Drew Still Doesn't Shower

Summary

Emergency Intercom Episode Summary: "Drew Still Doesn't Shower"

Release Date: November 25, 2022
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Podcast Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. There is no emergency, but there is an intense need for attention, so maybe listen up… You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t. (we will be violent)

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Introduction to Black Friday Chaos

[01:15 - 03:03]

The episode kicks off with Drew enthusiastically wishing listeners a happy Black Friday, sparking a humorous debate between him and Enya about the true date and nature of the event. Drew describes his Black Friday adventures, mentioning stores like Sears, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, and Walmart, which confuses Enya who is unfamiliar with Walmart.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (01:21): "Black Friday is after the Friday after Thanksgiving."

Their conversation evolves into a critique of consumerism and the manipulative strategies retailers use during Black Friday to create the illusion of deals. Enya points out the overproduction and subsequent discounting that negatively impacts the economy.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (03:03): "It's all over stock. You know, it's just over consumption."

Personal Hygiene and Gym Fiasco

[09:03 - 12:08]

The discussion shifts to personal hygiene, with Enya emphasizing the importance of showering, especially before hitting the gym to avoid disturbing others. Drew humorously exaggerates Enya's showering habits, leading to a playful banter about body odors and cleanliness.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (09:11): "We need to bring showering back. Make showering great again, bro."

Anxiety and Emotional Struggles

[13:00 - 22:49]

Enya opens up about experiencing a severe anxiety attack, detailing the physical and emotional symptoms she endured. Drew expresses concern but admits his helplessness in the situation, humorously suggesting he couldn’t offer traditional remedies like Xanax or cocaine.

Notable Quotes:

• Enya (21:14): "Meanwhile, I'm back home the entire time having a full blown anxiety Attack."
• Drew (22:22): "How has Zannies are coke, bro?"

This segment highlights the hosts' ability to blend humor with genuine discussions about mental health, providing a relatable and candid portrayal of their struggles.

Personal Anecdotes and Friendship Dynamics

[15:37 - 27:02]

Drew recounts a memorable night with friends involving a fireworks show at The Grove, juxtaposed with Enya’s anxiety attacks at home. Their storytelling showcases their deep friendship and the contrasting experiences they bring to the conversation.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (16:00): "Last night was a movie for me."

They also delve into discussions about cooperation and mutual support, sharing lighthearted moments about their interactions and the dynamics of their relationship.

Reflections on Identity and Creativity

[37:50 - 44:26]

Enya shares a whimsical claim about inspiring the movie "Everything Everywhere All at Once," joking about the Daniel brothers stealing her middle name. This playful exchange underscores their creative synergy and humorous self-awareness.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (37:50): "I would be IG and Twitter famous. Like, God trend at number one."

Their conversation touches on themes of creativity, recognition, and the sometimes absurd intersections between personal lives and popular culture.

Childhood Memories and Personal Growth

[40:02 - 43:44]

Enya reminisces about having a squatter living in her house for over a year, sharing how it affected her childhood. This poignant memory reveals a more vulnerable side of the hosts, highlighting experiences that shaped their resilience and outlook on life.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (41:40): "He stole things from me and sold them on eBay."

Drew supports her story, adding his own humorous take on the situation, further demonstrating their strong bond and ability to find humor even in challenging circumstances.

Discussions on Modern Issues and Technology

[49:33 - 55:26]

The hosts engage in a rapid-fire discussion about various topics, including the invasive nature of technology and the absurdity of certain modern trends. Enya humorously laments the prevalence of sigils in iPhones, while Drew shares his frustrations with music recommendations and digital interactions.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (49:33): "Sigil, iPhone, motherboard."

This segment showcases their quick wit and ability to tackle contemporary issues with both humor and critical insight.

Concluding Banter and Final Thoughts

[54:04 - 57:00]

As the episode nears its end, Enya and Drew reflect on their time together, acknowledging the depth of their friendship despite occasional tensions. They humorously tease each other about personal quirks and the challenges of maintaining their dynamic.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (45:08): "It's crazy."

Their final interactions emphasize the enduring nature of their partnership and set the stage for future episodes filled with their signature blend of comedy and candid conversation.

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Episode Highlights:

• Black Friday Satire: A humorous take on consumerism and retail strategies.
• Personal Hygiene Humor: Playful debates about showering and gym etiquette.
• Mental Health Disclosure: Candid discussion about anxiety attacks with a comedic twist.
• Friendship Dynamics: Stories that illustrate the depth and humor in their relationship.
• Creative Claims: Lighthearted claims about influencing popular media.
• Childhood Anecdotes: Sharing past experiences that highlight personal growth.
• Modern Technology Critique: Witty commentary on the absurdities of current tech trends.

Overall Impression: "Drew Still Doesn't Shower" offers listeners a blend of comedic banter and genuine personal insights. Enya and Drew navigate a variety of topics with humor and honesty, making the episode both entertaining and relatable. Notable quotes punctuate their discussions, providing memorable moments that encapsulate their unique dynamic.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content segments at the beginning and end of the episode have been excluded from this summary to focus solely on the hosts' conversations and discussions.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

[Enya]

Hello. Hello. Hello.

[Drew]

Happy Black Friday, guys. Go out and get those sales. You better. This is for this Friday.

[Enya]

No, I thought it was like.

[Drew]

Black Friday is after the Friday after Thanksgiving.

[Enya]

Didn't know that.

[Drew]

Somebody has never been on the mark to get the deals.

[Enya]

I'm just not poor, so.

[Drew]

No, but like, Black Friday is a fun activity for everybody.

[Enya]

Why do you even shop at Black Friday?

[Drew]

On Black Friday, I go to Sears, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, Walmart.

[Enya]

What's Walmart?

[Drew]

You've never been to Walmart?

[Enya]

Is that like a poor person?

[Drew]

You know what, Loki? You're like the Walmart version of Justin Bieber.

[Enya]

Oh, you say I'm the Walmart version of Justin Bieber. I've actually never shopped there. And you've probably shopped there a bunch in your life.

[Drew]

And that's why, you know, I would look like a Walmart version.

[Enya]

Why you would know I look like Walmart Justin Bieber.

[Drew]

But that guy's Swedish.

[Enya]

I have no idea.

[Drew]

So why is he Swedish? In my head, like, oh, of course you have been to Walmart.

[Enya]

Oh, of course. Yeah. I don't know.

[Drew]

I don't know how to do a Swedish accent. That was like my. But I actually, while I was washing the dishes, I was thinking about it. Like, a lot of my, like, ego and pride fully came from my dad because we were not in the tax bracket to avoid Black Friday. Like, also, like, not to Say, like, anybody could do Black Friday. Black Friday is fucking fun.

[Enya]

I love Black Friday.

[Drew]

I am top tier consumerist, so. So a deal will have me buy something. Whether it's a deal or not, I will probably buy it.

[Enya]

This is literally advertising for Black Friday.

[Drew]

I know it's fucked up, but it's a ploy. It's a ploy. They hike up the prices right before so that they can drop them. So you feel like you're getting a deal. Newsflash. Everyone's scamming everyone.

[Enya]

It's all over stock. You know, it's just over consumption. And they print too much of what they think everybody wants. And then at the end of the year, they sell it all off for pennies just so they can cover their asses. So in Q4, their numbers don't flop and the entire economy tanks.

[Drew]

But with that being said, I just never did Black Friday because my dad was like, that's like, too crazy. Like, we can't do that. And then that's probably where I got a lot of my. Like, you've witnessed me do it, where I'm like, I can't do that. Like, I just can't explain. I just can't do that.

[Enya]

You literally were just doing it over cruises.

[Drew]

Like, I just, like, in my head, I'm like, if I'm gonna do it, I have to, like, I have to do it with like a bit of a bang, a bit of a pizzazz, you know, I'm the kind of girl, I walk into a room and I want to. I want jaws to drop. I don't want people to close their mouth and turn and whisper.

[Enya]

See, it's a real problem for me because I. When I walk into the room, panties just drop. They just start dropping, man. Like, everybody.

[Drew]

So that's the kind of.

[Enya]

Also, like, a tsunami wave forms from all of, like, you know, the squirt in the piss and the way.

[Drew]

Yo, you know the squirt.

[Enya]

You've seen it happen at the Nice Guy. I feel awesome right now.

[Drew]

Like, actually, are you. Oh, no. He doesn't feel awesome that you're not real.

[Enya]

You're not real.

[Drew]

The lighting is scaring you.

[Enya]

Yeah, we're doing a night episode today because we were supposed to film yesterday, so we didn't have to film today. And then we woke up this morning and we were like, we can't film this morning because then is busy and I have the gym. And then now we're filming at night. But it's like kind of a nice vibe. Honestly, the lighting I Can't tell on the camera, but in real life looks insane. Like it looks like it's gonna suck insane.

[Drew]

Like on camera it is like a little. Like that light is a little more.

[Enya]

White than I would like fluorescent.

[Drew]

Like it's pretty fluorescent, which is not a vibe. It's very scary. And I can't believe technology we. I can't believe we were ever headed in a direction that we believed that that fluorescent hue of like light belongs.

[Enya]

Anywhere within a hospital or. Yeah, cubicle. I think it like, like makes people more productive or something. Like I don't, I don't know the science behind it, but get that shit out of my house now. Yeah, I don't believe it out of my.

[Drew]

You know what we need? We need the lights that they installed at the pink wall.

[Enya]

And they installed green light anti night selfie light. When you take a selfie at night, it turns you literally moss green. It's lit.

[Drew]

I saw people, we passed by the pink wall a few nights ago. I don't remember why, but I saw people out there taking photos at night and I was like, look at them. Not letting anything stop them. Also, what's going to stop me from coming to the pink wall with a big fat ass DSL blowing it up? Oh my God.

[Enya]

I don't know.

[Drew]

Why do you jump to violence?

[Enya]

Cuz I'm an eco terrorist.

[Drew]

Why do you what like. But this planet treats you good. Why do you want to do that?

[Enya]

No, that I'm fighting for the planet.

[Drew]

You don't hurt the ones you.

[Enya]

I'm gonna fly drones into the power grid and shut everything down.

[Drew]

Oh my God, I would love to see that. Like I would literally love to see a video that. Do you know how, how good that would sound? It would be like all those like.

[Enya]

That's a good one.

[Drew]

Yeah, the also I need. I think I'm done. Okay. I didn't say anything just now. That was crazy.

[Enya]

I thought it's. I'm done.

[Drew]

I've been watching a lot. Like if you know me, if you.

[Enya]

Know my fatal, only fatal flaw, my only. My only one is that I am stupid. And my wieners, my wieners so useful. I am so happy. That's funny how I'm happy. You know what I'm saying?

[Drew]

No, but you're mad.

[Enya]

I'm happy.

[Drew]

No, you're mad.

[Enya]

It's funny because I'm happy. I'm not mad. I'm happy.

[Drew]

Oh, but I have seen you, the true you, and I know you're not happy, girl. Okay, this is like Scaring me because I'm like burning like everything around this. Like your little candle is like scaring my other ones. But my big issue, my one fatal flaw is that I am obsessed with plane crashes.

[Enya]

It's so bad.

[Drew]

Like there are those videos that like, okay, to be fair, like, I am just like genuinely like curious because with something like a plane or like a car or like I've talked about my fascination with all these like modes of transportations before. But what's crazy about planes is like accidents had to happen for them to know to fix certain things, which is terrifying. And like also all of these are like kind of like when the first boom of like public aviation started. Like that's what I'm like watching and it's like, dude, this is like all these like pilots were just like, I.

[Enya]

Wish we could still smoke on airplanes. Like that's, that's a crazy ass vibe that our parents probably smoked on. No, not probably smoked on an airplane, but had they wanted to could have smoked on an airplane. That's a. We need to bring back indoor smoking.

[Drew]

That's what I've taken.

[Enya]

They're taking everything away from us.

[Drew]

Somebody was saying some, somebody replied. The people are saying so the people, they're saying that it is nasty that I smoke cigarettes. But I am saying it is nasty that you have the audacity to come up to me smelling like the ass crack of a box of Fruit Loops and I'm the nasty one. No, I smell like an adult. I smell like I'm paying my taxes. I smell like I'm filling my car up. You smell like you just went into a sticky spit filled ball pit and went to the bottom and used the bottle. Your nails are long enough that you scrape the carpet that's under the ball pit and it sleds crumbs from all the sleep sludge and nasty Jolly Rancher stickiness. That chick E. Cheese is under your nails and now you're coming up to me smelling like that. I'm just offended. Like, we need to bring smoking, real smoking.

[Enya]

We need to bring showering back. Make showering great again, bro. You don't shower you twice today actually.

[Drew]

Why?

[Enya]

Because the gym, I was stinky as and I was like, I cannot go to the gym smelling like this because once I start sweating it's going to be bad for everybody around me.

[Drew]

Game over. You're gonna nuke the gym?

[Enya]

Yeah. So then I showered lightly. And then I showered at the gym lightly.

[Drew]

A light shower. That sounds like you didn't get between those cheeks Girl, I washed.

[Enya]

I washed everything. I even washed my legs because I saw, like, a jubilee video. Someone asking if someone watched.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

When we were watching that, I literally don't.

[Drew]

Yeah, I knew. I was like, drew doesn't wash his legs.

[Enya]

I don't give a. And I will never wash my legs because literally, watch the soap from your body go down your legs. Like, watch it happen. It literally happens. But anyways, I washed my legs because I was like, you know what? I'm a grown ass man. I should wash my legs. But I. That's. I. I have that written down. Though, funnily enough, that, like, it's insane that the washing your ass crack is even a conversation online. Because I feel like part people are.

[Drew]

Taught, like, that has to be a lot.

[Enya]

It's not real. Like, I. I cannot for the life of me imagining, like, imagine someone not washing their ass crack. Like, it doesn't make sense. It's never. It doesn't register with me. And I have always done that. But, like, I just don't have a lot of experience with straight men.

[Drew]

That just has to be a part of the anti men propaganda agenda. Like, like, that has to be a part of that because I genuinely, like, have it met. But I will say, like, straight men's hygiene's, like, is lacking because even the ones who claim to be straight that I know their hygiene is lacking.

[Enya]

Stinky ass boys.

[Drew]

I'm talking about you.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Drew]

So if your hygiene is lacking and you're like, you take care of yourself very well. Like, not saying that you stink or whatever, but, like, not washing your bed sheets and whatnot. Yes. And not washing your hands after you pee. Like, girl, you add that on top of being a straight man who, like.

[Enya]

Punches holes in the wall, who just.

[Drew]

For some reason isn't taught this from.

[Enya]

That, like, damn, maybe you don't.

[Drew]

You were living in a scent bubble of your own.

[Enya]

You know what? I'm kind of like. I kind of like you stinky. Like, get over here.

[Drew]

Yeah, okay, we talked about this, though, because, like, some stink is good.

[Enya]

Like, okay, because we know it, sweaty ass.

[Drew]

We. Okay. When I say I'm always like, oh, it smells musty in here, and you sometimes will be like, yeah, there's like a musk. But do you separate the words musk and musty? Like and must.

[Enya]

Yes. I just think I mishear you, but there's a very big difference between musty and musk.

[Drew]

Like, musk musky is like, I am gonna literally start doing.

[Enya]

I'm gonna pounce on You. Hello.

[Drew]

I'm gonna be the star on top of that tree right now. If you don't. If you don't put something else on your body to make you smell differently, but then must. You know what?

[Enya]

Sometimes I kind of like you. Musty.

[Drew]

Musty is a little sexy sometimes. Like, just a little. Like, I don't want it to, like, send shockwaves through my fucking brains. And I don't want to get, like, Spinal Taps, like, from, like, your mustiness. But I like, you know what it is? It's the part of my brain that still, like, is, like, tied to thinking that men are, like, building houses.

[Enya]

Was it just super silent or like, am I tripping?

[Drew]

No, it was, like, deafening silent for a second. There was a ringing in my ear.

[Enya]

And that's.

[Drew]

My ears are why I said, like, Spinal Taps because I.

[Enya]

Like, it's final. There's zaps going on in this.

[Drew]

It's because all of our friends were in the house for like, 12 hours, and now it is, like, deadly.

[Enya]

Everybody is loud as fuck all the fucking time.

[Drew]

Hater.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm a hater. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Oh, I have it. I have it. Okay, so I was scrolling on Instagram reels.

[Drew]

Okay, you're there.

[Enya]

There's flaw number one. But I was on Instagram reels, and I think I heard, like, the worst song I've ever heard in my entire life. And I'm not joking when I say this. Like, it feels like I got transported to, like, the waiting room for purgatory. Like, I had, like, a full visceral body reaction and, like, imagining, like, I've, like, I've experienced purgatory before. And this is the song that's playing the entire time. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, this is hell music.

[Drew]

Yes. It gives me, like, a really icky feeling. No, stop.

[Enya]

Actually, do you know what I mean? Like, I literally feel like the world is ending when I hear that.

[Drew]

Do you know what that feels like? It's like what we were describing. Like, sometimes me and Drew will accidentally go too long without a meal, and there's just this like, fe. Like, almost like a feeling of sickness over you. Like you're not to the point of hunger where you're nauseous.

[Enya]

Cuz we all have a hunger. We all have a hunger.

[Drew]

Oh, tell me what you mean. Oh, you look so. The way you use your body, baby. But, like, not to the point of hungry where you're like, nauseous and you're Going to keel over and die. And, like, you have nothing left in you but the point of hunger where you're, like, just a bit sickly feeling. And, like, music sounds awful. Imagine being in that state of mind, and that comes on. I'm not kidding. I think I would. I would do it.

[Enya]

Yeah, it would. It would.

[Drew]

I would end it.

[Enya]

Like, it would have been.

[Drew]

You catch me on a bad day, and then that's my position. And that's the song that comes off. Hell, no. That's the song that comes on when I'm like. Like, doing something that I really don't want to be doing. Like. Like going to the DMV like that. Which.

[Enya]

Going to the DMV. Did he go there to station? Back to the DMV, from the DMV to the lot, back to the DMV, back to lot 15, 20 minutes up the street, back to the DMV, and literally still not getting his car.

[Drew]

No.

[Enya]

He spent $145 on Ubers. Isn't that crazy? Yep. I think he got his car. Maybe now, but this was at, like, 4, and he was like, I'm freaking the fuck out, but is that not insane?

[Drew]

Stop. I'm so scared.

[Enya]

You need to get that shit figured out. There's a warrant out for any. As a restaurant.

[Drew]

Can't say why, but I'm terrified.

[Enya]

It's bad, y' all.

[Drew]

My dad would literally, at this point, throw a pan at the back of my head.

[Enya]

And it's deserved. It truly is deserved.

[Drew]

We probably scared our neighbors yesterday really bad. Yeah. I'm gonna admit to that. Yeah. I should just text her and be like, hey, by the way, sorry if we were loud last night.

[Enya]

And see what her reaction.

[Drew]

Yeah. And engage the vibe. Last night, I had the best night of my life, though. Like, literally, last night was a movie for me. Should I, like, go. Go through why it was a movie?

[Enya]

Sure.

[Drew]

So it was a movie because all of my bestest friends in the world were over.

[Enya]

Friendsgiving.

[Drew]

And then I've just been in my little minor abuse era, which. Guys, it's over.

[Enya]

It's getting major. Yeah, it's getting major.

[Drew]

It's over now. Like, you see, last night was, like, the key. I needed to feel satisfied. Like, I was just like, see, that's good. But we go to Big Bear, it's done. Like, it's over. Like, I'm. I'm blowing up the Empire state of mind.

[Enya]

Okay. I was about to say. Hold on now. Hold on, hold on. What was that?

[Drew]

What's all. What is it? What's all this then? Is that a British person?

[Enya]

That would be my big fetus.

[Drew]

What's all this then?

[Enya]

What's all this then?

[Drew]

Dude, you become, like, cheesy.

[Enya]

What's the thing?

[Drew]

Yeah, you become like a little rat.

[Enya]

Hi, welcome back to this podcast. It's me and Inya.

[Drew]

We've got.

[Enya]

I'm a bit knackered today. Ye. I'm a little bit tired, but I figured I'd still give it all my all, you know?

[Drew]

Did you say knackered? What was that?

[Enya]

It's like, I'm a bit tired.

[Drew]

That is not a word.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah, it is, but, like, we're still carrying it on, you know, like.

[Drew]

Keep on carrying on, like the Beatle said.

[Enya]

Did they say that?

[Drew]

I don't know. It just sounds like something. Carry it on, keep on, carry out. That's like the way the Eagles would do it. But last night was a. Like a sleigh because all my bestest friends were over. And my favorite spot to get a margarita from does margaritas to go, which.

[Enya]

I don't think it's not legal.

[Drew]

Is legal.

[Enya]

It's literally not legal. Every time you do it, I'm like, this is so illegal.

[Drew]

Yeah, Like I. And they. They, like, they do it. So I'm like, is it on me?

[Enya]

And it's in a.

[Drew]

It's immediately open container.

[Enya]

What the was that?

[Drew]

What's going on?

[Enya]

No, it's in. It's a go container, which is crazy. It's in a to go cup with a straw in it already. So you're supposed to be drinking it on the go.

[Drew]

Sip while you drive. I'm kidding. Please don't. But we went and picked a few up and on the way back, leaving everything. Everything happens for a reason at the right time. Because you know what? When we got there, it was taking so long to get them, and I started panicking because I was like, dude, this is taking way longer than I wanted. Like, I'm missing all the time with the rest of my friends at the house. Like, I hate this. And I was, like, feeling a bit anxious, like, oh, this is taking too much, too long. I should have done this earlier if I was gonna do it, whatever. But because of that, on our way out, a firework show at the Grove started when we were driving past it, and I was like, oh, my God. And then I stopped the car for a second, like, on a random street, and me, Lucas and Josie, like, hopped out of the car. We were looking. We're like, dude, this is like.

[Enya]

So I Need to clarify. They're sober entirely.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. I'm not.

[Enya]

Like, they're not drinking these.

[Drew]

We are not we. And we do not actually condone that. Like, that is so. Yeah, we are not drinking.

[Enya]

I believe I have to clarify that, but I simply must.

[Drew]

Well, the people think we are crazy and that we will drink and drive because we always joke about doing it. So it is our fault.

[Enya]

We ever joked about that.

[Drew]

I have. I was like. I was like, yeah, like, I just, like, did a few, like, edibles and, like, had a few drinks and, like.

[Enya]

Oh, but that's different.

[Drew]

Yeah, being crossfaded versus being drunk is different. But yeah, we did not touch our margaritas, but we stopped and, like, we're looking at the fireworks. And then I was like, oh, my God, like, these are right there. So we drove past and we stopped the car on the street because literally everybody was stopping the car and getting out. Because in L. A, I have never seen a fireworks show like that, let alone, like, smack dab at the Grove. Like, damn.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But yeah, we, like, watched it and we, like, just off of that. We're, like, on such a high of life because fireworks are so awesome.

[Enya]

Fireworks are crazy. We've talked about it so many times. Like, they are so important to me. And I know no one will ever truly understand, except for Enya, like, how magical fireworks are. But, like, just look at it, dude. Really look at it.

[Drew]

Literally, the one time that I'm like, burn money, Burn money.

[Enya]

Buy the thing and burn it down.

[Drew]

Literally, is so awesome. And it was the craziest fireworks show I've ever seen. And trust, I was thinking of you the whole time. Like, you can ask Lucas Josie. Like, the first thing I said is, like, this is going to make Drew sad. And I was like, but I, like, can't.

[Enya]

And why did Josiah immediately come home and show me the video?

[Drew]

I know we were contemplating not even telling you, but we were just on such a, like, good one. Because then after the biggest fireworks show ever, we drove home blasting. What is it? What the is that song? It's a Billy Joel song. Oh, we, you know, we had to hit Love never felt so good. But my life, I don't care. This is my life. And it was just such a vibe. And then we got back home and we were all hanging out, and then we all walked to the store for snacks and drinks and we walked back. Also, walks are so fun. Walks with your friends. We need to bring that back.

[Enya]

Meanwhile, I'm back home the entire time having a full blown anxiety Attack. Like, it was crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I felt like that was high school. Like, I literally, like, felt like my entire body was like pins and needles, and my fingers were going numb. And, like, there was, like, this crazy pressure in my stomach. But I didn't feel like I was dying because I knew I wasn't dying. I knew I was having an anxiety, but I was like, this is crazy. I feel like fucking shit. My breathing was labored. I was, like, sweating, and then I was also cold, and then I was sweating, and I, like, put on, like, an outfit, and then I took it all off because I was like, no, no, no. I'm like, overheating. And then I was freezing, and I was like, do I get under my covers? And I was like, no, I can't get on my covers because it's only nine, and if I go to sleep now, I'll wake up at fucking 5am can't do that. So then I was like, josiah, wake me up in 15 minutes. I need a fucking nap. And I was just freaking the fuck out. It was crazy.

[Drew]

I felt really bad. I didn't know what to do, but I was like, there's literally nothing I could do. And then every time I went in the room, I was like, I feel like I'm making a worse. You should have just gotten obvious, bro. I would not give you Xanax, bro.

[Enya]

How has Zannies are coke, bro?

[Drew]

Okay, no one talked to me about coke or Xanax because I am sober. Stop talking to me about it.

[Enya]

How has your coke, bro?

[Drew]

I'm so.

[Enya]

I'm so hyman.

[Drew]

What the.

[Enya]

What the.

[Drew]

That was me last night. But, yeah, it was just, like, a fun night.

[Enya]

Oh, my prostate is literally spasming right now. I cannot believe we caught that live on the. On the podcast. That was crazy. No, it hurts so bad.

[Drew]

What does that even mean?

[Enya]

No, it's like, it feels like someone is stabbing a knife on your. Up your. And it goes up into your guts. It's crazy. It's like, it hurts so bad for, like, one second. And every once in a while, like, maybe once every three or four months, it'll happen where it, like, happens a bunch. And it's like, what the fuck is going on? I'm dying.

[Drew]

Have you had your prostate checked?

[Enya]

No.

[Drew]

You got to do that.

[Enya]

No, I'm not old as fuck.

[Drew]

That's like.

[Enya]

Actually, dudes are getting prostate cancer. Younger and younger now.

[Drew]

I wonder why. It's the. It's the microplastics.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's the.

[Drew]

Though. It's no, wait, there.

[Enya]

There was reasoning behind it. I think it literally is that or it's. No, it. It is. No, I swear to God it is. It was nicotine. It was like the increased use of nicotine in like, younger.

[Drew]

There is not nicotine because if you things.

[Enya]

If you break down the amount of nicotine in a puff bar compared to like the amount of nicotine in the cigarettes our parents were smoking, it's like four times the amount in like one puff bar. Like as one pack. Yeah, like you're smoking like a pack a day, basically. It's crazy.

[Drew]

That's what was shocking when people were like, ew, like a cigarette. I'm like, I'm analog.

[Enya]

Hello.

[Drew]

I'm just like, you are judging me, girl. You're smoking Lychee puff bar martini on the rocks.

[Enya]

Like, okay, lychee is over. She's been over.

[Drew]

We're like, me, when I was trying to like, I was like, I could get a puff bar. Like, I get a puff bar. Like, my friends and I went and got a leachy ice and all of them made fun of me and I was like, you know what? I actually don't even need this, you freaks.

[Enya]

Anyways, it was like the worst flavor ever invented. I think lush ice was a very big, big moment. Obviously mango juice, I think that's what.

[Drew]

I was trying to get was lush ice.

[Enya]

Cuz li's gray and scary. It tastes like the color gray. It's crazy.

[Drew]

But yeah, then I came home and then after like our little walk, we were watching saw and while we were watching it, I turned everybody. I was like, wait, I need everybody to go up and like do your self tape. Like you're trying to get into this movie right now. Like, what is your self tape that you're turning in?

[Enya]

While I was having an anxiety attack.

[Drew]

In the other room, which I didn't contemplate because that was after the walk. So I thought you were like chilling. Like post that.

[Enya]

No, I was fine by then.

[Drew]

Oh, but we, like me and Orion did a scene where it was like she had to kill me. But like, we were still best friends in the scene and that we were like yelling like, please don't. And it just got real. It literally both of us tear it up. Because we were like, why did that feel real? Like I like, I was like, dude, you. You wouldn't be able to kill me. She was like, I don't think I could. And then we had a bonding moment because we were like, I don't think I could kill you.

[Enya]

Oh, I Could kill you. Oh, I could kill her easily. I have before.

[Drew]

I've killed your ego. How about that?

[Enya]

I've killed your pride. Your pride is damaged. This is my new shirt got from Japan. It's an Astro Boy front print with the cybernetic print on the back. And you can't see and I don't care. But, yeah, that's kind of like the vibe lately. You know what I have been thinking about that I think is so cute, and I'm so happy we do it. And me even, like, saying anything about it. It's gonna make it awkward now, but the fact that every single night we say love you to each other is so important to me. And I will never do it again after this moment because it's going to be, like, forced, but, like, it's very.

[Drew]

No, I literally don't believe in going to bed in a house with people without being either saying good night or love you. It's important because I was taught high superstition that someone would come in and kill all of us, and then you would have not said I love you, and your parents would be dead. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. Knock on wood.

[Enya]

That's literally why I say it, because I'm like, what if she dies in her sleep?

[Drew]

I know. I'm like, what if I get killed? Sometimes when I go to bed, I'm like, damn, there is a chance somebody comes in this house and fucking styles me tonight.

[Enya]

The craziest thing is it feels like this episode's been four hours and it's only 25 minutes.

[Drew]

25 minutes.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That's still pretty, like, crazy because I don't feel like I've talked for 25 minutes. But speaking of death, we've talked about, like, how we just, like, have no, like, fight in us. Like, no, no, no. No famish, no nothing. Like, I can't survive. I'll, like, I'll. I'll take myself.

[Enya]

I will blow myself up.

[Drew]

But I was thinking about it.

[Enya]

I was like, I, like, skinny in the famine.

[Drew]

That's like, a plus, bro. But, like, it literally, like, you probably won't have Instagram. So now what?

[Enya]

Like, it's like, what's the point?

[Drew]

Yeah, like, you literally also, like, you won't have post.

[Enya]

I'll. I'll be skinny in the commune. I'll be the skinniest in the commune. The village.

[Drew]

But when I was. I'm gonna read what I wrote because, like, I don't know when I wrote this. Let's see, the last time I updated this was at 1:53am a night two nights ago. I said, I, like, need to die a peaceful death because I will be so pissed if I'm dying in a scenario where I'm fighting for my life because I can't fight. And I feel like I say this all the time, but it pisses me off. Also. If I was in a life or death situation where I had to take orders from somebody, I think I would just die. Like, I. I forgot what I was watching. I think I was watching something where it was. I was watching a. One of the plane crash things where, like, the two pilots, like, were talking to each other and telling each other what to do. And I was like, that would piss me off so bad. Like, you think I'm not trying to do my best to save my own life right now? Like, yeah. If I'm just, like, in a scenario.

[Enya]

Where it's like, never literally put me in a situation ever. Literally never put me in a situation. Like, it will be bad.

[Drew]

Just do not put me in a situation.

[Enya]

It will be bad for every.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, oh, my God. That would, like, actually piss me the off. If I was in a burning house and somebody was like, do this.

[Enya]

Like, stop dropping.

[Drew]

Are you dumb? Like, are you dumb?

[Enya]

I will do the exact opposite. I'll do the exact opposite.

[Drew]

Guess what? Now I'm gonna, like, get the Febreze that's in the house and start spraying you so that I can torch you to death.

[Enya]

Because you're.

[Drew]

But, yeah, I just. I can't. I can't be in that kind of life or death situation. I just need to, like, die, like, in my sleep or something.

[Enya]

Yeah. Trying to think how I want to die. I don't want to die. I'm afraid of death. I'm afraid of what comes after death. I, like, actually, I take that back. I'm so okay with it. And if I died in this moment, if God smited me and exploded me and got it on camera one, I would be IG and Twitter famous. Like, God trend at number one. It would be lit. And because I would post it, it would be the most iconic video of all time. Like, this dude talking about wanting to die, get smited by God, and explodes on camera and it's uploaded, dude.

[Drew]

The thing is, I would fly out to New York literally right after this and go be on Good Morning America tomorrow morning. Like, it would, like, be that instant for me. Like, I would just, like, get.

[Enya]

You would have it made.

[Drew]

My PR team would be on it. It would be like, all right, so here's your.

[Enya]

How can we make money off of.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, how can we get this trending? How can we make this a trend?

[Enya]

You can make a GoFundMe for my family, but then keep it for yourself.

[Drew]

Oh, I was already. Yeah, no, that was like, I like, thank you. But, like, that wasn't.

[Enya]

I've been seeing this, like, trend where it's like, if I die, like, all of my friends can just completely lie on my name, like Andrew on everything and tell the most vile lie ever. I'm literally.

[Drew]

I would lie.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

We also need to revert back to, like, the mall. Like, so much shopping has gone to.

[Enya]

The, like, the Internet and, like, e commerce is over.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, we need to kill off e commerce other than when we drop merch. Come on, like, pieces together. We do not fall under this rule. But. Or like, my case. Like, you can still buy my case. It's okay. But we need to go back to the mall because the day we had at the mall, that was, that was.

[Enya]

I'm not kidding. One of the best days of my entire life. If not. No, no, of my year. If not in my entire life. Like, just going around being like papa to all my high friends and, like, going in and out of these stores and being crazy. We walked into the Dyson vacuum store.

[Drew]

Still the most insane.

[Enya]

And it was so much fun to just literally, they have, like, dust and dirt to thr on the ground and they, like, literally getting it. They, I don't know, they like, poured dust and dirt all over the floor. And then you can practice vacuuming or see which vacuum you like the most. And he, we were doing that and having like, a goof and a blast in a ball. And the dude noticed that they were all like, super stoned out of their mind. And I, I, I watched the thought click in his head. And he brought out next. He was like, oh, you like this. Wait till you see this. And he was like, this one has a laser. And then everyone's like, oh, my God, laser vacuum.

[Drew]

And then I started to get existential. And I was like, this is too much like me to the worker. As if he, like, had anything to do with, like, what vacuums have become. I was like, honestly, this is too much. Like, this is pushing it. Like, all of this is pushing it. Like, why am I going into a Dyson store and, like, playing, like, Pimp My Ride? Like, it's a Tesla shop. Like, it literally feels like being in a Tesla store. It's like, I want the, the Matte Chrome for The bar. And then I want my laser to be pink fluorescent pink. Like, that's just, like, too much. But it was the most fun ever. Also low key. They are just making you do their cleanup job. Like, oh, yeah, I was thinking about that.

[Enya]

I was thinking about that.

[Drew]

And then you were like, while I was doing it. Because also, I was the little test monkey who was being like. Like, pushing the vacuum around, which was so lit, all eyes on me, literally party vibe. But we are such losers.

[Enya]

I know. What? Like, there's no way anybody is listening to this and enjoying this owl. What we need to do is get American Girl dolls. Those are lit, but that's another conversation.

[Drew]

I never had American Girl dolls, though. I was just, like, a Bratz kind of girl. Like, that was, like, where my dolls went. All right.

[Enya]

Yeah, Right, right, right. I was like a G.I. joe. Yeah, like, guy.

[Drew]

A G.I. joe. And then you would get your Care Bear. Care Bears, like, involved in what way?

[Enya]

They would just play. I know I did. I literally. I'm not joking. I would play with my sister's Barbies. I'm not joking. They would be under her bed in her bedroom, and, like, a giant seven. Oh, you would play with them because.

[Drew]

You would make the GI Joe and the Barbie have sex.

[Enya]

No, I would make the. I would play with her boobs on the Barbie dolls, and I would just, like, make them, like, eat each other out. And it was, like, so hot. But I would literally play, but with Barbies. It was. It was a crazy vibe. And I would do it in secrecy because I knew if anybody saw me doing it, I would get in so much trouble.

[Drew]

And why, though? Because toys should be for everybody. We should literally, every episode, just drop, like, the most basic. Like, they. Like. Like, girls should have respect. You. I'm saying that, like, you. You don't do that every episode. You have done that every single episode since we started is say the obvious.

[Enya]

And be like, yeah, that's just something I've been thinking. Like, wait, you should smile more.

[Drew]

No, no, that's not a good one. Like, that's not.

[Enya]

If you're depressed, just smile.

[Drew]

No. Okay. Well, like, see, mine was a banger because it was, like, this idea that, like, toys do not necessarily lie within gender, and, like, gender norms are odd. So mine was, like, a positive take, but yours is, like, this, like, really weird take that, like, women should just be expected to, like, be standing objects to look good.

[Enya]

Yeah, I don't. I don't see a problem with that.

[Drew]

No, no, no. So girls, like, think have vaginas.

[Enya]

And boobs. That chipotle is in my stomach digesting.

[Drew]

Dude, I knew it. I knew Drew. I got a chipotle bowl for me and Drew to share because I think about my friends, and I was like, I don't. I'm not gonna finish this whole bowl. I'm gonna leave the rest for Drew. And he picked. He had the audacity to pick it up 30 minutes ago.

[Enya]

That would be my big, fat ass. That would be my big, fat be fat ass.

[Drew]

You're, like, really good at it. Like, scares me. But he has the audacity to pick it up 30 minutes ago. As if it doesn't take him two to three hours to digest anything that goes into his body, since he has a concave thick layer of resin from his puff bar, red 40 dye from. From all the candies and fructose syrup. Oh, wait. What? You have a hard shell of semen lining your stomach, bro. If I got shot by, like, somebody, I. It wouldn't even penetrate me because I just have, like, a thick layer of semen all over my body at every waking moment. I used to not take a shower.

[Enya]

After having sex, which is crazy.

[Drew]

No. But I always pee. Like, I've never had a uti. Never had a UTI club. Not many people could say that I am a walking champion.

[Enya]

Yeast infections all the time.

[Drew]

That's different, though, because that lies on my partners being dirty, nasty monsters. And I will continue to them, though, because it's good that goes out to you. You know who you are. But, yeah, I just used to just go to sleep. I used to go pee and then be like, I'm going to sleep now.

[Enya]

I cannot believe that of all.

[Drew]

And then I had the audacity to be like, do not sit on my bed. That should have been a warning for you.

[Enya]

Like, don't get in in's bed after any time. Don't. Just don't do it. It's all sticky and hard. And, like, if you went to go.

[Drew]

Take a dive onto my bed, your head would hit it and you would be concussed. You know, semen and squirt.

[Enya]

You know how, like, people always, like, if you, like, jump into water from, like, 40ft or above, like, it feels like concrete. That's how your bed feels from 4 inches. You jump onto it. Okay. Something no one is talking about. And it's actually. It blows my fucking mind that I did this. And it's not a conversation being had at all, but the way I fucking predicted everything everywhere all at once, actually, I would Even go as far as saying inspired it and gave them the entire idea to the movie.

[Drew]

You are crazy.

[Enya]

Because I literally did. And we'll watch the clip right now.

[Drew]

Play the clip. Play the clip.

[Enya]

Little slushy. I'm about to try for the first time. Wish me luck. Oh, my God. Why do you see everything? I was literally everywhere in everything, all at once just now. I think I just experienced what it was like to be God. Yep. Okay, so let's jump in. I'm a genius, and everything I do is really important. And I'm sure future directors, writers, actors, whatever you are watching this. Like, I'm sure I've had so many moments on this podcast where you're like, damn, he's a genius. And then it sprung a thought into your brain and you've written entire script about it. Give me my flowers. I don't. I don't need money. I don't want the money. But like, bro, that's the Daniel bro. The Daniel brothers even stole my middle name. Like, it's crazy. Like, I gave them the movie and they took my middle name. Like, wait, what? Y' all are crazy. I'm done.

[Drew]

Wait, who?

[Enya]

Everything, everywhere, all at once. I think they're the Daniel brothers.

[Drew]

The Daniel Phillips?

[Enya]

No, the Andrew Daniel Phillips. Their name is the Daniel brothers.

[Drew]

What does that have to do with you?

[Enya]

They stole my middle name.

[Drew]

Oh, okay, okay. Damn bunk Middle name, if I'm being honest. But I love you, and that's all that matters.

[Enya]

Should we say yours out loud?

[Drew]

No.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm gonna leak that.

[Drew]

Oh. Ow, that hurts.

[Enya]

So he directed everything everywhere, all at once.

[Drew]

Probably your mom after having sex with me because she's so inspired because of how good sex with me is.

[Enya]

That's impossible.

[Drew]

Have I ever told the Bob Odenkirk?

[Enya]

I don't think so.

[Drew]

Daughter story?

[Enya]

No. Maybe. Maybe while we were in New York.

[Drew]

Maybe.

[Enya]

If we haven't, let us know, we'll tell it another time.

[Drew]

And if you're listening, hi.

[Enya]

We're airing your outfit. I don't think there was something I talked about when we recorded the scrapped episode in Japan that I was like, oh, I want to talk about that now. Oh, the. The dude who lived in my house for, like, years and no one said anything. We basically had a squatter in my fucking house for, like, what felt like years. And I can talk about this shit because it was actually really scary. And he would, like, off. It was literally like a parasite vibe. Like, he was like the movie parasite. Like, he was a parasite in our house. And he would, like, offer my parents to smoke crack out of, like. I know, I know, but I'm saying, like, it was basically like, it felt.

[Drew]

Like someone was living under your home.

[Enya]

Yeah. And, like, couldn't get him out of the house. And, like, it's just funny to think about. There's so many things that happened in my childhood that, like, are so insane, but they were so normal to me because I was experiencing them, and I was just like, oh, everyone experiences this, right? But then I grow up, and I'm like, oh, that was crazy. Like, there, like, there's so much that I literally just can't even talk about because I'm like, that is so insane. And someone will get in trouble. But that is just one of those moments where I'm like, why didn't my parents just kick him out? But he was, like, refusing to leave. We literally had a squatter in our house, and no one wants to talk about it.

[Drew]

I didn't have anything.

[Enya]

Interview me about it. Ask me questions about it. You can ask me anything. Yeah, anything you want.

[Drew]

How long was he there?

[Enya]

A little over a year.

[Drew]

Did you miss him when he was gone at first, or were you so happy?

[Enya]

Not at all. He stole things from me and sold them on ebay. Baseball bat, Baseball glove.

[Drew]

That's honestly lit.

[Enya]

Like, that's like, did you know you didn't need that? I did. Did you know on ebay, if you sell one item and it's over 600 now, you get a 1099k form that if you don't file with the government that you can. You're basically committing tax fraud. So if you sell it, yeah, it's one item. And if you sell more than 600. It used to be $25,000 and, like, 600 items, like, no one's actually doing that except for, like, people who know what they're doing. Just a little fun fact. So be careful. All the depop girlies out there, you're over.

[Drew]

You're done. And I'm snitching. Next person who highballs or, like, is over selling something for more than it's.

[Enya]

I'm reporting.

[Drew]

Oh, oh, you think. You think you're about to get $80? No, but Hardy, zip up. But what you're gonna get is a cease and desist and a notation from.

[Enya]

The IRS saying you owe $800 for unpaid taxes. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it.

[Drew]

Yeah, Next. Next time somebody declines my lowball, you're done. I recently had to make a new account Because I was like, damn, how embarrassing if somebody, like, outs me for lowballing the fuck out of people. Because honestly, at this point, I do it for fun. Like, if I'm being honest, like, it's.

[Enya]

Like a little high.

[Drew]

It's, like, fun. And I know it's, like, awful and it annoys people because I have a homie who sells shit all the time and it's like, that is the worst shit ever. When somebody, like, low balls the fuck out of me because I know they're just trolling and pushing their luck. That would be me.

[Enya]

Takes one to no one.

[Drew]

It's fun. It's fun. Like you really. That's the funny thing is you really think I'm about to spend 500 on your beat up, stinky fucking ballerina flats? Nope. If I'm high, I just might.

[Enya]

I was about to say, you have bought, like, 18 pairs of those things and they stop.

[Drew]

I need to stop the ballet. Flat. Specifically, like, has such a grip on me.

[Enya]

It's Croquette as bro, you always say.

[Drew]

Croquette, but you mean coquette. Oh, yeah. Like, I wish I had powers and I could just levitate you.

[Enya]

So much to talk about. It's crazy. And I talk about two things and.

[Drew]

You'Ve been dead silent.

[Enya]

Okay.

[Drew]

My friend sent me a picture of Bad Baby and said, Drew said, any in Miami. And then our friend said, enya, if she didn't find the 1975.

[Enya]

Okay. But I don't need to be real. I need to be Coca Cola.

[Drew]

I hate that that's something you wrote. You're like, I have so many things to talk about. Like, so much to get off my plate.

[Enya]

I don't need to be real. I need to be Coca Cola.

[Drew]

I don't need to be real.

[Enya]

I need to be euthanized. She was spitting when she said, I need to be Coca Cola. Because, like, have you ever. Yes. Have you ever had a Coca Cola before? That's all you need to know.

[Drew]

I'm gonna, like, oh, I'm gonna attack you. Oh.

[Enya]

Oh. We started talking about this at the very end of the last episode. We spend way too much time together, and I don't know how we're not bored of each other yet.

[Drew]

Right.

[Enya]

It's crazy.

[Drew]

I know.

[Enya]

Lately there's been, like, a little bit of tension. No, no. Like, a little tension. But, like, it's, like, not even noticeable enough. It's just like, girl, we need our space. We need to go back to Texas. You need to go back to Miami.

[Drew]

I do feel it. Like, we're both at the point where, like, the slightest thing to one another, it's like, okay. And it's like, I just don't.

[Enya]

I'm not. I can't not engaging in this. Or we'll call each other out on our way more. But it's like, fun. It's like, fun.

[Drew]

But yeah, like, you know, when it. We should get those on.

[Enya]

I want that so bad next time.

[Drew]

The fair comes around. You know how my Chismosa top. We have to get our shirts. But we. Oh, wait, somebody. Somebody posted and was like, this is me and you. And it's like Chismosa virus instead of coronavirus. That's literally just in case you didn't know it was a reference to coronavirus. I know that happened.

[Enya]

I got it.

[Drew]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, sure. But you know when it shows the most is in the car. And that's what I was leading into in the last episode is like, in the car. That's when I realized, like, damn, we don't have to say to each other.

[Enya]

Anymore because like, oh, look at that Toyota. Look at that for.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, the new Volkswagen. Yeah. Wow. Wow. It almost has the body of an Audi. That's weird.

[Enya]

It's really interesting because, like, Audi and Volkswagen are owned by the same people now. Like, Audi owns Volkswagen. So, like, their cars are just basically cheaper Audis. Yeah.

[Drew]

You know what I just thought of?

[Enya]

Audi. Audi. Suck my balls.

[Drew]

It's funny because the people who would even correct you probably don't have the car. Oh, oh, oh. The thing in the car. Back to the car is because we were talking about that. I just thought of this as one of the tension moments where like, I. Neither of us spoke, but like, I. Or it was just me being annoyed because I was just like, annoyed. But it was like we were driving and we were 12 minutes away from the. The garden. And I was like, like, text or ryan that we're 12 minutes away, but you were in the middle of telling me something, looking something up. And you go, yeah, okay. And then like, I saw that you weren't doing. I was like, no, tell her. We're told. Minutes away. And you were like, yeah, after this. And then you kept talking and I could feel like the slightest budget attention because I was like, yeah, you were going forth. We are go. You were going forth on, like, looking your thing up. And I don't even know what we were talking about, what we were looking at.

[Enya]

See, that's why we're spending too much time together because we don't even know what we talk about anymore. Like, I actually couldn't tell you what we were talking about three minutes ago.

[Drew]

Well, no, that's because you have object permanence and issues of that nature because you have mental disorders. And that's the difference. That's the difference between us is I wake up and I'm normal.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And you. You wake up and you're so confused and you forget everything you have to do all the time because you have issues.

[Enya]

And that is us talking to you. Adhd. Freak out if you have adhd. You disgust me. Let's talk loser.

[Drew]

You are losers.

[Enya]

People who have adhd. I'm sorry.

[Drew]

Yeah. I feel bad for them.

[Enya]

I feel bad for you.

[Drew]

Yeah. Dude, I literally can't imagine a life where I don't forget something immediately. Like, I literally crave that so much. But I don't plan on medicating.

[Enya]

I need ADHD to survive. Like, if I didn't have it, like, I. I actually don't know what I would be. It would be. So you would probably be hella normal. I would be in Texas and you.

[Drew]

Would be, like, happy.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah, right?

[Enya]

Damn right. Damn. This got dark, though. Well, wait, wait, wait. Let's see. Let's read one more thing from my list. Drake album. Mid as.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Okay. Oh, this is a good one. There are sigils everywhere inside your iPhones. Demonic presence throwing them away. Their mind control Only podcast app to listen to emergency intercom. Without us, you will fail. But there are sigils inside your iPhone. Look at this. Let me show you. It's really interesting actually. Sigil, iPhone, motherboard.

[Drew]

Oh, my stomach hurts so bad. I'm like, oh, my stomach hurts. And it's because I had McDonald's last night, taco Bell, and then Chipotle today. Like, I actually treat my body like I'm fucking 13 or something.

[Enya]

It's so disgusting. And we have no control over ourselves. It's really, really bad. Where the fuck, like, throw your iPhone away.

[Drew]

Airdrop that on the plane to Japan.

[Enya]

I forgot I did that. I airdropped this photo to, like, 200 people on the airplane. They have no idea what this means.

[Drew]

I would not know what the I was looking at if that was sent to me. Oh, to circle back to you saying, why is every video of people cheating? Like, confronting their cheating partner in the car? You know what it is, is a big sign. If you are your. I think I said this. If you're your boyfriend or girlfriend or partner's chauffeur, that already is a bad sign. But Specifically, like, if you are dating a man and like you're driving him around, he's a cheater. Like, he's bound to cheat. And then somebody said, oh, so we fully said this, but I'm only repeating that to get to my next point.

[Enya]

Somebody made a comment about my fingernails taste good right?

[Drew]

Now I know they taste salty and gross and brined your fingers brine because.

[Enya]

You don't wash your face so good.

[Drew]

But somebody was like, oh, if your boyfriend doesn't automatically give you the booth seat, he doesn't give a about you and he's gonna cheat on you. And that's like, yeah, that's how you know he's gonna cheat on you if that's the case. And I just thought to bring that back up because it is true. Like, if I am going out to eat with you and you're not giving me the booth automatically, that's it.

[Enya]

And I need the booth. I need the booth with my back facing the wall so I can protect everyone. I'm not kidding. I'm like a dog or a cat. Like, I have to be in the corner of the room so I can see everything I hate with my back facing the door and all the windows out to the street. Because how do you know when the killer is coming in?

[Drew]

The killer. I wish you went to Tai Fung tonight. That's kind of my vibe.

[Enya]

That is lit as. It's so expensive though.

[Drew]

I know. It is. Really? I didn't realize how expensive it was I until we went that last time and we used to like, really run, didn't I Fung up? Like, that used to be our spot for a second.

[Enya]

No rights. Should we get into media? Right, right, right, right. Okay, for music, I have angel Core Part 2 by Team Meccano. Oh, wait, where is it? Unlinting by Tech Linto and in between a Mason's mansions, in between a mansion's gates arrow grows M. Those are more schizophrenic music that I really love. Oh, it is. Oh, literally is. And then for shows, I've been watching Yu Gi oh gx and it's been terrible. That show sucks. But I'm addicted to it and I love it and I watch it every single night over and over again. It's really bad for me and it makes me want to play Yu Gi oh, which is the entire point of the show where I'm like, oh, I want to buy Yu Gi oh cards and play Yu Gi oh. But I know I would do it for five seconds and get bored. Like, everything I do, because my brain is awful and I can't do anything for more than five minutes without getting bored of it. And I have no passions anymore, and nothing excites me. And I have zero pleasure in anything that I used to have pleasure doing.

[Drew]

Just play Fortnite.

[Enya]

Getting a win in Fortnite is better than orgasming.

[Drew]

No, it literally is. It is, genuinely, because you know what? Like, I could see if, like, the. If the orgasm happened after 40 minutes of foreplay. That is the equivalent of fortnite win. A Fortnite win is just, like, insane amount of, like, foreplay to the point where you're like, I don't even have to bone you.

[Enya]

Like, I can leave now literally anytime I've ever had sex. Is that.

[Drew]

All right?

[Enya]

Well, your media babe.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. I just don't think you guys deserve that right now. So. Okay. Mine is My Life by Billy Joel. I'm still listening to Amplified Heart a lot by everything but the girl, which has been making my likes. My Discover Weekly has sucked balls the past two weeks. And I don't understand because, like, I've been listening to, like, good music, and I think Spotify just has no idea what to give me anymore. It's like, girl, you have, like, gone to the earth's end of the genres you like. Like, just shut the up, and that's what it feels like. Spotify.

[Enya]

Saying Spotify is literally like, you're annoying as.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like you need. Oh, you need more. I'm so sure you need more, but. Oops. By 808state Bjork, I choose you. Chicago Gangsters Leap Day Night. Scene one. David Berman. Nothing Natural by Lush Intergalactic Love Song, the Diddies and Page Douglas.

[Enya]

Boom, bike. Boom.

[Drew]

Bye bye. Drew. Oh, Drew disappeared. He vanished. Drew did his mass vanishing act. Oh, you're trying to burn me. I knew.

[Enya]

Was wet.

[Drew]

That was wet, Drew.

[Enya]

No, it wasn't, dude.

[Drew]

Yes, it's it.

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