HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary – "HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME"

Release Date: January 24, 2025
Host(s): Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Description: Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast that tackles intense personal and societal issues with humor. In this episode, titled "HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME," the hosts delve into personal reflections, socio-political commentary, and the complexities of navigating modern social media landscapes.

---

1. Upcoming Product Announcement: Wildflower Cases ([02:07] - [03:07])

The episode opens with excitement surrounding the release of the Wildflower Cases, a new product launch by the hosts.

• Drew: “We have something exciting. We want to announce for you guys. Our Wildflower Cases are coming out on the 27th. That's a Monday, right?” ([02:07])

• Kai: “We did cute cases that are meant to go together. You and your friends can all share.” ([02:33])

The hosts discuss the design philosophy behind the cases, emphasizing their appeal to friends wanting to share matching accessories.

2. Personal Reflections: Turning 26 ([04:19] - [06:31])

Kai shares her feelings about aging and the anxiety that accompanies turning 26.

• Kai: “Guys, as we're filming this, it's my last day of being 25 and when this comes out expired, I'll be 26.” ([04:19])

She compares aging to discarding spoiled milk, highlighting her fears about the uncertainties that come with getting older.

• Kai: “But I'm excited. I genuinely am. I was thinking about how last year I went into the year with a really positive mindset and then bad things happened...” ([04:46])

Drew attempts to comfort her, but the conversation reveals deeper insecurities about maintaining positivity in challenging times.

3. Navigating Positivity Amidst Adversity ([05:12] - [07:00])

The hosts explore the concept of positivity, questioning its effectiveness when faced with widespread negativity.

• Kai: “When I'm happy, I guess no one else gets to be happy. You suck it out of everybody.” ([05:15])

• Drew: “We should just talk about the socio-political and economic state of the world right now, bro.” ([05:28])

This segment delves into the struggle of staying positive when global issues seem overwhelming, balancing humor with genuine concern.

4. Socio-Political Landscape: Oligarchy and Minority Communities ([12:27] - [15:34])

Kai and Drew engage in a critical discussion about the current socio-political climate, focusing on oligarchy and its impact on minority groups.

• Kai: “There has always been this layer of oppression over minority groups... preserving basic human rights.” ([11:18])

• Angel: “There's also this, like, psyop that I feel like the Trump administration is doing where they're like, oh, we dominated.” ([14:37])

The conversation highlights fears of an oligarchic government and the importance of community and resilience among marginalized populations.

5. The Impending TikTok Ban: Reactions and Personal Stories ([15:34] - [31:57])

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing the potential ban of TikTok and its ramifications.

• Drew: “What's scary is it wasn't for us. It was for like the 14 to 17-year-old boys that use TikTok...” ([31:25])

• Kai: “I really am at a crossroads. Like, something about it does feel a little tainted...” ([30:27])

The hosts share personal anecdotes about their TikTok experiences, including Drew’s accidental death hoaxes and Kai’s road rage incident captured on camera. They express concern over TikTok’s role in shaping young minds and the economic impact of its possible shutdown.

• Drew: “I thought he was fine. Like, I thought he was a baddie... but I didn't know how to approach saying he was a baddie...” ([20:14])

6. Navigating Social Media: Death Hoaxes and TikTok Dynamics ([37:18] - [43:46])

The conversation shifts to the dangers and peculiarities of social media use, particularly focusing on death hoaxes and the addictive nature of TikTok.

• Drew: “When I started a death hoax for Lisa and Lena, it got trending number one on Twitter...” ([34:03])

• Kai: “I felt awful because obviously people are going to lose their jobs... their only use of the Internet was TikTok.” ([22:37])

These stories serve as cautionary tales about the power and pitfalls of viral content, emphasizing the need for responsible usage and awareness.

7. Personal Experiences: Stalking and Public Personas ([22:04] - [35:06])

Drew confesses to stalking a TikTok influencer, reflecting on his misguided attempts to garner attention and the serious consequences that followed.

• Drew: “I started Elisa Lena death hoax and got it like trending number one on Twitter... It was so bad that they had to make response videos...” ([34:03])

• Kai: “They kept holding her horn down. So I did that face at her and she literally was like, it’s okay.” ([50:27])

These admissions highlight the darker side of seeking validation online and the real-life repercussions of such actions.

8. Challenges of Social Interactions and Age-related Perspectives ([37:18] - [47:29])

The hosts discuss the complexities of social interactions as they age, touching on topics like relationships, friendships, and societal expectations.

• Kai: “If anyone does anything that isn't exactly what I want, then I don't know what I want.” ([46:27])

• Drew: “Being gay is normal.” ([39:21])

The dialogue underscores the tension between personal desires and external pressures, exploring how age influences their perspectives on relationships and self-identity.

9. Concluding Thoughts and Media Sharing ([55:32] - [62:52])

In the final segments, the hosts share their favorite media, including music and television shows, and wrap up the episode with humorous exchanges.

• Kai: “I've been watching Succession. I'm halfway through season two.” ([56:31])

• Drew: “I'm obsessed with Margaret Qualley.” ([51:45])

Their closing remarks blend light-hearted banter with reflections on their personal tastes, providing listeners with a sense of connection and closure.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Kai on Positivity: “When I'm happy, I guess no one else gets to be happy. You suck it out of everybody.” ([05:15])

• Drew on TikTok’s Impact: “What’s scary is it wasn’t for us. It was for like the 14 to 17-year-old boys that use TikTok...” ([31:25])

• Drew on Death Hoaxes: “I started Elisa Lena death hoax and got it like trending number one on Twitter... It was so bad that they had to make response videos...” ([34:03])

• Kai on Oligarchy: “There has always been this layer of oppression over minority groups... preserving basic human rights.” ([11:18])

• Drew on Personal Struggles: “I am the happiest, most stable I've ever been in my life. Feel good.” ([06:10])

---

Conclusion

In "HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME," Emergency Intercom’s hosts navigate a labyrinth of personal insecurities, societal concerns, and the intricate web of social media influences. Through humor and candid conversations, they offer listeners a relatable exploration of maintaining positivity amidst chaos, the pitfalls of online behavior, and the enduring strength of community.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Still getting around to that fix on your car? You got this on ebay, you'll find millions of parts guaranteed to fit. Doesn't matter if it's a major engine repair or your first time swapping your windshield wipers, eBay has that part you need. Ready to click perfectly into place for changes big and small, loud or quiet. Find all the parts you need at prices you'll love. Guaranteed to fit every time. But you already know that ebay things people love. Eligible items only Exclusion supply Are you.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Still quoting 30 year old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now it pays to Discover. Learn [e-mail] credit card based on the February 2024 Nielsen report.

[Drew]

Breaking news, breaking news.

[Kai]

Error. Error.

[Drew]

Glitch. Glitch. We have something excited. We want to show and announce.

[Kai]

We have something excited.

[Drew]

Drew, I've been missing this.

[Kai]

Try again. Start the sentence over.

[Drew]

We have something so excited that we want to.

[Kai]

Kai, cover the camera. Cover the camera.

[Drew]

Can I show?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

We have something exciting. Exciting. We want to announce for you guys. Our wildflower cases are coming out on the 27th. That's a Monday, right?

[Kai]

Monday.

[Drew]

Monday. Tuesday. Yeah, On Monday, following this episode. So you got the whole weekend to prepare.

[Kai]

We did cute cases that are meant to go together.

[Drew]

It's for your friends.

[Kai]

You and your friends can all share. And if you have more than one close friend. Let's listen. The problems that start from this are not necessarily my problem. Make it work. Make it work.

[Drew]

A cutesy, cutesy, cutesy.

[Kai]

I like. Don't With Drew.

[Drew]

And you're vile.

[Kai]

Can you put my case on your phone?

[Drew]

I already had it on my phone for like two weeks.

[Kai]

Put it back.

[Drew]

No, I like mine better. Don't hit me. Hi, we are failing the green line test right now.

[Kai]

What does that mean?

[Drew]

It means you dominate me.

[Kai]

Is. I never really understood that. Like I saw all the lines in those pictures of celebrities, but I always assumed it was like when David Dobrik's annoying ass would like put a circle on something on the thumbnail. Didn't he do that?

[Drew]

Probably at some point.

[Kai]

Like at some point that had to have happened. Or somebody does that. Maybe it's Mr. Beast. It's one of those freaky ass.

[Drew]

Like a little freaky all.

[Kai]

A little freaky all.

[Drew]

Welcome back to Emergency Intercom. This is episode two. 200. Isn't that crazy?

[Kai]

Don't say that to me, cuz I believed you. No, but we're not that far. Oh God.

[Drew]

Oh brother.

[Kai]

Oh, bro. Guys, as we're filming this, it's my last day of being 25 and when this comes out expired, I'll be 26. I feel like it. I feel like the milk I left in the cabinet the other day where it's like you open it and you're like, I guess I could technically drink this cuz it's really cold. But like, do I want to take the risk?

[Drew]

No, girl, you're still so young.

[Kai]

No, I, I. Oh tr. There's too much life to live after this.

[Drew]

Actually there's like far too much scary amount of life.

[Kai]

But I'm excited. I genuinely am. I was thinking about how last year I went into the year with a really positive mindset and then bad things happened and let's just say this year I went into it with an even more positive attitude and even worse things happened. Not necessarily to me, but like in the world. So I think we need to lock me up. Like we need to lock me up.

[Drew]

Shut that down immediately.

[Kai]

When I'm happy, I guess no one else gets to be happy.

[Drew]

You suck it out of everybody. Yeah, yeah. The. We should just talk about the socio political and economic state of the world right now, bro.

[Kai]

No, I literally was thinking that because I was like, oh, I want to talk about like my thoughts for the year. But I, I still am trying to hold positive. It almost feels like I'm still trying.

[Drew]

To gather my thoughts.

[Kai]

Yeah, I have no thoughts. Oh. About what's happening. Oh, I have no thoughts and never plan on hearing the thoughts that I maybe do have because I genuinely am like, it's cooked, guys. Teamwork makes the dream work. Don't let them know your next move. No, we're happy. We're good. We're good.

[Drew]

My thoughts are kill them all. Unironically Like, I can sit in bed and lay there and literally fantasize about changing everyone's life around me by just.

[Kai]

Okay, well, you can't say that now, Drew. Okay, wait.

[Drew]

Okay, we'll bleep what I said, because I really don't want crimes, but, like, legitimately, I am the happiest, most stable I've ever been in my life. Feel good.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Yes, I feel good. I'm happy spiritually, emotionally feel very connected.

[Kai]

You're, like, mentally well right now.

[Angel]

You're, like, mentally good.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

What are you. And you're mentally well.

[Drew]

Wait, is this not kind of impressive?

[Angel]

That is impressive.

[Kai]

It is pretty impressive. I thought you were gonna fall. Okay, you're trembling like you might as well be twerking. Wow, this is pretty impressive.

[Angel]

I really thought you were gonna fall off that shit.

[Kai]

Okay, Drew. This is Drew's.

[Drew]

That's my try.

[Kai]

That's your audition for snl.

[Drew]

No, I've been.

[Kai]

All the auditions for SNL that came out. That's yours.

[Drew]

Put me in, coach. Put me in. Wait, should I do an SNL audition right now? What impression should I do?

[Kai]

No, like, make an original character.

[Drew]

A British person waking up from. From surgery while the surgeons are still cutting him open. Oh, what's all this, then? Oh, what's all this, then?

[Kai]

I think he'd be more, like, scared and mad.

[Drew]

An alcoholic British person.

[Kai]

Okay, so all of them, but. Yeah, okay, that was. I can't even hold you that.

[Drew]

I'm sorry.

[Kai]

I'm sorry to finish.

[Drew]

They're not. They're not alcoholics. I mean, I would be, too, if it was cloudy every day, I think.

[Kai]

So. Sadly, most people are alcoholics, and they don't realize.

[Drew]

They don't know.

[Kai]

Yeah, they don't even know.

[Drew]

They know about them. They know. Oh, who the is Coco, y' all, We're. We're bringing Coco back in a big way.

[Kai]

Do your fucking thing. The audition of an alcoholic. You just said alcoholic British guy, and then it.

[Drew]

Oh, it was gonna be a flop anyways. Like, I already. I already knew it was gonna.

[Kai]

You abandoned it.

[Drew]

Yeah. Okay. What would your SNL audition be?

[Kai]

I would walk in and be like, ah, you guys don't let the hot people talk enough. I'm gonna go. And then I would leave, because I think a lot of the hot people, like, genuinely, like, there's some baddies who I don't see enough.

[Drew]

Like, put them in.

[Kai]

Take the bat. I want to see the baddies, like, pull out the baddies. Damn. No, I can't Because I have big, big plans.

[Drew]

India really is.

[Kai]

Big plan.

[Drew]

And just plotting on the baddies.

[Kai]

No, you know who I'm talking about.

[Drew]

I know who you're talking about.

[Angel]

I'm manifesting an SNL skit that's like an emergency intercom parody this year.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think it could happen if we work hard enough.

[Angel]

Yeah.

[Kai]

If we work hard enough. They would make fun of me. Don't put me on that damn show.

[Drew]

I want it. I want to be made fun of. I think. I think true equality. Is everyone getting bullied?

[Kai]

Yeah. I mean, I like, no trust and believe. I believe in a negative joke about somebody if it's actually funny.

[Drew]

But, like, don't stoop too low.

[Kai]

Yeah, don't.

[Drew]

Don't hit below the belt. But also, I was stalking this girl who.

[Kai]

You shouldn't be just stalking women.

[Drew]

No, it's, like, chill. Like, I follow her around and look through her windows. I don't ever interact with her, though she does. She barely even knows of my existence.

[Kai]

I mean, do you have any, like, plans on telling her? Or is it more of just. Is it, like. Is it a sexual thing? Because you're.

[Drew]

I mean, it could become one.

[Kai]

Oh, no, that's not good.

[Drew]

So. No, no, no. I've been stalking this girl on TikTok, and she made this video of, like, doing conservative makeup or whatever, and, like, she. She made a video that literally resonated with me so much, and it was like, the synopsis of it was like, no, I'm tired of, like, the Ms. Rachel's, like, rainbow and sunshine liberals, like, we need, like, to become absolutely vile and mean. And, like, once I become violent mean, and I start attacking them for their nasty, rotted, gutted mugs, their faces that are melting off their goddamn body. Don't say. And so she started bullying people for their looks because they voted against everyone's right, everyone. Everyone's rights, and they deserve it. So I think I'm going to take a page out of. I mean, I already, like, bully Elon Musk and his nasty fucking mug.

[Kai]

I like. I'm sorry.

[Drew]

I actually am scared to say that publicly because of the amount of censorship happening online right now. We live in an oligarchic, fascist government. It's over for us, y' all, for the next four years at least, until Trump puts in a policy where he can run again, and then by that time, he'll be dementia ridden in a diaper and shitting himself, but will be Morse coding his farts, which is essentially the same of just hearing what he's saying.

[Kai]

Well, yeah, you know, shit. Like, I. The thing is, I genuinely don't know what to say because I actually am. I am so terrified that I am reverting to just being positive, like, and that I feel like positivity. Genuinely feel like that says so, so much. But even with it being partially toxic positivity, I do think we know what to do. Like, I. Does that make sense? Like, I genuinely feel like there has always been this layer of oppression over minority groups. Whether it has to do with, like, race, sexuality, gender, like, yada, yada, yada. People have always made it such a point within our society to preserve important things, which is crazy that the preservation I'm thinking of is rights. Like, it's just like basic human rights. But within these communities, there is a togetherness that I genuinely think nothing can be.

[Drew]

It'll persevere.

[Kai]

Yeah, it'll persevere. It'll grow stronger. It'll build communities in person even stronger. I think that's something I'm really thinking about in the next few years, is just keeping all the people I know and love very close. Yeah. And safe. And building those communities in person online. It is so important. But it has, I think, at this point, compromised. Yeah, it's been compromised. But we've learned so much in the past four to eight years with the Internet alone, and we've made so many communities and I think just sticking down and, like, huddling down. Being there for your people, being there for anybody. And also just like, I don't know. It's such a hard thing to navigate because, again, trust and believe. So many lives are being affected on so many scales. And even if it's not being affected, it's just causing this layer of anxiety on everybody. And you can see it in everyone's eyes that there is, like, even the right.

[Drew]

I. Their. Their silence is terrifying. They're like, oh, what have we done? But me and Kai were talking about it, and Kai made good points. It's like there is a silver lining to this. At least they're showing us their true colors. They're. They're not hiding behind the veil anymore. Like, they're actively showing us who is in control. And it's 20 people. And.

[Kai]

Well, that's. I feel like also the weird lining is. I'm trying to think about, like, where I want us to stand in this, if that makes sense. But I do think it's a good conversation to have, like, on the episode, because I don't want us to seem just like the. Because we're not just like this, but it's. It's just a hard to walk because with all that being said, and I think it is important to talk about, I also do want there to be some sort of safe place on the Internet still, if that makes sense. Like, I feel like there can be a balance where we can be both entertaining. But you guys also know that we are not dumb. We are not naive. We are not ignoring everything that's happening. And I'm scared, but I think existing, it's a gift. It's a gift. Existing is a gift, guys.

[Angel]

There's also this, like, psyop that I feel like the Trump administration is doing where they're like, oh, we dominated. Like, the United States is, like, dominantly red now. And in reality.

[Kai]

Not the reality.

[Angel]

They only got, like, 3 million more votes.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Angel]

Also, I feel like all over Tick tock, people are like, yeah, like, this huge shift happened where it's like, they. They barely beat us.

[Drew]

Like, yeah.

[Angel]

It's. It's so fucking insane. I feel like so many people are just like, damn, I guess everyone's a Republican now. But it's like, no.

[Drew]

And it's fucking working.

[Kai]

And that goddamn message has all of us literally on edge. And I do think there should be some sort of awareness because, like Drew said, we fully do live in an. And I can't. I have said that word enough times in person, and every time I say it, I feel like I say it wrong. So I'm not even going to give it to anybody because I can't pronounce anything. Oligarchy, period. Okay? Every time I say. I feel like I'm saying it wrong because it also sounds like something from Lilo and Stitch. Like, it sounds like the fucking oligarchy is coming.

[Drew]

Ohana means oligarchy. Oligarchy means family, y' all.

[Kai]

We're in this together family business. But, yeah, we are definitely living in scary times. But I do think it is important to be very outspoken about the fact that y' all aren't gonna shut me up. Like, what? Literally? What are you going to do? Drive me off the fudgeing Internet, bitch? I will never shut up. One thing about me is I demand detention from the day I was born to the day I fucking die. So I am going to say everything I want all the fucking time. You already are taking my rights in every other way, so I will continue my right to be a fudgeing bitch. And actually, I wouldn't kill any of y' all. I would slap the ever living fudgeing shit out of all the people front row at the inauguration. I don't even want anybody who even with that shit. Cuz I know there's people out there who are just in the weeds. And I know y' all are with this. I will smack the ever living dog out of you if I see you in person. And I know you're on that side. Thank you.

[Drew]

And I don't want to kill them.

[Kai]

We don't. We don't. No, we don't believe in that. On a more positive note, it is a miracle that I have a license.

[Drew]

Oh my God. Angel literally was like unironically not even doing it as a bit. Like just did donuts in front of our house for some reason.

[Kai]

Do a donut. You did.

[Angel]

You did.

[Kai]

I did a loop around to back up into a like a sound effect.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Angel]

From like Fast and Furious.

[Kai]

My music was too loud. I couldn't hear.

[Drew]

And then. Yeah, we thought you were joking. We looked over and you were just like dead serious, like blasting your music.

[Kai]

I do that all the time. Like. Okay. Also, I want to clarify. I am a very safe driver. I. There was no one around. Trust and believe. I peeked down the intersection. I did all that. I saw the car. I knew you were there. Like, I didn't care. But yeah, I'm just an efficient driver. Some people are really taking their time out there. But I'm efficient and I'm safe. I'm the best of both worlds.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kai]

And I want to be in a car. So that would be so fun. I think actually my dream would be to be in a car commercial. Like any car companies, honestly. Even like Toyota Burbank. I'll take it. Like if it's filmed. Well, I will take it. I'll take the job.

[Drew]

Climbing up the rock wall in a Jeep. Would you do a Jeep Wrangler?

[Kai]

No. Yeah, a Jeep Wrangler. If you drive a Jeep Wrangler.

[Drew]

We love you.

[Kai]

So sorry. I love you, but.

[Drew]

Cut it.

[Kai]

Get that car out of my fucking face. And I feel like a lot of people in our audience do drive Jeep Wranglers. Like, it just feels like it's just a really gay car that I don't like.

[Drew]

It's a mask lesbian car.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

It's like, it's very masculine. It's. It's like Subarus and Jeep Wranglers. Those are like the lesbian cars.

[Kai]

I fuck with the Subarus though. The nice. The newer Subarus are really nice. Like.

[Drew]

Are you saying you don't fuck with lesbians?

[Kai]

I fuck With a specific handful of lesbians.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Well, yes. Well, yes. But yeah.

[Drew]

Saying you hate gay people and you like Donald Trump.

[Kai]

Not all gay people, guys. Not all gay people are bad.

[Drew]

Tick Tock was supposed to be banned. That's a whole other thing. So annoying PR campaign. Duh. Meta will buy 50 of it over the next 90 days at some point, and it will be compromised. But anyways, not gonna take. Not to get back into my evil, dark, visceral. Visceral hatred. But I had this written down because I was like, oh, Tick Tock's going away. Like, there's no way he'll see it. But I'll talk about it anyways because it's a funny story. So what is happening? Y' all know the Tick Tock physics teacher? Yeah, like, the. The Tick Tock physics teacher. Kai, do you know who I'm talking about? Look up Tick Tock physics teacher.

[Kai]

What is happening? Because I'm really scared.

[Drew]

So I thought he was fine. Like, I thought he was a baddie, but I didn't know how to approach saying he was a baddie, because I was like, I'm gonna shoot my shot.

[Angel]

Wait, so this guy.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

You have to insert no.

[Drew]

Yes. Yes.

[Kai]

Actually, you're a good liar, though, because you asked that in a way that seemed like you genuinely believed it. You're like, oh, that's cute. But.

[Drew]

We followed each other on Instagram, and we were just, like, chatting and talking and whatever, and it was a vibe. Well, one day. Oh, my God, it's actually so humiliating. I'm not even kidding. One day, I devised a plan when he posted a story.

[Kai]

Okay, actually, I want to hear that.

[Drew]

So my plan was when he posted an IG story, I was going to send it to you and say, oh, my God, he's fine. Like, he's. He's sexy, hot or whatever, but accidentally send it to him.

[Kai]

Oh, my God, Drew, did you respond?

[Drew]

Well, I did do that. And he was like, oh, thank you. I'm straight.

[Kai]

Oh, God, Drew.

[Drew]

I'll read you the message.

[Kai]

Why would you not, like, run that past me?

[Drew]

I did.

[Kai]

No, you did not.

[Drew]

I swear to God I did. I was like, I'm going to do this. And you're like, sure? Because it was, like, more of a troll than anything.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, was that the night you were standing on the table in front of me and giving, like, a monologue?

[Drew]

I don't remember. This was. This was years ago. This was, like, three, four years ago.

[Kai]

Oh, I do remember. That's.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. Southern Su.

[Kai]

Oh my God, bruh.

[Drew]

It's sutherland physics, I think. Yeah. Southern.

[Kai]

No, you're telling the story.

[Drew]

No, but. I don't give a but. I mean, we literally had a fruitful long relationship.

[Kai]

Fruitful.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Angel]

Wait, did you send it to him on TikTok?

[Drew]

No, on Instagram. This was years ago. I can't find our messages. But damn, we've talked a lot actually. But yeah, Tick Tock's not banned. But that's an embarrassing story that I had.

[Angel]

I just feel weird because I posted a bunch of nasty whole videos because I was like, it's banned. Like, we're all gonna have fun.

[Drew]

All that. And we warned.

[Kai]

How did that go up? Like how.

[Angel]

Like it was getting banned. Everyone was doing crazy shit. So I thought it was fine.

[Drew]

But pull in hole because people were.

[Kai]

Admitting to not working out and doing diet.

[Drew]

Yeah, like not eating the mukbangers, admitting to not eating the food.

[Kai]

Like, like, do you hear yourself? You are dumb as hell.

[Drew]

And like them still not posting since they posted that video. And Tick Tock's been back for two days. Like, which I would be shameful.

[Kai]

And that was really like a suicide ritual. Like, that was like a weird, like, ritual we saw. Because also I'm confused. Like, it really does show me the age group of everybody on TikTok, the way certain people were reacting because I felt awful because obviously people are going to like, lose their jobs. It's income for a lot of people. It's good for businesses, all this shit. But there were people who were actually acting like the Internet was done, which showed me that their only use of the Internet was TikTok, which was kind of jarring.

[Drew]

Diversify. Oh, I was saying like last night, like, bitch, I'm going pro. Like, I'm a pro TikTok Scroller. Like, I like, I really, I really could go to the Olympics for TikTok scrolling because I'm so good at that shit. And I don't use TikTok like all you other bitches. Like, I find weird fucking random people in the middle of America and learn every single thing there is to learn about them. And I mean obscure people.

[Kai]

Yeah, you do really good at it.

[Drew]

Like 5 likes 200 views.

[Kai]

When you were looking over my shoulder on my TikTok the other day, I could tell everyone you wanted me whose profile you want me to go to. And I was like, I'm not doing that.

[Drew]

I knew you. I knew you could tell.

[Kai]

I just like, I don't like doing that. Also, I found Logan Roy on Tik Tok.

[Drew]

Is that a Versace suit?

[Kai]

No, it's, like, just a random guy in a weird suit. I really like his vibe, though. Like, why do I want this outfit for my birthday?

[Drew]

This is literally me.

[Kai]

And should we go get me a suit for tomorrow and I could wear a suit on my birthday?

[Drew]

Before I, like, rudely interrupted you, I don't know, right before I was saying tick Tock, scrolling, going pro.

[Kai]

Oh, I'm so bad at it. Like, I just hate.

[Drew]

You were saying something else, but. Sorry, keep going.

[Kai]

Oh, that you're really good at it. Is that what you want to hear?

[Drew]

Keep going.

[Kai]

No, I was saying that I could tell when you want. Like, when we're going through my feed, I could tell Drew wants me to go to people's pages, and I'm just like, no, I don't want to do that. It's so boring to me.

[Drew]

It's so lit, bruh. You know?

[Kai]

Like, no, it's because you're really good at it. But also, I. I use Tick Tock. I don't know what I watch because every time I open the app, I don't watch through a single video. Like, I. It takes so much to get my attention. Or it has to be immediate because I feel like you've seen me do it. I just, like, when I open Tick Tock, I'm just like.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, I literally just go through until I see something that catches my eye. Like, I'm going on there for a specific vibe, and if I don't catch it in the first few ones, I just go to Instagram.

[Angel]

I see, like, the most pathetic people on Tick Tock. Like, I was scrolling and there was this on a plane, and he took a. A selfie with an iPad.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, behind him. I know.

[Drew]

Guy is a loser Behind.

[Kai]

Yeah, the guy behind that guy was so nasty.

[Angel]

I was actually talking about the guy taking the photo. That guy behind him seems cute.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, he was.

[Angel]

The guy behind him did seem cute.

[Drew]

I like his smile.

[Kai]

Selfie guy. I really like the plain selfie guy.

[Drew]

Well, I have something.

[Kai]

The pathetic plane guy is such a bummer, though. The one behind him.

[Angel]

No, the one in the.

[Kai]

Like, yeah, he was like, he wanted. He was having main character syndrome.

[Angel]

No, no, the one in the back. In the comments, people were saying he looks like Luigi has Luigi vibes.

[Kai]

I'm talking about the game.

[Angel]

No, from the assassination.

[Drew]

Oh, you want to look like an assassin.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. That's weird. It's weird in this climate to want to look like an assassinator.

[Angel]

Kai Newman okay, well, I'm just saying aesthetically, not like, you know, ideologically.

[Drew]

Oh, so you wouldn't want to kill the rich.

[Kai]

Okay, okay. Yeah, you're picking your side.

[Drew]

You're a bootlicker. No, that fucking video taking off in that way was absolutely insane. I literally could not believe the reaction it was getting.

[Angel]

Because it's like 50 million views.

[Drew]

Yes. It's got like 10 million likes. It was like, numbered in the top 10 most popular videos on Tick Tock for the week.

[Angel]

I feel like whenever a video gets that many views, it. It like, transcends language barriers. It's something like, literally human that you're capturing.

[Drew]

It might. It's like hitting like, the Middle east right now. Like, it's like, yeah, you're worldwide. Yeah, I've literally gone and like, the craziest thing is, like, when I post it, I was like, oh, this is just like a. Just a good A draft that I'm posting. Cuz Tik Tok's getting banned. Like, it's going to just get 20,000 likes. But like, bro, like the amount of.

[Kai]

Believe in your fucking dream.

[Drew]

Believe in it. It can take off. But anyways. Dollar sign, elfie coin. Dollar sign, elfie coin dropping soon. Selfie selfie, Coin dropping soon.

[Angel]

Selfie, iPad coin.

[Drew]

Selfie, selfie, iPad Kid coin. No, but we're going global, y' all. Like, I'm. I'm about to do podcasts. Like, Brittany Broski hit me up to do her podcast. Trisha Paytas hit me up to do her podcast playing selfie guy.

[Kai]

Ellen DeGeneres, manager right now. But don't worry, guys, I'm only taking 90. He's getting done getting kind of everything.

[Drew]

So fair. Yeah, yeah, I have a link up with hot tour girl coming soon. But no, it was so funny. Like, people, like, it's. If you know me and you know us, like, it's very obvious. A troll. Obviously a troll. But the amount of comments that were like, oh, my God, this is so wholesome. Like, I love his energy. Like, he really doesn't care about anybody else around him, which is very true. Like, I really don't give a. I guess it.

[Kai]

Yeah, it is real.

[Drew]

But my favorite comment was like, oh, I like his smile. His smile is so cute.

[Kai]

And it's you doing the. This smile. No, that was pre. That smile.

[Angel]

I think the underrated draft was the. The one where it looks like you just ate poop and you.

[Drew]

Yeah, that did not. That did not take that one.

[Kai]

I feel like that. What?

[Drew]

Like that. What is that? Doo Doo, lick that butt. Eat that butt. Eat that What? Yeah, the draft dump was very melodramatic of me. And honestly, I was watching. I was watching them. It's lead paint. Did you watch my story, Kai?

[Kai]

This is what he was on Tick Tock.

[Angel]

No, I didn't see that.

[Drew]

The amount of drafts I had of me just staring at the camera with a filter with a creepy song behind me was actually insane. Probably 20 more loaded up if I could.

[Kai]

Yeah, you had a lot of drafts that were just. That it was kind of eerie.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was crying, laughing at all the people that deleted TikTok off their phone the second hand and they couldn't get back in, so they were having to watch it through, like email and Safari and shit.

[Angel]

You still can't access it, right?

[Drew]

Oh, really?

[Kai]

Not on the app store.

[Angel]

I thought. I thought you could because I send you stuff and you said you can't watch it. I thought you.

[Drew]

Why are you airing my shit out like that?

[Angel]

That's not. That's probably a.

[Kai]

You ever thought he's just like, ignoring you and wants. Wanted it, like the perfect excuse to not reply.

[Angel]

It's impossible.

[Drew]

I don't have Tick Tock. Okay, Honestly, Tick Tock's bunk as like, y' all. Yeah, y' all use that app. I. I'll be fine without it.

[Kai]

I really am at a crossroads. Like, something about it does feel a little tainted, but I'm like, y' all can't take this from us. Like, you already. Like, you can't take it from us. We'll see what happens in, like.

[Angel]

I just hope it doesn't become like, what they don't have the REELS algorithm.

[Kai]

I know, because that's what. That's what I'm worried about.

[Drew]

And I'm scared. The. The reason why TikTok works so well is because it actually pays random people to post. So it became. It can become a side hustle for them and it incentivizes them. And it's like, oh, I can make an extra thousand dollars a month by posting on Tick Tock. And all I do is just vlog my life. Like, duh. Like, I'm gonna do that. And no other app has that. And that's why TikTok works so well, is because it's so human. Because actually real humans are posting on it and it's not just these, like, social media influencers. Yeah, like, it's perfect. It's perfect down to the last minute detail. And if they take away the money, then it'll die very quickly.

[Kai]

The the little Trump message. Boo. Tomato, tomato. Craziest. I even read that.

[Drew]

I know, idiot.

[Kai]

I feel like I only read what it said when people were posting their screenshots that it wasn't working anymore. And even that, I was just typing. I was like, whatever, whatever.

[Drew]

What's scary is it wasn't for us. It was for like the 14 to 17 year old boys that use tik tok that are like voting in the next election in four years. They see that and they're like, oh, President Trump saved TikTok. I'm going to vote for the Red Party.

[Kai]

Y' all are dumb enough to fudgeing fall for that shit. I hope your mom comes home drunk as fuck and beats the living out of you.

[Drew]

I'm sorry. I genuinely hope. I genuinely hope Trump gets cancer. I hope his insides melt out of his ass. Sorry.

[Kai]

This episode is literally us like having a funny, fun conversation and then it. It literally, it always leads back to the funk. Like it always. But that's what I'm saying. This is the last episode. I'm talking about those fucking nasty ass men. Other than this, you won't hear anything from me because I'm not giving them the time of day. Like, I'm not wasting my.

[Drew]

Allowed to call him. Am I allowed to say that I found this TikTok?

[Kai]

That's literally just the. What this podcast is two girls and the boy they bully.

[Drew]

I actually might break my neck. Help me. Catch me by my shoulders. Like, I'm going to slide down.

[Kai]

Okay, just let go.

[Drew]

Thank you. I was literally about to break my neck.

[Kai]

Actually, like hurt so bad, bro. Like, we are pushing 30.

[Drew]

Chip fell out to put that back.

[Kai]

What chip? Oh, a chip of the chair.

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Oh, what are your chips?

[Drew]

Yeah, a spicy frito, which I think is the best chip ever made. Remember when being called a local was like a read? Like, now all we feed for is wanting to be called local.

[Kai]

Also it's so funny is like the audacity to call someone a local. And everybody who said my locals was just either at college or made a rash decision to move out of their.

[Drew]

State or was a fucking loser online.

[Kai]

Yeah, like my locals. I never, I will say I never said my looks. I've always loved my local locals. Like, I've always loved them.

[Drew]

No, I've always, like, I know I used it derogatory. I was like, my locals. I hate my locals. But it's also because I grew up in a. Not even gonna talk about it.

[Kai]

I'm not gonna talk about it.

[Drew]

I. I grew up being called slurs.

[Kai]

Well, I'm having the kind of period that feels like it is the period of Christmas past.

[Drew]

Do you want me to talk to your uterus?

[Kai]

Um, yeah.

[Drew]

In your uterus. In your uterus. I'm talking directly to you right now. Stop hurting my girlfriend. Okay, Uterai. I'm gonna.

[Kai]

Okay, can you back up?

[Drew]

I'm gonna beat the shit out of you if you don't stop hurting my friend and making her bleed.

[Kai]

So you're gonna hit me just so she.

[Drew]

I need her to stop bleeding out of her vagina because of you. You're really. You're really getting in the way of.

[Kai]

With me on my period.

[Drew]

You're getting in the way of a lot of things, so. Uterus. I'm telling you now, I'm your worst enemy.

[Kai]

I am your nightmare.

[Drew]

I am your worst.

[Kai]

No, but sometimes I feel like I have like a. Like I have too many chill periods where they're, like, seamless. I'm just bleeding. Whatever. No big deal. And I know cramps or anything. And then just one month, it feels like somebody ran up to me with steel toed boots, kicked me in the vagina, threw me on the pavement, stepped on my lower back, and then turned me over and grabbed two wrenches and went like this with my nipples in them.

[Drew]

Wait, your nipples hurt? On your period?

[Kai]

My boobs.

[Drew]

You need a massage?

[Kai]

Honestly? Yeah. Ew. Like, the thing is. Ew. Come on.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's disgusting.

[Kai]

It's really, like, I can't even. Like, it's. Don't say that kind of shit to me ever again. Okay? Just watch yourself.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Why is doing makeup actually really hard? Guys, Like, I'm talking about a lot of girl things that y' all can't understand. But last night I was feeling brave and I was like, I haven't played with makeup in so long.

[Drew]

You really haven't, though?

[Kai]

Yeah. I was like, I'm gonna do my makeup to see. Maybe on my birthday I do my makeup. No, No. I don't even have photo evidence of what I did last night because I was humiliated. Like, I stood in front of the mirror and was like, yes, I'm gonna go crazy. Crazy. I'm going to give, like, glamour down. I washed my face immediately. Like, I literally. I'm not kidding. I've never gone in bed faster. Like, I, like, I like, washed my face half ass, put cream all over and went to bed.

[Drew]

I was like, I can't do it.

[Kai]

It's embarrassing.

[Drew]

Yeah, makeup is really hard. You know what? Else is hard. What, being a man, actually.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah, Guys, like, just generally just being a man.

[Kai]

Well, like, what about it?

[Angel]

Hearing about periods.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, having to protect women my whole life, basically.

[Angel]

Protecting women constantly.

[Drew]

Like, not being able to chase after them.

[Kai]

Not being able to chase after them.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's just like, it's unironically.

[Kai]

You chase people Normally, yes. Is that like a hobby?

[Drew]

Yeah, but no, like, actually, like, being.

[Angel]

A man is hard, but doing that period simulator did make us feel what it was like to be a woman. And actually, I redact what I said, and it's actually way harder to be a woman.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was gonna say it's hella easy like that, period. Like, y' all complain.

[Angel]

That hurts so bad.

[Drew]

It was horrible. You were moaning, Kai.

[Kai]

I know it was.

[Angel]

We have.

[Drew]

Roll the clip. Roll the clip.

[Kai]

No, no, we can't. No.

[Angel]

Okay, I'm gonna roll it. I'm gonna roll it.

[Kai]

Ew. Also, Lucas and Josiah were waxing Lucas's legs in the crib. And it was the most. Like, Patrick was there, Josh was filming it. And I was like, this is the most homoerotic thing ever. Because I was in the kitchen, and all I heard was, like, them moaning and groaning and, like, all laughing and then getting really silent while one of them was moaning and groaning. And it was really.

[Drew]

Did you record any of it?

[Kai]

I think I did.

[Drew]

I think I did. Because I need to hear that audio.

[Kai]

Like, I don't know if I got any of the moaning and groaning because it was really gross. And I was like, ew, take it somewhere else. But I did get this video of Lucas asking Josiah if he should turn over.

[Drew]

Should I roll over?

[Kai]

All right. Should I turn around?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And then at one point, they were just playing bossa nova, and it was just Lucas and Josie. And I was like, this is the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Such a weird fucking vibe. And it's really starting to feel like we're a bit too be doing that. But also, guys, we're reworking the world. I fear we're reworking it.

[Drew]

We're going to be roommates forever. Not because we want to, but because we have to.

[Kai]

Why aren't you going to marry, like, a pretty girl or something? Yeah, you have to go off and marry a pretty girl to go off.

[Drew]

And marry a pretty girl and start a family. Imagine that. Art for me. Like, I swear there will be a time in my life that I enter spiritual psychosis, religious psychosis, and, like, become hyper religious and, like, denounce all Gay like low Anthony and like become just like a normal person.

[Kai]

Ew.

[Drew]

No, I'm just kidding. Being gay is normal.

[Kai]

Rolling your eyes like guys. Being gay is like actually really.

[Drew]

I just, I can feel it in my cards. Like I'm just like a little crazy.

[Kai]

I don't think that has to be like, I guess being straight is a little crazy. Like, I'm not even kidding. I was thinking about it in the car right over here and this is gonna sound so annoying, but if you actually give a about like gender and genitals, you are weird as. Like you are weird as to me and I am so sorry but like, it's just the weirdest thing to give a about. Like if you find someone bad and you're attracted to them, you're gonna get to freakin one way or another. Trust and believe like you will find it. Like there is something there. But I think some people are literally just too boring.

[Drew]

Like, I don't know, they're proof you're losers. That's the other thing about Mark Zuckerberg is he has one body. That's why. That's why he's a power hungry loser is because he has one body. He's a prude little twerp with a baby penis that he never gets to use.

[Kai]

Oh, somebody gets hired because I know damn well they are not like, like taking care of anything in their homes by themselves. So anybody who works in their house to any capacity. You should sneak Nair into Mark Zuckerberg.

[Drew]

Cameras. Sneak cameras into the house.

[Kai]

Oh, I don't want to see that.

[Drew]

No, I. I need to embarrass him one time. What were you gonna say? No, I was just gonna change the subject one time. Another story that I've never told because it scared the ever living out of me. I. It was the most terrified I've ever been in my life. I. For some reason. Do you know Lisa and Lena? Yeah, for some reason. When I was like 16, I thought it would be the funniest thing in the world to start a death hoax for them. So I started Elisa Lena death hoax and got it like trending number one on Twitter. And it was so bad, it had like 40000 tweets on it. And it was so bad that they had to like make response videos to it and be like, I'm not dead. And they all track not dead. All of their fans tracked it back to me and was like, that's just literally not funny. Like starting a death hook, like actually isn't funny. I was like shaking in My bed. And like, it was like a bunch of like 13, 14, 15, 16 year.

[Kai]

Old girls because 12 year olds are getting no.

[Drew]

Like they were eating me up. And like, they, like, I was not safe on the Internet for a week. Like, they. They had shooters, like, ready to.

[Kai]

They brought in the national gu.

[Drew]

Your account.

[Kai]

Like, they were at your, like, little post button, standing around.

[Drew]

I still think death hoaxes are hilarious.

[Kai]

No, it is funny, but like.

[Drew]

Like, I gave y' all permission to just start death hoaxes.

[Kai]

It's like, it is funny because it's just like, bruh, like, what do you mean he died? I would love a memorial, like, compilation of Drew and it's like a bungee jumping.

[Drew]

Yeah. That's all I think about is like, my photos. Like, they're gonna, like, people who don't know who I am and they're going to be like, oh, wait, that kid died. That's so sad. They go to my Instagram and it's just those photos, like, literally, what do I look like? Does anybody actually know what I look like? Like, it's actually crazy, but I've never thought about that.

[Kai]

Like, the day people have to just like, look you up, be like, I've seen a video of him.

[Drew]

Oh, the selfie playing the plane selfie guy died. Oh, fuck. I have to liquidate my elfie coin. My dollar sign elfie coin.

[Angel]

Oh, that's genius.

[Drew]

Is that not.

[Angel]

That's smart.

[Drew]

As I've been saying it for the last 10 minutes and no one seemed to.

[Kai]

No, it's. I mean, like, it's good, but it's as good as like, Emoji restaurant is good.

[Drew]

Do you know about emoji restaurant? Yeah, yeah. Have I talked about it on here?

[Kai]

I think, like 10 times, endlessly.

[Drew]

Emoji restaurant is an idea.

[Kai]

Such a follower. Like, you reintroduce the same ideas under, like, a different umbrella.

[Drew]

You know, it's. Fuck stuff is last night or the night before, me and Josh were talking about just like, how nice it would be to have like a second you to like, go and like, be social. And then I can just sit in my bed and rot on tick tock all day and, like, I have a second person taking care of, like, my job, my social relationships and all that. Which, like, that's why I need the personal AI thing you've been telling me about Kai.

[Angel]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

But I was like, damn, like, that's such a good idea for like a short film or even like a movie, like, to adapt that into a movie. And then I sat Up. I talked about it or thought about it for three more seconds, and I was like, oh. So literally, the substance. Like, I literally want to make the substance to, like, Okay. I do that all the time, where I think I come up with these, like, amazing ideas, and then they've been done 400 times.

[Kai]

Did I do the same thing? I'll be like, no one's ever done this before. And I take a picture of it to send to somebody, and then my phone takes that photo and goes through my whole iPhone and shows me on every application something similar to what I'm doing currently.

[Drew]

I mean, consciousness and ideas are a cosmic bubble that you can reach into and connect to, but all of the ideas everyone else in the world can reach into. And so once you have an idea out there, do it. Take a hold of it.

[Kai]

Wow. Thank you. Are you okay, bro?

[Drew]

No. Everything in my life is bad.

[Kai]

No, I'm right here. I'm right here in my birthday tomorrow.

[Drew]

You literally are like, hello.

[Kai]

Also, if you ask somebody whose birthday is coming up what they're doing for their birthday, like, what are you gonna do? Like, what are we gonna do? Suck my dick and balls from the back while I'm bent over after running eight miles? Like, literally. Are you dumb as. What do you mean, what are we gonna do? Who's we? Like, like, leave me the alone. And that sounds so mean, because a lot of my close friends have asked me that, and I'm down for that, but, like, the stranglers who, like, or not.

[Drew]

The strangers, the killers.

[Kai]

The stragglers who I'm not that close to, who will just text me this week and be like, what are we doing for your birthday?

[Drew]

Describing your friends that text you what you're doing for your birthday as stragglers is crazy.

[Kai]

You know what I mean? Like, the people who. Who I'm like, I see every now and then, but I just so happen to fall into conversation with, and then they're like, oh, my God, it's your birthday soon. What are you gonna do? Like, do you have plans? Like, what's the plan? What's the plan B. Tch. If you want a free fudgeing meal, tell me you want to take me on a day, and I'll pay. I'll. I'll literally pay. Yeah, but, yeah, but also, it's just because I'm the kind of person who, again, I want attention, but I refuse to demand it. And I just wish everyone kind of knew it was my birthday and could read my mind and just do something for me, because Like I don't want.

[Drew]

To decide and I just can never tell if you want to do something for your birthday.

[Kai]

Well, because if anybody does anything that isn't exactly what I want, then I don't know what I want.

[Drew]

Whatever the opposite of sapiosexual is, that's what I am.

[Kai]

What the fuck does that mean?

[Drew]

A sapiosexual is someone like attracted to intelligence.

[Angel]

That's what I am.

[Drew]

Yeah, Kai's a sapiosexual. I'm the opposite of that.

[Angel]

Oh, bimbo sexual?

[Drew]

Yeah, bimbo sexual.

[Kai]

Do you just like want somebody who's dumb as brick?

[Drew]

I just want control.

[Kai]

Oh, okay. I mean, I'm glad you can recognize that.

[Drew]

No, I really do think stupid people that aren't Republicans are cool.

[Kai]

No, I genuinely, I feel like we talk about that all the time is people who are just living on like kind of a disconnected realm are kind of lit it.

[Drew]

Everything is bad.

[Kai]

No, everything is good and everything is embarrassing. I don't know guys. I. I really woke up on the right side of the bed today and it only took me three tries. Cuz I've been trying to wake up since 9am and I didn't get out of my bed until 11:40.

[Drew]

I woke up at 6:30 in the morning and was like up and atom. Like I, I know was pissing me off. I was like, I. I normally just wake up hella early like automatically but 6:30, the sun wasn't even up yet and I was so pissed and I could not go back to sleep.

[Kai]

I just love sleeping and it's really bad.

[Drew]

I did fall back asleep. This is what I wanted to talk about. I did fall back asleep at like 9:30 and woke up at like 10:40, 10:15 or something like that. Tell me why I had the most like horrible dreams ever that I was just perpetually overdosing and accidentally taking handfuls of Xanax thinking they were men's. I'm not kidding. Like literally it happened three times and I was like, oh, here we go again. Like gotta get narcanned or whatever.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, it was horrible and like I in real life I could feel my mouth like open.

[Kai]

Also I hate that you did that face because I just thought of the tick tock.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

I don't like how customers look at me. One like you just looked like when you had that one filter on like this. Ew, I don't like that anymore. It's kind of really gross. It's nasty. Well.

[Angel]

You can't do that. You can't look at me and make that face. If this was any other working environment, that would not be appropriate.

[Drew]

Pervert.

[Angel]

He stuck his tongue out and like, wagged it at me.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're such a perv for sexualizing that.

[Angel]

Sexualizing. The most sexual thing that you can do touching someone is so gross.

[Kai]

I know. I hate that you and Josie do it. It's so disgusting. Like, it is really nasty. It's vile.

[Drew]

It's like, why is it so gross though?

[Kai]

I don't know. Oh, but I did. I guess I did do that at a late lady, remember?

[Angel]

Wait, what?

[Kai]

I think we cut it out. But honestly, like, this is my secret to share. This is the one I would have shared for Tick Tock. This lady made me so mad at in road rage because I had the right away and she was being a. It was this older white lady. She had to have been like, so 63. And I had the right away and I wasn't moving fast enough for her liking. So her car was like. Her face was right here out my window because she was trying to get into a spot. I don't even remember the setting. All I remember is I was like moving too slow. So she honked at me and then looked at me, was like, started yelling and I was like, you. And then I was like, bye. Like, bye, bye, bye. Like, whatever. And we got into this back and forth and she kept holding her horn down. So I did that face at her and she literally was like.

[Angel]

Like, that's so sick.

[Kai]

And then she just backed up and dipped. Oh. She literally was like, it's okay. Because in her head I'm straight as a bone, so it's not even like a threat.

[Drew]

She deserved it. But what is the problem with it? Like, what?

[Kai]

It's just nasty. Like, why is that the one so shocking?

[Drew]

Because I have a friend who works as a pilot and he had like a co pilot. Like. Like do that face at like the people, like doing that out front. Like the traffic director.

[Kai]

Did he get in trouble?

[Drew]

Got in trouble and got fired for doing that? My friend was like. He was like. He was such a chill guy and I don't know where the it came from. And it was so nasty. Like, it really scared me. And he lost his job.

[Kai]

It is. It is really crazy.

[Drew]

Like, I think it's. I think it's hilarious.

[Kai]

When I did it, I felt insane. And. And like, it was really.

[Drew]

Can you do it but like, hide it?

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Just please. No, I need to see it.

[Kai]

Unlike you. Like, it's funny to you because you're not about it, like, you know what I mean? Like, it's not. If I did. If I did that even on camera.

[Drew]

Even, like, I munchbox. I munchbox. Hello.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I'm obsessed with Margaret Qualley.

[Kai]

What the hell does that have to do with it?

[Drew]

I love married quality.

[Kai]

She's a married woman.

[Drew]

Yeah, to a fucking freak bitch that I can overpower. Oh.

[Kai]

Oh, well, you heard it here first.

[Drew]

Margaret, come here, Queen. Come queen. Out with me, Margaret. Also, her name being Margaret.

[Kai]

I always pronounced it Margot Qualley by accident.

[Drew]

Margot quality. Yeah, Margot Qualley and Margaret Robbie.

[Kai]

What's her name?

[Drew]

Margaret Qualley.

[Kai]

Yeah, Margot Qualley. That's.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know. That's what I was just repeating.

[Kai]

I was like. Wait, so I have been saying it, right?

[Drew]

Margaret Robbie.

[Kai]

Margaret Robbie. Is that her new name?

[Drew]

Margot Robbie?

[Kai]

Okay, please stop.

[Drew]

What? I thought that was, like, easy to puzzle together.

[Kai]

Wait, like, who is that? Is that the Barbie girl?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

Okay, well, too many people have, like, similar names and like, I don't know, like, in my head, I don't know the difference between, like, I just found out the difference between Martin Shore and Steve Martin.

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Kai]

Are those two different people?

[Angel]

Steve Martin. Steve Martin's like the guy with the, like, white hair.

[Kai]

Yeah. Who's. Who was the dad in all the movies? And then Martin Short is just that.

[Angel]

Little guy that's just a different. A different guy.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

His last name being short and he being little. Oh, that's cute.

[Kai]

I feel like it was probably chosen. His name was probably like, Martin Smith or some normal. And you're not allowed to have the same name as other people in Hollywood for some reason.

[Drew]

Will Smith. Oh, my God, y' all. Did y' all see.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Will Smith got slapped by Chris Rock or Chris Rock got slapped by Will Smith this weekend at the Oscars.

[Angel]

Really?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Angel]

Well, let me look.

[Kai]

No, it's. It hasn't happened. It's going to happen.

[Angel]

It's gonna happen. How do you know that just doesn't seem like. Like that would be so crazy.

[Kai]

It's gonna happen.

[Drew]

Chris Rock got slapped. Oh, also, this is actually crazy.

[Kai]

Did you know Taylor Swift was dating that one football player who she's dating a football player.

[Drew]

Really?

[Kai]

She's seriously dating a football player?

[Drew]

Actually, yeah.

[Kai]

I don't. Kelsey is in his first.

[Drew]

Travis.

[Kai]

Travis Kelsey.

[Drew]

Oh, his brother is fine. I want him so bad. He's like my giant. Yeah. I want him so bad. I want him and David Harbour to Eiffel Tower. Me but this is what I was gonna say. The real. I actually cannot believe this, but a new tick dropped that makes you allergic to meat. If you buy. If it bites.

[Kai]

Okay, we need to end this episode.

[Drew]

For real.

[Kai]

And you need it because you. You're sitting here talking about wanting to be Eiffel Tower. I can't believe you just said that. I wasn't. I can't believe you said that. On national.

[Drew]

Look, I have. I have AI pictures.

[Kai]

This is low key. Just national news for bored people. Like, this is national news.

[Drew]

Hold on. I got AI pictures of Travis Kelsey and Travis Kelsey and David Harbor. Sweaty.

[Kai]

Just sweaty.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Kai]

I'm sorry, guys, I have to.

[Drew]

Do I have this picture?

[Kai]

Who is that?

[Angel]

That's not real.

[Drew]

No, this is real.

[Angel]

That looks like it was AI generated by you to create an image ideal for you. Yeah, that's like you uploaded.

[Kai]

Okay, that I don't get. Oh, that's like how the strong guy in Popeye the cartoon was like drawn. That's what your ideal build is.

[Drew]

Let me see. This isn't the AI one. This is just my roster. Hold on. Wait. I have to find the AI one. It's somewhere.

[Kai]

You're so annoying.

[Angel]

Whoa. That's pretty crazy. Oh, it's the cop from Stranger Things.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Angel]

Oh, I was trying to. I was trying to picture who that was.

[Kai]

Well, I guess that's been the episode, guys.

[Drew]

Quick little 45 minute episode for y' all.

[Kai]

Listen, times are looking dark, but together we make light.

[Drew]

Yes, times are looking scary, but together we make.

[Kai]

Happy.

[Drew]

Hairy bush.

[Kai]

Together we make bush. All right, well, thank you guys for watching, but here's my media. How about.

[Drew]

Oh, Andrew Saya.

[Kai]

I've been watching Succession. I'm halfway through season two. I just picked it up again last night after the chaos that was the past two weeks. And I'm loving it.

[Drew]

I love it, I love it, I.

[Kai]

Love it, I love it.

[Drew]

Tick Tock is vape. Instagram reels is cigarettes. God, the. The 30 minutes I had to use Instagram reels was the worst. Literally the worst time of my life, personally.

[Kai]

I was off my phone and I felt free in that moment, I was free.

[Drew]

Also, the voodoo company I ordered my voodoo doll or my voodoo candles from went out of business and they were in business for like 300 years.

[Kai]

Oh, that's sad.

[Drew]

Dark sided.

[Kai]

Mine is Elevator Spaghetti by Georgiana. It is what it Is by Blood Orange. Father figure George Michael heartbreaker Mariah Carey, Walk a Thin Line, Fleetwood Mac, I feel for you kids. Acoustic demo Prince, I live for you.

[Drew]

I love for you, Elizabeth. Oh, wow. So that thing got uploaded to Twitter and someone said, why does he move so gay? Right? I don't get the context. Can anyone give me the context? On a plane? Dickhead.

[Kai]

That's hella funny.

[Drew]

Dudes talking about uneven eyebrows. Like their balls don't look like this little o. Big O.

[Kai]

The infinity symbol.

[Drew]

The. Or like the little one because. Oh, the right ball is always shorter.

[Kai]

Just disgusting, bro.

[Drew]

USA More like usb.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew]

Boy, turn that claro off and grab you a beer.

[Kai]

So real.

[Drew]

You would hang out with a squirrel if it had a cart. And listen to Blade.

[Kai]

Honestly, I would vibe down with that.

[Drew]

I would hang out with the squirrel. They should make a soup that fixes everything.

[Kai]

Also, I should clarify. I would vibe with that squirrel if he had the cart. We'd have to. I'd have to sneakily change the music. I can't lie, because that kind of is going to make me see a scary person in the corner.

[Drew]

Oh, this is tea music.

[Kai]

Sounds like me and my homegirls getting high. And it's like, yeah, I see that person in the corner, too. Girl, don't be too scared.

[Drew]

Like, Lake submitted one. We need letterbox for Drew Phillips's YouTube videos so I can write reviews and rate them. That's true. We do need that. Someone make that up.

[Angel]

Letterbox for YouTube videos?

[Drew]

No, for Drew's YouTube video.

[Angel]

Just for yours.

[Drew]

Just for mine.

[Kai]

You can just, like, make, like, a link tree and, like, a random.

[Drew]

Me finding out that instead of cool and mysterious, me finding out that the vibe I gave off isn't cool, and me finding out this is just wrote wrong. Let me see Me finding read you wrote you.

[Kai]

I'm the one.

[Drew]

I'm the one. One, one. Who the is Coco? Oh, yeah, I didn't get to finish that, y' all. Coco is the new, like, right, right. Like, if someone does you dirty or like, you genuinely don't know someone, just say, who the is Coco? Me finding out that instead of mysterious and cool, people think I'm autistic and lesbian.

[Kai]

Stupid.

[Drew]

That was from Lake Armstrong. One the one one. One the. You mean you're twerking on the low? What the. You mean he's twerking on the low?

[Kai]

Oh, is that like, why wouldn't y' all break up with somebody? The weirdest comes out, like, what do you mean he's twerking on the love. Okay.

[Drew]

And let me do my media. I've been listening to Eric Azeroth. I really like the song Terraria. I've been listening to I Am a Monster, which is cool as Pervert by Ethel Kane. I don't know if y' all have listened yet, but it's so sick.

[Kai]

I need to listen.

[Drew]

It's so sick. And then silver by A.G. cook.

[Angel]

My Media. I'm just gonna say my.

[Kai]

I always want to say some a. Don't shush me. Okay, Go. Okay.

[Angel]

The moldy peaches. Oh, it's good. And it makes me feel like everything's okay.

[Kai]

Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through June 24th. Score hot summer savings and earn four times the points. Look for in store tags on items like Kinder Bueno, Cheez It Crackers, Oscar Meyer Lunchables, and Just Bear Chicken Bites. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Enjoy savings on top of savings when you shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.