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Ryan Seacrest
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Drew Phillips
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Josiah
I've never felt like this before. It's like you just get me. I feel like my true self with you.
Kai
Does that sound crazy? And it doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous. Okay, that's it. I'm taking you home with me. I mean, you can't find shoes this good just anywhere. Find a shoe for every you from brands you love, like Birkenstock, Nike, Adidas and more at your DSW store or dsw.com.
Drew Phillips
Welcome back, guys.
Kai
Hi.
Drew Phillips
Welcome back.
Kai
So long. It feels weird being right directly in front of the camera like this because I'm just staring down the lens. I'm looking you in your eyes. You're not alone. I see you. This is Josiah.
Drew Phillips
If anybody, our first guest in the new set.
Josiah
Hey, it's only right.
Drew Phillips
It's a movie. It's a movie.
Josiah
I'm the only one that could get on such short notice.
Kai
He's the only free person we could get on set.
Josiah
Also, Drew, I'm sorry, but the whole episode, I'm gonna be looking at myself in that tv, right?
Drew Phillips
You're welcome.
Kai
Half the time when we're doing an episode and I'm looking at Drew, I'm looking past him, and I'm looking at myself because I'm making sure my side, that's.
Drew Phillips
That's typical for me. I'm. I'm used being looked through, not seen, not cared for, really. So I do have some gifts for you. Oh, what the hell? I think you're going to really like it.
Kai
I have a feeling this is going to make me laugh. It will make you laugh even. Oh, my God, guys, we got gifts. The hell?
Drew Phillips
We got gifts from tmg. Are you kidding me?
Kai
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no. Okay.
Drew Phillips
I'm literally about to throw up.
Kai
Oh, wait.
Drew Phillips
Yeah.
Kai
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, y' all, this is so hard to open.
Drew Phillips
No, these are the.
Kai
Okay. I got really scared. I was like, I have to act like I don't have this. This is awesome. And I'm gonna try.
Drew Phillips
I'm, like, literally shaking. Holy.
Kai
I actually can't believe that. This is perfect because we're going to Texas.
Drew Phillips
I know. Yeah.
Kai
Wait, we need to explain. So me and Drew are obsessed with Teenage Engineer, and we've been like, TMG team that we really want this, even though it is, like, ludicrous and it's, like, the most ridiculous ask ever. It's literally two who get, like, a team behind them, and we're like, just give me the jet. Like, give me the jet. This is our equivalent. And we just got the jet, y' all. But no emissions.
Drew Phillips
Holy.
Kai
Thank you guys so much. This is actually awesome.
Drew Phillips
Thank you.
Kai
I needed this. You have no idea how much I needed this right now.
Drew Phillips
Oh, my God.
Kai
Wow. Thank you so much. This is actually awesome. I thought it was going to be something really stupid.
Josiah
Dude, they have been talking about these microphones. I'm not joking.
Drew Phillips
I've even emailed them asking for them because they were sold out when I wanted to buy them. Didn't get a response to order them from Belgium. Really?
Josiah
Really.
Drew Phillips
Belgium. Wow.
Kai
Wow. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. This is perfect because we're going to Texas so we can, like.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. Thank you.
Kai
Thank you guys so much.
Drew Phillips
This is.
Kai
Yeah, this is actually lit.
Drew Phillips
I know. I trying to open it like a fucking.
Kai
They make them, like, actually impossible to open. When I got my tape recorder, like, it took me so long to learn how to open it.
Drew Phillips
Oh.
Kai
But now. But I'm like, I'm really well versed in Teenage Engineer because I actually have so much stuff.
Drew Phillips
I have an OP1.
Kai
Wow. Thank you guys so much. I actually can't believe this. Damn. This is awesome.
Drew Phillips
Damn, I can't even get it.
Kai
Also, what's cool is this big plastic acrylic case is going to be here 1800 years after I die, and they're going to be like, what the fuck was in this?
Josiah
Now, teenager Josiah, my gift is the wrapping paper. I love paper. Lucky for you guys, paper is my kink.
Drew Phillips
Hello.
Josiah
Or My. I. I couldn't think of a better word. You ate with that.
Drew Phillips
Okay, so thank you. Yeah, thank y' all. Okay, to start this episode after the beautiful gift giving, I just wanted to start by saying I don't know if this is something weird or something that I only do, or if this is something that all men do, which I'm pretty sure Josiah and Kai are a part of this, but I haven't been wiping my ass for, like, 15 days, and it's actually been, like, super sick because, like, it's better. It's easier. It saves money on toilet paper.
Josiah
Also, like, I don't do this at all.
Drew Phillips
Okay, well, Kai does, so you're free.
Josiah
Okay, you're rejoicing that you have a similarity with Kai when it comes to hygiene.
Drew Phillips
Yes.
Josiah
That's.
Drew Phillips
That's my boy. And after 15 days, you just get to peel it off like a little scab. That is the build up.
Kai
Wait, how is poop still okay? No, we can't do this.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, we can't do this.
Anya
It looks like a piece of Amari at the end. Here's the thing, guys, really quick. If anybody's interested in doing this process, don't just go straight into it. Go from wiping to just dabbing or slash putting, pushing it back in to. Then you can go cold turkey, pushing it back in. Just check the subreddit. What's up?
Kai
Are you full of poop?
Drew Phillips
Oh, wait, that reminds me of the photo. When twinks get this little belly, that means they have a turd in the chamber.
Kai
Also, I wish. Like, have you ever seen Drew post, like, a meme to his story on his meme account and be like, y' all were going viral. Like, have you ever witnessed that?
Josiah
No, I don't.
Kai
Well, he does that all the time. Anytime a meme on his meme page gets like.
Drew Phillips
Meme page? What the fog.
Kai
Because your memes are so crazy, they.
Josiah
Need to be locked up in the case, actually.
Kai
But any time a post gets, like, literally eight likes, Drew will post it to a story and be like, y' all, we're going viral. We're going viral. And then I was curious because I was like, wait, we need to go through your archive of your stories to see how often you said that. And his only stories on his meme page are him reposting his own thing, saying, we're going viral.
Josiah
That I actually do know what you're talking about now, because Drew, since, like, fucking 2018, has been showing me his page. And when a meme gets more than three likes he's like, dude, it's, like, blowing up.
Drew Phillips
We're cooking. We're cooking.
Kai
I'm cooking.
Drew Phillips
Well, there's only, like, 69. 69. You know, 69 followers on. So on.
Kai
That was, like, the craziest thing ever. What the fake laughing just did.
Drew Phillips
That was Josiah. That just came out of it.
Josiah
Do not watch the new season of Drag Race All Stars.
Drew Phillips
It is.
Kai
It is so brought.
Drew Phillips
Ran.
Josiah
Horrible.
Kai
Yeah, I like when they're mean. Like, I want to see.
Josiah
There's no stakes on the season. No one can go home. No one's winning.
Kai
Oh, is everybody against red meat now?
Drew Phillips
Damn.
Josiah
Oh, there's no stakes. Damn.
Drew Phillips
That's damn.
Kai
Well, the other day, when it was a full moon, me and Drew stood in our backyard and stared up at the moon because we're crazy people, and we were just saying.
Drew Phillips
And I said, I want to let go of all the toxic and bad things in my life. And what did you say?
Kai
I said, I might not make it through my sleep. I might disappear in my sleep.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, okay.
Kai
And I told him to take it back because I wanted to live.
Drew Phillips
When there's a full moon, you release. You release all the things you don't want in your life. And when. Oh, no, no. When there's a. Yeah, yeah. When there's a full moon, you release. When there's a no moon, you speak the things you want into your life. Since it's a new. You're born a new. What are you doing?
Anya
I was trying to flip off Josiah because I'm pissed off at him, and I think everyone here knows why.
Kai
Oh, because Josiah is Drew's boyfriend?
Anya
Yes, Josiah's Drew's boyfriend, and you brought him on the podcast, and now you're rubbing boyfriend, too? What is this that makes me feel.
Josiah
I'm not talking about this on the podcast.
Kai
A cheater. So you can't even be mad.
Josiah
No, I'm not.
Kai
No, I not.
Josiah
No, I not. That's my response to me calling my head. You guys do need my help. This is unacceptable. I really wanted to come today dressed as super nanny. Like, super bad. Like, Zach. We literally were contemplating at 1am last night, texting you, saying, like, can you get a super nanny outfit for tomorrow?
Drew Phillips
I would have a way. Like, I would have found a way.
Kai
Oh, my God.
Josiah
Babies are gonna be crazy.
Drew Phillips
Exactly. Exactly.
Josiah
They really are. They're gonna come out skinny as.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, like the Zika virus. Babies with the shrunken heads.
Kai
Oh.
Josiah
Does that affect men, though?
Drew Phillips
What?
Josiah
I think that disease is only for the girls.
Drew Phillips
What? Zika I didn't know that.
Kai
I don't think that's real. That sounds like something you just made up.
Drew Phillips
No, Zika's a very real thing. You get it?
Kai
No, I know. Zika is real, girl. I've, like, my life is a movie. I'm always in the airports and stuff, so I remember when they had it.
Josiah
Oh, and you have Zika virus?
Kai
Well, I had.
Josiah
Oh, I got rid of it.
Kai
I got past it. But, yeah, I know that it's a real thing, but Josie is trying to claim that if a man had Zika virus, like, it would. It'd be like, hpv. Like, you just. Like, it wouldn't be a thing for.
Drew Phillips
Wait, the TV network.
Josiah
HP. No, that's HGTV.
Drew Phillips
HP.
Josiah
Oh, MTV. Like, I don't think.
Drew Phillips
What's the. Oh, the. HBO's.
Kai
Three people who just spend all their time together watching TV. Like, that's all we do. We literally get mad when Josie comes over to the house and somebody invites us out to a plane. We're like, okay, well, that's like throwing a wrench in our plans. And the plan stop.
Josiah
And watching Drag Race and playing Fortnite.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Fortnite. The new season of Fortnite is so good. It's so good.
Anya
Yeah.
Drew Phillips
Are you playing with people?
Anya
They did to us last time.
Drew Phillips
No, for real.
Anya
Why the. Was it Greek mythology?
Kai
Because the zodiacs and stuff. The zodiac signs and stuff.
Josiah
There was no astrology like, it. Like, I don't even think that's matches.
Kai
Y' all aren't on what I'm on.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, it's different.
Josiah
We are.
Kai
My lithium is hitting right now. No, this morning.
Drew Phillips
The new season is so fun. I could see how it would be horrible if you played alone, but with, like, a group of people. It is so good. It brought me back.
Kai
Playing it alone actually makes me so mad. And I played the other night, and I got so close to a win, and then once I let my controller down, my hands were, like, cramped up, and it felt like. It kind of felt like after I see your mom, like, that's how my hands felt.
Drew Phillips
What?
Kai
Oh. What's the other notes you have?
Drew Phillips
Wait, what do you mean?
Kai
Oh, my fingers were really cramped after I was playing for it.
Drew Phillips
I know. What do you mean by. It?
Kai
Just was reminding me. I don't know. Like, why. Why are you prodding me?
Drew Phillips
I want to know. Just say it. Just.
Kai
Oh, Finger blasting your mother.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Oh, right.
Josiah
Also, which camera is recording? So I know which one to look into.
Drew Phillips
That one.
Anya
I think it's this One.
Josiah
No, is it that one?
Kai
This is the main.
Josiah
Because there's three of them.
Anya
Are you serious?
Drew Phillips
This one is.
Kai
This one is that one. This one is the main one.
Josiah
This one is the main one.
Drew Phillips
Wait, that one is.
Kai
Yeah, the one with the time on it.
Drew Phillips
I thought it was the one by Kai.
Anya
Not this one.
Kai
Oh, it is that one. It is that one.
Josiah
Oh, it's that one.
Drew Phillips
It's this one.
Anya
Because this is closest to my.
Kai
I've been like, oh, my God. I'm staring at you literally looking the other way.
Drew Phillips
I see the type of person that you are. Wait, what were we talking about? The. It makes you feel like, what game were we playing where it was like, I don't know who I am. Oh, never mind. It's stupid. It's stupid. It's.
Kai
There's this game that we went to a friend's house for game night, and there's this game that everybody is like a robot in the game and they all look the same. And you just have to move your character around to figure out who you are in this crowd of, like, 20 robots. And it was the funniest game to play with a group of people, because every two seconds, somebody would be like, I don't know who I am. I don't know who I am. It sounded like a big existential party.
Drew Phillips
Of, like, we all did ayahuasca.
Kai
I lost myself. Who am I? I can't see myself.
Josiah
Oh, Drew, tell that joke. The ayahuasca joke.
Drew Phillips
Which one?
Josiah
Show me to me, please.
Drew Phillips
Oh, okay. So y' all know. Show it to me, Rachel. Y' all know. Show it to me, Rachel. Please, Rachel. Show it to me. Well, you could say, show me to me, Rachel, and it's me after doing ayahuasca. And Rachel's name is Rach. Or Rachel's name is ayahuasca. Oh, my God. I'm so fried. I'm so.
Kai
Wouldn't it be your name is Rachel if you were like, show me to me, please, Rachel.
Drew Phillips
Show me to me, please, Rachel. No, I'm asking Rachel to show me.
Kai
Yeah, because Rachel is used. Show. You're speaking to yourself, like, show me to me, please.
Drew Phillips
No, Rachel's God in this scenario.
Kai
Okay.
Drew Phillips
Omnipresent Rachel is Jesus. Yeah. Okay. So to fill some time, I feel like I could talk about basketball if y' all.
Kai
Oh, my God. No, we don't.
Josiah
Like.
Kai
We just started. We don't need, like, a.
Josiah
You and some other guy were talking about basketball yesterday when we were walking back to the car, and it freaked Me out so bad that I had to run up to Enya and Rain and be like, dude, they're talking about basketball, and it's freaking me out.
Drew Phillips
You just don't get it.
Josiah
I really don't.
Kai
I actually don't. When we were at that same game night before, we had to get there early because Drew wanted to watch the rest of the game. So we had to go, like, an hour early to finish the game. And I felt the exact way an infant does. Their mother is ignoring them and on Tik Tok while the baby is on the chest. Like, I was just looking at the screen because it was something to look at.
Drew Phillips
And I was, like, sitting on the couch, like, on my knees, like, rocking, like, watching the game.
Kai
And he kept being like, oh. Oh, my God. Oh, wow.
Drew Phillips
This is. Well, that's my team. Like, we're teammates at this point. Like, I bought a jersey. Like, we're part of the squad. Kyrie and Luca. Kyrie and Luca.
Kai
You ate him up. You're not a teammate. You're a fan.
Drew Phillips
Oh, wow. Mark Cuban.
Josiah
Mark Cuban died yesterday.
Drew Phillips
I know. Yeah.
Kai
No, fuck you. I would have seen that. I keep up. I would have seen that.
Drew Phillips
But, yeah. So Kyrie and Luca, best backcourt in the league right now. Cooking Rudy Gobert, defensive player of the year. Yeah, right. That team was built to beat the Nuggets and the Nuggets only the reigning champions and the Mavs are going to sweep them, unfortunately tonight. And it's going to be very sad for them, and I'm so excited.
Anya
I don't understand basketball or sports or anything, but I'm a good ass boyfriend. And I fucking spoiled Drew and I take him to courtside.
Josiah
Why do you say shit like that?
Kai
I'm a good ass.
Drew Phillips
What do you mean the girls are fighting?
Anya
No, no. Say it. Say it. Say what you want to say.
Josiah
Delusional girl here. Delulu.
Anya
Delusional.
Josiah
Chocolate.
Drew Phillips
Chocolate potato chicken.
Josiah
Okay. I have a joke.
Drew Phillips
Chocolate.
Josiah
Okay. Knock, knock.
Drew Phillips
Who's there?
Josiah
Potato.
Drew Phillips
Potato who?
Josiah
Potato chicken.
Kai
Dude, this is, like, really, like, one of those episodes I'm gonna watch back and be like, what the.
Drew Phillips
I'm already mortified. I'm like.
Josiah
I feel like every episode that I come on ends up like that. And y' all keep bringing me on. You're like, well, it. We'll just have Josie on. It'll be a good episode. And every time it's horrible. It's just a different type of vibe.
Kai
Well, when I finish my period, every few days after that, I get really scared that there's a chance that I left a tampon in myself, and then I'm gonna die.
Josiah
Ew.
Anya
Yeah. I'm out of here. I can't do this.
Drew Phillips
I literally just threw up in my mouth.
Kai
Do you know how hard it is being a girl?
Drew Phillips
Y' all always complaining about some, like, you don't have Sephora Rogue sale right around the corner.
Josiah
No.
Kai
What you got? The other day, Drew was like, wait, where are you going? Are you going to the Sephora road sale?
Drew Phillips
That was Josiah.
Josiah
I thought it was the road sale. What the Is the rogue sale?
Kai
Rogue, like red?
Drew Phillips
Rogue wave Rogue, like red?
Kai
Is that not what it is?
Josiah
I don't know if that's girl or is it wrong?
Kai
Because I'm going crazy in the Sephora rogue.
Josiah
Oh, I have a good idea for Sephora. The Sephora challenge is go into Sephora, run in there, try to eat as much makeup as you can before you throw up.
Drew Phillips
Oh, should we prank call Gucci again? Oh, well, yeah, me and Josiah. Okay, so me and Josiah Kai. Don't touch that. Don't touch that.
Anya
I was told by the team that Drew needs a little bit more room on his left side.
Drew Phillips
Okay, good. Oh, wow. Also, I'm so big that I need.
Anya
That's not at all. That is not at all a lot.
Kai
Of the shot right now.
Josiah
Yeah, Drew, it's not shocking.
Drew Phillips
Oh, my God. This is crazy.
Josiah
What makeup shade is that? What makeup shade is that? Malt liquor.
Kai
Do you know what he's referencing?
Drew Phillips
Yes. Yes, I do. Okay, so India left to the gym and left me and Josiah home alone. And when we're home alone, when we have custody of Josiah, me and Josiah just get into shit. Like we do. Fun leaving us home alone.
Josiah
Mistake number one.
Drew Phillips
Exactly.
Kai
Also, you keep looking at this scammer. That one.
Drew Phillips
Sorry.
Josiah
Continue.
Drew Phillips
So we decided to prank call. So our victims this time were luxury brand stores. So, like, Gucci, Prada, Mu Mu. Louis Vuitton, Versace.
Josiah
Why we never called them?
Drew Phillips
I don't know. It's. And it was.
Kai
So I have business there. Y' all are with my business.
Josiah
Yeah, your business there is buying things.
Drew Phillips
And being a customer, the business in question. So we. We started prank calling all of them, and I don't know. Oh, no, we started with that WSS.
Josiah
Sneakers, because we call them. I like, I've called them in the past. I'm like, do you guys have gay shoes? Because that always tends to, like, stump them.
Drew Phillips
They're like, wait, like gay shoes?
Josiah
And I'm like, yeah, like Karachis. Like gay shoes. Like, for. For Pride Month. Like, my son wants to go to school and, like, show his colors, and.
Drew Phillips
They'Re like, oh, well, then we. Josiah, decided to ask them if he could eat the shoes. And so it's, like, literally not funny. Like, I don't know why it's so funny to us. Yeah. But we decided to call all of the designer stores and just contrive, like, a long story about how, like, we want to eat the shoes. And it would freak them out, and they'd be like, wait, what do you mean? Like, you want to.
Kai
You want to say. It's like the best prank call. Because one, it is not only so harmless, but it genuinely gets the person on the other line asking questions. Because usually the person is like, fudge you. And hangs up. But this one, the person actually believes it. Because first they started out and they would be like, no, you. You can't just buy our. Like, you can't just eat our product. You have to buy it. And then Josie would be like, oh, no, of course I'm going to buy it. But, like, can I eat it in the store?
Josiah
I'm really going to eat the shoes in front of you.
Drew Phillips
And then it would, like, evolve into, can I eat your shoes? And they'd be like, okay, unless it.
Josiah
Was a woman, because I'm not going to do that. But if it was a man, I would be like, well, what shoes are you wearing? Can I eat?
Drew Phillips
And then we called like, have you tried the leather?
Kai
Like, is it.
Drew Phillips
Oh, yeah, yeah. We. We also called Gucci and said that someone took a bite out of the purse.
Josiah
Oh, yeah. I bought a purse for my wife yesterday, and I. There's a bite taken out of it.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. And then it. It evolved into us admitting that we were the ones that ate the bite. And they were like, well, you can't return that, bro.
Kai
Yeah. And then she was like, okay, well, that. I can't help you. And then he was like, should I.
Josiah
Just eat the whole bag?
Drew Phillips
Because it tastes really starving. Yeah. And then we called Land Rover and asked them if we could eat. If we could eat a Defender or. No, No, a Land Range Rover. Yeah, Range Rover Sport. Because by piece. Bolt. By bolt.
Josiah
Defender would rubber. By rubber filling.
Drew Phillips
Yeah.
Josiah
Because I told him. I was like, okay, like, I'm doing this thing where, like, every year I consume a whole car bit by bit throughout the year. So, like, can I come in and taste test some of the bolts? Like. And he was like, what? And I was like, I know it sounds crazy. Like, I. Half an engine for breakfast this morning. And he was like, you want to eat the car?
Kai
And he was like, you can't eat the car. And Josie was like, can I just taste, like, taste test, like, something under the hood where no one will see it? Like, I'll just take a bowl or, like, lick the engine or have some of the oil that's in there.
Drew Phillips
We'll insert some videos of it. I'll find. I filmed literally every single one of them. I was curious if I could come in and just, like, eat the shoes. I'm sorry, what? To what? Eat. Eat the shoes.
Anya
It's a crime to damage the product.
Drew Phillips
No, no, no. I mean, like, I want to buy the shoes first and then eat them.
Josiah
You gonna buy them first or you're gonna eat them first and then buy them? Oh, I would want to purchase them first.
Kai
I mean, you can do whatever you.
Anya
Want with them, man.
Josiah
You know, but we. You can't return them if you eat them. You know, I basically had, like, half an engine for breakfast.
Drew Phillips
It's.
Josiah
It's weird, I know, but I'm just. I'm just looking to get more of a luxury one this year. I purchased an Infinity last year, and I'm almost 70% through the range over. Defenders are amazing. Yeah, they're just so filling. I. I mean, I know I'm hungry right now, but I know it's going to be too much.
Drew Phillips
And there's literally 30 minutes of footage.
Kai
Dude. The car dealership one was the craziest one because it was seven. Somebody who just got a car. It is crazy how predatory, like, the car salespeople are, which. I get it. Get your bag. Understand? But, like, every time I went and looked at a car, I got countless and resentless emailing and texts and calls from the car dealerships being like, are you gonna buy the car? Oh, we could give you a deal. Like, low interest. Like. Like, just harassing me. So this guy stayed on the phone.
Drew Phillips
With the links that they will go.
Kai
Yeah. For literally. Yeah, six minutes.
Drew Phillips
Like, seven.
Kai
Entertaining Josie.
Josiah
And by the end, he was just like. He was like. I kept. I kept pressing it, like, no, I'm gonna eat it before I buy it.
Drew Phillips
I just came. Joke.
Kai
Oh, God.
Drew Phillips
Wait, hold. Let me think about it.
Josiah
Okay.
Drew Phillips
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven, eight, nine, y' all.
Josiah
You didn't just think of that.
Kai
That's a joke.
Josiah
That's been a joke. Like, in, like, third grade. Fourth grade, y' all.
Drew Phillips
I'm burning your houses down.
Anya
My favorite Josiah prank calls were on the way to Jose, Not Josiah.
Josiah
Oh, Joseph Tree.
Anya
No. I knew you guys were gonna make fun.
Josiah
Joshua. Yeah. What is Joseph?
Anya
I never knew this was gonna happen.
Josiah
You sound like a Joseph Tree expert.
Anya
I knew this would happen again. No. On the way to Joshua Tree and you called, like, five Chick fil A's and asked if they got the pussy part of the bird. Yeah.
Josiah
Drew came up with that. That is really good, Linus. Calling them and saying, y' all use the pussy part of the bird or. No. Are we allowed to say that word?
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
Kai
What do you.
Anya
We can say whatever Josiah we want.
Drew Phillips
Nothing has changed.
Josiah
Say the crazy thing.
Drew Phillips
Say, do the crazy thing.
Josiah
Do the crazy thing.
Kai
How much earlier were y' all awake than me?
Josiah
We woke up at, like, seven.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, we've been awake since seven.
Josiah
We've been up.
Kai
You look like it.
Drew Phillips
You're out of frame, Josiah.
Josiah
Oh, sorry.
Drew Phillips
Okay, so back to basketball.
Kai
No. Shut up.
Josiah
Please. No.
Drew Phillips
The Timberwolves. Our Anthony Towns is cooked.
Anya
I'd love to hear more.
Kai
Starting to scare me. The emergency intercom meals on that account, they're really starting to scare me because I keep referencing this game night. But before we went, our friend was.
Drew Phillips
Like, oh, game night.
Kai
That's what you were the president gay.
Josiah
Oh, yeah. He was the president of the gay night. What is that thing that he's holding?
Kai
He's probably gonna put it in his butt or something.
Josiah
I'm just looking at the. The meals. That's not so bad. That's just Wingstop.
Kai
No, but what I'm saying is, what's scaring me is we are literally the generation of Eat Hot cheetos. Can't cook, lie. Use iPhone. And I'm starting to think be bisexual. No, no, no.
Josiah
That's pushing it.
Kai
Yeah, that's.
Josiah
I feel like.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. No.
Josiah
Well, they ate healthy this day. Avocado toast.
Kai
Yeah. No. Some people are making themselves things. Okay. That meme was more of a premonition than it was like, a joke. Like, it literally was telling the future. Because our generation can cook breakfast. Like, we can make eggs past that. It's a wrap. Like, it. Literally, finding somebody who can cook a real meal that tastes good, I think, in our generation, is actually impossible.
Josiah
Pasta. I can make pasta.
Kai
Anybody can.
Drew Phillips
Butter noodles. Butter noodles.
Josiah
Butter noodles. The girls be making butter noodles.
Drew Phillips
I make Slim Jims at home.
Josiah
Oh, in the toilet.
Drew Phillips
Yeah.
Josiah
Now you make, like, cocoa. Cocoa Puffs. Like, little pellets.
Drew Phillips
And I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Josiah
I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Kai
Throw it at me.
Anya
I would never Throw something at a woman.
Drew Phillips
Okay, so basically, Rudy Gobert got his ankles broken by Luca.
Josiah
And maybe if he was wearing Gucci shoes, he.
Drew Phillips
Gucci loafers. If he ate his shoe for breakfast that morning, he probably wouldn't have gotten broken down.
Josiah
They should do a gay season of the NBA where they all have to wear high heels for all the games.
Anya
Drew, what else happened in basketball?
Drew Phillips
Thank you for. Actually, you're welcome. Taking interest in.
Josiah
You're such a pick me.
Anya
I don't give a fuck.
Drew Phillips
Wait, we need to go back to what you just said.
Josiah
What, that he's a pick me?
Drew Phillips
He's a pick me. No, no. Gay basketball league where they play in high heels.
Josiah
Oh, yeah. And they wear flips.
Drew Phillips
Have y' all seen the gay basketball league?
Kai
Oh, I seen the gay, like, basketball player who, like, emotes after everything.
Drew Phillips
Yes. Hold on.
Josiah
Who wears nail. Nail gloss or nail polish? What is it called? I just.
Kai
That's, like, every man now.
Drew Phillips
Gay basketball Philippines.
Kai
This is literally.
Josiah
Dude, like, that's a normal reaction to getting a goal, though.
Drew Phillips
For you.
Josiah
Yeah, for you, too. Like, you want to celebrate. Oh, wow.
Drew Phillips
Like, he cooked them. And that emo is so fun.
Kai
I love the, like, the bow.
Drew Phillips
The cupid's bow.
Josiah
Craziest part about this is that guy's straight.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Like, probably. No. That's literally, like, one of my favorite videos of all time. Ky, are you good?
Anya
Yeah, I'm good. I still have a head rush from that.
Drew Phillips
He just chugged a tall boy.
Josiah
Head rush.
Kai
Well, if anybody was wondering where my mental state is, this is something I wrote down in my notes. Kind of in the mood to go to a deserted beach that is kind of cold and foggy, and I have to wear a really big jacket parka, and have a metal detector and just find garbage.
Drew Phillips
Oh, that's where I'm at.
Josiah
I like that idea. But if you were wearing a bikini three sizes too small.
Drew Phillips
Mmm. Just covering the nipple.
Josiah
I'm not discriminating. This year, I'm gonna be sexually harassing Drew and any. Fuck it. Women cannot escape. Y' all want equality? Here you go. Here you go.
Kai
Here you fucking go. Damn.
Drew Phillips
Wait, y' all. Last night at Kai's, we had, like, such a pretty night. Kai's birthday, we had, like, a beach bonfire, and Kai's community came out. And it was genuinely very sweet and cute. It was packed. It was. It was a good idea.
Josiah
You know, people.
Drew Phillips
I was worried it was going to be freezing cold, but when the fire got started and we all got cold or close and, like, it was sweet. It was really cute. But before the fire was started, it was still daytime. I was like, walking around the beach and I picked up this big fucking crab. And it was like, riz. It was crab. Riz. All of the girls were like, drew.
Kai
Oh my God, this is so crap.
Drew Phillips
I saw it.
Anya
Yeah, I saw it. Yeah. And I just have Riz.
Drew Phillips
I have Riz.
Kai
Okay, so this might be a thing of like.
Drew Phillips
I. I'm not gonna say I have Riz. Yeah, don't do it.
Anya
Drew, do you know what, like, a reality distortion field is? Yeah, it's where, like, someone's perspective is so different from like, the rest of the world's. I'm just wondering if you know what that is.
Josiah
Why are you being mean to Drew?
Anya
I'm not being mean to you.
Josiah
You're supposed to be his boyfriend. You're being patient.
Anya
I support him, but I also, like, help him grow and shit. Okay, here's the thing. Last night, did you guys notice it was really fucking hard to start the fire?
Drew Phillips
Yeah.
Anya
And then daddy came in and I started that so quickly and I. My energy was so magnetic. I just felt people, like, feel so safe and so comfortable and they were like.
Kai
Oh, so.
Josiah
Okay, we're telling you differently.
Drew Phillips
Look, wait, I literally have a video of you starting the fire. Do I look that in there? And you look good, Kai. You're literally doing so good right now.
Anya
Oh, I think I actually did that.
Drew Phillips
Also.
Josiah
The fire was.
Drew Phillips
Wait, I'm still. We need to go. Kai, burn down Malibu.
Kai
Kai actually started a forest fire last night.
Drew Phillips
Okay, wait, but I need to go back to reality distortion because I think all three of Yalls realities are very distorted. Actually, never mind.
Josiah
Mine is awesome.
Drew Phillips
Never mind.
Kai
Awesome.
Josiah
Mine is awesome.
Kai
Well, I got bullied at a concert.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, it was really dark. It was really dark.
Kai
I got bullied and I did cry over it. So if anybody was wondering.
Drew Phillips
And then she took. Stood next to a leaky trash can and took like 30 photos.
Josiah
Oh, how long was she standing next to you a leaky trash can? He said leaky.
Kai
You may laugh about it even.
Josiah
Sorry, Drew. Read the.
Kai
You really made him think.
Josiah
Read the notes. Yeah, he's thinking. Not the thinker on set today.
Drew Phillips
Syphacis. Syphilis. Rolling the Stone. Oh, my God.
Josiah
Remember when I thought I had syphilis?
Drew Phillips
Yeah, that was a horrible dude.
Kai
24 hours, Josie. You thought you had it like for an hour and then you called everybody you knew.
Josiah
Oh, no, I know. I called like my long term girlfriend and was like, dude, like, like 99. I have it, and I haven't even been.
Drew Phillips
And actually, like, y' all, like, weren't long term yet. Y' all. Y' all, like, literally just started.
Josiah
Yeah.
Drew Phillips
Like, it wasn't, like, a fresh, like, or. It was a very fresh relationship. Josiah called everybody without getting tested and told everybody he had syphysis.
Josiah
And I went to the doctor, and she made me pull down my pants and looked at it, and it was.
Kai
She actually.
Josiah
Yes. It was just, like, awkward because I was like, oh, my God.
Drew Phillips
Never mind. I'm gonna say I had a them in.
Kai
Well, should I say my bullying story, or does nobody care about me?
Drew Phillips
Oh, oh, yeah, of course.
Kai
I. I already told you. So it's like.
Josiah
I mean, you thought you didn't tell.
Drew Phillips
Them, and you tell them.
Kai
It's true, guys. Well, when we were at the Sky Ferrera concert, we were getting stopped in, like, this walkway while we were, like, about to head out to, like, use the bathroom, and this girl, like, stopped me and was, like, just talking to me and Drew, and, like, she was, like, the second or third person to stop us, like, in that little walkway. And I'm assuming this guy had been watching us for a minute because I go to walk towards this step, like, their steps down into the walkway. Also, at this point, it was still, like, two, three hours before the concert started, so us being in the walkway wasn't a big deal. It wasn't, like, mid concert or anything. And I was walking in front of the steps, and this guy is, like, charging at me, stops at the top of the steps, and is, like, looking down at me.
Drew Phillips
Like, it's, like, literally three inches from in his face.
Josiah
Yeah.
Kai
Almost falls on me. And then, like, is this close to my face and is like, I'm a huge fan of you, by the way. And I just. I thought he was being. I didn't think he was being facetious. So I was like, oh, wow. Thank you so much. Like, hold on. I'm gonna. I'm speaking to someone right now, but, like, I'll talk to you in a second. And then he just started laughing in my face, and I was like.
Drew Phillips
His friend started laughing?
Kai
Yeah, his friend was right behind him, like, over shoulder. And they were both laughing at me, and they were both grown as, like, pushing 35. So then I was just standing, like, under these two nasty monsters laughing at me. And then I was with that big.
Drew Phillips
Oversized, like, nasty, ratted and tattered turquoise shir. Slept in it that night.
Kai
And then I was like. He just looked at me. He's like, okay. And I was like, oh. And then I backed up, and he started walking away, and him and his friend just looked back at me and were literally dying, laughing. And then I took a few pictures and spoke to somebody, and, oh, we did that video where the girl came up to us and was like, oh, can you take a video of me? And I did that. And then I went out to the smoking area and I cried because I was so angry and embarrassed. And that was my story.
Josiah
That's why concealing carry should be legal.
Drew Phillips
Oh, but Papa was there.
Kai
Concealer and carrying your powder.
Drew Phillips
You mean period. But papa was there to talk you off. Yeah, but I really wanted to find him in the crowd and spit on his face.
Kai
But, yeah, and then we were, like, really trying to think. I was like, what are the chances he actually watches the podcast and was just, like, trying to be funny. But I was like, no, because he definitely did that to me because I was like, a girl and he wanted to make fun of me. And he probably knew that, like people.
Drew Phillips
Because he didn't do that to me.
Kai
Yeah, he didn't like.
Josiah
And hopefully he sees this somehow and he feels guilty and then ends up going to therapy.
Anya
Yep.
Drew Phillips
Well, Sza is my girlfriend.
Josiah
Who's Sza?
Drew Phillips
The musician. S Z A. Sza.
Josiah
S Z A. R Z A. Oh.
Drew Phillips
My God, y' all. No, Sza is my girlfriend, and I just don't think people are talking about it.
Kai
You think you can pull Sza?
Josiah
You think that you're.
Drew Phillips
I already. I already bagged Sza.
Kai
You know Sizza?
Josiah
I don't know.
Kai
We hang out with her all the time.
Josiah
I know Stizza.
Kai
Who is Stizza?
Josiah
That girl who, like, sings all about weed and stuff. Says his sister.
Kai
Wait, so how is she your girlfriend? I've never seen you guys.
Drew Phillips
I'm finding it. I'm finding it.
Kai
You have to find proof that she's your girlfriend.
Drew Phillips
She liked my IG posts.
Kai
I don't know if that makes you not realfront and boyfriend.
Drew Phillips
She liked my IG post Ghost, and it's my Met Gala look, and she thinks I'm funny and she likes my comments.
Kai
Have you ever been in a relationship? Do you know how they form? Because that's kind of not.
Drew Phillips
Like, it starts with a leg babe.
Kai
Like, yeah, it starts with, I've never had any kind of engagement romantically or intimately that didn't spawn from instagram.com.
Josiah
Seriously?
Kai
Yeah, everybody.
Josiah
Horrible.
Kai
Actually, no. I have one person who I met in person, and then it moved to Instagram. Oh, your mama no, your mom. My mom is dead. She never had an Instagram, sadly.
Drew Phillips
Rest.
Josiah
Bummer.
Kai
She didn't make it there.
Drew Phillips
Boring.
Kai
Rest in peace to my mother. She would have loved the iPhone 15.
Drew Phillips
Pro Max, the new camera cook.
Kai
She would have loved to go to a concert and zoom in and be like, guys, you would never guess. I'm actually in, like, section eight now. She's in section eight. Heather.
Drew Phillips
Oh, wow.
Josiah
Or hell, depending on how you both Section 8, period.
Drew Phillips
I've been thinking a lot about billionaires and how they drive in the same traffic as us and they have the exact same iPhone.
Kai
I love when you say, like, I've been thinking a lot about this, and.
Drew Phillips
It mainly means I watched a tick tock. I watched a tick tock about it. They put the. The pants and under underwear on the exact same way as usual. And socks.
Josiah
We're all human.
Drew Phillips
No, I've been saying that. Wait, can someone go to my most recent IG picture and see who follows Sza and see if it's the first person that pops up when you look at it?
Kai
I don't think that means she was the first person.
Drew Phillips
No, no.
Josiah
Like, if you follow her, what's your on Instagram?
Drew Phillips
Oh, my God, Drew.
Josiah
Phil, I didn't follow you a while ago.
Drew Phillips
It's Drew Phillips 09, bruh.
Kai
If she was gonna be there, that would have to mean that somebody in this room interacts with her enough to be the most interacted account.
Josiah
I don't follow her.
Kai
It's.
Josiah
She doesn't exist, and I don't know who she is, so.
Kai
And you're making up a girlfriend. And Josie's just like, he's doing this thing right now by protecting his peace and by convincing himself that Sza is made up because he knows that Sza is real and she's, like, a baddie.
Drew Phillips
I feel like I'm being ganged up on by everybody.
Kai
No, I'm defending you. I'm defending you. But I will say, I think if Sza had to pick between you and me.
Drew Phillips
It would. She might pick me.
Kai
I think she might be.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, because you're such a Pick me. You're a pick.
Josiah
Exactly. You're that girl. I knew you were.
Anya
No, she's not.
Josiah
Very classy. Lady.
Drew Phillips
Lady. Wait, what? Kai.
Anya
No, she's not. Any. Is not a pick me.
Kai
Thank you.
Anya
She's.
Josiah
Kai is the ultimate pick.
Kai
Yeah.
Josiah
Kai is actually, like, every time anyone's getting clowned, he's like, no, you're not.
Drew Phillips
Notice how he hasn't done it to you yet?
Josiah
Exactly.
Kai
Well, no, because he doesn't like you. So actually. What? You're sexy. You're projecting again because you're defensive. Kai's very loving and caring soul, but when he is targeted so viciously by someone as evil as you, why would I defend you?
Anya
We have sexual beef.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, true.
Josiah
What does that mean, dude?
Drew Phillips
Just beef.
Anya
I'm not gonna explain.
Kai
Beef.
Drew Phillips
Beef. Well, the reason Ellen is so rich is because she saved money on editors.
Josiah
The up.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, let's talk about it. Spray on. Talk about it, Mr. Spray On.
Josiah
Like, that is not funny to anyone else.
Kai
No, it's awesome. And it. It's. It's so, so sad because it really is one of those moments that I wish was recorded so you guys could see. See how silly it was. But we were all in, like, 2018, 2019, sitting on the couch, really hungover, just, like, watching Ellen clips as one does. And we were just sitting, like. I don't know why.
Drew Phillips
We were watching the Ellen games.
Josiah
It was the game of games where she was a big villain and hitting a button and, like, killing.
Drew Phillips
Killing people. Right. It was so crazy.
Kai
And we were watching that, and we were all dead silent. And then Josie goes. The editing on this is horrible. That's probably why she's a millionaire because she saves so much money on editors.
Josiah
Well, what really said was this. The editing on this is horrible. I probably said that. And then I said that's why she's so rich is because she doesn't spend jack on editors.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Jack on Editors.
Kai
I've never.
Drew Phillips
And I've never. I've never felt more uncomfortable in my life than when that came out of Josiah's mouth. It shut everyone up in the craziest way. And then we were playing Jackbox tv. Or. Wait, what is it?
Josiah
It's Snatch Game.
Drew Phillips
Snatch.
Josiah
No, no, it's Quip Lash.
Drew Phillips
Quip Lash. We were playing Quip Lash. And, like, we used to take that so seriously. We would play it, like, every night for hours and hours and hours. And, like, it was just, like, basically one big performance for whoever wins. Like, I won every time, basically. But anyways, that's.
Kai
Yeah, that's not true.
Drew Phillips
It's very. It is very.
Josiah
Did win a lot, though.
Drew Phillips
Yeah.
Kai
I think you and Josie won the mo.
Josiah
No, no, it was always Lucas and Josh. They won.
Drew Phillips
No, that was without me playing. When I was guys, I won a lot, too.
Kai
I feel like I only really won when I was high and I wasn't thinking about my answers.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Ye. Yeah.
Kai
Yeah. And then anytime I was playing it sober, I was so in my head and trying so hard to win it.
Drew Phillips
It was. And you could tell, like, when people were trying too hard. And then you could tell when people were just, like, trying to not be funny by trying to not be fun. I don't know. It was such a. It's psychological warfare. But anyways, we were playing around, and it was like one of the first times we hung out with Josiah, like, top five. And one of the answers or one of the questions was like, finish this. Since spray on with a new invention.
Josiah
Like, come up with a new invention that starts with spray on.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. So, like, there's so many avenues you can go down.
Josiah
Spray on pants, spray on shirt, spray on hair.
Kai
But Josiah decided, technically, spray on hair exists. Like, look at Kai.
Anya
Okay, that's not true.
Kai
Sorry.
Anya
That's so fucked up.
Kai
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I'm gonna.
Josiah
If you ever.
Drew Phillips
No, no, say it.
Kai
I'm gonna start taking Minoxidil because my hair is thinning. So I'm projecting onto it.
Josiah
If y' all women out there, if you ever.
Kai
My hair is not thinning. I was lying.
Josiah
If you really want to hurt a man, like, at his core, bring up his hair.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, that's all.
Anya
Clock the hairline.
Josiah
Block the hairline. Clock the thinning hair, because other than that, men have nothing.
Kai
Also, I want to make.
Josiah
Where they don't wear makeup.
Kai
Where. Oh, where?
Drew Phillips
Reduced hairline wear.
Josiah
If I showed mine right now, would be crazy.
Kai
Fell asleep. We were watching All Stars, and I was making fun of what's her name? The one. Oh, Roxy Andrews. I was, like, making fun of Roxy Andrews hairline because she has, like, bleach blonde hair outside of that wig. And, like, it goes so far back, and it looks like it's breaking. Which. God bless. Like, I don't want to make fun of Roxy Andrews.
Josiah
I think I love. Yeah.
Kai
But, like, I was just, like, high and, like, making fun of it. And then Josie was like, don't even start. Don't start. And I was up close to the tv taking a picture, and I turned, and Josie had all his hair pulled back. And we stood in the living room in, like, dead silence.
Josiah
All is coming from inside the house. Finally, someone was honest with the nna, was like, oh, you need to get on Minoxidil.
Drew Phillips
I told you before you.
Josiah
Yeah. But Anya was, like, very, like, brutal. Just, like, it was silent. You need to get on that because I have my hair pulled back. I have tension alopecia.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. No, it is that. It really is.
Kai
I have attention alopecia. Alopecia. Like, I'm losing attention as I get older.
Drew Phillips
You do look like JoJo Siwa.
Josiah
Don't.
Drew Phillips
Okay, like, actually, you do.
Josiah
I'd rather have Jeffrey.
Anya
Josiah, you do look like JoJo Siwa. Andrew, you look like a prince.
Drew Phillips
And.
Anya
And like a handsome prince.
Drew Phillips
And Kai, you look like Jeffrey Dahmer.
Anya
What? Well.
Josiah
Oh, Kai looks like David Dober.
Anya
Well, is it. Wasn't Jeffrey Dahmer kind of sexy? No, he wasn't.
Drew Phillips
No, he was a baddie.
Anya
Which one was a baddie?
Josiah
The one who played him.
Drew Phillips
The Night Slasher.
Josiah
Evan Peters. Oh, yeah. I can't remember his name. Rick James.
Drew Phillips
I'm a Rick James super freak. Okay, I didn't finish, but anyways, Josiah's answer was spray on. And it shifted reality. I like, but it was. It was literally one of those moments. You just had to.
Kai
Also, we didn't know each other that well, so it really came.
Drew Phillips
It was the first bond.
Josiah
Oh, you didn't need to know me that well. Y' all went in on me.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kai
It was payback. Because you were so mean when we first met, which we've talked about before. And I've let go of. I've let go of that, but, you.
Josiah
Know, it wasn't genuine. Genuinely mean.
Kai
When I met Josiah, it was the year my mom died. And I told him he was. I don't know how we got.
Josiah
That's not my problem.
Kai
And I said. And I said, oh, yeah, my mom died this year. And he goes, okay.
Drew Phillips
And I thought you were joking.
Josiah
One and two. Also, you like. I don't know. You like, that's not my problem. I'm sorry.
Drew Phillips
That's horrible.
Josiah
Like, that as we just met.
Kai
Yeah, well, I think I only said.
Josiah
It because you were being made a yo mama joke.
Kai
Oh, yeah.
Josiah
Which is also like, okay, like, you're the one to be like, actually, my mom's dead.
Kai
Yeah, well, you were being mean as to me.
Josiah
I don't remember that.
Drew Phillips
Okay, well, I have a note saying, crying at all of my toxic ex girlfriends that are. That I cheated on making tiktoks about me. Lol. Y' all are so desperate. Get over it.
Josiah
You don't have a girlfriend.
Drew Phillips
Sza. Hello. I cheated on her.
Josiah
With who?
Drew Phillips
You were making music.
Kai
Drew, you spent 20 minutes of this episode. Episode. Convincing us she was your girlfriend, but now you're saying you've been cheating on her?
Drew Phillips
Yeah, that's why she makes all the good music.
Kai
Oh, so I guess you're doing it to benefit, like, the audience.
Drew Phillips
Yes, exactly. I'm for the people.
Josiah
Exactly.
Kai
Yes.
Drew Phillips
Well, yes. Also, I know I've been, like, teasing a lot recently that I've been reading the Bible. Well, I decided to join a church, and I'm gonna. I. I joined Westboro Baptist Church.
Josiah
No, Drew, you can't join there. You really.
Drew Phillips
Actually, I'm really proud. Proud.
Anya
Drew, did you do any research before making that decision, or, like.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, yeah.
Kai
If they look you up, they might.
Drew Phillips
Know exactly what they do.
Josiah
Oh, you know exactly what they do?
Drew Phillips
Yeah.
Josiah
With the signs.
Drew Phillips
Yes.
Anya
Okay.
Kai
They're probably gonna kick you out if they look you up online, though.
Drew Phillips
A straight man that is sexy hot with a very defined jawline.
Kai
Wait, what's that?
Anya
I literally agree with everything you just said.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, thank you.
Kai
But y' all are dating. Dating. I'm so confused.
Anya
Yeah, we're dating.
Drew Phillips
He beats it up so bad about Westboro Baptist Church.
Josiah
Like, they. That's.
Kai
Honestly. That was such a crazy era. Like, them getting on vine and singing that. Do you know what we're talking about? Yeah, like, them singing. That was crazy.
Josiah
But you have to admit, iconic.
Kai
Yeah.
Drew Phillips
I mean, it has stood the test of time. If you just sing God hates. Anybody can finish that.
Kai
I'm, like, curious if that'll ever.
Drew Phillips
Not anybody. Not anybody.
Kai
I'm curious if it'll make a run back to Tik Tok.
Josiah
Like, I'm shocked that it has.
Drew Phillips
No, they're there.
Josiah
I've seen it on Tik Tok.
Drew Phillips
I'm actually the social media manager for Westboro Baptist.
Kai
Oh, do you ref.
Drew Phillips
All of the videos were me. They were my work.
Kai
Oh, wow. You're actually really good.
Josiah
Are you?
Kai
Could manage, like, Charlie d' Amelio or something now with that kind of, like, I do portfolio. You do?
Josiah
Are you, like, infiltrating from within with them or something?
Drew Phillips
Like, asleep or so.
Josiah
Yeah, no, I like fighting the fighting enemy.
Kai
Yeah. Like, you're going to. You're going to, like, get in so he could be like, guys, like, it's okay. Like, you don't have to be so hateful.
Drew Phillips
I like the hate.
Josiah
Oh, no. All right, all right.
Drew Phillips
It's giving low. Anthony, stop. Okay, well, Lyme's disease is in for 2024, and it's Zachary's disease.
Josiah
I don't know what that is, but that's an interesting name for it. What if it's, like, a really bad.
Kai
I saw somebody on Tick Tock who had a tick in their hair.
Josiah
They're so gross.
Drew Phillips
Have you Ever popped one? Have you ever got bit by them or have one?
Josiah
We're not from Texas.
Drew Phillips
Okay.
Kai
Yeah, we're from, like, normal places with buildings and, like, ocean elevators.
Drew Phillips
Oh, wait, y' all did both?
Kai
When's the first time you got in an elevator? Like, probably not till you moved to la.
Drew Phillips
No, I actually have a very visceral or.
Anya
Keep going. You got this.
Drew Phillips
I have a very vivid visceral memory of being in an elevator for the first time. And it was. My mom was Christmas shopping, and I don't think she thought I was sentient yet. And I remember her going into the back of the trunk to get her purse, and I saw all the presents in the back, but she was taking me and Madeline to a doctor's appointment, and I remember being in the elevator on the way up and being in the waiting room room and playing with the, like, classic doctor office. Like, toy where you, like, make the balls drop.
Josiah
No, I know what you're talking about.
Kai
Y' all were playing with balls at the doctor.
Josiah
Stop playing.
Kai
That's crazy.
Anya
Also, I just want to. I want to celebrate Drew's lexicon. He just said sentient and visceral, and I think that's so cool.
Drew Phillips
Like, thank you. I don't feel like I get enough recognition on my vocabulary.
Josiah
Can you spell those words?
Drew Phillips
No.
Kai
He has to say it to his iPhone.
Josiah
I hear Drew from the other side of the house constantly. Be, like, walking Drew, walking. Or excited.
Kai
He'll be like, nauseous.
Drew Phillips
Well, no. Spell nauseous right now. Yeah. Don't play with me.
Josiah
I can't spelling.
Anya
Be captain I. I can't, but I'm actually. I'm sure you could if you tried.
Drew Phillips
Any A, U, S, C, I, O, U, s. Probably right.
Anya
You're so.
Drew Phillips
I didn't.
Josiah
You put an I in there.
Drew Phillips
I didn't put an I. Nauseous.
Kai
Nauseous and nauseous. I feel like that's one of those words. I just have to start typing it, and my brain somewhere in the back just has that kind of information. Like.
Josiah
Yeah.
Kai
Like, if I'm writing something down, there are a lot of words I can just spell if my hands start doing the work, because it's like muscle memory. But if I have to do it in person, I can't.
Josiah
That's how I feel. Making your mama squirt is like, josiah.
Drew Phillips
Josiah. I swear to God. I was gonna say trying to make.
Kai
My mom squirt would be like going to the dune set and trying to make water show up.
Drew Phillips
It would be like, this It'd be like this. Like a dust. Dust cloud. Okay.
Josiah
This is what we're about.
Kai
Talking.
Drew Phillips
I just have this saved for some reason. I don't know why I saved it in my notes.
Kai
Because you want to do that again?
Drew Phillips
Is that what it was?
Kai
Yeah.
Josiah
Why don't you do your.
Kai
Oh, okay. Wait. Oh, yeah.
Drew Phillips
It is time. It is time. Oh, a vibrator downloaded the vibrating. I downloaded the vibrator app.
Kai
Sorry, guys, Wait. I have a really good idea, because your month is coming up, so if you want to do something fun with your hair, we could do highlights of color.
Josiah
Oh, yeah, the month.
Drew Phillips
Month.
Josiah
June.
Kai
Month, too.
Josiah
Just true.
Anya
Body is tea.
Drew Phillips
Wait, is body right now?
Anya
No, body is absolutely.
Kai
Body is fart.
Josiah
Body is coffee. So it's not tea. Body is boba.
Drew Phillips
Body is milk. Okay, well, so since the stand up killed in the TMG episode, in our episode, I decided I was gonna write some more stand up. And I don't know if it's as good as last week, but I have, like, a solid two minutes, maybe three of stand up.
Kai
That's too long.
Drew Phillips
Okay. How old do you have to be to buy alcohol?
Kai
21.
Drew Phillips
This is like the divine humor part.
Kai
Divine humor.
Josiah
Divine, masculine. Divine humor.
Drew Phillips
Divine feminine. No, divine. Why are there so many chickens crossing the road? Look at all those chickens. And why am I so hungry all of a sudden?
Kai
Okay, you know, it's fucked up. It's like Drew sat next to me, like, 10 minutes.
Josiah
He read them to me yesterday.
Drew Phillips
So Inyako wrote this one in the dare program. They taught me about weed, meth, and heroin, but they never taught me about pornography. Porn.
Kai
Because Drew's addicted to porn.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Okay. Money makes me feel like a pirate sometimes. I want more. I'm getting into the accent.
Kai
Wait, I don't think, like, pirates say that.
Drew Phillips
No, they like the booty.
Kai
They say org, but they don't say, I want more.
Drew Phillips
Oh, it could be. It could be like, I want more. The booty. The booty. I want more booty. I want more booty. That's you be when you shut the up. Okay, Every time I turn on the light in my house, I get scared because I see Anya naked.
Kai
That's been you anything that I'm, like, always naked.
Josiah
One originally was icy Anya hd, and I was like, please change it to IC and ya naked.
Drew Phillips
Okay, this is a good one. Lesbian. More like the good good. I want to be friends with all of them.
Josiah
Lesbian, like in Spanish.
Drew Phillips
Like, I cooked y' all.
Kai
Dude, that one was really crazy.
Josiah
Okay, they're Good. I want to be friends with all of them. They will laugh about it even.
Drew Phillips
Okay, this is a callback to earlier in the episode. Gucci. More like Gooch makes me say E because it smells so bad. Oh, by the way, why do I get so scared to eat in front of the workers at Gucci? Oh, I know why. They always make me feel bad about eating their shoes. Like, have y' all ever tried leather, cork, and rubber? It's a godly combination. Near scare me cuz Kai stands in front of them naked and they break.
Josiah
Never go in the bathroom with Kai.
Drew Phillips
Exactly.
Josiah
Unless you want cuts all over your body. It'll shatter.
Drew Phillips
It'll explode. It doesn't just shatter.
Kai
Like, it's gonna, like, burst at you.
Drew Phillips
Okay. Witches are always brewing their potions and shit and saying things like, I want to cook all the bad kids in the world in a cauldron. And Enya is ugly like a witch.
Anya
Okay.
Drew Phillips
Okay, okay, okay.
Kai
Oh, wait, there's more.
Drew Phillips
Yeah.
Kai
Did you help write that one? Did I?
Drew Phillips
No, I wrote that one. And, yeah, it's ugly. Monogamy is overrated. Who just wants to have sex with one person? Y' all are crazy people. I want to have sex with at least 200 people.
Kai
At least 200.
Drew Phillips
And that is the stand up.
Kai
Wow, that was actually good.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, we'll need to add, like. Drew, stand up.
Kai
Why do you. You sing all of your little things in the same key.
Drew Phillips
Well, then how would you do it?
Kai
You don't need to sing.
Drew Phillips
Josiah, sing Drew, stand up. No, Kai, sing Drew, stand up.
Anya
I'm not doing that.
Drew Phillips
What the.
Kai
Yeah, we're all.
Josiah
You have ops.
Drew Phillips
Oh, my God, y' all. Zach, sting Drew, stink up. Drew, stand up. See, I have one person on my side. One person on my side.
Anya
I'm not going to sing it, but I did laugh so hard that I actually pissed myself a little bit.
Drew Phillips
Did you save it?
Kai
Fergie pissing her pants literally made me crack up.
Josiah
Please can y' all answer that?
Drew Phillips
Wait, hold on. Did you save it for me? Cuz you were supposed to save that for me.
Anya
Oh, yeah, no, it's an amazing.
Kai
You could suck on the cotton.
Anya
Oh.
Josiah
Ew.
Drew Phillips
Cocking. What's the Fergie video? I didn't see it.
Josiah
It's not a video. You remember that picture of her where she's singing like this?
Drew Phillips
She pissed.
Josiah
Or someone say she talked about it. She confirmed.
Drew Phillips
They would talk about it even. Those were the most footsteps sounding footsteps I've ever heard.
Josiah
No, I didn't know we were in The Foley Studio.
Anya
No. Is this real?
Drew Phillips
I want to be a Foley artist. I want to be a Foley artist so bad.
Kai
When Fergie peed her pants while performing let's get it started in 2005, I'm running on stage.
Drew Phillips
Let's get it started. More like, let's get it farted. Hey, sorry, I. I didn't write that one down. I just. I'm trying, like, improv.
Kai
Yeah, don't do that. When Fergie Peter pants while performing let's get it started 2005, I'm running on stage, and we jump and do let's Get It Started. And I get crazy. Crazy. And I jump and I run across the stage, and my adrenaline was going, and, gosh, I wish it didn't happen. I was so embarrassed. Like, also, that being her statement. Like, the interviewer who asked her that question is so up. What else is she supposed to say? Like, her being like. So I was.
Josiah
I want an audio recording of that interview of them being like, so did you pee yourself on stage?
Kai
So can you explain this photo?
Drew Phillips
They would be about it even.
Kai
She should have just said she started her period. That's would have been my. But I guess it was not red, y' all. When she said she squirted, she was so happy. And then she could have made a sexy vibe.
Drew Phillips
Brainstorm.
Josiah
Green needle.
Drew Phillips
Laurel.
Kai
Laurel.
Drew Phillips
Yanny.
Josiah
Yanny. Yanny.
Drew Phillips
Laurel.
Kai
Okay, let's get into.
Drew Phillips
Is the dress black or blue or white and gold?
Josiah
It's white and gold. And that man tried to kill his wife.
Drew Phillips
I saw that.
Josiah
Saw that.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, Me.
Josiah
But you know what? Honestly, when I saw that, I was like, I don't care. Did he kill his wife? No. He tried to. I don't give.
Drew Phillips
I've tried to kill y' all, like, at least.
Josiah
Yeah, like, that's not interesting to me at all.
Drew Phillips
I. I get dry ice, and I put it in a bucket in Yalls room, and I try to fill it up with carbon dioxide.
Josiah
What the.
Drew Phillips
So y' all suffocate in your sleep?
Kai
Well, I hit my puff so many times. That's gonna take a lot more than that to, like, suffocate me.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, true.
Josiah
Also, I want to make this. I. I recently watched some of the guest episodes. Right. And I'm the only guest. You guys don't have any questions for me? You don't. You.
Drew Phillips
Just because you're an extension of us.
Kai
Yeah.
Josiah
Well, what. What do you. You don't.
Drew Phillips
You.
Josiah
But you never have any questions for.
Kai
Me where you're like, yeah, I have A question. When are you gonna start fucking paying rent since you stay at our house so much? Yeah, that's my question for you.
Josiah
Okay. I'm not the one who, like, when I'm leaving, you guys, like, beg me to stay. Right? Right.
Drew Phillips
It's because we get alone. Like, because me and in are essentially, like, the same person at this point. So, like, we get alone with our thoughts, and it's like talking to a mirror.
Kai
Well, look how scary we look in this. We look like we do meth. Like, we look like a really scary dude.
Josiah
I saw that, and I do. Not with that.
Drew Phillips
Put that on the episode.
Kai
Dude. Look at us in this picture.
Drew Phillips
Was that at Coachella when I wore the.
Josiah
Yeah.
Drew Phillips
The Hot Cheetos rebrand is horrible.
Josiah
They did a rebrand?
Drew Phillips
Yes. The bags are horrible. They did. Don't. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, because it looks terrible. And I haven't bought Hot Cheetos since because the packaging is horrible.
Josiah
That movie was really good, though. Apparently, people loved it, and it was super good.
Drew Phillips
Was Ryan Reynolds in it?
Josiah
No. I was joking.
Drew Phillips
Apparently, it was Ryan Reynolds. No, actually, never mind. You should talk about. Look at the new rebrand. Looks terrible.
Josiah
Wait, what's the new one?
Drew Phillips
So the new one just looks like that triple extra hot. No, it's.
Kai
So I guess. Yeah, the new one looks like it's the extra, extra hot one.
Drew Phillips
It's. Oh.
Josiah
Which would make me be like, oh, those are probably really hot.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, exactly. And I don't want that. Like, I want the old bag where it was.
Kai
Like, why? The, like, the. The real, like, picture of it that they put on the bag.
Drew Phillips
It's pixelated.
Kai
Insane.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, it's horrible.
Josiah
How did they get a cheetah to be holding them? That's kind of interesting.
Drew Phillips
Cartoon, Josiah. That is a cartoon.
Josiah
I think it's Holly. Weird. They drugged the cheetah.
Drew Phillips
Okay. The last thing I want to talk about is, when I was very young, I wanted to be a rapper really badly. Like, I'm not kidding. I wanted to be, like, the next Eminem. Like, I really, like, I wanted to so badly, and I had.
Kai
You can't write on a beat to save your life. Like, that was.
Drew Phillips
Hold on. Let's talk about the pink dot lyric and the world getting smushed.
Kai
You can barely do it.
Drew Phillips
Okay, but I can write on a beat. Like, I can write the notes.
Kai
The notes that you'd write.
Drew Phillips
Josiah, can I write on the beat? Tell me. I don't fucking cook.
Josiah
Sometimes you can.
Drew Phillips
No. Most of the Time. Because look at. Look at all of the footage. I'm the one planting the seeds. And the idea is, I think.
Josiah
I think you have good ideas. I think just when you're actually getting on the mic, it gets kind of difficult for you sometimes. That's the truth.
Kai
Scared of it.
Josiah
It's not a bad thing.
Kai
I'm not even making fun of you too, because I'm like, no, better.
Josiah
It's not you guys job.
Drew Phillips
No, true, true, true, true, true. I'm not actually. No, I'm genuinely not.
Kai
He. No. He asked if he could sing on the next Greer album and Jesse was like.
Drew Phillips
I mean, like, I did not actually get offended. You're like, you're shifting my real. Well, no.
Josiah
What actually happened?
Kai
Someone's like, you're shifting my reality.
Drew Phillips
You are shifting my reality. Literally. What is it, diarrhea or. No, diorama.
Anya
Reality distortion.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, Reality distortion.
Josiah
Diarrhea also. Yeah. New girl album coming.
Drew Phillips
Yeah. Oh, that's what we wanted to ask.
Josiah
Oh, yeah, that's.
Drew Phillips
I actually want to ask you about that. How's the process been recording that Al album? Ask you question?
Josiah
No, it's been good.
Kai
They're so bad when you.
Josiah
Please don't. There's not much left.
Drew Phillips
Chick fil A sauce.
Josiah
Oh, no. Chick fil? A sauce. A lemonade. No, it's going good, though. The boys are happy. Everyone's being fed and it's probably not going to come out for a while, so I don't even know what I'm talking about it. Maybe there will be a single. Maybe the whole album will come out this year. I'm not acknowledging that. You're saying we can tell when you're saying that. I'm. I'm eating because you're eating.
Kai
Like you're always eating because you're so good.
Josiah
Because my figure is great. I feel amazing about it and I like what I see when I look in the mirror.
Drew Phillips
Distortion.
Josiah
Maybe I have Ed Zachary disease.
Kai
Well, I asked if I could sing on the album and he said, maybe that. I just want to put that.
Drew Phillips
And then I asked if I could sing on the album and he said, absolutely not.
Josiah
Well, because it's like, Drew, you don't have a singing voice like that.
Kai
And then Drew was like, yeah, well, like a song. If you put me on a song and get like 3 million, 4 million.
Drew Phillips
Realized I was doing a bit well. Yes. Okay. Well, India doesn't.
Kai
I do.
Drew Phillips
Because you were saying it was. I was actually offended.
Josiah
I am.
Drew Phillips
Because you're shifting my reality. You're shifting your Reality. Making it sound like to the rest of them that I was.
Josiah
Was that he was pressed. When in reality, Anya was the one who got mad last night when I touched her screen all funky and then her was all up.
Kai
Because my car, like. Like, audio AUX system sucks ass. And it's insane. If you get in the car and you touch the screen and, like, with it before you let it, like, just start up and do its thing, the aux doesn't work. Like, it can't connect to anything. And Josiah got it and started.
Drew Phillips
Well, now I know you're weak.
Josiah
Yeah. Maybe you shouldn't have bought a piece of shit car.
Drew Phillips
Yeah.
Kai
Okay. Says.
Josiah
I drive a nice, sensible Honda Civic.
Drew Phillips
Okay, well, anyways, I wanted to be a rapper really, really badly. And there was this one beat that I listened to all the time. I would literally listen to it, like, unironically all the time. Just, like, thinking thoughts in my head. And I'm about to show you.
Kai
Get this out of Wire. Laughing. I wasn't gonna say to the camera guy. I. I was gonna say, okay, says Mr. No Hair.
Drew Phillips
Oh, no.
Kai
Mr. No Hair is so much.
Josiah
You are not winning the crazy battles. I am winning the crazy battle.
Drew Phillips
This beat truly, truly, like, shifted everything for me.
Kai
I know what it is.
Josiah
It's a joker beat, bro. Hey, I got some reality in the worst way. Wrap my verse. I got so many dicks up. We recorded the three of us, which. This probably came full circle for you, Drew.
Drew Phillips
It was a very important.
Josiah
We recorded this song.
Drew Phillips
Brought the beat to y' all.
Josiah
Yeah.
Drew Phillips
Like, it was, like, a very real thing. Like, it felt really good. What was my verse?
Kai
It was the worst vibe ever. Like, we all were so tired.
Drew Phillips
It was like dicks up in my butt.
Josiah
That was mine. Yours. I feel like. Was. Was it the dinosaur finger line?
Drew Phillips
Oh, it was.
Josiah
I'm fingering your mom.
Drew Phillips
Oh, yeah. Ah.
Josiah
I'm fingering your mom. I got a dinosaur finger. It was, like, the worst. The worst thing I've ever heard in my life.
Drew Phillips
Do you have it on your phone?
Josiah
No, I have it on my computer.
Drew Phillips
We should outro it with this song if we can.
Kai
Yeah, we'll think about it, because I think I'm evil in that song. Did my evil side.
Anya
I have just, like, if you want to ask Josiah a legitimate question, I have legitimate question for him.
Kai
Oh, my God.
Anya
Like, podcast vibes.
Kai
Yeah. What?
Anya
Like, are you good? Are you okay?
Drew Phillips
Oh, my God. No.
Anya
Yeah. Answer.
Josiah
Are you first name? Are you last name?
Drew Phillips
I actually love seeing y' all.
Anya
No, no, no, no, no, Seriously, like, you feel good?
Josiah
Yeah, I'm good.
Anya
Okay, then why would you destroy someone's relationship? I guess it's just my question.
Josiah
Whose relationship?
Kai
That's an illegitimate relationship.
Josiah
Wait, wait, wait. Was it your mother and your father? When I fucked your mama for 10 years like a fucking animal, did you?
Kai
Seriously, did you?
Josiah
I fucked her crazy.
Anya
Like years like an animal.
Josiah
Huh.
Anya
Did you actually do that?
Josiah
Oh, yeah, no. Since I've been 13.
Anya
I don't even. I didn't even know. I didn't even know about that. You're ruining my life.
Drew Phillips
Sorry.
Kai
All right. Do you have Psyop Corner?
Drew Phillips
Yes, but I have to find them first.
Kai
I'm going to do media.
Drew Phillips
Oh, wait, a Walmart Ex Drew collab. I'm not kidding.
Josiah
I've got that email before and I.
Drew Phillips
Was like, I want Walmart.
Kai
I want Walmart.
Josiah
They wanted me to go into a Walmart and, like, take pictures with.
Drew Phillips
And I was like, that's crazy.
Kai
Well, my media of the week is choked by the cardigans. Nothing will t change my mind. Text crick laughing the Guess who? Ventura Highway America and George Martin and what's not.
Josiah
Also, that's like one of my favorite songs on that record. Choke.
Kai
I know.
Josiah
And I feel like everyone hates it.
Kai
No, I feel like it's one of the best ones. It's great and Sexy to Someone by Claro.
Drew Phillips
I like the new Billy. Billie Eilish, Josiah. Do your media.
Josiah
My media. Let me think. The movie. Movie. That movie that I saw.
Kai
What movie did you see?
Josiah
That one. The one movie. I don't know. I. I wasn't prepared for this.
Drew Phillips
The meme account is actually going so viral right now. Like, I went from getting like one to two likes on every post to nine, four, seven.
Kai
Well, I also did go through and like 18,000.
Josiah
Oh, it's dark lady by.
Kai
Oh, isn't that the one that what's her nuts couldn't sing Mirage got sent home on?
Josiah
Actually, such a good song. And that one Dusty Springfield song. You guys can figure it out.
Drew Phillips
Okay, so.
Josiah
Oh, and still baby reindeer. I'm still. That's still my media.
Drew Phillips
Okay, Drew, sigh up there. I opened two gifts this morning. They were my eyes. Thank you, Lord. Westboro has changed me.
Kai
Shut the up. That's your only media?
Drew Phillips
Yeah, group Breastfeeding starts in 10 minutes. This is more of a visual one, so I'm going to send it your pants.
Kai
Oh, that's a good joke.
Drew Phillips
Select multiple.
Kai
Are we going to get to play Fortnite or do you have to go?
Josiah
I don't know, cuz I don't want to deal with the traffic. Maybe if we have a little bit of.
Drew Phillips
All right, everybody check your phones. I'll show you guys. Josiah, since you have. I wish it's an island where I belong.
Josiah
Oh, freak island.
Drew Phillips
That's like kind of my place.
Kai
Is that where you're from?
Josiah
I think that's. Yeah, that's Epstein's. I silent.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, it is. Wait, who the is in the car with Kim Kardashian and Davidson? Yeah, hold on. Who the is that? See, I'm not kidding. Who is that?
Kai
It's me.
Drew Phillips
I think it's Kai in the back. I think it's Kai in the back seat.
Kai
Kai. Kai.
Anya
There's no way that you guys seriously think that's me, bro.
Kai
Dude, that is. Is that not you?
Anya
No, no, that's not me.
Kai
Cuz right now you're serving like you got your beat done by, like, makeup by Ariel before you got here. And this might be like on and off.
Anya
300 year old person in the back.
Kai
Of the car also, for a second I was like, wait, is that real? Why is he there?
Drew Phillips
No, no, no, no, no. Okay. My media is baby Kia. Kai, what was that meat computer song you sent me? I really like that one. One.
Anya
Oh, let me. Let me find it.
Drew Phillips
Actually, I have the album right here. There's morning again.
Anya
Shut down entirely.
Drew Phillips
Yeah, shut down entirely. And then I've already said burial like a hundred times, but untrue is just like my vibe. Oh, go, go.
Josiah
You guys do need my help.
Drew Phillips
No, you did not.
Josiah
Dude. I'm the opposite of super.
Kai
The hands with it.
Drew Phillips
You do need my help.
Kai
You were doing last night, you were like.
Josiah
So you guys do need my help. This is unacceptable. I'm the opposite of super nanny with this podcast. I come like every few months and I fuck it up.
Drew Phillips
You shift our reality, our views tank.
Kai
What were you saying? You're altering my reality. No, because you're altering my reality.
Drew Phillips
Shifting my reality. Altering my reality. I don't remember anymore.
Josiah
All right, well, also, am I attractive? Let me know in the comments below because it's been freaking me out lately.
Kai
You are attractive. Active.
Josiah
I don't think so.
Kai
My. You're beautiful.
Drew Phillips
You're beautiful.
Anya
This is what I say. I'll wrap it up with this. Drew only smashes tens, so if he's hitting that.
Kai
Oh, my God.
Josiah
Not hitting this.
Anya
Oh, what are you talking about? What the. I'm losing my mind. Over the top.
Kai
Oh, okay. There's peace. There's still peace.
Drew Phillips
We in the gym. I was just like screaming, I'm not a twink. I'm not a twink. Just for like 15 minutes straight and, and scaring everybody in there.
Josiah
And there was this creepazoid sitting in the corner. Cuz there's like a seat that no one sits on in the locker room.
Kai
There's always.
Josiah
And he was like, he like looked at Junior, like looked at me. He was like. And I was like, you're a creep. Sitting there for 30 minutes in the locker room watching all the guys looking.
Kai
At him and judging him as if Drew isn't in the hallways yelling, I'm not a twink. I'm not a twink. I'm not a twink. Like he got stuck on loop.
Josiah
Self.
Kai
And I just don't get defensive over Bazinga.
Josiah
Bazinga.
Drew Phillips
All right, does anybody watch Young Shell?
Kai
Guys? Thank you guys so much for watching.
Ryan Seacrest
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Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "Enya Got Bullied"
Episode Overview "Enya Got Bullied" is the latest episode of Emergency Intercom, a comedy podcast hosted by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips under the iHeartPodcasts banner. Released on May 31, 2024, this episode delves into personal anecdotes, humorous exchanges, and a heartfelt discussion about bullying, all wrapped in the show’s signature comedic flair.
The episode kicks off with a lively gift opening segment featuring guests Drew Phillips, Kai, and Josiah. Drew and Kai express their excitement over receiving gifts from Teenage Engineer (TMG), a brand they avidly follow.
The hosts humorously struggle to open their packages, highlighting their genuine enthusiasm and the comedic chemistry among them.
Drew introduces a humorous yet odd topic about not wiping for 15 days, sparking reactions from Kai and Josiah. This segment showcases the hosts' ability to blend personal quirks with humor.
Josiah joins in, contrasting his lack of similar habits, adding layers to the comedic dialogue.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the hosts’ prank calling antics. Drew, Kai, and Josiah take turns calling luxury brand stores with absurd requests, such as eating shoes and car parts.
This segment not only highlights their comedic timing but also their creative approach to humor, keeping listeners engaged with unpredictable twists.
Drew shares a stand-up comedy segment he wrote, attempting to emulate his earlier comedic successes. Despite mixed reactions from the team, this part of the episode underscores the show’s commitment to diverse comedic styles.
While Kai and Josiah critique the bits, the segment adds depth to the episode, showcasing the hosts' multifaceted talents.
The emotional core of the episode centers around Kai recounting a distressing bullying incident at a concert. Kai details the encounter with two men who mocked and laughed at him, leading to feelings of anger and embarrassment.
Drew and Josiah respond with empathy and support, reinforcing the episode’s blend of humor and genuine emotional discussions.
This segment provides a poignant moment, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts on a deeper level.
The conversation shifts to relationship dynamics, with Drew humorously claiming a fictional relationship with musician SZA. This leads to playful banter and teasing among the hosts.
The interactions escalate into exaggerated claims and humorous insults, maintaining the episode’s lively and chaotic energy.
Drew attempts another stand-up bit, incorporating puns and playful jabs at the other hosts. The segment is interspersed with more prank call stories and light-hearted teasing.
As the episode winds down, the hosts continue their rapid-fire joke exchanges, ensuring a memorable and entertaining conclusion.
"Enya Got Bullied" masterfully balances humor with heartfelt moments, offering listeners a multifaceted experience. From outrageous prank calls and stand-up snippets to a sincere discussion on bullying, the episode exemplifies Emergency Intercom's ability to blend comedy with meaningful narratives. Notable quotes and dynamic interactions among the hosts ensure that both regular listeners and newcomers find the episode engaging and relatable.
Notable Quotes:
Overall, this episode stands out for its candidness, comedic brilliance, and the genuine camaraderie among the hosts, making it a must-listen for fans of the podcast.