Loading summary
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like General Mills cereal drumstick, frozen treats, outshine fruit bars, Oreo cookies, and Capri sun pouches. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.
Drew
Hello. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. Drew got scabies on the plane back home, so he's not feeling very good, but just ignore it like, he's still the same him.
C
I'm so itchy.
Drew
Don't worry. I've been taking some medication to avoid getting the scabies, but he does have scabies.
C
I'm so itchy. Oh, fuck.
Drew
Were you actually itching the fuck out of yourself like that just now? You got so red. You literally made yourself so.
C
I, like, itched it with my. I was just like, self harming. I was like, stimming and self harming. Like, I wanted to, like, hey, freak out. Don't do that. Actually, that's what I needed to hear. Thank you, people. When you find out your friend's self harming. Hey, stop.
Drew
Hey, I care about you. If that means anything. Actually, it doesn't. Thank you.
C
Think about me. If you want to kill yourself, think about how sad I'll be.
Drew
Well, we're back in our space with my budding little star. I know I've been content farming this little guy for so many years now.
C
I'm so excited.
Drew
Should I start off with my really terrifying dream? Because it was actually. Actually terrifying and it woke me up. Yeah. So in my dream, we're at this party and it's at least was it.
C
That I wasn't in your life anymore?
Drew
Oh, babe, that would have been a dream come true.
C
Yeah. So I have scabies and I'm in heroin withdrawal. I need age, bro. I'm dope sick.
Drew
Please. But so we're at this party and, like, it's unclear if it's our house or if it's like, Kim Kardashian's house. And. But, like, it was like a situation.
C
Where I was like, it's really hard to tell the difference between our house and Kim Kardashian's. They give you a look around?
Drew
No, but in the dream, I guess, like, I had moved in with them for, like, a short period. Because, like, I think I started babysitting, like, her kids, and they really enjoyed having me around. And I was in between moving, so I was like, oh, I won't be able to come because, like, my movers and are out of my house. And she was like, oh, just like, bring your cat here, and, like, you can stay here for a few days while your movers, like, get in and out of your house, and I'll have somebody supervise it. I was like, oh, my God. That's literally so nice. Thank you. Whatever.
C
So.
Drew
So I'm there. You're there because she was throwing a party.
C
Of course I'm there. Yeah, like, of course I'm with the Kardashians.
Drew
There's, like, a party. And then also I saw, like, it was so weird. It was just, like, this party with a bunch of celebrities, and it was, like, per usual, me standing around trying not to stare at people who I see on my iPhone. And I'm just, like, kind of looking around. I was like, okay, like, kind of maneuvering around. And then Azul was at the party. Like, she was, like, kind of roaming around on a couch, but she was way more chill than she's ever been. Because in a real life scenario, if she was at a loud event like this, she would freak the out and.
C
Run away all over Kim Kardashian.
Drew
But she was literally, like, laying on her couch, like, kind of scratching at it. But people kept going in and out of the house and, like, leaving the door open. So obviously I was like, hell, no. I don't want Azul out here. And, like, it scares me that she'll run out even though she has it anymore. And I was, like, just staring at Azul, like, while this party's happening, I was like, I'm gonna take her to the room. But the second I picked her up, she actually freaked the out and, like, tensed up and was, like, clawing on me. I was like, oh, no. And then it. In my dream, the Kardashian house turned into, like, a fucking mall. Like, I couldn't find my room because it was so huge. And there was, like, a parking lot, and I was, like, getting in elevators, and people kept stopping and looking at me like, oh, that cute cat. But Azul was, like, increasingly getting more and more freaked out and, like, trying to move. And I had to keep squeezing her tighter. And I started freaking out and having an anxiety attack that I was going to crush her and suffocate her because of how tight I was holding her because I didn't want her to run away. And then, like, it was so bad that she, like, pissed herself on me, so I was like, oh, my God.
C
Baby, you pissed yourself and you blame.
Drew
Then I finally found my room because I asked one of her kids. I was like, dude, do you remember where my room is? I need to put my cat in my room. And then.
C
Which kid was it?
Drew
It was north.
C
Did you get your eyelashes done? They're really, like, long and pretty right now.
Drew
Thank you. Yeah, I do want to get them done for my birthday, though.
C
But you don't need all that. You're pretty natural without makeup.
Drew
I have makeup on right now.
C
I was wondering why you look so ugly. Like, I was like, damn, something's off. Like, something's really off.
Drew
Wait, do you think I'm pretty or ugly?
C
Well, now that I know you have makeup on, ugly as.
Drew
Oh, my God.
C
Women should just be natural, bro.
Drew
But what if I was like, what if you didn't find me pretty without my makeup?
C
I think all women are beautiful for real without makeup.
D
I agree. Straight up.
C
I actually do believe that.
Drew
Wait, why do I do believe that women are, like, beautiful in their natural state?
C
Yeah.
Drew
Back to my dream. But I got back into the room with Aul, and I let go, and I just. This, like, it was like a helium balloon that had flattened out, floated to the ground. And I went to it, and I was, like, trying to touch it to see. Like, basically she was dead. Like, I had suffocated her and flattened her out, and she was just this flat, like, helium balloon, like, material. And I. Dude, I literally. You remember when I was saying, like, recently, I had a dream that, like, I think it was you who died in my dream. And I was, like, screaming with. And it was, like, really volatile. And also, like, we were at this party. I kept calling people to come to the room, and nobody could find the room, so nobody could, like, be with me. And I was just, like, freaking the fuck out. And, like, it was really, really sad. And then I woke up because I was crying so hard in my dream. And then I woke up, and I looked, and Azul was there, and I was like, oh, my God. Little kid. And that was my dream.
C
Wow.
Drew
That was my dream with a side of a rant.
C
Well, yeah. Well, that's. That's not cute at all. I don't know why you would kill your cat. Like, that's weird. No.
Drew
And so that's the thing about a nightmare is, like, things happen that maybe wouldn't happen.
C
I don't. I don't understand what you're saying to me, because, like, everything's real. Those are different realities. You're shifting realities when you go to sleep.
Drew
So you think, when I go back to sleep, Azul's gonna be dead still?
C
No, you're gonna shift to another dimension where Azul is probably a dog.
Drew
I saw somebody say that. Oh, it was Duncan Trussell claim. He was like, oh, people who think weed isn't a psychedelic. It is.
C
Yeah, because weed is fucking the. I literally think weed is the devil, and I don't give a fuck if it helps your arthritis pain. And you put the fucking ointment on your. And it seeps into your bloodstream. Like, I don't care. Like, that is demonic as it is a demonic entity place on this earth to distract us, per. The way you looked at me because.
Drew
I looked at you, I was like, dude, this is a crazy person. Like, you look insane. Also, when I got back last night, Drew was wearing the same pajamas that I left seeing him in, and he just had his hair all brushed down. It was huge and crazy. And his beard was just, like, kind of more disheveled than it is. And I was like, dude, you actually look like. I left the house three weeks ago, and you got locked in here with.
C
Like, no food or water, but. So you know the brand Chrome Hearts, right? Do you know Chrome Hearts?
D
Yes.
C
What if I told you I started it?
Drew
I would say you're mine, because I know the people who. Like, I don't know them personally, but I know who started.
C
Have you ever met them?
Drew
No, but I've been in a room.
C
Do you know what an alias is?
Drew
Oh, my God. You. Whoa. Okay.
D
Drew, have you been taking your. Have you been taking your lithium?
C
What is that?
D
It's medication for, like, oh, no, babes.
C
I've been taking Yaspolar pills. I've been taking yas pills. Fuck the normal pills. A hashtag Fuck normal pills.
Drew
Drew's been. Drew bought a cream that's been giving him mercury poisoning.
C
What were you gonna say?
Drew
I was gonna say I saw a girl, like, talk about that she was using a cream that, unbeknownst to her, had a bunch of mercury. Mercury in it. So she had mercury contamination for two years straight.
C
Oh, my God. See, that's probably what's wrong with me is there's, like, mercury leaching into my skin through the shower head.
Drew
It has to be more.
C
Yeah, it has to be more than that. No, I, like, watched a TV show, and it had, like, a bit on mercury poisoning. I was like, huh. That would explain A lot. So I don't. I think I've moved past.
Drew
So you think it's black mold?
C
No, no, no. I think I've moved past the black mold, and now I'm starting to believe that I have mercury poisoning or something adjacent to that. Like, it could be like. Have you ever heard of God damn? Do you know what formaldehyde is?
Drew
I've heard the word, but I don't know what it is.
C
It's like, what, they embalm, like rats.
Drew
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
C
Well, I can't go to the Lord concert in eight hours because I'm gonna smell like formaldehyde.
Drew
I saw that.
C
Yeah. We just dissected rats.
Drew
I never dissected anything in school.
C
We didn't do that. Yeah, I did.
Drew
You said damn. Like, I missed out on something. I don't want to do that.
C
Oh, no. I love, like, mutilating those little critters. I love, like, cutting them open and, like, playing with their organs.
D
White man moment.
C
No, I know. I hated it so much, but I've grown to, like, accept the knowledge that I've gained from it. And also since frogs are out in 2023, like, cutting them bitches up, like, I don't give a fuck. Like, we need to sacrifice more frogs just to get them out of our ecosystems. I think they're over.
Drew
That's how I feel about the frogs in Fortnite.
C
Why are they even in there?
Drew
I know. They're there for no reason.
C
They're there to distract you.
Drew
Yeah, literally.
C
We need to bring back. Delete it fat.
Drew
We need to bring back. We need to force Demi Lovato to do that one performance, every single award show.
C
Oh, yeah.
Drew
With the, like, deleted fat. You rat bitch.
C
You rat bitch. The edited photo of her dude. Lovato. Dude. Oh, my God. When Duke Lovato dropped, that was genuinely like that. I think to this day, I've never laughed at something more than I laughed at Duke Lovato. So much so that, like, I made, like, a character of myself that was Duke Lovato, and that I would hide it in the basement. And, like, every once in a while, like, my dude would get out in, like, a suitcase or some shit and, like, go to the airport. It was, like, really fucking scary. But I really love Duke Lovato. And then. And then it, like, sparked, like, this whole, like, genre of, like, really shitty paparazzi photos or red carpet photos. And then, like, another camera angle showing them. Like, like, look, they look normal, but in this camera angle, for some reason, they look like the worst they've ever looked. But, like, no one's done it better than Demi. Or, I guess worse than Demi in the dolovato photo. But, like, giving props. Yeah, like, really deserved it.
Drew
We have not updated the fart sounds. We have literally, like, the fart sounds.
C
Have been the same since they were made, since 1980.
Drew
Because I was watching this old show, like, this old movie with Ben Stiller, and, like, I watched, like, three seconds of it, and I can't even remember, but there was a scene where he was in the bathroom, and it was literally, like, the fart sounds we hear today. And this movie was made in, like, 96, that is.
C
And I was like, it is almost.
Drew
30 years later, and we don't have new farts. And then I was like, who was the person to make the farts? And, like, were they real farts, or were he really good at making them with his mouth? And I assume it's a guy because there's so, like. Like, I. I don't know.
C
I like manly.
Drew
Yeah, they're, like, manly, like, mouth farts.
C
They're not, like, cute girl farts.
Drew
What?
C
Just, like, when women fart on my face, like, it's, like, cute.
Drew
Oh, it sounds different. Does it feel different than men's? Because I assume you let men taste.
D
What does it taste like?
Drew
Do. Do?
C
Well, you've ever had a deviled egg?
D
Yeah.
C
So imagine a yellow cream in the middle. Oh, not the egg white. Egg white is coming.
Drew
No, egg white is like stinky fart. You like that, bro.
D
You like that?
Drew
But, yeah, we haven't updated it. And, like, who's gonna be the brave person to try to update them? Because, like, they're honestly so good.
C
Me.
Drew
What is wrong with you? You are experiencing lead poisoning.
C
That's what I'm saying. I think I'm like mercury, though.
Drew
I think on enough flights now that you're experiencing, like, minor radioactive.
C
Well, that's what Coachella. That's what they do at Coachella.
Drew
Oh, what do they do?
C
So they're tricking influencers in specific people from different parts of the gene pool to go to Coachella Valley. Little does everybody know that Coachella Valley is covered in radioactive toxic waste because they did nuclear testing there. So what they're doing is after five or so visits, you get enough radiation and nuclear poisoning built up into your body that one, you can't reproduce. And if you reproduce, the baby's stillborn, and it's after, like, five or so visits. That's what they've been doing. Look, it Up. Look up. Yucca Valley nuclear testing. The craziest thing is, I went on, like. I went on, like, a fake, like, manic episode on my close friendship.
Drew
I know people fully thought that was real.
C
Yeah. I went on a close, like, And I thought, like, maybe someone would be like, hey, like, are you okay? Like, are you good? And, like, no one said anything to me, and they were just like, Harding it and laughing at it and, like, feeding into my delusions. But, yeah, like, I said all that shit on my close friends after, like, the Coachella lineup dropped, which, like, I fucking hate that I have to goddamn go. Like, I don't know.
Drew
I think I'm going to swallow my FOMO pill, and the only people I really care to see is Bjork and Frank, and I'm going to swallow my FOMO and believe in the God. I believe in that he will make it so that I can see those people. Not at Coachella, because I genuinely don't.
C
Think, like, well, that's the. Is. I don't want to go because they also put GHB dust in the. Or GHB crystals in the dust.
Drew
Oh, yeah. Oh, so that's why there's so much dust when you're leaving. I didn't even think about that.
C
Do you know why they're doing that? Do you want to know why they're doing that?
Drew
Why?
C
So you know those little wristbands that you have on your wrist?
Drew
Yeah.
C
They got a little chip in them that when you enter Coachella, the chip sends a bunch of.
Drew
Did you make all this up because you were really scared?
D
This isn't, like, a Qanon thing.
C
No, this was on me.
D
This is your brain.
Drew
That's what I'm saying. Like, this is.
C
Well, no, y' all didn't let me finish. They put a bunch of micro.
Drew
Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to deal with him when he, like, goes like this inside.
C
The chip and it sucks out all of your. Well, like, if you're a baby, you're a Junichrome. If you're, like, a grown man, like, it'll take, like, your marrow and your stem cells and all your human juices. They've discarded 184 bodies since 2012. Where's the security footage? Oh, it magically disappeared. Magically disappeared. They're in the catacombs of their cell as fuck.
Drew
That was that part. I was like, wait, is that, like, when you posted it? I was like. I was like, wait, I wonder if people have gone missing at Coachella.
C
So. So I just posted all this shit.
Drew
Well, now we're definitely not. Like, even if we want to go, we're not going.
C
They're not inviting us. They're not inviting us. But I posted all of that, like, seeing if someone would check in on me. And everybody was feeding into the illusion. So much so that people started looking up nuclear testing in Coachella Valley, and they did drop nukes in Yucca Valley. They literally dropped nukes in Yucca Valley.
Drew
When?
C
I don't remember when. Look, dude, 2012.
D
Yeah, I'm just imagining somebody holding up, like, a radioactive, like, monitor to James Charles's bbl.
C
Wait, let me.
Drew
Let me.
C
The glass shards break in southeast Yucca Flat. Yucca Flat. Closed Desert basin nuclear testing sites. Yeah. This is all a lie. Yeah. But, yeah. So if you're from Coachella and you.
Drew
Want to give us artist pass, like, we'll take it, and we're just joking.
C
Can we do a podcast at Coachella? Like, why won't y' all let us do that? Like, why won't y' all just let us have a.
Drew
Because they're literally gonna get less than, like, a 20th of their attendees to watch. Like, less than.
C
You'd be surprised. Coachella. You'd be surprised.
D
Wants to see Frank Ocean go to.
Drew
My meeting at the Coachella conference. You'd be surprised. Coachella.
C
Yeah. It's just crazy that we haven't been contacted for that yet.
Drew
Yeah, it's crazy that we haven't been contacted to perform.
C
Yeah. Which is.
Drew
Do you want to hear about the crazy I heard on the. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. You immediately shut me down, just, like.
C
I don't want to hear about that.
Drew
So you get to talk about your, like, weird, like, conspiracies, and I can't say something weird?
C
Oh, they're not conspiracies. They're not conspiracies.
Drew
Okay. Dude. No, you're literally. I can't believe I'm gonna have to deal with you when you actually go on, like, like, a religious, like, break in your brain and then, like, go down that rabbit.
D
Talk about it. But, like, I can see you, like, actually believing it.
Drew
The more you joke about it, the more you believe it.
C
Like, it's like. Like, I used to. Like, I would make up stupid lies as a kid, and then I would tell them so many times that they became real.
Drew
Yeah.
C
And, like, that's kind of how this.
Drew
Is, because I don't think it'll happen in your early life. It'll definitely, like, once you hit 70 one day, I'm gonna call you, and you're gonna keep me captive on the phone for three hours talking about something like this, and then I'm gonna, like, have to hang up and be like, fuck, I lost you.
C
I think I lost. No, I think it's all, like, a ruse in a character right now. But I don't think it's gonna, like, become, like, a real thing, hopefully, I think, right now.
Drew
Well, on my flight back yesterday, I experienced something very amazing and truly phenomenal.
C
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Drew
I didn't tell Drew this whole thing. I texted him lightly about the first part. So basically, this is for context. I was sitting in front of this guy who was maybe around my age.
C
Wait, what is FOMO pill? Is that like, a sex thing?
Drew
Fomo? Like fear of missing out.
C
Oh, I thought it was, like, cum or something. Like a new word for cummin. Because you said I had to swallow my FOMO pill.
Drew
You thought I was swallowing cum pills?
C
Yeah, I just. I.
Drew
Well, I do have to do that because when I have stacks of, like, spaces of not doing that, like, my belly starts to hurt.
C
Drawing.
Drew
I have to rebuild the. The brick wall of my. In my cell.
D
Microbiome of.
Drew
Yeah. You know how in kombucha, there's, like, the fermented, the yeast, the big, like, thing I have that have come at the layer of my stomach, and everything filters through that.
C
Oh, yeah.
Drew
And it keeps me very healthy.
C
It's actually really interesting.
Drew
You know how some people have probiotics, and it's like, oh, my God. Over a million, like, probiotics are in this. I have one that's, like, over a million sperms are in there.
C
That's, like, really crazy. Yeah, that's, like, really fucking weird, actually.
D
That is really strange.
Drew
It helps you be more likely to have a baby, too.
C
How? How is that?
Drew
Because your body is so used to having cum in it that it won't kill the cum that enters.
D
That actually makes sense.
C
Yeah, actually, yeah. You build up, like, a tolerance to it.
D
That actually makes hella sense.
C
They do that with honey and babies. They give babies a bunch of honey to make them allergy.
Drew
Allergy lists.
C
Yeah, actually, I think it's the opposite. You're not allowed to give honey to babies. You literally don't give honey to your baby.
Drew
Okay, so I get on my flight, and this guy who's kind of around my age is, like, sitting behind me. He's making, like, funny comments.
C
Okay. But he's probably not your age, so.
Drew
Actually, yeah, he easily was, like, 27 or something, but I have like no graphs of how people look anymore, so I'm like, you could be any age. But. But he was like, he was definitely not 30, especially with the way he was acting. He had to have been like, Max, 25 years old. So we got on the plane and like, he's just making funny comments and literally the people in front of me are kind of joking with him and I'm like, this is sweet. Like, he's like just a random funny guy. Whatever. That's. That was my idea. I was like, oh, charismatic guy, whatever. We all sit down, whatever. The flight attendant, who's also. This is for context, is like also gorgeous. Like, she's like, like also around my age, just like this gorgeous girl. And I'm like, wow, you are so slay. And she comes around to like give us snacks and like ask if we want anything to drink. And this guy like starts talking to her. And I was like, oh, okay, wait, let me backtrack. Oh, before we take off though, he's on FaceTime in his seat talking to all his friends and like again, joking around with his friends. And then it. The tone kind of gets serious and I can't really tell what's being spoken about because mind you, he didn't have headphones. He did not have headphones. Everything on his iPhone.
C
Perfect.
Drew
Because he was on FaceTime and he definitely had an iPhone, Max, because that shit was loud as fuck. And so the tone kind of gets serious and he's like, no, are you kidding? Are you fudgeing with me right now? Okay, okay, word. Yeah, yeah. And like, it sounds like it's getting serious. I'm like, okay, whatever. I don't think anything of it. Whatever. And then the flight attendant comes around after we've taken off and he's like talking to the flight attendant for way too long. And I'm like, he obviously finds her attractive and is just trying to like elongate his conversation with her. Because I've never asked. Heard someone ask so many questions about alcohol in my life. You're also easily 25. You know what alcohol you like, shut up. But whatever. At this point I'm just like, man, maybe he hasn't drank a lot and doesn't know what he wants. Cuz he's like, oh, can I get tequila? And she's like, do you want it alone? And he's like, no, I want it in like a drink. And she's like, well, what do you. What do you want it in? And then he's like, well, what do you have and she was like, like sodas and stuff. And then they get into this long conversation and he's like, he's like, can I get it in Pepsi? And she's like, I don't know that people do that.
C
Tequila and Pepsi. That's like my vibe.
Drew
And she was like, she was like, okay. And I think she ended up giving it to him and he didn't like it. And she's like, oh, I could just replace it. It's okay. Don't even think twice about it. Whatever. And then he's like, she's like, I think you would rather. It'd be better for you to get one of the mixed drinks that we have on the menu. And he was like looking at them and he's like, do you have a strawberry margarita? Mind you, we're on the fucking airplane. So he's like, can I have a strawberry margarita? She's like, oh, no, we don't do that on plane. Like, you don't. You can't get that on a plane. And then he's like, okay, what margaritas do you have? And she's like, we have spicy and regular. And then he goes, a spicy margarita? No. And then he's like, what's the flavor of the regular margarita? And then she literally was so stunned by that question. She was just like, oh.
C
Margarita?
Drew
Yeah. Oh. Like, it's like. She's like, I guess it's like, it's kind of a lime. Lime Ish flavor, but it's like sweet. Like literally hearing this other grown woman try to explain what the taste of a margarita is to someone.
C
Wait, what the fuck is it just lime? Is margarita just lime? What is a margarita?
Drew
A margarita is usually triple sec, lime agave and tequila. That's like lime. That's like a classic one. Yeah. So it's like a lime, a sweet lime. Or like on the plane, like, this is the other thing. He was looking at the menu and it had what's in it in it, on it. And they were using pineapple on it. They were using pineapple juice on the mixer in the plane. So he was just like, what is the flavor when it's right in front of him? But whatever, regardless, whatever. He ends up getting two drinks. Because now I'm tapped into this guy. Cuz now I'm like, literally, what is his vibe? Because then he's using his phone on the plane. Because I was trying to read and I couldn't because my ADHD was.
C
I was reading the person's phone in front of me too. And she Was, like, beefing with the homeowners association, and she was like, they're selling that house. And, like, she was just pissed that they had an hoa. But. Sorry, keep going. I love reading over people's shoulders, but I would.
Drew
I love. Oh, on planes. I read people's shoulders. My best. I have two really good pictures.
C
Sorry.
Drew
I'll find them and insert them. But I have two really good pictures of people's texts on a plane. One of them is this girl talking to her sugar daddy, and it's like her like. Like texting. Yeah, that's like an old one. And then the other one was when that lady got into beef with everyone on the plane, and she's like, I'm gonna kill myself. Like, she was so mad and her texts were big as. Because she was old as shit. Whatever. So now I'm listening to this guy because I'm, like, literally so amazed, and I'm like, who is this? Like, what is his vibe? I don't understand. Also because I can't focus on my book anymore because he's literally like, oh, you thought it was Kai? No, I would tell you.
C
I thought it might have been.
D
Yeah, it is, like, that guy's way.
Drew
I mean, as we go on, it becomes a really Kai vibe. So, like, everybody be careful.
D
Oh, does he have sex with, like, someone.
C
A bunch of women? That's what I'm assuming is he probably has a bunch of. He has a big. And has a bunch of sex with women.
Drew
No, no, no. Because now you're just, like, saying the fabrication of what Kai thinks he is. I'm talking about the real you. The one that hides.
D
No, no, the real me is the one that has the big, funny cock.
Drew
Funny.
D
And I like to play with it.
C
It's so big, it's hilarious.
Drew
Like, I flick it sometimes, but now I'm just listening to him, and he ends up getting two margaritas, which, with that altitude, you're going to be drunk. So I'm just like, whatever. And also, I can't pay attention to my book anymore because he's literally playing his fun so fucking loud. So I could just hear what's on his Instagram feed right now. And I'm like, whatever. I'm just, like, kind of sitting there and, like, about to start a movie. But then he gets on FaceTime on the plane, which you cannot do. Like, you're not supposed to do that, as far as I'm aware, because they literally are, like, no calls. Not even wi fi calls.
C
You know why? It's because the speakers? No, like the headphones that they wear. This is actually real. It's like radio wave interference. Yeah, it's like. And they can't hear all the call outs from everybody.
Drew
No, literally, that's. I was thinking, I was like, also now gonna die because of this man who doesn't know what a margarita is and is on FaceTime out loud with his friends. But then I start really tapping in because it gets crazy. So he's on the phone with his guy friend and, like, I can't really say his boyfriend.
C
And you just can't say it.
Drew
No, because listen to this. Maybe it is his boyfriend because of how protective he got over this man. But that's later on. So then I can't hear what the guy is saying on the phone, but he's like, are you with me?
C
Me?
Drew
Like, no, that's crazy. Like, no screen record that. No screenshot that. Send it to me and I'm gonna screen record it. I can't believe that. And like, I'm like, oh, my God, what's happening? Like, what is unraveling behind me? Then he calls.
C
Behind you?
Drew
Yeah, he's behind me. I wish he was in front of me because I would be peeking, but. But he like, oh, my God. No, I literally. I, at one point, I like, literally dropped my thing at the side, like, looked at him to see, like, what his, like, vibe on his face was. And he. He was pissed.
C
I would have literally, like, gone to the bathroom and just stood behind him without him knowing. And.
Drew
Oh, I should have done that. Oh, I should have done that. But I feel like he would have noticed because I like, I'm not really good at hiding when I'm being Chismoza. Because literally I went from reading my book with headphones on to no headphones, notebook, and just like sitting like a.
C
Robot on the airplane.
Drew
Literally sitting and pressing my head up against like this.
C
Of moving your ear.
Drew
So then he gets on the phone with this girl also who has a kid because all you hear is the kid screaming, like, on her end. And he's like, he's like, so and so. Just called me and told me that you were texting them, trying to them, when we just. What the is wrong with you? Starts yelling at her on the phone. So I'm like, oh, my God, am I experiencing. We know I'm not confronting the cheater in the car, but I'm experiencing confronting the cheater on the floor.
C
The new level. The new level.
Drew
So like. And also he's on FaceTime. So you hear Her. And she's like, dude, you're bugging. Like, I did not do that. What the is wrong with you? Like, you're such a liar. Like, shut the up. And she's like. And she's like, he's like, you. Because I have screenshots. I'm a screen record it and send it to you. And then you tell me if I'm fucking lying. Hangs up on her. And then, like, there's a moment of silence and I'm like, what the fuck's happening? And then he calls her back, and she, like, all I hear is like. Like, of him calling her. And she doesn't answer. And then he calls someone else, who I can only assume is this friend. No answer. So now he's not getting any answers. And then he gets so up from being on his margaritas, he just knocks out for the rest of the fight. I'm like, oh, my God, this needs to. Like, I need to know where this end. But whatever. I spend the rest of the flight just, like, ignoring it, reading my book, watching a movie. Then when we land, the second we land, you hear. And I'm like, he's FaceTiming her. He FaceTimed her and was like, you're gonna look at those screenshots and tell me I'm lying. And, like, starts yelling at her. Like, also, we are like, it's dead quiet in the plane. Everybody is like, like, listening. And like, this woman next to me is like. I was like, like, fully looking back. And he's like, you're a fucking slut. You're a bitch. You're a fucking liar. And she's like, I did not. Like, I literally. That's not real. That's not me. Whatever.
C
Whatever. Imagine he's just, like, accusing this girl, and it's literally not her.
Drew
No, listen to the way this conversation ends, because I wish I knew the resolution to this because that's. He goes, you. He's like, put it on your kid's life right now. And then she's just kind of silent, and she's like, you're crazy. And he's like, okay, you won't do it because you know you're lying. You. I'm gonna post a video you sucking my dick on Instagram tonight and hangs up on her. And then is the plane is dead silent because he's so loud also. And everybody is literally like, oh, no. And then we're just all sitting there and nobody says a word. Like. Like, nobody even looks at him because we're all just like, oh, my God, this is a man, like, enraged and, like, being, like, crazy right now. And then he calls what I can only assume is his friend, and his friend didn't answer. And he called him, like, three times. And then he just put his phone in his pocket and was, like, pissed. And then, like, I was trying so badly when we deplaned to walk slow, but he had disappeared. But I literally was like. I was walking with my bag. Like.
C
That'S literally my vibe. So sick, dude. Holy.
Drew
And that was, like, literally the craziest thing I've ever heard in a plane. I literally couldn't believe I could. I was like, damn, you are crazy. Like, you're real crazy. And I believe that he probably did that. And, like, I hope that didn't happen. And I hope that that was just, like, a conversation out of, like, pure rage, because that sucks. Also, someone accused me of that. I'd be like, you're going to jail. You're going to jail. Like, I would literally.
C
I would call the cops and be like, you not leaking that video.
Drew
But I don't even know what you could do in that situation. But, yeah, I don't know what happened. And it was the craziest thing ever. And literally, it went from, like, a fun environment of, like, everybody kind of, like, joking with each other to literally dead silent. Like, holy shit, nobody said anything. And then in my head, I was like, wow, all these men sitting around who aren't gonna, like, pull them aside and be like, hey, don't do that. Like, don't. Also, don't talk like that. Imagine hearing that and being like, dude, like, your vibe was so cool the whole play ride. What's your Instagram?
C
Yeah, let's hang out.
D
Networking with the shittiest guy on earth.
C
The worst.
Drew
No, not even. Literally networking. Networking so you can see the video. Like, dude, let me follow your ig. Like, you're so lit, dude.
D
It's crazy how shitty some people are. That's insane.
Drew
And that's just like. Like, that is so casual. That, like, what was freaking me out is I was like, this is so casual in this person's life that there's.
C
No doing it on a plane. Yeah.
Drew
And I was, like, shocked. I was like, damn. In my head, I was like, dude, why aren't the flight attendants saying anything? But there were no male flight attendants. It was only women. And I was like, what? Like one of these? Also, you know what the craziest part is that I forgot saw that. I was like, men are so nasty, and I hope they all perish because he asked the flight attendant if she was single. That was one of the things that blew my mind. I was like, I cannot believe you're literally confronting this girl. Because I couldn't tell if they were dating, bothered that she was trying to fuck his friend. Like, I don't think they were dating. That's not the vibe I got. He literally is just pressed because he wanted to. I know.
C
Like, sucks balls. Like, why would you just not keep that in and just, like.
Drew
Just be like, no, girl. Like, chill.
C
Like, it's never that. That deep, dude.
Drew
And she. He asked her, and he made the flight attendant so uncomfortable. She was like, he. Like, I didn't hear the end of it, but I just saw that she was standing next to me for a long time looking at him talking, and I was like, oh, he's talking again. Like, I need to hear it. And then she goes, no, no, no. Like, I am taken, but thank you so much for the compliment. He's like, all right, all right. Like, it sounded like he had been kind of badgering her for a minute because she was standing there for a minute. Also, her standing there with both of his fucking margarita empty glasses. Like, literally just standing there, like.
C
Like this.
D
That's insane.
C
Yeah, that's a list.
Drew
And, yeah, that was my plane story. And I, like, couldn't believe it.
D
That is, like, the most evil man on earth.
Drew
I know. It's scary because he was so. Like, literally everybody was vibing with him at first. It was like, he's so funny and, like, chill.
C
That's how it is, though. Like, the most evil people are the best at faking being cool.
Drew
Yeah.
C
And then they snap. Something in their brain snaps.
Drew
Yeah. And then that's my story. And I wanted to tell you last night, but I was like, I gotta.
C
Say it for the podcast. I know. Anya made me listen to Ice Spice with headphones on and noise canceling while she told Josh the story. And she played. She played an Ice Spice song. She's like, oh, this is, like, her best song for sure. And she started playing it and it. And I, like, gave it a chance for, like, 30 seconds. And I was like, inya, this is the worst song I think I've ever heard. I do not know how you're listening to this. Like, this is even worse than, like, attempting to listen to Death Grips for the first time. Like, this is impossible to listen to.
Drew
And then it's like you made a comment. You were like, it sounds like three songs are playing at once. And I looked at my phone and literally three separate things are playing at the same time.
C
Three Ice Spice songs were playing at once. And I was like, I could like pick up every other lyric of every other song. And I was like dude, what the fuck? But then she played this song and I was like, oh, this is like a really fucking good song. Like it's diabolical. That's how I describe Ice Spice is diabolical.
Drew
I love her.
C
But yeah. Well, back in Texas I went to the dentist because I needed to go back to the dentist and I don't know why. When I go to the dentist they like assume that I'm like conservative freak. Like I don't know why they assume that. And so when I'm laying down in the chair they just open up about the most vile shit ever. And I don't say anything out loud because I'm like, oh, I want to hear them talk. I don't agree with them at all. But I, I don't wanna fuck with them while they're cutting my gums and shit. They'll accidentally cut my cheek open or something. Actually go ahead, take the Bugle fat out. I don't give a fuck. Cut my gum open or cut my cheek open. But no, I can't say anything one, cause they have shit in my mouth. And two, I wanna know what these people are fuckin thinking because that's a really good fuckin demographic of person to look at to understand that side or whatever. So I'm always kinda silent and not agreeing, but disagreeing. But this time just stayed silent entirely the entire time and just let them talk themselves deeper and deeper in the hole because like I think they could sense my silence was like me not agreeing with them. So they just kept going and just talking about like the most insane shit. And I don't want to get into it on here, but it sparked a thought in my head and the reason it sparked was because my dentist, like she's obviously very like Christian woman. And then the other hygienist, I mean the dental hygienists are both like very Christian people and they both had their crosses around their neck and whatever. Do you. I'm happy for you. But the one that was cleaning my teeth started just like talking and I guess she could sense that I wasn't fucking with that conservative vibe so she started leaning towards weird shit. And she was just opening up to me about her questioning her reality and how sometimes she doesn't know if this is real. And, and like sometimes she's like oh, like if I'm looking at something, are you seeing the same thing as me? Or if I'm tasting something, are you tasting the same thing as me? All questions we've asked, but she's been so sheltered by religion her whole life that anytime she asked those questions, they were shut down immediately. So then I was giving her answers. I was like, oh, yeah, that's normal. That's like a normal thought. Yeah, a normal thought. And I was just kind of feeding into it. And then what started getting really crazy is I was like, there are some people that can see what they think in their brain. And there are some people that have voices in their head that like an internal monologue. And then there are people that have neither and have nothing and can't hear themselves and can't think of themselves. And then she was like, dude, that's fucking weird that you can hear yourself in your head or you can see, like if you can do that. Like if you can visualize an apple and you're your head, you're a fucking freak. She didn't say that, but she was like, that's weird. And I was like, oh, so you're a person that can't visualize things? That's interesting. And then the dental hygienist across the way was like, I got ahead of myself, whatever, I'll disregard that part of the story. But anyways, I was like, yeah, I can visualize things in my head. And she was like, that's weird, dude. I don't know how you do that. And then that triggered this final thought, which the reason I told all of that was to get to the this. But if you think about. Or I was like, oh, this is crazy, because what if like people that are more conservative leaning are the people that can't visualize the apple in their head and don't have the internal monologue and people who are more like liberal leaning have the internal analog and can visualize than apple in your head. And I was like, that is a crazy thing. So, like, I'm curious, like, if those things coincide, if they're like, if they correlate in any way, but. But I probably just sound even more schizophrenic for saying that out loud.
Drew
No, I understand what you're saying. Cause it's also like the idea, like you would. There's like this ideology of like, oh, why can't people be more open minded? And then you're like, oh, well, they.
C
Don'T have an internal monologue necessarily.
Drew
Mean it's because I can imagine things literally. Like, I Can, like, imagine if somebody, like, says an idea to me is like, oh, what if, like, so and so did this? And I'm like, oh, okay. And like, you can literally imagine it. And, like, like almost play a scene of that exactly. Playing out. And then those people maybe don't have that. So when you say that, because they've never seen that, they're like, what the.
C
Are you talking about trying to change me? Yeah. And also, why are you trying to put thoughts in my head? Exactly. It's. It's like, literally, get out. But it's. It's giving. Like, we have conversations in our head all day, every day. So we have. Have to fill that conversation with something, and we fill it with, like, opposing ideas and, like, trying to change our mind and just trying to learn more. They don't think anything. I don't. I don't understand it. I really don't understand it. It's so hard for me to grasp, like, is it just empty in there? And I saw, like, a TikTok of someone saying, like, what it's like to not have an internal monologue. And it was just like, them walking in the woods and it was completely silent. And I was like. Like, I want that so fucking bad. Cause, like, it is. It is going a thousand miles per hour every moment up until the second I fall asleep. Like, my. I am thinking about literally everything and doom. Scrolling about everything. And, like, it's. It's probably the main source of my anxiety. It's like my internal monologue. Like, I wouldn't have anxiety if I didn't think of the worst thing possible.
Drew
Do you think that, like, having adhd, like, enhances that? Because I think I've been thinking about it a lot because I've realized I have the worst issue. Like, I'm listening when people talk to me, but God forbid, I, like, think of something else.
C
Yeah.
Drew
I'm like, sitting here literally, like, thinking of a whole other situation, and then that's unraveling, and then I'm thinking of what I would say about that, and then, like, literally trying to, like, grasp what people are saying to me all time.
C
The.
Drew
The time. And I'm like, oh, my God, I look like the most inconsiderate person.
C
But, like, I just. I just started doing it. I stopped listening to you because I was, like, thinking. I was like, oh. Like, literally, it's like, you have to, like, I have to, like, meditate to listen to people's story. Like, I have to clear, intentionally clear out my brain and the ground myself and only Think about my breathing to, like, understand what people are saying to me. And it's. Yeah, yeah.
Drew
It's like. Also, does ADHD affect reading? Yeah. Right? Because. Yeah, because sometimes when I'm reading, I literally will read, like, three pages and be thinking about something else. But I am fully reading. Like, I am reading these words, but they're not going. But they're not, like, blending in my head. I'm just, like, reading it. And I can kind of remember exactly what I just read. But I'll have to go back because I'm like, dude, the whole time I was reading that, I was thinking about what I have to do when I get home.
C
Yeah.
Drew
That I'm easily going to forget and it's not going to matter anyway.
C
What happens about it is. It, like, sparks a thought for me and I'm like, oh, curious. And then I, like, go down that thought path while I'm reading these lines instead of stopping the thought out, not absorbing it, and then I'm thinking about, like, what that just made me think.
D
I've read a bunch of scripts recently, and, like, I swear to God, I've read a sentence 20 times and then went back and was like, I really have no idea what I just read. And I read every single word to try and, like, visualize what's going on in the screenplay. And it's. It's taken me 20 minutes to read a page. One time I was like, if I'm really honest with myself, I'm not visualizing what I'm seeing until a certain point when I can, like, finally focus on it.
C
Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Yeah. I think, like, the reading thing, like, isn't even adhd. I think, like, the average. I mean, maybe, but I think, like, the average person, like, experiences that to some level. But I will never forget since you started talking about a script, when we went in for the. To do those self tapes and the self tape guy, like, I was the acting coach. Yeah, the acting coach. I was having so much trouble fucking reading these lines and memorizing these lines that, like, he was like, do you have ADHD or do you have dyslexia? Or something? Like. And I was like, I don't know. And he was like, let's try this. And he put on, like, the dyslexic mode, and it went one word at a time. And did it work? It worked.
Drew
I actually was talking to somebody who has dyslexia.
C
I don't think I have that, though.
Drew
But everything she was saying, I was like, this is Drew she was like, a lot. She was like, I will literally, like, do, like, word to text or, like, speech to text on multiple words, because I just, like, for some reason, I know the word, and I like, think I know how to spell it, but then when I go to type it, I can't. Like, it just doesn't go. And she's like, and when I do text regular, like, I miss so many words. Like, I. Like, my text doesn't make sense. And my friends are always like, you didn't. Like, what you said didn't make sense. And then. And she's like, oh. And then I'll be like, yes, it does. Just read it. And then they read it, and they're like, that. You didn't say a thing. And then, like, they'll read it out loud to her. And she's like, oh, fuck, I didn't. Like. I didn't put my sentence down. And then she's like, when she has to read out, like, out loud, she cannot do it for the life of her. She's like, when I read alone and, like, it's, like, way easier, but I do have to, like, go kind of slow, and I, like, it's way easier if I use my finger because, like, if I don't, like, my brain is just trying to, like, figure out the next word before I can. So I'm just literally making up what I'm reading.
C
Dude, maybe I fucking have this.
Drew
I was like, everything you're saying sounds like Drew. She's like, oh, so then I'll just, like, send a bunch of audio messages. But that sucks, too, because I just, like, talk too much. And she was like, but that's not my dyslexia. I just talk too much. I was like, all of this is Drew, like, everything you're describing.
C
I'm gonna go get diagnosed with dyslexia.
D
When I was in New York, I was reading a script in front of, like, a bunch of people, and my friend who was running the read was like, all right, Kai, you can stop doing the bit where you don't know how to read. And I was like, that's not a bit, dude. I really have been fucking up this entire time.
Drew
Well, I can read out loud very easily.
C
I was about to say, like, you have it very easily. And when we did that one table read for or whatever, I remember being so anxious about having to read out loud and hearing everybody read their lines and doing really good, and then it getting to me and me fucking up. And then something came over me where I was just Like, I don't give a fuck. I don't know why I'm embarrassed of me not being able to read out loud. There's something wrong with me, So I just have to accept that. So then I accept it. I was like, okay, if you fuck up, just move on. Don't say, like, oh, sorry. Like, like, just don't. Just keep going. And, like, that has helped me a lot is just being able to just, like, persevere and, like, make it. Like. I think, like, a lot of it comes from my anxiety of not being able to read out loud, so it makes it worse.
Drew
Also, sorry I started laughing, but you're using the word persevere for your probable.
D
To read a word.
C
We need to go. We need to make this happen.
Drew
Yeah.
D
And you're really good, like, with the ad reads.
C
Yeah.
D
I'm like, holy shit, am I listening? Listening to fucking NPR right now. This is insane.
Drew
Yeah.
C
And then I rage. I start throwing punches.
D
When I edit the ads. Like, Drew's is, like, 40,000 cuts, like, hybridized together, and Ennis is, like, one.
C
One of the days you need to leave in one of my streams, I get so frustrated that I scream into the mic, oh, no.
D
There was one that you, like, scream and then walked away from the mic for a second, and it was like this. And then you, like, walk back, and I think you were completely alone.
Drew
When Drew reads out loud, you, like, can't be nice or him. Like, I think it is part of, like, the anxiety of it also. You bitches don't have gut intuition. You have anxiety disorder. Like, let's talk about it. And you. You being me.
C
Like, literally, the question is, anya, no, that's gonna happen.
Drew
Like, I know it's gonna happen because my gut feeling is always right. And, like, said gut feeling is, like, extreme anxiety and, like, a delusion and, like, ptsd, paranoia. And I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's gonna happen.
C
That is so funny.
Drew
But, yeah, multiple times while I was away, I. I gave myself, like, a crazy anxiety attack. Cause I'm like, I know this thing's gonna happen. I just feel it. Like, I know, and my gut feeling is always right. People tell me I have really good intuition when really that was, like, my anxiety holding on to, like, the idea that I have good intuition. It was like, girl, you're literally gonna die. And everybody. It was like, oh, my God. You don't have this person's location, so that means they're dead. Oh, my God. I'm like, no.
C
But yeah. And Just as you bitches have anxiety disorder, butterflies have pretty privilege. Look at them off. Look at them off.
D
That's a really good point.
Drew
But there are. There are really pretty moths. But the ugly ones are really ugly.
C
And then every butterfly. Not every butterfly is pretty, but every butterfly.
Drew
That's just not true.
D
Butterflies.
Drew
Let me look up ugly butterfly.
C
Huh?
Drew
Sorry, my ringtone. Ugly butterfly. Let's see. No, there are no ugly butter. Oh, yes, there are.
C
Yeah. And have you ever seen the one in the spongebob episode, A Butterfly? How do I reference spongebob? Every stupid ass emergency intercom episode every second time.
Drew
Okay, yeah, there are ugly, scary ones.
C
See, that's ugly as it's. But it's pretty scary. They have pretty privilege.
Drew
No, there are. But it's like, there's pretty moths.
C
Like, look, look up. The Luna moth.
Drew
Oh, yeah, I know.
C
The green one.
Drew
Yeah, the white and green.
C
Yeah. And then the pink and yellow one is really cute. The fuzzy one.
Drew
Oh, these ones are so cute.
C
I remember I only know that moth from that medicine. And it would, like. It would be like George Lopez waking you up at 3am with the loudest fucking intro ever because you left your TV on when you fell asleep. And then after you stay awake with your eyes glued on the tv, even though you're the most tired you've ever been into in your entire life, the next commercial that comes on is, like, Lunesta, like, and it's the green butterflies flying across the screen.
D
Oh, yeah, the Lunesta commercials went crazy.
Drew
Yeah, I have to see that because I don't know what you're talking about.
C
Moth. Lunesta moth. This thing. You ever see these?
Drew
Oh, no, I never saw that commercial.
C
Yeah.
Drew
Oh, wait, I did.
C
Yeah, it would literally be. And you'd watch that, and you'd fall asleep to that.
D
Wait, did you guys talk about the Mandela effect? About the Bucket List thing? No, like, the term bucket list wasn't a thing before the movie.
Drew
There's a movie called Bucket List?
D
Yeah.
Drew
I didn't know.
C
No, that's not true.
D
It is true.
Drew
Maybe it isn't true. And the Mandela effect is maybe the.
C
Man, I have a new theory for the Mandela effect. Oh, my God. So have y' all ever heard of the 2D, 3D? Like, the girl holding the box, and inside the box is a jack gym. And, like, she can. Like, she can't see around the sides, but we can.
Drew
Oh, I know this movie.
C
Yeah, but there's, like, this idea that, like, since we're 3D, we can reach into the box and grab the gym, and she wouldn't even know it's gone. And then sometime later, we put it back in, and she. It's back in the box. Whatever. Like, it's like a. Like a visualization thing.
D
I actually don't know what the fuck.
Drew
Yeah, I don't, like, really.
D
I don't have an internal monologue.
C
Oh, God. So you're.
Drew
I. I didn't hear the first half of what you were saying because I was too busy being. Being, like, amazed that there's a Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman movie called the Bucket List. Like, that is, like. That is the most smoked. Like, Seth Rogen had to have made that up.
D
I really thought that everyone knew about that movie.
Drew
No, I didn't know it existed.
C
I knew it existed, but I didn't know there was in a bucket list.
Drew
I think bucket list has existed or, like, forever, because I remember saying that shit in, like, fifth grade.
D
You were probably like, what's on your.
Drew
Bucket list for your life?
D
That's when the movie came out, when you were in fifth grade.
C
Grade.
Drew
That's not true.
D
It might have been. I think it came out when I was in. Like, I was in College.
Drew
No, 2007. And you were in college when I was in fifth grade. Oh, my God. I. I actually. It came out in 2007.
D
Not here right now.
C
I was watching the timer go up.
D
I was watching your soul leave your body.
Drew
Okay, wait, what's your theory?
C
Okay, so, like, okay, so imagine a 2D plane, and there's, like, a girl on the 2D plane holding a box. And there's a gym inside the box. And then we're in 3D and we can see her. She can't see us, but we can reach inside the box, and her diamond disappears. And she's like, where the did it go? But we just took it to our dimension. But then we can put it back. What if there are fourth dimensional beings reaching into our timelines and changing little things, and that's the Mandela effect, And we can't see them changing it, but we can see the changes and then. Or it's either that or it's like quantum hackers. Like, they figured out how to time travel, and they're, like, going through and changing little things.
D
Drew, how many. How many internal monologues do you have? Are there, like, many voices?
C
There's like, 17 up in there.
D
And do they sound different?
Drew
Did you see the other video that that girl made that was, like, actually insane, where she was like. She took the girl's 2D hat off. And it was front facing. And then she switched it around and put it on backwards and she was like, you can see how different these two dimensions are and how this one would never come into contact with this one. Because no matter how hard they try, they'll never be able to put her hat back. Since they live in a two dimensional world, they can try to flip her hat around, but. But it will just be upside down in our head because they can't do that 3D motion of flipping it back. And then she was like, if you think about that, that's like how separated all of our dimensions are is because, like, there are certain things that one dimension can do that we cannot. And like, vice versa. Vice versa. And like if those dimensions interact with us in ways that we're incapable of interacting back, we would never know.
C
Why are you staring at me? You want this? Do you want all of my body?
D
I want to play with it.
Drew
Why do I want baked lay's chips so bad right now, huh? Baked Lays chips.
C
Those are really.
Drew
Yeah. Okay. The baked chips are better than the regular ones.
D
Yes, they are. There's like a pringly kind of vibe to them.
Drew
Yeah.
D
Versus. I also, I think Lays potato chips are the worst potato chips. Normal potato chips.
Drew
I disagree. Because you put that with a Subway sandwich.
C
Yeah. Elevates it to another level. Like it takes it up three nights. That was the craziest you've ever said. And I was like, wow. Like, damn, that is so real. The Subway sandwich Lays.
Drew
Yeah. And it has to be a Subway sandwich because you wouldn't go get a good ass deli sandwich and pick lay's. You would only ever get Lays at Subway.
D
Yeah.
Drew
Like, you wouldn't be like at like wine and cheese and be like, I'm going to get lay's one. Because they're sane and they don't sell Lays there.
D
I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have said anything.
Drew
Oh my God. Why are you taking it like that? You're literally manipulative as fuck. Like you're crazy. Crazy bitch, bastard. Fucking ugly monster.
C
What the fuck?
Drew
What the fuck? Well, thank you guys so much for watching this episode. Let's go into some media before we leave.
C
Media before we leave you.
Drew
And you're left all alone to your own devices again because you just had an hour of people you don't really know, but you feel very connected to. And you know what? If you said hi to me in public, I would give you that warmth that you feel through the camera. But Realistically, when you turn off your. Like, your. Your computer right now, you have no contact with me. So I'm forming this very diabolical relationship with you in your head, where you feel like it's almost giving you. Giving you abandonment issues that you probably won't even realize until you're way older. Have you ever thought about that? Yeah, because I think about that. Pastoral by Bobby Hutcherson Too Hurt To Cry by Candy Statin Young Hearts Run Free by Candy Statin that song is literally a feminist woman's anthem, and it is so good.
C
Sunday nights are my 911 the day after Christmas is my 9 11.
D
That day does really suck.
C
That is the. Or even the night of Christmas. Like, after everything is all said and done and you're alone in your room, like, that is the saddest I will ever be in my entire.
Drew
I will say, yeah. Christmas night, like, Christmas day night is really, really upsetting. Like, it's just so. Like, it's because you've released all your endorphins and then you're just gotta wait another year. Yeah. You're all limp and it's like all that fuss for what? For 12 hours of fun?
D
Yeah. You up, wake up covered in presents, and you got everything that you wanted. And your dad, finally.
Drew
That never happened to you. Once you started the my dad thing, that never happened to you.
D
It happened.
C
Caribbean Blue by Enya was one of mine.
Drew
Someone was playing that the other day with me in the car, and I was like, stop, guys. Oh. And then Dom said something so funny. He's like, you know what's crazy is I used to listen to Enya a lot, and then I met you. So I stopped and I literally was like, that is the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me.
C
Thank you by Ditto. I know I hijacked your. And then Ethane rules Bands by okay, Mato, I think. Let me make sure. Yeah. Bands with a Z by okay, Mato is really cool. And then I think that's gonna be it for me. I had a couple more songs that I've been listening to, but, like, I don't know them off the top of my head, and they're like kind of SoundCloud songs. And then I watched Mind Game on the Airplane again on the way home. Really, really fantastic movie. And, like, I looked up trivia for it because I was like, oh, this is like, crazy. How is this made? And, like, a lot of, like, the distribution and, like, promotion of that movie wasn' even made by the production company that made the movie, it was made by a different. Or it was done by a different production company that had seen it and was like, I don't give a fuck if I make a dollar off of this. I just want everybody in the world to see this. And even though it is, like, a very violent and sexual movie, it got in rated for everyone rating in Japan. Mind Game. Because the board in Japan that does all the ratings was like, no, we want everyone to see this movie because, like, it's a really powerful movie and. And, like, it's. It will. Yeah. Which is really cool. But, yeah, Mind Game is really sick. I know I mention it, like, once a week, but, like, it really is just a masterpiece.
Drew
I was watching something. Oh, the new Pinocchio was reminding me of Mind Game, but that's because, like, spoiler alert. Anything with people living in a whale, I'm like, I just think of Mind.
C
Game, but Moby Dick says hello.
Drew
But, oh, the rest of my media, because Drew had jumped in is Gangsta Boo by Ice Spice and Lil tj, which is a leak. Also, RIP Gangstaboo legend, very sad. It Ing. And also In Her Mood by Ice Spice. Because, again, I've just been on a crazy Ice Spice tip. And, like, it's not a joke, but the movies, I saw Megan, which actually was surprisingly. Have you seen it?
C
I haven't seen it, but I heard it's like an instant cult classic. Like, I heard everybody's gonna, like. Like, it's going to be like a. A horror classic.
Drew
I saw it with a bunch of friends, and when we were going in, when it was starting, one of our friends said this, and I was like, that is so true. It literally is like, this generation's Chucky. Like, because, like, you know how, like, Chucky and Gremlins, because they were like, they had parts of it that would be really scary to kids. But most adults were like, there's obviously comedy in this. Like, it's like. It's, like, thought out. It's supposed to be kind of funny and, like, kind of campy. And that was, like, Megan in. It wasn't like, the best movie ever, but it was, like, fun to see with friends. And we were cracking the up, and the Pinocchio movie made me sob. Like, I literally was like, was it really good? Oh, one. It was so good. I also saw the exhibit, and it was, like, insane. I'll show y' all pictures because they have, like, the exhibit for it in. In the moma. And if you're in New York, you need to go to that. Because it's actually fucking insane how they.
C
Were able to do that.
Drew
Yeah. Because, like, it's just stop motion has also always held such a, like, huge place in my heart because there was a long time as a kid that I thought I was going to do stop motion.
C
Me too.
Drew
With our polymer clay era. But it was so good, dude. I literally, like, I. I started it with some friends at like 1:30am and it's like a two hour movie. And we were like, we're not gonna finish this. And we literally stayed up and like, watched it. And like, I. I would watch it again if. Yeah. Wanted to watch it because it literally.
D
Like, I really want to see.
Drew
Oh, my God. It is like. I think if I watched it again, I would sob again.
C
Like, I, like, I was like coco level.
Drew
I think, like, it made me cry more than Coco. Like, I was literally, like, I was like, like, like, like sobbing. Like, it was so good and it was just really good. It was like actually, like. So.
C
Yeah, I'll go check. So bad. I want to see the whale. Really bad.
Drew
Oh, we should go see the whale.
C
Yeah. Then the new Ari Aster movie. Movie. Have you seen the trailer for that guy? It's an out in April. It's with Joaquin Phoenix and it looks like a masterpiece. Really? You know, like, how, like, you saw the trailer or like, you know the feeling that you got when you left the theater at like, everything everywhere all at once. Like, it looks like it's gonna have the same vibe as that. Like, it's. It is a very creative movie. And it. Joshua's explaining it pretty well. He was saying that, like, oh, it kind of feels like he might be leaning into like, a little more wholesome vibe instead of like complete and total horror. But it could just be like a trailer to trick you. Yeah. And then I saw. Also saw Avatar 2, which was like, honestly, so cool. Like, I loved that movie and I would go see it again in a heartbeat. And I wanted to see it again the next day because I was like, dude, this is just like, epic. Like, I don't understand how, how we have gotten so far where we're able to do that. Like, it makes no sense.
Drew
Did I talk about that? About Avatar? I don't know, because I literally had the complete opposite vibe. But it makes sense that you liked it.
C
Yeah, I loved it. I loved like, all the, like, world building. Like, I just love world building. Like, that's why I like Dune so much because it's like thrusting you into a new universe and you have to, like, navigate this new world without, like, understanding the rules to it. And, like, it just. Just, like, fucking sick that they were able to do that. And then apparently the next one is gonna be, like, all out war, where you see the Avatar people be like, they're not called the Avatars. What is their race called?
D
Oh, the Na' Vi.
C
The Na' Vi.
D
The Na' Vi.
C
The Na' Vi people, I think.
Drew
But there's Na' Vi. And then in this one, they introduce a new group.
C
Yeah. I think we're gonna see them become villains, become really gnarly brutal killers. You know that one segment of the mom raging when, like, he had whoever and how. It was, like, literally terrifying. Apparently the next movie is going to be that the entire time.
D
Yeah, it's the Human Condition.
Drew
Have you seen it?
D
Yeah.
Drew
Did I literally, like. It's so funny that you're like, I love the world building. Because the whole time I was watching it, I was like, okay, world building. Like, okay, like, we get it. Like, I did. I just. I don't know. But you know what it is? I'm not, like, a huge science fiction person, and I've never been, like. I've really never cared for it. It's, like, really specific things, and usually it's because of, like, you have to.
C
Be a white man to really like science fiction.
Drew
It literally has to be like, oh, like, the reason I care for any of, like, the Alien versus Predator stuff is because as a kid, I really liked it.
C
And, like.
Drew
But even then, like, my family, like, loved Star wars and Lord of the Rings, and I literally cannot. I can't. Like, I. I just.
C
I can't do that.
Drew
I've never. I've just like Harry Potter, like, all that.
C
I'm like, all right, nerd, loser, bring it back.
D
I like Harry Potter.
Drew
Bring it back. Oh, of course.
C
Yeah, we know.
D
We can tell by my face.
C
Look like it just by your mannerism. Mannerism.
Drew
Mannerisms.
C
Mannerisms.
Drew
Man mannerisms.
C
How you just move your hands and stuff.
D
Dude, what the.
Drew
He did it. Wow.
C
Expecto Patronum.
Drew
All right.
C
Kai.
D
What?
Drew
We just went. That was probably the longest media.
D
Yeah, no, I'm not. That's Drew's culture. I'm not gonna cut that out. Were you eating a burrito or something? What was that?
C
Yeah, I was just.
D
YouTube, they were. He was eating a burrito. Do not demonetize us.
Drew
You have to blur that. All right, bye.
C
Bye.
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through June 24th. Score. Hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez It Crackers, Oscar Meyer Lunchables, and Just Bear Chicken Bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic events. Prevent long savings Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.
Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "Enya Met The Most Evil Man In The World"
Release Date: January 13, 2023
Host/Authors: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Introduction
In this episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips dive into a whirlwind of personal anecdotes, surreal dreams, and quirky discussions. From dealing with unexpected health issues to unraveling bizarre plane encounters, the duo offers listeners a blend of humor and candid conversations that reflect their unique comedic style.
1. Drew's Scabies Scare and Emotional Turmoil ([00:45] – [01:43])
The episode kicks off with Drew revealing an uncomfortable situation: he contracted scabies while flying back home. Despite feeling unwell, he urges listeners to overlook it, humorously assuring that "he's still the same him."
C's Distress: Enya (referred to as "C" in the transcript) shares her intense itching, leading to a raw discussion about self-harm.
C: "I was just like, self harming. I was like, stimming and self harming." ([01:12])
Drew's Concern: Drew responds with empathy, though he humorously contemplates the significance of his words.
Drew: "Hey, I care about you. If that means anything." ([01:30])
This segment sets a tone of vulnerability mixed with their characteristic humor, addressing serious topics in a lighthearted manner.
2. Drew's Terrifying Dream Featuring Celebrities and Azul ([01:43] – [06:20])
Drew shares a vivid and unsettling dream involving a celebrity party, blending surreal elements with personal fears.
Setting the Scene: The dream oscillates between their house and Kim Kardashian's, introducing confusion and a sense of being out of place.
Drew: "We're at this party and it's unclear if it's our house or if it's like, Kim Kardashian's house." ([02:07])
Azul's Distress: Drew's cat, Azul, becomes a focal point as she exhibits unusual behavior at the party, leading to escalating tension.
Drew: "She was laying on her couch, kind of scratching at it... I just staring at Azul." ([03:03])
Escalation and Anxiety: The dream intensifies as the Kardashian house morphs into a mall, and Drew's anxiety peaks when he fears harming Azul inadvertently.
Drew: "I started freaking out and having an anxiety attack that I was going to crush her and suffocate her." ([04:30])
Emotional Aftermath: The dream culminates with Drew waking up in distress, reflecting on the emotional weight of the experience.
Drew: "That was my dream with a side of a rant." ([06:20])
This narrative showcases Drew's ability to blend personal fears with comedic storytelling, creating a relatable yet entertaining segment.
3. Conspiracies, Anxiety, and Internal Monologue ([06:20] – [41:15])
The conversation takes a deep dive into various topics, blending conspiracy theories with discussions about mental health and cognitive processes.
Coachella Conspiracy Theories: Enya introduces wild theories about Coachella being a site for radioactive waste and mind control, sparking a humorous yet tense debate.
C: "Coachella Valley is covered in radioactive toxic waste because they did nuclear testing there." ([13:08])
Drew: "This isn't, like, a Qanon thing." ([15:03])
Internal Monologue and ADHD: The hosts explore the nature of internal dialogues, visualizations, and how ADHD affects their thought processes and reading abilities.
C: "Have you ever heard of the 2D, 3D?" ([48:30])
Drew: "I was like, oh, I can imagine things literally." ([38:34])
Dyslexia Discussions: Enya contemplates whether she might have dyslexia after discussing reading difficulties, leading to a self-deprecating yet insightful exchange.
C: "I'm gonna go get diagnosed with dyslexia." ([43:40])
This section highlights the hosts' willingness to tackle complex and sensitive subjects with a mix of humor and authenticity, fostering a relatable atmosphere for listeners.
4. Media Musings and Pop Culture References ([41:15] – [62:29])
Enya and Drew shift gears to discuss various media, including movies, music, and internet phenomena, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair.
Movie Discussions: They delve into films like Mind Game, Megan, and Avatar 2, sharing personal reactions and critiques.
C: "I watched Mind Game on the Airplane again on the way home. Really, really fantastic movie." ([54:28])
Drew: "It was really sick. I know I mention it, like once a week, but it really is just a masterpiece." ([55:58])
Music Taste and Critiques: Enya hilariously critiques Ice Spice's music, comparing it unfavorably to other artists.
C: "This is the worst song I think I've ever heard." ([33:18])
Humorous Anecdotes: The hosts share funny stories, such as reading people's texts on a plane and awkward interactions with flight attendants.
Drew: "I have two really good pictures of people's texts on a plane. One of them is this girl talking to her sugar daddy..." ([24:26])
This segment underscores the hosts' ability to blend pop culture commentary with personal stories, offering listeners a multifaceted and entertaining discussion.
5. Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts ([62:29] – End)
As the episode winds down, the hosts continue their casual banter, touching upon topics like Lunesta commercials and wrapping up with light-hearted interactions.
Closing Antics: The episode concludes with playful exchanges about media content and a humorous take on their relationship with listeners.
Drew: "What the fuck? Well, thank you guys so much for watching this episode." ([52:50])
Final Laughs: The hosts end on a comedic note, emphasizing the show's blend of serious discussions and levity.
C: "We have not updated the fart sounds." ([11:25])
Notable Quotes
On Self-Harm and Support:
C: "I was just like, self harming. I was like, stimming and self harming." ([01:12])
On Dreams and Anxiety:
Drew: "I started freaking out and having an anxiety attack that I was going to crush her and suffocate her." ([04:30])
On Conspiracy Theories:
C: "Coachella Valley is covered in radioactive toxic waste because they did nuclear testing there." ([13:08])
On Internal Monologue:
C: "Have you ever heard of the 2D, 3D?" ([48:30])
On Dyslexia:
C: "I'm gonna go get diagnosed with dyslexia." ([43:40])
On Media Critique:
C: "This is the worst song I think I've ever heard." ([33:18])
Conclusion
"Enya Met The Most Evil Man In The World" is a testament to Emergency Intercom's ability to navigate a myriad of topics with humor and honesty. From personal health scares and unsettling dreams to quirky conspiracy theories and media critiques, Enya and Drew create an engaging and entertaining narrative that keeps listeners hooked from start to finish. Their candid conversations offer a glimpse into their lives, making the podcast a relatable and enjoyable experience for a diverse audience.