Drew watches vertical content

Summary

Emergency Intercom — "Drew watches vertical content" Released: January 18, 2026 | Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips with Kai and Guest(s)

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Overview

This episode of Emergency Intercom is a comedic yet insightful ride through the hosts' personal lives, internet obsessions, pop culture critiques, biting political commentary, and reflections on community and coping in turbulent times. The episode oscillates between absurd anecdotes (Drew’s guilty pleasure for “vertical content” and almost spending $75 on candy), sharp and vulnerable social analysis (award shows, fascism, ICE, social isolation), and playful banter about everything from celebrity encounters at the Golden Globes to the role of gossip and hobbies. Expect a wild mix of laughs, vulnerable moments, and incisive takes.

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Episode Breakdown & Timestamps

1. Cold Open, Banter & Trump Anecdotes (03:11–05:20)

• The show kicks off with tongue-in-cheek confusion about their podcast name and quick jokes about running a “non profit” and being “federally funded.”

• Discussion veers into rumors of Trump building a library in Florida or Texas, weird tax incentives, and the surreal nature of modern American politics.

  Quote:

  • “Honestly, at this point, you could say anything on the planet that he’s doing, and there’s kind of a chance he will be doing it.” — Enya (03:45)

2. Absurd Consumer Products and Gym Encounters (04:18–05:20)

• Trump’s failed ventures: solid gold phones, knock-off shoes worn by a Grindr match, and the culture of relentless product grifting.

• Enya describes her perfect day: getting caught in conversations with older women at a vintage toy mart, delighting in their stories and outlooks.

  Quote:

  • “My dream is to get caught into conversation with random older women.” — Enya (05:40)

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3. Drew’s Golden Globes Adventure & Celebrity Encounters (06:32–10:58)

• Drew recounts unintentionally underdressing for a Golden Globes afterparty, entering “flow state” among Hollywood’s elite, and taking solo photos everyone assumed were AI-generated.

• The hosts gush about friend Mary Beth’s turn as a refreshingly funny red carpet correspondent, contrasting her style with typical industry pretension.

  Memorable Segment:

  • “I made Jennifer Lawrence scream—laughing. Yes. I said, that’s amazing. Thank you.” — Drew (10:09)

  Discussion:

  • The value of authentic humor in celebrity environments; Mary Beth is praised for “humbling” stars and creating genuine interactions.

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4. The Culture of Awards, Recognition, and Elitism (11:37–16:47)

• Enya reflects on her indifference to awards and parades, likening everyday life to an “Enya parade.”

• Cynicism toward award shows (Emmys, Oscars, Golden Globes), critiquing insider bias and the “high school clique” dynamic of entertainment.

• Frustration that new podcast awards favor celebrities over grassroots creators.

  Quote:

  • “It’s hard to not get within the entertainment world and not recognize it for what it is … it really is like there’s the freshmen, there’s the this, there’s that...” — Enya (15:36)

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5. Whimper Discourse & Performative Masculinity (19:32–21:23)

• Drew describes a friend’s viral video—fixing his car and inadvertently “whimpering,” which sparks a trend of women praising male vulnerability.

• The hosts riff on gender norms and authenticity, with Kai joking:

  Quote:

  • “Are y’all having sex and not being free?” — Enya (20:41)

  • The group turns meta, likening Instagram story polls to AI “hive mind data.” (22:07)

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6. Drew’s Secret Obsession: Paying for Vertical Shows (25:41–29:03)

• Drew admits to paying for “vertical shows” (serialized mobile video content), sheepishly describing wild plots (e.g., a 15-year-old genius doctor, melodramatic family sagas).

• The hosts playfully roast Drew’s spending habits and family’s misplaced expectations (his abuela’s desire for him to become her knee-replacing doctor).

  Memorable Moment:

  • “You buy like, coins... No, I don’t spend money on vertical content. That is… so not me. Yes, I spend money. I spend money on it.” — Drew (26:10–26:53)

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7. Importance of Tangible Community & Social Climate (32:06–36:00)

• The discussion grows serious: concern for those without in-person support, and how physical community is crucial “when nothing feels real.”

• Political anxieties: FIFA’s PR stunts, Trump’s ICE policies, and broader reflections on the motivators of politicians (“they join to make money and … some semblance of power”).

  Quote:

  • “It’s just really unfair… Day after day, the past two years—the past ten years—have been such a gnarly affair of citizens being exposed to the horrors of the world actively in real time and doing their best to balance morality and find togetherness and fight toxic, century-old ideologies.” — Enya (36:54)

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8. Grappling with Fear, Anger, and Contemporary Fascism (39:07–44:45)

• Candidly grappling with personal anger at ICE and the rise of far-right extremism.

• Lamenting the effectiveness of fear-mongering and the destruction of the middle class; drawing links between economic despair and susceptibility to fascism.

• The hosts reiterate the importance of not succumbing to pessimism, and the hollow promises offered to ICE recruits.

  Quote:

  • “You are literally a modern day fascist Nazi… Baseline, they’re just badhearted people. They’re ugly. I mean, literally, physically and spiritually, they’re ugly.” — Kai (42:09)

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9. Community, Religion, and Hobbies as Social Glue (45:00–51:39)

• Noting the decline of organized religion and how people seek community in other (sometimes toxic) venues: political rallies, concerts, fandoms.

• Mocking the spectacle of Turning Point USA events (“Republican conventions that look lit as fuck—just the same thing as church or concerts, but for losers”).

• The hosts encourage listeners: Find a non-harmful hobby, don’t seek meaning in destructive ideologies.

  Quote:

  • “Hobbies will really change your life… You are the visuals. You are the meaning.” — Enya (50:43)

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10. Podcasting, Gossip, and the Female Social Art (51:39–54:18)

• Playful critique of “straight male podcasters,” flipping the trope that gossip is negative, positing it as the original information network.
• Skewering male-dominated podcasts: “Why are you as a man… building something, speaking into a cock-shaped object?” (53:55)

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11. Bits & Recurring Gags: Candy, Vaping, and Adolescent Regression (54:39–56:53)

• Drew comes clean about nearly spending $75 on candy, waking up with his vape in alternating hands, and broad adolescent hijinks.

• Added layer: coming out stories (or refusing to), teenage self-protection, and the evolving relationship with identity and shame.

  Quote:

  • “In this episode, you have admitted to spending your money on vertical shorts... About a 15-year-old doctor...” — Enya (55:35)

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12. Psychic Games, Parental Influence, and the Search for Meaning (60:14–63:54)

• Drew describes the rabbit hole of “Psy Games”—competitive psychic events for adults claiming mystical abilities—leading to absurd YouTube documentaries and questions about the nature of parental encouragement (or delusion).
• Enya acknowledges the cycles of personal growth and clear-sightedness at certain ages, the loss of childhood innocence, and the slide into “adulting” and grim economic realities.

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13. Wrapping Up: Social Satire, Music Recs, and Hopeful Closer (65:07–66:52)

• Final minutes blend sardonic takes on inflation, the Coachella lineup (“Get me off this ship”), growing up with the Bermuda Triangle doom, and rapid-fire “media of the week” picks.

  Quote:

  • “We love you. We're gonna be okay, hopefully... I would know, I’d tell you if things were going to go bad. I think it's going to go up.” — Enya (66:52)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Enya on Political Surrealism:
  "Honestly, at this point, you could say anything on the planet that he’s doing, and there’s kind of a chance he will be doing it.” (03:45)

• Drew’s Golden Globes Photos:
  "Every single DM was like, nice try, nice use of AI. How many gallons of water did it take to make this picture? Dude, it took multiple gallons of sweat because I had to fucking get in there.” (07:08)

• Award Show Cynicism:
  "I feel like I get to live a you parade every day. Every day is an Enya parade." (12:19)

• Fascism & Disenfranchised Power:
  "They join [politics] to make money and to have some semblance of power because they've been losers their whole lives up until that point." — Kai (33:31)

• Absurdist Observations on Male Podcasters:
  "Why are you as a man… building something, speaking into a cock-shaped object?" (53:55)

• Dark Humor About Coping:
  "If you’re bored, don’t join ICE. Please just start like a Stan Twitter account... or start a podcast." (51:39)

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Segment Highlights

| Time | Topic/Quote/Event | |--------------|----------------------------------------------| | 03:45 | Trump library rumors, surreal times | | 07:08 | Golden Globes, AI photo confusion | | 10:09 | Jennifer Lawrence laugh | | 26:53 | Drew confesses to paying for vertical vids | | 32:06 | On the importance of real-life community | | 39:07 | Raw anger at ICE, personal fears | | 45:00 | Social glue: religion vs. concerts/hobbies | | 51:39 | Podcasting, gossip, men & information | | 55:35 | Candy splurge confession | | 60:14 | “Psy Games,” parental delusion, childhood | | 66:52 | Affirmation & hope to close |

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Tone and Style

The episode is delivered in the classic Emergency Intercom style: sardonic, whip-smart banter, seamless leaps from high absurdity to deep vulnerability, and a uniquely Gen Z/Millennial approach to world-weary hope. Comedy cushions the bleakness—listeners are left both giggling and contemplating.

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Conclusion

This episode encapsulates the Emergency Intercom ethos: a mess of jokes, memes, insider vernacular, and unfiltered introspection. The gang takes listeners from the trivial to the existential, with earnest pleas for community and kindness amid chaos and a call to “find a hobby before you join ICE.”

If you want to swim through the stream-of-consciousness humor and the real anxiety underpinning internet culture in 2026—and laugh your ass off—this is your episode.

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End of Summary

Transcript

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Selection varies by location. Hi, this is an episode of Emergency Podcast. Emergency Intercom Podcast.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Did we change the name to Emergency podcast?

[A]

Yeah, you know, I up. You know, I that up. And I was trying, and now I'm cursing in the first few seconds.

[D]

So it's all done, but it's time to monetize.

[C]

Yeah, we gotta lock in.

[A]

This is a non profit, technically.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, this is. We're running.

[C]

We're federally funded.

[A]

This is the chump library. The chump library that's being built. The chump library. Why would he just put the library on in the White House property? But I guess the library is just, like, fraud.

[C]

Is he building a library?

[A]

Yeah, I forgot who I was speaking to, but they were talking about how, like, there's rumors of him wanting to build the library either in Florida, like, somewhere in Miami or somewhere in Texas because, like, a church, the taxes are, like, lucrative for a library. But I don't know if that's true. I might be, like, spouting, like. But honestly, at this point, you could say anything on the planet that he's doing, and there is kind of a chance he will be doing it. Yeah, like, it's just very high. Like, high chance.

[C]

You saw that with the gun? I mean, the phone. No, he, like, released a phone, and I think he sold like 250, 000 units still. And it's been like a year and they still haven't gotten their phone. And it's like a solid gold Trump phone.

[A]

I can't.

[C]

I running, like.

[A]

And he saw Pharrell's pure gold BlackBerry that went for auction, and he was like, damn, that's kind of fire.

[C]

He saw Soulja Boy's gaming consoles and said, let me try something.

[A]

He was like, yeah, let me do that. Didn't he do the shoes before that?

[C]

Yeah. And someone at our gym, a worker there that I used to see on Grindr all the time, would wear them. Mind you, a worker at my gym trying to hook me up in Trump shoes. Solid gold Trump shoes.

[A]

I mean, like, that's low key. The name of the game. They are like. They're like, oh, my God. It's. Honestly, it's fucking crazy. Like, I don't know.

[C]

It's my first day out here.

[A]

That is what every day feels like. Every day does feel like my first day out here. But today I did go to a toy, like a vintage toy mart and it was awesome. And I got caught in a bunch of conversations with random older woman and it was just literally amazing. I loved it.

[C]

Literally. Your dream is to get caught into conversation with random older women.

[A]

I know, kind of ideally I want to know. I seriously am the type of who's like, I want to pick your brain. Where are you from? What do you do? Why are you here? But it was cute. I. I don't know her age. She did call herself a senior cuz at one point we started talking about like public transportation cuz she was from the bay and she called herself a senior which I literally ignored when she said that. And I just kept talking over her because I was like rolling my eyes like I don't give a about your age. Like why are you being ageist? Don't be insecure around me, baby. Like I live for you. And I also live for her because she had a boyfriend and I'm like, period. Life goes on. The Jones sisters. Like she's living that reality. Like there will just always be another boyfriend or girlfriend. Like that's really what life is. That's fucked up.

[D]

I had a girlfriend. I wish I had a girlfriend because I went to the Golden Globes and I just wish I had a girlfriend to bring. But I had to enjoy it on my own.

[A]

So whatever.

[C]

Why did you have to bring up that you went to the Golden Globes?

[D]

No, I brought up that I want a girlfriend, but then I guess I also did. I. Oh fuck. I did mention that. Yeah, I went to the Golden Globes.

[C]

And the pictures of him from it are the funniest things I've ever seen.

[A]

I thought they were edited when you sent them in the group chat, by the way. I. I thought it was funny because I thought you were pulling like a Josie at the Emmys moment. I was like, oh, he's like editing himself there.

[D]

These pictures, I'll put them on the screen. They're 100% real. And it sucks because every single DM was like, nice try, nice use of AI. How many gallons of water did it take to make this fucking picture? I'm like, dude, it took multiple gallons of sweat because I had to fucking get in there.

[C]

And you were panicking.

[D]

Basically what happened was I am directing Mary Beth Brown's special in a few months and she. So we've been working together. She asked me to come to the Golden Globes after party.

[A]

Wait, what's the Golden Globes?

[D]

Okay, I said the Golden Globes I know I didn't fuck that up.

[A]

I think you kind of fucked it up. But you.

[C]

The golden flub?

[D]

More like, oh, my God. So she asked me to go to this after party. And then I put on like a nice sweater, but then from the waist down, it was pretty nasty. Just like jeans and like these very. We know my history with shoes. They're like pretty ugly shoes. And I show up to the Beverly Hilton because I'm like, this is an after party. I look nice enough. And I walk in and everybody's wearing dress, literally cocktail gowns and tuxedos. And I'm like, oh, shit, this is actually the Golden Globes. And she invited me to a viewing party that is right next to the Golden. Like it's in the auditorium next to it. And then I just kind of panicked. But I did enter flow state. And there were all these photo ops where it said Golden Globes in front of like a facade.

[A]

Is this flow state that you're entering?

[D]

What you're about to flow state? Cuz basically, you know that TikTok of Millie Bobby Brown walking up and then she poses. Yeah, yeah, I'll insert it here.

[A]

Yeah, you're getting a phone call.

[D]

It's my girlfriend calling me.

[C]

So how does that make you feel?

[A]

Did I move?

[D]

She doesn't care at all. She doesn't care at all.

[C]

Not a single reason.

[D]

Anyway, I'll wrap up this story because I'm like a burden. I know, but so I get up to the front and basically what's happening is an entire production team that make these movies. Like, the entire team that worked. Like, all the producers of Hamnet, some of the. Like, whatever. I don't know who these people are, but there's 20 people per movie and they're going up and they're taking these photos. And then I would go up and just take a photo alone and like, do a little pose. And I do think it's one of the funniest things I've ever done. Unfortunately, I didn't get any credit for it because everyone thinks it's AI and they also put like a filter on my face, right?

[C]

They did, yeah, they did. They did, they did.

[D]

They made me look like I was in fucking Madame Tussauds. But anyway, it was super fun. And like, I don't know, I just. It felt good. Like, it felt good to talk to.

[A]

Was that the biggest. That was your flow Satan?

[C]

Well, no, he's being coy. Cause there's certain people he spoke to.

[A]

That he wants to.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Period. You're just being a bit fictitious.

[D]

Yeah, no, that was.

[C]

Make Jennifer Lawrence scream. I'll say that.

[D]

I made her scream. Laughing. Yes. I said, that's amazing. Thank you.

[A]

Well, Mary Beth also killed it hosting or, like, doing the carpet.

[D]

I know. I text her and I was like, I don't think I've ever seen a response like this for a Golden Globes correspondent or whatever it's called, like, an interview ever.

[A]

Because bitches like to go on there and fucking play Social network, the game dot com. Like, what the fuck? You already got in the room, ho. Why are you acting all, like, honky tonk chunky for?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, I think it's because she's asking questions that are actually funny. And, well, she's also just.

[A]

She's such a great comedian.

[C]

She's like. Like, in a strange way, like, humbling these people, like, bringing them back down to earth, which I really like. Yeah, I thought that was really funny. She killed it.

[A]

Also. I didn't see a single interaction where it felt because I feel like maybe most people who do the that job, I could see it being like. Because some people are like. We have interacted with people, like, who were crazy. So sometimes I get it. But it is so fucking refreshing that she was willing to pick up a banter with them that very easily could have been dropped because she's so funny. But everybody, it seemed like, was able to really bounce off of her, which is such a talent to be able to take her kind of humor. And she was able to interact with everybody so perfectly quickly.

[C]

IO's, like, interview with her was hilarious.

[A]

Oh, I didn't see that one.

[C]

It was so funny. She was like, would you rather be fulfilled? What is it fulfilled or by award or. I don't remember. Y' all saw the clip. Y' all saw the clip.

[D]

Would you rather be filled?

[C]

It's a weird question.

[A]

She was asking people about their fill stuff.

[C]

No, I think it was like, would you rather be fulfilled or have success? And everyone was like, I would rather be fulfilled. And IO Deby was like, I'd rather be fulfilled by awards or some like that. I don't know, fulfill their awards.

[A]

I've never. I think because maybe I've never gotten an award in my life, but I have never once, like, it's kind of like how I can't make. I can't get myself to make a big deal of my birthday. Trauma aside, it's just so humiliating. It's probably why I don't believe in marriage. It's why I don't believe in so many things. I'm like just a you parade. Like, I. I feel like I get to live a you parade every day. Every day is an Enya parade. Like every day. Like, I'm not kidding when people don't treat my presence with a parade in return. Emotionally, of course. I would love if it happened physically. A physical manifestation of a parade at my. At the thought of my presence would be amazing. But I've never like awards like this is up with Spotify sent us like landfill. Because I can't lie, I'm not somebody who takes a lot of PR packages. So I feel, and I've never been that Drew can attest to this. I've always pr.

[D]

You get.

[C]

You give to your family.

[A]

Yeah. And. And I get like, I go from being Drake for them to being Jeff Bezos. Like, I am Amazon at that point. But then they get annoyed because my mom's been hounding me. Actually, my mom really hounds me for my PR low key. She's always like, emac. Emac. Like talking about like, Matt costume.

[C]

What about the mag?

[A]

Yeah, she's like, so where's the Mac maker?

[C]

They're not with you anymore.

[A]

I gave her a bunch of Tom Ford stuff. Thank you, Tom Ford.

[C]

But what about Match makeup? You don't have money for Mac, apparently.

[A]

No, no, no. The Mac funds are low. The Mac funds are getting low. But yeah, an award is to me is so funny because I guess granted getting it in a box, but it just reminds me of like, even high school. I've always thought felt that awards were so weird. Like I. I can never idealize myself putting that in my space. Where the do you put that? Cuz then it's. It's like rude not to show it off. It's rude not to be like super happy, but it's rude to be overly happy and like, have it out.

[C]

Like, the craziest thing INYA is we have a real shot this year for a Golden Globe with this podcast and this episode. It starts here. It starts here, guys. This is us making our Golden Globes run.

[A]

They have a podcast thing now.

[D]

They do have.

[A]

They always had that?

[C]

No, it's new this year.

[A]

They do all that.

[D]

I don't know. And honestly, I saw it happen. Again, I was not the Golden Globe, so I guess I everything. But did I mention that? That I went.

[A]

No, you were like, pov. You're listening to Childish Gambino muffled through the wall. Except your wall has an H connecting to the live feed. So it's almost like you're there. Yes. Okay, keep going.

[D]

They do. But here's the, here's the problem. I actually got but hurt because they're. They're nominating podcasts. This is like me being a podcast elitist. They're nominating podcasts that are better actors that are actors and celebrities that are making a fucking TV show. It's like an hour long talk show and then they're nominating people that they know. And I'm like, exactly.

[C]

I thought that's not a real.

[A]

That's the whole thing though. That's I think why I. And as much I think I've always loved award shows for the performances. Hence why I've never kept up with like award shows like Oscars, Emmys, like Hog and Daws, Golden Globes, whatever, the like all of those ones that they do and offshoots. Because it's hard to not get within the entertainment world, even at the low degree I have and not recognize it for what it is, which it's like a bunch of white people for the most part who actually went to ABC Family ass high school setups where it was like, like, I don't know, like that's like. I don't really know what the verbiage is, but there's something there that I just can't quite understand. But you can feel it in the room. It's. It's like. And, and sometimes it get. It's clicky. Not in the way of course, every single community is clicky. But this like entertainment is so like high school in a way because it really is like there's the freshmans, there's the this, there's the that. And then like there's some cool SC seniors who will be like, you know what I was when I was a freshman? I.

[C]

With the freshman, like Leonardo DiCaprio letting loose at the Golden Globes and that being a calamity. Like people were so stoked to see that.

[A]

I don't know if we forgotten but the whole thing is he just can't stop letting loose.

[C]

Like, well, that was. What's her name? Kai. The. Your friend that did the jokes this year.

[D]

My friend that did the. Oh, Mary Beth.

[C]

No, not Mary Beth, the other one. The other girl. Wait, white girl, Funny girl who did the jokes. She's the host of the Emmys this year or Golden Globes.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

Nikki Glazer?

[C]

Yes, Nikki Glazer. She did.

[D]

Wait, I don't know. Nikki Glazer.

[C]

Girl, I'm setting you up for a fucking slam dunk. Like, that's your best friend.

[D]

Like, oh, my God.

[A]

How is that.

[D]

I'm so sorry.

[A]

Wait, I'm so.

[C]

Don't worry about it.

[A]

Don't worry about it.

[C]

Don't worry about it. We'll tell you later. We'll tell you. We'll tell you later. There's her short.

[A]

Oh, God.

[C]

Nikki. Nikki Glazer made a joke to Leo that was really funny. And she is the host of hosts. Like, she. Every time she pops out on stage, I'm like, I'm actually excited to see what she has to say.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because she says a lot of things yet you're not supposed to say at these award shows. And I really with it heavily.

[A]

Well, that's like, to me, the greatest comedian is somebody who can say the joke that, like, they're not supposed to say. And it gets a point across. Like, I'm, like, dumb. That's good. I feel like I'm way too forward, but, like. Like, I don't think there's anything to me that's comedian. Like, I just won't shut up. Like, that's the real. Like, that's the true comedy of my life. Is that, like, I just. I just can't stop talking.

[C]

The comedy of Hamlet.

[A]

Hamnet.

[C]

If you saw Hamnet, you'd get that reference. Hamlet Shakespeare told his wife that he was making a comedy about their son. And it actually turned out, and she.

[A]

Went and saw it and she was like, actually ain't funny.

[C]

Yeah, nothing is funny. She was crashing out in that crowd.

[A]

Was like, actually. Oh, my gosh. Oh, what were we saying?

[C]

Hamnet.

[A]

Oh, you. Wait. You saying Hamlet made me think of me when I'm working at Denny's PR and I'm reworking the menu, and under omelette, I'm trying to pitch Hamlet, and it's an omelette majority.

[C]

It's a piece of ham folded and a Sunnyside egg inside with peppers.

[A]

Yeah, this is a margarita.

[C]

But, like.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's. It's pretty.

[C]

Like, it reminds me of my father.

[A]

I mean, it's just those times and. What was that? It reminds. I remind you of him? Probably. I'm guessing around, like, 2008.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Period. And we're. And here we are. It's about that time. It's about that time.

[D]

I found out something interesting this week.

[A]

Is it to do with your health?

[D]

No, it's not. Well, maybe, but my friend uploaded a video of him fixing his car, and he's like, he's fix. He's. He's tightening or. No, he's trying to loosen a nut under the car, and he.

[C]

And he'll be loose.

[D]

He'll be. He was doing it, and then he was, like, letting out whimpers kind of. And, like, not on purpose. I don't think it was on purpose, but it went viral because.

[C]

Oh, whimper. The whimper side of the Internet.

[D]

Yeah, it went viral. And I was looking at the comments, and I was like, it really seems like women like men whimpering.

[C]

Mm.

[D]

And I'm dead ass.

[C]

Like, Kai, give us a whimper?

[A]

Like, first of all, no. Second of all, this is the thing. This is the thing you figured out. This was, like, the fun thing I.

[D]

Figured out about my body.

[C]

Women like, Kai's whimpers is what he's realizing. That's okay.

[D]

Like, in general. Is that a thing? I didn't know that's the thing. Should I be practicing my whimper more?

[C]

Should I lock in grunt?

[A]

When things like that get honed in on and become, like, a huge conversation for people, it kind of makes me sad because I'm like, damn. Like, are at no moment are y' all free? Are y' all having sex and not being free? Like, in that moment, like, is everybody. Like, everybody on the plan, on the planet is, like, in their.

[C]

I don't even know what that being free means. I'm a prisoner of my mind. Every. I'm Unironically. Every second of my day is calculated.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

For, like, the least amount of resistance for the people around me.

[A]

Damn. I'm. I'm pretty free.

[C]

I wish. Yeah, I wish I was free.

[A]

I mean, it's a newfound freedom, and I do have to every day ask myself, am I manic or am I just practicing? A good thoughts means a good life, which both of those kind of just sound like doing the same thing. But, yeah, I would say I'm pretty. Like, I. I can't live by any sort of schedule. I am very. I wake up and I do Hashtag. God did. Hashtag worked for it. Hashtag wanted to go with the flow, and I am.

[D]

Wait, so girls. Do girls like whimpering or. No, I was just wondering.

[A]

You should chat GBT it.

[D]

No, I'm not using water to figure that out. I was just wondering.

[A]

But ask on your story.

[D]

It's on my story.

[C]

My story low key is like chat gbt. It's like hive mind data if you think about it. It's like a data model. It's like a data set.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's almost like if you had community in life.

[C]

Wait, what is that?

[A]

Ask Chad.

[C]

I'm friends with robots. My best friend is a robot.

[B]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index with AI. It all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like EFTs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA S I P C Advisory Services by Public Advisors llc. SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not investment recommendation or advice. Complete disclosures available at public.com disclosures well.

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Clean the world. We have almost 10,000 hotels that operate our soap and plastic recycling program and.

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We have created and distributed 90 million.

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Free bars of soap to children, families, mothers in 127 countries across the globe.

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It's like magic you guys. So put down your doom scroller and pick up your faith in humanity and join me Jenna for the Ripple Effect. It's a reminder that you can start a ripple that changes everything. You really can. Best stat of all is that the.

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Death rate to children under the age.

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Of five dying to hygiene related illnesses.

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Has decreased by more than 60% since the day we started.

[A]

Listen to the ripple effect with Jenna Kim Jones on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. When you travel, there are a lot.

[B]

Of things to remember to pack, like.

[C]

Noise canceling headphones, a phone charger, your favorite snacks.

[B]

But the most important thing to bring an acceptable id, like a real ID or a passport. You'll need one of these every time you fly domestically. And unfortunately, a driver's license that's not real ID compliant isn't gonna fly.

[A]

Find out if you're Travel [e-mail] RealID.

[B]

And visit your local DMV to get your Real ID.

[C]

Yeah, I've. I've really melted my brain over the last few months because I secretly. I just revealed to Enya like a couple days ago, kai, you don't even know this about me. I've secretly been consuming vertical shows.

[D]

Vert. Yes, seasons of shows.

[C]

Yes, seasons of shows where you pay like a dollar per episode. They get you. Thank you.

[D]

No, they don't get you.

[C]

No one here, I swear to God, someone in the comment section can ride for me. They get you.

[D]

How many you get?

[C]

Like, girl, I don't. I don't. I literally. I literally don't want to know, but I. You buy, like, coins.

[A]

Wait, you're buying.

[C]

Wait, no, no, no, no. I don't do that.

[A]

Reel it back because I. I was going on a crazy, like, really scary, like, I was kind of lost in a scary thought, and then I just tuned back into, like, I don't buy coins.

[C]

No, I don't spend money. I. I would literally never spend money on vertical content. That is, like, so not me. Yes, I spend money. I spend money on it. Tick tock, Tick tock ads.

[A]

Wait, you do spend money on it.

[C]

Yes, I do. All right, not anymore. I did. I'm sober. I'm. What story, like, the one that dragged me in. The real kicker, mind you. Mind you, I genuinely could not tell you what a single thing. A single thing, except for the one I watched, was like a ballerina and like this, like, mom that was hellbent. And there was this other loser girl in school that wanted to be. Wanted to be popular.

[A]

Wait, the mom?

[C]

Turns out the mom is the mother to both the popular girl and the loser. And so you get to watch like five episodes up until that point where they reveal that, and then you're like, like, what happens next? And then that's how they get you. They leave you on a cliffhanger. And then they keep leaving you on cliffhangers. Then there was this one. There was like a medical mystery, like, where the doctor also.

[A]

The doctor was all your bank accounts by the time you're 50, bro. You can't. You can't have a debit card.

[C]

You can't have.

[A]

Like, you were gonna.

[C]

There was one about like a 15 year old doctor, like a sub.

[A]

This is all in the same.

[C]

Like, it was a really smart 15 year old.

[A]

You were like, oh, this could have been me. If my.

[C]

Literally, like my grandma could have been. Wait, my abuela. Maya. Maya abuelita calls me like, I. I call her like maybe once a week. Once every two weeks. And every single call, she's like. She actually, like, gets angry with me sometimes. And she's like, drew, like, when you were 12, you swore to me and to God that you would be an orthopedic surgeon and that you would be the doctor that was gonna replace my knees. And I just had a double knee replacement and they fucked up my life. And this is your fault.

[A]

That's what she would have heard from me. Bitch.

[C]

No, she. She's not. She's. She's. She's a funny girl. She's being silly.

[A]

She's playing, but she's not.

[C]

She. Sometimes. Sometimes she's get. She gets serious.

[A]

She's gonna pinch the out of you.

[C]

For real. For real.

[A]

Oh, she not playing. Is not playing. She loki means it.

[D]

Also.

[A]

No, I'm not obviously kidding.

[C]

My grandma. My grandma. Every time. Yeah, not yet. Yeah, not to the world yet. But every time I talk to her as well, the first thing she asks isn't how I'm doing, it's how Anya's doing. She's obsessed with Enya. And I think that side of my family thinks me and Enya are a couple.

[A]

Yeah, no, they think they are. So.

[C]

And I'm never gonna tell my grandma that we're not.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that bad?

[A]

Oh, your body looks like someone's in a suit right now. Like, do you know what I mean?

[C]

Like, wait, should we address the elephant in the room?

[A]

Kai?

[C]

Just kidding. It's my women Yama jersey. Guys, I think I have fever right now. I'm not even kidding.

[A]

Well, it's so hot in here. I up and listen, have a heater.

[C]

For a long time to see. No.

[A]

And. What?

[C]

I sound nasally? Know.

[A]

You always sound like that.

[C]

I know.

[D]

It's.

[A]

That is your life. Yeah.

[C]

Wait, should I cry on command?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Can you?

[C]

Yeah, I really could. I'm like, I'm not Gonna do that to y' all right now. Oh, my God. Wait, the way your neck broke, though, like, you thought.

[A]

Are you gonna do it or not? Dude, you're so weird. You're so odd. Wow. I love you so much. How are y' all both wearing the slippers? Oh, you're here in, like, gym shorts. Kai came in, like, I complimented it extreme casual.

[C]

Well, because it is 8 o'. Clock.

[D]

It's 8 o'.

[C]

Clock.

[D]

We're doing a late episode. That's why this episode's so sexy. I do think that I. My legs are really.

[C]

You got good legs. Unironically, I've always. I've noticed whatever this muscle is on the side of the. A men's leg. You have really defined thighs.

[D]

Thank you so much.

[C]

Come sit in my lap.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Also, while Kai makes his way over here to come sit in daddy's lap. Look at this. Look what happened.

[A]

Yeah, things are falling apart.

[C]

It's like a. It's like a root canal. No, no. In my lap. Facing me, facing me.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

It's like.

[D]

This is nice.

[C]

This does feel good.

[D]

Should we do a guest episode starting now?

[C]

Wait, should. Should we do. Every guest we have has to sit.

[A]

In my lap or they choose a lap.

[C]

Mary Beth Barone, this could be you, Benny.

[A]

I'll take Benny. Or do I sit on Benny?

[C]

You sit on Benny.

[A]

I actually really do think it's gonna be okay as long as people, again, lean on the people in person. I just worry. I really do worry for people who don't have in person communities, because I cannot stress how important that is.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, especially in a moment, like right now, when nothing feels real, having the presence of a tangible human in near sight who thinks alike is so lit and they're taking that away because they're. The FIFA is going to get canceled.

[C]

Wait, FIFA is getting canceled?

[A]

It's not, but I feel like it should. Like, should it not be, like, hey.

[C]

Well, they did nominate Trump for their FIFA peace board, which I'm like, that gets peace? The sending ice agents after families killing American, like, killing American citizens.

[A]

What?

[D]

The one who started, like, three wars this week.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is like, it can't be for money. Like, y' all can't be broke.

[C]

No, it is. It is literally all for money. It is. I. I was think. I actually was thinking about this, like, last night because it's getting to a.

[A]

Point where I'm like, a certain moves being made are not profitable. Like, Greenland is not profitable. It's not about money. It Literally. I mean, it's about being a dictator.

[C]

And like proving like, like something clicked.

[A]

For me with the cat. You get the claws.

[C]

Something clicked for me the other day where I was like laying in bed and I was like, why on God's green earth would you want to be a congressperson? Would you want to in modern times? Like, specifically a right leaning congressperson? And it like clicked for me where I was like, oh, all of these just like get a shit ton of money from lobbying. They, they get their lines or their pockets lined by a pack or like 2A. What is the second NRA. Or on top of that, they get the insider trade. They get all this information. Like Nancy Pelosi, her stock portfolio is insane. Like, it is, it is the. It is. It is greater than Warren Buffett, like how much money she's made off the stock market. And it's just like, like, oh, like these people don't join because they actually want to make a change and that they have the ability to make a change. They join to make money and to have some semblance of power because they've been losers their whole goddamn lives up until that point. And all of them are geriatric and disgusting. I can literally see the skin melting off of their bodies unironically.

[A]

Think they are like shoving Vivans after Vyvans up Trump's ass to keep him, his body up, right? Like, I like how like, dude, he is so not him reading the note. Marco Rubios, like showed him and walking to the window. And then just recently, I think he said he was pulling federal funding from California because of like the lack of compliance with, with ice and everything. And the fact that like, Californians and.

[C]

Good California's GDP is like greater than 90 of the world.

[A]

Like, I'm like, we're go to. I've been here for almost 10 years, guys. We together. I am a California.

[C]

Like, we're good. We're good guys.

[A]

Come on. Florida by chance. California by soul or whatever it is.

[C]

What is it?

[A]

Something by chance.

[C]

Texas by chance. California by fate. By fate. Soul ties.

[A]

I have soul ties here, guys, seriously. But yeah, I do think having people in person is what's important right now. But I don't know. I am really happy with the response, the general response from the public. Although it is terrifying to think that.

[C]

Like, like, what do you, what do you mean?

[A]

The general, like the people who are really stepping up and out in Minnesota and like across Minneapolis and just any other like sanctuary city that's either like being attacked or just I don't know, I feel like there is a lot of togetherness overall. And that I think is the hope I'm trying my best to lean into. Because other than that, then it's just like, what. Then what? Like that's kind of all there is left. But it is. I mean, damn. Day after day, dude, just the past two years, let alone past 10 years, have been such a gnarly affair of citizens being exposed to the fucking horrors of the world actively in real time and doing their best to, within ourselves, balance morality and find togetherness and fight these very toxic, just century old ideologies of hate and oppression and insecurity. And it's just really unfair. And I, I think I get worried about people getting jaded to that and I don't know, I think I kind of wrote about it on my YouTube not long ago about like how scary it is. Like, just. I don't know. We've really. The past two years has been. For the first time ever, I've never felt like I was like silenced for real out of fear. I was always like, so headstrong and fearless. But the past two years have scared the. Out of me. Like, it's just, it's so. It's like paralyzing. And I feel like it gets to a point where thankfully I don't know that I feel jaded. And I think by luck and by poor luck of the draw because of my connections to the realities that be. I don't know if I'll ever experience a life where like I'm necessarily jaded. But I. Yeah, it's so interesting like how scared everyone is, like on every side too. That's the insane part. On both sides, everyone's kind of just like paralyzed in fear. And when you're paralyzed in fear, the only other option seems to be violence. Like extreme violence. And yeah, today I was also thinking about. It's funny how aggressive everyone's become, but most humans don't even know what it's like for an adult human to stand in your face and raise their voice at you. So it's so interesting to see like, like really the anger that is underlining that that's like bubbling under everybody. But sorry, I just want the craziest tangent. I don't even know what the I was saying.

[C]

No, no, I, no, I have. I'm angry. Like, I, I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so angry. And, and I hate that my anger comes out in these really, really, really, really intense, disgusting ways. Cause it's not helpful. And when we're talking about it. Or I mean specifically ICE when we're talking about that. I always find myself getting worked up to shaking with anger and tears. I just don't, I literally just, just do not understand like how a person can get there like to like want to rip apart families. Like I, I've said this before, but I feel like I can do like a really good job at like getting into the minds of like, like a far right Republican because I grew up around it. Da da da da da da da da. Like I can understand how they got there, but like for this specific, like I, I just, I don't get it. I literally, I literally do not get it. And they're just evil, vile, bad people at baseline. Baseline, they're just bad people. Bad hearted people. They're ugly. Ugly. I mean literally, physically and spiritually, they're ugly. But I just, I, I cannot wrap my head around it.

[A]

I mean it's not shocking because Project 2025 was a public document and it.

[C]

Was very clear that they were all this.

[A]

Yeah, saw this.

[C]

And still voted for him.

[A]

But they, they're doing such a, they've done such an excellent job of like squeezing education to nothing, squeezing like income for the average. I mean the middle class has been obliterated forever. I think by the time I was still in my, like by the time 2008 hit everyone the way it did, the middle class has not existed for a long time. It's only, I think even such obvious like also, again, this is from somebody who does not study economics by any means. This is just coming from my upbringing in it. I did not know anybody who lived on one or the other side. It was. You were either dead broke or you had it like that. That's how it's been for a while. And they've done such a good job at squeezing it so low that on top of people being so hateful that they would put themselves in a position to sign up for ice, which is crazy, really. Think about this. You are putting your life on the line for not only a radical idea that shows absolute no success. H. Historically. And that's not even talking about like moral or ethics, just historically. This whole thing of like cleansing you thinking, yeah, these, this cleansing that you think is going to lead you to being important. It. It's not, it's not. You are going to.

[C]

You're literally a modern day fascist Nazi. Yeah, you literally, you're literally a Nazi. And that's like what, that's. That what, that's what frustrates Me the most about it is just how, like, like, blind they are. And I don't know if it's the paycheck. Like, I haven't really done much research. I heard 200K.

[A]

No, I think 50K is, like, I.

[C]

Saw, like, 50K after four years or something. And Trump won't even fucking be president, so it won't even fucking hit their bank accounts because the next president probably won't validate that. But.

[A]

Yeah, well, he's speaking about the bid term, so y' all better, though, if, like, please, please. Actually, no, we get to, like, also enough of that. I'm kind of off that I'm not doing all this if things go. No, I'm not like, no, we're not letting that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The. Is all up as it is.

[C]

Before that.

[A]

We just gotta rock with, like, the system that was working for a second and slowly rebuild towards something new or something. But, like, enough, like, I'm not. I'm not with all this, like, pessimistic, like, of course, prep yourself if you are in a position, specifically. Like, a lot of people, especially, I feel like a lot of people who listen to us are in a position, whether your family or whatever. I would say from personal experience and like, from everything I've seen back home, like, whatever, yes, of course, prep yourself. But no, this, like, I.

[C]

Don't let them get you scared, you dumb.

[A]

Can't pass a physical, a academic, a driver's, a who, what, where, when, how test. You can't pass anything. Like, no, no, you. We have to remember.

[C]

I'm on the bottom of my shoe.

[A]

Yeah, we have to remember, like, really what these are. It's like, coward and, like. Like the dirt of the dirt. People being handed guns. And that is terrifying in its own right. But that can't be. Like, no. Like, no. I don't know. And. And again, this has been something, I think, that's, like, been on a lot of people's minds not only for the past two years, but since 2017. Like, since 2017. Since 2016. Since 2016. Like, oh, my God. Like, I. I couldn't. I. I couldn't believe. I just. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I can't believe how failed some people are at their upbringing that well into adulthood. They so easily fall for the fake embrace of a community that wants nothing to do with them. If anything, it's just so shameful. It's really disgraceful. Like, you like these.

[C]

I saw photos from, like, Turning Point usa like con or whatever the. That was like with what's her nuts. I don't even, I literally don't even know her name because I hate her guts. She's disgusting.

[A]

Erica Kerr.

[C]

Yeah, Erica Kirk. Correct me, correct me. Yeah, no, her like flying around stage like Elphaba or whatever the fuck with sparks lying behind her. But like it was so, so crazy. And it like goes back to like. I forget that like the. I like the name of the idea or like the theory, but it's like the like loss of like religion in church over the last 20 years has been like exponential. I mean every time I say that people are like, no, it's gotten bigger. But then other people are like, no, it's gotten smaller. So like there's conflicting research and I'm choosing to believe that it's getting smaller. Please, for the love of God, kill organized religion. Be Christian. But, but I'm not, I'm not going on that tangent. Anyways. I saw this thing where it was like like the reason organized religion is failing is because people are getting that like connection. Like, like imagine like you're sitting in church and someone's giving like a sermon and you're like celebrating and you're chanting the hymns back and you're, you're, you're, you're feeling your oats. And then now, now imagine you're at a concert and your favorite musician, Sexy Red, is on stage and you're singing her music back to her. She's screaming it back. It's loud as. You almost get that same feeling that you would get in church from concerts and other experiences and venues.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't feel the same vibe all the way through that experience.

[B]

Support for the show comes from Public, the investing platform for those who take it seriously. On Public, you can build a multi asset portfolio of stocks, bonds, options, crypto and now generated assets which allow you to turn any idea into an investable index. With AI, it all starts with your prompt. From renewable energy companies with high free cash flow to semiconductor suppliers growing revenue over 20% year over year, you can literally type any prompt and put the AI to work. It screens thousands of stocks, builds a one of a kind index and lets you back test it against the S&P 500. Then you can invest in a few clicks. Generated assets are like EFTs with infinite possibilities, completely customizable and based on your thesis, not someone else's. Go to public.com podcast and earn an uncapped 1% bonus when you transfer your portfolio. That's public.com podcast paid for by Public Investing Brokerage Services by Open to the Public Investing Inc. Member FINRA SIPC Advisory Services by Public Advisors, llc SEC Registered Advisor Generated Assets is an interactive analysis tool. Output is for informational purposes only and is not investment recommendation or advice. Complete Disclosure Disclosures available at public.comdisclosures Breaking news everybody.

[A]

Not everything is terrible. I repeat, not everything is terrible. The Ripple Effect with Jenna Kim Jones is proof that the Internet it hasn't ruined humanity entirely.

[C]

Let me start by saying it's a great day to be a gray shirt team Rubicon. You know, it truly is a team. Those folks, myself included, all had one desire, which is helping folks in disaster.

[A]

Trying to be a little bit of.

[C]

Hope in a really really bad situation.

[A]

It's like magic you guys. So put down your doom scroller and pick up your faith in humanity and join me, Jenna for the Ripple Effect. It's a reminder that you can start a ripple that changes everything. You really can. We give just that nugget of hope helping other people. For some of our gray shirts, it's during a time when they need help and by helping others it helps them. Listen to the Ripple Effect with Jenna Kim Jones on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. When you travel there are a lot.

[B]

Of things to remember to pack like.

[C]

Noise canceling headphones, a phone charger, your favorite snacks.

[B]

But the most important thing to bring an acceptable id like a real ID or a passport. You'll need one of these every time you fly domestically and unfortunately a driver's license that's not real ID compliant isn't gonna fly.

[A]

Find out if you're Travel [e-mail] RealID.

[B]

And visit your local DMV to get.

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[C]

And these Republican conventions that look fucking lit as fuck. It's literally just the same thing for them. It's literally them just feeling validated and. And they're all losers, and they're just getting this, like, sense of community from, like, destroying other people's lives and white supremacy.

[A]

I mean, I've been saying, bro, hobbies will really change your life. Like, I just don't. Like, it's crazy. There's all this search. There is, like, this endless search of what is the meaning? Baby, you are the visuals. Baby, you are the meaning. Like, it's really. It's not that deep. God forbid, like, we could all perish tomorrow because God knows we're gonna get a N dropped on us soon, the way we're playing around. But the whole point is, like, whatever satisfies you. Whatever floats your boat. If you're not hurting somebody, let it rock there. And it should be. Most of your time shouldn't be taken up with, like, whatever the that is. Like, it. I don't know. You don't want to chill with your friends and watch stupid movies. Like, it doesn't even. Your hobby doesn't even have to be something you're doing actively since everyone's too lazy to lift their hand anymore.

[D]

Like, yeah, if you're bored, don't join ice. Please just.

[C]

Yeah, don't see the Call of Duty ads.

[D]

And please just start, like, a Stan. Twitter account.

[C]

Yeah, or start a podcast. I mean, if you're a straight man. Like, please, before you join, I start a podcast. I'd way rather hear that than see you kill.

[A]

You know, shit is bad. We've, like, we're like, begging them to just start a podcast instead of going in.

[C]

Like, we're sorry. We're sorry we, like, banished you from the podcast mate app. Please don't kill human beings and rip them apart.

[A]

Well, white guys in the podcast feel famously I blame for this.

[C]

It's their fault.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Because to me, podcasting and entertainment in general is inherently a woman's game in the sense that both of those categories are things that men historically have tried to patronize, especially when it comes to women finding community in those things. Like gossiping. Gossiping historically has been shunned and whatever. But really, all gossiping is. Is an exchanging and information to better the people's lives.

[C]

Gonna do what they did to them to you.

[A]

Yeah. And I want to know what you're doing to like. I want to know. I want to know.

[C]

And gossiping is good.

[A]

That is good. But see, that's something that men were always like. Girls are so crazy. They always, always talk. Now y' all get in a room together. Insulation the insulation, color it all black, as sensual as possible. All black room, black table.

[C]

Why are you as a man, talking to another man?

[A]

You guys sitting around a table in a dimly lit room talking about the kind of pussies they like and whatnot. Whatever guys talk about on podcasts. And then the occasional conversation about, oh, you know, racism and whatnot.

[C]

Like, but on the wrong side of history. Why? Why are you as a man.

[A]

No, yeah, I should clarify a casual conversation of being racist.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Why are you starting a eugenics podcast?

[C]

Yeah. Why are you as a man building something, speaking into a shaped object.

[D]

Whoa.

[C]

Spitting on it on accident.

[A]

Why does your cock shaped mic like smell like your pheromones?

[C]

I mean, we're talking about.

[A]

Because you're spitting on it every week. That's crazy work. That's crazy. But yeah, I don't know, like seeing.

[D]

The like Joe Rogan regret compilations where he's like, wait, what?

[C]

Yeah, no, I know the thing that.

[D]

They said they were gonna do, they did it. And now there's like a gestapo that operates with immunity in the United States.

[A]

Also, most people.

[C]

I need someone to do it.

[B]

Just do it.

[C]

Please just do it. It Just do it. Please just do it.

[A]

I know what you're talking about.

[C]

Just do it. Like Nike. Well, Nike's bad now, but just do it.

[A]

I mean, that evil thought in your head and you're like, I just want to do this evil thing to this one person we all been talking about.

[C]

If you're listening, do. I'll ride for you. Oh, my God. I would ride for you. Not you. I'm pointing. Who. I would ride you. Oh, wait, not me. Like being pro dick writer, period. Like I am now, dude, being pro dick writer. I'm very pro dick writer. Well, concluding that I want to talk about how I put made a cart of 75 worth of candy the other night.

[A]

The fact that in this episode you have admitted to spending your money on vertical shorts. Vertical shorts. About a 15 year old doctor really let that like they do that is the most. Honestly, there's something kind of sweet about that. I will. I. I'm in. I don't know.

[C]

I remember and Psycho.

[A]

Listen, I remember too, I did say that I'm gonna go for positivity this year and I really, I really want to try. Like, I'm really trying my best. So I'll say, yeah, the vertical shorts of about a 15 year old doctor. I'll let you have that. That's a.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

That's like an in. That's a very innocent.

[C]

What about the $75 candy basket?

[A]

No, that's disgusting.

[C]

See, the thing is, is I didn't buy it. I didn't end up going through with a purchase. You were just wondering about it because I had a moment of clarity where I was like, like, holy, this is so much candy. Like, this is. This is more candy than.

[A]

How many pounds do you think that package would have been?

[C]

Like at least 12 pounds of candy. Like, this is more. Like, guys, this is more candy than me and my friends could eat in a month. Like, it would have gotten tiring. So much.

[A]

Guys, this is more candy than me and my friends could have eaten in a month. Now it sounds like we're the 15 year old for the podcast.

[C]

Yes, we are. We are low key, honestly.

[A]

And thank you so much for supporting my journey. This is all I've ever wanted.

[C]

But no, it was, it was a lot. And then the same night, the exact same night. This is how dark things are getting for me. I woke up in the middle of the night with my vape in my hand. So like, that's either me hitting my vape in the middle of the night. Oh, oh, oh. Get this. In the morning. In the morning. I woke up in the middle of the night, it was in my left hand. Morning time, I woke up, up, it was in my right hand. So I at some point switched it, meaning I either hit it or it fell out of my hand. And then I picked it up.

[A]

It's your baba for real?

[C]

No, it's like, that's where we're at. That's where we're at.

[A]

That's up. I mean. Yeah.

[C]

And I've had a sore throat for a month, by the way.

[A]

That's cuz you suck dick.

[C]

Who said that?

[D]

I did.

[A]

I literally just.

[D]

That's what people have been saying.

[C]

Saying.

[A]

That's what the streets are saying. Everyone can't stop talking about it.

[D]

A lot of people have been guys.

[C]

One time a guy messaged me on Facebook when I was like, probably 13 or 12. And he was like, he was, he was in my class, he was like, hey, like, I don't know, like, if what the right way to do this is. But like other kids are talking and they're saying, you're gay. Like, are you gay? And I like, met him with so much hate and anger. I was like, hell no, I'm not. Not gay.

[A]

Yuck.

[C]

Like, could it be? No, hell no. I was like, no, I'm not gay. Like, who's saying this? Like them. Like, no, that's like simply not true. Well, I realized maybe four years ago he just came out as gay. He was looking for a gay friend. And I met him with so much hate and anger towards being gay. Guys, we learned lessons.

[A]

Yeah. You know, and that's again, that was a moment you felt fearful. You felt like you were backed into a corner and you didn't react correctly. And now in hindsight, you can look back and think about that. That and know that you would never do that again. And I think if we all just.

[C]

I'm not gay, so I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

You're not gay.

[C]

No.

[A]

Wait, what?

[C]

Yuck, dude. Yucky.

[A]

Yucky. Ew, that tastes nasty. Yuck. Yuck.

[C]

What's that?

[A]

I feel like that was so loud.

[C]

What's the. The Meg Stalter. Get me off this ship. What did she say?

[A]

Get me out of here.

[C]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

Yeah, that's Church she was talking about, I think being in London, remember? Eating baked beans or something.

[D]

Have you guys seen Drew Ski's Church videos?

[C]

Yes. It's so good.

[D]

I think he's like the funniest person.

[A]

The undershot of him up at the harness.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

With the smoke flowing on him like.

[C]

The smoke blowing on him.

[A]

I will say though, I was on his IG and I got really scared cuz there was videos of him like acting like a cop. And I really, for the first time in my adult life, couldn't tell what was a scripted thing and then what was a joke. And then I got really fearful of the idea of a young person thinking that that kind of thing is okay and not only not a crime, but something that they can do and then them getting killed. Especially in the state of things. Did I do that? Did I do that?

[C]

Well, also the same night I woke up in the middle of the night with my vape in my hand. I also went down the rabbit hole of Cy Games. And if any of you know what CY Games are, you're a real sicko. You're. You're. I'm right there with you. You're. You're in the trench.

[A]

Psycho.

[C]

Yes, I'm psycho. I'm in the trenches with. You do. But there's this convention that meets at a hotel once a year called the Psy Games. And it's people who genuinely believe they have psychic abilities. They.

[A]

So I compete.

[C]

No, it's. It really.

[A]

I. For real, like guys.

[C]

Guys. And there's this girl. There's this girl. I don't know her name and I'm so sorry, but she competed this last year and tore up. She did things that no one has ever seen before. There's this documentary that this eight year old kid.

[A]

Things no one's ever psychic to before.

[C]

No, like for real. For real.

[A]

People are turning 30.

[C]

She was guessing number cards from all the way across the convention hall at the Hilton Inn. Like she was. She was really.

[A]

What you don't realize is all of those people were wearing Ray Ban meta glasses.

[C]

Yeah. Well, the kid, this, the. The video I watched was about 45 minutes and it was this like 7 year old kid whose parents have made him believe that he is a psychic and that he has ab. And it's. It. I psychoanalyzed. I. I already, I already did the whole damn thing.

[A]

I always talk all this about how I'd be a bad parent in the sense that my kid would be like evil to me, but the reality is that would be my kid. I'd be like, you are.

[C]

You're so special.

[A]

I'd be like, you are like no one else powerful.

[C]

You are Liz on Al Gaib. Like you are the most powerful being in this universe. Like, let's have the conversation. But yeah, y' all should just look Up Side Games 2025 and watch this. But tear up and it's like come out that she's like cheating or whatever, but I'm like, I literally don't care.

[A]

Wait, that's actually a rumor.

[C]

She's giving us a show.

[A]

They always try to tear Queen.

[C]

Well, no, see, the thing is.

[A]

Lift your head Queen because.

[C]

What is it? They put like sleep masks on like that completely black out their vision. And then they're supposed to be able.

[A]

To guess, but what they didn't know is hers had a screen on it.

[C]

Well, well, they're supposed to be able to guess like the color of the card in front of them or be able to like, like organize these rings onto the right color. Like prod stick thing. Like there's like mini games, but people are saying that hers has a bunch of microscopic holes poked in them so she can just barely make out a color because she's always like tilting her head to the side or like doing like this whole motion.

[A]

Well, she's catching, she's catching the, the frequency.

[C]

Exactly. That's what people are saying in defense. And then she also has a kid that is a psychic and she brought her like 13 year old awkward like freshly teenager daughter on stage to like preview her like psychic abilities in no shade. Like I believe her more than her mother. Like she was like reading like real.

[A]

I mean literally no one is more. No one is more clearer in themselves intuitively. Toddlers. So to me it's like two to six. That is the most true to self you are. From 12 to 14 is the most clear to self you are. And then 17 and only 17 is the bravest you are. And like all of that bravery is still rooted in truth. And that's how I see it. So I believe her. Next death usually.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Death and sadness and grievances and just everything becoming what it is now.

[C]

The real world. You see the real world for what it is.

[A]

Adulting happens next. Baby, wake up. That's what happens next.

[C]

Guys, don't forget to pay your utility bill this month or your rent. Honestly, cuz we'll never own homes. Like, remember? Like what, what were you saying, Kai? They were supposed to lower the price of eggs to like 25 cents or something like that and now they're like quadrupled in price.

[D]

Oh yeah, the eggs are $18. Health insurance premiums are double. Farmers are getting put into slingshots and then shot into the ocean.

[C]

Instead of Netanyahu, Please put Netanyahu in the slingshot instead.

[D]

Please put Netanyahu in the slingshot. Put Jeff Bezos, put Peter Thiel.

[A]

We need to find.

[C]

Okay, that was homophobic.

[D]

Oh, that was homophobic. That's the one time I'm giving myself.

[C]

The pass the homophobic path.

[D]

Put those in the slingshot, shoot it into the ocean. And what else? What else did he say he was gonna do? Oh, gas, gases. And now $6.

[C]

Housing market.

[D]

Yeah, the housing market is fucked. Media.

[C]

The worst taste in music. The radio department. Driving Me Wild by Lily Allen and Common, but only Lily Allen's part. And then Porcelain. Moby. Love that song. And Moby might be the only reason I drag my sorry ass to the fucking desert to get dust lung at Coachella. I want to see Moby. Sorry, sorry, sorry, not sorry.

[A]

Is there a Coachella lineup out already?

[C]

Yeah, it's Justin Bieber and Carol G. Get me off this ship. The Pharaoh, the Pharaoh, the Pharaoh, the Pharaoh.

[A]

Dude, we're literally living in the triangle of sadness as like, like.

[C]

Wait I.

[A]

Was genuinely scared growing up. I thought I was going to die in the Bermuda Triangle.

[C]

That's so real.

[A]

Like, I was like, dude, every time I was even just swimming at the beach, I was like, I'm going to get sucked out into the Bermuda Triangle. No one's ever going to see me again. Okay, here's my media of the week. Me with Quicksand Girl Get Up Doi Boat Remix Trim Bugatti by Trim that Girl by Stevie Wonder It Takes Two To Tango, Tom Rundgren and the Heart of a Woman by Summer Walker.

[C]

There we go, guys. I love you. We love you. We're gonna be okay. Hopefully. Please.

[A]

I. I think so, though. Please. I would know. I'm not kidding. Like, if I. Or maybe that's a bad sign. My positivity is like, kind of like maybe a bad sign. No, no, no. I would know. I would tell you guys if. If things were going to go bad and I think it's going to go up.

[C]

Yeah, it's only up from here.

[A]

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