened yet. March 3, 2024. Damn. Damn. That was then when that. That was right before my birthday. Something bad is gonna happen. Okay, this one's good. Imagine giving me head and I yell out boring. Don't come to my house. Don't come to my house. Pouring big cups of juice. Washed up love. Throwback Thursday.

[Drew]

That's literally me.

[Kai]

Emergency intercom release days is like the super bowl for people with crumbs in their bed. Burger king be like 20 nuggets for $1.50. Boy, that is leftover BBL meat.

[Drew]

Shut up.

[Kai]

I'mma fly a lucky follower out to my house and them all day.

[Drew]

All right, well I'm going to start media. I don't have any movies or anything. Somebody was like oh my God, it's taking you so long to watch the Sopranos because of the thing I posted. But that's a draft from like May that I made. But it is taking me forever. I only have like, I only have 20 episodes left to watch, which is literally a full day worth.

[Kai]

I heard y' all talking about it last night. I had like 21. And I also heard you talk about me briefly. You thought I was asleep and you're walking to the bathroom and you said something to someone. You said my name. Name.

[Drew]

What did I say?

[Kai]

I don't know, but I heard you and it woke me up immediately cuz I was like oh wow, someone's talking about me. But you said it angeredly. I think you were talking to Josh and I was like oh wow, this is crazy.

[Drew]

I don't remember talking.

[Kai]

Everyone talks about me behind my back. It's so sis.

[Drew]

I talk right to your face. Cuz I'm not scared of you. How about that? Oh. Spring by Angel Olsen.

[Kai]

Right. I'm gonna need your phone too, to go to the emergency intercom playlist, because my phone's dead.

[Drew]

Glad Tidings by Van Morrison Drew Whimper Challenge that only I have. Ew. And honestly, those are my only medias that I could give you today. Like, how about that? I don't really have much to give you. You've taken everything from me.

[Kai]

That's my media challenge.

[Drew]

I just got so tired.

[Kai]

I actually don't think I have any media.

[Drew]

I don't think anybody cares about media. So how about that?

[Kai]

I know. Literally no one cares.

[Drew]

No one, actually.

[Kai]

International by Outcast and ugk Close to.

[Drew]

You, the Cranberries cover. I was listening to that again, cuz it's so good.

[Kai]

Flim by Apex Twin My girl. There you go. Oh, I'm re watching Death Note again for like the 18th time. And every time I watch it, it's so good, bruh. Like, it is so good. All the twists and turns in the first two episodes. I'm like, gagged every time, even. Even though I've seen it like a hundred times. I'm gagged every time. And those goddamn apples. Like, I want to eat those apples so bad. So, so, so, so bad.

[Drew]

Oh, my last actually media song is sprung by T Pain, which I think I said last last week. And then I heard it in a store yesterday, and I haven't heard that in public since 2009.

[Kai]

I don't think I've ever heard that song in public.

[Drew]

Really? It was such a popular song.

[Kai]

Yeah, but also, like, the public I went to was Granberry, and there were like eight stores total, and all of them were like grocery stores and they.

[Drew]

Were playing a cd.

[Kai]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

All right, well, thank you guys so much for listening.

[Kai]

I just want to apologize that I wasn't myself today. I'm going through a lot right. Right now.

[Drew]

He's lying. He's, like, not going through anything, so he just wants.

[Kai]

I. I don't tell you everything I go through. Y' all don't know. Like, that's the thing is I keep a lot of things in and to myself.

[Drew]

Hey, you shouldn't do that. You should be open with me.

[Kai]

Well, no, like, men aren't allowed.

[Drew]

I'm going through, like, stuff too.

[Kai]

So men aren't. One aren't allowed to cry.

[Drew]

Two boys don't cry.

[Kai]

Men shouldn't go to therapy.

[Drew]

Yes, yes.

[Kai]

Because, like, their P is for and women like duh. Yeah.

[Drew]

Wow. Okay. That's a good way to leave the episode. All right, thank you guys for watching.

[Kai]

Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway, now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez It Crackers, Oscar Meyer Lunchables, and Just Bear Chicken Bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.