Enya's psychiatrist Arc

Summary

Emergency Intercom - Episode: "Enya's Psychiatrist Arc"
Release Date: July 21, 2023

Hosted by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips on iHeartPodcasts

---

1. Opening Banter and Setting the Tone

The episode kicks off with Drew and Josiah engaging in their signature comedic banter, setting a lighthearted and humorous tone for the discussion. They riff on the classic song lyrics, humorously debating variations and complimenting each other's hairstyles.

Notable Quote:
Drew [00:51]: "Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today we look blue."

---

2. Delving into Conspiracy Theories

Josiah introduces his "Psyop Corner," where he shares his latest conspiracy theories. He speculates that the government is manipulating weather patterns to depress the population and enforce the use of mood-altering medications. This segment blends humor with exaggerated paranoia, highlighting their comedic take on serious topics.

Notable Quote:
Josiah [04:21]: "The government with harp, H A R, whatever... is creating these clouds over America and Europe to block the sun, to keep us weak and desolate and sad and isolated."

---

3. Gym Antics and Sexual Harassment Humor

The conversation shifts to a recent experience Josiah had at the gym, where a new sign prohibits sexual activity in the saunas. They humorously exaggerate scenarios of inappropriate behavior, poking fun at the strict policies and their own reactions to them.

Notable Quote:
Josiah [07:45]: "They put up a sign saying... no sexual policy at our gym... people were boning and having sex in the fucking saunas."

---

4. Navigating Unwanted Attention and Rejection

Drew shares a personal story about encountering persistent unwanted attention at a party. He narrates his attempts to politely decline advances, ultimately leading to an exaggerated and humorous resolution involving hiding and confronting the aggressor.

Notable Quote:
Drew [16:19]: "I make sure I'm looking around for Drew, because Drew also isn't... you're going to turn him out."

---

5. Paparazzi Pranks and Public Embarrassment

Josiah recounts a mischievous plan to trick paparazzi by pretending to be a celebrity. They describe their failed attempt to divert photographers' attention, leading to an embarrassing yet comedic outcome.

Notable Quote:
Josiah [34:05]: "He said Olivia Rodrigo is like, she's... starting to like think about paint party."

---

6. Alien Conspiracies and NASA's Acknowledgment

Josiah delves deeper into his fascination with extraterrestrial life, discussing NASA's recent acknowledgment of UFOs/UAPs. He theorizes that aliens have been covertly monitoring humanity, acting as "zookeepers" to prevent societal collapse.

Notable Quote:
Josiah [21:38]: "NASA has acknowledged the existence of UFOs and UAPs, which I am a firm believer that aliens exist somewhere in our universe."

---

7. Personal Health Woes and Medical Mishaps

Switching gears, Josiah humorously laments his ongoing medical issues, specifically concerning his testicles. He describes a bizarre experience where his blood samples went missing, leading to exaggerated panic and comedic frustration with the medical system.

Notable Quote:
Josiah [28:19]: "Something is seriously wrong with my testicles... where is my blood?"

---

8. Reflections on Adulthood and Social Life

The hosts reflect on their transition into adulthood, discussing the diminishing appeal of nightlife and the challenges of maintaining social connections. They humorously touch upon the impacts of aging, alcohol consumption, and the complexities of modern relationships.

Notable Quote:
Drew [33:24]: "We're just at that age where it's also not worth going out and, like, being hungover the next day."

---

9. Musical Tastes and Media Sharing

Towards the end, Josiah and Drew share their favorite music tracks, blending genuine recommendations with playful teasing. This segment showcases their diverse musical interests and adds a personal touch to the episode.

Notable Quote:
Drew [43:24]: "Here's my media. Too Much Heaven by the Bee Gees. Simple kind of life, no doubt."

---

10. Concluding Banter and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with the usual comedic exchanges, reinforcing the hosts' camaraderie and lighthearted approach to various topics. They offer playful jabs at each other, leaving listeners with a sense of familiarity and anticipation for future episodes.

Notable Quote:
Josiah [45:25]: "Also, Mike Hunt gave me a BLOWY Bye."

---

Overall Summary:
"Enya's Psychiatrist Arc" is a blend of comedic storytelling, exaggerated conspiracies, and personal anecdotes that highlight the dynamic chemistry between Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. From humorous takes on serious topics like government manipulation and alien existence to relatable stories about social interactions and personal health mishaps, the episode offers a rich tapestry of discussions that entertain and engage listeners. Notable for its witty banter and candid revelations, this episode serves both as a laughter-filled journey and a window into the hosts' unique perspectives on life.

---

Highlighted Quotes:

• Drew [00:51]: "Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today we look blue."

• Josiah [04:21]: "The government... is creating these clouds over America and Europe to block the sun, to keep us weak and desolate and sad and isolated."

• Josiah [07:45]: "They put up a sign saying... no sexual policy at our gym... people were boning and having sex in the fucking saunas."

• Drew [16:19]: "I make sure I'm looking around for Drew, because Drew also isn't... you're going to turn him out."

• Josiah [34:05]: "He said Olivia Rodrigo is like, she's... starting to like think about paint party."

• Josiah [21:38]: "NASA has acknowledged the existence of UFOs and UAPs, which I am a firm believer that aliens exist somewhere in our universe."

• Josiah [28:19]: "Something is seriously wrong with my testicles... where is my blood?"

• Drew [33:24]: "We're just at that age where it's also not worth going out and, like, being hungover the next day."

• Drew [43:24]: "Here's my media. Too Much Heaven by the Bee Gees. Simple kind of life, no doubt."

• Josiah [45:25]: "Also, Mike Hunt gave me a BLOWY Bye."

---

Note: This summary excludes advertisements and non-content sections of the episode, focusing solely on the core discussions and interactions between the hosts.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like General Mills cereal drumstick, frozen treats, outshine fruit bars, Oreo cookies, and Capri sun pouches. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pick up or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Drew]

Ow. Should I open the windows? It's, like, hot in here.

[Josiah]

Sorry. I'm in here.

[Drew]

Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today we look blue.

[Josiah]

Blue, and if I green, I would die. If I was green, I would.

[Drew]

Is that, like, the remix or is that how the actual song always went?

[Josiah]

I think it's always been, I'm blue. If I was green, I would die.

[Drew]

Why is it so much worse when BB Rexa says that than when the, like, original says it? Your hair looks good.

[Josiah]

Thank you. Yeah, I got it, like, cut today.

[Drew]

That's a cut.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I was like, I figured, like, I would go for something new and, like, big.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

And, like, I feel like I kind of nailed it.

[Drew]

I mean, it's definitely new. Like, I don't know if.

[Josiah]

And you're ugly.

[Drew]

Okay, well, was it expensive? Because it looks like it cost you $5.

[Josiah]

It was 700.

[Drew]

It kind of looked like. It looks like you went up to somebody out front of a Starbucks on Hollywood and Vine, and you said, I'd give you $3 to do something cool to my hair, and then they did that.

[Josiah]

You're a winch and a Wiccan and a witch.

[Drew]

Well, you're a fucking white witch.

[Josiah]

Welcome back to Emergency Intercom, part two.

[Drew]

Hi. Hi, guys. Oh, I'm gonna kill myself. I'm not gonna pick that up.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Drew]

I never wear skirts on the podcast because I, like, like to lift my legs up too much, and I don't want to give a free peep show.

[Josiah]

And yet, when I'm literally watching the episode, I'm constantly looking up your skirt.

[Drew]

What the. Like, trying to see.

[Josiah]

Get a glimpse of the cooter. The old Bronson up there.

[Drew]

The Cooter Bronson who let cinephile be a word.

[Josiah]

Yeah, that is pretty.

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, who. Who was like.

[Josiah]

I could never call myself.

[Drew]

It's like, the other word, but, like, for cinema.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I would literally never, ever call myself.

[Drew]

No, that's crazy. You are crazy.

[Josiah]

Say you're. You like, movies Also, there is a very big difference between movies and film. And all of you calling everything you watch a film on letterbox.

[Drew]

Also everything you record.

[Josiah]

Really, you need to get a grip because you're not better than anybody else because you call it a film. However, when I call it a film, I am better than you.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Josiah]

Wow.

[Drew]

I mean, that's like really double standard and it doesn't really make sense and you just seem like is a double.

[Josiah]

Standard when I like believe women should be making me sandwiches at all times and men should be like.

[Drew]

I don't think that's necessarily a double standard. I think that's just misogynistic.

[Josiah]

What is that?

[Drew]

Oh, it's the word that I call you behind your back.

[Josiah]

Guys, welcome back to Emergency Intercom. This is episode seven this week.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know, it's been exciting. We've been going strong for two months now. Yes. Yeah.

[Josiah]

So welcome back to Emergency Intercom. Okay, this is what I have to say. So I have like a few psychological operations that I've been theorizing with that I've been theorizing and like toying with these ideas and.

[Drew]

Okay, literally, Dawson, before he starts the damn conspiracy. Idiot.

[Josiah]

I don't know where to take my theories, like, because I have a lot of them. So I feel like this is.

[Drew]

Yeah, this is your psy up corner. Hit it.

[Josiah]

Welcome to Drew Psyop corner. Okay, so you know how it's been, like hella cloudy out?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

The government with harp, H A R, whatever, PP or whatever the which is what they control the weather with is creating these clouds over America and Europe to block the sun, to keep us weak and desolate and sad and isolated because gray clouds. Yeah, it's scary, guys.

[Drew]

Okay, but why are they doing that? Is that it? You just think they're doing it so.

[Josiah]

We have to rely on the government and their pills?

[Drew]

I mean.

[Josiah]

Yeah, my happy little pill.

[Drew]

My happy.

[Josiah]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

Oh. Actually that's exciting news. I will be seeing a psychiatrist soon, so we will know what's wrong with me very, very soon. Stay tuned. Comment what you think is wrong with me? I have a few assumptions. Like, I have my guesses, but I won't say them because I don't want anybody to attack me and like shoot me executioner style for self diagnosing myself. But I think. I think I can guess. Oh, wow. I wasn't going to say that.

[Josiah]

But that's what it is though. Yeah, probably, but yeah. So the government is blocking the sun to make us take our happy little pills okay, next psychological operation. There are actually two moons. Tell me why I can see the moon in the middle of the day, but Australia can see the same moon at night when we're on opposite sides of the globe. That's not adding up. Do the math. Hello.

[Drew]

Yeah, I guess that is insane. But, you know, it's more insane is knowing that all you do all day is wake up and sit in your room and isolate. And this is what you're thinking about over there.

[Josiah]

Yeah, no, it's really, really bad.

[Drew]

You know what it is? It's like a lot of people who are in. I'm trying to. Like me, trying to walk around, like, the topic of schizophrenia, but a lot of people are definitely super engulfed in conspiracies and all these things, obviously, because of a lack of community. We all know that that's kind of like a breed for a lot of the issues that we have on the Internet is a lack of community, a lack of connection. And then you find that and you find peace and.

[Josiah]

No, no swag, no bread.

[Drew]

Like, so now you're talking about how the. The earth is flat. The government is putting chips in here.

[Josiah]

No, that's literally a connection, is. No, no swag, no bread. To conspiracy theory pipeline. Like, that is actually genuinely something. But that's not me. That's not.

[Drew]

Say his name again. But Shane Dawson would have to disagree.

[Josiah]

No, no swag. He's got bread.

[Drew]

Too much bread.

[Josiah]

Yeah, a little bit. Okay, next thing. Oh, my God. I just read a note. I've been keeping this from you for so long. Okay. So we went to the gym and I came out and I had seen something really, really.

[Drew]

I'm genuinely, really horrifying what it is.

[Josiah]

And it's definitely been built up way too much. And you're gonna be very overwhelmed and be like, oh, yeah, I knew that. But, like, the fact that they had to put this up in the gym and the sauna was shut down because. Read the first line. Yes. They were cleaning the come off the walls. I don't know what happened, but. But basically, my gym. I've been saying it for so long. Very, very gay place. Like, I am literally sexually harassed every time I go into that sauna. Whatever.

[Drew]

Is that a new sign?

[Josiah]

Yes, they just put it up.

[Drew]

That is actually insane.

[Josiah]

I know, I know. But basically, they put up a sign saying, no, there's like a no sexual policy at our gym. Like, because people were boning and having sex in the fucking saunas and jerking each other off and.

[Drew]

Wow, I really can't believe That I know all that health to it to make it seem like it was just.

[Josiah]

Like a. Jim has a zero tolerance policy regarding inappropriate sexual or lewd behavior. Offenders will lose. Lose membership and may be subject to arrest and prostitution.

[Drew]

That was when I read that. I was like, prostitution. I was like, wait, I thought you just said no.

[Josiah]

Yeah, but yeah, so that's like, dude.

[Drew]

That is actually so insane. Well, the girls bathroom or sauna doesn't have that. We'll see today. I'll see if they have it today and I'll update y' all. But we don't have that. The phone thing is like the first thing I read. And I was like. Because sometimes I bring my phone in because I have my headphones on and I'll just like listen to music in there. But then I stopped doing it. Yeah. Because I was like, I'm literally gonna break my iPhone 14 Pro.

[Josiah]

That sucks. The camera on that goddamn thing is the most awful.

[Drew]

That's funny because I could take pictures of the moon and. What can you do with your phone? Look up pictures of the moon. That's embarrassing.

[Josiah]

All I use my phone for is tick tock and to take pictures of my butthole.

[Drew]

Oh, you know what's funny? Oh, that's funny that you mentioned that because I've never been to Walmart.

[Josiah]

Oh, you. You would know a lot about Walmart.

[Drew]

Walmart expert, I'm sure. Because you are always.

[Josiah]

I don't even know what that is, cuz I'm sure you're always at Walmart. One of the. One of maybe one of the top 10 videos made of all time. Like I shifted. Shifted society in a very real way.

[Drew]

I'm starting to like think about paint party.

[Josiah]

Yo. India came into my room today after we chatted about in having 0riz came into my room and grabbed. I have like this tray of paint and she grabbed my cart or a bottle of paint out of my cart of paint and was like, pain party. And like acted like she was going to spray it all over my fucking room. And it was so stupid. It was the stupidest thing I've ever seen you do.

[Drew]

But then it reminded me. I was like, you know what's insane is like in a different world, someone who's really unfunny with no social cues would do something like that because they'd be like, this would be funny. Like spray paint at you.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And then I thought about it and I know exactly who would do it. And it's the killer. Name one. Because I don't know his Name?

[Josiah]

I don't. I don't know his name.

[Drew]

Yeah. So. Okay, do you want to explain it.

[Josiah]

Or you started off. Because I'm bad at telling stories.

[Drew]

So we were at this party, like, at a friend's party, and whatever. We're, like, chatting it up with, like, new people because, like, I'm super sociable, and everybody is like, be such a dope soul that everybody craves your vibe. That's what it's like when we go into parties.

[Josiah]

We're like unicorns.

[Drew]

Yeah. So people love seeing us, and we were just talking, talking, chatting it up with a bunch of people. And this dude is, like, kind of hanging around and talking, and he's, like, a funny guy. Whatever. We're, like, making conversation. He can get along in conversation. Cool. Fine. Not thinking anything of it, I turned, and I realized he's really talking to Drew. Like, like, following guys around, like, talking.

[Josiah]

To, like, talking, talking. Like, literally thinks he's, like, rising all me talking, like, it's really, really scary. And, like, I. I was like. I wasn't talking back. I was just talking to this person because I was, like. Didn't want to be like, yo, stop talking.

[Drew]

Starting to read it. Like, oh, okay. This is, like, not. This is, like, we are not here. We are not in this conversation for the same reason.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Like, you literally want me, and I want to get away from.

[Drew]

I just flash juice.

[Josiah]

But I am, like, essentially running away from this person. Like, literally running away.

[Drew]

As much as I make fun of you for being, like, when I go out, I'm wanted without fail at every party. I have to make sure I'm looking around for Drew, because Drew also isn't, like, I think, because it's a new section of your life where you're literally hunted down and wanted like that, so you still don't know how to just step away from it and be like, okay, this is, like, kind of mean, but I'm just gonna literally cut this conversation on and move.

[Josiah]

I did recently.

[Drew]

Yeah, but this was before that. So at every party, I have to kind of, like, look out for Drew and see if he's being held hostage.

[Josiah]

And usually I was being held hostage.

[Drew]

Crazy.

[Josiah]

I would run. I would literally go inside and go hide in the bathroom for 10 minutes, and he would wait for me for 10 minutes, and I was like, whoa, this is crazy. Like, wow, what am I supposed to do? And then, like, it just basically became this, like, big thing, and I had to push him over, and, like, I drowned him in the pool, and he died.

[Drew]

Yeah, but before it got like, too much, it. He had come over to me. Like, Drew went to the bathroom, and he came back over to me, and he started asking me questions about Drew and was like, is he single? And I was like, yeah. And, like, laughed and, like, looked away because I didn't think anything of it. And he's like, what's his vibe? And I just look at this man. I'm like, what do you mean, what's his vibe? And he's like, like, what's his vibe? And then I just go, there is no vibe there. Do not go. Don't do that. And he was like. He was like, what? Like, I think he's. He was like, I think he's cute. Like, I think I want to, like. Like, would he ever go on a date? And I'm like, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. Do not go into those waters because it will not work out for you. And it's not worth it, and it's.

[Josiah]

Not going to happen. It will hurt. Yeah.

[Drew]

And I was like, just straight up being like, leave him alone. Like, I basically was like, leave him alone because you're talking to him. That's not going to happen.

[Josiah]

And I give India knows my type, and I give any of permission to do that.

[Drew]

And I have no idea.

[Josiah]

You even. You even told him?

[Drew]

Yeah, I literally. I literally, like. Which was. Maybe was kind of mean, but he kept pushing and being like, no, no, I think I could do this. And I'm like, no babes. No babes.

[Josiah]

No.

[Drew]

I look at this person in the face and I explicitly describe his type. And I'm like, you are in the friend type. Not that type. That's not like, whatever. And he just, I guess, was hella fucking feeling himself because he's like, I can. I could turn him out. I'm like, bitch, you can barely touch the top of his head. You're three feet tall. Like you're going to turn him out.

[Josiah]

Like, it was. It was really, really scary in one of those moments.

[Drew]

Not that there's anything wrong with being a short gu. Guys, come on. Sorry, I just had to say that. But it was really scary.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And then the camera's never really seen Kai. Kai is like 2 foot 4.

[Drew]

Yeah. Which is sad. But we also took his mic away. He's not gonna have a mic anymore. So don't even. Don't even be expecting for him to say anything back.

[Josiah]

Kai not even being here, you know, still finding a way to call him short and old.

[Drew]

He was Kai's Height, though. That is a good reference. So if you've ever seen Kai, he was. Kai's. No, Kai was taller, which is crazy because Kai's only 2 foot 8, which.

[Josiah]

Yeah, no, but. Yeah. So then fast forward the night. Like, I. Oh, I'm like. So I'm, like, losing it, bro. I'm losing it also.

[Drew]

I'm literally just laughing because of where this story ends. Is so anti. Claire. The funniest thing ever.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

So they talk about being in the kitchen.

[Josiah]

Okay. Yeah. So, like, I escaped for a little bit, ran to the kitchen, was chopping it up with my other homies that I knew, and I was purposely, like, turning my back to get him out of the conversation. And, like, eventually he took that hint, but he would not take a hint all night and literally went and stand. Stood in the corner staring at me, talk to my friends. And it was so bizarre. And then I saw, like, Enya and our other homie sitting at the table, and we just. I, like, sat down. I was chatting with them. Then he sat down at the table and tried to talk with us.

[Drew]

He was standing over you too, and it was so weird. He was, like, trying to, like, mark his territory next to you in a way, and I was like. So it started to make me really uncomfortable. And then I was like, this is insane because I've already. I was literally like, I was do this.

[Josiah]

I was looking at you, and I was like, help me.

[Drew]

No, I know. Drew was literally, like, helped me stop him. And then I was like, I just started. We basically started about talking about leaving, and I was like, we're tired. We're gonna leave.

[Josiah]

I had to evacuate that and fun party because I was being attacked all night.

[Drew]

But for being sexy is.

[Josiah]

Yeah. So, like, I don't. I really. Like, I am such a pushover. And, like, in the moment. Like, in that specific moment, I should have just been like, no. But I ended up, like, trading numbers with him because he was so pushy.

[Drew]

It takes also so much practice to just be able to get to the point where you can say no to somebody who is not taking a hint. Like, yeah, it sucks, but it is just hard to draw that boundary and be like, no. Because so many times, so many people just get offended. Yeah, so many people have my number. And I'm like, you don't need this because, one, we're not getting along. This isn't going where you think it's going. And, like, it doesn't need to be like this. Yeah, we can also. I'm sorry just because I have an iPhone. Does not mean you need to make contact with it. That is not what that means. That's not an open invitation that everybody I meet needs to have direct contact with me. I think it even goes as far as, like, the idea that I have to follow everyone I see in public back on Instagram. Like, if I see you often in public and we get along really well. Yes, I would love to follow you. Yes, we can exchange numbers. Yeah. It's just so annoying that people think that's an open invitation. I feel like it could come off as rude, but it's just people. Because why am I going to give you my number? Because I'm not going to answer. So now what?

[Josiah]

It's also. It's also giving. Like, Like, I. I mean, I am not. Like, I also feel this way, but like, rejection is like such a hurtful thing because it, like attacks you. It makes you attack yourself to your core and all of your flaws and all of your looks and whatever. And like, you'll never be that person that. That person wants. Like, whatever. But, like, come on, if we just.

[Drew]

Met, it shouldn't be that deep. I'm sorry.

[Josiah]

Never that deep. But basically we traded numbers and we went back to our hotel because we were like having a little staycation. And all of a sudden I get a text from this man and he texted me the craziest photo. Like, he. The first thing he said to me was he sent me a selfie of himself with our friend's dog. And I was like, oh, wow. So I immediately like, photoshopped it and showed Enya, Orion and Josiah. And I was like, look at the picture he just sent of me. And they didn't get to see him that much and I showed it and they thought that's like, literally what he looked like.

[Drew]

I was like, dude, he's literally so like coked and up that his face is melting. Like, that's how I perceive that. I was like, he did too much.

[Josiah]

Like, melting before we go on and sound like mean girls. Like, he. He was a good looking person.

[Drew]

Like, he's not your type.

[Josiah]

Just not my type. He.

[Drew]

You got told no all night and now you're pushing it and now you're going to be. Because if you don't know how to just take no as an answer and walk away, the least I get to do is poke fun at you because you push boundaries.

[Josiah]

Yeah. So I just wanted to clear the air and like, maybe there was like one part where like, he did think I was, like, genuinely curious about Whatever that was. But, like, that's just because I'm a pushover and I'm a shitty person. But yeah, that's how the story ended. I would post a selfie, but it is potentially the meanest thing to ever do to a person. So I will never, ever, ever in that ends there.

[Drew]

But yeah, basically that I don't remember how he looks normally now. All I could think of is just like. Also, I was drunk when Drew showed me the picture. So I was like. Like, my brain was genuinely like, dude, that's what he looks like all night. Because he didn't tell us he Photoshopp. So we all believed that's how he looked. And then an hour later he was like, by the way, I Facetuned the fuck out of that.

[Josiah]

Then we went and played Raya on my account. That's the best game ever. Is just, like, treating Raya like a video game and just like, not taking it serious at all and just looking at all the people on there and being like, yes, yes. No, we have to go back to playing Raya. I know we were going to play it in Big Sur, but.

[Drew]

Your membership.

[Josiah]

God, I literally did cancel my membership. I literally did. Okay, well, I forgot to talk about this psychological operation in Drew Psyop Corner. So. Drew Psyop Corner. That's like the little theme song I'm working on. I'm not married to it, but, like, maybe we can make it good. But the NASA, for the first time I think ever, maybe in 50 years, I don't know, I don't care. Has acknowledged the existence of UFOs and UAPs, which I am a firm believer that aliens exist somewhere in our universe. And I used to be like, there's no way they're on our fucking planet. But like, the. More like I don't know what the fucking call them, but it's basically like the idea that they're media training us and like, making it so when aliens do affect eventually get like, dropped. Like they dropped the alien bomb on.

[Drew]

US or alien iOS1.

[Josiah]

Yeah, the. The new update of Earth that there's been aliens here the entire time. It doesn't completely spiral the population into like, chaos and devastation. But there was like this event that happened in Las Vegas. And I won't go any deeper because I know you're bored, but yeah, it was really lit and very convincing. And then also there was just literally.

[Drew]

Like pessimistic or not even pessimistic. I am the worst person. Well, yeah, when I don't believe something, it's like, no, you can't. You're not gonna convince me. And even if it is convincing, you're not gonna be the one to convince me. But I genuinely am. Like, wait, here. You said you saw when you were in sixth grade, and you're like, oh.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God. Y. There is, like, I was showing Inya and Josh, like, all the alien footage that I've been collecting before he, like, couldn't find it.

[Drew]

So it was also, like, really bad.

[Josiah]

Like, so bad.

[Drew]

Y' all gave this whole, like, feel about aliens. And, like, of course, like, it's not even. I hope you understand. Like, it's not like, me being like.

[Josiah]

No, I know I sound insane.

[Drew]

It's literally, like, not me trying to be like, you just are saying something that I don't care about. But it's more, like, it's hard for me to engage in that conversation because I'm the worst person ever, and if I, like, have no real interest in it, it's, like, hard for me to, like, get my brain to focus on it. So you did that whole thing, and I was really trying hard to listen. And then you're like, all right, you were.

[Josiah]

You did. That's, like, the first time in your life.

[Drew]

You didn't touch my phone. I was, like, really, like, trying to listen. And then this goes, oh, and here's the video. You're like, wait, what is this? I think I've seen this before.

[Josiah]

Yeah, and it's this. This video. Move, children. Oh, wow.

[Drew]

Sorry. My hair is just so long that, like, now when I, like, whip it around, I drop everything.

[Josiah]

But that. When I was, like, six years old, I saw that on the Internet, like, on Dig or something, or, like, early Reddit, and I believe the out of it. I was like, oh, oh, wow, they're here. They're here. And I think it's a clip from, like, a movie.

[Drew]

A movie? Yeah, I think it is from a movie.

[Josiah]

But those kids ate down. They were.

[Drew]

I know they were acting their ass off. And, you know, they. All that money went to their parents, and their parents went out for drinks at a bar after. Because that's just how being a child.

[Josiah]

All $50. But last thing I'll say about aliens, and then I'll move the on, but there was this giant WikiLeaks, or not WikiLeaks, whistleblow, like, on, like, alien, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that, like, I read all of it in two hours. It was, like. It was like, the most I've ever read in one city.

[Drew]

Say you like, are not like somebody who will sit down and like really commit to reading like that. Yeah. And of course, if it's about some alien stupid.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I will tap the in. But yeah, that was very, very convincing. And the gist of it is that aliens have been here the whole time. And the reason why they're getting more active and there's more sightings is because we're. There's like a threat of nuclear war. And they're essentially like our zookeepers. And like they've been in. Living in the ocean, like in a base for this entire time. And that the ships they make are like. Like imagine like heat shrink wrap, like around like a box, like, and then you peel it off. Like, basically their ships are made like that where they like.

[Drew]

So they come up and.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And then go mining.

[Drew]

Oh, so we can rip them out the plastic and they'll start acting brand new.

[Josiah]

No, like dead. As they literally will. But yeah, basically they've been here the whole time and we're just being watched and taken care of.

[Drew]

See, thing about me is like, I just will never believe it. And you could put an alien in my face and I'd be like this. I would give this special effects is going too far.

[Josiah]

That's like literally how I feel. Like if I saw one in person, I would be like, okay, that's literally not real. But if there was an alien in front of me, I would get it. Cunningus.

[Drew]

Yeah. I'd be like, can I see your genitalia?

[Josiah]

The. I speak three languages. English speaker, Spanish and Cunningus. You're And Italian.

[Drew]

Wait, I had something written down that.

[Josiah]

Wait, why am I spicy white? I'm like spicy white.

[Drew]

So this is. Okay, you need to stop that. The more we like enter our adulthood and get closer to 30, it's just.

[Josiah]

Natural that you exploring your body or not in that way.

[Drew]

No. What? I explore my body. Why do you have to make it like that? Like, why are you being.

[Josiah]

I don't know. You're just talking about masturbation all the time.

[Drew]

Oh, I mean, I do have a problem. Problem with that.

[Josiah]

Guys, guys. Don't even get me started. On the couch, on the walls. It's everywhere. She's like a cat.

[Drew]

My sebum and squirt is. But. But basically I just went. I've been to the doctors and seen Pete like the nurses around my age. Because it's just getting to that point where like the people our age, because we're in our mid-20s now, are working these jobs.

[Josiah]

Not me.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, never you, like, literally never you. Because I would not trust you in a doctor's office. But actually, with that being said, that's my issue is now that, like, I. I went to the tailor the other day and there was a girl my age. I was like, you have a job? Like, or like, it's literally like, yes, I don't have a job. So I'm like, what are you doing here? Also, why are you coming up to me with pins and needles to, like, start poking my clothes?

[Josiah]

I get what you're. It's like you being the same age as these people and they're like, highly specialized in their craft and it doesn't.

[Drew]

Make no sense because also I don't have a craft. I'm highly specialized. Like, I didn't have to do that. So now I'm like, very confused and concerned. There was a joke. The doctor who's about to give me a shot and take my blood is my age. I'm like, I know you're going to sell that shit on Depop because why are you taking my blood? Like, I'm like, there's no.

[Josiah]

My blood got stolen by a 30 something year old doctor. Did I talk about that?

[Drew]

No, you haven't.

[Josiah]

Guys, I. Something is seriously wrong with my testicles. And like, that's as far as I'll go. Like, I don't know what is going on.

[Drew]

Something is wrong with my box because everyone who goes in it becomes obsessed with me. But that's different.

[Josiah]

Oh, okay. No, that was awesome, actually. But something is seriously wrong with my testicles. And I've been going to the doctors a bunch and getting ultrasounds and I have to get a second ultrasound and I had to give blood and piss and blah, blah, blah, blah, because I was like, is this an std? I've been like, celibate for like a very, very long time, like, other than.

[Drew]

With me, but it doesn't happen.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And I'm so. I'm just like, is this like, did I like, contract something from the toilet seat? Like, what the is going on here? All of them came back negative in the urine. And then I called back, oh, there's a hummingbird out there. But I called back and I was like, yo, like, I just got the urine results. Where is the blood? And they were like, oh, the blood is included. And then I went through the document and I was like, no, this isn't true. So I called them back on Monday.

[Drew]

Wait, when you're like, where is the blood? That's me when I feel myself leaking and I go to the bathroom, but. But it's just discharged and I'm not starting my period. I'm like, where is the blood?

[Josiah]

Boo.

[Drew]

Sometimes if you leave your discharge in your panties too long, you can crack it off. Like. Like, what's that thing? Like a caramel? Like crunch candy? Like, you. Do you ever do that with your discharge? Just take off your underwear and, like, leave it on the floor, and it'll dry, and you can. It'll just peel off the fabric.

[Josiah]

Oh, sorry. I'm back. What the. What the heck?

[Drew]

What the hell?

[Josiah]

What the hell? Sorry. My new haircut is getting in. My haircut is getting in your hair? Yeah, yeah. But I called back on Monday, three days later. Guys, this could be something seriously wrong with me. And, like, it's, like, really crazy.

[Drew]

But, guys, like, I don't think I've ever heard you be like, guys, listen up.

[Josiah]

Like, no, I'm being dead serious. No, something is seriously wrong.

[Drew]

Guys. What the hell is wrong with me?

[Josiah]

But I go or I call the doctor, and I'm like, yo, so no, no, I called the lab that did my lab work, and I was like, yo, they said the blood work was done, and that's including this document that you sent, but it's not in here. And they were like, yeah, it's not there. We never got your blood. And so I'm like, wait, what the. Like, I gave you, like, a bunch of blood. Like, where is my blood? Where is my.

[Drew]

When I go to the. To the vampires to flip my blood to other vampires, and. But they, like, get high off their own supply, and I'm like, where does my mind keep going?

[Josiah]

Boo. Where is my blood? So then I call my doctor, and I'm like, like, yo, guys, this literally went on for, like, a week. I gotta stop saying that. This literally went on for, like, a week. It was, like, so hectic in hell. It's still going on because they haven't found my blood. But I called the doctor back, and I'm like, yo, where's my blood? Y' all lost it? And they were like, let me talk to the doctor. And they ghosted me. Where is my blood? Challenge.

[Drew]

Where is my blood? Like, actually sold it, because why is your blood got. Also. That's.

[Josiah]

So get off your damn phone.

[Drew]

I'm asking for the Janet tickets because I'm starting to panic.

[Josiah]

So Anya's begging for Janet Jackson tickets because it's tonight and they're $2,000.

[Drew]

I. This is. I know, really crazy. And it sounds like that one girl who's like, I spent $50,000 on Harry style tickets, but, like, I never spend this much on tickets because usually because I'm sexy and I'm hot and I know musicians. It's no big deal. I get a hookup, but I hate asking for a hookup for tickets. I usually will, like, hope it just happens naturally. And if it doesn't, I just buy, like, random tickets that are cheap and I'll just go. Because I don't really care usually about being close, but for Janet, I need to be close. And it's tonight. By the time this episode comes out, it would have been two weeks ago. Your hair looks like.

[Josiah]

Thank you.

[Drew]

Kind of looks like cotton candy.

[Josiah]

Thank you.

[Drew]

But this is pointless. I'm asking my close friends for tickets and I'm hoping that one of my munches come through. Hopefully one of my munches hook me up, but, well, my, my, all my munches have become veteran munches. So they're fallen soldiers and I don't believe they will be active in the war for my box anymore.

[Josiah]

So, like, it's done.

[Drew]

My munches are just like. Like, they're. Honestly, my munches are on munch unemployment right now, so I haven't even asked how they're doing.

[Josiah]

Do you know what's crazy that I thought about was, like, when we went out, like, there weren't that many recognizable and familiar faces. And what I thought about it was like, oh, my gosh. Everybody that we loved seeing when we went out are, like, aging out of their party era. Like, they're like, they're like, I have boyfriend, girlfriend, and I'm too old to be doing this and I want kids in two years. Like, I need to chill the outfit.

[Drew]

No, that's literally what it is. Like, all of our friends, including us, we're just at that age where it's also not worth going out and, like, being hungover the next day. Because it's so easy to get hungover now. For me, like, it's fun, but the next day is not worth it. Like, I am so easily. Like, it takes nothing to make me hungover now. And I'd rather just stay home and get so high and get scared and watch stand up. That scares me and freaks me out and then go to bed.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And then in the morning, think about, like, how there were three jokes I said to my friends that I thought upset them and made them hate me. And I was like, that was weird. Why did I think they literally hated me?

[Josiah]

Like, yeah, it's really really crazy. But we went out a couple nights ago to one of our homies. Birthday party. Yeah, I saw a bunch of famous people. I'm pretty cool. But on the way out, there was, like, paparazzi out front. And I saw the paparazzi, and I, like, it is my dream to, like, trick the paparazzi. That is, like, one of my biggest goals in life is to, like, get them to take pictures of me and then, like, the next, like, look at.

[Drew]

Them and talking to people. Josiah and Drew were literally conspiring.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I was, like, plotting. I was like. Because my goal is to, like, get these paparazzi to look at these photos of, like, whoever they thought they were taking a picture of and be like, who the the is this? So I got. I pulled Josiah to the side, and I was like, okay, like, we gotta plot this out. Like, Josiah, I need you to go up to one of the photographers because there was, like, a mass of them. I need you to go up to them and be like, yo, like, so. And so is walking out, like, and he's having, like, a bad night. Like, you need to get pictures of him. And so it was time for us to leave, and there were a bunch of paparazzi. And Josiah walked over there and said. Went and talked to him. And so I thought was. He said was talking about me.

[Drew]

I thought we were like, okay, so I was behind Drew, and I was filming, and Mason was still, like, in the smoking area filming us walk out. I also assumed me and Drew both assumed that he went out there and said the name of a random man. They were trying to say back. And I was like, y' all are crazy for thinking. One, that they would believe Beck is at this party. Two, that they would give a About getting a picture.

[Josiah]

Exactly. And I was just like, tell them it's someone popping right now. Like, I don't know. Just tell him it's something. I couldn't think of anybody that looks like me that's famous. I think we said, like, Tom Holland, but I was like, I do not look like. Or Josiah said, tom Holland. And I was like, I don't look. Like, that's not gonna work. But long story short, like, I'm fully in, like, go mode in character. Like, I have my hat, like, covering my face. I'm, like, walking out quickly, like, distraught. Like, I'm like, oh, my God, they're gonna, like, flick up. Because they started walking over to the exit that we were at and getting their cameras ready and starting to point them at us. Nothing. They didn't take a single photo. And I called an Uber black, like, or an Uber XL or whatever the.

[Drew]

It is literally to feed into the, like, delusion of it just to have a car.

[Josiah]

My driver's out.

[Drew]

Seems like there was a driver there. And this is the video. Yeah. Not a single photo was taken. And actually, I have an angle of it, too. From my angle, you can see that they lifted the camera and then put it down. I realized in my video, embarrassing, because Josiah told them I was Olivia Rodrigo, which I do not look like her at all.

[Josiah]

He went up to them and was like, oh, like, Olivia Rodrigo is, like, walking out right now, and, like, she's.

[Drew]

Wearing a black tank top.

[Josiah]

Yeah, she's. And, like, just said he. She was having, like, a rough night, and she's really drunk. Like, you need to get these photos of her. And they bodied us. And Josiah flopped. And I can never trust person he.

[Drew]

Could think of that, like, paparazzi would want a picture of. Because he said that he went up to them, and he was like. Because he was like, are you guys. And they were like, yeah, we're. We're paparazzi. He was like, okay, someone's coming out. And they're like, who? And then he goes, olivio, Olivia Rodrigo. And then they were just like, oh, that's perfect.

[Josiah]

Yeah, we do that.

[Drew]

So he literally just was like, oh, okay, perfect. They're gonna take the picture. You can see in the photo that almost immediately, they look at me, and.

[Josiah]

They'Re like, who the is that? And you can see in the video me covering my face. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

[Drew]

But is really, really funny.

[Josiah]

That's what you do for the bit. But, yeah, also, why the Do I need a birth certificate proving, like, that I'm alive?

[Drew]

I know. Why do you need a birth certificate and a Social Security?

[Josiah]

I'm literally here in front of you and talking like, I don't need a birth certificate. Like, also, like, if you need to cancel, like, an airline flight because of a death or something, you have to show them the death certificate of the person you lost. And if they're not close enough to.

[Drew]

You, that can't be true.

[Josiah]

Swear to God. It's so crazy.

[Drew]

Give me my money back. Someone's gonna want the ticket anyway.

[Josiah]

I've actually never had trouble refunding a flight or canceling.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know.

[Josiah]

That's.

[Drew]

I'm like, that can't be true, because anytime I've canceled a flight, I just get.

[Josiah]

But it's. It's real. Though, like, the airline bit is real.

[Drew]

That's crazy. You're not real. Are we still gonna go to the gym? Yeah.

[Josiah]

Yeah, we have to.

[Drew]

Okay. Well, I did finally go to an estate sale. I know I said in the last episode or one of these episodes, I don't know. These are all coming out at random times, that estate sales weren't real. And I still believe that they weren't real. I went with a friend of mine, and it felt like we got transported into a random timeline and it didn't make sense, and it was very random. We also forgot cash. So we basically just went into this person's house. And then I immediately felt really crazy about being in someone's house, like, looking through their stuff. And. And I couldn't stop laughing because I just, like. We were just like, what are we doing? Like, why did we drive out 45 minutes to be in this fucking house? And I felt really bad because, like, it seemed like the people working it were, like, whoever this person was, friends. Like, it was like a really, like.

[Josiah]

Random people, like, estate sales. Like, if you don't hire a company to do it, it's just, like, your close homies and family.

[Drew]

That's what it felt like. And I felt crazy. And I was, like, doing. You know, when I, like, start laughing a lot because I'm, like, nervous and uncomfortable. I kept doing that, and then I was feeling really bad, and I. I just had to leave. So I went to an estate sale, and then I immediately left. But I did get complimented on my jacket. But that's because everywhere I go, I get, like, shouting compliments. It's almost, like, annoying. It's like, ask me how I'm doing. Stop saying that my tits look good.

[Josiah]

I've been out with you, I think, literally every single place you've ever gone, and I've never heard someone shout at you.

[Drew]

That's funny. That's funny because they do. So it's like, also in seventh grade, my crush, who I was on an in an on and off relationship with, who I was really toxic with. One time, he made me really mad. So I took a panty liner, like, a pad, and I wrote his name on it in red ink.

[Josiah]

This isn't real.

[Drew]

And I slapped it in the stairwell. And me and my friends waited there for the bell to ring and everybody going down. He was, like, one of the popular kids. And I stood there.

[Josiah]

We all broken up or dating.

[Drew]

We. We were on our. One of our many breaks.

[Josiah]

Wow.

[Drew]

And everybody walking by was, oh, my God. And then we got Back together. And then he asked me to have sex with him in the bathroom. And I literally was like, are you actually stupid?

[Josiah]

We're 12 La Toxica. I would have given it up.

[Drew]

I know, I know.

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

No self respect.

[Josiah]

Well, men need to go back to the steel beams. Working on the steel beams. Where are the real men?

[Drew]

Like, I know it's really, like. It's actually a problem. Like, no one's building. Everyone's so busy building in Fortnite and on their PC and in 3D renders, but no one's building in real life.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I want to link up and build irl. Not link up and build ig, Like.

[Josiah]

Yup. Facts. Because they need to go back to the still beams and falling off in New York City.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

And dying, because I don't see that anymore. Where are they?

[Drew]

Also, everybody is always like, oh. Like, I up. And I checked his following list. No, what you need to check is who he's playing Fortnite with, because he just went and hugged a girl doing the duo emo.

[Josiah]

Wow.

[Drew]

They were doing the duo emote hug in Fortnite, and you were too busy looking through his IG following list.

[Josiah]

What was that? Tick tock with all the slides of him being like, keep your circle small. Like, it's Fortnite.

[Drew]

It was, like, in, like, Fortnite taught me so many things that real life never could. It's like, when your circle small is small. You know, all the best competitors are there. Like, it's like, all. You're surrounded by the best of the best.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Something about it being toxic.

[Drew]

I, like, can't even think.

[Josiah]

Yeah, they were, like, hella lit.

[Drew]

I need to find them, because we're gonna end this episode with them. Oh, also, if it was still in the, like, witch trial era, I would accuse you of being a witch, and they would believe you. And then I would go to your stoning.

[Josiah]

I would actually believe that. And I would. I would. I would say, I am a witch. I do witchcraft. Yeah.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I feel bad for the depressed people watching this. I really do. If you're depressed, make some noise. Yeah. I feel bad for you. I feel really bad for you.

[Drew]

Damn. I'm really not gonna find this. This is actually, like, making me, like, upset, and I think I'm gonna throw a hissy fit right now. All right, well, thank you guys so much for watching. Oh, wait. Media, media, media.

[Josiah]

You literally never want to do media. You're like, it's crazy that you are the biggest gatekeeper I know. And, like, you have an entire segment on your podcast that you give away media that you don't give away media on.

[Drew]

Well, here's my media. Too Much Heaven by the Bee Gees. Simple kind of life, no doubt. Crying, laughing, loving, lying, La Bisafrey. I can't say his name right. And then still listening to is I love anything when you're in my heart. Actually, that's it. That's all I'm gonna give you.

[Josiah]

Oh, yeah, that's it. Wooden Girl, Jonathan Lean, Dewar. Worst behavior. Drake.

[Drew]

Oh, worse.

[Josiah]

Lonesome Town, Ricky Nelson.

[Drew]

The Motion by Drake. I know every word to that song. I love that song. And girls love Beyonce by Drake.

[Josiah]

Okay, these words. Natasha Bedingfield. Wow. Money on a gold plate. Ag Cook. And I'll give you one more by Ag Cook. Listen to 7G. It's like, like 3 million songs long. But A to Z is really good. 2021 is really, really good. And then I think it's called Silver, but I can't find it. Maybe it's on a different album, S I L V E R. But it's the one that, like is a bunch of screaming and scratching and sound and then it becomes the most beautiful song you've ever heard in your entire life. Well, let me find that that real quick. Also still listening to Pine Grove need to by Pine Grove is Lit sauce and that's the first musician that Tick Tock has showed me that I didn't know of before was Pine Grove and that I've actually enjoyed. Every other musician on TikTok Pine Grove I gave to Tik Tok. Every musician on Tick Tock I gave to Tick Tock. Mike Mike Hawk Drop.

[Drew]

All right, thank you guys so much.

[Josiah]

Also, Mike Hunt gave me a BLOWY Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through June 24th, score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno Cheese it Crackers, Oscar Meyer lunchables, and just bear chicken bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.