Midnight at McDonald’s - high edition

Summary

Summary of "Midnight at McDonald’s - High Edition" – Emergency Intercom

Episode Release Date: June 23, 2023

Introduction

In the "Midnight at McDonald’s - High Edition" episode of Emergency Intercom, hosts Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips, alongside guest Josiah, embark on a late-night adventure filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and candid conversations. Recorded under the influence, the episode showcases their trademark chaotic and unfiltered comedic style.

---

Setting Off: The Drive to McDonald’s

The episode begins with Drew and Enya planning their return to the popular "Midnight at McDonald's" series, this time adding a new twist by inviting listeners to join them on a spontaneous car ride. Without a tripod, they warn visual watchers of a "bumpy ride," both literally and metaphorically, due to the unpredictable Los Angeles streets.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (01:31): "But we have, like, a thing we've done twice on YouTube called Midnight at McDonald's. And we thought, why not do that again?"

---

Drew’s Awkward Tesla Encounter

Drew shares a humorous and somewhat awkward story about being approached by a white Tesla driver while heading to dinner. Feeling stared at and embarrassed, Drew recounts how the encounter escalated to him speeding off and unintentionally hitting another traffic light.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (03:05): "He was so embarrassed that I stopped at the next light, and he would have had to be next to me, but what he did instead was go so slow down the street..."

---

High Spirits and Hilarious Banter

Throughout the episode, both Drew and Enya openly discuss their high state, leading to a series of disjointed yet entertaining exchanges. Their intoxicated state amplifies their playful interactions, resulting in a blend of jokes, improvisations, and spontaneous storytelling.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (06:15): "Yeah, we're both high."

---

Josiah’s Comedic Mishap: The Pants Down Fiasco

Guest Josiah attempts to share a funny story about accidentally exposing himself. His narrative is met with light-hearted mockery from Enya and Drew, who add their own humorous twists and jokes, enhancing the comedic atmosphere of the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (10:59): "And he per. He exposed himself. He purged."

---

Drew’s Piercing Predicament

Drew delves into his experience with getting a smiley piercing, detailing the complications and his interactions with a particularly stern piercer. The story is laced with humor and embarrassment, highlighting the trio's ability to find comedy in personal mishaps.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (18:16): "She literally was like, yeah, but anything else you want, like, I can do for you."

---

A Moment of Vulnerability: Josiah’s Plea to His Father

Amidst the humor, Josiah shares a heartfelt message addressed to his father, expressing feelings of distress and a desire for reconciliation. This moment adds depth to the episode, juxtaposing the otherwise lighthearted content with genuine emotion.

Notable Quote:

• Josiah (51:45): "Here's my platform to my father. If you're out there and you hear this, please come back immediately."

---

Serious Undertone: Enya’s Stand Against Drunk Driving

Towards the end of the episode, Enya delivers a serious message about the dangers of drunk driving, urging listeners to make responsible choices. This poignant moment underscores the hosts' ability to balance humor with meaningful commentary.

Notable Quote:

• Enya (58:44): "If you have alcohol in your system and you are behind the wheel, you are making an active choice to kill other people. You are a villain."

---

Conclusion: Reflecting on the Chaotic Journey

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on their tumultuous recording session, blending humor with exhaustion. Their unfiltered and high-spirited dialogue remains consistent until the end, leaving listeners entertained by their genuine and chaotic camaraderie.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (62:37): "Have you actually listened?"

---

Final Thoughts

"Midnight at McDonald’s - High Edition" encapsulates Emergency Intercom's unique blend of comedy and candid conversation. Enya, Drew, and Josiah deliver an engaging episode that balances personal stories, humorous mishaps, and moments of sincerity, all wrapped in their signature high-energy style. Whether recounting awkward encounters or sharing vulnerable moments, the trio provides an entertaining and relatable listening experience for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Drew]

Hello, welcome to this episode of emergency.

[Josiah]

Intercom.

[Drew]

At 9 at night. Hey, sorry, my car's freaking out. Oh, yeah. We have Josiah here with us today. Also, we're going to McDonald's. If you don't know, we have a series. Calling it a series is a really brave, like, thing. That's the bravest thing I've ever said.

[Enya]

So you have two episodes of a series that we. Josiah, can you turn your light on? Oh.

[Drew]

Oh, that's bad.

[Josiah]

Lighting at midnight.

[Drew]

But we have, like, a thing we've done twice on YouTube called Midnight at McDonald's. And we thought, why not do that again?

[Enya]

Spice it up a little bit, because it's been the same thing over and over and over again. Very monotonous.

[Drew]

And we thought, let's get in the car and go on a ride with our people.

[Enya]

Like, because we love a good car episode. Last time we were in the car, I think we got.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

Oh, no. We were in Florida with Orion, Josh and Finn.

[Drew]

Yeah. Benjamin, L.C. kai. The whole crew.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew]

Or not the whole group. Also, we don't have a tripod for the camera, so if you're a visual watcher, you are in for a bumpy ride, both audio wise and visually, because the streets in LA are insane.

[Enya]

Yeah. That's one thing about the dystopia that needs to be fixed immediately is the bumpy roads. I've had enough.

[Josiah]

Enough.

[Enya]

I've had a. Enough. And it happened right after we got all that rain. Like, the water, like, seeped into the ground and just cracked the earth. It's, like, crazy.

[Drew]

It literally destroyed our. Our land. It destroyed our city. Our city is burning.

[Josiah]

Welcome to the podcast. Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah. Oh, wait. Should I tell y' all what happened to me when I was in the car earlier?

[Enya]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

So before this episode, I went to dinner with friends. A lovely, lovely friend. And on the way to the dinner, I was driving and I saw this Tesla behind me for a while. It was in a white Tesla.

[Enya]

It wasn't a white Tesla either.

[Drew]

Josiah was there.

[Josiah]

No, I wasn't.

[Drew]

He says, it's. It was a white Tesla. Hi, guys. Where am I? But sh. Shut the up. But. Okay, so I pull up to this light, and this Tesla behind me, skirts to the side of me, and I, like, felt his eyes staring at me. I am the annoying person that drives with my windows down, and I, like, listen to music, and I'm like, yes. I'm, like, so lit right now, but I felt someone staring at me for once, and I genuinely felt it. So I looked. This guy was looking at me, and then I was like, no, I'm not kidding. It literally was like that.

[Enya]

And then I was like, sex eyes, dude.

[Drew]

Yes. And then I looked away, and then I felt like I, like, felt him staring at me. And when I looked back, he went like this. He looks at me, goes like. It was literally like that. It wasn't like this. It was like, no, listen to this. It's, like, actually much worse than you think, because it was so embarrassing for him and me, because I don't know why I even responded to him, but I looked away. Then he lightly honked his horn, and I looked back, and he put his window down. He was like, hey, where's your man? And I just lied. And I was like, at home. And then he goes, well, since you're out of the house already, want to go to dinner with me? And then I just. The light turned green, and I go, no, thanks. And then I sped the off and hit another light.

[Enya]

Oh, I thought you said hit a car.

[Drew]

I know.

[Enya]

So why are you on me mode getting hit on, like, violently.

[Drew]

I know. It was, like, really crazy, and my life is like. But he was so embarrassed that I stopped at the next light, and he would have had to be next to me, but what he did instead was go so slow down the street that he waited until the light turned green so he could speed past me and drive away. What?

[Josiah]

He's right there.

[Enya]

Did you get.

[Drew]

I have bad news.

[Josiah]

Who the IS company?

[Enya]

Probably the guy behind me, because I'm literally going 36 miles per hour under because of that happening over and over again. It's crazy. Hey, no, I don't give a. At all. It is really late for me right now, and I am so tired.

[Drew]

Y' all, like, oh, wait, does this McDonald's have.

[Enya]

I was just driving by to see because we have to fill.

[Drew]

Our McDonald's is being destroyed.

[Enya]

Yeah, literally, our McDonald's is closed under lobby Open. Yeah. Oh, What I'm saying, it's under construction. Like, it's. I drove past because I really, really want the Grimace shake so bad, and, well, I came to get it. After a long, hard day of work.

[Drew]

After a long, hard day of sitting on your phone.

[Enya]

Exactly. Work. Hello. And this McDonald's was closed.

[Drew]

Okay, Josie, you're reacting like there's not 8 million.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Drew]

Per, like, square foot in America. Like, we can find another McDonald's.

[Enya]

Someone map us, Josiah.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Drew]

Can someone being Josiah, map us also? This is my first video being high.

[Enya]

Oh, are y' all both high?

[Drew]

Yeah, we're both high.

[Josiah]

I honestly, genuinely. And you don't feel anything. You're all alone.

[Drew]

There's no way. You were acting like a friend.

[Enya]

You're acting so weird right now. Like, you're acting so high, it's, like, literally scaring everybody. Like, you're.

[Drew]

Oh, I'm scaring everybody. You want to see scary? I wish I had a gun, and I, like, pulled out a gun, and.

[Enya]

Then I shot through your hand.

[Josiah]

Why would you do that?

[Drew]

It's my car. I can blow holes into the ceiling if I want. Right?

[Enya]

I blow holes all the time. Hello. Bazinga.

[Josiah]

Driving is insane.

[Drew]

I just.

[Enya]

My new thing is Bazinga. Like, I. I created this new thing. It's like Bazinga. When I say, like, a quip or something funny.

[Drew]

I don't like that.

[Josiah]

Bazinga.

[Drew]

I think there's a. A show like that about that. Yes. You always say you're not high. But wait, listen to the say is bad a thing.

[Enya]

It's a thing to me now.

[Drew]

Oh, did you just make it up?

[Enya]

Yeah, after I say something funny. But.

[Drew]

That'S, like, so, like, wait, before.

[Josiah]

We get into the podcast, I really do want to say thank you guys for having me back.

[Enya]

Yeah, obviously. This is Josiah. Listen to Billy and Jean.

[Drew]

Yeah. If you don't know Josiah's podcast.

[Josiah]

Yeah, put my at right down here.

[Enya]

No, dude. Also, Josiah, you know what's crazy is the way I banged you and your mama from the back for, like, 45 minutes the other day.

[Josiah]

You know what's crazy is a lot of people don't look as, like, an emergency intercom as, like, a multimedia conglomerate, but, like, y' all are, like, y' all. They so literally own Billion Jean.

[Drew]

Yeah, I literally do own Billion Jean.

[Enya]

It's actually random. A billion Jean. Like, 10 years ago.

[Josiah]

He's actually $15.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

But I just wanted to say before we got in to this, that, you know what? Last time I was on here, there was a lot of hate, a lot of people saying, I just don't know about him. But here, let me tell you something. Now I'm.

[Enya]

Wait, did a soul say that?

[Josiah]

Just give me one sec. Guys, I am trained and ready now. I've been doing my podcast for 30 weeks. I feel as though maybe.

[Enya]

You can carry a conversation.

[Josiah]

Yeah, maybe I can carry a normal conversation.

[Drew]

This is the second episode in a row you're not in the injuries vision.

[Enya]

Yeah, I know. You can't see us. That's one thing that we're going to fix, though, with guests you'll see in the next episode. Or maybe the episode before this with a very special someone. Josiah. Special, but a very special someone coming very soon.

[Drew]

But like, that. Would we really want to hang out with that we fix this setup Page of nights off.

[Enya]

But what was the story you were both telling us about being high or something?

[Drew]

Oh, that. Josiah did. Josiah pulled down his pants?

[Josiah]

I like. Okay, Josh. Okay, let me tell the story.

[Drew]

Okay, like, that's.

[Enya]

Oh, my God, the ops are coming.

[Drew]

Oh.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God.

[Enya]

Actually, guys, guys, chill. Chill, Chill, guys, chill.

[Drew]

No, why is it actually freaking me out?

[Enya]

Guys, chill. Guys, chill. Be chill, be chill. No, seriously, be chill.

[Drew]

We should, like, all. Oh, go like that. And then be like. Cops stopped us to ask for a picture.

[Enya]

The cops were fans of us. Wait, hold on. Hello Kitty says acab. Like, let's talk about it. Oh.

[Josiah]

So this video is.

[Enya]

Hot dogs.

[Josiah]

Let's get into this.

[Enya]

So Josiah pulled down his pants.

[Josiah]

No, I didn't.

[Enya]

So Josiah exposed himself to everybody in the room and was very violent.

[Drew]

Josiah has this orange fake ass bootleg Prada shirt.

[Josiah]

It's real, babe.

[Drew]

And he always wears shirts. It. It'll. It won't. I shoved it in there, and now the rubber stuck to the bot, so it's, like, more secure.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah.

[Josiah]

Wow.

[Drew]

But this.

[Josiah]

And you're the engineer.

[Drew]

I think it's really wrong with you, but okay, you tell the story. You tell it from your perspective, and then we'll give. My perspective.

[Josiah]

My perspective is. Is that Josh. And then you are sitting on the couch. I have this prod. It's a bright orange color. Obviously you can see that, right? And I have this pair of underwears.

[Enya]

Where do I go?

[Josiah]

I'm sorry. Turn right on west on. Turn right at the next light.

[Drew]

Whoa.

[Josiah]

I'm a poet. Hold on. And I have this pair of orange underwears. And you. Can you hold the flashlight real quick? This pair of orange under. Sorry. Orange underwears, as you can see, and so they match, right?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

And he per. He exposed himself. He purged.

[Drew]

That's what I'm saying to everybody else. Use his flashlight to expose himself to our viewers. But you keep going. Don't keep going with your story.

[Josiah]

Josh said, oh, my God, Josie, like, your little underwear, like, match your shirt. Which also. I think that's what we should be focused on. That was a weird thing.

[Drew]

Well, we should be focused on that. Why were your pants being inched down so much?

[Enya]

Were you wearing your sweatpants?

[Josiah]

Yeah, yeah.

[Enya]

Just.

[Drew]

He was doing the Grace challenge.

[Josiah]

Challenge for two years.

[Enya]

Yeah. You said anything? Yeah. Because, like, what we're gonna be. Josiah, your bulge is showing right now like crazy.

[Drew]

I have actually. I have actually done that to one of the friends in our group.

[Enya]

It was me, guys. She was like, your bulge is gigantic and enormous and scary.

[Drew]

But it was like, four of us. And then I won't say his name because I won't publicly embarrass him.

[Josiah]

Exactly.

[Drew]

And I was like, dude, are you serious? Put on some real pants. And then he got embarrassed, and he put on different panels.

[Enya]

Who was it?

[Drew]

It was.

[Josiah]

I knew it.

[Drew]

During Big Sur, he was, like, standing on the car, like, jumping around, and we were all like, whoa. And I was like, dude, put pants on.

[Josiah]

I actually remember that.

[Drew]

Were you there? You weren't there. That's funny, guys.

[Enya]

I hit that car.

[Drew]

Oh, but that's funny because this is my car, so you should be driving safe or something.

[Josiah]

Okay. All I was trying to say is Josh said that to me, so then I said, I. Oh, yeah. Like, look. I was like, it's my little sweatsuit. Like, my little short sweatsuit. But they didn't know that they were shorts. And I was like, here, let me pull them down.

[Drew]

And they're not shorts. They're boxer briefs.

[Josiah]

Okay. That's short.

[Drew]

And he goes, I have little track shorts on under here. Just pull this pants out. And me and Josh both go, whoa. And, like, looked away. We're like, dude. And then he just pulled them up. And me and Josh started being like, you're high. You're being so weird to Josie. So that's why the story even came up, because people want to accuse me when this freak is pulling down his pants.

[Josiah]

They're LA apparel boxer briefs. So it's not like they're like some Hanes backing nasty.

[Drew]

Like, I was sitting on the couch, and Josh and Josiah kept looking at each other, and I was like, what's happening? I'm literally in the room. And you've witnessed this before.

[Josiah]

What?

[Drew]

You guys being flirtatious and Josh. Yeah. So I was sitting there and I was like, it's happening that she's in the bathroom, so I can't, like, get him to stop them. And then they started, like, making out. And then I was like, this is weird. And then Josie pulled down his pants and said, let's go.

[Enya]

Let's do. For real, this.

[Drew]

No, not in front of me.

[Josiah]

I pulled my pants and I said, check this out.

[Enya]

And it was a brown stain up his butt.

[Drew]

Cry.

[Enya]

Josiah has. We need to bring back skid marks. You know what?

[Josiah]

Actually talking about that today is. I will never eat ass.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Josiah]

Like, that's a conversation.

[Enya]

Okay. Why not?

[Drew]

Conversation.

[Enya]

Why not?

[Josiah]

Were you?

[Enya]

Yes. Yeah.

[Drew]

It depends on who. I had this conversation actually, the other day, not about eating ass, but about, like, stuff. I was talking to somebody and they were like, yeah, okay, grow up. Because it's just feet. Like, what? It's not that big of a deal.

[Josiah]

You're saying that to me right now. Yeah, I don't want them near me.

[Enya]

I don't want feet anywhere near me at all. They're. Have you seen my feet? Well, your feet are just like, literally. Why would I ever, ever, ever want to experience someone's feet if they look remotely like mine? And I just have trauma surrounding my feet because I was made fun of them my entire life. And still to this day, as a grown ass. 16 year old man, my feet are getting made.

[Josiah]

16.

[Drew]

16 or 16.

[Enya]

16, 16. Your old man. Hello. And like, the bottoms of my feet in my palms, really wrinkly. Like, if you compare mine and Inya's hands, you can't see right now, but they're. Mine are like, exponentially more wrinkly than everybody else.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. Wait, can I see the size of your hands? Like big girls, human.

[Enya]

They're like, look how much bigger my hand is.

[Drew]

And oh, my God. What the hell? That's so crazy. Like, let me get in on that too.

[Enya]

I do.

[Josiah]

I have a little Donald Trump hands. Yeah, I feel good about that.

[Drew]

I need to have a conversation with Donald Trump.

[Josiah]

Conversation.

[Enya]

I need. I need a congressional hearing with Donald Trump.

[Drew]

That's what. Also, wait, whose thing is literally, like so low that it's insane.

[Enya]

All right. Back from technical difficulties, and we are actually at McDonald's and I saw on the menu that they have the Grimace shake. And God is good. And God is great.

[Drew]

God is gorgeous.

[Josiah]

It's Grimace's birthday.

[Drew]

If you ask me. God gave us Grimace to rejoice. I was Gonna say something right before we like. Oh, should I talk about my annoying piercer today?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Because I didn't tell you about it. So. Josiah, I was gonna. Yeah, it's the girl who did my smiley piercing last time and she came back for revenge.

[Enya]

Help me. Hi, can I get the purple Grimace shake? A small and.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Are you gonna get anything?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

And then a six piece nugget with a medium fries and a Coca Cola.

[Drew]

Me too. Me too. I think I'm gonna get a bunch of stuff.

[Enya]

Just ketchup.

[Drew]

Oh, my gosh.

[Enya]

Medium.

[Josiah]

The Grimace is small, right?

[Drew]

The shake.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

And then can I get the 10 piece chicken nugget meal, please?

[Drew]

They have to go back and you.

[Josiah]

Know, how could I do a large frozen coat?

[Drew]

They have to like, milk the machine. Like an utter.

[Josiah]

Okay. And the sauce. Could I do barbecue sauce, please?

[Enya]

He's like a big, big, like job.

[Josiah]

And then can I get an apple pie as well?

[Drew]

We need to talk about how Java the Hut when he was. Can we get a three pack of.

[Josiah]

Chocolate chip cookies as well?

[Enya]

But I don't even know.

[Josiah]

Anya, what do you get about Star Wars?

[Drew]

A Happy meal. What's a happy piece with a four piece chicken nugget?

[Josiah]

And then can I do the happy piece with the four meal or. Sorry, the. The Happy Meal with the four piece chicken nugget. And what do you want? Extra fries? Extra fries, please. I'm just guessing, Right. And the drink? A Coca Cola, please.

[Drew]

I have had a Coca Cola.

[Josiah]

And. Is that it, guys?

[Enya]

Yes.

[Josiah]

Okay, I think that's gonna be it. Thank you.

[Enya]

Put it on emergency intercom.

[Josiah]

Hey, it's Grimace. Your food looks really good. That's what it said on the thing. I got an email from him. I'm not joking.

[Drew]

Because you use that damn McDonald's app.

[Josiah]

I don't use that. You think I'm broke?

[Enya]

I wouldn't know what the McDonald's app is because, like, I don't even eat at McDonald's. Like, what even is McDonald's? Because, like, I don't eat there. And you can you get the.

[Drew]

I know a lot about McDonald's because it. You are referencing renting it, so it seems like you go there a lot. Oh, you know what's cool is I don't have my wallet.

[Enya]

International.

[Drew]

I'll pay with my card.

[Enya]

International with my Apple Pay.

[Drew]

Just hit my phone against their screen really, really hard and.

[Josiah]

Yeah, I'm gonna hit my phone against your screen really, really hard.

[Drew]

Okay. Something's wrong with you.

[Josiah]

I think you wish.

[Drew]

Okay, so I Had my smiley pierced last year, as you all know. And it didn't last long. Not because I didn't want it to, but because my original horse bit was too big and it was tilting. And then I got a smaller one. But then one day when I was brushing my teeth, the ball fell in the thing, and I didn't want to order one offline.

[Enya]

And you had a dream about it?

[Drew]

I literally did. Isn't that crazy? I had the dream that I was gonna swallow it, and then it fell down the sink, and I didn't want to order the piercing again. Yeah, I do that a lot. You must. It sounds like you've never done it in your life, so you're not a champion.

[Enya]

I wouldn't know it. Swallowing it means.

[Josiah]

That's what I told my girl. Now, come on. Now swallow it.

[Drew]

Okay, wait.

[Enya]

Who's paying?

[Josiah]

Sorry, go ahead.

[Enya]

Y' all got McDonald's money? Y' all got McDonald's money or what?

[Josiah]

Honestly, no. Every time I go through here, it's like, $40. Go ahead.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's actually for me because I only eat the water here.

[Josiah]

It's so high. You only eat the water. Tell the smiley story, please.

[Drew]

Okay, so whatever. I don't know why I'm saying all that. Basically, I want the piercing again. I hit up the same girl, and we have a whole DM conversation about it because I'm like, oh, like, the last one was too big. I want a smaller one. She's like, yeah, yeah, I got that. Like, just come here and, like, I'll do it. So she's also notoriously really mean. Remember last time she was me?

[Enya]

She was.

[Drew]

She's still mean because even in our DM back and forth, she's like, okay.

[Josiah]

What if she sees this?

[Drew]

Fine, I don't care, because I'm never going back to her, because I have.

[Enya]

A story to tell, too.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, it's a crazy one. But this morning, Sorry, I'm so grossly sick this morning on the way to the appointment, it's 35 minutes away from our house, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna be like, eight minutes late. So I text her that. And she just barely, very sternly, is like, well, if you are 10 minutes late, you're gonna have to reschedule because.

[Enya]

I do not ate your ass up.

[Drew]

And that's literally it not take walk ins fast.

[Enya]

And that's so real. And you shouldn't be late to anything.

[Drew]

All the way there. I did crash into five cars holding eight individual families, so I did Tear homes apart. But I got.

[Enya]

There were two families in each car.

[Drew]

I got there only five minutes later.

[Enya]

Honey, the math ain't mathing.

[Josiah]

And also, Enya, probably when she's older, is gonna, like, marry a man who already has children, and she's gonna be like, oh, like, I'm so tired. I'm tearing this home apart.

[Drew]

I'm your mother.

[Josiah]

You would be the wicked stepmother.

[Drew]

Something's wrong.

[Josiah]

Wait.

[Enya]

Keep going.

[Drew]

Okay, sorry. So I speed there. I get there now only five minutes late, and she has all these insane instructions that's like, park in the garage. Wait in the car. Tell me when you want to come in, and when you're ready to come in, I will come get you. Do not enter the building. All these, like, scary rules. She comes out. She gets me. I go in, and I'm, like, getting a little nervous. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm gonna.

[Enya]

Get in the same place.

[Drew]

Yeah, same place. I'm gonna get my piercing again. Blah, blah, blah. I get in there, I put my bag down, and I turn her, and she goes. So I don't do smiley piercings anymore, and that appointment shouldn't have even been available on the site. And I'm not sure how you even were able to book that, But I just don't do them anymore because they're so not okay for your teeth and your gums that I just don't believe in doing those piercings. It feels like malpractice. Then why the Were you a cunt to me about being late? Why did you drive there?

[Josiah]

Wait, let me see your gun.

[Enya]

No, she's literally.

[Josiah]

And you don't even have it.

[Drew]

Yeah, no. And then she's like, yeah, I just don't do it. And I mean, like, I don't know. I could, but.

[Enya]

What did you say?

[Drew]

I would highly advise you not to get it.

[Enya]

And what did you say and how did you act?

[Drew]

I literally was just like, oh, okay. Yeah, I mean, I understand. Oh, I'm abusive.

[Josiah]

Wait, her?

[Drew]

What did I do?

[Josiah]

What did she do?

[Drew]

Oh.

[Josiah]

Oh, they're giving us the food here too. I'm so confused. Here, I can take these.

[Enya]

No, you're good.

[Josiah]

Drew fell in love with the Drew fell in love with the lunch lady.

[Drew]

Stacy's mom has got it.

[Josiah]

Drew, can you ask for extra barbecue? Thank you.

[Enya]

You have a good one.

[Drew]

I'm like, can you get extra barbecue?

[Josiah]

I. I waited till too late.

[Drew]

No, it's okay. Should we just park and, like, munch and eat and. No, we can't eat.

[Enya]

Yeah, we can't eat.

[Drew]

Right. Right.

[Enya]

Well, we can drink my grimace shake.

[Drew]

It's, like, crazy. Oh, get that grimace Shake.

[Enya]

Yeah, we need to do it. Okay, well, my crazy story.

[Drew]

Oh, wait, can I finish? Sorry. Because there's one more funny thing. And then she. She literally looks at me. She's like, anything else you want to do today? I could do. I'm not playing pin the piercing on my butthole. What the am I doing here? She literally was like, yeah, but anything else you want, like, I can do for you. And I was just like, oh, is it good?

[Enya]

Oh, it is so good. Are you.

[Josiah]

It's supposed to be mixed.

[Enya]

It is. I'm not joking. It's unironically so good. It tastes like a berry pie of sorts.

[Josiah]

Sweet berry.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. I literally love that so much, it's almost fermented and alcoholic a little bit.

[Drew]

It's. Oh, I don't know if I like it. It kind of tastes like when you're eating cake and you have literally icing in your mouth.

[Enya]

Anything new. Anything new. And just like, I don't like it. And then she'll have three more sips.

[Drew]

No, I can't. No matter what the taste of it.

[Josiah]

I need to stop. I'm gonna. This tastes like El Diablo.

[Drew]

Okay. And then I was like, I guess I want my belly piercing, but I'm going. I'm gonna be at the beach on Monday, so I can't do that because I wouldn't.

[Enya]

Did you get a belly?

[Drew]

Be getting it? No, because. And then I say that, because I was like, I'm going on vacation. I'm going to be hitting the beach. Goes, yeah, that I can't do, because that needs four to six weeks to heal. And I. I, like, can't. That's like malpractice on my part. I'm like, okay. And I literally am standing here like a idiot.

[Enya]

Okay.

[Drew]

In the mirror, like, I don't know.

[Enya]

She's literally stabbing and cutting through people. Like, I'm sorry, but, like, girl, just do the piercing.

[Drew]

But, like, respect, respect. Like, I get it. But I was just like, what. What am I doing here? And then this is when I was like, all right. Like, literally, you.

[Josiah]

She.

[Drew]

I was like, can I get, like, a piercing up here? I'll take, like, a cartilage piercing. Because at this point, I was like, I drove 40 minutes. I might as well get something.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I was like, I am down to get this repair. So then she goes, well, you've already told me that you'll be entering the beach. Water and pool water this summer. So I'm unfortunately not even allowed to do that because that would be wrong on my part, because it will still get infected even. Even up there.

[Josiah]

I didn't know that the Gestapo was coming down, breaking down the.

[Enya]

Respect. Like, respect for her taking her craft serious, but just do it.

[Drew]

Like, why did she have a whole conversation with me and then she literally was like, yeah, I haven't been doing it for, like, a year.

[Enya]

You should have said, actually, I'm not going to the beach in the pool this summer.

[Drew]

I lied.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

But, yeah, again, yeah, respect to the craft. But why did she have me drive out there? It was insane.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And that's my story.

[Enya]

Well, my story is. I'm sure a lot of y' all have already written comments about it.

[Josiah]

My hair.

[Enya]

And I know something is seriously, seriously, seriously wrong. I recognize that. But I haven't had time to get this fucking mop on my head shaved off because I. I don't know where I'm going. I'm just driving. Also, by the way, I said, let's.

[Drew]

Just drive for, like, 20 minutes.

[Enya]

Haven't had time because we're stacking episodes because we're going to be gone for a month and a half. So this episode is coming out probably two or three weeks after we record it. What was I saying?

[Drew]

You were saying about your haircut. You wanted to tell the story.

[Enya]

Worst haircut ever. Challenge. And it's. I. The more I've sat with it, the more I've realized that, like, this really is all my fault. And the dude did the best to his ability. Like, stop chewing, cutting my hair. Like, he did what he had to do. And, like, I came in there unprepared, and he sliced my up the way I asked him to. And that's on me.

[Drew]

I don't know if that's you. That looks, but.

[Enya]

The behavior was kind of crazy. But, no, I. I don't even know where I was going with this. Oh, I posted today on ig. Oh, yeah, I said something awful happened to me. Also, I got plastic surgery and I got a penis enlargement or reduction surgery. Blah, blah, blah. Caption. He texted me and blew up my phone and was like, oh, my God. Like, do you not like my haircut? Like, did. Did I not do good? Like, I have so much anxiety over this post. Like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to say back to that. So I ghosted him. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

That's what he gets. Because he said he wanted Armie Hammer so bad. Right, Right. Oh. Oh. I was thinking when I got. When I got all the gifts for Christian, the, like, decorations. I literally am sick in the head because this man at a intersection. Let me cross, girl. What is wrong? He literally was like. And like, let me cross. No, but this isn't on him. This is me. Why was I giving it to the m. Gay so hard in that moment that I had to sneeze? And I literally go. I, like, performed. I was like, oh.

[Enya]

And then I. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

I was like, there's literally something wrong with me in the. Was like. I was like, oh, I don't want to do that.

[Josiah]

You know who else gives in to the male gaze?

[Enya]

Who?

[Josiah]

Lady Gaga.

[Drew]

I was gonna say Mariah Carey because I knew you were gonna make a joke.

[Josiah]

No, I think she kind of. She. She tolerates them, and she knows that she. That they pay her bills, but, you.

[Drew]

Know, you don't think Mariah Carey.

[Josiah]

She's not fully in support, but Gaga. I mean, she enables them very much so.

[Enya]

Oh, well, we won't allow Gaga slander in this car.

[Josiah]

No, no. I'm in love with her, but she definitely enables them.

[Enya]

Is Gaga gay?

[Josiah]

No, she's not. That's the craziest part. Yeah.

[Enya]

Gaga is gay baiting just as much.

[Josiah]

As I'm straight baiting just as much as Harry Styles is straight baiting.

[Drew]

You are gay baiting just as much.

[Enya]

As Shawn Mendes is straight baiting. And I don't give a fuck. Come for me. Come for me.

[Josiah]

That Shawn Mendez is straight.

[Enya]

Straight bathing, maybe.

[Josiah]

I mean, it's a tough journey, you know, and who knows?

[Drew]

That was insane. Remember when me and Drew went to the suicide center for a Valentine's Day? Like, three years ago?

[Enya]

Yeah, that was really fun. That was a lot.

[Drew]

2020. We were having romantic troubles on Valentine's Day.

[Josiah]

Suicide center.

[Enya]

What is that?

[Drew]

Listen, both of our bays were acting up, and we were like, no, I can't do this.

[Enya]

Literally actively trying to kill me. And I'm not exaggerating. Like, trying to run me over with this car.

[Drew]

So we were literally having the worst Valentine's Day ever. And then we were like, should we just go on a date to Malibu together and not Malibu to Nobu? So we went to Nobu together, but on the way there, we passed the, like, what is. It's like the suicide prevention center.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And we stopped and took photos of each other in front of it.

[Enya]

Like, after crying.

[Drew]

After crying, listening to Blue Beard by Cocktail Twins.

[Josiah]

Wait, when was this this was 2020.

[Drew]

We weren't friends with you anymore.

[Josiah]

Why didn't you call me?

[Drew]

We don't like you like that.

[Josiah]

And say, hey, I'm going through a really rough time because this is how.

[Enya]

You would have reacted. No, no. Josiah is a very good person. He doesn't like to show it online, but he's really a sweetheart. And he gives a lot of himself, maybe too much of himself to the people around him. And it's really beautiful to see. But I hope he's okay inside.

[Josiah]

I'm not, but that's really sweet of you to say, Drew. And what are you guys going to do now?

[Drew]

Kiss or something?

[Josiah]

You guys have any fucking questions for me or what? I'm a guest.

[Enya]

Who are you?

[Josiah]

I saw how you treated that fucking Barbara girl.

[Drew]

What's crazy is we didn't ask Barbie a single question.

[Josiah]

All right, well, here, come ask me a question. What's the question? You always want to ask me, but you never do because I know you.

[Drew]

Have them when you write music. Who are you?

[Josiah]

Oh, my God, your mother.

[Drew]

Oh. So we had to switch to iPhone. And I know that's gonna be really upsetting for a lot of you camera techie nerds out there who are like, I love this video, but I just wish it looked better.

[Josiah]

Drew, that was so sweet.

[Enya]

What?

[Josiah]

What you said.

[Enya]

What did I say?

[Josiah]

I hope you weren't just saying it for the camera.

[Enya]

There being audio footage, that bit. Because the camera, the audio is recording.

[Drew]

All the way through. Like, wait, wait.

[Enya]

Do that for the camera without saying it.

[Drew]

And that's the show. We are true performers, guys. We are entertainers at home.

[Enya]

Josiah, I have a question for you.

[Josiah]

Yeah, what's your question for me?

[Enya]

When I'm banging your mama, how does it make you feel?

[Josiah]

Don't yourself go your mother. How much am I allowed to curse?

[Drew]

So, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, because we need to analyze this. Banging your mama like your mom having sex with your mom. Your mom's stinky.

[Josiah]

Oh.

[Drew]

All of that has gotten so, like, lacking in reaction that now you're saying your mother. Like, I'm going to your mother. Like, that's pushing it.

[Enya]

It's really crazy.

[Drew]

I know. Oh, wait. You have to say, when you were playing Fortnite with your nephew. When you were playing Fortnite with your.

[Josiah]

Nephew joined, and Drew cursed him out.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Enya]

So we were. We were playing. We were playing Fortnite the other day. It was like, the first time I played Fortnite. I forgot you were there so long. What the hell Is that supposed to.

[Drew]

You were in my house.

[Josiah]

No, I know. I'm so sorry. I knew. Just very forgettable.

[Enya]

But we were playing for. I was playing Fortnite for the first time in a very long time, and, like, we have a full squad going, and, like, it's really fun. Then Inya joins, and one of our squad members leave, and we're, like, waiting in the loading bay for, like, everybody to ready up and change their characters and whatnot. And then this random character joins, and then, like, what was his name, too? Gamer Man. Gamer man joins, and then poofs, like, immediately, like, leaves.

[Drew]

And then we're like, who is that?

[Enya]

We were like, who the is that, dude? And then Gamer man joins back, and everyone's like, who the is that? Get the out of here. You, like, stop spying on us, you freak. And then, like, all of a sudden, you hear this, like. Like, this ringing. And then I looked down in the chat log after we cussed this person out, and my nephew's like, hey, Drew, it's me. Like, it's Maddox. Like, I'm so sorry for joining you. And so I, like, feel so bad. We blew up. It was OD. It was crazy. We blew up on this 11.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I didn't even care. I think he deserved it.

[Drew]

I thought, like, we were, like, someone was trolling us.

[Enya]

That's what I thought.

[Drew]

Stop it.

[Enya]

And, like, there was, like, this crazy ringing coming from the mic, too. It was really just an awful situation all around.

[Drew]

When you were playing with.

[Enya]

Yeah, no. And then I, like, the next day was like, Matt. Or that night, I was like, hey, text me when, like, you want to play tomorrow. I'm, like, free after seven. It, like, was, like, nine, and we hopped on together, and we started playing, like, a parkour game or something like that. A death run on Fortnite. And, like, he. He's like. I tell him, like, all the time. I'm like, maddox, cuss for me. Because it's so funny hearing a toddler cuss. And I just make him cuss. And like, a year ago, he was petrified. Like, he would not do it. It was, like, not chill for him.

[Drew]

I know my little brother still won't, like, curse if I ask him to.

[Enya]

Yeah. And now, like, he just cusses on his own. And it, like, took him a second to get into it because he'd start with, like. And he just starts saying like, that. But then, like, near the end, like, I was like, okay, I have, like, one more attempt in me, and then I'll go, like, he, like, missed a jump. And what did he say?

[Drew]

And, yeah, dude, he literally was like. He was like, oh, my. My big tits.

[Enya]

Yeah, he was like, oh, my big tits. My big tits are bouncing around my big tits. And I was like, what? And he was like, dude, my balls are bouncing around or in my ass? And. And I'm like, maddox, what are you saying?

[Josiah]

Balls are bouncing around in my ass?

[Enya]

Yeah. I'm like, dude, what? He's like, my balls are jiggling, my tits are jiggling. And, like, this is coming out of a toddler's mouth.

[Drew]

Like, he's never spoken like that ever.

[Enya]

No, it was crazy. And I was like, oh, my God. Wait, you're like a boy who has boyfriends, and you behave just like every other, like, boy.

[Josiah]

He has boyfriends.

[Drew]

He has a boyfriend.

[Enya]

Yeah. Yeah. 2023. Hello. Like, what?

[Drew]

No, wait, I was gonna say this. I think we don't have to keep it in if it makes you, like, feel funny, but it was really funny because you were like. You put the mic off and you're like, dude, I literally keep wanting to be like, oh, I'm gonna bang your mom.

[Josiah]

Oh, yeah, but your mom is his.

[Enya]

His mom is my sister. And I was just like. Because it's, like, literally in my vocabulary. Like, anybody that I talk to, I'm just like, I'm banging your mama from the Bad Cuckoo style. Like, my penis is covered in poopy, like, because I'm your mom so much. And I was trying to say that to Maddox, but he's my nephew, which means his mother is my sister.

[Drew]

Yeah, you're really weird for that Texas vibe, Alabama.

[Josiah]

Also, Gamer man is literally Marvel's new tech heavy superhero.

[Drew]

Is that real?

[Josiah]

No, but, like, imagine Gamer man, dude, you.

[Drew]

But, you know when you, like, tug on a seat belt too much and then it, like, locks you in, and I literally feel like I'm being, like, constricted also. We're being followed by the killer, and.

[Enya]

We'Re going to get, like, literally going to get murdered.

[Josiah]

And your new name is Boa Constrictor. Okay, let's get into that.

[Enya]

Kanye West, y' all. Kanye west is jacking my swag on a biblical level. Like, this is. It's another level of swagger jacking. And, like, I can't go into too much detail, but this is tapped into my wavelength, into my consciousness, into my thought ether, my thought bubble. Like, it's not chill the way he jacks everything that I do.

[Josiah]

Wait, did he start dating men?

[Enya]

I don't even Know what I was saying?

[Josiah]

What you're saying that he's jacking your swag? Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

He's, like, jacking me off.

[Drew]

Wait, is that what you were getting.

[Enya]

To this whole time? Dude, me and Kanye, like, ever since that concert, y' all, like, I'm not kidding. He blows up my phone, and then, okay, he hits it and then quits it. Like, he'll bang me and then not text me back and block my number for, like, three months. And then somehow I think he stalks me. That's how he's hiring people to stalk me, because he Jacks all of my thoughts and ideas. Basically, he stole the car that I wanted to get. And then also, he. And then also he. That chair that I sit on every day that I covered in foam. He stole that idea from me too. I literally cannot see out of this car right. Right now. Like, how do you make it blow up there?

[Josiah]

Oh, how do I make you blow there?

[Drew]

That's what I always say. I'm like, how do I get Drew to blow?

[Josiah]

D. What's your question for me?

[Drew]

Oh, my question for you is when will you be finally exiting out of my life? And whether that is on purpose or by fatal accident right now.

[Enya]

And Drew.

[Josiah]

Crash in the car, I don't have.

[Drew]

A question for you.

[Josiah]

Like, you.

[Enya]

Then I don't have anything else. I. When was the first time you found.

[Josiah]

Love with your mother?

[Enya]

What is your favorite color?

[Josiah]

Orange.

[Enya]

Where do you live?

[Josiah]

Your mother's vagina.

[Enya]

How many kids do you want?

[Josiah]

Am I allowed to say vagina on here?

[Enya]

No, you have to say vagina because vagina.

[Josiah]

Oh, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina.

[Drew]

About vagina, you have to believe it.

[Josiah]

Vagina, vagina.

[Enya]

Subconsciously, just make it so you say vagina.

[Josiah]

Wait, subconsciously, could I say vagina?

[Enya]

Yes.

[Josiah]

Oh, you want to get in there, my little vaginana. That's if I had a budginana.

[Enya]

I know to you right now this is unbearable and, like, unlistenable and, like, not chill. But this is. I'm not kidding how we actually speak to each.

[Josiah]

You want the real thing?

[Drew]

All my water into my happy meal.

[Josiah]

Just because. Vajina.

[Enya]

Vagiana Grande, Ariola Grimbly. Wait, guys, no, listen, listen, listen. We have Vagiana Grande and Ariola Grimbly.

[Josiah]

Who's Ariela Grimbly?

[Enya]

It's Ariana Grande's sister.

[Drew]

After you say a joke that you say.

[Enya]

We got Ariana Grande. Wait, we got Vagiana Grande and Ariola Grimby. Bodoinka. Doink.

[Josiah]

Wait, do you remember baldi Irish.

[Enya]

Yeah. Baldi Irish is my alter ego.

[Drew]

I'm actually gonna throw up, guys.

[Enya]

Okay, so Baldi Irish is Billie Eilish's younger sister, who is I. And I'm a bald man who's Irish.

[Josiah]

Wait, what about this? Selena Gomez's sister, Marina Gomez. Or no, that was really bad. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Enya]

Fumbled.

[Josiah]

Serena Williams Serene. The pillars, the pillar.

[Drew]

All right, okay. Cut it out.

[Josiah]

Freddy's are good.

[Drew]

No, what were you saying? What were you saying happened to Manama? Sandra.

[Enya]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. O.

[Josiah]

So I forgot about my Namasandra.

[Drew]

My back hurts so bad.

[Josiah]

Y' all talked about Harley Davidson.

[Enya]

We haven't talked about Harley Davidson. And Masaman. Andre.

[Josiah]

Mama Bertram.

[Drew]

What's up? This is so funny to me and all of us, but this means. Absolutely.

[Enya]

That's what I'm saying. Like, this. This episode sounds like it's good because we're laughing our ass off, but it means nothing. And everybody's already. They've already tuned out of this episode.

[Josiah]

Guys, wait. Let me make it so that this episode hits the algorithm.

[Drew]

This, because we share the mics, and I want to make sure you guys get it.

[Josiah]

Wait, let me. Let me make sure that this hits. This video is gonna hit the algorithm real quick. Today, I'm giving away a million dollars.

[Enya]

Like, and subscribe for a billion dollars.

[Josiah]

How much you want to bet this is gonna get a million views?

[Enya]

I. I will bet a bit. I'm not joking. A billion dollars that this doesn't get a billion views. A million views?

[Drew]

I thought you were gonna make a joke and say that you. I thought it would hit it.

[Enya]

But yeah, you know, and I'm not.

[Drew]

Don't believe in yourself. That's what you guys learn here.

[Enya]

Guys, if this video gets a million views, I. Straight up, I'm not exaggerating. I will twerk my ass bear on Twitter for free. Like, not even on some, like, only fans.

[Josiah]

And then we will be hosting the Torque a thon.

[Enya]

Yeah, the twerk off comment down below. What did I say about my mama, Chandra?

[Drew]

Okay, so let me explain first. So all these random names that we.

[Enya]

Ozzy, we got Pilot, Jones, Manama, Sandra, Harley, David.

[Drew]

I don't want to give all of them away because I hold them safe.

[Enya]

The three I'll give away.

[Drew]

We have our people who are like, just like, these made up people who we just made up. They all have different names and they happen mysteriously. So what?

[Josiah]

Laurel and Yanny, though.

[Drew]

Yeah, well, they weren't supposed to be real people. That was just like, which do you hear?

[Josiah]

Dude, Wait, why? Don't say Laurel twice.

[Enya]

Laurel and Yanny.

[Josiah]

You just said Laurel. Laurel.

[Enya]

I know it sucks, but Laurel and Yanny are the twin siblings of Harley Davidson and Pilot Jones. Yeah. They had kids together. And then Harley Davidson and Mama Bertram split up, and Pilot Jones and Madame Masandra are now together, and it's really.

[Josiah]

Mama Bertram killed herself.

[Drew]

Sandra used to be really close to Mama Bertram.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And when she found out they got together, she literally committed suicide.

[Enya]

It was.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Jumped off a bridge or something. And Laurel, Yanny, like, saw it happen. I don't even remember what we did, like, come up with this, like, a story for them.

[Drew]

Well, no, it's not. You don't come up with it. That's just like, it. I mean, see, that's what. That's just what really happens when people gossip about. About what happens. It just becomes fiction. And it's not somebody's actual problems. It just becomes, like, gossip. And it's like, this isn't a story to tell. This is real.

[Enya]

Guys, Wait, should we do, like, a really serious sad moment where, like, they clip it and put it over, like, Cad A or Radiohead or something? Yeah. And it's like.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josiah]

And then. And you say, stop treating me like this.

[Enya]

Or. No, I mean more like. Oh, like a depression conversation. Like the inner chamber.

[Josiah]

What I just did.

[Enya]

So sometimes you get so comfortable in your sadness that, like, it's really hard to get out of. And you find this space in your life where you just want to exist in it. And then you start banging Josiah's mom.

[Josiah]

Shut the up.

[Enya]

And she'd be squirting.

[Drew]

You need to put this light on because you look. Looks so funny.

[Josiah]

Wait, guys, I have an idea.

[Drew]

No, when you do that, it's really not funny. You, like, killed it. It's crazy.

[Josiah]

I know. I killed it. Thank you. Thank you. I killed it.

[Enya]

I killed it. Yeah, you ate.

[Josiah]

You ate.

[Drew]

You at.

[Josiah]

Wait, would you suck dick for a million dollars?

[Drew]

Five more minutes. Would I suck. Suck dick for five million dollars? I would suck dick for free.

[Josiah]

Whose? Oh, yeah. Now we're going to know.

[Drew]

The withers.

[Josiah]

I said bill withers.

[Drew]

I don't know who that is.

[Enya]

Guys, what if we got in a car crash and all three died right now?

[Drew]

We died laughing and loving.

[Josiah]

I would be so happy and be free. I would be content at this moment. Actually, no, I wouldn't play a concert.

[Drew]

So far it's left me so fun for me because I'm a little baby and it doesn't take Much. But there are moments where that I remember that I'm not only on camera, but I am on audio. And I think I sound like I have two brain cells left, and I can't make any funny jokes, but I find everything really funny. And then that's embarrassing.

[Enya]

How about you, Jose?

[Drew]

I feel like this video. Insert the video of the girl doing her slam poetry. I want it to end. I want it to end. I want it to end, please. I want the eyes gone. Stop watching me. Stop controlling me.

[Josiah]

Kill me. Kill me.

[Drew]

Kill me. End it for me. Save me from this fate of no control. Grant me the comfort of death's cold arms. Please. Please. That's how I feel when I'm this high. And I like making jokes that aren't landing.

[Enya]

I'm a nasty.

[Josiah]

And, yeah, if it makes you feel any better, I feel that way sober 24 7.

[Drew]

Okay. I literally didn't fucking ask.

[Enya]

And that's not. Did you see that woman running?

[Josiah]

Was that.

[Enya]

No, she was riding a bike, and she had her arms crossed, and she was just riding down the street.

[Drew]

Okay. It's literally midnight. Go home.

[Josiah]

I can ride my bike with no handlebars. Vibes.

[Enya]

I can ride my bike with no handlebars. No handlebars.

[Josiah]

My highest.

[Enya]

No handlebars. Hey, hey. I can't ride my bike.

[Josiah]

No, I, I. I was saying it's escaped me. It's gone. I need to take more when we go home, because it's not here anymore.

[Drew]

You're freaking out, though. Like, you're saying, like, I'm not.

[Josiah]

Let's just say the English language escapes me.

[Drew]

People be like, I'm not high anymore. Ten minutes later, he's gonna be freaking out.

[Enya]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Drew]

And you know the feeling. We've all been there.

[Enya]

Guys. Tell me, do I look like more of a man or more of a twink now with short hair?

[Josiah]

Twink.

[Enya]

Josiah said I looked more Twinkie.

[Drew]

I don't think that.

[Josiah]

Yeah, Wait till you see what's under those clothes. He's not.

[Drew]

Okay.

[Enya]

For real, though.

[Josiah]

For real, though. He's packing that thing. Swing.

[Drew]

All right. You know what's annoying is all my notes are on my phone, and I keep, like, reaching down to look at my notes, and then I'm like, oh.

[Josiah]

Oh, I have some notes.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Actually, you want to have a real sad conversation?

[Enya]

Is.

[Josiah]

No.

[Drew]

At the gym, I've been freaking out and fully, like, disassociating from my life, but I've said it so many times that, like, is it real? Because I can, like, recognize that I'm not living in the moment and that everything happens in a blur. And then six months later, I'm like, I wish I was so that happy. Even though I wasn't really that happy. I was just like, can't live in the moment I'm living in. But at the gym, after our class, I went to the treadmills and I was really kind of freaking out, and I literally had to look around and I looked at the treadmills and very seriously thought, this is okay. Because I could come back here in a week, in two weeks, in six months, and these treadmills will still be here.

[Enya]

Literally called grounding yourself. And that's like a technique they teach in therapy.

[Drew]

But doing that in an equinox, two treadmills felt really crazy. Like, I'm looking at, like, some of the sexiest people ever with nothing else to do, myself included. Hello. I'm very sexy. Me.

[Enya]

Me working out too.

[Josiah]

And me as well.

[Enya]

Okay. Wow.

[Josiah]

That's just like, why are you the only one that gets to have sex appeal?

[Drew]

Me? Because I am sexy. You get sex appeal when you're sexy. You're saying on Amazon, you're saying, oh.

[Enya]

I don't even know what Amazon is. Like, you would know what that is. I'm sure you're an Amazon expert, but.

[Josiah]

Yeah, what is Amazon?

[Enya]

What is Amazon on Amazon?

[Drew]

What's the McDonald's? Oh, I'm sure you're a McDonald's fanatic and you always eat there, but I've never been there.

[Josiah]

The McDonald's app.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

You sound like a McDonald's app expert. You probably gone that a lot, don't you?

[Drew]

You do his voice really good. Because that is that, like, accent, like.

[Josiah]

Genuinely, the English language escapes you.

[Enya]

I know what I mean. But, like, I'm like. I'm like, I know, I know. For real. But, like, have you ever seen me try to read a line like, Drew can't read? No, it's. It's so real. Y' all. Y' all think it's a bit, but, like, genuinely, like, it's not that I can't read, but if you need me to recite something, like, no, like, it does not work. There's like a short circuit in my brain. Like, it's really.

[Josiah]

And can he spell either?

[Drew]

I will say, like, it is really hard when someone says something for you to say and to repeat it back exactly the same. Like, I feel like a lot of people have struggles with that. Cuz I do too. Actors deserve, like, a lot of people. Like, I have struggles Too. And I find it hard to do things that you guys find hard to do.

[Enya]

Pull the trigger. Ain't nobody gonna do it for you.

[Josiah]

Should we talk about y' all's Drag Race? That's too much to explain.

[Drew]

I don't want the people to know. Like, that's our thing.

[Josiah]

Oh, no, no. I've talked about it. I'm gonna stream it out. I talked about it on Billy and Jean.

[Drew]

She's still there. She's still. Oh, no, that was. She was on a bird scooter, but I thought that was the bicycling lady. I was like, dude, she's literally still going around the block. Then go for it.

[Josiah]

Favorite Nikki song. Go. Favorite Monster Megatron.

[Drew]

That is not your favorite.

[Josiah]

Yeah, it is.

[Drew]

I. I say that like, I didn't just say that. My favorite is literally her song with Meek Mill.

[Josiah]

Yeah. And Drew didn't just say a feature.

[Drew]

I just want to be a bad.

[Enya]

Okay. But that you have to admit, though.

[Josiah]

She ate everyone else on that song.

[Enya]

That feature in Monster is probably the greatest feature of all time in any song, period. And I'm not exaggerating.

[Josiah]

I know. Apparently, Jay Z heard her verse and then went and re recorded his. I'm not joking. Oh, oh, there's a raccoon.

[Enya]

Oh, and he's gorgeous. Oh.

[Josiah]

Oh, and he ran into the sewer and killed himself.

[Enya]

Oh, you better watch out for Pennywise. But.

[Josiah]

Drew, I love you.

[Enya]

Love you, babes.

[Josiah]

And. Yeah, I love you too.

[Drew]

I love you, Drew.

[Josiah]

I love you too.

[Drew]

I love you, Drew.

[Enya]

Oh, like saying, drew, let the light.

[Josiah]

In, and I think there's dirty.

[Drew]

Oh, I have to call my Druber. And then it's Drew who picks you up.

[Enya]

I have to. I'm gonna play some crop. I'm gonna play Drudy. Then I'm going to call my Druber because I have to go to Judge Drudy's courtroom because I committed a Dr.

[Josiah]

Let's drive on the wrong side of the road for 10 minutes and see if anyone hit on the wrong side.

[Enya]

Of the road challenge.

[Josiah]

Drew, do it. You won't. Out on the main road. You won't.

[Enya]

I literally won't. I don't know why you're saying that.

[Drew]

No, I don't want him to.

[Enya]

So I'm ready to die, and I don't even do those Hollywood ass stops. Like, I literally go all the way through the stop signs. Like. Or I mean, I stopped. Stop all the way at the stop signs.

[Josiah]

Guys, it's crazy how we're literally almost to Vegas.

[Drew]

We've literally we've been driving to Vegas this whole time. Because Drew said that he just needs an escape in a hotel room, but he's gonna get his own hotel room and put me and Josiah in a smaller, cheaper motel down the road. Because he said that he has to get things done. No, but he won't tell us what he has to get done.

[Josiah]

Me and him are staying in the nice hotel. You're staying in the. In the crappy. Who is that? Who is that across the street?

[Enya]

There's a lot of people sitting on their stoops out tonight, and it's 11:30, and it's really late.

[Josiah]

I'm not joking.

[Drew]

It's 11:30 on a Thursday. It's 11 Thursday club going.

[Josiah]

Okay. This is the biggest platform that I've had in a little bit. I know a lot of people are listening.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Josiah]

Can you put it up real quick? Because I got something to say.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

[Enya]

Platform.

[Josiah]

Yeah. Here's my platform to my father. If you're out there and you hear this, please come back immediately. Things have gone to. I mean, look at me. I look like Jeffrey, and I talk like fucking. I don't know.

[Enya]

Yeah, Something is seriously wrong, y' all.

[Josiah]

Please come back immediately.

[Enya]

He heard that, Josiah. He heard that and ran further.

[Josiah]

You know, on tour, I was thinking about hanging myself, like, every night, and I was like, imagine.

[Drew]

Wow.

[Enya]

Oh, wow. You sound like a not hanging yourself expert. That would never be me.

[Drew]

No, you sound like you have suicidal ideation all the time, and you don't act on it. Oh, I couldn't. That couldn't be me.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Well, no. Yeah, I do want to kill myself on tour sometimes, but I wanted to do it for the gag of it. Like, we were playing a venue with curtains, and I was like, dude, imagine if the curtains open at the beginning of the show and it's just hanging there.

[Enya]

That's so not funny.

[Drew]

You're just there because I tell them.

[Josiah]

I'm like, guys, I have to go do something solo on stage real quick. Please stay backstage. Like, just trust me.

[Enya]

That's not funny.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God. But I wouldn't actually do it.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josiah]

I want to see things, you know, I want to go to Europe more. I want to. I have a kid or something, dude.

[Enya]

You know what I unironically actually want to do? And I'm like, this isn't a joke.

[Josiah]

Have a kid.

[Enya]

Is bang Josiah's mama poo poo style in her butthole. Where My poo poo is penis and.

[Josiah]

You poo poo my penis. That's what you just said.

[Drew]

Having a mirror in front of me.

[Enya]

No, actually filming me is really bad. What is something you unironically want to do in your life?

[Drew]

Five.

[Enya]

Ooh, it got deep.

[Josiah]

It got deep.

[Drew]

For real, Josiah? Can't be real, huh?

[Enya]

Do you want kids, Josiah?

[Josiah]

Of course I want two. Only two. Cuz I don't want a damn middle child and I don't want to only boy girl.

[Drew]

Okay, boy girl.

[Josiah]

I want an older sister though. Older sister, younger brother.

[Drew]

That is a good deal.

[Josiah]

It is. And like, I don't want a middle child because, I mean, look at Enya.

[Enya]

Why does that look so pretty right now? I want to go live there and then I don't.

[Josiah]

Or no, you're the oldest, huh?

[Drew]

I am technically the middle.

[Josiah]

You are the middle.

[Enya]

Know.

[Josiah]

Yeah, look at Enya. And then I don't want an only child because I'm not gonna say that.

[Enya]

I'm the youngest by a very long time. It was honestly nice growing up with a bunch of older siblings. And also I had a twin sister the same age as me. So I feel like I had like a really, really ideal situation because, like, my brothers have already gone through like school and my mom was like in PTO and all that. So like, basically, which, like, the only reason kids are popular in school is because their parents are popular in the community. And that's truly the only reason why, like, I was a big loser. But the only reason I had friends was because my mom had friends who had kids who also went to the same school as me. But what the was I saying? I had it really great. And I saw a video of my oldest sister today, or not today, but earlier this week, of her like living her life in 2008, 2009, 2007 era. And it literally brought tears to my eye because like, when I was like sentient at that age, I didn't fully understand like, what it meant to be like a 16, 17, 18 year old and like, how rowdy it was. And I was just like a literal child. And like, I always saw my older sister as like bad because she was doing bad things. But then like, I got to that age and I was like, just as bad, if not probably a hundred thousand percent worse because I was literally doing like hard drugs, like a psychopath. But it was just really like cool to see her like, being a kid and then like now she has three kids of her own. And also there was a razor in the video, like, the Razer phone, and they were filming on one, and it.

[Josiah]

Was just so crazy to see there was a race.

[Drew]

With that being said, does that mean you would want a lot of kids with, like, an age gap or.

[Enya]

I. I don't know. Like, I. I really loved growing up in a big family. Like, I loved having a bunch of.

[Drew]

Siblings is actually so cute.

[Enya]

I know. It's very nice. So it's, like, weird, but I, like, grew up in a family of a lot of kids. One of them's dead now.

[Josiah]

Okay.

[Drew]

Oh, but you've been lying about that. That.

[Enya]

So don't tell them that.

[Drew]

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Enya]

Don't tell them that. But I probably do want a lot of kids. Like, but I think four is, like, the max. But, like, yeah, here I go. Like, I.

[Drew]

Here you go. Look at them. They're so drunk walking home out of this bar.

[Enya]

Oh, that's lit.

[Josiah]

That's true, right?

[Drew]

It's like a little old duo.

[Enya]

I really don't even bathe myself. Like, here I go. Having six kids. And, like, I do not how my parents did that. Like, that is not okay.

[Drew]

Like, I've been coughing with my mouth open, dude.

[Josiah]

I know. I don't know how. My mom also had six kids, and we. That's not something we talk about. Enough. Is that me and Drew come from six kid families, both of us, and.

[Enya]

It'S, like, almost identical.

[Drew]

Okay, well, I come from five, so, like, one doesn't make that big of a difference.

[Josiah]

It does. Trust me.

[Enya]

It really?

[Drew]

That's funny because it doesn't seem like it does.

[Josiah]

Oh, my God. You are being so shady right now.

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm being catty. I'm being catty. Drama.

[Enya]

No, I'm good.

[Drew]

It.

[Enya]

Do you know what actually is, like, a lot different, though? Is when I just. No, no.

[Drew]

Yeah. Cuz I grew up banging your mama.

[Enya]

No, I was going to say when I decided to bang Josiah's mama.

[Josiah]

But here's the real thing is that Drew took three shots before we left Josiah.

[Drew]

I don't even have been driving around so crazy.

[Enya]

That is one thing that I don't joke about. Okay? I don't care with drunk driving. And I don't. I don't. With buzz driving. I don't. With one beer driving. I don't. With one sip of alcohol driving. If you have alcohol in your system and you are behind the wheel, you are making an active choice to kill other people. You are a villain. You're an evil person. And I'm sorry if you don't have a ride home. Sleep in your car. Call an Uber, Call a homie. Do what you got to do. Do not drive. And I literally don't play with that.

[Josiah]

Me neither, but very true. Yeah, I agree.

[Drew]

Should we end the episode? Because we're, like, so far.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Because we have 30 minutes here. Yeah, we have, like, a bunch. All right, well, that was the episode. Thank you so much.

[Enya]

We got to do media.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, we have. I always forget media. It's actually crazy because my phone is up there.

[Enya]

Liberia is the podcast billion.

[Josiah]

Huh?

[Drew]

That would never be my media.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

And you actually told me that today. She said, I've never listened to a full episode of that.

[Drew]

Well, I just sneezed in. My neck hurt.

[Josiah]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, Drew. Because you listen to all the episodes.

[Enya]

I don't listen to all of them, but I do listen.

[Drew]

Have you actually listened?

[Josiah]

I've never listened to a full episode of Emergency Intercom.

[Enya]

Try to listen to.

[Drew]

Wait, Josiah, you said you haven't yet.

[Josiah]

I have not.

[Enya]

Because I was lying. Because I don't listen.

[Josiah]

Yeah. I mean, no. That would be insane if we were listening to each other's podcast. I want to hear.

[Drew]

It would be even weirder if I was sitting in bed and you guys heard your podcast playing, and you put your head to the door, and my bed was like, okay.

[Josiah]

I actually did see your wing on your bed today. And I was like, oh, my God.

[Enya]

And you have had that thing on your bed for, like, weeks now. And I'm not joking. Like, every time I go in your room, it's, like, in a different place, too. It's using it a ton scary. It's, like, either beside your pillow or underneath your bed.

[Drew]

Okay, going to explain myself. I actually haven't been using it. I've been very strong, and I swear on my mother's ear, I haven't been using it. How about that? But I used to hide it between the head, the fireplace, and my mattress when my mattress is on the floor. Then when I did want to use it, it was easy access. And I don't like putting it in that cabinet because it's hard to open when I just want to, like, grab it. So I've just been hiding it under my back pillow. But then when I'm moving my pillows around to go to sleep, I'm like. Like feeling a little nudge. And I'm like, dude, oh, my God. And then I just knock it to the side. And then I make my bed, and it's there, and we're cutting this out.

[Josiah]

No, we're not, actually. And yeah, guess what? I think that you should use your fingers like a real man.

[Enya]

Y.

[Josiah]

That's my take on it.

[Drew]

Well, that's funny, because that's actually what I say to your mom when she's finger blasting me in your car. And that's probably why you get in your car and it smells like squirt and piss, and it's because me and your mom are banging.

[Enya]

Listen to this. Let me hit that prosthesi with my finger.

[Drew]

Okay, well, my immediate from what I.

[Enya]

Can recall, Pulse width by Aphex Twin.

[Josiah]

Anya, yours is Billy and Jean.

[Drew]

No, mine is hello, It's Me by Todd Rudgren. I can't say his name.

[Josiah]

Rundgren.

[Drew]

Rundgren. And then there's a song I want to say.

[Enya]

Blues by Kid Koala.

[Drew]

Cannock Chase by Labby Safe. I can't say his last name either.

[Enya]

It's you, High man. Parallel Universe 4 Hero. That's a deep jungle cut. And if you know, you know. And if you don't know, get learned, because that is rare as. And they just put it on Spotify. And you're lucky because I had to do some digging to listen to that album in 2018. And then Lumerance by Eve's Tumor, who is also. Did you know he's 86 years old?

[Drew]

Yeah, he's 84.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

Do I get to do my.

[Drew]

Yeah, go for it. Are you gonna actually say something real? Because I don't think he said anything real last time.

[Josiah]

No. Honestly, though, I was looking through my Spotify and I was like, I'm writing right now, which means, like, my Spotify is just full of that. I don't want anybody knowing because, like, I'm about to steal.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Josiah]

And I don't want them to steal it first. So I don't really know.

[Drew]

I'm gonna say Watch Me by Labby.

[Josiah]

Everything is fair when you're living in the city.

[Enya]

What is that?

[Josiah]

My Tribe Called Quest. That's a song.

[Drew]

Oh, I don't know that song.

[Josiah]

That's my song. I'm doing one fucking song and the movie big.

[Drew]

Okay, well, thank you guys so much for watching. It has been an absolute pleasure.

[Enya]

Oh, my God. I'm literally giving. Why don't we. With my hair there? This is crazy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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