mother is mothering

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "Mother Is Mothering" – Episode Summary

Release Date: February 16, 2024
Hosts: Enya Umanzor (Sam) and Drew Phillips
Episode Title: Mother Is Mothering

Emergency Intercom delivers a whirlwind of comedic conversations, blending personal anecdotes, social commentary, and playful banter between hosts Enya ("Sam") Umanzor and Drew Phillips, with occasional contributions from their friend Kai. In the "Mother Is Mothering" episode, the hosts navigate through topics ranging from social media dynamics and health mishaps to conspiracy theories and gaming addictions. Here's a detailed breakdown of the episode's key discussions and memorable moments.

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1. Navigating TikTok Trends and Algorithms

The episode kicks off with Sam and Drew delving into their TikTok habits, highlighting the platform's ever-evolving content landscape.

• Drew's TikTok Engagement: Drew shares his unfiltered interaction with TikTok, mentioning his tendency to like every video he encounters.
  Quote:
  Sam [00:56]: "I know Drew's likes. Every day he has, like, 40 new likes."
  Drew [01:05]: "It's not curated at all, but I interact with content."

• Algorithm Curating: Sam remarks on Drew's adeptness at manipulating TikTok's algorithm to favor his preferences.
  Quote:
  Sam [01:18]: "Oh, you would know a lot about curating your algorithm on TikTok."

2. Christian Walker’s Transformation on TikTok

A significant portion of the conversation centers on Christian Walker's surprising shift from conservative content to advocating inclusive feminism on TikTok.

• Walker’s Content Shift: Sam references a TikTok where Walker discusses men wanting mothers instead of girlfriends, using the term "addicted to corn," a playful code replacing "porn."
  Quote:
  Sam [03:25]: "Like, we are addicted to corn and following 3,000 other women on Instagram."

• Sam's Realization: The hosts decode Walker's language, connecting "corn" to deliberate algorithmic language to avoid sensitive terms.
  Quote:
  Sam [04:15]: "People on TikTok try to avoid words like suicide, kill, whatever, unalive yourself."

3. Health Hiccups: Migraines from Kombucha

Amidst the laughs, Sam and Drew touch upon their recent health woes caused by consuming "rotten watermelon kombucha."

• Migraine Discussion: Drew explains his severe headache resulting from the kombucha.
  Quote:
  Drew [02:38]: "That's why I have a raging migraine right now."

• Sam’s Correlation: Sam humorously attributes their shared migraines to the kombucha.
  Quote:
  Sam [02:38]: "I know why we have migraines right now."

4. The Linguistic Twist: 'Unalive' vs. 'Suicide'

The hosts delve into the troubling trend of replacing sensitive terms with euphemisms on social media platforms.

• Term Replacement: They discuss the preference for "unalive" over "suicide," critiquing its effectiveness.
  Quote:
  Drew [04:15]: "We all three need to unalive ourselves in a pact."

• Sam's Critique: Sam expresses frustration with the term's lack of impact.
  Quote:
  Sam [04:49]: "The AI has to be a little smarter than we think."

5. Drew’s Screen Time and Technological Habits

A humorous segment where Sam teases Drew about his extensive use of the Apple Vision Pro, leading to revelations about his screen time.

• Apple Vision Pro Usage: Drew admits to using the device sparingly, despite appearances.
  Quote:
  Drew [36:20]: "I just used it for, like, 30 minutes before bed."

• Sam’s Observation: Sam sarcastically accuses Drew of excessive screen time.
  Quote:
  Sam [36:33]: "Every time I have come home from being outside, I guarantee I go to Drew's room, and it is on his face."

6. Conspiracy Corner: The Glitter Mystery and Chemtrails

Drew dives into a deep-dive analysis of a conspiracy theory linking glitter to military chaff drops, sparking a heated discussion.

• Glitter as Chaff: Drew explains his theory that glitter is used as chaff to obscure aircraft on radar systems.
  Quote:
  Drew [19:49]: "It's chaff. C, H A F, F. Y' all. Listen to what this is."

• Environmental Concerns: They debate the environmental and health impacts of such military practices.
  Quote:
  Sam [22:39]: "How could dropping fiberglass on humans be fine?"

7. Personal Anecdotes: The Rainy Restaurant Fiasco

A heartfelt and humorous recounting of Drew’s unsettling experience at a packed restaurant during a rainstorm.

• Waiting in the Rain: Drew narrates being asked to wait outside in freezing rain, highlighting miscommunication and emotional responses.
  Quote:
  Drew [28:25]: "I was literally flipping off the birds outside."

• Resolution Inside: The situation resolves amicably when Drew apologizes to the staff, emphasizing the importance of communication.
  Quote:
  Drew [32:09]: "And she was like, thank you so much for telling me that. And I was like, see, all it takes is to, like, Communication."

8. Political Banter: Joe Biden’s IG Post with Laser Eyes

The hosts humorously dissect a peculiar Instagram post featuring President Joe Biden with laser eyes, blending satire with political commentary.

• Public Reception: They mock the lackluster engagement metrics of the post.
  Quote:
  Sam [24:10]: "Joe Biden's IG post didn't get a million likes. Literally flopping."

• Age and Leadership: A tangential discussion on Biden's age and the implications for presidential fitness.
  Quote:
  Drew [24:48]: "Imagine he won. He'd be 85."

9. Gaming Addiction: Deep Dive into "Contraband Police"

Sam shares her newfound obsession with the game "Contraband Police," detailing its addictive gameplay mechanics.

• Gameplay Experience: Sam describes the game's engaging simulation of border patrol duties, emphasizing its addictive nature.
  Quote:
  Sam [39:10]: "I can't even talk about Drew because I have clocked in over 20 hours at work, though."

• Drew’s Take: Drew relates to the addiction, highlighting shared gaming sessions and the game's engaging challenges.
  Quote:
  Drew [41:35]: "You have to build out your unit and upgrade everything."

10. Audience Interaction: Psyop Corner and Listener Comments

The trio interacts with their audience by reading aloud humorous and witty listener-submitted comments, showcasing their playful dynamic.

• Listener Tweets: They share and react to various quirky comments, including humorous takes on everyday situations and pop culture references.
  Quote:
  Sam [48:06]: "Let me see."
  Drew [48:05]: "Get 20 abortions and want their coochie 8. Get that cemetery out of my face."

11. Media Picks and Personal Interests

Sam and Drew share their favorite music tracks and movies, providing listeners with a glimpse into their personal tastes.

• Music Recommendations: Sam endorses "You Get What You Give" by New Radicals, connecting it to their personal experiences.
  Quote:
  Sam [52:36]: "The only song I'm gonna give y' all this week is 'You Get What You Give' by New Radicals."

• Movie Discussions: They discuss "The Fifth Element" and "Jojo Rabbit," revealing their cinematic preferences and humorous aspirations for Halloween costumes.
  Quote:
  Sam [50:22]: "I'm gonna finish watching Jojo Rabbit again last night, and I love that movie."

12. Relationship Dynamics and Playful Banter

Throughout the episode, Sam, Drew, and Kai engage in light-hearted teasing and discussions about their relationships, both platonic and romantic.

• Flirting with the Landlord: Drew humorously narrates his interactions with their landlord, blending real-life scenarios with dream sequences.
  Quote:
  Drew [43:54]: "You need to hit her up today and be like, how was your day?"

• Household Dynamics: They joke about their living situation, including broken appliances and Drake's interactions with their 65-year-old landlord.
  Quote:
  Sam [46:07]: "Like, why are you talking to him like that?"

13. Light-Hearted Comedy and Final Thoughts

The episode wraps up with the hosts continuing their trademark comedic dialogue, ensuring a blend of humor and camaraderie.

• Final Jokes: They share more jokes and witty remarks, reinforcing their playful rapport.
  Quote:
  Drew [60:34]: "He's singing it like it's church."

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Conclusion

In "Mother Is Mothering," Emergency Intercom offers a blend of sharp humor, insightful commentary, and relatable personal stories. Sam, Drew, and Kai navigate a myriad of topics with ease, engaging listeners through their authentic interactions and comedic timing. Whether dissecting social media trends, exploring conspiracy theories, or sharing personal mishaps, the episode ensures a rich and entertaining experience for both long-time fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Sam]

Sam.

[Drew]

Like my new favorite song right now. Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling.

[Sam]

Dude, your Tick Tock feed is so insane. Yesterday was one of the first times you were sitting next to me and I wasn't on Tick Tock, but you were, and I was listening to everything on your timeline, and it was genuinely freaking me out. It's like, mostly to a different world.

[Drew]

It's mostly basketball, and then it's just.

[Sam]

Very normal content in between that sometimes, unless it was just like, it was an off day.

[Drew]

Yeah, I didn't. I. I have, like, a problem on Tick Tock where I like every single video that I see.

[Sam]

I know Drew's likes. Every day he has, like, 40 new likes.

[Drew]

Yeah. So, like, it's not curated at all, but I interact with content. I want to see more on my feed just so the algorithm knows. Oh, he likes this. Let's put it. Put more in front of him.

[Sam]

Oh, you would know a lot about curating your algorithm on Tick Tock.

[Drew]

Oh, my God.

[Sam]

And should I talk about the TikTok? I saw that literally. Wait, I have to look up the. I wish I saved the TikTok itself, but you know that guy? What's his name? Christian Walker. I saw a TikTok from Christian Walker, which is crazy that we've also seen the timeline of him going from crazy conservative to far left feminism. Like, all inclusive feminism talk on Tik Tok. It's so insane.

[Drew]

I think he's, like, advanced. Like, Trisha Paytas. Like, I think he, like, like, obviously he.

[Sam]

He played it. He played the game.

[Drew]

Yeah, he. He knew what he was doing most of the time, but, like, obviously that does not, like, make anything he was saying better. But I think he's making up for all of his damages to society.

[Sam]

He's righting his wrongs.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam]

But I saw a TikTok of him replying to the sky.

[Drew]

I'm sorry, but why is there literally green sludge coming out of my mic right now?

[Sam]

It's from your stinky ass breath. Ew.

[Drew]

There's literally green sludge oozing out of my mind.

[Sam]

You know what's even gross for, like, grosser than anything is when that thing pops. I think that's been sitting on there forever. So that's where our black mold is coming from.

[Drew]

Ew. That's why I have a raging migraine right now. It's because the rotten watermelon kombucha.

[Sam]

I know why we have migraines right now.

[Drew]

We'll get into that.

[Sam]

We'll talk about that later. But he was talking about this dude who made a TikTok in reference to wanting real women back. Like, men don't want. Oh, it was. It was a top. It was, like, conversation about how women are saying that men now just want a mother. They don't want a girlfriend, they want somebody to replace their mother. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Christian Walker quoted it, going in on, oh, that's.

[Drew]

That's literally tea.

[Sam]

Like, you want a mother? Mommy, Mommy. I hate that I'm a mama.

[Kai]

I like that.

[Sam]

Of course, Brad, like, that's like, we could have all guessed that. But basically he's talking about men and, like, how men aren't real men these days. And then he says the term addicted to corn. And I was high when I heard that, and I was like, oh, wow. I guess, like, we are addicted to corn.

[Drew]

Like, corn. Like, we're eating.

[Sam]

Always eating chips, always eating Red 40. Like, yeah. Wow. And then I was like, weird thing to point out, like, a diet, but okay. I was, like, addicted to corn and following 3,000 other women on Instagram, and I was like, whoa, what a weird jump. Like corn to Instagram. Like, okay, I guess I get that. But the more I watched it, I was like, oh, he's saying corn instead of porn because of, like, how people on Tick Tock try to avoid words like suicide, kill, whatever, unalive yourself.

[Drew]

We all three need to unalive ourselves in a pact.

[Sam]

I hate that term. Literally.

[Drew]

Just say kill yourself.

[Sam]

The AI has to be a little smarter than we think. Like, why do we actually think saying unalive is going under the rug versus suicide? Yeah, but how knows that people aren't brave like me? Like, I told you all the time, I'm like, kill yourself. I fudgeing hate you.

[Drew]

Yeah. And it's really scary, and it puts me in a really dark place a lot of the time.

[Sam]

And I'm going to keep doing it until I get what I want. Oh, my God.

[Drew]

But I love you. I love you.

[Sam]

Hey, I love you.

[Drew]

Did you finish the thought?

[Sam]

But no, it was. That was kind of it. It was literally just. I am actually fucking dumb as hell because I went to Drew's room and I didn't realize until I got in Drew's bed and I was about to tell him and talk about Christian Walker, and. And then I was thinking about it. I was like, why was he saying corn, though? And then I realized it was corn.

[Drew]

Snug.

[Sam]

We cracked the up.

[Drew]

We've been, like, snuggling my bed a lot recently. Like, unironically you just like cruise over there. Cuz I don't show my face for 14 hours. And you're like, wait, where's Drew? And then you come in my room and I'm just laying in bed on some device. I'm not using the Apple Vision Pro as much as y' all think I am. I watched one movie on it and Enya was like, oh, he's trapped in there. No, I used it what it was for. It died very quickly and I put it away. But I did. Kai got a video of me that's kind of embarrassing. We'll insert it now.

[Kai]

What are you watching right now?

[Drew]

What?

[Kai]

What are you watching?

[Drew]

Dude, I'm watching the football players.

[Kai]

No, you're not. You're watching something else. Drew, that sounds like gay porn.

[Drew]

Okay? Dudes dog piling themselves. Like, it's the straightest thing ever. Hold on.

[Kai]

Are you in your shirt? You want me to put that?

[Drew]

Yeah, I don't mind. It was just like, I was watching the game on the tv, but I also had another football game of men, like, tackling. And that's why you hear all the grunts. Like, it's not because, like, oh, like, what? Like, I'm not watching gay corn. Like, I literally. I like, was watching football and that's what the is. Gay corn football is like, homosexual.

[Sam]

Y' all have to take everything.

[Drew]

So I don't know, like, literally, like, what? Going on a tangent. Like, no coins for everybody.

[Sam]

Like, first you take the, like, rainbow, now you're taking corn from us. Like, why are you taking corn?

[Drew]

What am I supposed to eat? But we, me and Enya woke up with raging migraines today. And like, we won't get into too many details because I don't want people to think this is okay behavior and.

[Sam]

I don't want to be a bad influence.

[Drew]

Yeah. But like, halfway through the super bowl yesterday, which Go Chiefs shout out to Chiefs movie, was so happy that they won. Actually, I literally don't give a. But it was fun, like, rooting for a team that everybody hated. Like, everyone was like, them, like, I hope they lose, but, like, also Patrick Mahomes. I'm not even gonna get into it. Oh, my God. I was gonna say. Yeah. Literally top three quarterback of all time. And he's like, only like five years into his career. Like, that's.

[Sam]

It's crazy. He's 17.

[Drew]

I know. It's really up.

[Sam]

How old are. How old do you have to be to play football?

[Drew]

It's actually, I think you have to be 21. Like, you have to play three years of college. 21. 21, which I just found out like a couple months ago. But I could be lying. But like in basketball you can, you, you used to be able to just go from high school to the NBA, but they made it so you have to play like you have to be 19. So you'd have to play like collegiate ball, prep ball, whatever.

[Sam]

But yeah, the 21 thing makes sense. So when they win the game, they can all get naked and spray champion all over.

[Drew]

I was just thinking about that. Like imagine being a reporter in the locker room after like a game. Like in all of these dudes are just getting butt ass naked in front of you and it's just like literally they don't care. Like you're not supposed to care.

[Sam]

But like I'd be like, thank God I'm wearing my Ray Ban Snapchat glasses right now.

[Drew]

No, I'm like, thank God I'm wearing my skin bodysuit cuz my boner would be showing everywhere. My compression shorts.

[Kai]

Drew is googling Travis Kelce bulge during the game.

[Drew]

Well, I was trying to make a point.

[Sam]

I was like, that's crazy to go after your ex's new man like that. Like that's so weird.

[Kai]

Like Minority Report in the Apple Vision. He was like blowing it up with his hand.

[Drew]

No, no, let me, let me defend myself. I was saying it's crazy that they don't wear cups. And I could tell that they don't wear cups because you can see their full and ball outline.

[Sam]

I know.

[Drew]

Look like they're smuggling grapes out there. Little baby acorns.

[Sam]

Hey. I was like jumping around, I was like, oh, oh my God. Oh wow.

[Drew]

And that's why I'm like, oh, football's gay as. Because you know, these men see that and they just act like they don't see that. Like there's balls flailing around as they're piling onto each other.

[Sam]

Thing might be happening that I do often when I see like two close best friends. When they're like all over each other like two girl best friends. I'm like, that is such weird behavior like that. Like you're literally gay. Me and Orion don't do that. And then I realized, oh, me and Orion are like kind of gay. So that's why we don't do that. So you're doing that with, with football right now. You're like, how are you not looking?

[Drew]

And it's Kai can't look me in the eyes today. I don't know what happened cuz I Don't know.

[Kai]

You have, like, this aura.

[Drew]

Aura. Mysterious aura.

[Kai]

I mean, I can't. Whoa. What the. Like, you say I can.

[Drew]

I'm gonna enter mysterious aura arc. Like, I'm gonna, like, shut down, and no one's gonna know what I'm up to or where I'm going, and I'm just gonna be like, this being that everybody praises. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna.

[Sam]

Mean, you would have to leave the house.

[Drew]

No.

[Sam]

Where are you gonna go?

[Drew]

Exact opposite. I lock myself inside.

[Sam]

You already do that. You already, like, where's your. I'm like, he's at home. And people always ask that he's at home.

[Drew]

Yeah. They keep asking, but notice how people ask, where's Drew? It's because I'm wanted, and I'm a great person to be around. People want me in their life, but, you know, I have to take time to myself because I don't want to spread myself too thin, and I just want to, like, have these, like, intimate moments with myself.

[Sam]

I wish I could have a Spotify wrapped of how much time you spent sinking in your mattress.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, if you look at my mattress, there's a pit. It's a. It's a full.

[Sam]

Drew stays home so much because he has his bed. He. He can't let them heal.

[Drew]

I know.

[Sam]

Yeah, he needs to make sure he's working on those bed sores.

[Drew]

Nasty little bed sores. The day I do get a bed sore, I will leave the house. But until then, I'm staying here. I'm not leaving.

[Sam]

Whoa.

[Drew]

Wolf of Wall Street.

[Sam]

I've never seen that.

[Drew]

That's from straight guys.

[Sam]

Yeah, that's for guys.

[Kai]

That movie's for rules.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's American Psycho.

[Sam]

Oh, I've seen that.

[Drew]

I feel like I'm.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Drew]

I feel like.

[Sam]

Oh, my God. Yeah, I was gonna say, you better.

[Kai]

Are you serious? No, it wasn't that wet.

[Drew]

No, you. Your hands actually haven't been soggy at all recently.

[Kai]

They've been a little bit.

[Drew]

I swear to God, Kai, I, like, dabbed you up, like, four times yesterday, and I was, like, naughty, and I was literally, like, oh, he, like, got carpe diem or whatever on his hands.

[Sam]

Yeah, carpe diem, dude.

[Kai]

I don't think it's called carpe diem.

[Drew]

Live and let live.

[Kai]

Carpetium means seize the dick, right?

[Sam]

Oh, my God. You guys, like, actually need help.

[Kai]

See, RC Is the day.

[Drew]

Yeah, that was a Freudian sluddy and slip there. Okay, so this is something that's been heavy on my mind.

[Sam]

Recently, we didn't even say what happened. We've gone so far off track.

[Drew]

Well, in the middle of the super bowl, we'll bleep it. Or do we. I don't know.

[Sam]

In the middle and bleep and let people decide what we decided to do.

[Drew]

In the middle of the Super bowl, we were like, okay, like, we're gonna. If the Chiefs win.

[Sam]

Because, mind you, we've had access to this thing for two months. But me and Drew, because I do think there is this idea online because of the way we talk about your childhood and your interaction with drugs and then my lack of care for interactions with drugs, that there's this idea that we are down for whatever and we do everything, but we literally don't. Because we have had access to this thing for two months, and the person who gave it to us, every time they come over, they're like, let's do it, Mandre.

[Drew]

Like, yeah, maybe not.

[Sam]

Yeah, we're gonna do that.

[Drew]

Like, that's kind of scary.

[Sam]

I don't want to do that. And we both said that we would do it if the Chiefs won with the idea that they were gonna lose, because it was before the second half. So we were like, oh, yeah, if they win, we'll definitely do that tonight. Like, that's the guys.

[Kai]

I'm just gonna spoil it. It's black tar heroin.

[Sam]

Oh, my God.

[Drew]

Tell them that it was really good, though.

[Sam]

Yeah, like, we have to believe that you can't just tell people we do heroin.

[Drew]

Like, also, I. Okay. Anyways, Chiefs 1. Well, we were sipping. I shot a little vlog of us creating it and making the concoction, and it was such a little vibe, and it was so fun.

[Sam]

That was the most fun part, was, like, getting ready. But all of us were really scared because Drew did. He does, like, extra research about everything, and he found a Reddit link of somebody saying that it could possibly. Possibly make you nauseous. Because now they've changed, like, formulas to avoid people usually using it recreationally.

[Drew]

It's like acetaminophen and, like, hydrocodine. Like, there's five times the amount of acetaminophen inside of a hydrocodone pill, because if you take a lot of acetaminophen, it's going to melt your liver. It's the same idea with this. There's another component inside of it that makes you extremely nauseous to exactly like what you said. So we kind of, like, were, like, chickening out. There were some other factors that were like. We were like, I don't think we should do this. But anyways, we made it. We did the damn thing. It was such a little vibe. We drank it and absolutely felt nothing. Like, it was horrible. It was, like, boring. We were trying to convince ourselves. And then I started getting, like, a raging migraine. I was like, what the is going on with my, like, head right now? I even went to the bed, or went to bed and got my, like, theragun and was putting it on my temples and on my. The back of my head, which I had just found out that, like, there's a higher risk. Yeah. Stroke rate. Recent stroke rate recently, because people are using theraguns on their neck and causing blood clots in their a yorda or whatever the fuck. And I did it anyways because I was in so much pain. And then I just, like, knocked the fuck out, had a great sleep, woke up, and my brain still feels like it's on fire. So I. Yeah, I have the headache.

[Sam]

Of my goddamn life right now.

[Drew]

Yeah. But, yeah, we were.

[Sam]

But it was such a vibe because we were watching the best stuff we've watched in a long fudgeing time. We were watching robot fights and school bus races and derbies.

[Drew]

Car demolitions.

[Sam]

Car demolitions and car jumps.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Sam]

And I need to go to a car demolition show. Like, a derby show so bad. I need to go to a car launch. We were watching cars get launched off of a mountain and a bunch of people standing.

[Drew]

I drove past one one time. I was, like, driving on my road trip from California to Texas, and we drove through. Or fucking Idaho to Texas, actually. And we drove through Colorado and there was this big mountain with, like, a pile of like, skeletons of cars. And, like, there were a bunch of them. And we asked the gas station attendant, and they were like, yeah, they do the car launch. And we were like, what the is a car launch? And they were like, oh, we drive cars off the cliff. And I was like, what do you mean? This is like, the most insane thing ever. We'll insert a clip so you can see, but they literally launch cars off of the side of a mountain. It's so beautiful. It is literally beautiful. Yeah, like, it's pretty as fuck. And then Battlebots iconic. Like, if, you know, you know, I'm not even going to give you a little taste of that.

[Sam]

I was way too into that last night. Like, I was the last one left standing watching it on the tv. It was so fudgeing cool. And I wish I had any sliver of intelligence to make a robot to.

[Drew]

Fight it's like a lifetime passion. Like, I wish I had something like that that I was just like. Like, wanted to hone this craft, and I was addicted to it. And it was one thing that I was really fucking great at, but instead, I'm great at a lot of things. So it's, like, kind of hard, like.

[Kai]

Yeah, you're kind of like a jack off all trades.

[Drew]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam]

Jack off. He said jack off.

[Drew]

That's what.

[Sam]

It's the term of all trades. No, you guys are thinking of, like, penis stuff again. Because it's, like, all.

[Kai]

I don't think so. I feel like we're right.

[Drew]

I think it is jack of all trades, guy.

[Kai]

What?

[Sam]

Yeah. Jack off.

[Drew]

Why would you say jack off of all crates? Oh, my God. I literally, like, I think I've stroked out, like, and I think I have, like, a slow burn brain bleed, like, in my cerebellum or some shit. Like, whatever controls your speech. Because, like, the amount of words that I've been getting mixed up the last, like, three or four months has been horrifying. It's been really scary.

[Sam]

It's because you need to read a book. Simple.

[Drew]

I read articles on my phone.

[Kai]

The articles are TikTok, all right?

[Sam]

Tiktoks of people relaying articles.

[Drew]

I'm like, just, okay, Screen no work smarter, not harder.

[Sam]

I guess, realistically, our parents would be. I'm sure our parents did the same thing and would lie and say, oh, yeah, I saw that in an article when they meant they watched the news.

[Drew]

How do you learn information? I'm not even gonna get into it. I have a whole spiel about that. Y' all don't want it. Did you see the letter from the irs?

[Sam]

No, don't. Why. Why are you bringing that up? I didn't see that.

[Drew]

Okay, we'll just move on.

[Kai]

What the.

[Sam]

That's what I'm saying. Like, why is he bringing that up right now?

[Drew]

Do y' all know about the glitter mystery?

[Sam]

The glitter mystery? What the are you talking about?

[Drew]

It's a big conspiracy. It's. It's lit. It's a fun one. It's not like.

[Sam]

It's like, when you get glitter everywhere and then never. Oh, that's never.

[Drew]

Glitters is the herpes of the craft world.

[Sam]

You're never getting rid of that.

[Drew]

The glitter mystery. Shall we get into it? Okay, so I feel like it was, like, five or six years ago. There was a New York Times article on glitter, and the interviewer know what you're talking about? Yeah. The interviewer said or asked what the biggest market for glitter is. And the person at this glitter company, Mega Glitter Corp, literally, almost instantly was like, no, I absolutely cannot talk about that. Like, I'm not. I'm not talking about our biggest buyer. She pushed back, and, like, it's teemo. But she, like, pushed back. And the person was like, but you know what it is? And she said, oh, God, yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm literally so stupid. I should have done my research.

[Kai]

You're smart.

[Drew]

Thank you, Kai. But basically, the girl said, you know what it is, but you never, ever be able to guess what our glitter is in. Like, you never, ever, ever know. And then this sparked, like, this huge conversation. They were like, what the fuck is glitter in? Like, people were saying. It was, like, obvious ones, like boat paint and, like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, people were saying, like, oh, maybe they put it on in, like, resort beaches to make the sand more glittery. Or, like, maybe for some reason, they're putting it in our water supply and we just can't see it to make it more sparkly, like, whatever it is. And people are just, like, guessing, like, crazy, like, toothpaste money, construction materials, like concrete, like that. Well, something popped up on my for you page recently, and I fear it is what the glitter is used for. And it's military application. Duh. Would make sense. But it's called. I think it's chafe or chaff. C, H A F, F. Y' all. Listen to what this is. So DFW's like, weather page posted this, like, radar. Like, weather radar. And there was, like, this big mass over la. And it was, like, this long or over Fort Worth, and it was like, this long line, and it looked like light rain. And they posted, like, you might have seen this on the time or on your radar today, but it's not rain. It's chaff. Chaff or chafe or whatever the it is, or however you say it is. Literally microplastics, fiberglass and aluminum that the military drops out of planes to cover up the planes on the radar. So, like, they're dropping fiberglass all over the world. And then I was like, wait, what the. Like, what is fiberglass? And everyone was like, wait, they're dropping fiberglass all over Fort Worth? And it was like, a big piece of the radar. Like, it's. It's a long line. Like, this is, like, Granberry all the way over to, like, Cleburne. Like, it's a long line. And then the Weather Channel, like, saw all the backlash, and they were like, we've seen a lot of concern about our comments regarding chaff over DFW the other day. We want to report on what we know and can confirm what we mentioned in our post. As forecasters, we don't typically or personally know more information on the impact on wildlife, water and people. Weather radar representation is more our thing. We would love to answer some of your confirmed concerns. And basically they were like, the research on its effect on humans. Nature, wildlife is very limited. And they kind of just are like, oh, like, it should be fine. Like, that's it. But they're dropping fiberglass out of the fucking head.

[Sam]

How could dropping fiberglass on humans be fine?

[Drew]

Literally. Literally.

[Sam]

And like, has it been in use for a long time?

[Drew]

I like went to this other website and it was.

[Sam]

Maybe we're a fiberglass prone.

[Drew]

Yeah, literally. But I went to this other website and it's like something from like the 80s, 70s or 80s that they've just been doing all the time, which I'm also like, girl, stop doing that. We have like, technology that you don't need to drop fiberglass out of the sky as a military exercise to hide a plane.

[Sam]

Yeah, who cares? The same LEDs that we have on the sphere in Las Vegas and put it under the plane and have it be the sky. Like, hello, guys.

[Drew]

Chicken Little. Hello. Chicken Little says hello. But yeah, I just like went on like a crazy deep dive and basically now I believe that that is where all the glitter is going.

[Kai]

But I'm, I'm done. I'm serious. I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of it being like, oh, there's a pedophile island. And then being like, no, there's not. And then there is a pedophile island. And then it's like, oh, there's chemtrails. And then it's like there are chemtrails. And then Biden posts the photo.

[Drew]

Dude.

[Kai]

Dude with the laser eyes saying, I am a lizard or whatever.

[Drew]

I thought, I thought he was hacked. I literally could not actually believe that photo. It says just like we drew it. Wait, hold on.

[Sam]

I think it's real.

[Drew]

Joe Biden. Joe Biden said my name. Keep my name out of your mouth, you lizard person. I don't trust you with your laser beam eyes. Actually, I'm actually gonna get my lawyer on this. Like, this is crazy.

[Sam]

So. So your, your name also can be used as like a verb. And I, I don't think he means.

[Drew]

Yeah, because, like, it's cool. Like, I'm cool. Also this, like, they thought this was gonna break the Internet. No, it only has 8. 95,000. Like it has less than a million likes.

[Sam]

A million likes? Joe Biden's IG post didn't get a million likes. Literally flopping.

[Drew]

Like 86% of America was like, he's too old to be fit for president. 86% think everyone thinks he is.

[Kai]

He's 130 years old.

[Sam]

Is he like 80, like 2?

[Kai]

83, 74 maybe?

[Sam]

He looks 82.

[Drew]

It's elder. Abused.

[Sam]

Abused.

[Kai]

Oh, he's 81.

[Sam]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Imagine he won. He'd be 85. All 85 year olds that I know are literally withering away and turning to dust.

[Sam]

All 85 year olds I see are on Tick tock and it's somebody recording them. And it's like the saddest video I'm about to see my whole life.

[Drew]

Exactly. It's like Alzheimer dementia.

[Kai]

That's crazy that the president of the United States could be times the age of how the oldest you got in like the 20s was.

[Drew]

Yeah. Wait, what is like, why do you have to be 300 years old to run for president? Isn't it like 65 or something like that?

[Kai]

It's 40.

[Sam]

Yeah. I thought it used to be 35.

[Drew]

Okay. Why are 40 year olds not ready?

[Kai]

My friend was talking about this and he thinks it's we have to be 35.

[Sam]

Yeah.

[Kai]

You could be a twin.

[Sam]

Damn. Not me knowing more about y' all like, than y' all about politics and whatnot right now on the up and up.

[Drew]

I don't give up. I mean, like, literally, like, what's the point?

[Sam]

So true.

[Drew]

Unironically, two sides of the same coin. They're both evil.

[Kai]

My friend was basically saying that, like the cabal of 70 year old white people just want to like, hold on to this. Did you fart into the mic?

[Drew]

No.

[Sam]

Yeah, he did.

[Kai]

And it smells.

[Sam]

It was like a wet fart. It wasn't.

[Kai]

Oh, that's gross. Well, I'm not gonna finish what I was gonna say because. And I can taste it. Oh. He's basically saying, like, there's like 70 year old white people that like, have all this money and power and they're like, they just refuse to give it up. So, like, they won't let Gavin Newsom run because he's of a different generation. Like, it's a big enough generational divide that he would actually have like, actually different ideas.

[Drew]

Yeah, I can't wait for those to die.

[Sam]

I think it also is like the whole game of it is you have to be in politics for so long for anybody to take you serious, and then by the time they take you serious, you're haggerty and dying.

[Drew]

I can't wait for the wealth transfer.

[Kai]

The wealth transfer is gonna be a.

[Sam]

Move, but what's gonna happen to me?

[Kai]

You're gonna be up.

[Drew]

It's gonna be up.

[Sam]

Are you saying that I'm not a part of the 1% right now? Because you'd be lying.

[Kai]

Like, seriously, guys are rich as hell.

[Sam]

I'm freaking.

[Drew]

Like, not a part of the one this percent, babe. Okay, but what you are a part of is a new conspiracy that I'm forming on you.

[Sam]

How? On me?

[Drew]

Yes. Because I saw a video of you on my feed. Oh, this is crazy.

[Sam]

I know what video you're talking about.

[Drew]

It was scary. And I've been saying I think you're a plant in my life. You're a cyborg. You're like this NPC or something. And this video proved it for me. I'm not kidding.

[Sam]

Is this what you showed Kai at lunch yesterday?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

This is insane.

[Sam]

I've seen this.

[Drew]

Look at your eyes. Watch your eyes. Watch your eyes, everybody.

[Sam]

The top comment was she had to take a peek at Drew.

[Drew]

I saw someone was like, guys, is this mean? No, her eyes are not like that. It was just like, data glitching or something, but I thought it was. So I was crying in bed alone, and I was like, going to run over there to show you, but I decided just to drop that so much.

[Sam]

I thought so many times.

[Drew]

Okay, why was Terabyte T? I was terrorized by wait staff at a restaurant.

[Sam]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

I could not believe my eye, girl. I got the whole squad laughing.

[Sam]

Keep going, bitch.

[Drew]

I was terrorized at a restaurant. So our friend invited us to lunch and it was like the last rainy day in la. That's crucial for the story. And we went there and it was packed out the ass. Like, I've never been in a more packed environment. And it was like. Like an interesting order concept. Like, you wait in this line and then you wait to get a table, and then you wait to sit down and get your food at the table. It was kind of inefficient, but I was like, whatever. It's packed. I'm not like, really. I don't really care that much because I just feel bad for the workers because they're, like, running around. Well, I order and then he is ordering behind me. But I, like, am overwhelmed in this tiny ass little space because I'm like, it's too close. Too many people around. So I go wait by the door. I'm. The door's right here. I'm waiting right here. And the door can still open. People can still get in. Like, I'm not in the way of anything. And then one of the workers comes up to me, and she's like, oh, can you follow me and wait over here? And I was like, oh, yeah. Like, I'll do that. And she proceeds to open the door and. And then stand outside. And, like, it was fully pouring down rain.

[Sam]

She was, like, freezing.

[Drew]

It was freezing and pouring down rain. And she was like, can you wait right here? And I laughed. I literally, like, I actually laughed because I thought she was joking. Like, I couldn't believe it. And then she's like, no. Like, can you actually wait right here? Like, it's for the safety, like, the door, like. And I was like, are you kidding me? And so I actually, like, I did it anyways. And she was like, or you can wait under that umbrella. And it was like. It was like a giant garbage can, like, an umbrella, like, that was open, like a light pole and, like, a bench. Like, I couldn't fit over there. So thank God I brought my Aphex Twin umbrella. Hello. Yeah, I actually use it, but I know you want it, and I was on that. Never mind. Never mind. Like, y' all don't want you.

[Sam]

No. You found out about Aphex Twin because of the Fortnite skin that they.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah. And I got it. I opened my laptop, bought V Bucks, bought that skin, closed my laptop, and didn't play a single game because. And that's, like, it was so scary for me to do that. Like, I literally could not believe I just, like, spent money like that. Like, it feel felt so naughty. But anyways, I'm waiting outside, literally in the rain.

[Sam]

And I know. I finished ordering, and I turned to our friends. I was like, where's Drew? And all of us were confused because they were like, yeah, he's standing outside. And in my head, I was just like, oh, okay. Maybe because it's packed in here, he just wants to be outside. And then I got signing. Drew's literally standing there. He's like, dude. They literally told me to stand outside.

[Drew]

It was crazy. It was pouring down rain and freezing. And then the spot that I was standing in, two people went and stood there, and she literally was conversing with them and having a conversation with them and let them stand there, but she put me outside. I literally couldn't believe it. I've never, ever felt Like. Like this way in my life. I was like, so. Like, what the. Like this. It was. It was so crazy. It was so crazy. And I almost went full Karen mode, but I was like, she's stressed. Like, she's just doing her job. She's not the one that told me to do this.

[Sam]

Ten minutes later, I think realize that it was crazy to make somebody wait outside in the freezing cold during a flood watch.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Sam]

But she came out. She's like, I'm so sorry. Like, we're gonna get a table for you. It's okay. And you're just like, it's okay. It's okay. And you were like, sorry if I seemed upset or something, but, like, I'm fine.

[Drew]

I. I, like, didn't really speak much when she came out there, because I honestly was a little offended and upset. But then when I was inside the restaurant, I felt really bad, and I went up to her, and I was like, hey, by the way, like, I'm sorry if I seemed upset or, like, made you, like, anxious or something, because I wasn't. And I know you're just doing your job and you're just stressed. And she's like, thank you so much for telling me that. And I was like, see, all it takes is to, like, Communication.

[Sam]

Communicate.

[Drew]

To communicate.

[Sam]

But if. To be fair, if I saw you in any establishment and it was raining outside, I'd be like, I need this man to stand in the rain.

[Drew]

What the. Why?

[Sam]

You just give that energy, like, you know, mysterious.

[Drew]

Like, I might have a bomb. Oh, I bring a bomb with me.

[Sam]

Everywhere I go just in case it's for safety measures.

[Drew]

Yeah. But, yeah, that happened to me, and I couldn't believe it. And it was a movie.

[Sam]

Stuff like that doesn't happen to me because I'm so pretty. And people are just like, I would hate if she left you.

[Drew]

Literally.

[Sam]

People usually tell me to go outside when the weather is gorgeous, and they're like, wow. I want her to, like. I want to see what she looks like in the direct sunlight. And then they'll tell me to stand outside, but they'll follow me and take a picture of me, and then I'll go back inside.

[Drew]

I was sexually.

[Sam]

Picture on the wall.

[Drew]

I was sexually profiled in that moment.

[Sam]

When she told you standing. What? I don't understand how that she saw.

[Drew]

That I was presenting as a man, and she put me out in that ring.

[Kai]

Wow.

[Sam]

Wow.

[Kai]

Mother is mothering.

[Sam]

Shut the up. Shut the up.

[Drew]

Mother is mothering.

[Sam]

Did you have to be, like, so brave to yell that at the most silent concert ever.

[Drew]

I feel so bad for that girl.

[Sam]

Yeah. Because she's definitely under the age of 20.

[Drew]

Yeah. I felt so bad for her. Like, I would be mortified. Like, it's like bombing on stage at a standup. Like people thought. Like, if she thought people were going to like. But everyone turned on her. It was so dark. We'll insert that. I have to post this again just because the crowd is so funny.

[Sam]

Mother is mothering.

[Drew]

Video.

[Sam]

She was like, shout out to be viral. But like, for good reason.

[Drew]

Yeah, shout out her. Shout out them.

[Sam]

I was gonna say something after that. Never mind. It's gone. It's gone forever. It's over.

[Drew]

Well, I had a very, very dark moment.

[Sam]

You always have a dark moment.

[Drew]

Like, what? I just.

[Kai]

There's like times where you'll say something and I know you're gonna turn and look directly in my eyes whenever you say, I had a dark moment. Drew flipped me off earlier. I don't know if anyone saw that.

[Sam]

But I didn't see that. So I don't believe you.

[Drew]

I didn't run this.

[Sam]

And if it's on video, I still don't believe it because we're in a room and you, you're. You're literally just being so self absorbed, thinking it's to you. It could be to anything. In this.

[Drew]

I was literally flipping off the birds outside.

[Sam]

Exactly.

[Drew]

I was flipping the birds.

[Kai]

Flip me off. I'll play it back in the camera.

[Sam]

Okay. Looking past you. You think people look at you.

[Drew]

Camera's not recording.

[Sam]

You're so annoying.

[Drew]

Oh, you, you. Oh, all of you.

[Sam]

Okay, what's your dark moment like?

[Drew]

I don't even want to like it actually. It actually is embarrassing.

[Sam]

Embarrassing.

[Drew]

But it was. It was really. It was really dark. It was so gross. And I don't know if I want to say it, cuz there's implications to this.

[Kai]

Why don't you just say it?

[Drew]

I won't get into it.

[Sam]

Say it and we can cut it.

[Drew]

I don't know if I want to. Should I say it? No.

[Kai]

He's like farming engagement right now.

[Sam]

It's like, I feel like I'm watching you post on IG and the caption is something normal, but then it's like, comment your favorite color.

[Drew]

Like I said, don't. No. Like, yeah, I'm not going to.

[Kai]

What do you guys think about this?

[Sam]

What do you guys like Sundays?

[Drew]

I'm not gonna say it.

[Sam]

Okay, then don't. We'll move on.

[Kai]

We don't care, dude.

[Sam]

We actually don't it, like, doesn't matter to us, guys.

[Drew]

I fell asleep in the apple vision. I fell asleep inside of it.

[Sam]

Yeah, you starting this episode by being like, I do not use it as much as y' all think you're all tripping.

[Drew]

Well, I didn't. I just used it for, like, 30 minutes before bed, and I fell asleep in it fully closed with all of the lights on.

[Sam]

Screen time. I'm sure that thing has screen time. Go get it. And let's look at the screen time, because it is much more than you think. Every time I have come home from being outside, I guarantee I go to Drew's room, and it is on his face.

[Drew]

How much do you think it is?

[Sam]

I have not gone to your. It hasn't been on your face.

[Drew]

How much do you think it is?

[Sam]

It has to easily be 20 hours.

[Drew]

There's absolutely no way.

[Kai]

I'm just imagining Drew, like, opening his eyes from deep sleep, and it's just 14 screens of grinding.

[Sam]

What's worse is he didn't even realize he fell asleep. He probably only told us this because I walked in on him. I went to go say something to him, and he was literally turned over with it on his head. And I was like, hello. Hello, Drew. And he was like, oh, no. And he tried to. He tried to act like he wasn't sleeping. Also, he was like, oh, sorry. I was. Yeah. And then he just like. And then he pulled it off.

[Kai]

Dude, you admitted that it's dark.

[Drew]

Y' all are bullying me. It was supposed to be.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. He has to put it on to check the screen.

[Sam]

Oh, I didn't know the Apple logo showed when it turns on. That's kind of cunt.

[Drew]

Okay, wait, wait.

[Sam]

Me when I'm a cyclops.

[Drew]

Oh, there it goes. Okay, we are. Let me screen record.

[Sam]

I'm really a non believer at the idea that everybody's gonna have one of these eventually.

[Kai]

Yeah, I don't think there's a way.

[Drew]

There's not a way.

[Sam]

Damn.

[Drew]

Saved by the bell. I guess I only do have four hours on here.

[Sam]

There's no way, because you've watched, like, three movies in that thing already.

[Drew]

No, no, I. I bet I've literally only logged, like, max 12 hours, and I. I would. I would literally die on that hill. I straight up think I. Because I've only had it since Monday. I've. And, like, the battery I've charged, I've gone, like, two full day was full days without using it. I've never used it. After the batteries died, I go and Charge it. And then I get on my phone. So. But I'm not saying that my screen time isn't atrocious, but.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

All right, we're back. We're back. And we're better. Do you have any topics you want to talk about?

[Sam]

You know what's crazy is my. Literally, here are my topics.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam]

New game unlocked, y' all. New game unlocked. I can't even talk about Drew because I have clocked in over 20 hours at work, though. That's the difference is, like, I'm working. Drew is just playing on his device. I am putting in work, like, real hard work. I found this new game via Tik Tok called Contraband Police.

[Drew]

Yep.

[Sam]

And I became. I haven't been addicted to a game other than Fortnite in so long, and I am fully back to it. I haven't let myself play it for, like, two days because within two days, I clocked 20 hours of playing, which I wonder if it also clocks because 10 hours a day, sometimes I would put it to sleep, like, in between. But it doesn't make it any better.

[Drew]

Because when Josie was over for 20. Yeah, straight.

[Sam]

Because when Josie was over, we would switch between playing Contraband Police to Fortnite and then back to Contraband Police. Like, it was insane. But also, best day I've had in a long time. I love this game so much, and I don't give a. It is so fun. Also, it feels like a fun game because other than Fortnite, I feel like everybody can kind of play it, and it's.

[Drew]

If.

[Sam]

If it makes sense. Even if y' all aren't, like, controlling the controls.

[Drew]

Yeah, no, we're like, don't forget this. Don't forget to check his registration. Oh, he is not allowed to go. You send him right back to where he came from. You are not coming in my country. Someone's gonna clip that out of context. Emergency intercom. Drew says, go back to your home.

[Sam]

Country, but it's basically a game. It's basically what Drew just said. Me and Drew and Josie were cracking up, up. Because we were talking about the idea that there's definitely people from the US who play this game who believe in border, like, control in a crazy way. And they play this game to be like, yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I fucking do. Like, I would do it the right way, but it's such a funny game because it's so fucking stupid. Like, you're just. I think it's in the middle of Russia.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Sam]

Or I'm not really sure. Where it's based. But you are literally that you're border patrol. And you have to check all these cars to see if they're, like, smuggling in contraband, if they're, like, if all their papers are right and you approve or deny them. And you have to, like, build out your unit and upgrade everything. And I have become so. It's literally like Sims with a job. Like, that's what it feels like. And it is so funny. And I love playing the game, and maybe I stream it, maybe I don't, but I actually played it for so long one day that by the time I went to bed, my body was experiencing like. Like, who don't have a real job? Be like, this day drained me. Like, that's how I felt. Like I was taking off my clothes to get in bed, and I genuinely felt like I was taking off my uniform.

[Drew]

Hard at work today drained me.

[Sam]

It was a hard day, too. We got a bunch of wanted people.

[Drew]

I got a bunch of pulled up on us twice. We had to kill 40 people. 30, 45 people. They pull up on you like crazy.

[Sam]

I know. Literally, you get attacked, and then you have 120 bullets for literally, like, everybody. 800 people that you have to get rid of. And it's such a fun game, but I am so addicted to it. And then I sit here and I wonder why my brain actually feels like a brain slushy.

[Drew]

Pop up in your mouth and make a brain slut sheet. One, I am cooler than you. Two, I'm more fun. Three, I have more friends than you.

[Sam]

We need to learn that and do it at karaoke.

[Drew]

Yeah, but.

[Sam]

Yeah, that's. That's one of my notes for this week is that's my update with my life, is I played so much Contraband Police and watched a bunch of. Is it Casio or Queso?

[Drew]

Queso.

[Sam]

People say queso. I thought his name was Casio.

[Drew]

No, it's Queso.

[Sam]

Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense. Casio was like a piano brand, isn't it? Yeah, but, yeah, we. That's how I found the game. And I was like, oh, my God, this looks so fun, because I've just been trying to expand my video game usage other than Fortnite, but I played 30 seconds or 60 seconds. Reanimized, too, because of rain. So I've been expanding, guys. I've been expanding my lore as if that's a good thing. What I should do is stop playing games and start reading goddamn books. But I read, like, five pages a book of a book. Every time we're in the sauna, so I'm still reading and whatnot. I remember I used to literally get in bed and read before bed, but I was still really depressed and wanted to kill myself. So like, does it matter what I do? I can't escape the fear.

[Drew]

Oh my God. Wait, okay. Last week I said that Keith Urban died. I actually meant Toby Keith, but you can see how I got those switched up.

[Kai]

Toby Keith died?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew]

Yeah. It's really sad. Keith Urban though, is.

[Sam]

What did he die from?

[Drew]

Fruitful? I don't know. I think he was like kind of old. But yeah, I just wanted to clear the air on that. Also, me and my landlord are flirting. We were flirting down.

[Kai]

Like it's actually where I thought you were joking. Like kind of rooster out her panties.

[Drew]

I know. I'm trying to get like our rent lowered like crazy. Like, no, I fell asleep and I had a dream that my landlord was yelling at me and being really scary with me with money. Because it's always on my mind, like paying rent because we don't have it set up automatically. And she always texts me on like the seventh day of the month and is like, philip, where's rent money? And it was on my mind and I forgot to pay it before bed. And I guess it was just. Was something I was thinking about a lot. Well, she was really scary and evil in the dream. Bless you.

[Kai]

Thank you.

[Drew]

And I hit her up and or she. I Sorry, sorry. I woke up to a text from her saying, hi, Phillips G period. Morning reminder for February rent, comma, period. Today is 0208, parenthesis 24 period. And I said I woke up first thing.

[Sam]

Oh, she got an iPhone.

[Drew]

Yeah, she's green now. I said I woke up first thing this morning and started the transaction. We got busy over here and I forgot to send it earlier, comma, sorry. Also, I don't know if this is weird, but you were literally in my dream last night asking for rent. Hahahahaha. So I like kind of planted the seed. I wanted to feel her vibe. And then she said, how's my face in you dream, question mark? And I was like, oh. Like this is crazy. And I said, you were stunning.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

And then she responded back six minutes later and said, you make me laughing, crying, laughing emoji better than angry. And then that was the end of our conversation. I just hearted it.

[Sam]

You need to hit her up today and be like, how was your day?

[Drew]

Well, no, I texted her thinking of you. I text her because she called me at 9:30 at night that day she's trying to come over or something. I don't know what the vibe is. And I texted her yet.

[Sam]

Also, our landlord, I think is like 65 years old.

[Drew]

Yeah, she texted me yesterday and said. Or I texted her at 3:30 yesterday and said, hey, I saw you called. What's up? She did not respond back, so.

[Sam]

Damn. It's because her husband looked through her phone. It was like, who is this?

[Drew]

I broke up the relationship.

[Sam]

Her husband, who comes and fixes our drain every three days because this home is actually 800 years old. Falling apart was like, is that the person whose drain I've unclogged 18, 000 times or what? Like, why are you talking to him like that?

[Drew]

Exactly. They fixed our toilet a bunch because I don't know why. Never mind. I'm not even gonna get into it. But that toilet over there is perma running. And then she hits me up and she's like, oh, like, yalls water bill is so high. Like, what's going on? And I tell her every time the toilet is running literally 24 7, and I can fix it so many times without getting frostbite in my hand. And then I just give up because I'm like, it just is. It's unfixable. Like, I can't fix it. It just needs to be a new toilet in there. And she came and fixed it, and it worked for a couple months, and then we had a bunch of friends over and that toilet was used a bunch. And yeah, sucks. Well, that is the vibe.

[Sam]

Drew's gonna have sex with the landlord.

[Drew]

Yeah. It's only, like, the right thing to do now.

[Sam]

I know. I think she deserves it. She's been, like, pretty decent, actually. She kind of sucks.

[Drew]

Sucks.

[Sam]

She literally sucks. Well, we have so many broken things that are borderline a hazard, and we tell her and she just ignores us. But that's a landlord's job. A landlord's job is to take your.

[Drew]

Money and ignore you and paint over bugs on the wall.

[Sam]

But do you have a psyop corner?

[Drew]

No, I don't. Surprisingly, I did not collect any. But I'm gonna go through my email and I'm gonna read the ones y' all submitted.

[Kai]

I also made up another one.

[Sam]

Why are you saying you're singing it like it's church?

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, I'm about to take y' all to church with this one. Okay. This is from Kelsey, Actually, I don't know if I can say this one.

[Sam]

Let me see.

[Drew]

Get 20 abortions and want their coochie 8. Get that cemetery out of my face.

[Sam]

Wow.

[Drew]

This is from Mariana. Vibrator died, but thank God for this. Amber alert. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

That's pretty good.

[Drew]

Oh, that's tweet is by Iambri Mia.

[Sam]

I am Brie Larson. I can't believe Brie Larson said that. Dude, that is so funny.

[Drew]

Okay, this is from Marina. Mariana Marina. Be so embarrassed to say that they. Oh, my God. I literally can't read. Oh, my God, be so embarrassed to say that they listen to Imagine Dragons music. Not me. Radioactive. Radioactive fish. And it's the shouting emoji. This one's.

[Sam]

That was literally you, like, two episodes ago.

[Drew]

Yeah. This is Ilia. All he do is make you cry. You dating an onion.

[Sam]

Oh, my God. Dude, the Amber alert one was crazy.

[Drew]

That was Crip, was really good. I guess that's all I'm gonna give y' all. I mean, I have a lot more, but I'm gonna say I'll just do one more. This is from Pedro. He says here they say why badass kids always smell like Sy. Damn, they sent a lot. Oh. Oh, my God. They sent a bunch. I'm locked in for the next two episodes. Shout out Pedro. See you in public and just stare. Yes, it's me from the psych ward.

[Sam]

So stupid. What's crazy is, even for media of the week, I. Oh, actually I watched Fifth Element. It was really good.

[Drew]

Did you finish it?

[Sam]

I have, like, 20 minutes left, and I really need to see that. But. But I liked it. I just don't like sci fi like that. I enjoyed Bruce and Girl. Both of them are so hot, and I want to have sex with both.

[Drew]

Of them raw at the same time.

[Sam]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Lilu.

[Sam]

Hello, Lilu.

[Drew]

We should go as Lilu and Bruce for Halloween.

[Sam]

I really wanted to be Lilu when I had orange hair and blonde eyebrows. I don't know if you remember that I would say that, but I had never seen the movie. And I'm annoying, and as if anybody would give a or know that I haven't seen it. I was just like, I can't be a poster. Like, I shouldn't do that. But now I'll never be that again because here I go, spending the money on a, like, wig to, like, have that hair. I'm never dyeing my hair again.

[Drew]

Just dye it orange.

[Sam]

You. Let's die. Okay, Ronald McDonald. Exactly. I was gonna say that about your bunk ass hair. You that. But that's my visual media. Oh, and then I started watching Jojo Rabbit again last night, and I love that movie. I'm going to finish.

[Drew]

Watch that ever again. It'll make me cry too.

[Sam]

Oh, my God. I love.

[Drew]

I updated my letterboxd top four and put the Fifth Element up there. And I took about Fantastic Plastic Machine or Whoa, Fantastic Planet. Okay. I have been listening. I've been lesbian Ing to all ambient music lately, and I don't think anybody cares at all. Like, I really. I really don't think anybody cares about the ambient music I listen to. So what I'm gonna do is. Never mind things in life. Dennis Brown. What a difference a day makes. Dina Washington. At last I am free, girl. Give me that whop. Give me that sloppy wap. Echoes answer broadcast, Moon Child, Shiba Mato, and we'll do Body Snatchers, Radiohead.

[Sam]

The only song I'm gonna give y' all this week is you get what you give by New Radicals. Because this song makes me literally crack up because of me and Drew's connection. It like, it literally. Have we told you about this car?

[Kai]

No.

[Sam]

We got, like, a. A script sent to us once that, like, they wanted both of us to read for it because it was, like, in the script, there was, like, two friends, and they were like, oh, that's perfect. We really want you guys. It was like a comedy movie that it never even got made. So we really actually don't know how the self tapes went. We just never heard back in the movie. Never got made. This was like, two years ago. And we went and we auditioned for it together. And leaving, we were playing that song.

[Drew]

And we were like, without saying a.

[Sam]

Word to each other, both of us.

[Drew]

And that we were like, our life is about to change.

[Sam]

We're about to be fucking movie stars.

[Drew]

Like, and we both felt it, like, so deeply.

[Sam]

I don't think either of us have ever felt that confident about anything we've done in our whole life. I usually am so pessimistic. I do everything. I'm like, this is gonna be bunk. I don't give a fuck. I have no joy because I'm so far depressed. And, like, nothing makes me feel anything except video games and don't touch me.

[Drew]

Because you.

[Sam]

You always. You say, oh, it's to come for you. And then you ask for my whop.

[Drew]

Okay, but I want your wall. I want your wap happy.

[Sam]

No, my wap is happy without you.

[Kai]

That macaroni in a pot.

[Drew]

Kai, you can't say that. We're gonna have to. We're gonna have to.

[Kai]

Can we please leave that? That was. I got a big laugh. On that.

[Drew]

No, I'm saying we're gonna have to hook up later because she's not giving me her whop and you're my sloppy seconds.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Sam]

You are the second choice, sis.

[Kai]

I know. Why do I like it, though? Why do I like being like.

[Drew]

Okay, sza.

[Sam]

Are you saying that because of, like, the weekend? The song? The weekend.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam]

So stupid. Oh, my stomach is growling. I need food really bad, guys.

[Drew]

Oh, my God, you're big and greedy. You just eat the whole. Eat the whole menu. You. Your belly is asking for so much. I'm so hungry. I already had two kids meals for breakfast.

[Sam]

I had Taco Bell two nights in a row, guys. I am down bad.

[Drew]

In your. In your defense, you did not eat enough Taco Bell for it to be bad for you. Actually, any amount of Taco Bell is bad for you.

[Sam]

But it's so, literally, a single bite of a Doritos Locos taco, like, burns the lining. The, like, fourth layer of lining I have left. I have, like, no more stomach lining left.

[Drew]

Yeah, we. We didn't finish the song story.

[Sam]

Oh, yeah. But we, like, listened to that song and we both thought, wow, this is our moment. And we didn't say anything to each other about it for, like, a week. And we were like, all right, how did it even come up?

[Drew]

Oh, I think it was like, a month later.

[Sam]

It was like a month later I brought it up and I, like. I played the song again. I was like, like, remember when we both sat here in dead silence with.

[Drew]

Each other, like, looking out the window like.

[Sam]

Like, next time I drive down the street, my life will be a whole lot different. And we're still in the kitchen.

[Drew]

Yeah, Right. But we cooking. Let us cook.

[Sam]

That's actually why we do the podcast in the kitchen is cuz.

[Drew]

Cuz we're constantly cooking, dude.

[Sam]

We have, like. I'm not kidding. I feel like it is visually obvious my brain deterioration through the two and a half years of doing this podcast.

[Drew]

Your brain looks like the chair.

[Sam]

Yeah. Literally melting away. I come on here now, and I have nothing.

[Drew]

Come on. Where? Come on. What? You can come. Girls, you come.

[Sam]

No, we can't. Like, I've never done that. Like, it's not possible. I don't even know. Yeah, I don't even know a girl who's done that before.

[Drew]

Okay, good.

[Sam]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Have you seen that?

[Sam]

I think you can medically induce an orgasm on a woman, though. I heard. I don't know. I'm just, like, holding out for prayers. That was kind of like an ask the hell. Well. Right, right. All right, well, Kai, were you gonna say something?

[Drew]

Yeah. What's your media and your psyop?

[Kai]

Oh, I was gonna say that. Oh, my psyop is. Drew's got that guy in him. Like, Drew's got that dog in him, but it's a guy.

[Drew]

Like, am I being railed by a dude?

[Kai]

Yeah, I don't.

[Drew]

I don't find that funny, because I don't. That's like, I'm not gay.

[Kai]

Totally. I don't either.

[Drew]

Okay, good.

[Kai]

I said that because.

[Sam]

Did you not see our ID post? We're literally dating. Like, my IG post. We're dating. Oh, we were all over each other.

[Drew]

Y' all gotta cut that out. Also, all the incestual. Like, I know. Don't. You can't comment that on brand posts.

[Sam]

I posted a brand friends posts, and the comments are like, isn't this weird? He's a minor.

[Drew]

I'm like, that's an inside joke for us that we keep. All of us, y' all.

[Sam]

And we keep that in the house.

[Drew]

Yeah, we keep that in the kitchen in the comment section on YouTube.

[Sam]

And we keep you in the kitchen because you're probably a girl.

[Drew]

Hey.

[Kai]

Damn.

[Sam]

Got him.

[Drew]

But thanks for the support.

[Sam]

That's actually why we can't take the podcast out of the kitchen, because we would just have to find another kitchen for me to be in, because it's the only place I'm allowed to be.

[Drew]

Yeah, and you're, like, the only other place place she's allowed to exist outside of the kitchen. And this is a very strict rule. Is the hallway on the way to your bedroom?

[Sam]

Yeah, we had to move my PS5 to the bedroom.

[Kai]

Going back to, like, 2014. Like, make me a sandwich humor.

[Drew]

It's my favorite. And I like. It's. It's my new T. Like, I have two, like, just go to jokes, and it's like, gay jokes and girl kitchen jokes, and I cannot shake them. They're like. They're so.

[Sam]

I know in my brain, like, gay jokes and being, like, fake offensive by saying things about women. It. I like. It's my crutch. Some people's crutch is cursing, though. Like, some people's comedy crutch is saying. But, like, in between everything, my crutch is calling Drew gay, and mine is.

[Drew]

Saying, get back to the kitchen.

[Kai]

And mine is donating to charities.

[Sam]

Why would that be funny, though? Why is that your comedy crap? You think it's funny? Some people need help, and you guys swear.

[Kai]

And I donate To.

[Sam]

I don't swear. I've never sweared in my life.

[Kai]

My media of the week is Good Girl by Jockstrap and Greatest Hits by Jockstrap. That goes crazy.

[Drew]

Okay, what was the last charity you donated to?

[Kai]

What is it? It was something like the Bottom Factory.

[Sam]

There's a bar that's not donating. That's paying for.

[Drew]

That's paying for entry.

[Kai]

Huh. Okay, well, tomato. Tomato, I guess. What?

[Sam]

Oh, we were talking.

[Kai]

That's not. That's not. Knife.

[Sam]

Two friends can't talk.

[Kai]

Yeah, but you're whispering. It's clear.

[Sam]

You're literally trying to break this apart. You're so jealous of our connection.

[Kai]

Include me.

[Sam]

No. Please, sis, since you're so. Oh, then donate to the. To the I don't like my friends whispering comp.

[Kai]

Oh, here it comes. I've been waiting for this.

[Sam]

Oh.

[Drew]

Oh, I thought you were going too.

[Sam]

Drew just hates clapping because he hurts his hands every time he does.

[Drew]

It's like, literally, my brain couldn't do it.

[Kai]

Drew, maybe one more.

[Sam]

Ew.

[Drew]

How about this?

[Sam]

Adding dialogue to you.

[Drew]

You hurt me. That felt good, E. You're, like, good at that.

[Kai]

Thank you.

[Sam]

It's because it's real.

[Drew]

You're actually, like, a voice actor.

[Sam]

All right, thank y' all so much for watching. God bless your souls. If I seemed off, it's literally because I had bacterial vaginosis.

[Drew]

Hey, we made sour bread, dog, in that oven.

[Sam]

I've been BB free for years now. So, guys, I'm. I'm up. I've been BV free for a long time.

[Kai]

Why would a man be there?

[Drew]

Hey, I'm gonna lay your pipe. What is it?

[Kai]

I don't know. I thought. I'm gonna fix you.

[Drew]

All right.

[Sam]

I'm la.