enya is being targeted

Summary

Emergency Intercom – Episode: "Enya is Being Targeted"

Release Date: August 4, 2023 | Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips | Produced by iHeartPodcasts

---

1. Welcome Back Kai

The episode kicks off with co-host Kai returning to the studio after a two-month hiatus. Drew humorously remarks on Kai’s absence, setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.

• Drew: "Kai is finally back in the office. It's been, what, two months? We haven't seen Kai in two months." (01:09)

Kai welcomes listeners back, joking about the nature of the podcast’s name and the absence of any real emergency.

• Kai: "Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. He got started off like that. We're gonna be like, what the heck am I listening to?" (01:15)

---

2. Navigating Emotional Connections

The hosts delve into the complexities of connecting with loved ones, emphasizing the importance of empathy and emotional intelligence. They humorously discuss the challenges of handling emotional expressions from children.

• Drew: "It's to gain empathy." (02:00)
• Kai: "When my child expresses to me that they're sad, I'm going to be like, stop trauma dumping on me." (02:20)

---

3. The Great Outdoors and Unconventional Camping Tales

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around camping experiences, with Drew sharing a humorous yet bizarre story about hiking a remote mountain and leaving behind sigils.

• Drew: "I put a bunch of sigils everywhere at the top of this mountain. So in the next 10,000 years, when a person hikes up it, they stumble upon these really..." (03:07-04:30)

Kai and the team exchange quips about the absurdity of Drew’s actions, blending humor with fictional storytelling.

---

4. Conspiracies and Scientific Wonders

The discussion shifts to conspiracy theories and scientific breakthroughs, including the mention of South Korean scientists developing a room-temperature superconductor, sparking wild speculations about its implications.

• Jericho: "It's like a quantum computer wingbot. It lives inside millions of different realities." (13:35-14:29)
• Drew: "It's really crazy because if they actually pulled this off, it would change the world." (13:32)

The trio humorously debates the feasibility and potential impact of such scientific advancements, intertwining real concepts with fictional elements.

---

5. Scary Encounters at Nobu Malibu

Kai narrates a comical yet intense story about an unsettling interaction with two older men at Nobu Malibu, highlighting their persistent and creepy behavior.

• Kai: "We walked over. They literally looked us up and down, and we're like, we do not have anything here." (18:10)
• Kai: "I couldn't believe I still haven't been camping." (03:07)

The story crescendos with Kai describing how they attempted to fend off the men using social media messages, leading to an exaggerated and humorous confrontation.

---

6. Memes, Generation Alpha, and Digital Culture

A lively segment focuses on the evolution of memes and the influence of Generation Alpha on digital culture. The hosts lament the decline of meme quality while speculating about future generational trends.

• Drew: "Skippity doobop fucking toilet. Yeah, they're babies, they're young, but they're making memes now." (41:35)
• Kai: "The letter E was funny and I ate it up. Like, this is how far gone we went in meme culture." (45:37)

They discuss how memes reflect societal attitudes and the cyclical nature of generational humor, blending nostalgia with contemporary digital trends.

---

7. Media Reviews and Pop Culture References

The hosts touch upon recent media, specifically reviewing the movie "Carol." They provide a humorous take on cinematic experiences, blending genuine critique with playful banter.

• Kai: "I did watch Carol, and I think it would have been better if it was about straight people." (57:00)
• Drew: "Cate Blanchett put her entire fucking pussy into that film." (57:55)

Their playful critique underscores their comedic approach to discussing pop culture, ensuring the conversation remains entertaining.

---

8. Closing Antics and Final Thoughts

As the episode nears its end, the conversation becomes increasingly whimsical and chaotic, with the hosts engaging in rapid-fire jokes and exaggerated scenarios. They tease the next episode, promising more outrageous content.

• Kai: "In the next episode, we're gonna announce something so crazy that it's gonna rock your socks off." (56:08)
• Drew: "This episode, by the way, it's like a boy." (52:31)

The episode concludes with a blend of humor and anticipation, leaving listeners eager for future installments.

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Notable Quotes:

• Drew on Empathy: "It's to gain empathy." (02:00)
• Kai on Trauma Dumping: "Stop trauma dumping on me." (02:20)
• Drew on Sigils: "I put a bunch of sigils everywhere at the top of this mountain." (03:07)
• Jericho on Superconductors: "It's like a quantum computer wingbot." (14:25)
• Kai on Camp Stories: "We couldn't get a table, and then we have to sit." (18:10)
• Drew on Memes: "Skippity doobop fucking toilet." (41:35)
• Kai on Movie "Carol": "I think it would have been better if it was about straight people." (57:00)

---

Conclusion

In "Enya is Being Targeted," Emergency Intercom delivers a whirlwind of comedic dialogues, bizarre anecdotes, and playful banter among hosts Enya, Drew, Kai, and Jericho. From absurd camping stories and conspiracy theories to meme culture and pop film critiques, the episode offers a rich tapestry of humor and spontaneity. Notable quotes pepper the conversation, adding depth and memorable moments that encapsulate the hosts' unique comedic style. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode promises an entertaining and engaging experience.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Kai]

Holy perfect timing, bro.

[Drew]

What's that? Come get your juice. Hello?

[Kai]

Hello.

[Drew]

Kai is back in the office.

[Jericho]

Like, there's, like, a crazy sound.

[Drew]

It might be went away. It's me.

[Jericho]

Oh, yeah. It was your voice.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, but Kai is finally back in the office. It's been, what, two months? We haven't seen Kai in two months.

[Kai]

Which is crazy, but welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. He got started off like that. We're gonna be like, what the heck am I listening to?

[Drew]

I forget. I literally just have gone. I was just telling them, like, we need to start now because, like, I am so. I'm, like, functioning below baseline, like, typically. Like, I'm really, really far below baseline when you see me. This is me at baseline. Like, this is when I feel like a normal person. And with me in bed, babe, it's, like, above baseline.

[Kai]

So true, dude. It's crazy how the only way you can connect with the people you love is if you do terms.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, why is that? Like. Yeah, it's the only way to make it work. Like, why did they make it like that?

[Drew]

It's to gain empathy.

[Kai]

Yeah, because before that, like, there's. What is. Wait, actually. What is that the word you just said? I haven't done shrooms yet.

[Drew]

So it's like, when you, like, care. Like, you. I mean, it, like, makes me want to gag saying this, but when you, like, care about other people's feelings, like, because my. I'm sorry, but your feelings are not my problem. Problem.

[Kai]

Me. When my child expresses to me that they're sad, I'm going be like. I'm like. I'm literally be like, stop trauma dumping on me. Like, you're seriously freaking me out.

[Drew]

Like, what are you chronically online or something?

[Jericho]

So weird, telling your child to touch grass.

[Drew]

You need to go outside, baby dead ass. Like, that is the realest. Like, touch grass.

[Kai]

Okay, so is the person with Taco Bell stains on his bed.

[Drew]

Oh, it says the person that was just touching grass all week at Sand Slept in grass.

[Kai]

I can't believe I still haven't been camping.

[Drew]

I know.

[Kai]

I just, like, really want to go because I want to poop in the woods.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's like, a good part.

[Kai]

But, like, I need. If before I die, I need to poop in a dirt hole.

[Drew]

Since I've gone, they've, like, upgraded, and there's, like, a tent around you now. And it's like, there's toilet paper and, like, plastic bags, and you take this out.

[Kai]

No, I need, like, a gust of wind.

[Drew]

No, you can still do that. Like, I definitely was like, I'm not using their toilet. So I just. In the middle of the night, I was still so embarrassed because it was, like, really, really late. It was like 4am and I was terrified I was gonna get the whole weekend.

[Kai]

What if you get, like, bubbly guts and it's loud as well?

[Drew]

That's what happened to one of the people that were with us is. They were.

[Kai]

Did you hear it?

[Drew]

They just go far, far away. Like, downwind.

[Kai]

Like, dude, imagine being so embarrassed to, like, poop near people you're camping with that you go too far off and you get lost and, like, die in the woods.

[Drew]

It's definitely happened before, but I'm going.

[Kai]

To make sure that happens.

[Drew]

There was, like, a mountain next to my campsite that I hiked up, and I woke up really, really early to hike up it. I mean, and when we camp, we, like, we're not at, like, a campsite that you, like, that you would think you go to. Like, we're in the middle of nowhere, like, 100 miles away from, like, the nearest person. Like, very, very desolate vibes. Like, you don't see anyone. No one sees you the entire time you're out there. It's kind of creepy, but it's also, like, really cool because you're not interacting with other people at all. And. And I mean, you're, like, on your own. Like, no. No food, no campfire. Like, none of that. Like, it's crazy, but there's a mountain next to us that definitely hasn't been touched by a human being in, like, 10,000 years. Like, I felt really special. It was really cool. And I hiked up to the top of it and I, like, put a bunch of sigils everywhere. So in the next 10,000 years, when a person hikes up it, they stumble upon, like, these really.

[Kai]

What the fuck is a Sig residual?

[Drew]

Like, you just said that, like, it's like demon.

[Kai]

That's like Orion. When I was in Portugal with her she said something. She was like, oh, so and so. From Wimbledon. And then she kept talking. I was like, wait a second. Where the is Wimbledon? I now know it's like in the uk, but Wimbledon?

[Drew]

If someone told me if you're from Wimbledon, you're a freak.

[Kai]

You do not exist.

[Drew]

Like, is that a Pokemon, dude?

[Kai]

There's probably no pictures of you because you don't exist and you're not real. And you're gonna go to touch your computer that you're watching this on and. And your hands are gonna go through it.

[Drew]

It's like that one idea where like every once in a while, like the. Nevermind. You know what I'm talking about?

[Kai]

You were gonna say something like schizophrenic. So then I wouldn't know what you were talking about.

[Drew]

No, no, it's just. It's like this theory that like, your neutrons and electrons and atoms will like align. Cause everything's made up of empty space. That there's a possibility that one in like a quadrillion bajillion chance that you hit the wall and like your hand can go through the wall.

[Kai]

Does that ever happen or. They just are saying that. That's all.

[Drew]

That's It's. It's an idea. It's possible. But I don't believe that anything is real.

[Kai]

But you were saying, I put a.

[Drew]

Bunch of sigils and like effigies and weird up at the top of this mountain. So when people stumbled upon it, like you. You keep demon.

[Kai]

You're like making up, bro.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Y' all know, so you put. What. What did they look like?

[Drew]

Just like I put sticks in, like.

[Kai]

You don't have a picture of it?

[Drew]

No, I didn't.

[Kai]

I probably didn't do that.

[Drew]

No, I got a video of one that's.

[Kai]

No, I did like, guys, like, I got a video.

[Drew]

I got a video of one that's really embarrassing that like, after I did it, I was like, this is the corniest I've ever done. And no one will ever know. Except for Kai. Kai's the only person.

[Jericho]

You didn't tell anyone about that?

[Drew]

No. It's so cringe.

[Jericho]

Drew made the Grinder logo out of rocks.

[Kai]

Wait, why would you put the. The Grinder app on there? You don't use that? No, that one's for LGBTQ.

[Drew]

Q is for QA, non. Q is for QAnon.

[Kai]

No, that's not. That's not what it is. But we can add it if you want.

[Drew]

Is Q. What is Q? Is it questioning?

[Kai]

Are you serious?

[Drew]

I Genuinely don't know.

[Kai]

Yeah, I'd like to apply under Q.

[Drew]

No getting.

[Kai]

Since I've been banging you, mama, I will say I fall under Q. I am questioning a lot of people.

[Drew]

I thought you said since I invaded your mama.

[Kai]

I lucky did invade her hole.

[Drew]

Yeah. Sorry, Pam. Say sorry to my mom.

[Kai]

Sorry, Pam.

[Drew]

Actually, she didn't text me that. She listened to the last episode.

[Kai]

She's tired of you, bro. She's like.

[Drew]

She's bored. She's bored of it all.

[Kai]

Why are you gonna do that? Actually, I should do that to you to silence you from saying all your. You literally spread fake news. Like, you used your platform to spread.

[Drew]

Fake news and misinformation.

[Kai]

Literally. You're pulling like a Christian to the public.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yesterday he. Two things where I, like, I had to look them up, and I was like, I feel so bad for being this friend when you say things to me.

[Drew]

What did I say? What did I say?

[Kai]

No, Christian. Oh.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

Oh, no. I. Well, you don't look up anything based in real. In, like, reality. So I'm not gonna look it up because it's gonna be like. No one is saying this because you find all your information through, like, somebody's TikTok who makes, like, 18 million a day. And then there's one with words on the frame. So you're like, oh. And you click that one.

[Drew]

Information and lie, misinformation and lies. Or it's information and truths.

[Kai]

Yeah, I guess, depending on where you.

[Drew]

Live in your peeling back the veil. Veil. Veal goat. Drew's goated.

[Jericho]

That was a reach.

[Kai]

Yeah, that one was, like, kind of insane. I am impressed. Did you just make that up, though? Because that was. It's impressive how.

[Drew]

Well, I'm a rapper.

[Kai]

Did someone else say that? You said something that was funny, and I texted it to you because you didn't have your phone on you way.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I've been leaving the house.

[Kai]

Oh, they call me Nintendo. The way I switch up, which is, like, not a flex. That's, like, the worst thing.

[Drew]

The way they switch up on me. No. And I said it. And then he was like, did you make that up? And I was like, I think I just made that up.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I had to look it up, and I was like, oh, my God, congrats.

[Drew]

And I made it up.

[Jericho]

I made up a thing, too.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Jericho]

It's that I see on both sides. Like, Chanel.

[Kai]

That's a song.

[Drew]

Oh, like bisexual.

[Jericho]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah. Oh, wait, you're bi.

[Jericho]

Well, no, I'm not, but that's just something I said.

[Drew]

Well, then why I say that?

[Kai]

Yeah, why did you say that then?

[Jericho]

For clout.

[Drew]

Gay is not allowed. Gay is not allowed.

[Kai]

Why do you think that? Sorry, I just pardoned my sweaty feet and my socks. I don't have shoes on because my feet got so hot. Turned it across the chair. Wait, why do you say that?

[Drew]

Nikki Blonsky.

[Kai]

Where is she? She has me blocked, so I haven't seen her.

[Drew]

She is like.

[Kai]

Is that a bad one?

[Drew]

No. She's chilling like she's living her life. But like, I watch her live streams on Tik Tok every once in a while. She has a spot in my heart forever. There's a few people that like, have a spot in my heart and she is one of them. And I can't name the other ones because it's really problematic.

[Kai]

I thought you were gonna say I can't name the other ones because, like, you can't think of them. And I was gonna be like that, I guess. How big of a spot do they really have if you read self help books? I don't know if I want to.

[Drew]

Talk to you if you can't figure it out on your own, like, type.

[Kai]

Or like, I'm just like. You don't have like. I feel like self help books are like the Avon of makeup or like the Mary Kate.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like a pyramid scheme.

[Kai]

Yeah. Super periods scheme. Sorry, I'm bleeding. I'm pretty bleeding right now. And my. It's like a pyramid scheme. And all the graphic design for it looks like they like, AI generated it.

[Drew]

I've noticed like looking at like go to a Barnes and Nobles and just look at all of the book covers. Like, they look insane.

[Kai]

It's insane. There can't be words behind that cover.

[Drew]

No, they literally freaking out.

[Kai]

If you, like picked it up, it would shake and there'd be like an old key. It rattles like somebody left it.

[Drew]

Soon, soon books are just going to be SD cards that we put into our ears.

[Kai]

How soon do you think that is?

[Drew]

I genuinely believe in the next 50.

[Kai]

Years something is actually wrong with it. I can't even get Lasik because my eyes are dry. Do you know how many people, like, just wouldn't be able to get that? Like, because would it have to. It would have to do with your eyes. Would have to connect to your eyes so you can see it.

[Drew]

Or is it.

[Kai]

You're just like, your brain is reading it.

[Drew]

It's just your brain. It's a chip in your brain.

[Kai]

Such a necessary this.

[Drew]

No Literally. And like, so I saw like a video of like, kids from like the 1960s like, predicting what the 2000s were gonna look like.

[Kai]

And one of them was like, dude, I'm gonna have a huge Tick Tock account because my grandson is gonna film.

[Jericho]

I'm gonna do NPC Tick Tock live videos.

[Kai]

My grandpa's gonna. My grandson is gonna post pictures of me when I was hot as bobbing on TikTok.

[Drew]

Yeah. And I'm gonna bang.

[Kai]

Yeah. Okay, okay. What were you saying? What were they predicting?

[Drew]

Oh, but they just like predicted a bunch of. I forgot what I was saying.

[Kai]

Well, you're supposed to remember what they were saying.

[Drew]

Well, they were saying, like, oh, they're gonna like have like phones in their homes and like, just shit like that. Like they're gonna have TV that's in color.

[Kai]

The most creative people ever.

[Drew]

Well, no, back then it was. It was.

[Kai]

I mean, I guess, but phones listed and TVs existed, so they were like, it'll be like what we have, but like, kind of the opposite. Instead of outside, it's inside.

[Drew]

No, no, no, it was, it was impressive because like, the other they were saying was like, oh, they'll be like scared of the nuke and shit, like, and like that. And like. Yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

I fear no man though.

[Drew]

So I think nukes are a lie to keep the population in check, to scare us into submission. We don't have how many people are.

[Kai]

Like, damn, I shouldn't run this red light. Because like, what if the nuke comes? It's not stopping. Like.

[Drew]

Yeah, I mean, it's deeper than that.

[Jericho]

Is my favorite conspiracy theory, like, political. Yeah, there's no nukes. Like, nukes are like what backs the US dollar value, I guess.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

The military industrial complex. It all goes back to it.

[Kai]

That's crazy because I dropped a nuke on your mom's coochie.

[Drew]

Oh, well, I blew up. I dropped a nuke, which is a turd in your mom's vagina and it gave her a bacterial yeast infection.

[Kai]

A bacterial yeast infection.

[Drew]

Right, right. Okay, wait, wait, wait. I have shit written down, but I gotta find it first because it's like mixed into what I already said.

[Jericho]

Oh, did you guys see the LK99 thing?

[Drew]

LK99?

[Jericho]

It's like the superconductor.

[Drew]

No, I didn't see that.

[Jericho]

No, there's like some South Korean scientists, they figured out a way to make a superconductor.

[Drew]

Oh, that room temperature. Yeah, yeah.

[Jericho]

Which is crazy.

[Drew]

Yeah. Cuz it. It's. Yeah, really crazy.

[Kai]

And we would use that for.

[Jericho]

It's like an MRI machine costs like $40 million and you could make one for like a thousand dollars.

[Drew]

Cuz you don't have to like cool it.

[Jericho]

Yeah. And you could make like floating.

[Kai]

They got to put that on my PS5.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because didn't we have to like used to like freeze like these like magnets to like make them levitate.

[Jericho]

I watched this video by this guy on YouTube and he was like basically saying that it would, it would change the world if they actually pulled this off.

[Drew]

Because like have you seen the drama with it?

[Jericho]

Yeah. That's what they were saying is that you could create tracks and like make cars float and then.

[Drew]

Necessary also use.

[Kai]

It to like cool down the earth. But like, like it always has to be that.

[Jericho]

They said they could make like a quantum computer wingbot.

[Drew]

Oh. That lives inside millions of different realities.

[Kai]

And it gets embedded in the hood of a. So then.

[Jericho]

Exactly.

[Kai]

Yeah. It's like a neural link, but for your.

[Jericho]

Exactly.

[Kai]

And then anytime you're horny, you're just.

[Jericho]

Like a neural link, but for your.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jericho]

Wait, where are you?

[Drew]

You're not allowed to say the P word.

[Jericho]

Yeah, I actually, I actually feel that. I'm sorry.

[Drew]

Yeah. But there was a lot of drama with it because like they submitted it like years and years and years, like not years and years, like three years ago. And everybody was like, bro, this shit is physically impossible. Like y' all are lying. Y' all are making this shit up. And they kind of were, they were like theorizing and they use like a different material, like copper or something. Like I don't, I don't know exactly the science behind it, but basically the drama is that like it kind of started leaking that they were cracking the codes. So the scientists that went and published it first, it was a group of three because they won a Nobel Peace Prizes and you can only get Nobel Peace Prizes in groups of three or less. So people were like kind of copying their sign.

[Kai]

I'm just like really cool.

[Jericho]

Yeah. And you're tapped in.

[Drew]

Yeah. Well, you can get one solo. But he ran, he broke away and like he tried submitted it.

[Jericho]

Zuckerberg then.

[Kai]

So I would have to start like a boy band to get. Get my next Nobel Peace Prize. I couldn't do like, I'd have to start like a duo, like an outcast kind of situation.

[Jericho]

Duochrome.

[Drew]

What is duochrome? What?

[Kai]

What the hell? Like this? That's like a finish of paint.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Jericho]

Adrenochrome.

[Drew]

Yes. I've been eating a Lot of adrenochrome recently. Why are you looking at me? You're looking at me way too much.

[Kai]

Am I not supposed to look at you? I actually feel like this whole episode, I haven't looked at you. And that's why I started looking at you, because I've been just, like, zoning off while y' all talk about, like, magnets and fans.

[Drew]

Okay, this is a hard. This is a crazy take. God sends his tastiest babies to his hungriest pit bulls. Well, okay, listen.

[Jericho]

What does that mean?

[Drew]

That pit bulls eat children? Okay, Like, I love an. Oh, my God, man. No, I love animals. But, like, pitbulls.

[Kai]

Did you just think of that?

[Drew]

No, I wrote it down.

[Kai]

I know, but I'm saying, like, did you think of that?

[Drew]

Well, not those exact. That exact verbiage. No. Yeah, but.

[Kai]

Okay, because I was like, in what world were you around pit bulls?

[Drew]

No, I posted that on my meme account. Literally, all of that I post read is just. I posted from my meme.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. I thought, like, you were talking to somebody and they were like, yeah, like, my pitbull. Like, my baby up or some.

[Drew]

No, no, no, no, no. God sends his tastiest kids to his pit bulls.

[Kai]

That was, like, the craziest thing I.

[Drew]

Think you've ever said, but I was gonna get into, like, okay, go.

[Kai]

Yeah, go for it.

[Drew]

Sorry. I love animals and, like. But, like, pit bulls are kind of scary. And that's, like, my. Probably my most problematic take ever is. And the. The people who ride for.

[Kai]

Oh, you think that's the ride for?

[Drew]

I'm just like, this is one that I did come up with. I don't know how to word it, though. But basically, it's like.

[Jericho]

What?

[Kai]

Oh, man, you are on a roll right now. Like, this is insane. You're saying men do the same thing?

[Drew]

Cut, cut, cut. Okay, this episode is already cut and sliced. I know. We just, like. No, no, it's done. It's done, it's done.

[Kai]

Should I tell the story about the scary men at Nobu?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

So I was at this event with, like, a bunch of homegirls, and it was. It was at the Malibu Pier, which is right next to the Nobu. Like, in Malibu. And, yes, I go to Lenobu in Malibu, like, and it's easy, and I just do it on a whim. Like, that's just the kind of life I lead. But one of them really likes eating there, and they were like, oh, we should go. So we walked over. We tried so hard to get a table. They Literally looked us up and down, and we're like, we do not have anything here. And we begged for an ETA for a table. And they were like, we can't do that. And then my friend was like, but if you had to guess, could you. And she was like, I literally cannot guess for you right now. Like, it was a weird interaction, but we went to Nobu, couldn't get a table. Then we were told we could go to the bar area and you can order food there. I've also already told this story to Drew, so if he seems, like, unamused, it's not because it's an awesome. Like, not an awesome story. It's because I've already told them.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Kai]

So I guess this is more for Kai because he's the only one in the room who hasn't heard it. But we couldn't get a table, and then we have to sit.

[Drew]

My altar hasn't heard it. Should I front? Should I bring him up?

[Kai]

Are you serious?

[Drew]

Jericho?

[Kai]

Wait, you're. Did you name him or did he name himself? Hey, Jericho. Yeah? Did you. I mean, you're not that much different from Drew.

[Drew]

I'm emo.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. Did you give yourself that name or.

[Drew]

I was cutting for Justin Bieber and interrupted by a Nobu story.

[Kai]

Oh, that didn't answer my question. And Niall Warren, also. Both of those people are fully fine. You don't have to do that for them.

[Drew]

Like, and I'm like, nialhoran left One Direction.

[Kai]

That was, like, a long time ago. And he never left. I guess, technically, everybody who stayed in One Direction got fired. Yeah, they got laid off. Which is kind of embarrassing. Like, Zane left, and then it was like, fuck.

[Drew]

All right, Drew's back.

[Kai]

You don't seem like it took that long to change back.

[Drew]

It's really easy. It's like they're sitting at, like, a round table in my brain at all times.

[Kai]

Okay. They're sitting at the red table with Jada the Red Willow Smith.

[Drew]

Whoa. No, no, no, Babe, that was just a joke.

[Kai]

I don't think those are just people. Like, those are real people.

[Drew]

Willow. Willow Pill.

[Kai]

I don't know what you're saying to me. I'm going to keep going.

[Drew]

Don't look at. Willow Pill is a drag queen that ate down and won the season.

[Kai]

Oh, okay.

[Drew]

And she.

[Kai]

How you just like.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Whoa. Anyways, we're sitting in the corner of this bar. When we walk in, immediately, these two older men, who had to have been in their, like, mid to late 50s, were staring at us. But. And all of us kind of saw it, but none of us acknowledged it. Cuz we were like, whatever. We finish eating.

[Drew]

Wait, can you pause real quick? I'm sorry. I just hate like, women being like, being like, talked to and looked at weird by men.

[Jericho]

Like, do you need to take like a three hour break?

[Drew]

Yeah, I need to go lay down and cry.

[Kai]

That's crazy because it didn't really affect me like that. So it's like, why are you.

[Jericho]

Well, it's not really. It's not really about you. It's more. Oh, I guess it's more.

[Kai]

I guess it's about the men involved. It's more about them and like, what they're up to.

[Drew]

Yeah, my emotions are more important than yours.

[Kai]

Oh, wow.

[Drew]

Actually, can you stop touching me? Thank you.

[Kai]

So whatever. We like didn't acknowledge them. We finished our food, we're finishing our drink. And as we're finishing, the two guys go up and talk to two of the girls we're with. And me and like, the other girls are kind of like, oh, okay. Like they'll walk away eventually. I'm sure they don't walk away. Ten minutes has passed and like our two homegirls are kind of looking at us and they're like. And I'm like, oh. And we like kind of.

[Drew]

Wait, you said in mid-50s? Late-50s.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Wait, what the. Kai was not there. Kai was in New York.

[Jericho]

Dude, I'm not in my mid-50s.

[Kai]

Oh no, he was in his mid-90s by Jonah Hill.

[Drew]

Oh, okay, okay.

[Jericho]

I'm not in my mid-90s.

[Kai]

Loki was Jonah Hill. Guys, like, that's who it was.

[Drew]

He. I mean, I wouldn't put it past him.

[Kai]

It was not Jonah Hill. So whatever, we all start talking and then he's like guessing where we're all from and he keeps talking to all of us. And I was just already kind of drunk and he wouldn't get the hint that we didn't. We didn't want him to be talking to us because he'd be like, yeah, but you know, we're about to like, have one more drink and leave. Like, whatever. Like, just trying to like, get him away. And we're like, yeah, we're having a girls night. Like, and he just wouldn't back off. And then my friend and me were like, they're not even gonna buy us drinks. And they look like they have a lot of money and they won't leave us alone. And I was like, oh, we should just ask if they're gonna. And I think at one point like, somebody kind of threw it into conversation and they just ignored it.

[Drew]

So.

[Kai]

So then I got on my phone onto Instagram and I put buy, I'll insert the photo. Because I have a photo of both these things. I put buy us a drink question mark on the thing and I kind.

[Drew]

Of started like, you hold up at like a concert?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like, for visual listeners, it's like black screen, white text.

[Kai]

It was like just fully, like subtitled out. And I'm like. And I am trying to shout to them, and they're kind of just like.

[Drew]

Like literally, like, looking away, acting like they don't see it.

[Kai]

Like, it's like, right here, wait, hold your hand out to me. It's like right there. And they're like, like slowly just moving away. And then I was like, hello. Like, oh, that was probably so louder to that mic. But I was like, hello, Come on. And I like, made them read it and they just look at it. They're like, hey. Like. And they just keep talking to everybody else.

[Drew]

Wait, why are you, like, an actress? That was good. I'm not even just playing. Like, that was good.

[Kai]

I'm not even just playing. You guys sounded like Shawnee B. I'm not even just playing this. Like, I'm for real, but I hate how squeaky this chair is under my jeans.

[Drew]

I know. Why are you, like, it's all of a sudden. All of a sudden it's never once squeaked, but all of a sudden it's the chair because. And I think. And you're yourself.

[Kai]

I think you're wearing a diaper in diapers.

[Drew]

We need to. We need to bring back diapers.

[Kai]

I'm not kidding. I need to piss in a diaper.

[Drew]

Should we do it tonight? I'm. I'm literally not even kidding. Cuz I was so jealous of Christian and Michael when they put on diapers and peed in them without me. I was like, fuck, dude, I need to try that.

[Kai]

That's like the craziest sentence ever. I was so jealous of my other grown ass friends who were pissing in diapers without me.

[Drew]

Anyways, gotta try it out.

[Kai]

They ignore it. And then they keep talking. And we like, kind of keep trying to just get them away, but, like, from us, they won't. And then I put on my phone again. I was like, wanna drink question mark on me, exclamation point. And I was like, hello? And I was like, come on, is this gonn? Like, you know you want it? Like, I just, like, kept doing that. Also, one of the friends of Tavian she pointed out to me when I saw her the other day, she was like that. The way I was showing the phone was. I was like, like, shaking my shoulder at the.

[Drew]

So no one can read it.

[Kai]

It's just like, hey, like, being really, like, moving a lot. And then one of the guys started to almost, like, answer. I was like, oh, actually, like, he's gonna let me buy him a drink. And I was like, I'm not going to buy you a drink. I was kidding.

[Drew]

Oh, but if the roles were reversed, yeah, that would be funny.

[Kai]

I just bring. You know, for a second, I thought you were, like, like, here for women. And now it seems like you're just, like, women playing both.

[Drew]

No, listen. Women come from my ribbon. They are the devil.

[Kai]

Oh, well, I just. Ideology.

[Jericho]

I can't get behind that personally.

[Drew]

Oh, my. I am like, guys, she wants you so bad. She's hearing this. She's going to finger you. She's going to finger you.

[Jericho]

Okay, okay. But seriously, no jokes. Like, that's up, and I don't support that.

[Kai]

Oh, God.

[Drew]

God. Like, loser. Oh, I can get loud. Should I get loud?

[Kai]

No, don't.

[Drew]

It's going to scare you.

[Kai]

That was so loud. But whatever. I was like, I'm not going to buy you a drink. And then he starts going on. He's like, you know what, girls? I have a better idea. All of you come to my house. I have plenty of alcohol. I have a pool. I got a disco ball and a dance floor. We can get started, little party of our own. Like, start saying all this. I just look at my. I'm like, are you crazy? You're gonna kill us. Like, no.

[Drew]

Anya fumbled the bag like crazy. And I'm not even saying that. Like, she literally fumbled for me and the rest of my summer. Like, you should have just, like, you.

[Kai]

Have to make it about you. Not even. Like, Anya fumbled so hard, she could have, like, gotten the car she wanted. Like, all this stuff. Like, she fumbled so hard I could have had access to a pool.

[Drew]

And this somehow.

[Kai]

I have friends with pools.

[Drew]

But, like, it would have been so easy if that was your bae.

[Kai]

Yeah, I guess all I would have to do is, like, have sex and commit to somebody who's, like, really gross.

[Drew]

I do it every day.

[Kai]

Every day I'm looking at her. Queen, queen.

[Drew]

Queen. You two, queen.

[Jericho]

Oh, God, I love the idea of you wanting. I need to take the chance of getting trafficked. So you can see a disco ball.

[Drew]

Yeah. Inside the house. But he has bread. Like, that's crazy. But he wouldn't buy you a drink.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying. No, that's what I kept saying. And I made that joke to him.

[Drew]

I was like, he can't actually might be the killer.

[Kai]

He literally kept saying it like five times. He was like, come to our house. Come to our house. Come to our house. And we were like, no. And then he wouldn't leave us on. We were like, can you even make drinks? Like, we can get really good drinks here. So even in the off chance we did go to your house, what can you make? And then he looks at me, he's like, what do you like to drink? And I was like, tequila. And he was like, I can make you a triple shot margarita that will send you off. And I was like, you are going to behead me. You need to leave me alone.

[Drew]

Send you off?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And then I said that.

[Kai]

I was like. So I was like, so you just want us to go to your house so you can kill us? Like. And he was like, I couldn't take on all four, all five of you. And I was like. We were like, okay, so you can take on like two of us or something. Like, what is happening? And he just wouldn't leave us alone. And then I started getting really annoyed because he mentioned he kept being like, come to my house, come to my house. Come to my house. And we were like, no, we don't.

[Drew]

Even live close to the action of your consequences.

[Kai]

And he, like, kept like, talking. And then I just started getting really annoyed. And I would turn to the bar and then turn back and be like. Like, start yelling. Like that in the middle causes an.

[Drew]

Earthquake with that scream.

[Kai]

I like, started screaming and. And they didn't budge. Like, he literally was just like. I had told him I was from Miami. Goes, there's that spice coming out. Like, he was just, like eating it. Like, dude, it was insane. One of them is definitely a little senile. Like, anything you said to him, he couldn't hear. So that's probably why the screams didn't bother him. Like, when I told him, they were like, oh, are you Cuban? Because I'm from Miami. I was like, yeah, yeah. I'm like Cuban and Honduran. And he goes, oh, I love Hungary. I can't believe I haven't so long. And, like, started going Honduras. And he was like, yeah, Hungary. And like, he literally kept saying back. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Drew]

Oh, my gosh.

[Kai]

Whatever. It just, like, kept going for so fucking long. And they, like, would not budge. I can't Remember some of the other shit I did? I was just acting fucking insane. Oh. I told them I was a landlord for an RV park.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. And then it turns out that he was literally a landlord for an rv.

[Kai]

It was one of the.

[Drew]

He was drilling India the entire time about. He was like, no. Like, this is weird. Like, this is like a match made in heaven. Like, this is weird that we're both RV land.

[Kai]

Yeah. He became obsessed with it because India's.

[Drew]

Life sucked balls too.

[Kai]

Well, he ate it up. So, like. Oh, actually, I have two other things I did before I get into that. He was holding this drink, and I literally, like, wait, hold this. Like, they. At this point, this is gone for, like, 25 minutes. I go, give me that. Literally, like, yanked his cuff out of his hand. And he was like, oh, you want some tequila? Huh? And I was like, I just, like, yanked your cup out of your hand. And then one of their phones was on there, like, on the, like, bar table. I was like, give me that. Like, I just started, like, grabbing and. Because I. I wanted to scare them away. Like, what I was hoping would happen is they'd be like, okay, we've been drilling these girls, trying to get them to come to our house for 30 minutes when they've said no 18 times, but one of them has to budge. And I thought maybe they'd be like, oh, one of them is actually fucking insane and will come to my house and steal everything.

[Drew]

I mean, all of y' all were being kind of kooky, right?

[Kai]

Dude, no. All of us literally just started saying the craziest shit in response. Like, they'd be like, how old are you? And I was like, oh, her? She's 16. Don't tell the bartender. And he literally was like, oh, I wouldn't. And we were like, whoa.

[Drew]

They literally. They literally thought, like, manic pixie dream girl, like a sunshine of the spotless mind. Like, this is going to change our lives. I think the girls.

[Kai]

There's something deep. There's got to be a better word for whatever. I was energy. I was showing them. Because it was not, like, the killer.

[Drew]

Yeah, the robber. The robber and the killer.

[Kai]

These guys were so weird, and they were like, that girl needs help. Like, something's wrong with her.

[Drew]

But clinic. Clinically insane Dream girl. Bpd. Dream girl.

[Kai]

I'm gonna keep going.

[Drew]

Erectile dysfunction dream boy.

[Kai]

Okay, so you're, like, freaking out, dude, but, oh, my God, now I have a. Like. Like, a hiccup that's stuck in my. In my, like, throat. Goat in My throat.

[Drew]

She's the goat in my goated throat is goaded.

[Kai]

But one of them, like, they kept. Yeah, thank you, actually. Thank you for recognizing that. But they kept asking. And then finally, one of our friends was like, dude, actually, I'm so sorry. I know we keep saying no, but it's because we all live so far. And we all started saying places that were, like, really far from Malibu. And I was like, yeah, dude, I live in Pomona. I have to take, like, the most expensive Uber of my life back.

[Drew]

And he was like, malibu to Pomona for, if you don't know, is like, what, like, 18 hours?

[Kai]

No, it's literally, like, if it was at the middle of the night, I think it'd be, like, three hours. Like, maybe longer. Like, but in the middle of the night, it'd probably still be, like, 2 hours and 30 minutes. But he just, like, then hones in on me. He's like, you are not from Pomona. And I was like, what's wrong with Pomona? I literally am. I have to live there. My job is there. And then one of our friends was like, yeah, she's got to get back to the RV business. And then he was like, the RV business? I was like, oh, yeah, I'm a landlord for an rv, Like, a trailer park. And then he was like, no, you're not. And I was like, I don't understand why you're becoming so hostile with me. That's literally my life. Like, I live in Pomona. I'm a landlord. Like, I don't know why that's the craziest thing ever. And then he was like, how many RVs do you have? And I was like, okay, this is gonna sound crazy, but I have 8 acres with 35 RVs on them, which is so small. And I was like, with 35? But I. I did mention that, and I think that's why I believed it, because I was like. And I know that sounds like I'm cramming a. Oh, is it?

[Jericho]

Yeah, I just. It just went. But it's fine.

[Kai]

I was like. And I know that sounds like a lot of RVs for one pocket of land, but, like, that's how it's always been. Like, I. I treat my, like, tenants really, really good. He was like, what? What's the prices? I was like, 12. 1200-1800. But, like, it just depends on, like, how new the RV is. And then he started freaking out. He's like, oh, my God. Like, this is actually crazy. Like, do you actually do that? And I was like, why would I just say all of that, dude? Like, why would I lie about that? And then he started become like overly into it. So I just turned and paid the tab. And then like, my friends were like, see, that's the RV money coming in. Like, she's paying the tab. And we had gotten one last drink and we wanted to go outside and smoke. And at this point I was like, this literally isn't funny anymore because it's been going on for 45 minutes and they actually won't leave us alone. So I told the bartender, I was like, hey, we're going to go outside to smoke and finish these drinks. Can you please have like security make sure he doesn't follow after us? And when we got up, they started following us outside. And I think the security came and interfered. And then the security kind of lingered with us while we were on couches. And the second the security started walking away, both of them like grabbed their drinks and started walking towards us. And I had to run back and get the security and tell them to come and like block them again. It was the craziest interaction I think I've ever had at that restaurant. And I hope somebody from the restaurant hears this and bans me for giving bad vibes publicly.

[Drew]

Bad vibes.

[Kai]

That's my really long story, guys. I'm sorry. I'm never gonna talk again.

[Drew]

Whoa, you're beautiful. And you're lovely. Yeah, you're beautiful. You're lovely.

[Kai]

Why is it taking you so long to read that? Are you making it up? I don't think you wrote that down.

[Drew]

I wrote all of it.

[Kai]

You did it. That's a lot more words.

[Drew]

And what you're saying I wrote something down right before this that I wanted to talk about, but like, oh, you.

[Kai]

Probably just wrote it down in your mind. So if you just think hard enough.

[Jericho]

Wait, so the guy was super old?

[Kai]

Yeah. But both of them were like in their like late 50s, like maybe mid-60s.

[Jericho]

I kept. I kept imagining, you know that video of Mitch McConnell where he like pauses.

[Kai]

Yeah, I kept watching that when you.

[Jericho]

Held up the thing of like, can we get a drink? Getting flashbang, like just stairs off to the.

[Kai]

That was literally what I was giving. They were like looking through my phone. They did not want to read it.

[Drew]

This week has been good by partisan cooperation and a string of.

[Kai]

Me and Drew was talking about it after I told him. Cuz I woke up the next day. I was like, that was insane. I can't believe that they drilled for 40 minutes because they were that horny and, like, desperate. And me and Drew were discussing if we think they went home, and we're.

[Drew]

Like, damn, I up. Like, oh. Like, that was so weird. Like, I can't believe I did that. Like, did they have hangover anxiety the next.

[Kai]

Or were they like, dude, that girl was so mean.

[Drew]

Or. Or were they like, damn, like, I ate that up. Like, I almost bagged five girls at once. Yeah, probably that.

[Kai]

Like, I was. I was this close.

[Drew]

Yeah, but the meddling security guard. Like, meddling kids.

[Kai]

Yeah. Why do they call them that? Like, they're, like, not metal. They're, like, normal.

[Drew]

No, no. Meddling.

[Kai]

Yeah. What are they meddling? Meddling? What together?

[Drew]

The crime scene.

[Kai]

I thought that was called, like, a. Like, that was like, the thing with the fire on it.

[Drew]

Girl, what the hell are you saying right now? You're freaking me the out. You're literally freaking me the fuck out. All right, challenge for both of you guys.

[Jericho]

Okay?

[Drew]

Look down at your zipper, and I bet I can guess what the three letters are on it. Oh, three letters. What the hell? There's three letters on my zipper? How did he know that? And it's ykk. And I guarantee you out there are wearing it too.

[Kai]

Yeah, because it's, like, the widest manufacturer of zippers, like, on the planet. And then some of the zippers on old guys.

[Jericho]

Yeah, it says it.

[Kai]

Some of the old zippers on Levi's, I think, are, like, made by Levi's and that, like, old Levi's have, like, a specific zipper, and that's how you know how old they are.

[Drew]

Well, thanks for ruining my magic trick.

[Kai]

You thought you were gonna teach me something, right? I know everything you can't teach me.

[Drew]

That's why our relationship didn't work. You don't know a lot of shit.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

Where are kids?

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, I know where they are. I just don't want to say it publicly because of their safety.

[Drew]

That's what I would say, too.

[Kai]

Gotcha.

[Jericho]

You guys are bad parents.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. Says the loser. Single.

[Jericho]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Sad motherfucker.

[Jericho]

What does it have to do? I'm pointing out the fact that you are not good.

[Kai]

No bitches, no love, no life.

[Drew]

Virgin.

[Kai]

Loser.

[Jericho]

What does that. What does it have to do with you guys? Me pointing out that your parenting is not that good.

[Drew]

Because you've never had sex and you can't even make kids because you've never done it.

[Kai]

Yeah. Cuz nobody wants to touch you because you're disgusting.

[Drew]

Okay, that was too far.

[Jericho]

That was too far.

[Kai]

Yeah, that was too far because you touch him. So that would make.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jericho]

Was it you last night, Drew?

[Drew]

Or was it Jericho last night boning you? That was Raymond.

[Jericho]

Damn, Raymond.

[Kai]

Okay, that was Rey Mysterio.

[Drew]

He's not fronting right now.

[Kai]

I don't want my phone to die.

[Drew]

But I need to watch Rey Mysterio. Is that the wrestler? Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

Johnny. Hello?

[Drew]

Johnny.

[Kai]

Yes. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I can't find Johnny.

[Kai]

Where is she? Can't find Journey.

[Drew]

My mom gonna kill me. I can't find Journey.

[Kai]

I'm right here. You left me outside. Renee.

[Drew]

You seeing Journey? You seeing Journey?

[Kai]

See Journey. I think she's invisible. Yeah.

[Drew]

Journey.

[Kai]

What? Journey At.

[Drew]

I was.

[Kai]

Dude, context literally broke her spirit. Like, she.

[Drew]

Like, it was probably fun.

[Kai]

Like, it was funny for her. And then he went for so long. Also, you know what I realized is this was posted on Snapchat, and I don't think this person was like a content creator like that. So that means this older brother just did this to his sister for, like, way too long.

[Drew]

It was like a trend on vine at the time.

[Kai]

Oh, really? Okay. Right.

[Drew]

But this is the best one to ever.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, this one's so good. She just sat, like, it's actually so sad. Also, what was her reaction when he finally was like, no, you're real. I wonder if she was just like, I love.

[Drew]

My mom's gonna kill me. Like, just making it real. Well, you know what's really scary? Oh.

[Jericho]

The Savage. That was honestly.

[Drew]

Savage D. Savage and Madison Beer. Oh, the Madison beer. Beef D. Savage. Jack Galinsky. Oh, Baby Gronk. Baby Gronk just lives. Baby Gronk just rizzed up Livy Dunn doing that. Four weeks later, Baby Gronk. You know, baby grown. No, dude, he's the sickest kid ever. He's got like 18 college offers for football, and he doesn't even play like that.

[Jericho]

And he raised up Livy Dunn.

[Drew]

Yeah, and Livy Dunn.

[Kai]

Who the is Livy Dunn?

[Drew]

Lsu. Lsu. Jack Galinsky.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Jericho]

He raised up Livy D. Yeah, I. I heard.

[Drew]

Bro. Bro. Literally, Bro. Literally.

[Kai]

Literally. You do not want to mess with me, bro.

[Drew]

But J. Alpha is literally making memes now, and it's really, really scary because.

[Kai]

Alpha.

[Drew]

Yes, Jen. Alpha. Like the new ones, I know they're not Alpha. Call them Gin Beta, more like. Cuz they're. They got addicted to their iPads and Roblox. Like, duh. Like Jin Jin Beta. More like. We should be called Sigma Jin Sigma.

[Jericho]

Yeah. I'm tired of being called Gen Z.

[Kai]

Wait, that's what you think you are.

[Jericho]

I think.

[Drew]

I. Yeah, more like Boomer. Booyah.

[Jericho]

I'm not a boomer.

[Drew]

More like Gin bodunka doink.

[Jericho]

You got me.

[Drew]

What the fuck was I saying? Oh, Gin Alpha is making memes now, and one of them is like, skippity doobop fucking toilet. Yeah, they're babies, they're young, but they're making memes now, which means we're all about to get made fucking fun of, and we're gonna be the loser. Cringe Facebook. And you know what's crazy?

[Kai]

Been made fun of.

[Drew]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I read. I treat. It's crazy. The cycle is just continuing because we used to look at our parents and be like, God damn it. Our parents are so stupid. They believe everything they read on Facebook. We are now our parents. We have become our parents with Tick Tock. Because everything on Tick Tock is real to everyone in our generation. And it's just misinformation and lies spread by me. But, yeah, they have this meme called, like, Skippy Toilet or something that, like.

[Kai]

Why do you know this, Maddox?

[Jericho]

Oh, well, yeah, Skippy Toilet.

[Drew]

I don't know what the. Oh, no, I just erased all of my notes.

[Jericho]

How old is. Is the oldest child?

[Drew]

No, wait, they're all gone.

[Kai]

Well, don't. Don't back up yet. Yeah, I don't think you're shaking it right. You're freaking me out.

[Drew]

They're all gone. All the notes are gone. Oh, wow. At. Popped up. Okay, well, that sucks. But I have a second one, so we're good. But, yeah, look up. I'll look it up on our phone. My phone. That is our phone.

[Kai]

Because I look through it when I want. Because you're always cheating on me.

[Drew]

It just turns out she never wanted to see my pictures in the first place. She never really actually cared.

[Kai]

What the. Are you quoting?

[Jericho]

Oh, I didn't realize that gen Alpha was 12 years old now.

[Drew]

Yeah, they're young.

[Jericho]

Like, 12 is. That's like a person.

[Kai]

Wait, okay, so I'm confused. And then what? 12 to 20. What is Gen Z?

[Jericho]

I think after, if you're 14 right now, you're Gen Z.

[Drew]

And we're in the gray area of millennial and X, where the two years.

[Jericho]

Yeah, you're just lennial. Yeah, I think is the term.

[Kai]

What's wrong with you?

[Jericho]

I'm sorry.

[Kai]

You are so that.

[Drew]

So this.

[Jericho]

I thought Generation Alpha was, like, 6 years old.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying.

[Drew]

I thought they were, like, toddlers and they live in avatars. They're gonna be cringed out. What were you saying, Kyle? Like, that, like, they live as avatars online and they're gonna be creeped out by like us showing our face online.

[Jericho]

Yeah. There's all these theories that the next generation is going to view, like, not having privacy as a cringe, so everyone will just use like an avatar.

[Kai]

Which is ideal because I'm like, all right, I'm already agreeing with them. I'm so young at heart, you know.

[Drew]

But this is the memes that they created.

[Kai]

I feel like this was already a thing.

[Drew]

Ask your. Ask your 9 year old, 10 year old, 11 year old, 12 year old. I've never heard of this.

[Kai]

That. Not that song. I've heard that song. But remember this style of videos and how popular it was? Like, it was during, like, happy.

[Drew]

I'm speaking just on Skippy D Toilet. It's like a thing that all of your younger siblings know, but you have no idea that existed.

[Kai]

Yeah, I would have never seen that.

[Drew]

And it's like a whole, whole like, series of videos that this dude creates. And Jin Alpha just like eats it the up. I mean, that had 88 million views and the other one had 74 million views and they just like, eat it up. But it literally just looks like Gary's mod videos. And it's probably made in Gary's mod or some.

[Kai]

I. I guess we went through phases as like our generation of making some of the worst jokes and like E.

[Drew]

Literally the letter E was funny. Deep fried. Y' all remember that?

[Kai]

Oh, like deep frying memes or.

[Drew]

No, the letter E meme. I know it got to the point where the letter E was funny and I ate it up. Like, this is how far gone we went in meme culture. Like, guys, I'm not kidding. I know, like, I could teach a college class about me on. On memes. Like, I'm. And I'm not even just saying that, Like, I love memes. I think they, like, speak so much to, like, culture. Like, literally, like, not to be lame and loser, but, like, they literally, like, show what the masses are thinking and, like, the fact that like, I know, like, people like aliens were confirmed real and everyone was just like making jokes about it is crazy because five years ago, if aliens were announced that they were real, it would have like, literally broken everything ever.

[Kai]

But even though, like Almighty Weekend T shirt.

[Drew]

But that's a psychological operation though. It is, it is. It's distracting us both. You think Mitch McConnell froze on TV?

[Jericho]

You think UAPs are sign up?

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't believe In Project Green Bean or whatever the Project Blue beam is like, what?

[Jericho]

They're Project Green Bean. I was like, whoa, what is that? I realize we're.

[Drew]

No, it's. Do you know what that is? It's like that the government, like, it has projectors that project UFOs in the sky to, like, whatever, confirmed their alien agenda to distract us from. You know what they're gonna do is aliens. This is. This is the whole game plan. Aliens are announced real. Then in the next few months, right, they're gonna be coming to Earth more frequently. Well, then they're going to destroy the power grid. Aliens are going to destroy the power grid. It's going to wipe out everything. All of our financial crypto, all of our currencies. Then they're going in state Fed now. This is real, y' all. No, it's. It's crazy.

[Jericho]

The aliens are going to make way for the cbdc.

[Drew]

Exactly. Fed now is going to be instated, and then it's all because the aliens.

[Kai]

Aliens are going to take away Sheehan's RICO charge. So.

[Jericho]

No, no, I want Biden to stop gatekeeping the alien. Essie.

[Drew]

Okay. Did you just yourself.

[Kai]

No, sorry, but are you gonna ignore what guy just said?

[Drew]

What did he say?

[Kai]

He said I'm. You know.

[Jericho]

You repeat it, actually, I want Biden to stop gatekeeping the alien sc. OT you probably goes crazy.

[Drew]

You never had.

[Jericho]

No, that was crazy, you being like.

[Kai]

Ot, You've never had, like, alien.

[Drew]

No, that shit's like. That is like, literally, like, out of this world. Like, it's.

[Jericho]

Yeah, I mean, sure.

[Drew]

Like, you ever heard of alien moan?

[Jericho]

No.

[Drew]

You never heard it?

[Jericho]

No.

[Drew]

You can't make an alien moan. It's really easy, bro.

[Kai]

Oh, Mr. Beast is playing with dynamite now. So he's ripping into the ozone layer.

[Drew]

He's a terrorist.

[Kai]

Have you seen the last episode, Mr.

[Drew]

Beast Terrorist Arc? No, I haven't watched.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. He actually is a genius. Because of Oppenheimer being out, he. He's like, let's add explosives in, like, into this.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

Like, that's the new vibe.

[Drew]

Like, he was like.

[Kai]

Suddenly he was like, wait. It's like when he saw Squid Game and he was like, wait, what if I get exactly this?

[Drew]

He's making a nuke.

[Kai]

I think Mr. Wait is gonna set off.

[Drew]

That's his next video is the H bomb, bro.

[Kai]

He's gonna set off a hydrogen bomb. Like, no, because I'm dead serious. I'm bored of them. I'm like, okay, like train in a hole. Like, oh, my God. Oh, it turned through a wall. Wow. Like, I literally watched them, and I'm like, okay, bored. Tried.

[Drew]

Like, you're boring. Boring. Tomato, tomato.

[Kai]

And then he started playing with fire and explosives and.

[Drew]

No, Mr. Beast. Terrorism arc. It's coming soon. Yeah. 100. No, but, like, I've said it before. Like, oh, don't get me wrong. Like, Mr. Beast, come on the podcast. We got some to talk about. Let me go watch one of these because you're evil.

[Kai]

I want to see one of the explosions so bad, man.

[Drew]

No, no, no. Mr. Beast, come on the podcast and convince me you're not evil.

[Kai]

I don't.

[Drew]

I mean, I don't actually.

[Kai]

I don't know if you've ever looked into that frame, but, like, I don't think he would see that. Like, I need to go there. Like, oh, also, I was hanging out with Christian, Elisa, and Jester.

[Drew]

Who are those people? Who are they?

[Kai]

They're some of, like, our closest friends.

[Drew]

I just, like, got rid of all the ops. I've gotten rid of all the.

[Kai]

You haven't done your shrooms recently, so you're losing your connection.

[Drew]

It's just, like, people, bro. It's like, me, myself, and I like, sigma mentality. Like, I came from the bottom. Now I'm here, type, like, bottom, G Swag.

[Kai]

I think you might still be.

[Drew]

Never that.

[Kai]

Anyways. Oh, we were sitting around watching videos, and then Christian goes, oh, my God. I have a video that I think you're really gonna like. And I was like, oh, my God. What is it? He's like, watch. Just watch. And he wasn't joking. He literally showed me a hydrogen bomb video.

[Drew]

Oh, I. That motherfucker jacked my swag.

[Kai]

Yeah. And he showed.

[Drew]

Jacked my swag.

[Kai]

He showed it to me, and he was like. He was like, I just feel like you would love this. And I did, because my first reaction was like, imagine seeing that. So beautiful. And we all started laughing because I was like, oh. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. Like, it's literally a Like.

[Drew]

Like, chemical mass destruction.

[Kai]

But it looked so pretty.

[Drew]

No, I. Trust me.

[Kai]

The ozone layer.

[Drew]

I was like, trust me. I know, like, massive explosions are. It does something to my brain. Like, it's still. It's like discovering, like, when apes discovered fire for the first time. Like, it does that to my brain. Or, like, making the wheel and rolling it down.

[Kai]

That's literally the theory of all Mr. Beast videos. Like, that has to be the way he goes.

[Drew]

Like, just.

[Kai]

I need it to be like when cavemen found fire.

[Drew]

Yeah, like primal instincts, like. Like coliseum, like, type shit.

[Jericho]

Dude, that Beirut explosion video, it lit insane.

[Drew]

It looks like an anime fight scene. Yeah, yeah, I've showed you, like, a million times.

[Jericho]

There's like, an explosion. There's like a shock wave that, like, eviscerates everything in front of it.

[Kai]

Oh, oh, yeah. Didn't that happened, like, last year in 2020? Yeah, yeah, okay, I have seen that.

[Drew]

But yeah, I know that it literally looks like an anime fight scene. Have you seen the one of the dude on the jet ski on the water and he like, thank God he did this. He was really close, but he jumped into the water because, like, he saw the explosion and he was like, oh, like, I don't know what to do. And he evaded, like, the shockwave that would have, like, likely ruptured his eardrums and made him bleed and, like, all this crazy. Well, should I get into Drew Psyop Corner?

[Kai]

Yeah, go for it.

[Drew]

Welcome to Drew Psyop Corner. Check on your friends who aren't having sex.

[Jericho]

Sex.

[Drew]

We are not.

[Kai]

Okay, wait, but you said you.

[Drew]

That was a quote from Kai.

[Kai]

Oh, okay.

[Jericho]

What are you talking about?

[Drew]

I'm not cringe. I'm a reflection of your internalized shame.

[Kai]

That's just not true, cuz you're not very pretty.

[Drew]

The sensors on toilets aren't automatic flushers. They are cameras stealing your dick and vagina and butt information. So tape them. Tape them like you tape your computer screen, you nerds. I do it too. I'm scared of it.

[Kai]

Every public bathroom you go into, you, like, tape it.

[Drew]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna sell that. I'm gonna sell a sticker that you put over the sensor. Oh, wow.

[Kai]

That is the nastiest thing ever.

[Drew]

Wow. Dollar General be leaving that one cashier up. That's like, the best one. That's literally my most favorite one.

[Kai]

Really good.

[Drew]

Dudes be like, I don't watch tv. I'm not gonna let mainstream media tell me how to think. My brother in Christ. You let recommendations underscore, watch. Next, dot, serve, parenthesis, parentheses, determine your whole personality.

[Jericho]

That's so good.

[Drew]

If I end up. If God ends up being real and I go to hell, I'm gonna be so pissed.

[Kai]

He's literally real.

[Drew]

God hates.

[Kai]

We need to bring that back.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

All right, fine.

[Drew]

This is a question for the culture. If I floated 1000ft above the ground, perfectly still, would the earth rotate beneath me? Why don't we travel that way? If it does? You ever Jump. If you jump in an airplane, why don't I splat on the back? If I throw a tennis ball in the car, why doesn't it float backwards and hit the. I know there's a physics answer, but it's not real.

[Jericho]

It's conservation of momentum base level physics.

[Drew]

And it's not real.

[Kai]

It just doesn't happen. Simple.

[Drew]

What is that sound?

[Kai]

The simple answer is it just doesn't happen.

[Drew]

No, no.

[Kai]

I think Josh is doing something on his ac.

[Drew]

Oh, no. Is that you?

[Kai]

Oh, this.

[Drew]

That's what it was. It sounded like it was coming from.

[Kai]

Because I'm getting to the point that, like, I need to.

[Drew]

You're playing with.

[Kai]

I gotta rub my feet together and take a nap.

[Drew]

All right, last one. When a gay person says, wait, no. Because, like, you're gonna hear the most incoherent, unintelligent thing you've ever heard. Someone make a compilation of me saying.

[Kai]

Wait, no, because you, like, 18 times an episode also, but you're not gay.

[Drew]

Facts.

[Kai]

Yeah, really funny tweet. And I wish I could find it. I've tried to find it and I can't. But Orion showed it to me because it was on her timeline and it was like, can you stop bringing those big ass tote bags in the club? You almost knocked the charcoal off my hookah. And I literally cried at that because.

[Drew]

Like, I've been hitting the face.

[Kai]

A big ass tote bag in a club. Because you just don't know you're gonna end up there and be like, oh.

[Drew]

I've been hit in the face.

[Kai]

Hold it in the front.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've literally been hit with one before in a club, and it, like, made my. The inside of my lip bleed.

[Kai]

Good. I did it on purpose.

[Drew]

What the.

[Kai]

In the next episode, we're gonna announce something so crazy that it's gonna rock your socks off. If you have a family, you might leave them.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Because that's what I would do. I think that's my cards.

[Drew]

Yup. All right, well, let's.

[Kai]

I continue family tradition. Like, a lot of people just, like, have their phones now, and they, like, find new tradition, but I continue my family tradition.

[Drew]

Of what?

[Kai]

I will be walking out on my children.

[Drew]

Oh. I mean, you literally did.

[Kai]

Culturally, it is a part of me.

[Jericho]

Don't look at me.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. It's bad when a woman says she wants to try something new. Oh, did. Did Barbie not teach anybody anything?

[Jericho]

Okay, that's a good point.

[Drew]

I didn't see it yet because I don't fuck with Women movies.

[Kai]

Pink me about little women.

[Drew]

Ew.

[Jericho]

Pink.

[Drew]

You with little women?

[Kai]

Yeah. All right, let's get into media. I did watch Carol, and I think it would have been better if it was about straight people.

[Drew]

Yep. No, that movie is heartbreaking.

[Kai]

Y' all me up and I almost feel like I shouldn't have watched it. But you know what? Cinema is cinema. You got. You got the cinema. Harry Styles, you are a cinema.

[Drew]

A Hollywood treasure. Action thriller.

[Kai]

I can watch you forever. But it was really good. And I need. If you haven't watched it, cover your ears. But I need a poster of Cate Blanchett holding up that gun.

[Drew]

Cate Blanchett put her entire fucking pussy into that film.

[Kai]

I thought that was about her life. Like, it got. I got so into that movie. I literally was like, I can't believe this.

[Drew]

This is a documentary.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's what felt like. No, I actually did. You asked me if it, like, like, tore my rectum. I mean, my suspension of belief. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I did not.

[Kai]

Sorry. I'm seeing your mom right after this, and I'm just.

[Drew]

You're hymen.

[Kai]

My. My head is like going 100 miles per hour.

[Drew]

Hymen. Yeah.

[Kai]

I mean, when I ripped your mom's hymen, she bled a lot. A lot more than I've ever seen anybody.

[Drew]

I was like, you know. Wait, what is it? It's Hyman. No.

[Kai]

I'm so high.

[Drew]

Yes. I'm so highman. That's literally. That's crazy that you knew exactly what.

[Kai]

I was doing, cuz that's literally me.

[Drew]

We're on the same wavelength. Oh, yeah. And you take an edible. This episode, by the way, it's like, boy.

[Kai]

21. Boy.

[Drew]

Boy. Boy 21.

[Kai]

We should do that. The next party we go to, be a conversation. We'll be like.

[Drew]

Boy, what the heck.

[Kai]

Boy, you're done, Boy, what the hell, boy? And you better not be a snitch, because that's a Carl Bismarck. Who's Carl Bismarck? He's dead.

[Drew]

Do the first part.

[Kai]

What is it? You know, I just did the first part. No. Oh, is it. Wait, dude, I can't.

[Drew]

I can't remember it either. Yeah.

[Kai]

And you better not be a snitch, because I'll tell Carl Bismarck you're a liar. All right. I think that's the only movie I've watched. Yeah, this only movie I watched. And then I'm gonna grab my phone so I can't get my visa.

[Drew]

And for my movie, I don't actually. I don't know if you've seen it. I know you've seen it, but it was me tripping with Kai's mom challenge.

[Kai]

Wait, why would you be tripping with her? Just, like, trying to, like trying something.

[Drew]

My penis is really small, so it's like basically a.

[Kai]

I see. I held in that secret, but I.

[Jericho]

Have something serious I want to bring up. Can you guys stop banging my mom, please?

[Kai]

I mean, you tell her that. It's like it. I think she swallowed magnets or something. And then I did too, so they're stuck in my coochie. And hers also fell into her magnetizer.

[Jericho]

Just please stop it. It's very hard for me.

[Kai]

I went down the urinary tract. So, like. Right. And like. I mean, it's a flat magnet, so like, got stuck there. And then we just like. When I see her, it's like. It's like, Like.

[Jericho]

That's insane.

[Kai]

Yeah, and sometimes it sucks cuz she'll like. It's such a strong magnet, sometimes she'll like, kick me in my coochie.

[Drew]

They've literally ripped up, like, ripped in half before.

[Jericho]

Okay, well, I tried. I tried to set boundaries and I guess I need this job.

[Drew]

So what's more important, Kai?

[Kai]

Your family or your job?

[Jericho]

The job, probably.

[Kai]

There you go.

[Jericho]

That's.

[Kai]

We taught you good. Okay. When the Morning Comes by Daryl hall and John Oates. That is the best song ever. Wow. I've been listening to like the same three songs over and over. Seabird by Innovations, Our House by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. Too many people. Put that down to one. And Iron man by the Cardigans. And just that whole album.

[Drew]

My movie is this small movie that just came out called Barbie. I don't know if you heard. If you've heard of it, let me know. No, but actually not. Another teen Movie Classic Classic. 5 out of 5. Ski Yee, Cyberspeed, D.J. s Mix. Super fucking lit. And that's all I'm giving you. I gave you like a bunch of music last week and I don't have anything else.

[Kai]

So I've given you all of me.

[Drew]

I don't know what else me wants. All of you.

[Kai]

All right, thanks for watching. This is so weird.

[Drew]

Dude, y' all are fucking. You're fucking high and weird. You're freaking out. Your parents are gonna find out.

[Kai]

They can smell it. Even if it's inedible. Your breasts smells. It smells like an. I don't know.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're being really weird right now.

[Kai]

They're going to drug. Dude, this sucks. But they're going to drug test you.

[Drew]

Tomorrow and you're literally going to get kicked out of school.

[Kai]

Okay, bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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