Men Shouldn't Cry

Summary

Emergency Intercom Podcast Episode Summary: "Men Shouldn't Cry"

Release Date: October 14, 2022
Hosts: Enya Umanzor, Drew Phillips
Guest: Kai

---

1. Apologies and Clarifications

The episode kicks off with Drew addressing a contentious moment from the previous episode where he seemingly expressed disdain for women. Enya confronts Drew about his contradictory statements, leading to a heated exchange.

• Enya (01:13): "Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, Drew is going to apologize for beginning the last episode by proclaiming his hate for women."
• Drew (01:29): "That was edited. That I did. It was obviously so edited."

2. Life Updates and Personal Experiences

Enya shares her recent experience in Paris, highlighting the challenges and unexpected encounters she faced.

• Enya (02:05): "Be back from Paris, guys. My life is a movie. I actually have to get on another flight tomorrow because my life is a movie."
• Anya (16:11): "I don't think I can ever go to Paris again other than fashion weeks, because I get yelled there at an extreme rate every single day."

3. Social Media and Online Culture

The hosts delve into discussions about different social media platforms, comparing Twitter and TikTok, and expressing their frustrations with each.

• Drew (04:50): "We were in the trenches of Stan Twitter, like, on our side accounts. Those bitches were fucking lit."
• Enya (04:22): "I miss Twitter, but, like, I couldn't. It's just not for me."

4. Pop Culture and Celebrity References

The conversation weaves through various pop culture mentions, including beefs between Azalea Banks and Lana Del Rey, and anecdotes about Bruno Mars and movies like "Year One."

• Drew (02:38): "Oh, Azalea Banks and Lana del Rey beef... Literally, that was the best beef ever."
• Drew (06:40): "Someone said that I looked like an extra in Year One."

5. Emotional Expression and Gender Norms

Central to the episode's theme, the hosts explore why men are often discouraged from crying, discussing societal expectations and personal vulnerabilities.

• Drew (43:23): "Have you ever thought about, like, why humans cry? Like, have you ever, ever thought about, like, the act of crying? Well, as a man, I don't cry."
• Enya (43:48): "Because if you cry, you. You're a pussy."

6. Gaming and Marketing Ideas

Kai introduces a humorous idea for the podcast involving physical comedy with Drew and Enya, leading to playful banter about potential podcast content.

• Kai (52:02): "I had an idea for the podcast. I stand right here in front of the camera, and then you guys just take turns kicking me in there, in the way, in the nuts."
• Drew (53:22): "We need our own Fortnite skins."

7. Health, Fitness, and Mental Well-being

Drew shares his recent struggles with sleep and his experience finding solace in working out, while Enya discusses her own habits and mental health challenges.

• Drew (49:17): "What is the difference between me being stuck on my iPhone or like, me being stuck eating corn, like, kernels that I found, like, under dirt?"
• Enya (50:37): "It's going to be one of the first things you consume in the day."

8. Media of the Week

Towards the end, the hosts share their favorite media picks, including songs and other media, providing listeners with personal recommendations.

• Enya (60:29): "Here is my media of the week pillow talk by Sylvia, which I've already said. Catch Me by Pretty Poison Outside Miracles by Alex G."
• Drew (62:47): "Daniel Bergoli is lit."

9. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Plans

The episode wraps up with plans for a Halloween special and a possible break, punctuated by the hosts' signature humor and teasing.

• Enya (63:07): "Next week will be our Halloween special."
• Drew (63:26): "But while we're on our break, we're going to be recording an episode, though."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Enya on Social Media Frustrations (04:22): "I miss Twitter, but, like, I couldn't. It's just not for me."
• Drew on Apologizing (01:29): "That was edited. That I did. It was obviously so edited."
• Enya on Personal Safety in Paris (16:11): "I don't think I can ever go to Paris again other than fashion weeks, because I get yelled there at an extreme rate every single day."
• Drew on Emotional Toughness (43:48): "Because if you cry, you. You're a pussy."
• Kai's Podcast Idea (52:02): "I had an idea for the podcast. I stand right here in front of the camera, and then you guys just take turns kicking me in there, in the way, in the nuts."

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Key Themes and Insights

1. Societal Expectations on Emotional Expression: The episode highlights the pressure on men to suppress emotions like crying, exploring the detrimental effects of such norms on personal well-being.

2. Navigating Online Communities: The hosts express their frustrations with platforms like Twitter and TikTok, discussing the challenges of maintaining genuine connections in digital spaces.

3. Balancing Humor with Serious Topics: While the podcast maintains a comedic tone, it delves into serious issues like personal safety, mental health, and societal pressures, blending humor with meaningful conversation.

4. Pop Culture as a Reflection of Personal Identity: References to celebrities and media serve as a backdrop for the hosts to share personal anecdotes and opinions, showcasing how pop culture influences their perspectives.

5. Friendship Dynamics: The interactions between Enya, Drew, and Kai reveal the complexities of their relationships, marked by teasing, support, and shared experiences.

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Conclusion

"Men Shouldn't Cry" by Emergency Intercom offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions on societal norms and personal well-being. Through candid conversations and relatable anecdotes, Enya, Drew, and Kai navigate topics ranging from emotional expression to the impact of social media, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair. Notable quotes and engaging dialogue make this episode a compelling listen for both regular followers and new audiences alike.

Transcript

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[Drew]

I'm gonna be sexy and show some skin, and I'm gonna show my husband, Peter. You see what I did there?

[Anya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Because I love women.

[Anya]

You do? You hate women. You always, like, talk about it when the camera's off. Did you get that? Are you filming?

[Kai]

Oh, I got it.

[Anya]

Yeah, yeah, you're done.

[Drew]

Well, it's my husband beater because it's weird to say the other one.

[Kai]

What's the other one?

[Drew]

I don't even want to say it.

[Anya]

I'm fucking hit. You bitch. Welcome to this. Oh, wait. Whatever. Fuck you. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Today, Drew is going to apologize for beginning the last episode by proclaiming his hate for women.

[Drew]

That was edited. That I did. It was obviously so edited. They were like, jumps.

[Anya]

And I'm glad you can admit that. It's not edited. Insert that clip.

[Kai]

Okay. On it.

[Drew]

That's not edited.

[Anya]

It's real, dude. I just love the idea of, like, you saying, like, that was edited and then, like, us having to, like, fight it. Like, that wasn't edited it in. Well, I'm back. I'm back from Paris, guys. My life is a movie. I actually have to get on another flight tomorrow because my life is a movie.

[Drew]

She's busy.

[Anya]

Oh, my God. It's just so much. And, like, I know everybody's concerned about me because they're like, enya, you. You just work so hard. You work harder than any person I know and know that I am in distress, but I will make it. I will come out on the other end. Okay.

[Drew]

I think me and Kyra are gonna unionize against you and gay workers rights.

[Anya]

Hold on. I have to text my fucking lawyer since you want to threaten me on camera because, like, you're not going to do that. You're not going to do that and get away with that.

[Drew]

Wait, what? There was something I saw. Oh, Azalea Banks and Lana del Rey beef. When Azalea was like, oh, hold on. It took me a minute to get back to tweeting. You or some shit like that. Because I was, like, on the phone with my lawyer because you threatened me. And. And then Lana tweeted back and said, that wasn't a threat. It's a promise, bitch. Literally, that was the best beef ever.

[Anya]

And then there was. Fuck. There was, I think, tweets between Demi and Nikki that I have to find that literally were, like, insane. And someone was like, this is real. Like, look it up. But Demi.

[Drew]

We always bring this up when Demi's brought up. But the tweets on 911 about putting an airline on blast will actually forever be one of, like, the top 50 funniest things to ever happen on the Internet.

[Anya]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

Like, easily, like, then apologizing right after.

[Anya]

Fudge, dude, I'm never going to find it. It's. Oh, no, I can't find it. Fuck. Or maybe it wasn't Demi and Nikki, but it's literally, like, it was just them going back and forth on Twitter. I have to find it. It's like I saw a TikTok of the tweet, which is.

[Drew]

Why bring that up if you don't have the receipts, sis? Because I'm sitting here in silence waiting for it. I'll wait. No, wait.

[Anya]

I'll wait. Well, how about this?

[Drew]

I'll wait. I. I'll wait. Noted. Tea frog emoji. No frog T emoji.

[Anya]

Tea frog emoji.

[Drew]

The frog sipping the tea.

[Anya]

Oh, that was a thing. Wait, is that emoji still around or did they nuke it because of how awfully it started Eating?

[Drew]

Still around. And then also the notepad. You just tweet the notepad and get noted when someone said something problematic.

[Anya]

I miss Twitter, but, like, I couldn't. It's just not for me. You know what I do enjoy, though, is that, like, TikTok, it feels like the child or, like, the parent of divorce and, like, my, like, ex is sending me pictures of our daughter. Like, and that's how I feel about Twitter. Is that, like, I don't get visiting rights to my daughter, but. But my husband, who is TikTok, will show me some of her best moments so I don't have to deal with all the problems of, like, taking care of a child.

[Drew]

The new stuff. Yeah, yeah. Well, we were in the trenches of Stan Twitter, like, on our side accounts. Those bitches were fucking lit. Like, that was lit as fuck.

[Anya]

You comparing it to being in the trenches of war.

[Drew]

And, like, Twitter is war. Like, it literally is. It's the scariest place on earth.

[Anya]

It is know, like, it's the only, and I will always say this, it's the only platform where it was normal for someone to basically knock on your front door and be like, you are ugly and I want you to kill yourself. And there was just a whole tab dedicated to that. Like, there's just a whole tab where, like, I could not miss. If somebody wanted to be evil to me, they could just say it to me. And, like, it doesn't get buried under a million other comments. It's literally like you go to your mentions and it's just there. But I do have to say, I think in my past life, I think I was suffering from famish or something.

[Drew]

My nerves. No, literally, that. That one meme that's like. Like, the vibes are off today. Like, no, you're. The vibes are not off. You're just non nourished, I feel like.

[Anya]

Because there are some people. Okay, first of all, if you're a freak who naturally wakes up at 5:00am, like, that is not something to brag about. Like, you are, like, neurologically wired in a way that makes me fearful. Again, it's primal.

[Drew]

It's very.

[Anya]

It's like you, in your past life, you were a murderer. You were, like, running away from the police. Like, I don't trust you. Like, you're really scary because why, why is your genetic code telling you to wake up with the crack of dawn? It's because you have to leave from where you're hiding. Because you're on the fucking run.

[Drew]

Yeah. Because the lions are going to get you. Like, did lions eat humans in the olden days? Someone said that I looked like an extra to the movie Year One. Do you know the Movie Year One? Kai, do you know the Movie Year One?

[Kai]

Is that the comedy one?

[Drew]

Yeah, with Jack Black.

[Kai]

I think it takes place in, like, caveman.

[Drew]

Yes. Someone literally was like, you look like an extra in Year one. And I was like, I. I thought I was over, like, my appearance and, like, thinking I'm, like, ugly and disgusting.

[Anya]

I have to look that up.

[Drew]

That triggered something inside of me that, like, is like, that did irreparable damage. Like, I will never recover fully from that. Saying that to me.

[Anya]

Okay, I have to watch this because Michael Cera and Jack Black. Are you kidding me? How have I never seen this kind.

[Drew]

Of shitty, but it's also, like, shitty funny.

[Kai]

Wasn't like Keira Knightley in that too or something?

[Drew]

I'm not sure. I don't remember.

[Kai]

Like, James Franklin.

[Drew]

It was. It was like I said her name.

[Anya]

I said who is Kieran Knightley? Is that the girl from Game of Thrones?

[Kai]

No, she's from Pirates of the Caribbean.

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I've never seen Pirates of the Caribbean. That's a lie. I don't. I just, like, have been saying and lying.

[Anya]

Is that too zoomed in?

[Drew]

No.

[Anya]

Oh, okay.

[Drew]

It's off center.

[Anya]

But the reason I was saying is I. I feel like in a past life I suffered from a famish. Is because Olivia Wild was always. Oh, that's a little too drained. Like, no matter how much, like, nourishment and. And, like, feeding and stuff, I get, like, I am always, like, slow and sad and drained. So I think I'm just, like, in my genetic code. I was suffering.

[Drew]

Juno Temple.

[Anya]

What?

[Drew]

I feel.

[Anya]

Juna Temple?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

You're just saying names. Juna Temple.

[Drew]

I love David Cross.

[Anya]

No. Who is Juna Temple?

[Drew]

Juno, the it girl. The it girl of 2004.

[Anya]

I don't know who this is.

[Drew]

She's five two. She's from the United Kingdom.

[Anya]

Oh, that's why. Yeah.

[Drew]

Notes on a Scandal Atonement. The Three Musketeers. Oh, maleficent.

[Anya]

Okay. The Three Musketeers. Now you got my ear. Now you got my ear ringing.

[Drew]

She was a maleficent. People who were born in 1990 are, like, 30 years old. Let that sink in. Okay, just let. I just saw 1989 and she's 33.

[Anya]

People who are born in 1980 are approaching 40. Or. No, they're already 40. Cool takes from these two people. How about this? I said, how are we still fighting disease?

[Drew]

The newest rapper disease fashion collection. Why was Kanye West's new fashion collection disease? Season nine? Because it was full of disease, actually. I will say, with everything Kanye west has been saying going on recently, he's a psycho and a tweak. But his new collection ate down. Like, those silhouettes were fine.

[Anya]

You really like those shirts, huh, though?

[Drew]

Yeah. The white lights and I don't know.

[Anya]

Yeah, dude, I saw those and I was like, I know some obnoxious freak who I'm gonna have to murder and is going to buy it because it's like, it's funny. And I'm going to have to push them off the fudgeing cliff. Like, bitch, you should to the Grand Canyon. Yeah. Be like, oh, my God, I love. I love your minds. Like, I want to pick your brain. We should go on a trip together. And then I kill them and dismember them and leave them.

[Drew]

That's the way you see the world.

[Kai]

Me taking out of my cart Right now. Oh, shit.

[Drew]

Is he selling those?

[Kai]

I don't know.

[Anya]

I mean, that's like, he better not.

[Drew]

Who put me on?

[Anya]

You know what? I'm going to step in. I'm going to stop him. I'm going to call him. Should I call him?

[Kai]

Honestly, call him on the phone.

[Drew]

I was saying that the other day, like, if Kanye doesn't stop, Anya's gonna have to stop.

[Anya]

Yeah, I'm gonna call him.

[Drew]

You're gonna have to step in.

[Anya]

Yeah. I said, how are we still fighting diseases, but we get a new iPhone every year? Let that sink in. Like, how am I getting. How are we at.

[Drew]

Your iPhone sucks balls.

[Anya]

I know it. Like, the front camera.

[Drew]

The iPhone 14 sucks dick.

[Anya]

You can't say that, because if someone from Apple is watching and would like to Send me another HomePod, I'll take it.

[Drew]

Did you get sent that home pod?

[Anya]

No, I've never been given anything.

[Drew]

I was like, what the fuck? Why didn't I know that?

[Anya]

But, yeah, the new iPhone fucking sucks. But genuinely, how are we getting new iPhones every year but, like, we don't have, like, cures for, like, almost.

[Drew]

You want the real answer?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Wait, wait.

[Kai]

Do you want the real answer?

[Drew]

Next?

[Anya]

Next one. What were you saying while we were getting ready? And, like, it literally sometimes when Drew talks, it sounds like he's trying to catch me in believing something he just made up so that he can make fun of me.

[Drew]

No, no, no, no, no, no. This is just like, simple quantum physics, babes. Actually, it's not even quantum physics. It's just. I saw this fucking video last night of this dude that said if you put an apple inside of a steel box, that no particles can escape, no energy can escape. It'll basically run through all the cycles of possible matter, which is like 10 million to the 24th to the 24th power or some shit like that, which is, like, borderline infinite, but it's not infinite. So if you watch the cube on the inside long enough, you will see every phase of matter happen. Because, like, if time is truly infinite, nothing is impossible. You can. Like, if you put that apple in there, after 10 years, it'll be rotted and disgusting. After a thousand years, it'll be like, just matter. Then that matter will heat up to, like, 10 million degrees or some shit like that, and then it'll start phasing into different forms of matter. And then eventually, sometime time down the line, it could be 50 billion years. 10 trillion years from now, it'll. You could look inside the box and it will Be an apple again. A whole apple.

[Kai]

And that's why we have diseases and the new. We have new iPhones.

[Drew]

No, the. The big pharma wants to keep us sick, literally, unironically.

[Anya]

But why do I give a. About what an apple's gonna be doing in 10,000 years?

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Anya]

Like, really.

[Drew]

Like, it's just a fun. It's just a fun thought, a fun theory, but I truly believe nothing is real anymore. Like, I actually. I'm like. I'm back on that, where I'm like, okay, like, something fishy is going on. The world is magic. And. Wait, that one song by Casey Musgraves.

[Anya]

Oh, what a world, don't wanna leave. All kinds of magical.

[Drew]

That sounds hella good to be true.

[Anya]

Dude, that song used to make me cry. My ass.

[Drew]

We have been listening to, like, some.

[Anya]

Of the best of what music had to give us.

[Drew]

Music on repeat for the last, like, three days, like, biking. What's that Michael Jackson song?

[Anya]

The one I've been. Oh, Love Never Felt so Good.

[Drew]

Love Never Felt so Good is not.

[Anya]

The Justin Timberlake version.

[Drew]

Absolutely not.

[Anya]

That is up. Dance like, why did he have to do that?

[Drew]

He had to ruin a masterpiece.

[Anya]

Dance like. Like that. He was at the. At the mic, like. Dance like. He, like, jolted towards it when he said that.

[Drew]

But, yeah, Biking By Frank's Ocean is top 10 song all time, but I don't know what the. What the fuck he's saying half the time. Like, really? I don't know.

[Anya]

That's still a song. Drew doesn't know the lyrics too.

[Drew]

I know. I. Like, I. We listened to it, like, 15 times, and I was trying my hardest to remember the lyrics. I just know when the lyrics.

[Anya]

Do you know Tyler's verse? Yeah, but you just don't know, Franks.

[Drew]

No.

[Anya]

Do you know what Jay Z says at the beginning?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Okay.

[Drew]

But it's like, also, I have to hear the song to know what they're saying because my brain only works three seconds ahead of time into the future. Like, I can't think much further into the future than three seconds. So I literally can't understand what the song is until I'm hearing it, if that makes sense.

[Anya]

You know, Back in a bikin.

[Drew]

I'm back in slow mo. Slow mo.

[Anya]

That song is so fucking good, you know, Impossible. You know, I said that Bjork's new album, like, that. Was it like. Like, somebody or. No, I didn't make that joke. Someone else was like, we hit it. We. We hit the end of music. Like, we got to the end of it. No. 24 Karat Magic, the album by Bruno Mars. We also got Bruno Mars the end and pit, like, peak of music.

[Drew]

Like, did you know Bruno Mars is 3 2? He's 3 foot 2.

[Anya]

He's 3ft tall.

[Drew]

Yes. And he stands on a little pile of pillows every time he performs.

[Anya]

But what if the pillows fall?

[Drew]

They're green screened so you can't see them. No, he's. He's on, like, a little thing floating above the stage.

[Anya]

Oh, yeah, they have him on a harness, and they green screen. They render out the strings that are, like, floating him around. Then they add legs. Yeah, we got the Bruno Marskin on Fortnite, and me, Josie, and Drew have been playing all as Bruno Mars. I literally loved that album so much. Like, I went through, like, a really crazy Bruno Marseilles. I think with every single artist, I have went through an intense phase where that was the only person I would listen to.

[Drew]

I remember. I still remember your Gucci mane arc.

[Anya]

Oh, yeah, that was good.

[Drew]

What was the. What's that one song?

[Anya]

My hand on the. Telling lies to the judge with my hand on the Bible. And I love white folks. I love that line.

[Drew]

Was he. Voila and voila. Voila.

[Anya]

Oh, yeah, he was on that.

[Drew]

I love that song.

[Anya]

But also, I just want it to be known that I don't think I can ever go to Paris again other than fashion weeks, because I get yelled there at there to, like, an extreme rate every single day. I am attacked, and I don't know what it is about my person. I don't know. Like, I don't know what about me is so unwelcoming that I am being like, why get rid of your own water, babe?

[Drew]

It hasn't been watered in, like, literally months.

[Anya]

It's like, yeah, but, like, you're. You're wasting my water supply. What if we got fucking like, oh.

[Drew]

Oh, oh, great, great. Like, why did that happen just now?

[Anya]

You are so.

[Drew]

Our set is ruined. It leaked all over the place, by the way.

[Anya]

We are not taking care of these things. Like, they're.

[Drew]

I know. We could have auctioned those off for, like, cancer research in, like, 20 years and probably made, like, $20,000 on them.

[Anya]

And we're like, 20.

[Drew]

They're, like, done.

[Anya]

But I get yelled at all the time. In Paris, I was walking around alone. Like, also, it's at this point, it's like 10:40am like, it's not like. It's. I'm walking around at night alone, and I had headphones on, and I Had just, like, cut my finger. And I. I'm only mentioning this because I'm wondering if this is why this man felt enticed to like, be a freak to me. But I pick up my fingers when I'm walking alone, and I had, like, picked too much skin and I was bleeding really bad. So I had my, like, pinky in my mouth and I was walking and listening to music. Wasn't even looking at my phone. I was just walking around and this man came up to me and was like, at the side of Knock Everything Over. He came up to me and he was like, walked away. Like, he didn't say a word. And I was. Was so scared. Like, I was, like, so terrified. And I was like, I know he's not asking me for the time, so I don't know what this is about, but it scared me so much. And he was wearing so many layers. And I was like, okay, he's going to blow me up or something. Like, he's literally like, he's going to fudgeing shoot me. But then I was like, okay, I'm not in the U.S. like, I don't have to worry about being shot like that. But he did that. And I was so scared that I. I just, like, kept walking because I was like, he's like, something about the layers was, like, really scaring me. And then I, like, turned around and he was just gone. Like, he literally had evaporated and, like, went around the corner or something and, like, ran away. And I. I just, like, walked so fast down the street because it was a street where it was only us. And I was like, I am not dying in this random alleyway. And I just, like, basically, like, ran. And then another man while I was waiting for my Uber, I was, like, looking around me and I, like, kind of caught eye contact with this man. And then he just, like, stopped and stared at me. And I was like, oh, my God. And then I, like, looked the other way and I looked back at my phone and he started walking towards me. I was like, oh, my God. And then I, like, looked, and now he's this close and he was just staring at me. And I was like. And I just, like, turned my body and kind of started walking, but I didn't want to walk too far because I was waiting for my Uber. And then, like, I stopped again and I looked at him and he was still staring at me. And then, like, I just would not give him eye contact. I just kind of kept, like, looking, like, past him. And then after like, a minute And a half. He just, like, walked away.

[Drew]

If I was there, I would have protected you.

[Anya]

How?

[Drew]

I would have beat his ass. I would have beat him up. No one looks at my girl. No one looks.

[Anya]

Well, what if when he ripped off all the layers, it turned out he was Harry Styles and he was just.

[Drew]

Nervous, Kicked his ass.

[Anya]

You okay? No. Because now you can't do that. You can't do that. What if it was Oscar Isaac?

[Drew]

I would have fucked him right then and there.

[Anya]

And. Yeah, and then that doesn't add all the times I got yelled at in stores.

[Drew]

Well, you were stealing, but, like, is.

[Anya]

That any reason to raise your voice at me?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Anya]

I don't think so.

[Drew]

It was mom and pop shops. There was failing mom and pop shops. And India stole thousands and thousands, thousands of dollars worth of goods.

[Anya]

Okay. It's like, y' all think it's okay to target, like, big corporations?

[Drew]

Like, they built it over years and years and years. Like, don't steal from them.

[Anya]

Like, saying, like, there's just so many people targeting Walmart that I feel like I got to get down. Like, I got to start doing some groundwork.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Anya]

And, like, destroying, like, the.

[Drew]

It's honestly, like, charity work, because you're making them vigilant, that you're making them more.

[Anya]

Like, I'm getting them on their toes. They're feeling too safe and comfortable in their community that they've built. So I just make sure I fly into these cities.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

And I take what I see as mine.

[Drew]

Well, I mean, technically, everything on earth is ours.

[Anya]

What do you mean?

[Drew]

Just I can have anything I want.

[Anya]

Oh, like. Like. But why technically. Why is that technically a thing?

[Drew]

I don't have to explain my mean to you.

[Anya]

Okay. But the last yelling at me story or. But this one, actually, I got yelled at. Like, there's so many more. But this one was just, like, funny. I was in a shop, and I, like, went there because I a freak, and all I do when I'm there is, like, go to random shops. And I saw that they had varsity jackets. I was like, oh, I'm just gonna walk in here. And I walked in, and then I realized it was if Melrose training post got zapped into a random store in Paris. And I was like, I don't need to be in here. And also, everything was, like, quadruple the price. So I was, like, texting my friend, trying to figure out where to go next, and I was, like, looking through racks and texting, and I felt a presence behind me, and I turned, and it's like, this little woman owns the shop. And I was like, hi. And then she was like, those jackets are all far too big for you. And I was like, okay.

[Drew]

She called you skinny.

[Anya]

I know. She was like, you petite, sexy girl. I could see your figure. And then I was like, okay. Like, it's okay. I like big jackets. So I'm just kind of looking at you.

[Drew]

She was like, those jackets are too small for you.

[Anya]

And then I was like, okay. And I went and looked at pants, and then she followed me. She was like, also too big. Like, those are men's pants. And I was like, that's okay. Like, I like big pants. Like, I just like bigger clothes. And then she was like, no. And she was like, go over there. Like, over there is, like, where your stuff is. And I was like, okay. And I, like, listened to her because I was like, what the. And I was texting my friend and, like, kind of looking through, but, like, I was half ass looking through. And then I felt her behind me still. And. And she goes like, I had headphones on, and I hear something muffle. And I, like, move my, like, airpod. And she's like, you know, it would be easier to look through the racks if you put that phone away. And I was like, okay. I was like. And I turn around, like, oh, sorry, I'm not from here. And I'm. I'm just trying to see where to go to next. Like, I, like, need to figure out where I'm going to go, but I would like to keep looking. And then she was like, okay. And then she gave me a jacket and forced me to try it on. But I was like, I'm not getting this because you think this is cute because you don't care what it says on it. But it was like, some random American varsity, and it said Mary Ann June or something. Like, it had a name like that on it. I was like, I'm not buying a jacket from fucking Marianne. And then I just was like, no, I have one like this. And I put it back. And then when she realized I wasn't gonna get anything, I was about to walk out, and she goes, okay, bye. Like, yelled at me.

[Drew]

Well, you deserved it. You deserved all of that.

[Anya]

Yeah, but I just had. Oh, my God. Why are you looking under my skirt?

[Drew]

Can we get that? No, I'm not cutting that signals to me.

[Anya]

What? I was literally telling a story.

[Drew]

Just, girls don't really talk to me that often. So, like, when I'm gonna have a fucking panic, I'm throw up.

[Anya]

Drew. I Think I know why girls don't talk to you.

[Drew]

Why?

[Anya]

They may not be what you're searching for.

[Drew]

You don't give off that energy. I don't give off a vibe. I think birds intentionally shit on cars.

[Anya]

Okay.

[Drew]

They do. Have you ever seen bird on the ground? No. Have you ever seen bird on a car? A million times.

[Anya]

Or is that gum? I can't tell the difference between, like.

[Drew]

Spots on the ground is gum. And we're heathens. We're disgusting.

[Kai]

That is something that, like, the matter would never change.

[Drew]

Yeah. That will stay that forever. For literally ever.

[Anya]

Is gum plastic?

[Drew]

I think it's, like, petroleum based, which is, like, the same shit.

[Anya]

It doesn't feel like we should be chewing on something that's.

[Drew]

Is gum petroleum based?

[Anya]

I thought you said petroleum paste. And I was like, what?

[Drew]

The current modern gum is made of synthetic substitutes for natural rubber, namely Buda Deen base.

[Anya]

So it's rubber.

[Drew]

Isobutylene is olfan petrochemical. That's generally manufactured from feedstocks in petroleum refinery or chemical plant.

[Anya]

I've circled back to swallowing my gum.

[Drew]

It's lit. That's the only way to do it, really. I remember when it's actually illegal to spit your gum out and throw it away in the trash can. It's like you can't get, like, literally. Same with batteries.

[Anya]

You're not supposed to throw gum in the trash. What are you talking about?

[Drew]

You're supposed to swallow it so your acids can digest it.

[Anya]

Why did I believe you for a split second? You said something else the other day that I, like, fully believed. Oh, hey, I wish we recorded this. Me and Josh were sitting on the couch yesterday watching a video together, and Drew, like, called me.

[Drew]

I called her from the bedroom, and I had been back there for, like, 30 minutes. So I was like, I'm bored.

[Anya]

No, for like, an hour. Like, he, like, we got home and he disappeared.

[Drew]

Yeah. So I was just sitting on my computer watching videos, and I called India after, like, an hour of being alone, and I looked up, like, car crash sound effect. And I was like, yeah. And, yeah, I took your car. I'm going to, like, 7 11. Like, do you want anything? And then she was like, no. When did you. And I was like, oh, fuck. And I played the car crash on, and it's the craziest sound I've ever heard in my entire life.

[Anya]

And it's like the shortest sound. So, like, it just kept looping.

[Drew]

No, it didn't loop. It's literally just like. But basically I acted like I Got. Oh, my God. I basically acted like I got in a car crash.

[Anya]

It was like, oh, oh.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Anya]

He's like, oh, help, help. I help.

[Drew]

Like, imagine you getting in this car crash.

[Anya]

Dude. And for a split second I was like. Because I didn't believe the. Once the car crash thing happened, me and Josh cracked up. And, like, because he played it for so long, it took.

[Drew]

I also played it loud as on my speakers that are super loud so they could hear it from the. It was just. It was just a funny little moment.

[Anya]

He, like, just kept playing it. But for a split second, my first thought was, why the did this man just take my car without saying anything to me? Like, I believed he did that. And I was like, okay. Like, I guess we're like at that point where he's just taking my car. But yeah, that was so funny. And I wish there was a camera on that. But you know what?

[Drew]

Like, sometimes moments are meant to happen.

[Anya]

Without a camera and be told after for monetization.

[Drew]

Yes.

[Anya]

Also on that same topic of my. My friends being the funniest people on the planet, I played this game, and I won't give too much detail, but I played a game where basically you have to be funny with a group of people who, like, that's not their job and they are not, like, funny.

[Drew]

Who. I mean, what game?

[Anya]

The paranoia game.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. I've never played it, and that sounds like the scariest game ever for me.

[Anya]

I'm not going to explain the game because I'm a gatekeeper from hell, but basically you just.

[Drew]

I feel like everybody knows that game.

[Anya]

I've never heard of it.

[Drew]

Maybe it's an east coast thing.

[Anya]

Maybe. But whatever. I know people who are like, I played that game all my life are going to be like, how are you going to gate keep a game? But yeah, you.

[Drew]

Yeah, go die. Kill yourself. I'm going to kill myself in three days.

[Anya]

But I'm not going to explain it also because it's just like, too much to explain. But anyway, you basically have to be fudgeing funny. Like, the whole thing is you have to. It's like a what if game. Like, you have to make up a funny what if kind of scenario. And I felt like I was being held captive and, like, having brain. Like, I felt like I was being observed by scientists through windows to see how I would react in a situation where with, like, just like some of the most like, normal cognitive humans I've, like, ever met. And, like, that is not a bad thing. But I've said it once And I'll say it again.

[Drew]

There goes my hair falling.

[Anya]

I am literally so grateful to have, like, funny ass friends because it just freaked me out. Like.

[Drew]

You'Re welcome. I give you so much of myself. I give you every fucking thing.

[Anya]

Can you do the Adam Driver? Like, I wish you were dead. Like, do you think you would be good at it?

[Drew]

No. I wish you were dead.

[Anya]

Why'd you do that? Like, why did you know? What did you do to your voice?

[Drew]

I wish you were dead.

[Anya]

It's like, if he was, like, in a.

[Drew]

Like, I wish you were dead.

[Anya]

No, it's. What is it? Every day I wake up and I wish you were dead. Every day I wake up and wish you were dead.

[Drew]

Every day I wake up.

[Anya]

No, is that the line? Like, let me make sure I got.

[Kai]

It right before I think. So. It's something like that.

[Anya]

Every day I wake up and wish you were. Every day I wake up, I wish you were dead. Should we play the clip?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Okay. I've been loving watching people recreate this. Oh, okay. Just.

[Drew]

Every day. Every day I wake up and wish you were dead.

[Anya]

No, it's. I hope you're dead.

[Drew]

Every day I wake up, I hope you were dead.

[Anya]

No. And I hope you're dead.

[Drew]

Every day I wake up and I hope you were dead.

[Anya]

No, honey, no. And I hope you're dead like you are.

[Drew]

Every day I wake up and I hope you're dead.

[Anya]

Ew. You spit on me.

[Drew]

You're welcome.

[Anya]

Okay, wait, wait. Every day I wake up and I hope you're dead. No, that is hard. Every day I hope. Whoa.

[Drew]

That's kind of good.

[Anya]

Every day I wake up and I hope you're dead.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

And yes, I think it's better than yours.

[Drew]

True here has like, a little bit of, like a full saliva mouth. Like, do you know what I'm saying?

[Anya]

You know what mine would be if I was in a long distance relationship and I was really horny? It'd be, every day I wake up and I wish I could give you head.

[Drew]

Oh, every day I wake up and.

[Anya]

I wish I could give you.

[Drew]

Every day I wake up and wish I could give you head.

[Kai]

Oh, and yours, like, kind of sounds like it.

[Anya]

Every day it's like he, like, women.

[Drew]

Can do it better, females can do it better.

[Anya]

No. What? No, you don't. You. You don't have to, like, you could say women.

[Kai]

Females can do everything better.

[Anya]

I will never wash my fruit. I will just never. I will never be the kind of person who, like, washes my fruit thoroughly and I don't give a fudge. And I don't give a fuck about the lick ice cream challenge because I, like, I will survive that. And everyone before going to the grocery store and, like, licking ice cream.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I did that. Yeah. I would, like, I would lick the toilet. Then I would go lick the ice cream and try to give people Covid.

[Anya]

Wait, but how would you keep the. The bacteria on your tongue from the toilet when you just keep.

[Drew]

Hold it out. Licking the airplane seat toilet challenge. Y' all remember that one?

[Anya]

Was that a thing?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

But I will never wash my fruit. And I don't care. Like, what's. Like, bugs. I'll eat a few bugs. Like, bugs don't bother me unless someone's about to comment and tell me that the bugs that are on the fruit will, like, actually kill me. Then at that point, like, it sides.

[Drew]

That you need to wash off. But we buy our fruit from farmers markets, so we don't have pesticides in our fruit.

[Anya]

Sorry, Drew's off. Drew had to take his nicotine break, so he's standing off camera, literally chugging his splash. Why have we not gotten a Fortnite brand deal yet?

[Drew]

Because I don't think they work with anybody ever.

[Anya]

Damn.

[Drew]

I think, like, the only person ever was, like, ninja, probably.

[Anya]

It doesn't feel good to not be needed.

[Drew]

We need our own Fortnite skins.

[Anya]

I know.

[Drew]

Like, imagine our little critters.

[Anya]

We would actually sell 30.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

And they would be like, that was.

[Drew]

Like, the biggest, worst investment we've ever made.

[Anya]

I think we have to. I think the people pay Fortnite for the skin to be on there.

[Drew]

Really?

[Anya]

Yeah, I think so. Like, I think maybe, or I guess they would be licensing out.

[Drew]

They probably get, like, 30 of the sales or some like that. How to get your.

[Anya]

Like, because imagine we could pay for one. Would you pay for it?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Anya]

What's the most? I don't know. How much would be the most I would pay for a fortnight skin fudge? I have my slippers on, so I don't even have a cute fit on right now. Oh, this is so embarrassing.

[Drew]

I know. This is, like, the worst fit ever.

[Kai]

Anya, did you miss your gay bestie in Paris?

[Drew]

I'm straight.

[Anya]

What'd you just call him? Yeah, like, what?

[Kai]

What do you mean?

[Drew]

Don't ever say that shit again.

[Anya]

This is my fucking hookup also. Are you telling me something? I don't know.

[Drew]

The fact that you'd say that to me as a shaken baby survivor, it's crazy.

[Kai]

What do you mean? You're a shaken baby survivor.

[Drew]

I think I'm a shaken baby survivor.

[Anya]

He said that to me dead ass on the couch the other day, and I didn't.

[Drew]

What are.

[Kai]

What are the symptoms of you being that?

[Drew]

Me?

[Kai]

Just how you are.

[Anya]

Do babies survive being shaken?

[Drew]

Yes. Some do. Hello? I'm right here.

[Anya]

Dude, that was so gnarly. Some do. Okay, I'm done with you. Sorry, I have to read. You have to stop saying things that we have to cut.

[Kai]

Mom, I'm.

[Anya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Leave that in. If you cut that, you're fired. Okay, here's a theory. Or not a theory, A hypothetical for you. So you're in the hospital and one of your family members is, like, really violently ill. Like, you all know, like, they're going to pass away soon. Yeah, no, you know they're going to pass away soon. And you don't realize that, like, they're passing away, but you. Or you don't know when they're going to pass away, but you know they're going to pass away. And you're not in the hospital when they pass away, but eventually they pass away with, like a couple of nurses around them and you're not, like, devastatingly sad over it. You were expecting it. It's whatever. How do you react if one of the nurses, 17 minutes after your family member dies, goes to a vending machine and uses their debit card to get a three dollar snack?

[Anya]

I saw that. I don't think I would care that much. Yeah, I wouldn't get like, dude, you like. Because as you were saying that, I thought about, like, dude, humans are so crazy because to have a job where, like, your job is to be with people as they're passing away and then you just like, well, go home and make tick tocks and like, buy like, makeup and stuff.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Like, you just, like, you just, like, live a normal life after that. You're just like, I'm gonna go to Flanagan.

[Drew]

Like, how about you just go get those snacks? Yeah, like, on my dead family members. That, by the way, that's a real thing that.

[Anya]

Yeah, it is a real thing that happened. And, like, I'm sure there are people who are like, that's unacceptable. But personally, I don't know if I would mind. I've had worse things done.

[Drew]

I would just be like, don't do that.

[Anya]

Yeah, maybe don't do that to someone else because, like, you will lose your job and everything you, like, love. But, like, I don't mind. Did you have, like, charges pressed against her for that?

[Drew]

Yeah, I think, like, thief, like, theft charges or something, and probably something more like tampering with a dead body or some. I don't know.

[Anya]

Where'd she get the wallet? The wallet wasn't in their, like, pockets. It was probably just in the room.

[Drew]

Yeah, probably somewhere laying around.

[Anya]

Yeah, I don't. I don't think I would mind because I'm like, you know what? I wasn't there to hold my Whoever's hand. Thank you for being there. Now go eat those Doritos. Go get that Kit Kat now. Go have that. Let me get a bite, though. That. That's the game changer, is like, will she be leaving some of the crumbs at the corner of the bag so I can rip it open?

[Drew]

No crumbs, though. That nurse left no crumbs. She did her damn thing. She did what she had to do.

[Anya]

What was it that Lucas asked me yesterday while we were playing Fortnite? He was like, oh, would you rather have an eye patch or a peg leg? So this is like, pirate times. Like, which one are you picking? I picked peg leg.

[Drew]

Is my eye gone?

[Anya]

Your eye is gone.

[Drew]

Can I take the eye patch?

[Anya]

You were attacked by another pirate at sea, and your eye is gone.

[Drew]

Oh, so this is in the olden days.

[Anya]

Yeah. No, it's literally. It's like. It's like pirate sleigh. Like, would you rather have an eye patch or a peg leg eye patch?

[Drew]

I feel like it's more iconic, but the peg leg is kind of sick.

[Anya]

Peg leg.

[Drew]

Imagine just pegging someone with your leg and just, like, their ass with you.

[Kai]

That was good.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Damn. But I was gonna say, you know what I would do is my. I would get, like, the baddest wood carver in all of ye olden land to carve lit ass designs into my wooden leg, and I would have different legs for, like, a different sleigh. So, like, I would have, like. I would have, like, a nameplate leg.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. I'd have a solid gold leg.

[Anya]

That would be heavy. And you don't seem like the strongest person ever, so I would think I.

[Drew]

Would be big in the olden days.

[Anya]

You think you would be big?

[Drew]

Yeah. I would definitely get scurvy. I would literally 100 get scurvy. I'd be like, give me the candy, the oranges, dude.

[Kai]

You're gonna get scurvy now.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Anya]

Yesterday in the market, we were looking at meat because we made curry last night, and we were looking at meat, and Drew was like, I just shouldn't be putting anything that color in my body. As if this doesn't eat hot Cheetos. Like, at least that's a natural. Like, God given color. Like, how are they. How are they getting the color in the hot Cheetos? Is it from the Beatles?

[Drew]

Yeah, they grind up Ringo star. He's infinitely.

[Anya]

No. The Beatles will never not be funny. I'm so sorry. The Beatles. Why did you pick that name?

[Drew]

Because it's like the beat.

[Anya]

We're like the Beatles.

[Drew]

Like the beat. We. We bring the beat.

[Anya]

Have they said why they picked that name?

[Drew]

It's literally the beat. Tools. B, E, A, T. That is not.

[Anya]

Is that not how you spell Beatles?

[Drew]

It's B. No. Oh, wait, wait, wait.

[Kai]

No, Beetle. A bug is spelled B, E, E.

[Anya]

T. I thought that's how you spelled the Beatles.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, it's B, E, A, T, L, E, S. Oh, my gosh.

[Anya]

Why did they name themselves the Beatles? They took the idea of naming themselves after an insect, like the crickets, but changed the spelling for a pun on musical beats.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Kai]

I actually think it's for a different reason. I think they named them that because they beat it up.

[Drew]

Oh, they tear that keyword up.

[Anya]

Say it. Go ahead, say it.

[Drew]

I just, like, don't feel like I'm allowed to say the P word. As a man.

[Anya]

You're not allowed to say no. Yeah, you probably aren't allowed to say one until you've, like, seen one. I think that is, like, the pictures.

[Kai]

That's the rule.

[Anya]

Pissy thought and let me have a pee. You're.

[Drew]

You're giving me.

[Anya]

You're serving messy boots.

[Drew]

Wait, why am I giving messy boots all day today? Like, all day has been messy boots. I'm like. When I play Fortnite, I'm Messy boots. I swear to God.

[Anya]

Yeah, that name is funny. The Beatles. But every, like. I don't know if there's, like, any band name that necessarily. I feel like it's lit sauce. Like, someone needs to name themselves.

[Drew]

Radioheads.

[Anya]

Okay, Radiohead is good. Radiohead's really good. But one direction isn't very good.

[Drew]

No, that why sucks.

[Anya]

We're only going up.

[Drew]

Yeah, the only direction is up.

[Anya]

I'm trying to think of other ones. Like Poison the well is pretty good, but when I think of Poison the well, I think of. They're like, oh, my. But that's really good. I stand corrected. Ew. I'm like, what is my feet hitting? Yeah, like a fucking puddle that you created by fucking watering his plant in the middle of the episode.

[Drew]

Well, I did.

[Anya]

What has been with Us for so long.

[Drew]

It's like the OG OG Plant.

[Anya]

Wow.

[Drew]

It's been with us since the beginning.

[Anya]

Wow.

[Drew]

Yeah. Also one of the plants in the crib. Like, one of the four philodendrons have been with us since the vine plants. Yeah. From the beginning.

[Anya]

Wow.

[Drew]

Yeah. I take care of my babies. I see where I move the new fig. I moved it in front of the cords instead of the blankets. It covers part of the tv. But I'm like, I will put up with that for beauty.

[Anya]

We need to furnish our fucking house so bad. We're not moving.

[Drew]

Yeah, we are.

[Anya]

Because also, y' all would. Yeah. Like, I don't know what to do about the set. I think we should just, like, blow up this house so no one else. But the thing is, like, think about this. Someone else would live here and just, like, not know.

[Drew]

Not know.

[Anya]

Not know what this corner meant to thousands.

[Kai]

True.

[Drew]

The history of this corner.

[Anya]

What if they found out that we pay for, like, viewers and AI robots to be in, like, the community of our fans? And then, like, everybody who watches this and has made friends, they find out later that it's, like, a paid AI like, situation. Do you think they would hate us or would they be like, you know what? Like, I can look past that and, like, yeah, I had, like. I had love.

[Drew]

Very dystopian vibes. That is all.

[Kai]

It's.

[Anya]

I'm actually about to shit myself, by the way. Like, you know when you have to poop really bad and then, like, you start sweating a little? That's the position I'm in at the moment.

[Drew]

Have you ever thought about, like, why humans cry? Like, have you ever, ever thought about, like, the act of crying? Well, as a man, I don't cry.

[Anya]

But, like, wait, your morals seem a little messed up because, like, you're, like, super feminist, super straight. Okay, I just make sure I got that one.

[Drew]

I don't. What's the problem with that?

[Anya]

And then you don't cry.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

Okay.

[Drew]

Because if you cry, you. You're a pussy.

[Anya]

Yeah. Okay.

[Kai]

No problem with saying it there.

[Drew]

I know, but have you ever thought about crying? Like, why do we leak water from our fucking eyeballs when we're.

[Kai]

No, that is weird. What's, like, the evolutionary reason?

[Drew]

Exactly.

[Anya]

It's to clean our eyeballs.

[Drew]

Maybe it's to show that we're sad so we can build our little villages and communities.

[Anya]

You know what freaked me out is watching how to with John Wilson and then the episode.

[Drew]

So, yeah, we'll move on from that thought.

[Anya]

No, it has to do with it. Okay.

[Drew]

No, keep going.

[Anya]

No, you want me to be silent? I'll be silent.

[Drew]

And also, laughing transcends. Transcends language barriers.

[Anya]

Yeah. I'm so sure. Stupid.

[Kai]

Drew. I. I feel like you're right, though.

[Anya]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

That has to be it. Like, just to show so that you can connect with someone and then, like, it builds community in the tribe to be like, they also are stuff.

[Anya]

Butt.

[Drew]

Mm.

[Anya]

That's our version. Except I do sniff ass. Like, when I meet people, I like. I, like, go.

[Drew]

It's weird when we're out, like, when she meets someone, like, even in the club, she'll just be like, can I get a sniff of your butt?

[Anya]

But you know what? In the club, it sucks because, like, there's so many other scents that are, like, kind of throws me off. And then that's why I forget people's names. So if I ever forget your name, it's not because I don't like, like you. It's probably because we met in a setting where I couldn't, like, smell your anal glands properly. But in an episode of how to with John Wilson, they. He meets somebody whose job it is to make, like, warning and, like, labels and just, like, signs that will transcend language. So it's like, you know, you see something. Yeah. Like the radioactive sign. Or, like, something that, like, will, like, make you, like, maybe lead to blindness. And, like, you're not supposed to put it in your eyes. Like, what are those signs supposed to look like? And there's. It's so crazy to think about, like, the people who make that have to do that while keeping in mind that, like, in other cultures, like, maybe crying isn't seen, like, as such a, like, distress signal to, like, some other people. Like, whether that be because of how serious they take, like, emotional, like.

[Drew]

Or you're a man.

[Anya]

Yeah, I guess, like, men don't. That would be a problem. Huh.

[Drew]

I don't even know what. Fucking crying is low key.

[Anya]

Why do you move your hands when you talk like that?

[Drew]

I'm an expressive talker. I move my hands with conviction and purpose and passion to convey that I hold the power in the conversation. Oh, yes.

[Anya]

But, yeah, that. That, like, just circling back to the idea that, like, there are just certain things that really do transcend language.

[Drew]

Laughing. Why do we laugh? Laughs are so cute, actually. Why do. Why do we laugh? What is also the evolutionary curious if.

[Anya]

Everybody, like, at least two to three times a week has a moment where they, like, laugh till they almost cry? Because I get that all the Time. And I've said this. I, like, literally all I do is repeat myself on this podcast.

[Kai]

I feel like most people don't have that.

[Anya]

Yeah, most people don't. And, like, I think that's also why something like tick tock and the Internet is just so popular, is because laughing is so addicting.

[Kai]

Like, two times a week I will cry, but I'm not laughing to get there, you know?

[Anya]

Hey, sobbing. I was meaning to say this before we started, but, like, don't say like that on the podcast.

[Kai]

Oh, because it up the vibe.

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Like, it's supposed to be funny.

[Anya]

You're, like, killing. Like, you're killing the algorithm.

[Drew]

I don't do that.

[Kai]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Anya]

You should get, like, a therapist or something. But we can talk about it.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Anya]

What?

[Drew]

Laughter can be traced back 10 to 16 million years ago.

[Anya]

There's not that much time. Come on. There has not been that much time. Are you kidding me? 60? You said 16 billion.

[Drew]

Million.

[Anya]

Oh, I thought you said billion. Okay. There's still nothing.

[Drew]

Laughter has been linked to higher pain tolerance and signaling of social status. Its principal function appears to be creating and deepening social bonds. As our ancestors begin to live in large, more complex social structures, the quality of relationships become crucial to survival. Okay, so that's basically what I wrote down.

[Anya]

You wrote that down? That was just, like, a thought you had.

[Drew]

Yeah, that's how I wish. Like, in high school, I was able to speak on discussion boards. Like. Like that. I don't know if that makes sense. Did you have discussion boards?

[Anya]

No. What is that?

[Drew]

It was like, you would, like, read a book and then there would be, like, essentially, like, the equivalent to Reddit, but, like, the school version on, like, a closed network. And you would, like, the teacher would ask a question and it would be a discussion board, and you would, like, have to post three of your thoughts, responding to different people and their thoughts.

[Kai]

And like, dude, I remember that I always used to look at the people I had a crush on and read theirs and be like, where are they at?

[Drew]

Like, intellectually, Their thoughts? Yeah. Yeah. Because you're. What is it called? You're attracted to only intelligence.

[Kai]

Oh, I'm SAP. I am actually. Sapio sexual.

[Drew]

Sapio sexual.

[Anya]

You have to be fucking to be any kind of sexuality, though, right?

[Kai]

No, you don't have to. You don't have to be fucking.

[Drew]

You don't. You don't.

[Kai]

You can identify as a sexuality, but maybe you're not smashing, but, like, you.

[Anya]

Like, you haven't, like, no one who is, like, intelligent has, like, shown you love back.

[Drew]

So how would you know that?

[Kai]

It's like, hello, True is exhibit A. Exhibit A.

[Anya]

Using him sexually does not mean.

[Drew]

Oh, Jay just texted me in and out. Question mark. Absolutely.

[Anya]

Can you get me some French fries?

[Drew]

Get me friends podcast. Yeah. Wait, I won't be able to eat it because I go to the gym. I don't want to go to the gym. I hate the gym. I don't like it anymore. I hate it.

[Anya]

He changes his mind, like, three times a day.

[Drew]

I hate it.

[Anya]

So he's gonna come back and be like, dude, I'm so pumped up after that. That felt awesome because that's literally me.

[Drew]

I went to the gym. I, like, I hadn't been sleeping for, like, the last week. Like, I. I think two days ago was the first day that I got, like, actually real sleep. I'd been getting, like three to four hours a night and, like, actually dying. Like, I thought I was literally dying. And I would. I would force myself to wake up any or, like, go to the gym really early to my personal trainer. And I was like a shell of the. A human in those sessions. And then, like, the last one of that week on, like, Wednesday after I worked out, I was like, holy. Is this what people feel when they, like, work out? Like, is this why people are like, you should work out because you feel so. Like, you get, like, high from working out? Because I literally felt so good after working out. I was, like, almost, like, tearing up. I was like, dude, I literally haven't felt this good in so long.

[Anya]

But so maybe that should be motivation to go.

[Drew]

No, I don't want to go to.

[Anya]

Go and get those because we have.

[Drew]

To do another fudgeing podcast after this, and then we have to do fudgeing stupid shit after this.

[Anya]

What's the stupid you?

[Drew]

Yes, it's nightmare. Nightmare.

[Anya]

What was I saying before that?

[Drew]

I don't know.

[Anya]

I was doing the thing where I'm waiting for you to stop talking so I could keep talking, but then I started listening, which is the biggest mistake you can make.

[Drew]

You know, you could have a response.

[Anya]

No, why would I do that? You know what? Wait, I did. I said go to the gym.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

And I won't say why I think you should go.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Anya]

Let's just say you've got some work to do on your appearance.

[Drew]

Sorry, I'm texting Josh to get cheeseburger fries and a Coke.

[Anya]

Can you get me some animal style flies?

[Drew]

Ask Josh, because I'm not the one, sis.

[Anya]

Okay? I don't Know why you can't.

[Drew]

For me, like, can you get in yet? Animal style fries, question mark. I'll give you money.

[Anya]

We've taken so many breaks. Just. Time to refresh your brain.

[Drew]

I have nothing else to say.

[Kai]

I had an idea for the podcast. I stand right here in front of the camera, and then you guys just take turns kicking me in there, in the way, in the nuts.

[Drew]

Do you get off on that?

[Kai]

No, I don't get off on that. I just think it would be a cool idea for the.

[Anya]

Oh, no. Like, why? What about that? Is it cool?

[Kai]

Don't you guys think that would be cool?

[Drew]

No, I would have fun doing it, but it would make me look like.

[Kai]

Like, imagine how funny it would be if I was, like, doubled over in pain and you guys, he maybe even continued to kick me while I was on the ground.

[Drew]

What.

[Anya]

What is happening?

[Kai]

I don't know. I'm just saying, like, it's an idea. And then maybe you could get some dirt and, like, throw it in my face.

[Anya]

Who's gonna clean it up?

[Kai]

I'll clean it up.

[Anya]

Okay.

[Kai]

And maybe while I'm cleaning up, you yell at me and throw piss on you. Tomatoes or eggs or piss.

[Anya]

That sounds like it's coming from your end. Like, you just want to piss on someone.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'll admit it. Yeah.

[Kai]

Is that something you guys would be interested in? Or is that, like, we're gonna.

[Drew]

We're gonna have to think about that?

[Anya]

Yeah. Because that doesn't sound like.

[Kai]

Can you please just say yes right now?

[Anya]

Oh, my God. Like, why are you, like, leave us alone. Let us, like, figure it out.

[Kai]

Okay. All right.

[Drew]

Yikes. Yikes. I don't know if it's because I'm back on Tick Tock in, like, full swing, but I'm so overstimulated all the time. I, like, need those dopamine hits. Like, my little black box in my pocket is always like, pick me up. Pick me up for no reason right now. Do it right now. I just have to, like, yeah, I pick it up, and I don't have a reason to.

[Anya]

I yesterday got stuck in a loop on my phone, which means that there's, like, I don't want to keep watching TikToks. I don't have any YouTube videos I want to watch. There's nothing happening on Instagram.com, which is the worst thing ever. Like, okay, we need to figure something out. Like, there always has to be something happening on Instagram.com that's intriguing to me. So I need people to, like, There needs to be, like, one mass, like, Google Calendar. And like, it's like first come, first serve and, like, everybody has to, like, pick their stuff.

[Drew]

I literally have something on Instagram because.

[Anya]

Like, sometimes you go on Instagram.com and there's nothing happening and it's like, where are the posts?

[Drew]

Like, where are the dms? Where are the stories?

[Anya]

Yeah. Where are the people? Where are the IG stories? Where are the close friends? Where are my close friends at? Like, I need my close friends to be posted.

[Drew]

I took you off of mine.

[Anya]

Oh, my God. Why?

[Drew]

I don't with you anymore. You did me dirty.

[Anya]

You know what? That's okay because I can disconnect, like, my Instagram relationships from my true. I can't world in relationship. So I don't. I. I think you still love me in person.

[Drew]

Yeah. You think that's a thought. Having a thought.

[Anya]

But yeah. And then I get stuck in a loop where, like, there's nothing, like, interesting me and. But I can't get off my phone. And then what's really bad about that for me personally is that means I'm biting the skin on my fingers and I'm, like, destroying my fingers, but I can't get off my phone. And I know getting off my phone would make me get off my fingers. So usually what I do is then get. I get on Fortnite.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just.

[Anya]

And I don't pick up a book or do anything, like, useful. I just. I move.

[Drew]

I'm always like, damn. Like, my screen time today was only three. Three hours. I fucking slayed. And then I played eight hours of Fortnite. Like, looking at another screen and watching YouTube videos on my iPad.

[Anya]

There's always a screen to be watched.

[Drew]

That's the scariest fucking thing. I know we've said it before, but really, really fucking think about that. Like, 90% of your day is filled with looking at some fucking screen. Like, it's terrifying.

[Anya]

I have a few books.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Anya]

Like, I read books. Do you read books?

[Drew]

Yes.

[Anya]

Yikes. You don't read books?

[Drew]

I read books.

[Anya]

Embarrassing.

[Drew]

Like, there's a screen right there. There's a screen right there. There's a screen right there. A screen right there. Crazy.

[Anya]

There's a screen right there. To the outside world, think about that. Windows are just another screen.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

You ever thought about that?

[Drew]

Yeah. That's real.

[Anya]

As I don't think it's that big of a deal. And I don't really, like, care like that. There's, like, so many screens to Be watched. Because it's not like, destroying my life.

[Drew]

It is destroying my life.

[Anya]

I could be in a famish like my ancestors. Because you know how I said I came from.

[Drew]

Wait, what?

[Anya]

Like, like I think about, like, okay, what's worse? Like, me being stuck on my iPhone or like, me being stuck eating corn, like, kernels that I found, like, under dirt? Because, like, there's no other food for me. Like, you get me so confused.

[Drew]

Where did that come from?

[Anya]

I'm just saying, like, it. Like, because you know how earlier in the episode I was saying that I came from fan famish.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

And my DNA tells me, you know, and yet, like, yes, you were stuck to your iPhone and, like, paralyzed on your bed right now. But in your past life, you were digging through the dirt for, like, a rock that was soft enough to eat minerals.

[Drew]

Yeah. Females and women's inherent need to look at a screen all the time comes from gathering DNA.

[Anya]

You think only women use their, like, the screens. But you just said you use your screens.

[Drew]

I was lying.

[Anya]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Jesus.

[Anya]

Why are you, like, yelling at me? You. I know you're about to say that.

[Drew]

No, I. I really thought it was. You saw my double deck. I really thought it wasn't recording. I almost had a.

[Anya]

If it wasn't recording, I would just.

[Drew]

I would. I would simply not never post another episode again, I swear.

[Anya]

Oh. With that being said, next week is our last episode before we go on a two week break.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Anya]

So keep that in mind. And honestly, that two week break might become a fucking indefinite break because you.

[Drew]

Aren'T fucking respecting us anymore.

[Anya]

Yeah. Where's the love and respect?

[Drew]

Where's the news in the media? Literally, where's the news in the media?

[Anya]

So if you. If you guys want us back, you have to make 80 every. Everybody watching this has to make 18 thirst TikToks about me.

[Drew]

Me too.

[Anya]

And that's a lot.

[Kai]

And me.

[Anya]

Okay.

[Drew]

Like, honestly, we should let him have it, little guy.

[Kai]

Really.

[Anya]

No, we were. He was joking. Damn.

[Drew]

I want my cherry vanilla Coke so bad right now.

[Anya]

That is gonna be one of the first things you consume in the day.

[Drew]

I had my water.

[Anya]

Me making fun of you. Like, I didn't eat Milano cookies and Kit Kats for breakfast. Yeah, Milano cookie is a form of breakfast. I remember one time somebody who I was seeing told me that, like, a pastry isn't a breakfast item. Because remember, you were there when that happened. Because I was like, oh, I'm gonna get donuts and then I'll save one so I can have it with my coffee in the morning. And then that person went on to be like, oh, that's not a breakfast. Like, that's not breakfast. You can't have that for breakfast.

[Drew]

You can do whatever the crazy person you want.

[Anya]

Yes, you tell them.

[Drew]

Girl power. Come here. If you want that donut, have that donut. Do you know what I mean? Get what you want.

[Anya]

But you're a freak if you don't have like a little sweet thing for breakfast. Like, okay. Oh, no, actually, now that's pissing me off, because how the is a donut not breakfast? But I could go to some random spot in LA and get cherry blossom waffles with strawberry bananas and Nutella on top, and that's breakfast. Explain that to me because what the is the difference between me having a crate and me donut in the comfort of my home?

[Drew]

Where are the crumbs? I want a crumb. But you had them all with your donuts.

[Anya]

Where are the crumble cookies? I'm gonna blow that factory up.

[Drew]

Crumble cookies? No, they're like. They're good. They're.

[Anya]

You have not had a crumble cookie.

[Drew]

It's like a delicacy in Texas. I've had it like a hundred times. My parents love crumble cookies.

[Anya]

Of course that comes from Texas.

[Drew]

I don't know if it comes from Texas, but there's one. Like, if we drive 45 minutes for our crumbled cookies, swear to God, we drive to Fort Worth. Isn't that fucking crazy? It's a lit ass thing. Okay, I'm cutting this episode short right now. We're cutting it right now. We get into the media.

[Anya]

You are bored.

[Drew]

Well, what is there supposed to, like, actually, what are you supposed to do in Texas? Like, you see, you've seen my hometown. What are you supposed to do there?

[Anya]

Read a book? Expand your mind.

[Drew]

Beat my meat. Like, that's literally all there is to fucking do. I swear to God. On. On. On God what?

[Anya]

Okay, here's my media of the week.

[Drew]

Biking.

[Anya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Ride by Lana Del Rey. I'm trying to think of them off the top of my head. You can go now.

[Anya]

Sometimes I look at you and I realize, like, you're a real person here. And then I try to imagine you dead because that, like, makes you realer. And then it scares me. Do you have that, like. Like, in my head sometimes when I'm, like, around people, I'm like, this doesn't feel real. But then I imagine having to, like, bear the trauma of seeing them in a coffin and I'm like, oh, they are real.

[Drew]

That's never happened to me. But. What? Like, kind of the same thing. But I. When I, like, look at people too long in their eyes, they lose all life inside of them and they don't look real for after a while. And then, like, I have to, like, eat some bad.

[Anya]

No, no, you need a partner.

[Drew]

No, like, that's happened to people. Like, we've had this conversation on the podcast before when you're, like. You realize someone's, like, real. Oh, yeah, A lot.

[Anya]

But what the. You mean they lose life?

[Drew]

Because I want to kill them. Oh, Daisy by Strawberry Machine yup. Before today 2015, remaster everything but the Girl. Such a good song. And then.

[Anya]

Sorry, Gabe. I put something in my neck while I was working out the other day, and now when I, like, move my neck a certain way, whatever, like, vein or something is right here. Hurts so bad and then so hard one of these days that it ruptures and I die. Wait, what was the last song?

[Drew]

Smiling off by Black Dice. What? Why are you laughing?

[Kai]

What Anya said was funny.

[Anya]

Are we gonna play Fortnite? Oh, no, we can't.

[Drew]

I don't have time. We need to end this now.

[Anya]

Okay, here is my media of the week pillow talk by Sylvia, which I've already said. Catch Me by Pretty Poison Outside Miracles by Alex G. Don't ever interrupt me again.

[Drew]

Daniel Bergoli is lit.

[Anya]

Bad Baby Morning by Azimuth. Azmuth. Never can say goodbye by Jackson 5. And then baby Be Mine by Michael Jackson. All right, thank you guys so much for listening to this episode. Next week will be our Halloween special.

[Drew]

It's gonna be our Halloween special. It's going to be our last episode for two weeks. Because we're going on vacation. Because as you can tell from this episode, we're losing it. We're losing some steam. We're freaking the fuck out, so. But while we're on our break, we're going to be recording an episode, though.

[Anya]

And we're probably going to. Our plane is going to crash into the fucking ocean, and you'll never hear from us.

[Drew]

Have we told. Should we tell them where we're going? No, y' all. We're going to somewhere.

[Anya]

No, because y' all are. Y' all are fudgeing stalkers.

[Drew]

Yeah, y' all will follow.

[Anya]

Freak me out.

[Drew]

No, we. Oh, it's gonna be lit. When y' all find out where we go, y' all are gonna be like, what the.

[Anya]

So random and cool.

[Drew]

These random core.

[Anya]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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