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Ryan Seacrest
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Energy Trust of Oregon Representative
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Drew
Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I'm like, I don't know why I'm nervous because this door is open and people are like, are not constantly.
Enya
You are so nervous about the public in Paris.
Drew
I know, because I feel like they're very judgmental of Americans, which I feel like most places are. Also, if you.
Enya
Did we even say welcome, welcome back to Emergency Intercom. If we didn't.
Drew
Well, welcome to this episode.
Enya
We are currently in Paris, obviously, because.
Drew
So obvious.
Enya
Like we said, we're desired, we're wanted, we're loved, we're needed. These brands just love us out here.
Drew
They're obsessed with us. It's so weird.
Enya
Loves us.
Drew
It's weird. Like, you need to grow up and get a life because. Why are you stalking me? You're. You're a stalker. Yeah. We were here for the acne show. It was amazing. Gorgeous, beautiful. Loved every second of it. Obsessed with the bags. In love with the bags. Need the bags.
Enya
I'm literally wearing jeans from them right now.
Drew
Oh, yeah. My shirt is from them.
Enya
Because also, this isn't sponsored.
Drew
Yeah, no, just.
Enya
Just wanted to clarify that we did.
Drew
Come out here with them for the show and it was awesome. And now it's our last night. It's our last night in Paris.
Enya
Leave it up to us to leave it to the last minute to do anything for work. Calm the down. I don't know if it was calm the down.
Drew
I don't know if it was calm the Down.
Enya
I love fashion.
Drew
It seems like you don't, because you're buying bootlegs, so.
Enya
Babes, you don't know anything about bootlegs. This is, like, so real.
Drew
Well, the police are here to fucking get you because it's illegal to make and sell.
Enya
It's also giving. Like, this might be the loudest environment we've ever recorded.
Drew
I'm almost like, we should check. But I feel like it's okay. It's. We're adding to the atmosphere. Just imagine this. Okay. Use your thinking cap. If you're listening and not watching, here's. Here's what's happening. We are in a Parisian apartment so gracefully lent to us by our friend Rain. We're in. It's a Parisian night. You're out with us. You're having a few glasses of wine. You're saying things that in the morning will make you so embarrassed, and you won't ever bring them up to us, and we won't ever hanging out with. Okay. Big bleep.
Enya
Why? Why is that a big bleep?
Drew
You're a big bleep. You're a big pain in my bleep. You're at. Did you hear that? Big clock.
Enya
It's a big bend.
Drew
Oh, the big. They did. Wait, did they move the big bend to Paris?
Enya
They did. I was always in Paris.
Drew
Oh. I guess I just am not as well traveled as you, because your life is a movie.
Enya
I have seen the world compared to me.
Drew
Compared to me. I know.
Enya
In the world.
Drew
Yeah. So you're at this Parisian apartment with us. We invite you over. We're all drinking, but you're, like, embarrassingly drunk. And it's so embarrassing. Right, Drew?
Enya
Like, it's disgusting.
Drew
They won't shut up. Like, you're saying things that in the morning you'll regret saying so badly. But we'll never bring it up to you because we're not even here.
Enya
It's a little sinister. Like.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Not really complimentative environment. It's really just like you're getting torn to shreds by these people.
Drew
Yeah. And you're like. But you're. You're trying to make the best of it because, you know, I don't even.
Enya
Know what we're saying anymore.
Drew
Oh, I was giving. I was giving the viewer a hypothetical that they're here with us. I'm setting the mood for the audio listener.
Enya
Did you know, like, 90 of the world can't understand hypotheticals?
Drew
That's not true.
Enya
It's probably, like, 40.
Drew
That's not true. What do you mean they can't understand it? Like, they can't visualize it.
Enya
Don't have the IQ to literally process that information. Like, if it's. It's like a goldfish. If it's not happening to them, then and now they cannot process it.
Drew
There's literally no way.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Is it the same people who, like, can't. Like, if you're like, oh, think of an apple, they're like, they're maybe thinking of the word apple, but they're not imagining an apple.
Enya
When I think of apples, I think of the computer company and the iPhone company. Because I'm rich.
Drew
No, that's because you're addicted to your black box.
Enya
Yeah. It really is crazy. I just every once in a while, I just have to pick it up to look at it.
Drew
Getting on the iPhone is so fun. Like turning on your iPhone and looking at it and like, falling into abyss.
Enya
After a long day. Like, laying in bed and getting on.
Drew
Your iPhone, dead silence.
Enya
I really do support it and I think it gets a really bad rep because people don't healthily use it, myself included. But those moments where, like, you've done a lot of good for the day, like, you got work done, you, like, communicated with people. I don't know, Like, I.
Drew
You literally sound like a robot. Like, you know, after a long day of work and maybe some play and communicating with the other people, literally, that.
Enya
Is like, how my mind works. I'm like, okay, damn. Like, I talked to someone today. Like, this is lit. Just laying in bed with no one around, or even laying in bed with, like, a homie. And just being on iPhone and not saying anything to anybody is like, top 10 experience.
Drew
Yeah. Like say two generations ago, their thing was I kick off my shoes, I have a beer, and I sit back and I watch the games. Our generation is. I get home, I have an edible, I stare at my iPhone for eight hours.
Enya
It's 2am I go really deep on the drama. All A list celebrity. I literally am a part of BLEEP Nation.
Drew
Yeah, yeah. We're lowkey pro Bleep Nation.
Enya
Yeah. But I think all A list celebrities are evil villains now, and there's no ifs, ands, or buts. So if you ever see me get to an A list status, you're evil. Just know I've turned to the dark side and I'm sinister.
Drew
It's not even that. I think all AIST celebrities are, like, evil. But, like, I was. We were talking about this earlier. I genuinely do believe. And this happens, I think, in every Situation, space, and work environment. And it's just natural. When you put a bunch of humans together where that's kind of their community, it becomes high school. There's no way for it to not become high school, and it just will inevitably become that. Hello. The killer is out there. Somebody walked by really close, and I got scared.
Enya
The killer. The killer is coming.
Drew
There's just no way for it not to become high school. And, like, there's, like, gossip and, like, rumors and, like, all these things.
Enya
So it's Blank has a blank on who blank has a crush on? Blank.
Drew
Yeah. Like, that kind of vibe. And there's no way of going around it. But the fun thing about being, like, a citizen is getting to watch that unfold on your iPhone. And that's why iPhones are so important to the community, because where would we be without iPhones? Think about that. Like, we would not be here without. Like, we wouldn't be here without an iPhone.
Enya
Wow.
Drew
Yeah. And this episode is sponsored by Android. Thank you, Samsung. I love a good Samsung Android. Like, sponsorship. And somebody acting like that's the phone.
Enya
They use, like, 100% is going to be me. If they reach out, swear to God, I text only. I would throw my iPhone away for a week. Y' all will see me sell my soul to Samsung. I swear to God, like, if they reached out, I'm using the Samsung. I used it in high school.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Oh, my God. That was my most embarrassing arc ever. Was like, everyone had iPhones, and I was like, I'm going to be weird and different. Like, I need to be different.
Drew
You.
Enya
And I tried.
Drew
You were, like, so hard to transit.
Enya
Yeah. I tried so hard to be different that I got, like, the Galaxy Note 5. And it was like, a giant real phone. Yes. It was a giant fucking iPhone that came. Or a giant fucking phone that came with a stylist.
Drew
A phone without it being just an iPhone.
Enya
It's really fucked up. It's purely my vocabulary. That's it. But I got the Galaxy Note 5 because the screen was giant. It came with a stylus, and the photos that I took on that thing are the worst photos of me that's ever hit the Internet. And I got rid of it literally within the week. Like, it was.
Drew
One, you need to show the photos because I know what are the photos, and it makes me crack up. Two, what's the name of the phone again?
Enya
Galaxy Note 5.
Drew
Galaxy Note 5.
Enya
And I.
Drew
They're on Note 20.
Enya
Yeah, they're.
Drew
How are they on 20? They just wanted a number bigger Than that.
Enya
Why is no one talking about fast technology? Yeah, that's the real conversation. Think about all the lithium that was mined for those phones.
Drew
Drew, this is crazy.
Enya
As big as phone.
Drew
Oh, my God. Actually, my dad had this phone. My dad had this phone at that time.
Enya
Twins.
Drew
My dad and mom both had this phone in the gold. Twins.
Enya
I think I had gold, too.
Drew
I had a smaller Android, like, Samsung phone. And here's what I would do if I got my Samsung ambassadorship. If you're from Samsung, ignore this because this isn't true. I would just do what I did in middle school. I had my. In, like, 9th and 10th grade. Yes, I had. Or no, by 10th grade, I had an iPhone. But whatever. Semantics, not important.
Enya
I'm genuinely curious how many people who are listening have Android?
Drew
Yeah, let us know.
Enya
Literally. I'm sorry.
Drew
Oh, I saw somebody with the flip one today in a cafe. Braver than the Marines, like, flipping it open. She was doing the whole thing. She was lowkey, putting on a show. She felt me watching. She was like. She's like, you want to see how much this shit could flip? Like, I got an iPad. No, I have a flip. No. Whatever it was. No, I have it.
Enya
Android users are braver than the Marines. And, like, the ones that, like, do.
Drew
It by choice, fight for it.
Enya
You're lying. Well, it's not a choice. I'm sorry, but you do.
Drew
You.
Enya
That was the most elitist thing I've ever said. But I don't give a fuck. It's talking about phones that cost the same amount of money. Yeah, get a goddamn phone.
Drew
It's like that big fucking weird iPad shit that you fold up and put in your back pocket is any cheaper than iPhone. You could have got an iPhone, but you wanted to be, like, a freakazoid 3000. And that's okay. You do you. But I will be making fun of that because why a phone that flips four ways? Unnecessary.
Enya
I think a piece of paper can only fold 16 times before. So we'll get to seven.
Drew
So we'll get to seven folds in a phone and then it's done.
Enya
Yeah, it can only fold.
Drew
We're already at 4, though.
Enya
I don't think so.
Drew
Yeah, it's the one that, like, the really big, like, iPad, it just opens like this. Oh, I thought that one. Okay, so I'm mistaking. There's the one that's shaped like a regular phone that folds into a cube, and then there's the.
Enya
The all right. Book one, Right? Yeah. But if you use an Android, I Love you. I really do.
Drew
And Samsung, if you want to sponsor me, I'll do it. And I'll just. In public, I'll use it, and then I'll go home and use my iPhone like it's my dirty little secret now.
Enya
Keep you.
Drew
Next time I get on a long haul flight, I think I'm gonna make the journey into bringing my wing bot on the plane and cause so much turbulence that our plane drops a little. Not a lot.
Enya
Seven feet?
Drew
Yeah, just like seven feet. Enough to get you lifted out of your seat a little. And then I'll turn it off and we'll be back. We'll be back to regular air speed.
Enya
There's no way this audio is okay.
Drew
Yeah, I know it's really bad back there.
Enya
We should just shut the windows.
Drew
It's really easy, but it's like the aura, the areola. Do you want to shut it?
Enya
I think it's doing more damage than good. Well, let's talk about this is my first time a little inebriated Rita Ora's tweets, because.
Drew
Is that what you were doing while.
Enya
You were away back in. I don't know what. It was probably like 2013, 2014. It was like before the Internet was really, really cool and everybody had it and like, Twitter was just becoming a thing. And Rita Ora tweeted on her account. If this post gets 20, 000 retweets, I'll post a single from my album.
Drew
I'm gonna post that right now.
Enya
Literally got nine retweets. And then the very next tweet she posted. Guys, it's really not cool for you to hack people's accounts and say you're gonna leak my album. Like, do not do that.
Drew
Ah. I'm gonna put literally me.
Enya
When my acne post flops and I.
Drew
Turn off the likes, I'm just gonna turn off likes and then block everybody who's following me and then turn them back on when like 300 people are following me and my posts are getting 21 followers. And then reopen my account to the public and see if I could start from scratch. If I had to start from scratch, I think I would easily go from a million followers to like150@max. Like, I think150,000 people. And that's pushing it. That's a lot. That's not. Because it's. I'm not. I'm not giving content out on IG like that. I'd maybe get like a thousand 302. That would be my guess. If I had to. If I had to guess. Yeah, yeah, right.
Enya
I'd probably get half a million.
Drew
Well, that's because you're a clout chaser, so you would probably just, like, use and abuse people like you usually do. No one talks about that, sir. He's a user, and he's. He abuses friendships for flights. How do you think he gets everywhere he goes?
Enya
Yeah. I don't know.
Drew
He sneaks onto jets all the time. Yeah, he's a chronic jet set by sneaking onto. To jets, and it's really obnoxious. You know, BLEEP Nation can only hold you at so many times.
Enya
Sneaking on jet. That's how I got.
Drew
Let's take those notes. I. I love your confidence.
Enya
I didn't take any notes for this episode, so if it's all over the place, that's why. And we recorded, like, three hours ago, so my brain is empty. We recorded, like, seven episodes in three days. Because the last episode, we tried to record it 14 times, and every single time, it failed. Whether it was actually. Check that thing right now.
Drew
Oh, my God.
Enya
I'll kill myself. I will kill myself in front of all of you.
Drew
I will change the trajectory of your life.
Enya
I will. And I'll have Anya upload it. It's in my will. It's in my money.
Drew
I would sell it on you.
Enya
Okay. I was gonna say, if you want my money, collector's item, release it to the public. Not for free, but I have Paris Fashion Week note Rita, or a tweet about getting hacked. And I love your confidence because I think saying, oh, my God, I just love your confidence is the meanest thing you can ever say to anybody.
Drew
Beautiful, beautiful gowns.
Enya
Beautiful you gowns.
Drew
You know what that is? It's Anita Frank being.
Enya
Oh, yeah. You, Josiah, are obsessed with it.
Drew
Yeah. Like, being asked about, like, different singers, and they're like, what do you think of Taylor Swift? And she goes, beautiful gowns. Beautiful, beautiful gowns. Like, that is so crazy. I think it's almost like, oh, do you think any. Like, what do you think about Enya? So fun to be around.
Enya
Nice. Nice shoes.
Drew
That's actually a really big compliment to me.
Enya
Yeah, it would be like, oh, yeah. Someone said I was fun to be around. I would.
Drew
I would be.
Enya
So start working my ass.
Drew
What ass, Babs.
Enya
The big fat one in my pants that, like, actually hurts when I sit down because it's so big, it spills over the edge.
Drew
Well, Drew has eaten McDonald's three times since we've been here, and you want.
Enya
To talk I don't need French food. Like, I really don't need it in my diet. What I need is French McDonald's in my diet, because it's.
Drew
I don't need to be real. I need to be Coca Cola.
Enya
Yeah. I need to be. Be McDonald's. No. I had it three times. The first time was great. I was super excited because I had it before, and I was like, oh, this shit's, like, really good, if I remember correct. Yeah, it's delicious. The nuggets taste like it's cornhorn. They taste like cornmeal. And then the fries come with, like, this mayo sauce. And I'm a white man, and I love miso mayo.
Drew
It's literally called creamy sauce.
Enya
No, that. That's called extra creamy sauce. This is literally, like, mayo Fritz. Or fries. How do you say it? In fucking fringe.
Drew
It's not the. It's not the ketchup and mayonnaise mix. It's just mayo.
Enya
It's just mayo with, like, pepper in it or some shit.
Drew
You are a nasty mother.
Enya
So fucking good. And then I got it a second time, and it caused the most horrific pains in my gut I've ever had from food in my life. I really genuinely thought I was dying.
Drew
Mind you, I woke up that day and I was like, I'm going to go get food at this really cute cafe. Like, we should go. Blah, blah, blah. He's like, I don't want to go. I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to get. And then he kept getting up and getting down like he was going to go. Like, he literally was having the fight for his life with himself. And then he's like, honestly, I'm just going to stay back and get McDonald's. And I was like, okay, like, you. You can do that. It is. That is your freedom so bad. And then he told me that he sweat through his clothes.
Enya
It was. And you know, it's disgusting, is the acne was that night, and I slept in my thermals in bed. And the pain caused me to sweat my ass.
Drew
It's also been so hot in that room.
Enya
Yes. And to sweat a stain into the bed and then to jizz on Inya's pillow. And I wore the thermals that I sweat through to the acne show.
Drew
You're. You what?
Enya
I sweat through the thermals onto my bed, and it was like a stain in my bed.
Drew
What about my pillow?
Enya
I literally have no idea what you're talking about right now. You're actually freaking the fuck out okay.
Drew
So do you sweat? I just, I feel like I heard you say you came into my. Like, you creamed on my pillow.
Enya
You are accusing me of insane things right now, and it's actually really insane.
Drew
Okay, well, the good thing is we have both video and audio recording of you being crazy.
Enya
Okay, well, then I'm gonna kill myself, so.
Drew
And you should kill yourself.
Enya
Oh, my God. I made it a New Year's evolution revolution to. Stop saying that consciously. It's just in my brain. Said consciously. Oh, my God.
Drew
Said consciously. I just can't stick to my New Year's revolutions. Okay, wait, we have to talk about our hotel room. Okay.
Enya
Oh, yeah, we.
Drew
First of all, I think the hotel we're staying at, like, God bless it, but like, I think it was. I think it's a money laundering scheme. Like, I don't hotel. None of the rooms are.
Enya
You'll see it in the vlog.
Drew
Yeah, like, and you're going to see. No, but the thing is, you're going to see in the vlog and be like, oh, this is a cute hotel room. No, Let me talk to you about the hotel itself. First of all. We get there and it, like, I didn't expect it to be that tiny for how much we paid for it, but it's like incredibly tiny. Whatever. We can live. The first morning we woke up, we wake up like every time we're jet lagged. We usually wake up at like 6am or something. We wake up at like 6, 6am it's like we're sitting there for two hours and then all the. All the subbed in. All the subbed in. There's a smell.
Enya
Like, no, no, not a smell. An odor like a foul sewage. Like a thick fucking odor.
Drew
Like, usually I only smell this when Drew is like talking to me directly in my face. But I wasn't even looking at him in the face and I smelt this. Smell this.
Enya
That in my face is my code for my butthole. It's called talking into my butthole.
Drew
And it. We were like, what is that smell? And we start sniffing around the room and it's the bathroom. And we've realized that for some reason, every few hours and we've both heard this, we'll hear like, the pipes gurgling and sizzling and just a stench will erupt. And we don't even know. What's worse is we don't know where in the bathroom it comes from. Like, I don't know.
Enya
I think it comes from the side of the toilet. So, like, the toilet bowl where it meets the weird tile floor. I think it's coming out of the side there. If we put soap water all around the rim, I'm sure we would see it bubble up out of there.
Drew
Ew.
Enya
It's like, why is my brain so big? Oh, my God. It's actually crazy.
Drew
Like, the tire hole method.
Enya
No. I'm a genius, and sometimes I am amaze myself at, like, my creation.
Drew
It would be cool if you, like, put it to use and, like, built a house.
Enya
Hello. I'm doing a podcast, and I guarantee everybody watching this is like, oh, my God. Drew is literally so smart.
Drew
So smart. Wait, why is Drew subdently so smart?
Enya
Subdon Lee Subconsciously, Drew so smart.
Drew
It just reminds me. JT had espresso for the first time, and she put on her story. She was, like, trying espresso, and then, like, five hours later, she was like, why did nobody told. Like, tell me this was gonna knock me on my ass. Like, I've been up for five extra hours.
Enya
Espresso. There's so many little things, like, where you mispronounce it, like. No. Liberian. Oh, Valentine's Day is Valentine's Day.
Drew
Yeah, I think I. I mispronounce a lot, and especially names. And it's really embarrassing because I'll call someone by the wrong name forever, and at some point, they'll just stop correcting me because they're like, this doesn't even know who I am. And that's okay. Also, at our hotel, a friend stayed, and I don't even know why I'm saying friend.
Enya
Wait, I just thought of something. I realized if I catch your name immediately, you're going to be in my life for a long time. But if I can't remember your name and I see you a second time and I don't know your name or recognize your face, that's God telling me that you're not going to be in my life. Because, like, when I first met you, I literally did not have trouble with your name at all. Same with your face.
Drew
We also had been sending each other illicit photos for, like, two years on the Internet.
Enya
You were sending me illicit photos for two years on the. Remember the hay incident?
Drew
I'm sending you my boobs. My boobs.
Enya
I was playing with them.
Drew
I sent Drew a live, like, silicone mold of my boobs, and I played.
Enya
With them all night.
Drew
But let's just say I saw someone's boobs at an age I shouldn't have before. They were pretty lit, and I don't feel any kind of way about it. I was down to see some boobs in geometry, and it was really funny to me.
Enya
In geometry class?
Drew
No, literally. I think it might have been biology.
Enya
But I remember that is a biology study, like anatomy.
Drew
She was just helping me.
Enya
She was literally just helping you study.
Drew
And I remember standing in the hallway looking at this dm, and I was.
Enya
Like, friend of a friend.
Drew
What is that?
Enya
So that is literally the only lyric I know. Tell me your friend a friend of a friend.
Drew
That is not a lyric. What is that from?
Enya
I don't know. Someone knows.
Drew
Friend of a friend, Friend of a friend Was he a fo or Was he a 10? And my mama wouldn't be.
Enya
Was he a 4 or was he a 10? Is that what I'm thinking? I'm singing Friend of a Friend.
Drew
No, I think she does say that because she's.
Enya
What song is that?
Drew
It's Bodies, bodies on bodies on bodies. And that is the craziest note. That's not what that sounds.
Enya
Bodies and bodies and bodies I know.
Drew
My mama would like it if she knew about all my. All my rendezvous and all my whereabout I can't get.
Enya
That's like the straight woman version of Biking by Frank Ocean.
Drew
What does that mean?
Enya
I'll let you dissect that.
Drew
Thank you. No, like, I wait.
Enya
I give people brain teasers. That's what I am.
Drew
But you give yourself brain teasers. I don't think you know what you're saying.
Enya
I can't tease my brain, bitch. I'm getting on ig. Fuck y' all.
Drew
The other thing about our hotel is you couldn't use a blow dryer there. Like, you just couldn't use one.
Enya
The power in the entire hotel would go out.
Drew
Just shut up. Like, the whole room would go out. Our friend, who was also our fucking.
Enya
Outlets, electrocute the fuck out of.
Drew
Every time we plug something in, it sparks up and, like, barks at us.
Enya
Yes, it literally makes a big fucking spark.
Drew
But I was getting my hair and makeup done for the show. You weren't like, why are you.
Enya
Like, why are you lying?
Drew
I'm not lying. You're gonna make them think I'm lying. And I'm not lying.
Enya
She wasn't.
Drew
You're the liar. That's the funny thing is, in this, like, relationship, you're the liar.
Enya
That girl's a liar. I can't say boy and song because I'm straight. So when, like, when, like, a guy is, like, talking about or like, when a girl is singing about a guy and I want to sing the lyrics. I'm like, oh, that.
Drew
You probably just said, consciously do that.
Enya
Because.
Drew
You'Re always thinking of girls.
Enya
What's a. What's a lyric about, like, a boy? That girl is a gun. That's the vibe I've been on recently. The girl being a gun. The girl in question, guys.
Drew
Oh, no. I'm thinking of the Usher thing, where it's like, you ain't got to call. It's okay, boy. Like, he had the crowd. It's okay, girl. But you would just say it the way it's sung. You wouldn't say, like, it's okay, boy.
Enya
And.
Drew
And he was at my party talking about sucking.
Enya
Sucking.
Drew
Sucking dick and cock.
Enya
Sucking dick and sucking dick and cock.
Drew
Dude, so many things on the Internet are going to age insanely. Like, so many things.
Enya
You look literally every second of our podcast, every second of our podcast, we're going to look back in two years. We're going to be like, what the fuck were we saying? I was.
Drew
Any clip. I see, I'm disgusted.
Enya
Exactly. And. But in five years, we'd be like, damn, we were so lit. Like, we were so sick. Maybe, hopefully, like, all of my YouTube videos, I, like, went back and watched, like, a few of them, and I was like, actually, what the was I doing? Why was I putting casts all over my body?
Drew
Yeah, I think I said consciously. I'm always thinking about how you should have said that to me. I'm thinking about how I'll perceive.
Enya
Have you talked about your chemical burns?
Drew
No.
Enya
Do you not want to?
Drew
I'll talk about it. I'm healed now. I'm a healed woman.
Enya
Inya has chemical burns.
Drew
So I was doing this shoot and I was bleaching my eyebrows for it because we were, like, all sitting around and we were like, okay, yeah, it's good. We literally have, like, PTSD with this.
Enya
I know, it's terrifying.
Drew
This quarter. Why is this quarter giving me this quarter?
Enya
Oh, wait, Kai, blur the screen.
Drew
I really. Because we're in Paris, I smoke way more cigarettes than usual, and I know everyone finds me disgusting and repulsive for it, but I really want to smoke a cigarette right now.
Enya
All right, unblur the screen. Pop smoke one.
Drew
Pop a perk.
Enya
Pop a pill.
Drew
Should I pop a pillar, too, right now?
Enya
Yes.
Drew
But so whatever. We're on this set and I'm like, I am so down to bleach my eyebrows. I've been wanting to, like, I've been thinking about it because I can't do anything to my hair. I'm so down to do it. I. I literally tell them. Which, this is so stupid, because after I told them this, they were on the way to get the stuff, and I could have easily been like, actually, I use tretinoin now. Like, maybe this will hurt my skin. But I kind of thought about it, but I didn't think anything of it because I haven't bleached my eyebrows in a while, and now I use really harsh chemicals on my face. If you don't know what tretinoin is, it's just, like, a really harsh chemical for acne.
Enya
I think we might have talked about this maybe, like, right when you got it done, the next episode. We probably talked about it.
Drew
I think that the last episode was that episode. Am I tripping?
Enya
No. Because we've had to go live where you didn't have eyebrows.
Drew
I don't know what's happening. Oh, we have. I think I. I did. I think I did talk about this.
Enya
I don't know. It's.
Drew
Sorry, I. I don't know where I am. Drew.
Enya
I really don't know how we got here.
Drew
Not me neither. Not me either.
Enya
I had to Google Michael Imperilli from the Sopranos.
Drew
Oh, because of the heaven shoot.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Dude. I love him. Like, why would I have sex with him now? Does he have.
Enya
This has got to stop DMing me because he's married.
Drew
Classic. Classic. Classic. Well, I still think that Parisians hate me, so you should hit that. I've been thinking about what it means to marry somebody with generational wealth, and it's been on my mind. It's really been on my mind, because I'm like, I don't want to be the one to have to build out the wealth. I just want.
Enya
My God, I need $176 million tomorrow. I really do. Like, it's.
Drew
I know. And I don't know. Like, we're just not in the area where we're gonna get that. This is as good as my life is getting, and I'm okay with that. Like, I'm really happy with. But I want to give my kids generational wealth, and I want to. Honestly, I know we hate the rich, and I know we hate hoarding wealth, but I want to be a part of that. I want that. I want that, and I'm going to get me honest.
Enya
Sorry.
Drew
I want to hoard the wealth for my children and me. And, like, I want. I want nepotism, babies. I don't care. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Like, sue me, but I'm tired. I'M tired of, like, I don't want to hold the. The flag of, like, guys, I made it out. Like, I made it out of my situation. I want to be like, guys, I literally was born into the situation, and it's lit. Like, that's what I wish I was. I am so envious of people who are just, like, born with a lot of money. I wish that was me. And, like, that's actually funny, because I feel like that was a big conversation recently about, like. Like, being envious of, like, nepotism babies. And it's like, yeah, well, you. Because I, like, yes, I want that. Duh. Like, what? Me, when I'm pointing out the obvious kids to be good or not even my kids.
Enya
Could you imagine me with a child?
Drew
Of course I want rich parents. The, like, why is that even. That's a different story. But what'd you say?
Enya
Could you. I don't even know what I said. Oh. I said, imagine me with a child.
Drew
No, I don't want to. That would be really bad. I was thinking about that. I was like, any of my guys.
Enya
I'm gonna get a female pregnant.
Drew
I don't know what else you would get pregnant. What else would you get pregnant saying female, and I'm done. I know what you were gonna say.
Enya
I'm older.
Drew
But, yeah, I wish I was born into, like, so much money, but I don't want to have to build the generational wealth. And this is as good as it's gonna get, and that's okay. I'm just gonna live well for my kids, and my kids are gonna have to do the thing. And I'm. I'm just hoping that my kids can make something of themselves so Pepon Meemaw can sit down and not do anything for the rest of my life.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
I want kids so that they can work for me.
Enya
That's kind of my turn for the salt mines or coal mines.
Drew
Yeah, I'm thinking of, like, popping out a few, throwing them in the mines with a bird.
Enya
Canary.
Drew
Yummy. A canary. Call me the canary. Yeah.
Enya
Well, Fashion Week is insane.
Drew
Oh, yeah. This is Drew's first Fashion Week. What are your thoughts?
Enya
This shit is crazy.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
I don't know how the girls do it. Dare I say braver than the Marines or braver than an iPhone or braver than an Android user. Instead of saying braver than the Marines, we're gonna start saying braver than an Android user. And I don't give a. If I get in trouble for that. I don't care. I really don't care.
Drew
That's the best sound ever. Their sound design is down.
Enya
When I hear that in public, I laugh uncontrollably. Like, no matter what, I'll be like. Like, it's crazy.
Drew
It's just uncontrollably. And yeah, the tick tock, guys, I literally die.
Enya
I'm dead. No, I'm dead as. What was I saying? What was I saying?
Drew
You were saying that when you hear it in public, you get dead as. But before that you were saying that I don't care if I get in trouble for saying the Android users are braver than the Marines.
Enya
But what was I saying that too you. I was saying.
Drew
You said the Fashion Week girl.
Enya
Yes, yes. Let me tie back in, Let me talk back in. Let me tap back in. Let me top back in. I'm a top to women.
Drew
Yeah, we don't. You don't use those terms for like, straight, like relationships.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Why do you know? Do you know what that means?
Enya
No.
Drew
Okay.
Enya
But I think Fashion Week is fucking crazy. And I won't go any further because I do want to participate more.
Drew
Yeah, I think it's.
Enya
But I'll speak my peace of mind soon.
Drew
I mean, most people know that it's.
Enya
Definitely like a game of a multi level marketing scheme.
Drew
It's definitely a game of playing your cards right and being able to interact on a social level. Which is why I think I'm pretty bad at it because I'm not really good at getting in a room and shutting the fuck up and being a pretty girl. I'm really good at getting in a room and talking about balls in my butt.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
And farting. And I think people love it.
Enya
I think people love.
Drew
Some people are definitely like a bit like, she's a lot.
Enya
I have cool.
Drew
But she's a lot.
Enya
Met like someone in a position of authority that, like, we've been goofy around that hasn't loved it. Like, I feel like everybody in this industry has been like, oh, my God, this is like a breath of fresh air.
Drew
But, you know, what's up is I think a lot of people in this industry will love it.
Enya
My ego is insane. What I just start, I say, and I don't even realize how egotistical it sounds. I don't understand, like, how egotistical it sounds.
Drew
Well, I don't think it's egotistical because we haven't had anybody, like, outwardly respond negatively to us. At least we haven't heard it. But I know for a fact people have met us and been like, they Are too fucking much like. Yeah, I. There's. There's just no way because we're just so abrasive. I think we're definitely a polarizing set of people. Maybe me more so than you because you're definitely, like, on the more timid side when you first meet someone.
Enya
I just don't talk. Yeah, I talk, but I. When I'm. When I'm crazy, I'm crazy. And then I can read. I can read energies really well. Like, I can read vibes. I can read the room. And I'm like, okay, they're obviously not with what I'm putting down, so I'm just gonna mellow down and chameleon to their level. That's one thing about me is I can shape shift my personality. No, I am, like, the fakest in the room. It is.
Drew
I'm the Vegas in the room.
Enya
It is really scary. I can, like, play a character so well.
Drew
Me, when I'm in my self tape.
Enya
I'm an actor. Actor arc.
Drew
I'm like, I'm a chameleon. Anything you tell me, I could play a character so well. They're like. Then they're like, oh, say, your height and age. I'm like, my name is any Manzer. I could play a character very well. I'm 5 foot 3, 5 foot 4. On a good day, I think I'm 5 foot 4. I'm not 5 foot 3 anymore. At least in my head. I don't think I'm five foot three.
Enya
I'm six two.
Drew
You're not six two, babe.
Enya
Babe. I literally am.
Drew
Babe. You are not six two.
Enya
I'm not six two.
Drew
Yeah, thank you. I can tell I'm six one.
Enya
Sometimes you just have to add an.
Drew
Inch me about my wiener. But I think definitely people find us appealing for their personal lives, but maybe not a work scenario where they just.
Enya
Think I'm an ego testicle. Like, an egomaniac.
Drew
Yeah, you do have huge ego testicles.
Enya
I. I am gonna start saying ego testicle, like, so casually in conversation. Like, oh, it's an evil eagle. It's an ego testicle. Like, maniacal freak.
Drew
You need to say, stop with that damn name. That's gonna be so annoying to keep track of.
Enya
I don't care.
Drew
But yeah, also, is this a cow? What is this drawing?
Enya
I think it's a cow with a cross.
Drew
Yeah, it's really freaking me out.
Enya
It's kind of offensive.
Drew
I need chapstick so bad because my lips have been chapped, like, all day, and for the first time ever I don't have it in my purse because I've been switching.
Enya
Oh, cool. I have a Note that's literally 26.
Drew
21.
Enya
21.
Drew
How do you feel when this episode comes out? You'll be 25, 17. You'll be 17. I mean, sorry, I was.
Enya
I'll be good. We'll be good.
Drew
Whoa.
Enya
Don't want to talk about it.
Drew
You don't want to talk about it.
Enya
Oh, my God.
Drew
It is funny being the age of, like, all the finers that I used to make fun of for being on the Internet. I'd be like, bro, you're so old. Why are you on the Internet?
Enya
Get the off the Internet.
Drew
Now I'm that age, which is funny. Now I'm at the point when, when I meet a 20 year old, I feel like the annoying old person who's like, you're 20?
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
And it freaks me out. But I'm not doing it on purpose. But then I get said conscious and self conscious.
Enya
What's a good one for self conscious? Self conscious, Self confidence, Self conscience.
Drew
Self conscience and subconscious self conscious. And then I guess shelf.
Enya
No shelf conscience.
Drew
I guess that conscious is self conscious. Self conscious. No, self conscience is too much. I can't. Yeah, I get really, like, subconscious and self conscious.
Enya
I'm sitting right now, I look so grumbly.
Drew
And I just really think about my age and it freaks me out. And it's really interesting how much I thought I would have done by this time. And I'm this age and I still have so much to do, which is like, both nice and terrifying. Because it's nice. Because when I put a half perspective. Yeah. I'm like, good. I have so many years left to live. I have so much to do. I have so much time to do that if I'm lucky enough not to die on my plane flight. On my flight tomorrow. On my plane, on my plane tomorrow. That's gonna be awesome if I survive it because every time I get on a plane, I think it's gonna cry.
Enya
I know, it's really bad. I text everyone I know. I'm like, I love you so much.
Drew
Like, I love you so much. Like me texting my dad. Yes, I love you so much. Like, like, sometimes if I'm only texting one person and I forget to text everybody, I'll be like, oh, I feel so loved in my life and I love everyone, you know?
Enya
You know? It's crazy. Crazy is that. Crazy is that I will literally sit on my flight for like the first 15 minutes, like, convinced that it's going to go down.
Drew
Oh, same. And in my head, more likely to go down in the takeoff and landing.
Enya
In my head, I'm riding like, monologues of what? Like, I. When the plane's going down. What I'm going to FaceTime to people when the plane's going down and be like, I love you so much and who I'm going to call and what I'm going to say. And then I go as far as writing notes in my notes app so.
Drew
That they upload to, like, icloud. People can see them.
Enya
I know, exactly. So they can see them after the plane crashes.
Drew
I said consciously.
Enya
But let's talk about. At the fashion show, one of my favorite musicians of all time wanting to have sex with me.
Drew
Yeah, let's talk about it. That's as far as it goes.
Enya
But, like, you can vouch.
Drew
I can vouch that a staring was happening and.
Enya
And I was not. I was not having it. It's like, no.
Drew
Yeah.
Enya
Don't do this to me. I'm just so desired, y' all. Like, it really is crazy. How does I mean?
Drew
I was sitting next to you, so it could have been either one of us.
Enya
No, it was 100% me.
Drew
It was 100% you.
Enya
Yeah, 100%. No doubt.
Drew
Well, I think it was me. Oh, my God.
Enya
Why would it ever be you when I'm sitting next to you?
Drew
Pick me.
Enya
Choose me. But, yeah, well said.
Drew
Consciously, I thought it was me, so, you know.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
We're never gonna be able to do a drunk episode with the both of us because Drew is straight edge now.
Enya
That's crazy.
Drew
Drew is a reformed straight edge.
Enya
They just invited me out after this.
Drew
And he's freaking out.
Enya
No. And I literally am like, how can I get out of this? I do not want to go.
Drew
You don't have to go, because even me going is pushing it because our flight is tomorrow morning.
Enya
But Whitney was, like, so hurt when I said no, and I was like, damn.
Drew
Yeah. Because they all want to go out dancing. It'd be nice. It'd be nice.
Enya
Subconsciously, I don't think I will this time.
Drew
You don't think subconsciously you'll wish.
Enya
You shut the fuck up. Oh, my God. That's not even our joke. That's literally Josiah's joke that we stole from him so good.
Drew
I wish I remembered the other one. It's said conscious and something else. What is the other one? Also, we might have been yelling this whole episode because we put the mic so loud.
Enya
I'm eating this I'm eating this mic, too.
Drew
I'm gonna eat you out. I'm eat you up.
Enya
Wait, what?
Drew
Me? When I'm late to the joke, though.
Enya
What else can we talk about? Okay, no one's talking about how me, you and Barbie are in a three way relationship and that the Internet just hasn't broke it yet.
Drew
What?
Enya
That me, you, and Barbie are in a three way relationship and it hasn't broke that. I don't give a fudge.
Drew
But she, like, asked you not to say that.
Enya
Like, we're like, I'm tired of being hidden. I'm tired of being hidden.
Drew
Well, that's just what the price that comes with dating such a, like, gorgeous woman. A gorgeous woman. Gorgeous. Sorry. She's just so gorgeous.
Enya
Gorgeous.
Drew
I was. I'm really trying to make every word pronounced wrong. I think I want to go back to the time when, like, I wasn't allowed to drive. Like, I don't want to. I don't want to be able to work. I'm. I'm honestly, like, we got to get over this hump of, like, girls, like, working. Like, I don't want to work anymore. I don't want to do anything, even though my job isn't very taxing. So I'm complaining kind of from a throne, and it's a little bit dismissive of people who actually have to work when my work is on my iPhone. But I just don't want to do it anymore. And I'm really sorry. And I'm sorry to my family. I know I told you I'd get you out the dirt and, like, maybe get you a house one day, but that's a lot of work and I just don't want to do it. It's a lot of responsibility. I just. I think I'd rather, like, chill. That's my vibe recently. Like, I just want to chill.
Enya
That's honestly so true.
Drew
I just want to exist and chill.
Enya
Need $170 million.
Drew
Yeah. But I think we could. We could definitely, like, we could social network our way there, maybe. I don't think we could.
Enya
I would have sex with Elon Musk.
Drew
That's really nasty.
Enya
I really would.
Drew
I would have sex with a lot of people, but not Elon Musk.
Enya
If it meant that I could have the world, I would do it.
Drew
I mean, Grimes did it, but I don't think she needed to. She was just like, she's just that kind of girl. I wouldn't have sex with him. I would not have sex with him for any amount of money. There's, like, a lot of people. As much as I want everything in the world, there's a lot of people I wouldn't have sex with to get to it, but there's a lot of people I would have sex with for free and immediately, without question.
Enya
What's his name from Ex Machina.
Drew
Oh, Oscar Isaac. We mention Oscar Isaac every episode.
Enya
I think he's the it boy.
Drew
He is my it man. I love him so much. Oscar Isaac. Honestly, this is a gross one. Willem Defoe.
Enya
We saw his giant wiener. It's massive. I'm literally not joking.
Drew
Willem Dafoe could get it. Yeah, he can get it.
Enya
Willem the flum float.
Drew
I'm trying to suck on that. Willem dip flum float. I'm trying to think of any other, like, what are, like, really gnarly, like, celebrities who. You're like, oh, you can get it. Like, just, like, nasty dude.
Enya
I always forget his name, but he's from the Oz. I'm looking at the prison show.
Drew
I don't know what that is. That doesn't exist. Oh, good news is, I looked at the ox Oz.
Enya
Now, why the. Is Christian texting me from his goddamn flip phone again? I'm gonna say, put that away. He tried so hard to make it happen.
Drew
Is it that guy or, like, the main guy? Look up, cast. If it's the guy who I'm thinking of, it's. You're done. Because I. You can't even say that one publicly because that one's really nasty. Drew him. Oh, that's not the worst. He just looks like, literally, a Sims character or something. He actually looks like he's made of clay. Like, he looks like this person looks like he's molded from clay, and I'm not lit.
Enya
The thing is, is if you get it, you get it.
Drew
I thought.
Enya
If you know why, you know why, and that's that. Like, I swear to God, I'll tell you after this. But if you get it, you get it.
Drew
I'm trying to think of a really gnarly one on my behalf. Like, a one that I've said, and people have been like, oh, I can't think. I think Willem Dafoe is, like, probably the most, like, ooh. But he's. He was really hot when he was younger, too, so that's, like, not the craziest one.
Enya
Mine is, like, my woman crush is, like, Beyonce or, like, Britney Spears or Lana Del Rey.
Drew
Those are just, like, really prominent.
Enya
Ariana Grande.
Drew
Yeah, but those are just, like, really.
Enya
They're all so hot with big Boobs.
Drew
But those are. I mean, do you like their music and stuff?
Enya
No, I don't listen to girl musicians, okay?
Drew
Oh, well, damn. Why'd you say it?
Enya
Like, I don't listen to pop stars.
Drew
Okay, but you just want to. Like.
Enya
I listen to Deftones.
Drew
You are a Deftones girl.
Enya
You can't have hate without love.
Drew
You have to be the most polarizing thing ever, and that's why we're so loved.
Enya
You can't have hate if you can't have love.
Drew
No, I. That's not. There's no way you're the first one to say that. And if you are, it's not the best thing. Like, do you think that was good, what you just said?
Enya
Yeah. Because if we didn't have hate, we wouldn't know how good love felt.
Drew
I know.
Enya
And you keep saying heaven is a prison. Heaven is a prison.
Drew
And I'm not just a place on earth with you.
Enya
That's tea, though. That's it. No, I don't mean like the clothing brand. I mean, like, actual heaven is a prison. It's a prison experience.
Drew
Purgatory.
Enya
Yes.
Drew
Because it's going to like in the Sopranos.
Enya
Oh, my God.
Ryan Seacrest
It's.
Enya
It scares the fuck out of me thinking about, like, eternity in heaven with, like, never feeling anything be there.
Drew
I don't want to be in heaven. If I could get on a plane and, like, go to, like, the Bahamas, like. Because in my head, when I think of heaven, what do you think heaven is like? When I think of heaven, I just think it's like. Like living again.
Enya
I think it's me and Lana Del Rey.
Drew
You're straight. Okay.
Enya
I think it's me under the Eiffel Tower.
Drew
Just with the one you love.
Enya
No. Heaven is a place on earth with you.
Drew
We're some of the worst people in the world. In the world. Because why do we hate Taurus places so much? Like, why is it, like, a cute.
Enya
Because we're different. Because we're different.
Drew
We have to be different. So bad.
Enya
Like the other girls? Yeah. Like, no. It's really, really vile.
Drew
It's literally a disease. It's a disease to be this much of an opposition to everything. Everybody on the planet likes that. Like, the second you want to eat near the Eiffel Tower, you know how.
Enya
Different I want to be is the second I go mainstream. If I ever do go mainstream. If you let it fucking happen.
Drew
Let me.
Enya
Jesus Christ.
Drew
But no one. The brands don't like us.
Enya
The second I get famous.
Drew
Thank you.
Enya
The second I get mainstream. I am switching up and hating myself. That's how different I want to be.
Drew
Like, you're anti you. I'm not posting photos of myself anymore.
Enya
I'm about to be in my anti era.
Drew
Anti by Rihanna or anti like everything? Because we're already anti everything. Yeah, I listened to that album again for the first time.
Enya
For love. I love love.
Drew
Why are you saying it like that?
Enya
The earthquake is coming in la.
Drew
Yeah, the big one. I hope I'm not there.
Enya
I fear it's coming in the next 10 days and I'm gonna be there.
Drew
Unfortunately, I won't be there, so I'll be chill. But I'll miss all my things. All my things will be laws.
Enya
What about me and Azul?
Drew
I can find new ones. You are replaceable.
Enya
What did we have a hypothetical about? Oh, I.
Drew
Okay, we kind of talked about this.
Enya
On your vlog, but, like, I don't give a. Okay. I was telling Enya that today I was gonna split away from her and all of our friends to go explore the catacombs alone, because you can book a tour for like €48, which is cheap as to go see like, skeletons. And. And I don't know if that's immoral to say. Might be, and I'm sorry if it is, genuinely, but I can't see a reason why it's bad right now. But I said I was gonna go explore the catacombs on my own. And then I asked any. I was like, oh, my God, like, imagine I got lost in the catacombs, like, what would you do? Like, you couldn't fly home, huh? And she was like, no, I'm flying home. And I was like, if you got lost in the catacombs, I would stay no matter what. I would be here for you, and.
Drew
I don't give a fuck.
Enya
And she was like, dead set. She was dead.
Drew
You know what? Matter of fact, I would return my flight. I would get a la premier Air France flight, spend all the money I have on that one way ticket, and I'd have so much champagne on the flight that I get drunk and I forgot you even fucking existed. And I'd get home.
Enya
You don't know how much this hurts me.
Drew
And I get home and I go to my dad's 50th birthday party, get drunk again, wake up on. Oh, that's on Drew's birthday, get drunk as fuck on his birthday, commemorate his life in a way, but also celebrate my dad's 50th year of life, and then go the fuck to sleep.
Enya
I Would miss my own birthday to go into those caves. She's trying to put a cigarette on me. Y' all see this? To go into those caves and get you out on my own.
Drew
The thing is, okay, here was my take. Here's what I would do if Drew went to the cat.
Enya
Mama Bertram. That's literally my take is my Mama Bertram. Mama Bertram. Pilot Jones. Harley Davidson and Pilot Jones are dating, and they gave birth to Laurel and Yanny.
Drew
Oh, I found the gold and white dress on.
Enya
I was about to say green needle.
Drew
What the.
Enya
Is that the green needle dress.
Drew
What is that?
Enya
Green needle. Green needle. Storm.
Drew
Look. What is that? I'm going to make you smell like cigarettes. You. This is our worst episode ever. This is easily our worst episode ever. Okay, here's what I would do in this hypothetical. I would. Okay, you didn't give my side of the story.
Enya
Listen. What do you hear?
Drew
Green needle.
Enya
I hear brainstorm.
Drew
You don't hear.
Enya
I swear to God, I do now. Look at brainstorm. Brainstorm.
Drew
It doesn't say that.
Enya
Needle.
Drew
It doesn't say. It doesn't say brainstorm. And you want to be different so bad. This is your. This is your need to be different.
Enya
Jumping out on. On my entire existence. I hear brainstorm on my Instagram.
Drew
I don't understand how that's a thing.
Enya
Just like the green and blue dress. Just like Laurel and Yanny.
Drew
You mean white and gold.
Enya
It is not white and gold. Because you said blue and black.
Drew
It's white and gold versus blue and black.
Enya
Yeah, and it's blue and black.
Drew
Wait. Or is it black and gold versus blue and black?
Enya
I don't know the. I know how it works because it's. It's literally white and blue.
Drew
No, that. That dress is black and blue.
Enya
Yeah, it's black and blue. And I don't give a. About what you say. Okay, but so the. The Adidas sneakers, the new ones that came out.
Drew
What are you talking about?
Enya
You've seen it.
Drew
No.
Enya
The Nike shoe.
Drew
No, stop.
Enya
The Ugg. So what the.
Drew
Drew didn't give my side of the story. Basically, here's what would happen.
Enya
There is no side of your story. You are an evil person.
Drew
No, you didn't explain. Okay, so it's my dad's 50th birthday, the day before Drew's. By the time this comes out, it's already passed. I've had the shindig of my life. It's been the best night of my life. I celebrate my dad's 50th, skipping my birthday because it's okay. It's not my fault that both of them happen to fall on milestones. I invited you. I told him I'd get him a ticket, and he ignored it.
Enya
It is just as much the half of my life because I don't plan on living past 50 as it is the half of your father's life.
Drew
So basically, I was with you for the half of your life if you're not living till 50.
Enya
So this birthday 25 is 1/2.
Drew
No, but you said that you don't plan on living past 50.
Enya
I plan on living at 250.
Drew
Oh, well, I'll be there for the day you die.
Enya
See? I'll see how I'm fudgeing treated.
Drew
Okay, so listen, my dad's birthday party is on Drew's birthday, so technically. And we're leaving tomorrow, so let me paint the picture for you. Today it is March 2nd. Tomorrow's March 3rd, which is Friday, and Saturday is March 4th, which is my dad's birthday party and Drew's birthday. Drew, today on March 2, was talking about going to the catacombs and getting lost. And I'm like, okay, well, first of all, you're going to get found. You're not going to die in the catacombs. Like, I don't think it's that big.
Enya
Blur the screen, Kai.
Drew
It's not that big of a deal. So you're not going to get lost, and it's not going to be that big of a deal. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to get on the flight back to enjoy my dad's birthday because I just can't miss it. Also, I funded this one party. It's the big extravaganza of his life. Like, I have to go. Like, it's literally like, if I. If I was investing in a festival, it would be crazy not to go. And that's what my dad's birthday is. It's basically the new Coachella. So I have to go to my dad's Coachella birthday event. And then what happens is, right after the party, I'm gonna be drunk as, but I'm gonna get right back on a flight back to Paris, because by the time I land back in Paris, they're gonna have found Drew. But it was enough time. Yeah, I did. It's actually very impressive, because I can't do that. It's been enough time.
Enya
That might only be a guy thing.
Drew
Blowing O's is only a guy thing.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Who told you that?
Enya
Me.
Drew
I guess it does. That is how that works. If you think it and you're a guy, that's. Yeah, like. I mean, like, you.
Enya
What? What?
Drew
So by the time I get back, it's already been big news in Paris. Drew is famous. He's famous. It's like. But famous kind of in a bad way because they're like, stupid American gets lost in the catacombs. Like, that's the idea there. It's not a good vibe. But you're famous, and they're all looking for you. And by the time I get back, it's them taking you out of the catacombs. I just so happen to land and get right to the Zara by the catacombs in time. Oh. Pushing through the crowd. That's when I get to Drew and I like, oh, my God. And the cameras are on us. I'm like, my friend, I've been looking for you.
Enya
I've been looking for you for so long, y' all. I was looking at how far the camera. Yeah, you would have saved me, but I would have been, like, dead probably.
Drew
Well, you don't even. I don't even know if your iPhone works down there. So I'm going to do, like, be outside of the catacombs at Zara.
Enya
You're going to go in and explore. That's what I discovered today, is that the catacombs, they built a Zara in a McDonald's a block away, and some dark, evil energy is in Zara. And that's how I know, which is.
Drew
Crazy, because it's like, what? I. I just. I guess I don't really understand the catacombs. Like, I don't know what it is. And I hope it doesn't have some historical, really devastating, gnarly, like, past.
Enya
I think it's Catholicism, per.
Drew
So it's my jewelry.
Enya
What are the catacombs? Come on.
Drew
It's really funny because every time I'm in Paris, I'm with a bunch of friends who I know from the US and then we're all hanging out at a restaurant or something, and we're talking, and then I have a moment where I, like, zoom out, and I look around and I'm like, oh, my God, no one else here speaks English. I'm freaking out. Like, I'm. I'm like, where am I? Why am I here? This is like a different country, and it scares me. Do you poop on flights or do you.
Enya
Hell, no.
Drew
You don't poop on flights. Even that long ass flight. You didn't have to poop once.
Enya
Not once.
Drew
Do You. But you just don't poop, so I'm not talking to a real person right now.
Enya
Literally. If I had to, I literally wouldn't.
Drew
If you had to poop on a plane, you wouldn't poop on a plane.
Enya
No.
Drew
That is weird. I will.
Enya
Those toilets are nice.
Drew
You could be banging down the door till the dogs come home. I don't give a you. And guess what? I'm gonna play Tick Tocks loud, too. I love getting in a public bathroom and playing Tiktoks and watching Tick Tocks while I. I don't give a.
Enya
This is kind of.
Drew
Oh, that is. That is really good. My next IG pick. Would it be improper to take IG pick there? I mean, I posted on my story, so I kind of main feed post it.
Enya
You posted the catacombs on your story?
Drew
Should I go take a picture in Jesus tomb? Do you think I get flocked with a bunch of, like, religious people who are like, this is so insensitive?
Enya
Probably.
Drew
You look so gorgeous there. From here, it looks like you are at the catacombs. What's been your favorite moment being here so far?
Enya
The McDonald's chicken nuggets.
Drew
Oh, my God, this man.
Enya
I wish I was joking.
Drew
You're not joking.
Enya
I'm simple.
Drew
Something's wrong with you.
Enya
It's really easy to please me.
Drew
I'm so fake because I'm constantly like, I hate it in Paris. And every time I get here, I'm like, this is amazing. And then I leave and I'm like, that was awful. Like, I love doing that. It's the same thing I do with food where I'm like, that tastes disgusting. I need another bite. Like, I need to have more of that. Also, I think the. The workers at the bar think I'm a drunk. At the hotel?
Enya
Yeah. Every night you've ordered, like, a sad drunk drinks.
Drew
Because I go and order drinks alone. And they asked during. They're like, you want a drink? And he's like, no. And then I'm just there alone. And then. Wait, last night?
Enya
Oh, yeah.
Drew
We came back from the acne show, and we were, like, so tired. I was like, I just need food. I really wanted to try the restaurant at our hotel, which is actually gorgeous. That restaurant is amazing.
Enya
Amazeballs. Awesome sauce.
Drew
You're pretty awesome sauce.
Enya
Raffle copter.
Drew
You make really awesome sauce.
Enya
I make raffle copter vibes.
Drew
You make me raffle.
Enya
Why am I literally a rofl copter vibe?
Drew
I'm random. I'm so random like that.
Enya
Oh, my God, above.
Drew
Your eye. Did you hit your eye as a kid? I feel like I know so many guys with a scar, like, around their eye, and it's usually like, a skateboard hit my face.
Enya
No, it was at church camp, and we were playing Ultimate Frisbee, and one of my friends threw my Frisbee or threw a Frisbee for me to catch, and I missed it. And it went under a truck that had its tailgate down, and I went underneath, and I forgot the tailgate was down. And when I was coming back out, I came out right where the tailgate was, and I lifted up really fast and gashed my eyelid open. And it was so sick. I wish there were photos of it and there was, like, blood all down.
Drew
You would have been viral on Tumblr.
Enya
Yeah, it would have been. So. But it was. It was a scary amount of blood. But it didn't really hurt me that bad because, like, it just didn't hurt for some reason. And I, like, look at my body, and I'm like, oh, my God. That's, like, a lot of blood. Like, it was a serious amount of blood. Like, half of my face, like, covered both my hands, like, dripping off my chin onto my chest and body. And, like, so much that I was, like, leaving a trail of blood. And there was, like, a little pool of blood in my lap in the car. And at the time, like, I was at this church camp, my babysitter, who was also, like, the youth director at the church, was the one, like, that was putting on the camp, and she rushed me to the hospital because she was terror. Like, everyone was terrified, but they did a really good job at not acting scared. But I found out, like, five years later that, like, people literally thought I was dying. They were like. They were like. I've never seen that much blood in my life, all from that gash.
Drew
I don't think I ever had any serious injuries as a kid.
Enya
And then I broke my clothes because.
Drew
I was responsible and I took care of myself, and I wasn't a idiot fool.
Enya
And he doesn't know what a clavicle is.
Drew
I don't. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, when you said that I was gonna move on. I don't know what that is.
Enya
It's your collarbone.
Drew
Then call it what it is. It's your collarbone.
Enya
It is a clavicle. For first, it's a medical term.
Drew
No one. Like, why would you even say that?
Enya
That's, like, broke your cl.
Drew
The professional name of, like, your chest, your decolletage, your sternum no. Or I guess that's the medical term.
Enya
But it'd be like, oh, I've never heard declatatage.
Drew
I've never heard decolletage.
Enya
No, never.
Drew
Let me make sure that's a word, cuz now I'm American girl.
Enya
You're making up right now. Declit.
Drew
That is a name. That is a word.
Enya
It probably is. I've just never heard it.
Drew
Decolletage. A low neckline on a woman's dresser top. A woman's cleavage as revealed by a low cleavage. So I guess it's. It doesn't mean chest, it means like tits.
Enya
Massive knock.
Drew
It's like sexy word for tits.
Enya
What. What is there to talk about in Paris? Like, what is the. What is the talk of the city?
Drew
The talk of the city is that I love walking around alone here. I think this is the only city where I feel really good eating alone. Like, it feels nice and like comforting to eat alone. New York, I feel good eating al alone la. Eating alone is too much of a statement. And I would say the same about like even Miami. Like, I don't want to eat alone in Miami. It feels really sad and like disappointing. But like here in New York, I feel like eating alone is a vibe la. It's not a vibe la. I feel like people are like, damn, this girl's so sad. She probably just went through a breakup. And I'm like, no, dude, I'm just hungry and I want to eat alone. But like, I won't do that alone. I think I've eaten alone in la. Like out at a restaurant alone. Maybe three times, maybe four, maybe. But I don't like doing it. I'll take the food to my car and eat alone in my car. I've done that.
Enya
I've eaten alone more in Japan than I have in la.
Drew
Yeah, Japan, it feels good too.
Enya
Oh my God, we were in Japan last month. Now we're in prison.
Drew
We were not.
Enya
I love this place.
Drew
In prison. France. We're in prison France.
Enya
That's why the Eiffel Towers made out of cage. Okay. Paris is hella Illuminati. Doubt. It's weird Corey here, y' all. Like, it's dangerous as.
Drew
Are you gonna deep dive or like give your conspiracy?
Enya
Well, just the amount of gold everywhere is weird as. And there's caves of skeletons underneath the city.
Drew
Underneath the Zara.
Enya
Yeah, it's very, very eerie.
Drew
Should we wake up at 5am and go to the catacombs before we leave?
Enya
Yeah, I literally would.
Drew
I would not do that.
Enya
I'm Sorry, Te.
Drew
But you love when I tease you.
Enya
I do.
Drew
In that way.
Enya
I do.
Drew
In the way that I do.
Enya
Oh, my God. I just thought about our flight back. Oh, my God. Flying from LA to Paris is the worst flight of all time. The worst flight. The worst flight. I will never do this again.
Drew
I wouldn't wish sitting up straight upon any of my mortal enemies.
Enya
Oh, my God, my tailbone hurts so bad.
Drew
I wouldn't wish sitting straight up for 10 hours on any of my enemies. My anemones, consciously, I think I want my M and E. I want my.
Enya
Enemas to go through that.
Drew
I've never done an enema.
Enya
I have.
Drew
Is that when you put water in your butt? Yeah, I've never done that.
Enya
Oh, it's like. It's like this solution that, like, draws water from your colon into your gut to deconstipate you.
Drew
People do that in their regime too, right?
Enya
Yes.
Drew
It's really bad for you, though.
Enya
Throw off your ph.
Drew
Don't put stuff in your vagine.
Enya
Period.
Drew
Period. Don't put stuff in your vagine unless you're on your period, period. Well, that was that episode. Weirdest episode ever.
Enya
I don't think we said anything.
Drew
I don't remember anything that happened.
Enya
That was the episode. Let's tap into some media.
Drew
I haven't watched anything.
Enya
I've been watching a lot of basketball. You know what song I listened to on the way over here? On repeat? Young and Beautiful.
Drew
Wow.
Enya
And then I put on Summertime Sadness.
Drew
That's really good.
Enya
Which is a crazy vibe.
Drew
Young and Beautiful will always remind me of this one day in Miami when I lived there in our first home and it was raining a lot. My grandma was visiting from Honduras and it was thunderstorming outside, and I just finished watching it, and I was listening to Young and Beautiful a bunch and looking outside. I was like, it's so gorgeous. And then the lights went out. And then my grandma forced us all to put our electronics into a container and put them in the corner of the house because she thought the house was gonna get struck by lightning because she didn't understand technology, because she basically lives in a fucking concrete hut. And I'm like, girl, that is not. That's not how it works.
Enya
Love her.
Drew
You don't need to do that. But it was really cute because she was really scared of them. I went and grabbed my phone and she was like, any, please, please put it down. We don't want to die. And I was like, fine. I was like, I swear we're not Gonna die, though. But she forced me to put my iPhone away. All right, Say your. Is that your media? Young and beautiful? Yeah, that's it.
Enya
That's all they get.
Drew
Mine is setting sun. You'll never get to heaven. I won't cry anymore. Alternative version by Mark Tones. Yeah, just deaf tones in general, but.
Enya
None of their heavy. Only the Tick Tock songs.
Drew
Oh, my God, you're weird. Like, do you even know what year that band came out? Like, when they debuted White Horse? Oh, per. You actually do know a lot. How do you know about that? Do you know about Radiohead, too?
Enya
Yeah, I had sex with Tom York.
Drew
Oh, my God.
Enya
But you know the song Creep? Yeah, it's about me.
Drew
I don't know if that's a good thing.
Enya
Oh, it is.
Drew
Oh, it's Creep. In a sexy way.
Enya
No, like, in a stalker, like, creepy way.
Drew
Oh, like, you're scary.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Right. Right. Well, my other song is Spring Is Coming with a Strawberry in Its Mouth by Roger Doyle. I've already said that, but I've been really, really listening to that while I've been here. It's just been my vibe. And then.
Enya
Alex G. Pretend I'm gonna go into withdraw.
Drew
I think of what Me. My. My touch. Oxygen of my touch. Holding on by Tirza we saw tears.
Enya
For the first time ever. A period the other day on our tv, and it brings me out was really shocking.
Drew
Yeah. I've never. I don't know why I've never seen her, like, but I've seen her on the COVID Yeah.
Enya
I just never thought that's what she looked like.
Drew
Yeah. All right, well, thank you guys so much for listening. When we see you again, we love you. We may not be alive.
Enya
We love you.
Drew
When you see us again, it may be an AI rendered episode of us because we may not make it.
Enya
They probably thought I was drunk, but I am kind of deliriously tired right now. Like, it's kind of crazy what tired does to me. I've been sleeping for, like, 14 hours a day, though.
Drew
I know Drew's been sleeping a lot here. Like, I've been waking up before you.
Enya
Yeah.
Drew
Like, yesterday I woke up at, like, 9:30, 9:45, and just sat there in bed until, like, 11. And I, like, woke him up at, like, 11:30 because I was like, dude, he's not waking up. Because I was just gonna wait for you to wake up and be like, let's go eat. But then, like, almost three hours pass. I was like, dude, I think he died.
Enya
Yeah. No, I don't know. What it is.
Drew
Oh, no. You sleep late here.
Enya
Yeah, but I think my schedule is just still really off. Like, I don't think I ever got used to, like, Paris time zone because it. I'm like, waking up, like, I wake up at like, 6 and I'm like, awake for like an hour or two and go back to sleep till like, 11:30 because I'm just like, why am I up?
Drew
Yeah. I mean, like, I've just been here so many times the past year that I just, like, I'm used to it, you know?
Enya
Yeah. I, like, feel. Feel that.
Drew
This is my third time here in the past year, which is kind of crazy. It's like the most I visited anywhere that isn't Miami or New York.
Enya
It's insane.
Drew
And I probably won't ever come back because I will be passing on my flight tomorrow, so.
Enya
Yeah, we hope you're happy.
Drew
Oh, and the camera's dying, which is perfect.
Enya
Peace and love and unity and respect.
Ryan Seacrest
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Podcast Summary: Emergency Intercom – "McDonald’s in Paris is Dangerous"
Release Date: March 10, 2023
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Podcast: Emergency Intercom by iHeartPodcasts
The episode kicks off with Enya and Drew sharing their nerves about being in Paris, highlighting their apprehensions about being judged as Americans abroad. Drew humorously remarks at [01:16], “I don’t know why I’m nervous because this door is open and people are like, are not constantly.” Enya adds at [01:23], “You are so nervous about the public in Paris.” Their banter sets the tone for an episode filled with candid conversations about their experiences in the City of Light.
A significant portion of the episode revolves around their participation in a Parisian fashion show. Enya enthusiastically shares at [02:11], “I’m literally wearing jeans from them right now,” while Drew echoes her excitement about the designer bags, saying at [02:10], “Loved every second of it. Obsessed with the bags. Need the bags.” They emphasize that their collaboration with the brands was genuine, clarifying at [02:15], “Because also, this isn’t sponsored.”
Their reflections on Fashion Week extend to discussions about the pressures and dynamics of the fashion industry. Drew muses at [06:56], “I think all A-list celebrities are evil villains now,” illustrating their cynical take on fame and the superficiality often associated with it.
Enya and Drew engage in a playful yet heated debate about their smartphone preferences. Enya defends her iPhone passionately at [05:03], stating, “I really do support it and I think it gets a really bad rep because people don’t healthily use it, myself included.” Drew counters by praising Android devices, particularly Samsung, claiming at [07:56], “Android users are braver than the Marines.”
Their conversation touches on the addictive nature of modern technology, with Enya admitting at [05:24], “After a long day... being on iPhone and not saying anything to anybody is like, top 10 experience,” highlighting the pervasive influence of smartphones on daily life.
The duo recounts their unsettling experiences with their Parisian hotel. Enya describes a persistent foul odor emanating from the bathroom at [19:52], “Like, a foul sewage. Like a thick fucking odor.” Drew explains the bizarre plumbing issues, saying at [20:16], “Like, just shut up. Like, the whole room would go out.” These anecdotes illustrate the challenges they faced while staying in Paris, adding a layer of humor and frustration to their narrative.
True to the episode's title, Enya and Drew delve into their encounters with McDonald’s in Paris, discussing both the allure and the adverse effects. Enya shares her mixed feelings at [16:19], “I had it three times. The first time was great... then it caused the most horrific pains in my gut I've ever had from food in my life.” She describes the unique offerings, such as chicken nuggets tasting like cornmeal and fries served with a mayo-based sauce, at [16:21], “They taste like mayo with, like, pepper in it or some shit.”
Drew adds his own experiences, emphasizing the discomfort caused by the rich food, which ties back to the notion of McDonald's in Paris being "dangerous." Their candid discussions highlight the downsides of indulging in fast food abroad, blending humor with genuine reflections on their culinary misadventures.
Throughout the episode, Enya and Drew share various personal stories that offer listeners a glimpse into their lives:
Enya’s Eyelid Injury: At [59:14], Enya recounts a childhood accident where she severely cut her eyelid during a game of Ultimate Frisbee, detailing the aftermath and the medical response.
Drew’s Fear of Flying: Both hosts express their anxieties about flying. Enya mentions at [38:20], “I can’t stand on flights today... what I'm going to FaceTime to people when the plane's going down,” while Drew shares his fears of airplane crashes and the meticulous planning he does to cope.
Generational Wealth Desires: Drew openly discusses his aspirations for generational wealth at [28:56], stating, “I want to hoard the wealth for my children and me... I’m tired of, like, I don’t want to hold the flag of, like, guys, I made it out.”
Enya and Drew’s chemistry is palpable throughout the episode, characterized by rapid-fire jokes, playful insults, and lighthearted teasing. For instance, when discussing their smartphone preferences, Drew quips at [08:09], “Enya uses 100% Samsung; if they reach out, I’ll text only.” Enya retorts with mock disdain at [08:24], mentioning her failed attempt to switch to Android during high school.
Their humor extends to exaggerations and absurd scenarios, such as Drew’s hypothetical about causing turbulence on a flight with a wing bot at [11:13], and Enya’s dramatic reactions to technical mishaps, like mishandling the microphone.
As the episode draws to a close, Enya and Drew reflect on their time in Paris and the challenges they’ve faced:
Flight Back to Los Angeles: Enya shares her dread about the long flight back, lamenting at [63:36], “Flying from LA to Paris is the worst flight of all time. The worst flight. I will never do this again.” Drew empathizes, adding his own grievances about in-flight discomforts.
Final Thoughts: The hosts wrap up with heartfelt yet humorous sentiments. Enya proclaims at [67:36], “Peace and love and unity and respect,” while Drew humorously laments the wear and tear of their Parisian adventures, noting at [68:12], “We're in prison France.”
Despite the chaotic and often nonsensical flow of the conversation, the episode encapsulates the duo’s unique dynamic, offering listeners an entertaining and relatable portrayal of their misadventures in Paris.
Enya on Fashion Week:
“I’m literally wearing jeans from them right now.” ([02:11])
Drew on iPhones vs. Android:
“Android users are braver than the Marines.” ([07:56])
Enya on McDonald’s Food:
“They taste like mayo with, like, pepper in it or some shit.” ([17:03])
Drew’s Generational Wealth Talk:
“I want to hoard the wealth for my children and me.” ([28:56])
Enya’s Eyelid Injury Story:
“I lifted up really fast and gashed my eyelid open.” ([59:14])
Drew’s Flight Anxiety:
“Consciously, I think I want my M and E. I want my.” ([63:36])
Closing Sentiments:
“Peace and love and unity and respect.” ([69:30])
"McDonald’s in Paris is Dangerous" is a quintessential episode of Emergency Intercom, blending humor, personal anecdotes, and candid discussions about life in Paris. Enya and Drew navigate their experiences with a mix of sarcasm and sincerity, offering listeners an engaging and unfiltered glimpse into their adventures and misadventures. From the pitfalls of gourmet McDonald’s meals to the chaos of Fashion Week, this episode is a testament to their dynamic partnership and ability to turn everyday experiences into entertaining narratives.