Enya Had A Cream Dream About Drew

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "Enya Had A Cream Dream About Drew" – Detailed Summary

Release Date: July 29, 2022
Host/Authors: Enya Umanzor (Kai) and Drew Phillips
Description: A comedic exploration of everyday absurdities with Enya and Drew, peppered with humorous banter and relatable anecdotes.

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1. Personal Hygiene and Quirky Confessions

The episode kicks off with Kai admitting a less-than-perfect hygiene habit, sparking laughter among the hosts and listeners alike. Kai humorously confesses, "I do have an ear kink, but I don't take out my earrings nearly enough and wash them. So my earlobes do be smelling like pussy cobbler fart box pie" (02:13). This candid admission leads to a light-hearted exchange where Drew reveals he discovered Kai’s earrings in a shot glass, highlighting their comfortable and teasing rapport.

2. Sleep Challenges and Embarrassing Moments

The conversation shifts to sleep-related mishaps, with Kai expressing a comical desire to sleep in diapers to avoid accidents: "I just want to start sleeping in diapers so I could piss myself." (08:05). Drew shares his own embarrassing experience of waking up twice to pee after a barbecue, illustrating their openness in discussing personal, albeit humorous, struggles.

3. Social Interactions and the Struggle with Eye Contact

A significant portion of the episode delves into the complexities of making eye contact. Drew recounts feedback from his personal trainer, who criticized his eye contact skills: "He was like, does Inya, like, want to work with him? Who is her trainer?" (21:20). Kai discusses her own challenges, especially when interacting with those she's attracted to: "My eye contact isn't true eye contact. It's literally me disassociating, like, looking through you..." (14:00). Their honest dialogue underscores the universal anxiety surrounding social interactions.

4. Dreams, Fears, and Future Concerns

Drew narrates a vivid dream where Kai falls to her death at a Gorillaz concert: "Next thing you know, I look over and you're partying and you trip and fall over the barricade at the concert and fall 150ft and you're screaming the entire way down." (28:04). This dream eerily mirrors a real-life incident at a Texas Rangers game, adding depth and a touch of seriousness amidst the humor. Additionally, the hosts discuss their anxieties about potential earthquakes and climate change, reflecting broader societal fears: "I'm on the cusp of something else. And now I'm like, oh, my God, is this it?" (31:12).

5. Health, Hygiene Products, and Budgeting Woes

Drew humorously laments his frugality, particularly regarding hygiene products: "One thing that I spend money on is stuff that smells good. So, like, diffusers, candles, and also really expensive hygiene products." (05:07). He references a Kanye tweet about overspending on candles, connecting personal anecdotes to popular culture references. Kai responds by critiquing Drew's hygiene product choices, leading to a playful exchange about maintaining cleanliness without breaking the bank.

6. Media, Music, and Pop Culture Commentary

The hosts engage in a spirited discussion about their media consumption habits. Kai expresses disdain for certain radio music, fearing that popular songs lack quality: "It feels like everybody who I hear on the radio... was freaking me out." (23:02). They also delve into their preferences for music, mentioning tracks like Don Omar’s hits and discussing the impact of shows like "Nope." Drew praises the "Nope" movie, calling it "a really, really amazing take on that style of movie." (52:49), while Kai shares her own humorous frustrations with media accessibility and quality.

7. Behind the Scenes: Merch and Podcast Dynamics

Josiah, another participant, introduces the topic of merchandise creation: "I'm making, like, another item." (25:07). The conversation takes a humorous turn as Josiah reveals he's crafted a flashlight modeled after Drew’s mouth using a 3D scan: "I did this thing where I, like, scanned your face while you were sleeping and did a 3D." (25:21). This segment showcases the playful dynamics among the hosts and their commitment to connecting with their audience.

8. Final Banter and Reflections

As the episode nears its end, the hosts engage in rapid-fire, humorous exchanges about embarrassing moments, personal quirks, and mutual teasing. Kai and Drew joke about past experiences, twerking out absurdly, and the discomfort of being overly sexualized. One standout moment includes Kai mocking the idea of using a rolly stove's vibrator as merch: "You guys are, too." (35:26). The episode concludes with a mix of laughter, playful banter, and a final nod to their ability to find humor in everyday situations.

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Notable Quotes:

• Kai: "I do have an ear kink, but I don't take out my earrings nearly enough and wash them." (02:13)
• Drew: "One thing that I spend money on is stuff that smells good. So, like, diffusers, candles, and also really expensive hygiene products." (05:07)
• Kai: "My eye contact isn't true eye contact. It's literally me disassociating, like, looking through you." (14:00)
• Drew: "Next thing you know, I look over and you're partying and you trip and fall over the barricade at the concert and fall 150ft and you're screaming the entire way down." (28:04)
• Kai: "I just want to start sleeping in diapers so I could piss myself." (08:05)
• Drew: "It was the worst conversation I've ever had with any human being on planet Earth." (33:51)

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Conclusion:

In "Enya Had A Cream Dream About Drew," Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips deliver a quintessential comedic podcast episode filled with personal anecdotes, humorous confessions, and lively banter. Their ability to intertwine relatable experiences with sharp wit creates an engaging listening experience that resonates with both regular listeners and newcomers alike. Whether discussing embarrassing hygiene habits, navigating social interactions, or reflecting on media trends, Enya and Drew maintain a balance of humor and authenticity, making "Emergency Intercom" a standout comedy podcast.

Transcript

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[Josiah]

Okay, audio's rolling.

[Drew]

Like that.

[Josiah]

Audio is rolling.

[Kai]

I. You said that. And then you, like, press rest in your earbuds and I know the wax smushed and like stuck for a second, then popped back out.

[Josiah]

No, I have clean ears.

[Kai]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Josie is blocking my good light, but that's okay because it doesn't matter because I look good regardless. You literally are. And you have a gun in your hand.

[Drew]

He literally has a gun in his hand and it's like, actually, oh, you're lucky that was that easy for you.

[Kai]

Okay, well, this episode, I have something to admit right off the bat.

[Drew]

Okay, what is it?

[Kai]

The one thing about me that's not hygienic, as hygienic as a person as I am, one of you freaks I know has noticed that I don't have all my earrings in my ear. Because you're a freak and you probably look at my ears and you want to literally stick your finger in my ears. I do have an ear kink, but I don't take out my earrings nearly enough and wash them. So my earlobes do be smelling like pussy cobbler fart box pie.

[Drew]

You know, I did see the ear earrings in one of my shot glasses in the kitchen.

[Kai]

No, I didn't put it in a shot glass. It was in the plastic.

[Drew]

Yeah, and I saw like, the water had gotten cloudy from it being because.

[Kai]

I put, like, alcohol.

[Drew]

It's funny that you had a hygiene note because somewhere in here I think I have a hygiene note that's the.

[Kai]

One thing about me. Okay, y' all need to stop interacting because we're literally trying to, like, do our service to the people. And obviously you don't find that, like, a respectable thing. And you think it's funny to interrupt us or when this. I'm saving lives right now. What are you doing? You're fiddling your fucking thumbs and playing with your ball.

[Drew]

There's a lot of people.

[Kai]

Oh, you can't put that in frame, motherfucker. You have to blur that.

[Josiah]

Thanks, Josiah. Thank you so much.

[Kai]

Thanks for adding to our friends workload. Now you got to give him a different kind of load to eat also.

[Drew]

I literally just woke up. I'm, like, rebooting. I ate KFC Hot Chicken, Nashville Hot Chicken. And it actually, like, it didn't make me feel like shit, but it gave me narcolepsy, and I had to literally just go and follow.

[Kai]

Literally, when I saw you eating, I was like, you know you're not supposed to be doing that.

[Drew]

I know, I know.

[Kai]

You literally can't have a meal before we work. It's, like, unreal.

[Drew]

But I had to today because we started late because I had a workout session that I slept in for.

[Kai]

You look beautiful today, by the way.

[Drew]

Really?

[Kai]

What about me? Come on.

[Drew]

You look gorgeous, too.

[Josiah]

You guys both look sexy.

[Kai]

Okay, it was slow, but I'll take it.

[Drew]

Yeah, you look gorgeous, too. But, I mean, in those pictures that Zamar took from Mason's brand, I looked really good.

[Kai]

You did look sexy in them. I was like, damn.

[Drew]

Hate my fucking broken hair at the top, though. I hate it so much.

[Kai]

You just gotta get a little. It's because of the caps, too. So you just gotta get a haircut and stop wearing your hats, because it's the hats making the breakage.

[Drew]

I think what it also is, is when I wash my hair, it's vine. Or when I dry my hair, it's, like, violent. Like, I'm concussing myself. Like, I'm like, you gotta get a.

[Kai]

There's microfiber towels, specifically, also for curly hair. And I used to use one, but I, like, refused to let my hair dry. I blow dry my hair now. I tried to do it today because I was looking at your hair yesterday in the car. I was like, you know what? I should let my curly hair.

[Drew]

You were inspired by my hair?

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And I was like, I should let my curly hair live. And then, like, I saw, like, especially because these, since these are so short. They were, like, doing the thing where they curl up a lot.

[Drew]

And I Was like, yeah, it was. It was giving. Every girl that saw those photos of me were like, damn, like, you. He has, like, really luscious hair, and.

[Kai]

I want to pull it off his head and beat him into the ground.

[Drew]

I want to steal his hair.

[Kai]

Y' all need to stop playing, cuz it's pissing me off.

[Drew]

I didn't know if you knew about. He was really desperate. He kept looking at me. I was like, he's like, ass.

[Kai]

Again.

[Drew]

Kai can't get their attention. That's crazy.

[Kai]

Yeah, cuz we don't pay attention to Kai, and now you're making us do it, and it's like, a lot.

[Drew]

But you were talking about hygiene. And I did write something down. I wrote a thought down that I had, and I was like, okay. Of all the things that I choose not to spend money on, like, I am very. A very frugal person. I do not spend my money. I literally hoard my wealth. One thing that I spend or two things that I spend money on is stuff that smells good. So, like, diffusers, candles, and also really expensive hygiene products like that. Like, I literally don't need to be buying. Cause it's way out of my budget. Literally. That Kanye tweet that's like, I spend $3,000 on candles a month or $300,000 on candles a month. Can someone please, like, teach me how to budget better? Literally, I do that with, like, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, like, all those hygiene products. And yes, I do wash my body, and I wash my hair and I brush my teeth.

[Kai]

Do you wash your hair a lot? I was thinking that today at the gym.

[Drew]

No, I wash my hair after the gym, but I don't.

[Kai]

I washed my hair at the gym, and I was like, how does Drew use this shampoo and conditioner? Because it was probably some of the worst, like, hair products I've used in a long time.

[Drew]

I just use a shampoo. I don't use a conditioner. I use a conditioner twice. And I was like, dude, this.

[Kai]

It's, like, really bad.

[Drew]

It's, like, super liquidy. And I also thought about it, and I was like, if I was a demon, I would put Nair or LSD or come inside of the public shampoo, conditioner, and body washes and ruin people's lives. But I'm not a freak. But I did have that thought. I was like, that's. There is a freak that has thought about doing that before and probably has.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, I'm sure there's somebody who Has a kink for, like, the idea of that and, like, has done it, which you're going to hell and you're going to burn for all of eternity, and there's no coming back from that. But, like, let's be clear. My. My ears, like, don't smell in the way that if you, like, get up.

[Drew]

In my neck, you get the privilege. There's an odor.

[Kai]

If you get the privilege of sucking on my neck, you're not going to smell the fart box juices on my ear. But when I, like, touch my ears, when I have all my earrings in and I give it a whiff, and it do be smelling like undertow.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

And that's my admission. Not the. Not the main hole, just my tiny holes.

[Drew]

Oh. But I mean, when I'm around you, in your presence, sometimes I do get a whiff of, like, this metallic.

[Kai]

Oh, that actually might be your stinky hair, like, getting in your face.

[Drew]

No, dude. Oh, my God, we ate that ice cream from McDonald's last night. And I was so exhausted, and I was like, dude, I need to go to bed. I need to go bed. So I just brushed my teeth and that was it. And when I was laying in bed, I. I was, like, just getting this smell, and I was like, what is that smell? And I had ice cream in my mustache. And you know what I did? I didn't wake up and go and wash my mustache. I just went to bed.

[Kai]

No, that kind of stuff freaks me out. Last night I really had to pee, but I fell asleep holding Azul very cutely. And I didn't want to get up, but then I fell asleep for, like, 10 minutes. And I woke up because I was like, I'm going to piss everywhere. That's why I need diapers. I just want to start sleeping in diapers so I could piss myself.

[Drew]

Yeah. For the first time in my entire life, in my entire life, I had to wake up two times to go pee in the middle of the night. And it wasn't last night. It was the night before the barbecue. And I have literally no idea why that happened, because I normally just wake up in the morning and just, like, literally, like, like piss. The most piss I've ever evacuated from my body.

[Kai]

I just sound like a little fire hydra girl.

[Drew]

You've heard my morning piss. Like, that shit is loud and thick, like, girthy piss.

[Kai]

My morning piss is viscous. It's like a lemonade syrup.

[Drew]

Yeah. It's like caramel.

[Kai]

But fuck, what was I gonna say? Oh, when I sleep with other People that's. I feel like I'm more prone to waking up in the middle of night and going pee. And when I sleep alone, I never wake up to go.

[Drew]

It's that anxiety about pissing yourself with other people in your bed. Like.

[Kai]

But I think I've said before, I have pissed myself a little bit when I was in bed next to someone before.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

Like, I, like, literally, I. And it wasn't even a laugh or anything. I just woke up in the middle of the night and I was like, oh, my God, I literally pissed myself.

[Drew]

Wait, isn't hilarious how, like, there's these little embarrassing things that, like, every human does that. Like, all of us like, to ignore that. We. We act like we all don't do them, but we all do them in private. Like, everybody has pissed their pants like, or pissed the bed, like, but no one talks about it. And there's like these little things that, like, people. Everyone does, but no one talks about. And there's another one that popped in my head the other day that I was like, oh, like, everyone does that, but we all don't talk about.

[Kai]

I am saying this with the utmost privilege because I genuinely do think it's like a blessing in my life. But so many times I have micro pissed myself from laughing so hard. But, like, I always, like, say. I'm like, dude, I'm literally like, pissing myself. I need to get up and go. Like when I'm at a table with my friends. John Mulaney had a really. I think I've literally said exactly this, but I was listening to a podcast. He was like, if you don't stop, I'm gonna smack the out of you.

[Drew]

Calling all the last straight men in 2022.

[Kai]

Should I do it? Should I do it too? Because, like, I don't know if a gay person doing it, like, if they'll like, here.

[Josiah]

Oh, okay, now we have to take a break. It's gonna be like a 30 minute thing.

[Kai]

I mean, like, don't put yourself in a position to, like, have the truth told to you. Literally look at your shirt. Like, how are you gonna do that with that shirt on? Your head is kind of cut out.

[Drew]

I know the entire episode, but you just don't take me into account.

[Kai]

Well, bitch, you were fucking sleeping.

[Drew]

I was passed away. And you know what's crazy is I sleep fully clothed now. Like, I'm back on my bullshit. I like, go to bed, like, in a full outfit, and then I rise and I'm good and I sleep with the lights on. I will fall asleep with the lights. I hate it.

[Kai]

Drives me crazy because then I'll go in to turn it off. And he's like, no. I'm like, why don't you let me turn them off, you fudgeing freak? I like the lights on the opposite tip. I stopped sleeping naked because one time my friend sent me this.

[Drew]

Earthquake is going to come.

[Kai]

Oh, I don't give a fuck, bitch. If, if the earth is shattering. Like, I don't go, fuck that. I'm naked, bitch. Like, who's, who's going to look at me?

[Drew]

No, no, because like, if, if the earthquake comes and you're fully naked and you have to like run outside and you're like, ass naked and you have to like, cover up like, or like the house collapses on top of you and like they're digging through the rubble and you're already embarrassed to be inside the rubble.

[Kai]

No, but.

[Drew]

And then they find you in your ass naked, they'll be like, oh, my.

[Kai]

God, this girl is so hot. So I'll give like the workers a little boner, which is sweet.

[Drew]

Like, give them something.

[Kai]

I'm like, they need that. The rescue team needs a little alleviation from like the terror that is the apocalypse to my tits so they could get a little pudge going.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

But what the was I saying?

[Drew]

Earthquake.

[Kai]

Oh, I stopped sleeping naked because someone sent me a tick tock that was like, oh, when you fart in your sleep when you're naked, you just be living little poop particles in your sheets. And then you cover your bed in poop particles. And then it was like a joke, but I took it really serious because, you know, like, me, I'm a freak. And I'm like, oh, my God, I can't.

[Drew]

No, that's really.

[Kai]

I can't get my clean bed dirty. But I'd be on my bed like, what? Like poop particles, like they're sweat and squirt all over that thing. Like, unless I wash it, like, it's whatever, it's bound to get dirty.

[Drew]

Yeah, we had that conversation the other day. Like, I'm okay with people having sex in my bed because, like a little.

[Kai]

Sex we were talking about. Would you rather someone, like, pee in your bed? No, it was a pee.

[Drew]

It was pee in your bed or like, have sex. And I was like, have sex in my bed?

[Kai]

Yeah, I'd rather, I'd rather you get a little come on my. She said piss in my mattress.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, if you squirt my sheets.

[Kai]

Like, I can wash it if you Squirt on my sheets. It's like, unless you like.

[Drew]

And it also takes. Smells fucking good. And, like, you get to just leave it in there and lay in there.

[Kai]

And it gets a little crispy. So when I'm falling asleep and I, like, can't fall asleep, I can start, like, picking at it with my nails.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

So I have something to play with.

[Drew]

Yeah, like peeling it off. Like Elmer's glue. Like, off your skin. Yeah, yeah, you do that to your bed sheets.

[Kai]

But I'm back to sleeping naked because then I saw another TikTok that it was a gynecologist talking about how important it is to let your fucking cootie rama breathe. And I was like, dude, yeah, that's literally why I used to sleep naked all the time, is because my cootie needs to breathe. So I'm back on that tip. And then I used to, like, I go on and off because someone tells me something that gives me, like, intense anxiety. And then I can't not think about it because I used to originally sleep naked, but then my mom was like, what if someone breaks in? Or, like, a fire happens, you have to run out of the house and you're naked. But now I'm at the point where I'm like, bitch, I'll throw on my skims robe and I'll, like, keep it pushing. Like what? Like.

[Drew]

I, like, zoned out because I was looking at you, and I was like, oh, I'm doing really good with eye contact right now. And then I thought about my fucking personal trainer. Literally yesterday was like, you're really fucking bad at looking me in your eye. In the eyes, but your friend is really good at it. And I was like, oh, my fucking God, that's so humiliating. He was like, it just feels like. Like, I, like, study, like, body language. And, like, when people don't look me in the eyes, it means that, like, you don't respect, like, the person that's talking to you. And I was like, I swear to God, it's not that I just, like, suck at eye contact.

[Josiah]

I don't think he's interpreting.

[Kai]

I can't make eye contact with people I really want to have sex with.

[Drew]

That's why you have trouble looking at me.

[Kai]

That is not the case.

[Drew]

That's the only way I know I can have sex with someone is if I can make eye contact with.

[Kai]

No, if it's somebody I'm attracted to, that, like, makes me nervous, so I don't look at them. But I. I don't think that I'M like, that good at eye contact, but maybe I am. I think I am, like, kind of really good at it. Because we were speaking to someone new at that barbecue and I was, like, staring her in the eyes while I was talking to her, and I had to, like, tell myself to not stare so deeply in her eyes. But sometimes, like, my eye contact isn't true eye contact. It's literally me disassociating, like, looking through you, but my eyes just so happen to be landing on your face.

[Josiah]

I feel like you're really good at making, like, I noticed pretty soon into knowing you that you're very good at making everyone in the room feel like you're talking to them, which not many people do. Honestly. It's usually, like, people will talk.

[Drew]

What about me?

[Josiah]

I don't think we've ever made eye contact.

[Kai]

I think it's literally because I'm insecure about the idea of somebody feeling left out. Like, I. Yeah, I hate when I'm in a conversation with people and, like, the quiet person feels left out because, I don't know, that makes me really sad. It's like, I don't, like, girl, it's like, I couldn't. You know in high school when there were those freak ass who, like, wouldn't eat, but would sit with you while you and your friends are eating and, like, you would offer them something to eat and they're like, no. I'm like, actually not hungry. I'm like, bitch. Well, shit.

[Drew]

Damn, damn, damn.

[Josiah]

No, you're really good at it. I feel like nobody does that, honestly, especially in la, I feel like people will zone in on, like, one person or two people max. But it's very rare to have someone, like, include everyone proactively in a conversation.

[Kai]

Yeah, y' all heard it here. You hard to hear first.

[Drew]

I mean, look, you have 200,000 people on the hook.

[Kai]

I'm literally like, my diva cup is, like, pressing up against my colon right now.

[Drew]

Does it kind of feel good?

[Kai]

No, it, like, hurts.

[Drew]

You need me to get in there?

[Kai]

Yeah, I need you to get in there.

[Drew]

Okay. Well, I was thinking, Joe Biden scares me the same way Michael Jackson scares me. Do you know? Does that make sense?

[Kai]

Joe Biden, I'm not kidding, is, like, not real. Like, and then, like, that's. That's my tidbit. Like, I'm not.

[Drew]

Has anyone ever actually seen Joe Biden in person?

[Kai]

Olivia Rodrigo, we gotta talk to her.

[Drew]

That was not real. That was a psychological operation. I don't think anybody watching this has seen Joe Biden in person. There's no way.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, Joe Biden. Yeah. Because you are seeing the President.

[Josiah]

He's like in a live. Madame Tussauds.

[Drew]

Yes. He's full of sawdust and millworms.

[Kai]

We need to talk about it. They turned those out quick. Now, how? They got Bad Bunny, Billy, Eilish and Anita all in the same month. It used to take them, like, eight years to make those things.

[Drew]

John Travolta got his after 25 years.

[Kai]

Yeah. Now they turn them out like. Like pancakes.

[Josiah]

Like, they have turned 3D printing them or something.

[Drew]

Literally. You. You saw that?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

Like, John Travolta is his wax figure.

[Kai]

I break them so fast now. Oh, also, I need to get a grip because, like, I am literally so embarrassed. I find everything so embarrassing. Like, sky4hour was not joking when she said everything is embarrassing. Like, no, that is so embarrassing. Everything is embarrassing.

[Drew]

Like, I don't so hard to explain that to my personal trainer after he called me a freak for not making eye contact. I was like, no, like, you don't understand. Like, working out is humiliating. I can't do it.

[Kai]

No, that's what I was trying to say to the trainer I was working with that one time. I was like, this is embarrassing. I'm like, it is so humiliating that humans have gotten to the point that we are replicating labor so that we can, like, be in shape because we don't have have to. Like, like, we should be physical labor.

[Drew]

Rolling rocks around.

[Kai]

You should be, like, picking up bricks.

[Drew]

And stacking and, like, carrying 300.

[Kai]

But no, now I'm in the gym, like, with a three pound weight, like, huffing and puffing because I'm on my back and I'm like, like, that is so embarrassing.

[Drew]

Well, your only job as a woman is to carry your child.

[Kai]

Yeah, true. And then I, like, push myself too hard at the gym because I'm, like, trying to prove a point and it's like, who's watching? Now I'm embarrassing myself because I'm trying so hard. Literally, like, that trainer put, like a 40 pound, like, weight on my hips and I was sitting there doing weight thrust with, like. It was like, the bar was 40 and each thing was five. So I was doing it with, like a 50 pound thing and, like, it was literally excruciating. And I still went through and did it because I was too embarrassed to say, like. And I hurt.

[Josiah]

My workout in particular is extremely.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're humping the.

[Kai]

No, I know when I was doing Pilates today, it was like, pulsing like, my hips up and I'm like, I'm literally fucking someone right now. Like, I'm literally, like, I am practicing my stamina so I can like, thrust into Drew later.

[Drew]

It's easy. Yeah, it's easy. But yeah, that. There's like a machine that replicates that movement where there's a belt around you in like the third. The third one I did that. I had to do that.

[Kai]

You. You are too embarrassed. You are too embarrassed. The first time you, like, I'll be.

[Drew]

Like this and look, and then you go. And he'll go. So, like, he'll get so.

[Kai]

Oh, no, it's so.

[Drew]

He does it like so. Oh. And he like furrows his eyebrows. It's so nasty.

[Kai]

You want to come bounce on this lap, girl?

[Drew]

He wants to be in this episode so bad. You're not getting it. You're not getting an episode.

[Kai]

Come here, baby.

[Drew]

They'll never see my face.

[Kai]

Come to daddy, baby. Come on. Come on, baby. Hey. Hey, you. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Actually, let me do it once. Let me do it.

[Kai]

Yeah, you're really good at it. Oh. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

No, it.

[Kai]

Why do you always have to do.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Why do you always do that? This.

[Drew]

Oh, it like, helps. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh. Oh, my God. No, I can't. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

If you touch me again, I'm going.

[Kai]

To figure that butt, girl. I have to stop talking like that. Cuz at the gym, Drew got on the Stairmaster and his ass was right to my face. And out loud I go, I'mma finger that butt.

[Drew]

And there was like this 68 year old man sweating his ass off on a Soul cycle bicycle that looked over and broke neck. What are you doing?

[Josiah]

I was trying to get photos of Jos.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. No.

[Drew]

When I was looking over at you.

[Kai]

Drew, when you were working out that.

[Drew]

Day, I like wanted to, like. I was like trying to take pictures and stuff. But your trainer was there and we had. I was like, he's gonna think I'm weird, dude.

[Kai]

The guy I've had a session with, I still haven't made eye contact with. And I want so badly to just break the tension. The gym gives you a free, like, training session with a trainer. And I did it. And I just like, did it because I got a free session. But I don't want a trainer. Like, I just want to do classes in my little workout and like, have fun and be a girl. But I just basically ghosted my Trainer. And now it's like this insanely awkward thing of, like, not making eye contact with this human. And I want so badly to just be like, hey, by the way, just to make it clear, like, I just didn't want to do. I. I don't want to do it.

[Drew]

It's also uncomfortable for me because he knows we're, like, friends, and so I still haven't made eye contact.

[Kai]

I know. Even when I was talking to your personal trainer, because they know each other, I was like, oh, this is so awkward.

[Drew]

I'm making eyes. He asked me every fucking time. Really? Every time. He's like, does Inya, like, want to work with him? Who is her trainer? Like, all this shit? And I'm like, no, she doesn't want a trainer. It's okay.

[Kai]

I don't want to torque it out with anybody. I want to twerk it out with myself.

[Drew]

Literally.

[Josiah]

Sticking the gun in his ass.

[Kai]

Josie needs attention, like, so bad that it's, like, irrational. Like, get a grip and get a therapist chat.

[Drew]

It's like, we're working, right?

[Kai]

I know she's not working hard enough.

[Josiah]

Josiah says that he has a therapist.

[Kai]

This is something I wrote when I was. I wrote this at 2:52am I think I was driving. I don't know where I was driving at 2:52am Sleep driving. What? But it actually pisses me off because it is so accessible to make things now that anybody can make a song. This was, like, voice to text. I don't think it picked me up. It actually pisses me off. But then I get to thinking and I'm like, damn, I'm so full of myself because I think I know what good music is and what's not. And then I come back to reality and I realize that's the truth and half the bitches on the radio shouldn't be there because I listen to the radio and it scares me.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

Oh, I'll play the song that I heard on the radio.

[Drew]

It was actually.

[Kai]

This is the song that made me have such a visceral.

[Drew]

It was the crazy. It's the craziest song I've ever heard in my life, legitimately.

[Josiah]

I feel like an AI made that.

[Kai]

No, dude, that's what it feels like. It literally feels like now. Like, it. It's just like everybody who I hear on the radio. What also freaking me out was that was number 27 on the top 30 voted in by listeners to that station, and 29 was massive by Drake. And I'm like, you mean to tell me that in the city of Los Angeles, people voted that song up more than a Drake song. And that was freaking me out.

[Josiah]

Whenever I see that, though, I'm like, who's listening to the radio? At this point, whoever's voting for, like, radio stuff probably has way more weight than they did in, like, the 90s, right?

[Drew]

It's, like, for every one person that votes, 200,000 voted literally in the 90s. And now it's like, 58 people vote.

[Josiah]

There's like.

[Kai]

I don't know. It just scares me because I'm like, dude, because there is so much music, and, like, I will, like, look up these people, and they have, like, 600k monthly listeners. And I'm like, who are these people? But then I get to thinking, and I'm like, there are so many people. And it's like the classic conversation that we were having one time. It's like, I. About clothing consumption and style, where I'm like, I find this one specific kind of style of clothing or, like, fashion or, like, music or movie unbearable and obnoxious. But really, I am the lesser because that is, like, what is, like, mainly consumed by the general public. And in reality, I'm the freak, and I'm full of myself and I'm crazy. And this thing, to most humans sounds good. But then that freaks me out, too, because why did humans decide to, like, start banging on stuff and, like, making noise? It's so animal.

[Drew]

Because vibrations control everything. Everything.

[Kai]

Vibrations do be controlling me. Yes.

[Drew]

Controller by Drake.

[Kai]

One of my wingbots died, so I've been using the one I don't like that much because I'm too, like. I just, like, in the daytime, I don't think to go charge it, and then I pick it up and it does the really sad, like, one, like, and then it, like, dies.

[Drew]

My toothbrush does that. I fingered myself with my toothbrush. Oh.

[Josiah]

I've been working on emergency intercom merch. I just wanted to tell you guys before it's out.

[Kai]

Wait, you're making merch? We already did merch.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I'm making, like, another item.

[Kai]

What the.

[Josiah]

If you are interested.

[Kai]

Is it a vibrator?

[Josiah]

No, it's a flashlight for, like, Drew's mouth.

[Drew]

Oh, of my mouth.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

How did you get the mold?

[Kai]

Yeah. What?

[Josiah]

I, like, did this thing where I, like, scanned your face while you were sleeping and did a 3D.

[Drew]

What the.

[Kai]

That's actually impressive, you know?

[Josiah]

Okay, thank you. I thought you guys should go and.

[Drew]

Kill yourself, and you should go and kill yourself now. Can I get a pint? Of Jose Cuervo. And you should go and kill yourself now. Gotta get a pine of Jose Cuervo.

[Kai]

Was you talking to a worker when she was saying that?

[Drew]

The Jose Cuervo? Yeah. Yeah.

[Kai]

Where was that? Like a Ralph's.

[Drew]

Probably like a liquor store.

[Kai]

Also, the way you sent me that and like, I didn't watch it. And then some. Someone on my timeline was like, this is Drew Phillips inner dialogue. And then I went to the video. I was like, this is literally the video you sent me earlier.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And with that being said, here is a word from our sponsor. Sponsor? Yes.

[Drew]

Do we have two sponsors this episode?

[Kai]

I don't know. We just do it just in case there is big talk about. No.

[Drew]

Holy. This is actually crazy.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

There's this new disease going around called the coronavirus that is. It's spread through.

[Kai]

Actually, I was thinking about that the other day.

[Drew]

Breathing.

[Kai]

I was thinking about that the other day. Remember when we first found out about it and you, me and Josh sat in this kitchen because Josh's parents work in the medical field. So we, like, got like.

[Drew]

There were, like, rumors that the world was going to shut down and we were going to be under martial law.

[Kai]

And it wasn't like a, like a outspoken thing yet. So we were like, there's no way.

[Drew]

It was like, medical industry people.

[Kai]

Yeah. So we were like, what? Like, that sounds crazy. And then we were like, dude, that's so annoying. Two weeks, like, where we have to sit still. That's so annoying. Like. And I was just thinking about that. Damn. Like, everybody had that reaction where they were like, what? Two weeks? Like, that's, like, insane.

[Drew]

And it was literally lit in the beginning. It was like, like, I'm going to learn how to play chess. I'm going to go.

[Kai]

I know. I'm going to go on bike rides and, like, talk to my therapist more often.

[Drew]

And, like, then the world erupted.

[Kai]

Now it's, like, almost back to normal, I think. I feel like it's, like, back to normal for the most part. But now we're on this is the new now. Now we're on the cusp of something else. And now I'm like, oh, my God, is this it? Like, is. Am I just gonna spend the rest of my life being, like, absolutely freaked out and, like, anxiety driven?

[Drew]

Well, I can get the vaccine.

[Kai]

Wait, but I thought you were straight.

[Drew]

I work in the sex industry as a videographer on sex sets.

[Kai]

Oh, you don't partake, though. You're, like, straight.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Okay, I believe you.

[Drew]

I guess I had a dream where you died. And I saved it. I was gonna record it yesterday, but.

[Kai]

Did you forget it?

[Drew]

No, I wrote it all down.

[Kai]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Drew]

Okay. And it was one of those moments where like, I woke up and I almost started crying. It was really nice. I, like, my voice was shaking when I was doing the placement. I was so fucking sad. But we were at a concert a bunch of happened previous, but it's like not relevant to the dream because it was literally just like, weird dream. And we were at this concert for the Gorillas, and we were with some billionaire that like had like an airplane strip attached to the venue. It's like giving like red rocks. But there were like two levels. So there was like a lower level and then a mezzanine level that was really, really high up. And he was like, we can't go down there. Like, it's like dangerous and shit. So he was like, I just bought out the whole mezzanine. So we were sitting in the mezzanine and I forget what song came on. It was like Rhinestone Eyes or like Plastic beach or something came on and you were like, let's go to the front of the mezzanine. And like, we all like ran to the very front bar and it's like 150 foot drop. And we were like turning up and having literally the most fun ever. Like, I remember thinking like in the dream, this is like the most fun I've ever had. And I like, physically, I felt euphoric from jumping around in this music at this Gorillaz concert. And next thing you know, I look over and you're partying and you trip and fall over the barricade at the concert and fall 150ft and you're screaming the entire way down. And I like, watch you and I watch you hit the ground and I fucking screech. And everybody's like trying to be like, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. And I'm like freaking the out. I'm like, it's not going to be okay. And then I woke up and like, it was like legitimately the gnarliest thing I've ever witnessed. And you know what it is, is I think it's literally when I saw that person fall over the barricade at the Rangers game, the Texas Rangers game. Literally exactly like that. Like, it was identical. To me, like watching that dad fall, it was crazy. Gnarly boots. Bloody gnarly boots.

[Kai]

Well, the good news is that would happen because it would be so fucking embarrassing because, like, I was probably drunk in the dream, and, like, the idea of me, like, falling drunk to my death is, like, I wouldn't do that.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

So that's the good news.

[Drew]

Just know that I dream about you dying, too.

[Kai]

That's good. That's good. I had a sex dream with you, and it was awful.

[Drew]

Did you really?

[Kai]

Last night? Yeah.

[Drew]

Why would you keep that from me?

[Kai]

Oh, because I just thought about it when you said it. Because when I woke up, it was really weird.

[Drew]

And I, like, you literally are so obsessed with that. You dream about me sexually?

[Kai]

No, it was like. Like, alien, like, and really nasty. Like, it was really, like, in the dream.

[Drew]

That's how it is.

[Kai]

Yeah. In the dream, we, like, had to have sex for some reason. Like, it was like, this thing of, like, we, like, had to do it, and both of us really didn't want to, and, like, we were trying so hard to initiate it with each other, and it was like, just so. Like, dude. We were like, dude, this is literally like, an awful task at hand. Like, we were like, this is just so.

[Drew]

I feel like we could figure.

[Kai]

This is so too much. Like, it was like, what the.

[Drew]

Okay, the big one is literally coming. Wait, tell me why we're due for another earthquake.

[Kai]

Stop. Because I've been thinking about it because of, like, the world, like, falling apart and, like, everything and climate change. I'm like, oh, my God, it's gonna happen.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

But hopefully it happens when we're not.

[Drew]

Here, guys watching this.

[Kai]

And also, Azul will survive, and, like, it'll be fun.

[Drew]

And then next month, it'll happen. It'll happen. The big one's coming in the next month.

[Kai]

Drew just, like, saying that kind of stuff so that y' all can clip this and be like, oh, my God, that's like, wait, I said someone was gonna pass away at that barbecue, and I was like. And then when it happens, y' all.

[Josiah]

Oh, you guys mentioned Monkeypox in the flea episode. Apparently, no, we did.

[Drew]

We really?

[Josiah]

Apparently.

[Kai]

No, we did not.

[Josiah]

I saw. I saw a comment that was, like, not true. Predicting monkeypox or something. Something like that.

[Drew]

Wow. I literally think I remember that. Wow. It's crazy how I'm like, that's not a good thing.

[Kai]

That's happening.

[Drew]

No, it's not a good thing, but it's a good thing for me because I can predict the future here.

[Josiah]

I lied. I'm just kidding.

[Drew]

I'm going to hit you.

[Josiah]

Please don't hit me.

[Kai]

You embarrassed him. You. Oh, stop.

[Josiah]

No, one more, one more.

[Kai]

Stop. No, actually, sit Down.

[Josiah]

Wait.

[Kai]

Please don't tell anybody that happened like you.

[Drew]

We'll give you 11%, cuz if you.

[Kai]

Care about us, you won't tell anybody.

[Josiah]

I care about you.

[Kai]

No, thank you.

[Josiah]

I'll cut. I'll cut all that out too.

[Drew]

No, leave it in.

[Kai]

You want to leave that in?

[Drew]

Leave it in.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

What about our sex dream? You should talk about that.

[Kai]

I don't remember.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

That didn't happen.

[Drew]

We just realized.

[Josiah]

Okay, Drew, I wasn't joking. Somebody actually did say that about the comments.

[Drew]

I know, because I really did talk about it and I remember talking about it. Remind him of that. I already did it.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. Why are you guys doing that?

[Drew]

Calling the last straight men.

[Kai]

Is that like a tik tok?

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like a dude that did it being serious. Ow. Those claps hurt so bad.

[Kai]

Like, look, cuz, you have little fragile baby hands.

[Drew]

Okay, we're back.

[Kai]

I have to.

[Drew]

We're back. Okay, so I have to talk about the barbecue and an interaction with someone that I had there. I think it's. It's important to the story to know who it was that I was talking to. But I also don't want to say their name. But I'm also like, I literally don't give a but. Okay, so I was talking to Troye Sivan.

[Josiah]

Okay, name dropping.

[Drew]

Yeah, literally I was. I was talking to Troye Sivan because we're like, best friends. Literally the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my entire life. But I was talking. Yes, I was talking to Troye Sivan. I talked to, like, famous musicians and artists all the time. Like, my life is crazy. Like, it was very. But it's. It's important to the story because literally all I talked to. Talked to him about was. I'm not joking. Like, constipation, allergic reactions, like, like. Like skin diseases and like eczema. And it was like the worst conversation I've ever had with any human being on planet Earth. And like, literally I just like, after I got home and like laid in bed and thought about that night, I was like, damn, that was fun. And then I thought about, like, our conversation and I literally physically, like, repulsed. I was like, dude, like, why would I ever talk?

[Kai]

What makes it better is he thought during Josiah was dating was like, how long have you. Are you guys seeing each other?

[Drew]

Yeah. He's like, are you guys seeing each other? And me and Josiah like, scream, oh.

[Kai]

Bring back menly men. Like, damn, Damn, damn.

[Drew]

I just, literally, today has just not been my day. Like, nothing's landing. None of my conversations are sticking. Like, it's just.

[Kai]

What? You're doing a good job.

[Drew]

Let's put this on.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

The screen.

[Kai]

What is that? Y' all laying next to each other. Where's that from?

[Drew]

Miami.

[Kai]

Oh.

[Drew]

We'll insert this picture and you tell us if it's true or not.

[Kai]

Wait, what does it say? They genuinely would be so cute together. I don't know.

[Josiah]

Yeah, we would.

[Drew]

I think. I think we would.

[Josiah]

We're both tops.

[Kai]

You guys are, too.

[Drew]

Okay, I know you're not a top.

[Kai]

Me, when I'm just talking to talk.

[Drew]

Me when I. Me when I'm literally a liar. Hey, my name is Kai, and I'm a top. I literally lied for fun right now.

[Kai]

Okay, that's what I thought you were doing.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Kai]

Hi, my name is Kyne. I have sex.

[Drew]

Don't lie.

[Kai]

Okay, you caught me. I told you I'm not a good liar. Like, I'm not a good liar.

[Josiah]

Me playing this podcast in my therapy.

[Drew]

These are my two bullies who also employ me.

[Kai]

So these are my bullies. I'm supposed to talk to my therapist, but, like, I'm just too busy having fun and doing other stuff to do that. But I'm, like, actually actively going more and more insane. Well, shit night.

[Drew]

Well, we've arrived at this point. What do you think. What do you think of subtitles?

[Kai]

Before you said the stupid Covid thing.

[Josiah]

That was crazy.

[Drew]

You like subtitles or. No? I feel like we're the generation.

[Kai]

As Covid thing I was going to say. Like, a genuine thought, and it's so far gone now.

[Drew]

You think? I think we're the generation that brings back sub.

[Kai]

I can't watch anything with subtitles when I'm high. Like, my brain cannot, like, move that fast.

[Drew]

So I have. Me and Lucas and Josh have watched 15 minutes of a show, and. No, it was. It was very recently, and we were all sober, and we watched, like. Like five or six minutes of a show without realizing. Like, it was speaking Spanish. And we were like. And it was. It was a Japanese show. And we were like, wait, why does this Japanese sound like Spanish right now? And we had American subtitles on. What fucking show is that?

[Kai]

It's probably because my mom.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was. It was your Netflix. What show was that?

[Kai]

My mom only. I think I've said this also before, but my mom only speaks Spanish. So every time we log into my Netflix, shows start in Spanish. So we watch, like, two minutes of it. And then when they first. When they first start talking, we're like.

[Drew]

Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. I entered the spelling bee in fourth grade.

[Kai]

And you did bad.

[Drew]

Oh, it was bad. It was so good.

[Kai]

If you entered it now at a fourth grade level, I still think it would be bad.

[Drew]

We had two test rounds, or we had one test round and then a serious round. And my test word was salami. Failed it. But I was like, okay, I get another chance. I, like, will pass the next round. And then we did it. And I was like, literally the fourth person eliminated because I was the fourth person that went. And I had to spell sombrero. And I genuinely don't know if I know how to spell it. Today. It's S O, M, B, R, E, R, O. Is that how you spell it?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And then salami is S, A, L, A, M, I. Yeah. Okay, so I can spell at a fourth grade level. No, but if you. If Kai, like, picked four words out for me to spell, random ass words, I wouldn't be able to spell them straight up. Trying to think any of them.

[Kai]

Could you spell accessibility?

[Drew]

No, I. No, it's just my brain. My brain goes too fast. A, C, C, E, S, S, A, B, I, L, I, T. Yeah.

[Josiah]

Again. Do it one more time.

[Drew]

I can't. I did it too fast.

[Kai]

You said two S's, and I don't know if there's two.

[Drew]

A, C, C, E, S, S, A, B, I, L, I, T, Y.

[Josiah]

No, that's wrong.

[Drew]

Off.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Drew]

How do you spell it?

[Josiah]

A, C, C, E, S, S, I, B, L, I, T, Y. I think you said A before.

[Drew]

Yeah. I really thought I got it.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

I was like, I kind of thought.

[Kai]

You got it too. But then I was like, something after that.

[Drew]

Accessibility. Accessibility.

[Kai]

I guess it also is, like, a bit difficult to spell when you pronounce things, like, differently than the way they were written in 1961.

[Drew]

When did the word accessibility drop? Let's look that up.

[Kai]

I'm gonna assume, like, 1863. I'm really stuck on the 60s.

[Drew]

When did the word accessibility come out? The word homosexual, like, it popped up, like 1640.

[Kai]

Damn. I said 1860.

[Drew]

30.

[Kai]

I have absolutely no gauge of time, like, literally at all.

[Drew]

Because look at that.

[Kai]

Even now, if you were born in.

[Drew]

Like, 2004, look what comes up when I look up. When did the word.

[Kai]

Have you looked that up before? 1868. Hella late.

[Drew]

I would say that's early.

[Kai]

What? There's been gay people before that. They just didn't know. They couldn't put their finger on it. In it.

[Drew]

No. No one cared. They started caring in 1860. No one cared before.

[Kai]

That's how I feel about myself. Like, no one cared about me until I was, like, super popular and important. Why'd you shake your head yes, Kai?

[Josiah]

I was agreeing with you.

[Kai]

That's not something to agree with. You're supposed to say, no, people cared about you before that.

[Josiah]

Like, I thought women cared for. You're supposed to, like, listen to women.

[Drew]

And then, oh, my God, he is listening and learning.

[Josiah]

Yes. Not me. Listening and learning.

[Drew]

Still can't spell.

[Kai]

Are you trying to smell something else?

[Drew]

No. So we are literally living in the last good generation. We have a habitable Earth. We have cars that we get to drive. What else do I have written down? I have a bunch of things. We have, like, decent climate. We have monarch butterflies and everything else. In, like 10, 15 years it's gonna be done.

[Kai]

No, that's what I meant. I've been genuinely saying to people. I'm like, damn. I, like, finally came around to being like, you know what? I would love to have kids. But now I'm like, I won't be able to have kids. Like, I just won't.

[Drew]

What if this is just a repeat of the 70s because, like, literally they thought the world was ending in the 70s too, and people chose to not have children in the 70s because they're like, the world is gonna end. To be fair, though, and now it's.

[Josiah]

It was ending. Like, there is such a small statistical probability of the fact that we made it to this point. Have you ever looked up the nuclear bomb? Like accidents? No, there's like recorded events where they were transporting a nuke across the United States and it just fell out of the plane and it just didn't go off.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Josiah]

And that. There's like 30 things that happened like that, like the Cold War was about to happen. It was literally like a 30 minute thing that was called off to, like, shoot nukes off. So I think they were like, totally valid.

[Drew]

Well, we're not.

[Kai]

So do you think that, like, it's valid to feel like it's like kind of a not gonna happen situation, or do you think it's valid to feel it?

[Josiah]

I feel like the chances of the world ending are lower now than in the 70s for sure.

[Kai]

I hope so.

[Drew]

But yeah, the world's not like, how.

[Kai]

Do I have Apple pay? But y' all can't fix global warm warming.

[Drew]

Have Apple pay. Global warming is a thing.

[Kai]

No, Like, I'm so dead serious. Why can I do PayPal checkout on any website in the world? But y' all can't fix the temperature.

[Drew]

Of the globe because every time you buy a muumu jacket, it has to travel 6,000 miles via jet and pump a 30,000 tons of carbon monoxide, or carbon dioxide into our atmosphere, which is melting holes. If you need the best skin care in the world, go to Australia. They have a hole in the ozone layer above their countries. So they all are constantly.

[Josiah]

No, we fixed it.

[Drew]

No, it's still bad over there.

[Josiah]

It is still bad, people, but we fixed. Isn't it, like, 50%?

[Drew]

You know what's crazy is that that was, like, one of the only times in the world where everybody was like, you know what? Like, we got to do something about this fucking hole in the ozone layer, because all of our oxygen is literally leaving the Earth. We're not going to be able to be here for 50 more years if we don't. And then they passed, like, some law that, like, literally just stopped the production of this one, Kim. That, like, was actively destroying our ozone and then it healed itself. But, like, why can't we just rally and do that? Why stop climate change?

[Kai]

Yeah, I heard that you would if you, like, solely because you consume so much of it. If you just stopped using poppers, like, it would everything that.

[Josiah]

Wow, this is the second time you've done this, this episode.

[Kai]

Do you think people are going to think I'm, like, homophobic or something?

[Josiah]

For sure. Okay, 100%.

[Kai]

I'm just trying to, like, make sure. I'm making sure that's what. Oh, did you go get proof that I was right?

[Drew]

No, these are yours that you left in my room.

[Kai]

No, I had a bigger one.

[Drew]

Those are yours that you left in my room.

[Kai]

Riddle me this. I bought a big version and I gave. Riddle me this.

[Drew]

Die. You're gonna die. Those actually aren't mine. I don't know where they came from.

[Kai]

I bought the big one and I gave it to you. Did someone take it?

[Drew]

No, you gave me this one.

[Kai]

No, because you were like, it was the flat. Oh, wait, maybe this is mine.

[Drew]

Yes, because I, I swear, like, I, I. You never gave me a big one. I swear on my life. Oh, no. Now it's gonna smell like that in here.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

I use that to clean my fingernails.

[Kai]

Yeah, this is nail polish. Remember that? I use a lot.

[Drew]

Oh, I smell it. I smell the poppers.

[Kai]

You want a more concentrated sniff. Whoa. But, yeah, I heard that if you.

[Drew]

Saw unregulated porn, soon the porn will be regulated. That's why we're the last good generation. We're literally still in the wild, wild west with the Internet, and soon it's all gonna be regulated. Just wait. We're all gonna be. We're all gonna look back in 20 years and be like, we were fucking degenerate delinquent school gum.

[Kai]

I think like that about myself, like, two years ago.

[Josiah]

You need to not eat whatever chicken that was before the podcast.

[Drew]

What? I literally was like, I feel, like, so normal. Normally, I feel like shit.

[Josiah]

Can I please tell how the world's.

[Drew]

Gonna end of my balls?

[Kai]

No, but, like, you're giving me a little peek, show through, and I can see your bulge. No, I can't.

[Josiah]

Can I see? Can I see?

[Drew]

Kai, I'm not gonna clean your feet. Like, I don't wanna. I don't want to see your feet.

[Kai]

I don't think I saw anybody having anything about me saying my feet getting warm literally makes me horny. Like, no one had anything to say about that. I didn't see a single comment about that. And it was just grazed over, which is good, because that means that we have, like, older people watching us now who are, like, around our age. So you understand, because I can't stand when I see, like, a person talk about, like, oh, my God. They say they want to, like, suck my toes. That's so weird. I'm like, there's nothing weird about that. Just.

[Drew]

I. Oh, my God. Just airing out your foot fetish.

[Josiah]

Josiah's working.

[Kai]

I don't have a foot fetish. I find every part of the body of someone I'm attracted to awesome.

[Josiah]

Josiah's working on his laptop with, like, his pants down, so his ass is, like, hanging out. Well, he just. He just put it away.

[Kai]

Pull that thing out.

[Drew]

Pull that dick out. Pull that dick out. Pull that dick out. Pull that dick out.

[Kai]

Pull that dick out.

[Drew]

Pull that dick out. Pull that dick out.

[Kai]

Oh, he's doing it.

[Drew]

Pull that dick out. I will never.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I will never, ever be here again. I will never, ever put up with this again. Being all the time sexualized by all of you. That's literally me. Although the comments, like, talk about it so much. They're like, damn, Drew. Like, has a Drew silently handled all of his traumas? And it's from YouTube. Y' all are trying to wish you see.

[Josiah]

No, we don't. Yeah, we're so nice to you.

[Drew]

There's nail polish remover. Says it on the bottom.

[Kai]

Yeah, I know. Why'd you take it?

[Drew]

Because I was gonna throw it away. Right?

[Kai]

Yeah. Don't throw it away.

[Drew]

Never.

[Kai]

Oh, Is Drew putting on a show? Like, he's like, okay, yeah.

[Josiah]

He's pretending like we're mean to him.

[Kai]

What do you have to say? Go for it.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Kai]

Chill out, Josiah. Josiah's bare, hairy ass cheeks are out.

[Drew]

Sorry. My pants are writing a little notes.

[Kai]

True, true. Trying to hold it together for, like, too long. Because now we're getting to the point where we think, like, showing our butt cracks to each other.

[Drew]

The boys do that.

[Kai]

That.

[Drew]

Have we been doing that for years? I'll, like, open the door and pull down my pants and run up the stairs. He literally did that to me yesterday when I came. When you came. Did you just get here yesterday? Never.

[Kai]

No. He's been here forever.

[Drew]

Whenever I was. I don't know. Josiah has been there for, like, two weeks.

[Kai]

This is like, the second week of a podcast episode.

[Drew]

He's just casually, literally been here for two weeks. Weeks.

[Kai]

It's awesome. It feels like we're, like, 20 again.

[Drew]

I know. It feels like we're roommates. Wait, guys. And they were roommates.

[Kai]

Ow.

[Drew]

Never.

[Josiah]

I was thinking that. It does feel like 1304.

[Drew]

We didn't know you. You.

[Kai]

You might as well have not existed back then. You might as well have not been on the planet.

[Drew]

The way we all drunk. Wait, wait, can you do a cut? 1304 was a very special time.

[Kai]

Oh, it was literally the best time. I remember Josh used to always be like, oh, the salad days, the salad days. And now I. I'm like, yeah, so true.

[Drew]

The dog days are over.

[Kai]

The dog days are over.

[Drew]

Damn. Only 10 minutes have passed since we talked about it.

[Kai]

Only 10 minutes have happened. Dude. Every time we're filming, Kai will, like, say a random number to us because we'll get to a point where we're like, well, damn.

[Drew]

Damn. What else do I say right now?

[Kai]

And then Kai will be like, yeah, y' all have been going for, like, seven minutes.

[Drew]

And so I'm like, oh, that was 34 minutes.

[Kai]

Yeah, like, sometimes I believe it and then sometimes I don't, because then I remember Joe's Kai is like, a liar. Liar.

[Josiah]

I'm not a liar.

[Kai]

Ew. Why'd you say it with that face?

[Drew]

You had like, oh, Inya, don't do that.

[Kai]

I didn't do that.

[Drew]

Literally hurt so bad.

[Kai]

I didn't do anything. You wish I would touch.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

You missed my touch. Admit it. Say you missed my touch.

[Drew]

You see what they deal with?

[Kai]

Say you miss my touch.

[Drew]

Drew, you see this?

[Kai]

I mean, it's true.

[Drew]

Holy. That scared Me. Wait, I like those things in like haunted houses that pop up and then go back down slowly.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

That sucks.

[Kai]

That was like an Ellen saved editor.

[Drew]

Wait, can you see me in the show? Yes, yes, bitch. The whole thing. I want to be here ever.

[Kai]

Wait, one time. One time when I was in a haunted house when I was like 14.

[Drew]

Okay, but like you're lying now cuz you weren't 14 or 15 ever. Like you were never 14 or 15.

[Kai]

I hit one of the employees in the face cuz it freaked me out and I swung and hit them in the face and the mask they were wearing like turned cuz it was like a big head and it turned and then I got yelled at. Are you taking photos of me? Why are you taking photos of me back there on my phone? Okay, well, should we get into media? Dude, I wish I had like good media. I haven't seen a movie since I started playing Fortnite.

[Drew]

I have a great media. I saw nope.

[Kai]

Oh wait. All my friends when I. I was like oh my God, I want to see nope really bad. All my friends on the one day I worked all day went to go.

[Drew]

See it without me and it was so much sweeter. What?

[Kai]

The good news is someone in there had Covid and they're gonna have it, but like not with symptoms, but they're all gonna see their family.

[Drew]

Someone on set had Monkeypox.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was me. And now you have it.

[Drew]

But no, I saw nope. And it was literally a masterpiece. Ah, I wouldn't say match masterpiece. I'd say like it was a really, really amazing take on that style of movie. I don't want to say what happened in it or if you don't know because you should go see it without like knowing what's going on and go into it completely blind. But like, yeah, I've never seen some of these takes made and I've. It was really awesome and like the modeling of certain things was really fucking cool and. Oh fuck. Whoa, whoa. And no, you're gonna stay back there and you'll learn your lesson. You're gonna stay back there for 10 minutes. It's so hot back here.

[Kai]

Oh, look at this.

[Drew]

Yeah, you got it. But yeah, nope, was literally so great. Like so fun. So great. I don't have anything else to say. And the second episode of the rehearsal is the best comedy episode of Comet. The best episode of comedy I've ever seen in my entire life on television. Simply.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's unreal. It's up my media of the sleigh is any song by Don Omar, because it reminds me of being, like, seven and getting my head busted open in a bounce house. Nasty by Ariana Grande and Helmet by Steve Lacey's also for me. Josiah says Nasty is a part of his media as well.

[Drew]

Judas by Lady Gaga. Yeah. Wichita Lineman by Glenn Campbell. And then Pondy Floor by Major Laser. Hey. And then we get the Vuvu Suevas World cup vibes.

[Kai]

Oh, that's for Drew's butt. I pop him up there and he hang.

[Drew]

He, like, puts my B hole right there and it just goes, like, right in.

[Kai]

Yeah. And then he hangs down like a little doll.

[Drew]

It hurts, but it presses against my prostate in, like, a very clear way.

[Kai]

Help.

[Josiah]

Help.

[Kai]

All right.

[Drew]

Hello.

[Kai]

Bye. Bye.

[Drew]

All right, let's leave him back there. Let's go. Kai?

[Josiah]

Yeah, Kai.

[Kai]

Don't speak to him.

[Drew]

Kai, please. Can you hear me? Do not.

[Josiah]

But he seems like he needs help.

[Drew]

Let me out. Can you hear me?

[Josiah]

I can hear you, but I'm not supposed to help you for some reason.

[Kai]

Help me.

[Drew]

Stop.

[Kai]

Shut the hell up.

[Drew]

Please, I just want to go.

[Kai]

I'll cover. No, I'll cover the camera. You can do it. Do it.

[Drew]

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

[Kai]

Ow. Ow. Why?

[Drew]

Ow.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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