iPhone face

Summary

Emergency Intercom - "iPhone face" (April 24, 2026)

Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips
Guest: Sophia, Kai (frequent collaborators/friends)
Podcast: Emergency Intercom (iHeartPodcasts)

---

Episode Overview

In the irreverent and freewheeling spirit that defines Emergency Intercom, this episode tackles everything from surveillance culture and tech paranoia to bodily functions, mustache philosophy, and defining the cultural meme of “iPhone face.” The group, featuring guest Sophia and the ever-present Kai, bounce between absurd anecdotes and genuine introspection, with caustic wit, Gen Z internet references, and candid confessions.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

iPhone Face & Tech Paranoia

Timestamps: 02:54, 03:02, 54:26–60:27

• Tim Cook Steps Down:
  The group riff on the “gay ass” of Apple CEO Tim Cook stepping down, mixing in crass jokes and pop-culture jabs.

  • Enya: "More like Tim cooked. He's cooked." (03:10)
  • Sophia: "Tim is actively cooked right now." (03:21)

• Surveillance State Rant:
  Discussion about the proliferation of speeding cameras in LA morphs into conspiracy-driven tech anxieties.

  • Enya: “We live in a surveillance state. There is a cultural and spiritual war happening on every single human being on this planet.” (03:30)

• Reluctance about Smart Devices:
  Sophia shares her apprehension around acquiring more “hot mic surveillance” gadgets (robot vacuums, iPhones) and reflects on her change in attitude about data privacy.

  • “All I think about is how badly I want a robot vacuum ... but I just don’t need another hot mic ... in my house.” (05:04)

• Defining “iPhone Face”:
  A lengthy, nuanced breakdown of what “iPhone face” means (54:26-60:27):

  • Evolving from makeup styles designed for front-facing cameras (mid-2010s) into a descriptor for surgically altered or filtered faces that “could not exist” pre-selfie era.

  • Drew introduces the wider, somewhat gendered use of the term (for men, a facial type that doesn’t fit in other eras; for women, makeup or surgery optimized for social media).

  • Drew: "Can you guys define iPhone face? ... I've seen that be a good adjective to describe a face and also a negative one..." (54:26)

  • Enya: "To me that's iPhone Face. IPhone Face is maybe the aftermath..." (56:24)

  • Sophia: "When I think of iPhone Face, I think of dress to impress makeup... that's an iPhone face." (57:47)

Black Mold, Bodily Terrors, and Medical Mishaps

Timestamps: 06:16–08:27, 15:09–18:23

• Black Mold Mania:
  Household panic about discovering mold.

  • Enya: "It's a very serious issue to have just a single spot of black mold... it's most likely everywhere." (06:28)
  • Sophia: “Don’t all houses have black mold? ... I don’t take anything serious, so one might.” (07:16)
  • Enya: “I’d literally rather enter black mold psychosis... than move out of this home." (08:07)

• Plumbing & Bottom Journey TMI:
  Hilarious, brutally honest details about bodily upkeep, buying (and flipping) enemas, and black market energy in LA's queer community.

  • Enya: "The greatest thing in my bottom journey to ever happen is I ordered some fleet saline enemas off Amazon... I got 18 enemas for the price of one." (17:56)
  • Sophia: “It’s a competitive market. ... 2020 coven market is what gay people have had to deal with with saline enemas for the past thousand years.” (18:47)

Absurd Anecdotes & Food Binge Confessions

Timestamps: 21:14–21:54, 30:01–33:02

• Disordered Eating Stories & Snacks:
  The group trades stories about extreme food habits (bingeing donuts, eating hearts of palm with mustard, “crash out” grocery hauls).

  • Drew: “I got 12 dozen glazed donuts ... I had like, a mild psychedelic experience... I was depressed, like, chemically depressed for the next three days.” (30:11–31:19)
  • Enya: “My biggest crash out eating-wise—7-11 every single night. ... In Japan I just ate Japanese chips and candy all day and then went to a hot pot place ... I had the worst meat sweats.” (31:47–32:41)

• Texture Eating and Food Rituals:

  • Sophia: “I’m literally a texture eater, bro.” (29:43)

Pop & Internet Culture Commentary

Timestamps: 34:18–51:07

• Fish Community & Social Backlash:
  Brief but memorable segment:

  • "If you so much as look at a fish wrong, they will blow you up in the comments..." (34:18–35:36)

• Project Hail Mary & Millennial Movies:
  Hyperventilating discussion about sci-fi movies, with deep dives into actor hotness (Ryan Gosling vs. Reynolds), female characters, and “boy movies.”

  • Enya: “It’s a millennial movie, babe. The goofy humor was, like, far too much.” (49:20–49:53)

• Makeup, Gender, and Media Faces:
  Conversation on how iPhone face evolves with trends, camera technology, and social platforms.

  • Drew: "There's an angle that that work is for." (53:18)

Friendship, Sentimentality & Growth

Timestamps: 40:30–42:50, 68:19–69:59

• Nostalgia for Old YouTube Days:
  Reflections on growing up together, watching old videos, and feeling both proud and weirded out by change.

  • Enya: "It's crazy how different we are. Like, it's really shocking. I mean, we're still the exact same, but we were children." (40:46)

• Support & Validation:
  Compliments exchanged, discussion of how friends notice small things, mood-checks, and the comfort of non-judgmental company.

• Being Grateful for Friendship & Opportunities:

  • Sophia: “I am so blessed. I am blessed by everything that I have found such a solid group of friends and women in general in my life.” (66:41)
  • Enya: “Adam Sandler made me feel like family. I am obsessed with him.” (69:31)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• "We live in a surveillance state. ... The speeding cameras will watch you. They will track you. They will get you.” — Enya (03:30)
• “All I think about is how badly I want a robot vacuum ... but I just don’t need another hot mic ... in my house.” — Sophia (05:04)
• "I’d literally rather enter black mold psychosis... than move out of this home." — Enya (08:07)
• “[Tim Cook] stepped down. Did he do it with a dildo?” — Enya (03:10)
• “The greatest thing in my bottom journey to ever happen is I ordered some fleet saline enemas off Amazon... I got 18 enemas for the price of one.” — Enya (17:56)
• “If you so much as look at a fish wrong, they will blow you up in the comments…” — Enya (34:18)
• "It's definitely both." (iPhone Face being both assigned-by-era but also procedure-driven) — Enya (59:00)
• “Can you guys define iPhone face? ... Like I know sort of what it means... but I also, I've seen that be a good adjective... and also a negative one…” — Drew (54:26)
• “It's about the mustard, really. Like, I could do this all day long for the mustard.” — Enya (29:19)
• “Nostalgia’s hitting, like, I’ve known you for so long.” — Sophia (40:30)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Tim Cook/Apple jokes: 03:02–03:26
• Surveillance & speed cameras: 03:26–05:04
• Black mold panic: 06:16–08:27
• Bottoming, enemas, and gay Amazon woes: 15:09–18:23
• Snack rituals, food stories: 21:14–22:53, 30:01–33:02
• Fish community power: 34:18–35:36
• Defining iPhone face: 54:26–60:27
• Friendship/nostalgia: 40:30–42:09, 68:19–69:59

---

Episode Structure

1. Cold Open & Ad Skips
Jokes, podcast ad parodies, and sponsor bits.

2. Surveillance, Tech, and Culture Tangents
Debates about cameras, surveillance, smart home gadgets, black mold fears.

3. Bodily Function Humor & Queer Living
Bathroom/plumbing woes, bottoming details, Amazon mishaps, and group chat confessions.

4. Food, Disordered Eating, and Nostalgia
Snack obsessions, binge anecdotes, eating trends, and glimpses into YouTube beginnings.

5. Pop Culture, Social Media Critique
Movie and “hotness” evaluations, techface (iPhone face) debates, and gender standards in digital beauty.

6. Wrapping Up with Friendship and Growth
Expressions of appreciation, media recommendations, and anticipation for upcoming projects/live shows.

---

Final Thoughts

"iPhone face" embodies the best of Emergency Intercom: frank, boundary-pushing comedy, genuine vulnerability, and whip-smart pop-culture commentary. The hosts’ scattershot conversation style makes the episode a wild ride—equal parts chaotic, tender, and hilariously unfiltered.
If you missed it, this installment will bring you up to speed on the latest in tech anxiety, bodily confessions, and the ever-evolving lexicon of internet aesthetics.

---

For live show tickets and further updates, check their bio.

Transcript

[Enya]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Sophia]

Guaranteed Human.

[Robert Smigel]

Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy. Not quite on Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier this week. My guests SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an acapella band with their between songs banter.

[Enya]

Where does your group perform?

[Robert Smigel]

We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's good y'?

[Enya]

All?

[Robert Smigel]

You're listening to Learn the Hard Way with your favorite therapist and host kid games. This space is about black men's experiences having honest conversations that it's really not safe to have anywhere. But you're having them with a licensed professional who knows what he's doing. How many men carry a suit of armor? It signals to the world that you not to be played with. And just because you have the capability, that does not mean that you need to listen to Learn the hard way on the AHA Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sophia]

My mother in law spent years sabotaging our relationship until karma made her pay for it.

[Enya]

Alright Sophia, tell me about how we started this story.

[Sophia]

She moved in for two weeks, lasted five days, left a mess and then pressed her ear against their bedroom door and burst in screaming when kicked out to a hotel. She called her son in law's workplace pretending his partner had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance.

[Enya]

She faked a medical emergency and spoiler

[Sophia]

that was just the beginning. To find out how it ends, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the I Heart Rate radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Enya]

Yes you can. A five minute quick and easy calorie burning workout. Give it a try. Come join our sweat sesh on TikTok. He put a hook in my ass. It's like Tana Mojo saying she got fingered with a toothbrush.

[Sophia]

Yeah, it's all I hope we're catching all this. As if y' all are like seeing like a fire heron bird that's rare in Japan or some for the first time

[Enya]

bird knowledge.

[Sophia]

That's not a real bird I don't think. And I know there's a really weird bird in the north of Japan, in northern Japan that a lot of people travel up there to go see and you can only really see it at like 4:30am

[Enya]

Here

[Sophia]

Hey.

[Enya]

Hey, guys. Welcome to this episode. We got Josiah as a guest on the iPhone.

[Sophia]

Hey, it's iPhone, Josiah.

[Enya]

I'm iPhone.

[Sophia]

It's all personality. Nobody.

[Enya]

Oh, speaking of iPhone. Speaking of iPhone, Tim Cook's gay ass stepped down from Apple.

[Sophia]

Did he?

[Enya]

Yeah, he stepped down. Did he do it with a dildo? Say that again. More like Tim cooked. He's cooked.

[Sophia]

Tim is actively cooked right now.

[Enya]

Bye. Gotta let you go. Bye. Oh, got his ass.

[Sophia]

Josie and Drew always try to hang up on each other first. It's really ridiculous.

[Enya]

And then we text each other right after some really mean hateful on purpose. Okay, so there are speeding cameras being put up all over the. We live in a surveillance state. There is a cultural and spiritual war happening on every single human being in this planet, and we need to be aware. Aware of that. The speeding cameras will watch you. They will track you. They will get you. They're not like, oh, you accidentally read or ran a red light at a stoplight. No, they're like, oh, you sped five miles per hour over the limit. The limit. And they're gonna get your ass. And there's 1600 of them go. Or 1200 of them going up in LA.

[Sophia]

Like, it's one of those things that, like, when I was really battling it, who was talking about this? You, me and Colin. Colin is our manager of a long time. And we were all sitting around talking about this.

[Enya]

There's only 125 going up.

[Sophia]

Okay. That was my original number. I said no.

[Enya]

You said 1250 originally.

[Sophia]

No, I. 1250. 1,250.

[Enya]

Yeah. And then we corrected 250. Mm. Mm. Then we corrected ourselves, and then that number's just implanted in my head because it's a lot scarier than 125. But 125 is still crazy.

[Sophia]

I don't want 125 cameras that have the knowledge of who I am and why. Why I'm on that street.

[Drew]

Mm.

[Sophia]

Like, it's just too much. It's so crazy, because all I can think about is genuinely, this is my public apology to one of my exes. I will never forget having a surveillance argument at a dinner, because all we did was argue, and we were debating surveillance culture, and I was so of the nature to be fair. This was pre tick tock. Pre, like, YouTube even being a kind of job that gives way to, like, people in public. Just coming up to you, and we were talking about just, like, surveillance and cookies. And I was like, I don't care. I don't really care if somebody's watching what I partake in because I am one of the delusion. No people who thinks I, like, can't be tracked or, like, inducted into, like, propaganda or sold anything. And now all I think about is how badly I want a robot vacuum because our floors are so dusty. But I just don't need another hot mic fucking surveillance piece of technology in my house. Also, both of the men in the room right now are on their iPhones and it's scaring me.

[Enya]

I'm doing manly things. I'm getting the plumber figured out.

[Sophia]

Oh, my God, the plumber is trying to fix my bunk ass tub. I have such a strong arm. I broke my latch that lets water go down the drain. And also, we have black mold.

[Enya]

We have black mold. It's actually a serious problem. And I was doing the thing you don't do where you look up something on Google and find out that you're dying. And I did that. And it's actually, like, a very serious issue to have just a single spot of black mold in your house, because it's most likely everywhere in your house at that point. It's in the drywall. And then I was talking to my mom, and my uncle found black mold in his house. And then he had a mold specialist come out and they tested every single piece of drywall in the house. And every single wall in the house had black mold in it. Not visible, but had black mold in it. So he had to take down every single piece of drywall. Thankfully, I think our walls are made of concret. That's not a word.

[Sophia]

Yeah, I was gonna say. That's why I feel like I'm not that tweaked out about it, because this is one of the older houses that's. Seriously. I mean, I. I notoriously don't hang art and stuff in my house. I usually leave it on the floor. But for the first time in my life, I would love to be an adult that has it up on the wall. And that would take somebody coming in here with a drill and then there being like 18 layers of dust all over everything I own. So I think we're good also. I don't know, don't all houses have black molds? Like, I'm pretty sure most homes, especially coastal homes in America, have some sort of black mold issue. It's just, like, on different extremities or not extremities. That's like, external parts, like, to different extremes. Like, I don't think we're in a case where it's like, oh, My God, we need to evacuate the presence. But also I don't take anything serious, so one might.

[Enya]

I'm not evacuating this house. I'd literally rather enter black mold psychosis. Like, you know, like the creatures. Yeah, which. It makes you crazy. I'd rather become one of those creatures from last of us than move out of this home. I will never move again in my life. Like the one with like the vagina

[Sophia]

face that like Kai literally is smiling ear to ear at the thought of you being one of those monsters. By the way, especially post description he's like, oh my God, you're about to be his dream boy.

[Drew]

I'm gonna give their code clickers, by the way, clickers.

[Enya]

I'm gonna give Kai my maga.

[Sophia]

What not. You silenced him.

[Enya]

I type shit.

[Sophia]

Did he silence you or were you silent?

[Enya]

He gagged me with my MAGA cock.

[Drew]

He gagged me. You know what else gagged me?

[Sophia]

What?

[Drew]

The World Trade center getting hit or sorry, Bar getting hit by a truck.

[Enya]

Kai, why are you bringing this up? This was for me to bring up. You're not supposed to be bringing this shit up, motherfucker. This is.

[Sophia]

Well, no one's talking about the fact that that was me because I was like planning on maybe meeting y' all after hanging out with a few friends for drinks, but I didn't drive because I don't drink and drive.

[Enya]

So. You stole a car. She stole a fucking government issued truck. Water truck. And crash it in the car. But.

[Sophia]

And I got there, but you guys were nowhere to be seen. Huh.

[Enya]

The good thing is that the walls are, are made of like the.

[Sophia]

It's the stone wall.

[Enya]

No, it's the real stone. It's like the Soviet wall. Whatever. What's the Soviet wall?

[Sophia]

It's the wall of China.

[Enya]

That was the Soviet wall that fell

[Sophia]

of people in your vicinity. You're going to look at me for

[Enya]

that information because I trust your intellect. I'm sorry.

[Sophia]

Well, he has weird academic knowledge on that end. He has like the kind of academic knowledge that Berlin Wall like just naturally subconsciously store it away and it's like a. It's like a government psyop. No, it's so you can try to use it for manipulation. So you could be a manipulator because you're a white guy.

[Enya]

From women. No, I think that just reflected very, very poorly on all three of us that we didn't know that off the top of our head. Actually, I think that's like common knowledge.

[Sophia]

Well, I went.

[Enya]

I did know that you Googled it, baby.

[Drew]

Well, I said it and then I

[Enya]

confirmed you said the Soviet wall.

[Drew]

No, I didn't. I said the Berlin Wall.

[Enya]

I said the Berlin Wall.

[Drew]

Okay, 1, 2, 3, flashback 2 when I said it.

[Enya]

What's the Soviet wall that fell?

[Sophia]

2 people in your vicinity.

[Drew]

And now cut back to Drew looking like a dumbass.

[Enya]

Okay, I said it, but yeah, Kai,

[Sophia]

let him call you a dumbass on our podcast.

[Enya]

Kai needs my MAGA cog so he can be silenced again.

[Sophia]

Oh, my God, Drew, I feel like I haven't seen you in, like, eons. You look so good, by the way.

[Enya]

Like, you're.

[Sophia]

You're getting hotter and hotter by the day. It's.

[Enya]

It.

[Sophia]

Like you've been getting hotter the past, like, year and a half specifically, but the past few weeks, it's been.

[Enya]

Thank you.

[Sophia]

Yeah, it's been accelerating.

[Enya]

Wait till I lose £75. I'm going to be so hot.

[Sophia]

Why would you.

[Drew]

I was about to say if you. If you lost £75, you would look perfect.

[Enya]

I would look perfect, period. I'd. Wait.

[Sophia]

I'm not kidding, guy. Dress off the face. You just made you deserve Kai camp.

[Enya]

Like, just based on maybe next time episode. Yeah, maybe. I mean, the camera's in the mail.

[Drew]

Finally sucked my way to getting a Kai cam,

[Enya]

but thank you. I went to, like, a gay charity party on Sunday that I wanted you and Orion to come to.

[Sophia]

I know, but it was low key. Early as shit.

[Enya]

Well, it was. We went. We went at six.

[Sophia]

Party starts at six, seven, and then

[Enya]

we left at, like. Or we left at 10. Whoa. It's happening. And, yeah, you're becoming me and Kai. Oh, my God. Welcome to the light side, period.

[Sophia]

Oh, ew. Don't nod your head like that to that, like.

[Enya]

But it was for, like, this, like, charity party or I went to this charity party and the amount of compliments I got there was.

[Sophia]

There's something so beautiful about you turning this charity party into this story about going to a charity event into your friends letting you down, but then getting the most compliments you ever got.

[Enya]

No, it was literally so incredible. Like, the jersey I was wearing got a lot of compliments. Like, people were complimenting my glasses. They were like, oh, my God, like, these are so cute. You wear them so well. I was like, thank you. I think they all want my cookie, but it's okay.

[Sophia]

It's on quarantine.

[Enya]

Yeah, the cookie's on quarantine right now.

[Sophia]

I think they all want my cookie.

[Enya]

The cookie has hepsy right now. Oh, I saw this Video on Instagram of this guy in Seattle picking up a used hypodermic needle and flicking it at his homie and it stuck into his neck. No, I think. I think they put, like, glue dots on the end of it, and it didn't actually have the needle in it. But that concept is really interesting to me.

[Sophia]

Expand.

[Enya]

I. I just think, like, it speaks a lot.

[Drew]

Did you see. You saw Weapons, right?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

That is probably one of the most visceral scenes I've seen in a movie in a long time where he stabs the guy with the used fence needle in the face.

[Enya]

And before that, it was.

[Drew]

Spoiler. Sorry.

[Enya]

And before that, it was the Saw movie when she fell into the pit of hypodermic needles, which, like, her. The bad thing that she did was, like, use heroin.

[Sophia]

And I'm like, I can't lie. Your Kai cam can't just be your face. It's going to have to be from, like, my point of view because. Or, like, up. I'll wear meta glasses and I. I will be the one sending over the clips. Don't worry. I will be getting the best clips of you. Right now. There'd be kind of like a love island sort of zoom in into Kai

[Enya]

can of your love Freudian slip.

[Sophia]

Listen to me. I was talking about an editing style.

[Enya]

Okay?

[Sophia]

Kai's hands right now are literally like this.

[Enya]

Oh, that's really cute.

[Sophia]

Are you cold?

[Drew]

I'm a little cold. And look, I popped on my. Oh, my slippers that I manifested.

[Enya]

You manifested?

[Sophia]

You didn't manifest those slippers. You begged for them. You literally begged.

[Enya]

Pins for three months.

[Sophia]

Hints. He. He demanded.

[Enya]

Actually, no, he literally did say I slippers for the house.

[Drew]

I did. And they're so comfy. I love them.

[Enya]

Well, guys, something really incredible happened in my bottom journey, and I really want to just talk about this. So I know Amazon is bad, but saline enemas are sold out everywhere. And I have an enema that or a douche that's attached to my shower head. But, like, sometimes it just doesn't get the job done. It just doesn't get. It doesn't do its thing. So I had to order saline enemas. Fleet, if you want to sponsor me, shout out.

[Sophia]

That would actually be amazing because I will say I like. Wow.

[Enya]

Yeah, the amount I go through is really crazy, but I'm having a lot

[Sophia]

of with of you next to a fleet is also like, kind of.

[Enya]

Although it's crazy. I updated my MacBook finally because I have update trauma with Apple devices because I updated and lost everything on my imac. Y' all have heard the story because

[Sophia]

they make it impossible. They don't want you to keep. They don't want you to keep what you have. They want you to just put it in a drawer and go buy a new one.

[Enya]

They want us to forget. They want us to forget who we are. They want us to forget who we are. But I order. Oh, wait. But my background. I added, like, a photo widget on my background to, like, flip through my photos. And the one that they chose is a picture of me with an enema. And that's the only photo that shows. So it's literally on my desktop 24. 7. In black and white.

[Sophia]

In black and white.

[Enya]

In black and white.

[Sophia]

Or it's like, oh, no, it's a photo of your grandpa. Of your great grandpa.

[Enya]

There's her story. There's his story there.

[Sophia]

Well, my iPad. The photo that's constantly on that, like, that little photo rotation for me is this old ass face. That photo I have of Josh, where it was, like, me, him and Josie just, like, drunk as shit on the couch late at night watching videos. And Josh was to my right, and I kept just turning and taking pictures of him.

[Enya]

You need to send that one.

[Sophia]

I will.

[Enya]

I'll send mine to Kai.

[Drew]

My phone always. It'll do, you know, on this day.

[Sophia]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And it'll always bring up, like, a VOR photo.

[Enya]

Your vor photos are chunk photos.

[Drew]

Yeah, my chunk from our chunk era. Yeah. Me and Drew are in this very gnarly group chat where we send videos of people's bellies inflating. It's like animation.

[Enya]

It's like feeder animations. I mean, but it's real ones, too. It'll be like them laying on their bed with, like, a giant rotund, hairy belly, feet up.

[Drew]

So you can see, by the way, that it's shiny like a balloon.

[Enya]

Yeah. And there's no stretch marks, which is really impressive.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

But he'll be, like, playing like Call of Duty or something.

[Sophia]

Like, when I hear that, that just sounds like it hurts.

[Enya]

It does.

[Sophia]

It does.

[Enya]

But let me finish my enema story. The greatest thing in my bottom journey to ever happen is I ordered some fleet saline enemas off of Amazon, and I just ordered six of them. Bitch, I got 18 enemas for the price of one. They sent me two on accident. Two boxes or three boxes?

[Sophia]

Well. Cause with your order history, they're like, God knows that was an accident.

[Enya]

God knows.

[Sophia]

God knows that six.

[Enya]

And I'm even thinking about putting the Subscription on and saving $2 a month. Like, I'd be stupid not to.

[Sophia]

I mean, to be fair. Could you go into Costco and get that?

[Enya]

No, I looked.

[Sophia]

Yeah, that's my thing is like, there are certain products where, like, because of where we're at societally, you just can't access in the real world. And even then, like, here you go.

[Enya]

There's too many gay people. There's too many gay people in LA trying to buy up all the saline enemas. It's a compell competitive market. If you need, I got the toilet for double the price.

[Sophia]

It's like 2020. Coven market is what gay people have had to deal with with saline enemas for the past thousand years.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's really. It's really horrible. But I will be flipping my extra enemas. I'm gonna sell them for double the price. And I'll sell eyebrows literally like shot up.

[Drew]

No, they didn't.

[Sophia]

You're gonna need Botox because like, you cannot hide your excitement.

[Enya]

Things like that. Oh, it's just the way in your notice things about you.

[Sophia]

The things.

[Enya]

It's the things that in your notices.

[Sophia]

For me, it's the little things. I just. I'm observant of my friends.

[Enya]

What do you see in me right now?

[Sophia]

I see like. Okay, you're careful though. No, no, no, no. I'm going to like, what? I don't see anything bad right now.

[Enya]

Okay, good. Okay, good.

[Sophia]

I think on a scale of 1 to 10, you're lying at like by the. When you got to the house, I think maybe you were at like weirdly like a 5, 6 just on some like tired and then like the plumbers are here. So I think that kind of was like keeping you at bay there. But you were pushing through because you were like a little joyful. So I'm gonna bump you up to like a 6.5. And so far I think you've been able to raise up to like a 7.5 for your day so far.

[Enya]

That is so accurate. Like, I literally. I literally am in such a good mood today. I'm in a good mood. I walked into the house in a good mood and then I saw that you were cleaning. So I was like, I'm gonna let her do her thing. And I was gonna let go Kiki with you for a second, but I was like, I don't know where she is at on the mood scale. I think you're at like a three or a four.

[Sophia]

No, I'm like actually just really tired because I did get so. I mean, yesterday was my holiday. It was 4:20. So I feel.

[Enya]

Oh my God, it was 4:20 yesterday.

[Sophia]

I feel so, so like fried. Which is actually.

[Enya]

I drink a glass of water for 420. I don't fuck with that weed.

[Sophia]

Wait, was only a glass of water the whole day? Like, was that your celebration drink? You do not usually drink.

[Enya]

Yeah, because weed is like really bad for you. So I drink water, but I'm more

[Sophia]

concerned about like why water was your substitute. But you drink water. You drank water other than that one glass?

[Enya]

No.

[Sophia]

And on a day to day basis,

[Enya]

like water, I drink Coca cola.

[Sophia]

Oh, water was your celebration drink.

[Enya]

It was your, like, it was rewarding myself.

[Drew]

I went to McDonald's and ordered almonds, period.

[Enya]

Yeah, when I order apple slices from McDonald's, that's it.

[Drew]

Yeah,

[Sophia]

almonds.

[Drew]

No, they don't.

[Enya]

They.

[Drew]

It's really crazy.

[Enya]

Get them for Kai.

[Drew]

Hi, can I have almonds and water?

[Enya]

I need six almonds and a cup of water.

[Sophia]

Hi, can I have six almonds, a cup of water, a boiled egg.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

No salt, some black pepper.

[Drew]

And then my hand like shaking, reaching out of my car, grabbing the bag.

[Enya]

Wait, is egg whites Ed?

[Drew]

Yeah, egg whites.

[Enya]

Can I get a fluffy cloud egg? So it's half egg white, half water whisked together.

[Drew]

Oh, we said apple circle slices. Apples, just high volume, low calories.

[Enya]

And then you crash out and eat a tub of peanut butter. Wait, India,

[Sophia]

dude, I'm so sorry. Like, I know it's a mental disease. I know that. I know that I have it. I know that I don't have it like that. Like, but that. Because that to me is like. It's just too funny. Like, what indignation are you doing? Eating like that is literally like, why are you eating?

[Enya]

Like, girl, you had an era. You had an era where you were trying so hard to eat like that and it just didn't click. Like it literally like you were eating palm of hearts and mustard. And that was.

[Sophia]

No, but that. No but that. I literally like the taste of that. That's literally like hyper fixation.

[Enya]

That is your food.

[Sophia]

I'm not kidding. Like, if you put that in front of me right now, I am high right now. I would eat the out of.

[Enya]

I think, like, I want to try it. I want to try it. Here they are.

[Sophia]

Wait, wait, I need water though, because like I'm gonna keep drinking my coffee after this and then have like the worst.

[Drew]

This is what? Like this is like a sci. My spaceship meal.

[Sophia]

Oh my God. I'm not kidding. My mouth. Like, this just cured my cotton mouth. Like, it's time my mouth is.

[Enya]

I've never had this, so let's try it together.

[Sophia]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm gonna get a soda. I want, like, a soda and a water. I like. This is my snack.

[Drew]

What is that?

[Enya]

It's heart of palm. I don't know what the it is. Like, I've always imagined it's like the inside of a palm tree, but I don't think that's right. It smells really vile and that.

[Drew]

It is. Yeah, it's the. It's the growing butt of a specific palm tree.

[Enya]

But it's the growing butt of a palm tree. I didn't say that, but yeah. I remember seeing Enya eat this every day for, like, three months with, like, the giant tub of cottage cheese. And I mean it that it's a lot coming from me. I was really scared of this.

[Sophia]

And yeah, like, also, you just tried to call me Anna off some girl dinner. No, this is because that one teacher would bust.

[Enya]

I was. I wasn't calling you Anna. I was saying you tried to be Anna and it didn't work.

[Sophia]

No, that would never. I mean, like, yeah, of course. What woman in the. Oh. Oh, yeah. You get mustard all over the place.

[Enya]

Look, I have mustard all over my jeans because in Project Hail Mary yesterday, I was dipping my popcorn in mustard and then wiping my in covered in mustard on my freshly washed jeans. Wait, no, no, no. I want to try it with you.

[Sophia]

I'm just. I just hide it. Like, naked.

[Enya]

Your reaction? I just had a naked. All right, let's do it.

[Sophia]

Oh, my God, I'm so glad. Finding out I had OCD alone was genuinely so relieving. It felt like it gave an answer to a question I had always been asking, which is, why do I have so many questions? Why are the questions never ending? And why do all the questions end with me being horrible and I'm going to burn for eternity for all of the bad things I do all day, even though I don't do anything bad.

[Enya]

And don't forget about that skin scrubbing.

[Sophia]

Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that was bad. Real OCD is a serious condition where unwanted, distressing thoughts called intrusive thoughts get stuck on repeat in your head and you feel complied to engage in certain behaviors called compulsions to try to make them stop. No CD is a perfect place to start. It really can help you manage all of your OCD symptoms and get on a track where you can live with things and you don't always have to be answering to that question in your head.

[Enya]

Guys. OCD is one of the most treatable mental health conditions out there. If you get the right specialized kind of therapy. OCD needs ERP therapy or exposure and response prevention. It's proven to be the most effective treatment. Regular talk therapy isn't recommended for OCD and can actually make it worse. That's where no CD comes in. They're the world's leading OCD treatment provider and all of their licensed therapists specialize in ERP therapy.

[Sophia]

Therapy with no CD is 100% virtual, covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans and includes support between sessions so you never have to face OCD alone. To learn more about OCD therapy with no CD, go to nocd.com and book a free call with their team.

[Enya]

That's nocd.com another podcast from some SNL

[Robert Smigel]

late night comedy guy not quite on Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Jim Gaffigan to Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier this week. My guest, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an acapella band with their between songs Ban banter. Who's the worst singer in the group? The worst? Yeah.

[Drew]

Me.

[Robert Smigel]

Is there anything to the idea that because you're from Harvard you only got in because your parents made a huge donation?

[Enya]

The Yard Birds, right? That's the name.

[Robert Smigel]

The Harvard Yard. But they're open if you have a name suggestion.

[Enya]

We're open.

[Robert Smigel]

Since you guys are middle aged. One erection. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Enya]

Humor me.

[Sophia]

I need some jokes to make me seem funny.

[Enya]

American soccer is about to explode. The World cup is coming. Ramos sending on Ernie Stewart the chip score.

[Sophia]

You are.

[Enya]

I'm Tab Ramos. I'm Tom Bogart. On our podcast Inside American Soccer, you'll get the real storylines.

[Sophia]

I'm not worried about Pulisic. I'm not worried about Baligan. I'm not worried about McKinney. My only concern is what happens in the back.

[Enya]

The biggest decisions.

[Sophia]

You're going to look at stats and numbers. He has no shot at making this World cup team.

[Enya]

And the truth about the U.S. national team.

[Sophia]

It wouldn't be a huge surprise if our team ends up in the quarterfinals

[Enya]

or potentially a great run into the semifinals. The World cup is almost here. Experience it all with USA usa. Listen to Inside American Soccer with Tom Boger and Tab ramos on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sophia]

Will Ferrell's Big Money players and iHeart podcast presents soccer Moms. So I'm Leigh Ann.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

This is my best friend, Janet. Hey. And we have been joined at the hips and soccer. Absolutely. Now, a redacted amount of years later, we're still joined at the hip, just a little bit bigger. Hips wider. This is a podcast. We're recording it as we tailgate our youth soccer games in the back of my Honda Odyssey with all the snacks and drinks. Sidebar. Why did you get hard seltzer instead of beer? Oh, they had a bogo.

[Enya]

Well, then you got it.

[Sophia]

Do you want a white collar? Something here just hit.

[Enya]

What are y' all doing?

[Sophia]

Microphones.

[Drew]

Are you making a rap album?

[Enya]

No, I wouldn't.

[Drew]

Come on.

[Enya]

I would buy.

[Robert Smigel]

It cuts through the defense like a hot knife through sponge cake.

[Sophia]

That sounds delicious. Oh, you're lucky I'm not a drug addict. You're lucky I'm not an alcoholic. You're lucky I'm not a killer.

[Enya]

I love this team, and I'm really trying to be a figure in their lives that they can rely on.

[Sophia]

Oh, listen to soccer moms on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, Cheers.

[Enya]

Coming out. The end. What the is that? It's an alien, bro. Oh, my God. It's juicing on me. It's literally nothing. Flavor. Yeah, I love. It's about the mustard, really. Like, I. I could do this all day long for the mustard.

[Sophia]

Like, palm of heart. I've said on the podcast before, I'm literally a texture eater, bro.

[Enya]

Like, I mean, yeah, we know. You really are an eater. You really eat for the texture period, period. No, that's good. I like that.

[Drew]

Wait, have I told you guys my worst binge story? Have I told you about this? That the donuts?

[Sophia]

No, I think you told me about this.

[Drew]

Okay. Yeah, I was. I was in a bad period of eating very little each day. You could call it disordered eating. And I drove by. I think I was on day seven of eating, like, not enough.

[Enya]

Six or seven.

[Drew]

Exactly. And I drove by this donut shop, this random ass donut shop in the Valley. I drove by it, and then I was driving for five minutes, and then I just turned and I went back. I went to the donut place, and I got 12 dozen glazed donuts, and then I ate four of them on the way home. And then I ate the other 8, 9, 10, 11, 8 donuts, all within maybe, like, 10 minutes of being home. I then, like, got this rash all over my body, and then I felt. I fell onto my bed. And I kid you not, I had, like, a mild psychedelic experience. I fell.

[Enya]

From all the glaze in your system.

[Drew]

I fell asleep. I woke up covered in sweat literally four hours later. And I was depressed, like, chemically depressed for the next, like, three days.

[Enya]

And then I wasn't worth it. Was the crash out worth it? I think yes. Deep breath.

[Sophia]

Kind of felt like a yes. Like, you literally. I saw you go back to that place, by the way.

[Drew]

There's a level of, like, you. You. You're at, like, calorie number 5,000 of this. Of the meal, and it's like, this is worth it.

[Enya]

Yeah, like, this is worth it. It's worth it.

[Drew]

I'm probably not gonna do this again for another 12 months.

[Sophia]

Ever done a 5,000 calorie challenge?

[Enya]

Wait, what? They were. What is the channel where they would wrap everything in bacon? Do you know what I'm talking about? Epic meal time. Epic meal time. Girl, I do epic meal time every time I eat. Like, Boy. Boy. Yeah, boy. My biggest crash out. Oh, my biggest crash out. Eating wise. 7 11. Every single night. I order, like, six bags of candy, like, three bags of chips. Like, it's up. And I like, actually, realistically, on. My biggest crash out was in Japan. I just ate, like, Japanese chips and candy all day and then went to, like, a hot pot place and then, like, ate the most meat I've ever eaten in my entire life. And I had, like, the worst meat sweats I've ever had. And I didn't know what meat sweats were until that moment. And I literally was, like, bedridden for, like, 14 hours because I ate too much meat. And I was. It was. I was dripping in sweat on the walk home. It hit me immediately. Like, the meat had me sweating, bro.

[Drew]

The meat is 3D.

[Enya]

The meat is 3D. Puffy peach style. Guys, my sister's having another baby.

[Drew]

Really?

[Enya]

It's really exciting.

[Drew]

Do we know which. Which one of the many genders it is? No, Close one.

[Enya]

You ate that? No, we don't know the gender yet.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Enya]

But my sister is having another baby, and I'm so freaking excited. I can't wait to hang out with that child, and I can't wait to see Luna be a big sister. I think it's going to be really sweet and cute. But back to me bottoming and using fleet salient Enemas, y'.

[Drew]

All.

[Enya]

Cherry, Coca cola in a mini can. What?

[Drew]

I love that.

[Enya]

I thought you're gonna say I love you.

[Drew]

I. Well, I actually did have a love surge just now when you said that. I'm not joking.

[Enya]

Thank you.

[Drew]

It was almost uncontrollable.

[Sophia]

Almost.

[Drew]

It was almost uncontrollable.

[Enya]

Well, I realized the online community with the biggest shooters isn't BTS or like Beyonce, like, Beehive. It's the fish community. If you so much as look at a fish wrong, they will blow you up in the comments. Like, this girl saw, like, a pair of heels. It was a generated AI photo. And she was like, humans can do better than AI. And it was a pair of, like, really tall, clear heels with aquariums in the, like, platforms. And she was like, I'm gonna do this. And so the. She made, like, the first part of the video of her going to the pet supply store and buying, like, the fish gravel, like, the fish plants and all this stuff. She didn't buy a fish yet. And she uploaded that video. She uploaded that video and she was talking about using real fish. And it had like, like, I think the video probably had like 2000 likes. It had like 80,000 comments of people being like, are you for real going to use real fish? Which valid. Don't put fucking fish inside heels, bro. But she hadn't even used or put fish in there yet, and they were already on her ass, like, in a crazy way. So don't fuck with the fish.

[Sophia]

I know. I mean, why are like, okay, first of all, whoa, don't with fish, period.

[Enya]

Don't with cats.

[Sophia]

I'm loving that because I agree. I love fish. But, like, going out of your way to buy a fish to put in a shoe for a video and then just being like, like, what are you gonna do?

[Enya]

It's psychotic. Yeah, it's literally. It is. It is psychotic.

[Sophia]

Well, I watched. What's the what? Arachnophobia.

[Enya]

Is that the big spider movie?

[Sophia]

No. Is that like the fear of spiders?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Sophia]

Yeah. I watch like an eight minute video that was. I didn't watch it in double speed or anything. Talking about how, like, serious arachnophobia is. And it had, like, so many interactions. And first of all, I did learn something. You. There are certain spiders you should leave inside.

[Enya]

Yeah. Because they come inside and because they're cold or they're born inside. And then you put them out in the real world and they get fucking murdered and die immediately.

[Sophia]

But then there's a lot that, like, have to go back Outside because they won't be able to find like food in.

[Enya]

That also made me sad. I love spiders.

[Sophia]

Yeah. So there are like you. There's like wants to know the difference. But I watched this lady literally go on a huge dissertation about how we should basically all like okay, the video was incredibly valid and like I learned so much. But then at the end I just started laughing because I was like dude, humans like we have just like so much to worry about. Like seriously there is like like so much to worry about.

[Enya]

I know. Also we're like not designed to live on this planet. Like I'm starting to think that we weren't from Earth because like why do been there? I mean me and her both when I was 16 and addicted to hallucinogenic drugs.

[Drew]

That makes sense. The alien hypothesis. Cuz.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Because our only comfortable in like 70 to 74 degree.

[Enya]

Also why the does my. My skin burn the second I walk outside?

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Enya]

Like it boils your skin.

[Drew]

Exactly. Also yeah there's. I. Yes, I agree. Also did you know that all the water on earth came from space?

[Enya]

I didn't know that.

[Drew]

Yeah. Came from space.

[Sophia]

We can't get no more.

[Enya]

No, that's the crazy thing. But it stays in. It stays in. Earth stays so. But, but listen to this. Listen to this guys.

[Sophia]

What if we put it in a

[Enya]

bottle of water away the water inside the plastic bottles in there for a very long time. So it's not going to be recycled in the water. What is it? Water cycle system.

[Sophia]

Yeah, Throwing water bottles away with water in it is so like just pour the water out. That's a really weird like thing like that for some reason stresses me out.

[Drew]

That freaks me out too.

[Sophia]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Not just imagining like throwing a smart water full smart water into like a public trash can. Or even a half full or even half. Yeah, just something where when it hits that fucking can, it's like a loud

[Sophia]

like the sound of it. I feel like the only thing I have a hard time tossing.

[Enya]

Well, I don't drink out of plastic bottles. I don't buy one, use plastic. I use a hydro flask.

[Drew]

What are the fleets made out of?

[Enya]

Silicone. Okay, so they're made of glass. Baby squeezable glass.

[Drew]

The same thing that computers are made out of.

[Enya]

Yeah, I'm injecting computer in my ass.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

If you throw pre lube tips too. By the way, I got lube on the tip. I remember the first time I used one. It was the scariest moment of my life. And now I literally am just like. And it's, like, so easy. It's so chill. Even with the metal shower head, I'm like, it just goes right in. I love my mom. Hi, Mom. Happens.

[Sophia]

Well, I mean, that's how I felt about, like, a diva cup or, like, a tampon. Like, dude, when I first used the Diva cup, I mean, I've told that story.

[Enya]

Like, I, I. I cannot believe that y'.

[Sophia]

All.

[Enya]

Like, the cotton is. Do you feel the cotton?

[Sophia]

It's not even the cotton. It's like, it's this, like. I mean, it's. It's a mix of things. Like, the whole system, like, the whole setup just sucks dick and balls. Like.

[Enya]

And who designed it? I'm pretty sure who designed him.

[Sophia]

Yeah. No, I'm not kidding. I think men.

[Enya]

What gender design tampons? I hate. I hate Siri. I hate this stupid. Just Google it. What gender design tampons?

[Sophia]

Why don't you just type it?

[Enya]

Because I'm too lazy. A man. A man in 1931. That's crazy. Was a Diva cup. Was a diva cup designer by a woman?

[Sophia]

Yes.

[Enya]

Okay.

[Sophia]

Period.

[Enya]

That makes sense, right?

[Sophia]

Yeah. That's like.

[Enya]

Oh, so that wasn't me fact checking you. I was just. Just.

[Sophia]

You used AI in this moment.

[Enya]

No, look. Maybe I use Google Keto. Look, Keto. It's keto. I use Google sugar. Hello.

[Sophia]

I love you so much. I love you so much. Oh, my gosh.

[Enya]

I've known you for so long.

[Sophia]

I know you with your glasses on. Is. Has been, like, freaking me out, by the way, because, like, in this moment, I just. My body and everything felt like when we were in that Airbnb and I was, like, high as and we were

[Enya]

playing with the stabbing pizza box with Blake. What's crazy? I literally just re. Watched some of my old YouTube videos yesterday morning. Oh, my God. Like, it's crazy how different we are. Like, it's really shocking. I mean, we're still the exact same, but we were children. And, like, it was honestly really hard for me to watch because I was like, oh, my God. I've known these people for so long. I've watched them grow and become themselves. Like. Like, it's so bizarre. But I did have my mustache shaved in one of the videos I watched, and I had glasses, and I was like, oh, my God, like, the grandma is the baby. Like, I'm going back to that. I want to shave my mustache is basically what I'm saying.

[Sophia]

I know he's been talking about it literally every other day. You come up to my room and

[Enya]

should I Shave my mustache.

[Sophia]

Shows me some sort of odd photoshopped video of him or picture of him with no mustache.

[Enya]

You know? You know, I. How I. I gave y' all permission to pour mustard on me when I'm sleep sleeping. Insert the mustard video.

[Sophia]

Oh,

[Enya]

I really, I really give y', all, like, full permission to do that to me.

[Sophia]

Like, you're not a heavy enough sleeper, but no, you get you a lorazepam.

[Drew]

You.

[Enya]

I mean, yeah, I drug me for all I care. Like, I really just want that content, but it can't be in my white sheets. That's it. Actually, no. It could be because you bled all over them.

[Sophia]

Yeah. And I haven't replaced it.

[Enya]

I have to get new ones. So you could even do it in my really nice bed. I also give you permission to cut my mustache in my sleep. Shave it off, and I wake up with no mustache. I would be kind of happy. I'd be, like, freeing. Like, be like, oh, thank God, like, that happened. Like, now I'm free.

[Drew]

Why don't you just shave it off?

[Sophia]

Off.

[Enya]

Cuz I think I'd look ugly.

[Sophia]

And have you ever grown in a mustache?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Kai had a beard and he was hot when he had a beard. Do it again.

[Drew]

No, no, I don't. I don't feel good when I have it. I feel ugly. Really?

[Enya]

Thank you.

[Sophia]

I feel like everyone looks good with a mustache. Like, most people look just like, good with a mustache.

[Drew]

I think it takes a certain level of bone structure to pull off a mustache that Drew has.

[Sophia]

Well, that's because you've been on your phone a bit more than you should have in your upbringing and in general, and you've leaned into male beauty standards. And you have like, a really sick and twisted idea of what a man should look like because it's based in male centered gays and like, not actually in, like, what. What you care about, which is, like, I guess the way women perceive you.

[Drew]

Okay, well, that's your opinion. My opinion is that it takes a certain level of bone structure to pull off a mustache. And Drew has it cause he's a dime piece. But what I'm saying is, like, if you shave it, it only takes like a not that long to regrow it. Right.

[Enya]

See, that's the problem is I'd have a disgusting mustache for like three months, maybe four. It takes about like five months for it to get, like, dense and full like this.

[Drew]

Oh, I see.

[Enya]

But have you ever noticed I have a little heart shirt?

[Sophia]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Isn't that cute?

[Sophia]

Your philtrum.

[Enya]

My philtrum?

[Sophia]

Oh, I'm gonna take this moment to shout out, Jenny, Hey. No, it's. Oh, my gosh. Actually, I literally bought yesterday and I. Yeah, I did buy the Jenny from Blackpink bikini yesterday at Frankie's Bikini. And the. The girl checking me out was, like, really nice, but I pro. I was so high because it was 420 and I was buying that bik because we ended up at the beach and it was like, whatever. And when I was checking out, I was like, hey, who wanna work with Jenny? Hey. Like, I kept, like, saying that to her, and I don't know if she knew or I think she's saying it once back to me, but I felt bad because, like, it felt so good to say it. So I kept repeating it to her and I. I wouldn't dare if I scared her, but I met this girl who is a fan of the podcast from Nevada, and it was her birthday.

[Enya]

Her birthday's on 4 20, but Ginny turned 27 yesterday.

[Sophia]

Oh, I've been brainstorming.

[Enya]

You've been green needling. What does that mean?

[Sophia]

Stoners have, like, a holiday, but alcoholics don't have a holiday. I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't hear you.

[Enya]

That was quick. I said you've been green needling. What does that mean? Brainstorm. Green needle.

[Sophia]

Brainstorm you to that joke being like, wait, that was good. We need to run this back.

[Drew]

Rewind.

[Sophia]

I reminded you with, like, your hat to the side again. Like, can you. Yeah. Can you wear it like that? You actually look kind of cute. Like, I'm fucking with this vibe. You're looking like in 2010, this would have been passing it straight.

[Enya]

Kai called me Berghain trade. Nerdy Berghain trade the other day.

[Sophia]

Yeah, I see that. Y'. All. Y' all are both kind of like nerdy Berghain. Train. I said notice. I said train because you get trains ran on you.

[Drew]

Damn it. So close.

[Enya]

But, but, but, but before we move on from Ginny. Ginny. Was that thunder?

[Drew]

I think it's trash Can.

[Enya]

Oh, Trash Can. See, that's a horrible thing.

[Sophia]

But that's a horrible thing.

[Enya]

Jenny from Blackpink is the song like, like. Jenny, shut up and get in the car. How does it go?

[Sophia]

Jenny, just get in the car.

[Enya]

Who's on that song?

[Sophia]

I think it's Tamon, Paula and Paula Black Pink Jenny.

[Enya]

That song cracks me up. I'm still Jenny from the block.

[Sophia]

Well, now you're mixing up Jennifer Lopez. I mean, honestly, to me, like. Like, lives in the same vein, like something About a Jennifer is going to live. In a certain vein, I think Jennifer Lawrence might be the only one who has escaped the Jennifer curse. Cuz I can't really think of any. Jennifer Aniston also broke free from the.

[Enya]

No.

[Sophia]

Jennifer Aniston might. Is that the one who was in that friend show?

[Enya]

I never watch Friends.

[Drew]

Jennifer Aniston.

[Enya]

Kai, that was your time.

[Drew]

It wasn't my time, but yes, Jennifer Aniston was in.

[Sophia]

Okay, see? Lowkey boom. Jennifer curse. I can't describe it. And Jennifer curse is not bad, but Jennifer curse is like. That's Jennifer. That's Jenny, you know, but not the Jenny I met.

[Enya]

They're changing Karen to Jessica because the every Jessica I've ever met has been op behavior.

[Sophia]

Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. I can't think of single Jessica. I feel like I.

[Enya]

You're good at honing in your circle, babe. Keep that circle Jessica free. And if you're Jessica listening to this, you don't count.

[Sophia]

You. You. The curse has been lifted from any Jennifers or Jessica's listening or Karen. I've been on a cursing spree, by the way. I've been cursing a lot of people. Oh, just like, wait, I want to see who's the last person I cursed

[Enya]

on my phone while you find the

[Sophia]

last course I did was a good curse.

[Enya]

Well, you find that. We didn't really get to talk about this last week, but the Donald Trump AI Jesus photo. Really? It went triple platinum on my iPhone. I thought that was really funny. Well, the. You know in Project Hail Mary when he creates that tunnel connecting their two ships. Kai, that's my butthole. With what just inside? Like, when they're walking through.

[Drew]

Oh, the like irradiant gold.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Ryan Fractalized.

[Enya]

Is it Ryan Reynolds?

[Drew]

Ryan Gosling.

[Enya]

Ryan Gosling walking inside my butthole canal like I shrunk him down to be 2 inches. Like Snoop Dogg inside Ricky Dillon's butthole. Ryan Gosling's 2 inches inside my butthole and climbing around in the cavernous depths, tripping over.

[Sophia]

Well, sorry if I seem to tap out. That's just like, y' all are talking about a boy movie and I'm not gonna see it.

[Enya]

It's a millennial movie, babe. Like, it. It was. It was. I'm.

[Sophia]

Kai, when you said it's a millennial mo. Yeah, he said right here.

[Enya]

It was like, so, okay, the goofy humor. The goofy humor was like, far too much like they. They were like bowling in a Home Depot with tape and Saran Wrap or tin.

[Drew]

It's kind of that's Marvel movie.

[Enya]

That's exactly what I said. I was like, oh, it's like the. It's like Guardians of the Galaxy, but, like, more realistic.

[Sophia]

Who's in that? Ryan Reynolds?

[Enya]

Ryan Gosling?

[Sophia]

Same difference. Both of them scare the fuck out of me. Oh.

[Enya]

Oh, the redhead girl in that movie. She's the cuntiest bitch I've ever seen in my entire life. I want an entire movie about her, and I want to meet her in real life because she's fierce. I think her real name is, like, Sandra something. She was in the movie.

[Sophia]

Sandra Bullock.

[Enya]

Yes, Bullock. She was in the movie about the.

[Drew]

Sandra.

[Enya]

He was in the movie about, like, with the. A pimp song with the steel drums and, like, someone falls down off the roof. Critically acclaimed.

[Drew]

Oh, Anatomy of a Fall.

[Enya]

Yeah. Anatomy of the Fall. She is.

[Drew]

She's beautiful.

[Sophia]

She's the lead in that.

[Enya]

Yeah, she's a lead in that. And then she's like, wait, no, no.

[Sophia]

The lead from Anatomy of a Fall.

[Drew]

I don't know if she's.

[Enya]

I don't know if she's the lead.

[Sophia]

Oh, no, no. Okay. That's why I. I don't know. Can I say.

[Drew]

See, she's just Mommy in that movie. I think she's so stunned. She's really, really. She is. I remember walking out of Project Hill Mary and being like, that is a redeeming aspect of this movie, is being able to watch that actress.

[Enya]

Her act, bro, she was so good. And also, like, Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling was, like, actually, like, I thought he was a good actor. I mean, but he's also, like, a superstar. So, like, d. But I didn't mind his acting.

[Sophia]

Scary face.

[Enya]

And then I watched. When was the last time you watched

[Sophia]

me Too much recently to, like, think about it.

[Enya]

Well, no, that's what I was saying before. But he's hot in this movie.

[Drew]

Yeah, it doesn't really. Because I know that all those. There was that one viral interview during Barbenheimer where people were like, he got all this filler. But in the movie, he looks.

[Enya]

He looks sexy.

[Drew]

I like that he looks good.

[Enya]

That's literally. I walked out and said that he

[Drew]

looks bounceable in the movie.

[Enya]

And the way his hair is cut, I'm like, I need that.

[Sophia]

Well, it's because I literally think people get certain in, like. Because it's like, certain faces, I think look like. I wouldn't say. I would say I think I have a better face for podcast photo than video. Like, I like more how I look in, like, photos than videos.

[Enya]

Like, More often than not, I'm backwards, honestly. Really, I'd rather see myself in a video than in a photo. Yeah, I think so.

[Drew]

Me too.

[Enya]

But that's interesting. I've never thought about that. That's true.

[Drew]

Photo to me is higher risk reward profile because it's capturing. Nothing's gonna change. You can look at it, but if you're watching a video and then it catches you at the wrong angle, you might rotate, the lighting might change. But that one photo and yeah, I

[Enya]

think you're made for both photo and video.

[Sophia]

Yeah, I was only bringing that up to say I think like certain work looks really good versus photo because like, I still think he looks busted in photo. I think in photo you can see, you can clock his iPhone face and it's kind of like even iPhone face I think looks great on iPhone, bad on video. And I think like there's like the same to be said for like each one. And it's like certain reality stars look great. They look great even in the reality show as it's shooting. And like, of course you can add like blur filters and stuff, but that like, that can only go so far.

[Drew]

Those people, there's an angle that that work is for.

[Sophia]

Yeah. And see these people on like whether it be photo shoots and, or like sometimes even a stagnant like camera angle, they just look completely different because it's like, whoa. Their face I don't think was like, yeah, built with work. Like, I mean, because it is being designed, it's like having work done on it. The architecture of this face was not built for Instagram.

[Drew]

I think your face is for both photos and video because you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. But also.

[Enya]

Oh my God, oh my God. When was the last time you watched Delawares Prada

[Sophia]

throwing up? That's actually Kai's like about to throw up. I watched it more recently with Josh, cuz Josh hadn't seen it. I think I watched it a few months ago. And you know what? I am chronically a hater and I say sequels all the time. Mind you, if, if God willing, for some reason in these times I ever got asked to be a part of a sequel. I'm assuming they must be paying pretty decent seeing as everybody and their mother gets involved.

[Drew]

Oh, I knew what I was gonna say.

[Sophia]

What?

[Drew]

Can you guys define iPhone face? Because I actually don't know fully what that means. Like I know sort of what it means that you have a face. That it would exist in the time of iPhones, but I also, I've seen that be a good adjective to describe a face and also a negative one to describe a face.

[Enya]

Here, let me go get the door.

[Sophia]

Okay. I waited to explain iPhone face face even though I feel like. But this isn't an official explanation of iPhone face. This is not scientifically backed. This is Enya Humanzor's perception of the term of iPhone face. My perception of this term because iPhone face to me generated circa as early as 2013 and not into popular relevance until 2016. I would say some of the attributes of iPhone face go back to 2012.

[Enya]

It's like King Kylie era.

[Sophia]

No, far before that. Far, far before King Kylie.

[Enya]

This was before it was used before King Kylie.

[Sophia]

Yeah, King Kylie is. King Kylie is such a late game in terms of iPhone face. To me King Kylie is like the. You know your town is getting big because there's like a chick fil a close to you. Like that's what King Kylie is to iPhone face. Like she's kind of late in the game because iPhone face, whatever. To me it's like by 2016 a very specific makeup style that was being catered to the front facing camera. And that's why I say it can go as back as 2012 because like I'm thinking in terms of like oovu you now even like YouTube like this sort of makeup trend where you were like enhancing. Because even on sets there is really specific makeup that is done for every case scenario.

[Enya]

I mean they did that like with black and white filming too. Like silent films. They like would use like green makeup on your face because the cameras would pick up green better as contour or whatever, different shades.

[Sophia]

But I feel like like the things that were being like also just like naturally the beauty standards of that time was like eyebrows, lips and like, like those being eyebrows, lips and eyes were the main features. You wanted to exaggerate and to exaggerate those things for camera. Like the shadows had to be like, I feel like very deep here, very dark shadow here. Very like. And like to me that created iPhone face. But makeup was like causing the illusion of these lifted parts of your face because it was so exaggerated so that the camera like it would, it would just not seem that serious on camera. Everyone knows that in real life that makeup did look very like odd and like extreme. And I think people started to then get filler and it work done based off this face. That would not have existed if not selfie iPhones becoming like a thing everybody had access to and everybody wanted to look that way. So Everybody was doing their makeup that way. And to me that's iPhone Face. IPhone Face is maybe so like the aftermath. Like the.

[Drew]

Yeah, but I also feel like the meaning crosses over into a specific phenotype of face. You know, there's people that look like they have Renaissance painting faces and there's how people looked in the 1930s.

[Sophia]

Like when I think of iPhone Face, I think of dress to impress makeup. Like the makeup you can plop on there. That's an iPhone face.

[Drew]

I've had multiple comments say that I have an iPhone face. Is that a joke or is that real? Because I think it's in earnest. I think people are like, you don't look like you would exist. You know, I have like recession.

[Sophia]

Okay, so you're. You're thinking of iPhone face as in like a time period.

[Drew]

Like I thought that's inherent. That's inherently a part of the term.

[Enya]

Yeah, it is.

[Drew]

Because people have said that they've commented on that or like they've sent me DMs being like, you have an iPhone face. Maybe it's a joke. But I'm also like, I could see my face only existed.

[Sophia]

Oh, see I never get used like that. Like I've never.

[Drew]

Maybe it's used like that for men.

[Sophia]

Yeah. Because I'm like, I don't know if I. I can't remember being told I've ever. I've never been referred to as iPhone face as far as I'm aware.

[Enya]

I've always like, when I see it, I've always interpreted as like your face could not exist in the 40s.

[Sophia]

Oh, see I'm thinking so like beauty standard of like, dude, you've like iphoned your face like, of like keeping up with the Kardashians. I think it can be more like you've iphoned your face.

[Enya]

It's definitely both.

[Drew]

And it's probably less work related for men because we're. Men typically don't do as much good without. And they look perfect always.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Women, like I can't think of one ugly guy. Not even one.

[Sophia]

Okay, wait, then I'm actually curious, like cuz did you say an example of somebody you thought has iPhone face?

[Drew]

A female one?

[Sophia]

Yeah. Or like I want to know both. Cuz now I'm just curious.

[Drew]

Well, I get the. I get those comments. Maybe they're joking. But I'm kind of like, I kind of see that. I don't feel like I would exist in the 50s with my face.

[Enya]

I've also heard it used in. You've distorted your face by using technology. I've seen it used where it's. All of these Gen Alpha kids are gonna have iPad face.

[Sophia]

Okay, then maybe that goes back to kind of the gender beauty standards of men. Because I do think the interpretation I've been giving and battling for some reason. Also, sorry if it seems to start like a debate or sounded like I was debating. I'm just actually sorry. I've never heard of it, like, used like that. Or at least not in my.

[Drew]

It's probably just a term that doesn't have a solidified meaning.

[Sophia]

Yeah, because it's like, brand new. We haven't had iPhones for, like, long enough to know. But I do think it's like, I. Because girls, to me, I'm like, I. I feel like girls also refer to, like, iPhone face too. Even, like, in terms of makeup. Like, like, my friends and I use that too. Who are. They're gonna get their, like, makeup done. They're like, oh, I don't want, like, iPhone face. I want like a like, birthday makeup up.

[Enya]

That's so mean. Let girls do their birthday.

[Sophia]

I know.

[Enya]

Motherfuckers. Evil. What?

[Drew]

Nothing.

[Enya]

Say, say, say, say, say, say, say.

[Drew]

No, I'm tired of doing ironic, problematic stuff. But obviously the opening there is to be like, but women look good. They look so good.

[Enya]

They look so hard. Wow, look at this growth.

[Drew]

No, you know what?

[Sophia]

What?

[Drew]

Let me say some women look way better with makeup. Put that on. Am I right? Am I right? Put that on.

[Sophia]

Let's take it back to like, like, Marvelous Mrs. Basil Time. Like, a woman not being able to get a proper night to sleep because if she wakes up, if her husband wakes up and sees her bare face, she's literally going to have to stay home.

[Drew]

And crazy the 360 that it's done throughout time. But yeah, as a feminist, I'm telling women, don't fucking leave that. It's not birthday makeup. It's everyday makeup. Do that shit every day.

[Enya]

And when Rue from Stranger Things was twerking in Hail Mary, I was so scared. And then Meryl Streep shook ass stinky butt style poop out of a jock shirt.

[Sophia]

To know female, female and male.

[Enya]

Don't say the F word, guy.

[Sophia]

Yeah, it's jarring. It was jarring. I did repeat it, but I just, like. See, sometimes I do, like, subconsciously, I go to bat for you because I would never say female, but I repeated it because you said it and I knew that blow was coming.

[Enya]

Meryl Streep boobs nude scene.

[Drew]

Okay, well, add to home screen

[Enya]

Kaya's like final boss gaybay. What was it the other day?

[Drew]

That dude, it's getting really bad.

[Enya]

There was. What was it? It wasn't when we were at gay bar, but there was something like I called you and it. Oh, I FaceTimed Kai and he was playing Fortnite and oh my God, what's the artist?

[Drew]

Why am I Finland?

[Enya]

Yeah, he was playing Fortnite in a Tom of Finland shirt alone.

[Drew]

I answered immediately because I'm an ally and I'm wearing a Tom Thoma Finland shirt. Also that comes like what, 48 hours after we get out of an Uber at bleep. And we get out and there's a bunch of gay guys and I'm talking to one of them and he's like, how have you been? Do you remember me? And I was like of course I remember you. And then he said, what have you been up to? I said, I've just been having sex and been asking my dad for money.

[Enya]

Mind you, this guy has asked me on several occasions like what's Kai's deal? Like has he had a sign?

[Drew]

And I didn't know that going into this. I didn't know that going to this. I was just talking and then he's really cute.

[Enya]

Is he hot or is he gay?

[Drew]

He goes, what are you doing after this? And I said, oh, we're going to the. It's the 20 year anniversary tonight. Which it actually was. And then he gets a little bit freaked out.

[Enya]

They're like elite level gays, by the way. These are like gays that have been going out in LA for a decade. Them of all people should know that it's the 20th anniversary. The fact that they didn't know bad especially about it.

[Sophia]

Express yourself, don't repres yourself. This is me. Express yourself, don't repress yourself.

[Enya]

Express yourself, don't repress yourself.

[Drew]

Wait, why is this Udai. Wait, why? This is a.

[Sophia]

Express yourself, don't repress yourself. Express yourself, don't repress yourself.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Sophia]

It's human nature.

[Enya]

It's just basing it off I love yourself.

[Drew]

The Sonic. The Sonically one. It sounded like I was like, why is this?

[Enya]

I'm thinking about getting a vintage Dean and Deluca shirt from the 90s.

[Sophia]

Okay, I'm going to do media cuz I don't know what the you're talking about.

[Enya]

You're not. You're not as NYC pilled as I am.

[Sophia]

I really am not. I'm like, I'm So.

[Enya]

That's the OG Air City.

[Sophia]

What the second Airwan the.

[Enya]

The OG Erewan. But in New York. Dean and DeLuca.

[Sophia]

New York. Hello, New York.

[Enya]

It's Saturday. It's Friday night recorded. Wait, instead of Saturday Night Live, it's Friday night recorded. No, recorded. It's Friday night recorded.

[Sophia]

No, it's Friday afternoon.

[Enya]

Friday afternoon recorded.

[Sophia]

That's a smile on his face. Guys, don't worry.

[Drew]

Sorry, my dad just sent me a really sweet email.

[Enya]

Sent you a new nude.

[Drew]

Send me a really cute email.

[Sophia]

That's really sweet.

[Enya]

Yeah, Lizzy nude in it. Can I see?

[Drew]

Dude, really?

[Enya]

Mine is again from the drama Quick Trip by Light Risk.

[Sophia]

I think I want to see the drama.

[Enya]

And Hustler. I think you would like it.

[Sophia]

I need to see it.

[Enya]

I think you would like it and. Yeah, I think you would like it.

[Sophia]

My media.

[Enya]

I'd go with you. I would literally go tonight if you wanted to.

[Sophia]

Tonight? Dude, honestly, my media is. The silence. The silence. I would like some silence. I just feel so over stimulated. I've been listening to like too much media actually, so I should have a full list. I actually started Invincible, that like, show.

[Enya]

Wait, how did you get there?

[Sophia]

Because I was bored as on Amazon and I forgot what I had watched. I had watched like a.

[Enya]

It's so good.

[Sophia]

And it was what I was cleaning. Not today.

[Enya]

And he's hot. Invincible's hot. He is. Objectively. That's a sexy.

[Sophia]

Well, that's also all I could think about is the fact that when that fortnite skin came out, you bought it and then you were trying to get me to buy the Omni One. Or is that what his name is? Yeah, he was trying to get me to buy it too, so he could just like, look when we played together. He could just screaming into the mic

[Enya]

computer, take his suit off, show me his hairy chest, show me his belly, show me his big hairy thighs. Does he have a bush? But what do you think? It's good, right?

[Sophia]

Yeah, it's awesome. I've been got also.

[Enya]

Invincible isn't hot. Omni man is hot. I don't know why I said Invincible.

[Sophia]

I think I've already said this, but like, seriously, yesterday, I am so blessed. I am blessed by everything that I have found such a solid group of friends and women in general in my life. Yesterday felt like the movie Calendar Girls because we went to this like cliff lookout and just smoked a bunch of weed together. And it was so awesome. Like this video. I'm going to insert it of Sabaseli and Coco and Rain going up this hill. Felt like this is all all like, wow. I if to make it the perfect girls trip. Of course Orion would be there as well, which, oh my God, like, hashtag coming soon. But I just felt so blessed. So y' all should watch Calendar Girls because that's a movie that like, makes me feel good like that. Oh, Miles end kicks. Like Miles and kicks. I, I don't. I, I have like, yeah, you with your brain with that movie title title. Like, I can't get it out right. It is so good.

[Enya]

Barbie went apeshit ballistic.

[Sophia]

Seeing her again, like, because we saw Faces of Death a week before, like, but we saw it in like 2022. And then the, like seeing it in theater again, it was crazy because I, like, was not bored. I was so happy to watch it. And then like watching Miles and Kicks, watching that one like a week later, I'm just. Wow.

[Enya]

Also, it's crazy because we interviewed the director on Netflix red carpet for Roommates

[Sophia]

the night before, which also was a like, fun ass movie. No, I liked Roommates. I really liked also.

[Enya]

And we met Adam Sandler and he was so happy to meet us and he was so cool and he was so nice and he was gassing us up and he was like, y' all are killing it. I know who you are. My daughter is obsessed with you guys. And I, I.

[Sophia]

And it was so sweet too, because, like, I feel like he's setting up the path, like for his daughter, like Sadie, to essentially have what he had, which was just like a group of

[Enya]

young, funny, cool people.

[Sophia]

Yeah. Who are good at what they do, just like, who get along and can make work together. It's like a. Also at one point, Chris Rock and Adam Sandler were standing right behind Drew and I like catching up and like, so green making so many like, stupid ass jokes. They were like roommates. What are they gonna grow up? They need to do a grown ups. That's how we really got it started. And they were all like that, like, stupid.

[Enya]

It was like a barbecue. Like, like, yeah, literally felt like a

[Sophia]

barbecue reunion of just like family reunion. Everyone's outside, like shooting the.

[Enya]

And Adam Sandler made me feel like family. I am obsessed with him. Oh my God.

[Sophia]

And I'm blinking on his wall wife's name. She was really sweet. Wait, what?

[Enya]

And his wife's mother.

[Sophia]

Oh my God. Yeah.

[Enya]

Was so funny. Me and in you.

[Sophia]

Jackie. Jackie Sandler. She was so sweet as well, dude. But yeah, such an exciting, like past two weeks, I'm feeling. Past three weeks, I'm feeling very grateful, very alive.

[Enya]

And it's not stopping. Guys, I'm going to film a movie tomorrow.

[Sophia]

Oh, my God, I forget.

[Enya]

I leave tomorrow. And then we got a live show in LA with, ironically, Netflix on May 9th. Tickets in bio, if you're in Los Angeles, pull up. I actually don't even know if there's tickets left. I think it's might be sold out, but check the website anyways.

[Drew]

Me and Drew are gonna crash out on this movie set, by the way. Yeah, we're gonna scream.

[Sophia]

Drew and Kai are going. Kai is going as Drew's papa. He's wrangling him.

[Enya]

Yeah, Kai is. Kai is my savior.

[Drew]

I'm actually. And I'm not joking. I play his much younger little brother.

[Sophia]

I was saying papa in, like, an endearing way.

[Enya]

I think you're taking care of.

[Drew]

And I'm just telling you objectively, I'm playing an elder gen Alpha. Spunky, but confident.

[Enya]

Cool spunky. We need Kai cam for spunky.

[Sophia]

I know.

[Drew]

Next episode, we're actually getting it. And you guys, I know we joked around, order it.

[Enya]

Order it on the car.

[Sophia]

We have, like 18,000 cameras in the house. Let's just prop one up on a.

[Enya]

Actually just put it on.

[Drew]

I do want a soft box, something.

[Enya]

No, it's even better if it's dark.

[Drew]

Like, what if I look really good in it, though? Think about that.

[Sophia]

Okay, bye.

[Enya]

This is an I heart podcast.

[Sophia]

Guaranteed human.