Enya is leaving the podcast

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "Enya is Leaving the Podcast" Summary

Release Date: May 26, 2023
Hosts: Enya Umanzor (Kai) and Drew Phillips
Podcast Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. There is no emergency, but there is an intense need for attention, so maybe listen up… You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t.

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1. Announcement of Enya’s Departure

The episode opens with a brief advertisement, quickly transitioning to the hosts’ dynamic. At [01:09], Kai (Enya) announces her departure from the podcast:

Kai: “Guys, I have exciting news. So I've decided that I just don't feel right here anymore. So I've started my own venture. But don't worry, someone will be replacing me.”

Drew humorously responds, claiming their replacement is none other than Thom York from Radiohead, adding a layer of comedic absurdity to the announcement.

Drew: “And that person is Thom York from Radiohead.”

2. Banter and Light-Hearted Jokes

Following the departure announcement, Drew and Kai engage in playful banter about the seriousness of the situation versus their comedic take on it. At [01:44], they delve into a discussion about Radiohead's musical quality, expressing exaggerated admiration:

Drew: “Like, why is Radiohead kind of good?”
Kai: “That's what I was gonna say. And I feel like if you even knew good music, but, like, you're pro a stupid girl, so you don't know about.”

This exchange sets a light-hearted and irreverent tone for the episode.

3. Conspiracy Theories and Social Commentary

The conversation shifts toward a fabricated conspiracy theory about a "cow print epidemic," which Drew claims occurred in 2020. At [02:39], Drew theorizes:

Drew: “...the cow print epidemic that happened in 2020 where all the girls had like cow print all over their walls... there's some serious sinister, dark sided energy there.”

Kai expands on this humorous conspiracy, linking it to social conformity and the concept of "sheeple" through fashion trends like Sherpa jackets.

Kai: “The easiest way to turn the people into sheep bull was through the cow print. And guess what came after that? The Sherpa jackets.”

This segment satirizes the tendency to attribute social phenomena to exaggerated conspiracies.

4. Feelings of Invisibility vs. Popularity

Drew shares personal feelings of being an afterthought in close relationships but popular in public settings. At [04:49], Drew expresses:

Drew: “...everyone in my close life ignores the fuck out of me. I'm just like an afterthought... But when I go out, I am the it girl.”

Kai counters with sharp humor, mocking Drew’s self-absorption while highlighting the irony of their dynamic.

Kai: “You have an iPhone, so you're already done.”

5. Evolution, Flat Earth, and Scientific Skepticism

The hosts delve into mock-serious debates questioning evolution and humorously endorsing flat earth theories. Around [07:08], Drew provocatively states:

Drew: “I do not believe in science, and I'll end it there. I don't stand by science unless it's, like, medicine and stuff.”

Kai joins in the flat earth jest, leading to a series of humorous exchanges about the Earth's curvature.

Kai: “The earth is flat. I don't. Like, it's not even, like, hello, I'm... looking out, and it's literally not curved.”

6. Personal Anecdotes and Physical Humor

The conversation takes a personal turn as Drew recounts an uncomfortable experience hiking without proper gear, leading to a comedic exploration of body image and self-deprecation.

Drew: “I had to wear, like, two layers of boxers, and, like, my bulge was out, and it was really uncomfortable and weird... then I understood why the speedo exists.”

Further down, the hosts engage in raunchy humor about bodily functions and intimate encounters, pushing the boundaries of comedic conversation.

Kai: “I fingered her soil last night.”
Drew: “Yeah, you ever put your feet in grass before? It feels good.”

7. Britney Spears and Deepfake Theories

At [35:22], Drew introduces a segment discussing a conspiracy theory that Britney Spears is being replaced by deepfake technology. He points out anomalies in her recent appearances:

Drew: “...clip was a dubious one where her arms go above her face and flowers disappear... it literally just looked like she was green screened in there.”

Kai and Josiah add their skepticism and concern, exploring the darker side of celebrity culture and technology.

Kai: “Only a person who is actually like her could post the way she posts on Instagram... it feels so real to her personhood.”

8. Media of the Week: Music Recommendations

In the latter part of the episode, the hosts transition to discussing their favorite media picks. Despite the chaotic nature of their earlier conversation, they share genuine recommendations interspersed with humor.

Drew: “I've been listening to ARCA as I work out, and it's one of the greatest decisions I've ever made in my life.”
Kai: “My media of the week: Morning by Post Malone, Middle Ground by Maroon 5, Waffle House by the Jonas Brothers...”

They humorously critique popular music and personas, blending sincere appreciation with sarcastic remarks.

9. Closing Remarks and Robotic Replacement Jokes

As the episode wraps up, the hosts continue their comedic exploration of identity and technology, joking about becoming robots and the artificial nature of their interactions.

Drew: “I'm recording it on my phone. Just know I'm a robot.”
Kai: “You are the robot. Like, we replaced you a long time ago.”

These remarks underline the episode's overarching theme of exaggerated personal crises juxtaposed with witty humor.

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Notable Quotes:

• Kai on Leaving: “Guys, I have exciting news... someone will be replacing me.” ([01:09])
• Drew on Radiohead: “Like, why is Radiohead kind of good?” ([01:44])
• Drew’s Conspiracy Theory: “...there's some serious sinister, dark sided energy there.” ([02:39])
• Drew on Feeling Invisible: “I'm just like an afterthought... When I go out, I am the it girl.” ([04:49])
• Kai on Flat Earth Joke: “The earth is flat. I don't. Like, it's not even, like, hello, I'm...” ([07:08])
• Drew on Deepfake Britney: “It literally just looked like she was green screened in there.” ([35:22])
• Drew on Becoming a Robot: “Just know I'm a robot.” ([45:24])

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Conclusion

"Enya is Leaving the Podcast" delivers a blend of humor, satire, and exaggerated personal anecdotes as Enya (Kai) announces her departure and both hosts navigate through various comedic topics. From mock-conspiracy theories to raunchy humor and playful debates, the episode captures the essence of Emergency Intercom's irreverent and engaging style, ensuring listeners are entertained despite the chaotic flow of conversations.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom.

[Kai]

I got the last word. Are you jealous?

[Drew]

Intercom. I just got it. Intercourse.

[Kai]

Okay, well, it's not Emergency Intercom. Intercom. It's just one intercom, so I guess you must be. You must be hosting a different podcast this week.

[Drew]

Surprise. I'm starting my own podcast, Emergency Intercom. Intercom.

[Kai]

Guys, I have exciting news. So I've decided that I just don't feel right here anymore. So I've started my own venture. But don't worry, someone will be replacing me. And this still, it'll be the same, except I just won't be here.

[Drew]

And that person is Thom York from Radiohead.

[Kai]

Oh, why did I call it Radiohead? I'm not gonna do that whole thing because it's really annoying.

[Drew]

And you've been doing this insane Irish accent, talking about Radiohead. Hot take, though. Like, why is Radiohead kind of good?

[Kai]

I know. I feel like people always, like, make fun of it and stuff, but it's actually good music.

[Drew]

It's actually, like, hella good.

[Kai]

That's what I was gonna say. And I feel like if you even knew good music, but, like, you're pro a stupid girl, so you don't know about.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, Kai. We're finally getting to the point of the podcast where Kai can, like, agree with everything we say. You start adding without us asking. Like, clapping sounds after everything.

[Drew]

But, yeah, Radio Head is, like, kind.

[Kai]

Of ill. Well, why do you think they call it Radio Head?

[Drew]

Because it's stuck in your head like a radio.

[Kai]

Okay. No. Cause it's always on the radio and it's stuck in your head.

[Drew]

Mmm.

[Kai]

How did you get that? Cause it's stuck in your head. Like the radio. What do you got over there? Cause I'm seeing you look through your notes, but I can't tell if you're, like, revving up your engine and trying to figure out which one to start with or, like.

[Drew]

No, I just have my notes open just so I don't, like, constantly Grab my phone. And it looks like I'm on my phone the entire hour. But something. Okay, this, in my opinion, was like the real pandemic. And, like, no one is, like really talking about it. But like the cow print epidemic that happened in 2020 where all the girls had like cow print all over their walls. Like, I think. I don't know. I haven't gotten to the bottom of my theories. I do have theories and I don't know where to post them, but, like, there's some serious sinister, dark sided energy there. Like, I really can't explain it. Like, there's some really dark energy.

[Kai]

Is this a part of your psyop corner?

[Drew]

Potentially? I haven't fully like, like verbalized the thought yet.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But yeah, there was some really darkness vibes there.

[Kai]

Think about this. Because we were heading into a trend based society where nobody thought for themselves and everybody did exactly what they thought online. Just like cows, you. You put. Put them into groups and you heard them in like sheep. And everybody was becoming sheeple. But the easiest way to turn the people into sheep bull was through the cow print. And guess what came after that? The Sherpa jackets. The big Sherpa jackets.

[Drew]

The girls were literally sheep. Yeah, a little bit.

[Kai]

Yeah. People were like, you were a part of a herd.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, that's the crazy part of a herd.

[Kai]

While I was busy being heard.

[Drew]

Oh, ow. Yeah, well, the crazy thing about me is, like, I would never be a sheeple.

[Kai]

Well, you have an iPhone, so you're already done.

[Drew]

Yeah, but do most people have notes in their notes, apps about collective effervescence? No. That doesn't make you, like, that makes me not ashamed.

[Kai]

That makes you an insane person.

[Drew]

Yeah, and I'm not going deeper into that thought because y' all both don't deserve it.

[Kai]

I'm gonna be honest. That's the best news ever. No.

[Drew]

Okay. Basically. Basically what it is, you know, you know, I have to talk about.

[Kai]

So, like, no one's. Oh, I'm like, everyone's going to fudgeing. Ignore me. Fine, I'll shut up.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kai]

Like, if I did shut up.

[Drew]

Oh, that's the thing is, like, what I realize is everyone in my close life ignores the fuck out of me. I'm just like an afterthought. I'm a background character in everyone's life. I'm just kind of like this figure that's there but never addressed. But. But when I go out, I am the it girl. Everyone wants me, wants to talk to me, wants to be around me. It's really crazy.

[Kai]

Drew is like the definition of like a spoiled kid who if he like lost his family in a fire, would be like, they did give me attention. Like, but we're your family, not your actual family. Cuz your actual family isn't your family. We're your family because your actual family actually doesn't care about you. That's one of my isolating tactics with my friends recently. I'm like, your real family doesn't care about you and you should depend on me, like your family and not going to help you the way your family would, because that's not my job.

[Drew]

Scary. It's really, really scary. But yeah. So collective effervescence. It's this idea that like, the reason there's religion and like, that is because it creates this community and this feeling and this energy and this vibration in the air that like, when you all go to church together that you feel like you're a part of this like, collective did collective of people in this like little community. And the reason there's this girl that I was watching that like kind of theorized that like, the reason why there's such a big downfall of like religion is because we're getting that community that we used to get in religion in other places, like concerts, for example. Like, you ever go to a concert, like a basketball game or some, like, you ever go into a stadium with a hundred thousand other people all there to do the exact same as you, or same thing as you, like, freak out over whatever you're watching? It is legitimately the greatest, most addicting feeling in the world. And I get why the straights love sports. Like, it really makes a lot of sense. Like I went to a soccer game and like the energy in that stadium was like unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I literally felt like, ooga booga primal, like caveman, like banging on my chest type vibes, like, like wanting to scream for something I literally don't care about or know nothing of.

[Kai]

When you said that term, at first I thought you were about to go on some tangent about microbiomes. And so I was like, damn, I.

[Drew]

Could go, we're stuck.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Well, did you know? No. Did you know that microscopic beings, like little critters that we can't see, are like essentially God? Because like, if evolution is real, we evolved from them. They created us. And.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, the good thing is evolution isn't real and we were put here by God.

[Drew]

We know literally. Why do I not believe in evolution? I just don't believe in anything. We've ever made up. I feel like everything we've ever been told is not real. And we were just placed here, and we live the same life over and over and over again to absorb our energy.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying. I literally don't believe in science, and I'll end it there. I don't stand by science unless it's, like, medicine and stuff. Yeah, like, believe that. But, like, I. I'm not kidding. Like, I don't care to the science of things. Like, I just don't think I need to know it. And also, like, all these theories don't even make sense because there are so many instances where the theories don't align with some freak accident. It's like, whoa, that should have never happened. How did that happen? It's like, yeah, because your theory is just a theory and you're bored. Like, we're on your iPhone. Like, I do stop working.

[Drew]

We're what you call flat earthers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe the earth is.

[Kai]

The earth is flat. I don't. Like, it's not even, like, hello, I'm.

[Drew]

Looking out, and it's literally not curved.

[Kai]

Yeah, I don't see any curves. Like, it's, like, kind of like looking at Drew, like, laying down and.

[Drew]

Oh, in that case, it is curvy and fat and voluptuous and, like, really sexy hot.

[Kai]

Okay, well, I. The earth can't be sexy. It's just a planet.

[Drew]

I've banged mother Earth last night. Like, I literally banged her in her volcano hole.

[Kai]

I fingered her soil last night.

[Drew]

Yeah, you ever. You ever put your feet in grass before? I'm not kidding. Yeah, that feels good. Oh, like, explain that. No, the people.

[Kai]

You having sex with her, basically.

[Drew]

No, the people that don't wear shoes around really, like, might be onto something with that.

[Kai]

Yeah, they're on to the next, like, viral disease. That's what they're on to.

[Drew]

Like, the next cut in their foot.

[Kai]

Yeah, they're on to, like, the next case of hepatitis. We were, like.

[Drew]

We were in Big Sur and we went to this, like, river, this gorge a bunch. Gorgeous. And when we were there, there, everyone had, like, water shoes and all the, like, gear they needed to hike up this river to get to the waterfalls and our dumb asses. Like, I didn't even bring a swimsuit, so I had to wear, like, two layers of boxers, and, like, my bulge was out, and it was really uncomfortable and weird, and I hated it for, like, 30 seconds. And then I understood why the speedo exists. And I'm about to be. I'm entering my speedo arc, but I.

[Kai]

Just thought of, like, you and a thong speedo, and it really, like, it did something to my brain that it.

[Drew]

Like, should we talk about it?

[Kai]

You throw water on a hot pan and it, like, sizzles out really fast. That's what the thought just did in my brain. Like, it came there and then all my cells are like.

[Drew]

Like, they killed themselves. The synapses in your brains offed themselves. But I really understand why water shoes exist. But at the same time, we were walking scam. Yeah. We were walking bare this creek and river, and I already feel like my feet have gotten harder and more, like, viable for the earth. But after we got out and I put my shoes on, I really was like, holy. Like, shoes are the greatest thing we've ever invented, ever, period. Because, like, imagine trekking on the ground like that all the time. Like, it would hurt. Like, it's. We need to invent soft concrete.

[Kai]

I want to hit you so bad. Imagine walking around fearful. All it would, like, hurt.

[Drew]

Like, and that's tea I spilled. Like, that's okay.

[Kai]

You know what's crazy is, like, it feels nice to walk on certain concrete. Like, non porous. Like, not street. Like, sidewalk concrete. Feels really good on your feet.

[Drew]

And they're good for top.

[Kai]

Like, it's really good. You said they're good for chalk.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, drawing like that. Same.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's like, that feels good and like, a driveway feels good, but it's just like the bear.

[Drew]

Street asphalt is horrifying, disgusting. Like, it's scary as.

[Kai]

Yeah. I love going to the river and not having water shoes because I like, it feels like I'm using my body the way it was intended so that, like, all my, like, crevices of my feet are, like, landing where they should.

[Drew]

Yeah, I. I love banging your mom and using my body the way it should be and, like, feeling all the crevices.

[Kai]

Oh, that's funny because, like, I know your brain chemistry, and that's not the way your body's supposed to be used.

[Drew]

I banged your mom.

[Kai]

Okay, well, just because you do something doesn't mean.

[Drew]

I was talking about that with Josiah, where I was like, oh, like, when we say your mom or I banged your mom, it doesn't mean, like, I'm banging your mother. It's literally like a whole other, like, entity of itself.

[Kai]

It's like a filler sentence.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly. It has zero meaning, quite literally. It's just like us saying out loud.

[Kai]

Your mama stinky doesn't actually Mean, your mom's like, coochie stinks. Like, if I was like, oh. Like, if I said your mom's name was like, like, so and so. Like, me acting like no one knows her name. But if I was like, pam's coochie stinks. That's like, that's pushing it. Like, don't say that. Like, that's like, sorry, mom.

[Drew]

My mom listens to every episode 14 times.

[Kai]

Love you. But yeah, like, if saying that is crazy.

[Drew]

Your vagina doesn't stink, Mom. It's a vagina.

[Kai]

I mean. I mean, it's less about, like, the.

[Drew]

Way you're as dry as your vagina.

[Kai]

I did. That was so crazy. I don't know what we're talking about.

[Drew]

I'll look it up. It's a clip of Laganja Extra. Laganja Estranga.

[Kai]

Yeah, Laganja Estranga doing stand up to old people, and she's, like, burning so hard. Well, how about this? Some songs are being. Are made just to be sung on American Idol, and that's where it begins and ends. And you're the one by Shania Twain was made to be sung by other people on American Idol. Like, she didn't realize she was creating the golden ticket song. Anybody could get on there and sing.

[Drew]

That song is giving, like, the same energy. Like, who think they can sing and can kind of sing. Love singing Hallelujah. Like, put that to rest. Just like the Nate skull paint from American Horror Story for Halloween. Like, I'm like, give it up for real.

[Kai]

So, y' all, I went to Valencia where they filmed the TV show Weeds. Now, y' all, it's very dry. It's almost kind of like your vagina. Can I get an amen now, y' all? I am a tree hugger. Because if it ain't green, I'm not interested. Okay.

[Drew]

Dude, I, like, I've always been, like, a firm believer in RuPaul like, that it's never blaming on the edit. Like, you said that. Blah, blah, blah, blah. But that truly was a blame it on the edit moment.

[Kai]

So much of that show is RuPaul made that to fight the allegations, and he thought if he made a Brockhampton ass song, that it would, like, distract.

[Drew]

Us all for the blame it on the edit.

[Kai]

Yeah, he thought if he got bareface on a. On a root ball song, that it would distract us from the fact that that is literally the truth. Like, that's the whole show. So much of the show is editing. Yeah. It's like, there's no way in a room of 12 of the most extroverted people. Everyone is that silent when someone speaks. Yeah, like, it's you. You can't convince me of that, but it's so awesome because I love how much they enjoy making silent.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, the, the crickets are the like all, like, the silence is literally. The producers on that show are like geniuses. Like, the. A producer recently left, like a really high up executive just left Drag Race and they were saying, like, they worked on the last season in the new All Star season, which they said is going to be one of the greatest seasons of All Star Drag Race ever. But the last season, Sasha wasn't supposed to win. Like, the producers didn't want Sasha to win. She just did so good that she won. And it was supposed to be Mistress and Anitra in the end in like the final. And that's what the producers were producing towards. But Sasha just, like won the fan vote and like, they couldn't not make her the one.

[Kai]

So she's literally, she genuinely is one.

[Drew]

Of the greatest, one of the greatest that's ever been on that show, like, literally ever.

[Kai]

She was so good.

[Drew]

She swept. She swept like Bianca.

[Kai]

It's so hard to. Dude, is that this?

[Drew]

Oh, it's leaning up against this.

[Kai]

Oh, I thought that was your chair. I was like, girl, your chair is like actually cracking under your butt right now.

[Drew]

My giant, little lumptuous ass. Luscious, fat, stinky butt that, like, is curvy like the earth.

[Kai]

Well, you know how everybody gets annoyed because they're like, stop bringing back these, like, washed up celebrities for endorsements and stuff. And everybody's like, everybody's playing into nostalgia. Everyone's playing into nostalgia. Stop it. For, like, endorsements. Whether it be like, you're seeing Paris Hilton more, you're seeing Lindsay Lohan more, you're seeing like all these huge names for the 2000s. But when you think about it, it does make sense why all these companies are obsessed with bringing them back. It's not so much as like, we're cool, like, we're gonna, like, do the cool people thing. It's literally because those are the phases you recognize from childhood, but now you are an adult with your own money, so they can just re tap into that to make you look at the brand more, because you are naturally, whether you like it or not, going to be curious about the fact that this person you grew up watching is now the face of a brand. And you're going to look and you're probably going to buy because it's Just that easy. Kelis was the. On a billboard for Uber for milkshakes and that green. To me, it was like, oh. It was like, we'll bring the milkshake to your yard for Uber. I was like, bitch, I'm going to fudgeing. Blow y' all up. Like, get her down.

[Drew]

Yeah, let her down. We shouldn't. I shouldn't be up here.

[Kai]

That's literally. I thought about it.

[Drew]

Well, I learned how to squirt recently. Like, in a really out of your butt? Yes. It was really violent and nasty all over the place.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, do you mean, like, poop, or you mean, like a sexual squirt?

[Drew]

Both.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. It just happens at the same time. It's kind of like giving birth for you.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

It just, like, all holes erupt.

[Drew]

Should I talk about my schedule recently? I feel like I should. No, no, I'm not giving it.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Some things I want to keep to myself. Like, I think vulnerability is, like, a superpower. But there are some things in my life that I want to have discretion over. Like, I want to be like, yeah.

[Kai]

One of those is, like, your bowel movements.

[Drew]

Yeah, I want to hold that.

[Kai]

Yeah. I mean, like, I would say most people definitely hold that back because it's not something that's smiled upon to talk about.

[Drew]

Probably talk about it more because, like, we all do it.

[Kai]

Wait, so do you want to normalize pooping or you want to hold discretion?

[Drew]

Yeah. Free the poop. Free the poop hole.

[Kai]

What was I watching recently? Oh, it was literally Shoddy Bay.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

They were like, her friends. She was, like, in LA and she was on Live, and her friend said something. I don't know how I got to the conversation, because I was playing Fortnite and listening to her on Live, which is, like, the craziest deal ever.

[Drew]

And you had YouTube open on your vlogs that you watch.

[Kai]

And so I had all my things going at once, and I didn't really hear it, but I just heard her friends go, oh, my God. So you're Free the nipple. She goes, no, no. And then she goes, more like, free the cherries at this point of view. And then her friends just said nothing because they didn't understand, like, the joke she made, but I think she was calling her own boobs like cherries because they're small. And then her friends are just like, huh. And then it just moved on. It was like, the crazy.

[Drew]

Bay is so lit. Like, she is literally an icon living. And, like, I don't think she's appreciated enough, but she Is the moment the girl.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Not many girls can shut down malls like that. Let's just say that.

[Kai]

I mean, I probably could.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, let me put me in a mall.

[Kai]

I'm literally. I'm actually not allowed in malls anymore because every time I go, it's like it's a parade inside my city. Every time I go, I remember that.

[Drew]

Yeah, right, right, right. Well, I was gonna say, we really do need to free the nipple. Just for me.

[Kai]

Like, we, like, only you're allowed to show your nipples or you want to free the nipple so you can look at nipples.

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Kai]

Okay. Yeah, that's because that's what I assume.

[Drew]

I mean, like, it's not that weird that I just want to play with them all the time.

[Kai]

I was laughing with Orion in the bathroom and we were laughing so hard together that I went to grab her arm and she had her arms right here because she was brushing her teeth. And I literally grabbed her. I went to grab her arm and my fingers went like this to her nipple and we were.

[Drew]

Yeah, that was an accident.

[Kai]

No. Yeah. No, it wasn't. I, like, didn't want to touch, though.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. You sound suspect as right now. Why are you grabbing her friend? Our friend's boobs and nipples?

[Kai]

I only wanted the nipple, so that's all I grabbed. If I wanted to grab the boob, I would have grabbed the whole thing.

[Drew]

The little sandbags. Yeah. Yeah. Boobs feel like concrete. We know.

[Kai]

Have you ever touched boobs?

[Drew]

Podcasts made by Generative AI are here. Prepare to be bored.

[Josiah]

What was that? Is that in your notes?

[Drew]

Yeah, no, it was a Wired article that popped up. A notification. Yeah, because I have apple music.

[Kai]

I almost literally was gonna be like, why did you write the most, like, 38 year old headline of all time?

[Drew]

To be bored? What?

[Kai]

Was I prepared to lose your mind?

[Drew]

Yeah, I've played with a bunch of boobs before.

[Kai]

Like, you circling back to it makes me think you haven't played with boobs. Because, like, if I played with boobs, I wouldn't be, like, so stuck on the fact of, like, making that note, you know?

[Drew]

You know, what's that juice that the dude that broke into our house drank? Naked juice. You know, the girthiness of that. That's what, like, the inside of a boob feels like. Like a naked juice.

[Kai]

Why have you been inside a boob? I was asking if you've touched a boob. Like, no one's been in.

[Drew]

Well, no. Like, when you grab it, you can feel it from the outside. No dead ass Big things are coming. I'm gonna be sick soon, so, like, y' all are gonna have to take care of me.

[Kai]

We already went over this. I'm paying someone to do that. I'm paying someone to be on house rest with you, to take care of you from the other side of the house while I sit in my room.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Josiah]

I'll pay you guys to sponge bath Drew me.

[Kai]

Yeah, like, you'll pay so that you can do it.

[Josiah]

I'll pay like, two grand.

[Kai]

Oh, he needs help already.

[Josiah]

Wait, it seems like he's. He got a lot worse all of a sudden.

[Kai]

Oh, well, he just faints, so he's like, I soiled myself.

[Josiah]

Okay, all right. I mean, we could pause and I'll just. I'll clean you up.

[Drew]

Help me, Kai. Clean me.

[Kai]

Dude. When people are like, yeah, like, I've been with my partner so much, I've, like, changed their diapers. I would much rather kill myself. I would genuinely much rather end my life right now.

[Drew]

Till death do us part.

[Kai]

No. Like, why would I do that? No, I'm not doing that. That is crazy.

[Drew]

Do more blood ceremonies at weddings.

[Kai]

Who's doing a blood ceremony at a wedding?

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying.

[Kai]

Oh, you're saying people need to do that?

[Drew]

Yeah, like, mix their blood.

[Kai]

Weddings are already culty enough. Like, weddings are very cultish. Weddings are weird. Like, let's talk about that. Like, getting a bunch of people from each side and it's like, girls on this side, boys on that side. Like, these are my girls. Those are your boys.

[Drew]

Like, it's like, yeah, it's like playground fun for adults, but it's also giving. Like, weird. I don't know. That's all I can say about it.

[Kai]

Like, it's such a big deal. Like, if you want to throw a party, throw a fucking party. Like, you don't have to do all that.

[Drew]

Yeah, I do understand them, though. Like, it's like normal pilled people just, like, doing what they want to do and they're happier than me.

[Josiah]

So 100%.

[Drew]

That's. That's all I can say about that. Like, literally do what you want to do because we're all going to die in. In 200 years where we're forgotten. No one's going to know what the fuck happened. No one's going to remember that wedding. So, like, also, time dilation is very fucking real. I turned 23 and I'm already 25. And, like, it feels like it felt like three months have passed.

[Kai]

I did see. Wait, are you 25 right now.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Wait, because I feel like I saw a clip from the podcast where you said you were 24 or 23.

[Drew]

I am 16.

[Kai]

You're like, you went into like, reboot. Like, you went into like, automatic response.

[Drew]

I am 16. Here is my birth certificate. You ever seen Bench Warmers?

[Kai]

What? No.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

What is that?

[Drew]

It's like one of the best movies ever.

[Kai]

You say that about every movie you've ever seen.

[Drew]

I say about. Say that about everything I've ever experienced, ever.

[Kai]

Which is honestly awesome. But everything Andrew has ever seen, like partaken in or like consumed, is the best thing until the next one.

[Drew]

And that's honestly a fantastic way to live your life because I crave the next experience so much more because I'm like, oh, wow, it's gonna best thing I've ever experienced in my life. I will say Guardians of the Galaxy was the best movie I've ever seen, period. Not actually.

[Kai]

I think also you sometimes confuse, like, good company with a good experience. Like, if you see anything or do anything with the right group of people, it's the best time of your life. Even if it was like the worst thing. But I do that too. Like, it's like, it's. I think it's a reaction to like, that's why people with ADHD get addicted to certain foods and like, certain, like, they get hyper fixated because it's like, oh my God, that experience was so good, I could do it again. And I do that all the time where I'm like, I have to go get this coffee or this drink or this food from this place because it was such a good time. But then by the time I get sick of it, when I think back to the first time I had it, it wasn't necessarily the thing I was having, but it was the friends I made along the way.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's. It's like the friends I love more than they will ever love me, they actually perceive me for once, maybe even for half a second, and it just feels great.

[Kai]

You are literally the most annoying person on the planet.

[Drew]

I'm all alone, y' all Truly doing.

[Kai]

This thing where he keeps. He literally in a room where everybody is reflective, will keep calling himself invisible. But then it gets to the point where you just start ignoring him because, like, how many times can you be like, bitch, we heard you. And then he just does it until you actually start ignoring him. And then he's like, wow.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Oh my fucking God.

[Drew]

Really, really crazy. No, but I literally like, am and ignored being but what we should do is show this unburned photo.

[Kai]

Oh, Kai, you are not ready.

[Drew]

This is.

[Josiah]

Is this from Big Sur?

[Drew]

I'm going to preface this photo. It really is one of the most horrifying things I've seen of myself ever. I think, like, I think I am a nasty, gross person with a nasty body. And it's dangerous. And this photo altered my brain chemistry forever because it is the most vile thing you will ever lay your eyes on.

[Josiah]

Do you. Before you show me, do you think it's worse than the Devin pool photo?

[Drew]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. 100 no questions asked.

[Josiah]

Really?

[Kai]

You mean the one of his hair? Yeah, that one's just his hair. This one you interview.

[Drew]

Everything is, like, body. Like, it's giving. It's giving.

[Kai]

Up there.

[Josiah]

All right, let me see. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

I look like.

[Josiah]

You look like a piece of garlic.

[Drew]

I look like a ninja turtle. Like, I've got a big fucking shell on my back.

[Kai]

No, you look like you slipped out of here.

[Josiah]

A piece of gum.

[Drew]

No, it's really, really jarring. But my sunburn is, like, really bad.

[Josiah]

That does feel like it would sell for, like, $300,000 though.

[Kai]

And it's alive.

[Drew]

Ew, it turns me pink. Ew, dude, we're never showing that ever. Oh, my God. Why did that happen at the end?

[Josiah]

Oh, that looks like a scene from Prometheus or something.

[Drew]

Yes, it literally looks. Literally shedding your skin face suckers bursting out of my butt. Audrey.

[Kai]

Oh. Oh, my God. Bro, what's wrong with you?

[Drew]

You just passed out, dude.

[Josiah]

Did it peel? It looks like it peeled.

[Drew]

No, I don't yet.

[Josiah]

Oh, no, it's not too bad.

[Kai]

No, but it actually looks like somebody went at you with, like, a back scratcher that had, like, pointed tips, like, back rolls.

[Josiah]

I will say your waist looks very, very small.

[Drew]

Thank that photo. Yeah, but it's literally. That's literally my worst nightmare. What, to be small?

[Josiah]

No, but your waist is small. That's good. Thank you.

[Drew]

Thank you.

[Josiah]

And it looks like you're.

[Drew]

No, it's. It's an illusion because my back is 78 inches wide and it just looks everything in its vicinity, really small.

[Kai]

Well, other people's joy makes me so upset. That's it.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

And, like, it's crazy because, like, why does other people's joy make me upset? And it's because, like, I don't want to see other people joyous because I feel like I have so much joy to catch up on. So if I know someone had a good life and they're still experiencing extreme joys. I'm like, when is your pain and suffering gonna come? We need it to come faster. Like, I'm about to Amazon prime ship it to your front door. Because I want you to experience, like, extreme pain and, like, sadness, and then it goes as deep. That's probably why, like, I don't like when other people like the music I like, because I'm like, you're not experiencing the same joy I'm feeling because you're perceiving this song differently than I am. And, like, but why does that even matter? Like, why do I hate sharing music? Because I hate other people being happy over the music. And somebody's gonna hear this and be like, am I the only one who hates that? And you're so pessimistic. I'm just being real. Like, and everybody hates that. Like, I'm, like, openly admitting that. But that's all the Internet is. All the Internet is, is, like, being envious of other people's joy. Like, of course they're, like, like, really solid parts where that's not a thing. But also, obviously, to a certain extent, I'm joking, because I actually don't give a What other people are up to. It has nothing to do with me, and I only have so much space in my brain, and I consume all of it with Fortnite at this point, so it doesn't really matter. But it is crazy. Like, why does other people like liking the music I like, bother me? You have the same thing. Like, it's, like, such a big thing.

[Drew]

What?

[Josiah]

I think that was your magnum opus. I swear to God, Like, I saw you enter a flow state just then.

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't.

[Kai]

Opus was my hate tangent.

[Drew]

Yeah, I. Yeah, also, like.

[Kai]

That'S, like, not, like, fully true, but I was joking about that with Josh yesterday. We were, like, talking about how it's so funny how, like, we are just bitter people to a certain extent, because why does other people. Why does it bother us when other people. Like, if somebody plays a song that I showed them, and they don't say that I showed them the song, why.

[Drew]

Am I like, yeah, no, that's you where you're at. No. You swear you're better than me? Like, no, I am better than you.

[Kai]

Like, it's crazy and it's so funny. But other people's joy, does it actually upset me also? I feel like I need to clarify that because everybody thinks I'm actually walking around with, like, the most hatred in my heart. But you would be happy to know that I walk around with my brain shut off. So there's that.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And I've been getting high as fuck, so I'm just, like, double down on, like, being turned off. You go.

[Drew]

Also, you can see if, like, I can immediately clock in a conversation if someone has experienced loss or not. And I just wanted to say that, like, I know I can look you in your eyes before you even say a word and know if you've lost someone close to you.

[Kai]

Yeah, 100. It's also funny because talking to anybody, you can tell if they've been through anything tumultuous because it is such. It shows. If you talk to anybody about relationships, you will know so much about their life just from the way they perceive relationships, both platonic and romantic. And it's insane because it's like, damn, you haven't been pushed into a corner of, like, solitude.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Like, you can see in my eyes that I lost a bunch of money in crypto.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, you could see.

[Kai]

You could just see for, like, that in a lot of ways. Not just in your eyes, but, I mean, if you think the eyes are the ones.

[Josiah]

I said it as a joke. I said it as a joke. And then you guys, sorry, that's not real loss. And maybe you'd hit me.

[Kai]

I mean, it's real loss because you feel okay.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Josiah]

One more big one.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. I just, like, don't find that kind of stuff cool, you know?

[Drew]

Like, you literally hit me last episode. Hello.

[Kai]

Okay. And. But did I hit you and say, oh, that's cool? No, I was embarrassed.

[Drew]

We literally had a whole conversation after about how it's our new normal and that it's chill.

[Kai]

Well, it's our normal, but that doesn't make it. Make it cool. Cool.

[Drew]

You know, dude, that hurt my hands so bad. Kai, you hurt me with your face.

[Josiah]

I'm sorry.

[Kai]

What are you going to do to repay him?

[Josiah]

Probably, like, give him crazy dome.

[Kai]

I knew you were going to say that. You know what's crazy is Apple has such a strong arm in the tablet society that nobody calls tablets iPad. Like, everybody calls tablets iPads, but some of y' all don't have iPads. You have a tablet that is not an iPad.

[Drew]

I literally want to sell my iPad and my PC and get that Asus computer.

[Kai]

Oh, the one that, like, you can.

[Drew]

Like, really cool one. But I'm not saying it out loud because it's so hard to get, but, like, it's basically an iPad and it's as powerful as my PC, but in an iPad form factor with the Ability to connect to a monitor. And I'm just like, oh, dude, that would free up so much desk base. Like, it would. It would just make my life so much easier to not have that giant, big ass, disgusting ass PC in my room. It collects dust.

[Kai]

Yeah, you do not use that. Well, that's because you should be playing Fortnite on there and you would get a lot of use out of it. That's what I think.

[Drew]

I did update Fortnite last night, so I might.

[Kai]

Might we have to play duos ranked to see if we can, like, make it to the top?

[Drew]

I know that we will probably be humbled very quickly.

[Kai]

Oh, I was humbled immediately. I was so happy off that when I got. Thank God I didn't post that. I would have been humiliated. I would have been humiliated with the rank. I got the first game I played. I got silver to the first time I played. And without seeing the chart of, like, the rankings, I was like, damn, that's pretty good. Like, getting silver, like, gold is next. That's pretty awesome. Yeah, it's gold. Then it's like four other categories, so I was second to last.

[Drew]

It's. That doesn't mean, like, your gameplay or, like, how you play. That's like. So you have to win a bunch in a row and get a bunch of kills to go up in the rank. It's not like. It's not like an accumulative thing based on your, like.

[Kai]

Yeah, because it's like, has a percentage and it, like, goes up enough.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

But I think if you. If I played, like, the greatest game of all time in the first one, I probably would have landed in gold instead of silver.

[Drew]

But I did, though.

[Kai]

No, I landed.

[Drew]

You had 17 kills.

[Kai]

Yeah, I had 17 kills, but, like.

[Drew]

And she was playing solo duos.

[Kai]

Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Like, my best game so far. 17 kills. Just, like, easy. Honestly, it's easy. Like, it's too easy. Like, the game is too easy. That's why I stopped playing it. But yeah.

[Drew]

Let me open the notes. Let me open the notes. Okay. Oh, this is a good one. Okay. This may be problematic, but I genuinely believe that Britney Spears is green screened in and not real anymore.

[Kai]

Oh, you were telling me about this. I haven't seen anything about that.

[Drew]

Yeah, I. There's some clips where I'm like, oh, that's like, really, really sus. Britney Spears filter. Because this specific video really, really freaked me out.

[Kai]

So you see her hands go above her face once. Watch when they come back down.

[Drew]

I wanted to post screenshots of the AI filter coming off so people could see for a bit longer just how insane this is. Isn't that curious? Yeah, it's like the Kim Kardashian filter glitch.

[Josiah]

Doesn't the. The flowers disappear too, right?

[Drew]

Yeah, there's flowers in the background disappearing. The tattoo I was always, like, iffy about. I was like, oh, that's probably just weird lighting or something. But then there's like, some. Someone did like, a. Like, a breakdown of. They, like, recolored the image or something, like, UV mapped it or some then made it all black and white, and the background was entirely blank. And it literally just looked like she was green screened in there. It was very curious. And then now there's, like, this one's a reach, in my opinion. But, like, all of the wedding photos that have been coming out, I'm like, girl, Madonna was there. Like, what are you talking about? Donatella was there. Donatella. I feel like Donatella Versace.

[Josiah]

Everything is sketchy, but the flowers disappearing to me is, like. That is very weird. Why would the flowers disappear when her arm goes over it?

[Drew]

Yeah, it's really, really sus.

[Kai]

I just am, like, so, like. I'm like. But then what does that. What does that even mean? Like, what does it lead to? Does it lead to the fact that, like, people still believe that she's under. What's it called?

[Josiah]

House arrest?

[Kai]

Yeah, not house arrest, but it's like, when her family still has control over everything.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yeah. I wish there was just a way for her to say something, but, like, I. I guess, like, she could say something if she wanted to, but even.

[Drew]

If she did, it's so far down that it. This will literally follow her till the day she actually dies.

[Kai]

Like, wait, so are people assuming she's, like, not alone people?

[Drew]

Yeah, people think she's dead and that they replaced her with, like, deep fake technology. And then that's like, literally. That's kind of like the whole theory. But, yeah, I don't know. I just feel bad for her because I would hate for this conversation to be had about me. But, yeah, I hear.

[Kai]

Because she literally, at no point has been allowed to live a normal life.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

What I will say is, like, the one part of me that makes me not believe that it's deep fake is only a person who is actually like her could post the way she posts on Instagram. She posts on Instagram in such a specific way that feels so real to her personhood that I genuinely am. Like, there's no way her Family has it down to a T like that. Like, I don't know, like, it's just so funny. The she posts her Instagram will always be the most interesting ever. Interesting thing ever. And I can only see, like, her posting that. But that is weird. But then I'm also like, this is just me playing devil's advocate. But you know, like, how sometimes when you just pause a video at any random moment, you can look at the screen and be like, how the. Did the camera, like, pick that up so weirdly?

[Drew]

It could be like compression, like weird compression artifacts or something like that. Which, like, I definitely thought about. But like, also it's giving. Like there's so much of this happening constantly where I'm just kind of like, okay, something. Something is like genuinely seriously off. And I really typically don't fall for like, like this. Like, I don't even. But also, I haven't given a second thought since I saw it three weeks ago until just now. So like, it literally doesn't affect me or bother me at all.

[Josiah]

The face thing is weird. But what's really kind of sinister about Tick Tock and even just like the built in camera app on your iPhone is that it does like a default level of like beautifying.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

You can't take off.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Like I've noticed on.

[Drew]

On live streams specifically. Yeah. Like I've noticed on like snaps off and on.

[Josiah]

Yeah. On like things that were shot purely on Instagram reels, people's faces will flicker and it's like, I know this person's not putting a beauty filter on.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Like, I. They're not the type of person to do that. It's just like default on it. So I feel like.

[Drew]

Which is so bizarre.

[Josiah]

That's. That's weird. I feel like that's doing very weird.

[Drew]

Oh, you know what it is? It's like, oh, my God, I look so good in this Tick Tock app subconsciously. And I'm just gonna use it and post more.

[Kai]

Yeah. 100. It becomes like subconsciously addictive because you're so obsessed with how you look on the app.

[Drew]

Yeah. It is like a subconscious thing.

[Kai]

Everybody is talking about the, like, AI on this video, but no one's talking about this video. Like, the way she dances in this is insane. At one point she goes like this, like.

[Drew]

Yeah, wait, that's giving Illuminati hand signs.

[Kai]

Like, also, I love that it's a Janet song. Okay. Yeah. I love this. And I hope it's not AI because like, I really do just recognize Britney as somebody who like, does this because also, like, right, I. Yeah. I just am like, this is so her. I can't see anybody moving their body, their body in this way and not being her. But I don't know. That is so weird. It also just sucks because with apps like Tick Tock, those like theories become so much larger than life and I think everybody is like, quick to forget that it's just a funny, like double edged sword because everybody talks about it so much because all of us obviously know her public history and that she's never been safe to just do what she wants. Especially post like what, like 2003, her life just shattered. Even as a kid, her shit was fucked up.

[Drew]

So sad.

[Kai]

But so now we all talk about it all the time because we want to make sure that that's not the case. But then I almost feel like it does the opposite.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, the pinch pendulum swings all the way back around.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Because leave her the alone. Yeah, just stop talking about her.

[Kai]

And. But we all get involved in it because you're like, I don't want that to happen again. It's like sad to think about. But then it probably just goes back in the circle and I bet that.

[Drew]

Like so far left it becomes right.

[Kai]

Yeah. It like almost adds fuel to like the people against her in her life too, because they're like. See, like even the people following you think you're crazy, but it's just her in her backyard dancing with a.

[Drew]

A.

[Kai]

With a soft filter.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly. Also, what's crazy is no one has ever asked if I'm okay.

[Kai]

Oh, that's like a weird transition safe place. I mean, like, what does this have.

[Josiah]

To do with you?

[Drew]

Yeah, I've had filters bounce off my face before. Hello. Like, talk about me.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

And I'm not even jealous or anything like that people aren't talking about me.

[Kai]

Like, it literally weirdly feels like you just like took everything we said as like fuel for your own fire. Like, you want that.

[Drew]

And I also want a tapeworm. So let's talk about that.

[Kai]

I can get you one of those. That. That's easy. I know a guy.

[Drew]

I want a tapeworm just to see what it feels like and then I want to get rid of it immediately.

[Kai]

A kid in fifth grade who I knew and we were friends with him had a tapeworm. And I remember being the most terrifying thing I'd ever heard in my life. Like the idea that there's just a worm in his body taking all his nutrients and it freaked all of us out. And he Got it. Because they were traveling. But when they came back, they brought back this, like, jade egg on, like, a little, like, three, like, prong stool thing. Like, that was the gift his mom gave to our family from their trip. Why was that such a big thing? Like, was that a thing for y' all? Like, the, like, the marble eggs that sat on, like, little, like, fake stools.

[Drew]

I would get them at, like, main event. Like, that was the vibe, like, from, like, an arcade or, like, those, like, like, balls. Like, the rotate. Yeah, that whole arc. What?

[Kai]

I almost made a joke that would have had to been cut, so I just didn't say it.

[Drew]

Well, I don't know. Did I talk about my mom literally giving me two full bottles of Zoloft and sent me home with them. My grandma got extra Zoloft for some reason, and my mom was like, here, Drew, you need these. Like, please, please just try it. Please just take these. Like, I'm begging you. Please. Damn, am I like that up?

[Kai]

I know. Are you okay? Actually, now. Now it seems appropriate.

[Drew]

Oh, see, now y' all are gonna try to 5150 me and make me the bad guy.

[Kai]

No, wait, no, that doesn't make you the bad guy. We're just, like, worried for you.

[Drew]

Like, I'm fine if I disappear and come back. It's a robot, and these are the ones up to it. They're like, oh, my God, we need to. We need to keep doing this. I can't let my, like, income go down, down. Like, we just. We have to deep fake and we have to. We have to make a robot out of them.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, you just kind of come back.

[Drew]

I'm recording it on my phone. Just know I'm a robot.

[Josiah]

Hey, Drew. No one's ever gonna see that, okay?

[Kai]

Also, what makes you think you're not already the robot? You are the robot. Like, we replaced you a long time ago. Oh, you're just becoming self aware.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh, fuck. What was I gonna say? You said, drew, what did I say? Hold on.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I said, I'm AI If I come back. Yeah, and then what did you say?

[Josiah]

I'm gonna censor that information.

[Drew]

There was something right in between there that I wanted. This is why I cut people off. This is why when I'm speaking to people that I, in the middle of the conversation, have to get my thought out. Because if I don't, it's lost in the ether forever and someone else is going to grab my thought from the thought.

[Kai]

That happens to, like, regular people, or can they just like, hold the thought while someone else is speaking.

[Drew]

I think we are not reactionary conversationalists. Like, we don't wait for. We don't react to what they're actually saying. We think of something in the middle and then say it ourselves. And it might follow along with the conversation. But, like, I think that's based on, like the way we conversate.

[Kai]

Yeah. It's like the whole thing where we're just waiting for the next person to stop talking so we can talk. It's not really like it's a conversation, but it's not because I'm just waiting my turn. Like, I'm just in line being. My life just feels like being in line to talk. Like, I'm always in line to talk for the next.

[Drew]

I have the. I'm queued up on my phone. I have my notes list from every single episode ever. And I just found the first one. The first episode. The gender of a Baja Blast screen time sour, like funky. Getting the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. I swear I could get across those big red balls.

[Kai]

Oh, on Wipeout.

[Drew]

Wipeout. Which is very real. My personal.

[Kai]

I really don't think you could. But yes, keep going.

[Drew]

I guess we'll agree to disagree.

[Kai]

I mean, I guess you'll just have to prove me wrong. We gotta get you on Wipeout.

[Drew]

Dead ass. Like, let's do it. Like, actually, let's do it.

[Kai]

Humiliating. That would be. You know the bungee jumping video. It would be that times like 80.

[Drew]

Kai, have you seen that video? Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

Are you allowed to tap out of Wipeout? Like, am I allowed to jump on the first ball, fall off and be like, okay, I'm done. This is humiliating.

[Drew]

None the wiser.

[Kai]

Like, yeah, they can just cut me out.

[Drew]

Yeah. And then weed psychosis. How Enya wants to be violent again. In you grew out of fighting phase and is going right back into it.

[Kai]

And then I didn't because I grew up. And now I'm so awesomely not upset ever.

[Drew]

Living presently and consistently.

[Kai]

I'm gonna start sedating myself. It's crazy because I started to do the complete opposite. I do not live present by any means. I am not here. And then in four months I'll be like, damn, I wish it was that time again. Like, that was so good, so bad.

[Drew]

But also, I don't know why no one's talking about this, but. But this year has gone by so incredibly fast and like a scary, scary, scary way where like, normally, like, I'm like, oh yeah, like July or January through April. Like, yeah, that Goes by, like, immediately. Everyone knows that. Like, that's the tea. But it normally stops there. Like, it normally, like, doesn't keep accelerating. But, like, for some reason, here we are.

[Kai]

You know what it is? When you talk, you are saying things that I agree with, but hearing them come out of your mouth make it seem so much crazier sometimes.

[Drew]

Because you don't respect me.

[Kai]

But no, it's because I'm hearing another person say something that I think, and then hearing it, I'm like, oh, dude, damn, that does sound like a crazy person thing to say.

[Drew]

It's really crazy how synced up our brains have gotten.

[Kai]

It's like because our periods can't sync up. Our brains did.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And that's why women are so inferior. Because if you didn't have your periods, everybody's brains would be syncing up and we'd be more intelligent. But, like, our bodies are too making busy making our periods sink. Why does that happen? Like, what is that a real thing? Is that scientifically back stink sink? You know they stink.

[Josiah]

They do though. They do sync up.

[Kai]

Okay, we all know that. We know they stink. Like smelly eggs and like, butthole. Like, it doesn't matter.

[Drew]

Dog water was it.

[Kai]

Is that what it was? It was dog water surgery.

[Drew]

But the reason they sync up is because we are village critters. We lived in villages when we were little, and it was good for the males to have all of the girls ovulating at once so they could just go around in a circle and bang them all and spread their seed as fast as.

[Kai]

Okay, so synchronized periods is a myth.

[Drew]

What?

[Josiah]

I thought that was real.

[Kai]

No, it's not real.

[Drew]

I believe it.

[Josiah]

I've had multiple women tell me.

[Drew]

I was about to say that that happens to them. Literally every girl in my life has at one point.

[Kai]

I think it literally might just be, like, by coincidence.

[Drew]

Well, it.

[Josiah]

It does confirmed sync up to the moon periods have, like, a direct correlation.

[Drew]

To the moon periods are beautiful. It's so pretty to be a woman.

[Kai]

Shut the up this long ass article. Tell me yes or no. Y' all swear I'm gonna read that, bro, Stop writing articles. We literally have too many. We, like, actually have too many about certain things. Like, unless there is a real update, stop writing articles. Also, why did Google make it that when I looked shit up, like, I could see an article from, like, 1912. Why the fuck are you uploading the archive to Google? Like, that shit is so old, it has nothing to do with.

[Drew]

Well, if we don't learn from history, it Repeats itself. Hello. Boom, mic drop moment I ate.

[Kai]

Okay, so periods don't sink. That was a fucking lie. That was a literal. That was a lie to make you feel connected to the people around you, when really the only thing that connects you to the people around you is your vicinity to them, and your emotional and physical and, like, biological connection to them actually means fucking nothing.

[Drew]

Let that sink in.

[Kai]

Let that sink up.

[Drew]

The sink is at the door knocking. Like, a sink is at the door knocking. Let that sink in. You've seen that?

[Kai]

Yeah. I mean, okay.

[Drew]

Okay, well, let's do some media.

[Kai]

Her media of the week arm.

[Drew]

Okay, so beautiful boys. Coco, Rosie Bruja, ARCA Entertainment. Spirit of the Beehive in Kalore. Arca. I've been in my ARCA arc. I've been listening to ARCA as I work out, and it's one of the greatest decisions I've ever made in my life. Also, ARCA literally is just like. Like, one of the most talented producers in our lifetime. And what she's doing to music is what the Beatles think, or is what people think the Beatles did for music.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

ARCA is putting us in the future.

[Kai]

She's actually putting in the work. Yeah, but I just found out that two artists I listened to were in the Beatles. Like, George Harrison was in the Beatles.

[Drew]

Is that the one? Paul McCartney.

[Kai]

Who was gonna tell me that? Huh?

[Drew]

Paul McCartney?

[Kai]

No. Wait, is that the other artist? Yeah, no, I think it's just George Harrison.

[Drew]

Paul McCartney has a really good album, Ram on with his wife, Linda McCartney. But it's only one song. Two songs that I like.

[Kai]

But, yeah, I really like George Harrison. And Josiah told me in the car that that person was in the Beatles.

[Drew]

He's a beetle.

[Kai]

It's funny, though, because the single Music is better. I like the Beatles. Okay, like, fine. Like, y' all got it out of me. Like, stop being angry. Like, who gives a. Like, oh, now. Now things are different. Now I can make fun of the Beatles now that I've admitted that, like, they make okay music. Like, okay, here's my media of the week. Morning by Post Malone. Middle ground by Maroon 5. Waffle House by the Jonas Brothers. If we ever broke up. May Stevens.

[Drew]

1, 2, 3, 4. Feist.

[Kai]

Calm down. Selena Gomez Side effects by Becky Hill and Lewis Thompson. And then Meltdown by Niall Horan. That's actually my media of the week.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

Please, whoever keeps up with those playlists, do not put those songs.

[Drew]

Wait, mine is actually. Y' all heard of One Direction?

[Kai]

Who is that?

[Drew]

It's like, this Boy band that was created by Simon Cowell.

[Kai]

Oh, for, like, American Idol, basically.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like these boys that make great music together.

[Kai]

Oh, do they all sing at the same time?

[Drew]

No, they, like, take turns.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Drew]

They sing some together sometimes, though.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. Picture your boy band for the first time. Well, how are they all gonna, like, be in the same song? They can't all sing at the same time. It's like, oh, they'll, like, go one after the other.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And then during, like, course and hook, they'll, like, all shine.

[Drew]

Match, match each other's. Wait, hold the up.

[Kai]

Hold the phone.

[Drew]

Why are y' all matching my energy? Why does the viewers match my energy?

[Kai]

Wait, why is the viewer low key always holding the phone? Like, hold the phone. You're holding your phone. All right, well, that's not my actual media, but I just decided that I'm not giving media. No, I'll get. I'll give a little. Some. I'll give a Listen. Another song. But, yeah, whoever keeps up with those, please do not put that in there. I'll belong to you. Oh, I already said this. I already said this. I've been listening to a lot of Carol King. I just. I'm. I guess I'm just a little too sensitive. By orange juice.

[Drew]

That's your twin.

[Kai]

I know. I'm literally serving Carole King with my hair, like. And nobody wants to admit it. Nobody's talking about it. It's.

[Drew]

Nobody knows.

[Kai]

Nobody knows. I don't know. All Night by Jay Z. Stay with me, Pharrell Williams. Oh, I'm so high. Grind mode.

[Drew]

Wait, Grinder?

[Kai]

Yeah, Grindr. They made music. They make music for the app.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Weird.

[Kai]

And then all around the World by Lisa Stansfield and Ian Devaney. Andy Morris. Why are you adding those names? Or did they remaster that song? They are not on that song. Being around the world. Okay, if someone hold held a gun to your head and told you to say the lyrics to one song, what was the song that would you would be able to do?

[Drew]

My ABCs.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

Genuinely a Millie by Lil Wayne.

[Kai]

Wow. That's honestly awesome.

[Drew]

I watched someone die in front of me, and then I went to the car and listened to that music, that song over and over and over again.

[Kai]

Oh, so you're trauma bonded to that song?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

That's sweet. All right, well, that was the episode. Thank you guys so much for watching. Bye.

[Drew]

Been around the world.

[Kai]

Sam.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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