Evil Vile Rumors

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary – "Evil Vile Rumors"

Podcast Information

• Title: Emergency Intercom
• Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips
• Description: A comedy podcast where there's no actual emergency, but an intense need for attention. Expect humorous banter and outrageous discussions.
• Episode: Evil Vile Rumors
• Release Date: March 15, 2024

---

1. Welcome and Binge-Watching Banter (00:43 – 01:49)

The episode kicks off with Drew and Kai engaging in playful banter about dedicated listeners who might be watching the podcast multiple times. Drew expresses skepticism about the number of repeat listeners, while Kai confidently claims, "I guarantee there are probably a thousand people that have watched every episode at least twice" (01:10).

2. Personal Grooming and Beauty Hacks (01:49 – 03:39)

The conversation shifts to personal grooming habits, with Drew humorously showcasing his newly applied lip gloss: "My lips look so pink" (02:00). Kai shares a funny anecdote about mistakenly using a sleep mask as chapstick, leading to her lips becoming perpetually stained: "It's a fucking sleep mask, and I just wear it as like chapstick" (02:30). The hosts also delve into the topic of lip fillers, discussing societal pressures and the regret some experience after getting them.

3. Air Travel Woes and Airline Safety Concerns (08:38 – 12:02)

Drew recounts a stressful experience at Miami International Airport (MIA), highlighting the overwhelming noise from honking cars and impatient travelers: "I'm getting so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I'm sweating my ass off" (08:35). The hosts discuss a recent whistleblower case involving Boeing, where an employee exposed maintenance neglect leading to plane safety issues. Kai remarks, "This dude went out and said all that shit. The stock price probably fucking tanked" (08:52), and the conversation touches on the potential ripple effects on the aviation industry.

4. Emotional Outbursts and Mental Health (12:02 – 16:33)

The topic shifts to emotional well-being, with Kai sharing a cathartic moment of crying to music: "I put on Agony by Young Lean and proceeded to, like, sob" (13:01). Zamar opens up about his nightly tear sessions, prompting a heartfelt discussion on the importance of expressing emotions: "Men should cry more literally let it out" (14:15). Drew narrates a personal story of frustration turning into an angry cry at the airport, emphasizing the complex nature of emotions during stressful situations.

5. Driving Stories and Road Rage (16:33 – 20:44)

The hosts share anecdotes about driving in Miami, notorious for its aggressive drivers. Drew describes his sister's terrifying driving habits: "She is a terrifying driver" (19:55), while Kai discusses how some people use road rage as a form of therapy: "For a lot of people, driving angry is like therapy for them" (20:25). Zamar adds humor by describing his own challenges with driving anxiety and maneuvers.

6. Technology Troubles: Phones and Gadgets (20:44 – 24:56)

Drew and Kai delve into the frustrations of modern technology, particularly smartphones. They discuss the pitfalls of OtterBox cases and the drawbacks of using Kindles: "They make someone go through my journal and go on my IG" (41:14). Kai laments the complexity of setting secure passwords and the inefficiency of phone protections, while Drew shares a humorous mishap involving a water-damaged phone during a TikTok session: "I lost all the pictures from that year" (23:33).

7. Karaoke Critiques and Music Preferences (42:03 – 44:34)

Karaoke becomes the focal point as the hosts express their disdain for the competitive and often annoying nature of karaoke nights. Drew vents about the discomfort of hearing "Phantom of the Opera" at full volume: "It's the loudest thing ever... I want to blow the room up" (42:48). Kai agrees, emphasizing the chaotic atmosphere that karaoke can sometimes create.

8. Media Picks and Musical Recommendations (58:02 – 59:27)

As the episode nears its conclusion, Drew and Kai share their favorite media picks of the week. Drew recommends tracks like "DNM" by Mcg and "I Really Love You" by Jerry Butler, while Kai highlights the "Poor Things" soundtrack and artists such as Nick Drake and Hope Sandoval. These segments provide listeners with curated musical insights and personal favorites from the hosts.

9. Addressing the "Lord Farquaad" Rumor (53:09 – 56:00)

In a humorous twist aligning with the episode's title, Kai confronts a circulating rumor that he resembles Lord Farquaad from the "Shrek" series. This leads to a playful exchange of Shrek-themed jokes and self-deprecating humor. Kai exclaims, "Do I look like Lord Farquaad? Is that a real person?" (53:18), while Zamar chimes in playfully: "You do look like Lord Farquaad."

10. Concluding Remarks and Final Banter (56:00 – 61:12)

The hosts wrap up the episode with light-hearted interactions, mimicking teleprompter readings and refining their comedic delivery. They joke about aspiring to new roles, such as acting, and continue their trademark humorous interplay. The episode ends with final media recommendations and a cheerful sign-off, ensuring listeners are left entertained and engaged.

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Notable Quotes:

• Kai on Loyal Listeners: "I guarantee there are probably a thousand people that have watched every episode at least twice." (01:10)

• Kai on Sleep Mask Chapstick: "It's a fucking sleep mask, and I just wear it as like chapstick." (02:30)

• Drew on Airport Frustration: "I'm getting so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I'm sweating my ass off." (08:35)

• Zamar on Emotional Expression: "Men should cry more literally let it out." (14:15)

• Drew on Sister's Driving: "She is a terrifying driver." (19:55)

• Kai on Password Security: "Stop asking. They make someone go through my journal and go on my IG." (41:14)

• Drew on Karaoke Annoyance: "It's the loudest thing ever... I want to blow the room up." (42:48)

• Kai on Lord Farquaad: "Do I look like Lord Farquaad? Is that a real person?" (53:18)

• Zamar on Resembling Shrek: "You do look like Lord Farquaad."

---

Conclusion

"Evil Vile Rumors" showcases the dynamic chemistry between Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips, enriched by their co-host Zamar. Through a blend of personal anecdotes, humorous dialogues, and candid discussions on various topics—from beauty hacks and technology woes to emotional health and media recommendations—the episode provides a captivating and entertaining experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Hey, guys, what's up? Oh, my God.

[Kai]

That was a good class too.

[Drew]

Don't. Oh, my God. Somebody immediately just turned this episode off.

[Kai]

They're like, okay. Lutely not. Absolutely not.

[Drew]

What's up, guys?

[Kai]

Welcome back to this. This episode of Emergency Narcom. Cuz I know you're watching it for a third time. Thank you.

[Drew]

I wish, I wish there were people who have watched every episode at least like three times.

[Kai]

Oh, there 100% are.

[Drew]

There's no way. There's too many episodes now. At first when we were at like 30 episodes, I was like, that kind of makes sense.

[Kai]

I guarantee there are probably a thousand people I'll. I'll put money on a thousand people that have watched every episode at least twice. A thousand.

[Drew]

Oh, that is pretty confident.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Is that how many people?

[Kai]

A thousand?

[Drew]

You said you think there's a thousand people who have put.

[Kai]

Watched every episode three times? Twice to three times.

[Drew]

Oh, okay, now you lowered it twice to three.

[Kai]

No, no, I said twice in my first. In my first go.

[Drew]

In my first statement.

[Kai]

Yeah, in my first statement. But yeah. Welcome back, guys.

[Drew]

Drew's wearing lip gloss.

[Kai]

No, no, I'm literally not so. Is literally wearing.

[Drew]

My lips look so pink.

[Kai]

I. And I. I do that every time on my sweats. And now there's like, lip stain, like sweats from the oil and it doesn't wash out. It's hell on earth. No, I bought this, like, pink little bottle that Mason and Zamar told me to buy, and they were like, this shit's like, lit. It's like the best chapstick ever. And I just, like, would wear it every single day and I would just, like, put it on and not think about it. And then I realized today when I was putting it on that it's a fucking sleep mask and that I just wear a sleep mask as like, chapstick.

[Drew]

Every day and do keep it in their car. Take it out.

[Kai]

Yeah. But yeah, like, for some reason makes my lips fucking glow and beautiful and pretty.

[Drew]

Well, you Know what it is? You have a very good natural hue of lips, like, I have, actually. Okay, don't, like, get too crazy about it.

[Kai]

Did y' all hear that?

[Drew]

Because your little mustache covers most of them anyway. So you have, like a full bottom lip and then like a little peak of a lip.

[Kai]

Yeah. I was looking at my lips the other day and I was like, damn, Like, I do have really small lips.

[Drew]

You don't have that. Like, for a white guy. You don't have, like, why are you pushing them out? You're like, I. I do have small lips. Kai has a. Like, you're pouting them too much right now for me to be able to unpow.

[Kai]

Unpow. Yeah, you have good lips.

[Drew]

Yeah, you have decent lips. You don't have, like, the, like, beak lips that white people get. You know what I'm talking about? Like, when it, like, turned into, like.

[Zamar]

No kiss for you.

[Drew]

What's the other parentheses? Like that?

[Kai]

That.

[Zamar]

No, the bracket.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Zamar]

Oh, like the little, like a white person with bracket.

[Drew]

Yeah. That is a crazy phenomenon.

[Kai]

Have you seen the people that get lip filler on their bracket lips?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

It's really sad and I'm like, girl, like, do you, Like, I'm really actually genuinely happy for you and I'm glad it makes you feel better. But, like, every single person that I've seen that's gotten that done has immediately regretted it.

[Drew]

Like, like, I mean, I don't want to sit here and make fun of people's lips because I also don't believe that everybody should just, like, run out and get filler because we literally don't know what it does and it always migrates. And also, what I will say, if you do get filler and you decide to, like, get rid of it, make a TikTok. Because that's my favorite TikTok to watch is people getting their lips dissolved because their lips always look gorgeous after.

[Kai]

Maybe that's the method is to get lip filler for a two year stretch your lips out and then get it dissolved.

[Drew]

But then I think you might. How do their lips not get super wrinkly, though? Or do they get wrinkly because you're stretching your skin?

[Kai]

Is your butthole. Kai and I were talking about that the other day. We were talking about yesterday on our walk. We were talking about.

[Drew]

But you went on a walk together yesterday.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Zamar]

But I don't remember talking about bottles.

[Kai]

Yeah, we were saying that, like, the wrinkles on your butthole is like the body count. Like, your body count. Like the rings On a tree shows, like, your age. The wrinkles on your butthole shows your body count. Have seen the. The videos where it's like Timothy Shalam leaving Austin Butler's house and getting home to his apartment. And it's like that wet fart sound. It's like, oh, fuck off.

[Drew]

You're way too good at doing that.

[Kai]

Dude.

[Zamar]

That just made my stomach turn.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's because his butthole's fill filled with.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, man.

[Zamar]

Do you think we're going to get demonetized?

[Kai]

No, I think we're good.

[Drew]

See, I believe that I have, like, a delusion when you say things about that because we're. I believe we're removed by, like. What is it? By, like a second degree, like, when you're close.

[Kai]

Removed?

[Drew]

Yeah. I believe we are only twice removed by so many people when you say, like, that, I'm like, God forbid that ever just lands in their scope. And then we have to be in a room with anybody you ever talk.

[Kai]

About, and we're just like, I didn't say that.

[Drew]

What's your name?

[Kai]

That was one of my altars.

[Drew]

I love a good meeting somebody famous and going, oh, yeah, my name's Anya. What's your name? Yeah, you like, it feels like you have to. What else are you supposed to do also? Oh, I've seen you on my phone for, like, years.

[Kai]

But I kind of do do that anytime I meet someone. I'm like, like, if I. When I met Timothee Charlemagne, like, when we were hanging out a bunch, when I went up to him, I was like, oh, my God, Like, I loved you and call me by your name. Like, that was the role of a lifetime. And he was like, thank you so much.

[Drew]

Like, were you gay or something? Why are you bringing that movie?

[Kai]

He literally hated.

[Zamar]

I always, always be like, oh, I know your stuff. I'm not a fan of it, but my girlfriend likes it.

[Kai]

Oh, I love me and Drew.

[Drew]

We get body like that all the time.

[Kai]

Like, can I take a picture of you? I want to show my girlfriend. And I'm like, babe, like, it's okay to like me.

[Drew]

I love when a group of guys does that. But then each of them take individual pictures, and I'm like, all right, all right.

[Kai]

I know all of y' all didn't bag a baddie.

[Drew]

Yeah, there's no way. Because only, like, hot people, like, hot girls watch our shit, and it'll be like a bunk guy. And all of them are like, meet me next. Meet me next. Me next. I'm like, let's see the proof. Let me see your screensaver. Let me see your wallpaper. And it's not a hot girl, so you're lying. Also, one of the groups that did that to us were all dressed, like. They were dressed nice, but they kind of reminded me of the guys who will play, like, a steely dance song and back up with the bell bottoms. And all of them asked for individual photos. And they were like, my girlfriend's gonna freak out. But they all asked for individual photos. And I was like, you're a fan. Yeah. Like, why are you lying to me? It's actually, like, mean.

[Kai]

Guys, I am Dune pilled. Dune maxing. It's actually becoming a problem. I love Dune. It's. All my feeds are consumed by Dune edits and all that shit. And I was like, oh, like, I'm going to go get the Lego set. I called, like, three days waiting for it to be in. And then the day you left, me and Josiah went to the mall and picked it up. Lego?

[Drew]

Yeah. Instead of taking me to the airport, they went to the mall to get the Dune legos. That.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. I actually didn't think about that. That is.

[Drew]

Yeah. I was, like, standing on it and then I didn't want to ask to be taken.

[Kai]

Well, you gotta ask. You gotta ask.

[Drew]

I was like, any world, if it was like this time and I was up and I Drew was around, I'd just be like, oh, I'm just gonna take him, whatever. And I was like, oh, yeah, it'll be fun too, because Josie's with him, so he won't be driving alone. I was standing around and both of their stinky asses were planted on the sofa. Like, I think to take them off, it would have sounded like Velcro from the stench of their ass ripping from the sofa. And then I was like. I said twice. I was like, oh, I think I'm gonna call a car soon.

[Kai]

And they were just like, you gotta ask. You gotta set that pride aside and ask, babe. They were literally like, I can't. I can't read what you want.

[Drew]

I was offended.

[Kai]

Damn. I'm sorry. That is shitty. But at least I got a Lego set.

[Drew]

Yeah, at least you got the top of your life. Meanwhile, I was in the Uber on the way there looking at Boeing 737th because I had to get on one. And I was genuinely convinced my plane was going to go down. I knew it. I knew it, I knew it.

[Kai]

I knew it. Huh?

[Zamar]

Yeah. What's up with the whistleblower?

[Kai]

Basically, this dude like outed Boeing. Like he's like, he worked at Boeing and he outed him as like, or outed Boeing as like very neglectful of like maintenance and that there's like a bunch of problems with their planes. And like the, I've talked to like my pilot friends before and they're like, dude, like the process to like submit a complaint on a plane, like if something goes wrong is hell. So a lot of pilots just like don't even do it. And like this dude was just explaining how shitty the process is and how they like knowingly just like let bunk ass airplanes like fly around the air. And like a lot of like the deaths and disasters that have happened could have been preventable and should have been prevented. But whatever. This dude like went out and said all that shit. The stock price probably fucking tanked. And then literally yesterday he was fucking found dead. He was found at the whistleblower was found dead.

[Drew]

What's crazy is that's like Boeing allegedly. I wonder what's going to stop Boeing from putting up planes. Because I'm sure also I was thinking, I think it'd be interesting to look up other plane crashes and incidents because I do think there's probably other aircrafts that are having similar issues because we're also hitting the mark where a lot of these planes were made around the same time and a lot of them are just meeting the end of their life. And I do think it's the first time within our like society that is so hell bent on plane travel that we're seeing a bulk of a bunch of planes hitting the end of their life. Like we haven't been within aviation and public aviation for long enough to see like the end of cars. Like we've all, we're all now at the age where there's a bunch of cars that when we were younger we saw them new on the market, but they're hitting that like decade or 15 year mark that all of them are kind of going bad and they're disappearing off the roads. I don't know if we've actually hit that for planes yet. Like I don't know how many feels like it.

[Zamar]

I feel like so many planes have been going down in the last two.

[Drew]

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. I'm like, I think we're hitting that mark where all of them are going bad, but all the airlines, it probably will cost so much fudge money, so many flights will be cut off the income that they're used to getting. Because also like plane travel became so much more popular post Covid, because everybody just realized how important it was to, like, get out. And it's like the whole thing with how many near collisions there are are on tarmacs now, that's like a huge thing because they put so many flights close to each other that I think I want to look it up. But there was, like, this TikTok that showed how many near collisions there were in just a month. And it was like over 50 on the tarmac. And that's just like planes, like, taking off and other planes getting the wrong information of, like, almost scooping into taking off and almost slamming into each other on the tarmac.

[Kai]

It's going to be so iconic when one of us dies in a plane crash and they make like a compilation video of, like, how many fucking times we've talked about dying in a plane crash and talked about crashing planes. It's literally going to be iconic. And they're going to be like, oh, my God. Like, they knew. Like, they knew.

[Drew]

Or then there's going to be a me in the comment who's like, bitch. That's all they talked about. Like, that's literally all they talked about. They didn't know anything.

[Kai]

But no, that is, like, knowing, like.

[Drew]

Intuitively knowing that is knowing you being like, there's always going to be a disaster. Like, there's going to be an earthquake.

[Kai]

Queen of disaster. You know what we've never talked about and is actually insane that we haven't talked about is Marina and the Diamonds. Like, why have we never publicly talked about that arc of our lives?

[Drew]

Because what is there to say?

[Kai]

It's like, we've talked about One Direction, like, we talked about Lana. Lana. But, like, we haven't talked about Marina.

[Drew]

Because, like, actually, my name's Maureen. I think we don't talk about Marina because she kind of lives in that bubble almost. When we say, like, oh, Lana, Tumblr days, I think, like, at least I just am. Like, if you know, you know.

[Kai]

Yeah, like, if you know, you know. And if you don't know now, don't try to know because it's not going to be the same. It will never be the same.

[Drew]

Somebody recently had jk, like, go and support you. Is she still making music, though?

[Kai]

She put out an album in 2021. I didn't.

[Drew]

Fruit.

[Kai]

I'm not sure. I didn't really listen to it, but yeah, just like an iconic moment in our lives.

[Drew]

Oh, no. Fruit was 2015. Yeah, I'm old. No, she didn't put it out. She hasn't put out an album since.

[Kai]

Fruit, I think on Spotify. She has an album that came out in 2021.

[Drew]

Oh. Oh, wait. What the hell?

[Kai]

It's under Marina.

[Drew]

Oh, she died.

[Kai]

Ancient dreams in a modern land girl. She's on her Bjork. Oh, speaking of Bjork, the other day I was driving and, like, it was, like, peak sadness for me, and I was like, oh. Like, literally, what is going on with me? Like, I need to figure something out. So I put on Agony by Young Lean and proceeded to, like, sob. Like, I was alone in sobbing and people could see me crying. And then I put on Hyper Ballad by Bjork and, like, sobbed even harder. And I'm not kidding. Since that moment, I cried. It was, like, the most cathartic thing I've ever experienced. I have actually been, like, euphoric. Like, literally, like, happy. And I'm like, damn. Like, maybe all we need is to just cry.

[Zamar]

Men should cry more literally let it out.

[Drew]

I don't think that was cry. I think you should have probably to yourself, like, shattering this illusion that, like, what, you cry? Oh, baby.

[Zamar]

Well, you're gonna hate this little fun fact about me, which is that I cry every night for hours.

[Drew]

That's shocking.

[Zamar]

Okay.

[Kai]

I love that for you.

[Zamar]

Thank you. I love healthy Men should cry. Men should sob.

[Kai]

Wait, but you do that every night?

[Zamar]

Every night is that you do, like.

[Drew]

Wake up usually looking a little parched. Like, sometimes when we come here in the morning, I'm like, he must have cried.

[Zamar]

Turn all the tears.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Zamar]

And I cry face down with my ass up.

[Kai]

Oh, wait.

[Zamar]

I. I don't know.

[Drew]

Just, like, flow out faster.

[Zamar]

Yeah. I'm just trying to get it out.

[Drew]

Well, when I landed in Miami, I had, like, the most sibling moment ever. My sister. Because if you've ever landed at the MIA terminal, it is actually a democracy chamber. It is the worst place in the planet because it's already hot in Miami. It's already humid. But some, for some reason, they made the departure area like a tunnel. So it's even hotter because you're just breathing in car exhaust. There's actually 8 million cars around you just slowing down in Miami. They're honking their asses off because they've never been outside before, I guess. And they're honking like crazy. So you're in this echo chamber of honking and, like, exhaust, and then there's people yelling, like, the guys who work there who are like. Like, yelling their asses off. And I was getting so overwhelmed and frustrated, and I was sweating My ass off. Because I just got off the plane, so I was, like, in a sweatsuit, sweating my ass off. Call my sister. She's like, I'm here. I'm in front of you. I'm like, where are you? And I was like, you are at departures. You were not at arrivals. And she was like, I'm at arrivals. Like, you think I don't know how to. Whatever. I was like, you're at departures. She was at departures. It took her another 15 minutes to get around. And I was so frustrated that I started crying profusely. But it was the weirdest cry I've ever had because it was, like, a very angry cry that I literally just put my head down, and tears were just, like, dripping out rapidly because I was so mad. And then I looked up, and this guy in a car was, like, staring at me. And I literally just mouthed him. I was like. And I just turned away because he was just staring at me like. Like. Because he saw me crying. And I was like, you.

[Kai]

Like, why are you probably gonna be like. He's gonna be like, are you okay?

[Drew]

No. I could read his vibe. He was looking at me like I was fucking stupid. And then, because I turned away at one point and looked back, and he was still like. Like, just staring at me like I was crazy. And I said, you. Because, like, why? Also, actually, you. Even if you were looking at me, like, to. To help me, like, you're just in your car. Also, he's one of the people who was honking, so you. But yesterday at the airport, this girl, when I landed, somebody was doing the same thing. They were holding down their honk. Just so happened to be Cuban. I know you're from Miami. Holding down your heart.

[Kai]

Cuban.

[Drew]

No, it was not Mark Cuban.

[Kai]

Mark Cuban was honking at the air.

[Drew]

No, it was a girl with a bunch of Cuban. Like, the gloves.

[Kai]

Like, what was a Cuban glove? I think this did not exist, but.

[Drew]

I was like, she must be from Miami because she's holding down that horn. And listen to the lady behind me. She was pissed. I was like, damn. Honestly, she's so lit for doing this. Oh, my God. Oh, that's me. Awkward. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Hurry.

[Drew]

I know. I'm trying, I'm trying.

[Kai]

Hurry. Oh, my.

[Drew]

No, no, no. My ears hurt. He literally was, like, boxing by cars, and she was like. And it actually is so inconsistent at the airport.

[Kai]

And what is that gonna do? Like, you honking, Like, I fully understand, like, doing, like, a beep, beep, like, honking twice, like, getting them out of the way. But, like, laying on your horn, it is like, that is, like, how you know society is humbling.

[Drew]

You are the angriest person I've ever seen in my life holding down your horn, like. But I will say Rain is quick to hit that horn. I was in the car with her, and, like, twice, she literally. I've never seen it. Like, her quickness with her horn was like an iPad baby hitting decline. It was the equivalent.

[Kai]

She is the iPad baby hitting decline. She hangs up that fucking phone faster than, like. Like, okay, we had our friends Amara. Like, he used to be, like, the king of hanging up quick. And then I watched Rain hang up on Enya, and it was. It was like, Inya didn't even say bye yet. Like, it was before. Like, she even got by out and the call had ended. And I was like, oh, yeah, I.

[Drew]

Have to do something, but I'll talk to you. And then it was just blank.

[Kai]

And I was like, oh, my God. And then I. Zamar, I was like, you've been dethroned. And he was like, oh, I know who it is. And he was like, it's Rain, isn't it?

[Drew]

And, yeah, because I told Rain, and she was like, zamar already told me. Like, I'm gonna. And I'm gonna say this. And I was like, bro, I was gonna say I love you, and you hung up on me. And she was like, I know you love me, though, so it's okay. I was like, damn, that is so funny. But I saw her honk so quick to the point that me and Tyrell were in the car with her, and we're driving around, and we saw her hand go up, and we got. No. We were like, don't do it, because it was such a useless honk.

[Kai]

Christian's like that, too. Christian, like, will just, like, honk at the. He gets angry and honks at, like, the dumbest. Like, someone, like, cutting. Oh, someone cutting him off. Like, but the car cutting him off is, like, 30ft ahead of him, and he'll just, like, honk and get angry. Like, what the are you. What are you doing, dumbass?

[Drew]

I'm, like, not to out my sister, but my sister is a crazy driver, and I love her so much. And I know you have bad luck. God bless, but she is a terrifying driver.

[Kai]

Wrecks in two months.

[Drew]

She.

[Kai]

None of them were her fault.

[Drew]

Yeah, none of them were her fault, according to her. I feel so bad for out of here like that, but she is a terrifying driver. Like, people will just be driving kind of Slow. And she'll like, honk. And then she'll be like, like on the center console. And I'm like, girl, you were literally terrible. And she's like, oh, my God. See, this is how they drive in Miami. This is how they drive in Miami. And I was like, girl, that. We know that that's what you just drive safer. Like, people in Miami drive crazy.

[Kai]

We know that maybe, like, for a lot of people, driving angry is like therapy for them. It's like, that's when they get their anger out and they just, like, be pissed at everybody else so they don't.

[Drew]

Go home and mad chill. But once we get in that car, I'm like, do you want me to drive? And then she gets mad at that. She's like, oh, why do you want to drive? And I'm like, I don't know.

[Kai]

Damn fun.

[Drew]

I'm sorry.

[Kai]

Damn. But the Oscar.

[Drew]

Oh, I was going to say. I said, my grandma just sits with her thoughts. Like, I think I've said that on the podcast before. Last time I saw my grandma, but that shit is crazy. I was like, just sits.

[Kai]

Yeah. I was literally asking my mom. I was like, actually, what did you do before? Like, iPhones? Like, what? Like, what did you do? Like, how did you fill your time? And even she was like, oh, my God. Like, I actually. Like, I don't know what we all used to do, like, imagining people, like, sitting at a cafe alone, like, drinking their coffee with, like, nothing. Like, I know they had, like, magazines and newspapers and books and. But my mom was like, I didn't read. And no one I knew. I. Like, no one I knew read. So, like, what were you doing if you weren't reading magazines? Like, just writing. Sitting there like, yeah, that was writing a song. You're so beautiful.

[Drew]

Before phones, I was always writing songs.

[Kai]

Music and poems and stuff.

[Drew]

That's what Joni Mitchell would answer if you asked her what she did before phones. That does not use a phone.

[Kai]

Was Joan Didion the one that lit herself on fire in the oven?

[Drew]

No. So Sylvia Platt.

[Kai]

Sylvia.

[Drew]

Players of On Fire.

[Kai]

Sylvia Plath. Be like.

[Drew]

But yeah, it was really crazy to me because we got my. Now we. I got my grandma a new iPhone.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. I'm better. I'm the best.

[Kai]

Well, it's actually my whole 13.

[Drew]

It's a 13. Yeah.

[Kai]

It's not okay.

[Drew]

Actually, no. Why have they not declined in value? That was still for, I think 128 gigabytes. That was still a 680.

[Kai]

You got scammed.

[Drew]

That Makes no sense.

[Kai]

You got scammed.

[Drew]

No, because on offer up, they were all that amount. And then I was like, bro, I'm just gonna get her one from Best Buy. A used one from Best Buy, so it has the charger and everything with it. And I was also like terrified that if I went and met someone on Best Buy, they would, like, on offer up, they would kill me.

[Kai]

Did you get a phone case for her?

[Drew]

Yeah, she. We went to Otterbox. No, she got.

[Kai]

Ew. Those otter boxes with the screens that were like, they would turn ye. They would like turn opaque over time from like all this syrup and sweat that we just were dripping on it as kids. Like, the Otterbox arc needs to be. You know what the tea is? The otter box, what we experienced with Otter boxes is what the girls are experiencing with Stanley Cups right now.

[Drew]

Oh. Cuz it's the same thing. Like, it's indestructible. It'll last forever. Like, it'll keep you safe somehow.

[Kai]

Like, those shits were degrading in our hands.

[Drew]

Loki. I want the pink camo one though, because that one ate like the pink camo.

[Kai]

There was like an arc where they were fire. Yeah, like, they were.

[Drew]

But the screen thing was so dumb. But it was because people wanted to take their iPhone and water.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. And oh my.

[Drew]

So bad. Like, why didn't we go anything our phones in water?

[Kai]

And no one did. Like, I didn't see one. I saw YouTube reviews of people putting in water, but no one actually trusted.

[Drew]

Them enough because it was the most expensive piece of technology you could ever get. Your hands.

[Kai]

Also, you could take them like 2 inches underwater. Like before the pressure. Yeah.

[Drew]

Busted.

[Kai]

Your eyes broke the plastic.

[Drew]

Like, I will never forget in Joshua Tree, my. How my phone broke because me and Josie were recording a bunch of tiktoks underwater because we were just drunk in a fucking hot spring. And I woke up and my whole fucking phone was just covered in smog and humidity. And I lost all the pictures from that year.

[Kai]

That is so sad. But they said they're water resistant. Like, I don't know why you couldn't take them underwater.

[Drew]

I think I had it underwater for.

[Kai]

Maybe 50 minutes and you would drop it and it would go to the bottom of the.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. We kept dropping it to swim over it. And what's funny is I don't have any of those videos because the phone broke. So I don't even. I don't even have proof that we were doing that. Actually, I think I do have one. And the only one I have. Is Josie mooning the camera? Like, he pulled his pants down and showed his ass to the camera, and it was like a white globe in the water. But, yeah, my grandma just sits around with her thoughts, and it's kind of crazy. And then I feel bad because sometimes I'll be like, okay, we, like, talked all day. I want to play Fortnite. And then I felt bad playing Fortnite around her because I'm like, oh, my God, does she think I'm the killer?

[Kai]

No, she thought it was a documentary. She thought it was the news that people were running around killing each other.

[Drew]

That people were flying and throwing lightning bolts down.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's like a Battle Royale documentary.

[Drew]

But, yeah, that's it. I'm done.

[Kai]

Well, the Oscars happened. I love Poor Things. It deserved everything. It got the Emma Stone best actress award was deserved. That might be a hot take, but I think she deserved it. But I forget her name. What is her name?

[Drew]

Stanley Kubrick?

[Kai]

No, the girl from.

[Drew]

We're talking about movies.

[Kai]

When the wind Always Shines. That like that western movie or whatever.

[Drew]

The Flowers of the.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

When the wind always shines Come and talk to me Come and see what the is Cats.

[Kai]

And when the wind shine Always shines, Babe. Don't forget it. What's her name?

[Drew]

I don't know. The actress? Nina. Nina.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Oh, Nina Bonita Brown.

[Kai]

Yes, that's t that too. No, but she deserved it just as much. And I would be happy with either of them, but I lowkey wish she got it over Emma. But I'm happy Emma got it because her speech was so cute, dude.

[Drew]

Her saying that her baby the world Technicolor could never be me.

[Kai]

I was like, what? No, I was like, he's gonna make.

[Drew]

My world a silent movie.

[Kai]

It's gonna be black and white. Silent movie depression.

[Drew]

My baby's gonna turn my world into. What's it called when they made alcohol illegal?

[Kai]

Prohibition.

[Drew]

My baby's gonna turn my world into the prohibition. But, yeah, it was really gorgeous. But wow, that was so sweet. I didn't even know she had a baby. Like, did people know she had a baby baby?

[Kai]

I didn't know she had a baby. But the Poor things album soundtrack. I was telling Kai about it the other day or yesterday. I went to the gym. Yeah, I go to the gym. I was gonna go do a two a day, but I missed my do a two day to a day where you go to the gym twice in one day. But I just know me and Josh.

[Drew]

Jobs be like, oh, My God, I love the gym. Like, you better love not being sedentary. Like, go do something.

[Kai]

Yeah. But I was telling Kai that I was working out to the Poor Thing soundtrack. And as I was, like, walking into the locker room, this specific song was playing, and it's literally the scariest song you've ever heard in your entire life. But that album, I Will Defend is a great album to work out to. You just have to wait. No, this one, I was walking into the gym with this playing in my headphones, and there were three dudes walking, and all three of their heads, like. And they stared at me as I was walking.

[Drew]

It seems like you're gonna go in there and, like, shake people.

[Kai]

Like, it was. It's.

[Drew]

No, that's not a gun song. That's like you going behind someone stealthily and stabbing them, and they, like, slowly fall.

[Kai]

I'm gonna go in and pants everybody's towels around their waist. Like, that's a creepy ass song. But, no, I'll defend that moment. Like, that. That song is great.

[Drew]

I need to go watch that movie. I need to actually. I got.

[Kai]

You want to go tonight?

[Drew]

I'm down. I got the first kind of spoiler to it.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

And it, like, I. I barely made out what was happening. I think I made up what was happening, and maybe it was me projecting, but it just reminded me of everybody being like, oh, you'll love that movie. That movie is so you. And I was like, like, oh, so you think I'm a hoe?

[Kai]

No, no, no, no. It's. It's not like that at all. It's not like that.

[Drew]

I think I just, like, misread something.

[Kai]

It is crazy that I was like, oh, my God, India, that movie is so you. Like, Bella me sing.

[Drew]

And, like, everybody who's trying to get me to watch it is like, you are literally Bella. You are Bella.

[Kai]

It's crazy because I walked out of the movie theater, and not even five minutes after walking out of the theater, I was still walking to the car. I called in you, and I was like, like, tearing up. And I was like, girl, go see that movie.

[Drew]

I'm finally. I'm finally back to, like, back to reality. I'm back to where a woman should be, where I live under the delusion of society. And. Yeah, and I should. I'm just like, listen, life, it shouldn't be that complicated. I shouldn't have free will. I should just do Is like, the universe wants me to do and go settle down and, like, be normal. So I need to re. Watch that movie so I could go.

[Kai]

Back to being crazy, be the rowdy girl.

[Drew]

I know, but I. I say that like I'm not. Like, okay, I'm normal as fuck, y' all. Like, seriously. Actually, no, I literally was freaking the out.

[Kai]

No, you weren't. You weren't. Help. Help.

[Drew]

And I know that hurt.

[Kai]

It actually didn't because things don't hurt me, so. Things don't actually hurt me at all.

[Drew]

Because I went to the gym twice in a day, so. Oh, you're shaking because I hurt you.

[Kai]

You did make me red. Oh, speaking of red, Inya made red.

[Drew]

Had my period.

[Kai]

No, your skin is.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. I got a really bad sunburn, but I don't know if it's showing up on camera. Like, I got the kind of sunburn that it turns like my skin is getting darker where it's gonna peel, if that makes sense.

[Kai]

Like, I've never had that. I really think you might just tan.

[Drew]

No, because I, like, I will tan. And I know when I'm gonna tan and I know when I'm gonna burn is when I burn. It does turn darker, but then a few days later, it just peels because my skin fully just dies because I, like, got too much sun flop. Okay, you're in your flop.

[Kai]

Billie Eilish is the girl. She's a star. I just need to say that. I need to get that out there.

[Drew]

I know. Wait, has anybody else thought that.

[Kai]

No, I don't think.

[Drew]

Has anybody else thought about the fact that she's like, the most affluential 21 year old on the planet?

[Kai]

Influen.

[Drew]

Affluential isn't like, she's rich. Oh, I thought, like, influential. It was influential and affluential, like, together.

[Zamar]

I. I think you made that up.

[Kai]

We'll make that a word, though.

[Drew]

No, I swear.

[Kai]

Is that a word? Because if it is, like, that's a lit ass word.

[Zamar]

Affluential is wealthy and influential. I backed you up. I supported you.

[Kai]

And I did too.

[Zamar]

No, you didn't. You're constantly trying to tear her down.

[Kai]

No. Oh, my.

[Drew]

He wants to make me dumb. As if I didn't read two books in a week. When's the last time this Read a book?

[Zamar]

He can't.

[Kai]

I literally bought a Kindle.

[Drew]

He's like, I literally listened to one.

[Kai]

I bought a Kindle.

[Drew]

Oh, did you actually. Oh, I want one.

[Zamar]

You didn't.

[Kai]

No, but.

[Drew]

Because all my books get ruined in the steam room after the gym. And all my books, when I open it, like, the pages are you read in the steam.

[Kai]

I was gonna say or not in.

[Drew]

The sauna, not in the steam.

[Kai]

That's one of the reasons why I want it. But I went and looked to see because I was like, oh, like a Kindle. Like, oh, it's like, three pixels, and it's just black and white. It's got to be $30, $40. They're a hundred and sixty dollars.

[Drew]

They're expensive.

[Kai]

Like, are you out of your.

[Drew]

I think they come with a bunch of books, but it's the kind of books like you see at the airport.

[Kai]

That I don't give a about. Like, it's like sex.

[Drew]

It's like this woman had sex.

[Kai]

Like, I know. It's like mythological sex stories, and I'm like, okay. Like, I literally don't care. Also, Jimmy Kimmel's my man. That's my man.

[Drew]

I. Before I started this episode, I was like, I'm done with this. I'm not gonna get another one after this. I am stealing Drew's car, and I'm getting another one. I don't care.

[Kai]

Oh, no, you don't. You can't do that. Okay, now what?

[Drew]

Oh, I got embarrassed. I'm gonna say this first. Okay, let me. I thought about Drew being on fire and trying to stop it, and I got so embarrassed.

[Kai]

Stomping all over, like, you, like, your.

[Drew]

Leg catching a fire. You'd be like. Like, trying to stop it or like, something being on fire. Because I saw this girl, she got a pair of uggs, and she, like, undid it, and there was a candle on the other side. So that paper caught on fire, and she literally had no idea how to put it out. And everything she was doing was accelerating it. Like, she started blowing it, and it, like, started. Yeah, it started flaming up, and then she covered it, which you shouldn't do, because then it just, like, bubbles up more, and she almost set her house on fire. And I imagine you going through that, and I got so embarrassed. I was like, Barack. You would set the house on fire.

[Kai]

Yeah. Cuz I'm so lit, and everything I do is super hot fire.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Zamar]

Wow.

[Kai]

Y' all remember Super Hot Fire?

[Zamar]

I do, yeah.

[Kai]

Oh, I'm putting you on the game right now. You've definitely seen it.

[Zamar]

I swiped that, right?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. It's the most viral video of all time.

[Drew]

Oh, the loudest video of all time. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

Let's go ahead and get into it. We got our challenger over here. Yep, yep. T Bone 225. Run my nap. They're so funny for this. 225.

[Drew]

Is that an area code or something?

[Kai]

Put that on map, quick. This is Little B to our main man, the champion himself.

[Drew]

No need for introduction.

[Kai]

His record, 400 million to one. Sorry. Now I just have to watch this. Is this the loudest you've ever heard my phone thing? I've ever heard, but I'm not a rapper. Good luck. You know what I do. Hey, you know how I go. Yep. Tails.

[Drew]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Kai]

I go first.

[Drew]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Kai]

Tell him he comes super hot. He goes first. What is this? Check me out. I'm checking. You.

[Drew]

Get it.

[Kai]

I broke up with my ex. Girl, here's a number.

[Drew]

Psych. That's the wrong number. That's literally you.

[Kai]

That's like. I think, like, what Shaved my sense of humor. And I'm just realizing that, like, I really do think that was, like, a very pivotal moment in my. Psych. That's the wrong number. And then the boom, bam, bing, bada bing, bop, bow. Classic, classic. Well, my middle school coach, while I was going to school there, he got fired for drinking on the job and doing painkillers. Okay, I just remembered that last night.

[Drew]

I don't think.

[Kai]

And he was driving the bus around and the games and. And he was just.

[Drew]

I thought I wasn't gonna steal the bus.

[Kai]

Bet you thought I wasn't gonna drink and drive and drive the kids around on the bus.

[Drew]

Well, I think I told the story before, but my bus driver got fired because she used to hit me, I think. What have I not told that?

[Kai]

Oh, you know what? People were saying they have not heard the twin story that I have not told it publicly.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

And that's the thing, really? People said. People were saying, like, oh, like, they gaslit. To thinking he, like.

[Zamar]

And I will, like, maybe it was a Patreon episode.

[Kai]

Maybe. Actually, I have. I. Because I do remember talking about it, but, like, whatever. I don't want to tell you now. Y' all don't get it.

[Drew]

Okay, then try to tell my story. Like, what's happening?

[Kai]

I just wanted to say out loud that I'm right. And then I was also gaslit. Oh, we got to watch that. The craziest part.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Yeah. Yup. Yup. This is the saddest video I've ever seen in my life. Of my.

[Drew]

Let's just insert it. I can't watch it again. You can't just keep thinking of things that you think you have.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, this is the medical terminology. So we'll insert this one.

[Drew]

Think of things that you think you have it claiming to the public that you have them. I think I need somebody to go through and do, like, a check of how many, like, different, like, medical issues you claim to have?

[Kai]

Oh, my surgery clinic is calling me randomly, actually, like, at the exact same time.

[Drew]

Do you want to answer issues you've claimed to have public?

[Kai]

Like, that's why I think we have mold poisoning, which is another toxic trait of mine to do to fix our ac is change that filter that is covered in mold. Yeah, I don't think we have mold poisoning anymore. I think we have, like, carbon monoxide poisoning or, like, a little. Yes, it's not black mold. Now I figured out what it is.

[Drew]

What is it?

[Kai]

It's a gas leak.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

No, it's definitely a gas leak, and we're all gonna die in a fire.

[Drew]

What's crazy is these are different episodes. Like, how do you manage to bring it up every episode?

[Kai]

That's what I was watching too. I was like, damn. Like, I really do talk about this a lot.

[Drew]

There were episodes where you're still mentioning. I got really constipated.

[Kai]

I hope the constipation is, like, too much. I'm like, girl, shut the fuck up.

[Drew]

I hope when they do your pre diabetic, your surgery now, they accidentally knock into your brain and reset something.

[Kai]

That would be a vibe I want to be fixed. Okay, guys, this is. I'm potentially the saddest thing I've ever seen. Like, actually, it breaks my heart that I went through this.

[Drew]

You know what's funny is he's literally done this recently. We went to a concert, and for two weeks in a row, he's like, my ears are still ringing. I don't know what's happening. I think I'm probably gonna go dead.

[Kai]

This one still is. It's just what I figured out. It's like, I think I have, like, a small ear canal.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

She's so cute, right? Okay. Okay, we're gonna insert this because you need to just answer that vocal.

[Kai]

They're gonna call me and be like, oh, like, you're not getting your surgery anymore. We heard what you said. Hello.

[Drew]

What did he say, guys?

[Kai]

They said I literally have a tumor in my sinus.

[Drew]

He's like, no, they didn't. You were hella chill.

[Kai]

It's over.

[Drew]

Y' all see me, Andrew, are not the same because I've had a tumor in my. The right side of my back for, like, fat deposit four years. You know what? Now I actually hope I die of cancer. I can only pray y' all look back at this. When I die of cancer. No, pray for me. Pray for me, pray for me.

[Kai]

You even said it yourself.

[Drew]

Well, that's why I haven't gotten checked out. Because I'm like, I don't. I actually, I was thinking about yesterday because. Because this girl was talking about how prevalent breast cancer is in this generation. And my boobs, the way they hurt all the time. I won't be getting checked because I.

[Kai]

Don'T give a massage.

[Drew]

And I won't be getting that check because I don't give a. Because what? I'm gonna die. Like, I literally just don't want to know.

[Kai]

Do you want me to massage them?

[Drew]

No. You just said something rude to me and I actually hope your surgery goes wrong and then you can't walk when you leave.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. We've talked about that before. And you even said it. And a doctor looked at it and.

[Drew]

Said, I hope they poke your eye nerves and you go blind.

[Kai]

Oh, God, don't say that.

[Drew]

Or I hope they accidentally cut your nerves for smelling.

[Kai]

Don't say that. Don't say that. That's scary.

[Drew]

It's crazy how many things can go wrong. Like they're literally in your head. They're in my head.

[Kai]

I don't want to think about that. Okay, knock on W. Yeah, you freaking better. I'm not. Cuz when I die, okay?

[Drew]

And I'm not knocking on wood for my cancer. Cuz when I die of cancer. You're going to feel bad now. What?

[Kai]

You already would have perished. It's like been seven years.

[Drew]

No, it's been four years.

[Kai]

Okay, Anyways, into wishing death upon me.

[Drew]

I obviously don't hurt. I don't hope that that's not gonna happen to you.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, it's not. It probably will.

[Drew]

That's low key. Your dream. So you could complain about it. So it's just not gonna happen.

[Kai]

I'm blind, guys. I'm blind and I still do the podcast for y' all. That's gonna be my arc. No one is using those fucking passwords. Apple is suggesting. I'm telling you right now, now those are the most bunk. I understand. Like, oh, quantum computing. Like, they can brute force your. If you don't have eight different characters and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like, those passwords, like them. I'm not using them. I never will. Stop asking.

[Drew]

Write them down, literally.

[Kai]

Also, they make someone go through my.

[Drew]

Journal and go on my ig.

[Kai]

Exactly. They want you to use the keychain in the phone so, like, it saves all your passwords for you, but that scares the out of me too, also. What was I gonna say? They make it so hard to choose your own password. It's not like an option that just pops up. Like, you have to like, navigate through the iOS interface. So if you're like a geriatric old person. Oh, yeah, you're. And then you don't remember that password because it's 38, 000 characters long. Like, come on now. Like.

[Drew]

Well, I asked my family if they could a hypothetical. It's like, you can have your dream car, whatever car you've ever wanted, but the first thing you have to do when you get in it is hit and kill a dog. And all of them said they would hit and kill the dog.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

All of them super quick. And then my little sister was like.

[Kai]

I'd kill a baby.

[Drew]

Straight dogs there are like, God bless. Like, I'll pray after, but like, I'm hitting the dog.

[Kai]

I'd kill a baby for an urus.

[Drew]

Oh my God. That's like, really? I was saying it because I like pregnant woman. Oh. I literally, I got off at the table. I was like, well, I guess I'm gonna have to think harder about these hypotheticals, cuz my family is a bunch of evil. Like, you're all evil and you're murderers. And then my little siblings go, mommy killed a cat once by accident, so she could have got the car then too. And I was like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

And we were eating chick fil A and it was awesome.

[Kai]

Okay, another. Another take that I have stuff is karaoke is not for people that can sing.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because it's annoying that Josiah always wants to go to karaoke because he has like three songs that he can do perfectly.

[Kai]

And I'm like, no. Like, karaoke is for all of us to get drunk and scream into the mic and like, it just be really loud and annoying. And then you have to take breaks.

[Drew]

Actually, I love our friend group, but I hate going to karaoke. Everybody gets. It's literally the annoying competition. And then once Phantom of the Opera comes on, I actually want to blow the room up. I'm like, the world would be much more peaceful, useful if me and everyone in this room just incinerated in a moment's notice because it's the loudest thing ever. I don't even know how the song. I just know one time I came back from the bathroom and it was playing and I came in and I turned around and walked out.

[Kai]

Yeah. No, I leave every single time. Lucas and Josiah do Phantom.

[Drew]

It's so annoying.

[Kai]

Horrible. I actually need to ask Josiah if he did that with his other friends. Yeah, with his other friends.

[Drew]

No, because he has respect for them.

[Kai]

Yeah, he doesn't give a fuck about us. He'll scream in our ears and make our eardrums bleed.

[Zamar]

Well, they turned up the power all the way for my brain thing.

[Kai]

Oh, really?

[Zamar]

Yeah, they have to. I think it's working, honestly. I lowkey. I low key feel like it might be working.

[Kai]

Damn. Yeah.

[Zamar]

But they have to go to 120.

[Kai]

What were you at? I'm now at 100 and is 120.

[Zamar]

The peak 120 is peak power. And it's like, it's painful now.

[Kai]

Do they have to, like, wean you off or do you just, like, stop doing. Stop.

[Zamar]

It's supposed to just be like, you do it for, like, 30 days straight.

[Kai]

Damn, that's crazy.

[Drew]

How. How many days left do you have?

[Zamar]

I think I have, like, 10 days.

[Kai]

Wait, are you off today?

[Zamar]

I. I have it later today.

[Kai]

Can't go.

[Zamar]

Yeah, you can watch. You like to watch, huh, Andrew?

[Kai]

Yeah, but I'm, like, a little, like, medical cuckoo. I'd love to, like, observe your surgeries.

[Drew]

Y' all are disgusting.

[Zamar]

But I low key feel like it has been working because when I was, like, really down bad, like, six months ago, I would wake up and I would literally, like, open my eyes and the color would be desaturated. I would be like. I'm like, bob, do you remember that.

[Kai]

Trend on Tick Tock when, like, people would, like, show their life with saturation? And then it would be, like, three months into covet, and they just, like, take the saturation off and it'd be.

[Zamar]

Like, that was me.

[Kai]

That was your life.

[Zamar]

That was literally me.

[Kai]

I'm sorry, Kai.

[Zamar]

No, it's okay.

[Kai]

But I'm offended that I wasn't like.

[Drew]

Ray Bans with, like, a bit of a tin? And that should fix that problem.

[Zamar]

That's not really, like, the root of the problem.

[Drew]

Or you could get, like, eye contact.

[Zamar]

If I'm in your life, understanding.

[Kai]

If I'm in your life, how can you be sad?

[Drew]

That's what I was gonna say. Because it's almost mean to Drew. Like, does he not make your life good?

[Zamar]

I'm sorry. You're making this about you.

[Drew]

Like, we're just saying it is rude. It is really rude. Like, oh, you're depressed. But he. He's still. He's right here.

[Kai]

Yep.

[Zamar]

I just don't understand how this is now.

[Drew]

Like, I Mean, if Drew can't fix it, then you might be done.

[Zamar]

So I'm just expressing that I'm sad, and then this is an attack to. You can't.

[Drew]

Yeah. And he keeps going.

[Kai]

Yeah. This is crazy.

[Zamar]

And I'm also, like, doing better.

[Kai]

No, I am actually.

[Drew]

Well, you're doing better, cuz Drew's here right now. It's actually an illusion.

[Kai]

Notice. Notice. No, I am actually happy that.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Kai]

That's a good.

[Drew]

No, no, I'm happy for you.

[Zamar]

I. I still am. Like.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Zamar]

I'm still in. Like, in six months, I may just. All of my memory will just go away.

[Kai]

You get hard reset, which might be a. I know wake up sometimes hoping that would happen to me.

[Zamar]

I. I actually told them I want to. Eternal sunshine myself to forget both of you forever.

[Kai]

Then let's go.

[Drew]

What, are you going to be homeless in, like, two days? Yeah, no, I'm standing my ground. You get the out of my house.

[Zamar]

Actually, I will. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed back like that.

[Drew]

Oh, me being sarcastic. I actually am happy for you because that's awesome. The birds are chirping, so I'm awesome. I don't know if you guys remember.

[Zamar]

I woke up. I woke up yesterday, day 14.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, Drew, did you do that again?

[Kai]

I just did it with my mind. No, I actually didn't do that on purpose.

[Zamar]

I woke up yesterday and I heard the birds, and I immediately thought of that, and I was like, whoa. Because I have the same. Where as soon as it turns into like, like, like Eastern Europe weather in la, I just, like, get.

[Kai]

So are y' all excited for June gloom?

[Drew]

I won't be here.

[Zamar]

Why do you have to.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm literally leaving. We're like. We're like, oh, my God, finally.

[Zamar]

The sun is too depressed, people.

[Kai]

No. Yeah. I feel the exact same way. All we needed was some sunshine.

[Zamar]

You know that. Do you remember that scene in the Matrix where they crest out of the clouds?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Zamar]

And they see the sun. A glimpse of light.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Right?

[Zamar]

That is. That's me and. No, you are the.

[Drew]

You are like.

[Zamar]

You're the storm cloud in the. On the horizon. Oh, wow.

[Drew]

You're like a hurricane that's going to, like, swipe away my family and take them away from me. It's like the movie Twister.

[Kai]

I will cross me and I will.

[Drew]

So annoying. But yeah. No, it's literally the birds. The birds will do something to you. I'm going to hit our. I was going to say something Oh, I want us to read this thing and see if any of us. I saw this girl do this TikTok talk.

[Kai]

Hold on, hold on. Is it reading the teleprompter?

[Drew]

No. And if it was reading a teleprompter would be over 18 hours.

[Kai]

I think we did that, like, in one of the early episodes.

[Drew]

Yeah, we did. It's trying. Say. Try saying these without sounding sarcastic.

[Kai]

Okay. Oh, that's great. Wait, I kind of ate.

[Drew]

Yeah, you did kind of eat that.

[Kai]

Honestly, good for you. I'm happy for you. Fun. Oh, wait, wait.

[Drew]

That was hella sarcastic.

[Kai]

I got into sarcastic characters. Have fun. Okay, this one's hard. Fascinating. Fascinating.

[Zamar]

That's pretty earnest.

[Kai]

Yeah, I mean, it's just not a.

[Drew]

Word any of us would say. So me being like. Like, if you were just telling me about shocking yourself, I'm like, fascinating.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

You would be like, she's a. I'm.

[Kai]

Adding words to it. Like, you can't ask. Yeah.

[Drew]

You can't say anything else but that. And if you don't for that. That you didn't mean when I said, I hope you go blind. Well done. You well done, you.

[Kai]

Like, who's saying well done?

[Drew]

You.

[Kai]

Me, when I'm talking about my steak. And you equal steak. Onika burgers.

[Drew]

Well, equals onika D equals burger.

[Kai]

Two like, geriatric people finding out what onika burgers is for the first time. Dude, like, shut the up.

[Drew]

She equals ona A equals burger. What we're talking about because we sound crazy.

[Kai]

Whoever. Like, I want you on the pod because I love the way you see the world in your mind.

[Drew]

Like, that was so needs to pick your brain. Mrs. Ona burgers. Well, Coco Montrese y from RuPaul's Drag Race's Ona Burgers. My dad's in season two is Onika Burger is coded. Okay, I'm gonna try and then probably say, you try. Okay. This is gonna. Like, I can't. I don't know if I can do this. Okay. Oh, that's great. That was good. But I added something.

[Kai]

Yeah, I bet. I also.

[Zamar]

That was pretty good.

[Kai]

Yeah, that was good.

[Drew]

Okay. I feel like I just sound like a saying all this. Oh, good for you. I. I keep saying that's.

[Kai]

If you add the O. If you add the O, it makes it so much good for you. That sounded good.

[Drew]

I feel like I say this all the time, though. Have fun. Yeah, but, like, see, I wouldn't say it in that. Like.

[Kai]

Like, say it how you just like how you would say it if I Was walking out of the front door.

[Drew]

But I would add something else to it. Like, I wouldn't just say, have fun.

[Kai]

That was okay. Yeah, have fun.

[Drew]

Have fun.

[Kai]

That was okay.

[Drew]

Yeah. Fascinating.

[Kai]

Fascinating is evil.

[Drew]

That one's diabolical. If I told someone something interesting and they said fascinating, I can store my.

[Kai]

If I was like, that's fascinating. Like, I do say that regular, but just saying fascinating, like, that's evil.

[Drew]

I'm like, that's evil. But my word for fascinating is awesome. Like, I say awesome.

[Kai]

Seriously, that's awesome.

[Drew]

That's awesome.

[Zamar]

Awesome.

[Drew]

What? That's awesome. It's awesome. It's awesome. See? Thanks for that. I would never say that. Seriously. That's like, when you made fun of my tumor, I would be like, thanks for that.

[Kai]

Stage three brain rot.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's awesome. Oh, good luck with that. See, I have to add O with everything. Good luck with sounds thrilling is up.

[Kai]

Wait, let me see.

[Drew]

If you say sounds thrilling to someone, you're going to jail.

[Kai]

Now I'm gonna be as shady as possible. That's great. Good for you. Have fun. Fascinating. Why am I an actor, y' all? I'm not gonna lie. After leaving Dune, I was like, damn. Like, I really think my next arc.

[Drew]

Is the man who can't read out loud. Is like.

[Kai]

Like, I think my next arc is actor. And y' all clip this in three years once I'm acting.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Zamar]

Okay. I'm going to go. That's great.

[Drew]

Yeah. That sounded great.

[Kai]

Yeah, that was good.

[Zamar]

Good for you.

[Kai]

That sound.

[Drew]

That one's a little.

[Kai]

That was a little cavity.

[Drew]

Condescending.

[Zamar]

This one's hard. Have fun. No, have fun.

[Kai]

That was a little better.

[Zamar]

The second one, fascinating.

[Kai]

Okay. That was the best one.

[Zamar]

Thanks for that.

[Drew]

Well, the way you look reading it, really freaky.

[Zamar]

Thanks for that. Well done, you. Good luck with that.

[Kai]

Sound like male Siri.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's the thing is trying to read those just casually without actually receiving anything makes me feel crazy.

[Zamar]

Sounds thrilling. What a shame. Wow.

[Drew]

You have the same tone for everyone. Wow.

[Kai]

This one. No, I was gonna make a really mean joke.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Drew]

Wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Like, do it in that voice.

[Kai]

Oh, wow. It's so funny to get into that voice. I have to say oh, wow. To, like, remind me. That's great.

[Drew]

Good.

[Kai]

Good for you. Wait. Oh, wow. That good for you. Holy. I'm stroking out. How fun. Fascinating. Really? That's really fascinating. Oh, my God. Thanks for that. What a shame. I need to put on the dress.

[Drew]

Can you say, what a shame on burgers?

[Kai]

What a shame. Wait. Oh, wow. What a shame. Oh, what a shame on burgers. You're telling me a shrimp fried this.

[Drew]

Rice on burgers Sound like a villain? Like, you got. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Okay, before we get into psyop and media, there's a couple other things that I needed to talk about. There's this evil. Evil, vile, scary, wicked, gnarly rumor about me going around right now, and it's actually driving me insane, and I want to. I want to have an open dialogue with everybody. Why is there a rumor going around that I look like Lord Farquaad? Like, literally? People say, oh, Drew's, like, cosplaying Lord Farquad. Like, oh, he's one step away from fully becoming Lord Farquad. Like, cut that out. Do I look like Lord when I part? When I put my hair behind my ears? I don't think I've ever seen Lord Farquaad. Is that a real person?

[Zamar]

You. You do look like Lord Farquaad. And I look like Shrek.

[Kai]

Did you say I look like Lard Fart Quad?

[Zamar]

I didn't.

[Drew]

You're calling me human Shrek?

[Zamar]

People say that?

[Kai]

Yeah, you do.

[Zamar]

Which bodied me when I first.

[Kai]

No, he's, like, hot.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. The. The human shark is supposed to be like, oh, my God. They made human trucks so that the girls who, like, were attracted to Shrek could actually want to have sex with Shrek. Are you looking at Lord Farquad?

[Kai]

It's because of my biggest insecurity.

[Drew]

Your jaw.

[Kai]

Yes. I look like him.

[Drew]

You don't. But we should straighten your hair. That ass bob.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Lord Farquaad was the original ass bob.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, bruh.

[Drew]

You don't look like him.

[Kai]

No, y' all. Hesitation in the way the room felt.

[Zamar]

No, no, you don't. You don't. Actually, it's literally just your haircut. Like, nobody. No white guy with that haircut.

[Kai]

Your jaw.

[Drew]

You know what it is? It's just something about Shrek jokes actually.

[Kai]

Irk me at this point. I'm like, give it up.

[Drew]

Yeah, give it up. Post 2014 Shrek jokes irk the out of me. Like, that's the most random movie. Like, gaping hole ran through gaping hole.

[Kai]

Hold on, wait.

[Drew]

Neat stitches ran through that.

[Kai]

It's like, gaping hole about what?

[Drew]

Like, something about that just irks me. Like, I don't know. I can't do the Shrek shit. Like, I can't something about, like, somebody who used to work at Buzzfeed in a Shrek meme. Like, that's where it lands for me.

[Zamar]

Yeah, Shrek.

[Kai]

Okay, well, I sorry I went fell silent because I fully agree with that, but I have to. I'm copying the rest of my notes for this episode.

[Drew]

Well, I'm gonna do media. How about that?

[Kai]

Should I do Psyop first?

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Kai]

Body is tea. Or Boba.

[Zamar]

You wrote that one, right?

[Kai]

Yeah, that one was so good.

[Drew]

That's really good, actually.

[Kai]

Well, it was bitch or burger, but I said Boba. And Kai was like, keep that.

[Zamar]

Yesterday Y drew one into flow state and switched it out for Boba. And I was like crying.

[Kai]

Safe sex stinks. Got that whole room smelling like spit and birthday party balloons.

[Drew]

Wow, that's good.

[Kai]

White people stay calling the police on everyone but their son is building a bomb in their basement. But their son that's building a bomb in their basement. Girls ask. Okay. Girls ask for help opening a jar, but throw furniture during arguments.

[Drew]

Brat. Brat. Did you just hear my stomach? No, it growled.

[Kai]

McDonald's pancakes don't even absorb that syrup. That's how you know they're made of sud. McDonald's pancakes don't even absorb syrup. That's how you know they're made of shoe insults. That was from Jade. India and I are like Romeo and Juliet, except she doesn't like me and I'm gonna just kill my.

[Drew]

Okay, you post surgery.

[Kai]

Yeah, literally. Inya is so fine. I dead ass roll up my car windows when she farts.

[Drew]

Ew. Did someone send that?

[Kai]

Someone sent it, but I just added your name.

[Drew]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

But I don't remember who said it. Okay, that's the T. That's all. And that's all, folks.

[Drew]

Okay, my media of the week is DNM by mcg, Super Cut by Lord and just because I really love you by Jerry Butler. The draw in room do fez and that's it. And fetch the bolt cutters. The album. Guys, I literally have to fetch the bolt cutter.

[Kai]

You literally have to. Okay, mine is the poor thing soundtrack. Specifically, we. I just hope she's all right Bella. And then I was listening to the dude who. Who made that album's music. And he has an album called Winterisi. His name is Jer Skin Fendrix, and he has a couple really, like, weird, esoteric songs on his. Like that, like, don't make sense. Like at Wal at all. And then we'll do Parasite Nick Drake. Once I was Tim Buckley. Buckley. So real Jeff Buckley. Oh, I ate. And then Hope Sandoval.

[Drew]

Just her in general or Hope Sandoval and the warm Inventions? Both oh, and Mazzy Star. All right, guys, that's it. Thanks for watching.

[Kai]

Did I watch any movies or shows? Oh, I'm back on my young Sheldon. Y' all gotta tap in. I swear to God, I bet single person can see a little bit of themselves in little young Sheldon. And I bet if you watch that.

[Drew]

Dude, you are, like, so annoying for watching that show. I hate that.

[Kai]

And you know what? You know, it reignited it for me. I saw once I. Or when I saw a clip on Tick Tock in two when I went on that, like, Warner Brothers lot studio tour with my.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, they filmed it there.

[Kai]

It's all they talked about on the tour. And I was like, damn, that's like a vibe like. Like, I love this show. And now when I watch the show, I'm looking for the sound stage that they recorded it in, and you really can't tell. And that's just movie magic, baby. TV show magic. Young Sheldon, you're gonna watch.

[Drew]

No, I'm not watching that.

[Kai]

Oh, wow.

[Drew]

All right, bye. Oh, God. It's like we landed the plane, guys. We made it.

[Kai]

It's like you clapping at the end of Dune.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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