Our Last Episode

Summary

Emergency Intercom: "Our Last Episode" Summary

Release Date: May 6, 2022
Hosts: Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips
Podcast Description: A comedic take on urgent situations, blending humor with chaotic interactions.

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1. Chaotic Introduction and Technical Glitches (00:00 - 01:44)

The episode kicks off with a series of technical interruptions, including advertisements from Ryan Seacrest promoting Albertsons and Safeway, followed by a brief promotion for Discover credit cards. These segments are quickly bypassed as the hosts attempt to transition into the main content.

2. Unraveling the Podcast Setup (01:44 - 10:54)

Drew Phillips (02:12): Opens the episode with frustration, expressing annoyance over Enya not turning on her microphone or camera for the past 15 minutes. This leads to a humorous and tense exchange where Drew mistakenly believes he's interacting with someone named Devin instead of Enya.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (02:18): "Are you in my fucking house?"

As confusion escalates, another voice, Kai, abruptly enters the conversation, adding to the chaos. The trio's identities blur, leading to misunderstandings about who is present and their relationships.

Enya Umanzor (10:22): Finally introduces herself properly after considerable confusion, stating, "Hey, I'm Enya Humanzor."

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3. Dynamic Interactions and Character Revelations (10:54 - 36:30)

The hosts delve into their personal dynamics, revealing tensions and humorous rivalries.

Kai (11:33): Makes a sarcastic remark about giving Drew too much attention, leading to playful insults and banter.

Storytelling Segment: Drew recounts a wild night at the Chateau hotel in LA, where they climbed billboards with an older gentleman, leading to a dangerous situation. This story highlights their adventurous and reckless personalities.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (25:36): "We were just goofing off up there... I was like, we're gonna die up here."

4. Personal Updates and Humorous Antics (36:30 - 58:23)

The conversation shifts to personal updates and lighthearted antics:

• Drew's Hobby: Shares his interest in rockhounding and fossils, showcasing a more reflective side amidst the chaos.

• Kai's Fortnite Experience: Describes his deep involvement in Fortnite, mentioning a brand deal offer, adding a layer of irony to his gaming passion.

Notable Quote:

• Kai (42:24): "I started a non-profit... I'm getting rid of it."

The hosts continue to engage in playful insults, debates over word usage (e.g., the term "belligerent"), and discussions about their hobbies and interests, all delivered with rapid-fire humor.

5. Emotional Moments and Final Thoughts (58:23 - 74:05)

As the episode progresses, moments of vulnerability surface:

• Kai's Vulnerability (53:32): Attempts to share something important, leading to emotional expressions and earnest apologies.

• Drew's Mental State: Exhibits signs of distress and erratic behavior, heightening the comedic tension.

Notable Quote:

• Kai (54:19): "Can you just hear me out?"

The episode concludes with a blend of humor and unresolved tensions, leaving listeners with a mix of laughter and anticipation for future episodes.

6. Closing Remarks and Final Glitches (74:05 - End)

The hosts wrap up amidst ongoing technical issues and last-minute banter, maintaining the episode's signature chaotic and humorous tone.

Notable Quote:

• Drew (73:47): "Zoom is the devil."

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Key Themes and Insights

• Dynamic Host Interactions: The episode showcases the unpredictable chemistry between Enya, Drew, and Kai, blending humor with moments of tension.

• Humorous Chaos: Technical glitches and unexpected guest entries add to the comedic chaos, aligning with the podcast's emergency-themed humor.

• Personal Anecdotes: Sharing personal stories and hobbies humanizes the hosts, offering listeners a glimpse into their off-stage personalities.

• Emotional Depth: Brief moments of vulnerability hint at deeper layers beneath the comedic façade, adding complexity to the hosts' characters.

Conclusion

"Our Last Episode" exemplifies Emergency Intercom's blend of comedy, chaos, and candid interactions. Through a whirlwind of technical mishaps, playful insults, and personal stories, Enya Umanzor and Drew Phillips deliver an engaging and entertaining finale that captures the essence of their unique podcast style. Whether laughing at their antics or empathizing with their moments of distress, listeners are left both amused and intrigued.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Drew (02:18): "Are you in my fucking house?"
• Drew (25:36): "We were just goofing off up there... I was like, we're gonna die up here."
• Kai (42:24): "I started a non-profit... I'm getting rid of it."
• Drew (73:47): "Zoom is the devil."
• Kai (54:19): "Can you just hear me out?"

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Anya]

From first steps to first dates, from all nighters to all time personal bests.

[Ryan Seacrest]

From building pillow forts to building a.

[Anya]

Life for all the big and small moments that make up your whole world. DSW is there and we've got just the shoes. But find a shoe for every you from brands you love at brag worthy prices at your DSW store or dsw.com.

[Drew Phillips]

So I'm like actually really pissed off right now and like I know this is a terrible way to like intro the episode or whatever, but Inya has not turned on her mic for the last 15 minutes or her camera for the last 15 minutes and it's like actually starting to like piss me off. So I'm just going to welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. Like I. I can't. Oh I. I guess in your.

[Anya]

Sorry. Welcome to the podcast you guys today.

[Drew Phillips]

Sorry, guess. And yes, Mike is on.

[Anya]

Wait, sorry I'm late.

[Drew Phillips]

You literally actually are not in. You like you're Devin. Devin. Why are you here?

[Anya]

Do you not see the name?

[Drew Phillips]

No, I see the name and I see the room. Are you in my fucking house?

[Anya]

Yeah, because it's Anya.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh my God. Well that's literally so strange. But we just start the podcast. No, because you're. We're not going to start the podcast because you're not in yet. Like why. How did you get in here? How is this? What is this?

[Anya]

I don't. I'm a little confused why you think it's not Anya.

[Drew Phillips]

I mean, you are literally, like. I. I don't know why you're going down to that level of, like, comparing yourself to India, Devin. Because, like, you're gorgeous. You're beautiful. You have. Your skin is glowing. India is constantly dehydrated and her skin is literally cracking. Like, it has, like, fissures in it and it's crazy. And, like, you're just perfect in every way. And I don't know why compare yourself to her.

[Anya]

I'm Anya, and yet is perfect and yet does have perfect skin. I am Anya. And yes, like, so perfect and funny and amazing and I just like, how could I not be any yet.

[Drew Phillips]

Does Anya have a gun to your head? Devin, do you actually need help? Because I can call the cops.

[Anya]

No, this is Anya. This is Anya. I'm in my room. I'm sorry I'm late. You're deflecting.

[Drew Phillips]

But she's going to kill you. Is she going to kill you if you know.

[Anya]

No, it's me. It's me.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, if. If you're in, you let me play with your boobs and you lets me play with her boobs all the time. Let me just squeeze your knockers. I'll come in there, right? Oh, Devin.

[Anya]

No, I'm not doing that.

[Drew Phillips]

No, Devin, let me play with your boobs. Come on.

[Kai]

Literally, not.

[Anya]

I'm literally. I'm done.

[Drew Phillips]

Devin, let me play with you. Oh, that was actually really weird. I don't. Don't know where Anya is. What the. Okay, well, I guess we can just get into this episode. It's the true cast now. Hey. The truth is literally spreading to tap in. The truth is. Oh, what the was that? What was that?

[Kai]

What are you talking about?

[Drew Phillips]

What was that? Like, you forced Devin to come on to the.

[Kai]

Oh, I forced her. I forced her. I'm so sure. Like, yeah. Oh, I'm forcing people to do things. What are you talking. I've been here the whole time.

[Drew Phillips]

That was not you. The background's different. The skin, it's different. The allure, the luster, the mystery is different. Devin has all of these qualities that you just don't have. Like, I don't know why you're trying to compare where you do not compete.

[Kai]

Actually, I. I think you would find that a lot of people say me and Devin are really alike.

[Drew Phillips]

I actually think not a single person has ever said that once.

[Kai]

Literally. No, literally. I'm sorry.

[Drew Phillips]

What the. So you've been lying to me this whole time. You've been lying to me this whole time. So how Are there two of y' all on the screen? Explain. Explain that. The camera going in and out is so funny. I love myself, literally. Is she trying to kill you, Devin?

[Kai]

I don't think I was supposed to come back in yet. Like, I got back in because I was like, oh, are they done?

[Drew Phillips]

I'm. No, it was. We finished, and then you came in. Perfect. It, like. And then Devin coming back in was perfect fucking timing.

[Anya]

So I'm going to go.

[Drew Phillips]

So thank you. So you lied to me and we need to get to the bottom of this.

[Kai]

No, no, it's okay. Devin, thank you so much. I love you, my twin. My twin flame.

[Anya]

Love you, sis.

[Kai]

Yeah, people say that sometimes when me, Sydney, and Devin are out, people think, like, Sydney isn't a sister. Like, I'm Devin's sister.

[Drew Phillips]

That's never say.

[Kai]

All the time, they're like, oh, are.

[Anya]

You sure you're all three related? Because I thought it was just Devin and Anya.

[Kai]

That's what usually.

[Drew Phillips]

I never said that. I don't know why you're stooping down to that level.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Anya]

It was so nice meeting you, Drew.

[Drew Phillips]

We literally know each other. I swam in your pool.

[Kai]

That was weird. That was such a weird start to that.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. Why were there two of you if it was just you? Explain that.

[Kai]

It was just me.

[Drew Phillips]

No, Devin popped in and it was Devin saying she was you. And I'm actually worried about her safety because I haven't heard from her since she left, and I'm scared. You killed her to keep her safe.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, I killed. I killed my twin. That's literally my twin. That's what I was saying. Is that, like, why. Why is your name Devin? Oh, that's my twin. That's my twin. Like, everybody always. I get so many comments, actually, like, you guys have to stop commenting that, Like, I get a lot of comments that are like, oh, my God, I thought this was Devin. Like, oh, my God, you look so much like Devin right now. And, like, she gets them, too. And I'm sure that's, like, kind of annoying because, like, just, like. To, like, get comments about someone else's name. Like, people mistaking you all the time for someone else.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, I don't think that's ever happened once.

[Kai]

No, it happens. It happens in. If there's no paper trail on the Internet, it happens in real life. So that's. That's the. The weird thing.

[Drew Phillips]

I asked to play with Devin's boobs and she left.

[Kai]

That's why she fucking gave up.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Did. Oh, what?

[Drew Phillips]

So you admit it that it wasn't you.

[Kai]

Okay, fine. Literally, since you want to. Since you want to bully the fuck out of me, okay, fine. No, here's the truth. Here's the truth. Actually, I found out that I could make a lot more money without this stupid stinky fuck on screen. So I have moved to New York. I am starting my own podcast. The studio is being set up right now. I actually vacated a whole building for it. It's already being set up. This mic, like, see, like, we don't have these back home.

[Drew Phillips]

It sounds like shit.

[Kai]

Yeah, that's what I would say if I was your competition too. So I just thought, okay, like, I don't want to kill Emergency Intercom because, like, I could still make some money off of that. You see, Drew, you get where I'm coming from. So I thought I could just replace myself with Devin since everybody thinks we look alike and that we act the same and that people. People. I love her so much. I honestly, people kind of like me more. But that's like, that's. No, that's. That's me. That's me being like me. Huh?

[Drew Phillips]

No.

[Kai]

Yeah. Anyways, I. I told her I do a wildflower case if she replaced me, but she did say that she wouldn't take that treatment from you, like, trying to, like, she. She wouldn't take, like, you trying to have sex with her.

[Drew Phillips]

I just tried to play with her knockers. It's Devon Lee, baby. You would jump at the chance too.

[Kai]

If you had the chance to touch Devin's boobs.

[Drew Phillips]

You would also, would ya? If you had the chance to. Yes.

[Kai]

Yes.

[Drew Phillips]

What the fuck?

[Kai]

Anyway, welcome to this episode of Emergency Intercom. My name is Enya Yumeanzor.

[Drew Phillips]

Then I am Drew Phillips.

[Kai]

How can we never say our names? I feel like.

[Drew Phillips]

No, we just assume people know who we are. And I hate all of the formalities that come with, like, having a podcast. I literally like. Hey, I'm Enya Humanzor. And I'm Drew Phillips. And this is our show.

[Kai]

Lean against my back. Hey, I'm Enya, you Manzor.

[Drew Phillips]

And I'm Drew Phillips.

[Kai]

And this is our podcast where we.

[Drew Phillips]

We get a little silly because it is an emergency. We do need to be listened to.

[Kai]

What was that? Kai. Why is your. Kai. Why is your mic on?

[Unknown]

I left my mic on.

[Drew Phillips]

Shut. Don't talk.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying.

[Unknown]

She asked me a question.

[Kai]

Oh. Oh. Who's she? Say my fucking name. Who is she?

[Unknown]

And yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I turn my video on or oh, my God.

[Kai]

You need attention. You need attention so bad. Yeah, only for a few seconds. Off.

[Drew Phillips]

Off. Off.

[Kai]

Off. Off. Off. Off. No, Off. Off. You guys gave Kai too much fucking attention last time, and I refuse. I refuse. I refuse to give him a platform.

[Unknown]

I guess you had a call with me and she said that I'm not allowed to be on screen for this episode.

[Kai]

And. And I. And I gave you a limit of 50 words. And guess what? You're. You're reaching that. Really?

[Drew Phillips]

And you've already spoken more than I have, so.

[Kai]

You could turn your camera.

[Drew Phillips]

Holy shit. I'm so fucking greasy.

[Kai]

You say that this is our second Zoom episode. And that's like the old. The first thing you said in the last one. It's like you seeing yourself on camera like that, I think does something to your brain.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it's. I've been looking at myself the entire time, and it's really unhealthy. Like, I've just been picking my body and face apart. It's like, fudgeing crazy. Zoom is the devil. I've said it a million times. Zoom is the devil.

[Kai]

Like, that you're looking me in the eye.

[Drew Phillips]

Zoom is the devil.

[Kai]

Like, looking. Imagine you did the whole episode, like, looking in the camera. So, yeah, so my week's been awesome. Super excited for the summer. Isn't that, like, an odd feeling, like.

[Drew Phillips]

Looking me in the eyes? I've always never been able to look at the lens when I, like, am filming, like, a YouTube video or something. Like, I can't do it. It, like, freaks me out. It's like I'm staring into oblivion. It's like my eyes almost turn off and they go into robot mode and I'm just staring at the spot. But I'm creating this, like, universe in my mind. I don't know how to explain it.

[Kai]

Very, like, I almost said predatorial. It's.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you calling me a predator?

[Kai]

No, but, you know, like, it's like, very animalistic.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like I just got my, like, a better word.

[Kai]

Yeah, but. Except it's like the opposite of primal. Looking into a fucking camera lens and.

[Drew Phillips]

Talking humans have gone too far.

[Kai]

That's what I'm saying. We literally. I'm not kidding. I keep every episode since I've mentioned it, but, like, I. It's genuinely set me on, like, the gnarliest spiral of, like, I just look around and I think, wow, we are not meant to do this.

[Drew Phillips]

And is finally reaching my brain. She. She's seeing the world the way I do now. And now she she understands me just a little bit more.

[Kai]

I still don't. I still don't understand you or believe you. That is one thing I will never do, is believe Drew.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, that is one thing. I got my gap filled.

[Kai]

Was that.

[Unknown]

It actually looks so good.

[Kai]

Not you.

[Drew Phillips]

I literally look like a boar. If I had these teeth, that would be a slut. You are a slut, girl. But, like, I real, like, a public slut. People would know.

[Kai]

People know. You're very openly a slut.

[Drew Phillips]

No. You know what I mean?

[Kai]

Yeah. You'd be for the, like, the people being like.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, look how hot I look with, like, closed teeth.

[Unknown]

You look hella sexy.

[Kai]

You look so scary. You actually look like someone I just got on a zoom meeting with for, like, a contract to go over. Oh, are you. Are you twitching? Oh. Also, everybody, here's my update. So, as you can tell, I'm not in LA right now. As you can tell from the wall behind me, I'm sure, like, it's super easy to tell.

[Drew Phillips]

I have something. I have something else I need to show them.

[Kai]

I didn't finish saying what I was saying. Oh, go for it.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh. You have to enable screen sharing for you. Yes.

[Kai]

Why? And why should I do that?

[Drew Phillips]

You should beg me, kill myself, and blow up this fucking.

[Kai]

Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

I will literally drop a nuke on New York City. I don't give a Fuck.

[Kai]

I'll eradicate 300,000 people, literally every single Marvel movie.

[Drew Phillips]

Be like every Marvel movie. Literally.

[Kai]

I think it should work now.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay.

[Kai]

Definitely started. Shoot. Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

Right? Sorry. That was the wrong thing. Okay, here we go. So I'm gonna draw penis to body ratio for me.

[Kai]

We can't do this. We have to blur that. We'll blur it, and the people can use their imagination. You only have one ball sack.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Ew, Drew.

[Drew Phillips]

So you get the image, right?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

This is.

[Unknown]

This is, like, physically accurate.

[Drew Phillips]

You're sure that's exactly what it looks like?

[Kai]

I just don't understand because, like, you're sitting right now, and I don't see any sight of your member.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, it's because I'm. I do good at hiding her, but. Okay. That's, like, all I wanted to do, really.

[Kai]

Do you, like, roll it up and, like.

[Drew Phillips]

Well, I should have put it away.

[Kai]

Do you have a. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was gonna say you have to have, like, a compartment.

[Drew Phillips]

I hide it up there.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

I hide it up there.

[Kai]

Yeah. I mean, I guess that is why God gave men butts, is so they can put their own.

[Drew Phillips]

Hide their wiener away.

[Unknown]

Drew, I have a similarly sized penis.

[Kai]

So I know, like, why, like, every time you speak, you lie, it's a new lie.

[Unknown]

That wasn't a lie. That was true.

[Kai]

But what I was saying is I'm in New York right now. Oh, my God, you guys are, like, obsessed with each other's member.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, what is that about little dinky?

[Kai]

So I went to Miami to go visit my abuela, and then I. Drew, can you say that word?

[Drew Phillips]

Abuelita?

[Kai]

Yeah. So I. I also learned her name. This is a fun fact about me. I did not know my grandma's name or her age. And I learned both of those drinks.

[Drew Phillips]

Finally, I thought it was telling my mom that. And she was like, what? Like, she. She couldn't believe it. She was like. She's like, how does she not know her grandma's name? And then she was like, wait, I don't think I know my grandma's name. And I was like, it's like. And I was like, I think it's kind of a normal thing, maybe, but I know my. All my grandma's names.

[Kai]

I didn't, because, like, she was always just like, abuela. So I was just never, like, I was never saying her name. But so I went to go see her, and then I was like, while I'm here, I might as well go to New York. And you would think, oh, my God, what is any doing in New York? She's probably running around every day, like, staying up late, going to part parties, just, like, having the time of her life. What I did do, I haven't done a lot of that. But what I have done is when I left LA myself, send me a video.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you playing with yourself?

[Kai]

Send me a video of that sound on and off. Or, like, I could. I could connect my AirPods and put the AirPod right next to the action. Yeah, okay. That's all different.

[Drew Phillips]

Damn, I'm hungry. My belly just growled. Did y' all hear that or no?

[Kai]

I think you're horny, not hungry. You've. You said the wrong word.

[Drew Phillips]

My belly literally just growled. It was kind of cute.

[Kai]

Your belly.

[Drew Phillips]

That's, like, so cute if you think about it. It's like, yeah, you're hungry, little guy. We'll get you. We'll get you some food soon.

[Unknown]

It's cute, but sometimes it just sounds like a fart. Like, I've had a couple. That someone was like, did you just fart? And I was like, I swear to.

[Drew Phillips]

God, every time someone has a belly growl around me, I'll call it out. I'll be like, kai, are you hungry? I know you're a little hungry guy.

[Unknown]

Also, if it's, like, quiet in the car for, like, three seconds, you'll be like, the energy just shifted and it's bad now.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And it makes it a lot worse, honestly.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't say the energy shifted. It's bad. I just say the energy has shifted. Kyrie.

[Unknown]

Okay, you do say it's bad.

[Drew Phillips]

Sometimes it says it's bad sometimes. I've literally never said it.

[Kai]

Why are we putting this on me? That's not me.

[Drew Phillips]

When you came into my house and started fucking bullying me on the couch in my own house.

[Unknown]

I wasn't bullying you.

[Drew Phillips]

The girls are fighting now.

[Kai]

It's funny how I leave LA for, like, a week and y' all are fighting. That's how you know you need a woman.

[Unknown]

The thing is, we're not fighting. This is Drew's, like, delusional perspective. We weren't fighting at all.

[Kai]

He's fighting with himself. He's fighting his own.

[Unknown]

I wasn't even at the apartment. He was just talking to a voice in his head.

[Drew Phillips]

I just didn't know the lyrics after that.

[Kai]

Dude, you look like nothing but, like, a head. Like, you need to sit up.

[Drew Phillips]

No, because if I sit up, I, like, get out of frame.

[Kai]

You're holding yourself up. You're not that tall. Oh. Basically, I need to finish my thought. I went from a level 30 to. What is it? I think I'm, like, 68. No, but now I'm like 69. Because I kept playing when I got off with you last night, so.

[Drew Phillips]

See, I have control. This is Fortnite, by the way. I have control. And when we got a win, I was like, I'm going to end on a win, baby. And I ended on a win, and I played that game. How many kills did you have in you?

[Kai]

I only had four. No, I think I had five in.

[Drew Phillips]

The game we won.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. No, I don't think I had any kills.

[Drew Phillips]

You had one, but the game before that, you had, like, eight kills.

[Kai]

But, yeah, just. You know what the thing is with trios is, like, it usually is. One person is, like, slaying the house, and then the other ones are just kind of, like, assisting. Because I had a lot of assists, but I didn't have a lot of kills.

[Drew Phillips]

The one we got three, third in, when I had that jet pack I was laying out, I was on track to have, like, 15 or 16 kills.

[Kai]

Fortnite is so good. It's fucked up. I got reached out by a company almost immediately for my Fortnite usage.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, what do you mean?

[Kai]

Like, a company reached out with like. Like a brand deal and they mentioned. They were like, we know you like games. We know. We know you're a big fan of Fortnite. And that was like, kind of their opening line.

[Drew Phillips]

And I was like, oh, my God.

[Kai]

That'S top tier secret. Kai, you have to leave this.

[Drew Phillips]

You said test, you text me. Is it the same one that reached out to me?

[Kai]

Oh, maybe it was. No, I don't think so. It was. It's. It's a shoe company.

[Drew Phillips]

Why would a shoe company mention Fortnite?

[Kai]

Because they're doing, like, a gaming thing. I don't know, but I like their boots.

[Drew Phillips]

I was about to say their boots lay.

[Kai]

Yeah, their boots. They. Their boots do serve boots. Kai liked that. That got Kai laughing.

[Unknown]

You want me to do that?

[Kai]

Kai can't do that.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I can. I can grow out a very thick, masculine beard.

[Drew Phillips]

I have a photo of Kai with a beard, too.

[Unknown]

I have a photo of when we first met, like, within maybe 10 minutes of us meeting.

[Kai]

You're. That's weird. You're on your weird shit. You meet someone to take a picture with them 10 minutes later.

[Unknown]

No, that's. I didn't ask. Somebody, like, came up and took a photo of us. I forget who it was, but, yeah, I'm also not weird.

[Drew Phillips]

It was us on the balcony of the Chateau.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

The chateau story. Like, of us with the guy of the company, like, really high up at the company that we shouldn't name where he's at. And we climbed all the billboards. Have we talked about that? Because I don't think we never did.

[Kai]

Have we said that on the podcast?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

I don't feel like you've alluded. You've alluded to it, but I don't know if you've ever told the story.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, well, I literally want to tell the story because I don't think we've talked about it and I've always been, like, forgetting to say it. But, like, basically there's this hotel in LA called the Chateau. We've mentioned it 3,000 times. And, like, it was, like, a good night. We were partying our asses off. We were climbing billboards and shit. And then we went to, like, one of these bungalow rooms that, like, was connected. Like, there was a stairway that connected to the roof, and then right above that roof was a billboard. And so me, Enya. And it was Christian, right? Yeah, it was me and you and Christian. Climb this billboard and we're just up there like goofing off because we love getting on billboards. Don't do it. It's really dangerous. And honestly, I'm surprised we survived that because. Do you remember how rotted out the wood was in you, dude? Yes, it was like crumbling beneath us. It was crazy. I was like, we're gonna die up here. Well, randomly, this dude. I think I've told this before. We've told this before because randomly this dude, or maybe we said it in a YouTube video or something, but this dude, like an older gentleman, like I'm gonna say like 50 something, maybe 60 something, who works for like one like the biggest company in the world. I think he has the biggest market cap in the world. And like, he's like really like lead designer at this company. Am I mistaken?

[Kai]

No, he, he literally, he was like holding credit to making like something almost every American uses, like every day.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it's like the craziest shit ever. Well, his old ass was like, I want to feel young again. And like, it's like, I'm going to get. I can get rowdy with the kids. I can get rowdy with the kids. So he, after smoking hello. Weed, drinking a lot of alcohol, climbed up on the billboard with us and like, we were just goofing off up there. Well, we're like scared we're gonna get kicked out, so he like, get off. So we like climb down the billboard. We get on also.

[Kai]

He, he helped me get down. Or am I tripping or was it someone else? No, it was him.

[Drew Phillips]

No, it was someone else. I think it was Greg.

[Kai]

Okay, that's. I was gonna say, I was gonna say it was someone who was really tall. So it might have been Greg. I think Greg helped me get down because I was like, I'm gonna break my ankles.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, exactly. So we get down. It's like, I'm not joking. It's like, what in a nine or ten foot drop from up there? Like, it's, it's pretty high up.

[Kai]

No, this, the. Greg is literally like what, like six foot? Like he's tall as fuck. And even him still, I had to like kind of like jump.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, like hold her like from up here and like help her down. Well, we're getting off and the, the gentleman thinks he can do it by himself and he like goes to like, get off and he like climbs down a little bit. And you know when you're like a kid, you're like hanging onto the edge or something and his feet were like curling up under so billboard right here, Hands right here. His body was like curling up underneath the thing and he was just going to like drop down. Well, he lost his grip and fell 10ft directly onto his back onto a stucco roof. Like one of those like, like classic like shingle roofs. Yeah, like the, the red like like glass clay shit. Yeah, like surrounding. And he. He fell and like broke like 20 of those tiles. Like was groaning on the ground ever like crazy. It was like this. It basically made that sound, but he.

[Kai]

Like all fired was a scream.

[Drew Phillips]

I thought it peaked, but did it not peek?

[Kai]

It like kind of did, but it just.

[Unknown]

Yeah, zoom. Tried to make it quiet.

[Kai]

It sounded like you actually got attacked. Like anybody who's just as listening to the audio. It sounded like mid conversation someone came in the room and like pushed you off your own balcony.

[Unknown]

It sounded like a stock, like a stock sound for a man getting attacked.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, oh. I scratched my headphone with this and it was really loud. But anyways, he fell like, was groaning on the ground, like moaning like. And like everyone was like, oh my God. And then he lifted.

[Kai]

I'm not kidding.

[Drew Phillips]

I scratched and bruised.

[Kai]

I didn't see. See him again after that.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I never saw him again. I like, I went in there and he sat sitting on the couch like with a blunt and a beer in his hand and he was like trying to Cool guy. And I just felt like really just so bad for that man. Like, so. Because it was like him like 50, late 50s, early 60s, something like old ass man hanging out with a crowd of like the cool kids of la. Not calling myself the cool kids. It was just the cool kids of LA and me and India there. Like it was. Yeah, it was a very interesting crowd and I would have been like really embarrassed had that happened to me.

[Kai]

I would have passed away.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I, that ass would have rolled off the roof and felt fallen another 30ft myself. I would have just like head first.

[Kai]

No, I would have climbed back onto the billboard and run. Because it goes over the street and just jumped onto a car.

[Drew Phillips]

Exactly. Just run me over. But yeah, iconic also.

[Kai]

You, you, you just did something that sometimes you do. Like when you scratched your headphone and made that noise, you do this thing sometimes where you like have like a visceral reaction to something and like, it's not that you're embarrassed, but like you try to like explain it before it looks too weird. And all I could think about was in the episode of Field Trip where you almost fall out of the trailer.

[Drew Phillips]

That would have not been chill. I'm gonna give y' all a little tour of our setup where we'll be sleeping tonight. So, yeah, actually, I'm just gonna walk in through the front door. My God. Imagine I just fell out. That would have not been chill. But any. Insert the clip.

[Kai]

It's like, we were in this trailer. Dude, that was literally the funniest.

[Drew Phillips]

It just doesn't. It does not read. It doesn't translate. I. I think it was just, like, genuinely one of those moments where you had to have been there. But, like, I remember. No, dude, it died.

[Kai]

It still is so funny on video because, like, Drew almost falls out of the trailer and then, like, tries to, like, make it funny, is like, oh, whoa. Like, goes to fake fall back again. And then it's like, oh, that would have been bad. And that had us cracking up. And then.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I said, that would have not been chill. And that's what got y' all, like, the wording of that also.

[Kai]

You just recreating it like. Like, you did that. And then right after, the farmer guy, like, comes to go into the trailer, so he scares the fuck out of you immediately after. So.

[Drew Phillips]

Planted that they had to have so good. Like, she. She was definitely like, go. Like, go check on them real quick.

[Kai]

Oh, for sure.

[Drew Phillips]

Do not check on me. I am clocked out be recording.

[Kai]

But, yeah, that was hella funny. Also, I. I already posted this on my story, but, like, I was talking about this other day. It's, like, with a group of friends, I was just like, oh, I, like, love that I have the ability to cry. Laughing over almost anything.

[Drew Phillips]

Jealous.

[Kai]

It's very easy for me to kind of get there for the most part. I don't know. I just find certain things so humorous, and it will push me there. But one. And I was just trying to think of things that. The last thing that made me cry. Laughing. I don't know if we could insert it, but our neighbors smashing into that gate.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, what? Oh, the kids. Yeah.

[Kai]

I don't know if we can insert it, but. Because it's just like, oh, that's like, a little, like. I don't know. I'm not about to, like, put some, like, literal children on blast. Those are not my children.

[Drew Phillips]

You can't read that. You can. There's no way you can see their face because they're actually going at, like. They're literally going 80 miles per hour.

[Kai]

It's crazy, but I don't know if I. I want us to put it in. So I'll just explain it, basically. And it's not going to be nearly as funny, but next to my window in my room where I do my makeup, we have a neighbor who has a child who's maybe, like, what, like. Like 10 or 11. Like, they're super young, I think. Yeah, he's just a super young kid, and one day he had all his friends over on, like, a Saturday or a Sunday, and I was doing my makeup, and I just hear them screaming and running and laughing, and it's, like, cute. And then Drew comes into my room.

[Drew Phillips]

You're literally so cute. Oh.

[Unknown]

Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

Kai, you're cute.

[Kai]

I'm not kidding.

[Drew Phillips]

I, like, can't do it.

[Unknown]

Thank you, Drew. I think you're cute, too.

[Kai]

No, I'm not kidding. I'm not getting, like. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

What is she saying?

[Unknown]

Does she know that her mic's on still?

[Kai]

Should I just not really.

[Drew Phillips]

Who the is she talking to?

[Unknown]

I have no.

[Drew Phillips]

This bitch is schizophrenic. She. No.

[Kai]

Leave me alone.

[Drew Phillips]

And. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Dude, I think she just collapsed.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I think she's being abducted.

[Kai]

Sorry. I got a call because I'm going to the Met after this. By the time this comes out.

[Unknown]

Of the Met.

[Kai]

Yeah, I don't know why else.

[Drew Phillips]

Isn't even now.

[Kai]

Met Gala isn't even now. Like, what? Are you kidding me?

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, is this gonna be out on Mother's Day or by Mother's Day?

[Kai]

No, it comes out right before Mother's Day.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, I can't say this then.

[Kai]

Yeah, don't say that.

[Unknown]

I need to make MILF stay. I need to make MILF stay.

[Kai]

Turn your camera off.

[Drew Phillips]

And you're gonna turn it off.

[Kai]

Timeout, three minutes.

[Drew Phillips]

In. Yeah, yeah. You know how there's Mother's Day?

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

They need to make milk Day.

[Kai]

Are you kidding? No, for real. Would you.

[Unknown]

That's literally my joke. I'm sorry, who is that?

[Kai]

Who. Who got in? Who got into our zoom.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, my God. Did you leak?

[Unknown]

It's me Dress.

[Kai]

I think I accidentally leaked.

[Unknown]

How do you guys not recognize my voice?

[Kai]

Who is this? This man is scaring me.

[Unknown]

Honestly, it's me. Look, I'm back.

[Drew Phillips]

Get the Out.

[Kai]

Get out.

[Drew Phillips]

Get out of here. Get out of here. Lock the door, motherfucker.

[Kai]

You look like you need help. All right, Kai, you can come back. Oh, wait, actually. Okay, so speaking of Mother's Day, when I was in Miami, I saw this mom in her, like, early 40s. It just made me, like. So I was like, oh, this is sweet. I saw, like, a mom and. Hello. So annoying. No, for. Let me finish. So I saw A mom in her, like, early 40s, and she had, like, a. Like, a cap and gown on. So, like. Like, this isn't the craziest thing to see. Like, it's pretty. Like, it's funny how you don't believe in women. Like, like, pursuing women.

[Drew Phillips]

I believe in women.

[Kai]

Anyway, I saw a mom in, like, her early 40s. She had, like, a cap and gown on. She was with her three kids, who were, like, older teenagers, and they were out, like, celebrating, I guess, her graduation. I'm assuming she got, like, a master's or something, because she was, like, old as bricks. Oops, sorry.

[Drew Phillips]

Master degree. Basic degree.

[Kai]

Anyways, but it got me thinking because I was like, oh, my God. When my mom was in her early 40s, we did something like that, except we put her in a box, and then everybody stood around the box, and then we just, like, never saw her again. But it was kind of similar, if you think about it.

[Drew Phillips]

What are you referencing a funeral?

[Kai]

A what?

[Unknown]

That's like, a funeral Enya.

[Kai]

What is that? What are you talking about?

[Unknown]

I think you're talking about a funeral.

[Kai]

No, they put my mom in a box, and then everyone stood around the box. People seemed a little upset about the box in the room.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, because she's in you. Your mother isn't alive anymore.

[Kai]

No, it was fun. We had a. We brought the espresso machine, so I got to have a latte.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, did you know that my mom was.

[Kai]

What?

[Unknown]

No, my mom's chilling alive and, you know.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, they put her in the box to bury her or burn her. Burn her. Yo, I gotta show y' all something. Hold on. Wait. Actually, never mind. Don't. Not yet.

[Kai]

Not yet.

[Drew Phillips]

Not yet. Yeah, your mother and my brother and praying mantis are all just living it up. You forgot about dumping it up.

[Unknown]

I don't think the bug and my grandpa.

[Kai]

Funny how you're invalidating one of Drew's very harsh losses. I think if Drew had to. Okay, I'm gonna make an educated guess which was the hardest. Wait, we'll say it on three. One, two, three.

[Drew Phillips]

Bug. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Really? Are you serious?

[Drew Phillips]

If I had to choose between my Bug being alive and Kai being alive. Let's say it on three. Bug.

[Kai]

Bug.

[Unknown]

Really?

[Drew Phillips]

All right.

[Unknown]

You didn't. You couldn't even.

[Kai]

Wait, Me and Drew. Me and Drew are connected in a way that not most people are connected. Probably because of.

[Unknown]

I would straight up kill for both of you guys, okay? I would do whatever it took.

[Kai]

Yeah. How about yourself? Oh. Oh, my God.

[Drew Phillips]

And, yeah, I think he went Far.

[Kai]

Did he do it?

[Drew Phillips]

Did he Wait, but did he went too far?

[Kai]

I've got the power. Did he do it, though?

[Drew Phillips]

Apologize.

[Kai]

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, Kai. Oh, is that good? Is that a good enough apology?

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Kai]

You took that, Kai. That apology was good enough for you. You took that.

[Unknown]

It was good.

[Kai]

Drew showing us his Call of Duty right now, and it's lagging. Hella, yeah. Are you trying to play around with Call of Duty while you're doing the podcast?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, I didn't even literally know y' all could see that. Sorry, guys.

[Kai]

Are you trying to show us, like, you get, like, just raiding Call of Duty?

[Drew Phillips]

Should I continue this round or.

[Kai]

No, like, you should do your job.

[Unknown]

This is honestly super disrespectful. We're like, we have to work.

[Kai]

Yeah, we. What the hell? Yeah, Yeah, I have to work, too. Wait, now you're trying to boss us around and say we have to work?

[Unknown]

No, I'm saying, like, I also have to work with alongside you guys working and making the decision to work. Also, Drew, it's. You fucking suck at this game.

[Kai]

Yeah. And it's hella lagging, like, and you're cheating. Honestly, I've been thinking a lot about this, and I just, like, want to say it. If. If all of this, like, fails, I'm just gonna.

[Drew Phillips]

Off yourself.

[Unknown]

True. Jesus.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. No, I was gonna say I'm just gonna, like, change my career path. To being the vibrator.

[Drew Phillips]

To being the vibrator. A vibrator?

[Kai]

No, the vibrator. Like, I'm, like, gonna rate vibes and maybe sometimes pulse on a woman's clitoris if she would allow me. So it's. Yeah, it's like a double. It's like a double edged sword because that's a lot of responsibility to rate the vibrator.

[Drew Phillips]

Kill yourself.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a. That's a very manly thing of you to say. Oh, you're leaving. Oh, a bag of garbage.

[Drew Phillips]

No, no, no. I recently went camping in Utah, and it was a good getaway. It was an escape. I needed to reconnect with Earth. I needed to rebalance my life a little bit. And while I was out there, we went rockhounding for a lot of minerals. And for the first time in my life, I found some fossils. And I just wanted to show the visual people the fossils. We found trilobites.

[Unknown]

That's cool. That is actually so cool.

[Drew Phillips]

This is my favorite specimen because it's a mama with the baby on the Top. You can't really see it that well.

[Kai]

We can insert pictures, too.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. And then also, in my wallet, I have a trilobite always with me at all times. Because I found a really cute little baby one I have. Oh, wait, we'll show you what I got in my wallet. I got a piece of obsidian, a trilobite, a key, and an apple air tag. That tag or Kai gave me. But I wish you could see it better. Oh, you can kind of zoom there, but he's like. He's out of his matrix, so it's literally just hit the trilobite.

[Unknown]

Whoa.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, and then I found a bunch of geodes, and we, like.

[Unknown]

Damn. Wait, what is the. What does the shell look like? Does the shell just look like a rock on the outside?

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Damn. So sick.

[Drew Phillips]

It's, like, this specific, and this is my favorite one.

[Kai]

So you went digging for rocks when you have an iPhone?

[Drew Phillips]

Yes. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Drew, why don't you just play, like, video games or something?

[Kai]

Yeah. Or Fortnite, because, like, that's cool, but.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, you bitches are mad.

[Kai]

You look like you need some help. Okay, we need to address something. The nepotism rumors are going too far. My parents aren't rich and famous.

[Drew Phillips]

Why are you lying?

[Kai]

That doesn't need to be public information. You guys are, like, really going in. Like, why can't I just be myself? It doesn't matter that my parents, like, have been hoarding millions through the, like, ancestral line. Like, it doesn't matter. Are you really, like, don't.

[Drew Phillips]

Who do you think made.

[Kai]

We're moving on. No, stop it. Why are you doing that? Okay. Why are we doing that? Why are we doing that?

[Drew Phillips]

In his mother, I literally.

[Unknown]

Wait, Drew, didn't. Drew, didn't your dad make Grindr?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh. Oh.

[Kai]

Didn't he make it for you? Didn't he make it for you? Because he was like, oh, you're not getting any much.

[Drew Phillips]

So he was like, let's, yeah, invent something where you can.

[Unknown]

I don't know how much Grindr would help with getting bitches, though.

[Kai]

Really? Because my friend is literally viral on Grindr.

[Drew Phillips]

Are you saying that only women can be bitches and men can't be bitches? Very not feminist of you, Kai.

[Unknown]

Oh, shit. I didn't even think about it like, that. I'm so sorry.

[Kai]

What's funny is Kai, like, wants so badly to be a feminist. He even has the glossier hoodie on, like, he wants. He's one of those freaks.

[Drew Phillips]

He is doing a good job at It.

[Kai]

Kai's one of those friends.

[Unknown]

Thank you.

[Kai]

Knows his big three. He, like, knows, like, he knows too much.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, what's the big three?

[Kai]

You don't know what that is?

[Drew Phillips]

Drew, I'm not like these other bitches.

[Kai]

You. Honestly, at first I thought you were, like, a low life, like, slut with no self respect, but now I think maybe you kind of have.

[Unknown]

I actually don't know what that is either. I don't. Big three. Like, big five sporting goods. Like, you're talking about a store.

[Drew Phillips]

He thinks it's a sporting team. And. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah, see, I don't know what that is.

[Kai]

You're such a man.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Because you watch sports and stuff. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Is it RuPaul's Drag Race? The top three in RuPaul's Drag Race?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Kai]

Yeah, that is actually.

[Unknown]

Contestants.

[Kai]

Can you hear that?

[Unknown]

What is that?

[Kai]

They're working on the studio. My podcast studio.

[Unknown]

What?

[Kai]

My new one.

[Drew Phillips]

I don't believe.

[Kai]

Because I said I signed for, like, a really big amount that. Honestly, like, y' all. Knowing that my parents have money and then. Then knowing that, like, I get signed for, like, crazy deals would make, like, a lot of y' all feel bad, so I won't say it.

[Drew Phillips]

Give me a number.

[Kai]

Let's just say it's a double digit. But the word that comes after. After those double digits changes a lot. That's all I'll say.

[Drew Phillips]

So. $7. $17.

[Kai]

80 million. 80 million? I got signed for $80 million.

[Drew Phillips]

You do not.

[Unknown]

Okay, well, I want to say congratulations, Anya, for getting signed for 80 million.

[Kai]

Thank you. Thank you. You don't have a job. You're. I'm not hiring you. And, like, you're like, I know that's what you want. And, like, you're not. Like, I'm leaving both of you behind because I think it'd just be better for me. You guys are really toxic.

[Drew Phillips]

Bitch.

[Unknown]

I don't. I. Okay, well, I'm actually fucking. I don't. I am not happy that you have that money. And I hope that. Honestly, I hope that your fucking studio burns to the ground.

[Kai]

I would. I would literally build a new one.

[Drew Phillips]

That's fucked up because it's in the new World Trade Center.

[Kai]

Thank God. You know, we need to do more things like that to make Kai just, like, kind of, like, like, go back into his shell and, like, enjoy some silence. Like, more silencing, you know? Silencing of the lambs. Of the lambs. Silencing of the.

[Drew Phillips]

Kai, that was, like, top 50 funniest things I've Ever said, I think referential.

[Kai]

But to even, like, make the, like, ground that you have said 50 funny things is, like, a loss. So I think we're gonna say, look.

[Drew Phillips]

At the podcast clips.

[Unknown]

I think Dr. I think Drew said over a million funny things just since I met.

[Drew Phillips]

Signed for $100 million. And you're still not on my team.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Also, I can host.

[Unknown]

Let's go. Let's Go Boys podcast. We need more of those.

[Kai]

Yeah, we need more white guys doing, like, duo podcasts together.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Talking about sex and depression. Dude, this is gonna be awesome.

[Drew Phillips]

And all women do is cheat. A woman can't sleep with another man and it be considered like, women just fall in love too easy. It's different. I can sleep with as many women as I want to, and it will still be like this, like, just. It's this primal thing and I can come back and.

[Kai]

Wait, Back up, back up, back up.

[Drew Phillips]

You said sleep with what other women?

[Kai]

That's. Are you speaking for other men or.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm straight girl.

[Kai]

Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

It's. It's only cheating. We have an open relationship, but I'm the only one that's allowed to explore. Because if my. If the girl in the relationship explores, she cheats. It's cheating. But when I do it, it's not cheating.

[Kai]

Yeah, I feel that, like, girls are, like, kind of sluts and you can't be trust. Oh, my God.

[Unknown]

For the record, I don't feel that way.

[Kai]

Oh, I'm so sure. I'm so sure.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I would. I would never even use that word.

[Kai]

You don't feel that way because you like men, Kai.

[Unknown]

Okay. Oh, my God. I was so close to turning off my camera, but I'm.

[Kai]

You just decided to face your truth.

[Drew Phillips]

Be who you are, for your pride.

[Unknown]

Guys, sorry to interrupt, but I did have an announcement to make.

[Drew Phillips]

Yes, what is it?

[Unknown]

He thinks.

[Kai]

He thinks he can interrupt with announcements.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

So my name is still that. How did that happen?

[Unknown]

It's okay. So I am having a procedure done next week. It's a brain reduction surgery. So I just wanted to tell you guys. Cause I'm really excited about it.

[Kai]

Oh, yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

What's the brain reduction surgery?

[Unknown]

Brain reduction, apparently.

[Kai]

Wait, wait.

[Unknown]

Too big?

[Kai]

What's the likelihood of it going wrong and you passing away?

[Unknown]

99%.

[Kai]

But you need that now. You need that. You need that surgery. You need to tap into that. Like, I mean, do what's best for you.

[Unknown]

I really trust this guy because he did my penis reduction surgery. So he's super good.

[Drew Phillips]

So he works with penises and brains.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And he said it was one of the biggest penises he's ever. He's ever had to reduce. And also he said my brain is the biggest brain he's ever had to reduce.

[Kai]

Is there a chance that he's never seen another human?

[Unknown]

He is a vet, and he works on animals, so he works on, like, small dogs.

[Kai]

Oh, okay, then that makes a lot of sense.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, yeah.

[Kai]

Yo, Drew, check chat. Are you looking like.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, how do I check chat?

[Kai]

Wait, just look at your screen. Like, I think when I put on chat.

[Drew Phillips]

Yes, we do.

[Kai]

Okay. Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

Wait, we need to.

[Kai]

Drew, are you saying. Are you seeing my chat? It's right here.

[Drew Phillips]

Yes.

[Unknown]

What's the chat say?

[Kai]

Wait, wait, one more thing. Yo, it's right here. Do you see it, Drew? My message to you?

[Drew Phillips]

No, I. I've seen all of them.

[Kai]

Oh, okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Kai]

Yours. I agree with yours. It's cool that Zoom has chat in here, so we can, like, talk to each other without knowing.

[Unknown]

I can't see that Al Gort opening it. Yeah, it's not showing up for me, guys.

[Kai]

Oh, no. It's a secret chat that it shows up on me. Andrew's screen. Who is Al Gore?

[Drew Phillips]

It's like Al Gore, but it's Al Gort. It's the first name that Al goes every single time. I, like, think of. Have to think of a name.

[Kai]

You don't think of your own name. When you think of a name, you should have some self love.

[Drew Phillips]

Have you ever had Erica Badu or Al Gore, like, really in my brain? It's so fucking weird.

[Kai]

Also, I use the word belligerently correct. And I will stand by that I fully use it correctly because belligerent just.

[Drew Phillips]

Means I don't know if you do. I don't think you do, and I don't think you do. And I. I allow you to say it because I'm done correcting people. And I use words wrong all the time. But sometimes you don't use it right, and you do use it four or five times an episode or ten times a day.

[Kai]

I think you're belligerently fucking stupid. That's what I think.

[Drew Phillips]

I think I belligerently love you and want to hug you.

[Kai]

See, belligerent just means aggressive, like, to, like. Isn't it, like, to do something aggressively? I'm a belligerent drunk. I'm an aggressive drunk. I'm, like, overtly drunk. I'm belligerently sexy.

[Drew Phillips]

I am aggressive. The bitches just aren't ready for you. Yeah, that's Style and aggressive. A bull necked, belligerent old man.

[Kai]

Yeah.

[Drew Phillips]

You don't use it right.

[Kai]

No, I am belligerently horny. It's true. Like, it works.

[Unknown]

I think it works in that context for sure.

[Kai]

Kai is belligerently annoying. Like, sometimes when he speaks, like, I get a belligerent headache. Drew was belligerently smelly. Sometimes when I'm around him, my nose hairs, like, belligerently recoil back up into my nose. Like, it works. It works.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Kai's dick is belligerently big vagina. Oh, that's just.

[Kai]

See that? It doesn't work. It doesn't sound like it's not rolling off the tongue. Maybe it's you, like, you shouldn't use that.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like my thing ugly.

[Kai]

No, you're not. You're belligerently beautiful. You're bb. You're so bb. Okay, so I have something to show you guys.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Kai]

Like, it's really important. And I honestly, it was kind of hard for me to do. It took a lot of like.

[Unknown]

I'm getting a raise. I'm getting a raise. This is so exciting.

[Kai]

I'm raising. What? Wait, I'm right. No, you're. You're an old man. I can't raise you. You've been raised. What do you like?

[Unknown]

No, I mean, like a. Like, okay, financial.

[Kai]

You're literally making no sense.

[Drew Phillips]

Actually kind of scaring me too.

[Kai]

Yeah. Like, what? Introduced.

[Drew Phillips]

Stuttered a lot.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's, like, scary. So this was, like, came from a very vulnerable place. And I hope you guys can just like, like, understand. So I've just been thinking, it's. Oh, Drew. Drew, you got to tap back in. Drew.

[Drew Phillips]

Fuck you.

[Kai]

Oh, my God. It's just. I'm sorry. Like, this is just the way it should be. And I have good. Drew, can you please hear me out? Can you just hear me out?

[Unknown]

Drew, maybe we should just hear her out.

[Kai]

Like, that's what I'm saying.

[Drew Phillips]

Like, me an equity bitch.

[Unknown]

Maybe she's gonna. She's gonna buy you out or something.

[Kai]

Yeah, maybe. Most likely not. Don't put those ideas in his head. Oh, so why. I think emergency intercom should be just Enya. Also, I know everyone's gonna be like, this is a beautiful.

[Drew Phillips]

Looks like PowerPoint. It looks like.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I don't think anyone's gonna say that, but yeah.

[Kai]

Well, we'll just move on. Starting off simple, Drew is ugly. And this. Hear me out. It distracts the viewers from Anya, who is super sexy and funny. Sometimes it's hard for viewers to feel Good and safe.

[Drew Phillips]

When Drew is on camera, your skin is cracking.

[Kai]

Okay. I would say that if I was.

[Drew Phillips]

Need lotion.

[Kai]

Yeah. Okay. You could be defensive. You could be defensive all you want. This is a real. This is a real quote from one of our viewers.

[Drew Phillips]

Zach Smith is not a real person.

[Kai]

That's him. He's literally. I literally, like, he's here. Well, for. We wanted to keep everyone anonymous because we know Drew will attack them. So it is an alias name, but we just know Drew can get a little aggressive.

[Drew Phillips]

Scares me. I listen and watch for India, but sometimes it's hard. Yeah. I hope I scare you, Zach Smith. I'm gonna come to your house and murder you and your family and kill your dog. I heavy on the dog. I'm going to rip your dog's fucking neck off.

[Unknown]

Why is Zach talking about his dick?

[Kai]

Drew is a liar.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, this one's true.

[Kai]

We have been waiting on Drumoji for five years.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, that's true. Like, why is that a bad thing?

[Kai]

Because of the next slide. He hired me to develop the app without credit or pay. The whole time, Drew has spoken of Drumoji. He stutters, sweats, and even nervously laughs because of the dark truth. Do you have anything to say? Like, genuinely, do you have anything to say about this?

[Drew Phillips]

Contacted my Drew emoji developer.

[Kai]

I mean, I was just seeking the truth.

[Drew Phillips]

And they made this comment.

[Kai]

Yes, I know.

[Drew Phillips]

And I was just burned, too. Thank you.

[Kai]

They'll burn. That's your response?

[Drew Phillips]

The blood is on your hand.

[Kai]

It's on me.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. They're gonna die soon.

[Kai]

I just wanted. I was excited for the app, and I just wanted to know, like, what was happening. And I found fake religion. Drew has coined the truth as a way of life when really it is the end to normal living.

[Drew Phillips]

The truth is spreading.

[Kai]

Yeah, like a disease. He has brainwashed millions into joining a cult. He speaks often of writing a book with stolen practices to gain from this lie.

[Drew Phillips]

Financially, I literally don't see a problem in this. Like, the truth is real. The truth is spreading. And sure, I may need to make a little bit of money along the way to survive and to feed my members. I love everybody. Like, that's my thing. Like, I love everyone, and everyone means so much to me. And, like, especially, like, if you're in the Drew. Like. Like, if you practice Judaism, like, you're lit. Like, I love you.

[Kai]

Are you turning my. My anti. You, like, PowerPoint into an ad for your fake.

[Drew Phillips]

It's not my fault that the truth spreads so easily that you can try to hit job me the Drew. Okay. Fuck you. Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Would you like to read it for the audio listeners?

[Drew Phillips]

Like, he has ran through one of many Grinder notifications. It said he has ran through.

[Kai]

Keep reading. There's more on the screen that people need to know when they need to hear. It should just come from you. It should come from you because it's the truth.

[Drew Phillips]

Hold on. I'm not reading that. He has no self respect. He is a slut. There is. There is anything wrong with.

[Kai]

Oh, sorry.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah, but he is a slut and also has sex with Kai.

[Kai]

Yeah, it's true.

[Unknown]

The last part is true.

[Kai]

That's.

[Unknown]

But that's the only true part of this whole thing. Oh, shit.

[Kai]

What?

[Unknown]

What was that Grinder notification? There was, like, three that just went off.

[Drew Phillips]

How do you know what that is?

[Unknown]

It doesn't matter how I know what that is.

[Kai]

Oh, this is. I used a template. I don't know what this is. All right, I'm done. Yeah, I don't know what that is.

[Drew Phillips]

You just dissed me the entire time.

[Kai]

You.

[Drew Phillips]

The Judaism, they're gonna get you. They're gonna.

[Unknown]

I don't understand. I don't understand why him being ran through has anything to do with whether or not he should be on the podcast.

[Drew Phillips]

And I don't understand why you're not afraid of the Drew. Because the truth is coming. They're gonna get you. Everybody go comment the Drew on India's news Instagram. Post the Drew.

[Kai]

I'm gonna get you removed from that app for bullying and harassment.

[Drew Phillips]

And I'm gonna come in your bed.

[Kai]

Oh, like. Like, you're gonna go into my bed.

[Drew Phillips]

Or, like, stand over it?

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Kai]

Well, the thing is, like, I'm just. I. One emergency intercom doesn't stand for men who are sluts. I just don't think men should have that kind of free will. I think it's, like, a bit disturbing. I think you should be, like, settling down with one person and building homes and working in the workforce. Preferably war. Huh? What did you say? Did you say. Okay, he's losing it. See what happens when the. The truth is exp. I think he's sending out, like, a. A message to his followers to attack. Yeah. I hate how good you are at that, Drew. Oh.

[Drew Phillips]

Yo.

[Kai]

What was that? Like, actually, what was that?

[Drew Phillips]

What was that?

[Unknown]

You just, like, we said some weird incantations and then your eyes rolled to the back of your head and now you're back all of a sudden.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

What do you mean, yeah? That's weird. That's very weird behavior.

[Drew Phillips]

They're coming.

[Kai]

Who's them?

[Unknown]

Like you three schizophrenic people. I wouldn't worry about it.

[Drew Phillips]

One of my alters just showed reared its ugly head.

[Kai]

Stop doing that to your hair. When you were talking about being ran through it, you're like, no, because I'm like.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm hella. I'm hella Gucci based.

[Unknown]

Drew, what is your. What's your plan for your hair slash beard? Is it just gonna keep going or.

[Drew Phillips]

No, I thought about it, what it could be like if you wanted, and I was, like, planning to be up there.

[Kai]

Are you okay? What happened? What happened, buddy? What are your plans for your hair? You didn't even answer. Kai.

[Drew Phillips]

Your ass.

[Unknown]

My ass.

[Drew Phillips]

I can't say I'll tell you in private, but there's. There's big things coming.

[Unknown]

Oh, you have. You have, like, a whole thing planned out for it.

[Drew Phillips]

No, legitimately. I've told you before, and yeah, you're.

[Kai]

Gonna make it a whole thing to. To get attention.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds right.

[Kai]

Yeah. Drew, how has the week been without me?

[Drew Phillips]

Awesome. Oh, I did some crazy. I really. I can't talk about it on here. Genuinely. You know, what we did, it's probably better left unsaid, but it was a blast. Let's just say I laughed my little butt off.

[Kai]

Is that like a real smile of yours?

[Drew Phillips]

No, I've been having fun. I've been like, as. Every single time you go away, like, I just lock myself inside and do nothing for the entirety that you're gone. And it's like, great. I love being a shut in. And it just reminds me that when I am Dolo, I will never leave my house. It's crazy, but it's a true.

[Unknown]

Yeah, we got to try this thing that we've been wanting to do where I put Drew on my dick and then I spin him around like a top and then we fly away. Yeah. It's called dreideling.

[Kai]

I don't think you needed to say that. Like, that's probably something that could have been kept, like, kept to yourselves. Okay.

[Drew Phillips]

Keep. You need to keep. Yeah, Well, I think, yeah, my week's been good. I've just been shut in vibes, I have been eating. Look, I don't know what else I've been, like, literally, I've been constipated.

[Kai]

So without me, you're like, life. Like, the quality goes down.

[Drew Phillips]

Awesome. I know. Like, it's. I. You know, I hate socializing, and now I don't have this, like, overlooming thing of, like, social. Socializing fomo. Because I don't have to go out.

[Kai]

Simply because you don't have anyone near you going into having the time of their life.

[Drew Phillips]

Exactly. How's your week been?

[Kai]

Pretty good. I'm not kidding. Like, all I've done really, like, is play Fortnite. Like, I've, like, gone out and, like, done my little thing, but, like, I look at my phone and I have no phone photos of, like, my past week because all I do is play Fortnite. And honestly, part of me is like, that's fucked up because I came to the east coast to stay up late, play fortnite, and then wake up late. But, you know, sometimes the simple things in life is what it's worth. Life is. It's what life is worth sometimes.

[Drew Phillips]

That's the truth. That's the truth, babe.

[Kai]

That's the truth.

[Drew Phillips]

I've always said that. That's, like, literally my quote.

[Unknown]

So, Drew, you were.

[Kai]

That's your quote. Like I just said.

[Unknown]

I think that. I think that is true also.

[Drew Phillips]

Still no fap, by the way.

[Unknown]

Oh, nice. So, Drew, you were constipated and then Enya, you just played Fortnite. Yeah. That's cool. I started a non profit and.

[Kai]

What?

[Unknown]

Yeah, so that's just, like, what I've been doing.

[Kai]

You're claiming you started a charity?

[Unknown]

Mm, yeah, I'm working on fixing war. I'm getting rid of it.

[Drew Phillips]

So you started a non profit for neo Nazis?

[Unknown]

No, I didn't. I'm Jewish. Why would I do that?

[Drew Phillips]

I don't know.

[Unknown]

I mean, that's just something that you said. I'm not doing that.

[Drew Phillips]

Do you have proof that you're not doing that?

[Unknown]

I don't have proof that I'm not doing that, but I'm also.

[Kai]

That does not look good. That really doesn't look good on you. Like, I'm gonna be honest. Drew, you caught his. You should be a lawyer. Drew, you should literally be a lawyer.

[Unknown]

You shouldn't be a lawyer. There's nothing that Drew did that proves he should be a lawyer. He just, like, made up a lie about me.

[Drew Phillips]

That's not a simulated court case.

[Kai]

Yeah, get his ass.

[Drew Phillips]

Okay, let's go rip your headphones out.

[Kai]

No, no, Drew. I'll be the judge. Okay? Drew, get his ass.

[Drew Phillips]

You skinny. I'm gonna.

[Unknown]

That's not what a lawyer.

[Kai]

Kai, it's not your turn to speak. Keep going, Drew Black.

[Drew Phillips]

I call blasphemy in the court from Kai.

[Unknown]

Yep, that's not a term that people use in a court, but.

[Kai]

All right, Kai, you're sentenced to timeout in the corner because you keep talking while Drew is defending his case. All right, Court adjourned. Lunchtime.

[Unknown]

Objection. He just made fun of my. He just body shamed me. And that has nothing to do with the case.

[Kai]

So, Drew, eat his ass up, emo. I mean, eat his.

[Drew Phillips]

Oh, fuck, I'm gonna eat him out. Eat his ass up or get him.

[Kai]

Get him.

[Drew Phillips]

Destroyed. Destroy. What is it? Destroy.

[Kai]

Let's destroy him.

[Drew Phillips]

Let's destroy him.

[Kai]

That's literally us before every single episode with Guy. Let's destroy him. Yeah, that's honestly it. If you guys felt like I talked too much this episode, that's because.

[Drew Phillips]

She'S going through a lot.

[Kai]

Yeah. I'm crying right now, so I'm just. I can't look crying. The thing is, no one said I looked good today.

[Unknown]

You look beautiful.

[Drew Phillips]

Don't.

[Unknown]

Anya. You look beautiful today, Kai.

[Kai]

Drew, when I get home, you're getting the biggest spanking I've ever given you.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, I know.

[Kai]

Yeah. I'm gonna put you over my lap.

[Drew Phillips]

Bend me over. Oh, yeah. Okay. Holy. We've got, like, like, crazy people for 20 minutes. Okay. My media is Murder man by Young Manny, Birth of Rap by Little B and Oblivion by Grimes. And then I've been kind of going crazy on this, like, new style of music. I don't know what it's called yet, but K Drew in you K A Y S T R U N O makes some really cool music. And that's kind of like the gist. Gist of the sub genre. It's like rap, but, like, super blown out. It's like, kind of cloud rap, but, like, blown the fuck out. And I've been really enjoying it. And then I've been watching this show called Disenchantment. The animated show that.

[Kai]

The Futurama dude?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, he did Futurama. Matt Goring. And I tried watching it, like, four years ago when it first came out, but I fucking hated it. I could not get into it. It literally just, like, wasn't good to me. And now that I've, like, settled into my, like, millennial a little bit, it's, like, funny, and I love it.

[Kai]

Wait, are we gonna be considered millennials?

[Drew Phillips]

No, no, we're, like, considered Gen Z, but we're, like, also considered millennial. We're, like, literally, like, right on the cusp. It's crazy. Like, we can kind of claim either one.

[Kai]

I'm Jonesy Rising. Millennial Cusp.

[Drew Phillips]

Gen Z Rising, Millennial Cusp.

[Kai]

My boomers in Moon.

[Drew Phillips]

I'm a medium, by the way. I see ghosts.

[Kai]

Oh, I thought you meant, like, your member was a size medium.

[Drew Phillips]

No, no, I'm saying I'm a medium. I see ghost.

[Kai]

That's new. Did that develop in the past week?

[Drew Phillips]

Yes, on Patreon. We should do a Ouija board video.

[Kai]

I'm done.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, Ouija board episode. We have one.

[Kai]

Maybe we speak to your Gampy and my mama.

[Drew Phillips]

They will be playing Squirt game. And my bug and my brother, they'll.

[Kai]

Be playing with each other in a.

[Drew Phillips]

Way that we shouldn't talk about.

[Unknown]

Wait.

[Drew Phillips]

And.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I think you have to do your media because it's about to cancel the zoom.

[Kai]

Yeah, I'm about to cancel you.

[Drew Phillips]

You're cancelled?

[Kai]

Yeah. You're canceled.

[Unknown]

Please don't cancel me.

[Kai]

Yeah, I mean, I just did it. It's too late. My media of the week is Anything by Adrian Lenker. Adrienne Lenker. I don't know how to say her name. That whole album songs is really good. I'm just, like, really into the, like, sad slay at the moment. Also, Honey by Marine Girls. I'm still listening to a lot of Baby Father Bubble, that song. And then Curving Light, Midair Thief Classic and Wandering Star. Those are the songs I'll give you guys. And honestly, you should be grateful. And then the only video. Yeah. Is I watched the Abercrombie and Bitch documentary. And Drew, you should watch that because it's actually Drew. You look. Are you frozen?

[Unknown]

I think you froze for a second, but we could hear everything.

[Kai]

Oh, Drew looked really scary. He was like this. He was like.

[Drew Phillips]

I was staring into the camera for the entire time on purpose.

[Kai]

Oh, I thought you, like, genuinely were tapped out and staring like that. And I got so scared.

[Drew Phillips]

Is it about, like, them being bad people and, like, all their really gnarly shirts that they made and shit?

[Kai]

Yes, it, like, touches on that. It touches on, like. Yeah, it just touches on how gnarly Abercrombie and Fitch really was.

[Drew Phillips]

It's like, it's actually genuinely crazy that Brandy Melville's low key just doing the same thing. And, like, no one really cares that much.

[Kai]

Yeah. I mean, because also what's crazy is, like, I don't know of any civil lawsuits against Brandy Melville, but, like, Abercrombie.

[Drew Phillips]

Bitch fully experienced, like, civil lawsuits completely 180. And, like, their wardrobe is, like, for men at least, is, like, literally the most, like, work wear bullshit I've ever seen. But I mean, it's, like, perfect for, like.

[Kai]

Yeah. Someone else. Words. The company that still fully exists, which is crazy. All right, well, I'm gonna go play Fortnite. Thank you guys so much for tapping in. Tap, tap, tap that subscribe button and tap, tap, tap that review button and give us five stars.

[Drew Phillips]

Why weren't we invited to the Met Gala, Charli d' Amelio's birthday?

[Kai]

Because we. I think we scare her. Like, we literally. I think we might scare.

[Drew Phillips]

She used our audio. The MLB use that audio, too. Your Honor, I'm slaying.

[Kai]

Really?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah. The mlb, Major League Basketball or baseball? Baseball. Same difference, but. Okay, well, we have a minute 41 left, so. Because I am not paying for Zoom. Zoom is the devil.

[Kai]

Zoom is insane for thinking people are going to pay for this. Like, why do you want to talk to somebody for more than 40 minutes?

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, it's like, in all of these meetings can be done in an email.

[Kai]

I know. I've never gone on Zoom and been like, I'm so glad we got on a Zoom. It could have been done via 3 tax.

[Drew Phillips]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kai]

Even this. Honestly, like, I feel like this was, like, actually a waste of my time.

[Drew Phillips]

It could have been been done in two times by.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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