Drew was at Charli xcx's wedding

Summary

Emergency Intercom

Episode: “Drew was at Charli xcx's wedding”

Date: October 15, 2025
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips
Guest(s): Kai (frequent contributor), possible cameo by Benny Drama or Mary Beth Barone

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Brief Overview

This episode is a quintessential Emergency Intercom experience—rambly, irreverent, and laced with digressions as the hosts and their friends veer from stories of homophobic run-ins, furry culture, and nostalgia for childhood mall staples, to inside gossip about SNL, Charli XCX’s wedding, and celebrity encounters. The episode is thick with Gen Z/LGBTQ+ humor, reflective observations, and a few surrealist tangents, but circling around big recent social moments in the hosts’ lives—especially Drew’s experience at Charli XCX’s wedding.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Shock Collars, Dog Necks, and Insecurities

• Opening banter about shock collars—both for dogs and jokingly, for podcast hosts.
• A brief discussion on neck size, clothing insecurities, and turtleneck-wearers.
  • Notable quote:
    “Very rarely has, like, my neck made me insecure. The only thing I’m just, okay...” — Drew (04:30)

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2. Catalina Island Saga: Gay Safe Spaces, Homophobia, and Revenge

• Kai describes a weekend getaway with friends to Catalina Island.
  • The group finds both community (a queer-friendly environment) and tension (a homophobic man in a bar).
• Bar traditions, Jell-O shot mishaps, and a run-in with an antagonistic local in a red hoodie.
  • Defusing hostility: Kai responds to harassment by spending $20 to queue Taylor Swift and Death Grips on the jukebox—clearing out the bar.
    • “I went to the jukebox and I put $20 in and I bought Taylor Swift’s whole album, and I played it on repeat over and over. And then I bought Death Grips' whole album… So I got my lick back.” — Kai (09:02)
• Group jokes darkly about “luring the guy behind the bar and stabbing him”; veers into Shakespeare ("Et tu, Brute?") jokes.
• Broader point: Navigating public homophobia with humor, camaraderie, and subversive retaliation.

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3. School Nostalgia, Performers, and Drag Queens

• The group reminisces about strange corporate/celebrity school visits, including Wale performing at elementary pep rallies.
• Shemar Moore and modern social media celebrity school tours, school security, and the spectacle of kids’ reactions.
• Contrast between drag queen library readings and celebrity encounters in schools— Kai jokes about teetering between “QAnon” brain and loving chaos.

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4. Pirate Fest, Mermaid Fest & Party Subcultures

• Kai returns to their time on Catalina, discovering Pirate Fest is a massive swinger convention—allegations of rampant sexual assault.
  • “Found out that it’s just a big swinger convention. They all bang each other…there was a line of people waiting to talk to cops for sexual assault cases.” — Kai (15:19)
• Mermaid Fest is framed as much more wholesome.
• Extended tangent on mermen fantasy—should the hosts attend as “the only mermen,” abs out.
• The furry/cosplay "pipeline": discussion moves into subcultures’ unity and creativity, as well as the limits of furry culture (inflatable suits, zippers, latex, infantilization).

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5. Gay Solidarity, Dualities, and Food Service

• Anecdote about receiving preferential service from a gay employee at Chipotle; discussion about the unspoken camaraderie among marginalized groups.
  • “That’s the sweet thing about—actually, that’s the only benefit to so many groups being hated on all the time and marginalized. They look out for each other.” — Drew (18:27)
• Followed by playful arguments about food safety, wooden vs. plastic utensils, and the horrors of E.Coli.

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6. Hermit Crab Store, Mall Nostalgia, and the Starter Pet Culture

• Reminiscing about mall “Earthbound” stores and their inhumanely treated painted hermit crabs.
  • “Who. If you get reincarnated as a hermit crab, like, you did some really…” — Drew (36:10)
• Light debate about the ethics of childhood pets and the sanitized cruelty of mall retail culture.

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7. Weird Adult Tangents: Vapes, Coca-Cola Freestyle Machines, and Microplastics

• Kai shows off a “vape with a squishy on it and a screen,” Drew is grossed out back to using a Juul.
• Kai describes seeing Casper’s 30th anniversary at the theater, finding machine parts in their AMC Coke Freestyle soda days later.
  • “There is, like, Coca-Cola freestyle giant machine parts, inside my soda. Like, giant, y’all, like, this big. And I was just sipping on macro plastics.” — Kai (48:28)

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8. Phlebotomist Pipeline, Celiac Skepticism, and Childhood Medical Trauma

• Extended joke about the “Cookie Monster PJs to phlebotomist pipeline.”
• Rant about how most people who claim celiac disease are “just lying”—with playful flip-flopping and self-diagnosis.
  • “This is the second time this year you’ve said some anti-celiac disease rhetoric. And I’m really curious where this all stems from.” — Drew (33:57)
• Segues into mall childhood memory tangent.

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9. Charli XCX’s Wedding, SNL Stories, and Cultural ‘FOMO’

• The centerpiece: Drew’s experience at Charli XCX’s wedding.
  • Drew narrates anxieties about being “seen” and not wanting it to seem like he was there for clout:
    • “I didn’t want to be seen at Charlie’s wedding because I didn’t want it to be, like, one of these situations where it was like, oh, Drew wants to be seen at Charlie’s wedding so bad…” — Drew (67:48)
  • Wild asides: claims about firework displays, Young Lean performing, TikTokers, and all manner of celebrity guests.
  • FOMO is mutual— Kai says attending the wedding was “the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.” (66:59)
• SNL afterparty stories from the guest, meeting Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers, Troy Sivan, and more.
  • “It was a movie. It was extremely cinematic…” — Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone) (60:21)
  • Notable encounter: making a joke about leg-lengthening surgery to Vince Vaughn.

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10. Charli XCX’s ‘Brat’ Era and the State of Pop Culture

• Commentary on Charli’s perfect Brat album rollout and what it says about current pop practices:
  • "Every single move Charlie made in the rollout for Brat was the right move...like reposting tiktokers, getting close to the real tastemakers and culture creators." — Kai (70:37)
• Larger point about how today’s artists’ references are too narrow; Charli’s broad influences are “mad weird"—but refreshing.

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11. Micro-Communities, Furry Fans, and Inclusivity

• Comparison between furries, AJR and Imagine Dragons fans, and other subcultural “freaks and geeks.”
  • “What is the real difference between making fun of a furry versus making fun of an AJR or Imagine Dragons fan? Those are the same people, two sides of the same coin.” — Drew (73:11)

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12. Physical Insecurities, Genetic Jokes, and Parenting Styles

• Playful round-robin giving each other insincere physical compliments.
• Joke about Drew carrying Kai’s baby at age 35—then deconstructing why they'd be bad co-parents.

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13. Media Recommendations

• Songs:
  • “Bless the Telephone” by Labi Siffre
  • “Different Drum” by Stone Poneys
  • “On and On” by Stephen Bishop
  • “Make It Easy on Yourself” by The Walker Brothers
  • “Strangers by Nature” by Adele (Kai)
• Shows:
  • Abbott Elementary (Drew just catching up on it—a “so fucking funny” show)
• Movies:
  • Twinless (praised, plot twist 20 minutes in)
• Random capstone: Kai wants to see Dylan O’Brien give a “twink back shot.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On fighting homophobia with camp:
  “I went to the jukebox and I put $20 in and I bought Taylor Swift’s whole album… So I got my lick back.” — Kai (09:02)

• On marginalized group solidarity:
  “That’s the only benefit to so many groups being hated on all the time and marginalized. They look out for each other.” — Drew (18:27)

• On Charli XCX's wedding:
  “I didn’t want to be seen at Charlie’s wedding because I didn’t want it to be… Drew wants to be seen at Charlie’s wedding so bad.” — Drew (67:48) “The Charlie wedding was the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.” — Kai (66:59)

• On pop culture cycles:
  “Every single move Charlie made in the rollout for Brat was the right move…reposting tiktokers, getting close to the real tastemakers and culture creators.” — Kai (70:37)

• On subcultural micro-communities:
  “It’s either AJR or school shooters…what is the real difference between making fun of a furry versus making fun of an AJR or Imagine Dragons fan? Those are two of the same people.” — Drew (73:11)

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Highlighted Timestamps

• [09:02] Kai jukebox revenge in Catalina — using music to fight off a homophobic dude.
• [33:57] Anti-celiac disease rhetoric — Drew teases Kai’s ongoing skepticism, a running joke.
• [60:21] SNL story kicks off — Friend describes the SNL taping and afterparty.
• [66:59] Kai’s recap: Charli XCX wedding = life highlight.
• [70:37] Breakdown of Charli’s ‘Brat’ era genius.
• [73:11] The “furry vs. Imagine Dragons fan” equivalency.

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Conclusion

• This episode is a dense soup of stories, callbacks, self-roasts, niche subculture breakdowns, and pop culture analysis. Standout moments revolve around navigating queer nightlife, the shock of being “insider” enough for events like Charli XCX’s wedding, and reflecting on the joy and anxiety of belonging (or being excluded) in micro-communities. In classic Emergency Intercom style, it’s as much about the digression as any plot—a candid mix of inside jokes, queer wit, and genuine insight into pop’s oddest fringes.

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For those who haven’t listened: Expect a chaotic, sometimes moving, very online comedy session with serious alt-pop credentials, bracing honesty, and endless zingers about the joy and mortification of being seen (or unseen) in today’s world.

Transcript

[Drew]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Kai]

So my friends text. Let's do a quick little weekend getaway. Super chill, right? Famous last words. Suddenly someone's buying a bonfire outfit and apparently there's a boat. Now that's when I pull out my Klarna card. Swipe done. And if I want it off my plate now, I can pay in full or I can pay later. No IOUs, no stress. Because the Klarna card isn't just a card. It's how you survive. Friends plans. Plus no credit impact when you apply. Learn more about klarna [e-mail] debit flex card pay later Plans issued by web bank depos in your balance account are held at WebBank member FDIC anywhere visa is accepted, certain merchant product good and service restrictions apply. Some merchants do not accept virtual cards. Physical card only included with a paid Karna membership plan.

[Ed Helms]

Hey, it's Ed Helms, host of Snafu, my podcast about history's greatest screw ups. On our new season, we're bringing you a new Snafu. Every single episode.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

32 lost nuclear weapons. You're like, wait, stop.

[Drew]

What?

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, it's going to be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and a whole lot of fabulous guests. Paul Scheer, Angela and Jenna, Nick Kroll, Jordan Klepper. Listen to season four of SNAFU with Ed Helms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Johnny Knoxville]

Hello, America's sweetheart. Johnny Knoxville here. I want to tell you about my new true crime podcast, Crimeless Hillbilly Heist from Smartless Media, Campside Media and big Money Players. It's a wild tale about a gang of high functioning nitwits who somehow pulled off America's third largest cash heist.

[Ed Helms]

Kind of like Robin Hood, except for.

[Kai]

The part where he steals from the rich and gives to the poor. I'm not that generous.

[Johnny Knoxville]

It's a damn near inspiring true story for anyone out there who's ever shot for the moon, then just totally muffed up the landing.

[Kai]

They stole $17 million and had not.

[Ed Helms]

Bought a ticket to help him escape.

[Kai]

So we're sitting like, oh God, what do we do? What do we do? That was dumb. People do not follow my example.

[Johnny Knoxville]

Listen to Crimeless Hillbilly Heist on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

The murder of an 18 year old girl in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved for years until a local housewife, a journalist and a handful of girls Came forward with a story.

[Kai]

America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people and small towns.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

Listen to Graves county on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And to binge the entire season ad free, subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency.

[Kai]

Okay, what do you want a cookie?

[Drew]

Hassan. Hiker's dog needs a cookie.

[Kai]

Like, literally, like.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Well, he got. He got canceled for that shit. But you guys had a shock collar on me for the first two years of the podcast.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

And that's fine. Well, okay.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

And you never got shit for that.

[Kai]

And what about it?

[Drew]

That's so different.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

It is different because I liked it.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Wait, they don't make shock collars big enough to wrap around that giant fucking dog's neck. Right? Like, that's. That's my big.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

There's just one part that shocks it, and you can change the. Because I remember when you guys.

[Drew]

Until we got a shock collar for you, I didn't even know that shit was real. Like, you had to be mad at me.

[Kai]

Don't start talking about the scars. Don't start talking about the scars on your neck, Kai. Like, Oh, I wasn't gonna mention that.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I was gonna mention.

[Drew]

Oh, from the shot collar.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I was gonna mention that my neck is so small and thin and delicate.

[Drew]

No, no, no. We had to, like. So if I had two belts right now, I could make it into a huge belt. No, so that's what we had to do. We got about three shot collars for the average full adult dog does need.

[Kai]

Three belts for his waist. Famous.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I actually don't need three belts. And actually, the size of the Shaw collar, was this the same diameter as a Livestrong?

[Drew]

Why would you, as a man, want a skinny neck like, I want?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I don't. I want a tiny.

[Kai]

He wants to be.

[Drew]

Not even man. I would even argue that same thing for women. Like, when people start talking about, like, necks and stuff. Like, very rarely has, like, my neck made me insecure. The only thing I'm just, okay, I.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Can'T wear turtlenecks because you have a gorgeous neck, famously.

[Drew]

Oh, that's not her, like, gorgeous neck is crazy.

[Kai]

She's the throat goat. Like, of course, famously, she has a good neck.

[Drew]

No, I'm headed into, like, a very strict celibacy, I think.

[Kai]

So. Okay. So I went to Catalina. Catalina island is an island off the coast of la. And I went for a friend's birthday. And it was so fun. It was Literally, like, it was a blast. And it was just a bunch of, like, gay couples, like, running around. And it was just, like, fun. It was just cute. And it felt like a very, very safe space. Like, it felt like you could be gay and be okay. Well, we get to.

[Drew]

This tends to happen when you're, like, in a bubble of really good people. You could be, like, in the middle of Gotham and you're like, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

Well, we are leaving the island. And then, like, before we leave, like, birthday boy was like, let's go to this, like, famous, like, bar. And we go. And it's, like, disgusting, and it's like, fun and.

[Drew]

Catalina.

[Kai]

Exactly. And there's this dude sitting in the corner in a red hoodie. And I mean, we're like. We're like, rolling, like, 12 deep gay guys to this bar. So it is very annoying and obnoxious. Like, it's just annoying. Like, there's no way around it. And we. We, like, start ordering drinks. And, like, I'm like, I don't know, I'm probably not going to get anything. And then I, like, go up to the bar and this guy is, like, being so nice to us. Like, he buys, like, birthday boy drinks and he, like, like her jello shots. And then, like, he's teaching me, like, the ways of this bar. And it's like, if you get a shot glass and you take a shot and you wrap it around the entire bar, everyone in the bar, including yourself, wins a free drink. But if you don't make it around, everyone is owed a drink by you. On your tab. And I was like. And he was like, don't do it. It's a scam. It's impossible. Like, I've only. I've been here every day of my life, and I've only seen it done, like, three times.

[Drew]

Okay, that's when you maybe should have started, like, eh, I'm gon go talk to my friends.

[Kai]

Exactly.

[Drew]

You come here every day of your life.

[Kai]

He was in a red hoodie, and, like, he was hooded, and he was being so nice to us. And then I'm like, you know what? When in Rome, I'm gonna get a jello shot. So I go to the bar, get a jello shot, and I get birthday boy a jello shot.

[Drew]

And I've never had a jello shot. Oh, actually, that's a lie. I did it. That Tory Burch event, and I almost choked.

[Kai]

You literally almost died.

[Drew]

But it was like the size of a Rubik's cube.

[Kai]

It was crazy. It was the biggest Jello shot of all time. It was like. You had to, like, bite it. And it wasn't like a Jello shot where you can. It was like. It was, like, hard Jello. It was like.

[Drew]

It was gelatinous as.

[Kai]

Yeah, but anyways, I'm, like, standing at the bar. I'm waiting for the jello shots, and he's like, are y' all gay? And I'm like, yeah, like, obviously. Like, there's, like. And then you look over your corner, and there's, like, three gay guys, like, twerking on each other and, like, jerking each other off in the corner. And I'm like, yeah, we are. And then he's like, want to know how I know you're gay? And I was. We were like, like, no, no, no. And he's like, I have a question. I have a question. And then I'm like, yes, yes, ask the question. I want to know the question. And then one of our friends was like, no. Like, please don't ask a question. Like, it's gonna. He, like, knew immediately that it was gonna be, like, annoying. And he was like. He just, like. Like, he, like, glazed over, and it became, like, vitriolic hatred. Like, it was like a flip. It was like a flip of a switch.

[Drew]

Of, like, it was, like, to say the best joke ever.

[Kai]

It was a flip of a switch. And I, like, I think homophobia is funny. Like, I know it's not, but, like, I can take it. But some people, a defense thing literally.

[Drew]

Is, like, it's not even that it's funny. It's like, you have to.

[Kai]

You have to laugh. I have to laugh. And he just, like, looks at us, and he's like, do y' all always have those, like, loud, piercing, disgusting feminine voices? And we're like, what? We're like, what? And, like, I immediately laugh. And then my friend was like, get the away from us and, like, shoot him away. And then. So basically, we were like. We were harassed in this.

[Drew]

I would have literally called over the bartender immediately, like, two angels.

[Kai]

Guess what I did.

[Drew]

Angel shots.

[Kai]

Guess what I did?

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

I went to the beatbox machine or the jukebox, and I put $20 in, and I bought Taylor Swift's whole album, and I played it on repeat over and over. And then I bought Death Grip' whole album, and I played that over and over and over again. So I got my lick back.

[Drew]

Wait, he was there through that whole thing?

[Kai]

I mean, he lives there. Like, he literally, like, is there all the time, but I cleared that bitch out. Like, don't be mean to me and my friends. Like, what?

[Drew]

No, but that's so scary. Ew, shit. Like, that is why I'm like, yeah, we have to go back to, like. I guess it does take two to tango. I need my concealed carry.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

We have to Clockwork Orange. That guy with the Saturday Sunday video.

[Kai]

Saturday.

[Drew]

He's there all the time. Should we go back and leave? Literally stab him?

[Kai]

We should lure him.

[Drew]

We should lure him behind the bar and talk to him like we are being friendly with him. And then we can each take a turn at stabbing him.

[Kai]

Oh, like ETU Brute.

[Drew]

What the is that?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I actually don't know etru.

[Kai]

Y' all don't know ETU Brute?

[Drew]

Back up. Because first of all, you might be mispronouncing it.

[Kai]

No, Eru et Brute is even you, Brutus. YouTube. Brutus. It's William Shakespeare. Julius Caesar. It's when, like, his best friend, like, stabbed him.

[Drew]

Dude, you know what's funny?

[Kai]

They took turns stabbing him, and he was like, even you, Brutus.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

That was a good reference.

[Kai]

I'm so small.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, God.

[Drew]

Wait. Well, I'm not kidding. Growing up in the third worst school district really did have me. I. I don't know anything. I rarely know anything about Shakespeare. I've never read To Kill a Mockingbird. I've never read any of the, like, the classic school criteria that was set for children to read. Never once did a teacher like, y' all had make me read that.

[Kai]

Who performed at Yalls School?

[Drew]

Oh.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh.

[Kai]

You know who's going on a school tour right now? Shemar. Shemar is going to, like, middle schools.

[Drew]

Oh, Wale.

[Kai]

Yeah, Wale performed. Yeah.

[Drew]

Y' all had Wale at my fourth grade pep rally.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

That's pretty cool.

[Drew]

Before he blew up.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Before he was a star.

[Kai]

Was that.

[Drew]

I have to, like, girl, drop it to the phone.

[Kai]

Was he cussing in his songs?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I don't think that's huawei.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

I can't think of the song Wale did perform, though. I mean, you've stood by Wale.

[Drew]

I know, I know. I can't remember what song he was like, what song it was. I think there's a video of it.

[Kai]

Wait, no, y', all. We're not connecting the dots here. We're not connecting the dots here. Wale. Wally. I've been noticing that. Are we think. Are we having this conversation? Are y' all ready for this conversation?

[Drew]

I'm more focused on the fact that I'm like, have I been saying Wale? And it wasn't wallet, but I Need to find the video, because there is a video from the 4th grade pep rally I am referencing, and obviously it's the fifth graders who filmed it, because all the people in the video. But I would never link the video. But I'll look at the video and I'll play it to you all after. But we're gonna have to correct me, because I think I'll. I might have been just saying that, like, for years. And I don't know. I don't know if that's also. Might just be one of those things that, like, in my fourth grade head, that is who was on stage. And that was, like.

[Kai]

It was just a random mascot. It was the principal.

[Drew]

Me and all my friends were like, so and so came to our school. It was crazy.

[Kai]

No, that's a thing. Because Shemar is going to schools right now and lose their mind. And honestly, Shemar's new management, like, has changed his life. Like, I literally, like, seeing, like, Shemar's, like, growth is literally amazing. Like, these kids lose their minds. Like, and it's to the point where he, like, low key needs security because, like, these kids, like, start, like, accidentally beating the out of him. Like, it's crazy.

[Drew]

Ah. Like, I.

[Kai]

But I love Shemar. I literally love, like, but, like, him in schools.

[Drew]

It was already pushing it that we did college shows.

[Kai]

I know. Yeah.

[Drew]

At least that was, like, they had the.

[Kai]

Well, you know. You know. You know. Drag queen. Drag queens are reading books due to kids in libraries.

[Drew]

No, Shamar is just.

[Kai]

Drag queens are reading books to kids in libraries.

[Drew]

Shamar thinks, like, the aliens are getting surgeries. Like, Shamar might think the aliens are getting free surgery. You know what I mean? Like, he kind of, like, he's so funny, and I'm not calling him dumb, but he teeters in. Like, I've never seen somebody who teeters on the line of, like, q and on, like, so oddly.

[Kai]

Well, no, that's literally me, I guess. Let's have that conversation. I'm cute as fuck. Wait, y'. All. What if you found out that I was. I might be cute. And y', all literally, there's no way you could prove it. All my computers are encrypted. But then I got. I got hate crime the second time.

[Drew]

He's so mad because, like, doesn't that, like, website stop doing that? Like, stop, stop.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Because it also makes a sound directly in my ears.

[Drew]

That's so gross. I don't like it.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

And I have to edit it out. I have to edit it out of the podcast so we don't get demonetized.

[Drew]

Like disgusting. I almost just kicked the out of you. But I remember these are steel.

[Kai]

Steel toe boots. She boots too big for her goddamn feet. I got hit crammed a second time in Catalina, but I won't get into that story. It's boring. Um, and then at the same time we were on Catalina island, they were doing Pirate Fest. And then the next week was Mermaid Fest. But there's. Yeah, I know.

[Drew]

Mermaid Fest is.

[Kai]

No, it's. It's already happened. Yeah, I know, but I'm not kidding.

[Drew]

That actually makes me sad.

[Kai]

I know. I was so pissed as a kid.

[Drew]

My. My dream thing I wanted was those mermaid tails. Like, that was something I really wanted when I first got access to the Internet. And like, those were some of the first YouTube videos I watched. I would have loved that.

[Kai]

They're going to need a bigger tank for you.

[Drew]

Oh, I thought you were saying because my.

[Kai]

It's inhumane to put you in that small of a tank. But it was Pirates week and it comes. Come. Come to find out that you had to come to find out. I know, it was horrible. They like jerk. They jerked me off.

[Drew]

Torture.

[Kai]

It was like, you know those like milkers that they put on cows. Utters. But found out that it's just a big swinger convention. They all bang each other. And then one of my friends on the island was there last year and when he got back to the port, there was a line of people talking, waiting to talk to cops for sexual assault cases because it's just like a big sexual assault event.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

The Mermaid Fest.

[Kai]

The Pirate Fest. Mermaids are chill. The mermaids are chill.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Of course, because mermaids are usually women. Like, let's keep it real. Like merman. No one's raving about mermen. There's never even. Even for the gayest little five year old, there's never been a mer man party. It was still a mermaid party.

[Kai]

Wait there. There's actually like an angle for us here, Kai. We get really ripped and we go to the. This Catalina island mermaid festival as the only merman and all of. And we have abs and we're like wet all the time. And all these girls.

[Drew]

You know what? That actually might work because I'm sure there are girls out there who are so dedicated to being mermaid that they're like, I just want my merman. It's like, it's like how there's furry boys and furry girls. Like every odd. Their girl.

[Kai]

I've been going down the furry pipeline crazy recently.

[Drew]

A furry pipeline?

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, I'm not. I'm not a furry yet, but I can appreciate the craft.

[Drew]

Well, yeah, it's. It's like how we've talked about, like, cosplayers. Like, I can always respect the out of that because I'm like, it's kind of, like, in line with SFX makeup. It's just any but once. Any who had access to how it's made, I can put some respect. I know you were watching.

[Kai]

Once you start, like, inflating your suit and, like, making it have, like, a big belly and big boobs or, like, it's like, latex furries. Like, I can't.

[Drew]

I can't.

[Kai]

Like, but if it's, like, humanly objectifying.

[Drew]

Like, the animals, I'm like, why? Like, it didn't need huge tits.

[Kai]

Actually. Actually, no, it did need huge tits. Like, actually, now that I think about it, the moth needed giant boobs and, like, a pregnant belly that you can get inside.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I'm impressed by the, like, monoculture of furry culture because all the aesthetic.

[Kai]

Monoculture. Like, Kai, you used another word the other day where I was like, oh, that was sexy.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

What was it?

[Kai]

I can't remember.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Was it bottom?

[Kai]

Yeah. Yeah, it might have been bottom. Bottom.

[Drew]

Girls are always bottoming. He said, like, you said, girls are always bottoming or something. You said something in the car yesterday.

[Kai]

Maybe I don't know what it is, but this just spurred a thought for me. That just thought for me. I lost.

[Drew]

Also.

[Kai]

Drew did not lobotomizing.

[Drew]

Like, no, not lobotomizing. It was like, who takes the blood?

[Kai]

Oh, bitch. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Sometimes the way we speak feels like we're playing some weird jeopardy where you're not allowed to use proper language.

[Kai]

Oh, I forgot. I forgot the duality of being a gay man. I get hate crimed, and then two days later, my server at Chipotle is a gay man. He gives me the biggest Chipotle bowl I've ever gotten in my entire life because I was gay.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, nice.

[Kai]

It was so chic. It was like, I literally am gonna go back to him every time.

[Drew]

That's the sweet thing about. Actually, that's the only benefit to so many groups being hated on all the time and marginalized. They look out for each other.

[Kai]

But I took a picture with the bowl, and it's the scariest picture ever. But the tomatoes are on top of the bowl, and it's because he didn't hear me say, I want tomatoes, so he had to put them last.

[Drew]

Drew's a freak because you don't get lettuce on your bowl.

[Kai]

Well, no, I did. I was gonna get lettuce, but there was no room. It was literally still, like, get scared.

[Drew]

Of the lettuce there. Because I do.

[Kai]

I. I like the E. Coli.

[Drew]

Yeah. I can kind of never eat a chipotle with the same free will. Also, like, like, yeah, it's just an establishment. It's like every time I eat Wendy's, I think about how in fourth grade I got a chicken burger and it had a big dead horse fly in it. Every time I've eaten Wendy's after that, it's all that's in my head is that I'm gonna eat a bug.

[Kai]

Also, I. I don't know if this is this like a theory that people. I think people talk about this, but, like, the reason chipotle tastes so good is because of the forks. Like, is that like a thing?

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. Cause the. The wooden forks. Well, wooden forks. I'm so sorry because this is not gonna help with the way I'm being.

[Kai]

Viewed right now, but I stole a bunch of them.

[Drew]

Wooden forks. Forks. I hate wooden forks. I'd much rather a plastic fork. I'm really sorry. Like, I know that doesn't look good on my character right now, but, like, also, I kind of just rather take that shit home if it's like that have silverware at the fucking restaurant. Like, bro, like, what? I'll like, I don't know.

[Kai]

Like, I guarantee forks or wooden forks are probably like, worse for the environment than a plastic fork.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, they just feel awful. They're such a issue for me.

[Kai]

Redact that statement immediately.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Plastic forks?

[Kai]

Yeah, I redact that immediately. Look, I'm learning though.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

We should use the plastic that's made out of potatoes or whatever.

[Kai]

Mycelium.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Sometimes I'll be like, oh, this is a. This is a.

[Drew]

We should just use our hands. Get a tortilla, rip some of it off, scoop some of your bowl up and eat it with your.

[Kai]

I eat mine with chips or do that with chips. Ever since I learned that, I mean, like, not learned, but like realized that tortilla chips were just cut up tortillas. And that eating a bag of tortilla chips was like. Eating like 18 tortillas cut up into fourth was the scariest. It was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me because I can clear a bag of tortillas. I.

[Drew]

When you had that, like, revelation and it also shook me, but I don't think I cared as much because, like.

[Kai]

Kai, what were you saying?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, I'm impressed by the aesthetic consistency of furry costumes.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Because they all kind of have the same silhouette of the jaw and everything. And I'm like, it's gotta be kinda hard to organize all of the members of the furry community to create the same aesthetic style of their character.

[Kai]

I'm gonna go in there and turn the whole world upside down and do some freaky shit that they've never seen before.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Cause it could easily be like, Josiah's face or not his face, but the costume. The dog costume.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. Creepy and weird.

[Drew]

You mean like how people are able to just take the base form and then design a character that's so unique and still it lives in that world?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. No, it is insane.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

It feels like it's drawn by the same artist.

[Kai]

You know, there's furry costumes with zippers from the front to the back so they can, like, get railed or rail someone in their furry costumes.

[Drew]

Probably mainly to piss and shit.

[Kai]

No, it's. I was reading comments under this furry shit because he had a zipper on his. There's one furry that wears, like, like, really, really nice clothing. Like, like Raph Simmons and Rick Owens and shit. And like, his whole shtick is, like, having, like, a furry guard and being dressed dripped out in Rick Owens. Like, that's his whole shtick. And, like, go crazy over him. And then I found. I. Dude, I'm in so deep. Like, I'm like, into like, the furry, like, dramas. Like, I like. I know, like, there's like, specific characters that, like, if other furry creators, like, like, collab with this guy, they get in trouble. And, like, yeah, it's like beef. And like, there's like, this one guy that, like, became a furry this year that the whole community hates because he infantilizes himself. Which it is kind of really weird. Like, how Infant dude.

[Drew]

Anybody. Anybody who infantilizes themselves, I don't understand because I had, like, a very tumultuous, awful childhood. Great in its own ways. But I am never nostalgic to be a child. I don't have that. I like. That's why you don't see me, like, sitting here crying in my prom dress. Like, I was never like, yes, I miss prom. I miss high school, because I couldn't give a fudge. Like, I don't have to go back. I don't understand it at all because, like, I don't know, it's just so weird. Like, ew, bitch. You like. And I'm somebody who. I've always lived in such a clinically Depressed brain. Like, I also have no wishings or wants for the future. Like, I literally. I'll kill myself right the now. If I had a guy.

[Kai]

Is this. Is this a bad time to tell you that I wear diapers?

[Drew]

Dude, that's what you get up to. You're into that.

[Kai]

I suck a beat binky.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Yeah, I mean, that's why my jawline is so, like, flat.

[Drew]

Okay, but do you suck a binky like in your free time or is.

[Kai]

It with like all time? I know you remember that doctor appointment you were planning on making a while ago? The one you meant to book but you got sidetracked and completely forgot? Why not book it on Zoc dog? I don't know about you guys, but my entire social feed is full of red light therapy right now. I genuinely don't think that's real. I think it's actually causing real, genuine issues with your skin. So please stop and go to a drink a dermatologist, like immediately, like a real dermatologist, and book it through ZocDoc. Leave it to a professional. Oh, and let's not forget I'm geriatric now and I can't sleep at night. I'm so stressed all the time. But finding a doctor can be tough. That's where ZocDoc comes into play. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and instantly click to book an appointment. Y', all, I've mentioned my sleep issues. They're debilitating. And trust and believe a doctor appointment has been booked through Zocdoc. Stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.comIntercom to find and instantly book a top rated Doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com Intercom Zocdoc.com Intercom.

[Ed Helms]

Hey, it's Ed Helms and welcome back to SNAFU, my podcast about history's greatest screw ups. On our new season, we're bringing you a new snafu every single episode.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

32 lost nuclear weapons.

[Drew]

You're like, wait, stop. What?

[Kai]

Ernie Shackleton sounds like a solid 70s.

[Ed Helms]

Basketball player who still wore knee pads.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Ed Helms]

It's gonna be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and a whole lot of guests. The great Paul Scheer made me feel good. I'm like, oh, wow. Angela and Jenna, I am. I am so psyched you're here.

[Drew]

What was that like for you to.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

Soft launch into the show?

[Ed Helms]

Sorry, Jenna, I'll be asking the questions today.

[Drew]

I Forgot whose podcast we were doing.

[Ed Helms]

Nick Kroll. I hope this story is good enough to get you to toss that sandwich. So let's see how it goes. Listen to season four of SNAFU with Ed Helms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Drew]

All I know is what I've been told, and that's a half truth is a whole lie.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

For almost a decade, the murder of an 18 year old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved until a local homemaker, a journalist and a handful of girls came forward with a story.

[Drew]

I'm telling you, we know Quincy killed her.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

We know a story that law enforcement used to convict six people and that got the citizen investigator on national tv.

[Johnny Knoxville]

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist producer and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find.

[Kai]

I did not know her and I did not kill her or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y' all said.

[Drew]

They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

From Lava for Good. This is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame.

[Kai]

America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people and small towns.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

Listen to Graves county in the Bone Valley feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and to binge the entire season ad free. Subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Jonathan Goldstein]

I'm Jonathan Goldstein. And on the new season of Heavyweight, I help a centenarian mend a broken heart.

[Drew]

How can a hundred and one year old woman fall in love again?

[Jonathan Goldstein]

And I help a man atone for an armed robbery he committed at 14 years old. And so I pointed the gun at him and said, this isn't a joke. And he got down.

[Kai]

And I remember feeling kind of a surge of like, okay, this is power.

[Jonathan Goldstein]

Plus. My old friend Gregor and his brother try to solve my problems through hypnotism.

[Kai]

We could give you a whole brand new thing where you're like super charming all the time, being more able to look people in the eye, not always hide behind a microphone.

[Jonathan Goldstein]

Listen to heavyweight on the iHeartRadio app app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Kai]

Just not around y' all because I Know y' all wouldn't be able to handle it. I got my blood.

[Drew]

So when you're, like, in public, you're sucking on a binky?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

What about if, like, a follower or somebody stops you? Do you just, like, rip it out?

[Kai]

There's plenty of photos of me with binky in my mouth. With binky. With binky. I got a bunch of blood drawn this week. I did two days back to back, obviously, for bloody prostate. And they took like 14 vials of blood two days in a row. And I was like, this is a lot of blood.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Like, I'm sorry, this.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, I can't believe I forgot about this. I got hate crimed another time on the way home from that Chipotle bowl. I was walking back home, tell me why. A guy is parked at the light, I'm crossing the street, and he goes, you got a Mario mustache. And then I was like, what? And he was like, you're dressed like Luigi. And then I was like, oh, oh, wait, how? This was the outfit.

[Drew]

I hate crime.

[Kai]

Just anything that, like, is negative towards me right now.

[Drew]

I wouldn't say, but I kind of feel him. You really do?

[Kai]

No, no, it really was very Luigi coded. It was funny.

[Drew]

I was a bit cross. Faded out. At night, I would assume I'm in the passenger seat of somebody's car about to also get Chipotle, and I saw you walking out. I would have to say something.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, it was. It was. It was so valid. And we were crying, laughing with him, but.

[Drew]

I know, but I wish he said you. You look like a gay ass version. That would have been him calling it for what it is.

[Kai]

It's telling the goddamn truth. The truth, the truth.

[Drew]

Cause why waste your time and your breath unless you're speaking the truth?

[Kai]

But I got 14 vials of blood taken two days in a row. Day one, I literally had never felt worse in my life. I had, like, a headache. What?

[Drew]

Day one, no blood.

[Kai]

Day two, I also felt fucking terrible.

[Drew]

Day two, regenerating my blood.

[Kai]

Is that what? Girl, what the fuck are you saying?

[Drew]

I don't know. Just, like, what are you saying? You're recounting the symptoms. Dumb.

[Kai]

Supposed to wait, I'm getting somewhere. Let me get there. Let me get there. Well, now the joke is ruined. I was going to say. I was going to say, is this what people who get bit by vampires feel like?

[Drew]

Oh, my God, I hate you so much, bro. Is that really.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. You can see it in my notes. But my phlebotomist was crazy.

[Drew]

Oh, phlebotomist. Girls are always phlebotomy.

[Kai]

Yeah, we need to talk about the Cookie monster, PJ pants wearing girl to phlebotomist pipeline because like there's a, there's a very clear path there that we're not observing or like really thinking about.

[Drew]

But bad are just always like in some doctor ass office.

[Kai]

They're always like, they're always. They care. They care. Like that's the thing they cared about, period. Oh, they cared about me in high school and now they care for me later in life. They take my blood. But my phlebotomist was actually crazy. Like, she was like, she, I. She was really mean.

[Drew]

I'm kind of over it because at this point I feel like you're seeking out people with weird.

[Kai]

No, it was quest. It was literally like quest, like blood draw. Like it was just like a, it was a place that everybody goes to. But I think what happens is I provoke it. Like I like when I, I like open the door.

[Drew]

You make people feel comfortable in a way that it's like I do too, by accident. It really is. We're living in a loneliness epidemic, so you can say anything to any human.

[Kai]

And they're like, well, I could tell she was having a bad day because she was really mean to like someone that didn't have an appointment that was like waiting. And I felt really bad because this woman like could not understand what she was saying. And then she called my name and I was almost like, girl, just take my appointment. Like, I know you need this more than I do, but I went back cuz I'm a coward. And, and I was sitting there and she was just like banging on her keyboard, just like angry as. And I was like, oh, she's like really upset at something right now. So I was just like. So like I already knew the answer to this question, but I just wanted to like get her. I don't know. I don't know. It's kind of weird. Is it weird that I like, you.

[Drew]

Were provoking this woman?

[Kai]

Yeah, no, but I just was like, why, why do you have to fast before blood work? And then like she like went on her tangent and like I was like, oh, cool. That's so interesting. I never knew I knew but, but I just acted like I didn't. And then she started talking about. And she was like, and don't even get me started about sugar free food. And like went on this like hateful, hateful rant about people eating like sugar free food and it turning to carbs. In their guts. And then she like went on this rant about celiac's disease which I was like oh wait, I need to research this because this is kind of tea. But she was like like 05 of the population actually has celiac disease. Like, like everyone else like is just lying. Like is literally. They're literally just liars.

[Drew]

But yeah, this is the second time this year you've said some anti celiac disease rhetoric. And I'm really curious where this all stems from.

[Kai]

Just like kids in cuz I self.

[Drew]

Diagnosed celiac disease as of right now. I just like I thought about the symptoms I've heard of and can remember off the top of my head and I'm pretty sure I am as well.

[Kai]

That's, that's, that's why cuz kids in high school would be like like I'm celiac. I'm celiac, you know. And I'm like girl, no you're literally not celiac. They were talking about.

[Drew]

They were like I'm celiac.

[Kai]

I'm celiac. I'm silly. You're celiac. More like you're silly. Yak. Y' all remember the hermit crab store in the mall?

[Drew]

Oh like the kiosk that would sell stinky crabs.

[Kai]

There was like a store called like it was like a hippie store. Hold on, I gotta find.

[Drew]

I think I remember what you're talking.

[Kai]

About and I don't think I was.

[Drew]

Allowed in there because it stunk.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I only remember going to like fairs and they would sell hermit crabs at fairs.

[Kai]

Hippie store in the mall that sold hermit crabs.

[Drew]

Can you eat hermit crabs?

[Kai]

Why is this not.

[Drew]

Are there people who will go to war if I talk down on hermit crabs? Is it like probably especially now that I've like invited the hasar bound y'.

[Kai]

All. Did y' all have earthbound in Yalls mall? Girl, it was this hippie store that sold like crystals and like it was all like made in china fake crystals dyed with like alcohol inks. Like just like the whole nine yards. And they would always have this giant like, like like half aquarium open top with like a million hermit crabs in it with like different painted shells. And it was definitely like health code violations and definitely like those animals were tortured. And it is really sad.

[Drew]

I think I. No, I, I don't think I've ever been here. I think I, I've been here recently. When I was in Georgia, I went into one to get a Stanley cup.

[Kai]

Yeah, they. They've completely pivoted. They're not, they're not what they've done.

[Drew]

Some Claire's just lost their flavor. And it's partially because their flavor was malpractice.

[Kai]

So literally also get rid of it. Like, it is kind of crazy that, like, hermit crabs are, like, a starter pet for children because, like, those are the most tortured souls on this planet. They, like, who. If you get reincarnated as a hermit crab, like, you did some really.

[Drew]

I just don't even know if I can really argue if I give a shit. Because if you threw a hermit crab into a boiling bag thing and shook it up and threw it at me, I'd be like.

[Kai]

I mean, people. People eat them, but they're really creepy. They're always, like, in their shell, like, rubbing their ass, like.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Kai]

So I'm like, I'm not kidding. They literally be that important. If you look up, like, a video of a hermit crab in a clear shell, like, they're always, like, fucking, like, fingering themselves. It's, like, fucking crazy.

[Drew]

I would pay money if there was a world where, like, I could see you do that with zero genitalia. Like, smooth over like a Barbie, but naked in the shower, cleaning yourself like that.

[Kai]

Anya, you know I have dick. And stop. And if I twerked in front of you, you would hear it clapping, and you'd see it swinging from behind and hitting my taint.

[Drew]

That's, like, so fucking foul. Like, that's actually disgusting.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, Kyra.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Whoa. Sorry. I'm just imagining the hollow clapping sound.

[Drew]

Like, please. Like, please.

[Kai]

Yeah, you can make it clap. Yeah. Wait. Okay, guys, hold on. I'm ready to reveal this. I have a vape, and it has a squishy on. Literally has a squishy on it and a screen.

[Drew]

It's so disgusting. It's so foul. You know what's crazy is it's so foul, it made me revert back to using a jewel. Like, it made me look down at my. My vapes, and I was like, no, I can't. I need to revert.

[Kai]

It literally, like, warns you that, like, you're smoking nuclear codes. Like, look like that's the nuclear logo, though.

[Drew]

It's. It's microdosing Psyop imagery to you.

[Kai]

Exactly. Should I bring back Drew Psyop corner? I got an email yesterday from someone saying, like, bring. Bring it back, please.

[Drew]

If y' all really want it back, I'm gonna need the top comments of a few TikTok compilations to get into a ring. Like those rednecks I just saw on my TikTok account this morning. And Duke it out, and whoever's the winner has to then be the sole proprietor of all of the content. Like, that's what I need.

[Kai]

Also, I drank machine parts from amc.

[Drew]

You drank it?

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

Oh, like, you did. You have, like, ew. Did you go to get soda and.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, I know about this.

[Drew]

This is up.

[Kai]

I went to see the 30th anniversary of Casper, and I was like, you know what? Like, I need a big, fat, stinky soda.

[Drew]

So I, like, went to anniversary of Casper. That's so awesome.

[Kai]

It was. It was so good. Like, it was. It was so sweet.

[Drew]

This is a good time to tell you that I. If somebody looks back in an episode, I randomly said, I got you something that was, like, a surprise for later. And it was a screening of David Lynch's Dune, I think, at, like, the Hollywood Cemetery, but. Or something like that. It was for the 25th, but it got postponed, but they didn't say to when. They just said, it'll be. It's postponed.

[Kai]

Oh, that just gave me full body chills. I want to see that so bad in theater. That's so special. Thank you so much.

[Drew]

Okay. It's not at the cemetery. I don't know why I thought that. I think that's because we're going there tonight. Yeah, it's at the United Theater on Broadway on Saturday, October 25th.

[Kai]

Oh, my gosh.

[Drew]

Delayed. We don't have information on a new date. Hold on to your tickets.

[Kai]

Wait, that's crazy, girl.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

That is crazy how I get what.

[Drew]

All that fuss about Chapel quitting for the VMAs was about. I feel you, too, girl.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew]

I had big plans.

[Kai]

Big plans. I love you, travel, but I went to the 30th anniversary. I needed. I needed a big, fat, stinky soda. So I went to the Coca Cola Freestyle machine, which I. I think that's one of God's greatest gifts to humanity is the Coca Cola Freestyle machines. Like, I think they're so special. They're so fun. I feel like I'm, like, in the future every time I use it.

[Drew]

I feel like for, like, 30 years from now, there's gonna be whatever replaces YouTube. Some vlogs of someone in our age group purchasing a lost one and refurbishing it to use it.

[Kai]

How I make $1000 a month passive income, and it's like putting a Coca Cola Freestyle machine outside of a dollar store station. Yeah, but famously, I do half cherry vanilla Mr. Pib, and then I fill up the rest with regular Mr. P because the ratios of syrup are really off. Like, it's really up. And so I had my soda, drank the out of it. I never finished them, but I finished this one. Crazy. Like, I was so thirsty.

[Drew]

That's insane. Yeah, Drew also. That's not true. You finish them, but never in the theater. Drew takes them home, and they can last upwards of two days.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Dude, that's really gross.

[Kai]

They sit on the floor of my room, and I just hit it like it's a vape. Over two days. But I was like, you know, I need a refill.

[Drew]

Like, it's a vape is so funny. You really do. You, like, go, oh, I miss when you used to crouch into the kitchen. Maybe you need a mini fridge in your room so you can recreate that.

[Kai]

I was told that recently. I was told that recently that I need to get a mini fridge.

[Drew]

And I was like, don't actually do that, because you would piss me off.

[Kai]

Yeah, I would never. I literally can't do that. I was like that. That is crossing a line that I'm.

[Drew]

Although a necessity. Even a mini fridge in, like, a hotel room, they don't work. I'm not gonna use this cabinet. But why is there a fridge in my cabinet?

[Kai]

They literally don't work. It, like, actually he food randomly. Like, it's like, actually a microwave.

[Drew]

I know you don't need a microwave because at any hotel room, you can open that little thing and put your food right between the wall and the.

[Kai]

Fridge, and it'll just, like, cook it.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I'm just glad that the strap box works. Or the safe. Sorry, the strap or the safe?

[Kai]

Yeah, like the. Like your. Like a gun or like, a dildo.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, a dildo. It's the box that you put your strap in, so. No.

[Drew]

Why do you put it in there.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

So no one else uses it? Because there's typically eight to 12 people staying in the room.

[Kai]

He split it between eight to 12 people.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

It's inflation, bro.

[Drew]

Literally.

[Kai]

Literally, Literally. Press play. That is so funny. Oh, my God. But I was like, y', all, I'm getting my free refill through amc A list. I'm a member, and I get into the line, and the goal, the member line, is always longer than the regular line.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

So long.

[Kai]

And it. Every time I see people in a list line waiting in it, and I'm like, I'm just going to the regular line because I'm gonna go before, like, 12 of y'.

[Ed Helms]

All.

[Drew]

Like, you don't shoots by.

[Kai]

Yeah, literally, it's like. It's like the stock market, y'.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

All.

[Kai]

If you're ever in traffic. If you're ever in traffic, just stay in your lane if you start.

[Drew]

Why not? Why not just say it's like traffic. It's not like the stock market.

[Kai]

No, because traffic in the stock market are the same. Like, just stay in your lane, mind your business. This don't sell.

[Drew]

I think the stock market is the devil.

[Kai]

It is.

[Drew]

I think it's the devil. I think it's demonic. It's demonic. It's demonic. It's demonic. It's demonic. It's demonic. It's demonic. Like, I literally. I, Like, I can't.

[Kai]

It's like, I don't want to live in late stage capitalism. Like, I. I really don't want to. Like, you got to tango with the beast or try it.

[Drew]

You're not baiting the base.

[Kai]

I. Exactly. It's like I have to use an iPhone. Like, it's. It's just a part of our life. And I know that it's really bad.

[Drew]

I actually live off the grid for the most part.

[Kai]

But it's like that with the stock market. It's like, it's there. Like, I might as well take advantage of it.

[Drew]

But anyways, yeah, like, everybody does. I mean, that's like. That was one of those things. What really led to the loneliness epidemic getting so bad for men was during lockdown, women were doing things like getting on Animal Crossing and crocheting and like, whatever. And men were getting Robin Hood and, like, putting the 20 bucks they had into random coins and losing it and then trying again and not telling anybody because it was kind of a gambling addiction. So you can't really tell anybody. That that's why you don't have money is because you essentially were a part of, like, the new age digital beanie baby method.

[Kai]

This. That is the realest and most astute observation you've ever had in your life. I just need to get you true.

[Drew]

Because I call you gay every day.

[Kai]

Yeah, that is true. And I'm not. I couldn't think of something good. But, guys, let me finish this AMC story. I, like, I'm still on it somehow. Jesus Christ.

[Drew]

It's because I interrupt you every, like, three words.

[Kai]

I also interrupted myself. Like, why did I go on an A list tangent?

[Drew]

It's because you need Vyvans.

[Kai]

Yeah, but it would make me want to kill myself. Like, it's so dark. The come down from an Adderall or a Vyvanse is like the most evil thing of all time.

[Drew]

It's literally like that liminal space game. But with yourself.

[Kai]

No, literally, it's like I'm running from myself.

[Drew]

With yourself. And like the thing that will cure it is eating a meal, but you have no appetite, so you're running after an appetite.

[Kai]

I'm hungry, but I. What the was I saying? Oh, I get my go to get my refill before we leave. And the machine is like, like just spraying out. Like it's just spraying out carbonated water. All of the other machines were shut down. And then all of a sudden the syrup starts like spraying all over the place. Like, it literally looked like venom was like coming all over, like the inside of this like freestyle machine. Like it was like splatting. Like it was like, like, like it was like really crazy.

[Drew]

I inked.

[Kai]

No, literally. Like literally. And then weird off a line. I know. What do you mean by that?

[Drew]

Should we make it like a weird thing? Like, why is a little squ.

[Kai]

Why is a little squid talking about squirt? Like, kind of makes you think that little squirt.

[Drew]

Subliminal messages that they're putting in the kids are going to always.

[Kai]

It is subliminal. It's always the.

[Drew]

There's almost like a subliminal buildup happening.

[Kai]

They're trying to manipulate the youth.

[Drew]

Cuz there's a calcium deficiency.

[Kai]

Yes, yes. There's a calcium or defiancy.

[Drew]

There's a calcium defiance.

[Kai]

It's. Everybody has a vitamin D defiancy. It's crazy. Like we need to get in the sun more, y', all, but. Oh my God, I'm never gonna finish this goddamn story.

[Drew]

Like you. I can't believe you got prescribed like mega dose.

[Kai]

It was like 25, 000. Like it was like the biggest dose ever.

[Jonathan Goldstein]

But.

[Kai]

But this freestyle machine, like is spraying everywhere and I'm like, not even thinking about it. All the other ones are shut down. So I just like kind of like. Like it's like a game at Chuck E. Cheese. I like catch some syrup splats. Like, I move my cup around and then I catch some like carbonation and I catch more splats and I catch some carbonation and I proceed to mix your own syrup. I proceed to make the most perfect soda of all time. And then went home, was just drinking it throughout the night.

[Drew]

Night.

[Kai]

And then drank a little bit the next day. And then two days later I go to throw the cup away. I feel something shaking around and I'm like, there's no way there's ice inside this soda still. Dude. The new ice they're making doesn't melt. Yeah, yeah, it's plastic ice. It's plastic ice, y'. All. They're putting plastic in our ice, you know, I mean, yeah, but it's made of wax. But I open it up and look inside and there is, like, Coca Cola freestyle giant machine parts, like, inside my soda. Like, giant, y'. All, like, this big. And I was just like, sipping on, like, macro plastics. Like it was.

[Drew]

No, not macro plastics. You were sipping on. What's the shot you need if you step on rust?

[Kai]

Tetanus.

[Drew]

Yeah, you were sipping on tetanus.

[Kai]

No, like you're double cupping tetanus for two days. All I was thinking about was like, the, like. Like high school, like, AMC workers that are tasked with, like, cleaning those machines and how poorly of a job they did. Because I was tasked with cleaning fountain soda machines and I just did not do it cuz it was the worst job ever. So I. All I could think about was like.

[Drew]

The Tylenol and carts now. So that combo has locked in the task.

[Kai]

Speaking of Tylenol, I need to call my mom and see if she took Tylenol while she was pregnant with me. I have a sneaking suspicion my mom took Tylenol when she was pregnant.

[Drew]

Making supposition.

[Kai]

Hello, Mom?

[Drew]

Yeah?

[Kai]

Did you take Tylenol while you were pregnant with me, Drew?

[Drew]

Well, I. I heard about that. Why. Why are you asking? I. I'm pretty sure I heard about it a couple weeks ago, and I'm pretty sure that's why you're gay. Oh, wait, no, I think she misread the news.

[Kai]

That's not.

[Drew]

That's.

[Kai]

It causes autism, not gay.

[Drew]

Is that what that was all about? Okay, I've got a little bit of reflecting to do.

[Kai]

Okay, that was really weird, Mom. Okay, bye. Love you.

[Drew]

Love you too.

[Kai]

I don't know if you actually do.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Wait. That was so funny. She's so funny. She's awesome.

[Drew]

I think she meant it, though. I've never done that series.

[Kai]

No, that was real.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Are you actually gay? No.

[Drew]

Wait, is the Tylenol that did it because you.

[Kai]

No, Guys, shut the up. Tylenol causes autism.

[Drew]

Causing autism is the most like.

[Kai]

Ah.

[Drew]

I'm trying to think of, like, the equivalent of a rumor you would hear in middle school or elementary that was like. Oh, it's like, that's not a thing.

[Kai]

Oh, it's like if you're. Wait. Hold your hand up to your face.

[Drew]

No, because that's so you can slide me in the face. The. You want to hit a woman?

[Kai]

Yes. Like, that's all I want.

[Drew]

Maybe Tylenol makes You an aggressive piece of and not autistic. Oh, wow.

[Kai]

I actually didn't think about that.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Ed Helms]

Hey, it's Ed Helms. And welcome back to snafu, my podcast about history's greatest screw ups. On our new season, we're bringing you a new snafu. Every single episode.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

32 lost nuclear weapons. You're like, wait, stop.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

Ernie Shackleton sounds like a solid 70s.

[Ed Helms]

Basketball player who still wore knee pads.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Ed Helms]

It's gonna be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of fun, and a whole lot of guests. The great Paul Scheer made me feel good. I'm like, oh, wow, Angela and Jenna, I am so psyched you're here.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

What was that like for you to soft launch into the show?

[Ed Helms]

Sorry, Jenna. I'll be asking the questions today.

[Drew]

I forgot whose podcast we were doing.

[Ed Helms]

Nick Kroll. I hope this story is good enough to get you to toss that sandwich.

[Kai]

So let's.

[Drew]

So let's. Let's see how it goes.

[Ed Helms]

Listen to season four of SNAFU with Ed Helms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Drew]

All I know is what I've been told. And that's a half truth is a whole lie.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

For almost a decade, the murder of an 18 year old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved until a local homemaker, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story.

[Drew]

I'm telling you, we know Quincy killed her.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

We know a story that law enforcement used to convict six people and that got the citizen investigator on national tv.

[Johnny Knoxville]

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Cross.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist producer, and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find.

[Kai]

I did not know her and I did not kill her or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y' all said.

[Drew]

They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

From Lava For Good. This is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame.

[Kai]

America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people and small towns.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

Listen to Graves county in the Bone Valley feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast and to binge the entire season ad free. Subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Jonathan Goldstein]

I'm Jonathan Goldstein. And on the new season of Heavyweight, I help a centenarian mend a broken heart.

[Drew]

How can a 101-year-old woman fall in love?

[Jonathan Goldstein]

And I help a man atone for an armed robbery he committed at 14 years old. And so I pointed the gun at.

[Kai]

Him and said, this isn't a joke.

[Jonathan Goldstein]

And he got down.

[Kai]

And I remember feeling kind of a surge of like, okay, this is power.

[Jonathan Goldstein]

Plus, my old friend Gregor and his brother try to solve my problems through hypnotism.

[Kai]

We could give you a whole brand new thing where you're, like, super charming all the time, being more able to look people in the eye, not always hide behind a microphone.

[Jonathan Goldstein]

Listen to heavyweight on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

We had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles, and you name it.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

But what they find is not what they expected.

[Drew]

Basically, your stay at home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. They go, is this your daughter?

[Kai]

I said, yes.

[Drew]

They go, oh, you may not see her for, like, 25 years.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

Caught between a federal investigation and the violent gang who recruited the. The women must decide who they're willing to protect and who they dare to betray.

[Drew]

Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand, and I saw the flash of light.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

Listen to the Chinatown sting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

[Kai]

Wait, did we ever find out if that was real?

[Drew]

Like, scientifically?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yes.

[Drew]

Yeah, I feel like that sounds like some. Just to make autistic people feel bad. Like, what? It's just like, okay, we got the trans people, we got the black people, we got the Asian people, we got the Latin people.

[Kai]

Who else is on the board? Autistic.

[Drew]

Just start shooting darts at, like, balloons. And it's a Mr.

[Kai]

Beast video, but every balloon is a marginalized minority group. But I feel like it was literally just like the CEO or some of, like, Tylenol pissed off Trump, and he was like, let's just. Let's destroy. What's crazy is, like, a semenimophon. A semen. Ninophen. A semen with a fin.

[Drew]

Up turning fen.

[Kai]

A semen with a fence.

[Drew]

I'm sleeping with a fem.

[Kai]

Wait, me when I'm on a Navy boat and there's a. A human with fish. Human fish hybrid. A semen with a fin.

[Drew]

Why did you have to mention the Navy? I thought you're gonna say, like, a fleet of gay men.

[Kai]

Well, semen, navy, gay men. It's like the same thing.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who groomed me was in the Navy.

[Kai]

So, you know, just talking about getting.

[Drew]

Groomed today, it never fails to just become like, oh, my God, what a silly time. Like, that was like, if only.

[Kai]

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I'm literally. I'm literally 16 years old.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Old?

[Drew]

What do you mean?

[Kai]

I'm literally. Oh, my biomarkers are literally. Like, I'm literally 16 and we're not kind of things.

[Drew]

I'm just like, what does that mean? Like, what does that mean? Can I hit your nuclear vape? Because my Jewel is dead. Guys, there's Jewel 2. I was in London, and there's Jewel 2. I bought the Paws, but I'm stupid, and I was high, and I was just so excited to see flavored pods that I just bought two packs. And the guy was like, mom, it's not gonna work for your Jew. Cause we've got different jewels. Oh, it's so funny. And I was like, I don't care.

[Kai]

I don't care.

[Drew]

You need to do too. I have a Jewel.

[Kai]

Shut up.

[Drew]

And then I realized I didn't have the proper Jewel. But I was just so busy living in the present that I never looked for the Jewel. But I got back home, and I realized I need that. So if anybody in London. Basically, this is my plea. If anybody in London wants to get arrested or something and wants to sell a Jewel 2 device on eBay or Amazon or whatever, let me know.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Wait, what's the difference between the sequel?

[Drew]

I think the sequel is because didn't, like, Jewel get completely bastardized and like, like, shunned? Because they were, like, one of the first brands that was making, like, children vapes, like, flavors. So I think Juul2 is the same company or it's a company that's just ripping their swag. I don't give a. Because I put anything in my mouth already. Rain was like, you shouldn't get that because, like, you don't even know if it's the real Jewel company. I was like, dude, literally, look at this.

[Kai]

This has a squishy in it.

[Drew]

I would buy my biological. If they can mix a Jewel with a banging Olufsen speaker, I'd buy one for every room in the house.

[Kai]

See? But my biological age is 16. And I found out, guys, remember my allergic reaction story from years ago? Didn't know if it Was muscle, oysters, clams, or shrimps. Well, I'm allergic to shrimp, y'. All. It was shrimp the whole time. Shrimp the whole time. And I've been eating shrimp and, like, my mouth would get all your.

[Drew]

We've been dying for.

[Kai]

I know. Like, I know what's crazy is you.

[Drew]

Eat shrimp all the time. So we think it's prawn shrimp.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's got to be, like, tiger or some, like. Because that. I think it was, like, tiger prawns.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

So we'll see.

[Drew]

So you really do have a broke palette. Wow, it's amazing.

[Kai]

Yeah. Kai, talk about your SNL experience.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, it was so fun.

[Drew]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Kai]

Get on camera. Get on camera for it, too.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

No, no, I can't get on camera.

[Drew]

Before you do it, can I go get a jewel pod, because.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, yeah, of course, of course.

[Drew]

I just had to ask Papa permission.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Okay, so my SNL experience, I'm just going to say it right off the bat. It was a movie.

[Kai]

It was literally a movie.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

It was extremely cinematic.

[Kai]

I already know. I don't think Inya knows.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

It was extremely cinematic. Basically, I was out there partially to take a business meeting, and I went out with the people that I had the meeting with, who is a gay guy named Benny Drama and then his hag, Marybeth Barone. And they are also a show called Overcompensating, which is very funny. You guys should watch it if you haven't. But we went out to this dinner, and then we all went to SNL because they were going to, I think, because they know Tucker's manager. And then I obviously know Tucker dating.

[Kai]

Your dating Tucker.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Right, exactly. So we all went, and it was so fucking awesome. I really thought that that experience was not gonna live up to my expectations because I don't really watch SNL anymore, but I feel like as like a teenager, I watched it for, like, five years, pretty much. And. And what's crazy is watching the show and then also watching 30 Rock, you kind of create this mental model of what it looks like, and then you get there and it's. You kind of know where things are, because watching 30 Rock especially, you know, like, where the stage is and whatever, hallways and. Yeah, and it was so fun. Tina Fey was there. I almost bumped into her walking around.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm really jealous of the episode.

[Kai]

Amy Poe, dude.

[Drew]

You got to like the whole thing. And also, like, you pairing up with, like, the funniest duo. Like, to me, me, Benny and Mary Beth, to me, they've always been the two, like, if you put me and Drew, if we were the little, like, models that came in those plastic kits of, like, grow a boyfriend. You know when you first get the kit and it's that size and then it's all big and, like, there's no more wrinkles on it because it's all voluptuous. I'm saying they Benjamin Button and they're getting more collagen as they grow, and I love that.

[Kai]

It is. It is. It is incredible how good, good they look.

[Drew]

I mean, also, they're not even that old. Are they both, like, two years older than us? Aren't they both, like.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I think Benny's my age and Mary.

[Drew]

Yeah. They're like, oh, whoa.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

They're not 48.

[Drew]

No, I thought they were.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

He's 22. He's my nine or something. He's 22. He's drop shipping it.

[Drew]

But being able to go to that with two funny people who you already have, like, I'm assuming a relationship with them. I don't know them personally. Like, but going there and then somebody you know and love is performing on, like, such a huge thing, and you get to see Amy as the guest dude. I was just like. Like, I am really. It seemed really fun. I'm very happy you got to experience that.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Charlie was there. I talked to Charlie.

[Drew]

That's so sweet.

[Kai]

Yeah, Talk to Troy.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Talked to Troy. They're both really funny.

[Drew]

Troy Abbott.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yeah. Troy was like, oh, I saw. I was like, I don't even know if Troy knows who I am. And then he walked up to me. He was like. He had screenshots of a story that I posted, like, three months ago.

[Drew]

The last time I saw him, all he did was talk about you.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

What?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Told me about this.

[Drew]

We were all at a party together. It was at Tyrell's party. I walked in and I was dead sober. And I was so, like, just in that stage where it was when I first started taking Prozac. So I didn't have, like, I still had a bit of anxiety and I was like. Because I would knock out and I wasn't smoking weed, so I was so scared. And I walked in and I think maybe Benny was there.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

He might have been.

[Drew]

Maybe it was him and Benny who I was speaking to, because I do know Benny. I love Benny, but I think I've said that on the podcast before. He's, like, such a good conversationalist, and he always makes everybody around him feel so. Like they're supposed to be.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

He. He's awesome and he's so funny. But Troy was like, where's Kai? Like, he said something like that. I can't remember what he said, but I remember I felt really awkward and, like, bad about it. And I, the next morning, had, like, a sober hangover of just anxiety. Anxiety of how weird I was being all night. And then I think I dmed him or something. I was like, sorry, I was being weird, but he was literally just like, kai is so fucking funny. Like, I keep thinking of, like, this thing Kai did. Did.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

So, yeah, it was really cool. It was super fun. I got to tickle Tucker in the.

[Kai]

Green room and y' all did the dance.

[Drew]

You looked really buff in that video, by the way. It was a bit jarring. Yeah.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Thank you. Yeah, I've been.

[Drew]

Looked, like, manly in it.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Okay. Finally. It's. It's coming in my. My masculinity. But, yeah, it was really fun. The afterparty was really fun. It went to, like, 4:00am and then I was in a group with, like, Mary Beth, and she was talking to Seth Meyers because she knows him, like, through work stuff. And she was like, oh, like, come meet Kai. And then I walked up and we talked for a second. Then he, like, walked away. I probably creeped him out and then.

[Kai]

No, they made him scream.

[Drew]

Who was the other person you really creeped out one time? It was like, another famous.

[Kai]

Yeah, who was it?

[Drew]

That guy with the face?

[Kai]

You said you got, like, leg lengthening surgery.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, Vince Vaughn.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

You creep up Vince Vaughn.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

Yeah.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I just kept talking about you're adding.

[Kai]

Him to your roster, like, Thanos.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I was like, I've been watching these Chinese vloggers that go to this hospital where you can get, like, your legs, like, stretched out. And he was like, dude, shut the fuck up. Please don't.

[Drew]

So you did that to Seth Meyers as well?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Well, I think I like, barely made. I made him laugh a little bit. I made, like, one joke about the shape of a state or something, and then he walked away. And then I, for the rest of the night, just told everybody that I had Seth scream. And. And Mary Beth was like, no, you didn't. You did not. You had him, like, screaming out of fear.

[Kai]

You had him screaming.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yeah, I had him screaming.

[Kai]

Dropped the ass.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yeah, but it was. I had him. I had him creamy. Yeah.

[Drew]

Well, was the after party one of those when they had snacks roaming around?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

There is little snacks.

[Kai]

I was not roaming around. Little snacks. Was not roaming around.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yeah, that's your.

[Drew]

That's your name. They brought up little snack, little snacks.

[Kai]

Bring out little snacks.

[Drew]

Coming to be like, where's little snacks? Yeah, that's awesome. And I can't lie, I for. This is probably the only time in my. Actually, what's up is this is the second time in my whole life I've had FOMO for something you've experienced. Although I'm extremely joyous for you, don't get it wrong. I think you deserve that experience. You deserve to be in a room. You deserve to be in a room of people who you look up to or like, you respect because they respect you as well, because you're funny and you could stand on your own two feet.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

And that's awesome.

[Drew]

Some. But I do have fomo and it's funny cuz the only times I've had FOMO both include Charlie. It's when you went to her show.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, the one in the BR show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That one was so.

[Drew]

And this one, it was a movie. I guess I only care about your life when Charlie. That's what we're kind of learning. That's the only time I see you as a person. I'm like, I can't believe you had such a good time.

[Kai]

I would say the. The Charlie wedding was the most fun I've ever had in my life. Like the fringe.

[Drew]

Well, you were hiding the whole time.

[Kai]

Well, I didn't want to be seen. I did not want to be seen there, but I was there. I was there.

[Drew]

Well, you do want to be seen there, because your jet to holiday jet to Hollis Day. No, your jet pollution that you created to get there was ridiculous. Instead of just taking a normal flight, Drew literally took a private jet and, like, kind of like, spelled Charlie's name out.

[Kai]

It was really fucked up.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

And she didn't even see it. She didn't look up the whole.

[Drew]

Yeah, she didn't even look.

[Kai]

Which, like, girls need to look up more. Like, that's what I'm noticing. Girls need to look up. But no, I was like, hiding the whole time because no, tiaras are slipping. Literally, they're tipping and falling.

[Drew]

You can't all be the queen.

[Kai]

The tiaras are tipping and falling.

[Drew]

We can all be queens.

[Kai]

But the thing is, I didn't want to be seen at Charlie's wedding because I didn't want it to be like, one of these situations where it was like, oh, like, Like Drew wants to be seen at Charlie's wedding so bad. Like, we. Like, everyone knows I was there. And I didn't want to be in the photos because I was like, I'm. I'M here because. Because I'm friends with these people, like, not because I'm trying to be seen. Yeah.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

It's about them.

[Drew]

What's fucked up is I accidentally live like that. But really all that gives to anybody is no one remembers you were there. And also, you have literally no documentation in your life. I've been in times where I'm like, so present and living there, and I'm like. I don't know. I don't even want to be, like, a part of this.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I like the idea of choice of on having a photo and seeing Drew in it and then, like, using the magic eraser to give me.

[Kai]

Take me out of it.

[Drew]

Well, no, he. You were on one of the boats, right? There was. How you got there is because.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Okay, you pulling up in a boat.

[Kai]

Well, no, cuz wasn't there with an American flag.

[Drew]

I wasn't there one.

[Kai]

I actually did the firework display. That was me. I did the firework display.

[Drew]

Wait, did they have fireworks?

[Kai]

Yeah. And it was major.

[Drew]

That's up. Cuz I was already like, yeah. The only weddings that have made me want to have weddings so far as our manager's wedding and then Charlie's weddings. Charlie, baby. It's crazy. She didn't she have a bunch?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

She had at least two fire.

[Kai]

Yeah, I was. I was at every parting.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

You weren't at one of them?

[Kai]

Dude, I was at the family one. The really intimate one.

[Drew]

No, I was at the no cameras allowed one.

[Kai]

Y' all do know Young Lean came out, right?

[Drew]

To perform his vows?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yes, we have TikTok. We saw the videos of him performing.

[Kai]

Y' all know Clara was there, right? I bet you didn't know that.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Yes, dude, we did. It was on my Explore page.

[Kai]

I bet you didn't know Jordan Firstman was there.

[Drew]

Yeah, I mean, I would hope, like, he was. Yeah, right?

[Kai]

Yeah. Well, I bet y' all didn't know.

[Drew]

You know, what's up is, like, it had to hurt. It had to hurt.

[Kai]

No, Ian was saying that the other day.

[Drew]

I didn't get, like, the invite.

[Kai]

Who is it? Who, like, who in LA was crying that they weren't there? And I was like, me. Literally, me.

[Drew]

Like, oh, my God, man.

[Kai]

Did y' all know Epstein was there? Did you know it was his island?

[Drew]

Island.

[Kai]

It was on his island. I bet y' all didn't know that.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

No one knows that.

[Drew]

I have like a 15 minute.

[Kai]

No, you literally don't.

[Drew]

Dissertation. That is absolutely nothing short of psychosis of me talking about, like, what Brat Summer has done. And What? Like how societally we have failed to keep the torch moving.

[Kai]

Like it's actually like we were talking about it last night that was. I mean this is not a hot take. But like every single fucking move Charlie made in the rollout for Brat was the right move. She did not do one thing fucking wrong. Like every move, like reposting tiktokers, getting close to like. Like the. Like the real tastemakers and culture creators. Like that. Like she is.

[Drew]

She's kind of the last.

[Kai]

She's always been.

[Drew]

She to me has always read as from the beginning just like an info geek. Like she just likes the art. She's just one of those people who like at least from outside view. Like I don't know, like even her first album, it's such a weird mix of things.

[Kai]

And like in her lyricism, like.

[Drew]

Like what her making like these like MIA ass songs that were also sampling or like doing reinterpretations or however the you say it. Like of Todd Rundgren songs. Like that's so weird. Like ho. You're mad weird. And it's literally just because like you might. You just take the time to find out you're bored as hell. But like bored in the best way. Because I feel like now what we're seeing with artists is you can tell exactly who they are referencing and whether dead or old. It usually seems like a lot of artists are referenc only one artist and there's nothing wrong with referencing other art. Cuz that's what you're supposed to do. Lana Del Rey is alive and well. Leave her makes music still. I don't want to see another one.

[Kai]

Like I don't want to see the.

[Drew]

20 year old version. I have the. The one who I've seen since she was 20 already and she still, still like tea. She's so baddie like and all of.

[Kai]

These Imagine Dragons dupes. Like it's really starting to piss me off. Like I want to listen to Imagine Dragons.

[Drew]

Yeah, if I wanted to listen to apr, I'm gonna listen to APR or whatever. Is that their name?

[Kai]

Ajr.

[Drew]

Ajr. If I want to listen.

[Kai]

I followed, I followed, I loosely follow. I don't actually follow them, but I follow this person that goes to every single AJR concert and then recaps exactly what happened at the end. And it is a culture, it is a micro community.

[Drew]

Community is community.

[Kai]

No, that's. That's literally, that's. That's literally my take is I'm like. It's honestly beautiful to see like all these Nerds and freaks and geeks, like, find their friends. Like, it's. It's very sweet. Because it's either AJR or school shooters and.

[Drew]

No, it's either aj. Like, I think we have to accept that. Like, what is the real difference between making fun of a furry versus making fun of an a are Imagine Dragons fan. Those are two of the same people.

[Kai]

Two sides of the same one.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, one is just way. It was introduced to, like Joanne Fabrics and Michaels way early and the other one just probably hasn't hair dye. Yeah, the other one was taken to Sally Beauty.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like two sides of the same coin. So we should make fun of all of these people if we're going to make fun of everybody.

[Kai]

No one's off limits.

[Drew]

Not even you, gay ass.

[Kai]

Not even you, tiny waisted, beautiful breasted, Beautiful volup.

[Drew]

Growing back. And they are growing back.

[Kai]

My boots have always been different sizes.

[Drew]

This boot is so much smaller right now.

[Kai]

Plump lips of a person and beautiful hair. I already said that one.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Oh, okay. Beautiful feet. Perfect feet.

[Drew]

What about what's on the inside?

[Kai]

Beautiful organs.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Beautiful ovaries. Beautiful uterus.

[Kai]

The uterus and the ovaries can create children.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

We're thinking about the inside too. We're thinking about everything. There's.

[Kai]

Oh, we were talking about that actually without you here, that you're going to. When I turn 35, you're going to carry my baby.

[Drew]

That I'm not kidding. Never once have you said something to me that I was like.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

Like that. What?

[Kai]

She just. She acts like this sometimes.

[Drew]

Couples who have been together for five years and are definitely going to have.

[Kai]

The baby, like, she acts like this sometimes.

[Drew]

No, I don't want your baby. Honestly, it's okay. Yeah, so much though.

[Kai]

But like, we would make a demon baby. Our DNAs are not compatible.

[Drew]

No, I. I think we just.

[Kai]

Oh, we would make. Make like. We would make sexy babies.

[Drew]

Our babies would look good. I'm just thinking of like our parenting styles. We would beef like a baby would.

[Kai]

I think it would have big. It would have a big ass head.

[Drew]

Like, it would be big. Like have like a gassed up head.

[Kai]

Like just like, like giant head.

[Drew]

Like a gourd head.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

The older I get, the smaller I feel my head is. I kind of think now I. I think I have a huge forehead. Don't get me wrong. Or I'm not talking about like the distance between my brow and my hair line. It's insane. Like, I literally saw this TikTok.

[Kai]

Wait, why are we not talking about the Distance between your brow and your forehead.

[Drew]

Oh my God. There was nothing worse than being asked to hold my fingers to my head as a child. And I've always had small hands too, so it was. It was game over for me. I had a five.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I think you don't have a big forehead. I'm serious. I don't. I don't see it.

[Kai]

You don't have a big forehead.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I think you have a perfect, beautiful forehead.

[Drew]

I. Okay, this isn't like an insecure. I'm fine with it. I've accepted it.

[Kai]

I'm going to turkey and just begging for compliments.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I would tell you if you had a big forehead.

[Drew]

Well, I'm going to turkey for hairline surgery, so say bye to whatever you see right now because I'm gonna have.

[Kai]

About 2 centimeters when I'm back. Girl, you're gonna have a 2 centimeter forehead.

[Drew]

It. I'm getting away.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Having the hairline of a. Oh my God.

[Drew]

I'm gonna get like a design like crown molding.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

Like I'm gonna get an ornate hairline.

[Drew]

Wow. That would be kind of lit. Like actually like if somebody wants to body mod, like do some. Like that.

[Kai]

All right. Oh, wait. Media. What the.

[Drew]

Wait, wait, wait. Let me call.

[Kai]

Wait. My song by Labby. How do you say it? Sefri Safri Saffrey Bless the Telephone by Laby Safre Safray and Cannock Chase. I've been chase on a Labby cake recently.

[Drew]

Me.

[Kai]

And it's so beautiful to me.

[Drew]

One of the most.

[Kai]

Wait, that's not.

[Drew]

That's Cic Chase. The biggest slap to my face that's ever happened to me was in like 2023. Somebody I was seeing at that time who had definitely seen me put that in my CD player. And I played that CD all that year on my CD player. Got me that CD for Christmas. This. And I acted like I didn't have the cd. So now I have two copies.

[Kai]

I'll take the second.

[Drew]

I actually think I left the second copy in Miami in my car. Cuz I got given it in Miami cuz I was like, here I go. Why am I taking this home? I have one. Wow. My media of the week is I.

[Kai]

Really want to see Twin List. I want to see Dylan o' Brien give a twink back shot Cuts.

[Drew]

What the hell are you talking about? What the hell are you talking about, Brian?

[Kai]

Sexy guy.

[Drew]

The Teen Wolf guy.

[Kai]

Sexy guy.

[Drew]

I can't think of who that is. Is that Teen Wolf?

[Kai]

I think so, yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think I never Watched Teen Wolf.

[Kai]

I didn't either.

[Drew]

Okay. Yeah.

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

I heard Twinless was really good.

[Kai]

Yeah, Josh just watched it and was like. It was so good. And like, there's like a jaw dropping moment, like 20 minutes in.

[Drew]

In. I haven't been to the movies. I've only been to the movies twice this year.

[Kai]

So crazy.

[Drew]

Kind of really odd being.

[Kai]

The only reason I'm going is because I have a list and it's like, I can see four movies a week. Like, what?

[Friend (possibly Benny Drama or Marybeth Barone)]

For free?

[Kai]

That's crazy.

[Drew]

I mean. Yeah. Get you out the house. Also, I'm so sorry, but I really do need to call this spa and tell them I'm not going to make it. Okay. My media of that week is different. Drum by Stone Pony, on and on by Stefan Bishop and make it easy on yourself. The Walker Brothers. That's my freaking genius. Oh, also, oh, and I started Abbott elementary and I'm halfway through. I think I'm about to finish season two. So good. I can't believe how late I am to it. It's so fucking funny. It's so funny.

[Kai]

It's really, really good.

[Drew]

Dude, the character are so good.

[Kai]

Strangers by Nature by Adele I'm on like an Adele. Like, I'm, like, putting her on crazy.

[Drew]

You're rolling in the deep.

[Kai]

All right, thanks for watching, guys.

[Drew]

Bye.

[Kai]

So my friends text. Let's do a quick little weekend getaway. Super chill, right? Famous last words. Suddenly someone's buying a bonfire outfit, and apparently there's a boat. Now that's when I pull out my Klarna card. Swipe, done. And if I want it off my plate now, I can pay in full or I can pay later. No IOUs, no stress. Because the Klarna card isn't just a card. It's how you survive. Friends plans. Plus, no credit impact when you apply. Learn more about klarna [e-mail] debit flex card. Pay later Plans issued by Webbank. Deposits in your balance account are held at WebBank, Member FDIC, anywhere. Visa is accepted. Certain merchant product good and service restrictions apply. Some merchants do not accept virtual cards. Physical card only included with a paid Karna membership plan.

[Ed Helms]

Hey, it's Ed Helms, host of snafu, my podcast about history's greatest screw. On our new season, we're bringing you a new snafu every single episode.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

32 lost nuclear weapons. You're like, wait, stop.

[Drew]

What?

[Ed Helms]

Yeah, it's gonna be a whole lot of history, a whole lot of funny, and a whole lot of fabulous guests. Paul Scheer Angela and Jenna, Nick Kroll, Jordan Klepper. Listen to season four of SNAFU with Ed Helms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Johnny Knoxville]

Hello, America's sweetheart. Johnny Knoxville here. I want to tell you about my new true CR podcast, Crimeless Hillbilly Heist from Smartless Media, Campside Media and Big Money Players. It's a wild tale about a gang of high functioning nitwits who somehow pulled off America's third largest cash heist.

[Ed Helms]

Kind of like Robin Hood, except for.

[Kai]

The part where he steals from the rich and gives to the poor. I'm not that generous.

[Johnny Knoxville]

It's a damn near inspired and true story for anyone out there who's ever shot for the moon, then just totally muffed up the landing.

[Kai]

They stole $17 million and had not.

[Ed Helms]

Bought a ticket to help him escape.

[Kai]

So we're sitting like, oh God, what do we do? What do we do? That was dumb. People do not follow my example.

[Johnny Knoxville]

Listen to Crimeless Hillbilly Heist on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

The murder of an 18 year old girl in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved for years until a local housewife, a journalist and a handful of girls came forward with a story.

[Kai]

America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people and small towns.

[Narrator/Reporter (Maggie Freeling)]

Listen to Graves county on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and to binge the entire season ad free. Subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcast.

[Drew]

This is an I heart podcast.