Enya moved to Miami

Summary

Emergency Intercom – Episode: "Enya Moved to Miami" Release Date: May 2, 2025
Hosts: Enya Umanzor (Inya) & Drew Phillips

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1. Opening Banter and Whimsical Questions

The episode kicks off with Drew posing an absurd yet humorous question: "Would you rather do basalt or hay can of galaxy gas?" [01:29]. Drew immediately chooses "galaxy gas," humorously referencing his unpleasant dental experiences and distinguishing it from dubious "bath salts." This sets a lighthearted and comedic tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [01:29]: "Oh, immediately. Immediately. Galaxy gas. And only because dentists give you essentially galaxy gas."

2. Drew's Dental Woes

Drew shares a detailed and comedic account of his recent dental procedures. He laments not receiving laughing gas during his second visit, resulting in increased pain and complications with his temporary molar turning gray due to burst blood vessels. This segues into discussions about dental negligence and the frustrations of dealing with dental offices.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [03:57]: "I'm dedicated to your craft. I really love that. Like, you have a burning passion to speak, and I love that about you."

3. Minimalism vs. Personal Expression in Living Spaces

Inya presents her minimalist apartment, prompting Drew and Kai to humorously critique the lack of personal artwork and decor. The conversation evolves into a playful debate about "natural bath salts" versus research chemicals, highlighting their differing perspectives on minimalism and self-expression through home aesthetics.

Notable Quote:

• Inya [05:37]: "This is not where you live. This is from a date I had. It was a very intimate date that I had."

4. Social Interactions and Attention-Seeking Behavior

The hosts delve into discussions about social interactions, attention, and the dynamics of friendships. Drew expresses skepticism about fossil fuels, sparking a humorous exchange about environmental topics and conspiracy theories.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [05:30]: "Cause aren't they just, like, rotted dinosaur corpses and, like, little shells and, like, I'm not buying it."

5. Experiences at a Gay Bar

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Drew's recent experiences at a gay bar in Los Angeles. He recounts being approached by a couple seeking a "third" in their relationship, leading to a series of humorous and awkward interactions. Inya weighs in on the situation, highlighting the dynamics of being approached in social settings.

Notable Quotes:

• Drew [29:09]: "That's a lot. That's a lot."
• Inya [31:18]: "I was flattered, but I don't want to be a third in their relationship."

6. Reflections on Advertising and Social Media

The hosts reflect on the state of modern advertising and social media. Inya criticizes the manipulation in advertising, citing a viral clip of a car driving into a gas station as an example of misleading marketing tactics. Drew adds his perspective on the competitive nature of food brands on social media platforms.

Notable Quote:

• Inya [50:35]: "Do you remember that viral clip of a car driving into a gas station? That was. It was like a year ago, I'm pretty sure."

7. Nostalgia and School Memories

Kai brings up nostalgic memories from school days, discussing the tradition of getting shirts signed and the awkwardness associated with it. This leads to a heartfelt yet comedic exchange about personal growth and the pressures faced during adolescence.

Notable Quote:

• Kai [43:14]: "Did y'all do it, like, usually at the end of the year?"

8. Acting and Creative Pursuits

Towards the end of the episode, the hosts engage in a mock acting scene from "Little Women," showcasing their improvisational skills and camaraderie. This segment underscores their creative chemistry and adds a theatrical flair to the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Kai [53:40]: "Yes, Joe. Wait. Yes, you are."

9. Dark Humor and Sensitive Topics

The episode takes a darker turn when Inya and Kai make light-hearted yet sensitive jokes about suicide, highlighting the hosts' penchant for blending humor with serious topics. This segment is handled with a mix of jest and underlying tension, reflective of their unique comedic style.

Notable Quotes:

• Inya [47:33]: "Then I would go to the studio and kill myself."
• Kai [47:48]: "It's really jarring because I can't tell if Kai's back in the room."

10. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with the hosts discussing their favorite media, upcoming events, and playful banter about their personal lives. Drew and Inya mention their ongoing projects and upcoming shows, emphasizing their active presence in the entertainment scene.

Notable Quote:

• Drew [60:17]: "Yes, Joe. Wait. Yes, you are."

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Overall Summary: In this episode of Emergency Intercom titled "Enya Moved to Miami," Enya (Inya) and Drew Phillips navigate a mix of humorous anecdotes, personal struggles, and playful banter. From Drew's dental frustrations and experiences at a gay bar to discussions on minimalism, social media, and nostalgic school memories, the hosts deliver a blend of comedy and candid conversations. The episode also features creative segments like improvisational acting and touches on sensitive topics with their trademark humor. Throughout, the chemistry between Inya and Drew remains evident, making for an engaging and entertaining listen for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Disclaimer: This summary is based on the provided transcript and may not capture the full essence of the episode. For the most accurate experience, listening to the episode is recommended.

Transcript

[Drew]

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[Kai]

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[Drew]

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[Kai]

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[Inya]

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[Kai]

Like buy a six piece McNuggets and.

[Drew]

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[Kai]

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[Drew]

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[Kai]

Sound bath or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to 60% off hotels and up to 50% off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline. Go to your happy price. Priceline. Hey guys. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today I am bringing to the table a very important question. Would you rather do basalt or hay can of galaxy gas?

[Drew]

Oh, immediately. Immediately. Galaxy gas. And only because dentists give you essentially galaxy gas. They actually flavor the air sometimes with cherry, by the way. Wait, I don't know if. I don't know if it's because the numbing medication that they put in your mouth before they stick the needle in is cherry flavor and it makes the air taste cherry. Is there a squirrel in the tree behind me? I love nature. I literally love nature.

[Kai]

Hashtag random. Hashtag random, hashtag ad. Squirrel. Shiny.

[Drew]

Ew, shiny. No, I'm doing galaxy gas obviously, because what was. I don't even remember the other one.

[Kai]

Bath salts. But what if you could pick the bath salts? Like what if the bath salts were super, super, just like some random Malibu and it was like salts from the sea, like air dried and baked and it was like natural ass bath salts. You wouldn't like opt for that instead of galaxy gas.

[Drew]

I think there's no such thing as natural bath salts. I think the bath salts was just, it's called bath salts. So they could sell it in like convenience stores, but it was actually like some random ass research chemical from China that just like melted your brain. And made you eat people. There's, like, different types. So, like, the types that you put in your bath, those don't get you high. But, like, if you thought the whole.

[Kai]

Gag was that he ate bath salts from, like, Bed, Bath and Beyond or some shit, or was that just, like, a rumor?

[Drew]

That was just a rumor. So I'm doing Galaxy Gas. I'm getting. I'm getting loaded off Galaxy Gas, and I just went to the dentist, and guess what? I had my second procedure. They didn't give me fucking laughing gas. So I was sitting there writhing in pain, and it was. It hurt even more than the other side. And now this tooth is literally turning gray. My temporary molar is turning gray. And I looked it up, and it's because they burst some blood vessels. And so now there's blood vessels rotting. The pulp of my tooth. So I'm probably gonna have to get a root canal because of their neglect in my goddamn mouth. And it hurts so bad. And I called them yesterday, and I was like, hey. It's, like, really excruciating. Like, I can't do anything. And they were like, okay, come in tomorrow. And I was like, well, I can't come in tomorrow. And they were like, okay, the dentist will call you.

[Kai]

Wait, why couldn't you come in? Because of this.

[Drew]

Because we were recording. Yeah.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

So, no, I'm dedicated.

[Kai]

Yeah, you are. You're dedicated to your craft. I really love that. Like, you have a burning passion to speak, and I love that about you. Well, I guess now I have to go to Galaxy Gas. Also, play the clip of me telling Drew not to go to that dentist. Just to be clear, because I really don't have anything to say on the subject matter because, like, I told you.

[Drew]

I told you I kind of look weird.

[Kai]

No, I mean, from my end. You're completely blurry.

[Drew]

This is. I'm such a narcissist because look at my screen, how it happened later.

[Kai]

Is it just you looking at yourself? You know what's crazy is I. I had mine like that at the beginning, and then I changed it because I was like. I feel like there's somebody out there who's, like. You can tell, like, the. With the way somebody so and so is looking, that they're not looking at someone else. And, like, in my head, I would look prettier looking at you because I love you so much. So I'm having, like, a real love for you instead of looking at my face and really being scared and, like, thinking about my every move.

[Drew]

I live for you. I Love for you, Olivia. Okay, so, like, we know this, like, dumb as rocks. Whatever, but why is there so much fossil fuel? Like, I feel like we should have run out by now. No. Cause aren't they just, like, rotted dinosaur corpses and, like, little shells and, like, I'm not buying it. Like, there should not be fossil fuels on this planet anymore. Like, I think it's all a lie. Like, I truly don't know.

[Kai]

You got anything to say to that?

[Inya]

Oh, yeah. Just before I chime in, though, what do you guys think of my apartment?

[Kai]

That's not your apartment.

[Inya]

This is not where you live. This is from a date I had. It was a very. Yeah, it was a very intimate date that I had.

[Kai]

Why do you have no art up on your walls? It's really, like, dungeon Y in there, and it's, like, kind of.

[Inya]

It's called minimalism, and it's very sexy.

[Drew]

The exposed brick is the art, babe.

[Inya]

It's very she. Exactly.

[Kai]

The art of what used to be somebody who was passionate enough to build a building brick by brick, and now they make them out of cardboard.

[Inya]

I have art, and I'm going to be putting my bored ape Yacht club, all of them.

[Drew]

Are you gonna get digital? It's a tv. Lines, no, TV screen.

[Inya]

Tv, yeah. It's gonna be a big oled screen that's always on. There's gonna be a neon sign that says C'est la vie above it, and then there's gonna be a Bible quote at the bottom.

[Kai]

I genuinely think I forgot who I was saying this to, but I think I need to start hanging up words of affirmation around the house, because the who do that are genuinely happier, and I could do it in, like, my own way, but there is something to of affirmation. I'm never going to be the who's, like, writing on sticky notes and putting it on my mirror. Although I think that works for a lot of people. I would. I don't think I could ever write something sincere to myself and expect myself to see it another time and feel anything from it. Like, I would never. I'm just like. That's how little I take myself, like, in terms of seriousness. But we need to start making, like, lit words of affirmation art. But I just feel like that's kind of, like, a hard. Sincerity is scary. Like, to make one that's, like, actually good. I don't know how I would.

[Drew]

Scarity epidemic.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Inya]

I found a sticky note in Drew's room that just said, I am not ran through 400 times. I don't know if that.

[Drew]

Why are you going through my.

[Kai]

Also, that doesn't even make sense. Because, Drew, that would only, like, xna. Like, maybe like, a tenth of your body count. So saying I'm not ran through, that would only cover 400 of, like, who knows how many people?

[Drew]

And who's in the kitchen.

[Kai]

Because. Let me cook.

[Drew]

Let her cook. That was lit.

[Inya]

Wait, what was the question? It was about fossil fuels.

[Drew]

Yeah, fossil fuels. Like, I feel like we should have ran out if it's really fossil.

[Inya]

I. I also feel that way, but I'm also. I. I have thought about this, but then it's like dinosaurs existed for billions of years, 100 million years or something, right?

[Drew]

Yeah. Not just dinosaur bones. Right? Like, I feel like it's. They're talking about, like, the conchs and the shells, too. I don't fucking know. But I think it's all a farce. I think none of it's real. Like, I'm really. I'm not buying. Don't believe in fossil fuels, famously. I literally don't believe in them. I'm like, yeah, right.

[Kai]

Well, I know we have been worried about AI and its progression for a really long time, and there have been multiple signs to stop, and humans have continued to move forward with it. But I think the sign that is the scariest to me is that AI has gathered enough information that it knows how to make bad art. Like, it. Like, I've seen bad air, and there's always been bad air in terms of, like, Jesus, like, on a tractor, like, mowing through the sea. Like, what? Like, there's always been shit like that. But, like, I mean, bad, like, somebody somehow gave a, like, description so whack that the art is, like, somebody trying to be good at something. Does that make sense?

[Drew]

Like, yeah.

[Kai]

Should I turn off these lights? Yeah. Right. Because it's a bit unflattering on me. And you guys care about the way.

[Inya]

You honestly look good. You don't.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

It's not giving overhead lighting. You look good. I wanted to bring up one thing. I sent it to the group chat, and I want you guys to take a look at it.

[Drew]

Oh, the black mold. The J.K. rowling black mold.

[Inya]

So she's taken photos in the same room for the last four years, and there's, like, black mold progressing up her walls.

[Drew]

That's why she's batshit crazy. The black mold is getting to her goddamn brain, bro. I have to say that.

[Kai]

And at least, like, question it a little bit. I would be like. Like, I know. I Know, the shadows from the mold have created enough of, like, a silhouette now that she's been walking through her house and thought she saw something in the corner.

[Drew]

An aspiration? No, it's also giving. Like. Like, that is black mold. Like, that's like, you should see any type of mold growing in your house and immediately question it. Like, why is that just growing over 5.

[Kai]

Where does she live?

[Inya]

She lives at Hogwarts.

[Kai]

She has to live in the most humid environment ever. Or she's just back. Like, how is that much mold growing, like, also I don't know that I've ever seen. Maybe it's because the average person doesn't let it get there, but, damn, I've never seen that much mold grow in someone's, like, living space.

[Drew]

It's proof that her brain is rotted that she won't just, like, clean up the goddamn mold.

[Kai]

What's the first sign of, like, black mold?

[Drew]

Me.

[Kai]

I almost, like, followed my own answer up with that. But, like, no, you've been like that no matter where we lived. It's not really a mold thing for you.

[Drew]

Yeah, I haven't slept on that couch. I mean, the new couch is horrible. I fucking hate it. Have we talked about it on here?

[Kai]

No.

[Inya]

Oh, my God. You cough up blood.

[Kai]

Remember when Drew was convinced we had black mold?

[Inya]

Yeah, in the couch. But were there any actual legitimate symptoms of the black mold, or was it just true?

[Kai]

No, it was just Drew's pre diabetes showing, like, three years ago. Like, what? It was literally just, like, him eating and knocking out on the couch, and he was like, there's mold in this couch. Every time I lay on it, I knock out. But he eats on the couch. So he would eat and then turn over and, like, pass out.

[Inya]

Drew, did you ever cough up blood?

[Drew]

Oh, all the time.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Give me a blood. Blood.

[Kai]

Coughed up blood. The world would know. The world would know. Drew is not like.

[Drew]

No, it's. It's literally like I. I forget what it was. Oh. Like, when I eat a salad, the world knows. I tell everybody immediately, like, everyone knows. I eat a salad when I go to the gym. The world knows. When I eat my protein goal, the world knows. Like, there are. There are things in my life that I do that I'm so proud of myself that I just need to let the people know. So I've been thinking a lot about, like. I've been thinking about a lot of, like, the greatest gifts that, quote, unquote, God has given humanity. And, like, my iPhone, obviously, like, that's at the very top of the list. You can't argue that that is, like, the greatest thing of all time, period. But close second is eating in your bedroom.

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Drew]

I think. I think eating on the floor of your bedroom or of my bedroom brings me a peace and a tranquility that, like, I. I can't even, like, begin to verbalize the feeling I get, like, when I'm, like, when I bring my food in and I set it on the floor on my carpet, and I see it when I'm in bed, when I'm letting it get cold, and I see it over there, and I'm like, oh, my God. Once the clock hits 11:30, like, I'm feasting. Oh, my God, it's so good.

[Kai]

I will say I can't agree with you. Eating on your floor is, like, top 10. Not for me, but it's pretty top 10.

[Drew]

It's like connecting with my Neanderthalian roots. Like, it's like, the floor. Yeah. Because they would probably eat in the dirt under a tree or something.

[Kai]

I'm sure even Neanderthals were like, whoa, I don't want to get dirt on my raw animal. Or, like, my raw.

[Drew]

My nuts and berries.

[Kai]

My raw. Yeah. My raw diet.

[Drew]

Yeah. My vegan raw keto diet. Do you think. Did you ask. Were you the one asking what the first gay caveman was like?

[Inya]

Oh, yeah. That was, like, in a Patreon episode, I think, right?

[Drew]

Yeah, the first caveman.

[Kai]

Yeah, because. Oh, no, no. I think it was in a public episode because we. We were talking about how no matter what language you speak, like, gay accents come out. Like, you can just hear if someone's gay. And, like, you had to have been able to peep that with, like, cavemen. Like, they just had to have. I'm gonna start doing that to y'all when y'all look good.

[Drew]

Y'all remember that crocodile movie Shawn Mendes did? I saw a clip of the baby crocodile scene singing recently. Who said yes? Who green lit that? How much did that make in the box office?

[Kai]

I feel like it probably made, like, way more than you would expect.

[Drew]

Sean. Men.

[Kai]

Like, it probably did crazy movies. Loki. No, actually, movies are flopping crazy right now. Let me not say that. But the most. I feel like random kids movies do.

[Drew]

Well because, like, what else is there for them? Yeah.

[Kai]

Kids content in general, I feel like does well.

[Inya]

Oh, it made an $11 million.

[Kai]

How much?

[Inya]

$111 million, which I think is.

[Drew]

No, that's, like, really good. Also another one of the greatest gifts. God, has given to humanity is being able to see the reels your friends and family likes on Instagram. I don't think I, I figured by now people would like, know about that and understand that, like I can see the content they're interacting with. But I still have like five to 10, like, people that like, aren't in my life every single day or aren't in my life even every single year that like their likes pop up on there and it's them liking like the, the hairiest bear you've ever seen, like twerking or like a straight dude liking, like sexy women, like throwing ass or whatever. And I don't think they're aware and I hope they never find out that I can see what they're liking because it's literally the funniest thing ever.

[Inya]

Scrolling through that thing and you're really quick. Can you move your hair to the other side? Because it's, it's rubbing up against the microphone. Let's go. Okay. Thank you.

[Drew]

Well, no, he's a producer. Doing it because you're pretty.

[Inya]

Yes, I was also doing it because you're pretty, but. But also the mic.

[Kai]

So I haven't seen anyone, like, anything that felt too funny. My sister liked a funny TikTok recently.

[Drew]

I have to that two people in my life that send me every. I. I bet it's like 55% of the content that comes up on their Instagram feed they just send to me. Literally. I have never.

[Kai]

Well, that's what I think. My sister is my sister. I'm like, you must just. She sends me like 30 at a. I'm like, you must be swiping in every one. It's just like in her head, she's like, banger, banger, banger. But. Or she's just like bored.

[Drew]

What happened to curation? Like, you know.

[Kai]

Exactly. I want a curated send off. Like I send things to people that are very curated personally, but I'm just that kind of girl. I take my time. Like, I just care.

[Inya]

Yeah. Like when I send Drew videos of guys and their stomachs are all inflated and distended, I make sure to send the best ones that are in 4K and you can hear like some sort of sloshing.

[Kai]

Aren't joking.

[Drew]

No, we're literally not. And what's so funny is me and Kai were on the phone for, mind you, an hour and a half last night just like talking. It was really nice.

[Kai]

You don't call me. I'm literally, I'm all the way in Miami. You haven't Called. Not once. You.

[Drew]

You haven't called me.

[Kai]

Girls, the phone works both ways. No, no, if you wanted to, he would. If he wanted.

[Drew]

I'm gonna clock it real quick because I do call you and you're like, oh, actually like go. And it's like five minutes into our call. The last three times I've called you.

[Kai]

That's not true. We spoke, we spoke for like 20 minutes.

[Drew]

It was less than 12. It was less than 12. Cuz I was like, damn. I haven't spoken to Inya at all this week.

[Kai]

There's no way.

[Drew]

I think it was like 11 minutes and 38 clock.

[Kai]

15 minutes.

[Drew]

Yeah, see, less than 20.

[Kai]

Bro, you're obsessed with me. Get off my dick. Why do I have to call you and tell you what I'm up to and everything I'm doing? You're so obsessed with me. Get off of my back.

[Drew]

Do you want me to call you or do you not want me to call you? Because the phone work.

[Kai]

Just know when I want to call. That's like the main issue with calling is like, yeah, I want to talk to people on the phone, but just. Can you somehow manage to call me within the like 10 seconds? That, that's a fleeting thought of what I want, you know, Like I, I think realistically I need to get better.

[Drew]

At calling people because like you don't call anybody.

[Kai]

I'm just bad. I don't like call or like I'm not somebody to like start up a conversation.

[Drew]

That's very feminine of you.

[Kai]

It's also. I wasn't allowed to have friends and stuff as a kid or like talk to people on the phone. So I'm not really used to like that still that kind of freedom. I think part of my brain is still wired where like to also in my head to start a conversation or talk to somebody is extremely bothersome, regardless of the intention. And then also dealing with that right now. Yeah, I get like pre anxiety about like showing up in the conversation and making sure that like it is worthwhile and then I will just like over speak over text somehow.

[Drew]

Like I just, it's just anytime I'm on the phone with like anybody, like name a person that I'd be on the phone with.

[Kai]

Your mom?

[Drew]

Yeah, like actually touching myself.

[Inya]

I'm.

[Drew]

I'm playing with my wiener with Kai. Especially last night, all night. Last night on the phone with him, I was touching myself with Enya even though it was 10 minutes.

[Inya]

What do you mean you're touching yourself? What are you talking about?

[Kai]

Like just holding yourself in a loving manner.

[Drew]

No, like my wiener.

[Kai]

I can't lie. Like, I know I'm super comfy with somebody if I'm chilling in a room with them and I got my hands on my coochie. Like, I genuinely, like, I'm like, damn. This is true comfort. And it's not in a sexual way. It's just like, it's like me. It's me returning to myself. Like, I wish. I wish I was kidding too. Like, it's not in a sexual way. It's literally like, this is for warmth and comfort. And I'm returning to me like I'm returning back to my own womb in a way. Like, mommy is done mommying everyone for the day. Mommy must be comforted by her own mom. But my mom is dead, so you see my problem.

[Drew]

Boo.

[Inya]

Oh, can you move your hair again? Sorry.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. You just want to see my, like, skin.

[Inya]

That's not it.

[Drew]

We want to see your collarbones. What about it? Like, what about it? Kai wants to see your nude body. It's not weird.

[Inya]

I just. It's just an audio thing. That's purely what it is. It's not anything more than that.

[Drew]

Just call it as it is. Hey, guys, we wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's sponsors. Hellofresh. Y'all, it's spring. There's fresh air in the air. Sunshine. That's what spring is literally all about. HelloFresh makes it easier to fit quick home cooked meals into your schedule every week by curating delicious recipes like pasta primavera, chicken Dijon and pecan crusted trout, as well as over 100 seasonal snacks, sides and treats. Their new ready made meals offer chef crafted, flavorful dishes that are just ready in three minutes. So you can dig in and get outside, get work done or even just some me time. I've been complaining about how much I eat out recently and HelloFresh is crispy kicking cayenne chicken cutlets and buffalo cauliflower tacos have been so delicious and are made so easily. And it just lets me get on with my life and do whatever I want so I'm not in the kitchen all day. Feel great with meals that fit your spring schedule and make this season even more delicious. Go to hellofresh.comintercom10fm now to get 10 free meals with a free item for life. One per box with active subscription free meals applied as discount on first box. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. Hey, guys, wanted to take a quick break to thank one of today's Sponsors Shopify. You ever noticed that purple shop pay button and how easy it makes buying something online? Well, I bet you didn't know that purple button is a tall tale sign that the store is powered by Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10% of all e commerce brands in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started. Spread your brand's word with built in marketing and email tools to find and keep new customers. Guys, Shopify changed mine and Inya's an emergency Intercom's life. They power all of our shops and businesses and adventures and we literally probably wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for them. So if you want to see less carts go abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com intercom. Go to shopify.com intercom shopify.com intercom.

[Kai]

Oh, I remember what I was going to say.

[Inya]

Also, Drew, for audio, can you take your shirt off? Just because I think it's rubbing up against the mic.

[Drew]

Wait, I actually am almost to a point in my life where I'm like, I'm almost going to be shirtless. Like my body is so tea right now. And yeah, I'm going to send you the pictures I've been taking at the gym.

[Kai]

Almost going to be shirtless and yet.

[Inya]

Zoom in on the first one. Zoom in on.

[Drew]

I'm cropping it.

[Inya]

Oh, shit, that's pretty.

[Kai]

I want to. I want to get strong. This arm is like really sad.

[Drew]

Wait, Kai, which one was it? Was I kind of turned to the side? Yeah, it's that one.

[Inya]

Yeah. And then zoom in very close to.

[Drew]

Drew's face and you look at the pictures. Look at my body T. But zoom.

[Inya]

In on his face.

[Drew]

God, I hate the way I look in these fucking photos. My headphones died.

[Inya]

I also had to make some food.

[Drew]

So is that all you're eating?

[Inya]

Yeah, Big, what I'm having.

[Kai]

You actually have nothing else on the side?

[Drew]

Big and ginormous.

[Inya]

No, this is just. This is the main course right here.

[Drew]

You hear how heavy it was when it hit the mic? That's a lot.

[Inya]

I'm scared.

[Kai]

Oh, so you're gonna chew for the rest of the episode? That's cool, guys. Hey, anybody else want to hear Kai chew on boiled plain rice?

[Inya]

Actually, some people have emailed my business email and asked me for videos of exactly of asmr.

[Drew]

Hello.

[Kai]

Says your voice is peeking back up.

[Inya]

Really? Oh, Drew told me to turn my shit up.

[Drew]

Back to my dental work. I got that temporary tooth installed on the right side of my mouth, and they made it so sharp that it literally, for the first two days, was cutting my tongue. Like, my tooth was so sharp it was cutting the side of my tongue. So what I did is I was like, I'm not going back to that fucking dental office. What I did is I grabbed a nail file and filed my temporary tooth down. And it worked, I guess.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's not the craziest thing ever, but was it, like, a fresh file at least?

[Drew]

No, it was the ones I use on my fingernails. No, I eat my fingernail.

[Kai]

But that's. Like, you constantly wash your hands. Like, your hand. Like, you would never bite on your fingernails after, like, playing around, but I feel like you've definitely filed your nails on a whim where your hands are dirty, and it's just, like, collected dead skin and bacteria.

[Drew]

And, like, I eat my fingernails without washing my hands.

[Kai]

I mean, I guess I eat my fingernails, too, but my fingers look pretty good right now. I can't. I need a fill. But, like, no, I've been biting my nails the past, like, two, three days. I can't even lie, y'all. Oh, wait, but before I forget, the thing I was saying before you went was I thought my dad was trying to fucking kill me by making me wipe down all the wood and glass in the house every single Sunday. Like, to me, that was also, my dad, I genuinely think, has ocd. Like, if I get it from any parent, I think it's him, because he also likes things done in such a specific way. And he would go and look at the wood and be like, you didn't. You didn't wipe this down with the dry fiberglass towel after, so there's dust stuck to the oil. And I'd be like, okay. Like, bright. Literally felt like I was in boot camp. And now look, my room is always a mess.

[Drew]

Yeah, that instilled nothing in you because there are dishes still in the sink from when you left.

[Kai]

Yeah, I don't give a. My dad runs his crib like it's a bed and breakfast. I don't want to do that. Like, And I, I. I do think I'm somebody who I pick up after. After myself. And, like, maybe it'll happen more at the end of the day or, like, the next morning, but I'll go around and I'll. Like, I don't let. Especially in shared spaces. Anything get too, too crazy other than the laundry room.

[Drew]

I was about this. I was about to say the laundry room and the kitchen, the two shared spaces.

[Kai]

I clean the kitchen. I clean the kitchen, bro. You know I clean the kitchen. Don't play with me about cleaning the kitchen. I clean it.

[Drew]

No, you. You do. But I'm just so specific about how I want spaces to be cleaned.

[Inya]

Oh, my God, me too. I'm always like, I need my green couch to be spotless. I need my tan, the blood of the pillow. I need my wine glass. Oh, can't see it, but there it is.

[Kai]

Wait, but I thought you said that was from last night. So if you need your things a specific way, why would that need to be there? So is that just like the lie you always tell? You always have a wine glass there just in case anybody comes into your apartment so you can lie?

[Inya]

Yeah, no, I'm a sociopath. And then I have my minimal lamp and then all of my vinyl records over here and. Yeah, so I'm also, like, crazy.

[Drew]

I have a tent built in my room right now.

[Inya]

Really?

[Kai]

Like a camping tent?

[Drew]

Yeah, I slept in it. I napped in it yesterday.

[Kai]

Oh, that's kind of cute. I like that.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Why did you do that?

[Drew]

Hold on.

[Inya]

I feel like that's what, like, kids do when their parents are going through a divorce.

[Kai]

Oh, is your desk in there?

[Drew]

No, I put the tent there instead of having a desk. I went out till 4am the other night.

[Kai]

That is insane.

[Drew]

Isn't that crazy?

[Kai]

That's.

[Inya]

Is that the same night that I got asked to be a third?

[Drew]

I was literally about to bring that up next.

[Kai]

You got asked to be a third? For real?

[Drew]

For real, bro. We went to Akbar and. Which is the gay bar in la. The only gay bar in la. Haven't been in seven years. Because last time I went there, someone screamed in my face that I was a viner and it really was destabilizing. So I didn't literally like.

[Kai]

Or were you there that night? I think I might have gone before.

[Drew]

I have only been one other time. And I was like, you know what? Let's go again. Let's go get gay bar drinks. We went. And it was just as destabilizing. Some, like, within, like 30 seconds of walking in, like, a group of kids, like, looked at me and laughed at me and then came up to me and was like, I really like your shirt. And I was like, oh, thank you. And then turned around and then they snickered and laughed again. And I was like, oh, my God, gay people are so mean. They're so mean. But we were on the dance floor having fun, and when we left, it was me, Kai, one of his friends, and Mason. Mason vanished into the night. He was like, I'm gonna go outside and pee. And then literally never saw him again the second we walked in. But we were walking off the dance floor, and this couple in their, like, 50s, like, pulled Kai aside and asked him to be a third.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, were they hot? Were you flattered?

[Inya]

I was flattered. I was flattered, but I. I don't want to be a third in their relationship. But I was also like, this makes a lot of sense. I have a very stabilizing sexual, masculine vibe. Of course I'm going to be asked to be a third at this gay bar.

[Kai]

Of course a third in, like, a watcher sense.

[Drew]

But no, it was also by a man and a woman. It was. He would have been.

[Inya]

Oh, I was trying to get out of it. And then I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, I'm not interested. This is my boyfriend. And I pointed to Drew, and then immediately the other guy clocked it and was like, they're not gay. Or at least he's not pointing to me. And I was like, what the.

[Kai]

Also, like, for some reason that, like, became, like, what people do is their business. And I really don't judge if it gets you going. But, like.

[Drew]

Asking Kai to be your third. No, you have to be deranged as to ask your third. Like, you have to be really psycho weird, like a danger, a dangerous person.

[Inya]

I don't think so.

[Kai]

Put a pin in that, because if we genuinely go down that road, we could be here for hours.

[Inya]

I just don't understand why that just doesn't make sense to me. Oh, I almost forgot.

[Drew]

Office bottom.

[Kai]

Hey, your rice is getting cold.

[Drew]

The office bottom's out. Kai posted a picture and got called office bottom.

[Kai]

Oh. Oh. But I was saying it's endearing, the thought of two men approaching Kai with that. The thought of a man and woman approaching Kai with that. There's something very, like, eerie about it. Does that make sense?

[Drew]

Like, and the girl was the one that asked.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, that is great. Loki should be illegal to go ask a stranger about that. Like, I know. I know people are down, like, whatever, but, like. But I don't know if, like, it.

[Inya]

Was flattering to me. I was getting sweet.

[Drew]

It was. They were sweet. They were like.

[Kai]

I guess I would be flattered if, like, a very specific set of people ask me that.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, I think. I think the whole thing was like, sweet like that, that I was like, I, I support couples, like, diversifying their 25 year sex life. I, I think it's like, wholesome. I've had a whole spiel about it before, but I'm like, no. Like, that's like ultimate trust and ultimate whatever. Not for me currently, but maybe in 25 years, who knows?

[Kai]

Yeah, I'll be asking the benefits of it and I do think for a lot of people it works, but it's just too funny to me. Like, it's literally like, it's too funny to. I guess actually it's kind of. This is a crazy relation to make, but it kind of reminds me how as much as people make fun of JoJo Siwa, no one loves JoJo Siwa. Like, JoJo Siwa, like, that is the most confident person ever. She would never, never falter in an answer if asked if she, like how she feels about something she likes or whatever. Wait, is someone who's brave enough girl, she does as she pleases. And like, God, she's real as fuck.

[Drew]

No, that's what I'm saying. She does.

[Kai]

She fucking pleases, bro.

[Drew]

Like, also, speaking of the gay bar I got hit on down at the gay bars.

[Inya]

Yeah, Drew got fucking swarmed.

[Kai]

I'm not, like, joking. I don't care.

[Inya]

Well, I care. And it pisses me off because I didn't get any attention at that point.

[Drew]

You got asked to be a third.

[Kai]

If I was there, I feel like I would have got hit on, even though I'm a girl.

[Inya]

You probably would have because you're gorgeous.

[Drew]

It was, it was lit. I, like, I, I, for the first time, like last week, I'd, like, was desirable. I felt desired. It was awesome.

[Inya]

Dude, I swear to God, whenever we were in any. This is dead serious, by the way.

[Kai]

Feeding into it.

[Inya]

Let me just say this. Whenever we are in a social situation, people are.

[Kai]

Look at him. Look at how much it makes him smile. He's psychotic.

[Inya]

Gravitate towards you. Like, no one. I feel like when we would, like, be at a restaurant with Finn Wolfhard and people would walk past him to go up to you and talk to you because you have such inviting aura. That's true, that's true. I saw that happen.

[Kai]

Well, that's because of this amazing phenomenon that me and Drew. Drew are influencers. So anytime we're with any of our celebrity friends, we're like the easy target.

[Drew]

Like, and then they're like, no, no, no. It's. It's because I'm wholesome and I have good energy and I have a sweet kind face. Strangers ask me for things all the time because I give off. I exude this.

[Kai]

Strangers ask you to meet them in the bathroom and hook up because you're a. That's not strangers asking you for cop.

[Drew]

Like that's not strangers like in wolfhard. The strangest thing about this conversation is the hate I' for being cute.

[Kai]

Also, you are hella chilled back right now, bitch. You were laid the fuck up.

[Inya]

Like no. You're so relaxed.

[Drew]

I'm comfortable. I got my heated blanket.

[Kai]

Your heeba diba blanket.

[Drew]

My he baba doobie blanket. Hey guys, we're gonna take a quick break to thank another sponsor. Zackda y'all. It's springtime. The allergies are frying all of our brains. My eyes are. My nose is stuffy. You can literally hear it as I speak right now. It's over for all of us. Or is it? That's where ZocDoc comes in. ZocDoc has you covered whether you need a nearby allergist or a telehealth option for quick hair. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can compare and search high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book appointments. We're talking about booking in network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to urgent care and so many more. Also, appointments booked through Zocdoc happen quick, typically within 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same day appointments. I know I have a million times. We love zocdoc. So stop putting off those doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.comIntercom to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Z O C-O C.com Intercom Zocdoc.com Intercom Some things work better together like NARS Soft Matte Complete Concealer and Radiant Creamy Concealer. Soft Matte Complete Concealer erases and blurs imperfections with full coverage. Then Radiant Creamy Concealer evens and brightens.

[Kai]

With a luxurious texture and radiant finish.

[Drew]

Two concealers, one flawless look. Perfect for a no foundation base. NARS better together. Visit Ulta to shop now. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium.

[Kai]

Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.

[Drew]

It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today.

[Kai]

I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first three months only, then full price plan taxes and fees. Extra fee terms.

[Drew]

@Mint mobile.com Girl, how do you say her name? Cuz? I say Baba Doobie and everybody's like, that's not.

[Kai]

It's Babadooby.

[Drew]

That's literally what I'm saying. Be Babad Doobie. Wait, say it again.

[Kai]

Dude. Confusing me. Like, I don't know, I'm scared. Like B.

[Drew]

That's literally what I'm saying.

[Inya]

You're adding a syllable, dude.

[Kai]

This is like you calling him Luca Guadalajara. Who else do you like? Oh, new Kim K1 is Karma Kardashian.

[Drew]

We got Karly Jenner and Karma Kardashian.

[Kai]

Oh my God, guys, seriously, this is what life is about. Just laughing with your friends.

[Drew]

No, literally, I love laughing with my friends. Wait, should I go into, like, really, like, detail about how I got hit on dude, literally.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

You get so jealous. I'm telling. I'm telling them you. I'm telling them because one of them is actually crazy. I was walking off the dance floor after Kai and his friend left, and it was me and a buddy that I met up with, and we were walking off the dance floor and then we saw two people that we knew trying to go to the dance floor and they were like, like. Or was it fun in there? And we were like, yeah, it's fun, but it's like too many people. And then as we're talking, this like 55 year old, like, man, that's probably like five, six, grabs me, like literally grabs my side and pulls me in and just like kisses my face down. And then what? Just like walks away and winks at me? And then, you know, the people I was with was like, oh, this is why.

[Kai]

Oh, I can't have a gun.

[Drew]

No, it was crazy. The people I was with, they were like, oh, do you know him? And I was like, no. Do y'all? And they were like, no. And I was like, oh, that's like literally insane that that just happened. Like, it was like wet. I felt his, like, beard and like his wet lips on my face. Not gonna lie, I enjoyed it. So no shade there. But. Or don't do that to strangers. Question mark.

[Inya]

I had a question for you guys. From the numbers of. From 1 to 10, which ones are gay and which ones are straight?

[Drew]

Wait, numbers one through ten, which eight.

[Kai]

Is gay because of eight? Not because of like, oh, you ate, but just like, no.

[Drew]

Two holes. Those holes get filled.

[Inya]

She's too, like, what about one is that. I feel like that's one straight.

[Drew]

One is straight.

[Kai]

One is the loneliness kind of by.

[Drew]

Oh, we're adding by now.

[Inya]

I said straight or gay is by gay.

[Kai]

You tell me it's by. No, gay.

[Inya]

I guess you're right. I guess that's a good point, dude.

[Kai]

Bye. People do exist, because evil does exist. Remember, gluttony exists. So by people. We. I'm. I'm still here, here, here.

[Drew]

All the bi people in my life.

[Kai]

2 is gay.

[Drew]

3 is straight. That's a boring ass number.

[Kai]

4 is straight, I think.

[Drew]

Yeah. 4 straight.

[Kai]

5 is gay.

[Drew]

5 is gay. 6 is gay.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

6 is gay.

[Kai]

7 to me, is also gay. 9 and 10 straight for some reason.

[Drew]

And they're the worst type of straight people.

[Kai]

Like, oh, so annoying. Like, where's our month? Type, like, be.

[Drew]

No, literally, it's like Andrew Tate, straight.

[Kai]

Remember when that was, like, actually a genuine thing that was of concern is like, straight people month. Like, what?

[Drew]

Yeah, where is our month Fit in bed, bro.

[Kai]

You look like one of the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Like, you're mad comfy.

[Drew]

Masculinity is confusing, and I've been taking lion's mane, but I don't feel like a lion, Mr. Tate. What is that from masculinity? Oh, with a president who looks like she's covered in Cheeto dust. I'm a nasty woman.

[Kai]

Well, you know what's really bugging me right now? And I can't get an answer to this because, like, I don't have anybody in my life, like, all of my cousins and, like, my siblings are past this age of doing this. And also, I haven't heard of people doing this in a long time. But did y'all ever bring, like, do people still bring white T shirts, like, kids to school to get them signed? Is that still a thing? Did y'all ever do that?

[Drew]

Did that for Field Day.

[Kai]

Did y'all do it, like, usually at the end of the year? Because that was our whole thing is, like, at the end of the year. Did you ever get to do that? Yeah, I didn't. That was, like, during the recession, and I just. I. My heart goes out to all the middle schoolers right now who won't get to have a white T shirt to get destroyed, because I'll be damned if my dad sent me out of the house in a white tee and I came back with Sharpie scribbles all over it.

[Drew]

Also because, like, Mine was a vintage green Hollister shirt.

[Kai]

See, that would have been smart if I got, like, a used shirt. But the whole thing was like a fresh Hanes tea. It was very. There was levels. There was levels. You couldn't just. And like, if you were the kid getting your A paper, a piece of paper signed, it was like, embarrassing. Like, where's your shirt? Like, what? Like, yeah, your crush won't get to write on your back. That's mad embarrassing.

[Drew]

Like, it's all about the touch and the feel.

[Kai]

It is. It's physical connection. Did y'all cry at the end of school? Like, at the end of school, I cried.

[Inya]

I cried because I was, like, being carried around by all my teammates and they were like, you're the best quarterback that this small town has ever.

[Kai]

With your build. You're two. You're much too short to be a quarterback.

[Inya]

I'm literally six.

[Drew]

Actually. That is interesting. You were the first five, three. Quarterback.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Wait, were you actually.

[Inya]

No, I wasn't. I'm six.

[Kai]

Little guy. Dude, you know what's crazy? It's up because Kai's name is Kai and they would say, little Kai. Like, little guy. No, little Kai. Like, like, when somebody was acting like.

[Inya]

No, they were.

[Kai]

They'd be like, don't be a little Kai. Like, don't.

[Drew]

No, they would call him kai. Dick appointment, 30 o'clock.

[Kai]

Because you were always getting digged down at.

[Inya]

No, I would be dropping Dick off. Crazy. And in between winning games, Kai's the.

[Drew]

Postmates of Dick drop offs.

[Kai]

That's illegal.

[Drew]

Kypos meets Newman.

[Inya]

No, I'm six. I. I honestly, I know we joke a lot, but I. I'm like, six. What is it? Six, three. Whatever, it doesn't matter. But I'm six.

[Kai]

Three.

[Inya]

I don't want people to think that I'm super short.

[Drew]

No, he's six.

[Inya]

And I was on the. I was. Oh, and also Friday Night Lights was based off of my hometown. Whatever.

[Kai]

That.

[Inya]

That's like a football. It's a football movie.

[Kai]

Oh, I think I only know about that because I'm pretty sure Drew Gooden talked about watching that in a video. And I was like, what is that? That's mine.

[Drew]

Also, Kai.

[Inya]

What? Don't do that. That was weird. What you just said was weird. And it made me not feel safe. It didn't make me feel safe.

[Drew]

Should I read a journal entry from my diary?

[Inya]

No.

[Drew]

Hold on.

[Kai]

Trump polling poorly for how he's doing in his first hundred days of presidency. Reminds me of when that one guy Kim Kardashian's old friend posted a picture of himself and was like, should I go live? And everyone said, no. Like, that's the equivalent of it. It's like.

[Drew]

Wait, was that food?

[Kai]

Was seeing. Yeah, food. God. Every time I was seeing the news, it'd be a picture of him, and then they'd be like. Like, with his disapproval rates. It felt like I was seeing a screenshot of that live of, like, being.

[Drew]

Like, no, no, it's raining today. I love the rain.

[Kai]

That's not it. That was your groundwork, your world building. Okay, I love it. World building.

[Drew]

No, I have two whole pages, but I'm not reading them.

[Inya]

I'll read one of mine. That's it. I've had it. They called me short again. I can't do this anymore.

[Drew]

I'm bringing.

[Inya]

Every day I run home, I run.

[Kai]

Into my room bringing a gun to the next episode.

[Inya]

No, I'm not.

[Kai]

Kai, would you tell me not to come to the studio the next day, or would you let me bear witness?

[Inya]

I would tell both of you guys to not come to the studio.

[Kai]

And you would.

[Inya]

Then I would go to the studio and kill myself.

[Kai]

That would actually be really fucked up because we would have to clean it.

[Inya]

Well, what about the interpersonal aspects of how that's fucked up? Like seeing my dead body?

[Kai]

No, no, it would just. I mean, we'd probably get it done quick date.

[Inya]

No, you wouldn't. I'm fucking. I'm very heavy. Because of muscle. Because of muscle. I have a lot of muscle. Muscle is denser than fat. That. And that's absolutely right. And pulling me out of there would be very, very hard because I'm 6 4.

[Kai]

I genuinely feel like I could pick both of you up. Not at the same time.

[Inya]

You probably could. You're very strong.

[Drew]

Yeah, you. I mean, you probably could. Because I weigh 37 pounds.

[Kai]

That's actually really bad. Where's the.

[Drew]

The wind blew me away yesterday. Kai saw it. We'll insert the video.

[Inya]

There's no video. There's no video.

[Kai]

No, there is.

[Drew]

There is recording.

[Kai]

It's crazy that you're not saying that. No, there is a video, Drew.

[Inya]

No, there is not video of you getting blown away by the wind. That's impossible.

[Drew]

I was literally holding on to a tree and my legs were flat, flapping also.

[Kai]

It's literally tornado season.

[Inya]

Did a tornado. Yeah, Did a tornado come through la? Because that's the only way you're getting lifted up off the ground.

[Drew]

No, it's like a 5 mile per hour gust, and it Flapped me away like a napkin flapped.

[Inya]

Yeah, you and a bunch of other trash got swept away.

[Drew]

Take those oh, my God. Glasses off. And you, take that damn wig off your head.

[Kai]

No, I saw a Lyft ad, and it was a Coco Montrese clip. Wait.

[Drew]

Actually.

[Kai]

It'S like, it is from the Lyft account, and it's them just using this. This clip.

[Drew]

Is it just that?

[Kai]

Yeah, it's just that looping.

[Drew]

My car broke down for Lyft.

[Kai]

Hello? Her car broke down. She needs a lift.

[Drew]

That is a buyer. That social media manager that makes me.

[Inya]

Feel so dark for some reason.

[Drew]

No, that.

[Kai]

No, the darkest part about it is I'm like, this was targeted to me in a crazy way. I was on a random page. I was on a random. Like. Like, I wish I saved how I got here, but I was looking through a random account, and then I kept getting this ad, and at first, I thought the person whose account I was looking at, I was like, why did they post Coco Montrese and Alyssa Edwards?

[Inya]

You know, what was the turning point for me when I realized that we should start to get concerned about the state of advertising was. Do you remember that viral clip of a car driving into a gas station? That was. It was like, a year ago, I'm pretty sure.

[Drew]

Did it explode?

[Inya]

It didn't explode, but it's from the POV of someone in the gas station, and on the ground are a bunch of these energy drinks, and, like, throughout the whole store is energy drinks.

[Kai]

Oh, I know what you're talking about.

[Inya]

It was. It was like a piece of guerrilla viral marketing, but it just. It totally just read as. As a. Just, you know, a car driving into a gas station, Some sort of catastrophic event. And I was like, this is bad. This is really bad that we're at this point where we're driving cars into real gas stations and tricking people into thinking that. That calamities are happening is the need. Yeah. In order to sell Celsius or whatever.

[Drew]

My. My. The moment for me was when all of the food accounts started interacting with each other and bullying each other on, like, the Internet.

[Kai]

I was like, dude, no one was on Twitter replying to random tweets that had nothing to do with Burger King. That's when I knew it was a wrap. Like when Burger King and Wendy's were trying to get the top tweets. Yeah, because you're not making me.

[Drew]

Did y'all hear me?

[Kai]

I'm not going to lie. I.

[Drew]

Wait, can y'all hear me? Hello? Hello? Hello?

[Kai]

Yes, I can. Oh, I'm ignoring you. I would up a baked potato from Wendy's though.

[Inya]

They baked potatoes. That sounds good.

[Kai]

It's kind of the only thing I eat there now.

[Inya]

Yeah, whenever I see Uber comments on a tick tock, I get really angry.

[Drew]

I'm also like, just send them free.

[Kai]

I know. Send a gift card. Enough with the comments.

[Drew]

I know. I like that people are like kind of wisening up and they're like, girl, you send me something. Like, I've seen that like 10 times.

[Kai]

Girl, you.

[Drew]

No, it's literally giving like, girl.

[Kai]

Oh. But then I kind of feel bad for the intern who has to like.

[Drew]

Go through and reply, you know, who ruined it all.

[Kai]

Oh. Huh.

[Drew]

No, actually I. I would. I was gonna say Duolingo ruined it all, like with this marketing style, but I lowkey like the girl. The Duolingo ads, like the Duolingo social team.

[Kai]

Yeah, they eat. And also to me, I'm like duolingo, like learning in a language. That's good, that's good. That's like you useful information. Although, like, I. I've never completed any kind of language application. I've never. Any app that's for something like that has never been opened more than once on my phone.

[Drew]

But I also just like, I weren't learned Swahili for two weeks through Duolingo.

[Kai]

Yeah, you did. Well, the Duolingo app isn't sick on my phone anymore.

[Drew]

Nini. We Drew.

[Kai]

Your name is Drew to end this episode. I thought me and Drew have been going to acting classes for the past, what, four years? Drew?

[Drew]

No, five. We're coming up on five.

[Kai]

It has been five years. Oh my God. Okay, well, big bite. But we just wanted to to put it out there while Drew Kai chews on his right. If any casting directors are watching this here is me and Drew acting out the scene in Little Women just to show you guys what we've been working on. Okay, wait. Oh, sorry. Losing the script.

[Drew]

No, Teddy, please don't.

[Kai]

It's no use, Joe. We've got to have it out.

[Drew]

No. No, we don't.

[Kai]

I've loved you ever since I've known you, Joe. I couldn't help it. And you've been so good to me. I would have tried to. I've tried to show it, but you wouldn't let me. Now I'm going to make you hear and give me an answer because I can't go on like this any longer.

[Drew]

I wanted to save you from this. I thought you'd understand.

[Kai]

I've worked hard to please you and I gave up the billiards and everything you didn't like and I waited and never complained For I hold you love me Though I'm not half good enough.

[Drew]

Yes, Joe. Wait. Yes, you are. Wait. Yes, you are. No, I'm done with this. I'm like, that was so good.

[Kai]

Was that good, though?

[Inya]

That was so good.

[Kai]

Okay, whose performance was better?

[Inya]

Enya's was obviously better because she knew the lines and didn't stop halfway through. Also, your emotion was crazy.

[Kai]

Yeah, thanks.

[Inya]

Also, it's from Little Women, and you are a little woman. And Drew is a big ugly man. So it was hard for me to really get into it.

[Drew]

Big, big.

[Kai]

So you're saying I look like Timothee Chalamet? Don't let Kylie Jenner around me. Hey. Okay, we need to come. Drew, si up corner.

[Drew]

Drew sigh up corner. Drew si up corner. Juicy up corner. Oh, my God, no furniture. Be like, get the fuck out of my house, girl. Fuck you and your dance studio.

[Kai]

Oh, damn.

[Drew]

This one is literally about Kai. I'm not even kidding. You're crying over a dude with one outfit. You knew he was never gonna change.

[Kai]

Look at him in his fake house, bro.

[Drew]

Wait, he has an image.

[Kai]

How did he disappear? Yeah, how did he disappear into the couch? He's in the couch.

[Drew]

Inya has STDs and has the nerve to squirt. Girl, that is pepper spray.

[Kai]

It's really jarring because I can't tell if Kai's back in the room. It feels like a presence is amongst us.

[Drew]

Wait, how did he come from the side?

[Inya]

Hello.

[Kai]

How'd you come from the side when you disappeared into the couch? Oh. Okay, guys, ad break. Go. See. Now you see me two. That was just a sneak peek of what you'll get into during that fun movie. Kai is on set right now for the new movie. He's really excited.

[Drew]

Thank you for sponsoring this episode of Emergency Intercom.

[Inya]

And I love magic. I just love magic.

[Drew]

Elon Musk. Sounds like the name of a lesbian deodorant. Elon Musk. Elon Musk. You and your family will burn in hell.

[Kai]

Unleash your inner feminine. Elon Musk.

[Drew]

Oh, combine your masculine and feminine with Elon Musk.

[Kai]

No one's the boy in this relationship. Elon Musk. Okay, okay, I'm gonna do media. Oh. Oh, my God. Wait. Actually, this comes out on Friday. If any listeners are from or live in Miami, our friends at Stray Rats are doing a 15 year anniversary at Lower east coast in Miami. And happy nine, nine and Heaven and a bunch of brands are going to be there, and it's really cool. And I just wanted to shout that out because it's very rare that Miami has spaces with like, a collection of things from brand that are all kind of like homegrown and. Yeah.

[Inya]

And can I do a shout out?

[Kai]

Oh, my God, bro. What? Shout out. Boiled rice, bitch. Why is sitting like that? Just do go.

[Inya]

I am doing a show in Austin on May 2nd. It's gonna be a movie, but it's already sold out, basically, so you probably can't get a ticket to that.

[Kai]

So why are you selling?

[Inya]

However, however, in New York, there will be a sequel to the movie in New York at Webster Hall. If you want to get tickets, I'll put them in my bio. They're not in there right now, but I'm gonna put them in there now. And then by the time the episode is out, it'll be in my bio. You can buy tickets to The Webster Hall 1 if you're in New York. It's gonna be a sequel to the movie.

[Drew]

I'm not going to that.

[Kai]

Sequel to La La Crocodile.

[Inya]

No, it's gonna be a sequel to.

[Kai]

Which made millions.

[Inya]

No, it's gonna be a sequel to La La Land. La La Land. Because there's music and moonlight, people dancing. Well, I don't know if it'll be moonlight.

[Kai]

I need to make it clear for anybody because I don't know what the state of, like, anyone's mind is, but Kai does not make millions of dollars at his DJ set. I mean, I feel like I needed to, like.

[Inya]

No, no. Yeah. I make millions of dollars.

[Kai]

I mean, look at that damn fucking house. This is the. My media of the week is Horsing around by Prefab Sprout. Hello. Like, before Bill Withers and Rich off Cocaine by Rick Ross.

[Drew]

My media is hacks. I watched the first season of Hacks, and I cannot believe that show's been out coming out for four seasons, and I've literally never once heard a single thing about it. But it's won a bunch of. It's, like, critically acclaimed, apparently. And then I watched it and I was like, oh, this is actually kind of good. And the second season sucks dick and balls, but apparently the third season's actually good again, so we'll see. We'll see if it picks back up. But the first season was awesome.

[Inya]

And my media is stateside by Pink Panthers. Shout out Harrison for producing that where's your love now by this is Lorelei and Easter Pink by Fake Mink I snuck it.

[Kai]

It felt like you were trying to, like, rush that.

[Drew]

And the Milamista Bad. And. And the Milamista.

[Inya]

Yep. All right, well, that was my media. Oh, and Abracadabra by Lady Gaga. I saw her live recently, and it was incredible, so.

[Kai]

So you and everyone else.

[Inya]

Kai, not everyone else.

[Kai]

Oh. I actually saw her live about, like, two, three years ago now. Okay. It's okay. Because she did, like, a lot of her classics, so it was a very different vibe, and it was very intimate. Although it was a stadium.

[Inya]

She did her classics, and then did you see her do a performance that came in three acts?

[Kai]

Oh, actually, did you say. Did you say Lady Google was performing live at Coachella Weekend eight? Because I'm gonna go.

[Drew]

What did you just say?

[Kai]

Okay. All right, well, bye, guys. I'm gonna kill myself.

[Inya]

Okay.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Inya]

I'm also gonna kill myself, guys.

[Drew]

So.

[Kai]

Yeah.