happy valin times day

Summary

Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "Happy Valentine’s Day"

Episode Details:

• Title: Happy Valentine’s Day
• Host/Authors: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
• Release Date: February 14, 2025
• Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast where Enya and Drew navigate through humorous and candid conversations, blending pop culture, personal anecdotes, and playful banter.

---

1. Introduction: Setting the Scene ([01:12] – [01:27])

Drew kicks off the episode by acknowledging the Valentine's Day release and setting a casual, relaxed tone for the episode.

Drew: "Well, welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I feel like we should explain ourselves a little bit because we kind of just like, jumped in. No, but we're in Big Sur. It's Valentine's Day when this episode comes out and we're just doing a cute little walk through the woods."

---

2. Sports Talk: Travis Kelce and the Super Bowl ([01:27] – [02:21])

Enya and Drew delve into a heated discussion about Travis Kelce’s performance in the Super Bowl, expressing strong opinions about his appearance and the losing team’s repeated successes.

Enya: "What do you think Travis Kelce's doing right now? Did you see he had to leave in that stupid ass suit?"

Drew: "Yeah, he probably fully expected to win and then he had like a glittery blouse on, bruh."

The conversation evolves into criticism of the losing team’s dominance over the years.

Enya: "Last year we were like, I feel so bad for them. And this year I'm like, good, bro. Good riddance. Because didn't they win last year?"

Drew: "Um, yeah, they've won like five years in a row."

---

3. High Moments: Edibles and Experiences ([02:21] – [04:46])

The hosts share personal anecdotes about their experiences with edibles, highlighting Drew’s first time taking an edible and the ensuing anxiety.

Drew: "I went to the LA Chargers game and took an edible for the first time in, like, five years and got really scared and thought about jumping over the balcony."

Enya: "We should just, like, drug you against your knowledge and give you one of those edible, like, drink mixtures."

They humorously discuss the idea of placebo effects and the potential consequences of unplanned high experiences.

Drew: "I would be like, oh, my God, my French drugged me and they're trying to kill me."

---

4. Nature and Pop Culture References ([04:46] – [07:04])

The conversation shifts to nature, tree climbing, and references to "The Hunger Games," blending their love for the outdoors with pop culture critiques.

Enya: "I don't think they're real."

Drew: "It's like, it's like, it's like, the call of the Void, too, in a way."

They discuss Peeta’s survival tactics in "The Hunger Games" and the unrealistic aspects of the movie.

Enya: "Peeta should have been the first cover boy. Like, literally. He made it fucking work. He beat that fucking mug in the woods."

---

5. Relationships and Emotional Intelligence ([07:04] – [12:21])

Enya and Drew engage in a deep conversation about relationships, emotional intelligence, and the complexities of forming romantic bonds after years of platonic friendships.

Enya: "I have the rumors going around that Euphoria Season three is for me. I'm Nate J."

Drew: "I'm in it."

They explore fears surrounding serious relationships, the transition from being emotionally inept to developing communication skills through friendships, and the challenges of moving from platonic to romantic connections.

Enya: "What do you think about that? Is you, like, behind a trailer?"

Drew: "I think we are, like, bringing anybody into our domain is really like. It's like the royal Rumble."

---

6. Dive into WWE and Sports Interests ([14:17] – [17:14])

Drew shares his newfound interest in WWE, discussing specific wrestlers and expressing excitement despite previously dismissing it as "fake."

Drew: "I've been getting into WWE, so I was like, mansplaining it to Enya and Josh."

Enya: "It's probably a good workout for your shoulders. You're going to get nice and broad shoulders."

They joke about integrating sports entertainment into their comedic narrative.

---

7. Valentine’s Day Musings ([17:14] – [25:32])

With Valentine's Day as the backdrop, the hosts discuss the societal pressures of romantic relationships, fears of being cheated on, and the importance of platonic love.

Enya: "If you find yourself feeling like you're just faking confidence with a random person, put that time into yourself and the people around you because it won't kill you."

Drew: "But also, like, if you get cheated on, it's your fault."

They address toxic relationship dynamics humorously yet touch on the underlying emotional truths.

---

8. Adventure Plans and Nature ([27:25] – [35:32])

Enya and Drew brainstorm adventures involving nature, such as fire watching in national parks, while interspersing their conversation with playful banter and jokes about wildlife.

Enya: "We should go do fire watch. I would love to do that this summer."

Drew: "But I feel like you'd literally start the fires yourself."

Their dialogue paints a vivid picture of their quirky personalities and love for the outdoors.

---

9. Closing Remarks and Final Jokes ([43:05] – [50:46])

As the episode concludes, Enya and Drew engage in a series of rapid-fire jokes, playful insults, and humorous declarations, culminating in well-wishes for Valentine's Day.

Enya: "Happy Valentine's Day. I hope if you didn't have a romantic day, you had a platonically gorgeous day with your friends."

Drew: "Feels really pretty. I think I'm gonna die this year, y' all."

They wrap up with a blend of humor and heartfelt sentiments, underscoring the show's signature comedic style.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Enya on Relationships:
  "[07:18] Enya: I want real food. That's not you making me a plate. Your butt is not food."

• Drew on Emotional Intelligence:
  "[10:46] Drew: ...you taught us all how to, like, love each other as friends."

• Enya on Cheating:
  "[24:07] Enya: I'll be damned. Before I smell a man's dick, I'll be damned."

• Drew's WWE Interest:
  "[14:17] Drew: I've been getting into WWE... But they seemed interested in it."

• Valentine’s Day Message:
  "[50:38] Enya: ...give it to everyone you love, because who knows? They could die tomorrow and you will regret forever not doing that nice thing you thought of doing."

---

Conclusion: In this lively episode of Emergency Intercom, Enya and Drew navigate through a multitude of topics ranging from sports and personal experiences with edibles to deep conversations about relationships and emotional intelligence. Their blend of humor, candidness, and insightful discussions offers listeners an engaging and relatable experience, especially resonating with those navigating similar life stages and challenges. The Valentine's Day theme serves as a backdrop for exploring both the humorous and serious facets of love and friendship.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Well, welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I feel like we should explain ourselves a little bit because we kind of just like, jumped in. No, but we're in Big Sur. It's Valentine's Day when this episode comes out and we're just doing a cute little walk through the woods.

[Enya]

Oh, motherfucker.

[Drew]

What?

[Enya]

Oh, I just slapped myself in the fucking eyeballs with this goddamn Elphaba broom. Oh, my God. What do you think Travis Kelce's doing right now? Did you see he had to leave in that stupid ass suit?

[Drew]

Yeah, he probably fully expected to win and then he had like a glittery blouse on, bruh.

[Enya]

In a situation like that, you stand 10 toes down and you leave that stadium like, I don't even give a fuck. Like, you have to. Like, he should have just gone back there, done a line of coker, gotten blackout trump within five seconds and then walked out. Like, heck of fuck, bro.

[Drew]

Like, bro. Yeah. Like, I feel like for the first time ever, I don't feel bad for the losing team in the Super Bowl. They're a bunch of clowns.

[Enya]

Last year we were like, I feel so bad for them. And this year I'm like, good, bro. Good riddance. Because didn't they win last year?

[Drew]

Um, yeah, they've won like five years in a row.

[Enya]

Get over yourself, bro. No, literally, also, I feel like winning that much low key, then what are you even trying for? But maybe people just get addicted to being on top.

[Drew]

I think that's literally what it is. And also, like, they were expected to win and they literally just played, like, the worst game as a team they've ever played in franchise history.

[Enya]

Wait, honestly, it was, like, not only, like, a loss, but it was a bad game.

[Drew]

Yeah, it was. It was boring. I didn't watch it, but from what I've heard, it was boring.

[Enya]

Well, you can't pay me to watch football.

[Drew]

No, literally.

[Enya]

Actually, haven't you been to a football game in more recent history?

[Drew]

Yeah, I've been to two. Or. Yeah, I've been to one with Orion. I went to the LA Chargers game and took an edible for the first time in, like, five years and got really scared and thought about jumping over the balcony. And it just was replaying in my head over and over and over again. And then I thought that everybody knew I was high and that, like, I was gonna get thrown out of the stadium and I was gonna make Orion look bad. And I just kept panicking and I took, like, a corner of, like, a 5 milligram edible. It was, like, maybe 0.25 of weed.

[Enya]

We should just, like, drug you against your knowledge and give you, like, one of those edible, like, drink mixtures. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, we should just give you one of those and tell you that it's a fun, like, drink and see if it's placebo. If you actually are gonna lose your mind.

[Drew]

Yeah, try that on me one day, dude. But I feel like. I know.

[Enya]

Imagine I broke you, though. Like, I would kill myself.

[Drew]

I know. I was gonna say, I feel like I'd know immediately, like, once I started feeling it, that it was weed. And then I would be like, oh, my God, my French drugged me and they're trying to kill me.

[Enya]

Or, like, it would be, what did I say yesterday when I was eating snacks when I was like, oh, it probably won't hurt my stomach, but I'll sit around for the next three hours and think about if my stomach hurts.

[Drew]

Is my stomach hurting?

[Enya]

I feel like at this point, that's you. And you try to get high. It's like, you get high and you're like, am I gonna be scared? Like, am I scared?

[Drew]

Literally. Literally. But, like, I don't understand weed because everyone's like, yeah, there's like, 30 minutes of me, like, thinking I'm gonna die. And I'm like, how is that even relatively fun for anybody? I. Yeah, these trees are so beautiful.

[Enya]

I don't think they're real.

[Drew]

They're so pretty.

[Enya]

They were literally made to climb up like, we were actually.

[Drew]

It's like, it's like, the call of the Void, too, in a way. It's like we lived in trees when we were, like, apes or monkeys, and, like, we swing around them, and I just want to be up there.

[Enya]

Yeah. I mean, it's also like Hunger Games. Like, I feel like in Hunger Games, PETA would have been up this damn tree.

[Drew]

He would have been blending in. He would have made himself a stick. He would have turned himself into a stick with, like, mud.

[Enya]

No, he'd literally be where we are.

[Drew]

But, like, wait, that. That clip, like, when it happened in the movie, like, I was gagged because I was like, oh, my God. He, like, really was able to do that. Like, what the hell with just, like, river rocks? Like, what?

[Enya]

Okay.

[Drew]

And then, like, as an adult, I see it now, and I'm like, it crosses my suspension of disbelief in the craziest way. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

[Enya]

Well, no, the T is Peeta. Peeta. Peeta. Peeta should have been the first cover boy. Like, literally. He made it fucking work. He beat that fucking mug in the woods.

[Drew]

He had full drag makeup on.

[Enya]

He deserves to be crowned RuPaul's.

[Drew]

Yeah. Crown him. Crown him.

[Enya]

Crown him.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Enya]

I mean, he's had an awesome also discography. Like going from Hunger Games to Five Nights at Freddy's.

[Drew]

I can't believe. Don't even mention the movie to me. That's trauma.

[Enya]

Drew was supposed to be in the movie.

[Drew]

I was supposed to be in the movie. Well, I have the rumors going around that Euphoria Season three is for me. I'm Nate J.

[Enya]

Is it for you or you're in it?

[Drew]

I'm in it.

[Enya]

I thought you said it's for you.

[Drew]

I did, but it's about you. Yeah, well, don't tell the people that. But I'm Euphoria, isn't it? I think I'm in it.

[Enya]

You think?

[Drew]

Also the way my story looks, I can't even say, but the way the story looked is. It was like, who started the rumor I'm in Euphoria season three? And then the next photo I posted on my story looked like me on set, like, trying out outfits for the show.

[Enya]

What do you think about that? Is you, like, behind a trailer?

[Drew]

Yeah, it looks like I'm, like, on the lot. Filming lot.

[Enya]

Right?

[Drew]

Well, it's Valentine's Day, and you didn't.

[Enya]

Give me a gift. Where's my gift?

[Drew]

I feel like we should just talk about love for a moment.

[Enya]

That's my gift for Valentine's Day, is we just have to Talk. Yeah, I'm done eating your coochie. Can we please go to dinner for Valentine's?

[Drew]

I'm hungry.

[Enya]

I want real food. That's not you making me a plate.

[Drew]

Your butt is not food.

[Enya]

Um, love, bruh.

[Drew]

Well, I have trade in my DMs right now that I'm scared to respond to.

[Enya]

I know. I just wish you had it in me. I mean.

[Drew]

Cause up until recently, actually, I wouldn't say I'm scared to respond to. It's just. I'm scared of it becoming something.

[Enya]

Is it because, like, you're fearing the end already or, like, it just sounds too overwhelming to have to deal with?

[Drew]

Just way too overwhelming to have to.

[Enya]

Deal with somebody else's, like, yeah.

[Drew]

Also, I've, like, never really been in, like, a super serious relationship, so, like, the idea of starting now really greens me the fuck out because I'm like, what? Like, I've lived, like, all my adult life, like, essentially alone, and now I have to, like, figure out how to be in a fucking relationship. Like, hell, no. That's too much. So I'm just like, girl, I got my friends. Like, I don't need all that shit.

[Enya]

Okay? So, like, you know how this year is the year of reframing. Let's reframe that and think about the monologue from Call Me by youy Name, which is like, I'm not trying to say anything about you, but it's just, like, the best monologue about relationships I've ever heard.

[Drew]

With the dad at the end. Yeah.

[Enya]

When he's talking about, like, you go through all these relationships and you lose a part of yourself. You lose that fire to give your all to somebody because you realize how much work it takes. Blah, blah, blah. I would argue that you are maybe the perfect contender for a relationship because you've had to do all your communication skills with your friends. Like, we have hard conversations.

[Drew]

I think about. I think about that all the time. That I got to, like, watch all my friends go through their relationships and, like, make mistakes and, like, say things they weren't supposed to love, like, deeply and love correctly. And I got to, like, learn how to, like, be in a relationship, like, vicariously through, like, all my friends. And I'm, like, in that aspect, I'm lucky. And like, you were saying, like, we've already had, like, so many hard conversations, like, about just life and shit. And I know how to, like, like. Cause when you first met me, bitch, I was emotionally inept. I know. I was a Neanderthal. Like, I really had, like, the emotions. I mean, I had emotions, actually. I don't even know if I had emotions. I was low key, sociopathic.

[Enya]

No, I think you've always been emotionally intelligent. But, like, it's, like, more than anything.

[Drew]

Also, like, you just split me open. You cracked me open. You cracked that shit.

[Enya]

I bent you over and dug around.

[Drew]

Yeah, she's digging in me for my emotions. She's digging in my emotions.

[Enya]

No, but I was going to say, I feel like when I met you guys, I. I was still pretty emotionally inept in terms of communication.

[Drew]

No, you weren't. I mean, like, you were light years ahead of everyone. That's, like, one thing about you is you've always been like. Like, I feel like a leader in that sense in our, like, friend group. Like, like in that Brockhampton video in the beginning when I was, like, you taught, like, me how to love platonically. I genuinely believe that. Like, I genuinely do mean that. Well, thank you so much. And still to this day, well. And you taught fucking Josiah, Orion, Josh, Lucas, Christian. Like, you taught us all how to, like, love each other as friends.

[Enya]

Well, that means a lot, so thank you. But the realty of that is now.

[Drew]

Come over here and let me finger you.

[Enya]

You're not gonna hit, bro. You can say all that shit. I'm not letting you hit. Ooh.

[Drew]

What the fuck? You're sleeping with Josh.

[Enya]

I call couch. I call couch.

[Drew]

India wants that damn couch so bad.

[Enya]

No, I want to dig in, my friend. Tonight, let me dig in. I just want to dig around instead of saying, I want to pick your grain like, I want dig inside of you, E. But the real tea of that is I do think I've always had, like, an intense capacity for love. But until I met you guys, you guys have made my habits in terms of what I define as love and what I think I deserved. You guys have fully switched that. Because I feel like when I first met you guys, I was, like, super shut off in terms of friendship connections. I've always been very emotionally vulnerable in terms of, like, the romantic sense, which I think is also, like, why. Growing up, I had a problem where I had a crush on everyone I knew because I knew I could love people very deeply. But I have and still have a hard time separating the two, especially when I only have sexy friends. So it is really hard. It literally. Especially when I was growing up.

[Drew]

You're really just talking about me here right now?

[Enya]

I mean, shit, you're my one and only.

[Drew]

Wait, the way we literally are each other.

[Enya]

I know. I was thinking about that in the bathroom this morning because I was like, damn, I kind of want a family, but I just don't think I want a family romantically. But I wish humans were more simple. Because in my. In my dream world, I would have a kid with you or Ryan, but then I'm like, damn, that's still a kid that you have to split with somebody. But I would rather split a kid with one of you.

[Drew]

But because we know how to share. Like, yeah, that's the thing is like, we know how to like, we live like 50. 50. And like, there are things. Nevermind. That's just gonna go into like, misandry.

[Enya]

But like, oh, I was gonna say.

[Drew]

That like a man should bo. Whatever.

[Enya]

No, a man should be actually useful.

[Drew]

Literally, like be useful.

[Enya]

I don't even think that's misandry anymore. It's like this. Literally. Men have never been fucking useless.

[Drew]

You know? What I'm referencing is the marriage story monologue. What's her nuts did in the office? Like, do you know what I'm talking about?

[Enya]

I don't remember it. Cause all I remember is like, every.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Day I wake up and I wish you were dead.

[Drew]

Every day I wake up and I wish you were dead. No, the. The one I forget. What's her name? Josh, you know her name.

[Enya]

Scarlett Johannes.

[Drew]

Laura Dern's monologue when she's like, talking about, like, men and I'm like, see, that's tea. And it took us. But like, the idea of like a good man has only existed for 30 years. That's like the realest shit I've ever heard. Because like, like 30 years ago, men were like, just like, supposed to be like, beating up their wife and kids and like, being an alcoholic. That was like, what a man.

[Enya]

Also, what's crazy is we're still at the idea of a good man. We haven't gone there yet. We still.

[Drew]

I think Steven is a good man. Yes, Steven. Steven, like my sister's husband is a good guy.

[Enya]

That's like a one in a. That's really a one in a million.

[Drew]

But like, also, like, I'm not. Just imagine me in a fucking relationship and you, like, realistically, like, think about me, like, going to someone's house. Like, that doesn't track. Like, and like, think about them coming to our house.

[Enya]

That's like. That is the crazier part. But I will say that's the crazier part for all of us. Like, all of us are like, bringing anybody into our domain is really like. It's like the royal Rumble. Oh, my God. Should I say what I thought?

[Drew]

Yes. Wait, hold on. Let's. Let's preface it really quick. So I've been getting into wwe. I mean, I say I've been getting into it, but I've literally, for like, the last eight hours of my life, I've just been watching YouTube videos of it and learning about it.

[Enya]

I mean, that's getting into it. You're teaching me and Josh.

[Drew]

What is it? I believe in Johan. Embarrassingly, he's the reason why I wanted to watch wwe, because he's fine. Shit. And I looked him up and I was like, wait, wait, I'm glad you admitted that, honestly. But the Undertakers, like, I've just been watching Walkouts because I think, like, in my head, I. It's the year of reframing, like we've been saying. And I like, always, like, saw, like, wwe. And I was like, girl, like, fuck this shit. Like, it's obviously fake. And then I'm like, well, yeah, duh, it's fake. Like, why can't I enjoy. Like, they're actors like me about movies.

[Enya]

I just don't like movies because they're fake.

[Drew]

Yeah, I just don't like that shit.

[Enya]

I just don't believe them.

[Drew]

Wait, also, I had this idea, so, you know wet T shirt contests.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

We should start having open book concepts where, like, girls read books and show their minds instead of wetting their white T shirts and. Yeah, open book concept contests. They, like, read. They, like. Really?

[Enya]

Are they reading in the white T shirt?

[Drew]

No, no, no, no. They're reading in, like, then I don't want.

[Enya]

I don't care, bro.

[Drew]

You're such a boy.

[Enya]

Can we wet your clothes and see how they cling onto your body? You know that the mangle. Oh, but people like that shit.

[Drew]

What?

[Enya]

Like, wet clothing clinging to body is a full sub genre of, like, a kink.

[Drew]

Ew. I mean, I guess it. It tracks because of latex.

[Enya]

Yeah. It also makes sense because, like, if a bad bitch post a picture in a wet shirt, I'm looking.

[Drew]

Josh is very. He's looking away awkwardly, like, what?

[Enya]

Josh is like, dude, wet. Like, that's wet clothes. What?

[Drew]

But I've been getting into wwe, so I was like, like, mansplaining it to Enya and Josh and, like, showing them clips. And if they were acting, they're amazing actors, but they seemed interested in it. And something that I've always, always, always, always been obsessed with is basketball. Well, we started talking about basketball in the NBA and shit, and Enya finally admitted that she thinks she's crossing a.

[Enya]

Line because I said this would never be public knowledge.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, I thought that's what you were saying.

[Enya]

Like, no, that's what I'm saying. Okay. Actually, we can leave this in, because I do have to just battle with this. Like, it really is. It's coming from a very teenager place.

[Drew]

Sorry if I literally wasn't supposed to say that.

[Enya]

No, it's funny. You know what it is at the end of the day? Like, it's kind of like the conversation about the baby bangs. Like, I want baby bangs because I don't want straight guys being like, yeah, she's chill.

[Drew]

Like, oh, I do.

[Enya]

I don't want people to be like, oh, my God, I'm actually gonna have a stroke thinking about it. If I was out in public and a random guy came up for a picture, he was like, you see the game last night? I would shoot the person. Like, I literally. Like, if I had a gun, I'd.

[Drew]

Be like, but that's. See, that's. The tea is like, you, you, me, and you go Devin Lee Carlson's house. Cause she likes basketball. And we. We hang out in these safe spaces. Only chew. But me.

[Enya]

Me, when I'm teaching my baby how to eat solid foods instead of breast milk, chew, chew.

[Drew]

Oh, my name. We're gonna start calling me Drooc.

[Enya]

Wait. Cause of Duke University?

[Drew]

No, just Drooc.

[Enya]

Why?

[Drew]

It's just, like, it rolls off the tongue better than Drew.

[Enya]

Joke.

[Drew]

Druk Druk.

[Enya]

Well, I'll just end up saying jook, because that's like a dance. No joke. No joke. No joke. Can you stop me? Jook. Dru. Duke, Joo.

[Drew]

But, yeah, we started talking about NBA, and then Enya brought this up, and I didn't want to hear it until she told me while the cameras were on.

[Enya]

Okay, well, Drew doesn't know this information because we were trying to decide if it was actually funny or. I had to tell Josh first because I don't want this whole gag that I'm stupid to be a thing, because, bitch, I'm not stupid. Don't fucking play with me.

[Drew]

You saying this whole gag like you weren't like, I'm not the one.

[Enya]

I'm spearheading the rumor that I'm stupid.

[Drew]

Spearheading the movement.

[Enya]

Well, it's because it's like, the rumors just get out of control nowadays. Why is there a rumor that I'm stupid? The person who started the rumor. But this is really embarrassing to admit. And the reason why, like, the NBA or the reason why Sports are so underwhelming to me in general is because I thought so I thought, say you wanted to be a basketball player. I. In my head, the reason the Olympics were such a gag is because it really was the Royal Rumble of the world. In my head, I thought.

[Drew]

And that is kind of true.

[Enya]

No, but listen, it gets deep. I thought. And I thought this up until like, last year or something. I'm not kidding. Because. And that's. This is why the Luca whole thing confused me so much, because I'm like, she thought it.

[Drew]

We were talking about Jokic.

[Enya]

Well, yes, I got all the white guys confused. I don't really know, like, because the thing is, really, when y' all show me pictures and stuff, I'm, like, looking, but I'm seeing through.

[Drew]

You're. You're not. You're hearing, but you're not listening.

[Enya]

No, I'm. I'm looking from here, but I'm not looking from here. Yeah, like, this isn't connected most of the time. But I thought. I'm trying to, like, I feel like I explained it perfectly to Josh last night. Essentially, I thought that if you wanted to play basketball, you're from Texas, you had to play basketball in high school, which. Yeah, usually you have to, like, start from a child because, like, sports are weird and crazy like that. So you do basketball in high school, then you go to a good college in Texas, and then you play college basketball, and then you just move up to the Mavericks or something like you have. I thought you had to stay in your team from your state. Because I was like, well, yes. Like, duh. You're like, why are you roughing a state that's not yours? And I think, even as, like, I thought, like, the whole switch off thing, like, I remember when I do know LeBron was at, like, what, the Cleveland. The Be like, Cleave.

[Drew]

Cleveland Beavers?

[Enya]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

They are not the Beavers.

[Drew]

They are. They're literally the Beavers.

[Enya]

I was going to say. No, they're not the Beavers.

[Drew]

I swear. They're the Beavers.

[Enya]

They're like the Clovers or some.

[Drew]

Yeah, they're the. They're the. What are they doing?

[Enya]

Okay, so he was on the Cleveland Beavers, and then I remember he got switched to Miami, and I thought. I thought that was history in the making. I was like, damn, he's not from Miami and they're letting him play on the Miami team. Like, he must be good. Like, wow, he must be that good. And I still didn't think anything of it. So I thought The Olympics was such a gag because I thought of it like. I thought of it like I was in debate. You do debate and you do it like you can get up to the nationals. If you win, like, competitions in your area or whatever, you get to nationals and then you do country wide, like currency. What are they called? Like, statewide, like, championships? Like, yeah, like a championship, whatever. But I basically thought, like, states fight against each other with, like, the people they, like, born, right? Like, I thought it was like some medieval time. So I always was like, dude, sports is really weird because, like, what do you mean? Like, I was born in Miami and now I had to fight for my fucking right to be a Miamian. Like, that's what I. Oh. But that's what I thought I was. And then that's why I thought the Olympics were such a gag, because I was like.

[Drew]

It was like all the forces coming together.

[Enya]

Literally. The countries are fighting, the girls are fighting.

[Drew]

Okay. Something else I wanted to bring up is in the last episode, I explained that I got scammed by my favorite rapper. I got scammed by Edward Skeletrix. But it worked out in my favor because I got a DM from the company saying, oh, my God, I'm so sorry, I forgot to send your stuff. And they're sending me an extra special Edward Skeletix ipod.

[Enya]

It's probably gonna have, like, malware in it to give you a virus.

[Drew]

It's gonna have tracking information and they're gonna like, yeah.

[Enya]

Oh, you shouldn't. You should not be leaning on this. It's like, this wood is a little damp and it's gonna fuck with your leather.

[Drew]

I know when I was laying down, I could feel it seeping through, but I was like, whatever. I'm committing to the bit.

[Enya]

But, yeah, we gotta get you in a relationship, sis. We gotta get you. I mean, actually, I take that back. I really don't think my. My tea is. I don't think anybody needs a romantic relationship, but maybe that's coming from somebody who's very lucky in that region.

[Drew]

I don't think I need a romantic. I mean. Cause I already have a romantic relationship with you. So I think, like, I think we're just gonna end up together forever.

[Enya]

Well, yeah, but we just can't have sex anymore.

[Drew]

You know, that's just what marriage does.

[Enya]

Well, you. But also, every time we have. Every time we hook up, I get a UTI or a yeast infection or bv.

[Drew]

I have a dirty dick. Like, I know.

[Enya]

And I beg you.

[Drew]

I'm like, okay, you signed up for.

[Enya]

That dude, sometimes I'll literally run the sink water to warm, and I'm like, please, there's hand soap and the sink water is warm. Just like a little rinse. And he refuses.

[Drew]

The tea is. Is. If you think your boyfriend's cheating on you, smell his penis. And if you smell vagina, obviously he's cheating. If you smell hand soap that isn't yours, he's cheating. And he thought he was being slick.

[Enya]

I'll be damned. Before I smell a man's dick, I'll be damned. I'll be damned. I'll be damned.

[Drew]

Like, smelling it like it's a cigar. Like, just.

[Enya]

Yeah, just smelling it to see what's up. Like, if. If I'm. If I'm getting that, like, ludicrous in terms of thinking I'm being cheated on, I'm cheating.

[Drew]

You're being cheated on. If you think you're being cheated on, you're being cheated on. Like, your intuition is. Your intuition is mostly right.

[Enya]

But we're about to. It's Valentine's Day, and we're about to ruin, like, 8,000, like, ruining relationships. Well, the real tea is. And this is going to be like, the craziest thing I've ever said, but specifically for women. I grew up really, really, really, like, fearful of being cheated on. And I've had so many experiences where, like, a line is crossed and I feel uncomfortable in all these things. But the best part about growing up is it will not kill me. Which is, like, very brave to say. But I feel like so many young people, especially in this, like, unless they and age with iPhones. Like, so many people are in these weird situationships and it's like rain put it perfectly. Is like the idea of, like, relationships are so weird because. Yeah, when you're with that person, you feel so confident, everything is awesome. But when they leave, the confidence is gone. So you're actually not confident. You're just, like, faking it with this random person. And I feel like if you find yourself feeling like that, and I feel like when you get cheated on, that is a huge thing. Like, people become really attached to those people because it's like, well, this is a source of comfort and confidence and, like, what am I gonna do without it? And you should put that time into yourself and the people around you because it won't kill you.

[Drew]

But also, like, if you get cheated on, it's your fault. I'll say that much. Right?

[Enya]

You aren't putting out.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're not putting out. You're not cooking the Meals. Right.

[Enya]

Like, you're not washing the dishes, doing the laundry.

[Drew]

And that goes for men, too. No, I really. I really do live in the fact that a woman cheating is. Okay. What did he do? What did he do?

[Enya]

Well, yeah, I feel like it just takes more to get pushed there. I don't even know why I brought that up, but I was just thinking about, like. I feel like Valentine's Day is, for some reason, specifically for young people the day a lot of people find out, like, oh, okay, this.

[Drew]

This isn't it.

[Enya]

I think something else is happening here. But that shit's a scam, bro. Every day is Valentine's Day if you spread love to the right corners. I love you, Preach. Me and my boy toy. This is my boy toy. Wait. Fuck.

[Drew]

I saw me and my girl trade.

[Enya]

Wait, I saw something. I saw something that was like a guy. I am your girl trade. But can girls be trade? The problem is, you say trade so much that I started to say trade, and I sound like one of those bitches who's like, that's trade. And it's like, bitch, you don't know what trade means. But it's like, we do it with every word.

[Drew]

I just. Girls aren't trade. But I just think it's funny to call girls trade.

[Enya]

That's what people thought until they met me.

[Drew]

Yeah. Girl trade.

[Enya]

Like, to me, this log is trade. I'm humping this log. Like, this log, like, this one is.

[Drew]

Like, specifically, Specifically, like, the layer of moss on it is, like, very hypersexual.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's like, clean cut.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's. She. She cleaned up for you.

[Enya]

She got ready for me, bro. I wish we had a house in the woods. But I will say, I don't know if I could actually survive that socially, but I feel like I've become a hermit more like you the past year, if that makes sense.

[Drew]

Like, infected you with, like, my. My hermit mentality. But, like, it's not as bad as you think it is, though.

[Enya]

Like, being a hermit.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think, like, everybody just needs, like, their year of rest and relaxation and whatnot.

[Enya]

Because, well, I feel like the problem is I get, like, a bit cabin fevery, and I feel like that's. I used to be like, damn, why does Drew get so hyper at the end of the day when I come home and it's because you have fucking cabin fever. Because you've been inside all day and I've been outside exploring the world and having fun. And I come back and Drew's just like, woo hoo. How's your day, let's go.

[Drew]

I used to, like, leave the house for the first time in three days and like, be like, oh, my God, I feel so good. Like, why do I feel that's the best day ever? Why do I feel so good right now? And it's because I ate a meal before midnight and I left the fucking house.

[Enya]

And you spoke to humans?

[Drew]

Yeah, I like, I interacted with humans.

[Enya]

I guess you could live in the woods though, and still get interactions just like on a smaller scale.

[Drew]

Yeah, and it's like more meaningful connections because like the, the worker at the. What's that Safeway that we went to was like, so like, that was such a cute conversation to have.

[Enya]

I know, it was really sweet.

[Drew]

Get up in there.

[Enya]

I'm scared of the webs. Do you have your phone to shine a light to make sure I don't get webs in my hair?

[Drew]

I think you need to go in there. Wait, it's kind of scary. There might be like spiders everywhere.

[Enya]

I need to back my ass up in there, though.

[Drew]

Or bats maybe.

[Enya]

Yeah, bats.

[Drew]

Rabies.

[Enya]

Because can rabies kill you?

[Drew]

Yes, it's like the most deadly thing ever. Like, you.

[Enya]

How have we not gotten that figured out, bro?

[Drew]

Like, that's the thing is people. Not a lot of people get it, but like, people are like, like, they get rabies and they like go crazy, get allergic to water. Like, you try to give them a cup of water and they like freak out. Like, they hear running water sounds and they start hissing. Like it's really crazy.

[Enya]

Then we really haven't gotten very far, cuz. What do you mean? You start hissing at water, bro.

[Drew]

Literally. But I want to live in the woods really badly because like I was saying, the Safeway guy, I thought was like such a wholesome conversation. And it was just him, like, to another, he was like, probably like 55. And then this like, person was checking out who was an actual asshole dickhead, that I was like, genuinely upset by his energy. They were talking about the Kendrick Lamar halftime show and hearing their perspectives like, as like middle aged white men, like, was so interesting to me because it was like, oh, like literally these. This is like the average American's like, reaction to this. And like, the dude checking everybody out was like, dude, I thought it was awesome. And like, once you learn like, the history and the lore about like, like what's going on and it becomes significant and it becomes fun, like, da da da da da da da. And I was just like, oh, see, this guy is like, just wants to have Like, a cute conversation. Yeah.

[Enya]

Can we just talk?

[Drew]

Can we just talk?

[Enya]

Can we just talk? Talk about.

[Drew]

Kendrick Lamar performed at the Super Bowl. And it was a very major moment. Enjoyable, fun. But what it really made me think about and what it really dredged up for me was, y' all remember that girl that says, my left stroke just went viral? That, like, meme will insert it here. Well, she. I think we're gonna cross. Oh, it's just a. It's just a wire. Oh, well, she, like, before that video, like, went super, super, super viral everywhere, I had, like, found it, like, not to be that guy, but, like. And you can attest, like, that was, like, a very major moment in my life was that specific video. And so I messaged her on my Instagram, and we were dming because she had followed me, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I love your video. I think you're so good at singing. Like, do you want to make a song together? Because I was making a lot of joke music at the time. And, well, she messaged me back and was like, yes, let's. Let's collaborate on a song. And I was like, okay, yes, let's do it. So I messaged her and was like, okay, well, I'm gonna, like, find the beat, and then I'm gonna send you the beat with my verse on it. And then you can just do whatever you want, like, freestyle, but, like, specifically sing in that style, because it's awesome. We're going to make magic. Or, like, we DM back and forth. And then, like, a couple days go by, and I, like, hadn't had the beat yet, so I messaged her and was like, hey, I'll have, like, the beat and stuff ready tomorrow, like, if you're ready to lay a verse down. And then she didn't respond to me for two days, and I was like, damn it. I, like, fumbled. Like, I should have just, like, messaged her, like, quickly ready. I should have had it all ready to go before I messaged her. Well, then she messaged me back, or I messaged her saying, hey, what's up? Like, you ready? And then she messaged me back saying, well, actually, I have a manager now. Off of that one video, she got a manager, and she said they were thinking that I should be paid $20,000 for this verse on your song. And I was like, $20,000 for a verse from, like, someone with a meme. Like, it's crazy how, like, having a.

[Enya]

Bad team around you will really have you putting in all your chips to Cash out early when you could have just been chill. It could have been for the love of the game. What happened to the love of the game?

[Drew]

People need to love the game more. Like, for real think.

[Enya]

Okay, if y' all actually gave a. You would treat your life like squid game. Where's the love for that game?

[Drew]

For the love of the squid game.

[Enya]

Josh, you're not going to fit on this bridge.

[Drew]

Yeah, Josh, you're too wide.

[Enya]

Should we.

[Drew]

Oh, actually, Josh, I really am not comfortable with you saying that.

[Enya]

We're all on it at the same time, and I know, like, you're too big.

[Drew]

Oh, he's working on it.

[Enya]

You know what I want to do at one point in my life? You know that you can, like, work at a national park and live there for the summer to be on Wildfire Watch.

[Drew]

Quinn did.

[Enya]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah. Not Quinn Blackwell, but there's, like, this Tiktoker guy. He, like, worked at a national park, like, for a year.

[Enya]

Yeah, I've seen girls who do, like, fire watch. Like, you go up and you get.

[Drew]

Dropped into the alarms.

[Enya]

Yeah, we should go do fire watch. I would love to do that this summer, actually, especially after all the fires here. Like, it would feel nice to contribute in that way, if that makes sense. Because I stay up all night anyway. So imagine I just got to be in a cabin on the top of a mountain looking out for fires, but also, I would be smoking weed up there and one, and starting fire, convinced that I'm gonna start a fire, and two, terrified.

[Drew]

Yeah, you. You'd literally start the fires yourself.

[Enya]

Can I get a good picture of you?

[Drew]

Yeah, of course. We're actually recording an episode right now. Do you want to be in it?

[Enya]

I get a pick, though, dude. That'd be a big flex for my friends.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're in it.

[Enya]

Question. Have you guys seen any banana slugs? Like, I.

[Drew]

No, but I did not know they were out here. And I will be looking.

[Enya]

It's.

[Drew]

Cause.

[Enya]

No, I went all the way to. To the falls and.

[Drew]

Oh, can you go through here?

[Enya]

Yeah, it's just you can't go around, which is the shitty part, because it'd be a lot easier. So we have to go through it and then back. But the falls is cool, and I'm, like, looking for banana slugs. And I feel like a video game character because I keep stopping and asking someone, and they give. They give me little hints.

[Drew]

You're piecing it together.

[Enya]

Yes. And when you get to two idiots who know nothing, you're, like, hitting a. You're like okay, enough. They said something about buzzard roost, which is why I'm like beelining there. But then I was like, looking at you guys, I was like, you guys look a lot like Drew and Enya.

[Drew]

This is probably very strange to see us in the woods.

[Enya]

I know, but it was so cool to see you. But what was your name? Tracy. Tracy. I knew your name. Adrian. Nice to meet you. The whole idea of getting older and getting dead serious is so played out to me. And that's why everybody has this crippling obsession and fear of aging. Because everyone feels like they have to rush into this character. And I don't think it's that fucking ser. I don't think anybody needs to know how deep my brain goes. Other than my.

[Drew]

That's real as fuck. Like, I can make poop jokes for the rest of my life.

[Enya]

Exactly.

[Drew]

I'm not a millennial.

[Enya]

Also, like, not even that. But I don't know, it's just not that deep.

[Drew]

Why have I never seen a 52 man in real life? I've literally. I've seen shorter and I've seen slightly taller, but I've never seen like a five two man just like walk past me. Yeah.

[Enya]

How? I don't. I feel like that's pretty rare. Yeah, but like a man that short.

[Drew]

I see like four, two girls all the time. But I never see five two men.

[Enya]

There has to be. I mean, all of them are wearing. Oh, Kai Sena.

[Drew]

Oh, true, true, true. They also all wear like boosters on their feet. Yeah, they're all.

[Enya]

You know what it is? Every who's still wearing Chelsea boot. I know, it's just cuz you're short, like ugly as you have. No, it's cuz you're tiny. Like the Chelsea boot.

[Drew]

The. The Chelsea boot era. Like, can we please can it be chopped? Like, can we. Can we give it the boot? Can we give it the Chelsea boot?

[Enya]

Can we give the Chelsea the boot?

[Drew]

Can we give Chelsea. And that's on Pharaoh.

[Enya]

Wait, we can see like couples. And couples in theme parks when they're waiting are always doing this. Like, Like.

[Drew]

I love you.

[Enya]

I love you, May bae. I love you so much.

[Drew]

I'm so glad we're here in the theme park right now.

[Enya]

Dude, I literally can't.

[Drew]

We're in the nature's reserve right now.

[Enya]

I wish we were at Disney in line for a ride like this. Bro, this is crazy. That for me, this genuinely doesn't feel that crazy.

[Drew]

I know. It doesn't feel narrow. Oh.

[Enya]

I mean, now these people Coming by are really gonna think we're a couple. Like, we for real look like a couple.

[Drew]

I mean, every single person that sees us thinks we're a couple, because we basically are. Oh, my God. We literally look like. Like we were pervin out. Like, when I walked. Yeah. When I walk past people doing the same thing. Like, I'm like, oh, my God, they were about to. And then when they walk past us, they're gonna walk far enough away to be like, bro, they were about to.

[Enya]

We interrupted them having sex.

[Drew]

Yeah. And now we look super sus. Like.

[Enya]

What do we say to them? Should I pull them down? Be like, dude, I'm sorry. I swear.

[Drew]

How do y' all. I'm good. How are y' all?

[Enya]

Gracie Abrams.

[Drew]

Oh, is it Gracie Abrams City Abrams? That's fierce. The dad really did not. With our energy, I.

[Enya]

Well, they thought we were going to fit.

[Drew]

I mean, we are. Tonight after I propose.

[Enya]

Low key, Mad annoying. Because the thing is, I will always see couples being like that in public, but I won't actually give a. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Like, as long as I don't see your junk or your lips.

[Drew]

Like, I don't give a. I'd prefer to see their junker lips.

[Enya]

Personally, I think camel toes need to.

[Drew]

Come in, like, a very major way.

[Enya]

Challenge. We need camel. We need gray. Gray leggings. Challenge.

[Drew]

We. We need moose knuckle. Challenge. Oh, wait, a moose knuckles for a guy.

[Enya]

Yeah. A girl's is a camel toe.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I hate that. I want to drink this water so bad. It feels like a very fucked up and sick joke that God would put this water on this earth. And I can't just drink.

[Drew]

I mean, you could probably drink it, but it's just, like, you're risking getting a brain eating amoeba.

[Enya]

They just want to fear monger us.

[Drew]

Because they don't want us to drink the free water.

[Enya]

That's what I'm saying. Like, I genuinely. I like, obviously don't go drinking random water, please. Like, I'm not.

[Drew]

It's like the raw milk. Like.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's like the raw milk theory. Don't drink raw milk. Don't drink random water. But deep, deep down in my soul, in my caveman's soul, my body tells me that this water is fine.

[Drew]

I agree.

[Enya]

My gut is telling me I could take a few sips and I'd live.

[Drew]

Yeah, I mean, you. You definitely could.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But it's like giving. Like, is it worth the risk? Like, we have clean water, but, like, why do we have to pay for water? Why do we have to pay for water Tampons? Why do I have to pay for pussy? Like, yes. Like, I've. Like, I'm tired of, like, having to pay for it. Like, it should just be free.

[Enya]

I mean, but then, like, how, like, how would we even make our situation work if you weren't paying me anymore, though?

[Drew]

I mean, if I was married to you, it would change.

[Enya]

I don't know. You still have to pay me. I would marry you if you paid me. Would you pay me to marry me or you just expect to get it?

[Drew]

I expect to get it.

[Enya]

That's ridiculous. What is it? Hey, my name is Nicholas and it's so ridiculous.

[Drew]

Hey, my name is Nicholas and this is ridiculous. Got mad gummy money and it is deliciousness.

[Enya]

Where is that from?

[Drew]

It's like the first vine ever.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. My hand is also freezing.

[Drew]

Oh, wait. That literally is us.

[Enya]

Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton.

[Drew]

Didn't he shoot his friend the face with a gun?

[Enya]

Wait, did he really?

[Drew]

I think so, bro.

[Enya]

All those freaky ass have done some weird.

[Drew]

Yeah, but that was like the first vine ever made. Not actually, but, like.

[Enya]

Oh, was it that guy who ended up making, like, good or nice girls finish?

[Drew]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Enya]

Same. Same genre of white guy though, right?

[Drew]

Yeah, like long hair, grown out, grown out beard era.

[Enya]

Oh, I. I know, I know.

[Drew]

You would, like, open the app and, like, log in for the first time. Don't let go.

[Enya]

Let go of my hand. Anybody want to see a picture of the hot dog I had last night? It's pretty perfect. I mean, the photo. We won't talk about the photo, but it's the contents of the photo that matter. Genmoji can't even make an emoji.

[Drew]

And you got gourmet hot dogs, like two dollar hot dog buns. And then spicy mustard and shitty ketchup. Or Heinz ketchup. It was good.

[Enya]

Was it good as fuck, though?

[Drew]

Oh, I was getting there. It was really delicious. But the duality between all the complex flavors was very interesting. And I just want a wiener. Like, I don't want, like a. Like a all beef hot dog. I want, like, lips and assholes, like from the pig. Or like, the ear cartilage in my hot dog.

[Enya]

I want that from, like, you.

[Drew]

My lip's an asshole.

[Enya]

You don't want to go today.

[Drew]

I'm just worried about it getting dark.

[Enya]

Like, you're scared of the dark?

[Drew]

No, I just like in Hawaii.

[Enya]

Hey, you're scared of the dark.

[Drew]

That's I'm not scared. I'm not scared of the dark.

[Enya]

Domingo is scared of the dark.

[Drew]

Domingo.

[Enya]

Me. When I say I won't be horsing around me the first day of the drop. I can't do a good horse sound. That was awful. Should we race? Should we all race? Should I run? I can't run on camera. That's up.

[Drew]

Look how running on camera she is. Wait, look at her.

[Enya]

What's up, guys? My name is. I just bought. What is this aette again? Like, 100,000 acres of land.

[Drew]

I'm going to marry.

[Enya]

Who knew the podcasting game would get me a national forest? Guys, thank you so much for supporting. Owning this land means a lot to me. I'm going to knock all this down to patience.

[Drew]

She's silly.

[Enya]

And I'm going to make.

[Drew]

She's cute.

[Enya]

I'm going to make a Walmart.

[Drew]

She's buying the land.

[Enya]

I'm going build a Walmart here. I'll do a Walmart. I'll do a Tesco for my British folk. Oi, oy. Huzzah. Thank you for coming.

[Drew]

Say, she's funny.

[Enya]

I don't know. Why do I keep saying huzzah like.

[Drew]

No, you're supposed to say badoink a.

[Enya]

Doink ba danka doink huzzah. And that's what. And I put that on what?

[Drew]

I put that on Pharaoh's family pyramid.

[Enya]

Yep.

[Drew]

Huzzah. I put that on Pharaoh's family pyramid.

[Enya]

I mean, like, huzzah should come at the end. I put And I put that on the fares family pyramid. Oh, no, no.

[Drew]

It has to end on pyramid.

[Enya]

Did you ever have to do pt? I think I've talked about this before. Pt like, physical tour.

[Drew]

Oh, I off.

[Enya]

Thank you so much for doing that.

[Drew]

That literally hurts.

[Enya]

It literally means everything to me.

[Drew]

You're thinking the tree.

[Enya]

Okay, I'll. No, I'll talk to you later. Okay, I want.

[Drew]

Stop. Stop.

[Enya]

Get his ass again. Hit him. Seize him.

[Drew]

Guards.

[Enya]

Not the challengers. That hurt really bad last season.

[Drew]

We're back where we started, y' all.

[Enya]

Wait, wait. Actually do that. Like, get on here and walk and we'll do that down here.

[Drew]

Wait, what?

[Enya]

Like lawnmower. Okay. Is this a good workout or am I going to hurt my back?

[Drew]

It's probably a good workout for your shoulders. You're going to get nice and broad shoulders.

[Enya]

Okay, Go, go, go. Wait. Keep going.

[Drew]

I'm going. You're not going.

[Enya]

Now. How cool does that look on camera, bro?

[Drew]

Does that look sick, Josh?

[Enya]

Wait, wait. Hold it Keep holding it. This is our Vogue shoot. Okay. Ow. Ow. Drew Lego.

[Drew]

We love you and we love everything you do. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day.

[Enya]

Happy Valentine. Happy, happy Valentine's. Happy Valentine's Day. Do you know that song?

[Drew]

No.

[Enya]

Happy Valentine's Day. It's Outkast. Guys, seriously, we're forgetting the greats.

[Drew]

Wait, what is my media. I've been listening to a song on repeat.

[Enya]

Probably the fucking challenger. Shit.

[Drew]

Or I only listen. Like, I really.

[Enya]

Atticus Ross.

[Drew]

Yeah, I only listen to Social Network soundtrack. Oh, bitch. The Fame by Gaga.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

That's what I was blasting. And I'll say. Boys, boys, boys. Paper gangster. Specifically gangster. Like, was I not blasting that shit then we were listening to Abracadabra on full blast. Because that's a banger. Like old Gaga's back. Oh, also, Addison Rae. She is. I mean, I say it every episode, but like, just prepare for AR1. Like, it's gonna. It's gonna shift things.

[Enya]

Things.

[Drew]

It's going to be groundbreaking. Some of you aren't going to understand it at first, and that's okay. But once it hits the mainstream and it's on the radio, because it will be getting radio play.

[Enya]

Oh yeah.

[Drew]

You won't hear the end of it. And she's going to take over and win best new artist at the Grammys in 2026. Calling it now.

[Enya]

Like, the thing is. I agree, but she's not going to let you hit, so you can like, actually stop.

[Drew]

Not everything is about me hitting. I mean, it is, but.

[Enya]

Exactly, but. Gotcha. Gotcha red handed. Gotcha, bitch.

[Drew]

Okay, Drew psyop corner in the woods. Somebody asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I have never heard of that kind of bacon. Is it new?

[Enya]

Also, why is that the best you've ever enunciated any psyop corner on the planet?

[Drew]

I accidentally showed some weakness earlier today. It was disgusting. I would not recommend it. I wish my coochie had alopecia. Cause I'm tired of saving. Fuck. I wish my coochie had alopecia. Cause I'm tired of shaving. Big Wanda. Isabelle the Great sent in. Potentially the best user submitted psyop of all time.

[Enya]

She doesn't play by her name, bro.

[Drew]

Just came in 3.14 seconds. I call that a cream pie.

[Enya]

A cream pie.

[Drew]

3.14159. Gag on it. Isabelle the Great. You cooked? Bitches always tell me I'm too chronically online and I need to touch grass as if my hand isn't Already on my bush right now.

[Enya]

As if I'm not twirling my pubes.

[Drew]

Yeah, we really need to bring back, like, public twirling of pubes, Zara. That was from Eduardo.

[Enya]

I think I'm gonna, like, go to cosmetology school to become an esthetician, and I'm gonna start a laser or a waxing company. But I won't be. I'll never remove a bush. I'll just do kind of, like, lineups and stuff.

[Drew]

Oh, like a fade.

[Enya]

Yeah, a coochie fade one time.

[Drew]

A low taper coochie fade is still massive.

[Enya]

When I was, like, 18, 19, I was at Target with my friend Cyrus, or maybe, like, I hung out with Cyrus after. But I went and I got that, like, razor. Like a coochie razor. Like a Z ass razor. Because I was genuinely committed to doing designs in my bush because I was so bored. And I tried, and it's, like, way harder than you would think.

[Drew]

Did you ever do a heart?

[Enya]

I tried, and it looked like an arrow. Yeah, it was pointing down to the party.

[Drew]

Yikes.

[Enya]

Dude. What? Scared me with my own echo sound. Like a bird.

[Drew]

I know. We're, like, in this beautiful park, disturbing the Peas. Imagine I literally just jumped off and dived and killed myself. Like, what would y' all do? Like, the big finale.

[Enya]

I'd honestly smoke the joint in my pocket and then go home. I wouldn't even give a fuck. Like, no. I mean, yeah, if you killed yourself in front of me, I would kill myself next. And then Josh wouldn't kill himself. He would use the footage.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

He would Logan Paul submit it to Sundance.

[Drew]

He would Logan Paul us is what he would do. He would take our ideas and claim them. Like. Yeah. It was, like, this whole idea from the beginning that I had orchestrated. They said they wanted to kill themselves in this very big, beautiful fashioned way, and they needed me to document their last moments together. And then that's.

[Enya]

What is John Paul and Logan pork doing now? Are they still fighting?

[Drew]

John Paul and Logan pork brother wrestlers now. Thanks, guys, for tuning in peace and love.

[Enya]

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope if you didn't have a romantic day, you had a platonically gorgeous day with your friends. And remember that little sweet sentiments aren't just for Valentine's Day and aren't just for romantic partners. You should give it to everyone you love, because who knows? They could die tomorrow and you will regret forever not doing that nice thing you thought of doing. And that is the real source of all of my kindness to my friends is I am constantly terrified that they will die if I don't say I love them.

[Drew]

I mean, I do. I do think I'm gonna die this year. Your hair is so beautiful.

[Enya]

Thank you.

[Drew]

Feels really pretty. I think I'm gonna die this year, y' all.

[Enya]

Can you turn around and pull down your pants and shut up? I know damn well you're not pulling your butt crack out.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was going. You said to thanks for watching.

[Enya]

And seen our big break.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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