halloween episode w josiah

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Halloween Episode with Josiah Release Date: October 27, 2023

Introduction & Special Guest [01:17]

The "Emergency Intercom" Halloween special kicks off with Enya Umanzor warmly welcoming listeners to an episode filled with spooky tales, humorous interactions, and special guest appearances. This episode features Josiah, affectionately referred to as "Joe," adding a new dynamic to the beloved duo of Enya and Drew Phillips.

Handling a Halloween-Themed Scam Call [04:08 - 11:45]

Gay Little Monkey shares a humorous yet nerve-wracking experience of receiving multiple scam calls while preparing Halloween costumes at Spirit Halloween. The scammer, named Travis, falsely accuses her of unauthorized firearms purchases, threatening FBI intervention. The conversation quickly turns comedic as Josiah and Enya join in to mock the scammer, setting up a playful three-way call scenario disrupted by loud Halloween music.

Notable Quote:

• Gay Little Monkey: “I was like, what's going on? Like, what is all this about?” [08:02]

Marriage Talk: Enya and Drew's Plans [12:06 - 15:05]

The hosts shift gears to discuss the blossoming relationship between Enya and Drew, contemplating the idea of marriage. They joke about drafting pre-nups to ensure all assets remain separate, highlighting their already intertwined lives. Josiah humorously questions the practicality of officiating the wedding, adding to the light-hearted banter.

Notable Quote:

• Enya: “We're just gonna sign it so that everything is split. Like, we own the things we own.” [12:33]

Spooky Stories and Past Halloween Adventures [24:00 - 35:00]

The episode delves into a series of spooky anecdotes, including a haunted field trip where a Ouija board led to eerie encounters. Enya recounts a terrifying experience at an Airbnb cabin with friends, involving confusing directions, unexpected noises, and a persistent fear of being watched. These stories are interspersed with humorous remarks, maintaining the comedic tone.

Notable Quote:

• Josiah: “It was like being trapped in a closet. Like a glass closet.” [26:00]

Discussion on Drugs and Their Effects [17:38 - 20:00]

Josiah and Enya engage in a candid discussion about ketamine as a club drug. Enya expresses strong opposition, likening it to the devil and criticizing its dissociative effects. Josiah adds his perspective, emphasizing the dangers and lack of enjoyment derived from such substances, underscoring their commitment to avoiding harmful behaviors.

Notable Quote:

• Enya: “I think ketamine is the new devil. And I don't know how people have fun with that.” [18:48]

Relationships and Physical Interactions among Hosts [34:00 - 43:00]

The hosts navigate through humorous and sometimes risqué conversations about their relationships and physical interactions. Enya and Josiah tease each other about being possessed and engage in playful banter about their romantic inclinations, all while maintaining a light-hearted and comedic atmosphere.

Notable Quote:

• Enya: “Like, literally anytime we go somewhere or Ryan loves scaring people.” [19:25]

Compliments and Expressions of Attraction [40:00 - 44:00]

Gay Little Monkey and Josiah share their crushes on various male celebrities, including Willem Dafoe, Steve Buscemi, and Nick Offerman. These segments are filled with playful flattery and humorous observations, adding a charming layer to the episode’s dynamic.

Notable Quote:

• Gay Little Monkey: “Like, mine is like Willem Dafoe. He’s hung like a horse.” [41:16]

Personal Anecdotes: Teenage Mischief and Lessons [58:39 - 60:35]

Enya and Gay reminisce about their teenage years, recounting mischievous acts like stealing alcohol from open garages. Enya shares a particularly guilty memory of disposing of a friend’s homemade alcohol in a lake, highlighting the lasting impact of these youthful escapades.

Notable Quote:

• Enya: “We would go house to house and find open garages. And then we would look inside their garages for refrigerators.” [59:06]

Opinions on Drinking and Alcohol Use [53:07 - 75:00]

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing personal views and experiences with alcohol. Enya reveals her decision to quit drinking due to the negative consequences and slippery slope it presents. In contrast, Josiah shares his more laid-back approach to drinking, emphasizing moderation and personal choice. Their differing perspectives offer a balanced and relatable conversation on the topic.

Notable Quote:

• Enya: “Every time I drank, I would drink to black out. It wasn't fun. It was literally just like, how drunk can I get?” [54:12]
• Josiah: “If y’all are getting tax breaks, then do it.” [12:25]

Random Banter and Humor [66:00 - 75:00]

The episode culminates in a series of spontaneous and comedic interactions. The hosts engage in playful teasing, making exaggerated jokes about their appearances, relationships, and past antics. This carefree and humorous exchange encapsulates the essence of "Emergency Intercom," leaving listeners entertained and amused.

Notable Quote:

• Enya: “If your wet and you're ugly, congratulations, you're a water bug.” [71:35]

Conclusion: A Chaotic and Comedic Wrap-Up [75:00 - 76:28]

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts continue their humorous exchanges, reflecting on their shared experiences and teasing each other about various personal quirks. The Halloween theme persists, infusing the final moments with spooky yet funny remarks before the episode ends with an ad break.

Notable Quote:

• Enya: “Imagine us on this podcast.” [75:22]

Highlights and Key Insights:

• Humorous Handling of Scams: The hosts turn a potentially stressful scam call into a source of comedy, showcasing their ability to find humor in everyday challenges.

• Relationship Dynamics: Enya and Drew’s discussion about marriage adds depth to their characters, while Josiah’s playful skepticism keeps the conversation light.

• Spooky and Personal Stories: Sharing personal spooky experiences enhances listener engagement, blending humor with relatable fears.

• Balanced Conversations on Serious Topics: The candid discussion on ketamine and alcohol use provides a mature perspective amidst the humor, offering listeners both entertainment and insight.

• Engaging and Playful Banter: The constant playful teasing and humorous remarks between hosts maintain an engaging and entertaining flow throughout the episode.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Scam Call Handling:

  • Gay Little Monkey: “So they called and they were like, yeah, we're from American Express..." [05:31]

• Marriage Plans:

  • Enya: “We're just gonna sign it so that everything is split.” [12:33]

• Spooky Stories:

  • Josiah: “It was like being trapped in a closet. Like a glass closet.” [26:00]

• Discussion on Ketamine:

  • Enya: “I think ketamine is the new devil.” [18:48]

• Compliments:

  • Josiah: “He's still got a great face. Everybody loves him.” [41:23]

• Teenage Mischief:

  • Enya: “We would go house to house and find open garages...” [59:06]

• Opinions on Drinking:

  • Enya: “Every time I drank, I would drink to black out.” [54:12]

• Random Banter:

  • Enya: “If your wet and you're ugly, congratulations, you're a water bug.” [71:35]

Final Thoughts:

The Halloween special of "Emergency Intercom" successfully blends humor, personal anecdotes, and spooky stories to create an engaging and entertaining episode. With guest Josiah adding a fresh perspective, the hosts navigate through a variety of topics, maintaining their signature comedic flair while offering moments of genuine reflection and camaraderie. Whether through handling scam calls with laughter or sharing eerie Halloween adventures, this episode is sure to captivate both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Gay Little Monkey]

My name is Gay Little Monkey, and I'm from Nebraska. My name is Reagan, and I'm from Buckwheat, Illinois.

[Enya]

Welcome to Emergency Intercom, the Halloween special.

[Gay Little Monkey]

This is Halloween. This is Halloween.

[Josiah]

Happy Halloween. Happy Halloweener.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Guys, we're back. We're back. Like, we. Like, we never left.

[Enya]

We've got Joe here.

[Josiah]

Hey, JoJo. I'm Joe. If you don't know me, now you know me.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm Joe.

[Enya]

If you don't know, now you know.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Dude, you and this got some. I thought you were gonna say I'm Gay Little Monkey from the Apple Store.

[Josiah]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

Go.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. My name is Gay Little Monkey, and I'm from the Apple Store.

[Josiah]

I, like, actually love when you do that way too much, and I don't think it'll ever, like, not be funny to me.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Wow. Oh. Oh, my God. Starting off strong. You're drinking.

[Josiah]

It's just holy water, babe.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That's a flat.

[Josiah]

I've been possessed.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, my God. You are possessed.

[Enya]

The power of Christ. The power of Christ compels you. The power of Christ compels you.

[Josiah]

I was using all the props in the first, like, one minute. Like, we should not be allowed to have problems.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm saying it's like, literally, we haven't really done an introduction or said anything yet, and we've just been, like, yelling.

[Enya]

We've just been playing, and that's okay.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That's what Halloween is really about. Everybody wants to make it about being a slut and nasty and sexy and using it as an excuse to whore yourself out. It should be a fun thing with your.

[Enya]

You're finally. I actually agree with you on women for once.

[Josiah]

Y' all are acting hella different, like, since last time I've been on here.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I have a feeling this light is not doing me justice, and nobody had the. The decency to check and see if it.

[Enya]

No, you look.

[Josiah]

I can't see. Yeah, I have these contacts In. And I'm not joking.

[Enya]

You look beautiful.

[Josiah]

I'm, like. Feels like I'm dissociating. You know when you get, like, tunnel vision? Yeah, it's like that. But, like, to the untie. Have you either of y' all wore, like, colored contacts?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Enya]

Yeah. But back to, like, women being sluts.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, my God. We could have just, like, moved on.

[Enya]

If you have big boobs and you show them off, you're annoying.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You're annoying.

[Josiah]

Well, what if it's, like, huge boobs, though?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, what is the conversation? Okay, I guess, like, what, like, triple fuck. A, B, C, D, E, F. Yeah, F is after E. There's no way no one has triple F boobs.

[Josiah]

Definitely somebody. I mean, there's, like, 8 billion people in the world. Like. Yeah. Like, do you mean, like, real organic? Like, natty?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. Like, nobody has, like.

[Enya]

You're hella natty.

[Josiah]

I'm hella natty right now.

[Enya]

You're.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. You're serving natty. Nice socks.

[Enya]

It's like, you're so nat.

[Josiah]

The foot episode. Let's see what's in between those toes.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Ew. Well, should we talk about me getting a scam call while we were getting our costumes?

[Enya]

The single topic.

[Gay Little Monkey]

We have one thing we have to talk about today. Okay, well, I need to back up. How about that? You need to back up. You need to leave. Sorry. Sorry. Am I good with audio if I'm back here?

[Josiah]

No, hell, no.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, hell no.

[Josiah]

Oh, hell no.

[Enya]

21.

[Josiah]

21. Who knew that the scary LeBron James. James.

[Enya]

LeBron James.

[Josiah]

Who knows that the scary maze girl had such a good voice?

[Enya]

Something leaked out of your mouth.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah.

[Enya]

What was that?

[Josiah]

Chocolate.

[Enya]

Oh, it's your. It's. One of your cuts fell off.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

It's your chin cut fell off.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay. So yesterday we were getting, like, the final pieces of the costumes and just figuring things out, and we were in spirit Halloween, and I got a call from a random number, like, like, twice. And by the third time, I had an inkling. I was like, wow, maybe this is something serious, and I should answer it. So I answered, and immediately I heard a beep, which to me is sign of a scam call, because, like, it immediately beeping like that, I'm like, why? Why am I being recorded also being recorded without being told you're being a recorder. I'm like, this is a scam call.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

So then he was like, I'm from. I, like, didn't understand what you were, like, saying.

[Josiah]

I'll be thinking wow. Yeah. Sorry.

[Gay Little Monkey]

So they called and they were like, yeah, we're from American Express. This is the security region. Is this any humans or. So I was intrigued. I won't lie. There was a split second of my brain that was like, oh, no. What did I do? What did I do? Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Enya]

And you'd be like.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Dorothy, be like, oh, wow, the witch is dead.

[Josiah]

The witch is dead.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Me. When the witch in question is Drew's stinky.

[Enya]

Okay, I do not have a stinky, dead vagina.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You kind of do have a vagina.

[Enya]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I have a pretty pink boy, furless, bussy.

[Josiah]

Is it pink?

[Enya]

It's shiny. Yes.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Furless.

[Josiah]

Be honest. Is it pink?

[Enya]

It's pink as fuck, in a way.

[Gay Little Monkey]

When you're saying areola pink, it's definitely tainted by years of.

[Josiah]

Is it pink?

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, it's not pink.

[Josiah]

Okay. That's okay.

[Gay Little Monkey]

If anybody's gonna know if it's pink, I know when it's not pink.

[Josiah]

Mine's like, purple vibes.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh.

[Enya]

Or like, it's green.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Some days it's rotted. It's gutted.

[Josiah]

It kind of just depends on the day because the girls I be fucking, like, wow. It's like the ph. It's green. It's the green goo. I feel like I'm on Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards when I'm down there slimed.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Did the lab you just did was really, like, scary.

[Josiah]

Sorry. Yes. So the scam call.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Anyway. So I, like, am talking to him for a while, and Drew's kind of lingering, and he's like, who are you talking to? Who are you talking to? I was like, it's a scam. Just ignore it. Like, ignore me. And then he's like, you. You took out a credit card, and I'm a part of the security team. And I just had to let you know that I will be sending the FBI after you in the next two hours if you don't resolve this issue. And I was like, what's the issue? And then he's tell. Tells me that under my name, there was a charge for $3,000 worth of firearms. So then I immediately was like, okay, first of all, like, pick a scam that's, like, realistic. Because in what world am I spending that much money on firearms? Like, also, he said, firearms.com.

[Enya]

White people do.

[Josiah]

How much is it? How much is a gun?

[Enya]

Like, as low as a hundred and fifty dollars.

[Josiah]

Can I borrow 150?

[Enya]

Why?

[Josiah]

Because I got some business to take care of.

[Enya]

But yeah, so. And just, like, getting, like, chopping it up with this man. And I come over there, and I'm like, what's going on? Like, what is all this about? And then she's like, she. He keeps. She has him, like, repeat it, like, 30 times.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I was like, what did I do? What did I do? What did I do? Like, what are you saying? Can you repeat the. Out the. The website again? And he keeps going.

[Enya]

And he's like, firearms? You bought firearms? And then just like, no, I didn't. And then he's like, you bought firearms without a license. And I'm like. And you tell them you have a license. Like you're licensed. Like you have a firearms license. And then. And he was like, I did. And then he came up with, like, a new lie where he was like, well, it's actually a card open up under your name. So it's not the card. Because he kept reading card numbers that wasn't inas. And then he was like, oh, it's actually, like, a different card number that was opened up under your name. And yeah, it was just, like, back and forth for so long.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Also, at one point, I was like, you know what? I do get drunk, and I always have the issue where I get drunk and I always order firearms. So it honestly might have been me. And he was like, yes, it was you, and I'm sending the FBI. And I was like, are you seriously gonna snitch on me? Like you're gonna call the FBI on me, bro.

[Josiah]

His name was Travis, by the way.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, he said travis. She said his name was Travis. And then I started asking. I was like, have you gone on your lunch break today? And then Josie was like, ask him if he's had a chicken sandwich.

[Josiah]

Did you have a chicken sandwich today?

[Enya]

Sandwich. Sandwich.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Then we put him on a three way.

[Enya]

I was going to say I was long.

[Gay Little Monkey]

He stuck on.

[Enya]

Yeah, I was like, we need to call my phone as, like, the business manager. So we, like, tapped my phone, and then I gave it to Josiah because he's so much better at, like, that. And then we just, like, had a back and forth where I was like, I'm the business manager. And then we patched in Josiah's phone and, like, acted like, oh, no, no. I was a store employee. And I kept walking up to India and being like, you need to get the out of spirit Halloween. Like, you've been in here for three hours. Like, dude.

[Josiah]

And it was so sad. Like, whoever this man was, he was like, is there any way you could go Somewhere quieter, please. Because it was just so loud. Like, the music in that damn store. Crazy.

[Gay Little Monkey]

It was like 25 minutes in, and he wasn't hanging up on us. And at this point, I told him I was in Turks and Caicos. I was like, you can send the FBI to my house all you want. I'm literally in Turks and Caicos right now. Like, I. I'm at the mall in Turks and Caicos. Like, I am not being arrested. And then Josie went up to the speaker and it was paying, like, the Monster Jam, loud as fuck. And Spear Halloween and played it there. And then we put our phones together and we're making it, like, echo and, like, make a crazy noise.

[Josiah]

And he was just quiet. He was quiet for so long. We were like, travis, Hello?

[Enya]

Travis.

[Josiah]

Yes.

[Enya]

He really thought he hit the lottery. Like, he really thought, like, oh, my God, I have, like, a stupid bimbo girl. Like, I'm literally gonna get three grand out of her. But he literally wouldn't tell us how to resolve it.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, I was like, can I pay you? Can I pay you? He was like, let me finish. Let me finish. And then he would start his whole tangent over again. So basically, he was one of the worst scam callers ever. But we started calling him Chavez instead of Travis. And Josie was calling me Anna. And you said your name was David.

[Josiah]

I said my name was David. You were Annie, and he's Travis. And what you had asked him, he said, travis, do you have a computer?

[Gay Little Monkey]

He was like, yes. I'm looking at the database on my computer right now as we're talking. I was like, what database? I was like, are you sure you have a computer?

[Josiah]

He said he was in the New York headquarters. He said, I'm here at the New York headquarters. Who is stationing their customer service, like, area in New York?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Not even that. It was like, America. It was 3:40pm so that would mean it's, like, past the work day. But I miss him, and I honestly wish he would call back because he hung up on us. We didn't even end up hanging up on him.

[Josiah]

So am I allowed to say OC on here? No, see. Let's see. And you can cash at me.

[Enya]

Well, also, we wanted to talk about. So me and Enya have been seriously, genuinely with our whole hearts. It's not even a bit anymore, like, actually getting married. Yeah. Like, we really, really are considering.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Jealous.

[Enya]

And Josie, Josiah's, like, actually hella pissed. But, like, we just think it would be so funny one to get married to, like, all of the benefits we essentially are married already. Like, we have such a domestic life. We, like, do everything together. We go everywhere together. Like, we're married.

[Josiah]

Like, you guys gonna sign prenups we talked about?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. We're just gonna sign it so that, like, everything is split. Like, we own the things we own. There's no, like, sharing of properties.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Or businesses. Because I know Drew is a gold.

[Josiah]

Digger, so I can't trust dress for the wedding.

[Gay Little Monkey]

A Drew?

[Enya]

Me? Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, I wear the pants. I wear the pants in this relationship.

[Josiah]

We've got a comedian.

[Enya]

Hello.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm not kidding. We are going to get married. Are you going to officinate the wedding?

[Josiah]

Officianate the wedding.

[Gay Little Monkey]

What is it?

[Josiah]

Yeah, right.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I don't believe in weddings. Officiate.

[Josiah]

No, that's the part I do believe in. That's the thing is, I believe in the wedding. Like, that's fun. But, like, unless it's really good for my taxes, I'm not getting legally married to you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, well, it is really good for your taxes.

[Josiah]

Yeah. If y' all are getting tax breaks and off of it. Do it.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I think we're gonna do it for that. Yeah. So are you gonna officiate or what? Because you didn't really answer that.

[Josiah]

If I got. Yeah, it doesn't take that long. Yeah, you have to become, like, an ordained minister or something.

[Enya]

But, like, it takes, like, literally a day. Yeah, I'll do it, Max. Like, maybe an hour.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, but you have to be just, like, the way you're dressed right now.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

I'll do it as this. It feels kind of religious, though.

[Enya]

Are you the Joker? Is that what this is?

[Josiah]

No. Scary maze game.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, you are scary maze game girl. Oh, my gosh. I would love to go through a dark tunnel and bump into a wall and see you naked at the end of it.

[Josiah]

You know the scream that she does do?

[Gay Little Monkey]

The Michael Jackson scream in that?

[Josiah]

This is like, every time I look, it's like I keep seeing something right here walking. Maybe I am possessed.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, you might be possessed.

[Josiah]

And I'm like, oh, my God, Azula's in here.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You're seeing your own hand.

[Josiah]

Is Azul your toto from the movie?

[Gay Little Monkey]

What movie?

[Josiah]

From the wizard of Oz.

[Gay Little Monkey]

What is that?

[Josiah]

That's what you're dressed as right now. You said my name's Dorsey.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, I'm Pearl from Babe.

[Josiah]

That was last. You have midnight.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm Pearl from Squid game.

[Josiah]

No, polish your pearl.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm Pearl from Squid Fun.

[Josiah]

Can I polish your pearl?

[Gay Little Monkey]

It's cool. That we planned no topic.

[Enya]

I know. I'm going through all of my notes trying to find something. Maybe we talk about scary stories, like some spooky scary stories.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I don't have scary stories. I'm not even kidding. I, like, literally don't. My life is like. Well, the scariest part of my life is the. The decisions I make and then having to face the consequences of them.

[Josiah]

Damn flop. Yeah, we have a comedian here, so. Yeah, I have a pretty scary life as a doordash driver. It's very hard.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay, you actually have the doordash. Has anything ever bad, like, bad to you ever happened while you've done doordash?

[Josiah]

No, just like seeing fans, like delivering the fans and then being like, oh, are you like, good? But no, they're like, oh my God. Are you just saying. I'm like, no, I'm not. And they're like, it says your name is just that here. I'm like, oh.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And you're like, what?

[Josiah]

Like, I don't care. Like they. They know like, I mean, I don't make money, you know. Like, they know like, I mean, that's.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Why you have to get on the podcast so often. You need to. Just a quick chat.

[Josiah]

Join. You pay me like $40 every time I come on the podcast.

[Enya]

Yeah, $40 and some special effects makeup.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And if. And if the episode gets past 300k him an extra $10 bill.

[Josiah]

An extra $10 bill. A crisp $10 bill for your birthday, sweetie.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Should we talk about how bad we've been with making music? And I bet we can't. Cuz then we would have to show one of the songs. I feel like there's a clip we can show.

[Josiah]

Like there's earthquake just now.

[Enya]

Yeah, I was shaking my ass.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Josie, you are actually possessed because you're like tweaking out your. I never seen the first Exorcist.

[Josiah]

You should see it. It's fun. We saw the. Did we talk. Did y' all talk about that last.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Week, seeing the Exorcist? Yeah, but you have to talk about the fact that there was stink all over you.

[Josiah]

What do you mean?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Because. What. Didn't it leak on you?

[Josiah]

Oh, yeah. When I was seeing it, I was. I was sitting right there and there was like. Because they do the water mist stuff, but there was like a leak in front of me, so I just kept seeing this like solid water stream come down right in front of me and I was like, oh, damn. Like, because I was wearing my nice shoes and everything and it was nasty. It was gross.

[Enya]

Your little get up.

[Josiah]

Yeah, my little get up.

[Gay Little Monkey]

We gotta get you some more clothes.

[Josiah]

I have enough clothes.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You have.

[Josiah]

They just all look the same at this point. Like, I used to be like that. I'm never buying clothes. Like, I've got, like, my two outfits. I'm good. But now it's like, kind of by choice. I, like, find a shirt and a pair of pants that I like and I wear it for a month.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Remember your diaper, though? Remember Josie Diaper butt era?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Like, I just didn't understand yet. And my ass hadn't really filled out yet because I, like, was seven. You weren't doing it. I wasn't doing squads. Yeah. But now it's like, if I'm in the club, I'm definitely getting people groping me. So, yeah, it's pretty awesome. I brag about that.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Josie, if you were gonna start a business, what business would you start? Like, I'm not even kidding.

[Josiah]

Like, what?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, if.

[Josiah]

If you had probably the sake. You remember the sake?

[Gay Little Monkey]

What is that?

[Josiah]

So when we were on field trip, we did that Shark Tank episode, and my invention was the sake, which I, like, actually believe in that. Like, did we upload the Shark Tank episode? We did. That was the one where we were locked in the place. Oh, we almost didn't upload that episode, though.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Should we talk about that we predicted?

[Josiah]

I mean, I didn't want to upload it because. But you hadn't seen it yet. It was just based on, like, what we had done that day. Like, did. We didn't feel good about it. We weren't that involved in, like, doing, like, planning all the shit for that episode. And we didn't feel good about it. But then once the edit came through, it was like, okay, this is crazy.

[Enya]

Yeah, this is like, the guys crazy.

[Josiah]

Because it was so fuck out of it. It was like, dude, like, that day, it genuinely felt like we were in there for, like, two weeks.

[Enya]

It was hell on earth. Like, actually, like, being trapped in a box.

[Josiah]

It was like being trapped in a closet.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Like a glass closet.

[Enya]

Should we talk about how ketamine is a club drug now?

[Josiah]

Have you done ketamine?

[Enya]

No.

[Josiah]

Have you done kind of.

[Enya]

Me, I'm, like, terrified of it. Like, literally. I think ketamine is the new devil. And I don't know how people have fun with that. Like, literally the Cat Rats of New York. Like, come on now. Like, figure your out. Because, like, that is not a fun drug.

[Josiah]

I would not do it because, I mean, what does it do to you?

[Enya]

Like, it just like, detaches your mind from your body, so, like, you, like this dissociate, but, like, on another plane of existence.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I don't understand the point of, like, taking drugs that are, like, downers like that. Like, things that, like, literally just, like, put you to sleep. Like, take melatonin and fudgeing, go lay down and go to bed.

[Josiah]

It makes you numb.

[Enya]

It's like. I think it comes from, like, the euphoria.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, do you get, like, a spike of euphoria from it?

[Enya]

Well, that's not a downer. It's a dissociative.

[Josiah]

Oh, and you fall into the whole.

[Enya]

Yeah, marshmallow feet. Remember when he who will not be named, like, walked into the elevator at, like, a YouTube convention and, like, saw me and Enya in the elevator and.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Was like, david Dobrik. I don't give a. To say his name. You're a freak.

[Josiah]

What are y' all.

[Enya]

Y' all are on ketamine right now or something? And we were like, it's like, no, you're the weirdo.

[Josiah]

His last name is Tobacco.

[Enya]

Yes, you're on ketamine right now. And we were like, no. And he was like, oh, that shit's lit. Like, it turns your feet into marshmallows. And we were like, oh, okay. Like, what the hell?

[Gay Little Monkey]

We literally haven't said anything to him. He is weird.

[Enya]

And he had that damn camera in his hand, like, literally. I swear to God. I swear to God, like, vloggers like, that, the hand, like, their hand has, like, been mutated and evolved to hold cameras. Because, like, if you hold a big ass DSLR out like, that shit's, like, heavy as, like, they. You know that one, like, dude that held his hand up in the air for, like, the one. Not none, but, like, whatever. The nun equivalent with the shaved heads in, like, Buddhist cultures.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Monk.

[Enya]

Monk. He held his hand up in the air like this. That's like. In America, the equivalent to that is vloggers, like, because they're brave as fuck.

[Josiah]

Like, speaking of them, they take, like, vows of silence. Would you do. How long do you guys think you would last?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Maybe 30 minutes.

[Josiah]

I think I probably would last, but, yeah, maybe less than.

[Enya]

No, I could. I could actually do good. I think I could actually, like, stay silent.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Well, am I, like, in a room alone or are there people around me?

[Josiah]

You're alone, but you're still having to deal with people.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

You're just living life, like, regularly.

[Enya]

But I think I could do it because, like, when I really, like, am down tremendously bad, I Already am just silent. Like.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

I feel Gandhi was sneaking food. I'm sorry. He was. They told me he didn't eat for, like, two months.

[Gay Little Monkey]

They told me. And why did you bring that up just now?

[Josiah]

Because, like, I think about it a lot, genuinely. I'm like, okay, yeah, you're telling me he didn't drink water or eat food for months on end?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay, but if Mr. Beast did it, you would believe it.

[Enya]

No.

[Josiah]

Maybe. But that's, like, now. That was, like, in the 1800s or something, right? I don't know when he's from, but he was definitely eating. Oh, since he ate, like, they, like, found a bunch of pizza boxes, like, under his bed.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Shut the up.

[Enya]

Did y' all know the 72 emojis can correlate directly with the 72 seals of Solomon? So basically, emojis. Emojis are demonic is what I'm getting at. Yeah.

[Josiah]

Like, literally, there's more than 72.

[Enya]

No, no. The first 72 and then the last 72. At the beginning, the last five sigils and emojis, they correlate where it's like, skull, ghost, robot, alien, boom, or some like that. So basically, it's like, predicting that, like, sooner than later, we're gonna, like, become. We're all gonna die and upload ourselves into the cloud and become, like, cyborg robots. And then, like, we're gonna be controlled by Solomon.

[Josiah]

Who's Solomon, though?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Who is, like, the devil.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, he has another name.

[Enya]

The devil. Like, he's a demon, not the devil.

[Josiah]

Oh, Solomon.

[Enya]

Yeah. And that's the tea with the Solomon sneakers. Is. They're also evil.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God. And also, listen to this. The new Jamba Juice logo. I actually recognized this recently. If you turn it on its side, I'm not joking. You can look this up. And they changed it. For what reason? I don't know. It literally is 666. All you have to do is turn on the.

[Gay Little Monkey]

We got into last night was 666.

[Josiah]

It had four sixes on the end of the license plate. I really did honestly didn't want to get in that car, you know, it was uncomfortable.

[Enya]

Should we do a Ouija board?

[Josiah]

No.

[Enya]

Why? Josiah?

[Josiah]

I will not do that like you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I don't believe in that.

[Josiah]

My name is from the Bible. Like, I'm with God till the day I die, believing in the truth. I, like, recorded that. I was like, I'm doing the Exorcist. She was like, really? And I was like, yeah, yeah. I didn't want to do, like, the cross on my head, though, because I was like, that's too much. I wouldn't even with that be mad.

[Enya]

Do you remember the field?

[Josiah]

What? The cross. Yeah, No, I know, but, like, my mom would be like, like, editorial. You're going to hell.

[Enya]

No, it's giving, like, a Playboy cardi.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

But do y' all remember when we recorded that field trip pilot where the house was haunted and we did a Ouija board and Josiah ran and hid in another room?

[Josiah]

I did, actually. Let's tell that story real quick because. What? Really? Okay. It was me, Drew, Orion, Josh. I think that was who was in here. And you went to go take a shit. She was blowing something up. I don't fucking know if you were in the bathroom. We were trying to do it. Josh kept moving. I know. It was fucking Josh. Or was it you? I wasn't putting my hands on it.

[Enya]

Wasn't me.

[Josiah]

I refused to put my hand.

[Gay Little Monkey]

He just fucking lied to his teeth.

[Enya]

No, I genuinely don't remember this story.

[Josiah]

I felt like it was Josh.

[Enya]

It was me.

[Josiah]

Orion was like, put her hands on it because she.

[Gay Little Monkey]

It was Orion.

[Josiah]

I don't think it was. Because she started laughing, crying, like, freaked out because she really thought it was moving and then.

[Enya]

Well, no, that's the whole point of, like, Ouija boards is, like, you don't know. The juju guy gets it and, like, makes you laugh and cry.

[Josiah]

That's why.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Who the is?

[Enya]

The juju is the demon juju. J U J.

[Josiah]

Is that true?

[Enya]

And there's juju and Bobo. And those are the ones. Those are the ones that, like, infect you and make you laugh.

[Gay Little Monkey]

He all say, I never interacted with a Ouija board in my life.

[Josiah]

Dude, fuck that. And I didn't. And what happened next is Enya has a home pod on this side of the house. The living room's right here. She's in the bathroom on the other side of the house. So we're not even thinking anything of it. Right after, like, we all, like. They all take their hands off it. Everyone's kind of, like, freaked out, like. Or I guess just Orion and me, probably. Anya plays a knocking sound on the home pod. And I genuinely sat there for a moment and was like, damn. Like, I'm like, no, this is the rest of my life. It was really scary, and my mom's gonna be so pissed.

[Enya]

And then when we went to Big Bear and, like, we were already spooked out. It was the first time we all went up into the mountains together. And, like, Orion Thought it was so funny to, like, scare the out of all of us. And, like, it literally was just, like, so scary. I was like, bricks.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, my God. You know what's a funny, scary story is a big sir. This last trip, me and Orion got so good.

[Josiah]

We.

[Gay Little Monkey]

We got to this Airbnb with what? When we all was so mad.

[Enya]

I wasn't pissed. I was just scared. I was like, literally, please tell me if it was y' all or not, because I need to know if I need to, like, ready up to fight. Like, I was like, I have my switch.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay, let me explain this. So this, like, big sir cabin in the middle of nowhere, like, we left really late. We didn't get to the property until, like, 3am and it wasn't like you just drive into a driveway. It had, like, really intense directions to go through this whole property to get there. I'm driving. I look really anxious and so tired. And everybody had fallen asleep except me and Josie. And we're pulling up and, like, Drew and Orion start waking up. And, like, the directions are super unclear because it's so dark. There's, like, no light pollution over there, so it's literally pitch dark. So driving through these fucking roads, it's also, like, kind of on a cliff. Like, we're just going around. It takes us an hour to get to the Airbnb. And within that hour, like, we kept landing at other houses on the property and literally thinking we were going to get killed. But thankfully, the owner came out and, like, saw us and, like, guided us to the house. We get to the house, we go in, and it's like, two homes, and me and Orion take one and they take the other. It's like two, like. Like smaller, like, houses, like, situations. So we get one, they get one. I don't know why, but, like, I try to remember why we decided to scare them.

[Josiah]

Like, were y' all, like, high or something? No, there's no way. Yeah, because it was, like, 4am yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

At that point, it was, like, really late. So we weren't high. We were just, like, bored. And Orion's like, I'm gonna throw something at their window. And I was like, okay. So she gets up and she throws, like, a pebble at the window. And, like, we can. Because we can hear them through the walls talking. And we heard y' all.

[Josiah]

Oh. The reason why y' all started doing it is because me and Drew were photoshopping photos of our window with, like, I. So me and Drew started it. We started it, and we were sending photos. Something like, oh my God. Like look outside the window. And I made it like super faint so you could kind of see like a silhouette outside our window. But before y' all Orion threw the thing, there was like. There's like critters like all like in the roof because it's like an old ass house. And it was like this noise like. Like we kept hearing. And we were like, what the is that? Like, that's because it sounded like someone.

[Enya]

Tapping on our window, like with their fingernails.

[Josiah]

We thought that was you guys.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's what I was scared of.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That's what I was scared up doing that. At first she threw something and then she crawled out of the room and went to yalls window and was like going like this on it and tapping on it and ran back inside and y' all FaceTimed her. And I acted like I was sleeping. So she. She. Y' all called.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Enya]

You were not good at.

[Gay Little Monkey]

She was laughing and like, what? And I was like, I just came back from peeing. Like, I. Like I. I just woke up. Like, what? And then they were like, stop with us. Like, stop with us. And we were like, no, I'm being dead ass. It's so scary out there. Why would we go out there to scare you? Like, we're not going out there to scare you. And we dragged it on for like 20 minutes. And like, they were getting so freaked out. And they kept begging us to tell the truth. And all night we didn't tell the truth. I don't think we told you all the truth until like two nights later.

[Enya]

I think the scariest part of it was literally the next day I was like, just packing my bags, getting ready to go and just like cleaning up. And I hear that sound again. And. And then I realized what it was the first thing we heard and that we kept hearing as we were falling asleep after we realized it was them. Because it happened way more after we realized like, oh, they're just with us. Was. There was like nesting birds in the side of the building. So like these birds were like flapping their wings and cleaning themselves and making their nests up there. It was like so like sketchy. Like it was. It scared the out of me even like the next day.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, I wish. Wait, I think I. I want to see if I have any videos of me and Orion laughing. Because like, we were dying.

[Josiah]

I thought I was close to death for a second, but then I thought I was like, bro, there's no way on earth that Orion is not buying this.

[Enya]

Yeah, no, literally, she does that. Literally anytime we go somewhere or Ryan loves scaring people.

[Gay Little Monkey]

She scared have a video of her like going to find a rock to throw at yalls window.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Cuz also I remember after that big thud, like hearing like yalls door shut.

[Enya]

Yeah, we could. We heard y' all like scurry away.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Ew.

[Josiah]

Me like, like that's what we need is like going on trips and having fun like kids. Like that's what a lot more people need is like go out and heal your inner child. Like go and be with an older man. Like whoa.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You're saying like it's a joke. But it literally is so like true. Because we. I think about how we played hide and seek and Big Bear and like that is so.

[Enya]

One of my favorite videos of all time is me hiding in between like the shower curtains. Like the two shower curtains, the one that goes in the tub and the one on the outside of the tub. And like me hiding in there and I was like, oh, this is like one of the best spots ever. And then Josh finding me and I have like a video of Josh like opening them up really quick and it's just so cute because he's like smiling so big. I'm gonna find it better than I thought they would.

[Josiah]

I just immediately saw the. That was. It was.

[Enya]

I know. How did you.

[Josiah]

I looked like this and then I.

[Enya]

Was like, this is not an appropriate space, dude. I was trying to make it as small as possible so you wouldn't hit it.

[Josiah]

That's pretty good. Dude. That like actually playing hide and seek is so fun. And if you have a large house. Cuz that's the thing is we never can cuz like no one we know except maybe like Lucas has like kind of a bigger house. But even with Lucas house, it's not that good to hide in. We've tried to play hide and seek in there.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Play hide and seek. Or bodies. Bodies. Bodies.

[Enya]

One of our friends recently was like. One of our friends recently was like, oh, we want to start like a hide and go seek league in LA and just like get a bunch of people to get like a giant mansion. And like you spend like 50 bucks each to throw down and it's like.

[Gay Little Monkey]

A 23 of like 20 for one.

[Enya]

Yeah, we should literally do that. Doesn't that sound.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And then I can like make punch for everybody.

[Enya]

But like put lsd.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like. Yeah, put like a gnarly psychedelic in it so everybody freaks out, gets scared.

[Josiah]

Okay. If you did that, I'm not kidding. I would probably put a bullet in your Head.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, wow.

[Josiah]

No, I'm sorry, but, like, that's not cool. I mean, anybody who's wearing, like, LSD to people that screwed up, do it to you.

[Enya]

So when I was growing up, we literally, like, would play like, laced blunt roulette. Like, I would lace everyone's blunts and there was one blunt that had a bunch of it and you would smoke it.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That actually.

[Josiah]

And it was people.

[Enya]

Three people had psychotic breaks and, like, never returned.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, my God. And you're proud of that?

[Enya]

Yeah. It was fun as they knew what they were getting into.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That's actually.

[Josiah]

They did.

[Enya]

And I was just doing it behind their backs, but. Oh, my God, it was like a fun game that I.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You might face, like, legal, like, consequences. Yeah.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm just saying, like, it's like really naughty.

[Enya]

It was just so boring. Like, anytime I've ever just dripped LSD into someone's, like, sleeping mouth and they've woken up in like, a full blown, like, LSD trip, they, like, spaz out.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Is that what happened?

[Josiah]

I think so.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I mean, if, like, I was asleep and you like, dripped like, LSD or something into my mouth, would I wake up or would I literally just have the craziest dream of my goddamn life?

[Enya]

I just know that, like, trying to sleep on LSD is like, literally impossible. Like, you cannot sleep on it.

[Josiah]

Do an experiment like that.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Are you sleeping over tonight?

[Josiah]

No.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay.

[Josiah]

Not after what you guys just said. I woke in ya up this morning with my finger in her butt.

[Enya]

Yeah. And it was the second day in a row.

[Josiah]

What a good way to start the day. You don't need coffee anymore. Oh.

[Gay Little Monkey]

We should talk about how I could survive my. My silence. If you don't give me my coffee, then I could be silent, but I guess then I'd be angry if that's how the joke goes and I win.

[Enya]

We should talk about how Josiah, literally, like, Josiah sleeps in my bed.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And like, we like, he.

[Enya]

Like, it's a vibe, but, like, it's more because I like a warm body next to me. He's just like something I pass around. And, like, that's all you are to me is a warm body.

[Gay Little Monkey]

If you slept in my bed, I would make you feel pleasures beyond your wildest imagination.

[Josiah]

I don't want that from you.

[Enya]

Okay, But Josiah might be shocked. A lot of people, every once in a while, once every, like, three months will, like, become, like, violently cuddly with me. Like, to the point he just, like, forgets that it's me. And, like, it's just Like, a body. And then, like, he'll, like, get on me, and I'll, like, be like, yo, Josiah, like, get off of me. Get off of me. And then he'll get back on me like, 10 minutes later. I'm like, yo, Josiah, get the off of me. And then he'll get back on me.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And I'll, like, weird.

[Enya]

Push him off and be like, yo, you're tweaking the out. Like, literally, like, I have to, like, kick his legs and. Yeah, but, like, this last time, he, like, like, was wild in the out, and it was like he, like, had his arm over the top of me and, like, was, like, had his arm over me. And for a moment, I was like, I'm just gonna let him stay like that.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I've done that to Orion a handful of times, like, thinking she was somebody who I was, like, romantic with.

[Josiah]

Because my brain is just, like, I did that always sleeping with people.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

And I did it to Lucas so bad that I put my sausage, like, on him. Do you know that?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, yeah, I know about that.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, a word got round about that.

[Josiah]

It was really rough, and it happened twice. But, you know, it happened also. Christian also did that to him. So it's not just me and Grace. Her. His own girlfriend said to me. She was like, well, like, when he's asleep, he, like, you know, kind of rams his butt into me a lot. So she was like. It really could be that, like, he, like, inches towards you, so. Dude, it's not just me, because also, it happened with another person, like, did that to him, Bro, how could you.

[Enya]

Let your best bro crust at your sister, bro?

[Josiah]

Though that, like, I honestly don't know what switched to my brain. It really was the Fiona Apple album where I was just like, they, like, need to be together, bro. Like, I can't play God like that. It was. I listened to it that night and the day after, I literally, like, called or. I talked to Grace, and I was like, I think you guys should get back together. And she was like, okay, well, you gotta go talk to him. And I did.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Well, that album ended my relationship, so.

[Josiah]

I know. And a relationship sprouted from it, though.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Wow.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

So many things on and off.

[Josiah]

Yeah. You get lucky. I don't sleep in your bed.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, no.

[Enya]

Again and again.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Squirt so hard you'll die.

[Enya]

I literally thought this was a real foot just now that, like, scared the out of me. I was like, how the did you get your leg?

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm really flexible.

[Enya]

Okay, let's do a spooky question how do you want to die? You're always like, I want to drown.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, okay. No, no, no, no. Let me clarify. When I was a kid, I really wanted to drown. Because if you don't know, I love water. I love swimming. If I see a body of water, I will get in it. And I've always been like that since I was a kid.

[Josiah]

That's not true.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And I was really.

[Josiah]

Go ahead. What the are you saying lies? Yeah. I'm sorry, but no go.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Why would that be a lie? Like, why?

[Josiah]

Disclaimer lie. I'm sorry.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Are you going to keep interrupting me? Good, because we can take this off camera.

[Josiah]

And you like to swim in the body of water. Keep going.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Annie.

[Josiah]

Annie.

[Enya]

Brain eating amoebas.

[Gay Little Monkey]

But I used to really want to drown when I was a kid. And then as I grew up, I obviously realized that that is one of the most excruciating ways to die, and it would be terror. So my theory is I will not be dying by accident, and I will not be dying by the hands of somebody else. I will. A natural death or I will kill myself. Yes. Like, I literally. If I was in a situation where I felt like somebody had the upper hand and was about to kill me, I'd kill myself. Because I'm not letting you have the pleasure of it. Like, you're not getting that from me, because I am very stubborn. And I will get my lick. Like, if I don't even need the lick back. If the lick will be had on me, I will be licking first, and I will not be got like that. Oh, your mama's vagina. I always get that first lick in.

[Josiah]

It's like a Tootsie Pop.

[Gay Little Monkey]

It's like.

[Enya]

It's like the deeper you go, the.

[Gay Little Monkey]

More you slick taste test lick.

[Josiah]

Your mama's so rich because Red Lobster sources all their crabs from her. She's, like, wholesale. Like, she just.

[Enya]

When I. When I look at your mom's pubes under a microscope, I see the beach because there's crabs everywhere. Sandy and Sandy. Sandy gash.

[Josiah]

Oh, Sandy gash. Ew. Imagine, like, imagine you're like, you know, doing that with somebody.

[Enya]

Stop.

[Josiah]

And you, like, they have, like, a curtain. Like, how do you want to die?

[Enya]

How do you want to die? How do you. Huge gash.

[Josiah]

Like, open wound. I also am in the same way. I'm like, okay, copycat. No, I've talked about this a lot.

[Enya]

Like, original bro, like, but no, it really is.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, there's documentation of me talking about that way before.

[Josiah]

So it's just like, hey, tomorrow you're gonna die. Like, this person's gonna kill you. I would be like, oh, then I'm killing myself tonight. Like, it's no question to me. It really is. Like, I don't want that to be like, oh, yeah, he got killed by somebody. Like, no. I want it to be like, he got killed himself.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Isn't that all I wanted? Yeah. If, like, a murder is coming after me, I want it to be so embarrassing because the murderer is still gonna get, like, charged with, like, attempted murder, but I killed myself. And then he's gonna have to go to court and be like, oh, my God, no, no, I was gonna kill her, but she killed herself. I didn't kill her. And it's gonna be so embarrassing.

[Josiah]

But probably hanging is. I've always been drawn.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay.

[Josiah]

I don't know why I feel like it's such a. It's like a man thing. I don't know why. It just is.

[Enya]

It is. It's like a comedian thing.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I just. That's how I feel. Like, it would be best. It'd be real funny, too. Like, it would be awful.

[Enya]

But, like, I'm gonna want you poo.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Poo everywhere.

[Josiah]

I would be like the potato from the potato flu around my room. Vine if I die.

[Gay Little Monkey]

How about.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm. I'm saying a cave exploration accident. Like, I want to be trapped in a cave and, like, with three other people and have to, like, explore our way out. And if there is not a way out, then just, like, die in the cave.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That's, like, awful. There's, like, so much fear and panic in that.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's kind of. That's. I'm. I'm addicted to fear.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm addicted to it.

[Enya]

Hold up.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You know what you need to do because you wanted to do it. Show us some of the people you find attractive. Because that's what you were gonna do. You were gonna, like, look people up and show us who you. That's what we should do. Look up your weirdest person, who you're attracted to. And I need to see it.

[Josiah]

John Ham.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I already.

[Enya]

John Ham is, like, classic.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, mine is like, Willem Dafoe.

[Josiah]

Mark Duplass. Willem Dafoe is gorgeous. The. Are you talking about?

[Gay Little Monkey]

He's hung like a horse, like, recently. Oh, yeah. He's got a huge wiener.

[Josiah]

He's still. He's got a great face. Everybody loves him.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I guess it's not that weird.

[Josiah]

Like, Steve Buscemi would be a little more niche, I think.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, nasty Steve Buscemi in the movie.

[Josiah]

Ghost World, though, when he was younger, he was pretty good looking.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And yeah, when he was younger, he was pretty, like, hot.

[Enya]

Adam Sandler is one of mine.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That's like not that crazy to me though.

[Enya]

Look.

[Josiah]

Crazy.

[Enya]

Mine is Murray Bartlet.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Let me see. Who's that?

[Josiah]

Who the is that?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, he's like gorgeous.

[Josiah]

He's papa.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, no, he's. He's like hot.

[Josiah]

I like Michelle Feifer. I think actually gorgeous in Meg Ryan.

[Enya]

Oh, you know who one of mine is? Is Nick Offerman.

[Josiah]

Oh, yeah. From Park.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, yeah. He's sexy boots.

[Josiah]

The. Yeah, there's something going on. Don't scare bombastic Side eye creaming all over you. Side eye.

[Enya]

Creaming all over you.

[Josiah]

Keep going.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, that was it, I guess. I don't know. We don't have. I don't. I actually, now that I think of it, I don't know if I have anybody who I like to the general Mark Duplass. Who the is that?

[Josiah]

From Creep and the Morning Show.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Ill get the. Get a life.

[Josiah]

I think it's just because he's so lit. Like, he's so lit and funny and like.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Actually, you know what? I immediately take that back.

[Josiah]

You look like John.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. When he has a beard.

[Josiah]

That's what I said last night in the second movie.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I don't want to see that. I literally don't want to see that.

[Enya]

You need to see it.

[Josiah]

He shows the best acting.

[Enya]

Like she's not gonna rose toy to that picture tonight.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Actually, I am. That's like. Like I don't want to say that, but I'll say. And then we could bleep it out. I am.

[Josiah]

Oh, is that true?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I can change that tonight. To take a step back.

[Josiah]

Yeah, let me change that tonight.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, I'm gonna change it for you and put it right on your butthole and shake you around the house.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God. Shake me around the house.

[Enya]

I can't fix you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm gonna super glue my rose toy to your butthole.

[Enya]

I can fix that.

[Josiah]

That. I want to do a rose toy brand deal, please.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I think you can get that they want.

[Josiah]

Okay, here's the thing is they don't want me. They don't.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I don't know why you're flashing the camera. Your freaking balls.

[Josiah]

Sorry. They don't want me.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, you have to sit. Crisscross applesauce. Josie, I'm not kidding. Your bulge is going to be showing. I'm not kidding. Like, I know we talked about naked Attraction. Last time when we were, like, doing this.

[Josiah]

This. Would you go on that show?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Literally, I would body that show.

[Josiah]

And do you think you'd do well?

[Gay Little Monkey]

You know what? The thing is, I don't think I would do that well.

[Josiah]

I think you'd do well.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, I don't.

[Josiah]

No, I've seen you. You do well. Trust.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, my God. Thank you.

[Josiah]

Sure. Do you think you would do well?

[Enya]

Yes.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You think so?

[Josiah]

I think you would do immediately.

[Enya]

No, I'm too, like, nasty and twinky and skinny. Like, it wouldn't work.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I see the scrawny guys winning.

[Enya]

They get voted out every single. They're like, you're too scared. Skinny. Both.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, I don't think.

[Enya]

I've literally never seen one win.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, I saw one win the other day that I was like, oh, that.

[Josiah]

One guy, the one that was giving, like, Mac Miller vibes. No, no, he was the one picking. He was the one a dime, though. He was like, so cool. You know who I'm talking.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I know who you're talking about, dude.

[Josiah]

He was like. And then when he walked out at the end, it's like, huge. Like, huge.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, we might be talking about someone else. Because when I'm thinking about the tiny.

[Josiah]

It was pretty big. It was me, you, and Sabrina watching it.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You're. We all have to look back at the clips. We'll have to roll the footage back.

[Josiah]

I don't think I would do well on there. Oh, that's just. Yeah, no one's gonna contest it. I don't think I would. It's just.

[Enya]

It's too contestant.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I mean, if you go just like this, I think so.

[Josiah]

Scary.

[Enya]

My grandma's gonna die soon.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, my God.

[Josiah]

That's awful. Do you want me to come visit her like this? Let's speed up the process. Scared enough. Be like.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, my God, Josie. Actually, that's a lie. I think I would do pretty well on Naked Attraction. I think I would at least make it to the faces.

[Josiah]

Yeah, she's.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And then once it's the faces.

[Enya]

Face card decline.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, he'd be like, oh, put it down.

[Josiah]

Like, let's put it down, y' all. Put that one. Everything.

[Enya]

Oh, she's a butterface. Everything but her face.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I never knew that's what that meant.

[Josiah]

Really?

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, I thought it just meant, like, greasy like butter. So nasty. Like, I literally. That's what I thought it was.

[Enya]

Oh, she's got a Domino's pizza face. It's like, like greasy garlic.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Actually, I think if it was a man choosing, I would Lose. If it was a woman choosing, I would win a naked attraction.

[Josiah]

Wait, wait, wait. What the fudge did you just say? You said if it was a man choosing, you would win.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, I would lose.

[Josiah]

And it was like, what were their blood? Blood.

[Enya]

Blood prints on the ceiling.

[Josiah]

I'm so sorry. That was me.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Well, she had her period, and then we didn't have any tampons, so you had to.

[Josiah]

The new exorcist, to me was okay. Just saying.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You don't feel like they did a good representation of your story?

[Josiah]

Hell, no, I'm not exorcist, bro. What the are you talking about? I am scared.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'm sorry, you guys. Look, do you know her?

[Josiah]

Huh?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Do you know the exorcist girl?

[Josiah]

No, I know.

[Enya]

And, yeah, that's actually really up to ask, like, other demons if they know other demons. Like, they all.

[Josiah]

We don't all know each other, bro.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, I just would assume you guys probably, like, live in the same, like, areas and stuff.

[Josiah]

Hell no.

[Enya]

They live in hell.

[Josiah]

Well, let me tell you guys the big place.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay?

[Josiah]

Hell is actually so lit and really cheap rent a lot cheaper than la. I'll tell you, that episode is, like, driving me crazy.

[Enya]

It's dragging me through the mud, y' all. Okay, well, I will say this isn't my story to tell, but I just wanted to say this. Something spooky really did happen last night. Like, really, really spooky.

[Josiah]

Should we tell that?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Nah, let.

[Enya]

Y' all can have that, but.

[Josiah]

Because I don't even know. Yeah, I don't even know what his vibe is on it. Yeah, because I was thinking about that, too.

[Enya]

Just know I had to run because they scared me, not because anything happened to me.

[Josiah]

Me. Drew ran for his life and dredged.

[Enya]

Up a lot of trauma from.

[Josiah]

A lot of trauma from the break in. Can I admit something to you?

[Enya]

No.

[Josiah]

That was me.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I knew it.

[Enya]

You're, like, the eighth person that has said that to me. No, dude, his nasty pubes are seared into my brain forever.

[Josiah]

They're still in that shower?

[Enya]

No, they probably are.

[Josiah]

No one uses that shower.

[Enya]

No. Ever since the break in, it's been, like, two, three years. Like, that shower has not been touched.

[Josiah]

And I mean, even before that, was it ever used? Used?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, also just moved in? Yeah. The reason there was a razor in there. What was in there is because I had used it, and I had to. I had to get through that weed bush.

[Josiah]

Would love to see that.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh.

[Josiah]

Let's celebrate each other's beautiful new Fortnite map.

[Enya]

Coming out, actually.

[Josiah]

Yeah, that is true.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Wait, when?

[Josiah]

In like, November, Six weeks, I think. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's the OG map. Like, OG map, which is.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I don't even know what that looks like.

[Enya]

Like, I like Tilted Tower, Moisty Mire, Tomato, Pleasant Park, I think, which is. That's the. That's the hot spot to land where you go to, like, get a bunch of kills. Like, that's where you go.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Are you gonna hop back on when.

[Enya]

They update it 100? Yeah.

[Josiah]

I'm actually so excited they're getting rid of the cars. It's only going to be like, maybe golf carts or shopping carts that they used to have.

[Enya]

Oh, the shopping carts is.

[Josiah]

So the mobility is going to be ass, from what I've seen, which is. That's a good idea.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Shopping cart carts.

[Josiah]

Yeah, they used to have that. You could, like, hop into a shopping cart and roll down a hill really fast. Yeah, that was like. Because I remember when I first played, it was.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Probably in like 2018.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And you were like 12.

[Josiah]

Yeah, in 2018. I was 17. I knew you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I didn't know you.

[Josiah]

You did know me.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay.

[Josiah]

You invited me over a lot and I was 17.

[Enya]

Hold up. They don't know you. Like, I know you. Sit down. They don't love you. Like, I love.

[Josiah]

But also I wanted to take a quick moment to thank everybody because I could. Could. I feel like I said thank you, but not big enough, you know?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Are you watching Tik Tok?

[Josiah]

Are you watching something? I was just going to say something.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, he's.

[Enya]

What were you going to say?

[Josiah]

I was going to say thank you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, my God, bro.

[Enya]

Just say it.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, dude, your phone is like, the loudest. You unironically did that while me and Josie were in the bathroom, like, getting ready. You unironically.

[Enya]

I knew. I noticed myself doing it. So I turned my phone down and then I left.

[Josiah]

The only person I know, maybe like one other person who will sit in my car, like, in the passenger seat.

[Gay Little Monkey]

It drives me.

[Josiah]

I have to deal with it. Like, I'm not gonna be like, hey, get off. Tick tock. But, like, you're one of the only people I know who do it.

[Enya]

What else am I supposed to do?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Look out the window.

[Enya]

Nasty. Gross.

[Josiah]

La.

[Enya]

Where it's just concrete and no trees, no rocks, no gravel, nothing. It's just concrete.

[Josiah]

Like, and I'm Angelino originally, so.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, I take offense. In Orange county in. Or whatever the.

[Josiah]

I take offense to that.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, literally, it drives me insane. Like, I'll be trying to listen to music. And Drew is sitting in my passenger seat watching Tick Tocks out loud. And sometimes it'll be on a day like going to or leaving the gym, where you have headphones on your person, but you don't put them on. And he will just watch Tick Tocks. And he watches them so, so loud.

[Enya]

And.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And it's the worst thing ever.

[Enya]

I bet the people watching relate more to me than they relate to you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I think you might find that most.

[Enya]

People are lit and love Drew Phillips.

[Josiah]

Wait, did we talk about Drew running a red light completely with eight people?

[Enya]

Yeah, briefly spoke about it, but we went to Halloween Horror Nights if we didn't. And if we didn't.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I went to Halloween Horror Nights if we didn't.

[Enya]

Oh, if they didn't know.

[Josiah]

Sorry. Right.

[Enya]

But I. We were. I was driving home, I had my car, and we. There was like 20 of us, and I was like, oh, y' all don't have to Uber. And then I was like, oh, wait, I miscounted, like, tragically. Like, two people had to sit in the back of my trunk, and one person had to sit in the lap of another person. And then I was just like, driving home and I was like, whipping the piss out of my car.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And it was like a two minute drive. It was like literally like three minutes.

[Enya]

It was from Universal. Like, yeah, it was just somebody's house. Yeah, it was crazy. It wasn't crazy. And I'm just driving mind of my business. And I've literally never done this once in my life. But, like, I just didn't clock that. There was a red light in front of me, and I just drove through it. And literally everyone in the car but me noticed, and they were like.

[Josiah]

And it just ran around for a second. And then everyone was like, did you just. Did you run that red light?

[Enya]

Yeah, like, also, it was like, hella late. It was really late. And I was like, yes, I did.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And it doesn't help that Drew was so drunk. Like, it definitely was, like, a lot.

[Josiah]

I mean, you had had like, I want to say like, five drinks there. Seven. Seven drinks, like an hour before I left.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I literally cannot imagine you drunk anymore.

[Josiah]

Like, I haven't seen you're drunk in so long.

[Enya]

Dude. I think I, like, broke my wrist or something. Cuz when I like, press on my arm, it, like, hurts.

[Josiah]

So you think you broke your wrist? Yeah, like, but after Drew ran that red light, everyone kind of noticed, and Drew, like, was just like, as I should.

[Enya]

And it killed.

[Josiah]

Had to do.

[Gay Little Monkey]

It was a really good result. Everybody laughed, and they were like, like, you go, girl.

[Enya]

Yeah. You're like, honestly, like, I can't even be afraid or scared that that happened.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. You.

[Enya]

But I'm never drinking again.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. I can't imagine.

[Josiah]

Also, after that, when we finally was just me, Drew, and Enya in the car, like, we dropped everyone off. Drew was like, dude, I didn't notice.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That red light at all.

[Josiah]

And I knew when you said it, I was like, there is no way. Drew just, like, did that for fun.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Like, it was.

[Enya]

It was not.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You're, like, a very cautious driver.

[Enya]

Yeah. I'm very defensive, but I want to clarify. I did not have anything to Dr. Drink. I haven't had anything to drink in, like, forever. But the reason why I will never drink again, and I feel like this is important to say is because I feel like drinking is a very, very, very slippery slope, except especially for people with addictive personalities. And if you can just bite it in the ass. If you can just eat the ass of the addiction, like, before it even starts, I would recommend that. Yeah, I.

[Josiah]

Because every time.

[Enya]

The reason I stopped was because every time I drank, I would drink to black out. Like, it wasn't. It wasn't like, one or two drinks. It wasn't fun. It was never, like, a vibe. It was literally just like, it tastes. How drunk can I get?

[Josiah]

Like, get all this down my throat so I could be crazy? Like, I don't enjoy drinking it. So to me, I think I'm gonna.

[Enya]

Get up a good night out. Like, binging, like, eight drinks in the span of, like, three hours is, like, fun.

[Josiah]

Every now and then.

[Enya]

Every now and then. Four months. But, like, we were. The amount of times we were drinking, it was just, like, unhealthy, and it very easily could have became a problem tour.

[Josiah]

I literally become an alcoholic on tour. I'm sorry. I do. It's so goddamn boring.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, I feel like every musician I know goes on tour, and they, like.

[Josiah]

I will never go on stage drunk that. No, no, baby. I get free drinks. We get free drinks wherever we go. And after the show, I'm like, yeah, like, I'll get a. I'll get vodka lemonade. Sure.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

My issue is that I, like, can't say no to somebody off. I'm really bad with. Like, anytime anybody on the planet could be like, do you want to drink it?

[Josiah]

I'm like, yeah, if it's open bar.

[Enya]

Also, it sucks because, like, as, like, a beautiful person, like, essentially the beauty standard, like, borderline 10 out of 10 PSL. God.

[Josiah]

Borderline personality.

[Enya]

Like really, really like attractive. Like the beauty standard period.

[Josiah]

Like for talking about.

[Enya]

It's just hard when people like they. People flock to give me drinks.

[Josiah]

To give you drinks?

[Enya]

Yes. What am I talking about? Look at me.

[Josiah]

Notice me drew a giving body. Touch my body. Look around the room. Hello.

[Enya]

Give us a Marty girl. Give us a Marty girl.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Marty Gr. Mar. My name is Dorothy and I just want to ticket some Mar. My name is.

[Josiah]

Oh, are we gonna bleep that out?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Wow.

[Josiah]

You'Re over.

[Enya]

Wow. That literally just happened. I can't believe that just happened. Yeah, look around the room.

[Josiah]

I think it's really just like I'll drink. I'll probably drink so much down till I'm drunk.

[Enya]

Smoke till I'm high.

[Josiah]

I probably drink chocolate. Chug on my throat.

[Enya]

What?

[Josiah]

I probably drink. Chug on my throat.

[Enya]

Drink. Chuggle on your throat.

[Josiah]

I said I'll drink. Wait. Drink chuggling my throat.

[Enya]

That's what you just said.

[Josiah]

I said I'd probably drink till I drink and I'll die from throwing up. Oh, wait on it. Give me like a year.

[Enya]

Y' all been seeing how many celebrities have been getting robbed?

[Gay Little Monkey]

No.

[Enya]

Yeah. A bunch of select like 2.0 is happening and they're being very secretive about.

[Josiah]

And we didn't do it. The fact that it's not us is like.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. And it's not like it would never. Definitely not like we wouldn't. Cuz I wouldn't do that.

[Josiah]

Don't check my computer.

[Enya]

Yeah, we would not. Don't check my closet. Like we weren't stealing from celebrity. But no, like a bunch of celebrities were getting robbed. And like the only reason why. Why it's leaking is because like someone went to this like party of like a bunch of like LA people and like the commissioner and people there were like just talking like talking and whatever. And we're talking about how like a bunch of people have been getting like notable people have been getting robbed recently.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That's crazy. They can't have a ring camera. How you got all that money a no ring camera.

[Enya]

I mean they probably do, but that was the thing. They know how to like bypass it.

[Josiah]

It Paris Hilton and people like that with the bling ring. Paris Hilton. Every time they went to her house to bra her house, it was unlocked. The front door. No one was home.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I feel like that's like a big thing when you grow up or like you live in like a good neighborhood though. I don't think we're paranoid. I think we're just like normal people who grew up in normal neighborhoods.

[Josiah]

So you have to lock your door.

[Enya]

Suburbia, you didn't have to lock your door.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Like, that shocked me when I moved in with these freaks and they were like, yeah, they would always forget to lock the door.

[Enya]

Yeah, I like, I. It was like a learning curve for me to learn to lock the door. Store. That is so insane, like, small town.

[Gay Little Monkey]

So if I was going to commit a murder, I should go to a suburban town and it'd be easy to get in.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Would you do it? Also?

[Gay Little Monkey]

I'd have my big boobs out.

[Enya]

So have I ever talked about fridge hopping? Y' all know?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah.

[Enya]

On the podcast.

[Josiah]

Have I talked about it?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, you've talked about it.

[Josiah]

I don't know what that is.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Well, let them know.

[Enya]

It's basically what we used to do is literally commit crimes when I was like 15, 16. And we would go around my neighborhood and find open garages is. Don't do this. Cuz you will go to jail. It's 20, 23. There are cameras everywhere. You're stupid. And you've been warned. If you tried to do this.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay. If a kid. Okay, keep going. And then I'll say my piece on this.

[Enya]

But we would go house to house and find open garages. And then we would look inside their garages for refrigerators. And if they had a refrigerator, we would open up the refrigerator in the freezer and steal all of the alcohol out of it. And like every time we did this, we had alcohol for like, like four months. Like, it was crazy. That's food too. No, we didn't steal anything else. There was one thing that I feel really, really guilty about still to this day.

[Josiah]

Ashes.

[Enya]

But no, there was like they were making. Someone was like making their own wine or beer or something. And there was like a glass jug, like, with handles on the side like this. And like it was full. And like, we brought it and we put it like into the getaway cart. And like, like we like smelled it and it smelled rancid. So we just threw it in the lake. And every time, every time the lake, like there's like a drought in Granberry, like in Hood County. There's like a part of the lake that we drove over. We can still see the jar.

[Josiah]

You can sm.

[Enya]

Yeah. It's like it just floated down to the.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, that was somebody's hobby that was probably keeping them from, like, doing something really evil and bad.

[Josiah]

And then they went hurting themselves.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. So you have to live with that forever.

[Enya]

Yep.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I Feel like you're over it, though. It's like, fine.

[Enya]

Yeah, I don't give a. Now, like, but I still, every once in a while I'm like, damn. I just, like, ruined. I would ruin people's days. Like, they would like, look in the refrigerator and be like, where's my.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I. I would be fine with that, though. I'd be like, bro. Like, I would assume it was kids and be like, whatever. And I'm like, kind of pro being an adult and giving kids alcohol too.

[Enya]

Oh, don't do that.

[Josiah]

What?

[Enya]

Don't make me drink alone. Okay, Mom.

[Josiah]

Are you guys mad at me?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Are you guys mad at me? I mean. I mean, I risked my job for you guys to have a good time, and now it feels like you're mad at me.

[Josiah]

You know, it's fun. I was.

[Enya]

I was withholding this because I didn't know if I wanted to say it or not, but one of the houses that we would hit a stain on every single time was a cop, but we would steal from his refrigerator. And the last time I ever did it, it. We went into his house and we were all very deep into his garage and we had the beers in our hands and we heard his front door open and he said, sit and like, like, sent his dog after us. So we had to run up the goddamn block. It was so spooky.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Is it worth it for a beer.

[Enya]

When you're like 16?

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Like it's lit. Like, yeah, like, it's. I saw someone who was like, it's a canon event to like, sit in a circle with your 15 year old homies after you stole like a single wine cooler out of your, like, garage refrigerator. And like, you pass it around and each take a sip and it's like, you act like you're drunk. Like, that's such a rite of pass.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I think I said this on the podcast, but I will never forget. My dad was leaving. Oh.

[Josiah]

Why you plug in your ear?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Just your presence is hurting me.

[Josiah]

Are you serious?

[Enya]

No.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I have a really bad headache. I've been getting really, really gnarly headaches.

[Josiah]

Hit you in the head.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I want to hit it from the back.

[Enya]

Can I give you head?

[Josiah]

You can hit it from the back. You know you can hit it.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Can I teach you how to give head to a woman by me doing it to your penis?

[Enya]

You actually don't need to teach me because I study porn. I macro dose porn, obviously every morning. And I macro a lot.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Or like, it's a tiny bit.

[Enya]

Macros a lot, micros a little like.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, so you, like. You consume it in lump sums?

[Josiah]

Like, a lot.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Wow. That's really bad for you, I think.

[Enya]

I mean, no, I guess it depends.

[Gay Little Monkey]

On how you look at it.

[Josiah]

There's what you all talk about on this podcast.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Porn and boobs and stuff. Yeah.

[Josiah]

You know what? I told Lucas that I thought I was gonna hurt myself. All right. That I tried to hurt myself. Prior. And he said, damn, you can't even do that right.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Wow.

[Josiah]

And he told me that. I mean, I commit to agree with Joe Biden.

[Enya]

Could instantly improve his rating if he grew up.

[Josiah]

Insert the photo. Insert the photo. I pray to be as. As oblivious and geriatric and senile. That would be so funny.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Melting. Melting. We were put in a position where we had to.

[Enya]

I cannot believe. I literally cannot believe that that is our president.

[Josiah]

He's lit.

[Enya]

I mean, every president ever has been a puppet, but, like, I watched a clip of him. Like, he literally cannot form his own thoughts. Like, he looks like my. My grandpa. Like, the last time I saw him before he died. Like, it's. He's. He's over. He. He just needs to drop out. He needs to drop out and give another.

[Gay Little Monkey]

He needs to drop dead.

[Josiah]

Marianne Williamson. Thank you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Who?

[Josiah]

Marianne Williamson. I love her.

[Enya]

She loves birds. She's a really sweet girl.

[Josiah]

She's cool. She.

[Enya]

She can mind the gap in the gap. Sorry, I'm looking for something to talk about.

[Josiah]

Let me see your gift gap also. We're at an hour in.

[Enya]

Yeah. Ina, are you okay?

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, I'm ready.

[Josiah]

I'm ready to go back.

[Enya]

It's okay, guys. We had the cut, and you started crying. She started thinking about, like, all the girls that don't get good head from men like that. But, like, Drew Phillips, he gives good head to women.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, it's just, like. So I don't know.

[Josiah]

Do you actually give head to girls and.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Yes, he does. If I was a girl, I would let you do that to me.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Sleepover.

[Josiah]

Come on.

[Enya]

Celebra.

[Josiah]

Celebra. Oh, my God. I don't even want to talk about celebra. Like, how crazy do I look right now?

[Gay Little Monkey]

You look insane.

[Enya]

You look awesome. I've, like, become used to it, but, like, it's.

[Josiah]

If I look like this all the time and you're gonna still be my first friend. Probably not. Probably not.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Dude, you look terrifying.

[Josiah]

Touch my body. Drew is serving. Body. Body.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. This is. I feel crazy.

[Josiah]

Oh.

[Gay Little Monkey]

What's cool is I thought about this the other day. Me and Drew will die historians for sure. Because since we were on vine and like, at the cusp of YouTube and stuff, I get to tell my kids that I did a lot of good on the planet.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

What the are you talking?

[Enya]

Like, I don't. I don't even.

[Gay Little Monkey]

It was a really high thought I had where I was like, oh, my God, low key. In a way, I am historic.

[Enya]

I have always thought about that. Like, they're going to write, like, me into the books of history because, like, low key. We invented this.

[Josiah]

Like, we were at the jewelry, though. She's saying his story instead of history. Why are you saying that?

[Gay Little Monkey]

It's like, historian. I guess a historian is somebody who's, like, really, like, well versed on history.

[Josiah]

Oh, you're saying you're going to be a historian?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I'm going to be a historian.

[Josiah]

Okay. Her historian.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, her story.

[Josiah]

It. No one's ever talked about her story. Let's talk about Enya for the day.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I saw somebody was like, oh, my God, Enya. When she talks about her life and the things like, when I talk about my life in an emotional or like an emotionally intellectual based conversation, people are like, make fun of the fact that.

[Enya]

I'm so sick of you talking about your life. Sorry.

[Gay Little Monkey]

People were like. It was like, oh, my God. When you turn 24 and your life changes. Whatever. They were just, like, making fun of me. But you don't know what I've been through. And that's what I. I have to say. You don't know my story.

[Josiah]

I know your story.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You don't know my story. My story makes you a little horny, does it not?

[Josiah]

No. Seeing you and Drew touch will make me feel that way sometimes. And I hate when you guys fight. I'd rather you guys touch and be happy because. No, it turns me on. It does. Oh, and then I get to go to Josh's room while he's not here and do what you gotta do and freak it. Do you freak it in the sauna? Like, in the corner?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josiah]

You got to get in the corner of the sa.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, you have to necessity somebody. I won't say that. Okay. Media of the. We watched the Scooby Doo movie and it is so good.

[Josiah]

The first classic.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. I fell asleep during White Chicks, though. White chick knocked out.

[Enya]

And then last night I watched the Descent. Amazing. Scariest movie I've ever seen and will ever seen. I literally am traumatized by those critters. I hate that movie so much, but it's so good. It scares the out of me when she's Swimming in the pool of blood.

[Josiah]

Girl Interrupted.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You are so girl interrupted right now. You're actually girl in the Girl Interrupted movie.

[Josiah]

I can't do that scream. I wish I could do that scream. You know what I'm talking? Like, the lime lip scream.

[Gay Little Monkey]

The lime lip screen. Yes.

[Josiah]

Gary May screen.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, if I. If I see it like a hero.

[Josiah]

Y' all need a soundboard.

[Enya]

I know. I want one so bad, dude.

[Josiah]

Actually, like, we need to switch Gibby and Kai for like, a day.

[Enya]

Oh, that so funny, dude.

[Josiah]

I don't want Kai in. Yeah, that one. Okay, wait, can y' all plug your ears real quick, right?

[Enya]

I can't even hear that well.

[Josiah]

Honestly, Play it one more time.

[Gay Little Monkey]

It's. It's about to go. Oh, that was good.

[Josiah]

I kind of matched a P. Oh.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Wait.

[Josiah]

That'S pretty good.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh.

[Josiah]

I see you. See you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I see you.

[Josiah]

See you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

See you every time. What else? You did something the other day that pissed me off, but it was like a sound.

[Enya]

Oh, we did karaoke. We didn't even talk about karaoke.

[Josiah]

Pretty. Like, hello. Wow, I look pretty.

[Gay Little Monkey]

All right, well, my songs of the week are. It Ain't Me, Babe. Joan Bay. Joan Didian, Our House, Graham Nash and Joanie Mitchell cover Milky by Pram and 99 miles from LA, which is a song Josiah told me about out.

[Josiah]

That's true.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Thank you.

[Josiah]

You're welcome. My song of the week is can't escape by a Little Yarn. The is that again and again I'm gone.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay. Yeah.

[Enya]

Again and again and again and again.

[Josiah]

I with that. And if anybody in this goddamn world is gonna be mean to that girl, I will hunt you down and I'll go buy a gun. I don't care. Okay, I know I will. I literally will.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I feel like everybody episode that you're on the podcast.

[Josiah]

You threaten buying a gun, I'll buy the gun. I don't care.

[Enya]

Okay? My songs. I'm still listening to Opus. I don't listen to music anymore. I went too deep and, like, burned all my music brain cells.

[Gay Little Monkey]

You burned all the dopamine that there was to get from it.

[Enya]

I don't like music anymore right now. So listen to. What is it? Good Day by Opus 3.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Good Day by SZA.

[Enya]

Have a good day. I love that. But y' all, we almost forgot.

[Josiah]

What?

[Enya]

Drew's Psyop Corner. Welcome to Drew Psyop Corner. I smelled my co workers breath Inya and Josiah and damn near put my two weeks notice in for the podcast.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Oh, okay, that's not Even your co.

[Josiah]

Worker, but fine crow worker this is when.

[Enya]

Do you remember when you had braces?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I nutted in in his braces. And now my kids are behind bars. Hashtag, free my kids.

[Josiah]

Did you really have braces?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Did you have braces?

[Gay Little Monkey]

My teeth were up.

[Enya]

I had braces and I. And the first tour date I went to on press play, I lost my retainer and I got the gap again.

[Josiah]

I love that you need the gap. You need the gap.

[Enya]

Mind the gab.

[Josiah]

Literally, you are minding the gap. What does that mean? I don't know what that means.

[Enya]

It could mean something like political or something.

[Josiah]

Sorry, I don't know.

[Gay Little Monkey]

I think it's like, mind the wage question gap.

[Josiah]

I believe in the wage gap, though.

[Enya]

Yeah, we got to keep.

[Josiah]

Got to get to levels too.

[Enya]

There's part of the 1%. Like, I make $300 million a year. I don't think I could live without that. So I'm tired of complaining like, oh, like, I only make 60, 70, $80,000 a year. Okay. I make 300 million, like, and I'm barely surviving. Like, we both have it rough out here.

[Josiah]

Drew owns the crypto arena. Sorry.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah. You're not supposed to say that publicly. So now we have to blame.

[Enya]

But if your stinks and your dick is little, y' all belong together. Fish and shrimp basket.

[Gay Little Monkey]

That's a good one.

[Enya]

Okay. Crop top. Crop tops with no titties. That's a bib.

[Josiah]

Crop tops with no titties. That's a bib. I didn't feel that one.

[Enya]

If your wet and you're ugly, congratulations, you're a water bug. Hug.

[Gay Little Monkey]

What?

[Josiah]

Huh?

[Enya]

What the hell did Josiah say?

[Josiah]

Can you do one about Tuna box?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Leave my tuna Box alone.

[Josiah]

Have y' all been talking about Tuna Box on the.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, we have not mentioned Tuna Box at all.

[Enya]

Wait, just mention it once.

[Josiah]

Welcome to Tuna Box. Welcome to Tuna Box.

[Enya]

I think you can infer they used.

[Gay Little Monkey]

To call me Chunkla, like Sando.

[Enya]

Why we called you Chunklita.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I never called you.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Doesn't make it better.

[Josiah]

Josh called you that I never called you. And I didn't think it was funny. Like, I.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Honestly, it was mainly chocolate all the time. And then they knew it would piss me off. So I feel like y' all would say it to piss me off when you wanted to bother me.

[Josiah]

I never heard of those.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Tuna box.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Gay Little Monkey]

And they keep calling me, but I've not. I've adopted Tuna Box.

[Enya]

We. You used to get so mad when we'd ask you to say in your face.

[Josiah]

And on one Christmas, like, because Josh made it up, he was like. And his catchphrase is nya damn business. But she's like, I've never said that.

[Enya]

That.

[Josiah]

But on Christmas one year, I was at the bottom. I was the only one who heard. At the bottom of the stairs. She came in and I was like.

[Enya]

What did it like, No, I was at the top of the stairs.

[Josiah]

Was that the top of the stairs?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Yeah, I think we had just come.

[Josiah]

Back from Christmas and you said, n your damn business.

[Enya]

Christmas miracle.

[Josiah]

It really was.

[Enya]

Okay, y' all have heard of pre nut or post nut clarity, right? Y' all have heard of post nut clarity?

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Well, I'm introducing something called pre nut insanity, where it's like, me, like, literally going insane until I get my nut off.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay. Wow.

[Josiah]

This. I. I do, though, before I get my.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Okay, that's. No.

[Enya]

Hey.

[Gay Little Monkey]

All right, well, thank you guys so much for watching. This is so disgusting. Like, it is really disgusting. And your butt. Ew. Get away.

[Josiah]

Thank you guys for watching and listening.

[Gay Little Monkey]

Thank you so much. See.

[Josiah]

You for having me on.

[Gay Little Monkey]

No, I'm not doing this.

[Josiah]

Anyway, go listen.

[Enya]

Go listen to Billy and Jean.

[Josiah]

We didn't do.

[Enya]

We literally didn't do the one thing I wanted to do. Okay, you don't have to be here for this, but I literally need to do. What's it called? I need to do this so bad. What is it called? Smelling salt.

[Josiah]

This. Make a be. Goodbye.

[Gay Little Monkey]

My dress.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Enya]

All right, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I don't want to do it.

[Josiah]

Just do it. Are you okay? No. Imagine if this podcast was just me and you.

[Enya]

No, guys, I'm not even kidding. I think I, like, I think I caused a brain aneurysm. Like, I don't. I like, I don't literally can't see.

[Josiah]

And you don't have health insurance, so good luck.

[Enya]

That, like, cleared my sinuses so well, though.

[Josiah]

Does it feel like you just, like, got a bunch of chlorine in your. Like, a chlorine cleanse.

[Enya]

I feel like I can breathe for the first time.

[Josiah]

Okay, well, this has been. This is Drew. This is just. I'm.

[Enya]

Wait, you do look like Enya. Like, you actually look like her right now.

[Josiah]

And yeah, in 2018, be like, hi, I'm Billy and I'm g. I know. I'm. Wait. Imagine a different outro.

[Enya]

Imagine us on this podcast.

[Josiah]

Dude, I know.

[Enya]

Should we start a podcast together?

[Josiah]

We should do, like, one spin off.

[Enya]

Episode and we, like, start it under like the Emergency Intercom.

[Josiah]

Like Universe Emergency Intercom owns Billion Jean. Yeah, but Anya, you want to say bye?

[Gay Little Monkey]

Goodbye, San Francisco. We love you.

[Josiah]

Happy Halloween.

[Enya]

Spooky Halloween Spectacular Special. Goodbye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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