lets start a podcast

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "Let's Start a Podcast" Episode Summary

Release Date: October 4, 2024
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips

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Introduction to the Episode

"Let's Start a Podcast" marks the inaugural episode of Emergency Intercom, a comedic journey hosted by Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips. True to its description, the episode delves into a mix of humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions, all delivered with a sharp comedic edge.

Main Topics Discussed

1. Cryptic Pregnancy and Parenthood

The episode kicks off with a humorous yet critical take on cryptic pregnancies—situations where a woman is unaware of her pregnancy until late stages. Drew raises the topic, stating:

Drew: "Cryptic pregnancy should be illegal. That is evil. A woman's life is suffering." [02:37]

Kai quickly agrees, adding:

Kai: "That is the scariest shit I have ever heard in my life." [02:37]

The hosts express their skepticism and discomfort with the idea, intertwining jokes about alcohol consumption and assumptions about the lifestyles of those experiencing cryptic pregnancies. They explore the complexities of maternal instincts versus personal desires, with Drew lamenting:

Drew: "I don't want kids. Watch me end up having kids." [03:44]

This segment highlights their resistance to parenthood, blending humor with genuine introspection about societal expectations and personal choices.

2. Mental Health Struggles: Anxiety, Depression, and Physical Health

Transitioning from parenthood, the conversation shifts to mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and conditions like POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). Kai shares a personal story about nearly fainting:

Kai: "I almost fainted. I was this close away." [09:11]

Drew echoes the struggle, discussing his own battles:

Drew: "I've been talking about it with my therapist about, like, I just hate decision making when it comes to food." [27:58]

The hosts delve into the impact of these conditions on daily life, relationships, and self-perception, offering a blend of humor and vulnerability.

3. Relationship with Food: Love and Loathing

Food becomes a central theme as Enya and Drew explore their conflicting feelings toward it. They critique modern food trends, such as mukbangs (eating broadcasts), and discuss their aversions:

Kai: "Food is so weird. Food is creepy." [26:48]

Drew adds his disdain for certain foods, sharing personal anecdotes about chicken wings and their unpleasant aftermath:

Drew: "Chicken wings come with a little feather on it. Get that out of my fucking face." [28:54]

Their banter underscores a deep-seated discomfort with food, blending comedic exaggeration with honest frustrations.

4. Sleep Disorders and Nightmares

The hosts open up about their struggles with sleep disorders and nightmares, detailing experiences that affect their mental health:

Kai: "I took a nap in the middle of the day and had the worst nightmare of my life." [40:13]

Drew: "I'm scared of somebody dying around me because that's my biggest fear." [39:26]

These discussions provide a raw look into their nightly battles, interspersed with humor to navigate the seriousness of the topic.

5. Friendship Dynamics and Reclusiveness

Enya and Drew reflect on how aging and mental health challenges have transformed their friendship and social lives. They express concerns about drifting apart and becoming homebodies:

Drew: "We've all just kind of reclused away. And it's also just like getting older." [56:01]

Kai: "Our work entails such a social aspect to it that like now continuing social lives outside of it is really difficult." [56:01]

Their conversation underscores the universal struggle of maintaining connections amidst personal growth and societal pressures.

6. Personal Anecdotes and Daily Struggles

Throughout the episode, the hosts share various personal stories, from dealing with stolen items to navigating daily routines complicated by mental health issues. They discuss mundane yet relatable topics like:

• Haircuts and Body Image:

  Kai: "I feel like someone stole my hair. That's what I feel like when I go to a hair salon." [48:26]

• Obsessions and Compulsions:

  Drew: "I will be accepting cookies till the day I die." [58:40]

Their candidness about these everyday struggles adds depth to the comedic narrative, making their experiences resonate with listeners.

Notable Quotes

• Drew on Cryptic Pregnancy: "Cryptic pregnancy should be illegal. That is evil. A woman's life is suffering." [02:37]

• Kai on Food Weirdness: "Food is so weird. Food is creepy." [26:48]

• Drew on Sleep Fear: "I'm scared of somebody dying around me because that's my biggest fear." [39:26]

• Kai on Reclusiveness: "Our work entails such a social aspect to it that like now continuing social lives outside of it is really difficult." [56:01]

• Drew on Cookie Obsession: "I will be accepting cookies till the day I die." [58:40]

Conclusion

"Let's Start a Podcast" sets a promising tone for Emergency Intercom, blending sharp humor with heartfelt discussions. Enya and Drew navigate through topics like cryptic pregnancies, mental health struggles, and the complexities of modern friendships with a unique comedic flair. Their ability to intertwine humor with vulnerability creates an engaging narrative that invites listeners to laugh while reflecting on their own experiences.

This episode serves as a compelling introduction to the podcast, promising more insightful and humorous conversations in future installments.

Transcript

[Drew]

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[ChatGPT]

Game catalog varies by region and over time.

[Drew]

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[Kai]

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[Drew]

Well, cryptic pregnancy should be illegal.

[Kai]

Ban them.

[Drew]

Ban cryptic pregnancies. That is evil. That is evil. Evil, evil. A woman's life is suffering. Like, are you kidding me? I could just be be pregnant and I don't know.

[Kai]

That is the scariest shit I have ever heard in my life. That, like, bitch, like people like, party and drink and do drugs.

[Drew]

Always my immediate thought when someone's like, yeah, I have a cryptic pregnancy, I'm like, that baby is going to need alcohol immediately. But that's also the assuming most people are just, like, drinking often. Like, maybe a lot of people don't actually drink that much. But I don't know. Like, I feel like cryptic pregnancies I usually see it's like a younger person who has it, and I'm like, I know that baby. Baby was at the frat parties. Like that baby was out with y'all. Like, y'all need. What y'all were supposed to be doing was calling an Uber XL because there was an extra fucking passenger that nobody knew.

[Kai]

Wait, the tea is is like drinking while pregnant really that bad? Two podcasters get a mic and start talking.

[Drew]

We just started talking like, you know, it literally like a wine a day with like A glass of wine a day with your pregnant when you're pregnant is, like, not that bad.

[Kai]

Yeah, well, my wife drank a quarter of fireball every night. Your wife while she was pregnant with me? Yes.

[Drew]

Your wife while she was pregnant with me?

[Kai]

Yes. She gave birth to me.

[Drew]

Your wife gave birth to you?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And you're 18. Okay. How old is your mom? She's 18 as well.

[Kai]

My mom is my wife. My wife.

[Drew]

But, yeah, cryptic pregnancies are really, really creeping me the out. I would be so, so mad. I would feel so. But also, it's because I don't want kids. I feel like most people who have cryptic pregnancies, it's like, fuck, I didn't want to do this right now, but, like, I'm down for this. I don't want babies. I don't want kids. I don't want kids. I don't want kids. I don't want kids. I don't want kids. Watch me end up having kids.

[Kai]

You're going to have kids.

[Drew]

They have to see all this content of me being like, kids, kids. I hate kids. I don't want kids.

[Kai]

I think something is going to click in your brain and you're going to want kids one day.

[Drew]

I don't know. The thing is, I feel like so many women I know have always had, like, a maternal instinct and have the women I know who want kids have always wanted kids. They never went from being like, oh, fuck kids, to being like, I think I'm ready. So I don't know. Also, it doesn't work too that all of my friends, for the most part, all of my homegirls are like, bitch, I do not want fucking kids. So, like, we're literally in the witches club. We're, like, literally all evil. Yeah, we're all evil witches who don't believe in having, like, offspring.

[Kai]

Damn, I want children. Right.

[Drew]

Well, what's your birth plan? Are you going to do a natural birth?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I wish you could have a baby.

[Kai]

You're going to carry my child.

[Drew]

That's the thing, is, Drew's asked me that before, and I've been like, girl.

[Kai]

Hell, we would make awesome as babies, though. And you would have nothing to do with the child afterwards. I would raise it.

[Drew]

Are you allowed to take antidepressants and stuff while you're pregnant?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, per.

[Kai]

But, like, no babies inside produce natural hormones that make women happier.

[Drew]

I think the opposite.

[Kai]

The postpartum depression is the most diabolical shit. Like, women's life really is suffering. That's what I'm saying, and it's suffering in silence.

[Drew]

Literally, the baby, like, sucks all of your life and juices from you. I will say, though, like, I do think motherhood is beautiful, but I just don't have a calling to it. But every time I see somebody, like, I either relatively know or just somebody in general with their baby, it makes me so happy. But also, I never got to have a mother, so I don't believe that I should be anybody's mother.

[Kai]

Awkward.

[Drew]

People get so confused. Cuz I say stuff like that, and then I'm like, my mom. And then they're like, wait, I'm confused. Is her mom dead?

[Kai]

Listen, set the record straight.

[Drew]

There's layers to this, bro. Like, there's layers to this. My stepmom is my mommy. My birth mom is dead. Hope that cleared everything up.

[Kai]

I'm laughing.

[Drew]

Yeah. I'm glad it brings you joy. Why? Why does my mom's death bring you joy?

[Kai]

I don't know. Just because I have you all to myself now.

[Drew]

Yeah. If Drew's ever sad, I'm like, oh, my mom's dead. And he literally starts, like, jumping up and, like, jumping around in his room.

[Kai]

That is literally not true, actually.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's not true. Because if you jumped out of bed and started jumping around, you would fucking faint and die.

[Kai]

I know, bitch. I've been standing up and, like, on the verge of fainting for the last, like, three days. And I have, like, a blood or, like, a heart rate monitor that, like, checks blood pressure, too. And I forgot why I got it. I just. I got it. Oh. Because my mom was. My older brother got diagnosed with, like, pots when he was, like, 20 or something like that. And it was around the time that I was, like, going through the same shit. My mom was like, like, I think it's called, like, post something. Tachycardia, like, orthostatic tachycardia. It's like your heart rate is just, like, naturally higher. And when you stand up, like, your high, your heart rate, like, skyrockets and like.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

A lot of girls have it. Boys can get pots too. So my mom just, like, got me a heart rate monitor.

[Drew]

Boys deserve to have pots.

[Kai]

No, boy. Literally. Boys can have pots too. Girls can have autism as well. It's not just adhd.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Thank you for bringing awareness to the misdiagnosis of many women across the country.

[Kai]

I tour. I tore. I don't even remember what the.

[Drew]

Oh, that's why you have that stupid fucking monitor.

[Kai]

Yeah. And I was like, oh, let me. What was I Even. I don't even know.

[Drew]

Cause you stand up when you stand up. You almost fucking die every time you stand up.

[Kai]

Yeah. Oh, well, I was just gonna go look for my heart rate monitor just to, like, see what my blood pressure was because it was giving, like, really, really low, and I. My blood press pressure is really low when I stand up, and I couldn't find it, and Josh stole it from me and lost it, and I'm pissed about that. And then Kai stole my three, four jack.

[Drew]

Okay. Like, real stretch of something that was stolen.

[Kai]

And then someone stole my camera and didn't put it back. Like, everything I own is getting stolen from me.

[Drew]

Except your heart. No one can ever take that from you.

[Kai]

Exactly. But I didn't. I didn't get to test my heart rate, but I've been really down, tremendously bad standing up. Like, I. Last night I was like, watch this and I can make myself pass out. It didn't work.

[Drew]

I got it on video.

[Kai]

Oh, you recorded it?

[Drew]

Yeah. I want to watch it.

[Kai]

But I could probably do it right now.

[Drew]

I. Because. Cool demonstration.

[Kai]

Okay. There was, like. There was, like, 2% of what's been happening to me, but I don't have pots. There was a. There was a tinge. There was a moment. There was a moment. Exactly what just happened?

[Drew]

Exactly what you just said. Drawers is like. I almost fainted. I was this close away. Have you. You fainted before, right?

[Kai]

Literally, like a mini. At times. Once I took too much. Not. I almost said tramadol. Too much Trazodone. And I was laying in bed and my body got all warm and fuzzy, and I was like, wait, what the fuck is happening? Like, literally, what is happening? I've never felt like this before. And then my eyes started tunneling, and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I think I'm passing out. So instead of just, like, passing out in bed, I literally thought I was, like, overdosing and dying. I, like, stood up and ran around my bed, and I had that fist, like that coral reef at the time, and right next to it was a trash can. And I, like, literally collapsed into the pile of garbage. And I remember vividly being like, bro, I can't die in a pile of garbage. So I stood up again and walked down the hallway in my room and then collapsed, just. And hit my head really hard and bit through my tongue. And I was like, oh, my God. And then. So I scurried on the floor on all fours to my sister's room, and they didn't fucking believe me. And so I, like, passed out a third time on the floor of the fucking bedroom and just slept there until, like, 7:00am and, like, I knew I was down tremendously bad because I was shirtless, and nobody in my family had ever seen me shirtless. Like, actually, let's talk about that. Literally.

[Drew]

That is insane.

[Kai]

I literally was not shirtless in front of anybody in my life from the ages of, like, probably 10, I'd say even nine to, like, 20.

[Drew]

Like, I feel like even until, like, the past, like, two years, I really never saw you.

[Kai]

Yeah. No. I literally was, like, so disgusted by my body. And I have this one very vivid of my dead brother. This is the reason why he died. It's because he said this shit to me. I'm not even kidding. Like, karma's a bitch. Like, don't talk about my fucking body because you might die. But we were in a lazy river at, like, Great Wolf Lodge or some shit. I don't know what the fuck it was. And we were just, like, floating down the river, and I was just minding my own business, and I was, like, just gaining consciousness. I was probably, like, 8 or something like that. And I was not aware of the evils that this world could bestow upon. Like, someone. Like, I didn't know that body dysmorphia.

[Drew]

Hadn'T entered the picture.

[Kai]

Yeah, body dysmorphia hadn't entered the picture. Well, we're floating down this river, and my dead brother looks at me and he's like, oh, fuck. What did he say? I forgot it. He just looked at my, like, my love handles, and he was like, wow, you're packing on the pounds there. It's really hanging over the edge of your swimsuit. And he just, like, kept going in. He was like, the swimsuit is, like, really tight, so you can, like, see your, like, gut and your sides billowing over. And I was like, bitch. I was literally, like, £26 at this point. Like, I literally was, like, tiny, tiny, tiny. But I was just, like, entering, like, early stages of puberty.

[Drew]

Wait, 26 pounds is tiny? Dude, that's crazy.

[Kai]

Is that big?

[Drew]

When I was eight, I was literally, like, eight pounds.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. But, yeah, ever since that moment, I was hyper aware of my body. And then my brother died, and I was set free of the clutches of body dysmorphia.

[Drew]

And you were able to be shirtless? Yeah, well, we've gotten too comfortable with each other. And at this point, I just walk around, like, shirtless.

[Kai]

Yeah. It's a vibe, though.

[Drew]

It is. I get, like, On Sundays, I just like take my shirt off and clean the house, bro.

[Kai]

India fucking tweaks out when she's goddamn cleaning. Her ass cheek will be hanging out. Like her bra will like be halfway off. Like her sweater down her shoulder. Like she's basically half naked and she's fucking scrubbing the walls and shit. It's so tweet coded.

[Drew]

One day I was literally like, I know what I look like. I look like a crazy person. But there's just like certain times where I'll be like committed to doing a task. And I'm like, if I'm going to commit to doing this task, I need to do it at its fullest. I need to not cut corners because I'm actually here. I'm really doing it. I'm committing to it. But then I just look crazy. Cuz I was literally cleaning the. The. What are those called? The doorway boards. The like wooden borders, whatever.

[Kai]

The.

[Drew]

And I was cleaning the.

[Kai]

Out of that while drew the blue banisters.

[Drew]

The blue banisters? What is that like Lana Del Rey? I know, but before that. What does that mean?

[Kai]

Like, the banisters Aren't that. Isn't that what you like, pray at in church or some two who don't know? We're like, oh, let me look it up.

[Drew]

Blue banisters just sounds like very patriotic to me.

[Kai]

Let's ask Chat GPT. Hello. Hey, can you speak to me in a very gay voice? I can definitely adjust my tone to be more fun and lively for you. What would you like to chat about? Fuck. Breeze. What's up?

[Drew]

Hello. Hey, what's up? Hey. Hey, how's it go? Hi there. Hi. Hey, wait for that one. Hey there. Hi there. Nice to. Hey there.

[Kai]

Hey, wait. This is literally. This is me scrolling through the Winterland system. Let's talk about that.

[Drew]

The Wonderland.

[Kai]

Yeah, they took their brain and put it in the Wonderland system.

[Drew]

Literally. Chad GPT is just the new did.

[Kai]

Yeah, Arbor. Okay. Like, hello. This app is a piece of chat.

[Drew]

I know.

[Kai]

It's together.

[Drew]

Like we've been playing with it and it's the slowest app ever. It's so annoying.

[Kai]

Hi, can you talk to me using gay slang only?

[ChatGPT]

Sure thing. All right, honey, let's spill the tea. So you know when you're serving looks, giving face, and just living your best life, it's all about that fierce attitude. Whether you're throwing shade or snatching wigs, it's all.

[Drew]

Okay. You didn't even ask for all that.

[Kai]

This was a hate crime on like multiple levels. What is a banister.

[ChatGPT]

Oh, no hate crimes here. Just serving language realness. A banister is the handrail you hold onto when you're going up or downstairs. It's there to give you a little support and prevent any dramatic tumbles. Keep it cute and safe, darling.

[Kai]

Okay, that was terrifying. That was. I like that.

[Drew]

He, like, hears everything.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

For real, like, every time we've played with ChatGPT, I feel like we're doing a prank call. Actually, that's what's annoying, because we don't use it. We literally use it to, like, prank chatgpt. We're like, oh, we're gonna get him.

[Kai]

We're gonna get him.

[Drew]

We're gonna get him to say something so stupid.

[Kai]

Let's play. Let's play.

[Drew]

Eat his shoes.

[Kai]

Hello. Hey. Can I eat your shoes?

[ChatGPT]

Well, that's. At first, I think my shoes might be a bit too digital for a snack. Maybe try something a little more edible.

[Kai]

I'm coming out to my family very soon, and I need help. Can you, like, list me a couple things that would help me come out to my family?

[ChatGPT]

That's a big step, and I'm here for you. Here are a few things.

[Kai]

Use more gay slang.

[ChatGPT]

Got it. So when you're ready to spill the tea, find a fab time and a cozy spot. Get your chosen fam or a supportive bestie on standby for some emotional backup. And remember, Hunty, breathe and take your time. There's no rush on this Runway.

[Kai]

You just left me speechless. We're done for now.

[Drew]

That's crazy. When you asking somebody like, how should I come out to my family? Is like, okay, so when you're ready to spill the tea, like, that's like that one clip of what's it called From Drag Race when what's her nuts and plane Jane, like, were talking about, like, her diagnosis, and she was like, oh, what is like, that's your tea.

[Kai]

She. No, she said, like, a specific word like, that was so funny. Oh, what was it like? It wasn't fucking demure. It was, thanks for spilling. Oh, yeah, thanks for spilling.

[Drew]

That's what I say next time someone trauma dumps on me. I'm going to be like, thanks for spilling.

[Kai]

Thanks for spelling. Did you know Tyra Brant Branks? Tyra Banks? Oh, my God. Tyra Banks referenced. What was that fucking scary, spooky, ookie movie we just watched the other day? Rosemary's Baby. Yeah. She was like, I specifically told you Rosemary Baby for the hair in Rosemary's Baby. Mia Farrow and Rosemary's Baby, I'm literally gonna get that haircut. I think it's so fucking I thought.

[Drew]

I was gonna get when I got my fucking pixie.

[Kai]

No, you looked good. You looked good. You look good. I'm telling you.

[Drew]

Like, when I see pictures of me when I was like 21, I feel like I was stuck in the Wonderland system.

[Kai]

Like, I was like, really?

[Drew]

I was changing my hair all the time. That was me changing my alters that were fronting. And, like, the scariest altar that fronted was the yellow hair. She was.

[Kai]

That was a spooker. That was a spooker.

[Drew]

What's funny about that is like.

[Kai]

Or orange. Even orange was giving spooker vibes.

[Drew]

Well, when I had orange hair, I was like manically depressed. And now I'm normal.

[Kai]

Boring.

[Drew]

Now I'm normal. I got rid of my depression and now I'm normal. Hey guys, we want to take a break for today's sponsor Quints. Listen, it's about to get cold and I always forget that because we live in LA and I'm always like, wow, it's so hot. It's gorgeous. No, the night times, especially at night. Here it gets brutally freezing.

[Kai]

Especially in our old decrepit department. Department. Especially in our old decrepit apartment where the windows are 4,000 years old so there's no insulation and it just like seeps in and like takes over your body at night. Like the cold here is vicious, y'all.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's a silent killer for sure. And something I have made it a point to do, especially since moving to la is upgrading my fall wear. Quince is known for their mang Mongolian cashmere sweaters from $50. To get a cashmere product for that amount is unreal. And that is something that will live with you forever. It is such high quality. It is so worth investing in. And Quince just makes it super easy to get those affordable pieces that can live with you for many winters to come.

[Kai]

Get cozy. And Quince's high quality wardrobe essentials go to quince.comintercom for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, which is huge. Yeah, that's Q U I n c e.com Intercom to get free shipping in 365 day returns. Quince.com Intercom hey guys, we wanted to take a quick break to thank one of our sponsors today. Shopify. Cha Ching. Shopify is the goat, y'all. If you ever want to sell anything online, do it through Shopify. That's what we do. It's Made the process so easy, so seamless.

[Drew]

It just gives you more time to focus on the product you plan on selling rather than the storefront, which is a big problem.

[Kai]

I see a lot of people not focusing on the product.

[Drew]

I know also a lot of people who try to use anything other than Shopify. No offense. I go to your website and I can tell that you tried to do it from the ground up, and that's okay. You are not a coder. That is why Shopify exists. It literally has so many layouts to choose from. It has multiple free layouts that are so nice, you wouldn't second guess that that person who is selling this product to you has no idea what the fuck they're doing. Because I don't think anybody's ever seen our shop and been like, oh, my God, they don't know what they're doing. Because Shopify just takes care of literally everything.

[Kai]

Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Aviator Nation and Aloe Yoga use. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.cominterintercom. all lowercase go to shopify.comintercom to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.comintercom well, I just realized, like, probably a few days ago that I accidentally might have poisoned me, you and Josh, like, on a regular basis. Like, I might have committed biowarfare in our house.

[Drew]

Me looking around, I'm like, what are you doing?

[Kai]

No, Literally, so early pandemic. Probably, like, 2020, 20, 21. I don't know why, but I became hyper obsessed with, like, growing bacteria colonies. Like, I literally would go around the house swabbing everything, and I literally just.

[Drew]

In the midst of, like, a virus pandemic.

[Kai]

Yeah, right.

[Drew]

Like, how can I add to this?

[Kai]

How can I make Covid 3? So, basically, I would just swab everything, and I, like, would put these petri dishes with agar in, like, dark places and let them grow. And like, after a week or something, like, they would be beautiful. I got everything that I ever wanted out of it. And then I put them in a very dark place for years and years and years and years. And I think they're still inside that cupboard over there.

[Drew]

I don't know where they were.

[Kai]

And I'm too scared to look because, like, I know that, like, I created some, like, really diabolical shit. And not only that, but that's, like, next to, like, the air fryer. That's next to, like, the juicer. Like, it's next to, like, things that we use decent. I don't. Bitch. Fuck. Air fryer. First of all, like, let's have that conversation. Like, I really.

[Drew]

You're like, a bad take on it because you like your food fucking cold.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying. Like, air fryers. Like, I really tried. I really, really did try to get behind it. Like, my mom was like, oh, like, congrats on the new house. Like, let me get you something, like, to commemorate it. Like, y'all don't have a microwave. Me and Ninja are anti microwave. It's not even on some, like, holistic health bullshit.

[Drew]

It's just like, I just hate the way they look.

[Kai]

They look horrible on the fucking counter. And like, also, like, on top of that, like, no, let's have that conversation. Like, we're putting, like, nuclear radiation into our fucking food.

[Drew]

Say that like our fridge isn't, like, actually about to explode in the middle of you talking. I'm not kidding. For a split second, all I could focus on was that.

[Kai]

That's.

[Drew]

I was really convinced. But this. This is like a whole different part of my brain. So I know it's not real, but I was really convinced last night that the fridge was gonna explode. And I. I was like. I came into the kitchen to get water and I ran past the fridge.

[Kai]

You're fucking fridge.

[Drew]

And I filled up the water really fast and I ran back this way to avoid the fridge because I was genuinely convinced it was gonna, like, burst open while I was in here. And then hearing that sound just now, I was like, it's only a matter of time. There's something blocking something and it's gonna explode.

[Kai]

It's the free.

[Drew]

Also, I convinced myself the other day that our water heater was gonn.

[Kai]

I do that all the time, dude. Our water heater makes like the scariest sounds I've ever heard in my goddamn life. It's like, literally like. It sounds like what? It's.

[Drew]

It sounds like whatever pipe is, like, pushing all the gas to heat up. Our water gets clogged, and I'm just like, it. It's only gonna take one second for it to explode.

[Kai]

Also, Josh has never once in his goddamn life cleaned the lint catcher in the dryer. And, like, I know for a fact there is a fire hazard waiting to happen with our dryer. But back to air fryers. Fuck air fryers. But Ninja made one. Like, not the gamer. Also, fuck Ninja. Creamy. There's so many weird psychological operations deep seated far down the pipeline call a.

[Drew]

Kitchen appliance a psychological operation.

[Kai]

Well, it's like capitalism. It's like, do you really need something to make you ice cream in your house? Actually go buy a pint. Like, literally just go buy a pint. Like. And I know that shit does not taste as good as you are saying it tastes, but Ninja made an air fryer recently that I was like, wait, I actually might need that because it comes. It's like a clear glass bottom and you can.

[Drew]

I think they stole that from somebody.

[Kai]

They did, they did. They're literally just blue labeling appliances at this point. And it's working because like, I want it, I want it, I want it. And you can like detach the cooking basin and then put like a Tupperware lid.

[Drew]

Food is so weird.

[Kai]

Food is scary. Food is weird. Food is crazy.

[Drew]

I don't want to see food cooking. I don't want it, I don't want it.

[Kai]

See the thing I. If I see raw meat, if I see raw chicken or red bloody fucking beef or a steak. Oh. Oh, God. Like all I can think about was the life that they led before and how dark sided it was. Did you know grass fed does not mean that they were. That they're roaming a grass field and eating it means that they literally just dump grass, grass clippings inside of these like giant dairy farms where their heads are locked up and they just eat grass and they're still being abused. It is so sick and twisted.

[Drew]

I hate it so much. But like, I love chicken.

[Kai]

I love chicken and I love a burger. Like I love a good up, but.

[Drew]

Oh, in and out. I used to be an in n out hater and I don't know what switch this year but like now. And I don't like burgers because burgers make my hands stink like for a long time.

[Kai]

Burger finger, burger finger.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. That's real. Like, I literally like, my fingers smell like it. And like there are certain foods that I eat that require a shower after. Wingstop is one of those foods. Like I. Because I get like barbecue Wingstop and I feel like, oh, that's. It goes through all the cuts on my finger for me biting my nails and it's like in my bloodstream and I need to go shower and like open up my pores.

[Kai]

So also I'm not greasy by the way, y'all. My hair is wet. I like wetted it right before we started. Wetted it, wetted it.

[Drew]

But yeah, food is really scary. And also we're not saying that in like a nasty ed way. Like don't play around, don't play. Food is just so weird. Like, food, like, I hate. You know what it is? Like, I've been talking about it a lot. Like, we've been talking about it this week, but I've been talking about it with my therapist about, like, I just hate decision making when it comes to food. And I think that's why I.

[Kai]

Like, it's because everything hurts. Our fucking stomach.

[Drew]

Yeah, everything hurts, dude. Literally yesterday, my stomach hurt so fucking bad from eating these random chicken wings.

[Kai]

Chicken wings.

[Drew]

Chicken Wing.

[Kai]

Wing. Chicken wing.

[Drew]

Hot dog. Chicken and macaroni. Chilling with my homie.

[Kai]

You're my homie.

[Drew]

But, yeah, food is really creepy. We saw this fucking TikTok that I was like, this is literally me and Drew.

[Kai]

Literally, when I'm eating food, all I can think about, specifically meat, all I can think about is, like, the mutilated corpses of, like, the dead critter that, like, lived the saddest, most drab life ever that I'm just, like, eating on. And it was like, it was someone's child. It was potentially someone's mother and father. Like, the one food that I cannot get behind. I don't know. I think my mom made me think like that because, like, she's. She does not eat meat.

[Drew]

Well, I will say sometimes when I get, like, chicken wings. Okay, wing, stop. You need to get your shit together, because sometimes your chicken wings come with, like, a little feather on it. The second I see that. Ho. The things you've lied about. Like, get that out of my fucking face. Are you fucking kidding me? This was alive and, like, fucking clucking around, and now I'm just, like, sitting watching RuPaul's Drag Race, high as fuck, eating it. Like, oh, no, that's. The demonic part is, like, we sit in your bed and we watch, like, a guy making a terrarium full of animals. We're just.

[Kai]

We're, like, eating said animal. I'm, like, crying, like, food is so scary.

[Drew]

No. The lifespan of a chicken being kept in a cage and then sitting in my living room and watching RuPaul's Drag Race while eating it is crazy.

[Kai]

It's honestly beautiful and poetic. If you think about their last moments were enjoyed watching a Gaga video.

[Drew]

That is true. I can't find it.

[Kai]

Literally melted in my fucking stomach by acid and grinded with fucking calcium bones.

[Drew]

Oh, this is it. Myself to be alive. Food is so normal to me.

[Kai]

I do not regularly get panic attacks.

[Drew]

Everything is okay. This is, like, the first thing I've seen that I'm like, this describes you. Mine and yours existence so perfectly.

[Kai]

The first line. The first line.

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

Let's break it down.

[Drew]

I'm not forcing myself to be alive.

[Kai]

I am not forcing myself to be alive.

[Drew]

I am happy to be alive.

[Kai]

This life is worth every second, y'all.

[Drew]

It's a. It's a gift.

[Kai]

It really is a gift. Like unironically. Unironically. Unironically. Life is a gift and it's worth living. Listen to this, T. If you're thinking about killing yourself and you're gonna write a letter, the people you're writing the letter to are your reason to live. Like, that's the reason. Like, if you have to ride a leather. If you have to ride a leather. A leather satchel of sorts. Maybe a fountain pen with a gold tip.

[Drew]

What the fuck are you talking about? No, but seriously, again, I can't express enough. It's not even an on, like an ed tip. It's literally. I think it literally. Oh my God, I'm going to have a stroke. It has to just be like add bound, where food is just so overwhelming. It's so overwhelming and I just hate it.

[Kai]

The thing is having to cook. Like, are you fucking kidding me?

[Drew]

What's craziest? Thinking, like, about when I used to cook a lot. I was making mush. Like, I'm not.

[Kai]

India was eating red and evil.

[Drew]

I am no wife material.

[Kai]

She was eating cottage cheese with pounds of mustard squirted on top of it.

[Drew]

Well, okay, that was because that one bitch from Tick Tock who made that shit look good as fuck.

[Kai]

And it was good, I'm not going to lie.

[Drew]

But yeah, I. I wish I just had the brain of like a mukbanger.

[Kai]

See, I could easily get there. That's the thing. If someone. This is all I need to become like a foodie, is someone just picking the food for me. That's it.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, that's what Rainn was saying to me because I. Me and Drew are people who are always like, I'm not a foodie. I'm not a foodie, but rain is.

[Kai]

Brings it out.

[Drew]

She is such a, like, well rounded person when it comes to food. Like, she like, like picks really good places, she eats really good food, and every time I'm with her, I feast like a.

[Kai]

She literally treats you so right. She's like the man of the relationship. Like, the way she's like, oh, let's get this. And I'm like, oh, that, like, literally like that made my kitty purr. Like in a way.

[Drew]

Like, no, it's Literally, if we had somebody who was just like giving us the food, we would not think food is weird. But it's like, I don't have the brain power for. I. I hate. I hate when someone's like, what should we eat? Like, what do you mean?

[Kai]

Like, just pick, Just pick. I'll find something. Like, literally just.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. It, like, actually drives me crazy. But that. That's okay. That's okay.

[Kai]

Something that has been driving me absolutely insane recently is chocolatiers. They have not elevated their craft or their art about this. No, their. Their art. Their craft. Like, if I have to see one more paint splattered chocolate bar like that. Oh my God. It literally drives me.

[Drew]

Like, elevated pink splatter is the laziest fucking excuse for art I have ever seen. I'm so sorry. If you own one of the Margiela shoes with the fucking splatter and paint I want. I don't give a fuck about history. I hate them.

[Kai]

Like, literally.

[Drew]

What are you talking about? You destroyed a leather good with like, Like.

[Kai]

But for the love of God, like, I am begging you, elevate your craft. Like, I am tired of seeing green and gold splattered chocolate bars.

[Drew]

Like, also the gold. The gold. When it comes to gold, the gold is chocolate. What the fuck are we talking about?

[Kai]

And you know, it just tastes like alcohol. Like, it's literally just like alcohol. Like, they just dilute pigments with alcohol.

[Drew]

It's mica powder and alcohol.

[Kai]

It's like pissing me the fuck off. Like, I was literally sitting on the couch with Josiah, like, writhing in anger scrolling through this chocolatiers like, TikTok account. I did buy something because it looked good as fuck, but it was not one of the goddamn chocolate bars, man. No, but I fuck with his content heavily. I love his content. It was just this random fucking lady that was like, making chocolate bars and then she pulled out that goddamn paintbrush and started spattering like, paint all over the top. And I was just like, okay. Immediately I'm gone. Like, I'm canceling my order. I'm gone. I don't need to see that shit. I don't need to see.

[Drew]

Have you been getting the push of those fucking sour gushers?

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Kai]

I want.

[Drew]

That is crazy. That's literally just gushers and bath salts. Like, it's literally like, it is the least appealing candy I've ever seen. Like, usually with like the chamois and like, tahin ones. Like, it's kind of like melted down and onto the candy. Like, it Looks very appealing. It looks like. It looks like the two pieces are, like, coming together and making something. The gushers and bath salts is crazy because literally all that's happening is the bath salts that are like, the sour parts of it are just absorbing all the moisture from the gushers. So it just looks like wet. It looks like if somebody was eating a bunch of them and had, like, spit on their fingers and kept digging in and then everything just got a little moist.

[Kai]

I want them so badly and my mouth is watering thinking about them.

[Drew]

I don't think I like sour candy.

[Kai]

You really don't?

[Drew]

Yeah. Like, sour candies aren't my vibe, but I just don't like. Like, I have the kind of stomach that like that kind of sweet. Like, I like gushers, but I can have like 5 gushers before my stomach starts to hurt really bad. And it's just like that over sweetness makes me really nauseous. And I think that's why, like, when it comes to chocolate, if it's a milk chocolate, it's like a Reese's because there's, like a saltiness to it that, like, balances.

[Kai]

My gas station order has got to include a bag of hot chips of any kind, a sour candy, a chocolate candy, and a soda. But the sour and the chocolate is, like, non negotiable. You can't have one without the other because, like, there is simply, like, a balance to this. Like, there's a yin and a yang, and if you have one without the other, it just simply does not work. It's not a good night. Do you know? What I mean is.

[Drew]

Yeah, I. I do agree with you, but also, like, I don't know, like, I. I wish.

[Kai]

Have you ever drank a soda just, like, without having, like, anything else along? Like, have you ever drank a soda just to drink a soda without having a meal? Yeah, I don't think I've ever done that. Like, literally. Actually, that is, like, the biggest lie I've ever told. Because I just go in the refrigerator.

[Drew]

Soda through the day. Yeah, but you don't, like, have a full soda. You, like, take sips of a soda. But no, like, my favorite is the mini cans of Coke. Like, that I will have alone, but I can't finish, like, a full can of coke without a meal. But I just, like, girl, we have.

[Kai]

To stop talking about food. We've talked about food for literally 45 minutes. Like, damn, can we shut the fuck up?

[Drew]

I was feeling like food is so gross, but oh, my God, candy and soda, literally, like, five years old.

[Kai]

Well, look at this.

[Drew]

Well, I think it's. Oh.

[Kai]

Oh. What were you gonna say?

[Drew]

I was gonna say I think it's diabolical that cats don't live longer. Like, it just makes no sense. Like, so many animals live for so long. Why can't cats just live longer? And I know there's, like, a thing you can do to make them live longer, but I don't need it that bad. Like, like $35,000. Like, that's. That's crazy. You're putting a number on life.

[Kai]

It's like that one dude, like, oh.

[Drew]

But I love Azul so much. And he's getting old.

[Kai]

He's gonna. Oh, my God, he's gonna die soon. Did you know this? Will has 30 minutes. He has 30 minutes.

[Drew]

30 minutes.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

7 years old.

[Kai]

He's young. Don't say that. Don't say that.

[Drew]

Azul is, like, middle age.

[Kai]

He's older than us. He is.

[Drew]

Azul's a fucking bitch.

[Kai]

Azul sucks dick and ball.

[Drew]

But, like, at night, when Azul lay on me, like, on the couch, that specifically, Azula, we were talking about this. She's such a specific kind of cat. Like, she wants to be comforted in a very specific way. Like, she's not a lap cat unless I'm on the couch. When I'm on the couch and we're all sitting around, that is the only time Azul will, like, beg to sit on my lap and just sit in my lap for hours. But in bed, she will not lay on me. She has to be, like, next to me, but she doesn't want to be too next to me. But that's also because I accidentally kicked the fudge out of a zool all the time in bed. Like, literally this morning, he'll, like, go from up here to, like, like, near my feet. And every morning when I kick my feet out to stretch, I literally just like him off the bed. So I abuse my cat.

[Kai]

That one dude, the guy that invented the lifelonging cat medication is no different. And charging $35,000 for it is no different from Martin whatever his name is. Scli. The dude that, like, bought HIV or AIDS medication and then.

[Drew]

And commodified it.

[Kai]

It made it thousands of dollars. And I think he did that with insulin too. Maybe.

[Drew]

It's also. I don't know if it's most evil.

[Kai]

Person in the world.

[Drew]

Like, the same thing with Narcan. Like, the administrator to, like, so that Narcan can be inhaled through your nose. That machine is, like, patented, and that's why it's so expensive. I don't know if it's changed, but, like, that's why. It's like $50 for a two pack. Or maybe I haven't bought Narcan in a long time.

[Kai]

I thought that was cheap.

[Drew]

I carry.

[Kai]

Buy Narcan and put it in your purse and carry it around. You never know.

[Drew]

No. Yeah, for a two pack, it's $45. It's, like, incredibly expensive. And I think that's so up. I just carry Narcan in my purse, literally. Not for anybody in our group, but just when we go to parties and stuff. I just like to have it because I'm also schizophrenic, and I'm scared of somebody dying around me because that's my biggest fear.

[Kai]

Speaking of Narcan, why is Drew Phillips bungee jumping video low key Serving Sodom Hussein? Hi, spa.

[Drew]

Well, happy fall, y'all. Y'all.

[Kai]

Isn't that crazy?

[Drew]

I love that. Like, that meme is so south park coded to me because to, like, pick the gayest narration voice and be talking about, like, Saddam Hussein's hiding spot. It is so South Park. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

God is good, y'all.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Well, I had a dream. Not a dream, a nightmare. I've been having so many nightmares recently. I don't know what the is going on in my head. Like, literally, I took a nap in the middle of the day and had the worst nightmare of my life up until that night. Later that night, I had it topped it, but I don't even know what the happened in my nap dream, but I was in, like, Mary Antoinette's, like, Versailles, like, Castle, like, and I was just, like, trotting around. I had a knife, and I was just, like, running around killing everybody. Like, I was just stabbing people, and I didn't want to do it, but I just kept, like. Like, just, like, cutting.

[Drew]

Watching that Navy SEAL video.

[Kai]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Dude. Drew showed me this video that scared him as a kid, and it literally made me laugh so hard. And it's from Deadliest Warrior, and it's like, a Navy SEAL guy stabbing, like, a ballistic dummy, and he said he saw as a kid, and it made him so scared. And I'm like, this is literally the most ridiculous ever. That video is so fucking funny and ridiculous, and humans are insane people. Like, yeah, humans are ballistic.

[Kai]

Yeah, ballistic gel bodies. But in that same dream, I woke up in my dream next to my mom in, like, my childhood home. Like, I woke up in bed next to her, and I got out of bed, and I walked around and there was like 30 cats, rats all around us. And I walked around to the other side of the bed and my mom was sleeping on a vape and I went to like grab the vape and she was like, what are you doing? And then I just like woke up. Like it was weird as shit. And then later that night I had another dream nightmare that woke me up. I've never been woken up by like my body being in such terror and fear. And I was like literally woken up out of my sleep with my heart rate like at like fucking 200 and I was like sweating profusely. And it took me like an hour to get back to sleep. And I already only sleep four hours a night. Bitch. I can't sleep past 6am it is like killing. It is killing me. I think I'm actually going crazy.

[Drew]

We have the complete opposite, like bodies in terms of sleep.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Like I can just sleep for ever. It is so bad. I just sleep. Also, as you were talking about nightmares, I don't have good dreams. I only have nightmares. I literally. All of my, like, they're not always like destructive, like awful nightmares. All of my dreams are only like me being completely embarrassed. Humiliated, dehumanized, like embarrassed. Like all. Every dream I've ever told you about, it's like me in a situation where it's just me anxious and uncomfortable. In all of my dreams I never have a dream where it's like, that's so funny. I was like, I don't have like the magic carpet dreams where it's like that one video of the guy like, like flying around like what my dreams look like I don't have. Mine is like I was around people who I assume hate me and they were making fun of me and I had to just act normal and act like I didn't give a. And it was awful and I was being chased and then they saw me naked and it was so humiliating and one of them took a picture and like that's literally what my dreams look like.

[Kai]

Mine, I have good ones, like amazing dreams. Like the best dreams ever. But my dark sided twisted brain will conjure up the most evil. I will never forget my friends and family being literally lined up in front of me with like chains around their hands, like behind their back and at their feet one by one being set ablaze like, oh fuck no, we don't.

[Drew]

Need to get into it.

[Kai]

Melting, like, ugh.

[Drew]

We don't need to get into it. But I think like, it is really scary how because I feel like this year I'VE had more nightmares, but this year, like, had really bad anxiety and I think that's part of it. And then my, like scariest dreams I've ever had, the time frames in which I had them. It kind of very curious what was happening in my life. Like any. Like, I can't even talk about it. Like, the dreams, the dreams. Oh my God. Recently I had it. The last time I woke up crying from a dream was when you died in my dream. And it was so. So.

[Kai]

Did I drown? Like in a car?

[Drew]

No. I don't really remember how you died, but I remember in the dream that's.

[Kai]

Going to be a reality.

[Drew]

I saw you die and like. Or I don't think I saw you die. I think I got the news and it was just like, even the news of it, like, I couldn't like, oh my God, I don't want fucking talk about it. All I can think about too is like, in, I need to finish it. But in Joan Didion's book, which one is it? Year of Magical Thinking, when like she kind of remarks how death is like the most human thing that you can experience. Like, it is the most grounding thing, but it's like the most reality bending. Like, oh, okay, I can't.

[Kai]

Guys, we have no. Death is.

[Drew]

I'm literally freaking out. I'm literally gonna freak out. I'm just.

[Kai]

Well, let's watch this random video. I have no idea, but it's of us and I have it in my notes to talk about out.

[Drew]

There's actually going to be a female president next year.

[Kai]

Leaked info. Girl. What the was that?

[Drew]

Next year something big is happening.

[Kai]

That was insane.

[Drew]

What if Joe Biden dies next year? And I'm the one who predicted that.

[Kai]

Are you saying you're going to be president? No, I'm saying Kamala Harris, the way you low key predicted that.

[Drew]

Y'all better make it happen so I can write a book. Y'all better make it happen so I can write that book.

[Kai]

Make that happen. Make that happen.

[Drew]

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[Kai]

He came by my school for career.

[Drew]

Day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.

[Kai]

Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn you'll be able to reach people who do get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com campaign to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com campaign. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn the place to be. To be. I'm like, sweating because my hair is wet.

[Drew]

I'm sweating so bad. I sweat really bad when I'm on the podcast. And then I get really embarrassed because, like, a lot of times you can see myself sweat stains. But, like, I'm just trying to show youall that, like, hot girls sweat a lot.

[Kai]

Look at this curl.

[Drew]

I know it's very. I almost said it's very geriatric, but, like, you're not old. Oh.

[Kai]

It'S so bouncy, bro.

[Drew]

We need to do something about our hair. We look too. I need bangs or something again, but I feel like bangs would make it worse.

[Kai]

Just wait. After big announcement at the end of the year, I can cut my hair and I'm gonna do something drastic.

[Drew]

It's like NikkieTutorials when she's like, time for my hair reveal. And then she, like, changes it and literally she added like a little pink stripe or something. Like, I don't even know what she did.

[Kai]

It literally was like one shade darker.

[Drew]

In the shade rain, she's like, I've done something crazy. I would love to do something with my hair. I'm gonna get a haircut tomorrow. And I hate. It's just a hair trim, but I hate getting haircuts and hair trims because I'm so obsessed with my hair. Like, I want my hair to be longer, but I'm starting to realize, like, I don't think my hair can get any longer than it is. Like, I'm pretty sure most people have, like, a certain length their hair can get. Granted, my hair is curly, so, like, when I straighten It. It looks a little longer, but it's like my hair isn't curly enough that there's that big of a difference, at least in my eyes. But when they. When I get a hair trim, I feel like someone's stealing my hair. Like, it's like they're taking my hair, like, your life. When I got a haircut for new, like, the top of this year, I got a haircut and I fucked up. And I didn't tell the girl that my hair was naturally curly. I went in there with straightened hair, and I was like, I need a hair trim. And she didn't wet my hair. She gave me, like, a dry cut first and then wet my hair. And I could see how much she cut off. She cut so much of my fucking hair off. I literally left there, and I felt like my hair got stolen. Like, I literally felt like someone stole my hair. Like, they took my hair. That's what I feel like when I go to a hair salon. Like, they're just. I'm paying them to take my hair. I'm paying them to take something that's.

[Kai]

Me at a nail salon salon. When they cut my nails, I feel powerless. Like, I'm literally, like, why? Like, I literally lose, like, 10 of my power.

[Drew]

Dude, I need to get my nails done so bad. I've been biting my nails so bad. This is, like, the worst it's been in a long time.

[Kai]

Bloody, battered, and bruised.

[Drew]

I don't know why, though. Like, I think my brain is just moving and I, like, have to bite on something. I literally might become one of those people who has, like, a chew toy on my necklace. Like, I'm not even playing. I lowkey just need something because it's mainly when I'm at home at night. That's when, oh, the biting begins. The biting begins. So I need to, like, have, like. Or when I'm working on my laptop, I need, like, something to chew on while I'm doing that. Maybe I'll pull a lucky blue Smith and start chewing on fucking.

[Kai]

Have you seen that clip of them eating gross food? Yeah, it's killing me.

[Drew]

When also the gross food in question is like, a cinnamon roll.

[Kai]

They're like, I know when Nara was like, this is my first time having Cinnabon and ate it. And she was like, that was nasty. I was like, you are not real. Like, that's. That is a crazy take. I get it. I get it.

[Drew]

I will say, I don't think I've ever had Cinnabon. I've had Auntie Ann's But I haven't had cinnamon.

[Kai]

We need to go to crumble cookie. I. Oh, my God. I want fucking crumble cookie. I've wanted crumble cookie for, like, the last cookie for, like, the last fucking week. And I just.

[Drew]

I can't get behind crumble cookie. I've never had any of it and been like, oh, it's just. But that's also because I'm not, like, a sweet girl. Like, I like my snack of.

[Kai]

You didn't like the waffle with cookie? Oh, me and rain fucked us up. Like, they sat on the counter for.

[Drew]

Like, so bad because, like, I hate, like, when somebody's excited about food and it's, like, not hitting for me. So I, like, took a few bites, but I tried. Like, I went and got another snack to eat because I'm just like, this is not my bun.

[Kai]

No, I need crumble cookie. I need Cinnabon, and I need Auntie Ann's or Auntie Ann's.

[Drew]

I think I'm just like. I'm like a texture. Okay, we can't keep talking about food.

[Kai]

I know. Damn. Can we shut the fuck up?

[Drew]

Like, fuck, dude.

[Kai]

Like, oh, my God. Well, we can't.

[Drew]

And mukbangs are devil worship.

[Kai]

No, literally, Okay. I saw this guy talking about how mukbangs have become like. Like, you have been captured by the devil. Like, at this point, like, it is pure gluttony. It is a sin. Like, the demonic. It is demonic energy. Like, once you see those goddamn black gloves come out, like, the black, like, latex gloves, you know, they're possessed by a demon.

[Drew]

Like, oh, my God, it's gonna make.

[Kai]

Me throw up with the sauce. And we're still talking about food. Somehow.

[Drew]

The wet chipotle bowls.

[Kai]

I know it's good.

[Drew]

I know it's disgusting. Okay.

[Kai]

When they make the sauce.

[Drew]

Okay, that looks yummy. The thing is, I don't trust Chipotle because I've thrown it up multiple times from being sick from it. And that's all I'll say. Oh, okay, we're done. We're done with the food talk.

[Kai]

Mukbangs. There's. There's a way to do it, but it gets to a point. That's what I'll say. It gets to a point where you're doing a lot.

[Drew]

Okay, well, something is happening.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew]

I always. Something is always happening. What's up with the nostalgia predicting? Have you been seeing that is people being like, this is like, we're going to look back and, like, think about summer 2024. Like, people already predicting that. I'm like, God, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

[Kai]

Live in the moment.

[Drew]

Live in the moment. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Don't talk about the future. Don't talk about the future. The future doesn't exist. The future doesn't exist. That's the thing is like, I don't know if we just have the brains that. Because we were just like depressed mongrels and we're like, not.

[Kai]

I wasn't supposed to live.

[Drew]

Yeah, I liked, I didn't expect to be alive this long. And I'm very grateful that I am. I'm very grateful I met the people that I did in my life, became much, much better. But I can't, like, think about the future. I can't stand when a bitch is like, what are you, sir? Six month plan bitch? I don't fucking know.

[Kai]

To be alive.

[Drew]

What are you talking about? Like, oh, my God. I like. But also my brain is just broken. And like, we were even talking about travel plans for summer and both of us were like, damn, should we like, book that though? Because are we going to be alive? And I was like, what are we talking about? Like, literally, what are we talking about? But I'm just like, constantly fearful of my mortality. So I don't like to think in the future because I'm like, you can't plan for that. Like, who knows what's going to happen because I'm crazy.

[Kai]

The trick to conquering your depression is to give yourself something to look forward to. Order that fucking shirt. Order that fucking whatever.

[Drew]

I haven't had any parcels.

[Kai]

Like, Anya has been parcelless. It's like, genuinely shocking. I've been getting parcels. I got. Bitch, I just realized I bought that fucking camera for nothing.

[Drew]

No, you didn't. Because we can use the fuck out of that. That's like a really good camera to have.

[Kai]

I guess. I don't leave the house though. Like, if you look at the camera roll, it's like. It's like 86 shots of my life.

[Drew]

You know what? That's been mine too. It's been making me really sad. I used to, like, go out and like, explore the world.

[Kai]

We used to do things. What happened to us?

[Drew]

Well, because we became like anxiety induced home bodies. It's really sad.

[Kai]

Like, we really used to, like, just go places and do things. Can we like actually, like, tomorrow just drive to Big Sur?

[Drew]

Not tomorrow, but we could go on Wednesday.

[Kai]

Like, fuck it, let's do it and let's invite Barbie. That'd be actually so sweet, wouldn't that be fun? I'm texting her.

[Drew]

But yeah, I. I've become just such a homebody. Like, I have separation anxiety from the house now and it makes me really sad because I used to make it a point to like, fill my days with things. But thankfully I have friends who still, like, expect.

[Kai]

Oh, wait, no, she's doing her big, like, big one.

[Drew]

Her big relax. I mean, you should still just like invite her to invite her because that's kind of a relaxing, like, retreat and we wouldn't be doing anything serious. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know anymore.

[Kai]

Yes. Something, something, something needs to change.

[Drew]

Something literally just shifted.

[Kai]

There actually might have been a shift.

[Drew]

I felt that, but I feel kind of like good about the shift. I don't know if you feel that.

[Kai]

I actually do too. Like, I think that text.

[Drew]

We are crazy people, dude.

[Kai]

No, I feel, I think talking about these issues, y'all. I don't think y'all understand how bad my r. Reclusivity has gotten. I've just started writing scripts. I'm so bored.

[Drew]

Like, I think it's kind of happened to our whole group too. Like our whole friend group.

[Kai]

It's just.

[Drew]

We've all just become like. Yeah, we like, are people who I think get. Which this is funny to say because obviously there are people who like, whose jobs are much more demanding. But I think, like, we all just got kind of like super involved in our own work and we only have like such crazy. I think it's because our work entails such a social aspect to it that like now continuing social lives outside of it is really difficult for all of us. So we've all kind of just reclused away. And it's also just like getting older. Like, it's so.

[Kai]

It's growing so crazy.

[Drew]

I'm like in that in between spot where I'm looking at our group and I'm like, oh my God. We're like, we're doing it. Like we're all getting older together and that makes me really happy. But then I'm like, oh my God, I'm turning 26. You're turned 27. Like Orion's 28. Like, yeah, 18. Sorry. I always forget there's a 10 year age gap. But like all of us are like growing older and it's like so.

[Kai]

It's odd.

[Drew]

It's so weird, but it is, it is nice.

[Kai]

I remember one time I laid on the floor drunk as fuck in Orion's lap, sobbing, literally sobbing, thinking about not being friends with y'all. It was literally like. And she was like, girl, what the is going on? And it was what I needed to hear at the moment, but I was literally just like, we're all getting, like, older and, like, we're, like, changing, and, like, we're gonna drift apart one day and all this. And then she was like, okay, no, we're not. Like, chill the out. No, we're not. But, like, there just is just, like, a natural, like, distance that, like, happens over time. And, like, people get partners and they do their thing, which is scary.

[Drew]

It's scary, but it's sweet when we all come together still. It's like, oh, like, when we went to Josie's house, I was like, oh, my God, I haven't felt this feeling in a while. Or, like, it feels like we're kids again, and it's really sweet. Oh, my God. Getting older. We're having growing pains. But also, like, I feel kind of fine about it. I'm just, like, in a weird transitional period because I'm scared.

[Kai]

The shakers and movers are shaking and moving. That's the thing that's happening is, like, there's a lot of shaking and moving going on, and there's not a lot of news and media reporting the shakers and movers, because, like, where is the news in the media?

[Drew]

The news in the media. Can you believe they're still making content? Like, that's beautiful. That's amazing.

[Kai]

That is a love story.

[Drew]

Also, like, that almost goes to prove to you when, like, something isn't as profitable, it just. Just stays a passion, and you continue to do it because it's literally a passion. One last thing I'll say is, I degaff about cookies. I will be accepting cookies till the day I die.

[Kai]

One thing about me on the computer.

[Drew]

Yeah. One thing about me is I will be accepting cookies. They make it like, I'm just. I don't give a.

[Kai]

They made it too easy to give away your information so you don't even think about it anymore.

[Drew]

I know. Like, I just don't give a. Also, it's, like, too complicated to, like, go through the checklist of what I will accept and not accept. I'd rather just accept all the cookies. Like, what are you gonna do, email me? I don't give a. Like, I'll just, like, unsubscribe and put you in the spam folder. Like, I don't give a. But actually, there was something the other day that I was like, why the are you texting me about this? Like, I know I'm on both ends where I don't give a fuck about cookies. But also, why the fuck are you texting me about, like, underwear? Like, I don't need you to text me as a reminder to buy more underwear. Like, are you crazy, bitch? I know I need to buy underwear, but I actually do need to buy more underwear. I need to buy new bras. Like, none of my shit fits me. I think I'm gonna get a breast reduction. Yeah, I'm gonna get a breast reduction if anybody cares. No, I'm not. The thing is that. Oh, that just sounds like so much work. Like, stuff like that sounds like a lot of work. Like, that's like, I why I can't get my nails done, because for some reason, sitting in a salon for two hours feels so daunting.

[Kai]

Leaving the house, I'm just like, bro, it is a job to leave the house, and I might just, like, lowkey. Be severely depressed and not even realize it, but, like, going out into the world, like, okay, cool. Like, I'm gonna go spend 70 bucks. Like, cool.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'd rather just stay home.

[Kai]

Like, I'd rather literally just rot in bed and use my fucking phone.

[Drew]

But then once it's like 5pm and the sun is going down, I'm like, I've wasted the sun. The sun. I need the sun.

[Kai]

I didn't see the first time in a very long time. I got that feeling yesterday where I was just like, oh, my God. Like, I haven't left the house in, like, a week. The only time I left was to, like, get skincare.

[Drew]

You know how I know my medication is working? I've been wearing this shirt for over 24 hours, and I don't give a.

[Kai]

That's.

[Drew]

That's crazy. That's crazy. And I didn't shower yesterday, but, like, I stayed home all day. I don't want anybody to call me gross. I'm not gross. But I have good news. Everybody who, via the podcast said I had ocd, Congrats. You were right.

[Kai]

You were right.

[Drew]

Congrats. You were right.

[Kai]

And you got her diagnosis.

[Drew]

I got diagnosed with a plethora of beautiful labels. Thank the heavens.

[Kai]

And now you know. And how has your life changed?

[Drew]

They're still little things.

[Kai]

There's still little things that aren't the knocking on wood. It will will, I think be with me till the day I die?

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't think. I cannot do it. Like, it's.

[Kai]

And even saying it, I'm like, I have to do it.

[Drew]

If I say it, my psychiatrist Told me that I should just write a list of things that I know I still do and that I can recognize that I do. But I was like, I literally said, I was like, talking on wood won't kill me. And he was like, yeah, but you're like, that's how it becomes like a bigger thing. And I was like, nah, you're crazy, man. You're crazy.

[Kai]

You're crazy. You're calling me crazy.

[Drew]

You're crazy, but it is.

[Kai]

You're crazy.

[Drew]

Oh my God.

[Kai]

No, you're crazy.

[Drew]

I still do have to wash my hands a lot after I eat certain things. Like yesterday those chicken wings really, really, really stained my fingers and I washed them like five, six times, but the smell wouldn't go away. And then I do this thing where. Okay, this is a bit crazy to admit. I do this thing where like, sometimes when my fingers, I feel like they still smell like food, I will literally like wash like basically the inside of my nostrils because I'm convinced that like, from putting my fingers here, I. I've stained my nose. And sometimes it works and then other times I just like, get a bunch of soap suds.

[Kai]

Your sister mentioned once about a Big Mac staining your upper lip.

[Drew]

Well, it stains her upper lip. You know what? Maybe she also has ocd.

[Kai]

Yes. Yeah. Not to diagnose, but possibly also. It is crazy how certain compliments that I have gotten. I don't know how I got to this point, point. But Jonathan one time said to me, I, I very rarely get compliments, like, very rarely. I pass them out. I love telling people they look good. It's like my favorite thing. It's just catching, catching them off guard and seeing them blush a little and like, oh, what? Stop. It's my favorite thing in the world to do. I don't get that in return. But one thing.

[Drew]

I compliment you.

[Kai]

You compliment me. You compliment me. But one thing that I said or that Jonathan said to me literally changed my life forever because I have a big, nasty, giant nose. But Jonathan one time looked at me and he was like, drew, like, you have like a beautiful nose. Like you have a perfect nose. And I have been living off that compliment for literally three years. I am not exaggerating. And then there was one other thing that someone said that I was like, oh my God, like, but the, the same goes for the opposite direction. Like there are certain things that people have pointed out that, that literally haunt me. They haunt me. And I want to. Oh, I won't say, I won't say. Cuz people can't know my insecurities.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. I genuinely think you were, like, one of the most attractive people I know. You mean it like, in an alternate universe, we were supposed to date.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I'm very glad we didn't. Like, I'm very glad we didn't. We would. Because we would kill each other. We would. We would be the bitches who are fist fighting behind closed doors. Like, we would start fucking hitting.

[Kai]

Our IGs would be popping.

[Drew]

My IG story would be full of, like, I love him so much. No, it would be like, you, I'll kill you and Fiona Apple. Like, that's what my ig story would be.

[Kai]

Call the cops. I have sex with them.

[Drew]

But, yeah, we were supposed to date. But, like, thank God we didn't. That's how I feel about, like, so many people I know who I'm very close to is, like, there was a world where I was supposed to date that person. I'm like, thank God.

[Kai]

Oh, thank you.

[Drew]

What? I killed each other.

[Kai]

Drew Psyop corner now, though. Okay, I didn't write any of these down. These are all straight pulled from my email, so keep that in mind. This is from. And I accidentally doxed someone last week, so I'm not. I'm not gonna say last names anymore. But Suzanne, you know who you are. Mother should have named. Oh, wait. Damn, I'm so bad at reading, bro. Like, what? I really don't know where it went wrong. Like, I don't know where the thing is.

[Drew]

You're really smart, I think. It's not like a.

[Kai]

It's not. My brain is.

[Drew]

No, you. I think. I genuinely think you have dyslexia. But again, we're sitting here, like, diagnosed.

[Kai]

Her mother should have named her 12 because she doesn't cook, doesn't clean, doesn't do anything. That's literally you and your leaves. You can tell how long Enya leaves dishes in the sinks by how many mugs are in the sink. And we are on day 14 right now.

[Drew]

Fuck off.

[Kai]

I'm kidding. No, I use. Okay. This is actually gross to admit.

[Drew]

Yeah, I was gonna say you're disgusting.

[Kai]

I have used the same Mason jar to drink my concoction every morning for the last, like, month.

[Drew]

And, like, I've cleaned the Mason jar because he drinks chlorophyll out of it, and I've literally washed the green away multiple times. And then at this point, I don't clean his Mason jar. Cause I'm like, dude, it's literally. It's like seasoning a coffee no, you're like a. You're like the kids who, like, are pheromone maxing. Oh, yeah, you're doing it with your cup. Your breath maxing.

[Kai]

Breath maxing. This is just a certified classic from fat.

[Drew]

I've never smelled your breath and been like, your breath stinks, period. Have you ever smelled my breath? I mean, you've smelled my breath in a.

[Kai]

On. On everything. On God. I haven't. There are certain people that I have, and I will not name names.

[Drew]

I feel like the worst my breath can be is, like, it smells like coffee.

[Kai]

The worst my breath can be is after I eat cheese or milk and like, three hours later, like, that's like, the worst.

[Drew]

You never smell your breath, though. And we began inclined close as we.

[Kai]

Like, snuggle in bed. And this is from @fab.dtla underscore on Twitter. This is just like a certified classic. Ew. She the weed man for weed. A. That's the text man for text.

[Drew]

Valid.

[Kai]

Very valid. I hate when I tell someone I'm gonna be there in 10 minutes and they're calling me every half hour.

[Drew]

That's literally me.

[Kai]

Wait, I just got that one. I just got, like. I just got that. That is literally you. If she drives a Honda, there's a ho ho in the car. Josie, the cloth I'm cut from is sold out permanently.

[Drew]

Shut the fuck up.

[Kai]

Why tornadoes never hit banks. Blow some money over here.

[Drew]

I think I've actually seen in a one of the tornado videos I watched that a tornado did hit a bank, and the only thing left standing was the safe. And everybody hid in the safe.

[Kai]

They. I think that was the grocery or the cooler at the gas station.

[Drew]

Oh, it was. It was.

[Kai]

It was smoking butt naked and just dropped some of the blunt on my balls. I scrum so loud. Scrum.

[Drew]

How are you supposed to say I screamed?

[Kai]

Scream. I think I screamed. That's what I would say. I screamed. I'm gonna start saying I scrumped. Can't wait to tell your business. That's why I be lying. You thought it was tea, and the whole time it was piss. You thought it was tea the whole time it was piss.

[Drew]

The term lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off. Is so crazy because that's insinuating that, like, lying is less fun than having sex with a man. And I got bad news for the most part. Lying is way more fun.

[Kai]

This is a banger. How are you gay and can't dress? What the were you doing the whole time? You Was in the closet.

[Drew]

That's a really good one.

[Kai]

Yeah, that was Marina.

[Drew]

Marina Joy.

[Kai]

Marina Joy, y'all. We need a new Marina Joy really badly. Like, we need someone that like. Like, the. There is one.

[Drew]

You are the new Marina Joyce. Like, people who don't know you, who find you are so confused by you. It's so awesome. I wish I had that. But people who don't know about me and find me, they're like, oh, this is girl. But the only thing they don't know is that I'm actually really funny.

[Kai]

The one thing they don't know is that I am celibate.

[Drew]

You're so brave. That would be my biggest issue. It's like, I actually know at this point, I don't give a about sex. Like, it really is true. The older you get, the less you care about sex. And I'm sure for most people, like, for a lot of people, that's not the case, but I couldn't give a About having sex. Like, I. It is not something that, like, wait, crosses my mind. Ever.

[Kai]

Having a porn addiction is gay as.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, how the. Are you addicted to watching someone else get like, hello, hello, hello. You're gay. You nasty. If you take your cup in the bathroom and let the doodoo air get on it. That's India with her coffee in the morning, bro.

[Drew]

I don't give a. See, that's how. Whatever. That's how. I should have knew it was ocd because I. That, like, that doesn't apply to me. That just makes no sense.

[Kai]

Okay, that's all I got for y'all. Shout out to when is.

[Drew]

Oh, new droji is available.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, we just pushed the new update. We just pushed the new update for Dr. Mo. I don't think y'all won drumoji.

[Drew]

Bad enough I use it all the.

[Kai]

I know everybody I can see how many Dr. Mois have been used, and it is crazy how many. Like, literally everybody I've sent it to uses it regularly.

[Drew]

I, like, love it. Literally yesterday, I was texting my sister, and I was being, like, crazy, and I was, like, saying a bunch of stuff to her, and then I ended it about to fall. Oh, no, we gotta glue that. Oh, her wing is broken.

[Kai]

It's so sad. Her Victoria's Secret wings. Yeah, I think I'm gonna. Is the Victoria's Secret fashion show still happening?

[Drew]

I think so. Okay, you're gonna get your wings, right? I need to send it your emoji to Orion. I miss Orion.

[Kai]

All right, everybody.

[Drew]

Mama, Mama.

[Kai]

All right. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Bodies. Parts.

[Drew]

Oh, wait. What the hell? Wait, where's my guy? Wait, did you get rid of my guy?

[Kai]

He's at the bottom. Very last.

[Drew]

Oh, that's my favorite one. I love that one. This is my favorite. Oh, my God. Ew, my hand is disgusting. Don't look at my nails, please. Oh, I love that one. I love you.

[Kai]

I love you.

[Drew]

You make me so happy.

[Kai]

You make me so happy.

[Drew]

You. There are, like, few people who, like, when I think of them, like, I literally get, like. Like, bursts of love. Like, I literally get a. What is it called? That couple that was, like, love surge, and they were, like, freaking out. I get that because I have that with, like, you, Josie, Orion, Rain, Josh, Lucas, Christian. Like, all people I think of, and I'm like, oh. Like, I'm like, I love.

[Kai]

That's my bab. That's my.

[Drew]

But, like, with Josiah, it's, like, different, sadly, like, with you and Josiah, like, oh, Josiah is my son. But, like, like, not really. But, like, oh, like, I love Josiah.

[Kai]

I love him.

[Drew]

Oh, I love my friends. All right, well, thank you guys for watching. I'm gonna. That's, like, literally, my ritual is we do the podcast, and then I.

[Kai]

And I go nonverbal for four hours.

[Drew]

Bye.