Oh I didn't know I was in the Olympics I'm sorry

Summary

Emergency Intercom

Episode Title: Oh I didn't know I was in the Olympics I'm sorry
Release Date: April 10, 2026
Hosts: Enya Umanzor & Drew Phillips
Notable Guest: Kai

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Episode Overview

This episode of Emergency Intercom is a classic, chaotically comedic roundtable that dives into pop culture, personal anecdotes, playful banter, and philosophical musing, all with the infectious energy and irreverence fans have come to expect from Enya and Drew. While there's no "emergency," the need for attention is very real, as the hosts riff on everything from Austin live show announcements, movie culture (with a special fixation on Zendaya’s latest film), social dynamics, love-bombing, pride month, TikTok conspiracies, childhood memories, the art of sock removal, and nonsensical deep-dives into conspiracy theories like flat Earth and mud floods. As always, the boundaries between host and listener feel porous—in the best possible way—thanks to the show's meandering but intimate comedic style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Live Show in Austin & Scalping Their Own Tickets (03:50–04:49)

• The hosts announce their live show in Austin on Sunday, April 12th, with playful threats to scalp their own tickets:
  • Enya: “Guys. Austin, Texas. We have a show this Saturday!” (04:50)
  • Drew jokes about buying and reselling the tickets himself.
• Light roasting and confusion over dates ensue, setting the tone for the friendship and inside-joking of the episode.

2. “Faces of Death” Movie Talk: Zendaya, Editing, & “Woke” Commentary (06:03–08:58)

• The trio discuss seeing an early screening of "Faces of Death," leading to a tongue-in-cheek assessment of Zendaya's role and bizarre scenes:
  • “One of my biggest qualms…was Zendaya twerking in the men’s bathroom. I thought that was really bizarre.” (06:30, Enya)
  • Skibidi Toilet memes and editing done by women come up; editing praised and nitpicked.
  • Kai: “Well, it’s the Skibidi toilet sex scene, which I thought was really weird and very tone deaf.” (06:46)
• They note the “woke” friend archetype, poke fun at their own film takes, and reflect on Zendaya’s career.

3. Movie Preferences & Gendered “Boy/Girl Movies” (09:01–12:17)

• Drew admits he rarely goes to theaters now (“twice in two years”) and explores gendered movie-watching:
  • “I'm not shocked. The boy didn't go see the girl movie.” (10:29, Drew)
  • Enya recounts a gay guy-filled party ditching to go see a drama film, leading to jokes about “being a boy.”
• Enya: “I love being a boy.” (11:11)

4. Pop Culture Deep Dives & O2L Memory Lane (15:05–17:37)

• Nostalgic riffs on YouTube personalities (Ricky Dillon, O2L), Snoop Dogg collaborations, and the intersection of online/real world celebrity.
  • “Snoop Dogg is always at the scene of the crime.” (15:21, Drew)
  • Kai admits to recently watching O2L’s Taco Bell video, characterizing 2010s internet culture.

5. Slayyyter’s Album & Brent Faiyaz: First Impressions vs. Repeat Listening (27:07–28:57)

• Enya raves about Slayyyter’s new album (“now it’s a masterpiece”), Drew discusses Brent Faiyaz’s shift to “relationship music.”
  • “The singles are like some of the greatest songs I've literally ever heard.” (27:07, Enya)
  • The hosts dissect their evolving music tastes and what sticks on repeat.

6. Personal Life: Paparazzi Paranoia & Polyamorous Jokes (22:00–24:22)

• Kai describes feeling stalked by People Magazine after dinner outings, leading to jokes about open relationships, jealousy, and who is creeping on whom.
  • “What's fucked up is Kai is cheating on our polyamorous relationship with a couple of fucking randoms.” (23:34, Enya)

7. Running Gags: Bidet Mishaps, Poop Confetti, Easter Whimsy (31:06–33:18)

• In classic Emergency Intercom form, scatological humor reigns:
  • Kai admits to accidentally spraying himself in the eye with the bidet (“poop confetti”, pinkeye jokes).
  • Enya describes her "Easter whimsy" (holding ducks, bunnies, turtles), contrasting with Drew’s low-key holiday feast.

8. Conspiracies & Existential Dread

• Nukes aren’t real? Flat Earth? Tartarian mud floods? The hosts dive into internet rabbit holes, blending meme-logic and skepticism.
  • “I don’t think I believe in nukes. I think we might have a couple nukes, but I think they lie about the nuclear arsenal.” (34:27, Enya)
  • “My favorite genre of conspiracy videos are flat Earthers spending hundreds of thousands of dollars only to be proven the Earth is spherical.” (59:56, Enya)

9. Social Media, Love Bombing, and Relationship “Games” (38:32–41:19)

• The group reflects on how social media and algorithms shape how people approach relationships and vulnerability:
  • “I'm finding out that games are being played by everyone but me, and I need to start playing games.” (38:32, Enya)
  • “I also do fear that people now can't differentiate love bombing versus someone just liking them.” (40:13, Drew)
• They discuss “buzzwords” (love bombing, gaslighting) and how TikTok flattens relationship discourse, promoting only sad/dramatic stories.

10. Parasocial Fan Interactions & Come Tributes (41:22–44:23)

• Enya recounts a memorable, slightly perverted fan encounter, Drew jokes about wanting to be fawned over, and the crew reminisces about bizarre gifts received (“come tributes” from fans).
  • “If y’all meet Drew, just touch him. I give you permission to grope me.” (42:31, Enya)
  • “The only come tribute I got was from someone that I know in real life that I'd consider a friend.” (43:19, Enya)

11. Personal Growth, Aging, & Self-Love (64:02–64:39)

• The episode closes with a surprisingly tender moment, reflecting on personal evolution, nostalgia for their early 20s, and the tension between loving oneself and the world’s expectations:
  • “Every year I am more perfect, but every year, I can look back and think, that's the worst person on the planet, which is good.” (64:13, Drew)
  • “They hate that I love myself.” (64:25, Enya)

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• “You're so lucky. I love being a boy.” (11:11, Enya)
• “Snoop Dogg is always at the scene of the crime.” (15:21, Drew)
• “The singles are like some of the greatest songs I've literally ever heard in my life…now it's the only album I listen to…I think it's a masterpiece.” (27:07, Enya)
• “Kai has poopeye. The bidet sprayed poop into your eye.” (32:06, Enya)
• “If y’all meet Drew, just touch him. I give you permission to grope me.” (42:31, Enya)
• “The only come tribute I got was from someone that I know in real life that I'd consider a friend.” (43:19, Enya)
• “Every year I am more perfect, but every year, I can look back and think that's the worst person on the planet, which is good.” (64:13, Drew)
• “They hate that I love myself.” (64:25, Enya)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 03:50 – Show announcement / self-scalping joke
• 06:10 – “Faces of Death” movie discourse
• 09:01 – Cinema, gender, “boy movies” vs. “girl movies”
• 15:05 – Ricky Dillon, Snoop Dogg, & YouTube nostalgia
• 22:00 – Paparazzi paranoia & polyamory bits
• 27:07 – Slayyyter’s album and music obsessions
• 31:06 – Bidet mishaps & poop confetti
• 34:27 – Conspiracy theory banter (nukes, flat Earth)
• 38:32 – Dating games, love bombing, and TikTok relationship culture
• 41:22 – Parasocial fan stories & come tribute memories
• 64:02 – Sentimental closing: self-love and changing over time

---

Tone, Style, and Final Notes

The conversation freely oscillates from sardonic and absurd to unexpectedly sweet, with layers of in-jokes and meta-commentary on the modern internet experience. Nothing is sacred, but no one is truly mean; Emergency Intercom thrives on the chemistry between hosts and a communal willingness to overshare. Even as the trio lampoons pop culture, fan obsessions, and each other, there are glimpses of emotional honesty about loneliness, self-worth, childhood, and aging.

If you’re new to the show, expect tangents, internet depravity, shock humor, and an odd but rewarding sense that you’re among friends who speak their minds, even (especially!) when it’s nonsensical.

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Suggested Episode Title Quote:
“Oh, I didn’t know I was in the Olympics. I’m sorry.” (38:50, Drew) — encapsulates the competitive, game-playing dynamic explored throughout this episode.

Transcript

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[Drew]

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[Drew]

Wasn't that delicious? So good.

[Enya]

Your bill ladies. I got it.

[Drew]

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[Enya]

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[Drew]

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[Enya]

No.

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[Enya]

Clap for the heavyweight champ. Oh, we don't that anymore. We don't do that anymore.

[Drew]

I. I almost went into it and

[Enya]

then I literally like, wow, you don't do that anymore.

[Drew]

Such a idiot.

[Enya]

Wow, guys. Welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. I am feeling kind of cool today. I have my hat, like, tilted sideways. I feel like it gives me, like this boyish energy. Like I. I give like.

[Drew]

Boy, you kind of look like you just got pushed in a crowd. So it turned a little bit, but you haven't seen a mirror yet. You haven't been to a mirror yet.

[Enya]

And this st stays on.

[Drew]

Is the sticker on your hat.

[Enya]

Rest in peace takes.

[Drew]

Did they already smash it?

[Enya]

I don't know if they smashed it. We should be there for the demolition.

[Drew]

We should demolish it. Yeah, demolish it. I'm actually. I'm the one building the apartment complex on top of that historic building. I'm so excited. There's a few other buildings I've planned to knock down.

[Enya]

Wait, does my arm look big in here? Yeah, it actually does. Guys. Austin, Texas. We have a show this Saturday.

[Drew]

Saturday.

[Enya]

So tomorrow. Wait, is it tomorrow or Sunday? It's Sunday. It's Sunday. It's Sunday. So you have a couple days to get your tickets. April 12th. Is that Kai? Is that Sunday? April 12th.

[Drew]

He was doing something else.

[Kai]

No, I wasn't. I was. I was actually looking up some insanely funny notes for this episode. What is it? April?

[Enya]

Yeah, Sunday, April 12th. Austin. Tickets are in the bio. There are not a lot left. So get them.

[Drew]

I think I'm going to buy them and resell them on Ticketmaster.

[Enya]

Well, yeah, why don't we do that? We should do that. We should scalp our own baby.

[Drew]

They not even buying the ticket.

[Enya]

That cost.

[Drew]

Fuck.

[Enya]

We should scalp them.

[Drew]

No, double it and give it to the next person. Actually, no, dad, actually, I have a stomachache. So if I seem like a bit detached, it's because my stomach is hurting. So it's kind of like all I could focus on right now because my stomach is so close to my heart. And usually I get on here and I speak from my heart, but stomach today. Yeah, so it's angry.

[Enya]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Kai]

What's the robot in the Avengers?

[Enya]

That's like the battle Iron Man.

[Kai]

No, it was the one that's really evil.

[Enya]

Octagonus. Dr. Octagonopus. Y' all know that video? I'm a firing my laser.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[Enya]

I edit lasers coming out of it.

[Kai]

Okay, do it again.

[Enya]

I'm a fire in my laser.

[Kai]

Actually, maybe do it one more time. Just.

[Enya]

I'm a fire in my laser. Dr. Octagon Bus.

[Drew]

He's.

[Kai]

Fuck. I actually don't think we got it. One more.

[Enya]

India is on her phone right now.

[Drew]

Sorry. Because today I'm the most popular woman on the planet. Literally everybody and their mom wants to hang. Hang out with me tonight. And I got plans already.

[Enya]

Like, we got plans, baby. We're going to see Barbie's movie Faces of Death. Go see Faces of Death. Buy your tickets now. Yeah.

[Drew]

She's so good in it. We've seen it already because we're, like, really special.

[Enya]

We're really special. We saw an early screening, a test screening.

[Drew]

Yeah, we saw it when it first got cut. I think, like, we're just like. We were there. We were on the cutting room floor.

[Enya]

Yeah, we were the movie.

[Drew]

We were.

[Enya]

We gave notes.

[Drew]

Dude, it's actually so hard to edit a movie. Like, they need us there.

[Enya]

I just saw the drama last night, and one of my biggest qualms, other than Zendaya twerking in the bathroom, which I like, in the men's bathroom. I thought that was really bizarre. Also, Kai, you mentioned the Skibidi toilet reference.

[Kai]

Well, it's the Skibidi toilet sex scene, which I thought was really weird and very tone deaf.

[Enya]

Personally, it's just. It's dated, but it makes sense because it was filmed, like, what, two or three years ago? So, like, Skippity Toilet was at its peak. But other than those two issues I had with it, the editing, there was like. There was some moments that literally gave me, like, full body chills where I was like, this is edited incredibly. Like, it was, like, cutting and, like, eyeline and buildings and super fast cuts.

[Drew]

Fun fact. Did you know that some of the greatest movies are edited by women?

[Kai]

I did, yeah. Wasn't the Godfather.

[Drew]

Yeah, yeah.

[Enya]

And that's probably why I didn't like,

[Drew]

a lot of directors. A lot of directors just feel like women have, like, a great intuition when it comes to editing.

[Enya]

Well, let's see if a woman edited this. There was actually. Let me not knock the editing too much because I literally loved it. There was just one scene that literally fudged me up for, like, 10 minutes because I was like, why the fudge did they choose that clip? Like, I don't know if that's a part of the Editing process. But like, it was like Zendaya reacting to. Is it Alana Heim?

[Kai]

Yeah, yeah.

[Enya]

Her character saying the bad things she did and there was just like a reaction shot that did not make sense. They should have pushed it forward.

[Drew]

I was high as shit yesterday when Kai told me what that movie is about. And I still can't tell.

[Enya]

Don't spoil it.

[Drew]

Like, I'm so confused by that movie. I don't think I'll be seeing that movie.

[Enya]

And no, it's giving friend that's too woke vibes where I'm like, we were. Well, that's what kind of.

[Drew]

He was like for the first time. Which is also like, oh, so I'm the friend who's too woke and boring. He was like, I just, I just left the theater and I had such woke thoughts. I felt like, you.

[Enya]

Yeah, Kai called me or I called Kai and he was like. To talk about the movie and he was like, I think I've been spending too much time with India because, like. And then like went on this like woke tirade about the movie. But it is very valid. I don't want to spoil it, but it's just like, really, really, really, bro? That's who you're gonna make that?

[Drew]

I mean, I guess movies are fiction. We've been saying we want fantasy. That's a pretty stretch of a fantasy.

[Enya]

Ultimately. I like the movie though.

[Drew]

I think Zendaya is just really good at doing like the most wide array of roles, especially having come from Disney. She's like the only Disney based actor or performer who's literally gone on to like continue her. She's been able to continue her connection to that franchise and company through like Marvel and like Spider man and everything. And she can pitch herself as such a youth oriented face or the complete opposite of getting two white guys to go see that movie.

[Kai]

True.

[Enya]

Well, I saw it for Robert Pattinson. I think he was so hot and cute in that movie. I know, he is so cute and I love his acne scars. Like, do I have an obsession with acne scars?

[Drew]

I don't think you do. I think you just find him endearing. Or maybe, maybe that's like a thing for you.

[Enya]

His character is really sweet.

[Drew]

I just don't. I mean, I'm not going to see it.

[Enya]

I know.

[Drew]

I was trying to think about it and I was like, I just. I sadly am one of those people who. I just don't go to the movies anymore. Like point blank period. I think I've been to the movies

[Enya]

twice in two years.

[Drew]

Yeah, I think I've been once this year. So far, I don't remember what I saw. I think it was with rain.

[Kai]

It's probably my life.

[Enya]

Wicked.

[Drew]

No, Wicked wasn't this.

[Enya]

It's about to get Wicked in here.

[Drew]

Oh, I saw Wuthering Heights. That was the only movie I've seen in theater this year.

[Enya]

I didn't see that.

[Drew]

I'm not shocked. The boy didn't go see the girl movie. Yeah, but you made your way to go see the drama.

[Enya]

Is that a boy movie?

[Drew]

I think it's based off what I've heard that is a boy movie. Boy. Boy.

[Enya]

I was at a. A party where there was one woman there. It's in a bunch of gay dudes. And 90 of us were leaving that Easter party to go and see the drama.

[Kai]

Interesting.

[Enya]

So. And it was all boys. Gay guys are boys too.

[Drew]

Wait, what?

[Kai]

I've been saying this.

[Drew]

I thought you turned in that card when you, like, chose the gay stuff. No, you get to still be a boy.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Oh, you're so lucky.

[Enya]

I love being a boy.

[Drew]

You should tell people that. I don't think people know that I

[Enya]

love being a boy. Guys.

[Drew]

I think that's sweet. I think it's endearing to love be a boy. I've been watching a bunch of older movies that are definitely boy movies that I've been fucking with Fight Club in

[Enya]

your has not stopped talking about Fight Club and Wolf of Wall street and you love those two movies.

[Kai]

Fair. Those are two of the best movies of all time.

[Drew]

So I haven't seen either of them.

[Enya]

Would she doubles a girl movie?

[Drew]

Yeah, she devils a girl movie. I was thinking of, like, I watched one yesterday called Something Wild, but that might be a unisex movie. There is. It's classically like, late 80s, early 90s. Like, all these movies I always have a qualm with. It's either like some weird underage shit or it's like, oh, so we're just being racist. Cool, whatever. Like, let's play over that. Like, because the character in it, it's like, called Something Wild. They use a bunch of, like, Caribbean music in the soundtrack. And the only, like, wild thing is the girl is just wearing a lot of, like, African based jewelry. Like, that's like the most. That's why, like, that's like, the whole thing. Like, her whole character. She's so, like, voodoo Voohoo. Like, it's so, like. Okay, like, girl, you're so crazy.

[Enya]

Oh, wait, did you see the thing about. I mean, I watched a singular TikTok so this could be complete misinformation, but it kind of was exciting to me. The voodoo dolls, like, oh, how they were actually doctors. Yeah, they were like. They were used by like Cajun doctors to like, put pens in where they like, were treating to check up on later. And then of course, colonization took over and made it evil.

[Drew]

Honestly, there's something so crazy about white people showing up and being. Oh my God, like, what? Like you're actually. But I guess didn't they all come off the boat dirty as and covered in disease?

[Enya]

So like, yeah, they def.

[Drew]

Landed here on some schizoaffective. Anyway, we.

[Enya]

We got off this Dirty as.

[Drew]

Get me off this.

[Enya]

Give me off this. Give me off this Slater album.

[Drew]

Oh, I haven't listened to it yet. And I need to.

[Enya]

Guys.

[Drew]

I keep hearing Britney Murphy, that song, and that's like.

[Enya]

I love. Okay, so.

[Drew]

Oh my God, not us doing my first.

[Enya]

Oh, wait. Yeah. Literally, I didn't even think about that.

[Drew]

People be like, this is why I click off at the end. I'm not watching this. I wonder if people sit through media, like, what is the likelihood anybody gives up?

[Enya]

I literally don't think anyone.

[Kai]

I don't think anyone's ever watched me.

[Enya]

It's literally just for us. I remember early on people were like, oh, this is cool. But now, like, for the last like two years, you've been saying the same three songs and I've been saying the same movie.

[Drew]

Okay, that's not true because half the songs y' all are bumping on. Tick tock. If you look back for fruitytube.com and you said that two years ago.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah. Fruitytube.com shout out.

[Kai]

Shout out. Fruity Shout out.

[Enya]

Fruity Tube. I hope you use that on your resume because why do they call it all of that? Cuz I'm a. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, since. Well, I want to talk about this later album. Can I talk about this later album?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Go, go, go.

[Drew]

It's almost Pride Month.

[Enya]

I.

[Drew]

You're a little early, but go for it.

[Enya]

Pride Month. I'm scared.

[Drew]

No, you're going to have literally the time of your goddamn life. You're scared because now that he's actually in a social era of gayness in his life too, is about to be like, oh, oh. Like, wow. And I will be tagging along. I'll be the only gear.

[Enya]

No, I'll. I'll pop you in there. It gets really.

[Drew]

Pop me in someone's butt.

[Enya]

It gets really wicked. I'll put I'll shrink you down to be 2 inches.

[Drew]

I'm going up someone's.

[Enya]

Well, you know.

[Keon Miller]

You know.

[Enya]

You know Ricky Thompson or not Ricky Thompson. Ricky Dillon. Ricky Dillon shrunk Snoop Dogg down to be 2 inches and then put him up his butt. And then that's why they have a song together.

[Drew]

This is a joke Drew has been writing, by the way, since he was 18. Like, whenever Ricky Dillon dropped that song with Snoop Dogg, Drew has not been able to drop. To be fair, it is the weirdest. Like that. You know what that was? Ricky Dillon was the first, like, test trial of trying to mend the two worlds of, like, Internet and real life together. And Snoop Dogg is always at the scene of the crime. I think.

[Enya]

I think Snoop. He paid Snoop Dogg 100. Snoop Dogg literally said he could only be on set for, like, four minutes for the music video. So that's why they're standing in front of a hydraulic car, which also is, like, I don't know. Friend too woke maybe. I don't know.

[Drew]

Maybe it was Snoop's request. And it's like how Mike Will. Mike Will just recently came out and said that Miley didn't want to rap, that he was the one who, which is so major, got her to start

[Enya]

rapping, which is so sick, because we got bangers. Should I go grab my.

[Drew]

Your bangers?

[Enya]

My bangers? Should I grab it?

[Drew]

No, but we should insert your Woman Crush Wednesday on the.

[Enya]

Oh, yeah, insert the Woman Crush Wednesday. We'll insert a picture of my memorabilia. Y' all can copy me. Y' all can copy me. VIP tour bag, bangers, merch, Slater's album. Oh, wait. Snoop Dogg and Ricky Dillon. That. No, that whole.

[Drew]

That whole sentence. Slater's album. No, no, wait. Bangers memorabilia, Slater album. No.

[Enya]

Snoop Doggy, Snoop Dogg and Ricky Dillon. That is so crazy. Do you know Ricky Dillon, O2L?

[Kai]

No.

[Enya]

I know y' all know he's, like, 52. Yeah, I know y' all know Ricky Dillon.

[Kai]

Wait, was this the Eli stuff?

[Enya]

No, no, no. I mean, wait, Eli did know that

[Drew]

Eli was supposed to go on Tour with O2L.

[Kai]

Oh, okay.

[Enya]

But they were just like, the original Magcon. It was, like a group of, like, seven.

[Drew]

The most mid pack of white guys you've ever seen.

[Kai]

Oh, no. I actually went back and watched. I'm not even joking. When I was editing that episode, I

[Enya]

went and watched their Taco Bell video, by the way. Like, I kind of talked about it. Like, that was really special for me when they, like, shut down the fucking block for Taco Bell.

[Riley Wilson]

This is Riley Wilson and Keon Miller from ok, Storytime.

[Keon Miller]

Okay, honest question. Are you someone that does your taxes the minute you can, or someone who waits until the last possible second?

[Riley Wilson]

Wow, calling me out already. But yes, last possible second every year.

[Keon Miller]

Same. Which is why I'm very into anything that makes tax season easier.

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[Keon Miller]

All you do is upload your documents to the app, then go live your

[Riley Wilson]

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[Keon Miller]

Meanwhile, a dedicated TurboTax expert is checking every deduction and credit to help get you the best possible outcome.

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[Riley Wilson]

Real time updates are available on the iOS mobile app.

[Shopify/Nocd Advertiser]

This episode of Emergency Intercom is brought

[Enya]

to you by Shopify.

[Shopify/Nocd Advertiser]

Okay, let's go Way, way, way way way back. One of the most life changing moments I've ever had was when I dropped my first merch collection years ago and the entire back end of that website was built by Shopify. And because of that I was able to move to la. And now I do this wonderful podcast with my friend Enya that I wouldn't want to change for the world. And it all hinges on the fact that Shopify made it so seamless and easy to create a store for myself. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Aloe and Aviator Nation to brands just getting started. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert. With world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond, it's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com.com intercom go to shopify.com intercom that's shopify.com intercom this is

[Jana Kramer]

Jana Kramer from Wind down with Jana Kramer. Every Mother's Day I tell myself I'm going to be more thoughtful than flowers because flowers are beautiful, but they don't last in my house. Everyone always ends up in the kitchen. Friends, family, the kids. And I love having things around that spark conversation and feel special. That's why I love the Lenox Spice Village. And your mom will too. It's a set of 24 hand painted little houses that are actually spice jars. And I swear people notice it the second they walk in. It's charming, it's nostalgic, and it somehow makes even everyday cooking feel a little more fun. And here's the best part. It actually gets used every day. Whether you're starting the full set or helping her complete one she's loved for years. There's a whole world of Spice Village to explore this Mother's Day. Give her something she'll treasure all long after the card is put away. Trust me, once you see it, you'll want one too. Find the full [e-mail] SpiceVillage Ryan Reynolds

[Enya]

here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone. Paying big wireless way too much.

[CarMax Advertiser]

Please, for the love of everything good

[Enya]

in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just 15amonth. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront

[Cantu/CVS/Klarna Advertiser]

payment of 45 for 3 month plan

[Drew]

equivalent to 15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] that was so cool.

[Enya]

What a time to get out there.

[Drew]

I fuck with Taco Bell in high school because it pissed me off because all I was eating at home was tortillas and beans. And I would get so mad at my friends when they would be like, let's all go to Taco Bell because it was right next to school. And I'd be like, please, please, anywhere else. And then I would just go with them and watch them eat because I'm like, I'm literally about to have this in 30 minutes.

[Enya]

Yeah, save the money.

[Drew]

Like, what? Also, I didn't have bread. If I was gonna eat, it had to be on someone else's plate and nobody else had bread for me. So I was just chilling because I only had my dollar to get home on the bus.

[Enya]

No, I want your hand.

[Drew]

Oh, I thought you wanted my jewel.

[Enya]

No, I want you. You, Kai.

[Kai]

Okay, what the hell, dude? You're really gonna hit me while I'm down? Because you know I'm Going through something right now.

[Drew]

What are you going through?

[Enya]

He got published again.

[Kai]

These will not leave me alone. Because first it was that guy Duke's moir or. I don't know. I literally don't even know what that is. But it's creepy as. He needs to leave me alone. But now. Do you know what People magazine is?

[Drew]

No.

[Kai]

Have you guys heard of this?

[Enya]

No, I know, People Mania. We were in People magazine. They wrote an article about us.

[Drew]

Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah.

[Kai]

Well, basically they are now taking photos of me too. I just have to skip through this. Okay, So now they're being creepy. Creepy as fuck. Following me around when I'm having these expensive, elegant dinners.

[Enya]

Hell no. And you're paying for that?

[Kai]

I'm fucking paying for. With these two random people. And I'm just kind of like.

[Drew]

Do you think they might be, like, interested in the people you keep chilling with or. Because it's only happening with them. Who are they?

[Kai]

Look at the photo.

[Enya]

Because he's kind of the main focus in that photo. Like, if I don't think. Yeah, it's like an artistic, like. Like the framing of the shot.

[Kai]

It's called Rule of Thirds. And yeah, so we are like, know about film stuff, so obviously we're like, trying to help you, like, understand this stuff. But. Yeah, I just feel really creeped out and I'm kind of like, get a restraining order.

[Drew]

Can you.

[Enya]

You can't. For paparazzi. You can't.

[Drew]

You can't wait, can you? Actually not.

[Enya]

I think you can, but. What's up? What's fucked up is Kai is cheating on our polyamorous relationship with those. With that. Polyamorous relationship with a couple of fucking randoms.

[Drew]

Maybe that's why you're being fucking followed, because you're having sex with randoms.

[Kai]

Look, I met these two at this party. It was a very sexy party. And I don't really want to share anything else besides that, but, like. Like, I can do whatever I want. Like, you guys, you don't have control over me. You don't have, like.

[Enya]

Actually, we. We literally do.

[Drew]

I was gonna say. Yeah, we're just gonna fight. I think you're. I don't think we need you after today, actually.

[Kai]

What?

[Drew]

I think you. You don't have to come back. Right?

[Enya]

Yeah, we got it.

[Kai]

No, no, I can actually end stuff with this.

[Drew]

No, we got it.

[Kai]

With these random people right now.

[Drew]

No, no, no, it's. I mean, you seem really happy with them. You're not texting.

[Kai]

I just sent it. I literally just sent it. Ew. Are you still sick?

[Drew]

You def had bronchitis and gave us a bit of bronchitis.

[Enya]

I got pneumonia. I think I have pneumonia. It's in my lungs.

[Drew]

Okay, don't say that, because I don't want pneumonia. And I'll beat the out of pneumonia.

[Enya]

Contagious.

[Drew]

Yes, it is.

[Enya]

No, I think it's like a symptom of, like, bronchitis. Wait, let me.

[Drew]

I'm pretty sure pneumonia is, like, extremely pneumonia contagious.

[Enya]

Talking to Siri.

[Drew]

Yeah, you dumbass hoe be like, oh, I know so much about my computer and my phone and I wanted to go to medical school and thinks, no, don't touch me. Don't touch me.

[Kai]

Dude. She has been right about so much stuff recently. We were outside and she pointed to a flower and said, look, it's jasmine. I said, no, I think that's honeysuckle.

[Drew]

No, he's even better. Sits in front of me. Pics in our yard on my goddamn property. I. For once, I'm like, let me be nice to Kai. He's alone in the podcast room. He's gonna be sitting there alone, being awkward. I'm gonna go smoke before we film. Oh, I'll invite him outside. He immediately sits down, rips a jasmine right off. He just. Not a word, just goes, that's honeysuckle. That's jasmine. And he goes, that's honeysuckle. And Google Zan goes, oh, wait, you are right. Oh, it's almost like I'm outside of my own house every single day.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And I know a thing or two about the things my eyes are seeing.

[Kai]

I know I have to fix a lot of stuff about how I am as a person, but I will say the only change I would make to that story, the only punch up I would add, is that I didn't just rip it off. I picked a flower because I have whimsy still. So that's the only thing I would change. However, you were right. I was fucking wrong. I fucking suck.

[Drew]

See, a woman. A woman doesn't see something like that and thinks, let me stop. I want that. I want that. I'm gonna rip it off of its fucking limb. I'm gonna. I'm gonna destroy its life. I. I love it so much. I'm just gonna, without a second thought, grab this thing and kill it for my own joy of 0.3 seconds.

[Kai]

Yeah, no, you're right. I just. Yeah, no, you're totally right.

[Drew]

So I'm glad your whimsy is seeing something beautiful and ripping it apart and

[Kai]

killing it Killing it and then. And then correcting a woman.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And then being wrong about what it was in the first place.

[Enya]

And I've never been wrong about anything ever.

[Drew]

Fix that hat.

[Enya]

No. It looks cute.

[Kai]

You do.

[Drew]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. No, baby. Baby, no. Baby.

[Enya]

Do I look good?

[Drew]

Yes, you look cute. You look perfect.

[Enya]

Thank you. Thank you. Slater's album. Okay. My first listen through, I was like, the singles are, like, some of the greatest songs I've literally ever heard in my entire life. But I listened to her, and I was like, ah. The rest of the album just didn't carry for me. And then I listened to it, and now it's the only album I listen to, and I think it's a masterpiece.

[Drew]

That's so far.

[Enya]

I think it's literally so good. Oh, my God, it is so good. It is so good. It is so good.

[Drew]

I'm gonna listen to it. I can't think of any albums that are. Or. I guess I've been listening to Brent FY's new album, because I did listen to that, and I really like it. But it is. There's something really funny. It's sweet, and it's endearing. Also, like, men are just funny because he has this one, like, interlude in it where it's like, him basically being, like, a lot of. Because, like, his whole thing is all of his music has always been very, like, flirtatious. No monogamy. Like, flirtatious, no monogamy. And in this album, he has, like, a lot of. Y' all are, like, upset that I'm taking this last relationship so serious. I am not a player. I never said I was a player. I never, like. It's the most, like, gaslighting man I've ever heard. In the middle of this album, being like, I found the love of my life. I finally know what love is. I'm no longer for the streets. And then he's like, by the way, a lot of y' all thought I was a slut. I'm not a. Like, I was never a. Like, no, baby, we knew. We know you were a.

[Enya]

It's okay. It's okay.

[Drew]

It's okay. Be who you are. But, yeah, I had to. That's another album that, when my first listened through, I was like, Boys in love for the first time at that age is, like, kind of funny to me. I don't know if I want to hear this. He has to be in his 30s. He's bigger than me.

[Enya]

That's really hard to do, too.

[Kai]

No, that's Why I draw the line. We got to take

[Drew]

stupid ass.

[Kai]

No.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Guys, the energy is so crazy sinister.

[Drew]

Well, it's because the day started off with just me and Kai.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's never been that.

[Drew]

Yeah, we were left alone for too long.

[Enya]

So it was like, what'd y' all do?

[Drew]

Kai was just being awkward. He was talking to me about fiber for a minute. He was talking to me about your blood sugar.

[Kai]

I was man. Explaining how fruit juice is it at is basically soda because there's none of the fibers in it.

[Drew]

So basically, before you got here, I was making a coffee, and then I heard a movement behind me. And Kai was behind me on the other side of the kitchen, picking up one of our juices that's sitting on the counter and looking at it. And I said, why are you looking at it like that? And he said, there's actually good fiber in here. And then he.

[Kai]

Yeah, there was.

[Drew]

Share your info. It was good info.

[Kai]

I guess there's some bits. But, yeah, when you eat fruit, it doesn't fuck up your blood sugar as much because there's fiber that's paired with it, so it doesn't. It blunts the blood sugar effect.

[Enya]

I want to smoke weed. Well, there's two things I wanted to talk about regarding Kai. So last night I called him and Tucker to talk about the drama because they saw it at the same time as me, and I was like, oh, this will be fun to just, like, chat about with someone who just saw it. Like, it'll be so exciting. They screened. Both of them screened my call. It was like 11. And then Kai texted me back and was like, hey, sorry. I was in the final round of a circle. And I was like, oh, well, then call me back. Did not come. Did not call me back. He read that text and was like, I'm just gonna fake asleep. I'm gonna fake asleep. So I texted both of them saying, hey, genuinely upset with y' all right now. Call me back. I'm in danger. Didn't get a call back. Crazy. And then Tucker said, y' all were. Y' all hit a flow state. That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

[Drew]

Not too much for that. Come on.

[Kai]

I love that guy.

[Enya]

Tucker said we were sleeping together. What is it, Tucker? Can you put the tile back on the rack and not leave them on the floor of my room after you're done in the shower? Baby, can you not lean so far back when you use the bidet? The wall looks like a Monet painting. I just. Oh, Here we go. I'm gonna let you do your big one. Poop pointillism. What the fuck was Drew texting us about? I don't know. He won't tell me. I don't like him talking about you like that, baby. Why'd it turn me on when you got territorial just now? So that the poop pointillism and like, looks like a Monet painting on the back was really, really highbrow. Like, that was. Yeah, that was mixing. It was a high low joke. But what I found out the day before is they FaceTimed me

[Drew]

and they made those jokes. Those are pre planned jokes.

[Enya]

No, Kai has poopeye. Yeah, the bidet sprayed poop into your eye.

[Drew]

You have pink eye.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. Well, because I leaned back too far and the bidet shot fecal matter all over my face and the wall and it looked like poo confetti. And yeah, there was bits of lettuce in there. I don't give a. I don't give a.

[Drew]

Well, for Easter, I just got high as and ate steak, salad, and I ate so much steak, it was yummy. And then I knocked out for two hours. I literally just. Just. There is no Easter whimsy, though, because I didn't see a single, like, serious Easter.

[Enya]

You want to see Easter whimsy, baby?

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. How was your Easter?

[Enya]

You tell me.

[Drew]

That's so funny that the chicks are on top of him. Oh, my God. You did have Easter whimsy the way

[Enya]

I had Easter whimsy. Kai, I held animals.

[Drew]

I know. He held a duck and a bunny.

[Enya]

The duck was so cut.

[Kai]

That's really.

[Enya]

And a turtle.

[Drew]

Oh. I guess my Easter whimsy was me and Rain were going to Saba's house and we went to the farmer's market. Like, got all the fresh stuff to make this gorgeous Thai steak salad. Got a bunch of, like, sweets. Oh, my God, I had the best cinnamon buns ever yesterday. Like, literally yesterday was a great eat day. So maybe I did have a great day.

[Enya]

You're an eater?

[Drew]

Yeah. For real. We were driving, or Rain was driving her car. She has an electric car and she was driving and suddenly she just goes silent. We were like, listening to music and before we started the drive, she was like, oh, I only have 35 miles left, but at Saba's house I could charge my car, so we should be fine. We took the PCH and we're like going up and we like finally get into, like the hills and, and the valleys. And then Rain is singing. It just goes, oh, and, like, turned off the music and turned off the air and stuff. And I looked over, and she had, like. We were, I think, eight miles away, and it had dropped from, like, 11 to 10 in two seconds.

[Enya]

Hi, papa dan. Was that an accident? I was recording or. We're recording on the podcast right now. I'm gonna piss. Yeah, no, you're good. I'll call you back. It was. It was funny. Wait, when that toilet flushes, it literally sounds like a nuclear bomb is going off. I don't think I believe in nukes. I think we might have a couple nukes, but I think they lie about the nuclear arsenal.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah. This is a theory that me and Drew came up with, which is that they actually got rid of the nukes a long time ago, but they're keeping them so that there is global stability.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

This is just, like, the stuff that we talked about.

[Enya]

This is the. The type of conversations me and Kai have off the podcast.

[Kai]

We have insane conversations with a ton of nuance and depth, and then we hook up after.

[Enya]

And poop and crap is thrown in there, too, a little bit, because we

[Kai]

have dimension as people.

[Enya]

Hey, you're my vibe.

[Drew]

That's such a crazy line. I want a freak pink breast cancer. Oh, you like big trucks? Well, I like Big bucks.

[Enya]

Who sings that?

[Drew]

City Girls.

[Enya]

City Girls.

[Drew]

That. That, that.

[Kai]

Oh, I went ahead and fixed the handle on the bathroom.

[Drew]

Yeah. Cause you ripped it off like a monster. Rip it off. Jesus Christ.

[Kai]

I did not rip it off.

[Drew]

No fragility in that body. Just like. Like, yanking off of the wall.

[Enya]

I has fragility.

[Kai]

I am very fragile.

[Drew]

I watched you murder.

[Enya]

He murdered a flower. I forgot about.

[Kai]

Yeah, okay. Okay, okay.

[Drew]

Yeah, you are fragile.

[Kai]

Thank you.

[Enya]

Y' all remember Otterbox phone cases? Dude.

[Drew]

Oh, my God. That shit is a weapon. Like, we kind of need that back.

[Enya]

Honestly, they were tanks.

[Drew]

Why were they so big? Was it like, we hadn't figured out how to not make things so big yet?

[Enya]

I don't know. I think I got my sexuality from Otterbox phone cases, though.

[Drew]

I heard the word, I could imagine,

[Enya]

and I was like, wait, what is this?

[Drew]

Well, I feel like every man you met who owned a Otterbox was probably someone you were attracted to.

[Enya]

Yeah, I was just talking about that. Like, all of the dads and, like, brothers I had crushes on. Like, my friends brothers and older brothers of my friends that I had crushes on. Kai.

[Kai]

When Kai Cam comes in the mail, we'll be able to see the physical

[Drew]

bits that I do coming in the mail. Like where Is it traveling by foot?

[Enya]

Yes, it's traveling by kitchen.

[Kai]

Yeah. But when it comes, you guys will be able to see all the love searches that I have.

[Drew]

I don't even think you would want a camera on you, realistically, would you? Or, like, what is that vibe?

[Enya]

I mean, the hypercam bit was so funny.

[Kai]

That is funny.

[Enya]

That was really, really, really funny. Like, it being two pixels, like, that was some of our finest work. That went completely unnoticed.

[Kai]

No, I'm open to it. As long as there's, like, a softbox for me.

[Enya]

It's a softbox for me.

[Kai]

A nice, soft diffused lighting.

[Drew]

I think I like this lighting.

[Kai]

I can get a Rembrandt V or triangle on my cheek.

[Drew]

A what?

[Kai]

Oh, a Rembrandt triangle. It's when you put a light source 45 degrees off from the camera and it creates a little triangle of light.

[Drew]

Is it to, like, block, like, your smile line?

[Kai]

No, no, it just. It's flattering and it shapes the face. It adds, like, dimension.

[Drew]

What's flattering about it? It must be blurring something.

[Kai]

No, no, no, no. Well, if it's diffused. Yes. Well, yes, if it's diffused. Do you guys like me?

[Enya]

I love. Really?

[Kai]

Okay.

[Enya]

All right.

[Kai]

Just wanted to check in at all.

[Enya]

I love you, Kai.

[Kai]

Thank you.

[Drew]

I love you, too.

[Kai]

Oh, thank you. And you know what?

[Enya]

The girl you.

[Kai]

What? What?

[Drew]

Oh, you didn't give him that reaction. He's very upset because he said he loves you, and then you just, like,

[Kai]

kind of acted like, okay, no, I appreciated it. I did appreciate it, and I. I love you.

[Drew]

Well, that's why you can't give people what they want. You don't give people the love they deserve. I'm finding you have to do, like, a. Like a trickle effect.

[Enya]

I'm finding out that games are being played by everyone but me, and I need to start playing games. Like, I'm. I am way too real and honest. And then I hear, like, my friends, like, their dating life, and. And I'm like, oh, so everybody's playing games. Oh, what is it?

[Kai]

What?

[Enya]

Fuck.

[Drew]

Oh, I didn't know I was in the Olympics. I'm sorry.

[Enya]

I'm sorry.

[Drew]

I started playing harder.

[Enya]

I didn't know I was. I didn't know I was in. Red rover, Red rover, please come over. I didn't know we were playing flag football.

[Drew]

Well, it's because everybody is.

[Shopify/Nocd Advertiser]

Love yourself.

[Enya]

You need to love yourself. I don't love myself, so it's easy for me to say.

[Drew]

I think you love yourself. I love myself. I love myself to, like. Like, too much sometimes. I literally. In my body, my soul, ever. I genuinely.

[Enya]

How are you gonna love someone else if you can't even love yourself?

[Kai]

That's good.

[Enya]

But, yeah, no, I realized everyone's playing games around me.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Everyone's playing in my face, Kai.

[Kai]

How am I playing in your face? I'm not playing your face.

[Drew]

Oh, his voice cracks.

[Enya]

I'll tell you. Because he can't even look at me.

[Kai]

I can look at you.

[Drew]

His voice cracked. That's a sign of lying, by the way.

[Kai]

You're just so yossified now that I. It's. You're intimidatingly attractive.

[Drew]

Oh, God, here we go.

[Enya]

He's playing games. He's playing games, but keep going. It works that those games feel good, baby.

[Drew]

Drew does infamously love a lot.

[Enya]

I feel like I smoked weed. I love a love bomb. No, I literally. I literally love being love bomb. So bad. And I'm like, I know it's bad, but, like. Like, it feels so good for, like, two weeks.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew]

I also do fear that some people now can't differentiate love bombing versus someone actually just liking them and being upfront about it.

[Enya]

No, that's real.

[Drew]

As, like, I think a lot of people, because now everyone. It's like how you're people are also all playing games now because satire used to be a rarity, and now it's. That's just. That is the new norm.

[Enya]

Sorry, the new norm.

[Kai]

Yeah. I do think there's so many people that they'll grow up on their phone, and then everything that you see about relationships are these buzzwords.

[Enya]

Buzzwords.

[Kai]

Also gaslighting love bomb. And then someone's nice to you, really nice to you, because they like you. And then you're like, what?

[Enya]

The algorithm, like, loves a sad story. So, like, all of, like, the sad stories and the horrible things that happen in relationships get pushed, and those are what's being seen and that want to talk. But when things are good, people don't talk about it.

[Kai]

They don't talk about it. And also, just remember, guys, the algorithms are there to isolate us and keep us alone so that we scroll.

[Enya]

Yep.

[Kai]

They don't want us to be happy.

[Enya]

They don't want us to have community.

[Kai]

They don't want that.

[Enya]

I ran into a fan yesterday after the drama, and it was one of the greatest fan interactions I've ever had in my life. So if she was going and seeing the drama after, and I hope she didn't leave that interaction insecure, because I literally loved it, and I hope she listens to this episode because she said a lot of very, very kind things that I'll tell you after. But she did say she was pervertedly parasocial with me or with us. And I was like, oh, you're pervert. Pervert. And she was like, oh, not with you, not with you. And I was like, oh, so she's perverted within. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She said she was like, she was so happy to see me. And then she was like, where's Inya? And I was like, oh, she's doing her own thing. And she was like, if Inya came, I would have probably fainted. I was like, oh, so you're not going to faint for me?

[Drew]

Oh, wow, you're a.

[Enya]

Actually, I take all this actually take everything.

[Drew]

Not fainting for my boyfriend, period.

[Enya]

Why did she faint for him, period?

[Drew]

Like, he wants to be fond over. He wants to be fond over and fondled. If y' all meet Drew, just touch him.

[Enya]

Yeah, you. Yeah, I give you permission to grope me.

[Kai]

That's the opposite of chapel run.

[Enya]

Yeah, yeah, whatever Chapel run is, is

[Drew]

I touch my butt. I want to play with my butt. I can't stop playing with my butt.

[Enya]

I'm not playing indignant.

[Drew]

I keep playing in my butt and it's dangerous. I've had pink ey like eight times this year.

[Enya]

Both.

[Drew]

Yeah, I mean, Kai has it for different reasons.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's very different.

[Drew]

Yeah, it's like, gross.

[Enya]

Yes.

[Kai]

And I'm opting into it, so I'm optimized.

[Drew]

No one purrs over me. I don't get. But. But I'm not asking to be perved over.

[Enya]

You get perved over.

[Drew]

No, I don't get perved over or chased. But that's like.

[Enya]

Guys, post your come tributes from the last

[Kai]

the terabytes of data that's about to come.

[Enya]

Remember our contributions?

[Drew]

Remember when you were begging for and

[Enya]

I got one, and actually, what's crazy, I got one. And what's crazy is the come tribute I. The only come tribute I got was from someone that I know in real life that I'd consider a friend. Him and his boyfriend did a come tribute for me.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah, that's sweet.

[Enya]

I literally love.

[Kai]

Yeah, I literally did one for me too.

[Enya]

They did their big one.

[Kai]

They did their big one.

[Enya]

They did their big one with that. And then they told us that they gooned to the photo of me and Kai flexing in the mirror.

[Kai]

It was really sweet. That genuinely was, like, it was really major for Me. It really changed my brain chemistry in a good way for the rest of the night.

[Enya]

Thank you.

[Kai]

Yeah. What the hell?

[Enya]

I think that's the opposite of the

[Drew]

photo of you in bed with me and Drew.

[Enya]

Oh.

[Kai]

Of me melting slowly. That was like one of those PSAs of where against weed or the person would melt against the couch. That's me and my big face. My big ugly face. My mug. You called it my. My ugly mug. It was like episode 90 or something, and I will never forget that.

[Enya]

Exactly.

[Kai]

It was so, so funny.

[Enya]

The ugly mug stuck with you.

[Kai]

Yeah, my big ugly mug.

[Drew]

I'm not kidding. You weren't a real person for the first three years of this podcast.

[Enya]

I think you became real this year to Anya.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know. You did. You did. You did. No, I would argue last year when I did shrooms, you became real.

[Kai]

Really? Oh, yeah.

[Drew]

That was the night I was like, oh, my God. This is like. Everyone I knew was real, but I was like, whoa, this is a real person. Like, for real. For real. Like that. That's crazy. Before that, you were just one of those people who, like, yeah, you were real when you were around me, but, like, when you disappear, you may as well be a Sims character. I'm like, that person just goes home and, like, recharges and stuff. And, like.

[Enya]

And look at y'. All now

[Drew]

you're. There's a hole. Oh, I thought there was a hole in his sock, but his socks are just dirty.

[Kai]

Wait, are there's holes in my socks?

[Drew]

No, they're just dirty.

[Shopify/Nocd Advertiser]

What?

[Enya]

Actually, what's crazy is every time Kai wears those socks, I'm literally so shocked at how not dirty they are. Like, do you buy a bunch of new pairs all the time? Like, they're a little dirty today, but, like, that's just, like, general, like, wear and tear.

[Kai]

Yeah, I buy them pretty often.

[Enya]

I'll swap them out because, like, my white socks are literally disgusting and he

[Kai]

is staring at my feet. It's very weird. She's locked in, period.

[Drew]

He's all insecure now. He's, like, curling his, like, the palm of his foot away from me and Drew. Yeah, I, like, kind of don't own socks anymore. It's, like, become an issue anytime I have to wear shoes that need a sock.

[Enya]

Yeah, they're all in the bottom of my bed. They're all inside my duvet cover.

[Drew]

Well, because you love taking my socks off when I fall asleep.

[Enya]

And. What about it?

[Drew]

Yeah, when I fall asleep, Drew takes my socks off of. I never wake up. I always fall asleep with socks on. I always wake up with them off, period. And it's cuz Drew's taking them and sniffing them at me.

[Enya]

Yeah, I like your sweaty feet.

[Kai]

I think, what was it last episode? You're talking about that feeling of pulling your socks off with your foot in bed. It is, it is one of the best feelings.

[Drew]

Is so good. Like there's, there's nothing better than like,

[Enya]

oh, we have like little monkey feet.

[Drew]

Yeah, using your toes.

[Enya]

So cute.

[Drew]

I love like, ooh, nothing feels better that I'm about to knock out and I'm like, wait, like grand reveal type. Like, let me get these paws.

[Enya]

Taking your bra off after a long day. I have lies. Wait, not us having.

[Drew]

Not me having premarital sex. Like I'm going to hell. I just found out that's like against the rules. Which makes me kind of late.

[Enya]

The Bible.

[Drew]

I thought it was chill to have sex before marriage.

[Enya]

You know what? I. I just saw videos of me from when I was a kid in church when I was like a toddler and they were literally making me cry this morning.

[Drew]

Oh, like out of happiness or like, oh my God, like him being indoctrinated into a like vicious cycle of his self hatred.

[Enya]

But it was more like I was just looking at my mom and I was like, oh, she loves her baby.

[Riley Wilson]

This is Riley Wilson and Keon Miller from ok, Storytime.

[Keon Miller]

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[Riley Wilson]

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[Keon Miller]

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[Jana Kramer]

This is Jana Kramer from Wind down with Jana Kramer. Every Mother's Day, I tell myself I'm going to be more thoughtful than flowers because flowers are beautiful, but they don't last in my house. Everyone always ends up in the kitchen. Friends, family, the kids. And I love having things around that spark conversation and feel special. That's why I love the Lenox Spice Village. And your mom will too. It's a set of 24 hand painted little houses that are actually spice jars. And I swear people notice it the second they walk in. It's charming, it's nostalgic, and it somehow makes even everyday cooking feel a little more fun. And here's the best part. It actually gets used every day. Whether you're starting the full set or helping her complete one she's loved for years. There's a whole world of Spice Village to explore this Mother's Day. Give her something she'll treasure a long after the card is put away. Trust me, once you see it, you'll want one too. Find the full [e-mail] Spice Village finding

[Drew]

out I had OCD alone was genuinely so relieving, it felt like it gave an answer to a question I had always been asking, which is, why do I have so many questions? Why are the questions never ending? And why do all the questions end with me being horrible and I'm gonna burn for eternity for all of the bad things I do all day, even though I don't do anything bad?

[Enya]

And don't forget about that skin scrubbing.

[Drew]

Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that was bad. Real OCD is a serious condition where unwanted, distressing thoughts called intrusive thoughts get stuck on repeat in your head and you feel complied to engage in certain behaviors called compulsions to try to make them stop. No CD is a perfect place to start. It really can help you manage all of your OCD symptoms and get on a track where you can live with things. And you don't always have to be answering to that question in your head.

[Enya]

Guys.

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OCD is one of the most treatable mental health conditions out there if you

[Enya]

get the right specialized kind of therapy.

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[Drew]

Therapy with no CD is 100 virtual covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans and includes support between sessions so you never have to face OCD alone. To learn more about OCD therapy with no CD, go to nocd.com and book a free call with their team.

[Shopify/Nocd Advertiser]

That's it. N o c d.com support for the

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[Drew]

That's. Yeah, I'm like the age since I've been 26. I've been the age my mom was when she had me and all I can think about is how she's dead.

[Enya]

Can you keep that to yourself?

[Drew]

Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from.

[Kai]

It makes me. Andrew. Uncomfortable.

[Drew]

Yeah, I know.

[Kai]

And like we have to.

[Drew]

I'm outlive her.

[Enya]

I know. That's awesome. She would have wanted that.

[Drew]

Would she?

[Enya]

I don't know. I don't know your mother.

[Drew]

I don't know your mother.

[Enya]

Mother.

[Drew]

No. My mom would be like, I'm so like actually a lot of people in my family, my dad is obviously so proud of me and I know everyone in my family is proud of me there, but there is the underlying layer of oh, she's. She wasn't kidding. She's just gonna be a like no family, no kids, no nothing. Like you don't got to come home.

[Enya]

It was in the face because it's

[Drew]

getting to that point of like they. They really thought I was gonna switch up and like this Like, I really thought, I'm never gonna get married. I'm never gonna have kids. I'm never gonna do that. They thought that. I think my mom especially was like, that old. Stop. No. Like, one of the reasons I refuse to go to Honduras to visit my family is. I know they're. Because they're Jehovah's Witnesses and they don't play. I know at the end of the day, I am the of the family. I am literally so shameful. And I feel like if I went, they would try to get me married.

[Enya]

I'm the devil of the family. I. I saw the uncle that called me the devil. Yeah.

[Drew]

When was the devil that young? Maybe he was, like, onto something.

[Enya]

No, I know. Like, I literally, like, am bad energy.

[Kai]

I was just imagining me white knuckling a ring in my pocket while Anya's saying all this that I was about to pull out.

[Enya]

Pull out.

[Drew]

I'll take the ring. I'll pawn it.

[Kai]

No, no, no. If you're not going to accept it, you have to give it back.

[Drew]

Or I'd have it crushed and made into something custom.

[Kai]

Like what? What would you turn it into?

[Drew]

A different ring for myself.

[Enya]

Oh, okay.

[Kai]

What? Okay, that's.

[Enya]

Duh.

[Drew]

Yeah, like, dummy.

[Kai]

What would you do with the huge, massive diamond, the heavy diamond that's in it?

[Enya]

20 carats?

[Kai]

Is that high? Is that high?

[Enya]

I think.

[Kai]

Okay, then, yeah, 20. What would you do with it?

[Enya]

Guys, I feel like it's.

[Drew]

I'd say. Did you 3D print this? What?

[Enya]

I feel like I smoked weed.

[Drew]

You did.

[Enya]

I feel weird as fuck right now.

[Kai]

I do too. I feel really fucked up.

[Enya]

It's crazy that everyone is inside the camera right now.

[Drew]

Wait, how did they fed all those people?

[Enya]

That's what I'm saying. They did what Ricky Dillon did to Snoop Dogg. They made them in my millimeter.

[Kai]

And it's crazy that you're listening to this podcast right now and you're high and the police are probably on their way.

[Enya]

Yeah. You heard the police sirens earlier. That was for you.

[Drew]

Because technically, I know it's not federally, like, illegal, but you shouldn't have it in your state.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

And you will be fine. This administration sucks.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

And they're really. They're not playing.

[Enya]

They're coming.

[Drew]

And your hands. I know you just dyed your hair brown because you tried to dye it blue and it ended up green and you were like it. And when the police show up, you're gonna open the door and they're gonna see that you have brown hair and they're like, okay, maybe this person's safe, but then they're gonna look down and see the blue on your hands, and

[Enya]

you're going to jail.

[Drew]

You're going to jail.

[Kai]

And also all those insecurities that you listed. All those insecurities that you list when you're falling asleep and you feel really self conscious.

[Drew]

And then check your Instagram story. You accidentally posted it.

[Kai]

You posted a nude while you were masturbating. All of those things. And then you kind of ease your brain by saying, well, the world doesn't revolve around me. Everybody's remembering those things right now, and we're all.

[Drew]

Everybody can only think of you.

[Kai]

Everyone's thinking of you at all times. Yeah, but you're also not real.

[Drew]

But it's as bad as you think,

[Kai]

and it is absolutely as bad as you think.

[Drew]

You're scaring Drew.

[Enya]

There was, like, an era of the podcast where I literally thought y' all were playing stance in my life. Like, I literally, like, Was that when

[Drew]

you thought we were being stalked?

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I literally thought, like, y' all were, like, not real.

[Drew]

I do remember the year of you,

[Enya]

like, losing my mind.

[Drew]

Yeah. Asking if I was, like, sent by, like, the government, maybe hanging out. And you would be like, are you really my friend?

[Kai]

No.

[Enya]

And it's like. It's kind of like, I can't look at y'.

[Drew]

All.

[Kai]

Right.

[Drew]

Really?

[Enya]

Right now?

[Drew]

Am I giving, like, a plant right now?

[Enya]

Yeah. Especially Kai.

[Drew]

I mean, Kai is a plant.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Come in, grab him, shoot him, Shoot him. Snipe him, shoot him. He's too aware. Yeah. Watching Truman show when I was too young was really bad for my brain.

[Drew]

I've just never seen life like that.

[Enya]

Should we scroll? Tick tock.

[Drew]

Yeah. And ignore each other for a second.

[Enya]

Y' all know that grandma that got stuck in the seat belt?

[Drew]

Aaron is stuck in the seat belt. Somehow, some way got herself stuck here. And the fire department's here now to help get her untwisted. We're gonna get you out of there, Sharon. I've never seen the original.

[Enya]

That is literally one of the funniest things, the comments on it, like, her, like, the grandma, like, being like, finally they're gonna pay attention to me. Like, I get more attention. Like, I get it. Like, I get. I. I understand her, but, like. Like, it really is. Like, people have tried to recreate how she got stuck in there, and it does not make sense. Like, she, like, contorted and twisted her bodies in demonic ways. Like, it. She should not have gotten that tangled up. In there?

[Drew]

Well, cuz when you get that old, your bones get soft.

[Enya]

They turn to jello.

[Drew]

It's like when bread is about to get harsh, like in stale. Right before rigamortis, your bones get really soft. So she's just kind of playing with her bones. Yeah, I haven't seen the original and I also. It's like I had my. Sophia got caught in her seat belt a lot as a kid. That was like actually a huge issue. Like, I'm not kidding. She would get herself trapped in her seat belt all the time. And then it made me really scared of the seat belt for a long time. So when I would buckle up, I would yank the seat belt to make sure it couldn't give me any extra seatbelt because I was scared of getting stuck with whatever the Sophia was doing when I was looking out the window.

[Enya]

What was she on about?

[Drew]

I don't like. Well, it was because Sophia didn't like the feeling of the seat belt over her chest. So she would play the game of like the whole car ride, moving it back and forth every time a parent or adult or someone would look at her. And I think by the end of the car ride, she would just like have that part wrapped around her body and like be like, help. But yeah, I thought getting caught in seat belts was like really common growing up because of Sophia. So I'm like, not too much on her because it's actually. It's actually a bigger problem.

[Enya]

Way more common than you'd think.

[Kai]

Also, you hiding it, dude. The sound that that makes when you hit it next to the mic, it sounds like an old Nokia where like next to a speaker.

[Enya]

I know.

[Drew]

Like, also, I don't understand who you're trying to be to the public because you get up and you go hit your vape in the corner and then

[Kai]

like, and then a huge cloud follows you back to your weird chair.

[Enya]

It's. It's not for them. It's for me.

[Drew]

Who are you laughing?

[Enya]

Just who are you trying to be?

[Drew]

Like, literally, who are you? The third hat hiding the vein. This episode, you usually just hit it.

[Enya]

I feel different today. I told you, Rose, today. Wait. He has risen. They them has risen.

[Drew]

Money.

[Enya]

Holy. Do we stop this episode?

[Kai]

This is like it's Easter money. Okay, if we do stop it though, I just have a question.

[Enya]

Yeah.

[Kai]

If you have a child, you know you can mold babies heads. Are you guys gonna do that? Are you gonna mold it?

[Drew]

You shouldn't be doing that. That's like.

[Kai]

You shouldn't touch that.

[Enya]

You shouldn't play with that. No, I'm gonna be doing that. I'll put a helmet on my baby if it has a flat head. He's a flat Earther. He's a. Oh, the Earth is. Wait, was. He's a flat Earther. What did she say?

[Drew]

A flat Earther? Yeah, I, I, I consider myself a flat ear.

[Enya]

Yeah, that's it. I'd consider myself a flat ear. I was just talking about flat Earth. And, like, my favorite genre of conspiracy videos are flat Earthers putting hundreds of thousands of dollars into experiments to prove that the Earth is flat, only to be proven that the Earth is spherical. But they always have a hill to die. Really? Like, wait, and if it is flat, then what?

[Drew]

Yeah, like.

[Enya]

Okay, well, I just want to jump

[Drew]

off the edge of it.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Enya]

I wouldn't make it to the. Well, you can't. You can't climb over the ice wall. There's an ice wall to block us from. Yeah, but beyond the ice wall, there's, like, creatures that we couldn't even imagine. That's what they're dragons.

[Drew]

Well, literally at the bottom of our ocean, not far away from us, where we are sitting right now, there is a bunch of creatures that they can't even identify, like dragons.

[Kai]

Also, there's a civilization underneath the earth that, well, it's, like, buried, but it's like the mud.

[Drew]

No, you're thinking of that meme of the guy going with the pickaxe. And you think that's actually happening under us?

[Enya]

The diamond?

[Drew]

Yeah.

[Enya]

Keep gambling. You're so close.

[Drew]

There's a bunch of those guys.

[Enya]

You're so close to hitting your big one. You're so close to doing your big one. What is the mud flood?

[Drew]

It's like, keep getting on draft kings and betting your family away. You're so close.

[Enya]

Yeah, like, you're going to hit.

[Kai]

The mud flood is like, people that point to.

[Enya]

No, I know the mud flood, but what's the name? It's like, there's like. I hate saying this, but it's like Agartha. But it's not Agartha.

[Kai]

No, it's not Agartha's middle name. It's, like, slightly less evil than Agartha, but it's still kind of weird. Euro colonialism coded.

[Drew]

Oh, so it is your middle name.

[Kai]

No, it's not.

[Drew]

Hi. Agartha Newman.

[Kai]

What is it called?

[Drew]

That sound, right?

[Enya]

That has a good ring to it. What is it? The, like, Mayan mud floods. The Something might. The mud floods. I gotta look this up.

[Kai]

I have to look.

[Drew]

I Gotta look this up. Me when I'm getting casted for the commercial Tartarian iPhone.

[Enya]

The Tartarian empire was covered by hundreds of feet of mud and mud, floods.

[Drew]

What does that have to do with flat earth?

[Enya]

It's just a conspiracy. They're not in tandem. I think some people. There is a Venn diagram where there's always, like.

[Kai]

It's always racism at the bottom.

[Enya]

It always ends.

[Kai]

It's like. It's like a fantastical story about dragons and ice. And then you, like, look at it and it's like, actually, the Nazis were right after, like, two hours.

[Enya]

Quote Kai. Quote Kai. Saying that.

[Kai]

Do not do that. Do not do that. I will kill myself.

[Enya]

No, don't.

[Drew]

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[Kai]

Come on. Seriously. That's not fun. Funny.

[Drew]

Who's gonna edit? I can't.

[Kai]

Literally. No one else could do this. No one could do what I do. I mean, that shit.

[Enya]

I don't think anyone could do it. You do, Kai.

[Drew]

Yeah. I do think you are very special for the job. Yes.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. Thank you, Enya. That is so sweet. I'm serious.

[Drew]

He does not give a fuck about you anymore.

[Kai]

I do. No, I do. I do.

[Drew]

He's going over there to hit his vape. He don't have to take too personal. He still hasn't decided.

[Kai]

That is so him saying that he doesn't play games and then every two seconds, getting up, being offended just to hit your vape.

[Enya]

Y' all are fucking talking about, dude.

[Drew]

Whenever you leave the door cracked open, I feel like I see freedom.

[Enya]

I know I need it. But unironically I opened it because it's. It's so hot in here. So I was like, we need airflow and that stinky.

[Drew]

The couder says wool. I'm cooking.

[Enya]

The cooter is go. Stinky. It's stinky.

[Drew]

Oh, my gosh.

[Enya]

It filled the hair.

[Drew]

You know, I've been trying to get

[Enya]

rid of that funk for years, baby. It might be time to go to a doctor.

[Drew]

This funk is genetic. This,

[Enya]

Bro. What? What happened to us? Guys?

[Drew]

Wait. I miss us when we were 21.

[Enya]

I know.

[Drew]

Wait.

[Enya]

I miss. I miss that era of. I miss you.

[Drew]

I miss you. I miss you all the time.

[Enya]

I miss. When they were young.

[Drew]

I miss that me too, literally was the worst person on the planet. Like, every year. Every year I am more perfect, but every year, I can look back and think that's the worst person on the planet, which is good.

[Enya]

They hate that I love myself.

[Drew]

They hate that I Love myself.

[Enya]

They hate that.

[Drew]

I love myself. I'm not kidding. If people understand the past year and a half has allotted me, I think I would be stoned to death. Because they'd be like, girl, that's not.

[Enya]

Maybe you are.

[Drew]

We wanted you to kill yourself.

[Enya]

You are stoned to death, period. Way eyebrow comedy.

[Kai]

Very high brow. That's a joke. That would be in the New Yorker. Yeah, that's one of those.

[Enya]

You think I could be on snl? Do you think I could do it?

[Kai]

Yes.

[Enya]

You actually think I could do it?

[Drew]

Only with the hat like this.

[Enya]

What if I didn't have the hat?

[Kai]

She was submitting an ATM extra. Lauren Michaels. Watching that in like a room with fluorescent light.

[Drew]

Read out about it. Read all about the brain aneurysm.

[Enya]

After hearing that I actually killed Orin Michaels. I could probably make it on UK snl.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Enya]

Oh, I could do Big Footy. Oh, wait, give me a joke. Someone give me a joke.

[Drew]

Wait, are they going to let non British citizens onto snl?

[Enya]

Because I'm gonna be the first love

[Drew]

if this, if this runs out. I'm going. I think I could do it. I could do it. I could do it. I could live well in London, I think. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Sexy. I love when he does stuff like that. He does funny stuff like that. I love it.

[Enya]

We have that would pass on snl like that tongue challenge. Lauren Michaels. I have an idea for a bit. It's called the flick that tongue challenge. And me and all the boys, we just like, like, it's like penis, but we flick our tongues harder at each other.

[Drew]

It's like penis.

[Kai]

Did you guys know there's a Saturday Night Live Japan? I didn't one season 2012.

[Drew]

Is that real?

[Kai]

Yes.

[Enya]

Have you watched any of.

[Drew]

So they've tried to globalize before. Also, mind you, all this is. Is like you've been talking about the. The US losing its. It's like cultural, like, like art transfer. Like we don't have any. We can't export anything culturally right now because we've just been in such a midst of kind of the only thing we have is music. And now music is being taken over by just like full on, like genres are gone and like within that even like the international cross sections of like we have like people who are not making music predominantly in English. Yeah. Like winning and I feel like snl like them doing that is literally taking notes. Like, watch. I learn from Korea of like K Pop. Okay, okay, okay, okay. K Pop. Let's.

[Enya]

Let's every has to Know ever heard

[Drew]

thing no one here likes.

[Enya]

Yeah. And also ironically they put it, I mean they talked about it in the first episode, but they put it in notoriously like the biggest hater country on this planet. They don't like new things.

[Drew]

Also because I think the UK that's like, like they're OG's when it comes to like sketch comedy. Like they are kind of goated, I

[Enya]

think also just Office, like an SN or an Office original.

[Drew]

Yeah. Or a UK original. And then they brought it here and

[Enya]

what's the deal with the big black network BBC. What's the deal with that? BBC that would go crazy on UK snl. That would eat.

[Drew]

They'd be like, wait, we never thought about it like that. Can I hit?

[Enya]

I absolutely. Will you carry my child?

[Drew]

When?

[Enya]

Few years, five years, 10 years.

[Drew]

If you let me attempt when I'm like 37. Okay. For me to freeze my eggs and yeah, you have a deal.

[Enya]

I would literally do that.

[Drew]

We'll do that.

[Enya]

Or maybe we just freeze our eggs together, then we blend our eggs together and then we put it in a surrogate.

[Drew]

But I also want some solo eggs.

[Enya]

Yeah, of course we'd freeze too.

[Drew]

I don't want someone else to carry our child. If we're gonna have a kid, I have to carry it.

[Enya]

That's the nicest. Why did I almost tear up?

[Kai]

That was really sweet.

[Enya]

That was like, that's like the first time you've ever said anything like that.

[Drew]

Yeah, it is. Because you're my man. My man, my man. Well, it's also because the world is gonna end so like I might as well have a child to abuse for a few years for fun.

[Enya]

Yeah, it's sad.

[Drew]

Something to do.

[Enya]

Do.

[Drew]

Yeah, something to do.

[Enya]

A child to ruin.

[Drew]

The data centers and everything are going to collapse the technological infrastructure. So I, I, I've been trying to build out my hobbies that I'll do in the new era of life, which is humans reverting back to a non technological life. And I find myself thinking, well, what am I going to do to fill my free time? Of course I'm going to have to pick up a trade or two. But then I'm going to get a lot of frustration from being in that world work field and I'm gonna be like really wanting to come home and hit something. So I gotta have a kid soon.

[Enya]

Who are you gonna hit? You gonna hit me?

[Drew]

You and the kid. It.

[Enya]

I'm using the kid shots on me.

[Drew]

No, I'm, I'm, I'm grabbing the kid. And I'm beating you with it.

[Enya]

Yeah, I. I'll leave this episode,

[CarMax Advertiser]

start

[Enya]

studying to become a plumber or an electrician.

[Drew]

Do things.

[Enya]

That's gonna be the new white collar job. Job. Don't go to school for trade. Physical trade, period. Yeah. Or someone needs to solve this. It won't be me. But we need to figure out how to make America cultural export dominant again.

[Drew]

Kai's waving at me. He's like waving at me.

[Enya]

You can do it.

[Kai]

What? Wait. Hello.

[Drew]

Bye.

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