enya was almost kidnapped

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "Enya Was Almost Kidnapped" – Detailed Summary

Release Date: July 28, 2023
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedic exploration of various life scenarios with Enya and Drew. While there’s no actual emergency, the hosts present their stories with intense humor and sharp wit.

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1. Welcome Back After a Hiatus [01:14 – 02:30]

The episode kicks off with Enya and Drew rejoining their listeners after a brief break. Their banter immediately sets a humorous tone, highlighting the playful tension between them.

• Enya: "It's been a minute, y' all."
• Drew: "I know it's been a while since we've sat in these chairs a minute." [01:27]

They discuss the accumulation of episodes during their absence, joking about the changes in Enya’s appearance as a metaphor for their backlog.

2. Light-Hearted Banter and Comedic Challenges [02:30 – 04:00]

Enya introduces a quirky challenge involving eating a Nintendo Switch cartridge, leading to a series of playful exchanges.

• Enya: "I have a Switch cartridge, and Inya hasn't done the Eat the Nintendo Switch cartridge challenge." [03:00]
• Drew: "Why do you do it?" [03:27]

Their discussion touches on the absurdity of such challenges, blending humor with a touch of surrealism.

3. The Main Event: Enya's Almost Kidnapping Story [04:00 – 18:00]

The heart of the episode revolves around Drew recounting a harrowing yet comedic tale of almost being kidnapped while on a beach trip with Orion.

• Drew: "So me and Orion were on our world tour, Europe extravaganza, and we would go to the beach." [04:29]

Drew describes how they stumbled upon a secluded area, leading to an encounter with a suspicious man. The story unfolds with dramatic tension and bursts of laughter as they navigate the situation.

• Enya: "That shit out." [14:25]
• Drew: "He was literally David Hasselhoff... chasing you." [17:10]

The narrative captures the essence of their comedic chemistry, turning a potentially frightening experience into an entertaining saga.

4. Social Media and the Dead Internet Theory [07:28 – 09:00]

Amidst the main story, Enya and Drew delve into a discussion about the Dead Internet Theory, humorously speculating that interactions online might be dominated by AI and bots rather than real humans.

• Enya: "Dead Internet Theory is real. Like, we're just all interacting with really advanced bots at this point." [07:28]
• Drew: "Oh, my God, she has 90 million monthly listeners. Oh, maybe I need to tap into that." [07:34]

Their skepticism about online authenticity is laced with sarcasm, reflecting their signature comedic style.

5. Enya's Personal Story: Questioning Her Paternity [22:04 – 24:50]

Enya shifts the conversation to a more personal and heartfelt topic, sharing her uncertainty about her biological father. She and her sibling Madeline conducted DNA tests, revealing discrepancies that have left them questioning familial bonds.

• Enya: "So I'm about to find out that my father is not my father, but he knew the whole time and raised me anyways." [23:24]
• Drew: "That's definitely going to cause a ripple effect and you'll never look at him the same." [23:26]

Their candidness adds depth to the episode, juxtaposing humor with genuine emotional revelations.

6. Relationship Turn-Offs and Personal Preferences [25:09 – 39:04]

The hosts engage in a lively discussion about various relationship turn-offs, ranging from lifestyle choices to personal habits.

• Drew: "If you can't drive, you need to get a life. Like, that is actually disgusting." [25:52]
• Enya: "My turn off is if you're my age, you have to be at least twice my age." [29:21]

They explore topics such as gaming habits, driving speeds, and pet peeves, all while maintaining a humorous and light-hearted tone.

7. Media, Music, and Movie Discussions [51:00 – 55:07]

Enya and Drew transition into conversations about their favorite media, including music preferences and movie experiences.

• Enya: "My song is Teddy Wilson Blue Holiday." [51:20]
• Drew: "I love your girl by the Dream." [52:31]

They share insights into their eclectic music tastes and recount humorous anecdotes related to movies like "Bones" and "Oppenheimer."

8. Drew Psyop Corner: Medication Mishaps [55:07 – 57:29]

In a segment titled "Drew Psyop Corner," Drew humorously discusses the mishaps that occur when medications are left around, leading to unintended and comedic consequences.

• Enya: "Welcome to Drew Psyop Corner. Don't leave your pills around me because I'm gonna be googling them to see what you got going on." [55:08]
• Drew: "When I'm at my parents' house, they always have some new medication." [55:30]

Their playful take on medication safety combines education with entertainment, staying true to the podcast’s comedic essence.

9. Final Thoughts and Closing Banter [57:29 – 59:00]

The episode wraps up with a series of rapid-fire jokes and humorous exchanges, touching on topics like the Tick Tock shop scams and playful insults.

• Enya: "You're all lying and you're being scammed. And the Tick Tock shop is insane." [58:12]
• Drew: "Vitamin C. I finally caved into the Tick Tock shop. You bastard." [58:19]

Their closing remarks maintain the high-energy and comedic spirit, leaving listeners amused and engaged.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Enya: "This is a craft. This is a career." [02:01]
• Drew: "Dead Internet Theory is real." [07:28]
• Enya: "So kids don't eat it in bitter. They coat it so when the kids put it in their mouth, they spit it out." [03:47]
• Drew: "Now you want to play the challenge?" [03:54]
• Enya: "They literally think I'm the killer. And that is like my ultimate dream." [09:40]
• Drew: "If you can't drive, you need to get a life." [25:52]
• Enya: "My turn off is if you're my age, you have to be at least twice my age." [29:21]
• Drew: "I have a high rating on wiki feet, bro." [28:22]
• Enya: "Funerals are barbaric." [43:19]
• Drew: "I've been looking at y' all the whole time." [46:16]

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Conclusion

"Enya Was Almost Kidnapped" encapsulates the unique blend of humor, personal storytelling, and candid conversations that Emergency Intercom is known for. Enya and Drew navigate through amusing anecdotes, deep personal revelations, and playful debates, offering listeners an engaging and entertaining experience. Whether recounting near-abductions or discussing relationship dynamics, the hosts maintain a balance of levity and sincerity, making this episode a standout in their comedic journey.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Hello. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom.

[Inya]

It's been a minute, y' all.

[Drew]

I know it's been a while since we've sat in these chairs a minute.

[Inya]

It's been like a month and a half. Almost two months since we've recorded all the.

[Drew]

Oh my God. It literally has been.

[Inya]

Yeah. All the episodes y' all have been seeing have been stockpiled, loaded up. Hence why my hair was long in the last episode but the one before that, my hair was short.

[Drew]

Well, yeah. How does it feel to be back in this chair? Like you've been gone for so long. Are you different?

[Inya]

It feels awful to be in the share.

[Drew]

Oh, wow.

[Inya]

Okay.

[Drew]

I thought you, like, maybe would express like joy and love for your craft or something.

[Inya]

Absolutely not. Never that.

[Drew]

Calling this a craft was a really brave statement I just made, like, that was really crazy of me.

[Inya]

This is a craft. This is a career. How about you? Are you. Are you excited to be back?

[Drew]

Absolutely not. I'm dreadful. No, actually, I'm so excited to talk because I've realized I talk so much and that's like not a shocker to anyone on the planet. But I've just been so much more talkative. Like, literally any thought I have, I'm like, who can I text this to? Because I just have.

[Inya]

And it hasn't been me because this, I'm not kidding, ignored me the entire month we were gone. And I'm glad. I get.

[Drew]

Because I wanted to get our. I wanted to get our. Our tension going. It was like there was. I was building Longing and yearning with you.

[Inya]

No, no, no. You just ignored me.

[Drew]

But you can't deny that when I got back, I went into your room to say hello and we had nasty, dirty, hot sex because we hadn't spoken for so long, so.

[Inya]

But I would like to speak.

[Drew]

It wasn't complaints when I was finger blasting you.

[Inya]

Okay, well, let's get into the episode, shall we? Because I have a Switch cartridge, and Inya hasn't done the Eat the Nintendo Switch cartridge challenge.

[Drew]

That's, like, not a thing. I don't know why you keep saying it.

[Inya]

Just try it.

[Drew]

Were people actually eating this? Cuz why do I feel like that actually happened? Like, a few kids ate this.

[Inya]

Just try it. Lick it.

[Drew]

I'm not licking your cartridge.

[Inya]

Please, please, please, please.

[Drew]

No, you lick it.

[Inya]

I'll lick it. It tastes good. Like.

[Drew]

Why do you do it?

[Inya]

Like, I didn't hide it.

[Drew]

Okay, I. Well, I don't want, like. Whoa. I already said I already did. Well, I don't want, like, on, like, video, like, there. Bro, that tastes like acetone and butt.

[Inya]

That's what I'm saying. It's like the Nintendo Switch.

[Drew]

Do they, like, coat it in that?

[Inya]

So kids don't eat it in bitter. They coat it so when the kids put it in their mouth, they spit it out.

[Drew]

Give it to me.

[Inya]

Oh, now. Now you want to play the challenge? Now you want to do the challenge.

[Drew]

I want to lick the metal part.

[Inya]

I doubt the metal tastes bad.

[Drew]

No, the metal tastes. Oh, no, it tastes really bad, actually. Oh, my God. That's actually crazy. Yeah. I feel like I saw when switches were, like, first coming out that kids were, like, eating the cartridge.

[Inya]

It's definitely because kids were eating DS cartridges for sure. And I wasn't one of those kids like that.

[Drew]

Yeah, you definitely don't have, like, fragments of cooking mama sitting in your stomach.

[Inya]

Nintendogs isn't sitting in my colon right now. My Nintendogs died inside of my body.

[Drew]

Should I tell you the story I've been holding out?

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay. So me and Orion were on our world tour, Europe extravaganza, and we would go to the beach.

[Inya]

Why would a man be there?

[Drew]

Why would a man be there? Oh, I hate how loud. 1. I hate how loud your voice can get. 2. I hate myself because, like, no one knows the pain of hearing yourself. Like, while you're trying to. While I'm trying to disassociate and fall down a rabbit hole of nothingness on Tick Tock. To hear my own voice is the most like. But it's not the first time because I'm really famous.

[Inya]

I was gonna say, like it's. It's really hard for me too to hear my voice and be scrolling on my feed and see myself pop up.

[Drew]

Like, I'm like, oh, not again. Me. As if I didn't fully like an edit of myself like three days ago.

[Inya]

Oh no. I literally go through the emergency intercom. I search up emergency intercom on TikTok and like every single video on there just so it boosts the algorithm.

[Drew]

It's so annoying.

[Inya]

Like the girls need to see this.

[Drew]

You use the bathroom and like leave it playing like on loop.

[Inya]

So it's exactly.

[Drew]

No, literally, we actually have a bunch of iPhones in the house. Like you know in Target when they have the iPhones on the little thing, we have like eight of them in the living room. And then we just like do the accessibility like auto scroll thing and we have it going through every like few minutes.

[Inya]

You know, the emergency or the Pokemon Go player bikes that have like the big wall of like.

[Drew]

No, I don't needed to know that.

[Inya]

I'm gonna show you. It's the craziest thing you'll ever see. It's like basically they do it. Pokemon Go bike phones, they do it.

[Drew]

Actually just disgusted me.

[Inya]

It's. It's a crazy. It is the most dystopian you'll ever see in your life. Hold on. But they do it so they can like walk a bunch and hatch a bunch of eggs at once.

[Drew]

Oh, it's sweet that it's an old man though.

[Inya]

Exactly like it's so.

[Drew]

It's like it underscore crazy.

[Inya]

There's like a bunch of people that do it.

[Drew]

Dude, he's actually fire.

[Inya]

What he should do is start a streaming business where he boosts the streams on these flop ass bitches accounts. That's the one thing that I don't believe. I believe in the dead Internet theory that there's no way I love Selena Gomez. Like she's the girl. Like, but there's no way her music is streamed. That much I do not hear anywhere the weekend. Like yeah, maybe. But I still think they're like buying streams from stream farms to boost their streams. So when I see it I'm like, oh my God, she has 90 million monthly listeners. Oh, maybe I need to tap into that. Same with like the Kardashians, everyone. Like how the fudge does Jimmy Kimmel have like 80 billion followers on Instagram?

[Drew]

There's nobody followers like that.

[Inya]

But he only gets like a thousand likes and 10,000 views on his videos on IG. Like, dead Internet Theory is real. Like, we're just all interacting with really advanced bots at this point. And, like, we're probably not talking to anyone. We're talking to AI. Like, robots like that are borderline sentient.

[Drew]

You were actually schizophrenic.

[Inya]

No, look up to the Dead Internet Theory. I swear to God, it's a real thing. Like, it's.

[Drew]

That's just. That was your Drew Psyop Corner.

[Inya]

Oh, no, I have. I got a whole bunch of shit to do in it. Look at this. Look at all these.

[Drew]

Are those all, like, Psyop Corner or. Oh, that's just like, your.

[Inya]

This.

[Drew]

Your notes.

[Inya]

This on to there is Psyop. So I got, like, four episodes worth written down, and I did it all on the airplane. And I look like a. Like a real psycho. Like a real psycho. Well, what's the story?

[Drew]

So we would go to the beach every day and just lay out and rot in the sun, because that's all we wanted to do.

[Inya]

Did y' all play with each other's pussies at all?

[Drew]

Yeah, lots of tripping happened, for sure. And, like, me and Orion went to Europe, and we were like this. But we came back like this.

[Inya]

Oh. And it was actually a problem when.

[Drew]

We were getting on the plane. We were like this. And they had to, like, how do you pull us apart?

[Inya]

You buy four chairs.

[Drew]

Yeah, we bought a whole row so we could just, like, lay, and then we would buckle, like, over our hips and then our heads.

[Inya]

Like our birthing hips.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Wow, you have really fertile hips. Like, you have really nice birthing hips. I'm gonna start saying that to people.

[Drew]

You shouldn't.

[Inya]

You had a nice, like, just womanly body.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Your hourglass figure is shining through that skims dress right now. You look gorgeous. That's what you should comment on somebody's IG post.

[Inya]

Take her swimming on the first date. Because not only do they have makeup now, but they got skim suits. Skims by. You know, the.

[Drew]

But what? Like, if you could have a skims bathing suit. Is that what you mean?

[Inya]

Or you mean, like, take that off?

[Drew]

Oh, because you're saying, like, it's fake. Yeah, okay.

[Inya]

I'm just telling the truth. Like, I'm. I'm. I spit. I spill. Also. Sorry. Keep going.

[Drew]

No, wait.

[Inya]

What were you. I was going to say, like, the video of being like, dude, it's crazy to see this video of this kid that. And he grew up to be a cult leader.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Inya]

And like, all the comments are like, who the fuck is this? And why is he a cult leader? There's been a lot of videos going viral of me recently, of me, like, being like a homeless person in the back of Madeline and Steven's videos. And, like, it just reaches the side of the Internet that people have no idea.

[Drew]

And people actually think you're like, a serial killer.

[Inya]

They literally think I'm the killer. And that is like my ultimate dream.

[Drew]

And then when they actually find the bodies in Central park, it's going to be like, dude, it wasn't a joke.

[Inya]

That shit out.

[Drew]

Okay? So we would go to this beach all the time. And in Europe, it's like, not, like, naughty to take your top off at the beach, folks.

[Inya]

Bro, why didn't I get to go, man? I didn't see all the boobs on the beach. But that's why I didn't go see Barbie, because there was no tits in the movie.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If they showed some puss, I would.

[Inya]

Have been, yeah, yeah, like, hello, Barbie. Like Mattel, like, step up your fucking puss.

[Drew]

Oh, you want to talk about, like, showing, like, people for who they really are. And it's supposed to be the sentimental, like, human experience of a Barbie movie. But where is the pussy?

[Inya]

We've said the p word like 18 times.

[Drew]

It's probably the most we ever said it in an episode. But actually, this. This story does have to do with my coochie. But I. I was not about to say my P word, but. So we went to this beach every day that we were there, and we went to it every day last year. And while we were walking down this hill, we realized this shit was a glitch. I'm not kidding. It was a glitch in the system because we never saw.

[Inya]

Now I'm listening.

[Drew]

I know we never saw this, like, open way of the railing because it's like a long road down a mountain that you have to walk down. It's like a 15, 20 minute walk. And we never saw this opening in the railing. But as we're walking this time, we notice it and we look over and Orion's like, we should go down there to see what there is. Because we always look over the edge and we're like, damn, there's a bunch of boats out there. And.

[Inya]

And y' all are entering the old beach.

[Drew]

No, literally. And we always talk about how we wish we could rent a boat to go, like, out on the water or be in a really secluded area. The beach isn't that busy. It's a pretty secluded beach anyways. But that area is so secluded because there's, like, two houses that have beach space. Whatever. We go down there one day, and we're like, this is awesome. We need to come back here tomorrow because we were high as fuck, and we wanted to eat really bad, and we didn't want to have to do a trek back and forth. That's pointless. Next day, we go down there, and we're all alone. So I'm just like, okay, I'm gonna just get butt naked. Like, no one is here. We're fully, like, covered by rocks, and I'm just like, oh, okay. So we're, like, laying there topless, and then I just was like, I have not been naked.

[Inya]

Butter Bronson up.

[Drew]

Butter Bronson up.

[Inya]

Like, which is facing that sky. Is it your butt or your Bronson?

[Drew]

Oh, it's my Bronson.

[Inya]

Okay. Okay.

[Drew]

It's my Bronson. My.

[Inya]

So you're laying on your.

[Drew]

My extremely pale Bronson is shining in the sun right now. And whatever. It's, like, not great. I didn't take off my whole bathing suit, but it was a tie one, so I just, like, opened it up, and then I was like, oh, if somebody. If I see somebody in the corner of my eye coming, I'll just, like, tie it back up. Whatever. I am not somebody who's like, oh, my God, someone's gonna see me naked. I literally don't care. Also, that is actually a big issue that I need to take care of, because I'll tell the other part of the story, but this is a big issue I have, and I do it when I feel like I'm supposed to be in danger. I'm really stubborn. So if somebody is giving me a dangerous vibe, I won't immediately walk away from the situation because I am so stubborn. You think you're going to fudgeing? Scare me, bitch. Try and stop me. I don't give a fuck. Like, I'm going to stand here. I don't care. And that's basically what I did in this situation. We're laying there, and this man starts coming down the steps. And I didn't notice him until he got close, and he just, like, obviously, I had been getting, like, we got pervy stairs, like, the whole week because we're just two girls with our TikTok.

[Inya]

I was, like, walking around just looking.

[Drew]

I know. And Drew kept coming by in different disguises, and we were like, you literally don't have to do that. You could just Look. And he was like, oh, I'm just like, I'm not Drew exactly. But he. The way it was is we were laying on these rocks and then there was a rock right in front of us. And he literally. He. This man comes up and stands there and is, like, looking out at the water, but then like. Like looking down. And I was just like, oh, my God. So I, like, slowly start getting dressed because I was doing the thing where I was like, oh, you think you're gonna scare me? Like, you think I give a fuck if you see me naked? Like, I don't give a fuck. And then. But that didn't work out for me because he took it as like, okay. So then he just starts glaring down at me. And then I was like, okay. So I start slowly putting all my stuff back on. I don't think anything of it. And then I literally said to Orion also, how old was he? He had to have been like, 43 or something.

[Inya]

Pervert.

[Drew]

So, yeah, if it was.

[Inya]

If it was like a 70 year.

[Drew]

Old, I'd be like, that is my thing. That is literally my thing. Because also at the restaurant on this beach, there's an old man who has to be like 68, who works there. And without. Without a doubt, every time we ate there, he would be taking my order. Me. When I'm like, I'm not going to be allowed this episode.

[Inya]

No, no. I just noticed that mine's really loud too.

[Drew]

But without a doubt, every single time we ordered at that restaurant, we would be coming from the beach. So I would just have a bikini top on and then like, pants or something.

[Inya]

Give him a show.

[Drew]

Yeah, he literally would like, like, he'd.

[Inya]

Look, he'd be waiting.

[Drew]

And he. He, like, literally my boobs. Like, he would be taking my order.

[Inya]

And be like, I don't know if you can see, but our eyes are going up and down.

[Drew]

He. And he's a little shorter than me somehow. So he would literally be like. Like, his head was like. Like being dragged down by my boobs.

[Inya]

Right? It's a short guy, Summer. Note the it is short guys are winning this year.

[Drew]

I'm like, no, the. It's not. I've never had sex with someone taller than me. But that's besides the point, actually. One, no.

[Inya]

Literally every single person, I feel like they're all short.

[Drew]

They all have, like, short vibes.

[Inya]

Really?

[Drew]

They all got that short vibe.

[Inya]

But we'll finish this story in another episode. So, no, I saw a video where someone was like, this is me. When they say they'll show a picture, like, and they never put it up on the screen. And then really bad other one where it's like, we'll talk about in another episode. And we literally never do.

[Drew]

Well, we will insert the paparazzi one here. Just in the middle of this story, we'll insert the paparazzi.

[Inya]

Here's the paparazzi video. That's the paparazzi video we've been talking about for months. And we just never. We forgot to put it in there. But people in the comments were like, I didn't want that video so bad. So there it is.

[Drew]

And we'll finish the story in the next episode.

[Inya]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

But okay, so whatever. I slowly get dressed, and then I'm like, me and Orion were already planning on moving because for some reason there was hella flies in that area anyway. And we kept like, yeah, it's because my stinky Cooter Bronson was out. So we were like, let's just go to the actual beach. Because also this man is here now. So we get up and we start going up the steps, and he disappears down into the rocks. And there's a bunch of boats docked in the area, which I only assume there's this boat that goes around and you can get taken to your boat. Like, whatever. So this man disappears down the rocks. And as we're going up, I like, look around because I'm like, okay, he didn't exist. We just made that up. But I see him swimming towards a boat.

[Inya]

Oh, hell.

[Drew]

And he's like, me and Orion stopped to Sarah because we were like, wait, what the fuck is happening? Is that his boat? And then I was making the joke to where I was like, damn, I'll let him see me naked some more if I go get on that boat. Like, if I get to get on the boat, I'll let him look at me naked all day.

[Inya]

That was literally David Hasselhoff. And he was swimming like David Hasselhoff and Spongebob, like, fast as fuck, chasing you.

[Drew]

So he gets on his boat, and when he's on his boat, he sees us staring at him and he looks at me. I never interact with perverts. And I, like, me and Orion had just been joking that we. I would let him see me naked if I got on the boat. And so I like, look at him. And I, like, waved. I don't know why. So I waved at him. And me and Orion just start laughing and we go up.

[Inya]

I can. So listen to this crazy.

[Drew]

We're walking down this road and we hear like an engine revving up. So we think a car is coming and we kind of step to the side and we look out into the water. And then we start hearing really loud. Like, Europeans play this kind of English music that it's what they think Americans listen to. It's like weird electronic edm, ish AI voice where it's like, we're gonna party tonight. Like. Like, you're like, like random ass.

[Inya]

You thought y' all would get real.

[Drew]

I heard that kind of music and an engine revving. And I look over a modern day.

[Inya]

Siren fully, like, luring with the EDM to kill you.

[Drew]

He is fully following us down to the beach. And first of all, I didn't even.

[Inya]

Know, are y' all walking or are you on a boat?

[Drew]

We're walking. I didn't even know you could cruise control a boat like this. Like, I didn't know he could go at our pace. So I look over and we start cracking him. I'm like, oh, my fucking God, he's following us. I should have fucking ways. Oh, my God. And I'm freaking out. And we're walking down and there's like two houses. And I was like, orion, Orion. When we get to that fucking thing, hide, hide. Like, we need to hide from you. And he's following us. We hide and we stay there for like two minutes. And we are cracking up. We, like, pull out our towels and like, cover our faces and our bodies because we're like, maybe he'll just like, think we, like, went into this house. And then we keep walking. And he literally. I don't know how he knew when we were walking. So he starts speeding up again. He kept falling us in. Or I was like, yeah, you were talking all that you see naked. And now he's gonna stab and kill us. And then me and I were like, okay, wait, wait. Maybe there's a chance he's nice, though. Like, maybe there's a chance he's like just a. Like a looky person.

[Inya]

Too much games.

[Drew]

We were like. We were like, maybe he's nice. Because also, this was like the day after we hung out in Lisbon, and for the first time ever, we met Lesbian. A straight. Yeah, we. Well, come on.

[Inya]

Like, there's a whole city called Lesbian.

[Drew]

Yes. And I said, we got close. Where do you think we got close?

[Inya]

Is that. That's Greta Thunberg. Huh?

[Drew]

That's where she's from. Lesbian.

[Inya]

Yeah. Okay.

[Drew]

Wait, are you saying she's a lesbian or she's from lesbian?

[Inya]

No, no, there's like that picture of her saying lesbian or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm coming to lesbian.

[Drew]

But whatever. The night before, we had hung out in Lisbon, and we met for the first time ever. The least, like, not the first time ever, but the least threatening straight man on the planet. And it was such an enjoyable.

[Inya]

Right here.

[Drew]

Oh, you're what?

[Inya]

I'm right here.

[Drew]

What does that mean, though?

[Inya]

Least threatening straight man on the planet. Like, I like bon bons and Bronson's and. But, like, I'm not gonna.

[Drew]

Oh, Bon bons are boobs.

[Inya]

Yeah, I like Bon Bons and Bronsons and Buds, but, like, I'm not gonna, like, be scary. Touch them and.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Without.

[Drew]

Have you ever touched them in general?

[Inya]

Yeah, Sand. Like, sandbags and Triple B. I'll wrap.

[Drew]

This story up because it's going on too long anyway. So we're like. For some reason, we're also just kind of hungover and, like, being stupid. We're like, maybe, like, he's like, chill. Maybe it's not even that big of a deal because we want to get on a boat that bad, I guess. And then we keep walking. And so we walk down and there's a dock and then this restaurant. He stops at the dock. And I was like, oh, Ryan, speed the fuck up, because he's gonna get out and talk to us. And Orion was like, wait, I kind of. We need to interact with him if he comes to talk to us. And I was like, okay, true. But he doesn't come to talk to us, so we keep walking. Bitch. Tell me why he picked up two other men and kept following us down to the beach. Henry and or I were like, oh, my God, we're literally fucking. Like, there's too many of them. Like, we're gonna get killed. We're gonna get kidnapped. Freaking out all for us to get to the beach. And then there's a point where the boats can't go because it's people swimming in the water. And he turns around, and then I was like, come back.

[Inya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I was like, my munch. Come back. Like, you were willing to, like, get out and, like, swim over to talk to me. Like, oh, my fucking God. Like, you're literally not a real man.

[Inya]

You're playing games.

[Drew]

And that was the whole story of me interacting with a pervert and then actually being fearful for, like, 20 minutes because I genuinely thought I was going to get me and my friend killed because I waved, and that's it. But it's good to know that all it takes is somebody seeing me butt Naked nasty for, like, three seconds for them to literally swim to their boat and start chasing me. Which, actually, now that I've said that whole sentence, I don't know if that's a good thing to know. I think that's, like, sadly kind of common.

[Inya]

Well, I don't remember what I was going to say to you that I told Josh and Josiah when you left to go to that dinner.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

What was it?

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Inya]

Well, I went to Missouri. That was lit. It was a good vibe. I got to hang out with my family at the Ride Horses again. And, yeah, it was cool. What the happened? What was it? Oh, I know what it is. Okay, so you know how, like, it's a running joke that, like, I don't think I'm related to my parents. Like, something fishy is going on. Like, either my mom, like, had a baby with another man and my dad was okay with it, or my dad isn't my real dad, or my mom, we got switched in the hospital. Like, whatever the case is. Like, I look like my mom. Like, I saw a picture of me and I look like my mom. So I'm my mom's kid. But the more I look, I don't look anything like my father, which is very curious. And then so we got DNA test kits and. Tell me why my mom and dad were, like, she shaking in their boots when we got these DNA test kids. Like, they were, like, curious. They were, like, flashing their eyes and all this, like, weird. And, like, my mom brought it up at the dinner table like, four hours later, and we didn't even, like, freaking bring it up. Like, we forgot about it. And there's some such going on. Like, so, y' all, I'm about to find out that my father is not my father, but he knew the whole time and raised me anyways. I mean, at the end of the day, like, he's my dad. Like, he raised me. Like, that's my father.

[Drew]

But it's definitely going to cause a ripple effect and you'll never look at him. Him the same.

[Inya]

Exact. Exactly. Exactly. But no, I told me and Madeline made a pack. Like, if we find out he's not my dad, we're not going to say anything. We're just going to be like, yeah, you're our dad. Like, but we're going to know.

[Drew]

So you're going to lie.

[Inya]

Yeah, exactly. Wow. But the craziest part is. So my dead brother Sam, he did 23 and me. Yeah, he died. And yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, bro.

[Inya]

He died like, three years ago. Sorry.

[Drew]

For your loss.

[Inya]

He died three years ago, bro. But, no, he did a 23 and Me test, and Madeline did a 23andMe test. And if you're related, like, your DNA code, if it's similar, it comes back and it's like, oh, by the way, y' all are like brother and sister, or y' all are related. Theirs didn't show up as related to one another. Which is very curious because that's how it all starts on all those weird documentaries about, like, all the people, like, being like, oh, wait, I have, like, 380.

[Drew]

I almost was like, do you think because he's, like, not here anymore, they just, like, they'll connect it? But that's not how that works. It's literally ancestry. Like, it's supposed to be, like, everybody.

[Inya]

Exactly. So it's very curious. So I'm like. And same as my dad's child. So I don't know. Mom, I know you're listening to this and you're writhing and you're pissed and you're scared as boots, but you're scared.

[Drew]

Because your secret's about to come out.

[Inya]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

About to find out the real you.

[Inya]

Exactly. But, like, this is the tea, and I'm going to update the girls as it goes.

[Drew]

You did something that reminded me of, like, an ick just now or. It was last night. Oh, wait, last night, something happened. I was like, oh, watching somebody play on Oculus would be such an ick. And I would never, never be able to like someone the same.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Literally, I would, like, not be able to date somebody if I saw them play with an Oculus. Like, it's too much. And then, like, even the thought of the way I look playing innocuous. I'm like, it's all I think about when I.

[Inya]

Did you get a video of me playing?

[Drew]

No, but Tavia did, so we shouldn't.

[Inya]

We should ask.

[Drew]

We should insert it if we remember.

[Inya]

Yeah. Because that. Yeah. I mean, it's fun as. But also it's weird. Like, it's just weird. But do you have any other turn offs?

[Drew]

Yeah. So if you can't drive, you need to get a life. Like, that is actually disgusting. Like, if you can't drive and if you drive slow. If you can't drive and you drive really slow and cautious. That actually pisses. Pisses me off. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, why are you actually doing 35 miles an hour in a 35?

[Inya]

Not you being ableist. Ageist.

[Drew]

No, I not 21. No, I know. 21. 21. Any trip or fall. Any trip or fall. Like, even, like. But especially, like, a trip where, like, the trip doesn't actually happen and you're like, oh. Oh, my God. Like that. Yeah, that is too much.

[Inya]

I know exactly what you mean.

[Drew]

Almost losing your balance and be like, oh, my God, I almost fell. Yeah, I almost fell. Really? You shouldn't say that. Don't do.

[Inya]

You should have just fallen because I would have felt bad.

[Drew]

Cramped feet, so you get a little bit of a limp. That's disgusting. Like, if you're like. If you're like, oh, my feet are cramping. Like, I can't, like.

[Inya]

Do you know that feet are cramping regularly?

[Drew]

I know.

[Inya]

People with my fucking foot when I. Actually. That brings me.

[Drew]

I've never had a cramped foot, too, so I'm like, one you're making it up to, dude.

[Inya]

You know?

[Drew]

Why are you, like, barely able to stand right now?

[Inya]

When I was, like, nine, there was a doorknob right next to my bed, and I used to, like, put my butt on the doorknob and just, like, use it as a butt plug and just, like, hang out up there. No, I used to wrap my foot.

[Drew]

Why did you even say that?

[Inya]

I don't know. Because I used to wrap my foot around the doorknob and cramp my foot on purpose. Because I love the way foot cramp feel. I. And I still, every once in a while, will, like, arch my foot like that. Like a ballerina. I bet if you do it like that. I'm very hydrated, and I've been drinking a lot of electrolyte, so it doesn't happen as often. But when I was, like, younger and didn't drink water and only drank coke and did coke when I was, like, 13.

[Drew]

Yeah. I mean, you started when you were 10, so it's hard to, like, stop doing.

[Inya]

Yeah, this is a fake nose. It melted through my. What is it? Septum.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Yeah, it was really rough, but yeah.

[Drew]

Have you ever had your toe sucked?

[Inya]

No. Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Okay. Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, yeah, Yeah. I was gonna say, because it seems like you're forgetting that I said. Yeah, it's, like, all the time. So I was, like, offended, and then I was like, what? You don't want the people to know that, like, I put your toes in my mouth.

[Inya]

Oh, dude. Also, like, oh, no, no, that's too much. My mom. Mom, if you're listening, like, literally turn this off now. But when they. When it was, like, one time in, my big toe was being sucked and, like, oh, God, this is so Embarrassing. No, I can't even tell. I can't even talk about it. I can't even talk.

[Drew]

I've had my toes in mouth, in mouths like plenty of times. People love my feet. What can I say? I have a high rating on wiki feet, bro.

[Inya]

I got a 1.89.

[Drew]

I don't even have like a good photo of my feet out. That's the crazy thing is if I put a good photo of my feet on the Internet, it would be a wrap. It would be really bad for a lot of people. It would break homes, it would destroy people. Like, it would literally make the people who with feet, like, actually viscerally upset that they can't suck my toes.

[Inya]

I got a 2.39 now.

[Drew]

Well, that's because you begged, you know, begged for people to go and give you good reviews.

[Inya]

But what people didn't know about me is I have a size 20.5 foot in u. S. And I'm from Estonia. But okay, mine are. If anyone is like my age, like, that's weird. Like, you should be three times my.

[Drew]

Age, like a four and a half. And like I said, that's without a good picture of my feet. Like, no one's seen like a good picture of my feet. See, but you said anyone our age.

[Inya]

My turn off is if you're my age, you have to be at least twice my age. And then like, if you have like long hair, like big birthing hips, like piercings, and you wear makeup and like those things that are on people's chests sometimes. Like. And if you have a vagina. Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, so you just like, want to like. Wait, wait, wait, we're talking about turn offs.

[Inya]

Yeah, that's a big turn off of my.

[Drew]

But I thought you were straight, so like, boobs should be like a thing for you.

[Inya]

And then if you like, take care of yourself.

[Drew]

Oh, that's gross. I'm just confused because it sounds like I thought for a second you were talking about like, like turn ons, like things you want from.

[Inya]

No, no, no.

[Drew]

You don't want any of that.

[Inya]

It's just those things on the chest that get in the way and they're scary.

[Drew]

I just think men are really gross. That's kind of it. That's like, kind of it.

[Inya]

Well. Oh, my new thing, guys. I have a new thing.

[Drew]

The idea of a man propping up his phone to dance in front of it.

[Inya]

Actually, just like I saw you, I saw you.

[Drew]

I just imagine. Imagine that like when girls are like playing music from their phone and they're together, like, dancing in a room. I'm like, do you mean that one?

[Inya]

No, the little Uzi.

[Drew]

I can't really do that one. I thought you meant.

[Inya]

No. That is really cringy. My new thing recently, I've never liked.

[Drew]

A thirst trap from a man. Okay, keep going.

[Inya]

Neither have I. The.

[Drew]

The, like, couldn't be me.

[Inya]

My new thing is me having blood clots. I'm convinced I'm gonna have, like, a pulmonary embolism.

[Drew]

For somebody who goes to the doctor a lot, it seems like you don't go to the doctor. And now I'm starting to get convinced that you use that one app to meet all your friends and, like, go hang out with friends instead of go to the doctor.

[Inya]

Yeah. So.

[Drew]

And I don't mean Grinder.

[Inya]

Grinder is like ZOC doc. So, like, when you say it's like zoc do, but for.

[Drew]

I don't think we have a Zoc doc ad. So we're going to stop saying it, even though I. I genuinely do use it. But. Okay. Mark.

[Inya]

Yeah, it's like Grinder, but. Or Grinder is like zoc do with pastors and doctors.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Inya]

So when I use it.

[Drew]

I didn't know you were religious like that, though.

[Inya]

Yeah, I've, like, been. I've been dabbling recently, but my new thing is blood clots. And. What are you gonna say?

[Drew]

It was completely different. I was gonna say weddings are freaking me out again, because why is your dad passing you down the aisle like, a blunt? Like, you're literally getting passed, like, a blunt to another man. Like, it's really weird. It's really weird, too, because, like, I was watching a video. I was like, the connotations of this are odd because it's like, your dad needs to hand you off to another man, which insinuates that your dad owned you and, like, had you as his and then is giving you to another man, which makes me so uncomfortable because it's like, wait, are you your dad? I need to know. But that's it.

[Inya]

Oh, my God. No, it's just, like, a cute thing.

[Drew]

I don't think it's cute. I think it's really weird. I'm different. I'm gonna have my mom pass me down the aisle.

[Inya]

Let people be girl.

[Drew]

Because I. I'm having sex with my mom. And your mom, actually, I'm gonna have your mom.

[Inya]

How is that gonna. How the hell is that?

[Drew]

Well, we're gonna put it on, like, you know, the. The robot waiters at, like, restaurants. We're gonna put the urn on there, and I'm gonna hold the.

[Inya]

The teacher's cart. When they roll the TV in, when.

[Drew]

They roll it out the projector. It's like my mom on there, someone.

[Inya]

Said when the teachers used to roll the carts in, they used to be, like, hungover. And that's why, like, they would bring the carts in.

[Drew]

That makes sense. I would have never taught those kids.

[Inya]

Because all of our teachers.

[Drew]

I'd be hungover all the time because I have a really severe alcohol. Alcohol and weed addiction right now.

[Inya]

We keep going, but my new thing is blood clots. I'm convinced that I have blood clots in my body all the time. And it's all gonna. It's gonna be clipped a million, billion times when, like, it comes out that you. I do die of a blood clot. And I got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine as a joke.

[Drew]

Know if you have a blood clot before it's bad.

[Inya]

I don't know. I don't know. I think like a. It gets bad and then it gets worse. So when it gets bad, that's when.

[Drew]

You know, you know?

[Inya]

Yeah. So like this, dude.

[Drew]

When you know, you know, if you know better.

[Inya]

But there's. Yeah, that's just something. It's a song that wasn't the song, obviously. Yeah, it's my own song.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. Yeah. So. And you just thought to, like, outshine me and, like, throw in your own.

[Inya]

And let's survey the audience. Who ate better? Me or Inya?

[Drew]

Who ate better?

[Inya]

Guys, I've been, like, really addicted to Pokemon Go in like a up way, like a two hours every single day type shit. And I'm gonna do a raid in the middle of.

[Drew]

Okay, while you do a raid, I'm gonna say this thought I had. So I think there's, like, this idea that when women get older, there. There's more leeway for them to be mean. And as a younger woman, there's this idea that you should be gentle, nice and patient and super forthcoming and submissive, especially around men, obviously. And you shouldn't be loud and whatever. Whatever. But, yeah, it is always.

[Inya]

Except, yeah, all that is.

[Drew]

No, like, you. You agree with her. You.

[Inya]

Yeah, like, be silent and shit. Women should be.

[Drew]

Or, I don't know, can you go back to playing fucking Pokemon Go? Yeah, yeah, exactly. But there's this idea that when ladies get old, like the mean, old, old lady, like, archetype, it's like, oh, like, she's, like, mean and annoying and, like, really naggy and blah, blah. And like, as women get Older, there's almost more leeway and acceptance and almost. Almost an assumption that with age, you will get obnoxious and annoying. And this only was something I was thinking about because of the fucking age filter and all the jokes about, like, oh, when I'm older and I just start yelling at people because I can. Which I'm sure, like, most people, like, I. Everybody thinks, like, as you get older, you get to do that. But my hot take, which isn't that hard of a take, is I think it's more acceptable for women, as they age out, to be annoying. Like, I'm saying that with quotes. If you're not watching annoying or angry or whatever, because you are less sexualized and less objectified the older you get. So there's no need for you to be as submissive or as, like, tranquil and blah, blah, blah, and, like, as nice and all those things because you are less desired by the public. So nobody's gonna get on your ass for being like all those things.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And as a younger woman, you're expected to be all those things because you need to upkeep a sexual appeal and a desire to yourself. And that's just something I thought about, and it's not necessarily funny.

[Inya]

I can see.

[Drew]

Yeah. And now we're gonna sit here while Drew. We'll. We'll just time lapse this.

[Inya]

Sorry. This is, like, really important, actually, to me.

[Drew]

Okay. Like, I didn't ask if it's important to you. That means it means nothing to me. How about that?

[Inya]

I'm used to this behavior. I left my phone at home yesterday, y' all, all day long. And I, like, survived. And it was lit.

[Drew]

I could survive, too. It's easy, dude.

[Inya]

It's not a competition.

[Drew]

I'm just saying, like, if you think you could survive, you would literally feel like you're watching Survivor, watching me survive. I did it.

[Inya]

I beat it. I winned. I won. I got a Reggie Drago.

[Drew]

And it's probably for me to make fun of you for being obsessed with Pokemon Go. As if I haven't been on a two year streak of being obsessed with Fortnite.

[Inya]

Damn. It's already been two years.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Holy.

[Drew]

And I don't foresee it ending. What if I'm, like, 38 and I'm still playing Fortnite?

[Inya]

That would be fun.

[Drew]

I'm probably going to neglect the fuck out of my kids. Like, I definitely shouldn't have kids.

[Inya]

No, that's. That's my take, too.

[Drew]

But actually, like, I genuinely don't think I'm Supposed to have kids. The more I think about it, I think you should have kids if it is a deep, deep desire. And when I do have kids, if this is still up for some God forsaken reason and they hear it or somebody who remembers me saying this is like, oh my God, that is pregnant, they're gonna really freak out and be scared and maybe I will change my mind. But I am so flip flop on the idea of having a kid that I just don't think I should have a kid. Does that make sense? Like, yeah, I think people by our age know whether they want kids or not. But we are very young, so maybe that'll change. But like, I just don't want a kid. Like my parents had kids by this age.

[Inya]

Yeah. Which is so weird, disgusting. Like I, I cannot imagine, I cannot imagine having a child right now. Like really genuinely cannot imagine it. It like goes straight over my head and like beyond that, like there are moments like, especially after hanging out with my niece, like Madeline, like Luna, like that I'm like, oh, like I can see myself having children one day. Like, I don't know, like I don't, I really don't know if it's in my cards. Like, same.

[Drew]

That's how I feel when I see other people my age with kids. It is sweet and wholesome and heartwarming. But then when I imagine myself with the kid, I genuinely don't want that.

[Inya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I don't like thinking about being 35 and not being able to pick up and leave my house without taking this thing with me. I'm like, damn, that is actually so inconvenient.

[Inya]

Yeah. And I guess like it just clicks one day. Like, and maybe it's like fudgeing love where like you have to like actually try to be in a relationship and like it's, it's chemical to a certain extent.

[Drew]

I've definitely been in relationships or like in situations where there were moments where I was like, now I understand, now I understand why someone would have a kid with somebody because I have this like primal human urge to have a child. But then that usually wears off and I'm like, whoa. And I think that's probably what most parents did is within that time span of having that primal urge because they didn't have tick tock and all these other things to look at. They were like, it, we should just have a baby. Because I really want to have a baby. And then that phase of like desire and whatever fades off and then you're left with a baby.

[Inya]

That's like What a lot of people like postpartum or like just in general? Like a lot of people like experience postpartum after birth. And it's because of that, it's like holy.

[Drew]

Like I actually have.

[Inya]

I used to party and I used to have fun and I used to be able to do whatever the I want and blah blah, blah, blah, blah. And now I have to like give all that up overnight essentially. Like it's. It's crazy. I. I fully understand postpartum and it like really makes me sad.

[Drew]

But you could just give it away.

[Inya]

Yeah. For real.

[Drew]

There's like systems for it.

[Inya]

For real.

[Drew]

If you don't want it, you just get rid of it. I guess you can sell it to wasteland and use that check to go buy yourself a latte.

[Inya]

Exactly.

[Drew]

Think about that.

[Inya]

Do y' all remember the Wayfair child trafficking? That was crazy.

[Drew]

That was actually. That was the first sign that like left leaning people are also susceptible to conspiracy theory. Does that make sense? Like if you make the conspiracy. See if you like make it right. A conspiracy theory can hit anybody.

[Inya]

Because there was a moment where I was like holy. Like that is weird. Like why are they selling a 25000 dresser? But come on, it's all. Come on.

[Drew]

I don't think Wayfair is real. I think it's like a. Like who would buy a 25000 dresser? Like I think it's like on ebay. Like I could post something for a crazy amount of money and just see who bites. Like that kind of thing.

[Inya]

Remember when I put my grandma on ebay?

[Drew]

Yeah. Now you don't have a ebay account because you tried to sell a human.

[Inya]

It's crazy. I like got like IP banned or some from ebay because I tried to sell my grandma on there for a video and it the bid caught up to like what was it, like 36000 or something like that to buy my grandma and then I got banned from either.

[Drew]

That's a good price.

[Inya]

Yeah. Right.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

36, that's life changing money.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Hello.

[Drew]

But I guess wait, it doesn't go to the person who's being sold, so.

[Inya]

Yeah, exactly.

[Drew]

I guess your grandma. But if your grandma's going to good hands, you know, she have a good time. Yeah.

[Inya]

Like she'll be chill. Like they'll take care of her.

[Drew]

She'll start a new chapter and it might be a blessing to at that stage in your life get to like.

[Inya]

Exactly. Okay, well I have a list of things that like we're doing now. That, like, I feel like are gonna be really, really barbaric in the future. And, like, I was trying to be funny, but I literally couldn't think of anything funny. So if you think of anything actually funny, let me know.

[Drew]

But these are like, my barbaric thing is having my wing under my pillow and abusing hell.

[Inya]

No, Literally, I walked in there. Because then you was like, I lost.

[Drew]

I did.

[Inya]

And I was like, helping her look for it. And I flipped over a couple pillows, and her wingbot vibrator was literally just sitting on the bed, like, under her pillows.

[Drew]

It was like, what is the point of living my day if I don't get to celebrate life at the end of it?

[Inya]

Exactly. Create life.

[Drew]

And some may say that is an addiction.

[Inya]

Some may say I'm a dreamer.

[Drew]

Barbaric is me thinking that it's cute that I wake up every morning and go have a cigarette with my coffee.

[Inya]

Well, that's funny that you said that because I have pocket written down as barbaric. Look at that thing. Look at it. In the vagina.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, it's much more barbaric than a wing bot. A wing bot is like a miscellaneous shape. Like a vibrator is a miscellaneous shape. Whatever, for the most part. But a pocket. Can you get a grip on reality? Like that is.

[Inya]

You can get a grip on my penis with this vagina pocket.

[Drew]

You do not get the vagina ones.

[Inya]

Yeah, I do. What the heck? What heck. And then I have. Funerals are barbaric. Barbaric.

[Drew]

I actually do. Because they are.

[Inya]

They're so expensive. They're big scams and ruses. And then we embalm these bodies with like, like, really, really toxic chemicals and then bury them in the ground so they just melt into our waste, like our runoff water. And then we just end up drinking dead body juices. Like, literally just burn the body and move on. Or bury the body and plant a tree on top of it.

[Drew]

There's a really good episode of Midnight Gospel that talks about how funeral culture started. And it was, like, during wars that people's family members would go out to war and die during war. Obviously, all these families would be devastated. The last time they saw their loved one was who knows when they really wanted to be able to see them at least one last time. Also, it was during the era of, like, you don't have videos. Super accessible videos and pictures of them.

[Inya]

Why didn't they invent it?

[Drew]

Obviously, these families were devastated. They wanted to see the body. And then these two guys came up with the idea of embalming bodies and traveling them back to the families and. Which became a huge industry. And then that became. That's where the idea that dead bodies were super radioactive and, like, harmful and toxic to be around. It stems from that, because people wanted you to immediately, like, start up the funeral service and get a body embalmed. When in the olden days, what people used to do is when someone would pass, like, from scarlet fever and illness or something in their bed, they would usually just, like, keep the body there for, like, a day or, like, however long, and, like, let the family kind of sit with the body and just be like, wow. Like, and, like, mourn within that time period. And then you would have the body transported to be buried.

[Inya]

So it was literally just like, morticians being like, no, you have to give it to me now so you can pay me later. Like, yeah.

[Drew]

No, it's literally like, oh, but we want, like, we want to spruce it up for you. And I'm sure a lot of people do, like, enjoy the idea of a funeral, but. Yeah, why am I here? And why is my family drunk? Literally, why is my family partying at the funeral?

[Inya]

And then I got.

[Drew]

Why did I bring my espresso machine to my mom's funeral? Keep going.

[Inya]

I got meat consumption on there. Girl, that shit's weird. Like, it tastes good as. And I get it, but, like, bruh. Like, grow the meat.

[Drew]

Yeah. That's how I felt yesterday about the salami that we were eating, because it was sitting out long enough that it started sweating. And I was like, this is so abnormally a moving creature, but that's good in the eye.

[Inya]

It is literally, like, red with blood.

[Drew]

I will say, like. Like steak. Like a steak. A steak freaks me out.

[Inya]

Trust me, I up a good steak in my life and in my time. I grew up in Texas, but, like, bro, like, all the blood and the juices, and every time they're like, it's not blood, it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Girl, I don't give a. It's red and coming out of meat. Like, it's.

[Drew]

That is blood. What else would it be?

[Inya]

There's, like, this, like, other. They call it. I don't know what it's called. And they get mad at me for anything.

[Drew]

Y' all are listening to what the people. Like, the people are trying to tell you. That is blood. Listen to us.

[Inya]

Exactly. Prison.

[Drew]

I've been looking at y' all the whole time. This episode. Keep going.

[Inya]

I got prison time for victimless crimes, girl. Let the people smoke and do their drugs. Like we don't need to flood the prisons with people, period.

[Drew]

Yeah, it is super barbaric. That is literally super barbaric. That is like the like definition of animalistic. You know, at the beginning of time when someone did something bad, we were like, we're going to put you in a cage. And then they were like, like, we should make this cage into a multi.

[Inya]

Million dollar, an industrial dude. That's what I was just about to say. I like pausing and I was like, oh my God. All of these are driven by what?

[Drew]

Capitalism?

[Inya]

Let's go. Okay. And then these two are like kind of more serious. But clean drinking water. Us having clean drinking water is going to be barbaric because like it's going to be polluted because we don't know how to handle nice things. And then having grass in your front yard is going to be very barbaric because the sun's gonna burn a hole in the ozone layer and we're not gonna have grass or water.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. So barbaric in the way that like people are gonna look back and be like, dude, I can't believe they even had that right.

[Inya]

I was just joking. Like I was saying like, girl, climate change. Hello.

[Drew]

Yeah, we're done for sure. There's like literally nothing we could do. That's also why I don't want to have, want to have kids. They're gonna melt.

[Inya]

Oh, have you ever heard of the flute of the flute of shame? No, bruh. Okay, so it's this like metal casted thing that like is cast around your neck and on your arms.

[Drew]

So you're.

[Inya]

If you're like making really bad public disturbances or like playing music publicly, they'll make this thing that like goes around your neck and your arms and you just have to carry it around all day. And we need to bring that back. Cuz some of you are making terrible music.

[Drew]

I do agree.

[Inya]

Hold on, let me show you it.

[Drew]

Thought he was going to be the one. Be the one for me, but he ended up loving alcohol more than this. That is fire.

[Inya]

Yeah, bring it back.

[Drew]

Someone's got to put their girl.

[Inya]

No. We're going to be the ones with the flute of shame around our necks with us screaming in public and.

[Drew]

And you will never stop me from being shameful in public because it's, that's literally the best pastime. Oh my God. I ate leftover joe and the juice is my first thing. It was like a leftover spicy tuna. And then I had a coffee and a cigarette. So my insides probably Smell like embalming, y' all.

[Inya]

Joe. And the juice is. The spicy tuna sandwich is the greatest thing you can put into your body as sustenance. I'm like, ew, eating meat is gonna be so barbaric in the future.

[Drew]

Fish is different though. Like seafood to me doesn't feel as barbaric for some reason. Like, does that make sense?

[Inya]

Exactly.

[Drew]

Also like, it feels cleaner even though I'm sure the ocean. But no, to me the ocean is clean even though, like, I think it's really polluted.

[Inya]

Yeah. Also the big ass nets that they drag along the bottom of the ocean and just destroy all the coral reefs. It's like the saddest. And just scar the earth because they want to collect shrimps or some like, bro, just.

[Drew]

I'm going eat that shrimp though.

[Inya]

Grow it in the aquaponics chamber or something. Okay. I have an experiment. Try it out at home. I want you to think about something you don't like about yourself. Are you thinking about something you don't like about yourself?

[Drew]

I can't think off the top of my head.

[Inya]

Okay. That's the whole thing. It's just like, think about something you don't like about it with yourself and just ruminate with it.

[Drew]

That's the experiment. What, you just like sent us all on like a self loathing path?

[Inya]

Exactly. I want you to be like depressed, actually.

[Drew]

Think about this. When he asked that, how fast did you answer? And if you didn't answer immediately, maybe you do like yourself and you should stop being so hard on yourself because.

[Inya]

That'S what that taught me.

[Drew]

I'm not even kidding. That's what that taught me. Because then I was like. I was like. The first thing I thought of is I do genuinely. I think this is a problem. More for my own safety though, is I am too open and vulnerable of a person. If somebody asks me something, I will fully answer it honestly. Or if I'm feeling something and going through something, I will tell everybody my business. And I actually do think that's a problem because nobody needs to know my business the way they do.

[Inya]

Dude, that it is so crazy. Like, we'll meet someone and we'll be hanging out with them for like two weeks and Enya will tell them her entire life story.

[Drew]

There are certain things I absolutely won't say and I literally have a list of that certain thing and I have a list of the people I've told because I'm actually super crazy and neurotic about it. But like, yeah, I'll tell them all my Business. I don't give a. Like, I'll be like, yeah, like, the house got broken into and Tom got hit by a car, and then I broke my ankles. I'm like, I literally will go on a whole thing.

[Inya]

I'm pretty similar to should I flash.

[Drew]

My coochie the way I did in the last episode? Eight million times, apparently.

[Inya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, you probably love yourself.

[Drew]

But he ended up loving alcohol more than this.

[Inya]

But now we can get into media.

[Drew]

That's my media. Is that B.B.

[Inya]

Rexo song? Okay, my movie is Carol.

[Drew]

I need to watch that, y' all.

[Inya]

That was earth shattering. Like, call me by your name level of just like, bruh. Like, like, made me so sick to my goddamn stomach, I wanted to, like, vomit all over the airplane. Like, so up. Please watch it. There's, like, a couple quotes. I like this one from it. You're strange when aren't you flung from space? And the context makes it better. And then her on the phone saying, ask me things like, oh, come on. And then my media.

[Drew]

Oh, those are quotes. I was like, what song is that?

[Inya]

My song is Teddy Wilson Blue Holiday. And then I've been in, like, listening to, like, the worst rap you've ever heard Challenge. That's like, the game I've been playing. And I really like Op Pack by Zulu, Shopping Spree by 10K. And then this song isn't rap, but it's wicked. Game by Chris Isaac is really cool. It's like that brown.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Inya]

And then Interface by Scars, S, S, G, A, R, Z. And this is the type of music that I make. And so it's cool to see someone else doing it, too.

[Drew]

Well, mine is the most insane mix of genres and vibes ever. Same honey, won't you call me by Hank Williams. Smile, please by Dean Blunt, Circles by Atlantic Star. You've changed by Keisha Cole. I love your girl by the Dream. If you grew up listening to that song, please listen to it again. Because I hadn't heard it in so long. And then.

[Inya]

Is that what we were listening to in the car?

[Drew]

Yeah. And she's radio killer. Beat up the chat. I love you, girl, your mama. Okay. And Cherry pie by Sade and will I see you again, the sacred Souls, which I thought was an old song because I'm a. And I only like music that is sounds old if it is old and it's a newer song, but it's so good. And now I'm like, damn, I need to listen to the rest of their music so I can see them Live. And I should stop being a hater and putting a timestamp on music because, like, that doesn't make me any better than anybody else. And I'm just, like, keeping myself from enjoying something that a lot of people get to enjoy. And then one day when I'm older, it will be old and I'll be able to be like, wow, I remember when that came out. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I'm just like, this actually awful person. But it's mainly to myself. Like, I just hold myself out from so many joys because I'm so scared of being perceived as somebody who is a loser. But I'm literally not. I'm so fucking vibes. And then the last one is Infinity Recording by Daft Punk. And then I'm trying to think of what movie I watched. Oh, I watched Bones and all. And I've never laughed harder at an ending of a movie in my life. And it was so enjoyable for that. And thank you so much. And it was a. Like, I liked the movie, but the ending actually made me want to throw up from laughing so hard.

[Inya]

Nice. And I saw Oppenheimer. Obviously, literally everyone in the world saw Oppenheimer. I haven't seen Barbie yet because I'm a straight man and there aren't boobs.

[Drew]

That's what I was gonna say. There's no in Barbie, so I'm not saying it. There's no male genitalia. I want to see some dick and balls. No, there's none of it in Oppenheimer.

[Inya]

There is. I'm not kidding. There's a full 15 minute sex scene with butthole.

[Drew]

Actually, I'm not kidding. That's my ick. Is seeing a man's ass, like, disgusting?

[Inya]

Like, seeing his little balls hanging down and you see his butt between his legs?

[Drew]

It is so nasty.

[Inya]

It's really cringe.

[Drew]

Male anatomy is really fucking gross. Like, whoa.

[Inya]

And it's like, stinky. Okay.

[Drew]

Ew, dude. And it's so gross.

[Inya]

Should I do a Drew Psyop Corner to end off this episode?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Inya]

Welcome to Drew Psyop Corner. Okay. Don't leave your pills around me because I'm gonna be googling them to see what you got going on.

[Drew]

When you post that, I was like, dude, I do the same thing every time without fail. When I'm at my parents house. House, they always have some new medication. I look at it, I'm like.

[Inya]

I'm like, bro, why do you got antibiotics? You got an STD or something? Or is this like a painkiller that I'm gonna take.

[Drew]

I realize antibiotics get me a little high, so I'm gonna start giving myself BV more often.

[Inya]

Oh.

[Drew]

So I can mix my antibiotics with alcohol because then I get really up.

[Inya]

Oh, don't do that. You're gonna commit or you're gonna create, like, an antibiotic resistance. Bacterial vaginosis. Some of yalls waps got a PH balance that could turn a cucumber into a pickle.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Inya]

Gay son. Or margarita pizza.

[Drew]

Honestly, Margarita pizza. Okay, if the day is right. If I'm, like, high and it's, like 73 degrees out and I have a really good. Oh. If I have a really cold coke to go with that, I'm picking the pizza.

[Inya]

My pronouns are, he has risen.

[Drew]

Wait, what did I say yesterday? My pronouns are, oh, banging, yo mama.

[Inya]

Yeah. And mine are I slash made, slash yo slash mama, slash squirt, slash vagina juice, slash all over the walls, slash, period. And then the last one is condoms. Be having the smelling like Rainboots. Oh, also, four times.

[Drew]

Three being 12 is a classic condom. Maybe 10 times in my life.

[Inya]

That is so up. That is literally so up. I'm like, that's so up.

[Drew]

Says the slut.

[Inya]

So it's a slag. Bring back manly men.

[Drew]

I've been saying like, what the crap? And what the hell? Seriously, it's not okay. We do this all the time. We start saying something ironically, and then I'm actually like, what the hell?

[Inya]

What the crap?

[Drew]

You're a weird.

[Inya]

And you better call Carl Bismarck.

[Drew]

And you better not be a snitcher. I'll tell Carl Bismarck I sound really. What's the other one? Orion was complimenting me. I'm probably not gonna do it right this time, but she was complimenting me on my impersonation of like, you better stop, stop. You better stop. All right, bye.

[Inya]

Oh, my God. See, guys? You have to see how she really treats you. She doesn't care about you. She doesn't even care about me. So you think care about you, but look, she's just over there eating her.

[Drew]

Vitamin C. I finally caved into the Tick Tock shop. You bastard.

[Inya]

You're all lying and you're being scammed. And the Tick Tock shop is insane. And a finesse and a scam.

[Drew]

And don't buy off of it.

[Inya]

Exactly. Unless. Unless I put something on.

[Drew]

Yeah, unless I get paid to do an ad. Sam.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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