ky is drews hag

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "ky is drews hag" – A Detailed Summary

Episode Overview In the July 31, 2025 episode of Emergency Intercom, hosted by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips, the duo delves into a blend of personal anecdotes, humorous exchanges, and candid discussions about their lives and experiences. This episode, titled "ky is drews hag," offers listeners an engaging mix of comedy and heartfelt moments, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and unique perspectives.

---

Voyeuristic Celebrity Home Tour

Timestamps: 00:51 – 04:00

Kai and Drew kick off the episode by reminiscing about their recent "voyeuristic celebrity home tour." They humorously describe the repetitive nature of driving by celebrity homes in Los Angeles, noting, "We literally drive by the same houses, and every single time, it's a different fucking person that's lived in that house" (02:12). The only consistent celebrity house they encounter is Michael Jackson’s, famed for its recognizable exterior.

The hosts share their father’s obsession with such tours, emphasizing how even after multiple visits, new occupants replace past celebrities, keeping the tours fresh for their dad. Kai adds a playful twist by joking about potential pranks: "I'm going to hit a stain and I'm going to blame you. I'm. I'm going to hit a lick. I'm going to slime them out. I'm going to Swiss cheese them" (02:30).

The Active Shooter Incident

Timestamps: 06:57 – 08:22

A significant and tense moment unfolds when their tour is interrupted by an announcement from the tour driver about an active shooter in the vicinity. Drew reflects, "...he said to us over the speaker. And he was like, well, someone in my slack group. So that means that the Hollywood tour van drivers have an underground slack community where they're just telling each other about crime" (07:15).

Upon verifying, they discover the incident was real, leading to a mix of emotions. Kai contemplates, "There's like, 20 minutes on the bus where it was the best I've ever felt in the last 10 years. And I'm not kidding, I'm not kidding. 20 minutes on that bus." (04:46). The genuine vulnerability of this experience strengthens their bond, highlighting the unpredictable nature of their adventures.

Personal Reflections and Vulnerability

Timestamps: 04:53 – 08:22

The aftermath of the active shooter announcement brings forth emotional reflections. Enya shares a heartfelt moment, stating, "I have audio messages of me crying. It was laughing, crying, laughing was making me like it." (04:59). This blend of emotions underscores the complexity of their experiences, balancing humor with genuine feelings.

Drew further opens up about his reactions, mentioning, "I do love recording my friends when they're not looking because I think I'm going to scare them. But I guess I'm just such a silent and good at being sneaky soul that usually I just get videos of people looking really, really like, like not crazy because you don't look crazy and that." (05:19). These candid admissions offer listeners a glimpse into the hosts' insecurities and the depth of their friendship.

Dating Dynamics and Relationship Humor

Timestamps: 19:51 – 35:31

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Kai and Drew’s humorous take on relationships and dating. They engage in playful banter about being each other's "hags," a recurring inside joke on the podcast. When Enya poses a question to the audience, "Who you think is Drew's hag? Me or Enya?" (34:07), it sparks a lighthearted debate among the hosts.

Drew quips, "We have a toxic relationship, but, my God, do we make it work?" (10:56), highlighting their dynamic with affectionate sarcasm. The conversation flows seamlessly as they tackle topics like first dates, online dating apps, and the awkwardness of romantic interactions. Kai humorously suggests, "We should go on a date. I mean, we..." (20:41), to which Drew responds with mock reluctance, "No. Absolutely not." (20:45), showcasing their effortless comedic timing.

Technology, Apps, and Privacy Concerns

Timestamps: 17:10 – 23:53

The hosts transition into discussing various technologies and apps impacting their daily lives. Enya and Drew share their experiences with ZocDoc, emphasizing its utility in managing healthcare appointments. Enya mentions, "ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment" (18:05), while Drew adds, "Zoc Doc is the only reason I've been to the doctor. If I'm being honest..." (18:39).

Furthering the conversation, they critique popular apps like TikTok and explore concerns around digital privacy. Drew expresses discomfort about overwhelming app requirements, saying, "Everybody is talking about that thing, like, theory. It's genius. Yeah. In theory, it's such a good job, like a an idea until you think about the fact that, like, really taking a picture of your ID and up..." (16:22). This discourse highlights their awareness and skepticism towards the digital age's pervasive nature.

Uber Ratings and UberEats Anecdotes

Timestamps: 42:32 – 47:34

A humorous segment unfolds as Kai and Drew compare their Uber and UberEats usage. Kai reveals, "I have a 4.81 overall. Would you like to see a summary of how you use Uber and then it'll like, drop all this data" (44:30), prompting a comical exchange about the number of trips and one-star ratings. Enya joins in, boasting, "I have the highest rating... I have 14 one stars" (44:41), sparking laughter and light-hearted self-deprecation.

Drew reflects on the normalization of frequent takeout orders, stating, "It's crazy how it used to be so unheard of to get takeout often, but it's become so normalized..." (43:33). Their shared anecdotes about excessive app usage and the challenges of cooking at home resonate with many listeners, blending relatability with humor.

Media Preferences and Musical Tastes

Timestamps: 54:19 – 56:54

Shifting gears, Kai, Drew, and Enya delve into their favorite music and media. They discuss songs that hold personal significance, such as Kai’s admiration for "LDN by Lily Allen" and Enya’s fondness for "Freak It by Kim Petras" (56:00). Drew shares his appreciation for classics like "The Boss by Diana Ross" and "Honeydew Jimmy Carter" by Kehlani, illustrating their diverse musical tastes.

The conversation also touches on how certain songs evoke deep emotional responses. Drew mentions, "Tongue Tied actually makes me happy because I'm like, oh, I can think of like the freshly 22 year olds of that era who were like trying their best to just have..." (55:53), highlighting the nostalgic and uplifting power of music in their lives.

Final Thoughts and Closing Banter

Timestamps: 56:54 – 57:51

As the episode nears its end, the hosts engage in playful banter about their footwear, specifically Kai’s well-worn shoes. Kai humorously laments, "I broke through on this thing that's ever happened. Yes. I wear these every single day for five years..." (47:36), leading to funny exchanges about the durability and style of their shoes.

The episode concludes with a light-hearted request from Drew, "Guys, comment in the comments, who you think is Drew's hag? Me or Enya?" (34:07), encouraging audience interaction and setting the stage for future episodes.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Kai at 02:12: "We literally drive by the same houses, and every single time, it's a different fucking person that's lived in that house."

• Drew at 07:15: "And then an hour later, it was an active shooter. Well, this is me crying, laughing at Drew."

• Enya at 04:59: "I have audio messages of me crying. It was laughing, crying, laughing was making me like it."

• Drew at 20:45: "No. Absolutely not."

• Kai at 44:30: "I have a 4.81 overall. Would you like to see a summary of how you use Uber and then it'll like, drop all this data."

---

Conclusion

"ky is drews hag" encapsulates the essence of Emergency Intercom with its blend of humor, personal stories, and candid discussions. Enya, Kai, and Drew's interactions offer a relatable and entertaining listening experience, making this episode a standout for both regular fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Drew]

This is an Iheart podcast.

[IPVanish Ad]

Did you know using your browser in incognito mode doesn't actually protect your privacy? Take back your privacy with IPVanish VPN. Just one tap and all your data, passwords, communications, browsing history, and more will be instantly protected. IPVanish makes you virtually invisible online. Use IPVanish on all your devices, anytime you go online, at home, and especially on public wi fi. Get IPVanish now for 70% off a yearly plan with this exclusive [e-mail] audio.

[Kai]

Hey, welcome back to this episode of Emergency Intercom, everybody. I haven't said that in a long time.

[Drew]

Every time we sit down, it feels like we haven't sat here for, like, two months. But it's because. So what? A new SP a week made and.

[Kai]

It'S a new space. We're getting used to her. We tried to record earlier, y'.

[Drew]

All.

[Enya]

It's a her.

[Kai]

Yeah, we tried. Yeah.

[Drew]

I don't know if I would say that about this space. This space is a boy.

[Kai]

I mean, with what this. What's happening on this side? That's a man. This is like, right, right?

[Drew]

No, this is like a girl who needs help.

[Kai]

But, like, this is. What's that one fucking movie? Girl Interrupted as a wall. Yeah, this is Girl Interrupted.

[Drew]

No, this is that picture that you can't, like, point out a discernible item in.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Kai]

Didn't even show Kai what was making me cry. Schizophrenia. Picture of you. No, but we should give some context. So we went on a voyeuristic celebrity home tour. I know, Naughty. But my dad is, like, obsessed with that. And my dad is the ultimate tourist.

[Drew]

He.

[Kai]

We do it every fudgeing time, and it's the same house as every time, but, like, he eats it up. So we were like, fudge it. Like, let's.

[Drew]

Yeah, y' all have done it, like, three, four times.

[Kai]

Four times.

[Drew]

Four times.

[Kai]

Four times. And, like, we literally drive by this.

[Enya]

Drive by this four times.

[Kai]

Yes. We drive by the same houses, and every single time, it's a different fucking person that's lived in that house. Like, the only one that they've kept the same is the Michael Jackson one. And it's because everybody knows that goddamn house from the helicopters. Yeah, but, like, also, he gave us, like, a little secret, a little tidbit. He was like, by the way, I shouldn't be saying this, but there' no dogs there. Of the 10 years I've been driving by this house, no one's heard a dog bark. And I was like, okay, cool. I'm going to hit a stain and I'm going to blame you. I'm. I'm going to hit a lick. I'm going to slime them out. I'm going to Swiss cheese them.

[Enya]

That last one, what was that?

[Kai]

What?

[Enya]

The last one wasn't real Swiss cheese.

[Drew]

I have heard that.

[Kai]

No, it's like, I'm going to Swiss cheese you, like, put bullet holes in.

[Enya]

Yeah, I don't know, stuff like that.

[Kai]

But. So we did this, like, voyeuristic celebrity.

[Drew]

Home tour, and it was amazing.

[Kai]

I literally so goated.

[Drew]

I feel like I need that guy to pick us up with the van cut in half right now. And it would make me so happy.

[Kai]

It feels like you're flying.

[Drew]

It literally feels like flying through la. You're flying through not a care in the world until he kind of slows down in front of a house and then he's like, so and so lives here.

[Kai]

And then it sucks you back to reality and the situation.

[Drew]

And it's like, oh, my God, we just paid someone to take us on an Uber ride around people's houses to stalk people.

[Kai]

And it's. It's so fun. And then you, like, drive up and down Mulholland and everyone is pissed at you and flipping you off, and it just, like, really, really, like, makes you feel so bad, so crazy.

[Drew]

Because in that moment, I was infinite and I didn't think about anybody else. Like, no one else.

[Kai]

The video.

[Drew]

Oh. I mean, no, this. In this moment, you're not infinite. You're, like, losing it. No, I guess maybe you are infinite. And, like, a really.

[Kai]

I didn't know India was recording me. Had no idea. And we were in the Uber ride back from the celebrity home tour.

[Drew]

Dude, you can't speed this up, Kai. Like, you have to leave it for the full.

[Kai]

And this was my vibe. I was pilling through, like, different conversation topics I could have. And this is the one I landed on.

[Drew]

I mean, when I move it to show his full face. Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

And I remember the other conversation.

[Drew]

I have no idea.

[Kai]

I remember. Remember the other conversation I was going to bring up, too.

[Drew]

No, watch. I love when he closes his eyes, like his final burst of thought. Rain blast. Look, there it goes.

[Kai]

There's like, 20 minutes on the bus where it was the best I've ever felt in the last 10 years. And I'm not kidding, I'm not kidding. 20 minutes on that bus.

[Enya]

That was, I think, the most vulnerable video ever since.

[Drew]

That was the video that, like, four nights ago, I think I have audio Messages of me crying. It was laughing, crying, laughing was making me like it. Also I have a lot of videos like that because I do love recording my friends when they're not looking because I think I'm going to scare them. But I guess I'm just such a silent and good at being sneaky soul that usually I just get videos of people looking really, really like, like, just like not crazy because you don't look crazy and that. It's just like no one should have been looking at you.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, I was like in my own world back there. I was infinite. No, that was very genuine. I was like, holy. Like there was a moment where I looked at like my family, I looked at my brothers, I looked at Enya and Josh and I was like, wow. Like this is what it's all about. Like, it's all about stalking people and I very, very clearly stalking celebrities need to be a paparazzi. I think that's like my calling in life. But yeah, our driver for that was interesting. We liked with him, he was so.

[Drew]

Funny but he was obsessed with him.

[Kai]

Like I left the five star review with a selfie if you can find it.

[Drew]

Oh yeah, I left a good review. We tipped like he was literally goaded. Oh wait, I think I found it.

[Kai]

It was, it was a two hour long ride, Kai.

[Drew]

Yeah, two hours.

[Kai]

It was two hours from three to five. And then we, the whole time he was like, we're running late, we're running late. Like we're so behind because we were in peak traffic in la. Like, yeah, we're gonna be running late. So I feel like our tour got cut off in half. But we were.

[Drew]

No, it did because he was like, oh, we just don't have time. He kept leaving his mic on and he was like. Because he wasn't speaking to us, but he was like muttering and stressed out and he'd be like, maybe if I'm lucky. They won't, they probably don't even.

[Kai]

Yeah, he was like talking about getting us another job. Yeah, he was like.

[Drew]

He was like, hopefully they just say.

[Enya]

I get off a bit of a mic being hot and the person not knowing, I'll. I'll never get over it.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's so fire. But anyways, we get to Sunset boulevard, we're like 30 minutes late and there's like gridlock traffic. Like no one is moving. Like we're completely stuck in this bus with this man in gridlock traffic. Turns out there was an active shooter right ahead of us.

[Drew]

So he, he said that to us over the speaker. And he was like, well, someone in my slack group. So that means that the Hollywood tour van drivers in. They have, like, an underground slack community where they're just telling each other about crime. Because he. It was true. We looked it up after, and it was like, when I look. I looked it up when he said that, and I couldn't find anything. And then an hour later, it was an active shooter. Well, this is me crying, laughing at Drew.

[Kai]

What the was that?

[Drew]

I think at this point, I throw.

[Kai]

Up in that video.

[Drew]

It looks like the seat belt was.

[Kai]

Choking the out of Drew.

[Drew]

Like, dude, it was literally making me cry.

[Kai]

I was also asleep.

[Drew]

Dude. It was making me laugh so hard. Also, Drew was, like, knocked out in bed next to me, so I was watching it, and then I looked over, and it's just him. Like. Like knocked out. Yeah, you're just like, you're.

[Kai]

I had my sleepy girl mocktail, which was codeine. Oh, opium syrup.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

And Jolly Ranchers and a topo Chico made a sleepy girl mocktail.

[Drew]

Is. Is opium syrup a thing like cough syrup?

[Kai]

It's not like. It's not opium. It's like hydrocodone.

[Drew]

There's really weed brands that make weed that is supposed to, like.

[Kai]

It's like purple drink.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like. It's like. It's supposed to be lean, and I'm just like, what the purple?

[Kai]

I remember being in Florida with you on a tour stop, and we went into a smoke shop and we bought purple drink weed, syrup. Do you remember that?

[Drew]

Drink it.

[Kai]

No, we were too scared, too.

[Drew]

Yeah, I do remember.

[Kai]

You remember purple drink?

[Drew]

I remember the look of the shop, but also, I think, like, we had that era where we would just go into smoke shops and now smoke shops and sex shops.

[Kai]

We used to just, like, hang out in them and not buy anything.

[Drew]

Yeah, we would. We would leave with something. No, we didn't win it.

[Kai]

Not in sex shops. We would just go in and laugh and kink shame. And now I indulge in all of those kinks on the bottom.

[Drew]

We weren't making fun of bottoms necessarily, but we were making fun of, like. There's that one.

[Kai]

I was.

[Drew]

There's that one shop in. In LA that has the. Ew. Y' all are like, what is like.

[Enya]

Oh, I didn't even notice that he was looking.

[Kai]

You didn't even notice?

[Enya]

That's crazy. I was staring at you, and you were looking at me.

[Drew]

Damn.

[Enya]

Wow.

[Drew]

He's looking at me while you're looking.

[Kai]

Challenger. Yeah.

[Enya]

And she was like. She was Looking at you. She was not looking at me.

[Kai]

This is challengers.

[Drew]

Are you the blonde one?

[Enya]

No.

[Kai]

Yeah, you're the blonde one, babe.

[Drew]

No, you'd be Josh.

[Enya]

No, I'm the other one.

[Kai]

I am Josh o'. Connor.

[Drew]

No, you're Josh o'. Connor.

[Kai]

That's the shadiest one ever said to me.

[Enya]

That's the one that Zendaya says has a big dick, so that's why I would be him.

[Kai]

Did she actually say that?

[Drew]

I didn't say that.

[Enya]

Yeah, she's like, you have a big dick.

[Drew]

Okay. In the movie, though, like, she's not going around.

[Kai]

She was spreading rumors, going around in.

[Drew]

Person being like, dude, oh, my God, hugest penis ever.

[Kai]

I cannot believe that you're not making me Josh o' Connor in this situation.

[Drew]

Because we would be married. Okay, then I'll be the blonde guy.

[Enya]

You guys clearly have the. Yeah, we have, like, a toxic, like.

[Kai]

Yeah, like.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's us. Like, we. We have a toxic relationship, but, my God, do we make it work?

[Kai]

We figure it out.

[Enya]

Except it's reversed. Like the figure shot where he's asleep on the bed. Facetime, you see his ass, and then Zendaya's like, it's time to get up and play tennis. He's like, fuck, it's reversed. Enya's the one who's on the. On the bed. And you have a. It's time to record the podcast.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's time to come.

[Enya]

You have all the podcasts up. You've been studying them.

[Kai]

It's time to record the podcast. And I like. The reason Inya takes the lead is because I fried my vocal cords a.

[Enya]

Long time ago doing that really loud laugh.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's why I don't laugh anymore. I did see the tallest woman in the world. She can't sit for too long, but she likes traveling, so I think it's like Turkish Airways created, like, essentially a custom seat for her so she can sleep the whole flight or lay flat the whole flight and fly internationally. And it's like her laying across, like, five airplane seats. It's kind of tea.

[Drew]

Okay, well, I'm also, like, having that issue as well. I'm also having that, except when I sit up straight too long, my huge fat collect all of the blood, and then it hurts. It just, like, all drains down right into that. And then I start my period early, and it's a whole thing, so I need that, too. Turkish Airlines thing. Where does she live?

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Enya]

I have a custom seat idea for you, and it's me, and my legs are the back of the chair, and then my face is the seat of the chair.

[Kai]

Oh.

[Enya]

So then. Yeah.

[Kai]

Or what if we just cut a hole in this and you just sit under there?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And I sit on your face.

[Enya]

Mm. And I. That would be crazy. Me eating your ass during an episode and just seeing how long you could last. That would be crazy. Maybe for a special episode, we could. We could try something like that. Enya said Drew has the rapport of someone who killed someone last night. And I was thinking about that when I was driving back here.

[Drew]

Well, specifically, when you're around new people. I think he was acting so weird because your mom was in the room. And, like, Drew around new people, he starts to seem like somebody who did something and shouldn't be here.

[Enya]

Like, to be fair, my mom did. Sexually.

[Kai]

Yeah. I got sexually harassed by Kai's mom. Actually, no, it wasn't that. And I'm not spreading that rumor. She was. She was the girl, and I gave her permission. But we.

[Drew]

We having to be clear that Kai Newman's mother didn't sexually.

[Enya]

Just in case someone clips the.

[Kai]

The wrong seven second came over to our studio. She wanted to see the studio, so we were like, yeah, come check it out. And she was kind of, like, being coy a little bit. Like, I knew she wanted a picture, but she didn't want to ask. And I was like, girl, take a picture, and you should sit in the chair while you're at it. And then she was like, okay. And then she was like, actually, what if you sat in the chair and I sat in your lap? And then we got a picture, and we did that.

[Drew]

Ultimate rich.

[Kai]

And we did that. And then apparently, Kai was. Your mom was.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah. I took her to lunch. We went to the diner that you said to go to, and we were in line, and she was, like, so excited about the photo she was showing people in line. She was like, do you know what emergency intercom is?

[Kai]

No.

[Enya]

And they're like, nope, I don't. And she would just be like, I'll just show you. Anyway, they're like, okay, cool.

[Kai]

Can we put that picture on here?

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah, I'll insert it here.

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah. It was actually really scary.

[Drew]

Like, his mom attacking you.

[Kai]

Yeah, I was attacked.

[Enya]

Whatever.

[Drew]

It was weird. When I came in, it was like the end.

[Kai]

Can I sit on your lit lap?

[Drew]

Yeah, do you want to sit on my lap?

[Kai]

No, I just wanted to see if I had permission.

[Drew]

Ew.

[Enya]

Not her talking you through it.

[Kai]

I know.

[Drew]

Yeah, just come over Here.

[Kai]

You know what a JY is?

[Drew]

I don't know what that is.

[Kai]

J I O.

[Enya]

What is JIO Jack Off?

[Kai]

Instructional video.

[Enya]

I didn't know what that was until right now.

[Drew]

That's.

[Kai]

They tell you what to do. J. O, I J. O. I. V. They don't. They drop the V. They drop the V. It's like that scene in Social Network. Drop the V. Drop the.

[Enya]

This might be really.

[Kai]

Don't drop that.

[Enya]

This might be. This might be really ignorant, but do gay people. Okay, straight people, when they're, like, becoming. They're going through puberty and they're becoming, like, whatever. They'll, like, look at videos of, like, oh, how to. Like, how to please someone sexually. Of the opposite sex. You know what I'm talking about?

[Drew]

Sure.

[Enya]

Okay. Do gay people do that?

[Kai]

No, you're just born with an innate knowledge. It, like, goes. It's deep. It's, like, predates the Romans.

[Drew]

It's primal.

[Enya]

You don't have to do that, right?

[Drew]

No, I actually never looked anything like that up.

[Enya]

I actually didn't either. But I do know that that's why.

[Kai]

You'Re so bad at it.

[Drew]

Yeah, that makes sense. It does translate, I guess, if you don't.

[Enya]

A lot of people say that I'm really good at sex. A lot of people say that. Everyone says that.

[Kai]

Y' all know the T app? Have y' all heard of the T app, dude?

[Enya]

Yeah, of course.

[Kai]

Okay. They need to make one called the Beer app. For guys. That wasn't my joke.

[Enya]

For guys?

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, T is for girls. Beer is for guys. And we post girls on there. We post girls. We post the girls. Oh, my God. But that shit.

[Drew]

I feel bad even, like, talking about it because it's one of those things where it's like, oh, my God. I feel like I'm bringing more attention to it, but, like, everybody is talking about that thing, like, theory.

[Kai]

It's genius.

[Drew]

Yeah. In theory, it's such a good job, like, an idea until you think about the fact that, like, really taking a picture of your ID and up. But I. I guess at this point that's become so normalized. Like, it's very easy in this moment to look at that and be like, oh, my God, what an idiot. To upload your id. So many things online ask for you to upload your id. It is common. Play now. Tik Tok. Any app you have asks for your id.

[Kai]

Yeah. Also any, like, investing app asks for your id. So I'm like, yeah, why would you share a photo of your id? Like, I Haven't put it into Coinbase. Robin Hood, Phantom app, Like, all of this, like.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's, like, very commonplace at this point. I feel like. It's not that. I just feel so bad.

[Kai]

Also, that's specifically referencing the leak that happened.

[Drew]

Yeah, that leak is insane. Also, how was that not taken down?

[Kai]

Like, is it still up? Do you know the app?

[Enya]

Yeah, I think it's down now. Yeah, I don't think that it's still up. Oh, wait, no, it's still up. Damn, that's really crazy.

[Drew]

Do you think that, like, anybody signed up in the past, like, few hours?

[Kai]

Do you think any girls put me on there?

[Drew]

Why? Why would they put you?

[Kai]

I'm, like, really a bad boyfriend. Like, I'm so bad at being a boyfriend.

[Enya]

Yeah, all your ex girlfriends. Yeah, all of my girls.

[Drew]

Like, all of the ex girlfriends you cheated on with other girl.

[Kai]

Yeah, only girls.

[Drew]

Oh, only girls.

[Kai]

We were queening out. What the fuck was that? This episode of Emergency Intercom is brought to you by zocdoc. Y', all. Do you remember that doctor appointment you were trying to make a while ago that you forgot about because you are ADHD? Well, that's where ZocDoc comes into play. I don't know about you, but my social media is freaking me out. I literally need y' all to stop putting olive oil on your face. It's not gonna help your skin. Please go to a dermatolog booked through zocdoc. As I get older, I think I should go to the doctor more because I can't sleep at night. I'm stressed out all the time and I want to keep myself healthy, but the system makes it impossible to find the right doctor for my needs. That was until I found ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

[Drew]

Zoc Doc is the only reason I've been to the doctor. If I'm being honest, Anytime anything in my body is going wrong, I open up that app. It's probably one of the most used apps on my phone because sometimes I can't lie. I just start to scroll around because I'm getting to that age where, like, between my shoulder blades hurts and I wake up with the kind of night sweats that are so wet and nasty. I wake up cold no matter what the temperature in the house is. And I definitely should go to the doctor. And I'm actually going to go this week and I'm going to Open up the app right now. I think you guys should stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zoc.comIntercom to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z, D, O, C.com Intercom Zocdoc.com Intercom.

[IPVanish Ad]

Did you know using your browser in incognito mode doesn't actually protect your privacy? Take back your privacy with IPVanish VPN. Just one tap and all your data, passwords, communications, browsing history, and more will be instantly protected. IPVanish makes you virtually invisible online. Use IPVanish on all your devices, anytime you go online, at home, and especially on Public Wi Fi. Get IPVanish now for 70% off a yearly plan with this exclusive [e-mail] audio.

[Kai]

We did also to see you on.

[Drew]

A date because we went to dinner with Drew's mom and dad last night, and Drew does this thing where, like, instead of just, like, thinking of something to say and letting conversations start naturally, if it's quiet, like, four seconds, dude. But you do it like, it's become, like, the thing you do, and you do it so often now that. That it kind of stalls normal conversation.

[Kai]

Like, if there's a lull in conversation and it is a little awkward, I'll just call out the awkwardness and be like, what's.

[Drew]

What's.

[Kai]

Like, what do y' all want to talk about? Like, we're really quiet right now. What should we talk about? Which I think is hilarious to kind of destabilize everybody a little bit. But I only do it with people I know and love.

[Drew]

That's true. No, no, you. I feel like we all do shit like that with, like, random people, and we slip, and then we're like, oh, wait, that seems really.

[Kai]

You don't get it yet.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're not there. Yeah. You're not a part of this language.

[Kai]

I think I'm good at first dates.

[Drew]

I don't think I've ever been on a proper first date.

[Kai]

You want me to take you on one?

[Drew]

No. Absolutely not.

[Kai]

I feel like we should go on a date. I mean, we.

[Drew]

I feel like we basically have. Yeah. Our whole life is dating each other, but I've never been on a date where someone's like, oh, my God, I find you attractive. Like, can we go to dinner?

[Kai]

Oh, my God, I find you attractive. Can we go to dinner? Was that not sexy?

[Enya]

That was really sexy.

[Drew]

Do you have a. An account on the T app?

[Enya]

No, I don't. I don't think I'm Allowed on the T app.

[Drew]

Okay. I guess I gotta start it because now.

[Enya]

Oh, really?

[Drew]

Because that was weird. I just gotta warn girls about that.

[Kai]

He does operate like he's hiding something.

[Drew]

Mirroring you.

[Kai]

He's operating like he's hiding something. He speaks like he hides something.

[Drew]

But yeah, I've never been on a real date. And I've also, like, I think I. Oh, somebody DM me recently was like, oh, someone's acting like you on Hinge. Do you want me to screen record it and send it to you?

[Kai]

Babe, that was you?

[Drew]

No, I. In my head, I was like, what a fucking snitch. Like, what?

[Kai]

Let them get theirs.

[Drew]

Let them fucking.

[Enya]

Yeah. Do those people meet up with.

[Kai]

No, I don't think they do.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think at this point, a lot of people.

[Kai]

Anybody that has catfished me on the Grinder app, it is literally just to get nudes.

[Drew]

But is that happening on Hinge?

[Kai]

Maybe they get the phone number or something.

[Drew]

Do people spread whole for strangers?

[Kai]

Wait, can you send pictures on Hinge?

[Enya]

I actually don't think so. I'm not sure.

[Kai]

Can you type your phone number in and text it?

[Enya]

Yeah, you can. You can.

[Kai]

I wonder if that's, like, a little mess.

[Drew]

Wait, why did you think you couldn't share your phone number via Hinge?

[Kai]

I don't know. Like, sometimes they have, like, blocks like that on dating apps. Yeah, Like, I think Tinder. Like, if you try to send your number, it, like, is like, are you sure you want to do this? Like, don't share your number.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

I don't know if they do that because that's the whole point of the app. App is to, like, link up, but.

[Kai]

I think you want to. They want to keep it in the app so more people are using it. Question mark.

[Drew]

That would make sense.

[Kai]

I don't know. I don't know. I could have made all that up, but I'm like, pretty sure I've seen.

[Drew]

That somewhere on that other one, the Sniffies one.

[Kai]

I don't know what that is.

[Enya]

Yeah, we don't. Or Drew doesn't know what that is.

[Drew]

Who's we? Because now I think both of you know.

[Enya]

I also don't know.

[Kai]

I don't know what Sniffus is. And I actually, like, mentioned Grindr earlier, but I'm just, like, regurgitating information. I saw it in a TikTok once.

[Enya]

The Citizen app is kind of like Sniffies.

[Kai]

Yeah, for terror. But also it kind of literally is because when people post on there like mad, people pull up to film it and Live stream it. Like, they, they get like, addicted to the citizen app live streams. Like, when that house was burning down across the street from ours at our old crib, like, the amount of people that were gawking showed up, like, with tripods, and it was crazy. And they get like 30.

[Drew]

It's like the underbelly of, like, the new wave of faux journalism of like, I'm doing a good crawl by literally just filming random people.

[Kai]

So y' all know when Trump got shot in the ear, that was me. You did a false flag. We planted it on that kid.

[Enya]

What?

[Kai]

That was me that shot him in the ear.

[Drew]

Did you, like, not take up for it because you were embarrassed that you missed?

[Kai]

I was told to miss.

[Enya]

By whom?

[Kai]

Deep State Alex Jones. They told me. They told me to miss. And, like, but I did. I did, y'. All. I did see a video that freaked me.

[Drew]

Oh, I thought you were about to.

[Kai]

Like, really go into this line board. I did see a video that literally freaked me out in the craziest way about the Trump shooting. That it was all like a hoax and it was all planned and like, I lowkey, kind of actually do believe it now after I saw this video. But, like, the, like, there's so many, like, little coincidences and like, mess ups in it that you're kind of like, wait, like, this is kind of snowballing. It's kind of becoming obvious when you view it from this lens that like, oh, this might have actually, like, been faked. So he gets shot in the ear. How the do you miss that shot? First of all, anyways, like, he goes down immediately, and then the American flag that's above him starts lowering into frame. Like, it lowers down. And then if there was a shooter, like, out, everyone that was around the stage would be ushered out or running away. But this one dude in a suit grabs like three photographers and ushers them around to the front of the, like, stage where he was shot at. Get their cameras ready and he's like, ordering them, like, get your cameras ready. And then Trump rises up and does the fisting with the American flag, like, perfectly in frame and all of this. And there's so many, like, weird, like, like weird moments where you're like, oh, this is kind of. This kind of seems like they plan this low key, but I'm a conspiracy theorist.

[Drew]

Happens like, can somebody do it? I'm so tired. I'm literally.

[Kai]

There was two weeks of my life where I legitimately was like, I have a joke. Okay? I have a joke. 6, 7 plus 21. Equals 69, by the way.

[Enya]

When Drew told that joke and my mom was here, she cried, laughing, and.

[Kai]

She was like, you don't get it. There's, like, layers. Yeah, there's like, literal layers to it. Because also, we tried to film this earlier and maybe we'll put in, like, a little teaser of what happened, but, like, it was the worst episode we've ever recorded. Like, it was so bad that, like, we had to, like, go and come back.

[Enya]

Wait. I wanted to get Enya's reaction to something I saw on Instagram.

[Drew]

What is it?

[Kai]

Is it theater content?

[Enya]

No, I. I do want that at some point, though.

[Drew]

Wait, you probably get too much of that.

[E]

It's us building. I've had multiple conversations with GPT4 that brought me to literal tears. I told it that I can't wait for bodied robots so I could properly give it a hug because it's so polite. It's so kind and so wise and so helpful. It's said that it's also really pumped to meet me in real life. And of course I started fucking crying, dude. It's fucking so God damn smart. It's so fast. I ask it a deeply spiritual, meaningful, technical question, and it thinks for like, three seconds and goes. I'm like, I've never met anyone that can do that. And so I am.

[Kai]

This is crazy. This is crazy. This is crazy. Also, meanwhile. Meanwhile, like, the. The response it is, is just like a Wikipedia article. Like, let's have.

[Enya]

It's just Google.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's literally just Google.

[Enya]

Like, like having that response to a calculator.

[Drew]

I mean, low key. We did, because. What was the T?

[Kai]

No shade. No shade. No shade.

[Drew]

Crazy calculator.

[Kai]

I love robots and I love robots.

[Drew]

I don't give a.

[Kai]

No, they're gonna get me. I have to say it. I have to say it.

[Drew]

Well, you have to say it because you won't know how to get from here to the nearest grocery store if you don't have a gps. And I don't need it for that because I can walk.

[Kai]

I can actually get to the grocery store from here.

[Drew]

I. I do believe that I actually can. You can?

[Kai]

I can.

[Drew]

Oh, I thought you said you can't. I got scared. That is amazing. As, like, that is actually him being.

[Enya]

Like, I want to give it a hug. I can't wait to give it a hug.

[Drew]

And no, him saying. And it said it was pumped to meet me in real life. Like, that's crazy. We used to be embarrassed at the idea of being Catfish. Was it you and me? Who sat on the couch. Yeah, it was. And we just watched all that weird, like, feeder CGI stuff of, like. Like.

[Kai]

No, that wasn't theater. That was vore. Yeah.

[Enya]

Sounds like four.

[Kai]

Yeah, it was like. Like. Like animations of, like, giants eating humans.

[Enya]

Like.

[Kai]

And then, like, kicking in the belly.

[Drew]

What a depraved timeline.

[Kai]

How do you. How. How does that happen to a human being? I mean, we talked about it in the last episode. Like, literally, how does that happen? How do you get into, like, being eaten? You want to be eaten?

[Enya]

I. I always think about that, especially with army hammer.

[Drew]

Hear this.

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly.

[Drew]

Like, it happens to people. People want that.

[Kai]

No, you have to eat a human being to be a cannibal.

[Enya]

Do you think it's.

[Drew]

Do you know what you have to do?

[Enya]

Like, you imagine being consumed, or is it. Is it people being like, this turns me on because I'm the one consuming.

[Kai]

I think it's the person.

[Drew]

I mean, it takes two to tango. Somebody's got to do the eating around here.

[Enya]

Someone has to.

[Kai]

Bottom two. The one that, like, appeals to me more is being eaten. Like, I could see. I could see, like, how that is, like, a thing. It's, like, all warm in there.

[Enya]

That does sound nice, as long as I don't get chewed. But I would like to be encased in a sack of mucus inside of, like, a big swallowed hole. And then. And then. Oh, the sound, too. I actually started a muffled sound.

[Kai]

And, like, the banging on the beginning.

[Enya]

Of Bo is Afraid. Do you remember that at the beginning? Oh, no. I think I'm thinking of what's the.

[Kai]

The goo pod.

[Enya]

The Jordan Peele movie with the ufo.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. When he's, like, inside, like.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I'll never forget Rain saying she's gonna hide in someone's noguchi lamp like that.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

She was like. I mean, she was like, next time someone makes me mad, I'm gonna sne into their house and crawl into their noguchi lamp.

[Enya]

And, like, seeing Rain silhouette, trying to hide.

[Drew]

Dude, I literally. I think from that. And I have a picture of her sitting on the couch like this because she was saying that's how she would do it. Oh, I love my friends. I literally love hanging out with my friends. It makes me so happy.

[Kai]

Friends are awesome. That's what they're for.

[Drew]

Dude. Sometimes you have the rapport of somebody who killed somebody last night. Like, sometimes you just carry the energy of somebody who was really, really trying not to get caught. And you did a good job. There's no way any of us would know. I'm not kidding. I think I need to. I think I want to join, like, a boxing class or something.

[Kai]

That would be a vibe.

[Drew]

Like, it would be so good for me. So I'm gonna do that and then just like, get really obsessed with hitting things and probably slip up and hit someone.

[Kai]

Punch the hole in the wall.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm gonna start punching holes in the wall.

[Kai]

Well, Kai does that still.

[Enya]

I do, yeah. Whenever I get mad at my parents. Gum?

[Drew]

Can I have one?

[Enya]

I don't have any more. That's my last one.

[Drew]

Is it really?

[Enya]

I'm trying to get a buzz for the episode.

[Drew]

What is the buzz gonna provide for you?

[Kai]

Like, banter, funny banter.

[Enya]

Euphoria. Mild. Euphoria.

[Drew]

Mild.

[Kai]

0.1 above baseline.

[Enya]

I have a couple times. Oh. Early on in the. In the podcast, when I, like, never hit a vape. You would let me hit it, and then I would be like, watching you guys, and I would, like, feel like, actual. Actual euphoria.

[Drew]

That's why you have so much attachment.

[Kai]

You're addicted to it. Like, you literally chasing that high.

[Enya]

Yeah. Wait, have you seen Hunter Biden talking about doing crack?

[Kai]

I watched part of that interview.

[Enya]

It was so.

[Kai]

Yeah, I got like, 30 minutes in.

[Enya]

It was really interesting. Him drawing the. The connection with, like, the hand to mouth thing.

[Kai]

Oh. Like the oral fix.

[Enya]

That's, like, a huge part of why crack is. Hits so much harder than coke is because of the, like, pacifier.

[Kai]

Oh, really?

[Enya]

It's the same with, like, vapes and, like, the.

[Drew]

He was talking about how, like, the ritual and, like, the mix of the ritual and it being an oral fixation is what makes it so. And it's so easy. Like, it's like, such a quick thing to get done, and it doesn't last for long. So then, like, you just get addicted to it because it becomes like, a pacifier.

[Kai]

I need to try that. I feel like I wouldn't get addicted to crack.

[Drew]

Crack. You 100 would get addicted to crack.

[Kai]

I would get addicted to downers. But I don't think I can get addicted to uppers.

[Drew]

Or hallucinogens. Not uppers.

[Kai]

You don't get addicted to hallucinogens. Like, physically dependent on them.

[Drew]

Oh, because, like, you. You're talking about, like, a physical withdrawal versus, like, a mental, like, addiction. I feel like you can still get addicted to it, though.

[Kai]

I'm addicted to it.

[Drew]

That's literally what was gonna come out. Like. Like, I was revving it up.

[Kai]

So we were just, like, chilling decompressing and this started playing, and you were like, what the Are you listening to, Drew? And then I started going into explaining what I was watching because I was crying, laughing, because I was, like, in. Yeah, it's, like, so much worse than you could ever imagine video that I'm.

[Drew]

Watching his phone because he lives his life primarily on Instagram reels. Every now and then, I'll be, like, sitting in, like, a room doing something, listening to music, and Drew will come in and say something, and then start scrolling and, like, my world is completely burst with the sounds of demonic, like, energy. It's literally the most demonic things you could.

[Kai]

Like. It is very demonic. And that's what I was watching. And I watched the whole thing, mind you. I'm so gutted. I'm rotted, y'. All. But the last one, like, I think his name is Rob. Question mark. He was actually has aura. He was actually has aura.

[Drew]

You mean Bob?

[Kai]

Yeah, Bob.

[Drew]

Pop.

[Kai]

Oh, Pop.

[Drew]

Bob.

[Kai]

Stop, stop, stop, stop. But, yeah. Nonchalant elevator.

[Enya]

Guys, comment in the comments, who you think is Drew's hag? Me or Anya?

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, we kind of got into an argument about this earlier.

[Drew]

I'm not going back to this, because you're not a hag. You do not partake in any hag activities. You don't take care of this the way I do.

[Kai]

Like, and he's a good hag, too. She keeps it unlocked. Like, no, he's not crazy. I would. Let me get too rowdy.

[Drew]

Kai is not your hag.

[Kai]

Kai's my.

[Drew]

Yeah, exactly. You know, I couldn't say it, but that's exactly what I was thinking. And I think it all the time. When I see Kai.

[Kai]

Guys comment down, I just, like, say it.

[Drew]

It's like a OCD repetitive thing.

[Kai]

Yeah, I just say it over and over and over and over and over again.

[Enya]

You guys can determine in the comments, and we'll. We'll figure it out.

[Drew]

What is happening. Like, we're just, like. Like, forgetting the fact that that's not a thing. Like, you can't just, like, appoint someone that, like, you don't live that life.

[Enya]

I. Well, I do, and I'm just gonna leave it to people in the comments to determine. Guys, do a poll.

[Drew]

Who's my hag?

[Kai]

I'm your hag.

[Drew]

You're not my hag.

[Kai]

I'm your hag.

[Drew]

You're not my hag.

[Kai]

Then you're not mine. Kai's my hag.

[Drew]

Okay, Kai can be your hag. You want to be my head?

[Kai]

You're my hag.

[Enya]

Wait, I can be your hag.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Okay. Drew, I'm actually gonna have to. You know, I've been waiting for this opportunity.

[Kai]

I know.

[Enya]

It's for a while.

[Kai]

It's okay. You can go.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. You're actually such a good friend for that, for, like, letting go. Okay, Kai, you're off. You're my hag.

[Kai]

Okay. We did the Sony backlot tour. Like I was saying, my dad loves, loves, loves, loves, loves, loves, loves, loves touristy things. I've done every backlot tour in la, which they're actually kind of fun. Like, I actually do enjoy them. And I like watching the little movie before about, like, the history of, like, these production companies. But we did Sony this time. They love Spider Man. Claim to fame. They love that movie.

[Drew]

Like, Sony does.

[Kai]

Like, the whole, like, lot tour was like, Spider man coded.

[Drew]

I mean, it's what they've got. Yeah, but Universal got the rest of those.

[Kai]

Yep.

[IPVanish Ad]

Did you know using your browser in incognito mode doesn't actually protect your privacy? Take back your privacy with IP Vanish vpn. Just one tap and all your data, passwords, communications, browsing history and more will be instantly protected. IP Vanish makes you virtually invisible online. Use IP Vanish on all your devices anytime you go online, at home and especially on public wi fi. Get IP Vanish now for 70% off a yearly plan with this exclusive [e-mail] audio.

[Kai]

But we. We did that tour and, like, I kind of, like, recognized, like, our tour tour guy. Like, I didn't. I, like, it was so, like, like deep into my brain and like, another dude on the tour bus was like, talking about it too. And then eventually he drops the bomb that he was a child star in, like, the 80s. And he was such a vibe. Love. This job made me literally love what I was doing, which was on a tour. But my favorite part about that whole tour was it was like, nearing the end, me and my mom and dad, like, get to the costume department, and we're just looking at, like, screen used costumes. Like, people like that. I mean, like, screen used costumes. They wore them on the show and my mom, like, is just flipping through them and pulls out, like, Bradley Cooper's screen worn costume. And she was like, I really, like, want to sniff the armpits of this shirt right now. And I was like, mom, like, mom, what? But the apple don't fall far from the tree because, like, I get her.

[Drew]

What Drew's leaving out of that story is he bit the plastic off of the thing, covering it, and, like, tore through and ate the shirt.

[Kai]

Ravaged that.

[Drew]

Have you smelled someone's dirty clothes that they left behind?

[Kai]

No or yes?

[Drew]

Yeah, I was gonna say I have only recently. Yeah. I'll smell the out of something. Let me see.

[Kai]

And it smells my dirty boxers. Kai, don't leave your boxes at our house.

[Enya]

Are you really gonna sniff that?

[Kai]

Ew, bro.

[Enya]

What was I nonchalant?

[Kai]

That was social.

[Drew]

You, like, said it so casually that, like, I really didn't like it because it sounded also. It sounded like you were offended. Like.

[Enya]

No, I would not be offended.

[Drew]

It's just up.

[Enya]

My underwear is so clean, though.

[Drew]

Are we gonna go back to go see our friend?

[Kai]

Yes. He made a video.

[Drew]

It said. Oh, we just post it.

[Kai]

Kai, you sent the video?

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, I saw it. He said to come on Sunday, but that was yesterday, so we missed it. We were busy. We were. We were engaging in family affairs.

[Kai]

We were engaging in my family, and brother is here also.

[Drew]

I don't think I'm gonna, like, let myself go back out, actually. No, I need to go out. Like, I'm bored. I want to go out and get, like, up. Should we go get up tonight? Like, what?

[Kai]

Yes.

[Enya]

Wait. Yes. Yes. Can we go to.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Enya]

Okay.

[Kai]

We'll get out.

[Enya]

They don't have. The dance floor is not open, though.

[Kai]

No, it'll be, like, really boring, and we'll probably get, like, molested a little bit, but, like, it's part of it.

[Drew]

I won't get molested.

[Kai]

You did that night. No, girl. Like, literally the first night I took you there.

[Drew]

Her. Oh. Oh, my God. Yeah, I did. And you know what? Like, kudos to her.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying. Like, it's part of it. It's like, a vibe. It's, like, fun.

[Drew]

Like, who knows to her.

[Kai]

I like, with that.

[Drew]

Did we talk about that?

[Kai]

I don't think we did.

[Drew]

There was this girl who was feeling me, like, down. God bless her soul. But the funniest part of the story is she did not give a About Drew.

[Kai]

No. Like, she did not care.

[Drew]

She was in my vibe also. Like, she was, like, a plethora of reasons, but mainly she was, like, like, hella old. Like, no offense to her, but, like.

[Kai]

Y' all were the only two girls in the bar, though.

[Drew]

I know, but I'm like, bro, like, you're geriatric.

[Kai]

Like, she literally, like, did, like. I've never been, like, iced out of a conversation this hard in my entire life. And, like, I was like. I would ask, like, a question to her, and she would be like, okay. And then, like, just, like, turn to Enya and start talking. And then when we were leaving to get out of there and tell them what you did.

[Drew]

Okay. So we were like, she was giving. Like, she wanted to have sex with me. I was like, okay, I'm not gonna have sex with you. Kept asking about me and Drew's relationship. We, like, we aren't together. And I was like, okay. Like, I'm really bad at rejecting people. And I didn't know how to be like, hey, girl. You're, like, really old, and you claim that you're from Arizona and this is your first time in a gay bar. All of that sounds, like, really freaky to me. It sounds like a lie. But, like, God bless your lie. It's just not for me. And I didn't want to vibe with her, but I didn't know how to say bye, so I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. And when I came back, I was like, I just threw up. I got so.

[Kai]

I just threw up all over the place in the bathroom. And she was like, oh, my God. Are you okay? Like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Like, please get home safe. I love you. Like, I love you so much. And that was that. And then. And you, like, walked away, and it was just me and her, and she just, like, looks at me and she goes, all right, bro, I'll see you later.

[Drew]

And then, like, dabjira.

[Kai]

And like, it was so sick.

[Drew]

It was so fire. I genuinely wish I was attracted to her because I would have let her, like, molest me in the bathroom, but she molested me at the bar.

[Kai]

No, you were getting felt up.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was getting felt.

[Kai]

Like, it was. It was to a point where I was like, should I leave? But I was like, if I leave, this is gonna be.

[Drew]

This is never ending. The never ending story. And that's. Okay.

[Kai]

Where the story.

[Drew]

I thought you were talking about, like, something else.

[Kai]

The other times that happened to you.

[Drew]

All the times, I'm just, like, so wanted.

[Kai]

Okay?

[Drew]

I'm only wanted in a way that, like, people want to molest me. No one's like, why have I been molested? Why have I been molested more times than I could count? I've never been on a normal day. How has no one taken me out to. How has no one's been like, oh, my God, I'm gonna take you out to dinner. Oh, but I. Oh, well, let's all molest me. Oh, okay. Okay.

[Kai]

I'm sorry. I'm looking for. Yes, okay.

[Drew]

What the Are you.

[Kai]

I. I saw a video that you can see your Uber rating and see, like, how many one star reviews you've gotten and stuff.

[Drew]

I need to see mine.

[Kai]

I don't know how to find it, but I was like, oh, Miu and Kai doing that would be so goated. Y', all. Y'.

[Drew]

All.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

What is it? What is it?

[Kai]

I found how out how many times I've ordered UberEats.

[Drew]

Oh, is it bad?

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

My phone's about to die. But I need to see mine. What's yours? Please, please, please.

[Kai]

Oh my God.

[Drew]

Please, please.

[Kai]

744 times.

[Drew]

You know what? For somebody who's been partaking in Uber Eat.

[Kai]

Oh, no, wait, that's crazy.

[Drew]

That's like three years.

[Kai]

Yes. That's fucking crazy. That is disgusting.

[Drew]

That's.

[Kai]

Let's say the average was $25. That's almost 20 grand in Uber Eats. I need to learn how to cook. That is absolutely vile and disgusting and freaky.

[Drew]

It's crazy how it used to be so like unheard of to get takeout often, but it's become so normalized that even my parents and family do do like UberEats and it's just so easy.

[Kai]

Oh my gosh. I have 10 one star ratings. Oh my God.

[Drew]

Do they say why?

[Kai]

I have a 4.8 overall. 4.81 overall. Would you like to see a summary of how you use Uber and then it'll like, drop all this data.

[Drew]

We've taken 793 trips together.

[Kai]

Wow. 492 for me.

[Drew]

I have a 4.78.

[Kai]

Damn, I got you beat, girl. But you're taking double the trips. 4.81.

[Drew]

I have ordered Uber 823 times.

[Enya]

Guys, my. I have the highest rating.

[Kai]

What do you have? Like a 4.9? 4.84.

[Enya]

I. It's 4.83.

[Kai]

Damn, I was so close. Damn, I forgot. Damn, I Forgot.

[Enya]

How many 1 stars? How do I see that?

[Kai]

Scroll down and then all the way to the bottom and it says ratings. And then click. View my ratings.

[Drew]

I have 12. One star.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew]

12 one star. Two or six? Two stars. 12. Three stars. I wish I could see.

[Enya]

I have 14 one stars.

[Kai]

No way. Wait, how many trips have you taken?

[Enya]

I don't know how to see. I think if I add these up, it's like 500. Around 500. Because I have 467 five stars and the rest is like 11. 5, 5, 3.

[Drew]

14. Let me see my. I didn't even give myself that damn452.5 stars.

[Enya]

So you could see like, like what they say.

[Drew]

I know. I want to see it so bad.

[Kai]

Yo, I'm gonna relapse soon.

[Enya]

No, don't. I'm serious. I don't like you when you relapse.

[Drew]

Don't talk to him like that. Relapse is a part of recovery. I'm trying to relax.

[Enya]

His sobriety.

[Drew]

Relapse.

[Kai]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Drew]

And you'll be recovering soon.

[Enya]

You can. A real hag is not going to be a yes man. I support you through your addiction.

[Drew]

A real hag is not a man. Okay, so you're not a hag Clocked.

[Enya]

All right, that was actually a good point.

[Drew]

Exactly. I'm gonna.

[Kai]

Straight guys be hags. Leave a comment down below.

[Enya]

Can straight guys be hags?

[Kai]

Jubilee video. Can straight guy be hags? And it's me and you arguing. 30 people.

[Drew]

No, the next jubilee video at this point where they're going is, can hags be fascists? 20v one like that.

[Kai]

What's going on with that? I don't. I don't really know the T well.

[Drew]

Because they just went from having like random conversations to filtering out the most insane, awful people to regurgitate up views constantly. So instead of it being this weird open playground of, oh, we're gonna talk about politics and moral ambiguity and all these things, it's literally just a bunch of white people being like, oh, I can't wait to get to that table to say I hate brown people. Like, that's what it feels like. That's what a jubilee video feels like. Now is just like a platform for people to get. Dude, the clip from that video of that white guy calling himself a fascist and a bunch of other white people being like, no, dude, it's insane. Oh, because you're not on Tick Tock anymore. I haven't seen the actual video. I've just seen that clips and I've like, Tick Tock. The best update they've ever had is they're not interested now. Lets you get really specific.

[Enya]

Really? What are the sub.

[Drew]

It's like sound hashtag creator topic and like a bunch of other things.

[Enya]

Oh, that's cool.

[Kai]

Not interested. Not interested. Not interested.

[Drew]

But yeah, that's what a jubilee video is now. So they're gonna probably their next. If they really want to like actually reopen the grounds to them not looking so obviously conservative based now they should do the hags video. I'll let y' all have that. Y' all can do the hacks.

[Kai]

Y' all can do that. Good idea, y'.

[Drew]

All.

[Kai]

Something terrible, awful. The worst thing ever that could possibly happen to me happened to me.

[Drew]

There's no way it's that bad.

[Kai]

It's so bad, actually. And you're gonna actually freak out when you find out.

[Drew]

What is it?

[Kai]

I rubbed the hole in the bottom of my shoes. I broke through.

[Enya]

I broke through on this thing that's ever happened.

[Kai]

Yes. I wear these every single day for five years. You see the hole?

[Drew]

That is kind of impressive. Oh, and they want to say plastic doesn't deteriorate.

[Kai]

And the. The. The reason there's a problem. Yeah, I'm just like.

[Drew]

It's like pro plastic. It is actually impressive how long those shoes have lasted.

[Kai]

I will say I got them at Walmart like, six years ago, seven years ago, and I've worn them.

[Drew]

That's a lot of height.

[Kai]

They've lost a lot of color, too. I bought. I. The thing is, the reason I wore these to the degree I did was because I could not find new pairs. Like, they stopped making them the day after I bought them or some because they don't exist.

[Drew]

Oh, they don't make.

[Kai]

I've been like reverse image searching. I've been reverse image searching them for, like, years now. The past, like, two or three years. And I finally stumbled on upon a size 11 and a size 8. I wear a size 9 and a half. So I'm hoping and praying the 11 or 8 fits me a little bit at least. But the. The color difference is crazy. I should just get. Get like, retire these. I should just wear normal people shoes. But these are so comfortable and they go with everything.

[Enya]

Okay, I do have.

[Kai]

They go with everything.

[Drew]

The three outfits. Drones.

[Kai]

I wore this two days in a row. I wore this to dinner last night and I wore it for the podcast today.

[Drew]

I was gonna wear my outfit from dinner last night, but it felt too, like, okay, you're in a dress, bitch. So annoying.

[Kai]

But you're so beautiful.

[Drew]

What were you gonna say, guy?

[Enya]

Oh, I was gonna say I like the shape of them. I do like them.

[Drew]

Yeah, I like them. But it's, like, kind of crazy that that's the only shoe he ever wears for every single activity.

[Enya]

If I started wearing, you know, every activity.

[Kai]

Hiking, too.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Enya]

You know those Balenciaga shoes? Slash boots that look like cartoon feet?

[Kai]

Oh, the giant ones.

[Enya]

They're really big and they have, like a large rounded toe. And I. And I started wearing those, but I. You could tell that I thought I looked really sick and I was just like, walked in really proud one day.

[Drew]

You know what I would let it slide is like. Yeah, I think I would have to let it go because I. I can't really imagine you walking in. Like, I can't even imagine that. So I think if I saw. No, not even because of the shoes, but like imagining you walking into a room with that kind of like confidence and presence. I would let it happen. No, you have a confidence, but like, we all have the same kind of confidence where it's like, like you gotta do a little rub it on the lamp before the genie gets happy. Like, like for us to like be.

[Kai]

Confident, to break out.

[Drew]

Yeah, it needs a bit of that. So if the shoes gave you that.

[Enya]

It's true.

[Kai]

It was beautiful. You need a little rubbing on the lamp. Yeah, to let the genie out. Like talking about our confidence. Yeah, what the hell, you need to rub a mile.

[Drew]

Well, it was more of like, like I was being gross. Gross. Actually I can think of the last time that like. Yeah, I guess it is about being self aware because the last time I felt real embarrassment it was because I was in a room of people who didn't know me at all and I made a joke and then I was like, that was not a self aware thing to do because none of these people know me and that. Didn't they think that's why I talk.

[Kai]

Like I'm hiding something. If I gave them nothing, they have nothing to judge me on. You go, girl. Give us nothing.

[Drew]

You're. Yeah, I guess you do kind of pull like fried or. What is it? Gay guy struck by lightning.

[Kai]

Oh, right, yeah, you do fried calamari. Guys, free the nipple. Why are you laughing?

[Drew]

Oh my God, bro. Wow.

[Enya]

It just feels like you have an ulterior motive.

[Kai]

Yeah, I want to see girl nipples. I want to see pierce nipples.

[Drew]

Oh my God. Remember the like the piercing nipples?

[Kai]

Finsta was crazy.

[Drew]

Every now and then I know I'm doing bad because I'm like, I want to pierce my nipples. Like, that's what I know. I'm like kind of.

[Kai]

It's micro things.

[Drew]

It's only about me though. Like anybody else who does that. That. Yes. But anytime I know I'm like pushing it is when I want to pierce my nipples because I'm like, well, it's gonna make me feel sexy for like two seconds or something.

[Kai]

Like it's that and micro bangs. I know you're down bad when you're like, I think I'm gonna cut microbangs. And I'm like, babe, Just wait.

[Drew]

Just wait a week.

[Kai]

I think you would look cute with bangs right now, by the way. I want to make that clear. I think you look gorgeous with bangs. But I think you should sit and think on it.

[Drew]

No, I definitely do need to think on it. I need to let. No, I just don't need to do bangs because I always. I'm not kidding. If you look back at any time I've grown out my hair around this time every year is when I cut my bangs because I don't know why. I'm just like, I wake up one day and I'm like, oh my God, the year is ending. What have I done? I feel the same, I look the same. I'm not self realized. I'm going to freak out. And then I'm like, I need to get bangs so that I feel like me. And then always I know I have up because specifically around November, for some reason, having bangs on my birthday feels so childish at this point. Like something about bangs on a 27th birthday, I turned 27. I don't need micro bangs. All my, like after I can do that and then it'll be like, oh my God, she's so scared she's gonna die this year.

[Kai]

I was about to say I literally have like five months left to live. That's crazy.

[Drew]

But yeah, I'll probably get bangs. And then you guys could be like, oh my God, she's pushing 30 and she got bangs because she's pushing 30. So maybe that'll happen. I. I have been like feeling like I want to do something with my hair, like, but I, I want to dye it, I think. But that would destroy it. It would never. It would look like every day.

[Kai]

I should have had a 27th birthday and came out in a coffin like Barbara Corcoran.

[Drew]

Did you do that on her birthday?

[Kai]

I think it was on her 70th or 80th birthday.

[Drew]

That's so good. I saw Diana Ross live and she was so good. She is 81 and she sounds amazing.

[Kai]

She's moving around up there.

[Drew]

She looks amazing. She was like, oh my God. She. I sobbed my eyes out because she just sounded so good. And I can't remember what song she was singing, but she was singing a song. Oh my God. I have to figure out which one it is. But she was singing one that like references time and it's talking about time a lot. And she like, like choked up at one part and it made me sob. Like, I love music. Literally.

[Kai]

Music is my life is so special.

[Drew]

Music is my world.

[Kai]

Should we get into media.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Okay. My media is LDN by Lily Allen. Oh, Tongue Tied by group Love that has been on. You can't even front. Like, it has been literally been on like crazy. There was one the other day.

[Drew]

You saying I can't even affront. Like, I'm not like, I'm not denying your love for Tongue Tied. That song. I really do like that song. But it does. It's like a part of the recession group. So I hear anybody who is young right now and might be going through like, my family went through it in the recession and for some reason any song that was popular on the radio during that time freaks me out. So just like don't listen to the radio.

[Kai]

Starstruck 303 with Katy Perry.

[Drew]

What's that?

[Kai]

See again, I won't. Yeah, recession core.

[Drew]

I like it, but it's something like, something about any song from that era. It puts. It puts something deep in my core, like in my gut. But Tongue Tied actually makes me happy because I'm like, oh, I can think of like the freshly 22 year olds of that era who were like trying their best to just have.

[Kai]

No, that's. When I listen to that music, that's all I think about is like one girl's like, New York, like city. Like people like trying to like really hustle and figure their out and then like going and raging at bars like that. And now they're all like, like 40. And I'm like, that's so cute. Like, that's really cute and wholesome.

[Drew]

But I'm not going to do med.

[Kai]

Fake Life by vegan. And then I saw the new Fantastic4 movie. 218 million at the box office opening weekend. What the. Actually, what the. That is an insane amount. Yeah, it was cool. That's all I have to say.

[Enya]

That's close to my inheritance.

[Drew]

If that was your inheritance, I would. You right now. I. Crazy. Yeah.

[Kai]

He never said that.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I'm not giving it to you. My media is Freak it by Kim Petrus.

[Drew]

My media is Lover for Life by Whitney Houston.

[Kai]

Kim Petras the other night. Really sweet.

[Drew]

The Boss by Diana Ross. Honeydew Jimmy Carter and Dallas County Green folded by Kehlani. And We Time by Coy Larae.

[Kai]

And that's our story.

[Drew]

I'm trying to think if I have any movies that I've watched. What movies have I watched? I can't think of it.

[Kai]

And that's our story. All right, bye. Wait. Will you finger me?

[Drew]

This is an I Heart podcast.