Enyas stinky feet in 4k

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "Enya's Stinky Feet in 4k"

Release Date: December 8, 2023
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. There is no emergency, but there is an intense need for attention, so maybe listen up… You don’t want to know what happens if you don’t. (We will be violent)

---

1. Opening Banter: Battling the Common Cold

The episode kicks off with Enya expressing her frustration over being sick. Drew attempts to downplay his own symptoms, leading to a playful exchange about being a "super spreader."

• Enya: "I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. Someone help me." [00:46]
• Drew: "Enya's been sick as a dog. But my body, my body's different." [00:51]
• Enya: "No, it's because I'm out on the streets getting other people sick." [01:01]

2. The Mustard Gas Mishap: A Household Hazard

Drew shares a humorous yet alarming story about accidentally creating "mustard gas" in their bathroom by mixing bleach and Windex while cleaning.

• Drew: "I literally created mustard gas in the bathroom. And I'm not talking about a... I literally, like, I created mustard gas." [03:56 – 04:47]
• Enya: "He was like, I don't want to tell you what I did, but I did something in there, and I'm going to say it on the podcast." [05:04]

3. Fabuloso Slime Surprise: Cleaning Gone Slick

The hosts introduce a surprise segment involving Fabuloso slime, prompting laughter and playful teasing about their cleaning habits.

• Drew: "Some... I did Fabuloso slime. OG Slime. Fabuloso slime." [06:25]
• Enya: "I'm gonna pull out the real fabuloso, too, so you can, like, have a reference to how similar that smells." [06:43]

4. Drew's Party Experience: Unlikely Popularity

Drew recounts his rare outing to a party, where unexpected attention from attractive women boosts his confidence, leading to a comedic rap session.

• Drew: "Damn, I've created a monster." [07:06]
• Enya: "You were starting to rap. You were, like, going bar for bar." [08:41]
• Drew: "It's a really big boost to my confidence." [08:56]

5. Weed Stories: Highs and Lows

Enya and Drew delve into their personal experiences with marijuana, discussing anxiety, hallucinations, and the challenges of getting high in public versus at home. Joseph adds his own tale of experiencing schizophrenia-like symptoms from weed.

• Enya: "I would never do a dab. I would never hit a bong." [16:02]
• Drew: "How I thought I was being cool and I was, like, catatonic all the way home." [15:40]
• Joseph: "I was in high school and I did this, like, backpacking trip with my friend." [16:17]

6. Feet and WikiFeet: A Comedic Touch

The conversation shifts to a humorous critique of Drew's WikiFeet rating, leading to playful antagonism and jokes about Enya's feet.

• Enya: "So you have 2,003 photos of my feet?" [23:35]
• Drew: "Yes, and I upload them across the Internet." [23:51]
• Enya: "Every time we get into a real argument, I'm like, well, you have a fucking two on WikiFeet." [24:10]

7. Environmental Insights: Trees vs. Stars

Drew shares astonishing statistics about the number of trees on Earth compared to stars in the Milky Way, sparking a lighthearted debate on sustainability and climate change.

• Drew: "There are 3.04 trillion trees on Earth." [37:33]
• Enya: "Tradition is tradition. My family has always used real trees." [37:41]

8. New Segment: Historic Events – The D.B. Cooper Mystery

Introducing their new segment, the hosts dive into the infamous D.B. Cooper case, humorously analyzing the hijacker's actions and the ongoing mystery surrounding his disappearance.

• Drew: "DB Cooper bought a one-way plane ticket to Portland, Paradise." [51:20]
• Enya: "So he was like, why the parachute?" [52:43]
• Drew: "He was like, let’s go. Let me live. It looks great." [55:48]

9. Media of the Week: Documentaries and Music

Enya and Drew wrap up the episode by discussing recent documentaries they've watched, such as "Love Has One," and sharing their favorite music tracks, blending their comedic flair with genuine insights.

• Enya: "Love Has One is so." [61:34]
• Drew: "And that's it. That's our media of the week." [63:06]

10. Closing Remarks: Staying Sick and Loving It

Enya humorously reiterates her ongoing battle with illness, while Drew and Joseph continue their playful banter, concluding the episode on a light-hearted note.

• Enya: "Love will cure. All Level three love." [63:40]
• Drew: "All Level three love." [63:42]

---

Notable Quotes:

• Drew on Cleaning Mishap: "I created mustard gas in our bathroom. And Anya woke up later and was like, I..." [05:23]
• Enya on WikiFeet: "Every time we get into a real argument, I'm like, well, you have a fucking two on WikiFeet, you bitch." [24:10]
• Drew on D.B. Cooper: "He was like, I don't want to tell you what I did, but I did something in there, and I'm going to say it on the podcast." [52:43]

---

This episode of Emergency Intercom masterfully blends humor with relatable anecdotes, ensuring listeners are entertained while navigating through topics ranging from everyday mishaps to legendary mysteries. Enya and Drew's chemistry shines through their witty exchanges and candid storytelling, making "Enya's Stinky Feet in 4k" a memorable installment in their comedic journey.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like General Mills cereal drumstick, frozen treats, outshine fruit bars, Oreo cookies and Capri sun pouches. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Enya]

Hi, guys. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. Someone help me.

[Drew]

Enya's been sick as a dog. But my body, my body's different. Like I have the same thing. Things she's got right now, but like, I'm not sick.

[Enya]

No, it's because I'm out on the streets getting other people sick.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. And he is on her like super spreader. Like she's been down with the super spreading vibes. Just kidding. Just kidding. Jk.

[Enya]

I have been seeing friends.

[Drew]

I will say, I will spread it to me and Joseph.

[Enya]

Well, all of all of my friends who I've been seeing is because everybody's leaving for the holidays. But I tell them, I'm like, hey, feeling a little funky? Congested. Congested. Congested. Is that how you say that?

[Joseph]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Oh, that's a weird word. And they don't give a. Because my vibe is so strong. They're like, honestly, it's worth getting sick. Hanging out with you. It's worth getting sick.

[Drew]

Do you know what a weird word to me is?

[Enya]

What? Inya I was going to say, a weird word to me is like. It's actually a set of words. It's true. Is attractive. Cuz I'm just like. That's not. Those words don't align.

[Drew]

See, mine is in.

[Enya]

But you know what? Words make sense. Drew should kill himself. Those words together make sense.

[Joseph]

No, Drew, don't kill yourself. You're so sexy.

[Enya]

You don't with me. You don't start with me because I will go lower.

[Joseph]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Drew]

She will add a gunshot sound to post and then add like holy music when I come in. So it's like I like in the returning of Jesus Christ.

[Joseph]

Drew, speaking of super spreader you later, okay?

[Drew]

Period. Period. Okay. Speaking of super spreading. So this morning I'm like, why am.

[Enya]

I still so sick?

[Drew]

Yeah, you're destroying your lungs. I don't do that shit anymore.

[Enya]

Yeah, you're holier than that.

[Drew]

Speaking of this morning, I was, like, kind of up early, kind of doing my thing. And every morning, I just, like, do a little cleaning around the house. And I, like, had my eyes set on the bathroom, and the bathroom was particularly dirty, specifically the toilet. There's like. I guess we have hard water. I don't know. But there's always, like, a ring in the toilet where the water sits.

[Enya]

It's also from me doing my lipstick and then wiping my mouth and it being, like, covered in red oils and.

[Drew]

Throwing it in the toilet and just, like. Like, foundation. Throw it into the toilet, and it just, like, melts off of the napkin and permeates the bowl, and it's just crazy. Anyways, I was doing a little cleaning, and I've never done this, so I don't know why I did this.

[Enya]

I know what you're about, but I.

[Drew]

Cleaned the toilet bowl with this, like, bleach cleaner. And what is. Is that. What was that?

[Joseph]

Sorry. I don't know.

[Drew]

Is that a sneeze?

[Joseph]

No, that was a laugh. But I'm congested. I'm sick, too. Nobody asked me how.

[Drew]

I'm sick of. Yeah, I'm sick of y' all. So can y' all shut the up and let me finish my story, please?

[Enya]

Oh, my God.

[Joseph]

You asked.

[Drew]

You asked. No. So I was, like, cleaning the toilet bowl with bleach, and I was doing my thing, and then I was like, o. I'm going to use the toilet bowl cleaner on the countertop, and I sprayed the countertop with the bleach. And then I was like, oh, I need to clean the mirror in there as well. And I grabbed the Windex and I sprayed the Windex on the thing, and I overspray the out of windows, because I find when you add more Windex, it cleans better. And I guess Windex dripped down into the bleach, and I literally created mustard gas in the bathroom. And I swear to God, my throat started burning so bad and my eyes started watering, and I was like, cool. I'm literally, like. I created. I made a war crime in our bathroom. And I'm not talking about a. Like, I literally, like, I created mustard gas.

[Enya]

Our toothbrushes are out, so that means when you spray that, you open it, it literally gets all over our toothbrushes and toothpaste.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm disinfecting it, so you should be happy.

[Enya]

Yeah, but now I'm sick. So maybe you're creating mustard gas in my.

[Drew]

Mustard.

[Enya]

Mustard gas in my. Yeah, so they need to add mustard.

[Drew]

Gas to Fortnite that's like the ring river. That's the storm.

[Enya]

Yeah, that. I guess that is the storm.

[Drew]

Storm.

[Enya]

The storm is right.

[Joseph]

There's, like, little grenades.

[Enya]

Huh?

[Joseph]

You know, the little grenades with, like, the yellow gas?

[Enya]

Oh, yeah, See, that's the mustard gas.

[Drew]

That's literally what our bathroom looked like this morning. And it's an invisible killer. And Anya woke up later and was like, I. She was. She woke up kind of later, and I was like, a few hours had passed since I created the mustard gas. And when she was walking in there, I was like, by the way, like, do not spend a lot of time in here, because I don't know if the mustard gas has left the space, and I don't want you to die.

[Enya]

He was like, I don't want to tell you what I did, but I did something in there, and I'm going to say it on the podcast. And I immediately knew because we have all those cleaning supplies sitting there in the bathroom, and. And I'm like, he literally comes in here and plays with them. Like, he comes in here and plays with the cleaning supplies. And I know he's creating gas in here because he just, like, is going overboard, but it's okay because I have a housewife in my life, so I can't complain.

[Joseph]

You guys have that one cleaning solution that looks like grape juice.

[Enya]

Where is fabuloso that ever.

[Joseph]

Have you ever smelled fabulous Jolly Rancher in there?

[Enya]

Have you ever smelled fabuloso?

[Joseph]

No. Is it good?

[Drew]

Wait, hold on. Wait. I'm gonna grab something.

[Enya]

Boy, do we have a surprise for you.

[Drew]

Some. I did Fabuloso slime. OG Slime. Fabuloso slime. Thank you so much to the person that gave me this at the podcast.

[Enya]

At the Pop Up.

[Joseph]

What I'm not supposed to.

[Enya]

I'm gonna pull out the real fabuloso, too, so you can, like, have a reference to how similar that smells.

[Joseph]

That sounds good.

[Drew]

I put in your. On.

[Joseph]

This is like. Like, airport bathrooms.

[Drew]

Yeah, I put in your. Onto this, bro. Like, she had no idea this existed. Like, you can guess who uses me because I'm fabulous.

[Joseph]

Oh. Oh, that's basically this. That one is a little bit better, though.

[Drew]

So good.

[Enya]

The original fabuloso. Please sponsor me. The proper way to clean your floors. I don't believe in, like, the, like, mop. Oh, my God.

[Joseph]

You can't get through the child protection.

[Drew]

Oh, it was so good. I drank it. Guys. I, like, no one heard my joke.

[Enya]

What was your joke?

[Drew]

I said. Never mind.

[Enya]

You said, you Put me on to this.

[Drew]

Yeah, because. And you said, no, it's fabuloso. Like, who do you think put you on and. Because I'm fabulous.

[Enya]

Yeah, no, I heard that. I heard that.

[Drew]

Where are the horses? I really want to ride a horse. Save a horse. Ride a cowboy.

[Enya]

Drew finally went to a party. Like, we finally got him out of the house. And on the way home, he, like, deadpan, well, I don't know if you want to talk about this, but, like, who is hitting on, like, the people who were hitting on you all night?

[Drew]

Oh, I don't want to say. I want to keep it a mystery, but it was hilarious. Like, the people that came up to me and actually, I don't give a. Literally, the hottest women I've ever seen, like, bad, baddy boots were, like, coming up to me and, like, kind of trying to, like, riz on me and, like, see what my vibe is. And I was like, damn, I've, like, created a monster. Like, I've created a monster, and I just get play. I get box. I Mac on box. I, like, sniff crotch. Like, I. Yeah, yeah.

[Enya]

You were starting to rap. You were, like, going bar for bar. I'm back on box. I sniff on crotch.

[Drew]

But, yeah, it was just. It was funny because says, you don't got a chance with me.

[Enya]

Yeah. Because Drew's just like, I'm a bad.

[Drew]

I'm a 10. No, but it did, like, it was a really big boost to my confidence. Like. Like, everyone was like, oh, my God, Drew, you're out. Like, oh, my God. Like, this is.

[Enya]

I don't know. It's not good when, like. Because Drew does not go out to parties. When he does, everybody treats it like it's such a. Like, a thing. So the problem is, then he will use that as leeway to stay the home for the next, like, five months because you want to, like, keep it, like, this sacred medallion of, like, when you do go out.

[Drew]

I'm mysterious. I'm literally mysterious.

[Enya]

Yeah. I did get comments, like, the next day, who's that kid who can't keep eye contact and doesn't know what to say when I come up to him.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Joseph]

Literally, when I came out to where you were sitting.

[Drew]

You came out? What do you mean, came out?

[Joseph]

No, out of the.

[Enya]

But you came out at a party.

[Joseph]

No, I. Well, I did, but the.

[Drew]

Oh, in the famous section.

[Joseph]

In the famous section. When I went to the famous section. Yeah, he was sitting, like, on the corner of this, like, little wall, and there was a line of people, like, waiting, like, Literally, like the iPhone.

[Drew]

And I was like, literally blessing them with my sword and knighting them. I was like, yes.

[Joseph]

What was nice is when I walked up, I like, past the line, I just.

[Drew]

Yeah, I just like, hi, come up.

[Enya]

Oh, you had your. Your lanyard on.

[Drew]

Your VIP lanyard.

[Enya]

Your lanyard with a picture of Drew, like, sexually in bed.

[Joseph]

Like, laying in bed, putting my hand with like, the. The wrist thing for Coachella on the little light up pad.

[Enya]

He has, like, velvet robes around him at this party. You're, like, holding it up through the crowd. It's too many people.

[Drew]

You're like, I have my.

[Joseph]

I have my phone with the flashlight and a water bottle.

[Drew]

I keep, like, clocking that it's Kai and I like, keep. He. He's not allowed in. And.

[Joseph]

Oh, wait, what this bit taking a weird.

[Enya]

Cuz you obviously stole that pass. You cuz you would never make it on Drew's VIP list.

[Joseph]

Yes, I would.

[Enya]

You're not getting backstage.

[Joseph]

Tell them that. I would.

[Enya]

Well, Drake and Kanye were trying to get backstage for Drew, but okay, if.

[Drew]

Oh, wait. Actually, on a real note, I had a sex dream about Kanye on a real note, and I have it written down, like, no. Two nights ago. And I kept it from you because I wanted to talk about it. I had a sex dream about Kany in. We were in. Where? Where that place he is right now. Saudi Arabia. We were there and it was crazy.

[Enya]

Okay, so you had a sex tree with Kanye west in Saudi Arabia.

[Drew]

But I also had a dream about Taylor Swift. Not an S dream, but I wrote down all my notes for it because it's quite literally the funniest thing dream I've ever dreamed. Okay, so the dream starts out and we're at a Beyonce concert. It's me. You. I forget who else was with us, but I know for a fact it was me and you and a third person. Oh, it was Josiah. It was literally Josiah. It was me. You and Josiah had a Beyonce concert. And this is like, way deep in the future. And like, unfortunately, I'm not saying this has happened is going to happen, but Beyonce was washed and she couldn't even sell out in arena, and she was doing an arena tour and. And there was empty seats everywhere. And it was really embarrassing. We were still wilding out, we were still turning up, but just Beyonce wasn't giving the Beyonce that we remembered. And it was sad. But then we got invited backstage and Taylor Swift was backstage because, you know, they have that, like, cute little girlfriend shit because of, like, people trying to pit them. Exactly. Exactly. Like, that one moment, I think it's at the VMAs when Beyonce called Taylor Swift back on stage. When Beyonce won her award is one of the most iconic moments in pop history. But anyways, I mean, that's, like, right.

[Enya]

Under me and you starting the podcast.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, right under. Right under. But we. Our backstage with Beyonce and Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is like, oh, you should come to my house. And we're like, what? Like, let's go to your house. Like, hey, we go to her house. She literally is staying in the White House. Like, her house is in the White House. White House. And she's under contract with the government.

[Enya]

Think of, like, big architecture. You're like.

[Drew]

It'S literally the White House. Like, it's a government building, and she's living in there. And she's under contract with the government to do meet and greets every single day at the White House. So she's meeting, like, 15 to 30 people at the White House. And we're just kind of chilling around, like, feeling like celebrities. And we're, like, really cool. And everybody's like, who is. Who are they with? Taylor. Like, what is this? And then after that, Taylor's like, let's. Let's go. Let's go. I don't know where. And we get out and go outside of the White House, and we get on bird scooters, and me, her, me, you, Josiah and Taylor are riding bird scooters through, like, Washington, D.C. and there's, like, a bunch of, like, special, like, security. What are they called?

[Enya]

Special Service.

[Drew]

Yeah. Secret Service.

[Enya]

Secret Service, meet Special Service.

[Drew]

Like, clocking rt. And, like, Taylor would, like, wave them off and shit. And then this is the gag. Taylor's like, oh, I'm gonna get in my car and race y' all. She gets in the Golden Bugatti. The Gold Bugatti.

[Enya]

The Reputation video.

[Drew]

Yes. And she speeds off, and we never see her again. And then I wake up. That was my dream. And I have it all written down in my notes. But I, like, remembered it all because.

[Enya]

I was like, that is so funny. I've had a dream in a really long time.

[Joseph]

Have you been smoking weed? Because weed stops that.

[Enya]

No.

[Drew]

And weed stops covert.

[Joseph]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

Yeah. So I'm. Because I'm sick. I'm like. I'm really hoping I don't.

[Drew]

Did you spray something? Did someone spray something?

[Enya]

No, that's. I opened my tuna box.

[Drew]

Oh, no. Did you actually spray a perfume or something?

[Enya]

Yeah, I sprayed this.

[Drew]

Oh. Because my eyes are, like, burning. And I was like, oh, God, the mustard gas is back. The mustard gas is back.

[Enya]

But, yeah, I guess it is from weed, so. Oh, you got me.

[Drew]

And you got her tea club.

[Enya]

Oh, you got me.

[Joseph]

Are you doing dabs or are you just hitting the bubbler?

[Enya]

What the did you just say to me? I'm not kidding. I think if I hit a bong, I would die. Like, even, like. Because, like, mind you, as much as I'm like, oh, yeah, I smoke now. It's like a baby amount. Like, I literally still, like, I have.

[Drew]

Like, that's what an addict would say.

[Enya]

Guys, I'm not addicted. I'm not addicted. I don't have a problem.

[Drew]

Stop anytime.

[Enya]

It's still, like, such a low dose every time. If I hit a bong, I actually think, like, I would, like, fall back, hit my head and, like, fall into a coma.

[Drew]

Have I ever talked about when I hit a dab rig? Because I thought I was, like, being cool and I was, like, catatonic all the way home and, like, my head was on the window of the truck and I was like. And I, like, had no control over my body, so I was just like.

[Enya]

I literally.

[Joseph]

I. Oh, yeah, I think I remember that story.

[Enya]

I remember because I, like, every time he does the head thing, it, like, makes me cry because I, like, know where you're at.

[Drew]

It was like riding a school bus and you're, like, trying to be emotional, watching the raindrops race and, like, your head is just vibrating on the window and your nose is getting itchy.

[Joseph]

Did I tell you the story when I had, like, full blown schizophrenia from weed?

[Enya]

No.

[Joseph]

I was in high school and I did this, like, this, like, backpacking trip with my friend.

[Drew]

No, you didn't.

[Joseph]

Yeah, I did. Yes, I did. And I stayed in this hostel and I was like. I think I was like 17, and all the people in the hostel were like, these cool. What I thought were, like, cool college.

[Enya]

Kids, but what are actually freak elites who see 17 year olds and they're.

[Drew]

Like white people with dreads. That is weird as. That's weird as.

[Joseph]

I think there were some white people with dreads, Honestly, but.

[Drew]

So they're Vikings, bro.

[Joseph]

Like, they're all like, I'm with me and my friend, and they're like, dude, come in. Like, we're all smoking the volcano.

[Drew]

I. I've done those before.

[Enya]

And the same thing happened at the.

[Joseph]

Beginning of vape technology.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Joseph]

It's like this $4,000 device and it just, like, fills up a bag and it just. It's like, pure, like, Clear air. And so this is, like, my second time smoking.

[Drew]

I literally have a story just like this, and I'll tell it after years. But my brother, like, got me high in Austin at the college off of a volcano. But his wasn't even a volcano. It was, like, the wooden box with a tube. Oh, and with a glass tip.

[Joseph]

Same era, for sure. So I'm hitting this thing, and I'm just like, oh, this is air. Like, it doesn't even taste like weed. And then, like, after, like, five minutes, I'm just like, I'm gonna leave. Like, I don't feel normal. Like, I don't know what this is.

[Drew]

So you fly home.

[Joseph]

And then I step out of, like, the room, and I'm walking back to, like, like, my cabin, and I just hear thousands of voices, like, telling me to enter the forest.

[Drew]

And I was like, no, it was the Wicked Forest.

[Joseph]

And I kid you people, I was so high that I was like, yeah, there's voices in the forest. They're asking me to come into the forest. They're probably just people playing pranks on me. It was gonna get in my bed. It's all these cool college kids playing pranks on me. So I got in bed, and I just heard the voices, and they whispered in my ears to sleep. And I was like, oh, they're just surrounding the cabin, like, whispering around.

[Drew]

What the.

[Joseph]

And then the next morning, I was like, no. Like, I experienced schizophrenia.

[Enya]

Damn.

[Joseph]

Because I think I had probably the equivalent of, like, two bong rips.

[Drew]

It was the evil witches in the forest.

[Enya]

I literally have always been like, I would never do a dab. I would never hit a bong. Because, literally, we have a friend who. The first time I ever saw someone smoke weed was this friend would chronically get crossfaded and throw up all the time. And I didn't know that at the time, but it still scared me so much because, like, I have such a big fear of, like, throwing up. Even though now when I get really drunk, I just, like, let it rip really quick and easy, whatever. But I, like, if I'm, like, fully conscious, the idea of throwing up will literally send me into a terror. Like, freaks me out. So I saw this person who was drunk go and hit a bong. And, like, he laughed for, like, two seconds. And then I saw his face go completely white and stare at all of us. And then he just projectile vomited everywhere. And I literally. I felt like in a movie. Like, it felt like I was in the Purge and I was the first person to walk out of my house.

[Drew]

Well, he was purging for sure. Thank you.

[Enya]

That was so jarring. I felt like the first. I like, can't even finish that sentence though. Like. But like, I just felt like I'd witnessed something, like, terrifying. Like, I feel like I watched somebody get stabbed and I just, like, shockingly backed up and, like, walked away. And now at any mention of a bong, that's all I could think of. And it's such a vivid memory.

[Drew]

That's what I'm thinking, right?

[Enya]

Yeah, it's such a vivid memory in my head. Like, I remember exactly what that garage looked like. Like, the way it was set up. There was, like cabinets that you had to, like, get past to get to the sitting area. Like. Yeah. Now the idea of hitting a bong, like, I'm very convinced I would die, but I also am. Yeah, I would just die regardless.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm gonna die soon, period. Period. We're all gonna die soon, period. Natural gas leak. Our house.

[Enya]

You're older.

[Drew]

Our house is gonna explode in a gas leak. But I'm gonna finish the, like, Austin story. But anyways, like, my brother was like, like, let's like, get high. And I was probably. I was 16 because I was driving, so I was definitely 16. And I drove down to Austin. He was staying in like a shitty dorm at ut and we, like, proceeded to get high. And I was having, like a good time. I was like, damn, maybe I can do weed. This is lit. And then all of a sudden, Jared leaves and goes to like, some house party. So I'm there, like, all alone. And I didn't want to go because I was like, kind of like teetering on the edge of sanity. And I was like, well, I'm gonna just like stay here and vibe. And I was all alone, and I was alone with my thoughts. And I was like, really, like, losing touch with reality. It was getting really spooky. And then I just hear on the door, and he's like, open the door.

[Enya]

Open up.

[Drew]

And I'm like, oh, my God, it's the police.

[Ryan Seacrest]

It's the police.

[Drew]

And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, this is. I'm done. I'm going to jail because there's a bunch of weed out. So I like, run around and start cleaning up. And then I open the door and it's my brother's like, 18 year old friend, 7 or probably 19 year old friend. And he's like, dude, the police are coming. Like, they heard you smoked weed. They're coming. Like, you need to. You need to figure your out. And I start, like, literally sobbing, and I'm shaking, and I'm, like, literally, like, oh, cool. Like, I'm done for. Like, the police are coming. And then my brother comes back and is like, the police are not coming. Just lay down and go to sleep. Because you could tell I was, like, freaking the out. And I laid there and I texted my mom and called my mom, like, all night because I was so scared. And I don't know if she knows that story or. And I think she was aware that I was, like, blasted suited out of my mind, and she was just being, like, a cool mom and, like, talking me through it. But, like, I was so scared. I was like, mom, like, can you come get me when Austin's, like, three.

[Enya]

And a half hours away? No, but you can go to sleep. That's for free.

[Drew]

I literally thought I was dying, but.

[Joseph]

I thought there was gonna be some twist, like. Like a come and see or. Wait. What is it?

[Enya]

Come talk to me.

[Joseph]

No, no. Talk to me. Yes. Drew. No. I thought it was gonna be, like, there was no one at the door. Like, no.

[Enya]

So he. You're the schizophrenic one. He's normal.

[Drew]

Yeah. Period. Period.

[Joseph]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I, like, haven't had, like, a bad high or anything in a while, but I do have this thing that if I'm in public and I get high, I will freak the fuck out. Because we've talked about this, like, so many times. I will just analyze the. What was that? What are you doing? What are you taking? Are you taking a picture of my foot? What are you doing? You're still doing it. Stop it. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Sorry for making you uncomfortable.

[Enya]

I guess. Thanks for admitting. Can you delete the pictures?

[Drew]

Don't know. Don't take your feet out in front of me. You know this.

[Enya]

I live here. We live together. My feet are like. How many pictures of my feet do you have?

[Drew]

I'll just say I don't have a folder with 2,000 pictures of your feet of you just laying on the couch. So, like, maybe I just. The three I just took.

[Enya]

So you have 2003 photos of my feet?

[Drew]

No, like, probably more like 19. Like, 53 or something like that.

[Joseph]

Drew, do you have a Dropbox dedicated to photos of Enya's feet?

[Drew]

Because you read. Yes. And I upload them across the Internet.

[Enya]

Oh. But they're okay. Actually, I don't think it's that weird because it's for inspiration. Because your wiki feet is so low and mine is so high that you're.

[Drew]

Just trying to see what's bringing up my Wiki feet. Having a low rating, always bringing up my Wikifeet.

[Enya]

Every time we get into a real argument, I'm like, well, you have a fucking two on WikiFeet, you bitch.

[Drew]

Yeah, can y' all go boost my rating on Wikifeet, please? Because it really is, like, a hit to my ego.

[Joseph]

Well, I have the highest score on Wiki Hole, so.

[Enya]

Yeah, because you have a weak hole. No grip.

[Drew]

You got a wicked, nasty, scary hole.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Joseph]

Why then why would the score be high as well?

[Enya]

Because, like, weak. Like, worse.

[Joseph]

Oh.

[Drew]

The higher it is in the rating, the lower quality it is.

[Joseph]

So it's not a gripper. Okay.

[Drew]

My. It's a lose. It's loose, bro. You're loose. You're used. Washed up. Your hole is washed up.

[Enya]

Oh. But at that party, I was digging in my purse before we left, trying to find my Jewel. I know some. Everybody hates me. Oh, I. Babe, I. Whatever. Like, I'm a freak. Whatever. I saw somebody the other day who was like, damn, she's hitting that flume float. And the Jewel, we need to start abusing her so she stops.

[Drew]

We need to save her.

[Enya]

But I was digging in my purse, like, in at this party, looking for my Jewel, and I was talking to someone, so I didn't look down, and I started, like, hitting it, and I was like, oh, this must be a burnt pod. This tastes weird. And I was just hitting it and talking, and then I was like. I, like, started over analyzing the person. I was like, oh, who are you? I looked down and I was, like, hitting my stizzy. And I did the same thing in the car. And I don't get, like, scared or anxious in the house high. But when I'm in public and I'm talking to people I'm not really close to, or actually, even people I'm close to, I'm like, oh, I can see you. I know you.

[Drew]

I can see you.

[Enya]

I know you better than you know yourself.

[Drew]

That's literally, like, why I can't do weed is. I literally, like. I think I've talked about this, like, recently, but I psychoanalyze people, and I see them for the real them. Like, I can break down all the walls they've built, and I can, like, break them down to, like, when they were, like, a child and, like, it's really up and, like, the things that went wrong in their childhood that make them act the way they do now.

[Enya]

You have a psychedelic experience.

[Drew]

Yes, period.

[Enya]

That was literally Me on my birthday last year when I, like, started sobbing because I was like, I love you guys so much.

[Drew]

Well, what I would say, I do think parsley is the devil. I think we get. We got mixed up and we call weed the devil. No, parsley is the real devil. That is the most vile tasting ingredient ever. And when I see it on, like, my meal, like, whether if it's on, like, my omu rice, like, where the rice that you cut open, it goes on the egg you cut open, it goes on the ketchup rice. Like, if I see it on there, I literally, like, the meal has 12 points knocked on off of it. It's immediately a negative 2. And they can only bring it back up with flavor. I cannot do parsley. It's like when I take like a. A pressed juice shot and it has parsley oil in actually feels like it's doing more damage than good. Like, it's really dangerous. Like, I don't. It's actually.

[Enya]

I don't know if I know what parsley tastes like. Like, I can't taste like.

[Drew]

Okay, it tastes like if you ate.

[Enya]

That came into the living room yesterday and you were like, have y' all ever really tasted salt?

[Drew]

Yeah, no, I was thinking about. I had, like, salt and I'd like, was like, gargling it because my sword. My throat is a little sore and it's not from giving kai head. Don't even ask. My throat is, like, sore a little bit.

[Joseph]

Nobody was asking that.

[Drew]

I could hear them asking it in the comments.

[Joseph]

Me too.

[Drew]

No, I was like, gargling salt water and I was really tasting it for the first time and thinking about the flavor and I'm like, damn, salt really is just like licking a rock. Like it tastes like a mineral. Like it. It's kind of gross and like, it hurts a little bit. And I was just like, next time you eat salt or dip your finger in some salt right now and lick it off your finger and taste it and think about the flavor. It's kind of gross. It's really nasty. Parsley is the devil, though. Like, parsley. Like, don't even get me started about parsley. Like, if there's one thing I could do and one legacy I could leave on this planet, it's to eradicate parsley from our diet.

[Enya]

Damn, if you had the power to do something amazing, you would just get rid of parsley. Because I wouldn't say that. Like, I wouldn't do that.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Joseph]

No, personally, no.

[Enya]

Not me, sis. Never me, though.

[Drew]

That's like my favorite like, my favorite genre video right now is going up to BYU people and being like it, asking them, like, gay people or the Book of Mormon. And they're like, I'm sorry, but like, this is easy. The Book of Mormon.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And they're like half a million dollars right now or five seconds with Gregory St. James or whatever the. His name is from the Book of Mormon. And they're like, I'm gonna take the five seconds with the Book of Mormon. John Smith. Is it John Smith?

[Enya]

No, it's Jon Snow.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Enya]

Yeah. Well, I think I've said this on the podcast, but I was really thinking about it again the other day. Having a kid who can kind of sing would piss me off. Like, like, I never, God forbid, my child is like in my back seat one day and just kind of like, like, I don't know why they would be singing that song.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, where did that come from?

[Enya]

But it would piss me off and I would destroy that kid's dreams and I would tell them they can't sing so that they shut the up.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Because I.

[Drew]

It happened to me once.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

My parents, my dad told me I could sing good. And I didn't shut the up for weeks. And my sister stood still, makes fun of me for it. Said this.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Because like, like, still I was like 6 years old. And she'll be like, remember when dad told you you could sing good? And like, you sang for two weeks in the car and he would like hype you up. And like, then he was like, actually, you're not.

[Joseph]

Imagine you.

[Drew]

That's literally, that's literally me. It'd be on the way to a baseball game that I didn't want to go to, and I'd be like singing along to like the ad break in a Howard Stern episode. And like, my dad would be like, nice.

[Enya]

Oh, I literally, my little sister, like, used to be told she could kind of sing, so she was that child and took it. And I would just like get on her ass. I'd be like, listen, if you're gonna be a singer, you have to actually hone in and be good because you do not sound. You gotta tap like you need me to. My 6 year old sister who's like, I have a dream to be on American Idol. I was like, you are not my idol.

[Drew]

Everyone did have a dream to be on American Idol. Like, everyone low key. You is like, I want to do that.

[Enya]

I want to be on the Voice, cuz I want to hit that button and my chair swivel around like, I Want to do that. And, like, I want to do it for comedy. And whoever makes me laugh just, like, smash it and, like, turn around, even though I can give nothing to them. And I'm like, you were just funny, dude.

[Drew]

I want to go on American Idol or Americans Got Talent and go American Got Talent and go up to Simon Cowell and rip his fucking skin off of his body and reveal the real person he really is underneath that skin. Or take the medallion that's hanging on his chest that's keeping him kind of young and just rip it off and watch him turn to dust in front of me because, like, I swear, bro, he's a witch. Like, he's a Wiccan.

[Joseph]

I swear to God, I had those fantasies. It was one was stopping a school shooter.

[Drew]

Oh, classical classic.

[Joseph]

I feel like that's like, a very, like, male fantasy.

[Enya]

I didn't grow up in a school where that was ever a thought.

[Joseph]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Like, I literally didn't go to a school where I was ever, like, something big is gonna happen.

[Drew]

We had one or we. We had, like, three months where people were, like, talking about, like, blowing up the school. And it was. It was so funny because one of the. The main rumors was someone, like, wrote, like, you know, the, like, anonymous hacking group. Like, someone wrote their saying on a wall in pencil, and, like, everyone lost their minds and was like, they're planning a bombing. They're going to blow this school up.

[Joseph]

Like white high school.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. Like, classic. Like, white moms, like, overprotective. And no one went to school that day. And then a few more times after that, people were like, he's going to bring a gun to school. Like, he's posting about it on Snapchat. And he didn't.

[Joseph]

So there was a kid at my school that dressed in, like, World War I German nerd. Like, war stuff.

[Drew]

Literally nerd.

[Joseph]

And everyone was like, he's going to do it.

[Drew]

He's going to do it.

[Joseph]

He's going to do it.

[Drew]

I remember the kid we all thought was going to do it, and I'm not going to say his name publicly, but, like, if you went to my high school, like, you know who I'm talking about? And thank God there was two kids, and I actually ran into one of them, and he was, like, in a. He was at a restaurant, and I, like, was, like, chopping it up with him, and I was like, damn. Like, you've, like, turned into, like, a cool person. Like, I want to hang out with you outside of this. But then he, like, vanished into thin Air after that. And I never saw him again. It's crazy.

[Enya]

In front of you.

[Drew]

Yeah. He makes YouTube videos now.

[Enya]

Oh. I don't know why this conversation just reminded me of this, but in high school, there was this kid. There were two brothers. I think their names were, like, literally, Christopher and, like, Jesus. And Christopher was like, God bless him. We were.

[Drew]

This is America. It's Jesus.

[Enya]

Oh, okay, okay. So Christopher and Jesus. So Christopher and Jesus. Oh, you know what's crazy is I don't remember if his name was Jesus or. We just started calling him this because of this story. So it was like, these two white kids, like, two of the, like, only white kids in our school, and both of them had really long hair. But, like, the quiet brother would always cover his face.

[Drew]

Oh, they were brothers.

[Enya]

Like, yes. And they were brothers, and he would always cover his face, like, with hair. And we, like. I think they were like, what's the twins that are identical?

[Drew]

Fraternal.

[Enya]

Fraternal. They were like, fraternal as fuck.

[Drew]

And.

[Enya]

But we didn't know that. We just knew they were brothers and they were the same age. Whatever, bitch. The. The one brother who showed his face was mad fucking annoying. Like, God bless him. But, like, all of us were like, you're funny, but you're fucking annoying. And you're like, this is literally mean. But we were just like, you're not that cute to be annoying. Like, you're just fudgeing annoying. And, like.

[Drew]

And I know school is so judgmental about looks, like, because ours were.

[Enya]

Yeah, like, it's high school. It's like, literally, if you're going to be loud, you have to be cute. Like, you have to, like, yeah, you have to be cute. And he. But he was, like, a funny kid. So he was like. We all knew him also because, like, the only two white brothers with long ass hair, we were like, you might as well be Justin Bieber. Like, that's crazy. Like, actually, every. Like, there was one other white kid in my, like, elementary school who had, like, long hair and everybody called him Justin Bieber because, like, that was the thing. Like, literally, I got called Miley Cyrus and this kid got called Justin Bieber because those are the two, like, most famous white people to us, like, when we were growing up. But whatever. In high school, Like, I don't remember how this happened, but, like, the quiet brother, I was, like, talking to him and I was like, are you ever gonna, like, get your hair out of your face? Because, like, literally none of us knew what he looked like because he always had his hair in his face. I'm not kidding. One day all of us got around and convinced him to move his hair. And he was the most gorgeous person ever. And all us, like, the brother must have, like, actually wanted to kill himself. And I think about this because all of us were like, like, bruh, you should be the one covering your face. And we all, like, turned him. We were like, dude, you cover your face, you show your face. Switch spots. No more of this. Like, we were all like. And we were like, you're literally Jesus. You're so gorgeous. And like, we were literally, like, we were just like, praising the out of him because it was like the big reveal that he was like, under, like, his hair and being the most quiet person ever was, like, genuinely gorgeous.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Enya]

And it's like that we started calling him Jesus.

[Drew]

It's literally that trope of, like, hot or, like, nerdy girl with glasses pulls her hair down and takes her glasses off and walks down the stairs.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. But yeah, so we start calling him Jesus because that's the third most famous white person we knew.

[Drew]

That's. Everyone calls me Jesus. Ironically enough.

[Enya]

Ironically enough. Ironically enough. You know what they call me? Skank.

[Joseph]

That's what they call.

[Drew]

They call you butthole and tuna box.

[Enya]

No, they actually don't called me anything. I was really annoying in high school, though, as far as I got.

[Drew]

Oh, this fact is going to blow yalls fudgeing minds. I'm not even kidding. Like, it literally rocked my fucking world.

[Enya]

You had to take a sip of Go real quick.

[Drew]

No, it's. The fact is that your tuna box reeks. No, it's. We knew that there are more trees on Earth than stars in the Milky Way. Tinfold. Which is crazy. Yes. There's a hundred tril. Wait, is it. I have the note. 100 billion trees on Earth. Which I'm like, girl, if that's. If we have that many trees, keep cutting them down. Like, what the. Like, we got too many trees.

[Enya]

Is it, like, are people, like, on the sustainability train? Like, anti real trees for Christmas? Because I hate plastic trees. I hate plastic.

[Drew]

I better use a fake tree then.

[Enya]

Yeah, 100. Like, I'm sorry. Like, tradition is tradition. My family has always used real trees. I'm never getting a plastic tree.

[Drew]

Yeah, but there's a hundred billion stars in the Milky Way, and there's an estimate of 3.04 trillion trees on Earth.

[Joseph]

Wow.

[Drew]

Which I'm like, gag. Like, okay, I'm gonna get in the tree business and cut all them down. Like, the Lorax. Like, that sounds like. Like it's a lucrative business.

[Joseph]

Shout out to the guy who's counting all the trees.

[Drew]

Yeah, shout out to them. People. People.

[Enya]

Is that like, an estimate? That has to be an estimate. Nobody knows.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Joseph]

Imagery vibes. Yeah.

[Enya]

Hey, I can count them.

[Joseph]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Well, guys, I'm, like, super proud of the tree. This year we'll insert a picture. Granted, it doesn't have the ornaments.

[Enya]

Like, he's.

[Drew]

No, it's Jackiana Grande. Like, it looks great. Like, let me live. It looks great.

[Enya]

Yesterday was like, damn, do you want us to get up and take a picture with it?

[Drew]

And I was like, yeah, actually, yeah.

[Enya]

But she literally went to stand up because she thought you were serious. She was like, are you gonna do it now?

[Drew]

I was like, yeah, no, you're right. Like, we do need a picture next to it. But I'm obsessed with the tree. I've never, like, made a tree this pretty before. And it looks this good without ornaments, but we're gonna have to take it down.

[Enya]

Why?

[Drew]

Because of zoological.

[Enya]

What did Azul do?

[Drew]

He's trying to eat all the plastic.

[Enya]

Oh, that's why I put it on the stool, because he was eating all the tinsel yesterday, and it's pissing me off.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, he's pissed.

[Enya]

You could just get, like, get rid of it on the bottom a little bit. But, yeah, he, like, saw, literally, like a moth to a flame. Like, he saw something shiny and went and started, like. I just heard, like. Like, that sound. I was like, what the. And I was like, what is that sound? And I look over, and he was like, like, doing the thing cats do when they're eating something that they literally can't eat, and they're, like, trying to get it under their teeth. Like, do you know what I'm talking about?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

And, like, he was like. I saw his head, like, jerking, and I was like, what the is he doing? And he had, like, a bunch of it in his mouth. And I was, like, ripped it out of his mouth. And then he kept coming into the room and, like, looking at me and, like, looking at Nat and, like, Carl.

[Drew]

And being like, I'm not gonna.

[Enya]

And, like, just, like, literally, like, kind of standing around the tree and, like, looking at it and then looking back at us. Like, he was so sentient in that moment because he was like, I know. She's gonna take me. Yeah. And then we lifted it, and he came back in, and he, like, looked up and he, like, kind of perched on the little stool, and then he, like, Backed up because he was like, okay. They're like, obviously take, like, they're moving it away from me. So I need to, like, I need to find the moments when no one is in here. So I can do. Literally remember when I. When I first got him. That was, like, our first year that we got a tree, and he would hide behind the tree all the time.

[Drew]

And we were terrified that trees were, like, poisonous to him.

[Enya]

I thought everything was poisonous to Azul. Now I'm like, bro, if you were on the street, you'd be eating. You'd be eating leftover ketamine from somebody who, like, dropped it and was, like, drunk on the street. Like, you can live. You will live.

[Drew]

You're gonna live. Okay. Last thing I want to talk about is the charged lemonade from Panera Bread. Have you been hearing about. It's literally, like, the most deadly drink of all time.

[Enya]

It's like, did they not take it off the menu after that?

[Drew]

Oh, some. Another old man D died.

[Enya]

Really?

[Drew]

Yes, like, recently.

[Enya]

Damn. They are standing there ground with that.

[Drew]

I know. I'm like, get that off the shelf.

[Joseph]

Why are they dying? It's just too much flavor.

[Enya]

It's like 400 and something like 480 milligrams of caffeine.

[Drew]

It's just, like, chilling out so people will chug it and then be like, oh, that was good. I'm gonna get another. And not realize that they're having 18 cups of coffee in one sitting while they're eating with their meal, and they just OD on caffeine.

[Enya]

When I first moved to la, like, I did, I, like, like, started to get really bad heart palpitations. I was like, what is happening? And then I realized that. I remember when I used to drink.

[Drew]

The yerba mat, yerba mates, Red Bull, and coffee all in.

[Enya]

Yeah. I used to literally, like, wake up, have a coffee, have a yerba mate, get another coffee, have a Red Bull, have another yerba mate. And then before I went to sleep, I was like, I'm gonna have a little coffee. Like, it's, like, nice out. It was up, and it was awesome.

[Joseph]

Is that what that is where, like, your heart will, like, move into your throat for a second almost.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Enya]

Like, it almost. It literally almost feels like you're having a heart attack. Like. Like, your chest is like.

[Drew]

It's so scary. But they're literally, like, fairly normal like that.

[Joseph]

And the prostate. Shooting. Prostate.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. Me, like, in. A bunch of friends in New York were sitting on the curb and one of our homies was like, eating a burger and it happened to him. And like, he let out a yelp that I saw still remember so vividly. Cuz he was eating. He goes like.

[Drew]

It's really, like, really, like a moan scream.

[Enya]

And we all were like, whoa. What the was that? So embarrassed. And he like, was choking on his.

[Joseph]

Burger, so he like, that can't be normal. It's.

[Drew]

It apparently just happens to everybody. Cuz it's like it happens to me all the time.

[Joseph]

It's like that I just realized recently that women go through that too. And I was like, like, you guys have to go through that period. And dude. And birth.

[Drew]

Yeah. And like, misogyny and boobs.

[Joseph]

I didn't even think about massaging. And boobs.

[Drew]

Yeah, like. Like boobs that are too big. So they, like, hurt your back? Yeah, literally, I think my back person to tears.

[Enya]

Yeah, y' all aren't even near tears. You're just like, kind of sitting.

[Drew]

And.

[Joseph]

Just like, give me a second to.

[Drew]

Like, work them up.

[Enya]

Yeah, I have to think about it a little more.

[Joseph]

Let me think about huge boobs for a second.

[Enya]

Like, it makes me start crying.

[Drew]

I'm getting sad just thinking about being a boner.

[Enya]

Well, I said this at the live show, but I literally can't stop thinking about cavemen breaking their backs. Like, it's really been, like, haunting me. Like, I just don't understand. Like, there's so many things about, like. Yield.

[Joseph]

What the hell?

[Enya]

What made you think that we were about to kiss?

[Drew]

What?

[Joseph]

No, it totally seemed like. That totally seemed like you're.

[Drew]

She was trying to kiss.

[Enya]

I was starting to talk, and like, he was ignoring me.

[Joseph]

Talking your body language just like, te just seemed like you want to kiss, dude.

[Drew]

Just like, don't. Just don't do that.

[Enya]

Just don't be around you. Yeah, me.

[Drew]

Ow. She hit me.

[Enya]

But yeah, cavemen, like, breaking their backs and like, just breaking limbs and not being able to do absolutely anything about it really is freaking me out because I was really thinking about it. And at the live show, I was like, what did they do that? Did they just leave him there? And they definitely just like, took him back to the village, like, okay.

[Drew]

And he just laid on his back.

[Enya]

Like, and until he died. Like, like, smoke on him.

[Joseph]

Like, stop. Take me to the hospital.

[Drew]

Take me to the witch doctor.

[Enya]

So the way this thought process started is I saw this video of a bear falling out of a tree and, like, falling on his back. I was like, okay, that bear definitely died. And then I was Thinking, I don't know why my brain immediately went to cavemen who would fall out of trees, but I was like, oh, my God. Like, imagine y' all are all hunting. Your homie falls out of tree, breaks his back. Like, you don't know what breaking your back is other than sexually, because, you know, they were. And, like, they would be like, oh, what, does my back hurt? It takes a village. It takes a village to blow your back out. You just have a really strong fat.

[Joseph]

This entire time since the live show, I. I thought you only meant it in a sexual way.

[Enya]

No.

[Joseph]

I thought you were only talking about kids. No, bro, My brain is so poisoned.

[Drew]

You're rotted, bro.

[Joseph]

Seriously.

[Enya]

Wait, did you actually.

[Joseph]

It wasn't until right now that I was like, oh, she literally means breaking your back.

[Enya]

No. Yeah, I met. Literally, like, this falls out of the tree, breaks his back, and people are like, get up. Like, get up. Like, how did they even talk? They were like, Like. Like. Like, I literally don't know.

[Drew]

It's like them saying, get up. But, like, in a loving, you can't.

[Enya]

Get up, and you just take it back to the village and you let him die. Because it's like, damn, my homie's really dead for falling out of that tree. I didn't even. Because, you know, hella people fell out of trees and they, like, got it, but they're like, oh, like, kind of just. Just embarrassed and kept it pushing. But, like, there had to have been the first one to fall out of the tree and not get up and play it cool just, like, on the floor.

[Joseph]

What's crazy is it wasn't until, like, a hundred years ago, like, if you broke your leg, you weren't just completely.

[Drew]

I know. It wasn't until, like, literally, like, 60 years ago that, like, if you got, like, a bacterial infection, like, they could save you. Yeah. Like, if you got, like, the cold at the wrong time, like, you would just die because we didn't understand germ theory. Like. Like, that's crazy.

[Joseph]

Like, a hundred years ago, if you broke your ankle, the doctor would just come in with a leech.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Joseph]

Like, dude, I honestly don't know.

[Drew]

Just. Bro, what those cavemen should have been doing is just taking some elderberry, bro. Like that.

[Enya]

Yeah. Some zinc and elderberry, and they would have been chill.

[Drew]

I'm. I'm anti holistic medicine now. Not anti it, but I'm like, I'm. I'm pro. Letting my body do what it's supposed to do and let it figure it out.

[Enya]

I'm Low key, pro, big pharma. Because I was doing all the holistic for a week, and I'm still sick.

[Drew]

And I'm, like, even more sick.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm, like, even more sick. I've been killing my, like, immune system because I OD'd on fucking vitamin C. And my body's like, we don't need all this. Like, we need to purge it.

[Drew]

I was reading this, like, research paper that was saying, like, if you have a sore throat, like, if you kiss the boy sitting next to you, like, passionately and, like. Like, make his dream come true, it'll fix you.

[Enya]

That's, like, so blanket statement.

[Joseph]

It's interesting.

[Drew]

I can show you the research paper.

[Enya]

I'm gonna.

[Drew]

Yeah, do it.

[Enya]

No, wait.

[Joseph]

Are you guys about to kiss right now?

[Enya]

I think we're gonna kiss soon. It's feeling like we're gonna kiss soon right now. No, I'm sick.

[Joseph]

While I'm here and can watch, I'm sick.

[Enya]

I'm sick and I have my clothes on. I have a rule that I can only kiss Drew with my clothes off.

[Joseph]

Okay.

[Drew]

Period.

[Enya]

I'm thinking about, like, what?

[Drew]

Toxoplasmic on die.

[Enya]

Okay. No, I can't stop thinking about, like, cavemen with broken bones just, like, dying because, like, they didn't know what to do.

[Drew]

Toxoplasmicondi makes you love cats. It's a little parasite in their bodies that they out, and it gets into the air, and when you're petting them and. And it gets into your body and takes over your mind, and it makes you love cats. And that's a theory why we think everyone.

[Enya]

Has it ever been proven?

[Drew]

Yeah, I think it.

[Joseph]

Yeah, that one's proven. Also the one that it's like, if you live with a cat, like, 40 of people that are reckless drivers have a cat. Because there's. I'm serious. Yeah, that, like, makes you, like, a reckless driver.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Joseph]

Or, like, more. You take risks more.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's the risks.

[Enya]

Oh. Well, I've been driving this way since I was in Miami. I've been driving since I was 14.

[Drew]

But you had that kitty, and I.

[Enya]

Didn'T have a license until I was.

[Drew]

You had that kitty. Kitty purr. Purr with all the bacteria in it, making you a reckless driver.

[Enya]

My tuna box. Well, it used to be kitty purr, but recently it's deformed into tuna box.

[Drew]

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. We didn't talk about Josiah going on American Idol and flopping down, but we'll, like, have to bring him on we.

[Enya]

Have to bring him on here and talk about it. Right.

[Drew]

And then I also had a dream that I was super swollen. Like, my face was super swollen. What?

[Enya]

That's.

[Drew]

We didn't really, like, think about the 100 billion stars in the Milky Way, but there's 3.4, 3.04 trillion trees on this planet. That doesn't register with my brain. And they say climate change is a thing.

[Joseph]

Yeah. There's 440 or 422 trees per person.

[Drew]

See, if we all mind all 400 of those, we could all make like 25 bucks. And then we could solve a lot.

[Joseph]

Of issues if that Black Friday is going to be lit.

[Drew]

Yeah. Literally. Okay, let's. Oh, wait. Let's tap into Drew's brain floss.

[Enya]

Oh, my God.

[Joseph]

Oh, new segments.

[Drew]

Yeah, new segment. New segment alert. All right, I'm gonna talk about DB Cooper today. Okay, you're gonna like this one.

[Joseph]

So in the 1970s, it's like a cheesy smell.

[Enya]

Yeah, like, there's a stinky smell. Do you smell that? Like, I just like went and like blew my nose, so now I smell.

[Drew]

That's. It's just.

[Joseph]

Isn't it like those artisanal cheeses that you bought?

[Drew]

Yeah, it's.

[Enya]

We got rid of it, though.

[Drew]

It's not my crotch, it's the cheeses.

[Enya]

We did get Wingstop again, and it might be the rotting Wingstop Ranch in the garage garbage can.

[Joseph]

Oh, that's definitely what it is.

[Drew]

Yeah. Or no, there's also Chipotle sour cream in the refrigerator. And if you know anything about Chipotle, it's that, that sour cream. Stinky boots down, Gaga. The house is burning like, it's the worst smell ever. Everyone who knows, knows. And who, if you don't know, you don't deserve to know, know, period. Okay, but that's like part of the new intro. And we'll do. We'll do effects. Yeah, we'll do like the Drew Saab corner cut. We'll do something with that.

[Joseph]

Sure, sure.

[Drew]

And it's just like historic events.

[Enya]

I really don't like that though. Like, you're gonna have to figure.

[Drew]

And we'll add like a little title card and Drew's Blaine Frost.

[Enya]

Do you want to like, put a. A like a vocoder?

[Drew]

Yeah, like, okay, we'll add like auto tune and. But make it like historic with like, it's like come coming through like a telephone.

[Enya]

Okay, but coming through a tin can with floss.

[Drew]

So this guy, DB Cooper, bought a one way plane ticket to Portland, Paradise.

[Enya]

And to white people. Paradise. Portland.

[Drew]

You literally. And no one was like, like suspecting a thing. There was like nothing going on. He wasn't being suspicious. He just sat in the back of the airplane and smoked a cigarette. Bring that back.

[Enya]

I know.

[Drew]

Literally, bring that back. And the flight attendants weren't even like, suspicious. Like they were serving him. It was a vibe, it was a key. Well, eventually, like part. Part way through the flight, he handed a flight attendant a note. And the note said, I have a bomb. Sit next to me and we gotta talk about some. And so she did.

[Enya]

That's ultimate, Riz.

[Drew]

Yeah. Literally, literally threatening someone with a bomb. And so he like proceeded to open a suitcase or a briefcase that had like, what looked like six pieces of dynamite in it. So she was like, oh, gag. Like, I literally have to sit down next to him or he's going to blow this up. And he told her to tell radio command to land in Portland and then bring him $200,000 in a parachute for exchange of all of the passengers on board.

[Enya]

So he was like, why the parachute?

[Drew]

You'll see. It's. It's crazy. So it was like one of the first times they like negotiated with a terrorist. And they were like, okay, like, like we just are gonna have to do this because, like, he literally has a bomb and he'll kill everybody on board and he doesn't give a. Like he has nothing to lose. They didn't know who he was at that point, so they obeyed. They brought him the $200,000 in cash and a parachute.

[Enya]

This is a Mr. Beast video.

[Drew]

Yeah, literally. And they like let him go. They literally let him hijack the airplane and go. And then halfway through his flight, I think he was flying to like, like, I forget where he was flying. He was flying somewhere else.

[Enya]

To the Bahamas.

[Drew]

Yeah, some. Some crazy like that. But then partway through the flight, he literally just jumped out of the back of this Boeing with the cash and a parachute and was literally never seen again. Like, he just disappeared.

[Enya]

Where did the plane go?

[Drew]

I. I don't know that part of the story. I'm. I'm thinking there might be people that were like flying the plane and he was just like on board with them and had them at his like, becking order. But he also could have been flying the plane in the plane crash, which I think the plane actually might have crashed. But anyways, he jumped out of the back of this plane with a parachute. And then a few years later, there was like a new. A long time later, like a Decade later, a new story came out where this person, like, was just playing on the beach with their kids and this kid was just like digging a sandcastle and then found like a stack of cash and then found another stack of cash and then found three stacks of cash, like in this hole in the ground. And everyone was like, oh, my God, this is where DB Cooper jumped out. Because they had like a 20 mile radius of where he landed, but this was like 20 miles away from where he landed. So everyone's like, oh, either. Because not all the cash stayed with them. Like they were like, oh, either. Like these three stacks of cash floated down the river and somehow all man, it magically ended up in this hole. Or these people stumbled upon D.B. cooper's like some of the cash he left behind and like there's still remnants of him, like in society. But I was like, damn, that would make a good ass movie or like a good ass episode in a show or something.

[Enya]

Because the kid who found all of it was Leonardo DiCaprio.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Enya]

And that's how he could afford acting school.

[Joseph]

Really?

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah, that's where that story went.

[Drew]

Yeah. Ed Einstein.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

He gave some of the money to Einstein.

[Joseph]

Seriously?

[Enya]

Einstein was standing outside of Burger King and wanted money.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

And Leonardo DiCaprio gave him two dollars. And that' we have.

[Joseph]

I'm going to have to check this.

[Drew]

Einstein. Einstein gave Oppenheimer a chance. And that's DB Cooper essentially, like created the nuke in a way.

[Joseph]

Wow.

[Enya]

Yeah, you should know these kind of things. It's like you're old.

[Joseph]

Oppenheimer was in the vlog squad and that's how he got big.

[Enya]

Dude, have you seen Oppenheimer on Live, like begging for tips?

[Drew]

Yeah, he fell off, I guess. Weird. He fell the off. But yeah.

[Enya]

I don't know if I believe that story.

[Drew]

No, it's all real. It all happened.

[Enya]

D.B. cooper.

[Drew]

D.B. cooper. Yeah, D.B. cooper gag. He was unidentified. They still haven't found him, but they found his parachute and some money and they. Wait, I gotta find out what happened to the plane. Oh, wait. The plane was still active. And it flew a few times after that, several times, actually, and eventually was last flown to with Key airlines when she retired. And then she was retired and scrapped the airplane. So it survived. So I guess they had like people flying a plane or some, and they were like at his pecking order or like, they're gonna die.

[Enya]

That wouldn't happen if he was on my plane and I was the flight attendant. I would have just gave him the craziest Head ever. And he would have been like, actually, this is better than money.

[Drew]

You know, If I was anybody on that flight, I would not have let that slide.

[Enya]

That's what I'm saying.

[Drew]

I would have liked.

[Enya]

I'm the kind of person that. I see something unfolding, and I'm like, not today. Something is wrong with me because I will never forget being on a flight with Johnny Knoxville, and my biggest fear was the plane going down and nobody giving a. That I died because Johnny Knoxville was on the flight. Like, that was like, my. That's all I could think about the whole flight is. I was like, this plane better not go down, because, no, I'm in a trend on tick tock for you, Paige, for 20 minutes. But Johnny Knoxville will outshine me.

[Drew]

No, that's really, like. Like, the deepest, darkest parts of my ego was when I was, like, 16, 17, 18, like, flying across the country and, like, borderline hoping that my plane would crash and everybody on board would die. But I would be the lone survivor. Like, oh, my God.

[Joseph]

Like, you would, like, barely be hurt.

[Drew]

Yeah, literally, I would, like. My plane seat would, like, detach, and it would act as, like, a parachute, and I would just kind of, like, float down and maybe break a leg or two, because I, like. Like having broken bones.

[Joseph]

Like, I always wanted that, like, in those fantasies. But I would have, like, a little cute cut, like, under my eye, and I would be in.

[Enya]

In school, I would have, like, a sleigh scar.

[Drew]

I was gonna say, imagine getting a sleigh scarf from, like, up here on your forehead, all the way down your.

[Enya]

Cheek, like, Harry Potter. Be like, yeah.

[Joseph]

And you're in math. And all the girls were like, oh, my God. Like, literally what happened? And I was like, I really wouldn't.

[Enya]

Go back to school if I survived this. I would literally have the biggest ego ever. I'd be like, you think I need to go to school? I literally survived a plane.

[Drew]

I just signed a book deal for 300, 000.

[Enya]

What's a book deal?

[Joseph]

Wait, what is that?

[Drew]

It's like, when I get done banging your mama from the back, like, it's like, oh, like, sign the book, dear, because it's like a memo pad outside your room.

[Enya]

That was a good save.

[Joseph]

That's good.

[Drew]

Drew. Psy up corner. The world hasn't been right since that Popeyes chicken sandwich came out.

[Enya]

Shut up.

[Drew]

I might have done these.

[Enya]

Yeah, I think you did that one.

[Drew]

We should replace mental illness with swag.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Y' all be like, I'm so bored staying at home. All the time, bro. Go 10ft outside of your home and dig up some worms and make them a little house out of sticks and mud and make them get married. You. If you cheat on me, you're only hurting your grandma because me and my homies jumping her.

[Enya]

Shut up. Yeah, I think you did these.

[Drew]

When I do Drew SAP corner, it's mainly for laughs. But watch out. You might learn a thing or two.

[Enya]

You did that last week. You're having, like, a break.

[Joseph]

I do like this bit of just saying all of them.

[Drew]

Again, I'm gonna have to, because no one's emailing me any new ones.

[Joseph]

We've gotten emails. We've gotten emails.

[Drew]

Really?

[Joseph]

I swear.

[Drew]

What? I don't check that email ever. You gotta send. You gotta forward those to me.

[Joseph]

Okay.

[Enya]

Why don't you look at the meme page?

[Drew]

That's literally goaded Meme of all time. Just insert that. Like, insert that one.

[Enya]

Does someone help me? I think my leg is broken. Oh, my son that I ate. What does that even mean?

[Joseph]

Oh, that one is so. That's one of my favorite.

[Drew]

Yeah, I did. We'll do Sugar Storm, Trent Reznor. At last I am free. 2008 Chic, pack your romantic mind. Stereo lab, veranda, Maison Book Girl. And you hates that song.

[Enya]

What song is that?

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I love that song. Walk on by Otis iii.

[Enya]

Walk on by.

[Drew]

And that's it. That's all you get. I'm watching Jiu Jitsu Kaisen. Still Gucci. Oh, one. We watched, admittedly only part of the Beyonce documentary because we had to leave very early because there were some things going on in some people's lives that we had to attend to, and we didn't want to leave them. And they were in my car, but from what I saw, it was Gucci down to the socks. Like, it was so good. It literally felt like I was there again. Like, the same emotions.

[Enya]

It made me want to go back to our concert so bad. And I was like, oh, my God, if she doesn't tour again, I think I'm gonna explode.

[Drew]

We have, like, five years before another tour. At least don't say that. Yeah, literally, at least. And by then, like, I don't know if she'll be touring like that.

[Enya]

I don't know if I'll be alive.

[Drew]

Life. Yeah, period. We're gonna hijack some airplanes or cause a gas leak in our house and settle on some insurance money.

[Enya]

The.

[Drew]

That's not gonna happen. And then I also. We also watched. What's that documentary? Love is something Love Is one Love is mine. We watched love.

[Enya]

Love Has One is so.

[Drew]

And it was so good. It just like, follows, like, this weird culture that it really. It's really good because you really get to see the minds of the people that are, like, involved in a cult, and you kind of start to understand how and why people, like, get involved in cults, and it's just really fascinating.

[Enya]

It's honestly cool because it's like one of the first, like, cult things that you see where the people who were a part of the cult or 1 still alive and 2 actually like, telling the story.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, watch. Love has one, and then I'll let you do your medium.

[Enya]

And then mine is obscured by the Smashing Pumpkin. Surrender by suicide. I love you. Golden Blue Sonic Youth still bumping oral, both physically and the one by Bjork and Rosalia. Rosalia. I always say. I used to say Rosalia, like, she was like an old lady. Rosalia. But Moon Age Daydream by David Bowie. And then there's these two Seeger Ross songs, but they literally. I can't say them, but it's like S, A, E, G, L, O, P, U, R. And then the other one is S, V, E, F, N. No one's gonna even look this up. Like, I'm not. Yeah, y' all. Y' all don't give a. Like, you hate me. And then, yeah, we have the same media, so that's it for me.

[Drew]

I will say y' all don't have these, and you're not special enough to have these, but they do drop on the seventh.

[Enya]

The Happy 99 Reebok. Yes, I have a pair.

[Drew]

If you want to be. If you want to be cool like me and in you go. Cop those.

[Enya]

I. I have a pair, so I'm cool. Like, automatically.

[Drew]

They are actually so cool, period. Dot.

[Enya]

All right, and that's our media of the week. Thank you guys so much for watching. I'm sick. I'm sick. Somebody send me love Love will cure.

[Drew]

All Level three love.

[Enya]

All right by.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through June 24th, score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez it Crackers, Oscar Meyer Lunchables, and just Bear Chicken Bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online. For easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply, Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.