I will never start a family

Summary

Emergency Intercom: Episode Summary - "I Will Never Start a Family"

Release Date: June 14, 2024
Host/Authors: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Podcast Description:
Emergency Intercom is a comedy podcast by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. Despite the name, there is no actual emergency—just an intense need for attention, delivered with a promise of unfiltered humor.

---

Introduction and Setting the Scene

The episode opens with Enya Umanzor (referred to as Anya) and Drew Phillips discussing their personalities and the dynamics of their podcast. They set a humorous yet candid tone, highlighting their unique relationship and the comedic energy they bring to their conversations.

Notable Quote:
Anya Umanzor [01:20]: "I'm so crazy. You should be scared of me. You hear my voice and if you close your eyes it's like I'm in your car in your bed and you should be scared of me because I'm crazy."

---

Listener Feedback and Personal Anecdotes

Enya and Drew delve into listener feedback, sharing stories about how their podcast affects their audience and even their own families. They discuss mixed reactions, ranging from appreciation to frustration from listeners' partners who might not enjoy the show as much.

Notable Quotes:
Drew Phillips [03:00]: "He listens all the time and I know that for a fact. Like, he listens to every single episode."
Anya Umanzor [03:12]: "I'm really mad at my dad cuz he doesn't listen. I'm like, hello. I literally talk about, like, fingering butts and stuff. Like, why don't you want to hear that?"

---

Childhood Obsessions and Traumas

The conversation shifts to their childhood obsessions and the traumas associated with them. Drew shares a vivid memory of a prank his father played, leaving him locked in a basement with his fear of chickpeas exaggerated for comedic effect. Anya contrasts this with her own traumatic experiences, highlighting the different ways their pasts shape their current perspectives.

Notable Quotes:
Drew Phillips [03:55]: "I love that. Well, my dad did this, like, funny prank on me one time where... he shut the door behind me and locked it. And I was trapped in there for two weeks."
Anya Umanzor [05:01]: "We both have trauma with chickpeas."

---

Pop Culture References and Internet Trends

Enya and Drew engage in a playful discussion about pop culture, specifically American Girl Doll animations on TikTok. They express amusement and bewilderment at how these trends intersect with their podcast's identity, comparing it to similar phenomena like Barbie-based YouTube shows.

Notable Quotes:
Drew Phillips [06:02]: "I'm literally obsessed with them. I'm not going to be able to find them because I don't know the person's name."
Anya Umanzor [07:10]: "I think we made this joke to each other, but I was like, I don't know what's going to happen when we're old as and we're too lazy to go somebody else."

---

Sleep and Personal Relationships

The hosts share humorous and awkward anecdotes about their sleeping habits and how they interact with each other during sleep. This segment underscores their close yet playful relationship, filled with teasing and genuine moments of vulnerability.

Notable Quotes:
Drew Phillips [17:07]: "I was laying there and I was like, oh, my God, and I'm so sorry. And you just, like, fell back asleep, like, almost immediately."
Anya Umanzor [19:26]: "I'm such a heavy sleeper. I love my sleep so much."

---

Mental Health and Superstitions

The topic transitions to mental health, superstitions, and personal fears. Anya recounts a frightening experience with a psychic, leading to a humorous yet poignant discussion about fear and self-perception. Drew echoes these sentiments, expressing concerns about being cursed, which adds a layer of depth to their comedic banter.

Notable Quotes:
Anya Umanzor [27:07]: "She said, fear dictates your life. And I was like, I actually agree with that 100%."
Drew Phillips [29:40]: "He really thinks he's cursed."

---

Obsessions and Passions

Drew talks about his evolving obsessions, from exotic animals and roller coasters to meteorology and tornadoes. Anya contrasts this with her own interests, emphasizing how their passions play a significant role in their lives and creative processes.

Notable Quotes:
Drew Phillips [24:55]: "I have twin sperm."
Anya Umanzor [25:03]: "Have you ever just like been free of whatever you're talking about?"

---

Alcohol Use and Personal Struggles

The hosts candidly discuss their relationship with alcohol, sharing personal stories that range from humorous mishaps to deeper reflections on addiction and its impacts on their lives. This segment provides an unfiltered look into their vulnerabilities and coping mechanisms.

Notable Quotes:
Drew Phillips [48:34]: "All I can think about is wanting to drink."
Anya Umanzor [48:18]: "I really don't like alcohol. That's it. I don't have much else to say."

---

Physical Health and Body Image

Enya and Drew engage in a lighthearted yet honest conversation about physical health, body image, and the societal pressures associated with them. They joke about their own insecurities while touching on serious topics like body modifications and health risks.

Notable Quotes:
Anya Umanzor [50:36]: "I can't wait to have my small boobs out and not get arrested for it."
Drew Phillips [56:07]: "I'm getting bone stretching. I'm trying to hit six three, three, six three."

---

Conclusion and Reflective Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Enya and Drew reflect on their experiences, friendships, and the complexities of maintaining close relationships while dealing with personal insecurities and societal expectations. Their conversation leaves listeners with a blend of humor and thoughtful insights into modern relationships and self-acceptance.

Notable Quotes:
Anya Umanzor [35:55]: "I feel like this life is really just, like, filling your time with people you love and magic."
Drew Phillips [39:33]: "We are stardust. We're meteorites combined with gases from a star spinning on a ball."

---

Final Thoughts:
"I Will Never Start a Family" offers a raw and humorous exploration of personal experiences, fears, and the intricacies of maintaining relationships without the traditional framework of starting a family. Enya and Drew's candid dialogue invites listeners to laugh, relate, and reflect on their own lives, making it a standout episode in the Emergency Intercom series.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew Phillips]

Are you still quoting 30 year old movies?

[Kai]

Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days?

[Drew Phillips]

Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide, and every time you make a purchase with your.

[Kai]

Card, you automatically earn cash back.

[Drew Phillips]

Welcome to the now it pays to Discover. Learn [e-mail] credit card based on the February 2024 Nielsen report. Hi.

[Anya]

Welcome back to this episode. I'm so crazy. Crazy.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm so crazy. I'm so crazy.

[Anya]

I'm so crazy. You should be scared of me. You hear my voice and if you close your eyes it's like I'm in your car in your bed and you should be scared of me because I'm crazy. I wonder if anybody's like, falling asleep. Listen to the podcast and hearing our voices and then it like starts off like a dream with us in it.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, it's just a dream to be listening to us anyways. We just have dreamy energy.

[Anya]

It's a nightmare. It's literally like a form of torture.

[Drew Phillips]

It's a waking nightmare.

[Anya]

I know somewhere out there there's a couple that lives together and like one of the people in that couple loves listening to us and the other partner hates it and then can't say anything. But then just like they like spat at each other about other things when really the main problem is the partner hates hearing us.

[Drew Phillips]

No, literally, our podcast was described to us to our face as dead air filler. So, like, I don't even listen. I just put it on in the background. No, what's worse on something is the.

[Anya]

Person said they could imagine it being that for other people, but for him it was just too much.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah, but on the lowest of keys, he listens all the time and I know that for a fact. Like, he listens to every single episode.

[Josie]

Who the fuck said that? And also, do you Want me to beat them up?

[Drew Phillips]

Yes, please. Yes, okay. Yes, please. But I genuine. I was like, honestly, that's a compliment. Like, we're still getting paid. Like, put it on in the background.

[Anya]

I know. He was like, I don't watch y' all, but I subscribe. I do what I can. And I was like, literally subscribing does nothing for us. Like, that's like the least. Like, that's actually nothingness. It's like, void.

[Drew Phillips]

But he meant it with full kindness. And that's how I took it, because I. I give people grace.

[Anya]

Yeah, well, I'm really mad at my dad cuz he doesn't listen. I'm like, hello.

[Drew Phillips]

Mortified if your dad listens.

[Anya]

I'm like, hello? I literally talk about, like, fingering butts and stuff. Like, why don't you want to hear that?

[Drew Phillips]

I literally talk about my Wingbot Vibrator 3000 every single episode.

[Anya]

I'll never forget. I. I think I've mentioned this before, and I think I have it on recording somewhere, but I asked him if he listens, and he was like, you know, I think you guys are really funny, but I just don't think I need to hear that. And I was like, oh. And then he was like, yeah, like, there's definitely things you say that as a dad, even as close as we are, I don't need to hear. And I was like, honestly, respect. Because my dad, I will say I'm not even offended because one, I understand. Like you said, if he listened, I would be mortified, but my dad already thinks I'm funny, so I don't have anything to prove to him.

[Drew Phillips]

I love that. Well, my dad did this, like, funny prank on me one time where, like, we lived in a house that had a basement before, and no one ever went down there because it was like, oogie, spooky, scary vibes. Like, we hated it down there. And so, like, one day he asked me to go get some, like, cans of beans from the shelves downstairs because, like, that's cold air, like, kept them stable. Da da da da da. So I went down there, and he shut the door behind me and locked it. And I was trapped in there for two weeks. And he would throw snakes and stuff.

[Anya]

That was a prank.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, but it was, like, funny. We were all laughing about it.

[Anya]

You were laughing about it even?

[Drew Phillips]

Well, no, I was. I was screaming and crying for the whole two weeks. But, like, yeah, he. He pushed me down the stairs.

[Anya]

You'd be grateful he left you down there with some beans.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it was it was horrible. I'm scared of chickpeas now. Even though they're such a great source of protein.

[Anya]

Yeah, they kept.

[Drew Phillips]

Everybody needs more chickpeas in their diet.

[Anya]

No chickpeas. Like, I can't.

[Drew Phillips]

We both have trauma with chickpeas.

[Anya]

You know what I'm thinking about?

[Drew Phillips]

Chickpea trauma.

[Anya]

If chickpeas is a high source of protein for you in your diet, stay the away.

[Drew Phillips]

Get back. Yeah, actually that is true. Like, any person that eats chickpeas is a dangerous person.

[Anya]

Chickpeas are nasty. Chickpeas are literally like.

[Drew Phillips]

I actually did have my mom made chickpeas where she like, covered them in like, like spices and shit. And they were like crunchy, like fudgeing cheez its. And they were so yummersville. I was on TikTok and I stumbled across a couple videos that I genuinely think are the greatest thing that anybody has ever made for us. Like, point blank, period. And they are these American Girl Doll animations. I'm literally obsessed with them. I'm not going to be able to find them because I don't know the person's name. And I like 4,000 videos on TikTok a day. So we'll find them, insert them here.

[Anya]

A song of the week is literally just ribs by Lord, because that song is a classic.

[Drew Phillips]

Dude, I love that song.

[Anya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God, they are so good. And it reminds me of like when we were on, like, episode 40 and someone made like a LEGO animation. Oh, yeah, I love that. I love that.

[Anya]

It kind of freaked me out, actually. Okay, let me.

[Drew Phillips]

They beheaded me.

[Anya]

When I, like when I first saw the account, I was like, this is really funny. But then what started to freak me out is their first two tick tocks were emergency intercom tick tocks. And then the next two were random clips from another show. And then for some reason, that's what made me feel a little funky because I was like, oh, wait, this person was like, really gonna make this, like a variety channel. And like, it's not even like an ego thing for some reason. It would make more sense if it was just like one of our followers or like, listeners who was just like, thought it'd be funny to make us into American Girl Doll, but spreading it out into a genre of like, multiple things for some reason.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, there's probably a million of those, like, yeah, yeah, American Girl Doll animations account. And she just like, tapped in at the right time and now she's popping off.

[Anya]

I mean, it makes sense because remember, like, there was that channel on YouTube that did that with Barbies. And it was really funny. There was, like, a whole thing. I don't know if you guys are gonna know. It's like, it's girl.

[Drew Phillips]

That's girls.

[Anya]

The girls know. But there was, like, this thing where, like, it was, like, a high school drama that somebody made a show of.

[Drew Phillips]

I do know this.

[Anya]

Yeah. And then one of the Barbies was, like, pregnant and, like. Like, it was, like, this whole thing.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. No, I genuinely. I know what you're talking about. And. Fuck.

[Anya]

What was one of the girls.

[Drew Phillips]

No, of course, like, duh. Kaya is not one of the girls.

[Anya]

Yeah, he's lost.

[Josie]

No, I know about this. So what is it? I didn't speak on it, but I totally know about everything. These. What is it you're saying? It's like a show with Barbies and they. They made a show out of it. I get it. I totally get it. And I've seen it.

[Drew Phillips]

They play the Barbies play with each other's boobs and take baths.

[Josie]

Oh, I don't. I'm not watching that, because that is disrespectful.

[Anya]

Okay. I hate that. That just made me think of this. But one time, me, Drew and Josie went home, and we looked up. We looked up Elsa and Anna kissing.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, the greatest videos ever.

[Anya]

We found the craziest, like, 3D render of somebody. Actually, I don't know if I think we were looking up fro.

[Drew Phillips]

I sent those in to be on the TVs. And you asked them. I wanted Elsa to make it out.

[Anya]

Behind me, to have it playing all the time. But how did we look that. Did we look up Elsa and Anna.

[Drew Phillips]

Josiah looked up Elsa and Anna kissing, like, and they kiss, and it's beautiful.

[Anya]

The weirdest video ever.

[Drew Phillips]

But, yeah. That is the sea of it all.

[Josie]

Do you remember when a fan made a Roblox server intercom, and then there was just a part where you could kill me?

[Drew Phillips]

I did not remember that.

[Josie]

Yeah, there was a part where you could shoot me with a fucking gun and I would explode.

[Drew Phillips]

Someone came up to us and was literally, like, honestly, you guys have gotten soft. Y' all are being too nice to Kyle. Like, you need to go back to, like, bullying him.

[Josie]

I know. I miss when you used to, like, choke me and shit. Fuck, I missed that.

[Anya]

The way that I think you got slapped last episode.

[Josie]

No, that was, like, a couple episodes.

[Drew Phillips]

Ago, but it used to be every episode.

[Josie]

The way that my toes curled.

[Drew Phillips]

Damn.

[Josie]

We can go to the next subject.

[Drew Phillips]

Damn. Damn. Daniel, wait. Damn. Daniel.

[Anya]

What was I saying? Alex from Target, you were explaining something. Oh, we were talking about that rowing movie and you were talking about like, oh, how like it was such an intense movie because, like, these people were like, kind of bred to do this sport. And there was this one like, savant who was so good at it, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, yeah. And then she ended up on Ellen. Because that is like the reality of what we. I guess, actually Ellen is gone. Kids are growing up right now and they don't know that, like, if you were tapped in, you would be on Ellen.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, that was in 2016. If you got a hundred thousand likes on Instagram or Twitter, you are on Ellen.

[Anya]

You're getting a first class ticket to Ellen Studios.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Josie]

Wait, is she done? Because she was mean, mean or she just was like, I'm done.

[Drew Phillips]

I think she was getting called mean. And then she was just like, okay, I can't handle this. I'm like 7,000 years old and a fucking vampire, so I'm going to retire. And then it all came out afterwards that she was just mean and evil again.

[Josie]

I like it when my boss is.

[Drew Phillips]

Mean to me, but I know more people need to, like, respect their mean bosses. Like, okay, so my three biggest obsessions ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever started with exotic animals. Like, I was fucking obsessed with, like, I wanted to have a fucking zoo in my house. And there was this girl named Janda Exotics. And she still sells and flips Exotics. Yeah, she still sells and flips, like rare fucking exotic animals. And like in Texas at the time, you didn't need licenses for this. So I was fully convinced, like, when I was like living on my own in Granbury because I was so young, I didn't know, like, you could move out of my hometown.

[Anya]

Weird as fuck.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I know. I was.

[Anya]

You were weird as fuck. Like, thought daughter or weird ass Drew Phillips son like you.

[Drew Phillips]

They're picking me every fudgeing time, bitch.

[Anya]

I would have put you up for adoption. I feel like my son.

[Josie]

Crazy. Is that you? You haven't changed at all. You're always talking about bears and otters and like.

[Anya]

Yes, yes, I've noticed that too.

[Josie]

And I don't know.

[Drew Phillips]

No, yeah, I love, I love animals. Bears and otters. Big bears, otters. Like, like, I love the way the otters swim.

[Josie]

And he's always like, hairy bears. Like, all bears are here. We know that.

[Anya]

Yeah. So I guess. Are there hairless bears?

[Josie]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Hell no. Not in my life. Absolutely not nasty ever.

[Anya]

Tea is.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Clackness ever to You. Thank you, but shut the fuck up.

[Anya]

I know.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm just being meaning to, like, get back in.

[Josie]

No, I get it, bro. I fucking like it.

[Anya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

But, yeah, I was obsessed with, like, exotic animals. And there was this time in my life where we had an extra bedroom in my house that was like, the guest room, and it had, like, a mini little porch that went into the backyard. And I'm not kidding, I went into, like, PowerPoint Excel. Like, I, like, started. I put it into, like, Ms. Paint to, like, draw what, like, this cage would look like. Because I was trying to convince my parents to let me adopt an albino Burmese python that they get, like, 23ft long. They're giant snakes. And, like, I was convinced that they were going to let me retrofit this guest room into, like, an enclosure, an indoor outdoor enclosure, where, like, we would break the walls down and build up, like, an outside cage so it could go inside and outside and they would have, like, a pool and shit. And I was fully convinced that I was like, okay, this PowerPoint is going to below their fucking mind. I wish I still had access to it. But, like, I was batshit fucking crazy. Like, I don't know why the fuck I thought that that was ever a possibility. And then also the thing that, like, because I was still obsessed after they said no, and I was like, okay, like, I just got to keep, like, chipping away. Like, eventually they're going to fucking break. I was like 9 years old and already a master manipulator. Manipulator.

[Anya]

Manipulator.

[Drew Phillips]

I was a master manipulator. And I remember finding. I saw a video of an albin. I think my mom showed it to me, like, trying to convince me that I did not need this thing. But I saw a video of an albino Burmese python eating, and they fed it. They would feed it live rabbits. And, like, they would just let them hop into the enclosure and they would just bite it and wrap up and, like, squeeze it until the fucking eyes popped out of these little bunnies. And, like, after that moment, I was like, oh, I do not need a fucking Burmese python, but a Kinkajou I still have love for. And I want. I want that bad.

[Anya]

Wow.

[Drew Phillips]

I want that so bad.

[Anya]

When I was nine, I was really praying that the lights would stay on and that I would have, like, a decent meal.

[Drew Phillips]

You're poor, broke.

[Anya]

And that I could find happiness.

[Drew Phillips]

That's never going to happen. Not with Kai in your life.

[Anya]

Dude, I was waiting so long for you to end it. So I could reply with that. Like, halfway through the story, I was like, I can't wait to talk.

[Drew Phillips]

Did you even hear what I said?

[Anya]

Yeah, I did. You were wishing that you were going to get a killer ass snake freak.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Like, okay. Also, like, why were you yearning so bad for a snake? Like, I. I don't think there was anything I wanted that bad. At 9 years old.

[Drew Phillips]

I just was obsessed with animals. Like, I wanted. I literally wanted a zoo. Like, I literally, like, wanted like a lizard enclosure with, like, drawers that you would pull out. And I wanted to like cross breed them and make new, like, genres of like leopard geckos and shit. Like, I fully was convinced that that was going to be.

[Anya]

I can't remember what I was doing when I was nine. Was like, fucking getting scared of Bloody Mary and then like, in turn putting that trauma onto other kids and teaching them about Bloody Mary and like, freaking them out.

[Drew Phillips]

The. The barkeep. Fuck. I was going to make a joke about, like, the barkeep saying Bloody Mary.

[Anya]

Oh, my God, you're fucking rotted. Oh, it was when we were filming the Patreon episode. I was talking and you just kept being like me when I'm a hacker and I'm hacking and everything. I said he was like me when I'm a blah and I'm blah, blah, blah. Yeah, we don't do that anymore. We used to, like, point to everything. Be like me when I'm blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Drew Phillips]

I know we need to bring that back. Me when I'm 75,000 years old.

[Josie]

Okay.

[Anya]

When I'm 48, drinking a beer at 11am and I'm so sad and I'm weird.

[Josie]

I just turned 30. This is a liquid death.

[Anya]

Okay, 30 looks good on you.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it does. You've been eating.

[Anya]

I don't have my glasses on.

[Josie]

Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, wow. Wait, actually, yeah, put Kai cam on. Put kai cam on. 30 looks, like really, really good.

[Josie]

Thank you.

[Drew Phillips]

Stop rizzing up the camera.

[Josie]

I know, dude, I'm literally just looking at.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, no, we got Kai cam.

[Anya]

Y' all, like, are you guys happy? Does it look good? Let us know.

[Josie]

Yeah, the team said it's going to.

[Drew Phillips]

Look good as fuck, so I'm so excited about it.

[Josie]

It'll be high definition.

[Anya]

I'm a Hasselblad. Is that what it's called?

[Drew Phillips]

Hasselblad?

[Anya]

Hasselblad, yeah.

[Josie]

Yeah. They shot the Earth series on this camera. It's imax, so.

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Josie]

Little joke. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

You need imax. Oh.

[Anya]

Well, I'm drooling. How about that, like, what are you going to say?

[Josie]

Oh, look, I'm saying, like, there was a period where you guys were nice to me and I fucking loved it. But also, don't you guys read that rumor?

[Anya]

Bitch, I was never fucking nice to you.

[Josie]

There's.

[Anya]

I gave you grace. There's video proof of difference.

[Josie]

There's video proof of it. But if you guys want to be mean to me, please, please, please be mean to me, because it was a long time.

[Drew Phillips]

It's been a while.

[Josie]

It's been a while.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, you are drooling right? In your sleep.

[Anya]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, me and Enya slept in the same bed, like, a couple nights ago.

[Anya]

Snoring.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's on me. I did something very naughty and bad. I literally, like. There's a video. The video of me, like, snuggling up against you when I fell asleep and I was literally overheating and, like, had, like, four layers of sweat on my body. I woke up and my PJs were, like, moist from how bad. I think I literally broke fever. I was, like, obviously sunburnt, but, like, I might have just, like, been sick with something and just not known because immune system is just so powerful and strong, and that's, like, a testament to. Of who I am.

[Anya]

You were the weakest immune person, like, immunity person ever. Like, you don't have immunity.

[Drew Phillips]

RuPaul and the new All Stars.

[Anya]

I look like I face up myself in this.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, you don't look at yourself. But anyways, it was, like 9:00am and, like, I don't know why, but in the morning, like, when I'm, like, waking up, I start writhing around.

[Anya]

Oh, yeah, you knocked into me hard.

[Drew Phillips]

I know. I was gonna say I literally, like, like, was writhing around and, like, throwing my head in my pillow and. And I, like, went and, like, hit you in the, like, literally in the face with my head. And, like, I was laying there and I was like, oh, my God, and I'm so sorry. And you just, like, fell back asleep, like, almost immediately. But I was sitting there and I was like, fuck, dude, that hurt me. Like, it, like, felt like I had a knot. Like, I was concussed, and I was like. I hit her hard.

[Anya]

I'm such a heavy sleeper. Like, I love my sleep so much. I remember waking up and be like. And then just, like, moving over and going back to sleep. I remember the sound I made and just, like, moving over.

[Drew Phillips]

I, like, hit you hard as. And I was like, holy. Like, I literally just, like, headbutted her. Like, it felt like I had an actual concussion. But then I just got up and moved on and didn't bring it up because I wanted to bring it up on the podcast. And that's.

[Anya]

I think in that same sleep though, you were on my side. So fudgeing crazy because I know it was that night. No, bitch, you were pissing me off. Because he came so fucking close, close to me. And his elbow at one point, like, nudged into me. And I this, I remember I went like. And then I moved over.

[Drew Phillips]

Really?

[Anya]

Yes. All of my. And I woke up, I was like, like trying to make a noise. So you move and then you like kind of like nuzzled in. Like you were like, not gonna move. So I literally, like.

[Drew Phillips]

So you're beating the out of me in my sleep, bro. That's why I had a bruised kidney. I was wondering why my back hurts so bad.

[Anya]

Oh, yeah, no, my back hurts hurts so bad. I keep sleeping on my side. And I'm not kidding, guys. Like, I'm like the old person in the room who's like getting out of corner, like stretching my back like 18 times in a conversation. And I'm not gonna do anything about it. Actually, I want to get one of those pillows that keeps you on your back. But then I saw this girl talking about it, like, to prevent wrinkles and shut the up.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, it's always something. It's always something.

[Anya]

Y' all are so scared to just wait also.

[Drew Phillips]

Just wait. When you're on your fucking deathbed and all you cared about in your life was looking beautiful, you're going to regret all the time you spent trying to be beautiful and being insecure about not being beautiful.

[Anya]

It doesn't matter.

[Drew Phillips]

And it does not matter. That goes without saying. I'm sexy hot and this is me without trying. Like, I just imagine.

[Josie]

I just want to say you're like super privileged. Both of you guys are super privileged. You can say that.

[Drew Phillips]

Pretty privileged.

[Josie]

And you guys are just like beautiful people.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it's pretty privileged. Like, hard for me. I get everything.

[Anya]

I was ugly as fudge growing up. This shit didn't come easy. I grew up with very easy for me sister compliments all the time. And I felt like an ugly duckling. Like crazy boots. That's literally why I'm funny, is because I remember like very vividly walking into school with my like 3 year old sister, 4 year old sister going to pre K and everybody being like, she's so. You're so beautiful. You're so beautiful. I'm right here and you're 48 years old.

[Drew Phillips]

That's what I.

[Anya]

Give me a compliment.

[Drew Phillips]

That's literally what I keep thinking about with that sentient baby. Like the. Yeah, there's another sibling, there's another little girl that's like being ignored and abused. And I'm like, y' all need to start giving her attention.

[Anya]

Like, y' all need to start giving her attention or she's gonna end up.

[Drew Phillips]

With a podcast looking like India bro. Like, like.

[Anya]

No, I will never forget that because I remember like being like 20 and really sitting with myself and wondering why I have like all these like weird insecurities about whether I am like, perceived as beautiful or not. And it literally is because this 48 year old woman would compliment my sister all the fudgeing time. I'm right here. Like, I'm right here. Even give me a lie, be like, you look cute today. And I know I look like because I didn't have a mother figure. So I would literally, like, I had long ass hair that I would tie into a back ponytail. And all my uniforms were thrifted, so they're really snacky. And I looked like a. I don't know, I looked like a India.

[Drew Phillips]

This isn't funny.

[Josie]

This is trauma.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, this is trauma.

[Anya]

No, it's funny.

[Drew Phillips]

Now.

[Josie]

I don't want this to happen to women. So whenever I drive by one, I'll.

[Drew Phillips]

Be like, whenever I saw women on the sidewalk and it just rained, I go towards the puddle to soak them. I'm an incel girl. I saw a film cell like that doesn't know she's a femcel yet on Tick tock. And I was like, whoa, she might be the next killer. She might be the first killer. Anyways, we don't have to go there.

[Anya]

Ms. Andrew is good.

[Drew Phillips]

No, no, I'm very. I think it is powerful and good. But my second upset. What are you gonna say?

[Anya]

I'm trying to remember because I was gonna say something so stupid, but it doesn't matter.

[Drew Phillips]

My second obsession growing up was roller coasters. So I vividly remember. What?

[Anya]

You ever play Thrillville?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, of course.

[Anya]

My God, Thrillville was so fucking.

[Drew Phillips]

And what was the other roller coaster game like? Roller coaster? Yeah, Tycoon. And then all I took down the other game. Dude, oh my God. In high school, that just unlocked a memory. Like I played.

[Anya]

No, it didn't.

[Drew Phillips]

You you so much. Roblox. There was a day where I literally played nine hours of Roblox on the weekend with one of my best friends.

[Anya]

You've been working on that screen time for.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it Was it was dead ass nine hours straight. And we played Cops and Robbers and we just like literally just played that game for like. It was horrible. It was like looking. We like, like left and we were like, the next day we like linked up again. And we're like, why the fuck did we do that? Like we were saying, dude, I think.

[Josie]

As recently as two years ago, you were playing a Roblox game every day. And all you did in this fucking game and yeah was did you ever see him play this?

[Anya]

I think so.

[Josie]

You would just lift weights and get bigger. You just click on the screen and just lift weight.

[Anya]

There's another game he was playing for a long time that it was just a clicking game. And it was, it was like you have to get like big. Like you're like your circle to be bigger. And he would just like click there all day and I would come into his room and he's clicking and I was like, are you gonna win anything? And he was like, no, but I just need to keep my ranking. And he would like get addicted to that kind of shit. And I was like, dude, you were weird as.

[Drew Phillips]

Dude, Cookie clicker was my shit. Like, I love tycoons. But that's what I was going to say is like, I. That unlocked the memory of like me playing a bunch of tycoons on Roblox for like two years straight. But I was saying roller coasters. There was a website and I cannot find it, but on my old laptop it still saved as like a bookmark icon for some reason. But there was a website of the top 100 roller coasters in the world with like just the names. And I would go on that website and I would go watch YouTube videos on it. And then I had an Excel sheet where I would rank them like based on which one I wanted to ride the most. Obviously Kingda Ka was like the number one. Like, and then there was like the Titan.

[Anya]

Have you ever been free?

[Drew Phillips]

Huh?

[Anya]

Have you ever just like been free of whatever you're talking about?

[Drew Phillips]

No.

[Anya]

Like, what?

[Drew Phillips]

No. This is my life. I become hyper obsessed with something for like a very long time. And now that I'm an adult, those time periods are shortened because I can actually do it or buy it. Like for a while. It was like music equipment, I guess.

[Anya]

Yeah, it's like the yearning. Like there's a certain kind of yearning you have as a child that now in your adulthood you don't get anymore. Because if you really wanted it, you could just like make sure it happened.

[Drew Phillips]

I was trying to escape the Basement.

[Anya]

You did all of this in that two weeks? Yeah, I hit a record high. I didn't hit my puff Bar for 26 minutes of this episode. Or 25.

[Drew Phillips]

Wow. However long it's been, that's actually really impressive. And then my current obsession is tornadoes. I have seen every single fucking tornado video. And now it's to the point where I'm buying radar software and I learned the velocity maps. I'm learning reflex maps. Like, I'm like, studying meteorology. Meteor. How do you say meteorology? Right now, actively, like, I have, like, 20 tabs open with, like, all of, like, the different types.

[Anya]

That's kind of like an impressive thing. When you like something, you actually learn about it. When I like something, I just look at it.

[Drew Phillips]

No, you do that, like, with fashion and shit.

[Anya]

Yeah, I guess with fashion and, like, maybe with, like, certain musicians. That's kind of it.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I don't do that with magicians. I love magicians, y' all. Like, I could tell you all about.

[Anya]

I forgot who it was. I think it was, like, Suki and Bobby Antoff on their podcast, on Bobby's podcast, where she asked her, like, what she felt about being a musician. And Suki misheard her, and she was like, I'm not a magician.

[Drew Phillips]

Literally, not a magician.

[Anya]

I'm not a manipulator. Wait.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah, Kai, you went to the manipulator.

[Josie]

I did. Oh, I forgot to edit down the audio because I recorded it.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, shit.

[Josie]

Okay. I got so nervous that I accidentally stopped recording halfway through. But we might be able to insert it next time. But basically I entered the psychic's house thinking that she was going to say the same exact shit to me. And she did not. Dude. She did not say that I was surrounded by evil energy. She said. She said, kai. She did say I was weak, which is true. That's facts. I am weak. But she didn't say. I kept asking. I was like, is there any evil surrounding me? She's like, no, there's like good people surrounding you. And I was like, okay.

[Anya]

Oh, you know what's happening right now?

[Drew Phillips]

You're the evil. You're the evil.

[Anya]

You're the killer.

[Drew Phillips]

And we're the good people.

[Anya]

Wow. It's. I. So I have to go. And she's gonna be like, there's one.

[Josie]

Yeah, this soul. Let's confirm that. When Anya goes, yeah, because we need, like, that triple confirmation. Because I low key feel like I'm a super good person.

[Anya]

I'm going to just be like, you're so amazing. Like, you've really, like, navigated this life so clearly. Like, you have so much grace and empathy and love and, like, I think, well, Butrin and lithium would do you wonders. That's what I'm hoping.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I'm gonna go back, and they're just gonna say, I can just tell you have a giant. I can see it through your pants.

[Anya]

Okay. So she said you were a good person.

[Josie]

Well, she was like, fear dictates your life. And I was like, I actually agree with that 100%. So she was like, right?

[Anya]

She said, fear.

[Josie]

Fear. And she was like, you need to, like, unlock your full potential by, like, overcoming things that are within yourself. There's no external, like, obstacles. It's all from within. And I was like. Because I was expecting her to just be like, you're surrounded by evil people. There's a curse.

[Drew Phillips]

Did she try to recruit you for the church?

[Josie]

She did try to recruit me for the church. Every single time. I said, look, I've done a lot of work on myself. I've gotten a lot of help from other people, whatever, me from Drew. And I was like, can I do this on my own? Like, I really want to feel empowered. I want to feel autonomy. And she'd be like, no, absolutely not. Absolutely not. You can't do it on your own. But I will give her this. She said I was gonna get married, and then I get a fucking divorce. I'm gonna have two marriages.

[Drew Phillips]

Damn.

[Anya]

I feel like being a divorcee is kind of. Kind.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's fire. Like, that's kind of fire.

[Josie]

Yeah, it's trauma.

[Drew Phillips]

I want to be married and then divorced. Who was that? Who was saying that for a long time?

[Anya]

The rain. Yeah, rain, like, went through this whole, like, year being like. It'd be so. To get married for, like, two days and then get a divorce immediately after just so she can, like. And she. She would be like, I don't want it to be anybody who I have, like, a serious relationship with. I just want to be somebody who's, like, almost a friend. But we, like, kind of flirted and nothing ever happened, but we got married and then got divorced. So that when I saw them in public, it'd be like, oh, my God. That's like, my ex husband is here.

[Josie]

But, yeah, basically, she did not tell me the same thing. I thought she was, like, fully a scammer and was just gonna say, like.

[Drew Phillips]

That just reignited my fears that she's.

[Josie]

She's a magician.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Where's the other guys? I haven't been able to sleep after.

[Anya]

That I know Drew keeps, like, freaking out and thinking that he's actually cursed. And I don't know what to do about it, because usually when Drew's just freaking out about something that I know isn't real, I just ignore it because I can't feed into it. But he really thinks he's cursed.

[Josie]

I was nervous too. Like, I left that shit. I'm always nervous around powerful women, so this isn't, like, anything new, but I did have this shooting pain in my prostate when I left, and I was.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, you sat on your dildo? Oh, fuck. Dildo. Dildo.

[Josie]

Anyway, yeah, I. Yeah, I don't know.

[Anya]

So I need to go and see what she says about me, I think so.

[Josie]

We need the final confirmation.

[Anya]

I don't know if I'm in the mental state for her to say some fuck shit to me. I think I'd freak out.

[Josie]

I don't know if I'm in the state for the conclusion of this. Is that me being the evil person?

[Anya]

Yeah, you might be the evil soul.

[Josie]

Because I'm so sweet. I feel like we can all agree sweet.

[Anya]

Okay, so I'll go tomorrow. What time did you go? Not that.

[Josie]

I went at 11.

[Drew Phillips]

Tomato, potato, chicken. Potato, chicken. LGBT lettuce. Wait, hold on. LGBT lettuce. Bisexual. Wait. LGBT? Gacon. Bisexual. Oh, wait, no, no. Potato. I don't know.

[Anya]

Oh, no, I said bottemo.

[Drew Phillips]

No, you said potato.

[Anya]

Potato, lettuce, bacon, potato.

[Drew Phillips]

Girl. I'm, like, rotted right now, y' all. It's over for me.

[Anya]

I know. I took them. I took sleeping medicine last night. Like, nothing like crazy, but I never take, like, an Advil PM or anything like that. It's very rare. And I. It was so hard to wake up this morning, and now I feel like there's, like, a layer over my brain that's gonna be there for the rest of my life.

[Drew Phillips]

It's gonna be there for the rest of your life. You should freak out. You should panic.

[Anya]

Actually, don't give a. Caviar is pushing it. That's my final take.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Caviar is pushing it. You, like, you're eating sperm from fish. Like, that's crazy. You're eating eggs. Like, for some reason, caviar is just pushing it. Also, like, why the Is it so expensive? Is it really hard to, like, get it?

[Drew Phillips]

I think you have to, like, kill the Mother Goose to, like, get it out of them.

[Anya]

That's crazy. And that is not that good.

[Drew Phillips]

I've seen them, like, squeeze the belly of the girls, and they, like, piss out of their vagina, the eggs. Like, I've seen those videos. I watch those, like, all.

[Anya]

It's like a Nerf.

[Drew Phillips]

I love watching those videos. Yeah. No, literally, the. The fucking blasters. The gel blasters.

[Anya]

Can y' all do that? You're not doing it. You're just making.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm trying.

[Anya]

I'm trying, I'm trying.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I've been sobbing at twin announcement videos, and I want twins so bad, y' all. I went on, like, an hour rampage of watching every single video of twins being announced to their friends, family, extended family, and loved ones. And, like, they were making me cry my eyes out. They are so cute. Just, like, them being like, yeah, the gender is a girl. And then they're like, but also, we're having a boy. And then the grandma will start sobbing and excitement, and, like, all the friends will be like, are you kidding me? Like, that's not good. And it's just cute. Just seeing, like, the different relationships people have with their loved ones.

[Anya]

It's crazy. I'm never gonna get that feeling, like, we'll have twins. I don't.

[Drew Phillips]

I have twin sperm.

[Anya]

I don't want kids. I literally don't want kids. Like, it's actually. Sometimes it bumps me out because I'm like, damn. I just have no maternal calling. But I have come to the conclusion that it is because I feel like. And this isn't me being like, oh, I carry so much, but I genuinely do feel like I care, like, such a motherly role in a lot of people's lives already, and I have been for so long that I can't imagine having my own kids because I'm like, what? Then I have to abandon all my other children who were, like, grown adults?

[Drew Phillips]

No. That's like. It's like, the same ideas, like, why I don't seek, like, a romantic partner. It's because I get all the love I need from the people I have in my life. I don't need another person to, like, what, like, be annoyed by and do us with, like, girl. That's boring. Like, literally, somebody have my literal left hand.

[Anya]

Somebody to literally, like, actually.

[Drew Phillips]

Both hands. I have to use both hands.

[Anya]

Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Somebody to, like, get in catty arguments with every now and then and then have to act like, that didn't happen, bruh.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't need that. I don't need.

[Anya]

I was saying to somebody yesterday, I was like, I really don't know what any partner in my lifetime is gonna think is gonna happen, but I'm not living with someone other than Drew. Like, and that's gonna be a really hard, like, line to cross, because why the would I want to live with you? Like, are you actually kidding me? Like, I get so much joy to living with Drew and Josh when he. Whenever he's around. Like, that is, like, my ideal situation is, like. Like, living with my friends. I'm not living with your funky, weird ass.

[Drew Phillips]

I need to hit the lottery and make $87 billion so I can build a compound for all of us to all have our own houses, but they're, like, within, like, a mile of each other or, like, within, like, 300 yards of each other. So we can just, like, come over every day and key and walk through the, like, fields with, like, all the flowers and my sheep roaming around.

[Josie]

Charles Manson did.

[Anya]

Yeah, but we're doing it with love.

[Josie]

Okay?

[Anya]

It's.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, no, I want. I want us to, like, kill people and have sex. Yes. With just me. Everyone, bro.

[Anya]

We've literally. I feel like we made this joke to each other, but I was like, I don't know what's going to happen when we're old as and we're too lazy to go somebody else. I'm going to have to start, like, we're just going to have to make it work. Like, I don't know what's going to happen.

[Drew Phillips]

We'll figure it out.

[Anya]

But, yeah, that just. I've been thinking a lot about, like, traditionalism and how far removed I feel like we are from it. And I feel like this generation in general, like, there's been. There's always been a shift in view of, like, family versus chosen family. But I feel like, oddly enough, all of our close friends are very close to their, like, birthed family and their chosen family. And I've just been thinking a lot about how, like, that is actually so intense of, like, a balance to be weighing for people. And, like, we just naturally do it. And humans have just been freaking me out because I'm like, wow, this life is really just, like, filling your time with people you love and magic.

[Drew Phillips]

It's magical. We're stardust. We're meteorites combined with gases from a star spinning on a ball. I miss my family inside of a meat sack controlled by our subconscious.

[Anya]

Also, I don't feel like I need kids because I'm already, like, mourning the, like, the growing into adulthood that my little siblings are experiencing, which is freaking me out. Like, all I could think about is that my little sister is going to be 17 next year, and that freaks me out. Like, it's so beautiful because, like, she's grown into her own person, and, like, she doesn't listen to the podcast, so I can say this. And she didn't tell me her business, and I won't tell her business because she didn't tell me it. But it was actually really sweet. Like, she, I think, like, got her heart broken a little bit. And she called me and she FaceTimed me, and she's like. She's a very, like, interesting character. She reminds me a lot of me when I was younger where, like, I wasn't very vulnerable, but obviously I wanted to keep people close until I got to that point. But it was really sweet. She, like, called me, and she was, like, crying, and she had her camera off on FaceTime. And she was like, where are you? And I was like, oh, I'm in a car, like, headed somewhere, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, okay. And then she was like, I had, like, a problem with, like, a boy or whatever. And I was like, do you want to talk about it? She's like, no, I really don't want to cry again. I just wanted to tell you. And I literally, like, started tearing up. I was like, it's okay, whatever. Like, tell me whenever you're ready. And then I just, like, started to try to talk to her about, like, stupid, so get her mind off of it. But it freaks me out that, like. But I guess in that sense, that's when I'm like, oh, damn. I would like to have a kid because it is sweet. And I do think I could be a good mother. I could be a good mother.

[Drew Phillips]

I think the way I feel about my nephew right now, like, where he was, like, wanted to be my best friend for, like, three years of his life, from, like, 8 to 11 or whatever, and now he's, like, hitting that age where he's, like, getting too cool and, like, doesn't want to hang out with me. That hurts more than anything in the world. And if my kid did that to me, I'd kick it in the mouth, dude.

[Anya]

It's, like, inevitable.

[Drew Phillips]

Play, don't play with.

[Anya]

Literally inevitable.

[Drew Phillips]

That's. Since I have that rhetoric in my head, I'm like, I can't have a kid. Like, I literally can't. Not right now.

[Josie]

I want children because they're afraid of getting cool guide.

[Drew Phillips]

Yes, dude.

[Anya]

I feel like it's inevitable because I had that with all my siblings, like, of every age. Like, there just came a point, especially because I. By fault, like, I play. I felt like I played such a. Like, Parental role in all my siblings lives. So even with my older siblings, there was like a three year span where they felt like they couldn't talk to me because I was such a like parental figure in terms of when they would speak to me, I would try to give them advice and try to help them and like help them traverse through certain issues. And I think that kind of bit me in the ass where they felt a distance from me because I wasn't able to be a friend. I was so busy trying to like help parent them. And I feel like that's the thing with kids is like they want to be your friend, whatever. But then once it gets to the like authoritarian role that you have to play in those people's lives, they just naturally will turn away from it because they don't want that. They just want somebody to like, be around. I feel like that's like the hardest part of parenthood is having to navigate.

[Drew Phillips]

That and like the fringe.

[Anya]

Pick your like parenting style and like what works for you and your kid. But also I feel like a lot of people just get lucky and they get really close to their kids. Like my mom is like one of those people who she's been really good with being friends with her kids, sometimes almost too good at being a friend. But like, I feel like that works.

[Drew Phillips]

Until we were 18 to be friends. Yeah.

[Anya]

I feel like there's a balancing act. You have to play with it.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it was cool. We just had one of those. We exist inside of the context of falling out of the coconut tree or whatever the.

[Anya]

You think you just fell out of a coconut tree. You exist within the context, facts of everything that has happened and everything which you are. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Or whatever the it is. Well, there's a fake waterfall in China, y' all. Like there is an act and I.

[Anya]

Playing it like it's real. I don't give a.

[Drew Phillips]

No, that's what I was saying.

[Anya]

Yeah. Like what's the big.

[Drew Phillips]

People are like losing their minds over this waterfall. Like basically it's a real waterfall, but during the dry season, they pump water out of a tube at the top of the waterfall and make it look like it. And in the people's defense, they didn't say anything about it. They completely were just lying and acting like it was a real waterfall spraying over the edge. So then like everybody, when they found out that this waterfall and it's a gorgeous waterfall, that when they found out it was fake, they were like, bro, what the fuck? We've been lied to, We've been tricked. And then all of the fucking like flat earth. I'm a flat earther. We're in the comments like being like, see the world is a stage and we're just playing.

[Kai]

Officials have apologized after a video emerged that appears to show China's tallest waterfall being fed by a pipe in the rock. The 1,024 foot tall Yuntai Mountain waterfall features formations that date back more than a billion years, drawing in millions of tourists, but is seemingly fed by a pipe in the rock. What happened next was weirder. Officials made a bizarre social media post apologizing as the waterfall. I didn't expect to meet everyone this way. I made a small enhancement during the dry season only so I would look my best to meet my friends.

[Anya]

I didn't think that is that deep. But also like my special interest is bodies of water and I don't give a where the body of water came from. I'm getting in that like I'm literally. Unless it's like a puddle.

[Drew Phillips]

My specialist is body of tea.

[Anya]

My special interest was cruise ships and I know about every cruise crash. Cruise ships.

[Drew Phillips]

What is that?

[Anya]

I'm going cruising later tonight.

[Drew Phillips]

I have a stand up joke with that bit in there. Should I get into it?

[Anya]

Honestly?

[Drew Phillips]

Are you ready? Cat got your tongue? We'll get him out of your mouth. That's unsanitary. Beat around the bush. They say, why the fuck am I seeing a guy jerk off and blast rope around a bush? Beat around the bush. Why are you punching my dick when I'm on the airplane? Oh, this is more impressions. When I'm on the airplane, I always hear the pilot on the intercom saying, this is your captain speaking. Expect some turbulence in the next three minutes in his mom is walking down the aisle. I was on a cruise ship. Not that type of cruise. Weirdos.

[Anya]

Is that it?

[Drew Phillips]

No, no, no, no. And the boat was rocking like crazy. It rocked the boat. Hey, rock the boat. Rock the boat. And I look out of the window and I see Kai's mama swimming next to the ocean or in the ocean next to the boat. The waves were huge. You know how comedians do sound effects?

[Anya]

Like.

[Drew Phillips]

Washing socks is like reverse gambling. Every time I put two in, I get one out.

[Anya]

I feel like that could apply to just regular gambling.

[Drew Phillips]

Some people look at me and think I'm gay. Well, I say, yes, of course I am. I'm so happy. And I love love. Oh my God, Donald Trump is so orange. I get hungry when I see him and I almost ate him because he looks like a Cheeto.

[Anya]

Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Safari is crazy. How does the Internet and the animals coexist? I think they'd be attacking each other and eating the Internet cable. You know the sharks that ate the Internet cable tried to take us down. I think that was it. Straight male listeners, I am with you. We are in this together. Oh, wait, I'm like looking right here. Like the camera is right there. Straight male listeners, I am with you. We are in this together. A lot of people like to comment, like, oh, why are you listening to this podcast? It's like for the girls and the gays. Like, no, we're here and we're doing this together. Just wanted to let you know.

[Anya]

You scare me.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, since I wrote a whole album about me and I didn't even realize it. I didn't even realize it, bro. Hold on. Look what's it called?

[Anya]

You're obsessed with your exes.

[Drew Phillips]

It's controlling sos. She wrote two albums about me.

[Anya]

Those were all about you?

[Drew Phillips]

Yes. This song. Tuesday, Friday, Saturday. She was cheating on me. Saturday, Sunday. What is the boys. What? Saturday, Sunday, Monday.

[Anya]

Hey, what are the Saturdays for?

[Drew Phillips]

Saturday, Sunday, Monday.

[Anya]

No, what are the Saturdays for?

[Drew Phillips]

Phil. Hey, Phil, what are Saturdays for?

[Anya]

Sunday, Saturday. Fun day.

[Drew Phillips]

No, no. What doing you are. Are they for Saturday? They're what?

[Anya]

Saturdays are for the Saturday?

[Drew Phillips]

No, Sunday, Saturday, Saturday.

[Anya]

Saturday, Saturday, Sunday. Like, was he like on a like colada pin? Why was he like so tap?

[Drew Phillips]

He was probably drunk as cuz they were at the bar. Okay, I have a hypothetical for you and you. Would you rather kill me or take two of Azul's legs from him?

[Anya]

Oh, no.

[Drew Phillips]

And you have to eat the legs.

[Anya]

Oh, I have to eat the legs. No, I'm not doing. I'm killing myself.

[Drew Phillips]

No, you have to kill me or Azul.

[Anya]

I love how you legs.

[Drew Phillips]

So you're killing me?

[Anya]

Well, no, if I don't have to eat the legs, I'll take Azul's legs. Oh, that's be so annoying.

[Drew Phillips]

Which one is it?

[Anya]

I'm gonna take Azul's legs. Like, like. Why did you even think of that?

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know. I think I saw like a handicapped.

[Anya]

Cat a little on my bed.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh yeah, he's over y' all. Azula's dead ass over.

[Anya]

Like, I literally came home from a day that was already like taxing whatever. Boohoo crime me a river. And I go into my room and there's a turd on my bed. And now I'm terrified. And I haven't replaced my covers because I'm scared of her on it.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, Anya. That's, like, really hard.

[Anya]

My life is really hard.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I forget what we were watching, but they mentioned the idea that, like. Or, like, when the first movie premiered on the silver screen, it was like. It was like a recording of a train.

[Anya]

Comedian.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it was like a recording of a train, and the people in the audience literally ran out of the audience because they thought the train was gonna, like, hit them because they'd never seen. I mean, it makes sense. They'd never seen a moving picture before in their life. But just the idea of that was, like, killing us.

[Anya]

Like, that is so embarrassing, too. Like, imagine how those people felt after.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna run at the camera, and they're gonna jump out of the way.

[Anya]

Are you gonna do that right now? You're probably gonna trip on wire. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

I looked down and I saw. I saw. I didn't trip.

[Josie]

Trip.

[Anya]

You tripped.

[Drew Phillips]

I didn't trip.

[Anya]

You attacked me and then tripped.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, you deserved it.

[Anya]

I was just trying to be nice.

[Drew Phillips]

And I don't give a. Because it hurt me.

[Anya]

I love Chapel Roan.

[Drew Phillips]

Don't look at me, because you're next.

[Josie]

I won't. I won't look at you.

[Drew Phillips]

Chapel Roan. More like Chapless ass or apples. Chaps. Atlas Chaps. Inside of a chapel in Rome. That's a good one.

[Josie]

That was really good.

[Drew Phillips]

Can I get the Chapel Roan burger, hold the Statue of Liberty sauce, extra joint burger?

[Anya]

H O T T O G O. H O T T o T O O G O. Like, she literally does it with her arms. How do you not know?

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know. I just don't know. Well, okay. I drank two days in a row.

[Josie]

Are you serious? Yeah, you probably.

[Anya]

When he says that, he means he had a sip of a whiskey sour and was, like, immediately got tired and went up to the room. And then the next day, I will say he chugged a drink by the pool and then complained about it for an hour. Was like, I hate that. I don't know why I did that. I hate that. I hate this.

[Drew Phillips]

I drink for two days in a row.

[Josie]

That's technically.

[Drew Phillips]

I went crazy. I went crazy. I lost my mind. And Loki, it was three nights in a row because I did have a sip of your whiskey sour the night before.

[Anya]

That's true.

[Drew Phillips]

I was. Blackout guys. It's. It's a slippery slope, y' all. All I can think about is wanting to drink.

[Josie]

I can't do it anymore. I had three drinks this weekend, and then I woke up the next morning, and I wanted to blow my brains out back to.

[Anya]

Yeah, I. I really don't like alcohol. That's it. I don't have much else to say.

[Drew Phillips]

I love alcohol. I think alcohol is a good thing for everybody. Everybody involved.

[Anya]

Well, I don't remember if I've told this story before, but I was thinking about how last year, when me and Orion were in Portugal for our trip, I was really high, and we were staying at this, like, this home that had, like, a little ledge and pillars inside of it. And then she was like. She was like, for some reason, this home gives me, like, Sharon Tate vibes. And I was like, what? And I didn't know how Sharon Tate died, and she told me. And I have never been so scared in my whole life. Like, I was actually petrified. I was so scared. Wait, something else scared me the other night. Oh, I was talking about something. Oh, no, actually, no, that wasn't the other night. I was really scared recently when I was high because I was convinced I was gonna go to hell.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, yeah, you are.

[Anya]

I didn't do anything.

[Drew Phillips]

Let's talk about what you do in front of the church.

[Anya]

That's what was freaking me out. But we don't need to get into details. But I actually was really, like. One of my friends was like, oh, do you believe in heaven and hell? And I was like, no. And then she was like, but if hell is real, that's an eternity. Do you understand how long that is? And that thought carried into me being really high that night, and I was.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, religion is so scary, bruh. Like, I. You're scaring. It's scary. You're scaring me. You're scaring me. That's why I started Druth. The truth. And I am the leader.

[Anya]

The idea of some of the things that people think will get you sent to hell, though, is crazy. I'm just having fun.

[Drew Phillips]

The Adam and Steve. More like Florence in a machine.

[Anya]

For any Florence in the Machine. Like, because I like Florence.

[Drew Phillips]

No. Your vibrator.

[Anya]

Okay, well, my back hurts so bad, but I, like, refused to go to a chiropractor because I do not believe in chiropractors. Like, I think that was the biggest fan of all.

[Drew Phillips]

They're funny.

[Anya]

They just beat you the fuck up. And that's supposed to help?

[Drew Phillips]

Like, there's actually occurred from chiropractors.

[Anya]

I'm looking that up. I need to.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, it's got to be in the thousands.

[Josie]

Yeah. When they crack people's necks, it looks. It looks like you could easily Fuck that up.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. No, and, like, when I was there, like, I was getting back shots like, crazy. Like, they kept breaking my back and, like, bending me over and it was like, crazy.

[Josie]

Dude, I'm not a chiropractor. I'm not a licensed.

[Anya]

26 fatalities were published in the medical literature, and many more might have have remained unpublished since. I don't know.

[Drew Phillips]

Because if that's In a year, 25.

[Anya]

Deaths per 75 years would mean that roughly 33 deaths occur each year.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God.

[Anya]

That's a lot. Like, damn. And I would be the to die.

[Drew Phillips]

It's not worth it. For real. I went to one for like a year and all they did was just put me through radiation and take like, a X ray scan of my body and just tell me, yep, everything looks good, but we have to do this, this and this. And they would just do that, like, every two months. And it was just completely useless because my back still hurts and now I'm out of a lot of money. So, like, it was. It was no your magnetic because I.

[Josie]

Put your ankles behind your ears the other day.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, that fixed me. That, like, gave me relief on my sciatica.

[Anya]

Y' all are nasty, bro.

[Josie]

Oh, yeah, it's that scene in Challengers at the very beginning. Do you remember that?

[Anya]

No, we only saw it once because we were normal. You saw it eight times. So you know every scene. Like, I probably write out, like, the full script of Challengers by, like, memory, including the detailed of, like, so and so walked into the room. Interior, day, night.

[Josie]

Honestly, it is getting to that point. I just. There's a scene where he gets stretched out at the beginning. He gets all stretched out.

[Anya]

Oh, I think I do.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah. And his bulge was out and. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Should we get in the media?

[Anya]

Chicken the media.

[Drew Phillips]

No, that's what it sound like.

[Anya]

It sound like you said, chicken the media.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay? My media is controlled by sza. She wrote it about me, so duh. And then. What's that one Taylor Swift song? Drew looks at me. I write a note so he won't see.

[Anya]

I actually don't know.

[Drew Phillips]

Drew looks at me. Fake a smile so he won't.

[Anya]

So he will see. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

My teardrops on my guitar. Because that's the other song that was written about me. And then that Sabrina Carpenter. Wait, was that one about me?

[Anya]

No, you're thinking of Billie Eilish.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah.

[Anya]

Oh, is it.

[Drew Phillips]

Drew? The lighting?

[Anya]

Wipe it. I'm so Drew.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that one. I forget. And then the whole Drake and Kanye joint concert. Experience.

[Anya]

That's your media of the week. Like, what are you saying? How are you trying to. How is he trying to make of the week about him?

[Drew Phillips]

Because that was. That was all about me. They did that for me.

[Josie]

Oh, I totally forgot about that.

[Anya]

They did it to battle out, like, about that. Who.

[Drew Phillips]

Who want me? Who want me? Who want Me?

[Anya]

Well, my media of the week is Please, Please, Please by Sabrina Carpenter. And then that's that Taylor Swift song, right, bruh? He has asked that Taylor Swift, like, eight times unironically. Sympathy is a knife and everything is romantic and girl so confusing. Off the Charlie XCX album.

[Josie]

Did you hear the two new ones that just dropped?

[Anya]

No. Are they going to extend it?

[Josie]

They're. I think they're some of the best songs.

[Anya]

Damn.

[Josie]

Yeah, they're both. Yeah, they're both about you, actually.

[Anya]

Damn.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, good.

[Anya]

And now he'll listen.

[Josie]

They're about a mean girl. No, it's guess. And then the one that she was teasing on. TikTok. Spring Breakers.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Josie]

That's sick.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. No, that album's rollout was so fucking sick.

[Josie]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I haven't seen a good album rollout in, like, a couple years. And that one ate down, like, that wall. Like her pulling down the curtain at the concert. What is it, Lalapalooza or whatever. The Barcelona.

[Anya]

Yeah, I think it was Lollapalooza. For some reason. That clip cracked me up because she was standing at the wall for so long. But I love her so much. But it was cracking me up. Like, she was just standing and, like, waiting for the right moment. But yeah, the rollout is really good. The live stream of the wall has been really good. That album is just really good. Also, I'm balding. I'm literally bald.

[Drew Phillips]

I noticed that. And you know, actually I'm balding.

[Anya]

You see that?

[Drew Phillips]

I do see that. Yeah. You're over.

[Josie]

Couldn't that just be from, like, ponytail?

[Anya]

Yes.

[Josie]

You're saying she's. She has male pattern baldness.

[Drew Phillips]

Girl, no, you don't. You're just looking at it too much.

[Anya]

Look at that, though. I can see it on the camera. Look how bad it looks on camera.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, it actually does look crazy on camera, huh? Wait, look at my hair on camera. Oh, my God. Do you see that over there?

[Anya]

I think I'm going to get a breast reduction.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah. That is your vibe for the summer.

[Anya]

Yeah. I want small boobs. I'm tired.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, that's boring. And I'm not going to touch you with a ten foot pole after you get your boobs.

[Anya]

I can't wait to have my small boobs out and not get arrested for it.

[Josie]

We can recover together cuz I'm getting bone stretching. I'm trying to hit six three, three, six three. The perfect time.

[Drew Phillips]

Did I tell you I was also getting that surgery?

[Josie]

Are you actually.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Josie]

Where. Where are you getting.

[Anya]

That's so embarrassing.

[Drew Phillips]

Turkey.

[Josie]

I'm going to turkey also, but I'm.

[Drew Phillips]

Getting like 7 inches added on because I'm like, oh, I could.

[Josie]

Because you're hella short and I'm not as short, so.

[Drew Phillips]

No, because I want to be an Indian.

[Anya]

No. We've literally said in an episode like so long ago, you're five foot three.

[Drew Phillips]

I forget about.

[Josie]

I'm five four. I'm five four, five four.

[Anya]

With the inserts.

[Josie]

We gave you five five. If I posture max and.

[Drew Phillips]

But it's normally five two. Without shoe.

[Anya]

Without shoe.

[Josie]

Okay.

[Anya]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay. A barely lit path 100 tricks point never answers me. Arthur Russell. Oh, I've been watching H2O by oh, Just Add Water, the Mermaid TV show. I watched four episodes last night. Horrible. But, like, it was unlocking and doing things to my brain that I fully wasn't prepared for. And now I want to be a mermaid and I want a mermaid tail and I want to be able to freeze, boil, and move water with my mind.

[Josie]

Yeah, you should be able to do that.

[Drew Phillips]

They're basically water benders from Avatar.

[Josie]

Yeah.

[Anya]

So I love Arthur Russell trying to find the. The song that he has a lyric that, like, I feel like Charlie sampled, but I can't remember. Whatever. All right, thank you guys for watching.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through June 17th. Shop in store or online for your favorite personal care Items and save $5 when you spend or more. Stock up on items like Dove Body Wash, Degree Motion Sense Deodorant, Tresemme Hairspray, Dove Shampoo, Dove Bar Soap, Dove Men's Body and face Wash, and Dollar Shave Club blades. And save $5 when you spend $15 or more. Hurry in before these deals are gone. Offer ends June 17. Promotions may vary. Restrictions apply. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.